Macrodosing: Arian Foster and PFT Commenter - Bottled Water

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

On today's episode of Macrodosing, Billy Football returns to talk the conspiracies and facts behind the business of bottled water. Some say it's the scam of the century. You'll hear everything from Dasani putting salt in the water to keep you thirsty to Billy getting scammed on Craigslist. You don't want to miss it. Also, Frank The Tank joins us to do a water taste test. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. 1:00 Billy returns 3:00 Billy saves Democracy 6:00 Billy gets scammed on Craigslist 12:30 Nazi Kool-Aid 18:30 Water talk begins 22:00 Water break stories 30:45 Arian football story 34:40 PFT hilarious coach story 39:00 Best water bottle to piss in 44:00 History of bottled water 51:00 Regulations on bottled water 58:00 Peeing in the ocean 1:01:00 Towing iceberg idea 1:03:00 PH levels 1:18:00 Tap water 1:30:00 Frank The Tank taste testYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/macrodosing

Hey, macrodosing listeners, you can find us every Tuesday and Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We're back. It's another episode of Macro-dosing. We have a very special guest on the show today. I want to give a warm welcome back to our prodigal son. He's back temporarily from fraternity leave. It's Billy Football. Billy, how are you doing?

It's good to see you, buddy. hey thanks for having me um just uh you know taking a little break from the books uh and then you know i was like writing a paper all today so this is a great break what was your paper i'm so glad to be i'm literally my senior thesis like it's it's like getting pretty you know i just have to submit it by wednesday so if you're listening to this on wednesday there's a very good chance i'm like in that grace period between finishing all my studies and like walking at graduation where like you're not actually graduated, but you have zero responsibilities. So that's what we're going to do.

How many pages is we talking here, Billy? 100. 100? Oh, man. I was going to tell you, I'd look it over for you, but no longer. Get Nate to do. We should actually publish Billy's senior thesis as a blog. I asked Nate if I could do that.

And he was like, well, you can't submit the same paper for several classes, so you can't submit it for school and a job. And I was like, okay, Nate. I disagree with that. I'll definitely take that before. Yeah. Can I like submit all my papers from college's blogs? Definitely not all of them, but your senior thesis.

Yeah. So wait, you're submitting a hundred page senior thesis and, but you're going to walk at graduation. There's no chance in hell that your professor is going to read 100 pages from multiple students grade it and then like prevent somebody from graduating. Yeah, but I also have like a math. I also have like a math exam on Wednesday. so that's like when it's all that's the last day what are you writing a hundred pages on

i've been writing it for the past couple months it's like i you know i could explain it to you it's it's a controversial topic it'd be over ahead big no i think i'd be able to understand we don't do controversial topics on this show yeah no it's basically that might be really innocent like they the lawsuit got withdrawn the other week i don't know if you saw that no it's it's basically like basically like the whole point is that we should be voting using blockchain internet, you know, like basically so everyone can vote in like two seconds. It's easy. And we use biometrics to ensure identification.

So everyone votes once and everyone can't vote. It's like, you know, diving to that a little bit more. Just like, you know, like your fingerprint or face scan that you get into your phone with. You're going to lose all the conspiracy is with that one. I know. But, you know, blockchain and stuff.

It's like, you know, they've been doing it in other countries. And basically with that, like, you'd be easy to. register everybody and you know it kind of like pleases both sides of the aisle so if you if you make voting easier it doesn't please one side of the aisle right but if you address the fact that people don't want voting to be easier right but if you you know the only big deal but that's just that's false no but that's just if you have true that's just patently false but but but bill you just want to protect the sanctity of the vote head ass no but like if you use like biometrics and blockchain security the only like you know the only uh leg that you know

one side stands on is like to prevent illegal immigrants from voting so if you have like insurance of security then you can like have people vote on their phones but not to get to right i i think you're going to write yeah i would like i would love to read it we should actually do an episode on it and you should yeah for yeah for sure i think that uh you're going to run problems because people are like, wait, you want to create a national database of every citizen based on their fingerprint or their eye scan. And then that I mean, honestly, I'm not, I'm not that comfortable with that. No, but they already have it. Yeah, the blockchain thing is actually might be good because isn't that deregulated from the government? Like if it's a separate entity. Well, the basically would be implemented on local levels because you have a bunch of these companies who've actually done that. So like imagine, um, like dominion voting machines right like that was a private company that was put into a couple local jurisdictions so like you could put this in local governments for voting like it wouldn't be like a national thing would be like a more local solution but yeah anyway not to bore us all

but that's not boring that's fucking fascinating is that no i actually been working on it for like the past six months like all semester so what if billy football save democracy what if that's kind of my plan you're going to save us dog holy shit bring both sides in this paper i will in this paper i will save democracy no because democracy has to evolve like you know it's been kept going like that's controversial not everything not everything has survived like you know like we're in this big internet revolution and a lot of stuff hasn't survived for democracy to survive the internet revolution it needs to adapt one thing i love about billy when he's going off on his tangents and he's like getting really into stuff is every sentence that

he says could be prefaced with the words in conclusion like at the end of an essay and you just did it right there and it was per you rat you summed up your thoughts in conclusion democracy has to evolve will we evolve along with it or will we see it die out it's hard to say find out find out on the next episode hell yeah all right well i guess um billy it's good to have you back man Get to see the face. So this is not going to be like a normal every day, every week occurrence until Billy comes back for good. But we want to. Oh, also, you know, I know I just, I may have sounded pretty smart.

I can know, but I got fucking scammed on Craigslist like a few days ago. What is too, Billy? No, this is what I was. I'm looking for apartment in New York, right? Uh-huh. And, like, so I can move in and like start going full time. everything so i find this apartment and i message the vendor like the guy on craigslist like through email and we're emailing and everything and you know we set up a time for me to check out the apartment

and she said okay just uh email me your number uh so we can you know like so we can text and text you before you come and i was like i've been talking to this guy for like several emails and like you know he claims to work this company so i gave my number i didn't think any one thing was of it And then he just e-mails me back, idiot. He's like, what? So apparently what they try to do is they try to take your number. And if, like, certain carriers have, like, malware against this type of thing. But if you, like, don't have, like, AT&T or Verizon, it's pretty easy to hack your SIM card for, like, PayPal verification stuff.

So then they, like, basically send a, like, a reset password thing to your phone. they intercept it through your SIM card. But like, thank God. But anyway, just like, so then when you realized he couldn't hack my phone. So I, you know, have a pretty good cell service. He was, he just replied, idiot. Billy, even, even if it's legit, I bought my first or I rented my first New York apartment off Craigslist, don't do that. It's the worst mistake I've ever made in my life.

I was about to say, why are you looking for apartments on? No, because all like some of the bigger like apartment ones, like, you know, like, I don't know, apartments. They leave up listings because if they get like page views, they'll leave them up even if they're like already been signed for and sold. So Craigslist has like the newest shit. They're trying to get. Billy, I promise. I promise. Don't. You give me a price range and where you want to live and I will find you a list of apartments. I've already, you know, I've, you know, it's like a full time job finding

apartment. It does suck. Or is this, are you asking to get paid for? searching for a apartment? No. I would like one of our listeners to set up a fake Craigslist ad and see if they can scam Billy. The thing is like

I did so many, like went through so many ads and like message so many. How many are we talking? What is? I did like 40 like easy over the past. That's not that extensive though. Yeah, but you know it was like it was like like 40 in one day to give up and go and go to the dark web of

Craigslist Craigs is in dark I got some there's some shady shit on Craig's I got three three chicken head laying chicken hands off Craigslist and that's where you want to buy a place to live I don't think that I made your point they're already late

they're great they're great hands there's for all okay Dude, I got four Rhode Island Reds for a great price in the guy. I met him in the Home Depot parking lot. He was like a great, like, I can't believe we let this guy leave. I was going to kill you on Craigslist, dog.

No, no one's going to kill me on Craigslist. Oh, until you show up to the $600 one bedroom in the West Village that you've signed up for, and then you just get killed. Big T kills all his people on Craigslist. That's like, everybody's going to sign up for an apartment that's like, it's pretty sweet. I pay $400 a month.

All I have to do is I got to do like some light plumbing work on the other apartments and then they let me stay in the basement and I got to take care of the hot water heater too and then like do some painting. They meant me with my shirt off, but it's cool. One dude. One dude every other week makes me give him a hand job, but it's all right. But it's fine.

He's got a small dick and it's really fast. So it's like basically. It's basically free money. Steel. It's a total steel. The easiest way to get Billy to rent an apartment from you would just be like put in some weird features in your bat. Be like, it's got a new type of shower that's, it's got ionization. So you just stand in ultraviolet light for 30 seconds.

It actually gets you cleaner than soap and water. And Billy would be like, fuck yeah, I'm in. Frog curtains. Frog curtains. It's pretty cool. Okay. Well, I hope that you survive your apartment search. and, yeah, Craigslist is a weird place.

Like, Craigslist, I'm actually shocked that Craigslist is still around because it is, it's a website that hasn't really evolved technologically speaking that much. It's just basically the same thing, right? I guess. Craigslist and Reddit seem to, like, Craigslist and Reddit are, like, we're sticking with what works. Like, we're going to hand it off to our best guy and we're just going to get four yards to carry.

Isn't it Reddit just like a diet 4chan? Chan is like just like a light like 4chan it's like a dressed up fortune it's like a sliding scale like if there were like a scale of internet racism holes like like just uh I would say reddit's more more centerous and fortune and then the the more the higher the number in front of Chan I believe the deeper race yeah it's like the depths of the ocean we haven't explored in the terms of anyway. Yeah. And then, yeah, like 16 Chan is going to be more racist than 8chan was,

but they're also going to be more ironic with their racism. So it's actually, in their minds, it's less racist. But in practice, it's double racist. It's a weird equation. So water. Dude, water actually is fascinating. Water is fascinating. So, and it, it's start, my fascination with water.

started with that movie chain reaction with Keanu Reeves and Morgan Freeman back in like 1995 where he figured out how to turn a glass of water into pure energy that was a sick scene where Keanu Reeve just like straight up lit a glass of tap water on fire and then it ended up turning into a hydrogen bomb I spoiled water but I was like that's cool water water can be cool because it's made up of like a lot of the same stuff that everything around us were mostly water right Billy, are you high? No, I'm not high at all, but I need to interrupt and say that the Nazis invented modern Kool-Aid. And that was brushed over last episode.

How so? So before World War I, most of- You're about to fuck my head up right now. Bro, I'm about to, yeah, dude, all artificial sweeteners and artificial flavors were produced in Germany pre-World War I. And they shipped them across the world. And Kool-Aid at the time was dehydrated fruit juice for a second. But in post-World War II, when the United States got all the patents from these German companies, they started using artificial flavors, which is like the number one ingredient in Kool-Aid.

So, but they weren't Nazis when they invented it. No, but they were going to become Nazis. They reinvented them in World War II, like Fanta. Like, Fanta was like a Nazi drink, and they reinvented all, like they had to restructure some of the processes of creating them because they were isolated. And they were cheaper ways to create these artificial sweeteners. Okay, so that's Fanta, though, not Kool-Aid. Yeah, but now we use the same chemicals in Kool-Aid. All right.

So we developed it from the Nazi chemical. From Nazi phantom. Are you just talking about the artificial sweetener? You know, the artificial flavors. Because actual Kool-Aid was developed by a guy by the name of Edwin Perkins and Hastings in Nebraska. But as we talked about a second ago, ingredients change. We're talking about the origins. We're talking about the origins.

No, remember we went from sugar to corn syrup? Right. Because there's a cheaper alternative. Right. We went from. We went from- You said the origins of Kool-Aid was Nazi. no i'm saying the chemicals that we have in kool-aid now come from Nazis all right well i'll take

that rather than the origins okay so i'm not going to fancy so according to billy like literally every type of sweet thing that we eat right now that you can buy at the grocery store boom that's a nazi nazi yeah i mean they's a nazi in my cupcake look up like the origins of phanta in this guy like revolutionized uh like sweet drink production because he was like basically left in Germany alone, like Cocoa Cole was like, bro, you're on your own. Like, you got to do your own thing. So he like created this new drink and all these processes. He was an American, but it was in Nazi Germany. Okay. So like when what's your name, Kindle Jenner solved the, uh, the crisis with Pepsi. She was actually just inserting Nazi symbology into that. Yeah. Okay. So that was

irony. I was going to say before we go on, I also saw the, uh, the results for do you add extra sugar with your Kool-Aid mix on Twitter. We had 4,424 votes. 52% of people said no. So I think there was a little bit of, uh, those are the Nazis. I think there was a little bit of like miscommunication. So I had no idea when people started commenting. I had no idea that they made, um, unsweetened Kool-Aid packs. Because growing up, growing up, we had like the different flavor type. So you wouldn't really have to put sugar in, but they, I didn't know that they made unsweetened Kool-Aid packets. And I think that's probably where aryan was getting it from yeah i i think that like in the replies that i saw it was broken down in people that used the different packs versus the stuff that came in the tub

yep for the most part i think it was mostly a miscommunication no no are you adding sure if you come across the containers we're talking about you're still going to add sugar i'm not coming across those containers. Where would I come across those? I don't understand. Like, where did you seek that out? Like, you go? A standard grocery in a tub.

Yeah, basically. But when you go look for Kool-Aid, you look for tubs. That's the only way I'd ever seen it. Before we get into the meat of this podcast, I want to talk to you about our great friends at Three Chi. Aaron, you love Three-Chi, right? Absolutely. Three-Chi is the best.

I love Three-Chi. Had some this weekend, actually. Had some gummies. It was a lovely Saturday. Went to bed nice and early. Got a great night's sleep, thanks to Three Chi. They are the industry leader in Delta 8 THC products. All their products are formulated by a biochemist. They're made right here in the USA. Delta 8 is a federally legal version of THC. So you get a much more functional high out of it. It's an alternative to marijuana. It gives you an amazing buzz, great body feel. But you get a clearer head. You get less anxiety and less paranoia. Aaron, what do you like from Three do you eat their cookies or do the uh the oil i'm the oil guy yeah i got some oil too um take start off with like half a dropper of it might hit you a little bit hard little full dose full dose you have full dose you a full dose or full drop it'll knock you out but you'll feel great before you get knocked out it's psychoactive it will give you buzz so use it responsibly not only do they have the oil they've got brownies they've got cereal treats fruity cereal crisp rice

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You guys ready for water? Yeah. Water coming at you. What is, what's, what's your favorite type of water? Do you have a favorite type, like a bottled water? Is there a specific go-to brand that you think tastes better than the rest? I drink body armor. I did.

Because of the pH balance and electrolyte mix in, that's the stuff. I do too, that's nothing to do with them being a sponsor of ours. I simp for body armor. Yep. What about you, Aaron? I'm an Ascentia guy, Ascentia? Yeah. Yeah.

Coley? I've always, big shout out to body armor. Outside of them, I've always been a big Fiji guy. Hmm. That shit tastes horrible. First of all, let me just say it wasn't 120 yet. I fucked up. I don't want people tweeting me saying I'm dumb.

That mental math, I got messed up. But I said, I don't know, is this before or after the Frank interview, I said I like to Sonny, but the only water I drink is body armor because it's free in the office. so I take it home. Avery? Body armor is awesome. I love their wide cap. Makes it easier to drink.

But I will say smart water for like airplanes anywhere, smart water's the best. That's an entirely different category, too, is airport water because there is such a thing as airport water. And I would put like Fiji is an airport water. Voss is a big airport water. If you drink. They saw Voss at T.J. Max for some reason. Like I don't understand Voss or what they're doing.

Boss used to be bougie, but then grown up. came out and it went like everyone gets Voss now. You think grownups tanked Voss? No, I think grownups, remember that scene? He was like, yeah. She was like Yeah, and the kid was like Boss. And then everyone wanted to drink Voss. And then

boss stopped selling those glass bottles and started selling it into plastic bottles. So like early in the 2010s, I used to go to like fancy fucking hotels and all the fancy hotels had Voss. Yeah. Voss to me is something that If you drink it outside of an airport, you remember that old rumor that if you drank enough mountain dew, it would make you sterile because there was like an ingredient in it, yellow five that would just sort of zap your sperm.

If you drink more than five bottles of VAS a year, I actually think that you should be sterilized. I think that they should put that ingredient, whatever it is in Voss, because yet you have too much money. You're simply wasting America's money on a glass bottle of water. And I'm of the mindset where it's like, yeah, okay, first of all, I will drink body armor. That's really the only kind of water I drink. Or hose water. Hose water tastes. Hose water hits different.

And I would include in the hose water debate, like the water horse from football practice. Ah. You don't see that out in the wild, like the, just the like PVC pipe that's hammered together at the joints with holes drilled into it. Ari, did you have that when you were growing up playing? Nah. We used to have, they used to feel like six or seven of these little bottles up and they had like these little like tubes that came out of and you used to squeeze it. So it's like this little squeezy two water thing.

I will say water fountain water after like working out or like gym class hit different. Say the word water again? Water. Love that. Water fountain water is good, but it's the juice isn't worth the squeeze in a water. You only get like a little bit. You get like half a mouthful. And so a line forms real quick.

At a water fountain. You want to know an elite water? And it's not because of taste. It's because of kind of what Avery just said. When I played football in high school, we had like the PVC pipe built like water fountain with 20 spickets around it. Do you all know what I'm talking about? I know we used to have it where you would like squeeze this like thing and then water would come out.

So this was just handle. They turned the hose on and it went through the PVC pipe and like came out of 20 different spigots. so you could go, like, throw your head in there real quick, get some water. That's the water horse. Yeah. Yeah, that's what PGJ is talking about it. Are you serious? I was talking about it.

Sorry, Billy's got me. I'm sorry, Billy had me looking at apartments. You're still looking at. No, but the best part was like if like there was one guy who like made you run more or something when everyone was getting water after, everyone just douse them with their one little like separate hose. It means it was like, oh, you need some of the water. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about. right okay but we had like it was like almost a tank it was like almost like like a tank and

they had like four or five different little like spickets that you turn on and off that was yeah i think i think it's i didn't go d one that was that was that was college no that was i was about to say that was college that wasn't even high school high school high school was the water to squeeze uh-huh what did you guys what did your coaches call getting a drink of water because i'll never forget it we had coach anderson he used to play in the NFL and uh he had different words for everything and when it was time to get water he'd say get a squig he'd call it a squig and that's still what i call it to this day i've never heard anybody else say that but but he'd be like go get you squig and it to me that's like the most delicious way to phrase water because

i associate it with just being really tired in two a days i've heard swig but it's way better than swig i think squig is it should be changed i'm a quick i would sign that petition yeah i had a coach who uh whenever we got it water break in the preseason he'd be like go get your state mandated water break because they started put it in those hydration laws he was like mad at you for yeah tell tell what's the best way to tell a group of 16 year olds to stay hydrated while also implying strongly they'll be punished if they stay hydrated go get your state mandated like water break that has to occur one every 50 that That was one of the things going through my youth in football that I was, like, deemed,

I was deemed a rebel early on because of shit like that. Like, we would be thirsty and tired. And so if you put your hands on your knees, oh, get your hands off your knees. You're acting like a bitch. Or if you're like, you know, oh, you want some water. Oh, you want some water. It's like, fam, what the fuck are you talking about? Yes.

I'm thirsty. Like, this body don't work without that liquid family. What the fuck are you smoking? And I used to tell him that shit all the time. Oh, he's talking back. I'm like, you guys are fucking insane. Like, none of that shit made any sense to you. Water makes you weak.

Turns out holding your hands above your head doesn't actually, isn't actually the best way to do it. There was a study that came out actually that putting your hands on your knees gets more oxygen to your lungs. And all these fucking coaches I grew up with, they used to tell them that. Put your hands over here. You get more air. I'm like, no, I don't. There's no air down there. Yeah.

And there's a bunch. That's why you naturally do it. Like that's your natural reaction. Like, shit, I'm tired. Unreal. No, it's hilarious because coaches would say, like, there's no air. Look below you. There's less air beneath where you are naturally than there is above you.

You want to keep your head as high as possible. And it was all bullshit the entire time. And you're right, like putting your hands on your use. There's a reason why it's a natural, like, it's instinct to do that. It's like elongates your lungs because what you're doing is like stretching out your torso. I think you're yeah you're you look so much more tired like like with your hands up here like gasping like you look like now I you can see the the pain of how tired I am in my face nothing funnier than seeing 300 pound linemen do this shit here I was just with they with

with their legs crossed and them gasping for air and I'm like I'm putting my hands on my knee every time they grab their wrists too because that like helps hold them up so they they used to call it a bitch pose that's what they did from high school the car is it. That's a bitch pose. And I'm like, bro, y'all are horrible humans. And I used to tell him that shit, too. You're a rebel. All right, man. Whatever. It's a horrible pose aesthetically for a big guy as well. I mean, you're just up here like this, lean back. It's not a good look. The shirt always rises up. The belly. Yeah. Then you've got like, yeah, it's bad look. Yeah, water makes you weak. You don't swallow. Just spit. Just like, just swish and spit.

We had a coach that would tell us to do that, too. Because then you get the sensation like you have water in your mouth but you don't actually swallow it and it doesn't make you weaker because you need water to survive. I don't think that actually worked. You know it's actually that I'm thinking about this shit. I've never even thought about this shit before. Like

because like my kids are all like joining Little League sports now, right? And I'm just like thinking back of like when I was a kid and how much like you revered your mentors if you will of your coaches. They were just like all

like miserable ass people who were just like yeah fuck it i'll do it outside up and i'll coach these kids none of them knew to sport none of what the fuck they're talking about they all these sayings that have been passed down for generations that are fucking toxic so we are fucking harming our children by not regulating coaches the shit is insane yeah are you hurt or are you injured that i mean there is like some truth to that but like saying it to a kid not not necessarily you don't think there's a difference no no nigga i'm 14 surgeries in if you're hurt don't play yeah i'm gonna be i want to be honest i wish i paid more attention to that in high school bro yeah i pushed through every single energy of my career i wake up in pain

every single day fuck that did sit down did like as you got through the ranks of like high school to d1 to the pros were there still just like extreme idiots everywhere you looked at the pros or were they, like, way smarter? Are you talking about my team or like... No, no, no, like the coaches and, like, people who are, like, telling you to rub dirt on, like, a broken knee. So what you have, and what I've seen is, like, so I'll go top down. Like in the NFL, you have a culture of...

That has kind of been entrenched in this, the tough guys' last kind of thing. And that trickles down into college where they, they know less, but they want more. And so they, so they're like at the next level there, when they're not even like that at the next level. And then in the high school, it's just a whole bunch of like has-beens who wanted to be college athletes.

And then in Little League, literally one of my little league coaches was a fucking Cokehead. And I didn't find that out until I was in high school. And so it's like, as you go up in the ranks, they get a little bit more informed. So what I prophesies is going to happen. Like, all that shit is going to wash out and sport science is going to take over.

because it comes, you know, who would have thought fucking water hydrate your athletes. Rest is some of the best shit for athletes, right? So all it is, all it is like, there used to be fucking three a days, bro. Three a day is practically. Like, that's the dumbest shit in the world, right? I mean, even two of days is fucking dumb, right?

But it's like, like, all of these, like, things that have been, like, over time, like have kind of just been entrenched in the sport. It's all nonsense. It's all fable. And it's all comes from, like, toxic men who like hate their wives and just want to get away and they hate themselves and they just have done no therapy and they're just miserable human beings.

It's good. No hating. I was going to say in my high school, it was basically just, we're going to be tougher than the other team. And we were always told like the other team, this is what they're doing right now. So we're going to go 10% harder than what they're doing. We went like, I want to say three and nine and then two in 10. We were not good because we didn't have an office.

And toughness, though. Yeah, we, listen, we're not going to pass the ball ever, but when we get tackled, they're going to feel us when they hit us. That's a guarantee. Maybe if you have your legs from all the fucking conditioning. Yeah. No, it was just ass-backward strategy. I'd actually like to hear from people out there, like,

what is the most ridiculous thing that a coach told you at any level that you now realize is a complete bullshit? But at the time, it made sense because they were older than you. I'm sure we'll get some crazy answers. I got a funny fucking story real quick, bro. Rest in peace to my high school coach, Dennis Pute. That was my guy. He's a legend in San Diego.

So one of my guys, he misses practice. And we were like the inner city kids that had all the position talent, but like no linemen. And he was just like a bunch of like a bunch of niggas that just didn't listen, right? So there was like no structure And so one of my guys Just decides not to practice one day He just doesn't be fuck out, I'm not practicing today

I'm hurting And so at the end of the practice We had a bad practice And he goes And he goes and Steve What's wrong with you? Why don't you practice? And he goes, my hip hurts coach He said your hip hurts

You hip hurts Well I could have taped you up I'd tape you up to your fucking dicks in your stomach And we all just like you know Have you ever been around black people dog where like everything's funny and they laugh and the whole group disperses

whole squad, whole squad fell to fuck out bro R-R-R-P to Dennis, dude that was my god that was fucking hilarious I loved it when coach would be like that's a long way from your heart

if you had like a foot injury or like I've never heard that one yeah that was a good one and also like I remember I broke my my finger and I had to have like two pins in it

my freshman year and he was like you don't run with your hand boy and I was like Yeah, it's a good point, but I do play wide receiver and it's, well, we don't pass the ball. So he was basically like telling me I should still play even though I had pins in my hand because all I'm going to do is block anyways. That was fun.

That was a good time. You was a little Julian Edelman in high school? Yeah, except Julian plays occasionally. And so I was, if Julian Edelman was like 200% worse at playing wide receiver and 200% better at kicking a football, that was me in high school. yeah we were very similar her brooks used up her bro i would pay for that film i would pay for that film yeah i was a b team b team all star fucked up south lakes fucked them up bad time in the b game it was nice uh big t you strike me as somebody who will get into coaching youth sports at a very early age if you haven't done it already if if there was like more money in it like i would love to be

not a youth sports coach but like a high school coach like i feel like that just go teach gym I'm 100% planning on doing that becoming a high school coach No shit though Like go be a movie Like when I'm 50 Like Like not a head coach

But just like one of the guys Who goes to the practices Like when we're tired Oh we had Just like to be around it Yeah we had that guy Coach Rob He played like three games in the NFL

And he just kind of showed up Whenever he wanted Yeah Exactly But I I much more look forward To being a youth sports parent I feel like that's more my lane So you can get mad at the coach

I've said forever I was like All I want to be, I want to be, like, 47 years old with, like, my son playing high school football. Like, that's the, I want to be 47. That's the dream. Yeah, I can picture, just picture an older big T sitting on a metal bench on like a chilly November. No, that's like that. He's just sitting there like, watch it.

Like, what are we going to break down in the car on the ride home? That's, that's just in all aspects of life. I just want to be 47. Like, I feel like my personality is that of a 47 year old dude. I got to say, it does. just feel right to picture you as like a high school sports dad. Oh, yeah. That's the dream.

You've got your program comparing notes, highlighting guys. You can be one of those dudes at a baseball game that when the pitcher throws a ball, you're going to say good eye, huh? I mean, you've got to have play discipline. Wait for your pitch. Yeah, that's not you. That's not you. That's not you sit there.

Good call, Blue. Good call, Blue. I love it. I love it, Big T. I also had one coach that after we broke down at the end of two a day, he was just staying behind our head coach, and he was the wide membership coach at the time. And our coach has given us, like, the big speech at the end of the day of why today

was important and what lessons we really learned. And wide receiver coach was back there, and he just straight up pulled his nuts out and his dick and just, like, held it in his hand and was like squeezing them, like, to make us laugh. And we all, like, laughed. And I thought it was hilarious at the time. He got fired later for unrelated. incident but then looking back on it i'm like wait i was 14 years old and this like 27 year old

guy was just like pulling his nuts and penis out and showing and just like gripping him until you could see the veins because he thought it was a hilarious gag and in retrospect it started not all fall into place maybe why now our high school football team wasn't very good that's the highlight of my year honestly it's like do you remember when coach pulled his dick out that was awesome all right hold on so hold on hold on before we get to water bro where the fuck is this dude now

I think he um got fired because he was dating a senior when he was a substitute teacher and then I think they got I think they got married and had a bunch of kids actually oh so it worked out so all as well that ends well

yeah not gonna name any names but yeah I think that's a fucking pedophile I'm cool if you call that motherfucker out what guys been dudes.

Yo, Big T, all right, you're in the practice majors and the coach pulls his shit out to your 14-year-old son. What is 47-year-old big team? I would have a problem with that, yeah. Aaron, you're missing out on a big ass back. Sterling one-verted letter to the dean. He exposed, what appeared to be his frenulum

and his scrotum and his right testy and it was highly inappropriate considering that we had just lost the game there's not a time for fooling around and joking and celebrations now to be fair erin you're missing a big component he did it to be funny it was a joke he wasn't doing it to people so sensitive nowadays

we can't do anything what's wrong we're a little grown up digging balls to the minors nowadays His PC police would come right out to that guy and cancel his ass. He can't do that shit anymore. But he was, I should say, like, he wasn't, I don't think he was doing it in a sexual manner. I don't know.

Dude, he was trying to make a joke. It's only weird if you make it weird. You guys are weird for thinking anything of it. Did he say anything? Or was he just sitting there? No, no, he was like, yeah, exactly what Cole did right there. He had, like, his tongue sitting there. And it was because we had, like, a big serious piece from our coach.

He was trying to break up the seriousness and the weight of this situation. I just want to take this picture in, like, Bill Belichick chewing out the team and Steve Belichick's behind him. I just want to take it. want to take a second. The title of this show is bottled water. Yeah, we'll get that. No, I'm just saying, like, how ridiculous that that's what the title of this episode is going

to be, and people are going to get to this part. That's the best thing about Parkin. That's the beauty. Anybody complains about it's obvious to me. They've never played football before. There's a really good, uh, day. The context. Classic football stuff, like a sexual assault.

He was at practice. And also he was like at least 10 yards behind the coach. He was 10 yards in front of us. So he was like in the background. It was like a mezzan scene if we're talking about like. The distance. Yeah, the distance. He was just like, his penis was an Easter egg that you had to like look for.

And then if you saw it, then everyone, you see that face when you see it. When you finally notice it, we just all cracked up. How many yards does he have to stay away from the football field now? good times good dick and balls transition a lot of people are asking what is the best water bottle to piss in oh i have this answer no aaron yeah i'm gonna pull a big bottle of piss became prepared you're muted hold on hold oh my bed so my uh my uh my studio for the shit is in my room And so I'm going to get it. But, like, sometimes, remember we was talking about the other day with mattresses?

Yeah. Some of my mattresses. And there needs to be something made in the mattresses so you have to get up in the middle of the night. Because sometimes that trek is a, it's a motherfucker. So, like, sometimes, dog, I don't got it in me. And I keep this kind of bottle of water next to me just in case. And I've many times I've just gone in a water bottle.

I'm going to get it to hold on. I think it is. I think it is No Body armor is a good one Because it's got the wide mouth on it Not that I need it But it's just

It's good to have a little room to breathe Someone said Deer Park I don't know where that correlation is No that's just a standard That has the tidy It's Poland Spring Essentially the same thing Yeah

Poland Springs is best for like dip You know what I mean Like that's what that's for But I feel like 32 ounce Gator is the answer for all this Got it I got it. And this might not apply to everybody,

but Evermore, E-V-A-M-O-R, ever more bottle water is the best to pee it. Hold on. And I'll tell you why. Because, and it's this specific, well, they have smaller ones, but it's the big Jones. Okay.

Big Jones are the best ones because they rim is really big, right? And so, like, the other ones, like, it's, man, I said, man, not everybody might have this problem, but, like, the other one's, like, you can't, it don't fit. And so it's like, you kind of just, is taking your chances.

But the everyone's wrong, slip that thing right in, and you got plenty of room to work with, you good money. Wait, Aaron, do you put your penis all the way inside the bottle when you start peeing into it?

Yeah. Like, it's hanging down in the middle of the bottle. Yeah. That's, but it's a big, it's a big bottle. It's like,

it is the, 128. It's the 64 ounces. It's 64 ounces. So my shit So my shit ain't all the way in that motherfucker Right? No, I got

I'd have a bigger problem I'm gonna start doing that I'm gonna start basically Fucking a water bottle Every time I pee into it Maybe I've been peeing wrong My whole life No, no, this

My favorite is the So there's two reasons You need a water bottle for piss One, you're in a car Two, you're in like your dorm room And it's not a bathroom close So when you're in your car the 32-ounce Gatorade for mobility.

You know what I'm saying? But then there's the big Snapple bottles that not only have the wide top, but they got like a gallon. You know what I'm talking about? Billy Oson's a wide top guy. Yeah, they have like the Arizona green tea that comes in that same thing with the big handle on it.

Yeah. Yeah. That's great for a road trip because you can get multiple peas in there. exactly i like that i've i've been i've been driving before because i don't want to stop you don't have to get gas i just got to keep that shit pushing yeah that takes some mobility what about you coley what's your favorite one to piss in i mean vitamin water is got a pretty pretty like wider than normal hole but i feel like it's not technically water but the 32

ounce gatorade is like king king supreme for me yeah it's also great for making a water bowling out of if you have to definitely it's really versatile that's that's honest recycling because a lot of water bottles say that they're all about recycling and like this poland springs bottle right here you can't make a pipe out of that the plastics too flimsy on it you'll just end up melting it and you'll create a much bigger hole than you need to and that's why we have a lot of bad shit in our oceans right now that's why we have a island the size of what texas floating out in the middle of the pacific because bottled water basically because bottled water became a thing back in the 90s i want to say like 70s yeah it took off in the 90s but bill you want to walk us through a little bit of the history of bottled water so you know

people started using bottles for much different reasons i mean you can look back to the first containers for liquid were pots to house wine um in roman times but um when you're looking at water the first bottle, glass bottled water that was distributed was in the 1700s, there was a fad of these spring and mineral waters and water, because water was such a public water systems hadn't gotten to the point that they are today. And much of the water distributed in early city plumbing was quite dirty. And there was a lot of disease. And, you know, there was a mixture of sewage as well as other stuff the water you know in lead poisoning there's this idea that the farther away you got from cities the better the water was so importing um water from

these mineral springs and there's naturally occurring water that is fizzy and this was thought to be very like you know like magical and healing so the whole like concept of sparkling water was because there are springs that would emit water that is naturally sparkling. And I think even today, I think Pellegrino isn't artificially like, you know, like the soda stream type thing. Are there any toilets? Like do any, any societies or any like, I don't know, upper class rich folk use mineral water to piss in and to take a shit into?

That's probably like as, as bougie as it gets, right? Like you have officially made it in life if you're taking a dump into mineral water, right? Yeah, I mean, that would be, but something that I found interesting that basically, you know, booze and like, like mixing alcohol with water, basically all the alcoholics, because they were only drinking booze and not water, they like survived history and never got a coli or like some of these terrible, um, waterborne illnesses because the alcohol would kill it. So like in 1854, there was an outbreak of cholera in the So district of London. And this physician called John Snow was around at the time. And he was like trying to figure out why everyone was getting sick. And basically people thought it was like airborne. But then he realized that all the alcohol, none of the alcoholics were getting sick.

All like the beer drinkers at the pub weren't getting sick. And then he realized it was the water. That was the broad street pump, wasn't it? Yeah. There was one particular pump in London. That was the source of it. And yeah, he saw that. I think he also saw that, like, certain people, like, there was a cluster of people around that water source when he put it on a map and he noticed it that way, too.

And so he just said, hey, stop drinking from this pump and everybody. I didn't know that about the, the alcoholics, though. Yeah. So basically in, like, in Rome, they used to mix their water with wine so that it wouldn't get, like, so it would kill any of the germs. But, you know, so when they first started bottling water, it was. to get these like exotic waters and then in the 1970s when they invented the um uh they invented the pt bottles that are you know polyethylene like what plastic is made out of you know the plastic bottles so it was the cheapest way to distribute water because the containers didn't have to be you know

it wasn't glass it was easier to manufacture and then it spread like wildfire in You know, some people think that a lot of these anti-tap water, fluoride conspiracies, you know, chlorination, anti-chlorination, like saying chlorine water's bad for you, comes from basically bottled water companies wanting to sell you bottled water and make you stop drinking the very much inexpensive tap water. I like that. I like that theory, that it was like who stands to gain from the fluoride conspiracy theories. It's the people that are making the bottled water. And right now, 30% of all liquid refreshment sales come from bottled water. Only soft drinks are more. And it's more water than milk and beer combined is sold in plastic bottle form.

Well, no one buys plastic bottles of beer. At like English soccer games, they're starting to sell plastic bottles because it doesn't break. so you can't like throw them at somebody or use them to stab somebody it's a big issue in scotland right now yeah but one one interesting fact is like you know like you know how like there's a lot of mountain imagery and like everyone's obsessed with mountain water yeah the nazis the swiss evion i mean has but because so cold water was good water in flowing water was usually fresh water but because places like rivers and lakes got a lot of sewage runoff the idea of the best water was from the mountains because it was the only cold water

that was accessible that didn't have any run like because it was coming from the top there was no like city below it to like contaminate it you know what I'm saying yeah yeah and so there are a bunch of different water brands out there now I thought this was interesting, that the main ones that you might have heard of, there are a bunch that are actually all the exact same water that are made by Nestle. So you've got Poland Springs, you've got Deer Park, you've got, I think it's called Ozarka water, is another one of them, and then Arrowhead water. And those are all, and then Nestle Pure Life, those are all made by the exact same company using the exact same standards. There's really not that much different

from it and um i think it was arrowhead in the i was going to say interested enough those are all tracks yeah they're all and it's just based on what part of the country you're in so northeast you've got poland spring like mid-atlantic deer park is your water texas i think it's only texas has ozarka arrowhead is out west and then i forget where nestle pure life is but they've gotten in trouble because they so it's labeled as spring water and spring water just basically means that uh the water comes from a flowing source, essentially. So Nestle's gotten in some trouble because they have been allegedly bottling groundwater out in the San Bernardino Forest, which is water that is needed to be rerouted to actual people and that need water from like the municipal systems and water that needs to be put towards any other use for water, basically by the city and by the citizens.

of Los Angeles, but instead, Nestle has allegedly been straight up tapping into groundwater, calling it spring water, and they got sued. They got in a lot of trouble, I think, three, four years ago. But the bottom line is there's really not that many regulations that hit bottled water. You can, they test it occasionally, but they don't test it as often as most tap waters tested. The whole thing behind bottled water is like, this is convenient, isn't it? You're paying for the right to just throw this bottle away later. and not to worry about it. And there's like a 2,000% markup on that.

And we pay for it because honestly, like I do it a lot because it's easier. Yeah, I saw this thing here. It says water is on average $1.22 per gallon. So we're spending 300 times more on bottled water than we would if we were to drink from the tap. So when Fiji first came out, their marketing campaign was the label says Fiji because it's not bottled in Cleveland. They were just like taking a shot at Cleveland as a whole with that statement. And then Cleveland took samples of Fiji, and they took some other samples from like Desani, Aquafina. They tested against Cleveland, and Cleveland's tap water was the purest of all the bottled waters, including Fiji.

And they found out that Fiji had 6.31 micrograms of arsenic per bottle. That sounds bad. The FDA limit is 10 micrograms of arsenic per bottle. So that's, honestly, that's a little too close for comfort, like being 60% of the allowed amount of arsenic. I can't have you rounding up. Like, to, I need you on the other side of that. I need you below sub five. Sub five would be ideal as far as my arsenic consumption goes.

But yeah. Yeah. What you see time and time again is that by and large, public water, tap water is way better for it. And not in all circumstances, but on the whole, tap water is usually better for you than any bottled water because they test it more frequently and also there's the whole notion of what are they called the um the uh i forget the full name for them but the cancer causing ingredients yeah the bpAs or EPAs yeah in in plastic but my question is how come like they tell you not to refill plastic water bottles i i do that a lot i do that very frequently but what's the difference

between refilling a plastic bottle and just having a plastic bottle filled with water for like two months before you open it up yeah like oxygenation of like but I don't even think that happens to plastic there was like I saw something where I was talking about the I think it's like the microplastics involved

in in bottle waters that have been sitting for a while that it's like it's toxic I couldn't like this study I didn't look that deep into it But I saw something about that. So here's what Nestle had to say about the groundwater thing that they were accused of taking from the National Forest. Their rebuttal was, if you make a stop using this water, that will have significant market impacts and could risk job losses amongst our 1,200 employees in California who are connected with our brand.

So they were basically like, yeah, try. Yeah, that's like they're not saying that they weren't doing it. They were like, if you make a stop, then we're probably. probably going to fire a bunch of people. And then they'll be mad at you for that. And they said that the water from the Arrowhead Springs may not be replaceable. So they're like, well, we basically have to use this because the actual spring source is dried up. So they, it sounds like what they did was ask for forgiveness, not for permission from just like straight up taking water. But at the end of the day, that's basically what all bottled water is.

It's just companies getting to groundwater or to running water on the surface. of the earth, and then putting it into their system before it gets into the municipal system and then selling it back to us. So turns out the reason you can't reuse plastic bottles, it's not that it causes chemicals or anything, but it's that they can harbor bacteria. So this sounds like, you know, it's just like basically because you can't clean them in like a washing machine, no one's going to clean them, that the reuse can cause, you know, bacterial buildup, and that's why you shouldn't reuse them, which is like, BS.

You know what I want to do? I feel like we as a nation are primed. Like, I want to see what we'll buy in this country. I bet you if somebody sold like shots of ocean water and said like harness the power of the ocean, people would take the shots. People would buy them at the store and go and just straight up take a shot of salt water. I mean, that's not a far cry from those in the mall. like they're like this this salts from the dead sea and it like it makes you it gives you powers and yeah like put i'm dead serious if you take maybe it you probably won't want to take a full shot of salt water but if you like cut it if you mix the salt with like if you take like half tap water half ocean water which i guess they call that brackish water but you can still say like this is ocean

water harness the power of the seven seas and then charge people three dollars for a shot of it You told him, like, this water comes from off the coast of India where the Buddha was alleged to have bathed at one point. People, I guarantee you people would buy that shit. Yeah, for sure. I mean, yeah, people are fucking stupid. Here's an unrelated note. I once peed off of a boat. And the dude on, it was like, you shouldn't do that.

And I was like, why? And he said, because the bacteria, there's bacteria in the ocean that can swim upstream and go. into you. And I was like, oh, shit. Bro, no, that's not true. That's what he said. And I fucking believe him. I think he just didn't want you to pee off the boat. No. I have heard that. I'm already scared of the ocean, really.

That's fucking convincing me. But think about it. Your stream is going down. He said it can swim upstream. I have heard that before. I don't know if it's true. There are absolutely microscopic insects that do that in rivers and in like lakes. down in South America, there are bugs that will swim up if you start to pee. Yeah.

They'll swim up into your urethra and straight up lodge themselves in your penis and wreck you. That's true. Only underwater, though. If you're like peeing underwater, but if you're peeing off a boat, they're not going to swim up your stream. That's what he said. Oh, wait. Hang on, hang on. So you were standing on the boat just pissing into the water.

Yeah. Oh, see, I thought you meant you were. in the water. I'm no, not getting in the water. Okay. Yeah, I definitely don't believe that. Dude, that guy was messing with you. Yeah, it worked. I'm never peeing in the ocean again. I mean, I love peeing in the ocean. If you see me going to the ocean, uh, there's a hundred percent chance that at some point while I'm in there, I'm peeing. That's been, we're at the beach in the summertime, you lay down for a while, you get hot, you walk into the ocean, you pee while you're in there, you cool off, then you come back. And then, and then, you're at the beach in the summertime. And

then you rinse and repeat. That's what everybody's doing. What percentage of the people in the ocean do you think piss in the time? That's not true. Hold on. Billy, hold on. Those upstream swimmers can cause problems when they win their way into medical devices. For example, 75% of hospital urinary tract infections occur in catheters despite their outward flow of urine according to the centers of disease control.

But that's when you have a piece of plastic up there. They can swim upstream. There's a possibility, dog. possible. You got to admit it's possible. I'm not peeing an ocean. But like think about salmon swimming upstream in a river.

Okay. There's more mass. Right. So you're saying a tiny bacteria can swim up your stream and not fall out of the stream. That makes more sense than the salmon. I actually agree with that. The salmon can swim on my stream. All right. Now I'm not peeing anymore.

They have less mass. I have never I will not die on his heel man I don't give a fuck with that all I'm saying is it's possible is the side note sidebar I've never gotten a UTI and I pee in the ocean

probably hundreds of times per year and guys you didn't get UTIs how often do you go to the ocean which is when I'm there I make the most of my time has anyone here gotten a UTI no I haven't no no

I haven't are you sure is that like a thing Yeah, guys can get UTIs. I had kidney stones. I thought I had a UTI when I had my kidney stones. That's what I, because a UTI can get up into your bladder and then it can get into your kidneys if you leave it untreated.

So I was feeling that pain like inside my body. I thought that's what it was. So I went to the hospital and that's why I told them to look for. And then they gave me the whole scan. They're like, no, you have just dozens and dozens of kidney stones. Huh. Yeah. So you can get them if you want to flush yourself out cranberry juice, I'm told.

very effective at doing that. Okay, so I also think how cool would this be if a bottled water company just went out to the ocean and like fished for an iceberg? Just like put a big ass net around an iceberg, towed it back to shore and then just put it in like a room that was kind of hot. And as it melted, then they bottled the iceberg. I bet you could sell that water. Like if you if you sold the water as this is water that sunk the Titanic, that would be. sick. I bet you people would pay a shitload of money for that. And I don't think that anybody has rights to icebergs. Do people own icebergs? No question. So they melt. Icebergs are freshwater. Yeah. It's crazy. So, if there was a way, I'm probably sure that

they would be consumed for sure. I would like to do that. PFT, you're not going to believe this. Yeah. I, I googled do countries own icebergs? Like, are they part? This wild iceberg scheme. could help sustain the world's thirstiest regions. A Middle Eastern firm plans to tow icebergs northward so they can be turned into vast amounts of drinking water. Let's go. Someone got to us before us. If we succeed with this project,

it could solve one of the world's biggest problems at Abdullah Al-Shehi, founder of National Advisor Bureau, the United Arab Emirates-based firm. So that has been thought of and tried recently. This was 2018. Okay. These salination plants are wild.

They just like take ocean water and make fresh water. But they don't have to do that with the iceberg, right? Because the icebergs are right. But think about this. There's so much salt water and like think about evolution. Why do we evolve to drink salt water? Why are we drinking fresh water? It's a good point, Billy.

And there are a lot of bottled water companies that have salt in them, which just makes you thirst to. No. All right. Let's get into this now. It does make. Hold on before we do that, there's a jump checking the pH balances of like the top six water bottle companies. You don't want to guess.

Yeah. All right. We got Voss, Smart Water. I haven't heard of this one. Waikia, Fiji, Ascentia, and Evian. Are we guessing the pH? All right. So ideally you want a pH that's closer to south.

I know that smart or body armor So this says it's nine plus Because it's alkaline right Nine plus is like the best And then like when you start getting the fire That's when it starts getting acidic Okay And that's like like zero is like battery acid

That's like really acid All right so Fiji I'm going to guess I'm gonna guess eight on a Fiji Eight for Fiji You got a guess for Fiji 7-2 7-2 7-2 Billy

I'm going to go with nine nine. Okay, it's 7-7. All right. Let's go with Evian. Evian. Well, it says right here, natural spring water made by the French Alps. The Alps got to have some more pH in there.

They got to have some. I'm going to stick with eight. Let me go eight again. I'm going to go eight one. Oh, fucking prices, right? $1. Piece of shit, Big D. you on billy ocean um i'm gonna go with seven two it is fucking seven two bro

i was gonna do seven two for all of them that's insane though okay let's go uh let's go uh sentia seven two i'm gonna go six nine i think it's nice worse but they look like you looking at something uh six uh seven two again nope you're wrong it's nine point five oh ten what wow 95 essentially it's cracking oh should have guessed that that's like that's like the body armor oh is that alkaline water yeah it's alcoholine water yeah

higher's less acidic yeah yeah so we're going to go with wikia ykea this was in the range they give this is a range so like if you get close to the range it's better I'm gonna guess the full range 6.3 to 7.1

I think it's 6.4 to 7.4 okay Billy stop fucking Googling shit 7 3 it's 7.6 to 8.2 alright so that's pretty good too it's not bad actually

okay we're gonna go smart water here that's in the 9s yeah it's got to be it's called smart water so 92 that's all Billy stop fucking 3.2

it's 6.5 oh that's trash. Holy shit. It's not good at all. Oh, Coley's not. Coley. Okay. Yeah. All right. Last one. This is the boozy one. Voss. Let's see.

8.6. Yeah. It's basic. Seven. Seven flat. 87. You son? It's 6.0. Fuck. Damn. That's a city. Yeah, bro. It's not that good. A lot of these shit's be trash.

It would be the alkaline jones. So the alkaline jones in my little research are way better for pH. Yeah, it's more hydrating, right? That's the only bottled water worth buying. Like when I'm hung over, like, in my stomachs and I'm like at the bodega, I'm like, let's pay up this morning. What's a bodega?

You don't have bodegas. There's stores that have. They got snacks and also drinks and a lot of tickets. My dog. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I bought a lot of ticket the other day. I lost it.

Wait, did it win? We don't know. You never know. All right, Big T. Hit me with the, um, the conspiracy behind salt in the bottled water. So yesterday I was, uh, hanging out with somebody and I mentioned, uh, that we were going to do bottled water on the podcast. Mm-hmm.

And they were like, oh, that's, that's a crazy topic. I watched this YouTube video where this guy was talking about how Desani, is like all, they've got all sorts of shit going on with it. And it was that Shane Dawson video. Did you watch that? I did not watch it. Yeah, I did. Okay.

Well, you mentioned the, the Fizz thing earlier. So they came up with all sorts of cockamamie things about to Sondi. They're like, oh, it lists that it has this mineral in it that's like it's salt. And it's like, oh, that makes you thirstier, so you buy more. And then they somehow connected that with the fact that it's in theme parks because theme parks have contracts with Coca-Cola. So that's Coke's water. They put in there and they're like, oh, they do that to sell you more and all this shit.

And basically there's this guy. What they do at theme parks is if you've ever been, they've got nothing but black roads that you walk around on. All the paths at theme parks are dark because they make you hotter when you walk on them and then you have to go buy more stuff. I mean, that makes sense. I believe that. I don't believe that Desani has crafted itself to it has minerals in it so that it all tastes the same. This guy named Peter Glick, he's the author of bottled and sold the story behind our obsession with bottled water. He pretty much said, quote, all water has minerals and the different types of minerals

sort to sort of determine the taste for the water and they want to sauny everywhere to taste the same. So he basically put all that to rest and said that that's fake news. It's fake, but there are certain bottled waters that have different things inside them that actually they strip your bones of certain minerals. Well, why would they want to do that? It's just some of the chemicals that are in there. It's to a point where it's not, like, significant, but it does make you slightly more dehydrated drinking it

than you would be if you drank just like pure tap water. Eric, were you talking about something like that last week? Something about what your dad looked up or what he studied? Right. No, so my dad is a PhD geneticist. And he always used to tell me, like, he would stop drinking bottle water. And I was just to drink Desani or aquafina.

That was my shit. When I was in the league, and he was like you actually dehydrate yourself more if you drink that shit rather than just tap water and I should have hit him up for this but basically you need like three components to be hydrated I think it's potassium sodium and there's one more water

there's one more that you need to be hydrated right and I don't know what it is but so the regular body of waters don't actually give you that and you're better off for hydration you're better off drinking tap water for sure because it has the minerals that you need inside of it and like billy was talking about earlier a lot of the oh there's fluoride in there and it it freezes your pineal gland like all that bullshit that came from like propaganda from uh companies trying to

dissuade you from drinking tap water and tap water is probably the best source that there is Alcoholics and water actually has a lot of good benefits, but tap water is still really good. And I say that, you know, timidly because there are a lot of places in America where there aren't clean tap water sources. And there's still like Flint still doesn't have clean running tap water and it's still fucked up. And there's actually that people have been indicted because they have been negligent and taking care of that situation. But I would have to say Bottle water, the regular bottle water is pretty fucking trash.

It's not good. Don't drink that shit. Tap water is better for you, but there are some alkaline bottle waters that are good that are good that have benefits for it. And if you can drink the ocean, that's probably the best way to go.

That is the most powerful water that you can have. If you're going to figure out how to convert salt water into drinking water, and we're going to use. Well, they do that. in like in like i think they do in like the uae they make uh because it's like the desert but they're right on the ocean so they make ocean water into fresh water what about that thing in water world where kevin coster pissed into the machine and then he drank it afterwards

water world needs to be remade hang on what what is this movie what year was this water world you don't know about water world no it's a big 96 before my time water world was supposed to be the the best movie of all time when it came out water world it costs like probably i don't know 250 million dollars to make which was a shit little money back in the mid 90s and it had so much hype behind it and then it it was just trash came out in 1995 it cost a hundred seventy five million dollars to make it made 264 million dollars pfd are you saying that water roll is not a good movie i like the scene where kevin costner pisses into the thing and then he drinks it turns his piss into a while i think that's probably what

their mistake was they let off with that and then my mind was just blown for the rest of the movie so it didn't make any sense bro you know who's the goat at drinking their own piss no I don't bear grills yeah that's true that guy

that guy was like my hero growing up did you say Derek rose bear grills oh okay you see my confusion who's bear grills he man versus wild he went out with Marshawn Lynch once like

Is that a nigga who pissed like in a snake skin and kept him later? Yep. English dude. Hell of that guy was awesome. Yeah, he made a camelback of a snake's carcass and filled it with his own piss. He's like, I'll need to drink this later. And they just casually carried it around for an entire episode. The fucking dead snake filled it with his piss.

Can you imagine that poor snake? Actually, like you spit, imagine all the different like lucky things and circumstances that have to hit just right for that snake to ever be born in the first place and then for that snake to survive to adulthood only to be strangled by bare grills for a TV show and then he puts his little British uncircumcised cock in you and pisses up your entire body and then carries around and then and then throws you away at the end of the episode he's like don't need this anymore see you later snake you were you are my you are my desert flask you were my dude oh we're talking shit about old dudes like in information speaking of that shit but like one thing that I did they did tell us to do

is like to piss on our feet in the shower to prevent athletes' foot because like piss is sterile yeah yeah piss helps with athletes feet it um moises aloo used to pee on his hands all the time moises lew never wore batting gloves when he would come up to bat and he'd have like the most callous hands ever and he used to piss on him in the shower because he believed that that made them it made them more powerful. It made like your skin suffer. Dead serious. Yeah, you never heard that.

I think Jorge Posada did it too. Yeah. And if you get stung by a jellyfish, the best thing you can do is piss on it. In World War I, you pissed on your feet to prevent trench foot. That's where it comes from. I remember at the beach,

this was, I think, the summer after my junior year in college, lived at the beach. It was a great time. And my girlfriend got stung by a jellyfish. And I was like, just pee on it. She couldn't pee on it. So I just peed on her at the beach.

She was like, she was like, can you pee on it? It stinks too bad. So I just whipped it out, peed on her, saved the day. I felt like, honestly, I felt like a magician. Is this a real story? Yeah. It helps. No joke.

I know. I know. I'm just, that's a crazy thing to have happened. Am I a hero? Some would say yes. Some would say that. I mean, she was in pain and she was no longer in pain. By the way, I just read the plot summary of Waterworld.

Uh, doesn't seem like that great of a movie. Why? Because I feel like I've got to wait till Aryan comes back to say that. It's about climate change. Okay. First of all, come on. Big T. I see what the problem is here, Big T.

It takes place in 2,500. Mm-hmm. In the year 2,500, you think that that's way too long that we're going to hit Waterworld in, like, the next 50 years, right? Uh, I don't know. Aryan, I read the, can you hear me? Yep. I read the plot summary for Waterworld and it sounds kind of trash. What the fuck?

How, bro? It just seemed The ending is so like I don't know I don't get it Maybe I've got to watch it All right There's a world

Mm-hmm Then nobody knows That there's dry land Maybe there was a fucking flood Big T Right? Could have been Right

Fucking global flood That Jesus or God Or whatever Sounds like it Put down on the earth And niggas still got to survive And not everybody Made it into the boat

Right Because he has favorites Right And so it's the world and they develop crews and clicks and have to survive. And one of them, like, and evolution takes over, niggas got gills. Like, come off. And there's a myth of dry land. There's a myth of dry land.

This is why I said it would need to be remade. It's made in the 90s. Most 90s movies are fucking trashed because we're living in 2021. And so 30 years ago, shit's trash. But like, if we make it today with modern technology and like, that shit be hard, bro. And with Vin Diesel maybe As the main character No, no, no

That would be sick Younger They should just make it The entire plot of Mad Max Fury Road Except on the ocean On water Yeah

Yeah, and I just have a bunch of like crazy bug looking ships Yeah, now we're talking Basically, yeah I mean And it was dope about Waterworld They had a like You know, they have to have

The antagonists The antagonists were somebody called smokers And they had all like The technology They had like You know, they had guns and helicopters and all kind of crazy shit. So it's like, it's prime for like a nowadays revival.

Another one I might have mentioned this one already is the island of Dr. Roreau. That was another one. He's made. Yeah, that's like an old, old story, right? That they turn, yeah. You're right. There are a bunch of movies from the 90s that they need to think about redoing again with modern technology. Because at that point, like, we thought that our technology was a lot further along than it really was.

Like the ideas were there. The execution was trash. Isn't that why the Star Wars got made out of order? Because like George Lucas, like the way he wanted to make the first three movies, he's like, we don't have the technology for this yet. So instead of waiting, he just made like four, five, and six. And he's like, we'll just do the other ones later. That takes some balls to do that, to be like. I heard that somewhere.

I don't know if that's true or not. I'm a Star Trek guy. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about Star Wars. I'm going to go with Big T on this one. I think that's absolutely correct. I don't know. I was asking. I was asking.

the only other thing I had about about tap water is sometimes my water just turns red it's kind of fucked up in New York you turn like the faucet on and it's like rust one time I filled up my entire bathtub with like rust red water and it's when there's too much sediment in it I like complained about it I was like I was like what the fuck is up with this it's the best tap water in the world and it looks like blood in my bathtub and people were like actually bro that's just sediment that has it hasn't settled yet, it's, it's totally fine. I was like, well, no, it's not because I don't want to, like, I don't want to, like, I don't want to drink it because it's, it's dark red. But apparently it's not like that big of a problem, as long as you don't mind red water that tastes like iron. Do you think that when, when people were like, oh, New York City tap water's the best, that's why the pizza and the bagels are so good, do you actually think New York tap water is good? Because I've drank it. I think it tastes bad. I think it tastes fine. I think it just tastes like normal water for the most part. And I would drink more tap water if it was easier to

to just, like, carry it around with me everywhere. I just, I put stuff down and I lose bottles too much. I can't do it. Well, I think, I think bottle water has kind of disguised what water's supposed to actually taste like. So they take a lot of the minerals out. And so, like, I mean, think about, like, have you ever seen, like, man versus, or, like, 40, 40, 40 year old virgin, um, naked and afraid.

Yeah. Right? So. Where did you go out of four year old. There's a thing because, like, uh, and naked and afraid XXL, they say, stay out there for 40 days and 40 nights. So I was like my mind. That's how my iron's fire or neurons fire. So, so like, I learned this from the show and it checks out. So it's like, if there's like a water source, right? And you like, you dig next to it or like close to it and

water runs from it. Like that's actually purified. Right. Like it's clear to drink and you won't get sick from it because the sediment and the dirt and all that of stuff actually acts as a purifier and it takes out all the harm from bacteria. Fascinating shit. So like what we think of as pure water like the mountain springs it's not real it's not a thing it's supposed to taste a little grainy a little dirty that's how I supposed to take like right and so I was doing a little digging and so like there's top 10 cities of of clean water to drink and we're headed shit yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna guess this is this is as of 2020 all right everybody gets one guess as to a city that they think is in the top 10 I think Seattle is

the top 10 just because that would be such a fucking Seattle thing for them to always like harp on about it's like we're so outdoors we've got great we've got great outdoors in our city and water's outdoors so I'm going to go with Seattle all right I'm going to go with New York I know the water comes from New York I'm pretty confident I think I remember hearing Knoxville Tennessee no I think I remember hearing one time that Murphy's borough is supposed to have like really good tap on You would pick somewhere in Tennessee isn't Harris

So that's like that All right All right Here we go This is This is from The Travel.com I didn't check

their source Sue me Number 10 Is New York City All right Billy's right Number nine is seven's

No sorry Stevens Point Wisconsin That's wild Number eight is Chicago Whoa

That actually They say it doesn't actually flow from Illinois still. Lake Michigan. Okay, comes from Lake of Michigan. Yep. Wow. Number seven is Denver.

Yeah, that would make sense. Not one. Number six is Manchester, New Hampshire. Let's see a pattern. Number five is Fort Collins, also in Colorado. Number four

is Greenville. South Carolina. Whoa. Holy shit. Is that like Smoky Mountain Runoff? I have no. It says, they have a good set of the report of the smooth.

Greenville is tap water roots of the Blue Ridge foothills. So that's an excellent kind of mountain, probably. Number three is Silverdale, Silverdale, Washington. That's Seattle. That's close enough to walk to Seattle. Yeah, that's good. I'll give you that one.

I'll give you that one. Number two is. Oklahoma City. Whoa. And it's from like man-made lakes. That's interesting. That is weird. I guess they got real,

they got real clean rocks in Oklahoma City. Real clean rocks. They do. Number one. Wow. Number one is Louisville, Kentucky. Hmm. They said, the water is filtered through sand and gravel

and undergoes hundreds of tests every day to make sure that it's safe and clean. The water comes from the Ohio River, which is amazing. considering how dirty it should be. So that's where they get the water to make bourbon. That's why they say that... I know, like, the main ingredients, you get the water that is, like, filtered through all that stuff you mentioned.

And then they use the pine barrels from the Ozarks, from the Ozark Mountains. And it's like the combination of those things that makes bourbon what actually bourbon is. But that's, I would not have guessed Louisville. It doesn't seem like a clean water city to me. New York surprised me because there's so many people there. No, no, they get the water from upstate.

I actually, like, know the reservoirs because I, low-key, like, used to go swimming in them, which you're not technically not to do. Wow. So, wait. Posening all of New York City's water. No, I mean, it gets filtered after, but, like, there's, like, a couple places go cliff jumping around there.

We're drinking Billy Football's bathwater. No, I promise I didn't beat it. You're augustic glue from Willie. I think I'm just admitted to a federal crime, but parody law. But it's like so, it's like some of the nicest, like lakes of water ever.

I hope you don't have any terrorists that listen to this podcast that know how easy it is to get to water supply. But it's okay. Billy said that you have, you've got like a water guy. You've got a reservoir guy up in New York. Like,

I know where there. I mean, a terrorist wouldn't be able to figure out how to get there. Only Billy could figure it out. Only, Yeah, only Billy can't. What?

No, but it's really cool spots. It's pretty untouched. It's really cool. Except for Billy swimming in it and peeing in it, probably. Did you pee in it? Of course he did. Dude, I was in, I was like. Did you pee in it, Billy?

I don't remember. He peed in it. Well, the second ago was that you definitely didn't. Now it's that you don't remember. Yeah, he peed in the water. It's okay. It's right. Fish peeing in our water all the time.

That's the way I look at it. The first thing you do when you go into water is peeing in it. Yep. Absolutely. It's natural. It's the first thing you want to do. You're walking into the toilet. There's a fucking TMZ article.

It was like years ago. The motherfuckers got it out for me. But I said on Twitter, I was like, yo, I pee in the hot tub. Like pretty much every time I get in a hot tub, right? Because the chlorine filters all that stuff out. And like they wrote, actually wrote an article about me peeing in the hot tub. And like a bunch of people are opposed to it. Also, peeing in the shower is frowned upon.

Oh, no, you know, you got to pee on the show. So who? Niggas on Twitter. That, that's outrageous. I don't get into the shower without peeing. Yeah, I thought it was mandatory. It's hard to not pee. Are you, pee on your feet?

Huh? Do you pee on your feet in the shower to get rid of athlete's foot? No, nigga. No. It's a real thing. It helps. I'm told it helps. Also, we talked about this when you were, when you were peeing.

You probably went to the bathroom and peed on your feet in the bathroom. second ago but you when you pee on your hands it makes your hands tougher too you sound like a high school coach my brother yeah speaking speaking of peeing do you guys see that piss wall that I posted on the macrodosing page they went viral a lot of people love that it was like you stand on the great and you piss on the wall no it's it wasn't even a troth it was like just a wall to pee on yeah stand on great pee on wall awesome now hang on where is this that's amazing amazing amazing on the Twitter page. It really makes Trots look like second-class citizens at that point.

Just if you have a pee wall. It's really just, it's like Dexter's kill room that he had in that TV show except for pissing. Yeah. Just your piss room. You just go in and just let it fly, whatever. I feel like the great might be a little too close to stand. Like the splatter on that thing might be a lot. Yeah, there's got to be more distance.

Yeah, I'm with that. Otherwise, I'm a fan. You just take a hose in there and spray down the entire room. That is sweet. I love that. You ever seen those urinals that have that pad on the bottom that is accented? So when you hit it, like there's like a, like that needs to be ingrained with either the trough or the pee wall. Have y'all ever peed in a urinal that has like a field goal post in it?

Yeah. Those, that should be mandatory. I have not had that. Game of five peeing. Yeah. Also, I, there's a company in England. I remember writing a blog about it a long time ago. they're making urinal games that like there's a sensor that tracks your stream of piss

and you like go skiing or something yeah i've done that with with horse races so you know how like you have the carnival game that you shoot the water thing at and that your horse moves yeah you can do that with your own piss it's awesome love that that i mean the you want people like if you're a bar that is a worthwhile investment yes listen i'm a mover and a shaker i need to be entertained even when I'm in the bathroom. I would go out of my way to go to a bar that had something like that.

So you go to the bar with like three or four of your dogs and the eye and the pee and then the losing horse buys the next round that's actually kind of fire. I like that.

I would go out of my way to go to that bar. Yeah. Yeah. I like that shit actually. I love it. You guys got anything else or you want to dive

into a couple more questions here? A couple reader comments. Don't be afraid of tap water. It's better for you. That's my only thing If anybody's listening to this, tap water is not that bad. Unless you're, I mean, check your local listings. They'll tell you what the pH of your water is.

Bro, Desani actually did get in trouble for having too much bromate in their water in the UK. And they like, basically the UK made their water illegal. That was something, that was a real controversy with Desani. And they had to pull all their products from the UK and sponsorship deals. It was in 2004. Yeah, 2004. That's probably where the aborted fetuses rumor came from. This podcast is brought to you by our great friends over at Better Health.

It's sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy. It's Mental Health Awareness Month. Barstall Sports is proud to support destigmatizing mental health. It's Mental Health Awareness Month. You know that here at Barstall, we support getting everybody the help that they need, whether you're a veteran, whether you're somebody that has just dealt with anxiety, someone who's dealt with stress, PTSD, you name it. Maybe you just need an unbiased person to talk to without a healthy mind being happy

is hard. So if this is for you, therapy can give you the tools to make life a little bit easier. I went to see a therapist a few years ago going through some painful loss in my life. They helped me talk my way through it, made me feel a lot better, made me feel grounded. It's just good to have somebody to talk to, somebody that you can kind of communicate clearly with and they can help you figure out exactly what's making you feel, whether anxiety, if it's stress, if again, it's PTSD. It's always helpful to talk to somebody. You guys should do it if you feel like you're in a position where you could be feeling better mentally. I highly

recommend seeing a therapist. Better help can help you out. It's customized online therapy. You get video phone, even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don't have to see anybody on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours. So this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners are going to get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash dose. So it's 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash dose. Here he is Frank the Tank doing the water taste test.

We got Frank in the studio today. Frank is our resident expert when it comes to judging. various soft drinks. He's got the most refined palette in the office. You do soda reviews. You know Frank Tank. You've seen him do these before. So we're going to try and see if Frank can tell us which one of the bottled waters taste the best. We've got Poland Springs. We've got Fiji. We've got DeSani. We've got Evian. And then we've got New York City tap water. Is it Evian or Evian? I say Evian. That's very, that's bougie. Now, you know, you have noticed something about Evian, don't here?

No. What are you guys? It's naive spelled backwards. Oh, wow. It is. It's what spelled backwards? Naive. Wow.

Naive. Okay. Frank's already bringing the knowledge. Low foreshadowing here. Mind blown. The only thing I know about Evian is that dude from Firefest would have sucked that other guy's dick to get a crate of it. That's all I know.

That's all right. Iconic moment. All right. So we've got, I've got these couple of things. labeled underneath. I'm going to fill them up with just a splash because we don't want you getting, we don't want you having to pee while you're in the studio here, Frank.

So we'll do just a little bit. A little ASMR. Yeah, there you go. Well, you can't be looking at you while you're pouring. I'm going to mix them up. I'm going to mix them up afterwards. Oh, you want to those street vendors with the, yeah. Big T, what's your favorite kind of water?

Unpopular opinion. I love Desani. You would. You would. I think it's, I think it's probably. I think it's probably, it's probably an Atlanta thing because that's like Coca-Cola, so that's the water that's everywhere. So maybe I have stumbled across this in your research for this episode, but there is a

conspiracy about Desani that they have aborted. You know, what's good is the, uh, Frank, you have to wear headphones because Aaron was just talking a second ago. Oh, I'm, I'm ready to refute some of the, the Desani conspiracy. People talk shit about DeSani too much. I don't believe that shit. It's just out there. Yeah. But saying Dasani is your favorite water is like, do anyone see, uh, Andrew Yang was like time square is my favorite subway station? That was like, that was like Michael Scott being like my favorite New York city pizza joint, Sabara. Well, I mean, honestly, I would expect that from Big Tea. I imagine that

big tea drinks the majority of his bottled water at theme parks. And Desani is. I exclusively drink bottled water. I don't drink tap water. It's so weird. I won't do. All right. Well, so here's part of the conspiracy erring alluded to. Like, When you open up to Sani, apparently makes a fizz. And that's what that dude, Shane Dawson was on YouTube. That's a conspiracy because it fizzes. So let's see if it fizzes. Does there's no fizz.

I didn't hear a fizz. No fizz. Our scientific experiment did not yield a fizz. Okay. Hey, does Scott Peterson drink this time? It's a great question. Well, not now that he's wrongfully in prison. I got dog shit water there.

I actually bet prison water is probably pretty good. I'm about saying that water is probably better than designing. You think? Yeah. They definitely, it comes from like a city. So they test it. Okay. Especially depends on what city.

There's a lot of like, I don't know if you've been to Portland. I haven't looked at the list. We should probably should probably pull that up. But like there's like Portland, Oregon, uh, has some of the best tasting tap water I've ever had in my life. Like I, I'll be in a shower and I'll drink that shit. It's so good. Okay. Frank, we're going to start.

Now, you ready? All right, yes. Okay, water number one. Tell me what you think about that. Just pounded it, chugged. Basic water, I wouldn't say that it's too bad. I'd give it the standard 5.7. 5.7.

Okay, next up. yeah i don't know it's any difference frank can you tell which is which no do you get that one a 5.7 too yes okay try this you might like this one a little bit better it tastes a little flatter than the other Ooh, okay. Flatwater. Two, five one seven, five point five.

About the same, five point six. Five point six, okay. And then last one. You know, all basically about to seem, five point seven, five point six. Well, no, you have to, you have to specify because you gave that one five six that one a five five five seven i'll give this one a five six a five six okay so your favorites frank's favorites tied with a five point five poland spring and fiji it doesn't surprise me i do like poland spring his least favorite new york city tap water

incompetent is that the one that he said was flat that's the one that he said was flat yeah and then the other two were uh disani and then the very last one was naive, Evian. All right. So, I mean... And Evian's more expensive. They're ripping you off. I'm impressed that you were able to differentiate enough to give the decimal point score on that.

Yeah, the one in the New York tap water was a little flat. Okay. Do you typically not like tap water? No, I don't really have an issue with it. It's not much different, but it doesn't taste as good. You know what? it is it's uh i don't think it's purified and most of these soda most of these waters are

purified water i mean poland spring i mean poland spring all it is is may tap water yeah it is it is it's part of the nestlea conglomerate what's the best glass of water you've ever had in your life the best glass of water i've ever had in my life I think it might be from where my parents live in Idaho, coming out of the yet tap water over there. Yeah, very pure stuff.

I always, I truly believe that I could tell the difference between my kitchen sink water, my bathroom sink water, and my hose water growing up. If you gave those to me in a glass, I know exactly what all three of those taste like. The hose water always got that little metallic taste. yeah that's basically we basically runs through the hose yeah it tastes better

you know here's a story I actually knew a guy that was like a contractor in New Jersey and he worked for a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame and he was working on his yard

and he was taking some water out of a hose and this member of the Baseball Hall of Fame and I won't mention his name cut off his access to the water And we're not allowed him to drink out of the host. Well, you have to tell us who this member of the Baseball Hall of Fame is, Frank. Give us a hint.

Holy cow. Harry Carey? I don't know enough about baseball. Was that the clue? Or you just saying? That's the clue. Holy cow. Wait, what?

Who cares if he cut off the water? Because he wasn't letting the guy drink while he was working outside. Oh, it was his house. Yes. Oh, Jesus. How do you do that, though? That's like an asshole move. Uh, there was, there was a key chain made of him on a fake TV show.

You got to, you got to help me out here. I think you got it. I think that, I think that's right. It's Harry Carey, right? No. Harry Carey, I don't think ever drank, he doesn't care about water. He just drank Budwey. Is it the other Chicago guy?

It's a, uh, oh, Phil Rizzuto. There you go. Oh, Frank, don't you hate water? I'm not a big water guy. I, I, I, like I said, I'm not a big water guy, bro. You're 70% water, bro. Yeah, but I prefer soda. That's, well, I think we all do.

I do you, man. I do not. You don't know, it's trash, except for Dr. Pepper. You know, ironically, Dr. Pepper's probably my least favorite soda. Well, that's where we part ways, my brother. They're there and only there. Dr. Pepper is the superior soda. I can taste all 23 flavors.

It's amazing. I think that Dr. Pepper is one of those drinks that it varies regionally because I remember, like, my mom was raised in North Carolina. And then when we'd go to, like, visit her parents down there, she would be like, this is the good Dr. Pepper. It comes from a different plant down here where they put all the flavors in. I don't know if that's true or not, but when you hear, like, a mom or a dad saying that, it sounds real. I actually know the story. There used to be two Dr. Pepper's. And what happened was the Dublin Bottling Works in Texas used real sugar while everyone else was switching to the fruit toast corn syrup.

And this Dublin bottling company, which is, and so all the, like, this Dr. Peppers that came from this Dublin bottling works. had the real sugar. And finally, Dr. Pepper says, no, we're not going to let you do that anymore. You can't, no, you can't do that. You have to sell it and you go, no, we're not going to put the corn syrup in there. He says, well, we're going to take away your license to sell Dr. Pepper. And there's a big lawsuit. And this company called the Dublin Bottling Works, actually now who starts coming out with their own sodas.

They almost were put out of business, but they rebound it, and they start their own company called Dublin soda. And they're in Dublin, Texas, and they have like their doubling. soda, which is, I forgot what it was called, but it's like the Dublin version of Dr. Pepper. Yeah, yeah. I've seen that before. I didn't know that that was. Mr. Pipp? Mr. Pipp. No, Dublin bottling works. I've seen that. I've seen Dublin Dr. Pepper, like on a menu at a restaurant. I've seen them list Dublin Dr. Pepper before. That's why. That's why Mexican Coke, like, tastes better. I mean, some people think it tastes better than American Coke because they still use cane sugar. No, it absolutely is better. Yeah. Also, the eight-ounce glass bottle.

of Coke are the best ones. I can't fuck with those because it's like taking a shot. It's too small. It's like a Caprician. They taste so much better, though. But it's their point. What was, like, who was behind the switch from high food or from cane sugar to high fructose corn syrup?

Because it seems like we downgraded substantially. That's a good question, Coley. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the corn industry, right? They were like, let's make everything out of corn. Money. No, I, I, so this was, It was dependence on foreign versus domestic sugar sources. And it had to do with, like, big agra kind of and like Monsanto and stuff.

Me, so money. I feel like we use corn for enough stuff. I don't know if we need to jam it into like a snicker far. Just look at the ethanol. Yeah. We got to import. We got to import sugar. So I think it goes back to like the 60s and the 70s,

when Castro was trying to change the business that Cuba was in, they were trying to industrialize and it didn't work out. And then they had to do like a big switch back to being an agricultural society again. And so they set this like really super high goal. Castro was like, we're going to export, I think it was 10 million tons of sugar cane this year. And so Cuba was trying to reposition itself as a global power relying on their one major cash crop. And I think at that point, a lot of stuff in the United States started to switch over to corn syrup. I could be wrong about that, but I'm pretty sure that like not wanting to rely on Cuba for a lot of our shit led us to be like, hey, let's just use corn syrup, which yeah,

it might not be as healthy, but at least we're self-sufficient, like to an extent. It actually isn't not as healthy. It's just different. Like, if you look at it, they're both super processed and just like sugars from like plants just brought down to like the molecular level of like fructose versus like glucose it's like it is it that's kind of a myth that corn syrup is uh less healthy it tastes different but it's not less healthy that's why i stick to saccharin the pink the pink packet stuff that stuff's real yeah yeah trash it's all different is there any worse tasting substitute formula than than sweet

and low that doesn't even taste like sugar that's like that's like putting a lime on my table and being like here's their substitute salt they they and they another people who have strong lobbyists they're on every table and every diner in america like how how did big sweet and low get in the mix so easily yeah they've got great sales people i think that like the best lobbying firms i would say like whoever puts sweet and low and equal on every table in america and then um whoever was in charge of getting the Scholastic Book Fair put into every single elementary school in America and then turning every little kid into their little salespeople running around making their parents buy their books from Scholastic. Hats off to you, whoever came up with that and signed that

deal. Bro, but big sugar. That's like the source of like the conspiracy about fluoride and water and stuff. They say it's not like as, you know, dark as people think like, oh, like, you know, like it's trying to control the population and lower their IQs. It was actually that sugar was starting to become mainstream and like sugary stuff. And like they were producing in such a volume and kids were consuming so much more of it. So it was in everything. And it was giving everyone cavities. So they were trying to be like, how can we make the kids teeth stronger so they can consume this much higher sugary diet?

And they think that big sugar may have been behind a lot of like the flourification of U.S. water. but like you know that's sort of the dark you know like the conspiracy like the sort of conspiracy that's hidden by like the whole like IQ stuff behind the fluoride thing so that's like what's kind of interesting like no they're not trying to make everyone dumb and like sheep they're just trying to make everyone's teeth be able to consume more sugar I like that get it on both ends I like that theory a lot Billy and also if it wasn't for fluoride in the water your frogs would not be consenting to getting kissed by you all the time because they'd be heterosexual. So, um, tip of the cap.

Thank big sugar. Yeah. Thank you. I actually like the name big sugar as, as like the name of a smooth singing like R&B guy, you know? A Ruben stutter. Yeah. Maybe like an old jazz guy too, Big sugar.

Or at least he's the guy that watches the door, you know what I mean? Yeah. Big, big sugar and let you in. All right, Frank. Well, thank you very much for joining us. It's good to know that. But at the top of your list is Fiji and Poland Springs. You know, there was an old joke that Marvell and Hager went to a diner,

and he asked for a cup of coffee. And then he took a sip of the coffee and then spit it out and says, What's more with his coffee? He goes, I asked for, I asked for sugar. And the witch says, don't you know, you can't handle the sugar? And that was after he got beat by a sugar area, Guy Leonard. Hmm. I like that.

Makes you think. I like it, Frank. That went over my head, my j. all right buddy thank you frank all right take care brother that segment was called frank you very much

all right the only the only other products who has lobbyists like those two are the silica gel people which may need to be an episode because I don't know what that does why it's in everything you buy

those packets we're going to find out those actually killed the oceans yeah do you think that it was just straight up a heat check when they got put in like every single pack or every single like bit of packaging that's sold in america and then the compromise was like we'll just put do not eat on there because that's the one thing that we can we have to stand our ground on it's like we'll let you be anywhere you want but we can't have people run around willy-nilly like

eating the shit too it has to be extremely poisonous the silica gel packets look at it. What is that? It pulls water out of the air to reduce the likelihood that moisture and mold will damage an item. It's in love. If you've ever, if you've ever got like a t-shirt or like a pair of Jordans or something. Yeah, they come and choose. Yeah. Wait, what's the one in beef jerky? Yeah, that's the same thing. It's the same thing, which is crazy. Like, it's in fucking everything. Like, I, the Jordans I bought yesterday do not need this packet for what's going to, like, I'm going to wear these in two days. Like, that is not necessary. They're not going to sit on shelves for years like with all this moisture accruing that's where i've never even thought about those backers

i don't keep it a book that's where they put the rfID chips track yeah they're tracking me yeah you're jordan's your phones and your vaccines that come up for you that's another episode by the way is rfid chips because they are literally trying to track people everywhere they're not no i take that back they're not trying to track people they're trying to track their products everywhere so if they can track where their products are when they're moved out of stores where they are on the supply line, then they can ship things like on a tighter schedule, make more money and not have to deal with just dead inventory on the shelves as much. But what it leads to is just basically them putting RFID chips like woven into the fabric of the shirt that you're wearing. That's real.

They're like actually doing that. I couldn't just do it in the box. They have. They've done that too. But there's some things that don't come in boxes. Like, like garments. You ship sweaters and different types of clothes in like a giant box with, you know, maybe dozens or hundreds of them at once. And so you don't know how many are still sitting on the shelves. That's why I'm a pessimist. Like, the niggas is just finding new ways to be creatively evil. That's fucking annoying. Yeah. Yeah. Just because they can get like a 0.5% increase in profits or whatever. You're going to track you. go capitalism thanks frank now let me tell you about something i've been using

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your life okay I actually you should do it 100% are we got any other uh any spicy water takes or comments well so one comment i saw talked about how uh we we touched upon a little bit how water bottles if you leave them in the heat and you drink um the the the theory is that you can get cancer from it shallrow crow actually went on the ellen show and claimed that the she drank water from a bottle left in her car and it caused her to get breast cancer in 2017 uh doctors actually debunked it and said it was a minimal threat towards cancer. I was going to say, like, how can you prove that that's the exact event that it came

from? Like, Kate, could you tell me exactly which black and malad I smoked that gave me, like, lung cancer? That'd be sick if you could. Let me find out you out here probably blacks, man. I used to smoke exclusively black and mallards. I used to tell myself that it's not as bad as smoking cigarettes. And I didn't smoke cigarettes. I just smoked black and mallards.

And when they came out with the wood, uh, the wood tip on it back in like the early 2000s, They came out with the wine flavor. The wine flavor was a game changer at that point. And they also had filters, but I never would get the filter ones. Just always the wood tip, the wines, occasionally the vanilla flavor ones, and then sometimes the regular ones. But yeah, it was far superior tasting to smoking cigarettes. That's hilarious, man.

Yeah, I went on a little kick in college and then recently, actually, but I got to get off next year. Did you inhale? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you have to. Yeah. It takes, if, no, you know, I didn't even want to endorse it. Don't smoke tobacco.

Yeah. Although it was very satisfying, grabbing the filter of the black mouth, you could just, like, flick it because you could get that little opening with your thumbnail. You flick it a little bit, and boom, the cleanest ash you'll ever have in your life. Also, if you get hella faded, one hit, it just takes you to the next level. And it's amazing. But we don't do it, though. Don't do it.

Don't do it. What else we got here? Avery. This person said aliens came up with bottled water so we'd burn up our resources quicker so they could easily wipe us out with no alien casualties. Okay. Yeah. How did they come up with bottled water yet not ever visit here?

No, I like that theory a lot. It makes sense. Well, except for the fact that they- Eat us from the inside out. How was it introduced? They put one person down on Earth in human form using their superior technology that blends in, that person advances to the rank of senior vice president, Nestle, boom, rest is history.

This person said water tastes better from a bottle if you partially cover the hole with your mouth rather than stick your mouth all the way in the hole. All the way around the hole. I don't disagree. So I, this is why I say. So, like, I had a man that we play ball with. And so, like, when you in the middle of the practice sitting you, hella thirsty, we used to have in college and pros, but this is what I have it in the pros.

And these had a little like those little miniature bottles of Gatorade. Mm-hmm. And so he used to like, just like pour it in his mouth and let a lot of it run down. I'm like, my nigga, what are you doing? And he was like, it tastes better like that. Like you just don't, don't chug it. Just kind of like let it run into your mouth. And he was convinced and I tried it.

And maybe I was just tired that day, but it did taste a little better. I don't know, maybe it maybe oxygenated it more. Yeah. You donated it more. I don't know, but I don't disagree. Like pouring your water into one of those big-ass wine decanters before you pour it into like a glass and then you drink it? I guess oxygen makes things taste different.

That's like a legit thing. Because also, when I other side, I know, like, so when people are around me and I'm eating food, I smack. Like, some people hate when you smack. But I feel like when you smack, you can taste the food more because it lets oxygen in. That's just how I feel. When I close my mind, mouth and I eat, I just feel like I can taste the food better. It could be bullshit. It's purely

anecdotal. It feels like the food tastes better when I get to open my mouth. That's what bartender's doing. They're making like a mojito and they get the mint out. They slap it on the table. You smack it and it releases more of the aroma. It releases more of the flavor. Oh, what do you guys think about tap water? It always tastes so good. And like those brown like plastic cups that you get, I don't know where I'm trying to think of places that have them. You know what I'm talking about. If you go to like a, not like a diner, but there's places that have these brown, like weird plastic cut. You know what I'm talking about?

They're like, see-through. Yeah, like there's diners. Yeah. And they're always like there's ice. I don't you're talking about it. And they're like in a lot of cafeterias too. Yeah, exactly. Like it's like a cafeteria.

And lucent. Yep. Yeah. Water does hit different out of those. It's always like a little bit colder. Yeah, absolutely. And always really good ice. And it's always like the half moon shaped ice that's in those cups.

Yep. Waffle House. Yeah. Yeah. The Waffle House. Absolutely. What do you guys think about the bottle flipping phenomenon? Someone said that they did that.

Yep. Someone said that they did that to increase the release of microplastics in our drinks. I like that. They were probably also like trying to market to the TikTok generation. That was fine at the time. That was 2016. That's when that was. It was that I am the one video.

Yeah. And then there's, you know, I got it, Papa? There was also the, the one where you would just, like, slightly, like, raise the side of the top of the bottle and unscrew the cap using different things. You're right. There's a lot of, there's a lot of viral bottled water content out there. There is. It is suspicious. The goat, the goat bottled water thing, when you, like, unscrew the cap a little bit, then you twist the bottle and then it makes, like, a gunshot noise.

Wait, what? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's the one where you twist the bottle and you spin the cap really hard. Avery, do it with the pulling spring bottle. I got the pulling springs right here. Billy, instruct me on what to do. Drink the whole thing. Killing that shit.

He's killing that shit. You killed that shit. You can be so fucking hydrated or maybe not. Oh, then there's another. Actually, I'm going to put the cap on. So now put the cap back on. Yep, all the way. Okay.

And now twist the bottle from the middle. like so like turn it like take the top part in the bottom part and twist the middle no no no not with the cap like yeah big t i'll show you yep like that okay gotcha got you okay so twist it as much as you can like really twist it yep don't point in anybody yeah don't point it yeah yep what i big see do not all i can i can already tell now hold now hold it hold it like hold the tightness and then with your thumb spin the cap to open it yeah Like as hard as you can Oh shit Oh shit

Oh shit It's smoking Yeah It's smoking afterwards Yeah Yeah Oh dude dude you like do that Like detention or something

When you just like And then like the sound goes off And everyone like looks around Because they have no idea what just happened I was surprised right there I think like high school cafeteria workers Absolutely hated that Yeah

I mean Billy probably did that three times a day And then there's the other trick where you forget. Oh, yeah, you fill it up and then you crunch it. Oh, yeah, you can drink a whole bottle in like two seconds. Yeah. I've done that one. There's the other one where like you like, I sit on TikTok.

It was like a little trend where you like pretend like you put an egg in there or something. Oh, yeah. And then somebody goes and looks and you squeeze that shit and it goes in their face. Avery, go back up to that Kanye tweet. that was on the thing, I wholeheartedly agree with that. Any, uh, for the, the tweet says this from Kanye West, I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like, oh great, now I have to be responsible for this water bottle. I hate, they hand you too much shit on planes now. You, that now they give you a little

anti-bacterial wipe. You've got to, you've got to keep track of that. You've got, I, I hate keeping track of things on planes. That was, I just wanted to go on that tangent. First world problems, though. I mean, Kanye West has first world problems, too. A thousand percent. Bro, bottle water is like, they do. Kanye West is the dumbest genius of all time. It's a good way to put it.

A lot of people talk about how, like, bottle water, the greatest thing is when, like, when you wake up in the middle of the night and there's just bottle water sitting right next, like, I used to take two back with me before I would go to bed because I knew I would wake up in the middle of night, and that bottle water just hits different when you wake up at, like, 4 a.m. You're like, water. Mm-hmm.

Water is the greatest adventure of all the time. Hank came up with an idea that was just like a tube of water that runs from the back of your hotel headboard. Yeah. That just has ice cold water in it that comes out of the wall. And so you just like, if you're thirsty in the middle of the night, you just put in your mouth, hit a button on the bedside table, just pumps ice cold water and see. Hank was very hungover that day. But it's a good invention. I like that idea.

Yeah. I love it too. We got anything else? or we want to wrap things up for the day i think i think we covered a lot of ground here today i'm all i got a riddle that's good oh yeah so for these riddles so the first two guys won t-shirts we have stickers coming so whoever wins whoever gets the riddles from now on will get stickers they're awesome you're going to see them probably later this week and uh also posters when we all get together we're going to sign a bunch of posters and send them out to some fans so that's good but

billy let it go so there's a substance that if anyone drinks it, they always die and it has tons of bacteria that live in it and it can kill you. If you drink, if you get too much of it, you die. If you drink too little of it, you also die. If you get fully submerged in it, you die. And it's just a super dangerous chemical. I wonder what it could be. Yeah. That's really sucks. That's the best one yet, honestly. So reply to our first, or reply to our first tweet tomorrow

with the answer that riddle. That's shit trash, no. You want to guess what big T's underwear is, Aaron? Oh, fuck. Uh, I like,

this is the first time he stood up before. I mean, if you were in the room, you would definitely have a guess just based on everything else that he's wearing right now. Yeah, no, no, no.

I would definitely go, I'm going, I'm going black. Black? Oh, it's gray Fuck Oh, that look gray Okay, well it's close

Big T is wearing all University of Tennessee I had to drop off my laundry this morning I literally had no clothes That's you look exactly the same as you I don't like this shirt The collar hangs too low on the shirt Hydroxyl acid is a major component of acid rain It's the same stuff

It's colorless odorless and tasteless Really what the fuck are you talking about We gotta get him out of here He's going to keep talking. Yeah. All right, Billy. It was great to have you on the show. We miss you.

Come back soon. Maybe for the aliens episode. So programming note, there will be an episode of macrodosing next week. It's going to come out on Wednesday. So we'll tape it Tuesday afternoon. The topic is still yet to be determined. But, yeah, look for that. Won't be doing one for Tuesday.

I have a good one. I was sorry. We're you in the middle of the course. No, go ahead. I have a great topic. Prostutes. Okay. Okay.

A prostitution. The world's oldest profession? The world's oldest profession. I like it. Sex workers? Yes, bro. It's a great fucking topic, actually. I, as someone who is occasionally horny, is a couple.

I like it. I like it, Aaron. We should have a prostitute on. I'm extra down with that. Yeah. If they down. Yeah. No, that would actually be fascinating.

Hey, have I, however told you guys about trifectin nutrition no billy go off actually billy we'll we'll pump this set afterwards yeah yeah we'll do that shit love you guys