Mad, Sad and Bad with Paloma Faith - Olly Alexander: I Was Destroying My Body

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

This week’s guest is the incredible singer, actor, activist and all round icon Olly Alexander. He’s genuinely one of the most talented people I’ve EVER met…from the huge success of his band Years & Years, to his unforgettable performance in ‘It’s A Sin’, to representing the UK at Eurovision, I’m in complete awe of him!We spoke about the madness of sudden fame, his ‘reformed party girl’ status, and the grief of losing his incredible Gran. We also get into the importance of standing up for your trans friends, especially at a time when anti-trans rhetoric feels louder than ever.It was such an honest, funny and moving chat and he’s welcome back any time (even though I’m still fuming that he has a Madame Tussauds waxwork and I don’t).You can see Olly alongside loads of amazing artists at Trans Mission on 11th March at Wembley Arena! Get tickets here.Thanks again to my new roommate Jonny Woo (@jonnywoouk) for joining us to share his LGBTQ+ partying history lesson. You can find more about his bar, The Divine, here. Please note, this episode contains discussions of drug use.—Find us on: Instagram / TikTok / YouTube—Credits:Producer: Emilia GillEdit Producer: Rema MukenaAssistant Producer: Alex ReedVideo: Josh Bennett, Jake Ji and Lizzie McCarthySound: Rafi Amsili GeovannettiOriginal music: BUTCH PIXYSocial Media: Laura CoughlanExec Producer for JamPot: Ewan Newbigging-ListerExec Producers for Idle Industries: Dave Granger & Will Macdonald Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Paloma Faith and this is my show. Each week I welcome someone fantastic into my home to talk about what makes them mad, sad and bad. Roll recording. To you, Olly Alexander is a singer, actor and true cultural icon. He's best known as the front man of the synth pop band Years and Years Before Going Solo with Hits Like King and Shine, which earned him merit for his emotionally charged.

charge pop anthems that blend vulnerability, euphoria and social commentary. Alongside music, he's earned critical acclaim as an actor, most notably for his amazing performance in the Groundbreaking series, It's a Sin, which brought LGBTQ plus history into the mainstream. That's the door bell. Shall I go and get it? Do whatever you like. I'm going to lounge here.

Okay. Oh. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed that I. I'm so sorry I'm late. No, it's fine. I mean, Johnny's been in already, so... Is there a drag queen in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny Wu?

Because I thought he was doing it instead of you. I've got a drag queen problem. Let me go in there. Johnny! Hi! Johnny! My whole commit, drag queens have been trying to steal my lion life. I'm not stealing it, I'm sharing it. Get out!

Where do I go? Just find some stuff in a wardrobe or something, then. For southern cliff. To me, we've circled around each other for years without ever having become full friends. And we've got so many friends in common. I know. And I keep meeting people associated with you. And everyone's like, aren't you friends with Ollie?

So I'm like, no, I should be friends with Ollie. I don't know how it's not happened. So I've locked. I took the liberty of locking all the doors. So you're now here until you promise to be by BFF for life. I don't mind intensity. I'm sad that we haven't properly been friends. Well, we are friends, but like properly.

Yeah. But I feel like it's only because I'm a bit of a hermere sometimes, I think. And I'm shy. I'm really shy. All the best people are. Let's start with Mad. When was the first time that it clicked for you that you might have become famous? Because you strike me as somebody a bit like myself,

who probably was in denial about it for a long time. Yeah. And then you're like, okay, this is a little bit weird. Yeah. I think, well, I think I felt properly famous when years and years won the BBC Sound Poll, which is a like sort of yearly thing the BBC do where they sort of like tip who's going to be the new acts for the next year. And we won it in 2015. Dean and it was like, you know, front page of the BBC website and very shortly after that,

we put out King and King went to number one. Then it suddenly all felt like it went a bit nuts and people recognising me in the street. And, you know, people who had known me for years texting me being like, oh, I've seen you, I just saw you on T-Tellie or whatever. But I had a bit of a sort of, because I had been in, I'd been acting before then. And every now and then people would recognize you something, but I would just sort of be like, goal. It wouldn't happen often enough for it. It would just be like a weird thing. So I felt like I was kind of in, I was somewhat prepared for it, but then like not prepared at all. I just don't

know if you ever are prepared enough, really. It's quite a weird concept as well. If you get too much in your own thoughts about it. I remember when I first started, I was like justifying it by being like, I'm going to write a PhD on fame. Oh yeah. And then I thought it was an experiment. So because that was a way of like disassociating myself from it, I think I was sort of like, I'm just going to sort of live in this for a bit. And then I might write a book about the strangeness of it. Like everyone's famous for 15 minutes type thing. But then I was like, oh, now I've like paid off my mortgage.

Yeah. This actually is quite nice to be able to do that. And then you sort of get stuck in it. But it is a mad situation. especially if you're, well, you probably are, like living quite a normal life and then you go to work. It's quite very different. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, that's definitely, I feel like sometimes my experience of fame is like very, it's like this very disjointed feeling.

It's like very fractured because one day, yeah, you're, I don't know, an award show and very glamorous. And then the next minute you're taking out the bins or, you know, trying to eat. a sandwich on the tube before you get to meet your friend or whatever and you know you just and then some I always felt really embarrassed if people recognise me because I just feel like I was letting them down because I wasn't living up to this like apologetic yeah I'm so sorry like it's it is me I'm so sorry that I'm just here and I'm not like you know more exciting or more you know and I so yeah I um I mean there's so much I I'm similar that I think fame was something to be kind of understood and if I could sort of kind of unpack it in a certain way,

I would find this really significant meaning behind it that would sort of connect the dots for me on why I wanted to be famous in the first place. Like, what does it mean? Like, how has it changed me? But I don't know. I actually read an interviewer, said it to me once. They were like, oh, you treat fame a bit like a puzzle

and I think you think about it too much. And I was like, oh, what now? I think Andy Warhol did that a lot. Like when you look back on like the factory and everything and he was like one of the first people to sort of be like what makes someone famous? Is it a construct? Because now, you know, I always think that there's what's strange as well.

What's sort of the mad thing is there's lots of people you'll be in a room with that are all famous. And some of them are famous because they wanted to be famous. And some of them are famous as a consequence of something else they really. like doing. And I'd say that I, and probably you, like to do something else. And then fame came as a consequence. So you don't chase certain elements of it in the same way. And you feel a bit separate from it. Yeah. I'd say that's true. But I also, it was a bit of both for me because I thought like when I was younger, being famous just meant everyone loved you. And I was like,

I want that. I want people to love me. So that's why I want to be famous, you know, because that means people love me. Like, it's, it's, you know, and I wanted it to, I wanted it to be because I was good at something, like, I was, had a skill or a talent, like, I always wanted to sing or act. Um, and I thought, well, if you're a good singer or a good actor, then you're a famous one. So, so like that's, but then you experience a bit, or I experienced a bit of fame and I went, oh, it's not actually doesn't necessarily mean everyone's going to love me. Sometimes people are really mean. Yeah.

Also, have you ever experienced it where at certain moments, you're the most famous person in the room? And then everyone's like, oh, hello. And then you go into another situation, maybe the same week where you're the least famous person in the room. And then everyone's like, excuse me, can you just step back because someone's coming through with their entourage and their security guards? And you're sort of trampled over and you're like, sorry. Yeah. I mean, there's hierarchies everywhere, but it's definitely hierarchies and fame. And also something I thought was interesting.

Like, famous people are possibly the people who are most obsessed with fame because it's really important to maintain that fame and that status, I think. Maybe even if it's not even totally conscious, but I totally know what you mean because I remember when we played, when years and years played Wembley, we like played a sold-out Wembley show and then we had to go and do a tour in the States. And it was like a real bump back to earth because no one knows, no one knew who we were. And, you know, you're flying economy like to get on the back of a like split a van to tour between like these, you know, student places in North America where just like no one cared.

And it was like, oh, you know. That's grounding. Yeah, yeah. So it's just funny. It's just I found that experience like quite mad because you get so inflated. You're so like, you know, oh, you're. amazing, you're put on this pedestal and you're playing big shows or whatever. And then that that inflation can get punctured so quickly and then you just feel like, oh, I'm worthless.

I'm nothing because I don't have X, Y, and Z or I'm not as big as this person or not to want to. It's so strange. And like, I think, yeah, I experienced that as just like my sense of self was kind of all over the place because I didn't know like why. Yeah, I was like, what's going on? What does everything mean? Like, what's happening? It was very overwhelming. Yeah. Also seeking validation. It's like a massive effort to go to for someone to like go. Because the other day I was on TV and Robbie Williams was on there and they said to him, I saw this. Yeah, they said you've just beaten the record of the most UK number ones ever in history above the Beatles. And I was like, do you feel validated? He was like, no.

It just never start. But I think exactly that is the crux of the sort of like the paradox of like fame is that you instantly or like if you're trying to seek validation because as soon as you get some you realize it's not enough and you need more. So it's always always this kind of like it holds both of these contradictory things where it's like pushes you to try and find more but it's always it's never enough. You know, so it's. Do you find it difficult to accept accolade? Like if people go, you've done really well, you've won an award or you've had a sold-out, you know, theatre show or a sold-out tour, music or whatever. And do you go, do you ever sit and go, that's really good? Like, I did that.

Or do you go next? I need to do something better. Yeah. I think I'm, if I'm honest, in this place of like bargaining where I'll be like, okay, if that went well, it's only because the next thing is going to go badly or because I did. this certain thing that fooled people because I'm not actually that popular or that good enough to to warrant that accolade or whatever. So there'll be some kind of like part of my part of my brain that will go, this is what I think is crazy about. It's like the thing where you get positive comments or negative comments. You always remember the negative comments because the positive

ones, I think your brain or my brain, one's brain can very easily just figure out a way where it's not true or they're lying to you or there's something. Do you know what I mean? So that's kind of where my brain goes. But you've got a wax work in Madam Cheesholds. I know. Like, to be honest, to me, that's the highest regard you could possibly. I felt like they made a mistake there as well. Like something happened.

They were like, something went wrong. And I just managed to like get a wax work. I've got to confess to you. I actually called my manager and was like, Ollie Alexander's got a wax work. Where's mine? Why haven't I got a waxwork? I was like, I want to be next to him in Madam Chusel.

I was like literally born and raised in London. Madam Chusels to me since childhood's been the holy grail of success. I know, I know. Of anyone, like literally growing up, just that's, you can't get better than that. I know. But I'll tell you something. No. I know.

You deserve it. Oh, that's, thank you. Yeah, it's amazing. Is there a wick? I know, literally. But I think also, they also tell you like, they're really, it was amazing. Like, I love them. It was amazing process.

But they're like, yeah, we have it in, you know, at least for three years. And then me, I'm just like, well, what happens off three years? You melt me because I'm not popular anymore. Can you just have you for your Christmas table with a wits? Yeah, I'll have it. But I know, like, it just. And even with that, I was like, oh, you get immortalised as like something that was, you know, the peak of my career.

And now that's like the peak. I'll never be as good as that and I'll just get older and like less popular. Whereas my wax work is just will remain perfect forever. Moving on to Sad, you're going to be performing at Wembley Arena on March 11th for transmission, which is the biggest concert ever done to raise money and awareness for trans rights. Yeah. Which we met on a March recently for, and it's a cause close.

to my heart. Unfortunately, I really wanted to be on that, but I meant to be giving birth three days after. Yeah, you've got a good excuse. So the organiser, Glimm was like, I forgive you for this once. How could you let our community down again? I was like, no, it's not for that reason. We could set up a live feed from your, from your giving birth. Yeah, maybe we could just broadcast a giving birth for trans rights.

gender reveal screw you it's whatever it wants to be so what is it about this cause that makes you because obviously that night's going to be joyful so it's funny to put it in sad but what is it about the cause I'm sure we've both got stories of friends and of like our close people

that have endured so much I mean as a friend of a lot of trans people I get worried if my trans friends are five minutes late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so for me, it's a really important course. And do you want to talk a bit about why you're doing it? Yeah, I'd love to. Thank you.

I mean, I think anyone that knows and loves a trans person kind of understands this. And like, because just how, for a very long time, for years, like how difficult it is just to access kind of basic things, like healthcare, you know, like getting. So I feel like there's been this kind of wave of anti-trans, sentiment in the media, from all, from various different corners and like politics, media, um, which is part of a broader kind of rise, I think, in, in a, in a politics of like fear and exclusion that's like sweeping the world. Um, and after the Supreme court ruling last year and the kind of guidance that followed, it just basically put trans people in just this

very precarious, or they're already in a precarious place in society. Do you know what I mean? often scapegoated for various bullshit reasons. Also only make up one percent of society. A tiny, tiny, tiny normal part of, you know, all populations throughout history have had trans people. They're a normal part of human society, right? But for whatever reason, they are being demonised and are being scapegoated. And I think it really came to a head last year, like after the Supreme Court ruling,

which caused so much confusion for people that, you know, for trans people and so much uncertainty about, are they going to be able to go out and do anything? can they be able to be employed? Like the guidance is unworkable, it's unforceable. We cannot police gender in the way that some people would wish us to. Like we cannot put security guards on the doors of every bathroom and force people to undress or to provide their chromosomes. You know, it's unworkable.

Anyway, so like after all these conversations, and I'd been working with a really amazing group called Trans Voices, who are a group of trans artists who are just brilliant singers. and we were going to do some little musical event just to kind of do something fun, a little fundraiser. And then I got talking to Glyn from Mighty Hoopler after the Supreme Court ruling and we were like, let's do something big.

And Glynn just came on board and introduced us to Danny from Not Faze. And Not Faze, one of the organisations were raising money for and they help trans adults across the UK. They're really, really brilliant. And so it just kind of snowboard really into, yeah, what's going to be happening on 11th of March, transmission. Which is going to be a joyful event And a celebration of unity and everyone's welcome.

My thing was as well, like, I know a lot of people want to support, you know, do support and love trans people, but they don't always know, which is totally fair enough. I don't always know, like, how to best show their support, you know. And especially at a time when, like, there's a lot, people can face a lot of backlash. And anyway, so I just thought something like a concert is very positive, joyful, like people can. And so I was really happy, like, because I helped put together a letter. for people in the industry to sign after the Supreme Court ruling, you know, and I was really pleased by like, you know, Dewe Leaper signed it, Tom Grenin, Charlie X-EX, like Will Falice, you know, like people, people are there and they want to support. So I thought, okay, here's a good way

for people to kind of show up and we can raise some money. Do you think you're naturally spongy when it comes, or a real empath when it comes to other people's suffering? I don't know. I think I really struggle to see images and video of like, you know, like the recent ice shootings. Like, I mean, I don't know who wouldn't find that, like, difficult to look up. But, like, when something like that goes viral on social media, I have to not look, because it does, like, really upset me. Yeah.

I actually think about it now makes me really, I just, I can't, like, even violence in film and in TV, I find hard to, to watch. Like, I really hate it. But I don't know if that means I'm an empath or not. I think you are. I think, yeah, it's, um, it can be. Yeah, and there's so much horror and violence and like just trauma being played out for us all like 24-7. It's difficult, isn't it?

It's also just mad as well how nowadays we're so exposed to it. And we're like in situations where we're seeing visual evidence of all these awful crimes. Yeah. And then those things are not being stopped. And that just makes you generally feel unsafe in your everyday life because you're like, Yeah. Well, if all these terrible things are happening to, I don't know, a whole race of people, children, like, you know, whatever it is, you know, people in America being chased down by us.

Like, there's so many things with Palestine, with Sudan, the Congo, like the Epstein files. It just feels never ending. And you're just like, how is it? I've already, and you probably as a gay man, me as a woman, found it pretty unsafe generally just walking down the street. at night alone anyway. I think it feels worse. Yeah. And we're at a time when like, like you're saying,

we have actual kind of visual evidence of these things happening, like this live streamed atrocities from all over the world. But we have administrations or people in power who tell us what we're seeing isn't true, that it's fake. So we're living in this kind of like unreact, like no one can have a claim on what reality is because, you know, but it makes people, we know what we're seeing. Like, we, we can see the violence and atrocities like being played out. So to be told that you're wrong or that what you're seeing isn't real makes you go crazy.

Like it makes you just so, and it's like, so, so, so, so, so there's no account. Gas is being actually on a huge scale. And it's like, then, then where can you look for accountability or look for a way out or help because if, you know, if these institutions aren't going to help us, we've all crumbled, like, you know, like who, how can we, where do we go? Like, I, I, I, I, I find it really, like, really stressful. What's the saddest thing you think's ever happened to you? Well, when I was thinking, when, when, um, I was thinking about this, like, it definitely made me think of grief and when I, when my grand died, when my grand passed, even though it was actually a very, like, beautiful and life affirming experience at the same time. It was like, so it was the first time I'd

lost someone that close to me. And I was kind of with her. She was in her like last week. We were together and as she kind of, as she was dying. And it was such a profound experience. And I think, yeah, like when you really get your head around loss and how so much of life is about is loss, you know, like we lose, we lose today, like, yeah, tomorrow, you know, that can, that can make me feel really sad because I just feel like, oh, there's too much loss, it's all going away. So many good by, it's all going. Did she say anything at that time to you that stayed with you?

She tried to, I remember she had a picture of, on her, she was like a really big fan of me. And she had, I'm going to cry, she had, yeah, picture of, of us on her phone. And she used to Google me like every day and see why I was up to. Yeah, and I just remember before she died, she was on her phone and she couldn't really speak very well. But she was just trying to type out. She was like, Olly, she was getting me her phone.

She was like, type this out. I want you to remember this. But she couldn't, she couldn't really speak and she was just like, I'm always so proud of you, you know? And it's funny like how it just kind of comes back to you. sometimes, doesn't it? Yeah, but I also think grief never really leaves you. It's just in waves and it keeps revisiting.

And then sometimes you get on with life and the gaps might get longer, but it never goes away yet. It just stays sort of waiting there going, oh. Yeah. Especially if she was your biggest champion. And there's something pure about the love of a grandparent. Yeah. But I think not everyone has, like I didn't, but my mum did.

My mum always still cries about the death of her own grandmother and she's 80, my mum. Yeah. So it was like a big, that kind of relationship when it's special, it's really special. Yeah. And she was such a fab woman. I mean, she was just, she was like an icon in all of our lives. You know, I mean, my mum's sister and her family, like, it's my mum's mum. And I just, I know it took a lot of inspiration from her.

I just always saw as this really fabulous strong woman, you know, who'd grown up and at a time when women weren't really allowed to be like she was, you know, like she was so opinionated and strong willed, strong minded. She was in the chorus and the opera when she was a teenager before she met my granddad. I just thought she, I don't know, I just really admired her. And it meant a lot that she was so supportive of me. well. Yeah. I'm sorry that she's gone. But she obviously lives on in you because you've inherited some of that. Yeah. I even think I look like her a bit. It's quite weird to think I look like my grandma. I see these pictures right. These like these faces I pull and I'm like, oh my god, I look like my grand. That's so nice. But I do think sometimes we echo the people we

love over time. Yeah. With our expressions and stuff. Yes, definitely. On to Bad, you've described yourself as like a bit of reform party girl. That's true. I am, I am actually, yeah. So at one point, I think you said that you're, that going out and like just being hedonistic and getting on the dance floor was like a safe haven, an escapism, and then it can at times get too much and turn bad in various ways. Yeah. So how did that manifest for you? I mean

when I think back about that time To about the good bits as well Yeah Well I found a lot Of So I moved to London when I was 18 I didn't really know anyone

And then after That's brave Yeah I It took me a while to make friends And figure out like Yeah I was trying to figure out who I was

What I wanted from life Like I was still kind of in sort of in denial about my sexuality until I was like, you know, 19 and then I met a friend and I was like, I'm just going to be honest with her about being gay. And then we started going, going out together, me and my friend Emma. And at first we'd go to like white heat and Madam Jojos, we just do soho bars. And then I graduated to going out in East London. And yeah, and I moved and I moved east. And then, yeah, like every weekend. I lived in Hoxton and

every weekend would be like, you know, the Macbeth, the Joyner's Arms, the Georgian Dragon, Vogue Fabrics, Dolston Superstore, end up at East Block 6am, go to an afters, go to some guys' house. You know, and that I love, like, that was a very formative time for me. I met Glyn Fustle. I met loads of people, you know, who I'm still friends with, and I was so excited to be around other queer people who looked how I wanted to. look and express themselves and this such like celebratory liberation you know and I'd never I'd never experienced anything like that my life so I was like I was hooked you know what I mean but but but as everyone knows who kind of goes through this kind of um on this path it's very easy to to to kind of

go in too deep you know like you've been up you end you know like every night you're out yeah every night you're out and then it's like a three day four day weekend you've not been to bed you're taking substances, you don't know what they are, like you just, it can go, it can go too far. And it does go too far for a lot of people. And especially if you have a group of people who are kind of vulnerable or maybe figuring out their identities and it's all in this melting pot. You know, crazy stuff is about to happen. For me, I loved a lot of that time, but I, um, I definitely abused my body in ways that I'm not super proud of. But I actually ended up, the reason why I got, kind of totally stopped mostly was because I was totally sober, but I tripped and I hit my head

and I got concussion. I was totally sober, but I don't know if you've ever had concussion. It was like the crazy. It was one of the scariest experience in my life. I thought I was dying just like the whole time because I couldn't. I was like dizzy and I couldn't. I was like slurring my words. I just in and out of it. I went to A&E and I was like, something's wrong with me. I'm dying. I'm dying. You just got concussion. You just need to get, you just take you a little minute to go over it. Don't drink. Don't do any drugs. You know, just wait until the concussion goes. And so I was too scared to touch anything because I thought if I touch anything, I would die. So it kind of reset me a little bit. I stopped going out and it was sort of at the round of the same time when

years and years were picking up. So I was very, I was like, I just want to focus on the music. But yeah. Someone who knows a lot about this subject. And like I was out a lot in East London in like the whole LGBTQ plus scene for years. And we should have mentioned the glory. Yeah. And the glory was a place. And it's now. owned by Johnny Wu The Divine and I just feel like this is a person who knows about the heyday, the highs and lows

so we should bring Johnny back who's probably raided my wardrobe by now. The gorgeous Johnny Woo is back. How did you get here? Owner of the Divine just slipped in secretly and completely unassuming

and knows really well about the heyday of East London and how to how it could have been the most amazing refuge and the most terrible, terrible decline also. You've had both? I've had both, haven't I? I have had the high and the super low, really. Tell us.

I mean, I don't think Elevo, it was low even when it was at its lowest. Yeah, coming to London, I came in 1995, came to London trying to find a similar kind of clubbing experience. We're kind of going all around, going into the West End, Plastic People was in the West End there. Malibu Stacey, do you remember that? It's the club of the, I think it's a cafe de Parry or something. Anyway, then we discovered the bricklayers' arms. Yeah. And the beginning of the shortage scene then, which was kind of like tail end of YBAs.

Anyway, so we started knocking around there, drinking. At the same time. Finding, and finding immediately connection, you know, I've always kind of like, I didn't know at the time, but in retrospect, I think I've always been hunting community. I like to be embedded. I like to be in the middle of it. I like to be in the centre of it. I like to be contributing to it

and I like to be taking from it. Do you know what I mean? I like to feel a visceral connection with that. And that's what East London gave me at the time. And then I went to New York in 2000 to 2003 hunting the same thing again. That's why I found the performance art. You were a dancer, weren't you?

I started dancing and then I went to New York. And a cabaret performance. And I was a dancer in a cabrior. Yeah. My friends were strippers and drag queens when I got there. And so was Rasella. And so I discovered the drag and the performance art there and came back and started doing my own.

thing at the Georgian Dragon in 2003. Richard had started out at this brilliant little pub. And I actually went to New York to stop doing drugs because I was doing so many. And I thought, I'll go to New York and I won't do them anymore. And I just did little bottles of brown go cocaine, but I stopped doing ecstasy. Which doesn't count as the drug in Johnny Woos's world. But I discovered martinis. They can really fling a martini, they can't.

It's standard. First time when I went out in kind of high heels, Maribou, Levinia's shoes, little kind of Maribou kind of like, shoes and I stepped out onto the sidewalk. It was like, it was like nails going through my feet. And I knew the only one I could get through that night was by drinking martini. And it was kind of neat martinas in kind of like Jackie 60, sloshed them all over the place. Feels a bit grown up to me. I was grown up. I am going. Look at me. Very grown up. She's gone past puberty. So then I wanted to take all these ideas back to East London and because I loved East London. I'd

had a brilliant time. And I carried on partying. The community, the queer community was building up around 2003 around that time. There was kind of like, obviously queer people knocking around, but it was different. A lot of gay bars closed, end of the 90s. No one really talks about. There were tons. There were absolutely tons of them. They all shut down.

Going out, going out, going out, loving it, loving it, loving it. Loving it like this. Loving it like this. My look was different, though, wasn't it? It was just different there. Well, every night was different, but you also had a beard. I had a beard, had lipstick smeared. I was in a jockstrap.

I was naked. And then three years. in, I'm in a coma. Oh. Yeah, and you went into a coma because you just partied too hard. I've overdone it, but I'd kind of like, I was talking, I'd actually got an option for TV show, for Gay Bingo at the time. And you're talking about fame earlier.

I don't think I wanted it. I don't think I knew I didn't want it. Or I didn't know if I wanted that or I didn't know what they were wanting for me. Because I was just thinking, I'm just coming out of here. I'm just fucked up. I'm just doing this thing. I'm being wild. I'm being crazy.

But I don't know what I'm offering you. When people used to say, what are you going to bring? I'd be like, I don't know. just what you get. Just what you get. I was very in the moment. And so anyway, in a weird way, I think I kind of was sabotaging everything. How long were you in a home for?

I was in a coma for two and a half weeks. I'd kind of done, I knew the production company were coming down. So I hadn't done drugs all week, but I'd drunk solidly all week. I was going out every night, different gigs, just things, just to kind of pass the time. And then that's the bingo. And there's footage of me doing bingo, and I've just got this bottle of wine. And I'm just going like that. Gluck, glug, glug, glug.

And chatting, chatting, chatting. And then I went out to celebrate, did half a pill, which turned out to be there was a slew of dodgy pills in the area. And my friend got me in bumper heroin, so that didn't help. Oh, God. And then I landed up in hospital with... Don't do drugs. Multiple organ failure. Woke up two and a half weeks later.

And then have you done anything since? And then when I left, of course, after six months, I said to the doctor, I said, if I did this again, if I drink like a fish again, will this happen? And he goes, do you know what? I come from a family of alcoholics. We really shouldn't say this to you, but it won't. So I took that as a green light six months later. And I went to France and kind of with my friend Darren in Paris, who's ever so fancy. And we hit the champagne.

I genuinely thought you were coming on this podcast to say, and I haven't touched anything since. And now look at me. I'm a success story. I'm crazy. But Johnny actually just did it again. No, but I stopped in 2014. I stopped in 2014. It took me six years.

Well, I was kind of. in and out recovery solidly for about 12. I've kind of left kind of like 12 step recovery now. I'm kind of like, you know, I feel like I'm done. I've done a lot of that. I'm sort of, how long did you do for? I'm relating to the world now. I'm going to, I'm taking my problems to my friends.

You know, you can answer them. I don't need to go to. I'm not going to the meetings anymore. You know, I had to do it. I did it. My creativity all came back. I was in recovery for about 11 years. I've probably got about eight or nine years of solid sobriety,

a solid sobriety within that. I've just kind of, I'm at about five and a half years now, you know, and, you know, I'm more productive. I get more done. You know, you look a little bit younger, didn't you when you stop drinking, kind of like, you sort of, you know, one of the first, you know, one of the first, you know, it's a natural glow. You know, and your hair glows back, which is fabulous. You've got that pregnancy glow. I've got the pregnancy glow. My hair was straight and then I got pregnant and it's curled.

I'm so blond. I know. And I'm more productive and I feel more connected and, you know, I can turn up for people. You're talking about kind of your brand. And my mum was sick kind of recently, but I, you know, I showed up. I was there, you know, which maybe kind of 10 years ago, if it happened, I might have been out. I might have made an excuse. I might say, I'll come in three days time.

You know, so you connect with your family. Yeah, because time moves differently. Yeah, of course it is. And when you're kind of like, on a come down, you don't want to see anybody. So, so, yeah, that's it. I've got a funny Johnny story just to paint the scene. Weirdly, I don't know how, but I was also performing in cabaret and burlesque and everything at the time. and with drag queens and without drug queens

and like everything I could do and I don't know why but someone had given me a mummified whip hit I had do you remember that you bought it to show on its house you bought it to show on its house but the thing is she bought it in a transparent box from IKEA

and oh so we were sitting upstairs we're not being out of the night before me and Roussela we're in drag I think they were in drag but just Johnny wouldn't remember this It was three days in. Yeah, it was. So their lashes were like somewhere here.

There was eye shadow there, maybe a lip somewhere there. And they were completely, like completely kind of surrealist, like Picasso painting. Gorgeous. An eye up there, one eye down there. And I had arrived completely sober, but somebody had given me this mummified whip hit. And I was sitting with two drag queens. And we got in, Johnny was meant to host Gay Bingo. completely still, I don't know what state you were in.

Appropriate state. Yeah, and then somebody came over and was like, after all of their loudness, their disheveledness or whatever, they asked me to leave. Because of the WIPIP. Because of the mummified whipet. Which I can say. Well, you did bring it to the bingo.

Well, no, but I put it up to the table. Apparently people had complained that it was putting them off their food. But that Wippet, that mummified whip it, actually died because it just turned to dust. Of course it died. It was dead before it was mummified. Well, no, I mean, yeah, but it went to dust. It was like one of those movies.

Quite Shakespearean, isn't it, though? The mummified whip, it went to dust. Yeah, I found it in the loft. You remember that feeling? You remember that feeling? Kind of like 24, 36 hours into kind of like a weekender. And you kind of get, you, I didn't see it to get the second win,

but you get the lift, don't you? But they bumped into their sober friend that was just out for Bronner. crunch with a mummified whipit. And the smoothness and the confidence. And then she comes and upstairs with a whipet. Dead. That's it.

Thanks for coming. I'm not going to. I'm going upstairs. Yeah, go upstairs. This is your house. It's my house. You're going to come with me. We're going to go upstairs.

Ollie, apart from the presence of Johnny Wu giving us our history lesson, which should be put out in all schools. Mandatory. Yeah, mandatory education. What makes you glad? My cats. I'm very glad for my cats. They bring me joy.

My man. I've met him. He's really fit. He is very fit. Yeah. Really hot. And spring. Spring.

Spring. I get so excited for spring. Like little flowers and buds. The crocuses. You love horticulture, don't you? Yes, I'm very horticultural. I love the granny in you. Yes.

My grand was a very passionate gardener. Yeah. So this is why. And I get excited. Have you put your tulets? in. Well, I've got some tulips from last year that are coming up. And I sadly didn't get round to planting more bulbs this year. I have. Have you? Yes, with my own fare. Having a baby, putting bulbs in the earth. You're like just fertile goddess. Well, my mum wouldn't let me live it down if I

didn't do tulips. You must do a tulip every year. Thank you. You've been an absolute joy, Bonnie. And I can't wait to see you again and watch transmission. on the 11th of March. Yes. Bye, thanks. Oh, thanks, Ollie. You were so amazing. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And good luck at transmission. Thank you. And I'm just going to go deal with... Thank you. I'm going to go to Paul Rentechill now for the Queens.

All right. Bye. Johnny! Well, wasn't that great? All of the links of everything we mentioned in the show can be found in the episode description. Oh, and while you're there, why not subscribe and follow the show too? See you all next time.

Later's potatoes.