Mad, Sad and Bad with Paloma Faith - Russell Kane: We’re Not Raised To Be In Touch With Pleasure

Episode Date: January 13, 2026

Russell Kane is someone I have SO much respect for! I’m so grateful for his honesty in this conversation, from discussing sexual literacy to dealing with the loss of his dad.After winning his first comedy award in 2004, his career grew very quickly. He was forced to learn the ropes in the public eye and is open about his regrets. We also spoke about his Nan, who encouraged him to go to university and how she walked in on him… enjoying some alone time 😬 This was such a fascinating conversation, especially hearing Russell’s willingness to openly reflect on his own decisions and mistakes. I loved chatting to Russell and I hope you enjoy this episode!—Find us on: Instagram / TikTok / YouTube—Credits:Producer: Jemima Rathbone, Emilia GillAssistant Producer: Alex ReedVideo: Grisha Nikolsky, Josh Bennett and Harry SawkinsSound: Joe RichardsonMix: Rafi AmsiliOriginal music: BUTCH PIXYSocial Media: Laura CoughlanExec Producer for JamPot: Jemima Rathbone & Ewan Newbigging-ListerExec Producers for Idle Industries: Dave Granger & Will Macdonald Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Paloma Faith and this is my show. One, two, three, four. Each week I welcome someone fantastic into my home to talk about what makes them mad, sad and bad. Roll recording. Chaos meets chaos. Hello, hello. Hello, how lovely? How are you?

You're right? Did you ring someone and say, what's Flom are going to be wearing? Well, I've got cameras installed in your house, so I know there's not of yellow here anyway. I did feel suspiciously tense. tense in the last few days. He's an award-winning comedian, gracing our screens in shows like Live at the Apollo, mock the week and evil genius. He was the first person to ever win both the Edinburgh Comedy Award, formerly the Perrier

Award and Melbourne Comedy Festival Award, the Barry Award, in the same year. His comedy is smart and thought-provoking, is fast and hilarious. He's also devastatingly youthful looking because he legitimately has a series of. secret potion, which he's monetised. Because, well, why wouldn't you, if you could, make money off anything? But to me, he's the only comedian who doesn't lose my attention because he's ADHD,

for sure, even though he failed the test. And his pace appeals to my mindset. I've been trying to meet up with him for about two years, but it's never happened because we're both ADHD. So here we are on our second meeting. The first time was in a flooded festival. It is Russell Kay. Hello, hello.

Nice to meet you, my dear. On Conte. Yeah. So I thought that my, I had a marriage when I was quite young and I always make people laugh because I say, yeah, it only lasted 10 months but yours was 9. Yeah. So you beat me. Yeah.

So there's already an air of competition between us. Exactly, yeah. How many Gets is easy did you get? I better got less. Loads. Oh, there you go. I win. I was actually in the Hackney Gazette.

Why are you? Yeah, because it went, I went to a failing school. and they couldn't understand how I did so well. Complete other way around. I went to the best of the shit Comprehensives and obviously completely fucked up. But that's part of the problem with comprehensives. If you're like counsel scum, like Ibor.

Even if you're bright, as soon as you get to a secondary school, you want to be popular to survive. So you've got to muck around. In my school, the people getting good math results and good at chess, they were covered in bruises and stank of wee.

So I didn't want to be them. I wanted to be the people getting the Pumum and the people who smoked weed first and got laid first and were the toughest, they survived. Now, I didn't get to do any of those things. Did you get much pent? Nothing. I left school without even kissing. But I used humour to survive.

The worst thing I could... I did the same though, because I was called a boffin and then I had to use humour to sort of get out of being a nerd. It was dangerous to be too clever or anything like that where I came from. You need to be the toughest. I'm like a pepper army with hair on. So the next best thing was humour.

But then that put me in gay best friend territory. So I left school with my kiss genity intact. I didn't even kiss a girl. Not kids. Nothing. I once applied for a job at JD Sports when I was about 15. And I put my mock exam results on the thing. And they were all quite good.

And then they didn't let me have an interview. So then I lied and put all E's and Ds and they let me have an interview. I mean that is a metaphor for the culture we live in with the attitude to working class children. J.D. Sport. True clever. Get out. Exactly, yeah. You need your numbers for the shoe sizes other than that. Fuck off. So Mad, right? We're starting with Mad. Tell me about your nan who was, she had loads of husbands. Yeah.

How many? Well, I've got six, I've got six aunts and uncles. So my mum's got like five siblings. and I think there's four dads. So it's a traditional council family structure. My nan was 39 when I was born. And my great-namb was only like 60-odd when I was born. So really young, yeah.

And so my dad was extremely right-wing in his views. So as I got older, we used to clash it. My dad was the classic, you know, BMP manifesto in one end and then Popadom in the other end. He's one of the day. I'll tell you what's wrong with this country. Mormon sauce, please, Abdel. immigration.

Yeah. It's one of them. Anyway, it got more and more tense because my dad was this steroid injecting, knuckle dragging, silverback, shaving, edded weightlifting steak, and I'm got fucking like a worm. I struggled to stand up to him verbally.

Anyway, it got to 19, and I wanted to bring this girl back. And my dad, basically, it sounds like 1950s rather than 15, 20 years ago. You wouldn't let her in the house. It's like she doesn't come in the house. And I said, I'm moving out today.

That's what I said. And I went upstairs, got my bag, went to work, and went home to my nans. And I moved into my nans that night. And my nan was the complete opposite. Yes, she was an alcoholic mess who failed to raise any of her children. My mum was born and handed to her nan. All of them were farmed out to various places. And in fact, the ones that stayed with her, they had it worse.

Because whichever husband she was with tended to be a bit mental. Yeah. Or in prison. You know, three of them went to prison. You said she met one of them in prison visiting one of the other one. She was visiting, she was visiting Dennis, who was inside, I think for VAT fraud. And her future husband was on the visiting table next to her, visiting his brother who was inside. So she started to have an affair with him.

I think they were shagging in the car park and stuff. Excellent. So, and then my mum moved back in with her mum when she was 15, and she was with that one. And he was, like, really bad. He, like, fucking cut the head off the pets and done weird shit like that. He topped himself eventually. My mum found a body. So this is the level of family I'm first.

from. This is real chaos. Real chaos. So that's why you're confused when anyone says, muscles a little bit chaotic. You're like, what? This is nothing.

My mum and dad was stable. I would just clashed with my dad's rules. In fact, I was rare in having a dad. No one had a dad around my way. He's got a dad. I was victimised for having a father. So I moved him with my nan. Big dude.

Because you got a dad. So my, you know your dad is. Yeah, exactly. So my nan was chaotic, but she was a full alcoholic. I'm talking. in double vodka at 6am.

Not she waited till the afternoon. She was pissed from her first drink, 60 fags a day, grey hair, lived in a dressing gown. Fuck, it just like an actual mess. So I moved into that housing association flat. How I brought girls back to that place is beyond me. Charm and wit, I guess. We'd be at the rave and they'd be like,

I really like the way you dance. Can I come back to yours? Yeah, and it'd feel like my nan had already be like, oh, fuck's this then. Just press the button if you ought to use the toilet. But, so I understand, just in case any of my aunties and uncles are watching this, I understand my nan wasn't the best parent, but as a grandparent, what she represented to me was rebellion.

And where I came from, what you're supposed to do is leave school with no qualifications, smoke drugs over the park, get a job you hate, then drink yourself to death or go to prison. That's the options. That's the options. Or be depressed and unfulfilled and moan like my dad. and be a manual labourer. Whereas my nan's like, fuck what everyone thinks. And I'm like, well, I can't really do drugs because that is what's expected.

Yeah. I'm not talking about weed. I'm talking about going off the rails properly. Yeah. And so I thought, what is the most unlikely thing for someone to do? And so my nan sort of provoked me to be weird or effeminate or to read. I'd never read before then. And I just started to do behaviours that would make me stand out, which was to like dancing or to read books.

or to use long words. That's what stood out. What was your favourite book at that time? I hadn't started reading yet. So this is how late we're talking. I'm 18 and I'm still just a, just normal chav. What was the first book that you ever loved? Pride and Prejudice by Jane Nostim.

Ironically, given what my dad was like. And my nan, she used to, so the girl that I moved out over, dumped me a week later. We didn't even get further than a closed mouth kiss. And I moved out over her. She went back to the other geyser. And then I was on this dance row at six in the morning at Strawberry Sundays in Vauxhall. And this girl came up to me and just gave me her number.

5-11. I have no idea what she saw in me. I've been, I love dancing. So she'd seen me dancing earlier. She said, let me you don't. And we started dating, but she was posh. So when I was going back to hers, instead of going back to some shit hole like I was used to, I was going back to University Hall.

She was like, have a nice day. your dead end job. I was 18. Yeah. Doing a dead end job. What was it? Selling watches in Bond Street. Yeah.

Door to dot oh in Bond Street. Like an old man on the train, falling asleep age 19, just wanting my day to end, wanting it to be the weekend. Just like my, I was already like my dad, but a shop boy version. And she was like, I'm going to, I'm so going to read on the lawn with Ollie. Our first lecture isn't till two. And something clicked. The way it clicks for a person of colour when they realize I've been treated different

just because I'm black, there's no difference. between me and something clicked for me that I've been treated different just because I've been born on a council estate that a number of corridors had been hidden from me they were open but they'd been hidden The doors are closed I went home to my nan and I was like

fuck I'm gonna do that I want to sit on my arster three years reading posh books I'm gonna outperform everyone I wrote it in my diary I'm gonna change my life I sent off for A levels in a box because I couldn't even afford the internet and I did all my I did this sociology A level

out of a box and I got the fastest A grade recorded that year. I went to the House of Commons to get an award from Betty Bufroid. How many months? Three months from enrolment to exam. Got an A, got 90%.

It was sociology, so it was Marxism, feminism, all the shit I was angry about but didn't have words for. And then I went to uni and I couldn't stop. So I got first for this module, first, first, first, first, first, first. And it's been the same ever since. It was like, whatever the opposite of a nervous breakdown is, I had at that moment on the, it was like someone... An excellent breakup.

Someone reached behind me and went, do realise this ain't plugged in, mate. And I was like, what? Went this. I was like, oh, fuck. And just nailed it. Let's fucking have it. Of course, with my nan, my dad's like, you've got to get a trade, don't go to uni, you can't afford it. It's a waste of time.

My name was like, do it, fucking fuck it off. It'll work itself out. So she was exactly the person I needed. And I've not looked back from then. I went from that to advertising, to stand up. And, yeah, I can't switch it off. I wish I could switch it off sometimes. So your libido is off the chart.

You've admitted. Have you been, have you had a lot of sex in public and been caught? And do you like the idea of being caught? No, I don't. I hate the idea of being caught, particularly what we do for a living. Yeah. You don't want to become a meme. No.

A gif. I called it a white bum get out. But someone comes in, you're like, get up. I tell you who caught me, I tell you who caught me wanking, though. My nan. You were younger at your lands house. When I was living there from 19 to 22, so we used to,

one of the best house nights in London for about 10 years was in Vauxhall under the arches called Strawberry Sundays. But I used to like dancing next to the speaker. But the problem is you got the in your ears because you can't hear properly for a couple of hours. And we had to stay till six because we couldn't afford taxis to get home. So you got to wait for the tubes to start. Night bus.

So we got home and, How can I put it? One of the quickest ways to get to sleep after a night out is why I call the erotic horlicks. It works for men and women. It's evolutionary. We're programmed to sleep after sex for evolutionary reasons. Yeah. If you cuddle and lay together, you're more like to fall pregnant, apparently.

So it works. So I think, right, I'm going to need to get to sleep here. The sun's already up. And as I said, we couldn't afford internet. So I was still, I must be one of the last paper-based porn users to be recorded, like a Stegosaurus or something, a bonosaurus. So I was in my nan. It's a box room that I lived in at my nans.

It was so small. There wasn't even room for a wardrobe. I had to hang my clothes on the wall with stick on hooks. And I had a crescent of porn like in front of me. You know, like women with staples through their face. Not with cross-eyes. I've added that. I had a crescent.

And I'm sorry for the explicit imagery. but I'm like sort of tugging towards completely naked because it was a summer's day covered in sweat you know like I'd just been born in an alien film yeah in the vernets yeah tugging over this and because my ears were fucked I couldn't hear my nan

you're right in there love she was knocking on the door I can't fucking hear her you're all right she just wanted to put my cup of tea I had no lock on that and she's fucking walked in and there's no chance even for a white ass get out because you know like

yeah it's obvious you've got the the born in front of you been caught like stealing something or doing something. You don't actually run. You freeze. You just, you do that. So, and, but she just kept, be fair, she just kept eye contact with me like that. And she went, I see one of the worst things ever written to me. She kept around on the drawing. She went, I'm sorry, love. I'm just so sorry. So I was caught by my nan. It's horrible. Of course, because it was half sick. She was actually sober. She hadn't had her first vodka, which made it worse. because I knew she would remember it.

She was also hung over. Yeah. How long can you go for? However it's required. I want to brief. Really? You've got full control? I have to.

That's so wonderful. I'm so happy for Lindsay. Yeah. Lindsay, I'm really happy for you. I live with a sexually literate woman, so I have to keep my shit about me. What does that mean? Like, she'll just go, that was a bit of shit. No, she's in touch with her own body, which are so many.

Obviously, I dated a fair few. Females, shockingly in my time, most people think I'm gay, but I'm not. And so what I've noticed over the years is quite sad really. I'm not mansplaining, this is my wife has explained this to me, is most females, 80% that I've been in relationships or that my wife knows aren't really in touch with their own pleasure and their own body,

because we're not raised to be in our culture. So females aren't in touch with their own pleasure in their own body. It's a bit of a nightmare in the bedroom. Well, because you're like... Because they don't... How can you make love with someone who doesn't know what they really like?

Yeah. Or doesn't have the courage to tell a toxic man who is in patriarch to know what he likes. So most sex is just an accidental collision with a bit of hope for the best. Yeah, yeah.

Whereas if you get too like fucking hippies that are in touch with their own pleasure, that's great. Do you think you worship her? I think women like worship. I think if a man has to be confident in himself as well. So what men think is confidence, what men think is confidence, is like, fucking being a bit toxic.

It's built on insecurity. Line of gear on a Freud. Just went in an outstanding free chance. Look at a car I own. Look at the size of my ass. Is that, wallet, beat the chest. Whereas a real confidence is knowing who you are, having self-confidence without arrogance as well, and also being confident in vulnerability, which now you're down to about 5% of,

of men. Yeah. So, yeah, it's, like men and women have got a lot of work to do, but when you do,

mate, it's fucking, the bedroom's amazing. Sad. Sad. Sad. We're moving on to sad. So, tell us about your sad thing.

Oh yeah, my dad just pegged it really, like, suddenly. He was like a three times a week down the gym, like bodybuilder type person. Obviously,

I've got all this unresolved shit with him. Royded up. Yeah, he was roided up in the day, and then he stopped that royds when he was about 35. And, And so I'd already moved out and I was just sort of starting my life, just starting to stand on my feet. And I was working in, I'd done my degree, smashed that, I was working in advertising.

I was smashing that. I was starting to be the first person in my family to earn real money. I have all the cousins, all my postcode. So I was just starting to stand in my two feet and I could have got to, because all my dad cared about was Mercedes, going to the Maldives and having a bigger house. That's what he thought would have made him happy. So my dad couldn't see real wealth. he could only, this is what kills a lot of men

so my men are killing themselves because they think wealth is status, six-pack, car, money in the bank. And if they haven't got that by the time they're 40, they're just like, and that's happening all the times. And men really killing themselves at the moment. And my dad was one of those statistics. He just

didn't take his own life. So I would love to have given him all of that shit. And I said to my old man, I'm going to start, stand up next month. I'm going to try. I tried that. I was a red coat once, a fucking load of shit. You're wasting your time. That's what he said to everything. Life shit, I'm shit. Holiday will be shit.

The traffic will be shit. Everything will be shit. But then, so I was just, that's all my dad got to comment about stand up as an idea. And then he died the week before I was about to try it. So he never saw it. No, he went on holiday to Turkey, finished the buffet and just went smash. Massive heart attack. Birth defect.

Undetected birth. His whole life. His whole life. Just birth defect. Just waiting. It ignored a few. It's been an ostrich. Yeah.

He ostriched away the symptoms, which it was a simple operation he could have had. Or aortic valve. But do you think that, you know, you said a loads of unresolved shit? Do you think that exacerbated your sadness? Because, like, so I don't have a relationship with my dad. And everyone's always like, oh, you need to because when he dies, it makes it worse. If you haven't said everything you want to say. But even just to tell them what a cunt you think.

It's like putting a bandage, it's like putting a bandage on a wound you haven't cleaned. Death is the bandage over that wound. It's infected. If you haven't cleaned it and sorted that wound out, it will always itch a bit underneath that blanket. What would you have said? I would like to have given to him. Said I'll help you. Yeah, I would like to have bought him a big house or whatever.

What about challenging his ideas about how you should be? Would you have liked to? I think that art, hopefully the comedy would have done that because the show that won me the big award that started my career was just about him. It was called smoke screens and castles. And I was so fucked up about his death. He died in 2003 as I was starting stand-up. And then on stage, I would talk about him now and again, and that would be the biggest laugh if I did a routine about my dad, like the BNP Popadom thing. And then I was doing this little tour with the other Russell, Russell, the three Russells, two of us still working.

You're the Superior Russell. Yes. I haven't it. I don't need to be baptized yet. And he said to me, so I would do all right on stage. And then in the car, I would like, oh, my dad did this. And they were crying, laughing. And Russell Howard said to me, why don't you talk about that? That's your material. And people aren't going to interest in my dad.

It's too specific. He went, yeah, but a really good, specific routine has universal truths in it. And I'm like, of course it does. It's like because of all these books I love, a song. You could sing a totally specific love song about a man that had fucked. you up. I would get so much from it because there's something universal in the... Yeah, I've had it a lot because I've written but also it's like I've written about

my dad and people think it's about their relationships. Right. Exactly. So great art has something universal in its specificity, right? So I just went the next year, I did a course to try and get all over all my shit that was going on with my dad. I did the Hoffman process which is like

a residential eight-day therapeutic. Trauma therapy. Yeah. And then I wrote smoke screens and castles by I wrote, I mean I put 10 bullet points on a page and just told the stories. And the previews were just unbelievable, but I still was speaking about my dad in the present tense. My dad

is, my dad does, you should meet my dad. But he was deceased. I've been deceased seven years at this point. And if I tried to go, and by the way he's dead, the atmosphere in the room died. So I thought, it doesn't matter, I'll just, I'm already lying about my age. Might as well lie about my dad being. How old did you say you were?

I'm not five years off my age. I did the same. I know, I know. It's important. But now look at us. I know. They couldn't believe in traitors where it said my age. Loads of people were like, I didn't know. You were 44 and I was like, yes, darling. I kept, I thought, I can't, I'll just keep him alive and then hopefully I'll get,

because I wanted to win this Perrier Award, this Comedy Award. I've been nominated twice. I thought, this is the one that's going to win it. It's so funny. And then I'd done all these previews, the show was finished. And then the night before my first show, unpreviewed, I was going to, falling asleep. And I don't know what made me have this vision. I had this vision of what if I told the audience at the end that he was dead?

But I did it in a way that sort of was moving. And I thought, what if I did a speech in his voice that gradually changed into the past tense with a spotlight that revealed he was deceased that you're so fucked up, boy, you can't even tell this audience I've been dead seven years. What if I did that? And so I phone my agent. I went, I'm going to do it on the first night. You've not previewed it.

I went, can you just make sure there's no pressing? I just want to try it. So we fucked off all the press on August 4th. And the audience started crying. And I was like, what the f? I just went back and I made it, I made like the front row cry. I just thought, ka-ching. Yeah, well you go, laughter, crying in the middle.

You don't want that. But any extreme, it's brilliant. That's how the ending came about. And that's how I came to terms artistically with my dad passing away. That's how I started to talk about him in the past tense. And that's how I won that. I think so. I think that's probably what did it.

What do you think is about the fact people's, it feels like when people speak about their childhoods, they put so much emphasis on their dads, but why not as much on their mums? Well, I think it's a combination of two things. Number one, I think people undervalue how much we need. It doesn't need to be a biological male, but you need two parents, two parents, someone representing that father, that massive. I use the word masculine, but that can be for any body representation. So, you know, masculine and a feminine energy, but we undervalue it. The reason we undervalue it is men can't grow babies, can't feed babies. For the first year, you're basically a shit assistant manager. Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, you can fuck off. Okay. And so because we undervalue what men bring, we end up with a nasty surprise when we live in a culture where there's absent dads and it's an issue. So two things have happened. A lot of men are absent during when a child is growing up for various sociological reasons and we haven't thought about

how much of an issue that will be in advance. So when you compound those, it's like going on holiday without insurance and then finding out what it's like to have insurance once you're uninsured. If you'd at least brace yourself for the lack of insurance, you could have prepared, you could have saved,

you could have gone, we're not insured, let's be careful. So we undervalue men, basically. And what I've at least But don't you think there's a consequence, just from my perspective, this is a bit of me projecting. But I feel like I've just recently made a TV show where we talk to people. And it's very rare that people will go on stage and say, you know,

my mum's my rock, my, but they all do it about everybody else's votes. He's like, my dad was so present. He was there. And it feels really common. Even when there was like one day we were filming and the camera went on this man in the audience, holding his baby and someone went, oh look, he's holding his baby. I know, but how bad is that? But I was like, that's what he should be doing.

That's his baby. But you just made my point for me. Men have not grown at all since 1990 in the caring spheres. There is no increase in male nurses. There's no increase in male primary school teachers. There's no increase in men getting custody of babies even when everything is equal. So what did you think was happen if you didn't allow men to grow in the caring and nurturing? sector. Isn't the answer then when we're raising baby boys to go, here's, for your first

birthday, here's a miniature hoover, a doll, all that. All that, like let's love, let's pat the dog gently, gentle hands, but also lift these five kilogram weights. Because we won't fancy you if you don't do that as well. On to bad, have you ever committed a crime? I've never. I mean, I've never been nicked or arrested if that's what you mean or anything like that. But you've never been caught for committing a crime. I mean, I don't know where the law stands on admitting a crime on camera. I don't know what the statute of limitations are. Obviously, I'm a raver, so I've been in all kinds of situations at festivals

where I probably haven't checked the local laws. Are you ashamed of anything you've done? Anything? Probably how, yeah, I made a career mistakes. Okay, what are you ashamed of? So when you So when you see like rappers and things like that

People don't understand rappers Because they come from like Fucking shit old ends Yeah In America or in London Then as soon as they get famous They're like covered in gold chains Or girls around them acting like

Yobbs Why do you have to do that? The reason a rapper is acting like that is because no one ever looked at that person between the ages of zero and 60. They were completely fucking invisible. They were transparent.

So when people are suddenly looking at you, you cannot fucking believe people are looking at you. And some people don't cope with that because you just assumed you were going to be an insignificant stain your entire life. Now, I went 25, quarter of a century like that, and then I get this fame relatively quickly. I know it's low level.

I'm not like Beyonce or anything, but in the UK I'm relatively recognisable, which was crazy for me. I come from builders, shelf stackers, a couple of cousins inside. I come from nothing. And that's what I was trained to be by my school. I was told to be nothing by my education. So I get to win this period. And all of a sudden, I can get female attention.

I cannot believe girls like me. I used to have to wait till I met a girl. Show her I've got a personality. Hope that she's been with some toxic, good-looking guy before. and then I've got another 50 for another three years. Whereas now I've got DMs from goddesses. I've got brands wanting to give me money. I've got TV shows.

And it just went to my head. And instead of remaining as I was, which is what I'm now. So I dressed relatively normally, relatively normal hair. I just thought, right, I'm going to express myself. Yeah. I'm completely, I'd seen Noel Fielding and Russell Brand and all that. I'm like, well, it's obviously okay. It's showbiz.

there's no judgment. You can be gay, straight, trans, you can be whatever you want. Yeah. So the hair went right up here. The eyeliner went on. I was wearing all these outrageous clothes. I was single. I was sleeping around, which I've been told was also okay.

Essential sex. But still, I suppose, our values have changed now, haven't they? And what I didn't know, what I lying about my age. And so what I didn't know was people around me, what was, with comedy is different, to music, okay? So with comedy, if I'm on stage going, my dad, this, mine and that, look how real I am, but I'm presenting as someone artificial with fake hair, fake eyeliner, lying about my age, with no sexual morals, people are like, oh, right, so you're not authentic then. And if people think you're not an authentic person, they then think your stand-up's not authentic, then you're

fucked. So what was happening was, I was getting more famous, because I was getting put on more and more mainstream things. So I started to not be able to go to the shops. Yeah. But the theatres, although busy, weren't getting busier. I wasn't adding second nights. I wasn't going from the 2000 seater into the 5,000 seater. So that was the first indication something was wrong because I was getting more recognisable, but the bottom line, the turnover, the business wasn't growing. I was like, what the fuck's going on here? And at that point I met Lindsay. She was in the front row of the audience. I was single. on the way to the show, she'd said to her mum,

imagine if he split up with his girlfriend and got with me tonight, mum. And her mum went, don't be silly, Lindsay, is a homosexual. That's what they said on the way. That's what they said. On the way to the theatre, and they didn't know I'd split up with my girlfriend three days before. Yeah. So I met Lindsay.

It took a bit of time to hook up, make two months to, we found her on the internet. Cording. Well, I didn't even see her. I found her on the internet. And because I'd just split up with this girl and it was really complicated. I just said to it, I can't be with any women at all because he's got really complicated with my ex.

Maybe we'll go out on a day in April or something. So two months later, we went out on a date, it was like instantly in love. And she just said to me, I made it to the third date. She went, why'd you dress like that? She meant, you'd be quite a good-looking guy if you sorted your hair out. And I was like, what do you mean? She went, well, you look a bit silly.

And I think people, she went, look at this forum here, look on Reddit, just try it. And I was like, why had no one told me? me. I was with management that were brilliant and earned me lots of money, but it was more about how much is he being paid and how many people will watch it. It's not about, is it right for you and your progression? So I changed to a manager and I said, please just tell me when I'm being a cock and he still does to this day. Don't wear that, don't do that. You said that mate, made you like a cunt. That's my manager now. And I've got a wife like that as well. You were in that

shoot. I was passionate. You were rude to the guy behind the camera. Yeah, but he got the camera. It's no excuse, Russell. You should never speak to someone like that. And I didn't even know I'd done it. So I'm with, I got that in my life. That's really important. And so that's my biggest regret is that I've lived on the record a year of my career looking like a twat and lying. And it's damaged some of the infrastructure and foundation on which the building of my whole career sits, in my opinion. And also just my self-esteem being so low that I did get with the wrong girls. I bet I was not an easy boyfriend between the ages of 17 and 25 because I was still, I got bad, bad anger issues.

I will do stand-up about this when I'm ready. My poor ex, it was a shit relationship anyway. That's the one I was married to for 10 years. She had her own issue. She didn't sort out. I didn't sort mine out. And we were eating this Chinese takeaway. We were arguing about something totally insignificant.

And I won't raise my voice. I don't like it. I'll never shout a woman or man. So what I'll do is I'll go to the next room and milk my temper off if there's a with a punch bag or something. That's what I used to. I don't need to do that anymore. So I'm no longer mental.

And I was eating a Chinese takeaway. And I don't even remember. There was no, there was no, when you go to anger management, they're like, feel the fire rising up. Yeah, it's just gnaught to 1,000. And I headbutted my Chinese takeaway. I like, smash, straight down in the chalmain and fried rice.

Yeah. The plate cracked. in half just at the wrong angle, cut my head here, and the blood went from, it's high ceiling like the room we were in. The blood was hitting the ceiling, like, and it went in my eye. And my missus is like, calling an ambulance. And I thought I blinded myself because I couldn't see because of the blood. I'm picking shit out, which of skull. I'm like, and it was. But it was actually the food. It was special fried rice. So, but I had a second where I thought I'd cracked my skull and blinding myself.

I went to casualty and I was taken. After they had been in triage and I was waiting to be stitched up. Fucking old bill turn up. We know you've been involved in an assault and we can tell by the injuries

and I was like, I haven't. I've been at home. You can check the CCTV in my road and that's when I went, this has gone too far. What if I'd hit the wrong vein or something like that? That's when I did the Hoffman.

I went to the Hoffman and everyone there had serious issues. They'd been on antipress. I went, one specific behavioral niggle. It bothers me maybe twice a year, something like this would happen. But it's quite extreme.

Yeah. And I've never, there's any wood anywhere, touch ratan, touch eBay ratan. Also. That has never, I've never, ever, since 2009, ever had one occurrence, ever. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can slam a door, or go, fah, or beat my horn, or maybe put a plate down, within the normal realms of human temper.

I have never hurt my own flesh since. So it's bad, aren't it? Yeah, but it's not bad. It's just, it's actually kind of sad for you because it's like, where do you put those feelings and what's the origins of them? But you went and did that, you did the work. And I feel like, I don't really feel like I can judge anybody,

but the thing I do judge is when people do those things and don't do the work. Because it is, there is place. and ways you can sort stuff out. And the latest research says that we are 60-14 nature nurture. So 60% of us is nurture. Only 40% is DNA. And almost it's hard to say what's you and what was taught to you.

And so, but most of the things you're doing are patterns that were taught to you in childhood. And my dad had no emotional regulation. Philosophy's temporary fucking smashed the bin up in the kitchen. So I've obviously learned that as a little boy. As soon as I identify, that's not me, it's a pattern. It's like trying to stare at the Wizard of Oz.

It just, it has no power. Do you want to end on glad? Yes. What makes you glad, Russell? Being on stage, I just love doing stand-up, playing. I love playing with my daughter, doing voices. I just love being at home. I just love being with Lindsay.

I love that for you. And I feel like it's hope for everyone out there that hasn't met the right person, Yeah, all done the work to be able to meet the right person. So what it is with sex and intimacy is the same as confidence. So people keep saying they'll see me do something. So the other week, Lindsay said, I want you to go away for a night on your own. And just have a night on your own.

You never do it. So I went to Munich on my own, walked around. And I said it to someone. They went, I'd love to do that. But I just don't have the confidence to get on a plane on my own. And it's the same. It's the same with sex and intimacy. people think that you have to develop the confidence within yourself

to get on stage and sing a song or to go to Munich on your own. It's the other way round. You get the confidence to get... By doing it. By doing it. So you have to initially do something. You're not confident enough to do. So face your discomfort.

Push through it and that discomfort tears the muscle fibres, just like in the gym. If you go to the gym and tear the muscle fibers of your arm with a weight that's slightly too heavy, the muscle grows. Human psychological development is identical. If you tear the thought and psychology fibers of going and having a night away on your own, you might find it uncomfortable. It might not even be a raging success, but you will come back with a 3% confidence increase. Sex and intimacy is the same. Well, how are we supposed to have sex? We don't feel like having sex. Put yourself in the bedroom, have a glass of wine each, do shit you've never

done before and your intimacy and sex will grow in reverse the other way around. You'll wake up up the next day you'll both be laughing at each other. You've grown it in an in an um in the opposite way. It's been amazing talking to you. Thank you. I do have to go to the studio. Oh yeah. All right. See later then. Wait, you're in the rush. Yeah. Bye. See ya. You're off to the studio. Yeah, I'm going to the studio. Yeah, me too. Not. What are you doing recording your next hit single? I've got nothing on, really. Can you just sort the bins out on your way out, please?

Oh, we'll go, yeah. See, later. Well, wasn't that great? All of the links of everything we mentioned in the show can be found in the episode description. Oh, and while you're there, why not subscribe and follow the show too? See you all next time. Later's potatoes.