Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Criminals Get Honest About Regret (Hilarious & Emotional)

Starting point is 00:00:01 On June 18, 2023, Ocean Gate's Titan submersible imploded during an expedition dive to the Titanic, killing all five on board, including Ocean Gate founder and CEO Stockton Rush. Numerous industry experts and employees from within Ocean Gate itself had warned Rush of impending doom, citing safety concerns and a lack of testing. His hubris, ego, and reckless desire for innovation over all else cost him his life and that of four others. The catastrophic destruction of the Titan submersible sent shockwaves through the ocean exploration industry that are still being felt today. The Ocean Gate Titan Submersable, a preventable tragedy, a two-part series available now on shipwrecks and sea dogs. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Starting point is 00:00:51 Give me the money. He hit me so when I go, oh! That's when I got my lip-bitten off. Now I have two women pregnant four and a half months apart. This is horrible. I won't say it's hell. Whatever was broken before is snap. To me, I look back on my life and I see all the failures and mistakes and just the shitty things I've done in life.

Starting point is 00:01:15 And I didn't realize how bad my conscience was. I was like six years old and I found a silver dollar. And I knew that if I kept that silver dollar, I could get four video games. I hid my shoes in my mom's car because she would have to go to work and I wouldn't have to go to school the next day. And I could go down to this is Italian. restaurant in Manassas and the guys loved me. They gave me a soda. Yeah, I was a cute little kid.

Starting point is 00:01:37 They gave me a soda and I was going to play video games and it was going to be cool. So I hid my shoes and my mom was forced to go to work. My brothers went to school. So I was by myself and I went down there to play the video games. And as I was playing the video games, an older guy sat down. I'm six years old. It would be like maybe three minutes. It was asteroids.

Starting point is 00:01:55 I was terrible at it. It was fun. And he was like, what's wrong? I was like, well, I don't have any work for me. He's like, hey, you know, the bums across street fall asleep with their wallets. You want to go, want to go there and get a couple more dollars? And I was like, yeah, sure. Like, yeah, it made perfect sense that there'd be bums asleep with money.

Starting point is 00:02:14 Right. At six. And when we walked across the street, there was no bums. And he went from a really nice, caring guy to a really predatorial, mean. And he was just, he was hard on me. And that's where the fear began for the first time because even though the event that happened was one thing and that was terrifying and when I finally thought it was all over and I thought that I was going to, I just wanted to get home. That's all I could think about it's like, just let me, and I wasn't thinking I'm going to go tell. I was just thinking I want to live.

Starting point is 00:02:48 I want to get the fuck out of here. And he made me stop and he took it. They're like, it's hard to describe. They were white and it looks like they're like an oil refinery, but in the bottom of these big, all refinery things have been asked on the where the park where we went was just full of sludge and he was holding me like over and he's like if you're talking about i'll fucking kill you i'll leave you in here right and and that's what i was just i just not it's never going to end like i didn't think the moment would end and i just kept crying that pissed him off and he'd hit me for crying and

Starting point is 00:03:20 i remember because we had to go to like a gate that had just a little opening and when i could finally get through that gate and he wasn't pulling me back anymore and he let me go i was just it just everything changed in my mind at that point and and I think the biggest regret I have is because I didn't tell like I lied and it's like when it came out a little bit I wouldn't say who it was and it only said anything because it happened again but with with and I'm not going to say who but but probably the one person I love most on this earth the most below person in our family and um you know I didn't have the courage to say anything I'm sorry I get worked up that's right I didn't

Starting point is 00:04:00 have the courage to say anything. So that, that, when my, when the person I love most also got hurt by him, I just, I just never recovered mentally from that. And, and I think I, on some level, broke then, because I always felt dirty after that. I always felt gross. I always was, and my temper changed. I went from a very loving charismatic kid. There's pictures of me like doing the, the John Travolta, we called it. Right. You know, naked running around. I was just a, a happy kid. that we were poor to a dark person. And when I was 12 years old, we got to spend two whole weeks with dad. And when we came back, I had a big fight with my mom because I left some clothes or something there.

Starting point is 00:04:41 And I was like, I'll go live with dad. And I went to live with dad. And living with dad was completely different than visiting with dad. Right. You know, visiting with dad meant we got candy bars for dinner and we got to go out and we got to go, you know, and I could, dad would put me in like his car and he let her truck, actually, and he let me ride. Right. He'd get me up at like 4 a.m.

Starting point is 00:05:01 And we'd go to that bar that it's not really a bar. It's like a, it was like a mobile home inside of a mountain. And you walk in and it's just, just men and cigarettes. And I could have all the little sodas I wanted. And dad would sit there and drink. We called that going hunting. Right. And taking Jake hunting with me.

Starting point is 00:05:19 But, but in reality, living with him was vastly different. Fastly different. It's scary. My stepmom, I thought I was a beating pole for her. And which I, it didn't. didn't really, man. I didn't care if she hit me. Because it didn't, like, once, you know, remember when they had the paddles. And I had a big ego because when she broke the paddle on me, I thought I was something. He hasn't been off the dog about it. No, I would know exactly. My brother and I used to work out all the time. And I remember my mom one time got mad at my brother. And she punched him in the shoulder. But she hit him in the arm. And she goes, oh! And she heard her hand. He goes, you see that? He goes, his mom just broke her fingers on my, on my biceps. You know, like we were laughing about it. So you moved.

Starting point is 00:06:03 You were with dad, your father. Oh, yeah, I was with dad. And it just wasn't working out. So when my brother came to visit a couple weeks later, I was like, tell mom I'm right. Because when I left, she's like, whenever you're ready to come home, just tell Travis. You know, I couldn't tell dad. That would be bad. So I would have to tell Travis when I was ready to come home.

Starting point is 00:06:21 And after a couple weeks with dad, it was just, you know, it's very depressing there. Everything was different. Going to school there was different. Dad was never home when he was home. when he was home, he was mean or drinking. I just didn't want to live there anymore. And I'm a mama's boy. I wanted to be back home.

Starting point is 00:06:35 That's all I've ever known. So I told my little brother to tell my mom, and I remember we, you know, because my dad takes back to Fairfax, either drop travis off or whatever, and then we drive back. And we got back to the trail and the thumb rang. And I swear to God, he looked at me, he said, he said, okay, next Saturday. And hung up, he said, you got your wish. And he didn't speak to me all that week. When he dropped me off that next Saturday, he just said.

Starting point is 00:06:59 just like never asked me for anything again and that was it we never spoke again how old were you 12 I had a mental breakdown Jesus like my because that happened in the beginning of the year so I was getting right oh it was 11 getting ready to turn 12 because when I turned 12 and he didn't want to talk to me or birthday card or anything um my mom called me he's like your son's having a mental breakdown to take to a psychiatrist you need to talk to him no and hung up on her so I'd never talk to him again that was that was it that was the last time we ever spoke and it really wasn't even the Speaking. Flash forward to 15. I'm the pool boy. I'm the grill at Army Navy Country Club. I meet Molly Barnes. She just did her freshman year at Old Miss. She's the head lifeguard.

Starting point is 00:07:41 She's driving a 1989 yellow LX convertible. And I convince her that, hey, let's hang out one night. And I'm 15. I'm taller than her, but I'm 15. I'm a kid. And she was like, sure. And she was drinking sun-kissing ingrained because that's what she drink at school. And I'm telling you, she's a half a bottle. sunkissing grain and she drops the sunkiss in her yellow convertible and she rips off her shirt to dry it. I'm like, holy shit, those are boobs. Right. I'm pumped. I'm like, oh, God, I'm 15. I'll go right in. Yeah. And we're kissing and we're making out. I'm 15. I am not experienced. I mean, not like this. And so she's like, I got to pee and she goes and peas. And when she turns around, I'm right there. I'm like, hey, she's like, oh, we're having sex. I was

Starting point is 00:08:25 like, yes. Hell yeah, we are. We're having sex. And it lasted like to, like, and she had to help me. Like, I'm just poking all around. She's like, hold on a second. There you go. And I was like, oh, shit. Oh, it's the greatest feeling in the world. And it's funny because my older brother was visiting.

Starting point is 00:08:40 So soon as it's over, I'm not like trying to cuddle. I'm like, thanks. And I shoot into the house to tell my brother. Exactly. Tell something. I can tell my older brother. My older brother, who's 18 and just this huge guy. And I wanted to tell him.

Starting point is 00:08:54 He didn't believe me. I was like, Brian, I just had sex. I needed. Shut up. And the funny, like, so she rolls out. I literally just live, like, thank you. And go to tell my brother. And I guess she drives home.

Starting point is 00:09:06 So the next morning I'm pumped. I'm in love. I just had sex with an 18-year-old girl. I just lost my virginity. Right. It's one. So I show off to Harvey-David-Cutchecoe the next day. And I'm sitting there in the chair and she's swimming laps.

Starting point is 00:09:18 And she gets up, like, what do you want? I was like, anyway, I was like, last night. She's like, nothing happened last night. I think, nothing happened last night. We made love. She ended up. ended up getting together, but it took like two weeks for her to get over my age. And that was my first love, Molly Barnes. Man, we were having sex 15 times a day. She was on the pill. Man, my little

Starting point is 00:09:39 weaner hurt all the time. And then I'm madly in love with her. I'm keeping my job. I'm not getting trouble. I'm not fighting. I'm not doing anything. I'm not breaking the law. I'm just, I'm just head over heels because I'm a 15 year old with a college girlfriend that's relatively hot. Hey, we're having sex. We talk a lot about crime on this show. But let's face. it, some of the biggest crimes are committed by the government. You've heard the story before. Big Pharma swoops in to take control. Now, the FDA is trying to reclassify NMN, a natural compound in foods like broccoli and avocados, as a pharmaceutical drug. Why? Because NMN is so effective, they want to turn it into a pricey drug, keeping its health benefits out of the reach of most people. It's likely they're

Starting point is 00:10:22 setting the stage for Big Pharma to profit, making it hard for us to access something that could dramatically support our life. The truth is, I lost over a decade in federal prison. So I want to stay as healthy as long as possible. I'm 55 years old and I'm not ready to slow down. I stay active, eat right, and do all the things that we're supposed to do. But that only gets you so far. That's when I started looking for an NMN supplement. Something backed by real science. After some research, I found cell being by Verso. It's loaded with NMN Resveratrol and TMG. These ingredients work together and are proven to boost your NAD levels, which basically is the fuel that powers the trillions of cells in your body.

Starting point is 00:11:04 I've been taking cell being for a while now, and I've noticed a huge change. I feel sharper, more energized, and just younger. While NMN was recognized as a safe supplement, the FDA made a decision that will make it harder for you and me to get this powerful compound unless we're willing to pay pharmaceutical prices. It makes you wonder who's really benefiting from this change. Don't wait until it's too late to support your body with something that could change the way you age.

Starting point is 00:11:31 Click the link in the description box or head over to Verso, V-E-R.S-O. And use the promo code, Cox, for 15% off your first order. Get it while you still can and take control of your health before the FDA and Big Pharma take it out of your hands. I feel like I'm on top of the world and I get to call. My friend Jason Gerald was going to spend the night with us. and I don't know because you didn't have cell phones back then somehow somebody got to us we were at 7-11 hanging out and they're like your mom with you home right now

Starting point is 00:12:03 they're like holy shit so we get back to the house and Mary's there Uncle Ray's there and I know somebody died I'm like is it grandma and they're like boys you need to sit down and I go who is it grandma and they're like no and I said don't say it's hell

Starting point is 00:12:18 oh man I'll get word of thinking about I was like don't say it tell don't say it And they're like your dad said and I was like, and I just lost my shit. Because my brother started crying. I was like he didn't like you. What do you care?

Starting point is 00:12:32 You know? And I'm losing it. And I just something inside of me just kind of whatever was broken before snapped. And that was the biggest shift because after my dad died, I started. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:47 So my dad, who has always been in cars, it turned out he wasn't even driving. They were in this, 1986, Mustang, and the guy was going, an eighth of a mile.

Starting point is 00:12:58 So I searched this out. Most fatalities are within a quarter mile of the house. It's exactly an eighth of a mile to the house he's living in. And they're going really fast when he's still in Winchester. And they were driving really fast. And a dog came out in the road. And the guy, this idiot,

Starting point is 00:13:12 swerved and this dog. And when he swerved, it hit an embankment. And when it hit the embankment, it shot my dad out of the car. That didn't. But the car flipped and rolled over him and broke his neck. Um, for an understanding, he held on for another two days.

Starting point is 00:13:25 They didn't tell us. They waited till he was, to even tell this, because we didn't, and spoke since I was 12. I mean, this is, this is three years later. I didn't know how to deal with that. Right. Like I didn't, you know, I was mad. I mean, I remember having conversations with my little brother because we lived in the basement and there was a little half wall and I'm like, do you think of him?

Starting point is 00:13:43 He's like, yeah, I think of him. And we had this little MX Yamaha, I was like, should we ride out to him like in our heads at like 12 and 13 and 14. There was a way that we could make it from Fairfax on this little 80 out to Winchester and find him. But I guess we didn't have the courage or we just didn't do it. And then at that point, because Molly Barnes and Shane Bates were my friends, my girlfriend and Shane Bates was my friend, I started drinking and I started being real angry and I started

Starting point is 00:14:11 being real aggressive. And they're like, we don't like you when you drink. You're different. You're a completely different person. You're so angry now. And Molly wanted to love me through it My mom wanted to love me through it But there just wasn't any coming back

Starting point is 00:14:25 For me at that point I don't know why But at that moment I just I kind of cashed out I never exceeded any further in school I kept a broken hand all I did was finally I got my first malicious wounding right after that Did you stay in school though or not I didn't make it past the ninth grade I was I was kicked out now I was just thrown out

Starting point is 00:14:44 And I just decided not to go back But there's no more hope All my friends were like juniors and I'm supposed to be a freshman. Right. Yeah. Did you get a full-time job? No.

Starting point is 00:14:54 Nope. What are you doing? I just lived at the house. Lived it at home. I would get mad at my mom, go to Ole Miss to visit of, because Molly did one more year at Ole Miss and then she went to O'DU to be closer. I was, and she was all in, huh? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:09 She loved me a big time. Oh, my God. She goes back to school and she calls me. She's like, I got to talk to you about something like, oh, shit, what happened? And she's like, wow, I spent the night in a hotel with a guy. Oh, crush it. Oh, dude, that was so hard on her after that. Yeah, I was bad.

Starting point is 00:15:28 I was not a good guy after that. But she'd do anything I asked. She can't. The kind of thing you keep to yourself. Yeah. She could have kept that for me. And we'd probably be married today. Listen, don't, you know, honesty is overrated sometimes.

Starting point is 00:15:46 I mean, I didn't need that at that point of time. much. So, um, I'm sorry. As America turns 250 this year, it has me thinking about the people that really help build this country. Not the ones in history books. I'm talking about American ranchers. The men and women who wake up before the sun, work long days and keep food on our tables year after year. That's exactly why I like good ranchers. Good ranchers honors that legacy by only sourcing their meat from local American farmers and ranchers. Everything from the pasture to the final seal on the box is done right here in America. I'm actually a good rancher's subscriber myself. In fact, my wife and I had the chicken nuggets last night and they were amazing. And that's not the only

Starting point is 00:16:27 thing they have. They have steak, chicken, seafood, and more. And all of it is amazing quality. If you want to support American ranchers and get great meat at the same time, now's the time to try it. Subscribe today and get free meat plus $100 off your first three orders. That's $40 off your first order and $30 off you are next two. my code inside that's good ranchers.com American meat delivered asked me something and I got lost well I was wondering that if you you know like did you at one point did you get a job or is this just just progress it was where my mom's super guilt you know it'd come out about some stuff when I was young because it took a long time for that to come out right um the doctors you know my mom thought the

Starting point is 00:17:10 answer was psychiatrist and and medication and I would buck on it and they'd send me to a mental hospital because I flip out and I wouldn't even flip out that bad I just had really dark thoughts all time not about hurting other people I didn't you know hurting other people was a result to not being able to express myself I I had no I didn't know how to argue right if you thought you know if it was anything that I felt was even going to be combative I was swinging first and I caught this malicious wounding baby my I had a little bro named Travis and baby boss his mom had died and baby we called him big boss because Brian Bosworth haircut and he was super little like he's a little guy.

Starting point is 00:17:47 And we kind of adopted him. His mom died. He was always with us. My brother was either there. He was with us. And he was almost like a mascot that everybody just loved. And these long-haired guys from Oakton High School were picking on him. And I saw it.

Starting point is 00:18:02 And I didn't think. I just went over and started pushing on him. And when the guy wanted to fight back, I'd wrap both my hands around his hair. And I just kept neem him in his face until I pulled out both locks of hair. and he pressed charges. The cops came. I bounced out and they gave me a malicious wounding. We put it down to a simple assault and they put me on probation.

Starting point is 00:18:23 So I was always violating probation with dirty urine for drinking or absconding or running down to Norfolk where O'DU is. So I just stayed in trouble at that point. My mom kind of got scared because finally they were like, we're going to give you a suspended sentence to Beaumont, which is a suspended since the Beaumont, which is a suspended since the Beaumont is juvenile prison. they're like we're taking you off probation we're going to give you a suspended sentence to Beaumont because you're not complying with probation and if you catch another charge we're going to send you to Beaumont that's what it's suspended since the moment was so my mom sent me to Florida so I was in Ocala Forest the Cruz Lane Lake the Lancy where my grandfather and them okay see the grandfather that raised is not my blood grandfather but

Starting point is 00:19:05 Grandpa Cruz he he's half Creek Indian his father was full Creek Indian and so he and he was a lawyer so he sued the state of Florida Florida and they gave him some land on cruise land Lake the Lansing in the middle of the Ocala Forest and it's in Palacca and that's where my mom my grandma and my grandpa were living so my mom set me there and I mean literally it is in the woods bro it is three miles on unpaved roads on sand that you have to keep your wheels perfect in the sand grooves or you get stuck so they thought I'll hide him there to he turns 18 right I just didn't function there well even my grandmother was older she

Starting point is 00:19:43 had enough of me. My mom came to visit for the 4th of July. And she's like, okay, taking you back with me now. And I was pumped. My little brother brought me some acid. We tripped on the beach because we stayed at Crescent Beach. And when I went home, it wasn't a month later. I got to a fight with the YTs. And that was the, uh, the arreys. They called them. They were a bunch of jocks from Lake Braddock and Robinson that called themselves the young terrorist. And what they would do, they would go into a party. And black and white kids, you know, just in upper class, as a matter of fact, or middle class, let's say, and they'd throw up the sign. And then whoever was to their left, woman, girl, boy, didn't matter, they turned and hit him and beat up the whole

Starting point is 00:20:25 party. That was their thing. They're just clowns. And it was funny because we were warring with them pretty hard. If they caught me alone, they would get me. George raised him, jumped me. They jumped Nelson. We would jump them if we saw them. We were having a party at a guy named Quigley. Who was at Quiggy's house? And we were just waiting for them. We knew they couldn't resist this party. It was big, but my friends were older.

Starting point is 00:20:53 I was 17 at this point, and I was only 5'10, but all my friends were older, bruisers, fighters. We were much rougher than they were, and there was like all these bats lined up at the door. But as the party progressed, I was with Matt Saunders, and we were kicking it with two girls. And the fight had started, and I didn't even know. We were in there kicking, and I'm thinking, man, I'm getting late tonight. And I had smoked some, and I don't want to fight at all when I'm on.

Starting point is 00:21:22 I spoke some of when we're drinking. And Matt Saunders and I were talking. I can't remember her name now. And some guy ran and said, Jason, baby brewer was outside. Baby Brewer's outside, which meant my little brother was outside. And I even remember saying, and I ran outside to go see what was up. It kind of like a drone dump. And I saw George Ray is about to hit my little brother in back of the head of the bricks.

Starting point is 00:21:44 They were throwing bricks. It was a big thing. It was in the Wall Street Journal. Not the Wall Street Journal. It was in the Washington Post. So if anybody's looking at this video, just look up Jason Brewer, 17-year-old youth, Washington Post in 1991, it will pull up. But I ran up behind him and I had brass knuckles and I hit this kid in back of the head and it hurt my hand. I don't know if anybody's ever hit anybody with brass knuckles.

Starting point is 00:22:05 I don't recommend it. It hurts. But I hit him in the back of the head and he fell down. And I don't know for whatever reason. I just went to a rage. My little brother was the one there. He had a cane. I took the cane from my little brother, and I'm just beating this kid in the head named

Starting point is 00:22:18 George Reyes to his iPops. And I'm screaming. I'm such a, I'm such adult. I'm screaming, this is Jason Brewer. I want you to know who's doing this to you. Bang, bang. And I kept hitting him. And I thought my head, because these guys are always starting all this trouble.

Starting point is 00:22:34 The police know who they are. They're not going to care that we're kicking their ass. But then I ran off. We were hiding in the woods. It was Matt Dinger and I. We were hiding in the woods. And I was like, hey, this is YT. What are they going to do to us for them?

Starting point is 00:22:47 And I didn't think about how bad I'd hurt this kid. So we came down. They arrested me. They certified me as an adult. My 18th birthday, they moved me over to Fairfax County Jail from the ABC. Because I went to ADC or JDC, Juvenile Detention Center in Fairfax until my 18th birthday because they certified me as an adult and sent me over to the big jail. And that I was freaking scary.

Starting point is 00:23:08 How bad did you hurt the guy when? happened to him. I knocked his eye out of his head, so he gave malicious wounding. He lost him. But it went back in. I mean, he just lost his vision. I understand. But still, that's bad. Yeah, it was a malicious wound. It was pretty bad. And a lot of people got hurt that night. A lot of people got real hurt. After him, we broke a window and pulled a guy out of a car that was hiding in the car and stomped him. It was bad. It was not a cool scene. But it was kind of like revenge for all the times that they had done it. you know, and I guess the 17, it seemed okay.

Starting point is 00:23:43 Now it doesn't seem okay, but back then, right. It seemed like a thing to do. And it wasn't, so, so when all that happens, and I'm getting arrested, I see my little brother drive off, who ends up being his wife later on, Chrissy, but I didn't think I would be in that much trouble.

Starting point is 00:24:01 Right. I was more worried about the suspended sentence to Beaumont, but that was it. They started five years of adult. I told my mom, I didn't do it. So I was kind of forced into going to trial. I had a public pretender, terrible lawyer. And Matt Dinger and Nelson Estrada also were arrested for it.

Starting point is 00:24:20 So the three of us were charged with malicious woundings. They were being college. They got PRC in a 12-month sentence. So they, like, six months, once, what's called? They both had work release, but when I ended up going home, like on the monitor. I took it to trial, I did a three-day trial, and I lost. But Judge Marcus D. Williams, he gave me five years, two and a half to spend it. And back in the early 90s, there was 30 for 30.

Starting point is 00:24:45 So getting two and a half years, man, I did 12 months. I did 12 months in one day, and I'm mandatory it out. But I also received the outpatient drug and alcohol treatment, which was, I was like, drug and alcohol treatment. I drink a little, smoke a little weed, do a little shrooms, maybe drop acid here and they're like, I don't need that. But I went in there and they were all older guys. That sounds like you're using drugs. Oh, this again. Here.

Starting point is 00:25:11 I was like, how upset is he going to be if I reach over and take this out of his? I get fidgety when I think about this stuff because I don't think about this stuff very often. Yeah. Oh, listen, I know. I've interviewed guys that we had, we interviewed, well, a few guys, but one guy, like, literally hadn't ever really sat down and told his story. And I mean, 10 minutes into his story, he's, because he'd never talked about it. Right. In tears, crying.

Starting point is 00:25:38 Yeah. And he was like, I don't know what. You can tell, too, he was like, I don't know what's happening right now. Right. Yeah, of course. Because you think about it. You know what happened. And you could, you can think about that story, but it's like it's in a box, in a shelf that's there.

Starting point is 00:25:51 It's there, but you never really think about it or talk about it. But the moment you actually have to sit down and explain it to somebody, that those emotions come back. And you're not, you know, most guys are just not capable of expressing those emotions without getting emotional. And, of course, you know, guys don't get emotional. That shows weakness, you know. I cry probably maybe three, four times a week. So for no reason. I'll watch a good TikTok.

Starting point is 00:26:16 A good TikTok will make me tear up. Oh, my, I can't watch a movie. Oh, my God, the cabin. I think it's called the cabin. Oh, my God. You get crying all the way through it. Don't look at me. That's not it with my wife.

Starting point is 00:26:32 No, the shack. The name of the movie is the shack. The shack. I'm like, don't watch it. It's so good, but you are going to cry three or four times. It's just brutal. Yeah. My wife will look over and she'll go, are you crying?

Starting point is 00:26:42 No. My eyes are dry. Oh, I like crying now. But it's funny because I've thought about some of this stuff and spoken about someone, but there's other things that hit you. I'm like, man, I didn't, damn. And you're right. It's up in that shelf.

Starting point is 00:26:55 It's been gone for a long time. And then I've tried that hash. And it's funny because I think it's important to talk about it because some people don't know that it's okay to cry. Yeah. It's okay to remember the past. you're not, and I'm not my past today. Right. I think if you never talk about it, then you never, it never helps to change you or to deal

Starting point is 00:27:13 with that. And then you just, you know, that may be the reason that you have such emotional issues to begin with because you've never talked about it or thought about it or, you know, worked your way through it, which is all sounds like, like, like psychology bullshit to me. Some Freudian. It does, it does. But it's true. It's, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:27:34 It's like advice that I give people. would say like when if some young kid calls me or talks to me or says you know and I'm and I'm like he's like what do you think I should do and I'm like oh I think you should do this and I'm sitting there thinking this is the same advice that my father would give you why hasn't anybody hold like I'm not telling you anything a remarkable right but you know but the truth is it's it's it sounds silly and it sounds you know I'm saying it sounds like dad advice but that dad advice from a regular dad right you know is, you know what I'm saying? It's sound advice.

Starting point is 00:28:06 It's just that people don't say it and they don't do it and they don't think about it. And, you know, it has to be said. And sometimes it's the messenger that says that a kid may be open to what you have to say. Unfortunately, it's that weird. Yeah. But it's also a great tool to have because you're reaching people that might not hear it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:22 So it's funny. But weird at the same time. Yeah, I guess it really, some of those people's, those guys, fathers did say it. You probably did say the same thing that I'm telling them. Like, do this, do that. You know, wake up early, work out, you know, show up on time, work hard, you know, do, you know what I'm saying? Save your money. Don't care about what these people think.

Starting point is 00:28:40 You know, you tell all this thing. Same stuff that your mom said to you that you thought. So, though. Yeah. It's funny because I find that the nuclear family, by my own experience, looking at how my kids did, because I, they were nine and five months old when I went to prison. We'll get to that later. And my brothers, who raised their children, they're my brother's strong fathers, like my two cousins or my two cousins. So my two niecese, my niece and nephew are Virginia Tech,

Starting point is 00:29:06 veterinarian school, and sports medicine. My other two, a project manager with two kids. They all live on the same compound with my brother, their dad, and how different their children are and how they were raised by having strong fathers as opposed to my two kids with two different mothers, of course, like that. How awful.

Starting point is 00:29:28 Yes, you guys are awful. I should show what you have. get them beefing with them right now. But go ahead. Let's go back. But no. So what you were saying? So they,

Starting point is 00:29:38 you did, you did what? Was it a year or 12 months? Yeah, 12 months and one day. So one year, one day. But now you've got the suspended sentence hanging over here.

Starting point is 00:29:45 Yeah, I got the two and a half years over my head. I did the two and a half years. And then, of course, all the time that, that, so you went to two and a half years. You never got in trouble again.

Starting point is 00:29:55 I mean, in jail? No, I was kind of. No, I'm saying when you got out after the year, you still have a suspended. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:00 still have a suspended sentence, don't you? Like, if you get in trouble in the next two and a half years, you're in trouble. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I thought you said I did the two and a half years. I went. No, no, no. I did the two and a half years original because five years, two and a half spent it on two and a half years you do a year.

Starting point is 00:30:13 Okay. So I did one year, one day. I came home. They sent me to outpatient drug treatment and the guys were in there. They're all talking about. I never even heard it. Right. And I was like, I want to try that.

Starting point is 00:30:23 They're like, no, you don't. Worst mistake of your life. I'm like, definitely doing it now. Don't tell me that. And there's got a guy named Brian Murphy who's a waiter at Beniggins at Fairbrook Small, which all makes sense to me, but you're not from up there. It just owns on me like, why don't know what Benegins is? We used to have them down here. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:30:42 I know if it's just a northern thing. Yeah. It's like Chili's like Chilies. Yeah. It's like Chilis. Yeah. Because we end up drinking at Chili's that day. Anyhow.

Starting point is 00:30:49 And we got Chili's and we're in there drinking. And one of the guys that I knew from juvenile detention, his name was Billy Yule. Billy or Eric. Billy or Eric. So I knew both of them. I mean it was Eric Yule. or Billy. It doesn't matter. And I see him at Furrow-Ox-Mall where we're drinking that. He's like, damn, what are you doing here? I'm like, nothing. I'm out. Yeah, you're out too.

Starting point is 00:31:05 He's like, hey, do you want some acid? I was like, absolutely. Thank you. And he gave me acid and walked off. Like, I haven't seen this kid since juvenile. It's been almost a year and a half. And now he's giving me this asset. So Brian Murphy and I were drinking at Chili's because he worked at Benegins and traded this shift. And so we're drinking at Chili's and we dropped the acid. And out of nowhere, he goes, do you really want to go smoke some water? And I was like, hell yeah. And it was just the, it was almost like a dream state because we're going down 66. The cars are going by and I'm just tripping hard. I'm like, oh, wow, this is crazy.

Starting point is 00:31:39 And I had no idea what it is. I know it's, but I didn't, I did not understand. Right. When we hit to D.C., we parked the car and we're walking and he passed these kids. They couldn't be more than 10 or 11 years old. Like, hey, we're looking. They're like, nah, you're a cop. And so, you know, something like that.

Starting point is 00:31:57 Yeah. And so we walk up almost. the same kids come up on bicycles. How much do you want? We got like 100 bucks, whatever. They handed to him. And out of nowhere, there's this what I consider now. It's like, you want to go to an apartment and smoke?

Starting point is 00:32:11 And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, what? Wait a minute. I don't know. They provide logic? If you want to call it. And we go up there, and I've never smoked before. So he's poking holes in this can.

Starting point is 00:32:21 And he gets the hole on the side. And he tells me what to do because he goes first. And then he gives it to me and we ash on it. And he puts he's like, now. hit it, but not too fast, but not too slow. And you hold as long as you possibly can. And so I'm holding it. And he actually does the shotgunning for me.

Starting point is 00:32:36 So I'm just holding the can. He's doing it with his finger and I'm lighting it. And he's like, hold it, hold it, hold it. And I'm holding as long as I can. And when I blow out, it was the on top of the acid, on top of the alcohol. And it's hitting me so hard. I think also because the acid is really big hit. I slid down the wall that I was sitting in.

Starting point is 00:32:56 I looked to my life, it's a bathtub with sludge, black sludge and an old broken up wheelchair, and the toilet has sludge in it, and I'm pretty sure piss and shit in it. And I'm like, oh, this is not good. And I just couldn't shake it. I don't know if it's because I asked it or what. So we, I'm like, I want it to go. I was like, we got to go. We actually lost the car.

Starting point is 00:33:19 Ironically, we had to call Molly and tell her that we're in D.C. And we had lost the car that we were at. She came and found us and drove us around until we found. until we found the car. And then we end up going back to his sister's house in Fairfax, Virginia, because D.C. is not Virginia. And we go to Fairfax, and we finish up a little bit. And then we end up going to Benegans because now it's after hours.

Starting point is 00:33:42 And we're sitting in there drinking. I can't get out of my head like this thought. I'm going to. I just can't get out of my head. So I called my mom at like 2.30 in the morning. I call mom. She's like, Jason, what's wrong? with you. Are you okay? I was like, mom, I smoked. She was like, this is horrible. And she's like, what?

Starting point is 00:34:08 I'm in video because I smoke and she's like, don't move. Mommy's coming, like, overprotected mom. All right. And so she pulls up. I get in the car and she has a blanket and she tucks me into the seat. She takes me home and she takes me into bed and says, don't go anywhere. Mommy will be home in the morning. And I'm 19. I've been to jail. And she leaves and she comes back at like 10 a.m. With like, because back then there was blockbusters with like four blockbuster tape. She's like, we're going to a psychiatrist. So come on, honey.

Starting point is 00:34:36 So we go see the psychiatrist at Woodburn Mental Hospital, who I haven't seen in years. And they're like, oh, it's just a manic episode. It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Let him chill out. You know, take him home. Let him have a rest. And no big deal.

Starting point is 00:34:53 And then there. And you watch. And you watched, you watched eight hours of movies. Well, no, I went. I found more. Like, I ended up after that incident, I started, I found people just, they came into my life that smoked that shit. I got a probation violation. And, oh, so I'm dating in Story Ellis, even though it's weird that Molly came to get me.

Starting point is 00:35:18 I was dating someone, but Story Ellis, who is gorgeous. Anyhow, I'm dating her. and we had a big fight and she had moved to another townhouse and I have a probation violation out for me for dirty yarn for and obsconding and I go to her place

Starting point is 00:35:38 and her roommate knows I have a warrant out for me and calls she, all right, bye guys. And we just finished having sex. Like, I'm chilling. I'm happy as a lark and you hear the police not. I hate to interrupt the podcast, but I need your help.

Starting point is 00:35:52 Have you been or do you know anyone that has been arrested in Polk County. If you have, please contact me. We are desperately looking for guests that have been arrested in Polk County by Grady Judd. The last video we did actually got a million views. If you've been arrested, please go in the description box. Either contact me directly. My email's there.

Starting point is 00:36:14 Or you can fill out the form that we've got. There's a link to the form. My email address is there. You fill out the form or email me. We will contact you. And we're going to try and get you on the program. I said, what the hell was that? And it was the police knock.

Starting point is 00:36:28 I was like, don't answer that door. She's like, I have to answer the door. I said, no, you don't. I'm naked. I go hide in the closet in the other room, and I know, I know the knock. We got to report Jason Brewers here. We got to search the house. And they came up, and I'm like in the closet in the corner hiding, my little naked ass.

Starting point is 00:36:48 Naked as a j-bird. I got to rest it twice naked. So, actually, I was three times. But they come in. And I was like, all right, let me get dressed. Right. And so they let story throw me my clothes. I put on my boxer shorts.

Starting point is 00:37:02 I put on my, I'll tell you the exact outfit. I had that gap jeans. Loose fit. I put on my gap, my gap sweatshirt. And as I'm putting on one tim, I'm looking at the window. There's a window right here. I'm like, I'm jumping out the window. I'm out the window.

Starting point is 00:37:20 Like, that's my thing. I'm like, as I put my foot in. And the window's closed? Yeah, they're closed. And it's snowing out. Is it a second story? Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:37:28 Oh, yeah. But I think so what? I've seen fall guy. So I put the other boots on it and I literally run and jump, but I didn't understand double pain window. So it's like, and so like I'm like kind of out the window and I'm trying to push myself out and the police are pulling me in. And I got this glass below me. And I'm like, and now my shirt's up and I'm like, oh, I'm going to drop on it. And that way they can't take me to jail.

Starting point is 00:37:55 I'm going to like literally drop on this glass. And then when I dropped it, to do anything, he would break it. But what happened was I was trying to push myself out. And I see this hand come out and they mace the shit out of me. And so it was like, it was almost like out of a scary movie because I'm like pushing out and like,

Starting point is 00:38:09 and they pull me in, dump me. The one cop tries to choke me to death. It was bad. Because, you know, I'm a smart ass. I've already jumped out the window.

Starting point is 00:38:19 You mace me. You're choking me. And I said, guys like you in prison. Oh my God. And I've never been to prison. This really pissed him off. He put the dumb.

Starting point is 00:38:25 Jeth joke on me. And stories sitting there going, you're going, you're going. And so they finally stopped. They arrested me. And I got two years for that. I got a year for the probation violation and a year for attempted escape. So that's when I got my lip button off in jail. There's your thumbnail.

Starting point is 00:38:49 There's your TikTok. There's your thumbnail. Because the conversation, you know, I can't. He's great. Yeah, I'm sure this dicks up to your podcattle. I got shit on my face. Oh, yeah, I'll point it like, except for you, I don't know if your cameras can see it.

Starting point is 00:39:03 If you look, I'm here, all the way back where it gets lighter. Yeah, yeah. It's where it's bitten off at. So, yeah. It's typically when you do that, what you do is when the person leans in go, whoa.

Starting point is 00:39:17 Oh, see that. My wife does that. She'll go, you don't see this. And I'm going, no, what, and I'm like, stop it. So, where we, oh, I go to jail again, so I get two and a half years. You know what's upsetting about this, by the way? What?

Starting point is 00:39:35 Is you seem shocked that they were to send you to jail. You're like, can you? And for that, they gave me two years. Like, no, those bastards, what were they thinking? They're so, they're not under, they weren't understanding of the, of the guy who's smoking, banging chicks. And, you know, and has warrants is getting into fight. Skip, you know, has been in jail. If you asked my mom, I was an angel.

Starting point is 00:40:03 Yeah. I was laughing because you were like the two and a half years. Did you go back? And I'm telling you, like, they don't just give you, they didn't just give it to me. Like nine months a year, six months. So over the next five years, I kept getting time off that two and a half year sentence. Because you're like, you just never got in trouble. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:40:21 Not the story. So when they gave me two years for the one year for attempted escape and one year for another, probation violation and I'm up in like three north four and there's that um it's a jail so like when you're in fairfairfax county is a prison or a jail no just jail i never went to prison until i was 27 i got arrested at 25 i finally made it to prison at 27 i did the 15 years on that but the um two years they never sent me down the road that's what we call it down the road yeah depending on part of state and sometimes up the road down the river up the river up the river depending on where you're But I was in a pod 3-04 and there was Darren Williams.

Starting point is 00:40:59 Darren Williams was out of Baltimore. Well, there's two funny stories about it. One guy was Alan Young. 6-5, 275, southeast D.C. Man, God, I went to that guy. He beat me with a chair. That's where my finger still twisted up. I thought, and he stamped my finger.

Starting point is 00:41:17 Can I tell both those stories? Because they're both hysterical. So when I was 19 and I was in there for like whatever, three or four months for something stupid that I've done, a dirty urn or whatever. There's this. Just in this area. This area.

Starting point is 00:41:30 Sorry. Water. But I'm three or four and I'm loud. Now, there's a card table and we have chairs around them. Right. And there's three guys playing four guys, including myself, playing cards. All three of these guys are black and I'm the one white guy. And I don't even said they shouldn't.

Starting point is 00:41:50 What? And I get the TV turned off. at night when they're watching wrestling. And I knew him. I knew the CEO is Heflin. I think it was named Heflin. I wanted to say, yo, because the control is in the middle. And so you have five gel pods.

Starting point is 00:42:06 And I was like, yo, I'll be quiet. I'll even go to my room. You know, don't turn off the TV. And they're like, all right, bro, go to your room, shut up for the night. And when I went back in, the dude Allen Younger that said something, and I cut him, like, what? Like, I had no patience, even though he was six, five. I wanted to fight him anyhow just because he always got, Alan,

Starting point is 00:42:23 You know, 65, 275. Saviast he says, oh, pissed me off to no end. I went to be like, I'm 6-1, 165. But I don't care. And I went up to steps, and there was a little issue then, but the next day, same thing. Three black guys and me playing cards. And I'm like, set that shit, TV off. But it was during the stories.

Starting point is 00:42:43 And now he's really pissed off. And I was like, yo, I'll be quiet. You know, I won't say nothing because doors don't up until dinner. And there's like two in the afternoon. He was like, nah, that's it. TV off, TV off. And Alan Young goes, my white boy for getting this place. I said, what?

Starting point is 00:42:59 Man. And I don't know. You can't tell now because I'm not angry. But I get a look of death in my face. Like, oh, I'm a murderer now. And I'm not, but I get this really ugly look. And he's like, huh? Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

Starting point is 00:43:12 And he tied up his shoes. And he came over. And he came over to me. And that's when I realized with 65, 275, 7, 7. He looked like, he's like, you got my problem? And I was like, And I don't say shit, but he's poking me in my forehead. And I know I can't give him a fair one.

Starting point is 00:43:28 There's just no way we can do that because he'll hurt me. So I didn't say anything. And I kind of like, I don't back down. I just don't say anything. He was, that's where I thought. And he went back and sat down in his chair. And that's what I knew I had. And I thought I had him for real.

Starting point is 00:43:42 And this is what I'm telling you is gospel. It's not an enhanced story. I ran over and hit him as hard as I possibly could. In the side of his face, he goes, that's what I'm talking about. And he stood up. That's what I'm talking about. And he stood up. And when he stood up, his chair hit me in the leg.

Starting point is 00:44:00 So I grab his chair. And I'm whacking this. I'm whacking him with this big, thick blue chair. And I'm hitting him. Boom. And he starts running. And then Michael Young, I'm going to say his name is from D.C. Took a step in my direction.

Starting point is 00:44:12 So I pointed the chair at him. I was like, oh, he, get back. So when I went back to hit Allen some younger somewhere, he's a little far away. And I threw the chair at him. And he catches it. I'm not like you. He catches you. chair. He goes, oh, you want to hit people with chairs, do you? And he comes to hit this big

Starting point is 00:44:27 65, 25, 275 grill is about to hit me with the chair. And when he did it, this finger, like, does the double. So this goes and this goes. So my hand looks like, my finger looks like that now. And that's how my finger looked. And so I'm kind of stunned looking at my finger, but I noticed my head keeps whacking from him hitting me with the chair in it. And somebody from Fairfax slid me a chair. So I looked at my hand and I grabbed it and I straightened in. I grabbed the chair. and I'm whacking him in his legs. And then Michael Chapman, the deputy, who ends up being my brother-in-law, puts the mace through the door, because that's Chrissy's brother.

Starting point is 00:45:02 He puts the mason to do. God damn it, Jason, calm down. And I'm thinking, man, this guy's going to me with a chair. You're telling me to calm down. 6-5-275. What are you talking about? So he's like, God-dame Jason, I'm telling you, calm down. I'm mace you.

Starting point is 00:45:13 And so this guy quits whacking me with the chair. So I take a step back, and he takes a step back, and he puts his chair down. And I'm putting my chair. I go to throw it at him and get any, he picked up his chair. I was like, all right. And I put my chair down. That was the end of it. And the irony is that I went to R.S.

Starting point is 00:45:26 I was just for one night because he was being sit to D.C. And they were done. So there was no person for the fighting charge. And I came back up. So then you fast for her. Okay. So then I get out and then I get in trouble. That's why I jump through the window.

Starting point is 00:45:42 And I give myself to two years for, because I don't want to make sense of courts. I did it to myself. And Darren Williams, man. he was carrying. I never got into the racist stuff because Fairfax isn't that racist. Sorry. Sorry. You never got into that.

Starting point is 00:45:58 Do you mind not messing up, I'm sorry. Good Lord. You never got into the racist stuff. I mean, you're Michael Cox. I'm Matthew Cox. Matthew Cox. Damn it.

Starting point is 00:46:05 That's fine. You're a beast. So, what was I saying? Oh, oh. So Darren Williams out of Baltimore. Only 5, 10. Oh, man. And he was trying to carry the white guys.

Starting point is 00:46:17 But he didn't mess with me per se. But because I would do, I play dirty hearts. I drink what I do for pushups. I go to the body. I was, I fit in in jail. I like jail. I go in and get strong and shit in jail. That way I could go give it all to the drug dealer when I left.

Starting point is 00:46:30 You know what I mean? I get nice and strong and healthy. My family would love me. Come home and work and then end up being an idiot again. But he was carrying the white guy. So I upset in my head. I said, if he ever does anything to me, he'd like make the white guys clean up on his damn. Like, man, we can clean up for that guy for him.

Starting point is 00:46:47 So I put a note. On the telephone, so there's two telephones. Ah, where are my gloves? Come on, heat. Winter is hard, but your groceries don't have to be. This winter, stay warm. Tap the banners to order your groceries online at voila.ca. Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home.

Starting point is 00:47:15 You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store. Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. And back then in like 94-95 day, They were 30-minute calls. And I wanted to call Story, my girlfriend. And the only way you knew the time was by touching the TV. So I put Jason's phone at whatever it was, 6.30. And at like 6.15 or 6 o'clock, he walks over and looks at the no, balls it up and throws it.

Starting point is 00:47:40 Oh, okay. So I took off my shower shoes and put on my little kung fu kicks, you know, the blue shoes. And I keep going over to the TV touching it. I want to see the time. And so it was like five minutes for my phone call. I walked over and I tapped him on because he had taken the trash can and flipped it over and sitting on. you know, he's talking, woo,

Starting point is 00:47:55 woo, and I, for the guy earlier that we talked about, and I go, yo, it's like, what?

Starting point is 00:48:02 I said, phone. Some white boys. I was like, I'm tapping. I was like, yo, you got 10 seconds.

Starting point is 00:48:10 And he hung up the phone. I was like, oh shit, that worked. Yeah. Yeah, I'm that guy. And so I get on the phone.

Starting point is 00:48:18 I get on the phone. And back that you had to break through the block. So when you're talking about breaking through the block, I was calling a page. phone, which means I had a block on it. But if you take a shower, she wouldn't tap the side of the phone, dun, dun, dun, dun, it would break through the block. So I had done that story to answer the phone at Benegans of all places where she's waiting tables.

Starting point is 00:48:36 Remember? Benegans is the place to be, evidently. So she worked at Benegans at this point as a server, and she answers the phone, and I'm talking to her, and all of a sudden I get the, I go, what? What are we going to do? I have 10 seconds. I said, I was going to take the phone. And the calmness.

Starting point is 00:48:54 should have let me know that I was going to get my ass kicked. He walked over to what we called the picnic table. It's a metal picnic table. It's in jail. I only remember him saying the name Red. Red, and he called another name of these trees, these mountains of men came out. And he very politely said, he said, when that boy gets off that phone, I'm going to take him in that cell and kick his ass. I said, I'm going to wait.

Starting point is 00:49:15 And I ran over and went out of him, and he just starts beating me. Like, he can fight, fight. Like, I want to be, I like to fight hockey style. You grab my lapel. I grab yours. We hit each other and whoever doesn't like being hit more quits. That is not how he fought. He fought very well.

Starting point is 00:49:31 Boom, boom, boom, jab, punch, punch. And so I grab this guy knowing I can't match him in hands and I throw him over by the telephone. I'm like using my strength. I throw him over by the telephone. And I run over and try to kick him. And I'm not lying, man. He blocks it and pieces me all the way up. So the fight goes on and all you hear is that's what it sounds like.

Starting point is 00:49:51 But it's really my face getting hit a lot more than his. Right. And I'm thinking to myself, because this fight's going on for two minutes. Like, it's going off to a fight. Oh, my God. Tell me about that. I'm watching a fight for a minute is like you're already exhausted. People are already, their noses are broken.

Starting point is 00:50:09 Things are bad things have already happened. That's why I lost both my fights. I smoked back then. I did street people off both my fights because I gas. He saw them. I look good, though, didn't I? So I'm thinking, where are the CEOs? Right.

Starting point is 00:50:21 Where are the police? Right. Like, I don't remember. fights going on this long. How come the one I'm in taking forever? And these are really my thought process that is going on. Like, damn, this is taking a long time. So I take the last of my energy and I throw him in front of the window, like the bigger

Starting point is 00:50:34 windows in case you're missing this, which I know they're not because the other inmates had to lock in. And when I threw him, it just took the last of my energy. And he stayed on his knees. So when I came over, I kind of slid up to him on my knees and I grab him and I hit him. And he hits me. And I headbutting. And when I head buddy him, I see that he has a nubbed him.

Starting point is 00:50:53 I see that he has a nice mouse on his eye. And I'm like, I'm going to bite his face. Yeah. So I went to go bite his face. I think he had the same thought because he actually did bite my lip. So when I ripped back and headbuttyed him again, I didn't know, but my lip was missing at that point. Oh, my God. So the second headblood did it pretty good to him.

Starting point is 00:51:15 But I'm so cashed in that I actually pushed myself. And I see the police getting right coming. It says two doors I got to come through. And I'm hitting me, but I have nothing. Like I'm like maybe But it looks as if I'm winning Excuse me I burp let's add thumbnail that out

Starting point is 00:51:30 I don't think I know what thumbnail means I think I know what thumbnail means But as they're coming in It looks like I'm winning Say literally handcuffed me and help him up And as they're spinning me with the handcuffs They're helping him up And when he hits me

Starting point is 00:51:47 You ever heard of all the bitch coming out of someone Do they spun me into and they're helping him up? He hit me so hard. I go, oh. And then they slam me down, and I'm cuffed, and I see, like, just imagine if you're false, it's just leaking, like, not drip to drip, but leaking. And that's what's underneath my face. And then they eventually put me on my butt, my eye, like, literally, he had to say,

Starting point is 00:52:13 my eye was messed up for a long time. They sent me there and go, hey, I know I'm going to the hole, but I think I need medical. But I don't talk, brewer. Don't talk. And so, you know, it's kind of bad. When you're, like, in Fairfax, Canada, you have A floor, B floor, which we call Bits floor for first timers. And then you have third and four floor maximum security. You got to go down the elevators.

Starting point is 00:52:32 You've got to go by B4 to get to medical. So as I'm going down B floor, I know it's bad. My eye hurts. My lip doesn't feel like anything. It feels like I have a fat lip. But my eyes. Is the lip gone? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:45 Well, yeah, you're about to find out for sure. And so. There's nothing but teeth. Yeah. 25% of your smile. It's all teeth right here. Well, yeah, but it looks like there's fat in there is what it looks like because I got a few of the pictures. So when they took pictures of it, I don't have them now, but they were put like the deputies got in trouble because they're taking pictures of it.

Starting point is 00:53:03 They're like, this is great. We got to see this. Yeah. As I'm going down B floor to get down to medical, the guys, because you only got a little window. They're going, oh, shit. Like, I know I have effed up looking. I know they're going to, oh, because the faces keep doing that. That's not good.

Starting point is 00:53:19 And so I get all the way down to the medical and the lady, like, if this is my mouth, she just keeps touching all around it. The nurse keeps touching all around. She's like, well, he's got to go to the hospital. I'm like, damn, I go to the hospital for that. And she's like, has anybody seen it? And I'm like, seen it. And Fred, we called him Fred Flintstone because he looked like Fred Flintstone and the deputy. He goes, I got his lip right here on a request for him.

Starting point is 00:53:39 I go, my lap. And the biggest here goes over the biggest swelling out because that's what it felt like. I was like, my lip. And this big ass tear goes up and over my eye and down my face. And they sent me out to Fairfax Hospital. And the plastic surgeon was pissed because she was in a real nice gown. I guess she was on call. And she came in and fixed my lip-up.

Starting point is 00:54:01 Four and a half hours of plastic surgery. I mean, it looks good for having missed been off of your face for a while. Yeah, pretty cool, right? God. And then I guess that, you know, things just went downhill from there. I mean, honestly, things just got progressively worse from there. I try to commit after that. In prison?

Starting point is 00:54:26 No, no, no. So, you know, I just do my little two years. The two years is nine months. Oh, okay. Yeah, so two years was only nine months. I'm still all law. Yeah, the law, it had to be 94 because they changed the law in 95 to, two, two, really 91%, but they say 85%.

Starting point is 00:54:44 They changed the law after that, uh, politician's daughter got cards. objecting in Virginia. I just went downhill from there. I got real strong out on drugs and alcohol. I was out on the street prostituting for it. I was, you know. Where are you staying during this time? Street, couch to couch, anywhere I could.

Starting point is 00:55:05 My girlfriend would take me in for a bit. My mom would take me in for a bit, but I never stayed anywhere very long. How long did that last? I was 21. I tried to kill myself. And then I spent. And this is, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:18 Okay. So go ahead. In 21, I was staying with a guy named Greg. He's dead. Greg Bigelow. He's dead. I'm pretty sure he off himself, but he was dying of AIDS anyhow. And we party at his place.

Starting point is 00:55:31 And I didn't know he had AIDS. I didn't know he was dying already. He's a nice guy. And I found all this medicine. His medicine had a bunch of perks at, a bunch of volume, a bunch of everything. And I, in my head, I feel like I lost story. You know, nobody in my family went to be around me. I hated myself.

Starting point is 00:55:49 I was living on the streets for the most part. Everything I got I used for drugs and alcohol. I just, I didn't want to be a part of this world at that point. And so I was like, when the party's over, the party's over. So when we finally ran out all the drugs and alcohol,

Starting point is 00:56:04 I took all of his bills. And I mean all of them, I took three or four bottles and chased it down with half a bottle of vodka. And normally, Greg goes into his bedroom and sleeps for about 12 hours. I'm thinking that's plenty. You know,

Starting point is 00:56:15 because soon as he went to bed and shut the door, I had already had, I had all this planned. And I started taking it. It was so easy to get down. That's how I knew I was, you know, I've tried, like, with pills before to, like, kind of, like, a cry for help. But this was, like, I'm done. But anyhow, he came out of the room about six hours later. I was purple called the ambulance.

Starting point is 00:56:37 First he picked out. It was funny because he told me he was like, I picked up all the drugs before they came. Don't worry. Like the paraphernalia, I was like, thank you. Yeah. And I was in coma for about 12, 12. days. Holy shit. Like you didn't like you because you know a lot of times people take a bunch of pills and they end up your stomach like rejects it and you know it never you just nope. Nope they I don't remember

Starting point is 00:56:58 much just that he came out. I was purple they called the paramedics the paramedics came and molly story wasn't come to see me he called Molly because he knew Molly and she came in and from what they told me the doctor was like why is in his family here he's not coming out of it. He has heart, he's in a coma, he's touching go. We don't think he's going to make it. His family needs to come in and say goodbye. That's what they told me, the doctor said, and that's why she contacted my mom.

Starting point is 00:57:25 Right. And that was the first time I, like, I wouldn't really call it. I'm not trying to get, I'm not religious by any stretch of imagination, but I came to with my mom holding my hand praying. That's how I came out with his mama. She was saying goodbye, hold my hand, and she was praying. And that's when I came out. I saw her, and I thought, damn, am I dead?

Starting point is 00:57:43 And I wasn't. And then it just got worse from there. You keep saying that, bro. But it does. So you woke up out of the coma after 12 days. And they kept me in a psych ward for about a week. But nobody wanted me. Like, I didn't have anywhere to go.

Starting point is 00:58:02 And all I think is I want to get out of here and get back to what I was doing. You know, now that I remember yelling at my mom. She came into the psych ward to see me. And I'm cussing her out. I'm like, I was in the cosmos. who's happy and you had to go bring me into this world. I hate you. And this is what I did for the person that loves me

Starting point is 00:58:19 has been trying to save me and she's just bawling. I didn't, you know, it's funny because I was in so much pain. I couldn't see anybody else's pain. I didn't see how anything I did affected anybody else. But now that I look back when I'm like, man, who the fuck told you to their mom that way? But it was just, I was very sick at the time. It's that addict, that addict behavior.

Starting point is 00:58:39 And, you know, you're around enough of them. You can see it now immediately. It's that entitlement. The victim mentality. Yeah, yeah. I'm only, yeah. If you had my, but it got worse. I started robbing drug dealers in D.C.

Starting point is 00:58:55 getting shot at, pistol whip, beaten. And I was 20. Oh, wait. You're robbing drug dealers and you're getting pistol whipped? Or you're pistol whipping them? No, I'm getting put. Because I was doing the grab and goes. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:59:09 Grab the package and run. And getting shot. Like, I went. I was doing it so often and I had this yellow GEO storm that was really Storries car and I'd pull up and guys put the gun on my head

Starting point is 00:59:21 and I got me last week and you know it's funny Trugly was cool shit I was like it wasn't me he's like bullshit yellow car red hat it's you and he was like what are you getting

Starting point is 00:59:30 I was like a hundred he said nah you took 100 for me last week I'm gonna give you I think he said 40 or 60 and you still owe me I was like that is awesome and then he does that for me and then whoever I got

Starting point is 00:59:41 before that punches me in the face. Like, he was cool. He doesn't. He says, ah, nah, no,

Starting point is 00:59:47 no. And, um, so whatever. And then he gets, the thing to this is, then he gets worse. So,

Starting point is 00:59:55 I'm 20, that'll be the, that'll be the click bait. Yeah. I, uh, you know, I had a big fight with story.

Starting point is 01:00:01 I was 24 years old. I can't believe this chick's still around. Story, Molly. I love him. It's probably because I'm a terrible lover. I don't know what it is. I was going to say,

Starting point is 01:00:09 yeah, it must be something. Something else is going on here. Yeah. Something. Something, you know. It's not the looks. It's better.

Starting point is 01:00:14 It's, it's, it's, you must have improved dramatically since the, uh, since the, uh, since the chicks, uh, swimming in the pool. What was her name? The first love. Molly. Molly, Molly. Molly and stories stuck around forever. Molly, Molly kept up with me the whole time.

Starting point is 01:00:30 Like, Molly wrote me, um, a letter while I was in prison. I've been down about eight years. Like, I will, I have a husband and children. I'm happy. I will never love them like I love you. Story. The second I came home from prison dropped the guy. She was with.

Starting point is 01:00:42 Let's hope her husband doesn't see this. I'm sure he won't. They're very successful, wealthy people. They're not paying attention. I hold not. What does that say about my? I have a, for whatever reason, and this is not boasted. It has not due to the ego.

Starting point is 01:01:04 I have quite the effect on women. I think probably because I'm so broken, they just want to heal me. And they probably can't figure out how to reach me. You know, I'm going. guessing. I have no clue. My wife, to this day, my wife worked 9-11, Jesuit school, perfect, perfect, perfect woman, strong, perfect, beautiful, and I can't love her. I don't know how to do it. You know, it's a, it's a weird thing. There's something inside of me about, if you love me, it hurts. But if you only like me and are using me for sex, it's okay. And that's a hard,

Starting point is 01:01:36 a hard reality to come to. And it's taken me three years of not drinking and drugging to even begin to understand that that's where I'm at. People that love me, truly love me, hurt me. And not, not, I'm saying it wrong. They're not hurting me. Their love for me hurts because it's something about not, I'm not, it doesn't make sense to me.

Starting point is 01:01:55 Because you feel like you don't deserve it. Yeah, I know how filthy. I know the things I've done. I know the hurt I've caused. And it's one thing for you to like me and be there for me. But it's another thing for you to love me. I don't understand it. And it almost makes me angry at them.

Starting point is 01:02:08 I'm my most resentful at him. You know, it's one, like, I get along great with him. But if he loved me unconditionally, I'd probably get away from me. We could be, you know what I mean? He won't even sleep under the covers with me. Yeah. You could have to, there was all pre-stores. It's not what it sounds like.

Starting point is 01:02:28 Maybe it is. Easy baby. I'm not going to put it out there. Clickbait, kidding. Yeah, they got a, they got to subscribe to Patreon if they want the full story. Oh, yeah. What's Patreon?

Starting point is 01:02:39 Oh, my God, bro. I don't know what it is. It's where people can people can support you and they sign up for whatever you determine the amount is. We're saying 10 bucks a month, you know, so you say

Starting point is 01:02:55 for $10 a month, you can be a part of my Patreon and it's a different, it's a different what format or different platform. We'll post videos that are longer and uncensored, pretty much the whole raw conversation. Right, right. I like Patreon.

Starting point is 01:03:13 Yeah. We can do our ditty clips. And then what's, but I say what's good about it is that, well, first of all, you don't have to do anything. You can just say, hey, if you want to support me and people could give you $10 a month. And you never put anything. I mean, we put stuff on there. I think that's what makes it, would make it more successful.

Starting point is 01:03:30 Not that mine's overwhelmingly successful, but we really just started pushing it. Yeah. But there are some guys that make, you know, thousands, tens of thousands of dollars just on Patreon. So, yeah, like, you could do a Patreon because people would want to help support you. Because people, as they watch your story and watch you get better or become more successful or kind of rebuild your life, people will start. People want to, they want to support you. Right. Oh, that's really cool. That's never heard of it. And it's 10 bucks a month. Like, people don't, they do it and they, and they,

Starting point is 01:04:02 then every once in a while, maybe they go back and they check and they can watch it. And you can leave them messages and you could talk to them or whatever. You'd be shot. I'm worth 20. Negotiate for 20. Where were we at? Coma, yelling at your mother, get out of, do you get out of the hospital? Yeah, and then I'm out.

Starting point is 01:04:22 And I'm with Story, and we have this big, huge fight. I'm 24 years old, so I hitchhike out to Winchester. I'm a car anymore. Like, my car was Storries car. Right. Or whoever, whatever girl I was with at the time, I just take, you know, I'd use their car. And I hitched out to Winchester, Virginia. And this is how, this is how, I want you to imagine this.

Starting point is 01:04:42 I'm in Winchester, Virginia, and I'm out riding around. I meet some redneck and we're out driving around. And we go by this corner market store. And there is a girl who is pregnant fighting another girl. I said, what the hell is this? Because you don't see this in Fairfax. Right. This is Winchester.

Starting point is 01:04:59 You're in Winchester now, boy. And I'm sitting there watching it. And her sister was there. to support her eight-month pregnant sister fighting. I was like, what war with my end? This is awesome. Let's go out drinking after this. And I ended up sleeping with Robin, her sister.

Starting point is 01:05:16 She's the one that was there for support. Yeah, that was there for support. And this raggedy-ass, Ford Escort probably made in the 80s, I'm guessing. And we were out hanging out and I was drinking. And she was 18. I was 24. She drops me off. I think I'm staying at like the, the, the guest.

Starting point is 01:05:34 Garrison's house. Oh, when their children died. Anyhow, so we go to the Garrison's house and we're outside kissing and making out and she lets me go ahead and do the do. And I'm like, hey, I got a release. She's like, oh, go ahead. I can't get pregnant. I'm like, God, I love this check.

Starting point is 01:05:48 Wrong. Listen, I've heard that before. Wrong. I already got one kid after that conversation. Dumb her in the bag of dicks. So after that, she's pretty good. Like, I was like young, blonde, tall, pretty. But I was drunk all the time.

Starting point is 01:06:01 Here's a great story about them. I'm with the Garrisons. I'm like, man, she's coming. over. And they're like, yeah, I'm like, Banthew, she's six foot tall, blonde hair, blue eyes. She should be a model. Like, I'm like, she's smoking hot, bro. And I'd only seen her when I was drinking. I mean, really drinking. And so she comes in with her pregnant sister Meg to this Christmas party. And I'm like, yo, she's in and they go, her? I'm like, yeah, her. They're like, her? I'm like, are you kidding? She's six foot tall, blonde hair, blue eyes. She's

Starting point is 01:06:31 gorgeous. Like, I don't think so, bro. And I thought her makeup. I thought she was doing makeup to look heroin she? Nope. Wrong. Makeup to look what? Like heroin chic? Oh yeah. She's real skinny and she had really dark eyes.

Starting point is 01:06:44 So I thought that that was like her mask makeup. Wrong. Terrible skin. Because I woke up next to the next day. I was like, damn, they're right. Oh, your butt. You're nasty as shit. Pregnant.

Starting point is 01:06:56 Because I slept with her like four or five times over the month. And then like she came to see me. She's like, by the way, I'm pregnant. I'm like. I kind of saw charts for this. This is crazy. crazy how you catch your soul charges. We're in her, we're in an apartment, and she's telling me this, and she's sitting in a chair,

Starting point is 01:07:13 and I go, wait a minute, you're pregnant? I was like, you told me you can't get pregnant. She's like, oh, I didn't think after the miscarriage, I'd get pregnant again. I was like, you and I picked up the chair. I was like, you've been pregnant before. And I've slamed the chair down, but it breaks. And then her sister is like on, like, I don't know, she's like the flash. She has the phone in her hand with 911 before the chair breaks.

Starting point is 01:07:33 So I snapped the phone cord and called him some dumb whatever and walk out. And then there was a charge out for me for assault on a family member. I'm like, how does she have family? Because she's pregnant. Oh, my God, it's brutal. She didn't show for court, though. I got dismissed. So I'm nice enough to her until the court case happens.

Starting point is 01:07:52 She's pregnant. And I decided to go back to Fairfax. I'm nice enough until the court case. Right? Right. You lied to me already. I mean, damn. Anyhow, I played a big part in that by having a number.

Starting point is 01:08:03 protective sex. Don't do that. Get a puppy instead of a kid. So I go back to Fairfax and story, you know, I'm like, I'm in town. I'm actually with some chick, I tried heroin for the first time. That's how I get back. And I'm like, I call a story and I'm like, yeah, I'm in town. She's like, do you want to meet?

Starting point is 01:08:20 I'm like, yeah, so I take this heroin chicks car to go meet Story and we end up having sex in the field. But she's asking me like, did you get married? I'm like, did you get married? I'm like, did you get married? She's like, did you get someone pregnant? I said, ironically enough I did. immediately she's like I want you to leave her you're coming out to my house in

Starting point is 01:08:36 sterling we're going to stay in sterling and we start having sex seven to eight times a day and she's like come in me it makes or release inside me it feels better we've been together off one for seven years never felt better before because we never did it before because we didn't want to have kids before and after she's pregnant she's like stop doing that it makes me smell but she didn't want to have a kid so now I have two women pregnant four and a half months apart and then um um um um um and it only gets what Yeah. And then it gets worse.

Starting point is 01:09:03 And it gets worse from there. So after that, I had these two women pregnant. All I'm doing is doing drugs and drinking because that was the threat she gave me. She's like, okay, I'm pregnant. I'll take care of you. Me and my parents would take care of you, but you can't drink or drug. If you do drink or drug, I'm going to Westchester with my parents. And I was like, okay, game on.

Starting point is 01:09:25 I call your bluff. And I left right there and went to go ahead. No bullshit. Right after that, that weekend, I came back, kind of tailed. She's like, it's okay, you can help me move. I'm moving in my parents in a month. And that was the last time I saw her. No, I saw her one more time, but briefly when she was pregs.

Starting point is 01:09:40 And then I went to jail. For what? Would you go to jail for that? Oh, shit. Oh, I'm sorry. So after that and she left, I kind of went off the deep end. And if it couldn't get worse, I was just around the clock drinking and drugging, robbing, stealing, getting shot at, pistol whip, beat down, pit bull, body. He hit with a metal, something of a chair.

Starting point is 01:10:00 It got bad And so I was like, I don't want to sell myself anymore I don't want to beg my mother for money anymore I don't want to do this anymore I need to go to jail because that's where I'm safe at That is a hell of a thing to believe But that's what I thought So I called a friend because back then they had pay phones

Starting point is 01:10:18 I called a friend and I said hey I'm going to rob the Blue Max gas station With a fake gun And a pair of choice But I didn't tell him now I just said I'm going to rob the Blue Max gas station She's like bro, I'll take you detox And I said I don't deserve detox and I hung up.

Starting point is 01:10:31 And I went into the Blue Max gas station because we had a Fort Bronco parked on this. I got to go over a dish. But anyhow, it's on the side of road right up the street from the Blue Max gas station. I walked in a pair of shorts, a tattoo that said story on my chest because the only tattoo I had at the time that was plucked in jail. That was funny because I only had half the tattoo when I got my lip bit off. I had to get the guy when I came out of the hole to come back over to the pot. I was in and finish it up. I forgot about that.

Starting point is 01:10:58 And I walked in and have you guys ever seen a movie? Like, give me the money. And then the next thing, it's in a bag. Right. So I thought that's how it would go down because I had never robbed anything before. So I walk in with this fake cap gun. I'm like, give me the money. He's like, no.

Starting point is 01:11:15 What? I said, give me the money. And he was like, no. So when I put the gun down, then he opened up the till, the cash register. And I'm like, put it in the bag. He's like, no. So I grabbed the money. and I stuff it in my pockets and shit, my pair of shorts.

Starting point is 01:11:30 And I was like, the big bills are underneath, lift it up. He's like, no. So I do this. Like, I just want to just fingerprint, but there's no big bills underneath of it. And so. And you left your fingerprints? Yeah. I mean, whatever.

Starting point is 01:11:44 I was like, there's a big black guy across the street with the gun who'll shoot you if you call the cops. I'll tell you the biggest rush I had was from that first robbery because I started taking off out of the parking lot. And it's a big, you know, there's like a drainage ditch beside a road. Did I have leaped over that? No problem. And so I jumped in the car and we're headed to D.C. And you can see all the cops going this way on 66, where we're going this way on 66.

Starting point is 01:12:06 And then after I robbed that, I robbed a sitcom for $8. I only got like $745 for that. I robbed a sitco for $85. I jumped over the counter at a record and tape exchange. You got like $500. I robbed Greg. I didn't rob Greg, but I, um, grand larceny him for $2,000. I just, I knew, I just went to his house.

Starting point is 01:12:29 and grabbed the skis and went to his trunk. I knew where he kept his money. I took that. And then I went to Virginia Beach, and I robbed the Chinese restaurant with a fake gun, and that's when it stopped, because everybody else was just annoyed. When I robbed the Sitco gas station,

Starting point is 01:12:45 I went in with, what were they called? A handyman knife, but it's not really a knife. It's like a tool thing, and so I'm working this handyman, like it's a butterfly knife, but it's really pliers. Like, there could be a knife, I'm like, give me the money. It's not a very good problem.

Starting point is 01:13:04 I mean, are these back-to-back robberies? Yeah, back-to-back. Like I robbed the gas station, let's say Wednesday, sicko, Thursday, whenever the money run out Thursday, Greg on Friday, record on tape exchange on a Monday, and then we headed down to Virginia Beach, and Virginia Beach is where it stopped from me.

Starting point is 01:13:21 Because when I robbed the Chinese restaurant, she screamed. Everybody else was annoyed. They were men. annoyed and the people at record tape exchange they were high kids they thought it was funny they didn't even have a register they just had in the cigar box I like jumped up on the stand and said this isn't like a bitch so at any point was there an actual point when you thought hey I should cab it was there ever a point when you thought I should stop doing this

Starting point is 01:13:53 and get a regular job and be a regular citizen no no there's never a time when you you thought, are you telling people this, though? Like, oh, I'm going to clean up. No, like, I would work for Randy and I would do, like, manual labor roofing. Right. Right. But he was like, you're the most expensive hammer picker up where I've ever met. I bring you here for your, like for you, not for your work ethic.

Starting point is 01:14:17 Right. Like, I had no skills. I could. My father was a roof. I can't nail the shingles save my life. Right. If you're like, million bucks, go nail it like shingle straight. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:14:27 I'll give my best I'm going to get the straight roof with me Okay, so So you robbed all How many places did you drop? So I robbed the Blue Max gas station And then I robbed this Sitco gas station

Starting point is 01:14:44 I jumped over the counter at the record And tape exchange they count that as a grand larceny They didn't have a register They just had their money in a cigar box And I took it It's so funny I jumped over the counter

Starting point is 01:14:54 And I jumped in I jumped back up on the counter like I'm surfing like I must have saw it and like point break yeah yeah it's in life a bitch and took off that one was funny and then um I took Craig Bigglois $2,000 I was car and then I went down to Virginia beach and robbed that place so I don't get caught for any of them yet and I came back to Virginia and I'm trying to separate myself because I threatened both of them like if you tell me I'll be because I got real real real upset after the the Chinese restaurant she's screamed. It was not cool. Like I walked in. I was like, hey, do you have change for a dollar bill?

Starting point is 01:15:30 And she was, okay. And she hit it. And I pulled out the fake gun and she screamed. She was literally scared. And I didn't like any of that. Right. That was not cool. Everybody else was annoyed by me. I was like the nice robber. And she was literally scared. I didn't like that. So I was real pissed off when we left there. You know, I was like, I'll you guys for this. You know, I don't, because it was their idea. I'm blame me. I'm a professional victim, you know. Right. I'm an addict. So, so they don't catch you for those. So I'm at 7-11 meeting my mom for cigarettes in this older,

Starting point is 01:16:03 not older, well, to me, you know, it's 24, 25 a time. 25. You know, she had a little hitch in her giddy up. I helped her carry a wine to the door. And when she gave me a hug, I shook her hand and I let her, I, I, anyhow, it was a big innuendo what I wanted. And she was hobbled. She was like, okay, come on over. So I was staying. with her and then I got her addicted to and then I wanted to see Jacob was born at this point and so I wanted to see Jacob

Starting point is 01:16:31 so Robin came and she was all for it bring your son in that'd be great and um I was sleeping I was passed out and I would who's Robin? Oh Jacob's mother okay the chick that said she couldn't get pregnant the chair on okay sorry yeah she stuck around too they all do Jesus bro what the hell so that's that makes me look do she let's let's make that where i'm not a complete dickhead about that's i there's he's not

Starting point is 01:16:57 that good of an editor yeah it's good it's good for engagement yeah okay listen we're colby's willing to call me's willing to destroy your reputation for for some views and as you should be so um she brings jacob and and i'm i fall asleep and somehow i bump her and jacob's crying i'm like shut the fuck get up and she gets all upset. So she says, now, I don't know that this is true because I've been on for days drunk. I've been high for days. And I've been like, shut him up. And so she gets pissed off and leaves and calls the police, not knowing I have all these robberies. She's calling the police on me for whatever. All I remember for sure was that Jacob was in a car seat and she's like,

Starting point is 01:17:46 say goodbye to say goodbye to say goodbye to say goodbye to went back to sleep. And the next thing I knew is I heard knocking, but not like stories knocking where it's boom, boom, but boom, because she had a solid storm door so they're knocking on the glass. And my friend Rich, who's now upstairs with the woman, the guy that I did all the robberies with, he's

Starting point is 01:18:06 like, hey, Robin and Jacob are at the door, get up and get it. So I go up there completely ass naked, kind of like when I was in the closet and open the door to, I don't know, 20, Fairfax City Police. So they hadn't caught you for the robberies, but they had ID'd you already.

Starting point is 01:18:22 They knew. Yeah, yeah, but they had never caught me for them. So when she says that when she mentions your name, they're like, oh, hey, we got a warrant for that. Yeah, where is he at? We'd love to have a conversation. So they came in. I try to be Travis Brewer. They weren't going for it like that.

Starting point is 01:18:40 That's you. And so they let me get dressed and took me to the, I don't know, the little station in Fairfax. It's a very small substation before you go to the jail. And they're like, oh, we're just waiting on the detectives. And I'm like, wait. I'm like, so tired. I've been handcuffed to this table for hours. I'm like, come on.

Starting point is 01:18:57 And then the detectives come in and take me into a room, start the recorder. They remove Miranda rights. And they're like, okay. So you want to tell us anything? I was like, about what? They're like, well, we know about the robberies and we know that you used the caravan. I was like, oh, they didn't know anything. And I said, attorney.

Starting point is 01:19:14 And he kept pressing. I said, attorney. I said, I want an attorney. And he stops. He's like, a piece of shit like you doesn't get one. I'm like, you. And so, like, they're like, okay. It shuts off the recorder and stuff.

Starting point is 01:19:26 Yeah, he's like, piece shit like he doesn't get one. And we go to jail. And this is where it gets kind of funny because that's when I knew I was really, really. We get to the magistrate, and he's reading off the robberies and the gun charges. And I'm like, oh, shit, man, I am fine. I am really fucking. And he goes, abduction of Jacob Daniel Brewer. I said, what?

Starting point is 01:19:44 Abduction of robbing coffin. I'm like, I didn't do that. And I start cussing at him in this detective, not Detective Little. Detective Little and the himself, but the detective that I'm beefing with and when I says, I'm a piece shit on the attorney, literally grasped my throat and pins me like he's choking me. And I do one of these numbers and try to look at the magistrate,

Starting point is 01:20:02 and I shit you know if the magistrate does this. And that's when Detective Little, when he had his partner release my neck. And I was 156 pounds. I understand I was tiny. Right. I was a shell of a man. I was just a skeleton. I thought I was back to the heroin sheik.

Starting point is 01:20:19 I thought I looked good. I was like, I'm so ripped. You can see everyone else. You're just disgusting. He said, don't worry about the ones you didn't do. Worry about the ones you did. And so I went to jail. I had 13 charges, 11 felony, two misdemeanor.

Starting point is 01:20:35 I got 10 days for contempt of court because when I beat the two abductions, like Robin showed him test for like, he didn't abduct me. He didn't prevent me from leaving. He didn't assault me. Like those charges were dismissed, but I pled guilty to two robbery and two grand larceny. And the prop, because all the gun charges went away, my co-defendant said it was a fake gun. But it doesn't matter in Virginia.

Starting point is 01:20:55 If there's a gun, the threat is the same to the person, whether it's real or fake. But they were cool about it. They're like, all right, we're going to drop all these. If you plead to these, so I played it. I go through two robberies, two grand larcenies. He's like, you realize you can receive life, life in 20 and 20 for a total of two life sentences in 40 years. And I said, yes, I understood that. And the prosecutor laughed.

Starting point is 01:21:15 So I got mad and I kicked the chair at him, like, because I couldn't get to him. I kicked a chair out of it. I said, this is my life. And kicked the chair out of the deputies. Didn't appreciate that. Man, the cuffs were on so hard, bro. So they cuffed me really, really tight, and they set me in the holding cell for about 30 minutes,

Starting point is 01:21:31 and they brought me back. And any time I went to court after that, which is not good, there was always like six deputies around me, pinning me, holding me there, don't move. Like, they were deep. Right. And so they finally took off the cuffs and placed your hands in front.

Starting point is 01:21:47 Don't move them off the table. all that shit. So he gave me 10 days for contempt to court, and I just kind of laughed. I was like, okay. I just plead guilty to two life sentences in 40 years. And so when sentencing came, my guidelines were 11 years, 7 months to 18 years, with the mid-range of 15. So I thought I was going to get to 15-3.

Starting point is 01:22:06 And the judge was really cool. He gave me 20-20-20, or 20, 20, 20, and 20. Eight years, five months to spend it. So I'm 11-year, seven months, end the 10 days for contempt to court. And so I'm done in Fairfax. I'm thinking it's over. And I get a pro visit downstairs. I'm like, what the hell am I getting a pro visit for?

Starting point is 01:22:24 What's a pro visit? Probation. No, pro visit is either an attorney or a deputy or whatever. It's pro. It's not a regular visit. It's a pro visit. It could be anything. Okay.

Starting point is 01:22:35 So I thought it was my attorney and it was two detectives from Virginia Beach. So the guy, Rob, or Richard, Richard or Robert, I forget his name that, but who was my co-defendant, also had 15 felony check charges and to get out of them he told them about the robbery in Virginia Beach okay which they had another guy arrested for like they didn't they weren't even looking at me for that I left no fingerprints he did he looked similar to me he had a violent past he was arrested he was away and he told on me for that one so they came to see me you know same thing do you have anything to say you I want to attorney and I walked out like because it was different this time they weren't there to read my rangers they just asked me if I want to tell me anything

Starting point is 01:23:12 And I said, you and I walked out. I was mean back then, much meaner at that point. I'm like, I got a hard enough. A dude told me that was like, you got a hard enough. You're going to prison. It's time to be hard now. You're not in jail anymore. And I took that advice because I was not going to be punked in prison.

Starting point is 01:23:27 So anyhow, I took it to trial. I had a four-day trial. The lady I robs, it looks like him a bit, can't be sure. My two co-defendants, testimony sucked because they did testify. But did you see the robbery? No. Would you be facing three robbery charges right now, plus all these check charges from your grandmother that you stole from? Yes.

Starting point is 01:23:48 So I got a hung jury. The jury foreman actually called my attorney and apologized. There's nine to three my way. And so they offered me five years. And I figured, fuck it, I did it, five years. It's 16 years, seven months, ten days. Jesus. In total.

Starting point is 01:24:03 And so that's what I did. But that gets the second sentence gets stacked, right? You're adding an additional five years. Yeah. So, yeah. So in total. They gave me 20 years with 18 suspended for the robbery. They had to give me three years for the gun.

Starting point is 01:24:15 So I got five years tacked on to run consecutive. So I went from 11 years, seven months, 10 days to 16 years, seven months and 10 days. Which, man, I should have done 14 years and two months, but I kept getting in trouble in prison. So I did 15 years, 20 days. Bro. So where? I don't know why when I hear people's sentences. I mean, I did 13 years.

Starting point is 01:24:39 But I hear people say, yeah, I did 10 years. I'm always like, 10 years. Right. You hear that like, wait, didn't you do 13? It does, yeah, but that suck too. But still, though, you can't be robbing people. No, it's bad. No.

Starting point is 01:24:53 They frown on that. Law enforcement, they had no sense of humor. I don't like it. It's just weird. You did scare the old Chinese lady. Yeah, that was not cool. That was definitely not cool. But so you go to prison, where did they send you?

Starting point is 01:25:08 What kind of a prison? Like, they have, in the state system, they have, they have, they have. Do they have like pins, mediums, lows, and camps? Or what's it called? What's the hierarchy? Lowest is a level one. The highest is a level six. So like a one would be a road camp, a two is a dorm.

Starting point is 01:25:23 Majors are threes. And then you have the supermaxes, which I went to twice, Sussex One, Red Onion, and Walons Ridge. But I only went to Sussex one twice. I started. And it's funny because I was really nervous about going to prison. I'm working out every day. I'm beefed up to about 220. I've never been 220.

Starting point is 01:25:41 I'm pushing up, dipping. doing Tyson squads. I'm like, I'm nervous. I'm going to prison. I'm freaking out. And the first prison I go to is what we call Sweet Meadows. It is the softest prison in Virginia prison systems. Like you come in, like, hey, get a juice.

Starting point is 01:25:56 Sit down. We're going to give you a haircut. We're going to give you some clothes and your laundry. You can go, you'll be in building 1B. I'm like, holy shit, this is cool. So, you know, give me a haircut. I have to shave because you can't have any hair on your face in Virginia prisons unless you have a shaving profile.

Starting point is 01:26:11 and I go down and it's nothing like as you pull in it's like a little razor wire a couple fences I'm like this is prison this is what I've been sweating the whole time and it was no big deal I was only there for a very short time because I had heard a child molester in jail and called I aggravated assault I had fighting charges so when I went for my classification hearing my age my time and my my inmate record put me at 35 points which put me out of supermax so I I went from the sweetest little prison in the world. I was like, oh, I like this, dorm life. I was loving it.

Starting point is 01:26:47 I had my homeboy Josh there with me, my home boy, Rico. I'm lifting weights. I'm having fun. I'm tasting freedom. I got a summer, and I hadn't seen the sun in 26 months. I've been in jail 26 months. And then the train ride, I was like, and when she said, you're going to Sussex One, my counsel, I was like, wait a minute.

Starting point is 01:27:04 Why? I've never been to prison before. She said, oh, you'll be fine. Oh, and here's one other thing. This is something that I've always thought about. Mom came to see me. Well, first of all, when my lip got bitten off, my brother thought it was hysterical, my mom was crying. But when I was like, Mom, I'm going away for a long time. She's like, good. You'll survive and there. You know what to do. I can't go to bed every night thinking you're going so I'm happy you're going.

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Starting point is 01:28:45 And that makes sense now at the time. She was like, it was very weird because my mom's very strong. She goes, you do what you have to do. You go in there and you be a man. You do what you got to do. And then I was like, one way for one. She said, it's okay. You'll be fine in there.

Starting point is 01:28:58 But I need sleep. I don't have to worry about a call every night. You're dead or this or that. And that was a big deal to me. That really shocked me. But I also like the encouragement, you do what you have to do. Go in there and be a man. And she was proud of me.

Starting point is 01:29:12 I didn't snitch on anybody. I demanded an attorney. My co-defendants got PR bonds. They never did a day. They testified. And I felt like I was a man. Because I thought if I had told anything and went to prison, that'd be it. Like, I believe that if you snitch and you go to prison, that's it.

Starting point is 01:29:27 It's not the truth. But that's what I thought at the time. I saw lifers wouldn't keep their single cell telling anybody. It didn't matter. But anyhow, so when I took the trip to Sussex One, Let me tell you, there's never been anything. People think it's like people, and I did, I can't say what people do. I know I romanticized prison.

Starting point is 01:29:47 I'm like, shit, I've seen enough movies. I'm going to have fun, you know. It's going to be somewhat scary. Somebody's going to get raped. I hope it's not me. But when I pulled up to Sussex Morning, I can't, I can't explain it. You'd have to see it. It's just fence with razor wire, razor wire, razor wire, razor wire, razor wire,

Starting point is 01:30:03 race, wire, fence, razor wire, like, and the doors are just to get into a everything is getting very freaking real. Everything is cold. Everything is quiet. The CEOs are not polite anymore. They're walking around with shotguns. I'm like, what the what's going on? And when I get in there, they're like,

Starting point is 01:30:27 they leave you, there's several of us, and they do each guy at a time. And when it was my time, strip, turn around, spread your ass cheeks, cough, lift up your balls, put your hands through your hair, run your hands through this. And then they come in. They're recording this the whole time.

Starting point is 01:30:40 Right. And they grab me. And they spread the eagle. They grab me by the back of the head. And they bend me over. And now I'm really, and I'm tensing up because I'm really, really scared. I'm flipping out because I don't know what the is really going on.

Starting point is 01:30:54 They lift me up. They're like, we have permission to use the force. Do you see that red line? You cross that red line. We will cover you. And I start tensing up. And they think I'm getting buck with them. Right.

Starting point is 01:31:04 And they're about to hurt me. And it was a female lieutenant. said, can't you tell he's scared? Calm down. And she's like, can you calm down? And I have tears in my eyes and I'm breathing heavy and I'm real tight. Because I'm flipping out. This is the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced, short of probably childhood.

Starting point is 01:31:20 Right. And they kind of calmed down. And I went and I walked to my pod, which my original pod was 4D. And that was not fun. I walked up in there and I was like, Shit's real. Shit is real, real. I may have made a mistake.

Starting point is 01:31:41 It wasn't until that point. I was like, I may have f***ed up. But Sussis won wasn't as bad the first time I went. It was pretty cool. It was all, like, they had to empty the majors, because they had just built these prisons from 95 to 97. So they filled it up by 2003 when I got there, or 2001, excuse me, well, I got their Christmas Eve.

Starting point is 01:32:00 So I was get returned 2002. They had all the guys that had been down 20 years up there. And all they wanted to do was get back down to where there's, ice cream soda pop. Right. You know, in the comments there, they had ice cream,

Starting point is 01:32:10 so pop there. No. None of that. Nothing that could be made into a knife. Nothing nice. Because soda pop cans, you can make a knife.

Starting point is 01:32:17 Oh, okay. Razors. Like, do you add the security toothbrushes? You didn't have real toothbrushes. That sucks. Yeah,

Starting point is 01:32:24 yeah. Yeah, it was brutal. New toothpicks. But, you know, they kind of schooled me there the first time. Allhead schooled me.

Starting point is 01:32:31 I didn't have one fight. I didn't have any issues in Sussex One. I got along great. Tony Lewis, who came off death row in the 70s for they put him on death throw for the CEO trying to escape he blinked all the time he was always blinking then his fat man tune and said why he always blinking don't he said i like that

Starting point is 01:32:48 myself well that's real funny and he's always blinking he's always blinking because he wasn't used to the light because he said on death row for so many years he had it completely blacked out so so how long were you there i was only there two years my level dropped and then i went to augusta okay augusta i was there for I was at Augusta for six years, but I got a lot of trouble at Augusta. In a sense, that's where it's weird because that's where I transformed in the soda pop. That's when I transformed into my alter ego because it's kind of funny. It's Sussis 1 after you go through your 90-day evaluation, they put me in 2D and ended up on the top tier. And, you know, even though my cellie was black, there was a lot of white dudes.

Starting point is 01:33:30 Because it's not a lot of, the racism wasn't there. It's not like I heard all about federal prisons and being in cars. I was never in a gang. I was never a white supremacist. I was recruited by the Crips, which I thought was just hysterical because I was at stone in my sentence. Like, are you kidding me? You ever heard of the show Dawson's Creek?

Starting point is 01:33:47 Yeah. I'd never seen Dawson's Creek. So you got all these thugs that are doing life in 20 and 10 and 17 years like me, and we lock into Dawson's Creek. And you only get like an hour wreck a day. But if Dawson's Creek was on when the doors popped, you'd see all of us thugs put our heads out. No, man, Creek on. I'll go back.

Starting point is 01:34:07 Like it's trying to make it sound cool. The creek is on. It's a teenage drama show. There are guys in Coleman who'd been locked up, whatever, 20, 30 years, and they'd literally watched soap operas every day. They'd never miss. They'd watch them nonstop. And they're called them their girls.

Starting point is 01:34:25 That's my girl. Yeah. Oh, it's crazy. They know everything about every character and they can tell you what character has died off and they brought them back as another character. And they know the show's inside now. Yeah. Or you'd see guys that are like, you know, 40, 50 years old men who'd been locked up 20, 30 years, and they're knitting.

Starting point is 01:34:44 They would knit. You ever see the old guys that knit? And see, like, we didn't have knitting. You were in feds. Yeah. Bro, are you knitting? Before we went to Augusta to get to Sussex when I met Buzz, Moneymaker, Big Young, and my name's Jason. And in prison, there's a million jays and Jason.

Starting point is 01:35:01 So we'd be playing cards all the time. I don't think that was grammatically correct. we'd be playing. We were playing cards and you would hear Jay. And so Buzz and then we get like, hey, we need a new name for you. You can't be Jason in here. And I was like, okay. And he was like, what's your favorite book? I was like, the outsider. He's like, pick a character. At first I said a pony boy, but he's like there's already a pony boy in the system. I was like, Soda Pop. He's the middle kid. He's good looking. He can fight. I fit the criteria. He's like, bet you're Soto Pop now. So when I went to Augusta, Buzz had been down 12 years. I only been down a couple years at this point,

Starting point is 01:35:33 four years, maybe five years in total. And so when we went to Augusta, we went together, like one day apart. And he knew everybody there. He knew Zach, Tweety, Capone, and all the guys there. And my boy Josh from the jail, I loved it. Love Josh. I can't say his name, but love Josh. So when we got there, he introduced me a soda pop.

Starting point is 01:35:55 But, you know, just kind of was like, all right, so that soda pop. And my name, I became famous in Augusta, not in prison, total. kind of in the Virginia system. Sotomopat became famous because Josh is my best friend, and we live in the same cell together. We'd already done some things. We kind of had a cool reputation, but he wanted to go to the dining hall.

Starting point is 01:36:16 And I'd rather meal. My mom made sure I stayed with money because I didn't eat hardly any commissary. I mean, anything from the kitchen, unless it was breakfast. I'd always eat comcerre. But he wants it. It's spaghetti.

Starting point is 01:36:28 So we're going to the dinah home. I'm like, man, spaghetti day. I didn't want to go. Because on Sundays, it's flooded. Because you only get two meals. You get brunch and dinner. And on the weekends, the dino holes are flooded and I didn't want to go. But he was like, he wanted out.

Starting point is 01:36:39 I was like, I'll give you my tray. He said with you and then we'll come back because we were never separate. And Josh and I were never separate. So we go there and it's just flooded. And so Billy Red, these are just four white guys that we do. Billy Red, Scully, I think it was Billy Johnson and Brent Smith, saw that we were milling around looking for a place to sit. And they go, yo, pop, Josh.

Starting point is 01:37:03 And when they said pop, Josh, his name's Kevin Ridgely, stopped and turned and looked. And I said, oh, man, I just, you ever get a premonition?

Starting point is 01:37:12 You know something's going to happen? Yeah, well, I knew it, because everyone's going to slow motion. So they stand up, two stand up so we can set down as I go to set down my trail

Starting point is 01:37:20 and watching Kevin Ridgely come. I didn't know his name's Kevin Ridgel at the time. Just something black dude. I was like, whatever. But I knew, I knew what was coming as I tried to set down my tray. Nah, this is me,

Starting point is 01:37:30 bitch. And sets down in my seat. in front of 300 people in the Donnell Hall who are noticing and my friends who are noticing and this is my first big challenge in prison this is what the weightlifting this is what the push-ups are for this is for either i have to make a decision at this very moment either i'm going to be and i'm mean to use bad words a punk and a bitch in prison or i'm going to stand up and be like man because a little bit of shit i've done already isn't enough this is this is the show this is when it's going to happen and i just remember kind of blacking out but not fully blacking out

Starting point is 01:38:03 And just taking a deep breath and I hit him. And I hit him. And he went to reach up for me, which scared me. So I hit him again. And I hit him again. But as I'm hitting him, I'm like, who's the bitch now? Who's the bitch now? And it was called the spaghetti and blood fight because I fractured his cheekbone,

Starting point is 01:38:21 seven stitches, three stitches. And I just turned and cuffed up. I just turned and cuffed up when the police came because I destroyed him in four points. They said it sounded like a baseball bat hitting me. And I'm not saying that's because I'm something killer. because I was so terrified that if I didn't do that, that I was going to be a punk for the rest of my time, and I wasn't going to be a punk.

Starting point is 01:38:39 And so I went to the hole, and the charge gets basically thrown out. They were like these good old boy prison. Augusta was a white-run prison. Right. Every other prison was a black-run prison. But this is a white administration. And he's a mouthy, big black guy that talked a lot of shit. And I was unknown, and I destroyed him.

Starting point is 01:38:56 So I spent like 10 days in the hole because you got to wait for hearing. Then you've got to get released. And when I came out, everywhere I went, I was soda pop. And from that, I took on that persona, Soda Pop, I was no longer Jason. I was no longer kind and caring and considerate. I wasn't mean. I wasn't a gangster. I wasn't tough.

Starting point is 01:39:14 But I felt like I had that edge now. Like people, oh, no, he will punch you in the face. You better leave him alone. And it got me in scrapes. From that point on, prison changed. I developed this, you know, I was like, I've been. It became cold, you know. Like I called my mom only, I called my mom all time, but I only call on occasion.

Starting point is 01:39:38 Something real bad happened. I was like, man, this dude's teeth were all over. It's a real bad. I haven't seen that much blood before mom. And I could only talk to her about this stuff because in there I had to enjoy it. And then it became normal. I don't know. It's funny because I thought about it the other day, and I don't tend to ever talk about

Starting point is 01:39:55 being tough because I don't think I was tough. I think I was scared the whole time I was in prison. But I had to go down the mall. I had one, two, three aggravated assault. a really bad 100 series charge that was not a murder, assault on staff, assault on a nurse. Like, I had all these violent charges to the point that I got sent back up to Sussex 1 in the state police game. Like, this is over my 15-year sentence. And I don't want to sit there in Hartburn Prison, even though I guess the show is kind of about that.

Starting point is 01:40:24 The two scariest points or the three scariest points in my prison bid were Sussex won the first day. And then when I crossed some lines, but when I had 18 months left and the Virginia State police showed up, and they were like, Mr. Brewer, we have had three criminal referrals about you. If you put your hands on one more person, not only we're going to charge you for that crime, we're going to violate you for your probation in Virginia Beach, which is 18 years, and we're going to bury you under the prison. And I remember as we discussed the prison or the victim mentality, I was like, are you kidding me? I just saw a dude get dragged into a bathroom by 10 dudes for an hour. I was just sitting in a cell where they say, give him the TV back after you beat, robbed him, or he's going to tell. Like, you're, what? All I'm doing is defending myself in here.

Starting point is 01:41:17 You don't like a strong white guy in here. I made it racial. And they're like, we're just telling you. We get another criminal complaint. against you. And then I had to be scared. I was scared that I would hurt someone. And no bullshit, there wasn't two weeks later, I beat the hell out of my cellar because

Starting point is 01:41:33 he just wouldn't shut up. You know, I got all this pressure on me now. And this dude just went, now shut the fuck up. He's always talking, always ran, always raving. And he just wouldn't be quiet. And I was like, I'm telling you. I'd already grabbed him and choked him. I choked him out.

Starting point is 01:41:46 And I was like, you got to stop, bro. You got to stop. I'm not going to be able to stop myself because I know that I'm all worked up. And he's, after I choked him out, he started talking. again, started talking loud, and we're on lockdown, and I end up beating him savagely. And I, and I wouldn't let him out of the cell. There's two times I wouldn't let people out of the cell. I made him stay in the cell.

Starting point is 01:42:06 I made him cover his face at count time, and it was just all bad. These are the things that I think about and shudder. And the second scariest part was going home. I was terrified to come home. I called my mom. I was running up all these debts and drug deals and shit, and I was real strong out. I had to go to the hole and kicked up before I came home. And my mom's like, you're an effing coward.

Starting point is 01:42:26 You're a fucking coward. You're scared to come home. And I was like, it didn't make sense. I was like, coward. You've been here with me for 15 years. You know the charges I've had. You know the things I've done. You call me a coward.

Starting point is 01:42:37 And she's like, because you're scared to come home. And I went back to my bunk. And I thought about it for a long time. And she was right. I understood where I fit in prison. You know, I was not a killer because I knew the killers. But I was in a punk and I knew my place. And prison wasn't that.

Starting point is 01:42:52 I got into the place where prison wasn't that bad. Yeah. I got along well. You know, I had a personality. I didn't run with any gangs. I wasn't considered a racist. A lot of people liked me. You know, you've seen Roadhouse.

Starting point is 01:43:04 I showed up to new prisons and said, like, your soda pop. I thought you'd be bigger because the stories made me much bigger than what I was. And I didn't want to come home. Yeah. And that really, really scared me to come home. And I didn't do well when I came home. I did awful when I first came home. What happened?

Starting point is 01:43:22 home, they put me in a halfway house. Within a month, I was shooting up dope. And my brother was tried to rescue me and sent me up the front row to dry out. They switched my probation. It didn't stick. I didn't want to be sober. I ended up getting another malicious wounding and an abduction because this person and I got to this huge fight. But they got me up real bad. I mean, I got up real bad. They had a top secret clearance who was just drunk of shit. And I ended up beating the charge. But then I went to what I, was familiar with Richmond because that's where they said nobody wanted me when I came home my mom didn't want me my brothers didn't want me My grandmother died today before I came two days before I came home like you're not invited to the funeral

Starting point is 01:44:02 We we don't know what you are all we know is what we've heard and we don't want you at grandma's funeral and that one Mentally messed me up but I didn't But you got understand that I come yeah I didn't felt like I was worthy to say goodbye to or anyhow right But it's still messes with you a little bit like damn No, you know, wow, I am, I am everything that I thought I was. Even my mom doesn't, who loves me, who would do anything for my mom's strong. Yeah, she can't see it the whole time. No, she didn't visit.

Starting point is 01:44:33 She sent money. My brother visit. Okay. But she did visit too, but she held me down the whole time. My mom loves me to death. She would do anything. And our relationship is great today. So I ended up going to Richmond and I took a shot of dope.

Starting point is 01:44:44 I left the note to this. Jason Brewer was on purpose. Here's my ID. Here's my social security card. And I took the shot and cleaning ladies came in and family. me and it was another one this time I was in a coat like a bad back cold like touch and go loss brought back and um when I when I came to I had the thing down my throat and and and it dawned on me I was I was hooked to the bed and it took a few days from going to be able

Starting point is 01:45:09 take the thing out and I just and she's like why are you crying I was like I don't want to be a lot I just didn't I did not fit in this world I didn't think I ever could fit in this world but but it turned out you know years later it's not true you know but at that time It was probably the darkest days of my life because I'd get a job, lose a job. Somebody walked by me. I thought they could smell. I thought they were staring at me. I always thought people were applauding on me.

Starting point is 01:45:32 Like, to this day, I don't like a loud noise, and I can't stand anybody behind me. Like, thinking somebody's behind me right now will freak me out. I didn't know how to deal with it because I didn't know what was, I couldn't distinguish reality from the false. I didn't know if people were out to get me, and I didn't know if I could function. and I didn't know how to react to certain things. I didn't know if you bumped me and didn't say, excuse me, am I supposed to punch you in your face right now? Right.

Starting point is 01:45:57 I was in the gym the other day stretching. Some guy walked and he had more room and I have to debate my head. Do I go pull up on the same guy right now? What would a normal person do? All that kind of weird shit. And this is, you know, I've been sober for three years. Over three.

Starting point is 01:46:09 I just celebrated three years October 7. You know. So I don't know. I got off track. Yeah, I do that. My bad. No. You didn't get all track.

Starting point is 01:46:19 No, I was just thinking about me. even me getting out after being in, even though, you know, I spent the last, what, nine years, it wasn't nine years? Yeah, last nine years in a low, you know, like people are still, people are like, oh, it was a low,

Starting point is 01:46:31 people are still getting, people, there's still fights. I saw one of the most brutal fights I'd ever seen in the low. Right. You know? Yeah. But, uh, I was going to say, and even the way you talk to each other in the low,

Starting point is 01:46:43 and we're talking about soft guys talking to each other. Right. You know, you know, I'm sure you know this. You stop saying thank you. You stop saying, Please. Yeah. Your soft.

Starting point is 01:46:51 Does she say, please? It's like, you know, let me get some coffee. Yeah. You know, and so you think, oh, well, when I get back, you, you, you, over the course of that time, when you go back into society, you think, oh, I'll be fine. But you have no idea how aggressive. Now, I just thought it was being assertive, but it doesn't come off as assertive. It comes off as being aggressive to a normal person.

Starting point is 01:47:14 And when you've got your other, your friends telling you, bro, you're super aggressive. And I'm like, I'm not, what do you mean, They're like, like that. Yeah. And I'm like, like what? What are you talking about? And you say, have your eyes, your eyes still doing like, what do you mean? Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 01:47:28 Yeah. And I'm not, I'm not an aggressive person. You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not someone that's, that's ever that's just going to be physical. Right. But they're like, it looks like you're going to attack me. I know you're not going to. Right.

Starting point is 01:47:40 Because I know you or I think I know you. Uh-huh. But they're like you're super, you come off aggressive and you, you know, you know, and bro, you don't say thank you. You don't say, please. you don't say, you know, you're like the best I've gotten out of you is, you know, I appreciate that. Yeah. Like that's it.

Starting point is 01:47:57 Good look. Yeah. Like, like, that's not normal, bro. You're not. And I'm like, and they would say like, you're not in prison. I'd be like, and I would think, I wouldn't even in a real prison. Like, it was a low. It wasn't a tough prison.

Starting point is 01:48:08 Right. And they're like, yeah, but you said people were getting. Then I'm like, yeah, but they had that common. Yeah. Right. Right. Who has that coming? Right.

Starting point is 01:48:16 People, but, you know, just like that. If you get in prison, you probably. had it coming. Yeah. People aren't just randomly anybody. So something happened. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:26 For sure. To me, but to me it's like, yeah, but that dude this, that they're like, you're justifying that a guy borrowed a book from somebody and lost the book. And then told the other guy, yeah, well, I don't have your book. What do you want me to do? And then the other guy beat the dude down with a lock. You're saying he had that coming. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:46 Yeah. That's insane. Out here, that's insane. Oh, it's sad. They don't get it. That kid, Sussex 1, the kid, the one person, he was getting out on Monday, gave his TV to his homeboy after he sold it for two packs of cigarettes. And when the guy was like, yo, and suddenly on the yard like, yo, where's the TV?

Starting point is 01:49:03 He's like, oh, man, my bad, I gave him to my homie. He hit him in the artery in his leg, and he died. His parents came to pick him up on Monday. Like, oh, he's, it's, oh, it's, oh. Yeah. I don't think, you know, it's funny. I don't think a whole lot about prison anymore. I don't, I don't, I don't, prison.

Starting point is 01:49:19 I don't want it to define me, but it did take me a long time to understand what institutional life was. I thought it meant that I was a real hard ass when I came home. I didn't understand there's certain idiosyncrasies that I've developed from that environment that still carry on to this day. Well, you definitely have PTSD. You know, I mean, there's no doubt about that. I think probably anybody does to a degree.

Starting point is 01:49:39 Right. And I think it's funny because there are sometimes where I think about prison, and I think that was an eternity ago. And then there are sometimes I think about it and I feel like I just got out. Right. Like you didn't just get out, bro. It's been five years. And it's like, but there are sometimes where I feel like that was, that was yesterday.

Starting point is 01:49:56 And other times where I think that was, that was an entirely different life. Yeah. It was, it was forever ago. Yeah. It just, it's, I wish I could discern what, or discern what that, with why sometimes it's, it's right. It's very brief time ago and why sometimes it was an eternity ago. I don't know what that is with the situation. is but it's um you know but it is it is such uh such an interesting i think um uh you know like

Starting point is 01:50:29 it it forms it changes your personality in some way you know and maybe some guys it doesn't i don't know to me i felt like it altered me in such a to such a degree yeah that i just you know don't want to go back yeah yeah going back's out of the question at this point time i don't even know if I could turn it over to be that person to get at this age and the way I feel now. Oh, yeah. I'm an old man, bro. I can't be doing all. Although, you know, for your audience, you thought I was in my 30s.

Starting point is 01:50:57 I'm 50. Well, your teeth are perfect. Because I had terrible teeth when I came home. And so I spent a lot of money getting my teeth because that's one of the things I had a partial because they pulled them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like I had a routine cavity, but then I called a charge. They sent me to another prison.

Starting point is 01:51:14 Then they sent me to another prison. And then I did seven months, six months, seven months in the hole. And then they sent me to another prison. And then by the time they get to look at it again, it's been two years. So they jank it. Yeah. Yeah. So my teeth weren't all that great.

Starting point is 01:51:25 Yeah, they're not doing root canals. And we're going to put a crown on that. None of that. Yeah. So I was going to say, I'm actually in the process of kind of doing that now. Starting to go to the dentist, get this done, get that done. Like I'm piecing. How long are you been home now?

Starting point is 01:51:41 Five years. Oh, shit. But it was. Okay. Yeah. It's still fresh. Damn, babe. I just got off probation a few months ago.

Starting point is 01:51:49 I haven't been in trouble in almost 10 years, so I'm a little, it does get better. I promise you. Yeah, I mean, it's, I mean, how much better can it get for you right now, you big, you big diesel. Get out of here. Look at you, your sexy beast with the perfect hair. You got the podcast. You're famous. You got men stopping you on the street.

Starting point is 01:52:06 Get out of here. Listen, my, I want to tell the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, so there's, Do you know who Bean Shooter is? No. You should listen. When you, on your channel, when you start interviewing people, you should interview this guy, bro. Beach Shooter? Oh, my God.

Starting point is 01:52:23 He's hilarious. I'll hook you up with him. He's hilarious. But he did the, he did the pod. Did I mention this on a podcast? We just mentioned it the last time. I want to mention it again. It's worth it.

Starting point is 01:52:34 Bean Shooter. He's on a podcast. And he's talking to me. And I guess at some point he's got the turkey neck, right? He's sitting there to some point. He leans back. And you can see like a waddle. And so somebody in the comment section says, holy bat, holy bat, what is it?

Starting point is 01:52:53 Holy, holy bat, holy whottle bat or holy chicken neck batman. That's really. Holy chicken neck back man. Do you know what I'm talking about? I mean, I haven't, I didn't see the comment. Okay. Oh, turkey neck. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:53:07 Holy turkey net Batman. To him. And they leave that. And he said to me, he said, bro, I never. I never look at the comments. Unless it's on my channel, he isn't if it's mean, I'd get rid of it. He's, I'd delete it.

Starting point is 01:53:21 Why? I don't know. He's, you know, just some people like that. For me to delete it, it would have to be something derogatory probably towards somebody else. Like if somebody else says something derogatory about me,

Starting point is 01:53:33 I'll be like, oh, yeah, that guy's a piece of shit. You know, to me, you know, I can't stand that. You're absolutely right. I don't know what I was thinking when I said that. Anyway, but he said I looked at it and I thought he was said it was some woman and I thought He goes and then I went back and I looked at the video and I was like holy shit I had no idea that it was that bad This dude jumps on a plane flies to Columbia and gets a Get surgery cut it. You should see the surge right. They cut him here

Starting point is 01:54:06 It's like a big Z and they do Sorry, I'm trying to find the video. Oh yeah bro. But to be honest, I think it, and I think he's shown one video since then where he's in a, he's in an elevator. At first, he shows the surgery. When you look at the surgery, it's like, oh my God, this is like major surgery. But he posted a video recently where he's in an elevator with these two chicks that he goes to, that he, I don't know if he's keeping them in. You can kind of keep some. Just holding them in the basement?

Starting point is 01:54:39 No, no. in Columbia. So, like, I guess you, he's dating him. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. You know. So he's in an elevator and he's like, he's like, oh, you can see him with the video showing himself.

Starting point is 01:54:50 He's like, oh, look at the new jaw line. You're not, wait, you guys aren't, or you're not prepared for this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he's like, and then he turns out. The girls are laughing and shit. Listen, he had both of them, I think they got bean shooter tattooed on, on their, on their asses. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:55:08 Oh, he's. We got to happen back. We really have to happen back. We didn't know enough. We didn't know. This guy is like a Boston legend. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 01:55:17 So he has that, he has that real thick Boston. Oh, yeah. He's like, like, he's like famous, but it's like strictly in like Boston. They all people. Yeah. You don't say his group. He's got groupies like and he like, he kind of reminds me of you. You know, you, I'm sorry, you kind of remind me of him.

Starting point is 01:55:32 Also, this is, and he's insane. I mean, insane in a way that you're not insane. Think of this. Listen, this guy got his teeth. done only in the teeth. He's got diamonds, clovers. He's got crosses.

Starting point is 01:55:47 Clovers. What's he repin? Obviously, he's, I'm not, what am I say? Irish. Irish, because he's buffered. Yeah, but in your world, in the feds, he couldn't do that without saying who he, that would be he's in that car. Yeah, I don't, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:56:02 I'm not, I'm really, I don't know. What does that mean? I mean, the Clovers is white, white supremacy, for sure. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Irish pride.

Starting point is 01:56:12 Oh, okay. But it doesn't matter. I mean, he was in prison? He did. Oh, was he? How many times? Oh, my gosh. This guy.

Starting point is 01:56:18 He did. In and out. Oh, I mean, three years here, seven years here, two years here, five years here, four. And this is towards his whole life. And then one day, he's a daughter. Yeah. Well, he had a daughter. And when he got out, he just went, yeah, I can't.

Starting point is 01:56:31 I just being a piece of shit's not working for me. Right. You know, you get to that point where, and, you know, just like you, it may have gotten to a point. You get so old that you, or I think a lot of it has to do with age. You get to a point where you're like, the fuck am I doing? Yeah. Like, you know what that point was?

Starting point is 01:56:46 When I went back for that one year because I got my probation violation at 41 years old, and Deputy Hall, who was a rookie when I went in at 17, he's like, yeah, Jay, I'm, because we were always cool. He looked like Michael Jordan. He's from North Carolina. He's like, yeah, retired this year. And it dawned on me. I had done a career as he did a career.

Starting point is 01:57:06 when he was retiring and getting a job as a sheriff down in some small town in North Carolina. Working on a second retirement. Yeah, and I hadn't even started my life yet. And that was it. That was the last time I went to jail that year. That was it for me. And that's when I started combating the sobriety thing. And it took me quite a few years to get on top of that.

Starting point is 01:57:26 And the cool thing about the sobriety thing, because I'm not a great example of it, is that that's where I started recognizing what fear is. Fear is not worrying about you punching me. Fear is worrying about maintaining the job, being in a relationship, not being hard and giving back to like, I feel like I've taken so much from society. Now I try, I always say thank you now. I always have endorsed for people. I always try to smile.

Starting point is 01:57:53 And one of the funny things is people don't even know what to do with it. It's so disturbed out there right now. People are like, what are you doing? Oh, society is so depraved. Yeah, they don't get it. They're like, why you, you know, it's weird. But I'm not going to stop. That's given me a lot of freedom, challenging myself, my belief system,

Starting point is 01:58:10 is trying to have an open mind and rid myself for these fears that have kept me in this prison. This self-made fear, the prison of fear is now opening up. And I feel like for the first time I'm becoming who I'm supposed to be, not what I thought I was for all these years, all the ugliness and dirtiness and things that kept me from even trying to be a human being. I get to be a human being today. What are you doing now for work? I've been, he's so funny as we're pointing to this neighborhood.

Starting point is 01:58:40 So I'm a project manager, but we do disaster really. So I started off doing it. I've been in the same company eight years. I'm writing tight LLC, but I solely work for one contractor. And I've been with, I'm not going to say his name because I don't, you know what I mean? But I've been with, and he knows him for eight years. So when I see all these roofs and shit, I'm like, oh, my God, that's all because all we do is insurance claims. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:59:00 So if your house burns down, we are, do you want, you see my biggest payout ever? $7,000 for the skipping to job. I, dude, when I started doing this and I made $2,000, I like, this was seven years ago, I, legit, $2,000, legit money. $2,000 for one roof. It was a cedar shake roof. I was like, I'm rich. I had never made $2,000 ever, like, besides robbing somebody.

Starting point is 01:59:26 But then I signed up a bunch of work, and I became really good at it. But, yeah. And so I've been doing that for a long time. from doing hell storm work, windstorm work, to trees through the house, to the straight disaster restoration. So now, mainly everything I do is fires. You know, it's very weird. I'm not, you know, money's not my master or anything like that, but I'm sure it's still

Starting point is 01:59:51 motivation. When I've never made more than, you know, $11 or $12 an hour and I made $75,000 for my first year, $156,000 my second, 175 my third, then stupid shit with COVID. And then last year, 211, like, I do, I do really well, but I still, I didn't know how to manage money. I spend it like it's water. I should have a lot more. I did, as we were talking earlier, I didn't know how to invest in it. I was just so happy to have it.

Starting point is 02:00:17 I wanted to just give it. I wanted to show all. I had an ego. Let me burn this, you know, playing cards for thousands of dollars. It was crazy. But, but I'm now learning to manage it. I feel like my whole family in the world had a big jump because I can't home it, you know, 42, a hot mess. it took me to 47 to even begin to think I could do anything correctly.

Starting point is 02:00:37 And now at 50, all my stuff has changed. You know, I know what ego is now. I know what fear is and I can adjust to it. It's funny. You really do need to talk to Vien Shooter. Like he has such a similar story. Like, it's amazing how you can, it's amazing how quickly you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps

Starting point is 02:01:01 the moment you just start doing the right thing. Yeah. So crazy. Isn't that funny? Because, you know, you can, there are these guys that will try and get clean and get up and get clean and up and keep. And it's like they keep doing the wrong thing their whole life. And they're like, I can't survive.

Starting point is 02:01:14 I got no money. I got there. And then one day they say, you know, I'm just not going to be a piece of shit anymore. Yeah. And it's like suddenly everything starts to fall into place. And you're like, why didn't this happen before? Well, you were a piece of shit for fucking 30 years. And so nothing, nothing worked out.

Starting point is 02:01:29 It tends to not work out. And all that is is maybe, in my. be a year or two of struggle. You know, like it doesn't come to come to me immediately. Nothing comes easy to this for a path. Right. But after a couple years of just being a decent person, suddenly it's like God says, I'm just going to start throwing everything down that you need to survive.

Starting point is 02:01:48 And I'm sorry, to flourish. Yeah. Just like that. I mean, not just because there's two years of struggle. Yeah. But if you just do that, then everything starts to fall in a place in my mind. You know, we did that podcast. You guys looked at the one that was outside with the wind and stuff.

Starting point is 02:02:02 We did that over a year ago just dick around the back of the house. And from that, he kept it. I, I, I accredit being here today because I've never, where are my wildsters? I think I'd be sitting in front of Matthew Cox. Like, you're like, and I know, I'm not saying this to blow you up because I was, not to be me to Ian Big. I didn't know who he was. I was like, oh, it's really nice to meet you.

Starting point is 02:02:22 That has to be, by the way, sorry, that has to be a clip. That needs to be a clip and we're sending it to Ian. Yeah. And, I mean, I was nervous. I'd never done a podcast before, but he was. It's like, hey, by the way, you can talk to Matthew? I was like, get the fuck at it. I just left Ian Bick, and I quit thinking about Ian Bick.

Starting point is 02:02:38 I was like, Matthew Cod. And I'm like, calling my friends. I'm like, oh, bro. And I'm calling my mom, telling my wife, tell him, like, anybody else. Just kidding. So I was really pumped up to see. Because who does a president be talking to you? Who thought I could make a trip to Tampa to go do an interview, a podcast?

Starting point is 02:02:58 And so now I believe that there's more to doing this. There's more to give and there's more to receive and there's more to produce. I mean, this, I haven't been excited to do anything in so long because I'm good at my job. Right. And I make money off my job and it gives me self-worth, but I think there's more. I don't think I was just created just to go. And if I am just a project manager, great. But I'd like to be able to reach someone else and help them.

Starting point is 02:03:23 That, you know, when you're a taker, you're a, I was a taker my whole life. And now for the first time I know what it's like to give. And I would like to be able to take someone else out of that mental prison and i don't know if it's just by doing podcast talking or what we're going to do but this is like a dream it's not real it's not reality even though it is i can i'm touching you you're you're right here and i know you don't you don't seem to like the compliment i'm not i'm not you know i'm not blowing you up for any other than it's true to me i don't it's that i don't it's that um you know although you and i have definitely different stories um so much of your story

Starting point is 02:03:59 and you're not feeling worthy. So much of that resonates with me that, you know, it bothers me when people say that or that you're inspiring or, you know, you know how that feels. Like, people say, oh, you're so inspiring and I love what you're doing. And to me, I look back on my life and I see all the failures and mistakes and f***ups and just as shitty things I've done in life to now be in a position. where somebody says, you know, you're an inspiration.

Starting point is 02:04:33 I absolutely do not feel worthy of that. So I'm always like, yeah, yeah, all right, you know, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, I try and blow it off and get him to shut up as quick as possible. Right. Because, yeah, I know it's going to upset me. Because I know it's not, you know, and obviously, you know, I don't want to sit here and cry. Right.

Starting point is 02:04:47 I mean, I'm not embarrassed about it because if somebody's like, oh, you're crying, and I go, you know, I can give a shit. But, but, yeah, I don't want to sit here. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't want to feel uncomfortable. My voice. You know, I don't think it's particularly manly. But I have no, you know, I have no, no napkins or anything.

Starting point is 02:05:09 Tissue. Colby's no help at all. Your guy's sitting there. He's no help. Kobe's going to hang now. I was thinking about it. You know, all Colby's seen. And Colby has no problem, by the way.

Starting point is 02:05:20 As soon as I, he's willing to sacrifice my, he's willing to sacrifice, you know. Thank you. You know, my reputation or virtue or whatever you want to call it for clicks, for views. That's all he cares about. He's like, oh, God, Matt's going to cry. This is going to be great. Yeah. A million views if you cried.

Starting point is 02:05:41 Like, many people saw it. So it bothers me. You know what I'm saying? It bothers me. People will say that because to me, I feel like I'm just trying to make a living. You know, I'm trying to make a living. But I do know that people get a lot out of it. That's why that's one of the reasons I definitely think you should do a YouTube channel.

Starting point is 02:05:56 You know what I'm saying? you should interview other guys because they're going to have, they're going to be guys like you that have story. That's the thing I like about the guy, the bean shooter, a bean shooter, because he's a lot like you. He jokes and laughs the whole way through, but he touches on some things that are just, you know, heartbreaking, you know, and he laughs and joke. I laugh and joke my whole story through.

Starting point is 02:06:18 I laugh and joke about it because, you know, that's how I got through prison. So I got me, you know, I'm joking and I'm laughing and, you know, like I'm, I'm trying to to kind of keep laughing and keep a good sense of humor because otherwise you'd be you'd otherwise i'd want to commit yeah and i think laughter is one of the greatest healers there is yeah you know and how but it's said man what a what a powerful view i really appreciate i can't thank you enough can't thank you enough you were great thank you for coming he was all pumped up hey you guys i really do appreciate you watching the video do be a favor hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you get notified of videos like this please leave a comment in the comment section

Starting point is 02:06:55 and share the videos. That helps. Please consider joining our Patreon. It's 10 bucks a month. We put Patreon exclusive material on Patreon. Also, please go to the description box and click on the links for Jason's, all of his social media accounts, and especially he's starting a YouTube channel. He's going to start interviewing people. He's going to start telling his own story in detail.

Starting point is 02:07:16 We want to get him enough subscribers and enough watch time so that he gets monetized and his YouTube channel can be successful. and please do me favor, go there, please subscribe, watch the videos. I appreciate it so much. Thank you guys so much for watching this. See ya.

Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Criminals Get Honest About Regret (Hilarious & Emotional)

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