Mad, Sad and Bad with Paloma Faith - "The marriage just fell apart" | 2025's Saddest moments

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

I’m looking back at some of the saddest conversations from my series this year. Romesh Ranganathan reflects on losing his friend, while Leslie Jones also opens up about her experience of grief. And to spice things up, I also have a debate with Alan Carr about whether you really can cry and orgasm at the same time…so cosy up as we look back on what has really made us sad this year.This episode contains discussion of suicide which some listeners might find upsetting. Whatever you're going through, call Samaritans free any time, from any phone, on 116 123.—Find us on: Instagram / TikTok / YouTube—Credits:Producer: Emilia GillAssistant Producer: Alex ReedVideo: Lizzie McCarthy & @jakeji.pSound: Rafi Amsili and Dan King Original music: BUTCH PIXYSocial Media: Laura CoughlanExec Producer for JamPot: Jemima RathboneExec Producers for Idle Industries: Dave Granger & Will Macdonald Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Before we begin, a quick content warning that this episode contains discussion of suicide which some listeners might find upsetting. Hi, it's me, Paloma Faith, rounding up 2025 on Mad, Sad and Bad. These are some of the saddest moments. One, two, three, four. I'm really mad, sad and bad. Each week, I welcome someone fantastic into my home to talk about what makes them mad, sad and bad. Roll recording. Let's get Ramesh in. Yes, come on, Ramesh. I was a really fat kid, and that bothered me quite a lot.

And, you know, being fat with a lazy eye doesn't make you a legend at school. So that was, I had, like, tricky things with that. But... I had a head brace, if it's any consolation, that came out of my head. Yeah, that's bad. So that's very, like, South Parkish, isn't it? Yeah. It is bad. It is bad. Hello, hello, much. Everyone would say. Just, oh, God, just... Look at me now.

You just put it on. Every now and again, you should put it on just to bring yourself back down. You know, just to feel grounded. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Just keep the head brace. Every now and again, every down again, it goes to my head. So I just put the head brace on and look at the mirror for a bit. They used to go, morning Hannibal. Oh my God. Who did that? My mum. My mum. Your mum did? Yeah.

That's what my mum used to go. You did? My mum used to like, like I had serious, like it was massive. And the mum would go, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I'm going to walk into the room. They're bullies. We're just sitting here so, how amazing they are. It's just like, we're just the sadness of the mental health issues.

You're a pair of horrible cows. You let them off too easy. They just say, you know, I just want him to be happy and to be caring, you know. Yeah, it's a kind like they were. I want to have a go to these people on Instagram or insulting my son. When my book came out, which was also a bestseller for nine weeks, my mum said, it's lucky for you that everyone's thick. That's why it's done well.

She's laughing because it's. It's true. I do think you need... Not everyone's thick because I don't believe that. My mum just... Yeah. So the standards have dropped solo

in literature that your book was able to... Thanks. You know, mental health, I just feel really passionate. It needs to be destigmatised. We should be able to talk about it like you do about your physical health.

Yeah. I remember when I was younger and I felt like I needed to go and talk to somebody, I remember being nervous. to tell mum about it because like mums of a certain age and also Sri Lankan, you know, what I don't want is to go, oh my God, my son is mental, my son's, they're going to put you in a street, Jagger, I'm never going to see, you know, you get, saying to your mum, I need therapy or I'm going to go see somebody, your mum's immediately going to go, if

my son said to me, I'm going to go see somebody, immediately, selfishly, narcissistically, you think, you go, what have I done? What have I done? Yeah, what have I done? I thought I was like I tried my best. Yeah, you've got a PlayStation. Like, what's going on? Do you know what I mean? Like, you've got everything, man. What are you talking about?

Do you tell your kids that you go to therapy? Like, or when you have, do you go, because I do sometimes, I'll go, I'm going to therapy. I'm not going to the moment. But when I was, I'd go, I'd go like, oh, I'm going therapy today. And they'd say, what's that? And I said, well, it's the same as my exercise, but it's for my brain. Yeah, my kids do know about it. The thing that I wish I'd done a bit better

was tell them that I was going to talk openly about having suicidal thoughts before I did it because like, your kids don't want to hear that about their dad, and what age are they? 15, 13 and 10. So I'm not in that yet. Yeah. My kids don't watch my stuff.

No, well, the truth is my kids don't either. I mean, they've got very little interest. But they're friends might. Yeah, they're friends might. But also, you know, it's that thing of like, you know, somebody will go to my kids, do you watch your dad on TV? And then they go, I see him on the sofa. And at no point do I go, I want to see more of what that guy does.

Let me tell you, that guy is not funny. Yeah, yeah. He's not at all funny. He's just, like, deeply embarrassing, horrible, disgusting, lazy human being. But, yeah, their mates do watch stuff. But so it was initial, like, one of my kids was like, Dad, like, do you feel like, you know, like. Do you feel like that now? Yeah.

I go, well, just, you know, be nice to me, mate. Because it'll be your fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll even know, no, but I think actually it's good for them to, it's actually good for them to, in a way for them to hear me talk about it. But do you know anybody who has done that? Done what? Committed suicide.

Yeah, a really good friend of mine. I talked with him and he was a really good friend. And when I started doing comedy, he would drive me to all the geeks. He was so excited that I'd started doing stunts. stand up and so he would drive me to all the gigs and then he had something bad happen at work where he ended up losing his job and he went into a really dark place and all of his friends and we all rallied around him and we gave him a lot of support and this is the bit that I found sort of frightening is that he then it felt like he'd come out the other side and like he was on top

of the world and he was talking about future plans and stuff and two weeks before it happened I was due to go and do misadventures. It was like we were going to do the Ethiopia episode and I went for dinner with him a couple of weeks beforehand and obviously, like as I'm saying this to you, it's highly possible

that I am adding this colour into it, you know, looking back on it and it might not have felt like that at the time, but he was talking about what he was going to do and I remember going home from dinner and it was really nice to hang out with him

and I said to Lisa my wife I said I think he, like she knows him as well I said I think he's in like a I think he feels like he's in a better place but like every now and again it feels like maybe he doesn't you know I just there was something was a bit off but I don't think

but he was talking so positively so I was like okay and then and then I went to Ethiopia and we went to do some camping and so I was off grid like couldn't get nobody can get in touch me for a few days and then when I came back

we moved into an area we had signal and my phone just started like just all these text messages started pinging through to my phone and I clicked on it as I can't believe what happened to him can't believe what happened to him and I was like what is going on and I just just like genuinely like felt like hundreds of messages coming through to my phone and then I looked into it and like phoned one of his other friends and I found out what happened and because like he'd been talking so positively I didn't believe that he'd taken his own life I just couldn't believe it because he was he wasn't this he just seemed like

Like, you know, he's with a partner. He was talking about this new venture he was doing like, he was just, he was just like on it. You know, like he was really like it felt like he was looking forward. And so that's what I found frightening because he wasn't showing he didn't look. Do you know what I mean? He didn't look depressed. Like he, you know. Yeah.

Shocking. Yeah. And so that's what frightened me a little bit because I thought, oh, that is a demonstration of how effective, how effectively somebody can mask. that they're having those thoughts and so obviously like to be honestly you selfishly you start looking at what you could have done differently and you start thinking about

could I've supported him more effectively and like you know what could I've done and then then I thought I want to do something I can't do anything for him it's too late to do anything for him and that's why his him taking his life is the whole reason I've got so heavily involved in mental health charities

and stuff like because I just thought how do I how am I going to sort of how do I make amends with this I can't make amends with him but I can do try and do something for other people and that's kind of how it went into it but yeah it's

it's horrible man it's an obvious thing to say but it's no it is and also I think that what's shocking about it is anybody who's known anybody who's done it it's like you just wouldn't know no so the fact that you're

I think it's really good and healthy and helpful as well that people can come on like you can come on this podcast and we can and you can say I've had those thoughts because it's good for you to be able to articulate that but it's also really good for other people to say oh I'm not alone in this and it's not something to feel alienated about no but there is help out there and we will put on this episode for sure yeah like some charities that you're connected with and stuff Leslie Jones, do you want to get hotter than you already are? I brought my fan.

Come in. Do you love crying? No, I don't like crying. That's why I limit it. If I need to cry, I'll cry, get it out, and then solve the problem. Because that's what Virgo's do. Get it out, cry it out. Go wash your face.

Move on. Go have a glass of water. walk around your yard, touch grass, see face, touch a tree. Like, for real, it's honestly a real thing. What do you think? Do you like men that cry? Not too much. I don't want them to cry too much, but I do want them to cry.

I want, because men think, you know, crying is bad, which is not. I want them to show definite emotions, you know what I'm saying? But I don't want to cry baby. If you ever experienced one. Yeah, fuck yeah. Those ones that like, oh, God, just like, Jesus Christ, boy. Crying again. Grow the fuck up.

Gene, go, I'm going to fuck. I have a uterus and I have never cried as much as you cry. That's the man's worst nightmare if someone's saying that to you. But I go, what is the reason that you're crying like this? Like, like, and it's another thing. Parents, raise your fucking kids, man. They're supposed to learn rejection from you. They're supposed to learn sadness from you.

they're supposed to learn how to fucking deal with their problems from you not from their fucking girlfriend not from their teacher from you you stop telling your little boy he's fucking special stop doing that if he's not fucking special mommy special little boy like yeah you keep saying that and this motherfucker becomes a fuck boy that's what he becomes grab that motherfucker at 10 years old push his ass down a couple of times don't let him go around the house walking straight up push him down

teach him laundry teach him how to fucking do his laundry because he's disgusting sadness so in your life when sad things have happened which I'm sure they are because most comedians use comedy

to get through trauma when people show you empathy showing you kindness do you feel comfortable receiving that. It took me a long time to do that. And I still struggle because I always feel like don't pet me. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like give me a minute. I'm going to calm down. I'll get to where I need to go to. But don't pet me. But it's not petting if it's someone really being genuine. You know what I'm saying? It takes a long time to.

And that's why I always tell people, the stuff that I preach is stuff that I had to fight too. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I know. know what it feels like on that other side. When's a time, can you think of a time where someone showed you true empathy, kindness for something you were going through?

And you were like, do you know what? Thank God. Oh, yeah. When my brother died. Yeah. When my brother died, I was on set. I was on set and doing a movie. And Loretta Devine, she came over and sat in the chair and she just held my hand.

And she was like, you're always going to be on set when this shit happens. Like, you're going to lose a brother's sister. her uncle is always on set you know and she just sat there with me it's so crazy this industry's like it's one of the only times places where you can't just go home you have to keep going

and you have to have the same energy like you can I've been in situations where like on Ghostbusters when we did Ghostbusters and now I look at it I go oh my out like I had to keep moving like I can see myself resting you go oh fuck you're always on camera you know it's never it's never an end you know had she been did she empathize because she'd been through trauma

yeah yeah yeah so that must have been so hard it was very hard because my the role i was doing was comedy and so i would do this comedy these crazy things in the daytime and then go back to the hotel and just cry just cry and it was so great because the hotel would send up hot chocolate every night they knew they knew what was going on so every night they would send up hot chocolate On Monday nights, I would watch Melrose Place, which was my favorite show at the time. And they would just send up stuff. But it was hard. It was hard.

How long do you think the griefs during its days forever, that kind of grief? It definitely stays forever, but it gets better. That's the only thing I tell people. The thing that you got to remember is that if those people could come back and tell you anything, they would tell you, I'm fine. You need to move on because you're still here and live your life. you know, don't, you know, cry over me. Yes, the people that left behind that struggle the most.

Right. That's why, you know, you got to take that time to really, you know, mourn and don't hurt yourself because that's what I did. I hurt myself a lot. How? Well, just, you know, men, drugs, just carelessness, not sleeping, just sleeping, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like self-harm.

Just self-harm like a motherfucker. And it's so crazy because when I got SNL, all of it. that had to change. I had to, I had, I was forced to go to therapy. When you go to the doctor, right, you're like, I'm, I'm scared that the doctor's going to tell me something bad because I haven't been eating well, this, this and this. But then the doctor comes and go, hey, your cholesterol is a little high. You need to do this, you know, whatever. And you leave there and you go, no, no, what the fuck is wrong with me. That's great. That's the same thing with therapy. They sit down and they tell you the clinical thing that you're going through. Because what you're going through, you're going

through is has a definition yeah you know so it's like I feel like sometimes we overdefine feelings you know I'm I know that there's a such thing as ADHD all of that stuff but I think sometimes that we are just so literal about things that happen to us and realize that it's life happening not just a condition you know what I mean not because I don't want people to be like oh I have a good I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm just saying that some days you are sad It's true. And some things you are not saying. I've looked up every mental health disorder because I'm a hypochondriot and I'm always

like, how? I check so many on that list. And every single one says it can be hereditary or genetic, but it can also be triggered by trauma. So like if bad things happen to you, I remember going to the doctor once and I was like, and they said, do you want this medication? Right. And I said, no, I want help.

Like, I need to talk to. to talk to somebody to know them to feel like because when because you're reacting to something terrible like when your brother died it would be weirder and crazy at madder if you weren't grieving if you weren't struggling exactly and that's the first thing that my therapist said yeah and that's the first thing my therapist told me it was like what you went through was normal like yeah and you go oh and then she starts explaining it in a way of like oh so I was okay you were so that was a real thing That was a, you know, like... Maybe the, like, drugs hoeing yourself, whatever it was.

Exactly. That wasn't... That wasn't a way to do that. But that was a symptom of the healthiness. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hello.

Hello. Oh, hello. Oh, how are you? Do you mind taking off your shoes here? Really? You're not one of those houses, are you? I have. Sorry.

You've changed. You used to be fun. Have you ever cried on orgasm? Have I ever cried an orgasm? I'm just thinking about uncorking, and I have cried on orgasm quite a lot of times. What did the person think? I have to sort of say afterwards, I... So you're like, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Yeah, and then I cry, because I've unlocked something that was maybe I was holding on to, like, a... sadness or something. And it's the same thing as euphoria. And the sadness came out of your vagina. Well, I think women can have two types of orgasm, but that's another podcast. That's another podcast. I want to be invited onto that one. Well, I think that we have a physical orgasm, which is like rubbing, friction-based.

And then we have these orgasms that are like very emotional where our whole body's invested in, our whole being is part of it. And, like, that's the one where I would cry because I might have, like, held some emotions in and then the orgasm will be through my body. And I sort of, it's like an out-of-body experience. Are you jealous? I'm jealous about having two.

Do you want, why don't you do another podcast and call it Come Again? And it's all the guests from this one. Yeah. Just coming to cry on orgasm together. Oh, that's lovely. That's like a bog off on coming. You get two for the price of one. Aren't you lucky, you women?

Well, we are lucky. And you get an extra five years of life. But we're not always lucky because sometimes we get none. That is a sweeping generalisation. All women are so lucky. Forget all of your strides. We often get no orgasms, Alan. And that's the rubbish thing.

Can you imagine that? Not having a, but that's what you do it all for. No orgasms. Well, it might be that the person. And then they just go, right, should you watch a film? Oh, that's a very manly thing, and they roll over. They've done her. And you're like, excuse me.

I would like my refund here. Yeah, hello? I haven't even had one orgasm, but I want two. Oh, here's the old battle axe. She's so demanding. She's so demanding. You know, you mentioned quite high on your list of things that make you sad a death of an animal. Oh, God, yeah.

Don't get me started, but carry on. Do you think this is a big one that the death of Bev who I met and was a wonderful person was maybe tied up a bit in your sadness about the end of your marriage? I think it was the other way round. I think it just sort of compounded it really.

It was like really shit time, marriage falling apart. All these ending. All the ending. And then the first gift that Paul gave me was the dog and then the dog dies. It was more symbolism than anything. But you know when she died, I was doing, it was the first day of an Agatha Christie documentary I was doing.

And I was working and Paul said, Bev is going, she's going now. And then she died. And then I got food poisoning on the same day. Do you remember that food poisoning that went around London? Yeah. So I, and I was dressed as Poirot when I heard she died. It was the most surrealist thing.

You don't want that way. I know. And then I was grieving. And then I nearly shapped myself with the food poisoning. And I said to my mum, I said, I think I've shapped myself. She went, all people grieve in different ways. I said, no. I said, it's the food poisoning.

My mum thought I was so upset. I'd shat myself. But the thing is, I wouldn't have found if I'd chat myself in my clothes. but I was in the Poirot outfit that David Soucher had donated to the museum. The actual one. Yes, the actual one. And I was like, I mean, obviously I would pay for any dry cleaning costs, but that would have to go proper high end.

And if I couldn't get the stain out, I mean, that's like, that's disgusting. There's those tie pens. He's never going to lend anything again, is it? But I didn't do it, thank God. Did you and Paul get together and grieved together? Yeah, we did grieve together, you know. But the thing is, the marriage just fell apart. And people always look for the clickbait thing and all that.

But we had loads of years together. We just ended. It just ended. 13 years, we gave it a good go. That's a lifetime. If we were in Victorian times. Especially with the gays, that's like dog years. And also back in the day before, like the advancement of medical science,

we'd all be dead by and. now, because you died at 40. I know. So that's a lifetime. Yeah, yeah, that is a lifetime. So well done. And that's it, you know, and then he's happy now. I'm happy that we moved on.

So, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. But yeah, it was when Bev, when it was all a bit sad and everything. But, yeah, you know, you're getting better with it and stuff. And I like that thing what Richard D. Grant said, you don't get over grief. You go around it and you do.

And, you know, I can look at photos of Bev and I'll be like, oh. and then her will just come into my head and then you're bawling in the street for no reason, do you know what I mean? Have you done that? Yes. How do people respond to you if you're crying in the street?

Because I have done it and it's... Well, I'm not like you. I don't go, ah! I mean... Help me! People are, is she orgasmere? Is she crying? No, because I'm quite shy of crying,

so I probably will just go, like that. I mean, this woman, I love it a bit. She's so sweet. She does the most genuine animal portraits. So I'm on my phone near Oxford Circus. I know it's been a year since Bev died, so I did a drawing,

and it was so lifelike. And then I went like in her in a win her. It's because there she was. It was like, oh, my God. I'm getting a bit tearful now. I was like, fuck, you know. And then I was fine. you get it out of you.

You've got to just get it out, haven't you? Really? Yeah. The relief. The grief and the release. And then you go, oh, what lovely picture. But yeah, I mean, ambushed by a dead dog. You know, when you were filming the Poirot thing,

did you have to go back on set and then put a brave face on and be that performer who's going through something behind the scenes? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I didn't get all Martin McCutcheon. This is my moment. You know, you just, you just, you're back. your eyes down and you get on with it.

You are more emotionally led, aren't you? Yeah, I think. Yeah, you see, I'm, sometimes I feel like you're asking me this question. I don't really, I don't think I have that much emotion and fire as you, because you're like, when have you been mad? And you're like, oh, what was it like when you cried? You thought you met Penelope Cruz. I just went, just wiped my nose, really, and just blew my nose and carried on with life, you know.

I think it's because I'm half spous. On the grave. It's my Spanish. You're Spanish. You're like that though, aren't you? We are. The funerals over there with the veils and the screaming. The theatre of it.

Yes, you see, I think. But you like to indulge in the private, like. I'm private. But then why are you like this? Because you have your outlet, you're on, you do TV, the film, you do concerts, gigging. But you see, that's my outlet. It might be a good time to actually just get my mum to art. Answer that. Pam, come in here, please. Can you explain this hot mess?

Pam, please. My mum's here to answer that. You've got some explaining to do. Why is she like this? She's encouraged it, emotions and talking about feelings, haven't you? I think I have, but she's quite dramatic. No shit. Yeah. Very... Why is she a hot mess? Emotional. Emotionally hot mess. But she wasn't as a child, you know? No. Not at all. I mean, I sometimes get quite shocked at what Paloma talks about.

I know. She's been on my podcast. She mentioned blowjob. She's never given one. Good for you, Pam. Of course she has. You see, Pam. Well, I'm quite surprised in the way Paloma has become as an adult.

Yeah. Because as a child, she was really quite, didn't express herself a lot. She was always very cooperative. Was she quiet? Yes. Oh, what? Yes. I mean, at one point, um,

One of my friends who taught her said to me, oh, we've got to do something about Palermo. I said, what do you mean? She needs assertion training. Imagine she does say to me. Assertion training. I need to speak to this woman. Yeah, and so what I did was...

She's the woman who's responsible for this. So what I didn't... So do you know what I did? He's making it about me. Oh, as if you're complaining. No, but I wanted you to talk about emotions. But some people don't want it. Some.

No, my mum. Oh, your mum, okay. Not you, you've done enough. Yeah, okay. This is the rudest podcast I've ever been on. One, two, three, four. I'm really bad, right and bad. But wasn't that great?

All of the links of everything we mentioned in the show can be found in the episode description. Oh, and while you're there, why not subscribe and follow the show too? See you all next time. Later, potatoes. SOTOMAYOR SOTOMAYOR