Marketing Secrets with Russell Brunson - Want REAL Persuasion? Then STOP "Demand Relationship"

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

How to create true change that actually lasts... On today's episode Russell talks about how our society has always functioned in a "Demand Relationship" and how it will never bring about real change. Here are some of the awesome things to listen for in this episode: Find out what it means to be in a demand relationship and why it can only work that way for so long. Find out why shaming people into change doesn't work. See why inspiring action is the way to make true change. So listen here to find out how you can inspire true change within your own community. Transcript - https://marketingsecrets.com/blog/317-want-real-persuasion-then-stop-demand-relationship Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fall is almost gone, but have you sipped enough Starbucks Fall Faves? Enough of the Pumpkin Spice Latte, the cinnamony pumpkin-flavored legend, or the new Iced Apple Crisp Non-Dairy Chai, so silky, so smooth. How about the new Pecan Crunch-Out Latte? Nutty, buttery deliciousness and crunchy pecan flavor. Trick question, of course. It's the last call for fall, so don't miss out on your fall faves. Next stop, Starbucks. What's up, everybody? This is Russell Brunson. Welcome

back to the Marketing Secrets Podcast. I'm excited today to be talking about marketing and persuasion and things that I think can help us in this insanely crazy time that we are living today. So with that said, let is a cute theme song. We come back, we're talking about persuasion, demand relationship, and how to actually create change. So the big question is this, how are entrepreneurs like us who didn't cheat and take on venture capital, we're spending money from our own pockets, how do we market in a way that lets us get our products and our services and the things that we believe in out to the world and yet still remain profitable?

That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Russell Brunson and welcome to Marketing Secrets. Alright everybody, so I'm sure you have been logging onto the internet over the last little bit and you have probably seen all the things that are happening. I do not want to get into specifics. I do not want to get into politics. I don't want to get into anything because that's outside of my calling. My calling is I've been called to serve entrepreneurs and help them and give them a voice and help them to be able to create the change and the things that they believe in.

And so I want to give you guys a skill set today to help you as you are trying to create change in whatever capacity you want it to be. And that's where I'm going. And that's as far as I'm going. So it's been interesting, um, just in the, the climate. It's just so funny how, how, all, how everybody's got to kind of pick their words a little carefully now. So, um, which I don't enjoy. Um, but you know, obviously the climate right now is different than, than any other time in our history, at least my history personally. And, um, there's a lot of

stuff happening and, and I see a lot of people who are trying to create change for, for things they believe in, which is amazing, which is why I think we are here. We're all here. We're called, um, to go serve different groups of people, right? Like I think all of us have a calling and it's like, this is something that if you felt it for your tugs at you and you're trying to go out there and you're trying to make change, um, try and make, um, people's lives better. Right.

And that's why, that's why we create businesses. That's why we do all the things we do. Um,'s difficult because when we first start, at least for me, when I first started to try to do this, I didn't have a very good skillset. I was just like, you have to buy my stuff. What are you dumb? Just buy my stuff. And that was kind of my level of skillset and persuasion was that. It was just like, I promise you something great. Just do it. Just listen to me. Just trust me. And guess what happened when I, when I tried to, to, uh, to persuade people that way, it didn't work very well. Right. So I had to start learning like persuasion. How do you, how do you get somebody to move? How do you get someone to care?

How do you create empathy? How do you like all these different things? Right. And, uh, it's taken me, man, 15 plus years or more to kind of learn these things. And I'm definitely not perfect at it, but, um, you know, I've, I've had some success in my life because of it. And I want to just, I want to give some, some tools for anybody, uh, for everybody who's listening, um, because there are different, there are different things that are happening. And, um, and I think that if, if we really want change to happen in any area of our life, we need to increase our skill set to become better. And so a couple things that I want to talk about. Number one, I'm going to quote the great Stacey and Paul Martino. They are funnel hackers. Stacey spoke at Funnel Hacking Live two years ago. And if you know anything about them, they have a company called Relationship Development

and they help couples, but not just couples, help anyone in a relationship. It could be coworkers, could be boss slash employee, could be whatever. And I've been through a lot of different training for relationships and marriage and all sorts of stuff. And their stuff is by far the best I've seen. So if you have a chance to study them, do. They've got a really cool podcast called the relationship transformers and they go deep into this stuff. They've got a live events that I've been to. They've got, I mean, they're just, they're, they're awesome. I'm hoping someday they write a book, but they haven't yet. So keep on crossing our fingers. But one of the concepts that they talk about that I think is so important for us to understand today. In fact, um, they, they moved to Boise recently and last Sunday we went on a walk with them and

kind of talking about this, this, this, this, the crazy stuff that's happening right now. And she said, Stacey said something really powerful. She said, the reason why they're struggling is they're all using demand relationship. And so they have this whole concept called demand relationship, which is brilliant. And again, you need to go through their events, listen to podcasts to really understand it. We've talked before about doing a live event with them. Maybe we'll try to do something like that soon. We stream it here from Boise's headquarters just so you guys can learn more about demand relationship. But the concept is demand relationship is the thing that us humans as a society have used over the last, I don't know, however many years we've been here on this

planet to get what we want, right? And so demand relationship is basically like, in fact, it's funny, you see it at school, you see it at home, you see it in almost every relationship where there's like, there's a power player and there's like the lesser person, right? And the power player demands that the person does the thing. And, you know, for generations that worked until the lesser person, I can't really call them, there's the power player, which is like the person who's demanding the thing. And then there's the other person. And demand relationship works until the other person has the ability to leave. And it was interesting, he talked about why this is why kids a lot of times, like the parent is the power player, like forcing the kids to do the thing. And as soon as the kids are 18, it's like,

oh, they leave and they just disappear and they go crazy because they've been under this demand relationship their whole life. Right. And the parents are like, yeah, I'm forcing my kid to do good so that therefore they're going to be good. And it's like, that's not actually how it works. They may be good under your, your reign and your thumb, but the second they have a chance to leave, they're gone. And they talk about this a lot in, um, in marriages as well. Right. Like a lot of times in a marriage, there's a demand player who's in charge of everything and demands whatever's going to happen. And so that worked in marriages forever until the divorce laws became a thing. And as soon as people could divorce and they could leave, then demand relationships crumble.

And you think about this in business, the same thing. Like if you're a boss and you're demanding your person, if the person's free to leave, it crumbles. But that's the only skills that we have because that's what we've seen happen throughout time. We've seen this happen in governments. We've seen it happen with our families. We've seen it happen with our parents. We've seen it happen in offices, at school, at tea, everything. Our whole brain has been wired with this thing called demand relationship. And what's crazy about Stacey and Paul's work is their whole job is to rewire our brains to not do demand relationship, which is hard, especially when it's the pattern that we're all so familiar with. What's interesting is I've been watching this with all the controversy happening online,

and the people who are trying to create change instead of going about it the way that actually causes truthful change, which again, Stacey and Paul call this relationship development, and they have a whole system stuff. But instead of that, everybody's going to demand relationship because that's what they know, that's what they understand, that's what they think is going to work. So coming in, they're demanding people

to believe what they believe and to say what they say and they're trying to force people. And right now they're getting some traction. People are scared and they're shifting and there's a power player and they're forcing their hand and they're saying the thing that they want to say,

but it's not creating true, actual change. And then I was looking on Instagram and Neil Strauss, who by the way is awesome, some context. Neil Strauss, he's written a ton of books. He's like a 10-time New York Times bestseller. But I found out about him, he wrote this book called The Game, which is like how to pick up, it was like how to be a pickup artist or something, which is like kind of a famous marketing book

because it teaches persuasion, all these cool things like that. Anyway, so I, when we were first launching ClickFunnels, I went and built funnels for a whole bunch of people because I wanted to, you know, just make, just build cool funnels. And so we flew out and did funnels for a lot of really cool people. One of the people was Neil Strauss. I didn't really know him that well. Only thing I knew about him was, was this book he'd written called The Game, but I didn't know much about him. We hung out for a night while we built a funnel for him, and he legitimately was one of the neatest,

one of my favorite people I think I've ever met. He had an event the next day. He stayed until like 4 in the morning with us just talking and asking questions. Just a fascinating human. I really respect Neil. Anyway, I digress. So he posted on Instagram the other day, something that was just so powerful. He said, shaming someone into action creates acting, inspiring someone into action creates change. I was like, whoo, dang. And then he's posting this in the middle of this chaos, right? As he's seen it too, it's like, you can shame someone into, uh, into action, which creates acting where you can inspire

someone to action creating, which creates change. Stacey and Paul talk about this also in their, in their, um, in their trainings, like you said, you know, demand relationships, like forcing someone to be, to do what you want them to do. Um, but the opposite of that is transformation through inspiration. I'm probably messing up some of the stuff. You should buy everything they put out there because it'll help you understand it better. But transformation through inspiration. Like if you inspire people, it makes them want to transform themselves, right? So here, no stress.

Inspiring someone to action creates change. How do you inspire someone? Like that's different. And I'm obviously religious and I believe in Christ. And I think about Christ, like when he came and he ministered here on this earth, right? He wasn't the one out there like forcing people to change. He was out there teaching and inspiring and setting a perfect example for us to look at and the model. And by looking at Christ's example inspired us to want to change, inspired us to want to become better.

Right. And that's if you read the Bible, if you read any of the religious books out there, it's it's us learning about Christ's life. Because like when we learn about his life, in spite of what happened to him and everything that he kept caring and kept loving, it's like, oh, my gosh, like that inspiration of a human is what actually creates change. And so I just wanted to share this with everybody because I know, you know, today we're fighting and arguing about one topic, tomorrow with something else. But each of you guys, more importantly, I believe is in your own sphere of influence. You've got opportunities to help people. And this could be in your marriage, could be in your family, it could be with your, the, you know, the people that you serve inside of your community, whatever that thing is, right? And so the more you understand, like, demand a relationship by coming in, like, trying to force people to believe or to do, it, again, like Neil said, shaming someone into action creates acting. It's going to create acting, they may do it for a little bit, but it's not how you create, how you really change them.

The way you really do is you inspire them. That's true persuasion. That's where you actually get people to change, not to get them to act. And it's hard. It's more difficult. The man relationship is way easier. It's way easier to yell at someone

and to force someone to become a power player and push somebody to do what you want them to do. It's harder to change yourself, to be able to learn, how can I inspire these people to change? How can I create my message, tell my story in a way that makes them want to change, that inspires them? Again, inspiring someone into action creates change as opposed to demand relationshiping them and becoming the power player, making the most noise and forcing them to start acting but not

actually create real change. So anyway, I would just say for all of us who are trying to learn how to persuade and to lead, especially in these times where it's hard, it's difficult, and man, every word you say, you get destroyed online. Positive or negative, I've seen some of my best friends who've just gotten beat up. Man, I got beat up. My friends got beat up for literally saying anything. Anyway, I won't get into it. But just understanding that if you really want to create change, it comes down to you. It doesn't come to you shaming somebody into acting. It comes into you inspiring someone into action.

And it's harder. It's going to be harder for you. It's going to be way easier to be in a mad relationship and to yell and be angry and's harder. It's going to be harder for you. It's going to be way easier to be in a manned relationship and to yell and be angry and be mean. It's going to be way harder for you to learn how to inspire someone. But that's the only way to create real change. And so I want to encourage all of you to start learning those things. How do you tell your story better? How do you become the person you need to be so people want to follow you?

What did Christ have to do? He led a perfect example and people followed him. And even with that, he was, you know, people destroyed him. People, I mean, he was, he was murdered for it. Right? And so it's not going to be perfect, but, um, it's how you create true change that lasts. So I hope that helps, um, all of us as we're navigating this, this crazy time. It'll probably just keep on getting crazier. At least till these elections are over. I don't even care who wins.

I just want this thing to be done with election years are never fun. Especially now we have this internet thing where we're all connected and we all have a chance to tell our opinions and I will not have an opinion until this election's over. Anyway, uh, but I will try my best to be a good person to try to inspire change. And if I can do that for someone out there that makes this a win. So anyway, I appreciate you all. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed this. And I hope that it inspires you to go and look deeper, start understanding this concept of demand relationship and figure out how to get yourself out of it. Go study St. Paul, go look in iTunes under relationship, transform a podcast, look for that relationship

development.org, go and buy their stuff, study their things. Like, um, the quicker you can learn this concept and how to break it, um, the better. So I appreciate y'all. Thanks so much for everything. And we'll talk to you soon. Bye, everybody. Hey, everybody. This is Russell again. And really quick, I wanted to invite you to join arguably the best thing that we've ever put out inside the ClickFunnels community. And it is a challenge we call the One Funnel Away Challenge. You know, everyone in their business, in their life, they're one funnel away from something.

Some of you guys are one funnel away from quitting your job. Some of you guys are one funnel away from getting more impact. Some of you guys are a funnel away from growing your company to the next level. And so we created this challenge to help you to create and launch your first or your next funnel. No matter where you are in your business, this challenge is going to help you. It's going to help you understand the strategy, help you understand the tactics, help you understand all the things you need to be successful with your funnel.

So what I recommend you do right now is stop everything, pause this audio, go online, and go to OneFunnelAway.com. That's OneFunnelAway.com and join the next challenge. There's a challenge starting in the next few days, so go get started right now. OneFunnelAway.com.