Lucy & Sam's Perfect Brains - Planning Session Unbrained - Perfect Brians and James Acaster

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Perfect Brains is coming back. Ahead of its return, Lucy and Sam hold a very important planning session so that they can both emotionally, physically and spiritually prepare for weekly podcasting.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams, Naomi Parnell and Aniya Das for Plosive.  Artwork by Sam Campbell. Theme music by Paul Williams and Sam Campbell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Brainiacs. Hello, perfect people. Oh, nice. I'm Amy Gledhill. My name is Ian Smith. And we are from the Northern News podcast. If you like podcasts, where it's a male and female host, The Woman is from Hull, you're going to love Northern News.

Yeah, and if you're thinking, but I'd like the man to be from Gull, that's what this is. Yeah, not Australia. No, but if you listen to our back catalogue, you will hear both Sam Campbell and Lucy Bermont doing bloody good bits on our show, actually. Yeah, and it's all about finding the weird bizarre stories from the north of England or wherever our guests are from.

Things like... Pure Evil Blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire Village and attacking children. Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in Bath, Matt. And we've got special guests. We're talking about people like Phil Wang, Jessica Nappit, Ed Campbell, and Ross Noble, who joined us in the studio. Woo-hoo!

Yeah. So that's Northern News, starting next Thursday, the 1st of May, and then every Thursday after that. Join us. Hello, Lucy. Hello, Sam. If I could say that you reminded me of any oil, it would be a sunflower oil because you are effervescent and very brightly coloured. Oh, Sam, that's lovely. If I could say you reminded me of any washing up utensil,

I would say a brillo pad. Thank you. We are, today is not an official episode. So don't worry, if you only want to listen to an official episode, sign it. You don't sign out of a podcast, but turn, yeah, you toss away those headphones because this is we're just planning for the next series. Because I wanted to say rapes, seed oil, but obviously then I thought, I can't say, I can't see, I can't see, I remind me rapeseed oil.

That's why. So then I changed it to washing up. It's actually, yeah, all the oils are kind of bad, except for sunflower. What do you got, vegetable oil? You can't say that. You remind me of the vegetable. Olive oil. Oh, yeah, olive oil is all right.

Extra virgin as well. That's probably the oil I'd be. Okay. So we plan for the next series of Perfect Brains. Sorry we haven't done episodes for a while. I had nervous breakdown. Lucy was... At a club foot.

She had a club foot. You could start a Patreon called Clubfoot with pictures and you'd make a lot of cash. Not a club foot. Don't mean club foot. I mean, I had an ingrowing toenail. Did you actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, to go and get it, like, looks at professionally.

Did you have to get it lanced? Yeah, all I'll say is you do have to cut your toenails straight. Really? So you were doing zigzags, you were messing around. Yeah, so what's going on here. Oh, wow. I heard you bought your toenails. Is that true?

No, I can't get down there anymore. No. Anymore. We have a fantastic series coming up of Perfect Brank And so this episode, we're planning what we will get up to. But yeah, good to see you again and can't wait for series two of perfect brains. Yeah, same. Yeah, be good to wait with you again, Sam, yeah.

Here's my tip for the French. You don't need the bread to be really long if you just have it a bit wider. Do you know what I mean? They don't need this long-ass bread. Just have it wide and then you don't have to, it won't fall out of your backpack when you were cycling. You're right. But do you know why they have a... The baguettes, like long baguettes.

Do you know what it harks back to? I don't know it harked to anything. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a tradition. I mean, obviously it's ridiculous shape for bread. It's because of them in the war, the French war. The revolution, maybe?

Yeah. It was a war. And basically, you know, when the soldiers had to march to different towns and they had to have everything in the backpack, a French baker. notice that their bread was taking up a lot of room in the backpack, so he made it long so it could fit down the trousers. Oh, that's amazing. And that's why it's that shape.

It's probably a meter long. Yeah, well, leg length, yeah. But they were shorter then, right? Yeah, people have grown a lot bigger. Not everyone. I haven't grown. You haven't grown. I thought I saw a mushroom the other day, but it was just you holding an umbrella.

So what are the ideas do we have for series two? You looked like you had a long list, did you? I've got, yeah, we could do one about journalism and hopefully talk to a journalist. It could be interesting and maybe cover a story. I was thinking we could do one called Scare Us Silly, where people send us two-minute-long, scary stories and try to give us a fright. That's good. Interview someone from every continent, even Antarctica. Would you talk to someone from Antarctica?

No, never. Or as in you wouldn't want to, or you... I wouldn't want to. Even for a podcast? Okay. They're just not very interesting, are they? They are interesting. They would move to Brazil.

If you were living in Antarctica, you'd move to Brazil if you were interesting. My mum's cousin went to Antarctica and lived there for a year. And she's one of those interesting people I've ever met in my life. For a year. She just lived there for a year. Famous elephants from history? Oh, God. So there's not just Dumba?

There's heaps. Well, Dumbo is a cartoon. But there's heaps of famous. famous elephants. Is it? Hmm. I've got bullying, a whole episode about bullying and how to stop bullying or how to start, depending on what you want to do?

I was in a theatre and education show about bullying. Oh, perfect. We could talk to one of your old castmates. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, we were going around schools doing a theatre show about bullying whilst bullying each other. That happens all the time, I think.

Yeah. Whatever you're doing a play about, that will also happen backstage. Yeah. That's the nature of theatre. Well, we also did a post-16 show on options and that women, girls could be in engineering and that that didn't seep through. So I do feel like I would be able to contribute to the bullying podcast. Yeah, that will be a great one. And we could get on a former bully.

That's a good idea, interviewing bullies. And maybe confront them and say, stop your ways. I like that. What about petty criminals? That's a great idea. Do you know what about? There's been people that have been put in prison for not paying their TV. Oh, that would be good to get it.

We can interview them, couldn't we? I'm sure they've got a lot to say about the BBC. Yeah. Yeah, they'd be like, I want to watch it for free. Mirrors, I've got mirrors. We could do an episode about mirrors. What about them? What, how are they made?

What do you see when you look in one? Stuff like that. Or have you been where there's those crazy mirrors, like fun mirrors. Every mirror I look at is a crazy mirror. Every single one I'm like, there's something wrong with this mirror. It's, you know, it's not about the mirror. It's the lighting. Yeah, my granddad's got this amazing mirror, and you look like 10 years younger. It's in his hallway.

And then I realized one day there's just this, like, thick layer of dust, like 1980s dust. It's the original filter. It really is. You look great in it. My granddad has a mirror, sorry, that he can go inside and appear from any other mirror in the world. Really? Yeah, he travels between land. very quickly. Oh, riddles I've got here. We could each come up with three original riddles to riddle each other. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. You don't get much many of them anymore, do you?

No, that's what I'm sort of, I like that kind of stuff, days of yore, harking back. People don't speak in riddles anymore, do they? They hardly ever do, no, everyone's just so, like, blunt. Yeah. Do you remember the Rumpel Skiltskin? I love him, yeah. He's my whole pass. I was thinking we could a top 100 saints Oh like religious saints Yeah Yeah well man St Christopher Don't ruin your number one

Oh my God I'm getting really upset Okay top body body parts We did faces so now we do the body Oh I would really like to bring that back Because I really enjoyed doing the face Did we do any other part of the body We didn't be?

No we just did the face I think Well we never got to like The gallbladder anything. No. That's, well, our problem, but also our gift is we maybe get a bit distracted. So these are my perfects. Perfect garden. Perfect life. What would your perfect life be if you could, if you could have your time again? Okay. Perfect cafe and perfect outfit. Oh, lovely. I had, did you ever have, I had a coat when I was a kid that had loads of pockets in. And in the pockets with different little animals. It was so amazing. Sounds less like a bird, uh, coat.

and more like a zoo. Sam, one thing I'd like to do in the podcast is surprises where we do a surprise for each other and the other one doesn't know what it is. And so I have organised you a surprise. Well, you already have organised a surprise? Yeah, I've organized you a surprise. Oh, gosh. Oh, no.

And will that, oh, my. I wondered if you wanted to get. what the surprise is. Oh, yeah, oh, yes. A car, new car? No, it's something that you're going to, you'll be able to see soon. I can see cars.

I've got your two men. Oh, two men. Yeah. I never would have guessed that. Great. So, you know, this is called Perfect Brains? Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes in the WhatsApp group,

I don't know whether you've noticed, but I sometimes write Perfect Bryans. Yeah. Have you noticed that? I have noticed that. Is that some of your miss Billings? Well, what I did, late one night, a couple of nights ago, I just on Facebook, typed in Brian,

and then I messaged complete strangers saying, would you come on the podcast? Oh, that's great. Two perfect Bryans. Well, yeah, so I only managed to get two, which I was a little bit disappointed about because I had messaged about... How many were you trying to get? I messaged about 15, but only got two.

So that's why you get up to it later nights, soliciting Bryans. Yeah, one guy was like, I think he upset him a bit that he thought I was, that he was a young guy. And I think he was upset that he thought we were going to take the Mick out of No way. We would never take the Brian out of a Mick. I mean, yeah, we would never. But I managed to find you two.

And then so these are perfect Brian's. Yeah, great. Well, we have them on together or we have them on together. We have them back to back. One by one. And then I thought maybe you could see which one you want to keep, which one is the perfect. And he becomes a permanent co-host. And he lives there with you.

Well, he moves in. Yeah, you buy a dog together. What the? I don't know we'd have to get a pet. Because you're not ready for children, so you just get a pet. I'm ready. I'm ready to become a father. Oh, okay.

I'm mature. I'm level-headed. Sam, we've got, do you want to speak to the first perfect? Brian. What now? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, here he is.

Oh. Hi, Brian. Okay, we're talking to a surprise, Brian here. How are you? Oh, me? I'm absolutely fine. I'm over in Robin Hood's Bay, so life's always good. I don't know Robin Hood out of bay.

He had all sorts of things. He probably stole it from the Sheriff of Nottingham. It's all things Robin Hood. The answer is we don't know. Oh, are you a Robin Hood expert? No, but you've got 800. years of retelling the story to the meme of the day. So it's just so jumbled up.

That is true. Someone was told me recently that they think Robin Hood was a fox, which I think is just one of the most outrageous things I've ever heard. It was on Disney, so it's true, isn't it? You can't trust this guy? He is frozen. Is that me? No, no, no, no.

I mean, sorry, you're not frozen on Zoom. Walt Disney was frozen when he died. Oh, yeah, he was, wasn't it? Brian, what do you do for a living? Yeah, Brian. That's a wide question. I'm on the tail end of being an Austin Powers look-alike impersonator. So I've done that for the last 20 years.

That's amazing. Could you give us a little... Yeah, a little taste of Austin? I knew you were going to do this. When you're not in outfit, and they're in person. But the soft classic thing is, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection,

whilst at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound, yeah. Brilliant. Amazing. I feel like I'm back in the swinging 16. And would you like to hear my awesome power's impression? Go on.

Yeah. Well, whoop-de-do, Basil, but what does it all mean? That's good. No clap, though. I don't know. That was good. And can we hear yours, Lucy? Groovy, baby.

Is that what he says? Yeah. But you do look like him, Brian. I looked like him about 27, 23, 27 years before he did. It's just a quirk. And what got you into that then? Well, the film, I suppose. Yeah, I didn't start doing it until all the films were out.

I was married, living down near Rocksbridge at the time. And I had gone to drama school. to train there, did a few years on the bottom of rung, drifted out on marriage. Oh, sorry about it. Sometimes you just got to drift out, dude. Yeah, it's suddenly house, mortgage, kids, it's like, yeah, bills to pay. Dr. Evil?

Yeah. You know what it's like. And so I've been continually getting you look like Austin. Then when we moved up north, went to a friend's party. They nagged me. It was fancy dress. Goes Austin. So I went to some Austin-esque.

Then I discovered one of my friends actually worked in the look-like industry. So I just sat down, had a chat with them, checked out, is it a crowded market? And there's loads of Austins. And I thought, damn, they're already there. But when I checked out the images, not a single one of them actually looked anything like him. And these guys are charlatans.

Yeah, it was worth a punt. One of them, you know, Nobby Stiles, the footballer, England, England World Cup. Oh, God, yeah, yeah. His son was one of them. Oh, right, Fuzio. That's how I got into it. And basically, I was the only one that looked like him, so...

And you really did have seen pictures and videos, and you're in character, aren't you? Like, when you do festivals, like apparently you're the star of the show. The beauty of it is you can go to being full-on character, and then some people want... It's like, no, I want to talk to the person behind the mask. You don't completely come out, but I can level it down to sort of like half and

half, but they still think it's full on Austin. You do that a bit, Sam, don't you? We all wear masks. We all wear masks. Oh, yeah. Masks are great. Well, I work as a look-alike as well. Do you know, the fairy liquid baby, that detergent, that little baby, I do, I do him, that different corporate functions and stuff like that. Your hair's grown. Oh, thank you. Do you ever me the mini-me? Yes. And he also worked as a wrestler. He was a great guy. And he could pull the ladies better than Austin could. Oh, really?

Oh, how are you, Brian, too? I'm fine. Am I Brian too? Yeah, we've had Brian. We should have had you the other way around. Sorry, Brian. Yeah, because I'm, Brian. on, actually. Yeah. You're Brian.

Oh, a thousand apologies. And you've got wireless headphones. I've got wireless headphones and I'm in a budget hotel room in Beery. You didn't need to get a hotel room just for this. I thought it was best. Why are you in Beirits? Brian. I'm at a film festival.

Oh, are you? Really? Are you a filmmaker? Can I ask if that's not too? I am. I am, yeah. What sort of films do you make, Brian? Mostly documentaries, some drama.

Are you always on the lookout for a good, story? Yeah, have you got one? Yeah, no, I have, yeah. Do you like them, like, quite sort of local stories, like, big themes? Depends on the story, if it's good, if it's got a good narrative, good people at the heart of it. And so you're currently at a film festival, what is your film that's playing at the festival? I'm not, I don't have a film here.

I'm meeting people and pitching ideas. That's why I've, I don't have long, because I've got to get to some meetings. Do you want to do a practice? We can pretend to be some producers from 8 to 12. 24 Netflix, one of the big places. Yeah, go on. Yeah, do it. Okay.

Oh, hello. Hello, I'm Ted Sarandos. And how are you? I'm good, Ted. And I'm here with my associate. Hi, I'm Penelope. Hi, Penelope. Ryan, you've got two minutes.

Tell us your pitch. We've got five million. And it better be, we've got five million bucks. And it better be juicy, if that's okay. Okay. It's basically called shit in a bucket. you've got my ears prickly yeah yeah

I thought I would I thought I would so basically you have a group of 10 people and they're going at random and they're shit in a bucket and then the viewers have to decide which person did which

who like the traitors but with human shit I don't know I've never seen the traitors it's pretty similar Claudia the people line up and Winkleman tries to guess

well that's it what do you think and where is it set In a bucket? No. Like, where's the bucket? In a budget hotel room in beer it. I think you could get loads of people signing up for that. Do we have a camera in the bucket pointing up, like sort of a POV shot?

No, that would be disgusting. That's just, sorry. So you never see the feces. Well, the viewers do. Yeah, they have to because they have to guess. Because they have to think which person did this store. So it's about gut health, really, isn't it? Yeah.

Do we get to see the meat? Do we get to see if someone might be eating corn, that could be a click? Well, you might, you can question them and say, what's your diet like? And, you know, do you have good gut health? Do you eat lots of fibre? How many weed abics are you sort of going through? Yeah, exactly. Do you eat porridge?

Is it organic? So it's got a serious intent behind it, but it's got a catchy title shit in a bucket. I think it's got legs. It's got more legs than a centipede. Are you nervous about today, or do you enjoy pitching? No, I'm not nervous. No. I've been doing it so long.

What do you think about this, Adam Curtis? You got anything to say about this, bloke? Adam, yeah, he's, uh, he's, uh, he's, Probably the only person left in the British documentary industry who gets to do pretty much what he wants. Really? Why is that? Is he posh? He is quite posh, yeah. That's why then.

Yeah, it's quite posh. Would you come back on the show and let us know how it went and was to spend a bit longer with you talking about documentaries? And maybe we could pitch some documentaries to you. Yeah, and I could tell you about the film we made in Hull. What was it? It was a musical, a documentary musical, which is the genre I invented. And it was about women who'd been abused by their partners physically.

I'm being serious now. And it was, I was the exec on that. I didn't direct it. But yeah, that's a big thing that we do in my company. We make musicals. So there were real people singing about it? Yeah. And what's the name of your production company?

Century Films. Century Films. That's a good name, isn't it? That's really good. 100, I think, that means. It's solid and not flashy, but dependable. The name. Yeah, not me.

It's everything you want in a car. Or a production company. Yeah, similar than, yeah. Brian, too, you were just perfect. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you so much. I can't believe it.

When you were like, I've got a surprise, it's two men, and then it was just happening. They were just joining us. Obviously, he was kidding with the shit in the bucket thing, but it was still pretty funny, I thought. Yeah, I like to. His tension. There was tension there.

Well, I think he felt screwed around because he was, like, joined the call late. Oh, good, bless him. Bless his heart. Kept in there with us. That was nice. Lucy, how dare you with this mischief? Thank you for those, um, Bryans. Have you ever been giving Bryans before, Sam?

Never, never thought I was worthy. I never thought I deserved Bryans. Because you didn't just get one. You got, you got two. I got a, yeah, double trouble. You got a kick-cat of a Brian's, didn't you? Oh, and I love the. crunch. I loved experiencing those brines.

They're fantastic. And when we check in with them, that would be quite good. We could follow them. It'd be good. Well, they're yours now. So they're there for when you ever need them. Yeah, they're at my beck and call. Yeah. Yeah, it's good to check in. You know that documentary where they do seven up, where every seven years they check in?

That'd be good. Yeah, yeah. Let's do that. Let's ring these prines every day. We could do that. We could do it. When I was a teenager, we ran. You know, it was just for home, telephone numbers. Oh, yeah. We used to just put random numbers in and then ring and then, like, you know, give him funny phone calls. Yeah, you were harassing people, yeah.

Yeah, and this one, we just decided to just harass this one guy. And you rang him every day? Every day. In the summer holidays, yeah. Would he pick up? And it would pick up and then slowly a friendship formed. That really happens. What's our message here?

If you are going to ring someone, ring them every day. Yeah, people don't ring people enough, do they? I do. I do. I'm a big, I'm a prolific. phone caller. Oh, would you rather do that over? I can't bear voice notes are driving me mad. I'd like to put it out there. Oh, we're sick of the voice notes because I want to talk. They're going, oh, when I did this and I'm like, yeah, bap, I don't listen to them. I just listen to the first bit and then reply your message from the fellow. Or I put it on you.

You can do it. The weather goes, oh, where you can make a double speed. Yeah, yeah. I once I did it with a friend who would just cut doing it. And so I would always put her on And then when I met her in real life, she sounded really slow. Oh. So we're going to keep in touch with the both of the brons, yeah? Maybe like we could ask them to go to different parts of the house. Could we do it like make them like Sims? Yeah, that's...

Send the Brian to the pool. This is my idea is we add a Brian each time. So we've got two Bryans. Let's start a, not a breeding program, but let's like meet new Bryans. You want another one already? What can I say, I've got an addiction. Well, so you want, I can get you another one. How many do you want?

I reckon just one for next time. Let's add a Brian. Just one? Yeah. All right. There's this one Brian I was trying to get, but he doesn't have a mobile phone or the internet. He just owns a scrap yard in Hull and you have to ring him off a landline.

We can meet him in person. We can bring, this is what we could do. We could get some scrap metal to take there. No one thought they could top series one. And then they went to a scrapyard. Okay, that's fantastic. Well, great. to see you again, Lucy, and looking forward to, yeah.

Oh, it's so good to see you. Will you always be in that room? I will offer me in this room, yeah. But I can change it up. Okay. Is it triggering you? I just need to know. I just need to know.

I just need to know. Okay. Will you always be in that room? No, yeah. So at the facility, they move you to different rooms? Yeah. Oh, I'm not supposed to mention you're in rehab. Okay, thank you for listening to Perfect Brain.

Series two. Coming soon. Oh, I'll have. got nothing but love for the boys from above. Above, above. Hello, and welcome to the first episode of Perfect Brains, Unbrained. In this week's Perfect Brains, so much stuff happened, I can't wait to get into it with our guests today.

It was crazy. Opinions were being thrown around, ideas, left, right and center. It truly did demonstrate why this is the podcast to be listening to on the internet. Please welcome my guests for this week, Lucy Beaumont and Sam, Sam, Campbell, welcome, guys. Hello, hello. James. How are you today?

Did you listen to the episode, if you caught up with it? We did. I'll hold my hands up, James. We did listen back, yes. Lucy, do you listen back? No, no. Lucy, how did it feel to be told you were like a sunflower? Sunflower oil?

It brought back some bad memories as well, actually. Well, let's take into account that sunflower oil has a, potential for generating damaging aldehydes when heated, which may contribute to inflammation and other health issues in the individual. Yeah, yeah. Say we rape seed oil. Max and Spencers need to take a long, hard look at the cells, because it is in everything.

I think they put it in things that don't need to put it in. Are you saying we should stop all oils? Yogurt. They put it in yogurt. Sam, you were compared to a brillo pad. They have a reputation for scratching services, especially stainless steel and enamel, and potentially pose a risk if ingested or inhaled.

Lucy, why did you say that Sam was like a brillo pad? Because he is. Because he is. Now, Lucy, I would love it if you can tell me more about the nervous breakdown you had and the ingrowing toenail. The nervous breakdown, it was just always on the cards, you know, sort of hereditary and, you know, nature, nurture. It's in both.

All the signs were leading there. And the ingrowing toenail, I don't know why that is. because I've hardly got any legs. It's not actually causing that much pressure on the tour area. And as a child, very inactive, really, culled up in a ball mostly, you know, watching a news round. A true classic. Liza in the Zimbled.

When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in Grown, do as the toenails. Lucy, you said it would be great to work with Sam again. Expand on that. Yeah, if his career carries on the trajectory that it's on at the moment, happy, happy to be his buddy. As you know, you don't know with this industry

how things are going to turn out. And you have to pick your friends wisely. He did say that you were like a mushroom. He slammed you and said, he thought you were a mushroom when he saw you holding an umbrella. How did that feel? Oh, you could be more wrong, sir.

That was a compliment. I don't remember that. Yeah, the mushroom is an important part of the forest floor. Please be gentle here. But yeah, no, I think that mushroom is a very nice thing to be compared to them to. Sam, we'll get to your.

questions. They communicate more than we know. I'm asking Lucy. I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, and I'm apologising as well. How did I feel about it? Yeah. Hurt. Hurt and angry. Yeah. And needing, you know, somewhere to vent and not having anywhere to vent, you know, that's, it's a hard position to be in. This is where I'm brain comes into things. You can vent here. This is a safe space. This is supposed to be a light entertainment post-show chat. It's not supposed to be

driving a potato trying to get a wedge between us. No one's driving a potato. I let him off for a lot, James, because he is Australian. Expand? Well, they're a bit like the Americans out there. They're not as a mature, you know, the country's not that old, is it? And I think it shows, you know, they need to stop barbecue in meat.

It's not good for you, is it? That should have stopped years ago. Yeah, well, look, you just got into the territory there, talking about barbecue and meat. That reminds me, the baguettes talk. at the top of the show, we're definitely treaded on the toes of a certain podcast that I think a lot of the, a lot of the listeners will recognise as bread is definitely their territory. We're not allowed to talk about any foods.

We are only allowed to talk about liquids now? No, well, already you've talked about mushrooms. Oh, I love water because it's translucent. We take it for granted because it's clear. We're allowed to talk about food. That's sorry to swear, but that is so... Whoa. This is unbrained.

We don't swear. You're going to need a bigger swear, Joe, if I'm going to be doing this kind of thing. Sam, I don't think you've covered yourself in glory. Early doors, this is an extra show. Yep. It's meant to be celebrating the main show, and you've tried to shut down your female co-hosts several times. Oh, my God, don't bring gender into it.

There's an agenda here, which I'm actually starting to pick up on, if you don't mind me saying. Thank you. Okay, we'll get back on track now. But, Sam, if you could just, like, curb the behaviour a little bit. Because England's, like, Australia, oh, weird. What about some of the stuff here? What's the Wirral?

Everyone's all about the Wirral now. What's going on in the Wirral? Newsy, do you see, do you want to explain? The Whirill is a hot property in the Whirill. It's at upmarket Liverpool, and it's very luscious. And people don't have that accent either, do they, in the Whirrill? Sometimes you can't even tell they're from Liverpool when they're brought up in the Whirill. You can't tell them from Liverpool, can you?

Can't tell at all. What can you tell us about the Whirl if you don't mind putting the issue on another foot? Yeah, what do you know about the Whirl? It's a lovely place. The people there are fantastic. and they make me proud to be English. Some people have a very different public persona. Do you think the TV licence is worth the money?

Do you know, I find it fairly amusing because I do keep getting letters saying that they're going to just come around, come over unannounced and check that I'm not watching BBC Eye player. And honestly, how do you even get into watching BBC? I don't nobody knows the logging details do they that's why net Netflix only became popular because people couldn't were getting logged out of eye player that's how I feel and let them come over I want them to come over my Netflix has been hacked but I can still use it really so this who that's I don't

know but all the profiles have changed so one of the profiles is called Genesis and there's another one called Mo Sauer and their pictures are all like demons and like I think pictures from money heist and so all my recommendations are crazy because it's not stuff I'm watching. But I can still log in. So it's not a problem, but other people are using it who I don't know. That's weird. Mo Salah. Obviously, it wouldn't be him, but someone who loves him and has used that as a name. Could be him. Well, they seem dangerous. Like the pictures are like a skull that's on fire and stuff like that. Do you think it's the same person who's taken over my Twitter account? It could be. Could you go over your Twitter account? I don't know, but they've changed

the picture to a black man and they keep posting pictures of guns with Dimentis on. You both said you like riddles. I reckon that is the same perpetrator, and we're after you. We've got our eye on you. We know what you're doing. We're going to send you into orbit, mate. What has to be broken before you can use it? Oh.

A prostitute. That's... An egg. Both of those terms are wrong. You've got to say sex worker and we no longer say egg, do we? What do you say? Chicken gift. What month of the year has 28 days?

No, no, no, no month. Wait, oh. Yeah, some of them do. Oh, no, do they? Oh, there's going to be a trick here. There's going to be like a farmer. But the farmer that I mentioned, fuck, fuck. That's such a really hard one, 28 days.

We pass on that. That's not possible. No one could get that. Gosh, no. What question can you never answer yes to? Oh, that's easy because there's certain questions that don't get a yes. What like? Yeah.

like a, who's your favourite member of Sugar Babes? You wouldn't say yes. Yeah, you're right. Who do you like from Little Mix? You've broken that one. You're right there. You're correct. Is that the only one we've got right so far, James?

Well, you haven't said what the riddles says, which is, are you asleep yet? Is the question you can never answer yes to? But Sam is correct. There's infinite amount of questions you can never answer yes to. That could be a new trait that I do is that I answer riddles that they think there's only one answer to, and I have always a second answer that no one's thought of before. This is a question I was going to ask later on. You mentioned the Sims, and you had some Brian's on,

and I was wondering if you were aware of the Sims character, this is in the canon on Sims Wiki, of Brian Zest. Wow. He's in Sims 4. He was the child of Madison, McIntyre, and Johnny Zest, and the younger half-brother of Starr and Jorge McIntyre, and he was born roughly one and a half weeks after the start of the game. Wow.

Did you know about that? No, no. I don't know. I don't know. I didn't even know the Sims had names. I thought they were just little, little guys walking around near the pool. Yeah, you can look this up on Sims Wiki. I just say it's not as popular as it used to be. This podcast? No. Sims, well, Wash your mouth out with soap, mate. We're rising. We're catching up to you. Our ratings are really good. Producer Ben has told us he's like, you're nipping at their heels. You honestly are. And they are scared. They come in and they are so worried. It's not too dims. You don't need to worry. There was a lot. A flurry early on, and now it has, it has failed off.

Shortly after his half-sister star became a young adult and Jorge became a teen, a fire started in Brian's home while Madison was making food for him. While the rest of the family made it safely out of the house, Johnny extinguished the fire. However, Mortimer Goff, he was visiting the house during the fire, burned to death as a result. By the time Mortimer died, all the family had gone back inside, and as such, Brian witnessed the death, and he later interacted with the grimry. paper. Is this on Sims? Yeah. Do you know about the California wildfires?

What about this as an idea? You know the LA fires, Lucy? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of media coverage. Maybe I've told you this theorem before, but is that we bring back, you know, the Hollywood stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. So we use a prayer and, you know, maybe the Javanese manuscripts or something. And these, all these former stars of yesteryear, of the Golden Age, rise again as spirits. So like Audrey Hepburn, Montgomery Clift, and they swirl. around and like breathe great gusts to extinguish the fires. I love that. I think maybe like try with, you know,

convention, try with like water first. Oh, are we allowed to talk about water James? That is a drink. That's your world. Sorry. Yeah, you can't talk about that. The Uber driver I had said, did you notice nothing blueburn in the LA fires? Lucy, what animals were in your pockets? What animals were in? my pockets. You had so many pockets when you were younger with an animal in it, every single

one. I did, yeah. Well, they were of a jungle theme. So your monkey, your elephant, your gorilla, your lion, your tiger, those type of animals. You know, a little soft padded, you know, and they were attached to a string, you know, so you couldn't just lose them. They had to pop back in the pockets. You know, in Africa, the Big Five and stuff like that? Yeah. There's other fives that have been created for animals that have felt left out. This is true. My friends went on safari.

There's like the shy five, the shyest five animals. I think there's like the deadliest five, the kindest five. There's other fives. Like every animal is included in a subset of five. Sam, what do you imagine? When you imagine fucking Rumpel Steltsky. This is crazy. And can I say in Traders Uncloaked, he doesn't quiz them.

He's not like, what shoes were you wearing in the castle on day three? He was like, was it fun? Like, did you have a good time? I'm asking you to expand on what you said on the podcast. It's feeling like a quiz. So what was the question? What do you imagine when you imagined fucking rumple still? You said you would like to do it?

Well, I don't know. Just like, yeah, we're sort of in like a forest clearing, I guess. And he's sort of, these great little bells on his hat and shoes and hands. So I imagine it would just, yeah, someone would be like, fucking hell, schools off. Look at the, they hear that bell. Like it's just sort of, I don't know, yeah. Now, you mentioned the Perfect Brains WhatsApp group in this episode. I think the public would love to know what goes on there.

Would one of you be able to give us a reading? Do you want in? No, no. But I think the listeners would love to hear what happens in that group. Could you give us a reading? Are you okay with that, Lucy? Yes, I am, yeah. Thank you for asking.

We always check in. Where do you want to start from the very top? Oh, yeah, sure. Oh shit. How many WhatsApp groups do you think you're in Jimmy? How many? Yeah. I'm in my family WhatsApp and the off-menu WhatsApp. No, is that it? That's it. Oh, God. How have you managed that? That's amazing. That's what's that picture?

That's the great Benito on the phone looking stressed, looking very, very stressed. That would have made me one of the times where Lucy's computer was not working. I had a rough year last year where I'd say it took me approximately 45 minutes to join the group. and then I have technical difficulties. But have you noticed, I don't want to like, I'm doing a lot better out of this series. Oh, I think of that all the time. It's been so smooth.

Yeah. Yeah. It's been amazing. It's making a difference to the working environment, I would say. So Ben says, hello, thought it might be easier to start a group. Hmm. Yeah. Well, it's, I don't want to seem like we're bragging,

but it's Ben posting pictures of the charts and we're sort of like on top of them. Oh, that's quite kidding. Look at that. Those would be made to yours. He's put the charts there and unbrained. is number one. Yes.

And then Parent and Hell is number two. Off menu, nowhere to be seen there. But that's the first week, wasn't it? It's not like that now. Yeah, yeah. This is the overall charts where we were just after one of these other guys. I felt sad for the young Brian who got upset, Lucy. You upset at Brian.

A young lad got upset. You said he got upset and you thought he was quite young. You got upset that you were contacting him. Did you make it up to him? Oh, yeah. I can show you in Messenger how many Bryans are a message that you wouldn't believe

how many Brian Johnsons there are I messaged one two three four five six seven Brian Johnsons and all different ages and it was a shame that Brian that you're talking about was like why do you want to take the piss out of my name I was like, oh no, I'm not, it's not your name.

It's just that, because of brains, a Brian. And it was triggering for him. He was that all my life, people have took the piss. Did you resolve things? And he was a, and he didn't look like a Brian. He looked to really, he looked like the type of lad that goes to like, you know, Malaga. Maybe an Anthony. You know these guys called Anthony?

Anthony. Yeah. I like that name, though. Anthony. What do you mean? Oh, I was just saying maybe he looks like an Anthony. because there's Anthony's and then we've got these guys

who are dropping the H But yeah, it was a shame But you know That's comedy We cross the line James We don't really care We're your problematic faves We are not

We don't care really Who we offend so much What did you think of Brian, the first Brian You spoke to Now he said he'd been an Austin Powers impersonator For 20 years

Which has since 2005 The Austin Powers trilogy came out in 97, 99 And 2002 respectively Very respectfully Did I take all that into account? What did you make of his impression? We've become quite close with him since recording.

So we've spoken to him quite a lot. That's great. You just said that you don't care who you're a friend on this podcast. I was just wondering if you could give your honest opinion on his Austin Powers impression. Lucy? Well, I thought it was genius because he's made it his own. What are you drinking? What's that concoction, by the way, James?

kombucha. Combucha. Is it kombucha? Yeah. It looks like milk of magnesium. You're both deflecting. I don't know you're indulging a scobie these days, James. I love a scobie.

A scobie indulger. When you're at school, were you always making concoctions? Me and my friend tried to make George's Martha's Mention. Oh, it's so good. We would always get window cleaner, fanta, and we'd always make these concussions and then bury them. Why did you bury them? I don't know.

It was just part of our process. I was really serious as a kid, I think. Like, people like, were you trying to be funny? I was like, no, I was serious, but about very strange things. Did you make a concoction, Lucy? No, no. I feel like I'm not doing this the way that you want me to do it because you're hijacking it,

you're trying to take it in the direction that you would normally have a normal episode. This is unbrained. It's not about you staring the conversation, asking random questions. This is about unpacking the episode that we've listened to, not you trying to talk about concoctions and make this into one of your main episodes.

You're a guest on this podcast. You're a really good mate. You're a guest on this podcast. So I'm asking you to actually. actually give your opinion on that man's Austin Powers impression when he's been doing it for 20 years. What did Lucy say genius? She said genius.

And I said, I love Austin Powers. What more do you need to do? You're really needling us here. Well, you are not given any, you personally haven't given a single opinion on it. What are you, AstraZeneca? You're needling me. This is insane. I said that he made it his own.

I feel like I've been sandbag. It's what Lucy said he made it his own, which we all know what that means. We invite you to our temple and you attack us. It's really inappropriate. You also did an Austin Powers impression, Sam, on the episode. It was unquestionably better. Lucy, can you please defend us? No, no, the professionals, the professional, was better.

If you've broken your leg, who are you going to go to? A doctor, or are you going to go to Sam? You're going to go to the... Well, if the doctor has been perhaps in medicine for 20 years, and I've just seen him try and mend someone's leg but break it even worse, I'm going to take my chances with Sam. If Sam's just demonstrated, if he's just watched that and gone,

oh, I reckon I'll have a go. And then he's done a better job in front of my very eyes. I'm going to go to Sam. Okay. First of all, do you know about the law of averages? So basically, a professional will, so his impression might not have been as good on that outing, but four out of five times it would be.

So one in five times, the enthusiastic amateur will sort of maybe get lucky. And that's all that happened is I got lucky. I caught a nice little vibe, I had a good rhythm, and just on that occasion, maybe I might admit that it did have a nice little flair to it, a nice little ring, but four times out of five, he'll leave me in his dust. Understood? And also, in the context of the environment he's working in, you've got to remember, he goes to fake festivals. So everyone at the festival is pretending to be. So there's like Cold Place instead of Coldplay, UB30, and there's Jimmy Appendix instead of Jimmy Hendricks.

What you've got to remember is they're all mimicking their idols. He's not pretending to be the real deal. Exactly. I thought he was. I thought that's exactly what he's doing. No, because they're all, no one at the festival is the real person. They're all pretending to be. If you questioned him, if you said,

are you actually in a quarter floor if you said are you actually awesome powers legally he has to say no i'm not but i still feel groovy and there's one called away cisson and they're both jewish i'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to the ukays number one james a cast a tribute at craig simons is there one yeah Craig simons oh my god and does he sound like you yeah sounds exactly like me Looks like me. Really? Very good. Are you worried that he gets booked for stuff?

He has started to do more stuff. He's started to do more stuff that isn't my materially, but like he started to do his own stuff. He's going out and doing his own stuff. He's branching out, yeah. Oh, my God. Be so careful, James. My friends have been having trouble with this.

There's surely they can stop that, because you can't make money off someone else's material. Yeah, but you don't feel good about a stop like that. So some stops are here. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored now. What are you talking about? That's like the main thing you should never say in pod racing. Oh my God.

You can't ever say that to someone. The second bride said that he worked in documentaries. Have either of you seen the film Grizzly Man? No. Yeah, I've seen it. Sam, explain it to Lucy. Grizzly Man is a guy called Timothy Treadwill who was, young bear enthusiast. He loved grizzly bears and he decided that he was sick of living

in the rat race where human beings are constantly backstabbing each other and went to live and document the bears. And he became very, very close to them. He knew them extremely well and would often travel with them and ride on their backs. And I think even maybe not composed music, but would howl and roar with them at the same time, slept nuzzled up with them, which seemed very comfortable. I'm not going to spoil it, but things didn't end wonderfully. You got eaten by a better. And it was recorded. It's a real story? Yes. It's a documentary.

Oh, right, yeah. Lucy, what documentaries have you seen? I've seen most of them, I think. Not grizzly, man. No, not that one. I stay away from ones about animals. Why? Because I sort of think they're very interesting thing.

I don't get off on it. What ones have you seen? Well, what do you want me to tell you? Yeah. Well, I like, well, 24 hours in police custody because my interest there is Luton. That's what my special interest is Luton. It used to be North Korea,

and I read everything about North Korea, and now I have moved on to Luton. And that is heavily based in Luton. I've watched any Netflix one that is sort of for neurotic white women I've watched about the brain and gut microbiome, magic mushrooms, about the secrets of pasta. Now, Brian, too, said he's invented a genre, the musical documentary. Lucy, would you like that you're quite musical yourself?

Would you like to and reimagine 24 hours in police custody in a musical form? This is what we want, James. This is fun. What? It's like, we're wrapping up now. This is like getting to the end. What you said, you didn't. Joe, what, if you wanted something more specific, you should have fucking told me and said,

this is exactly what we want from you. if all you're going to give me is just hey will you do this and call it unbrained and come on that's all i've got i'm not getting paid for this what about a beatles video game where you know how there's that album where they're crossing the road abbey road it's you trying to get them all across the road and like different cars are trying to hit them a fun like maybe a phone game you're crowbar and your bits in again you're crowbarring stuff that you're using the main show no one asked about that you've just sat down and you've written a fucking list of my My mic just fell over, but I was trying to defuse the tension because I was being attacked.

And when I get attacked, I try to defuse and I try to deflect. Lucy's hugging a kitten. Yeah, it's because she's scared, because you've scared her. She's never been like this where she's had to hide and snuggle a cat. And she hates animals. She finds them boring. Lucy, sing a song about 25 hours in police custody. Please, if you want.

This is no comment. No comment. No comment. No comment. I don't know where I was that day. CPS go away No comment No comment

No comment Your cat is trying to get away from you Pretty much You're pretty determined To get away from you that cat The cat loves her Picture Sylvester Salern in your head Yeah

And now look at my cat Oh yes Are you trying to say they look alike Yeah Between the eyes Just look at his eyes Doesn't really look like Sylvester Stallone It does

It does absolutely Absolutely. I feel like I was watching a sort of one of the Rambo movie. Lucy, I was wondering if you could do your double speed impression again for when you're listening back to voicemails. So thank you so much, both of you, for join me on Unbrained. This has been a fantastic reflection on the main episode of Perfect Brains. At the end, you asked each other, if you would always be in that room. This is what you said to whichever. You were in different rooms.

What rooms were you in for the listeners? They're going to want to know which rooms you were both in respectively. Oh, my room is like, I don't do it in there anymore because Lucy was puzzled by it or upset by it. I don't know. But it's sort of painted skin colour, so she didn't like the wall. Sam's frozen for me. Yeah, yeah. Am I still frozen?

Not a good image. Yeah. Well, that's probably for the best. No, can you still hear me? Lucy, anything you want to say before we wrap up? You can't do that, no. I've admired you from afar for years. I want to say stuff like that as well.

I'm so glad we've had the opportunity to have you on this podcast. I wish you well in your future endeavours and I hope to work with you again soon. No, no, no, don't stop it. Sam has put on the chat. I must get back in, but there really isn't any time for that. No, no. My name is James Zaycaston. Lucy, no, no.

I'm joined by Lucy Blomber and Sam Campbell. This was unbrained. See you next time. No, no, wait. Keep going. Keep recording.