Lucy & Sam's Perfect Brains - Teenage Apologies

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

Sincerest apologies. Lucy and Sam say sorry to everyone they’ve wronged.If you want to send a message or voice note to the podcast, email it to [e-mail] or WhatsApp to [phone]Recorded and edited Aniya Das for Plosive.  Artwork by Sam Campbell. Theme music by Charlie Pelling, Lucy Beaumont and Sam Campbell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Throughout the course of history, there's been no one of mysteries, but never won't quite as far as the secret garden of Babylon. Of Babylon, oh Babylon, the garden. Oh Babylon, do not surrender. Oh kids that bloom all year round. An action fountain that makes not a sound. So check out this garden. Please don't be afraid.

It's Lucy and Sam's Perfect Braids. Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brits. Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brits. This podcast will be recorded for training purposes only. Can I say this? And I will say this. It is wonderful to see you. I feel exactly the same.

It's reciprocated. Oh, that's nice. It's nice. It's nice. To put energy out there and to have it. returned is just so, it's really rewarding. On Instagram they say, like, what you give out, you get back. I saw the woman with the tree.

Did you see this? This lady, really nice lady, she goes, Gaya, come to me. And a tree put its branch on her shoulder. You're jerking. She's a tree talker. She's speaking to these trees, yeah. And what, it really did that? Yeah.

There wasn't like anyone in the tree. No way. And people are like, well, how's this happening? It's like, the tree is probably thinking people rarely ask. People didn't, people don't even try it. So, yeah, give it, give it a go. I'm going to go try it. To a little plant.

I've got two trees in my garden. You've got two trees? Yeah, two trees, yeah. Jesus, God hates a bragger. Yeah, because I live outside of London. Is that right? You've got to live outside of London. Yeah, you can't, well, some people can't have trees in London,

but they're aristocracy, aren't they, really? There's some really wealthy people out there, and I really want to mingle with them. Do you feel like you are, someone who wants to climb up the echelons. Oh, I'm a huge brown nose. I'm a sniffer. I'm a climber.

You know, I throw people there once I've used them. Actually, that's not true. I don't want to be like that at all. I don't know anybody, like, you know, like, I don't know anybody upper class. I don't, I don't have any association. I would, I would be happy to, but I literally do not know. You're of the people. You don't know anyone who goes, hello.

Yeah. You know the people go, hey, dorky. How are you, dokey? You're a doggy. How crazy is that I ran into your, like, neighbours? That is so weird. Do you know that they've never had a raisin? They've never ate a raisin.

You met my neighbours, Emma and Damien. They've never ate a raisin. Really? Yeah, both of them, never at a raisin. How do you discover something like this, by the way? Because I was at their house with my daughter, and she was eating a box of raisins, and they thought that that was mad.

and they told all their family that she was eating just raisin. So they've had, so let me explain, they've had raisins in cake. They've had a raisin. But they've never, for them raisins as an ingredient she put in cake, she might as well have been eating self-raising flour for all they, like, but they were like, how could, why would you eat a raisin? Yeah, I couldn't believe it.

I were just, yeah, walking down the street, they go, yeah, Sam. And I go, well, it's these guys, Damien. And have you met them before? No, never in my life. And I think it was rare. They, like, came to see maybe their son or something like that. Yeah, you'd like their son. The son is a genius.

He's a musical genius, musical prodigy. Wow. What's his medium? What is he playing? Classical or? He got a scholarship from the age of nine to, you know, in Manchester, that really famous music school. He's not one of these political musicians.

Is he chanting death to the PDF or whatever? But I've had enough of a PDF. to be honest. I don't think... Yeah, admin is not good. That's your show, Virgin Island. I want to do Admin Island. You know, where it's like me and people,

a bunch of people who just can't do admin and we all just learn to send emails and reply to people. We just connect. I like that idea. That would really work. Admin Island. I've got so many ideas.

But for every good idea, I have seven dangerous thoughts. It's not a picnic in this head. I've got this terrible habit where, I don't pay utility bills. I wait for them to go to a debt collection agency because I find it's so much easier to speak to them. You can just get through straight away

and pay your bill rather than, you know, being on the phone for ages. Yeah, these debt collectors, it is tough for them, I think. They always answer the phone straight away. But they're nervy, you know, they're like, I think they get yelled at a lot. Well, you know, I worked for one. I've told you this before, I haven't I, where I...

You were collecting debts. Yeah. You were a little sheriff of Nottingham. Have I told you about it? I cleared the debts of thousands of people by just putting them down as deceased. I think Mr. Incredible when the Incredibles was doing that.

He's a really good person to sort of share a connection with. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Is that real person there, no? No, no, no. He's a dune. But that's amazing. So you just say, yeah, they're dead. If you work in a debt collection agency, you'll know this. I'm surprised not more people do it. There's a button on your computer where if you're meant

to speak to them. And if you ended up speaking to a family member and they said they're dead, you would say, well, can you just send us the death certificate? But whilst it's pending, you can put them down as dead already and it just wipes all their deaths. You got this big red button with a skull and crossbones on it.

Yeah, I just spoke to them and they're dead. I do fantasise about faking my own death. My God. Do you? Just a bit of a restart, a bit of a refresh. What do you think about death a lot? Every now and again, yeah. It frightens me.

Oh, does it? Well, I just don't like big changes. And for someone to just not even be alive anymore, I just find unforgivable. But you've been around death? I have, I have no stranger to death. I have had experiences of people who have died, but not recently. Have you ever seen someone who's dead? Oh, have I seen a stiff?

I think so, yeah. Oh, really? This guy that I killed near the airport, yeah. Have you seen the body? Yeah, yeah. It comes for us all, but we are looking for a cure. We really are. You can't cure it, though, can you?

But sometimes, like, it's good to think, but there could be something even better. This could be... Yeah. Like a... But then what version of you are you in this next step? It's like, we change so much. Angelina Jolie.

She is just wonderful. Yeah. And she listens, apparently. Oh, really? Yeah. She does her awarding episodes. She throws on a PB, Perfect Brains. She listens to this?

Yeah. I wonder if we could find out what's the most famous. Yeah, if you're famous, by the way, please email us and let us know that you're sort of most celebrity, you know, that you throw this on. Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains at gmail.com. We want to hear from our A-listers. Yeah, yeah, just A-listers. Don't get in touch if you're. was on Emmerdale or something.

No, we're not interested. Sorry, sorry, guys, sorry. But no, we do want people who have been on the red carpet. Yeah. Have you been on many red carpets, Sam? I have been on a couple, yeah. I made a big mistake on the BAFTA's red carpet. What did you do this time, Lucy?

That I think he's going to, if it hasn't already, he's going to bite me in the bum at some point. Oh, no, we want that bum unscathed. I was really nervous about going on the red carpet and being photographed. So I had a couple of tequila's. Oh, goodness. But I hadn't eaten. And, you know, it just sort of, you know, I was felt quite.

For our younger listeners, tequila is a type of alcohol. Yeah, the best one. They sometimes have a little scorpion in there. Now, God, what did you say on the red carpet? You're at the BAFTAs. This is TV's night of nights. Yeah. And I was on the, you know, where the billboards are and all the paparats.

see, we're taking my picture, and they were shouting out, say something, Lucy, say something. And I said, you killed Diana. No, no, no, oh my goodness. Because some of them aren't have not done that job, you know, that's, you know, they may have got into it after that. Yeah, but who gets into that? Who, who, with a good heart even goes anywhere near that job? It's people, they're sort of walking near the shard or whatever.

And so, you know, a couple come up and say, oh, could you just, could you take? take a photo of us. Is that how it's that? Yeah, usually, usually. Hey, usually. Yeah. Well, and then they get head funded by the Daily Mill? Yeah.

They go, oh, this is a great photo, by the way. They go, oh, do you want me to take more? They're like, no, you nailed it. And they go, okay, I've got a bit of a knack for this. It might become a little shutterbug. That's true. Oh, I love that. That's the way you get paparazzi.

So not just professional photographers, only paparazzi. Oh, yeah, no, no. The pros go to school and stuff like. that. Right. And then next minute, the photograph in Wayne Rooney. Yeah, who is it? Piers Morgan comes up and goes, well, you did have a great job there. How would you like to take a photo of someone who doesn't

want to be photographed? So what are we chatting about today, by the way? You had a great idea, Sam, about our teenage years and apologising to people that need to apologize to. Yes, now that we have become mature and that we have sort of grown into our sort of, I guess, ultimate forms,

we would like to do small apologies to the people that we encountered as teenagers for the sins of the past. Yeah, because our brains now are fully developed. We have no excuse. Yeah. And my brain developed a little bit earlier than your brain. I mean, not my brain, obviously, my brain's not very developed, but women's brains will have developed sooner than male brains. Apparently, it's not until about 25 your brain. Really?

Yeah, but obviously my brain, there is still ongoing issues, which I think you would say would be quite apparent working with me. You've got a great noggin. You've got a great head on your shoulders. Yeah, that's not what a lot of people say. Well, I find your thoughts intriguing. Oh, my thoughts, but, you know, the rational, you know, the thought, But, you know, day-to-day, day-to-day activities, you know, functioning on a very basic level, no, I'm not very good at that, no.

Oh, yeah, the day-to-day is awful. What are you like with organising yourself and times and dates and, like, routine, like domestic routines and things? Are you good at that sort of thing? Horrible, horrible. I mean, I'm going to York today. I totally forgot, you know, this boy, I meet this boy and his grandmother. and he goes, would you come to York? I'll go, oh, yeah.

And then that's just like, just totally forget about that. And then he sort of texts me and he goes, hey, see you today in York. I go, oh my God, who's this kid? Why are you going to York with a boy? I'm going to York with a boy. He's already in York. I'm meeting the boy in York.

Why, why? We met on a chat brave. No, no, no. He was, he's the president of the York Comedy Society. Oh. I'm going to do a show for him in his world. yeah oh and is he what is that part of a university he's nervous he goes he made a poster for it and he goes i don't know if we can use this picture like and he goes is that we'll get in trouble

for using a picture that isn't license i'm like just use it no one gives it stuff wow so i'm trying to teach him not to be a pencil pusher and a bureaucrat yeah send him over here i'll sort him out are you near york i never know where you are i'm not far from york at all well i'm gonna be there for two No. Pop round. I would love to. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. Come over. I have to be here because I have to pick my daughter up from school. Come and pick her up from school.

Oh, fantastic, yeah, absolutely. We could play a joke on her. I would like that, yeah. This is your real dad. Hello. He moved to Australia. It's funny. It is so good.

You've got to play. My dad was great with the tricks. Was he? So my dad used to, we'd stay at one. this is a beautiful beach and all the campers you are only allowed to see turtles lay their eggs like go down and watch this little ceremony of a turtle laying its eggs if it was on a certain side of the beach the rest of it is for you know tour groups so if a turtle starts emerging from the water people get excited the campers where they run down and my dad put a washing basket

laundry basket on his back and he swam out and he and he swam in and we're all running down oh my god a turtle it's terry campers. up to his old tricks. That's brilliant. Grinning from ear to ear, this bastard. Oh, that's really good. Do you think he's one of the reasons you got into comedy? Oh, definitely, yeah.

He's got a really strange. I mean, he gives himself so many names. He calls himself the cattle snake, cat, top cat, terrapin. He's just always got a new name. Sam, your parents just seem delightful from what we've seen of them. I mean, you know, I wish I could say the same. We love you, Jill. My mum's got more about...

I rang her the other day, I'd not spoke to her for a few days. And I was like, you're all right, mum. She was like, how do I know you're not AI? It's a great question. It's really odd on the phone with me. Like, I might be AI. I was like, they don't want you. I was going to leave in questions.

There's nothing you've got that they want. They don't. You don't think that Jill is at risk of harvest it? She's not going to get harvested. Oh, yeah, well, maybe, yeah, maybe, just to see how that brain works. She's got a fascinating one. She is, isn't she? Here, footy and soaps perfect brain.

Lucy and serves perfect wings. Have we started on our apologies? So, I'd like to apologise to my mum. Yeah. She has to get the big G. The big apology. for the teenage years. She took the brunt of it, really,

and she did get, you know, she has been an absolute pain in the backside. To me, all my life, I've felt really responsible for her behaviour and her actions and still do now, and I'm still having to be there for her as a support network rather than the other way around. But there was a few years when I was a teenager

where I was a nightmare. What triggered this? That's what I need to know. Well, I just was a little slag, basically. Yeah, the sort of, you know, hormones hit, and I just wanted to be out, like, literally out on the streets, like a cat, like just out. We had a group of friends, and we used to just walk around the streets,

drinking and smoking and what, you know, all the other stuff. It sounds like you were on the prowl. Literally on the prowl. They used to come and call, like 10, 11 at night. They used to come and call for me out of the back, you know, where my window was. And I would escape through my window. My mum didn't even know. And I'd go and we'd walk around all night.

And then I'd go back to bed and try and get up for school. It was just terrible. And then one time I was coming down, you know, trying to get down the drain pipe to get down. And I got stuck and I was like, what's going on? I can't get down any first. there and I looked up and my mum was holding my hair. Did she hoist you back up? Yeah and she said over my dead body

you're not going out and yeah and she really had to put a foot down with me I was heading for bad things and she spent a lot of time and effort you know getting me back to where I needed to be so I do feel really sorry for her. You were wayward

I mean I was the same I mean my fascination with sort of Warhammer and RuneScape were they did become problems I mean I was so just I just wanted to be part of something so badly So that's why I guess I would apologize to anyone Who would just have to

You know just the teething You know you just don't want to be creative So badly But then I was also you know Quite I didn't behave very well Really I can't believe

I used to do you theatre And I would be like This guy was like Philip Fester I apologise to my goodness I was running on tables Causing trouble He goes We're going to pretend you're auditioning

for Harry Potter and I was running, scream and he goes, you'll never work, you'll never work. Oh my God, but he's so wrong. Yeah, maybe, but I did need discipline. I did. I mean, I started a short film competition at my school. But that sounds totally off the rails. Oh, I was wild.

Oh, you're not going to believe. And of course, took out first prize. I think only one other person submitted. Did you know that? Is that why you did it? No, I was just so just, I just was looking for any sort of a place where I could practice and, you know, make things, I guess. So you have...

I make Hugo the Cat. Beautiful. It was a cross between live action and animation. This is serious stuff. Yeah. So you had that, like, drive. You must have been, like, fully farm ready to go, but didn't, you didn't quite have the project.

Quite the opposite. I really feel. I was like a plastic bag with an ember inside it. The vessel couldn't contain the passion. And what age are we talking here? This was when I was in high school. I said, we've got to do the, you know, the Shalom Catholic College short film competition.

I made Hugo the Cat. I mean, I got in trouble. They were going to show it at the Moncrief Theatre. You know, we had a beautiful, it went down very well at school. And then they go, they're going to show it as part of this end of year thing at the Moncrief Theatre. The principal goes, what's this thing? He sees it.

He goes, you're not showing that because the cat, Hugo, the Cat, at one point he was wearing a bikini? And he said, no, that's not Catholic, is it? Where does, where does the sort of lust for girls come in, like wanting to, for girls to find you attractive? And that started around the time of you would go, the cat in the bikini, or would you say that that was a bit later? I think I was beyond repressed.

I just didn't think you'd, yeah, I mean, that's still slowly forming. Is it late, late, late, do? Oh, late. Bloom a big time. But then do you, I bet you're making up for it now. Are you making up for it now or not? I'm in love. You know about I've got a beautiful girlfriend.

What the hell is this? It sounds like you should be sewing your roots a bit more, really. Hugo, the cat. No, no, we don't listen to this. We don't talk about this. Because I'm, you know, I'm a kept man, you know. No, to five. Yeah.

That's lovely. No, I don't mean that. I just meant, you know, you've had some hedonistic times, have you? I've had warm sex. But no, yeah, very, very unadvanced. I didn't understand what, like that, when they do the sex ed at school, that was just really scary. Really, yeah.

It's just too much. You're this young guy. I was an innocent, and then suddenly they're talking about all this kind of stuff, you know, the ovaries I was frightened of. They reminded me of a motorbike. Jesus. Be careful. The Manhattan Project.

at B.I.CIA. So who would you like to apologize to then, Sam? Well, mine's a bit of a blanket apology. Pretty much everyone I encountered. You just, it's a tough, tough time. Like, you almost should be sent away. Like, I know it's wrong boarding schools and stuff like that. But for the good of society, you really should be sent away for those years.

Do you think? Well, they're just horrible. I can't even look at a teenager. I can't even see them. It's just too much. They're not comfortable in their own. skin. Yeah, because, yeah, it's awful, isn't it? Yeah. Well, they're embarrassed to be alive and you go, I just don't know, I just can't be around

this, energy. Oh, God. Don't they just make you, I just can't even look at them. Like, when there's a whole bunch on the train, it's just like, they're just repulsive. What age do they stop being repulsive, do you think? I think at the age of, when people hit 18, that's when we can bring them back from this sort of, yeah, there's land that they go to. But wouldn't you say that's when they probably need adults the most when they're in that vulnerable age. I don't know. I think they should be sent out to the woods.

That's what I was missing as a teen. Someone to say, this is what you need to be doing. I honestly felt comfortable as a teenager, but I felt like my mission was to be rebellious, you know. I was quite lucky in the sense that I had a group of friends and we were all very confident, maybe overconfident, you know. Let's just do a quick rundown of these friends.

Who's the leader at the pack, if you don't want me? asking. The leader. I don't feel like there was a leader. I feel like there was a group of us and we were all sort of on the same. Like, we're just always quite light-minded. How many, how many are we talking? We're talking six of these girls? Well, there was five or six girls, like me and girls. And then there was another group, you know, a group that were hung around with. And then there was a group of boys as well. Oh, dear. Was there a little love triangles emerging? There was, yeah, yeah, there was, yeah. And then two of us, me and my best friend, we left this very lovely supportive group and went off with two boys. They took us down

the wrong path. There were trouble. They took you down to the whole sewer district. And were they twins? For some reason, I'm picturing them as twins. No, they were twins, but we liked that there was, like to do anything naughty. that's why we hung around with them. Gareth and James. Gareth and James? Yeah, yeah. Now, this might be telling tales out of school,

but is Gareth? It was he the one that you sort of heard your eye on? No, no, no. Gareth lived with me and my mum. We took him in. He was a bit like a brother. And he's a plumber now, and he did some plumbing for me.

He screwed up the pipes. Yeah, he really did, yeah. Oh, Babylon, oh Babylon, do not surrender. But I would also like to apologise to my teachers, some of my teachers. I was a horrendous, horrendous student. I cannot picture you in a classroom facing the right way. To me, you're at every other angle. My maths teacher, she wore like a blue turn, like an 80s power suit with kitten heels.

and she had bright red hair and electric blue mascara and when you took your book up to her to be marked if she blinked and mascara would fall on your page and you'd have to like when she wasn't looking so like shake it, shake it off your book. She was shedding? Yeah, yeah. And she hated me because I,

she thought I must be good at maths but I'm just pretending to be and she was convinced that if she just shouted at me enough, I would understand. And I literally couldn't pick up the basics. So I just used to talk all through a lesson. She sounds cool and glamorous. And I felt bad about her.

And then I saw her years later in Hull. And she said, oh, you're still small, then are you? Still small. Oh, wow. One final jab. I know. And I thought, I'm really glad that I disrupted your lessons, actually now. I was clinically small.

I was like medically small. You've talked about, you've said about this. I don't understand because you're not, you're of normal hate now. I don't know. I was not making eye contact. I was looking into people's belly buttons. I was seriously small. But why?

So I was convinced that my parents went, they were going to give me horse hormones. I was sure of it. There was all this talk, they were going to inject me with the hormones of a horse. And I mentioned it in a, you know, a broadsheet interview. And then my parents ring me, they go, that's not true. We were never going to give you horse hormones. hormones. I could have sworn. It was me and a boy we knew, and he was a Jehovah witness. And they were like, well, then all our birthdays, but can we inject him with

horse hormones? And I think the church said, yeah, yeah. But my parents said, that's not true at all. It was pig hormones. Yeah. But pigs don't grow that much. Yeah, I don't get, I think they do go fast, though, because like one minute you'll see a little piglet and then next it's some great heaving sow. How do you know that they didn't? No, I was never injected. What would you know? They could have done it when you were asleep. Because you did grow.

You did grow. And you do look a little bit like a pig. Yeah, I do. Gosh. I really do. And my clove and hooves don't really sort of help things along too much. No, I don't think they did the injection. I think I'm pure and innocent and the spring noodle.

So what brought the group? So you just had a really late growth? What sort of age are you talking? I reckon like recently, honestly. Honestly, honestly. What? How can 28 I show it up a bit? How bizarre?

Yeah, I see photos of myself. It is, I'm seriously smaller. You can't even really make out my face because it's all just, it's too small to have proper features. Did your diet change? Did you do something in your diet, you know? No, no, I've never had a real,

do you have a nice diet? Do you know what? It's a bit boring to say, but I think I do, yeah. And not, not like, over the top. I actually genuinely like, food that's I like fruit and vegetables

and whole great. My friend Ray was telling me this is genius I think if it like talking about food he goes like say something at the time he goes let's go to burger let's get pizza he goes no

that's weekend food oh wow so if someone offers you something greasy something greasy say that's weekend food oh that's all right then isn't it yeah so you just

having it two days yeah pizza does he go a mental on the weekend. Not really. He's one of the most flexible guys I've ever met in my life. Is he really?

Don't tell you when he saw about the movie Conclave. Yeah. So Ray Baddran, he's like, oh, I watched Conclave, man, on the plane. So bad. That movie sucks. That's bad. Oh, so shit. I was like, oh, it's all right.

He goes, but the hype man. It was just too hyped. He goes, if it wasn't for the hype, 10 out of 10. I was like, what? It's gone from 10 out of 10 to pure crap because of a bit. of the hype. It sounds great. We should get him on.

Feel like you have a lot of friends. What's your friendship group like? It depends where I'm at. I've got to get better at communicating, really. But my friendship group is very powerful at the moment, yes. But then also, if you're working with someone, are they your friend? I'd sometimes get confused. I'd just think they are, but really sometimes in TV, you've got to remember no one's your

friends. It's so true. Don't give them yourself. Don't give them too much. These runners, as soon as the job ends, they start running away. Yeah, I was getting along with this guy called Vinny really well recently on a job. And I thought, yeah, this is it. We'll probably holiday together.

And never seen him, no. Few texts that haven't been responded to. I'll say that much. I thought, you know, when I finished the traitors, I was like, we're all going to be basically every day and talking to each other. and I just I'll only see them from now on and we'll go to each other's houses and we'll go on holiday

and we'll all work together and this is now what life is going to be like not seeing anybody. It's in the name of the show. These are conniving, untrustful people. Shall we wrap this up then? Oh yes. So email us as well.

I know I say that quite a bit, but tell us about your teenage years. Who would you like to apologise to? Were you an emo? Were you into email music? Oh, wait, that's my personal email. No, it's Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains at Gmail.com. Yeah, we would love to know about our listeners' teenage years, wouldn't we?

And if you are a teen, what's our message for a teen who's listening to this right now? Yeah, do you think they should be banished into the woods as well? No, no, no, but what's your message to a teenager who is listening to this now? What's my message to a teenager? Just get over yourself. Get over yourself. It's not all about you. The world doesn't revolve around you.

Nobody cares what you look like, actually. Everyone's too involved in their own shit. The world revolves around the sun. Get a job. And you are nothing compared to that beautiful life-giving orb. Yeah, get the job, actually. In where I'm from Australia, the teenagers, you work so young. You're like 12 and you're working at a supermarket.

Really? That's great because you can't get jobs here for teenagers. Like you say, everyone finds them hideous And doesn't want them around them Yeah, I noticed that Like, you know, like I don't want to be sold a sandwich By, you know, a 30-year-old man, it feels wrong That's what the teens are for

You're so right, yeah, so I know, and I don't know why But it just suddenly one day became harder to get dropped You could, I was working from the age of 10 Down the pit In her hairdressers And then in a cafe And then finally in ASDA And now show business

And now show business. Well, you're show business as game, Lucy. One of the greatest to ever do it. Sorry, say that again. I just said you're one of the greatest to ever do it. To do ASDA, being ASTA. No. I don't know if I know what ASTA is.

Lucy, it sounds perfect brains. This podcast will be recorded for training purposes only. Hello, Brainiacs. Hello, perfect people. nice. I'm Amy Gledhill. My name is Ian Smith. And we are from the Northern News podcast. If you like a podcast where it's a male and female host,

The Woman is from Hull, you're going to love Northern News. Yeah, and if you're thinking, but I'd like the man to be from Gull, that's what this is. Yeah, not Australia. No, but if you listen to our back catalogue, you will hear both Sam Campbell and Lucy Burmont doing bloody good bits on our show, actually. Yeah. And it's all about finding the weird bizarre stories

from the north of England or wherever our guests are from. Things like Pure Evil Blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire Village and attacking children. Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in Bath, Matt. And we've got special guests. We're talking about people like Phil Wang, Jessica Nappit, Ed Campbell and Ross Noble. Who joined us in the studio? Woo-hoo!

Yeah. That's Northern News, out every Thursday, wherever you get your podcast. Just.