Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Drug Addict Finds An Unlimited Money Glitch...

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Matt Lalonde shares his story on how he ran a gas card scam to fuel and addiction.

Being an addict, you're willing to fucking do anything at any cost. Like I had no regard for anybody's feelings or I didn't, I just didn't care. I mean, you get to the point where you're, you just don't want to be sick. That's right. It's just the worst feeling. Hey, this is Matt Cox and I am here with Matt Lalonde and probably got that that right. I might have got that right. Okay, all right. So, and he's got a super interesting story about,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say a gas credit card scam. He lives in Florida and came by and we're gonna, and I'm gonna interview him and it's gonna be super cool. So also, do me a favor and if you like the video, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell to get notified of videos like this. Also, I have a Patreon, if you like the videos, like let's say you're some guy that's driving around on a lawnmower, or you work in a warehouse and you spend three, four, five hours a day, maybe watching my stuff,

you might want to go out of your way and say, hey, you know what? Like, I'm going to go ahead and throw this guy a bone. I'm going to join Matt's Patreon. Hey, it's only $10. Like, it's like, that's at entry level, like 10 bucks. You know, 10 bucks a month? Like, that's nothing. That's nothing.

So, of course, then there's also 50. Like, if you really liked me, it'd be 50. And if you were like, hey, I want to get a painting every month. then that would be $125, and admittedly it's excessive, but, you know, things are expensive. Regardless, you get a free painting, or not free because you're really kind of paying for it. But, you know, you get a painting of a different con man every single month. This month, I think I'm going to do Jordan Belford. Anyway, I'm here with Matt.

Check this out. So you sent me an email. We talked on the phone a little bit. Alaska, credit card thing. Were you born in Alaska? I was born and raised in North Pole. Alaska, not the North Pole, but North Pole, Alaska. Born and raised there, I had a, I mean, well, can I stop?

One more. Can I stop? What was it? Are you in Alaska? Were you from Alaska? We were both born and raised. Neither one of you look like someone that I, see, when I think Alaska, I think Native Alaskans because I've seen all those programs like life, life below zero and, and, yeah, and Alaska

State Troopers and all those. But I saw one where they were like it was almost like a tribe or something like they were they were running their own the whole town was run by basically like a tribe and yeah we're it's not like that I mean we're probably like 30,000 people population it's so North Pole and then there's Fairbanks so North Pole and Fairbanks are only like 10 miles away so like if you you live in North Pole most of your jobs are in Fairbanks you got to commute 15 minutes but it's probably about 30,000 people population there there is a a lot of natives um where was twilight found twilight is that alaska no are they in alaska that movie with Vanessa Hutchinson when she's the prostitute and that's not that's not no no no there was one shot in no wow that was way off oh yeah there's there's that's a true that's a true one you hear that you need to get that dude the hunting the prostitutes wow yeah probably do you hear that it's a yeah it's a yeah there's a car alarm going off yeah anyways so i'm sorry anyway so yeah yeah okay so we don't know we don't know where twilight

was this and nothing is anything no anyway i don't he has anything to do with alaska um but i i mean i had a fairly normal childhood um i there's i mean there's some trauma you know i mean there's there's that I went through I felt like I never really kind of fit into the norm. I always felt kind of odd. I'd only had like one best friend. There was just, I felt like there was just, it's hard to explain. I just, there was something different about me that I didn't fit in with most people. I got picked on and stuff and just because I was quiet. And then, I mean, eventually it led to like in my, before high school. So I started drinking like the 13, 14 years old and tried weed and were your parents married?

They were they were both together. They're both together and they're still together. Yeah. And it's just like a normal like middle class kind of. Yeah. But you just wasn't it wasn't working for you. No, it wasn't. And so at the time, let's see, my dad has been in recovery for almost as long as I've

been alive. So they were doing the best with what they had. They were growing as I was growing. All right. So they had to learn how to parent and like the older I got. got like the better that they did like I they're the best parents now that I've ever had like they've they've done a great job like it's supporting me especially everything that I've went through do you have any brothers and sisters I do have a

brother and a sister but they're the same dad different mom so half half brother and half sister but they're see my four older way older yeah my sister's 43 or 44 and then my brother is like 41 43 44 she's only they're almost dead no shit I mean, I'm 33. I mean, so I'm like... I'm 53. Jesus. 43's ancient.

My God. Yeah. I just heard them over there. She's like, and I'm only 22. I'm a decade older than her. I hear you. I hear you. Like them young, they're, they're, they're, they're, they'll put you in your place real

quick. Yeah. They'll be in the, yeah, they will. And then, I mean, so eventually kind of led to, like, when I had my first drink or my first mind-altering substance, how old were you? I was like 13. Wow. How does that happen?

I mean, my sister always had pills or had drugs. I mean, my best friend at the time, he had a bunch of weed all the time and then his parents were kind of out of town or not really just present enough to notice that what we were doing. and I would drink beer and then I'd smoke weed and I had like a little Yamaha blaster and after I got all hammered and shit I would drive home and try to avoid my parents and let them know that I was under any kind of influence but what it did is it triggered something like inside of me that felt like I was like this is how I was supposed to feel like right like just an a total addict like kind of personality like I'm an addict through and

through and like no matter what it is that'll get me outside of my head to make me feel not make me feel that's the point is right there's too much going on all the time and the instant that I like I had that substance I was like I can I can talk to people like I'm I feel calm I have like I can communicate properly and I felt like people like me so I continued with with that through my high school years um i would hide a bottle of soko behind my subwoofer in my truck and before i'd go into class i'd take a few shots and go into class and i'd be like i i was cool like i felt good yes you're self-medicating oh yeah it's anxiety it's got to be it it sounds i mean not that i'm a psychiatrist or anything but it sounds like it's super connected to anxiety for you it definitely is yeah i was i'm

totally uncomfortable with myself if i well if i wasn't under a sub under any kind of substance right um there's just it it's it's a toy it's horrible really until until you reach a point in your life where you're like i'm i need to do something about this like i need to change um but uh after going through like um going through high school and drinking while going to school and not getting in trouble or anything i was going to say it didn't it never caught up never caught up to you nobody ever nobody noticed they just they just they just thought like like Matt's in a good mood, like how I usually was because I was always under a substance. Right.

And then after high school, it was like, it was, yeah, right after high school, I had a buddy that I would go to, so in, I went to school in Eilsen, which is an Air Force base because I went to North Pole High and I got too much too much in trouble or just there's things going on and I went to Eilsen so they sent me there. Plus I had a girlfriend at Isleson that I wanted to go to Isleson so I could be with her. Right. And that lasted like two months. So I ended up finishing junior senior year at Ielson and then I had friends that I went to West

Valley and I would go go see them and then we were kind of into the same substances and same things and then that's when the oxy cotton thing kind of arose. Right. And that was in the C, 2009. 2009, 2010. And we figured out, like, you know, you can smoke them. You can smoke on tinfoil. Because these oxycott and 80 milligrams, I mean, they're synthetic heroin. Right. Like, that's exactly what it is. And I never in my life thought of smoking a pill. What are you, like, what are you guys doing? And one of these particular persons is one ended up being one of my co-defendants

in this thing. Um, so me and him, we would, I would go to his house and we would smoke oxycotton off tinfoil and then I did that like off and on for like, you know, a few weeks or then three weeks, four weeks. And then I just, I stopped. I was, I was back in North Pole at my parents' house and I started feeling like shit. I was like, man, I must be getting the flu. Like I just, I don't feel good.

And then it dawned on me. I was like, wait a second. I'm withdrawing. I'm going through withdrawals. Like, what do I do? Like, either I need to go get more or I'm just going to get, I'm going to feel like shit. So I asked my parents, I'm like, just some phony fucking reason like, hey, I need $80 to go to fill up my tank, go do this and do this.

And at that point in time, they didn't, I don't think they had an idea. I mean, there's, they didn't have an idea that I was up to something. and um i went and got the oxy cotton and then i smoked it and i instantly feel better so i was like okay i this is it i'm hooked like i i have to do this now in order to function and this is an 80 milligram yeah so what do you you break it in half or something you can't yeah yeah you can hawk it so you bite it in half so and you put put inside down the 80 is like the controlled release right like no back then it was it was the original oxycott until they switched it over the to the OPs okay so the OPs like they had a plastic in there where you you

couldn't smoke it you couldn't the original ones you can inject them you could smoke them you could do snort them anything and um shit where was I'm sorry you were you were saying you smoked it and you said okay I'm yeah I'm definitely hook yeah this is this is yeah this is it like I'm I'm either going to have to support my habit in order so I don't feel sick or just stop and at that I kind of had the realization like that I don't want to stop because it makes me feel better it makes me feel normal I have no anxiety um do you have a job at this time yeah so I was working at a small engine repair shop also where my co-defendant worked um and uh so we were both I mean we're hooked on the shit and then we'd come to work and

like we're sharpening chains and just like I feel like shit and like look over at him like you you feel like shit too he's like yeah we need to get something and then we find a way to come up with money or whatever and we go for our lunch breaks and find one go get high come back to work and put all these engines apart together and start sharpening chains and got all our energy back and everything and then he he ended up leaving because he got a new job at a control construction company, a fairly large construction company in Fairbanks. And I continue just doing my own thing and making money through the job that I had, but then also making up phony fucking lies to my parents, why I need this money, and I need this money, I need this for this, I need this for

this, or my insurance or my gas, or like, I want to take a girl out on a date. Like, I mean, how old are you at this time? I think 19, 19. 19. going on 20. And then it came to the point where, so my, like I said, my dad's in recovery. So my truck was acting up and we pulled it into the garage and he was helping me work on it. And he goes, Matt, you know, I know you're there you're up to something. And I just want to let you know that like whatever you're doing, you're going to only end up in three places. You're going to end up in either in jail or an institution or you're going to. going to die. And then your friends, you're not the girlfriend that I had, you're going to lose

your girlfriend, you're going to lose your truck, you're going to lose your job, you're going to lose everything. And then eventually you're going to lose the connection or your family's not going to want to be around you anymore. And I didn't, that just went right out. I was like, you're 19 years old. I was like, yeah. You don't, you don't know. You've only been cleaning sober for 15 years. right um uh well at that time it would have been 19 years and uh yeah one ear out the other and like it told me straight up like uh i i knew where i was heading and then about uh maybe a month into it um my co-defendant uh told me that he's he's getting ready to leave the state because he's got another job from this construction company that he's moving to like a different state or whatever

and he has he has a gas car that he's been using to obviously fill up the fleet for the construction company all the all the trucks and then and then he's and he's like I've been using it for my personal vehicle and then he's like so I get free gas and then I've been filling up you know my brothers I'm filling up this person I'm doing this because they have a ton of vehicles that have to be tough yeah they're not going to notice a slight fluctuation of a few hundred here no hundred there No, because they haven't an entire fleet. And so he getting ready to take off. And he's like, you know, you can have this if you want.

I was like, well, fuck, yeah. I'll get free gas because then I can save money for my drugs. But he's like, you know, you could, you know, you can make money off of it. And I was like, well, what do you mean? He's like, you know, I charge people, just blah, I don't know, I'll take 20 bucks off or just like for my friends. And I was like, just that idea. just the idea that he planted like I just took off with it totally took off with it

I ended up so I would sit I would sit at any gas station so in Alaska there's Tissoros that's what the gas gas gas stations are and I would sit there and I just I'd wait in my car and I'd go up to anybody I mean it's usually it's like little old ladies or whoever and I had like a sales pitch for this guess this gas card and And so I go out to them and be like, oh, ma'am, I have a gas card from the state. And I have to use a specified amount of gallons. And if I don't, they're not going to reimburse me these gallons. Just, I just totally made that up the first time that I went up to this lady.

And I asked. And I was like, I'll fill up your vehicle and I'll take 20 bucks off. Like, if it's $80, just give me $60 cash. And she's like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, of course, because she thinks she's like helping me out. Right. And I mean, I didn't necessarily look like I was strung out on drugs or anything. Right.

And in Alaska, I mean, you know, people are fucked up. Like, it's not hard to miss. Right. And so I kept that little sales pitch and I would go up like, shit. I'd go from one person, like just right there. And then on the other side, I'd give them the same sales pitch. and they'd be like yeah for sure yeah oh whatever like however much it is like i just take 20 bucks off or i'll do this or just how much how much cash do you have right now i'll fill it up just give me

all your cash and they're like oh all right yeah for sure and then um i'm still working full time and then on my lunch breaks i would go do this and so just in the span of like at a lunch break and talking to three or four people with that little sales pitch, I'd make $6, $700 on my lunch break in 30 minutes. Right. And then on the weekends, you know, that's pretty much where I spent most of my time. And then all, of course, all this money. In Alaska, OxyContin got up to one pill was $2 to $300 for one pill.

For an 80. For an 80. So, yes. What is that a million? I'm like, fucking, that's like, like 10, 15 bucks a milligram?

Yes. Yes. So it was outrageously priced. And so even me making $800 a day, I could get maybe two or three pills. Right. And my, I mean,

my tolerance is already going through the roof. So that's enough to keep me well. Right. And so I'd wake up and just fuck, I don't have any energy. I'm sick. So I'd like, then when you're sick and withdrawing and I go up to these gas stations and like I'm just

like guy I just need you know like I'm fumbling over my words and shit and uh still I mean it's still worked yeah um you giving people a reason to do it even if they think that something's fucked up if but if let's face it if I get a if I got if I get 15 gallons of gas you know they fills up my tank like I don't have to give them the money until after so yeah sure let's see what happens here, bro. Right. The card works. It fills it up.

Cool. Yeah. Like, you know, if the cop showed up, I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, he told me this and that. I didn't know. They're totally unsuspected. They have, they have no idea. Well, I mean, even if they had an idea, at least you gave him an excuse. No, you don't understand.

This is what he said. Golly, G. Are you saying the card was stolen off, sir? Yeah. Yeah. At least, to me, I would immediately. Well, yeah. Of course, other people would be like, yeah, this seems pretty fucking fishy.

Yeah. But the way that I said it, and then, I mean, of course, like I said, probably the way that I looked probably helped a little bit better too. Right. And so it got to the point where I would have, like I was a gas dealer pretty much. I would, I had taxis and semis. So semis, I was thinking I would have gone straight straight to a truck stop. Because those guys are spending $1,000. Exactly.

And that's what I ended up doing. And so they would, I had taxis and semis. would call me probably you know four or five times a week their semi is like five six hundred dollars wow and a semi is they have to pay for their their own gas and uh i was like dude i'll take two hundred dollars off of that even if it's seven or eight and he's like no doubt right there you go man and um that went on for so you can be you can be pretty generous when it's somebody else's money. I'm always when I have when I've stolen a bunch of money from the bank, I'm pretty generous with their money too. Yeah. It's easy. It makes you feel good. Yeah. It makes you feel like,

you know, I'm doing the right thing. Yeah, I'm doing you. I'm doing you a great favor while committing a felony. I'm a good person. Yeah. I'm going to get you a break. $200 off. No, no, no. I'm feeling a little generous today. Right, right. With my employer's money. Sorry. So, okay. It's not even your employer. No. Oh, okay. No, I don't even know who this construction company is. And so then about, let's say, 40 to 45 days later of me doing this, I'm back in the shop at the small engine repair shop that I was working at. And my boss comes back and I'm like sharp on a chain and he's like,

Matt, there's a detective up front to see you. And I was like, oh, fuck. Like, and I was like, For me? Yeah. And. No. Go back and make sure he's got the right guy.

Yeah. And so when I walk through and I see him, he's in his suit. And he's like, he's got his badge on his hip and everything. And he was very cordial. And he goes, I'm here to see you about, you know, he's like, you know. And I was like, you need some gas. That's what I think. I'll meet you now.

at the circle because you're a cop I'll give you 50% off. 50% yeah 50% and so he's like I'm sure you know and I tried to play stupid I was like no what do you mean what do you what are you here for?

Golly gee's officer and then he's like I figured you would say that it goes like this thick big manila folder at your work uh huh is your boss there are you in like a back room? I'm in the front counter. And your boss is sitting there going, well, boy, you look like you're in trouble. I don't know what you've been up to. They were hanging out behind and I know that they were like

they, I mean, they had to know. Like, I mean, did you ever fill their tanks up? No. As soon as he said gas, they most turn around a bolt. Yeah. No, they, they didn't know. They were unsuspecting. And so like the counter, the way it is, like there's the front counter and then you can go over to the side where it's like a little more personal. So, But we go over there and that's when he plops it out and opens it up and he's like, all right, so this is you, obviously, my face blown up in a picture, flips it open. He's like, here is you getting out of your car filling up this person. Here is you getting out of your car, inserting the card filling up this person.

So it's just over and over and over. And then on the other side, he's like, so you see all these transactions, there's a there's over like five or six hundred transactions that you have here and every single one of those is a felony and I was like okay um say first of all officer officer you've done amazing work here yeah good job yeah you like he does look a lot like me yeah I'm gonna help you find this guy nobody's more upset about this than me yeah identity theft yeah that's what I'm thinking yeah no shit see you got to be faster bro I know I know No, I just took it.

I was like, dude, yeah, you fucking got me. Like, there's, there's no denying it. And so I was like, okay, so what is that? He's like, every time he swiped, it's a felony. So what do you mean? I have, I have 500 felonies against me right now. And he's like, well, I mean, due to the sheer amount that you made within 45 days, which ended up being $21,000, he's like, I just want to let you know that the FBI is going to be picking this up

because this is no longer a state investigation. Oh, yeah, I thought this guy was the FBI. No, he was a detective. He was just a detective, and he was letting me know, like, we got you. Back your bags. Yeah, we're still doing, like, our investigation and everything. I'm not here to arrest you, but I just, I want to let you know that the FBI is going to be picking this up. And so I was like, what do you think?

How much time do you think I'm looking at? I didn't, I was like, I was fucking just pale. I was a ghost. I keep fucking hitting this thing. I'm sorry and like I was just you know pale sweating and after that encounter he's like obviously I'm saying and you're fucked up on you yeah now I've got to go through detox yeah I got to go to jail I got to go through detox I'm already fucked up right now but so well obviously I'm not here to arrest you so he's like but obviously you know I'm going to need that

card yeah I was like here you go you can take that and uh you can take that and uh you He's like, I'm not here to rest you. We're still doing her investigation. And so you're going to have to go check in with a pretrial federal probation officer. So I have to go to the federal building. And so I go and meet my federal PO. And she's like, so you're on, you're on pretrial. Okay.

Well, so you went from, I mean, immediately went from the, this guy just asking you questions. He just told you go downtown. Like you didn't, was there a, did they give you? a they gave you a public defender or anything or a no he said he just said show up and sign in i think he gave me like uh like a 72 hours or something to train yourself in to check in to check in with the with the pretrial because he said that the investigation's still going and we're not going to arrest you yet like so nice they go to alaska like they're like they're like nice to you like they were you got 72 hours you know i'm sorry what you're you're

you're going through buddy you made some bad decision like fuck yeah i didn't have never talk to that guy you didn't never i mean i looking back on it i mean it was probably yeah the easiest way to ever get in trouble yeah and uh so i go and see my my federal po and then so we start start start pre-trial and obviously i'm still doing drugs and i'm doing uh at the time probably you have to piss yes oh yeah that's not good yeah so She's like, I'm going to, I'm going to give you UA's, and I failed the first time, of course. Surprise, surprise. What does that stand for now?

And so you fail, well, if you failed, like, did they, well, they don't, they can't revoke your probation. You don't have to remitual. You just signed that you didn't, you just, okay. Yeah. Because, you know, like, if you were on probation, then, you're a pretrial. If you've, you're on pretrial, then they could lock you up for that, right? They lock you up? No.

They won't really lock you up anyway. You haven't been charged. You haven't been sentenced. You haven't been sentenced to any. I don't know. Why even give you a piss test? I don't know. They were trying to clean me up before I went in or something.

I don't know. They were trying to give me some rehabilitation in some way. Right. I'm going to get you healthy before they knock your head off. Exactly. No, it's nice. It's the right thing to do. Yeah.

So I fail it. And she's like, well, I'll obviously have opiates in your system. I'm going to so you got to next week I'm going to try to get you to go to like an inpatient program or do something because like if you keep doing this we're what we will put you in we're going to take you in so you're no longer on pretrial while you're under investigation um can I answer a question what does your parents say like have you told you you tell you go straight home and say dad oh yeah oh okay yeah so I told him I laid a all out because my they knew I was up to something yeah obviously like I was up to something and they knew like I mean I'm sitting at dinner and doing the nodding out or watching TV and so sleepy I'm working so long yeah yeah I've been working 12-hour days fucking this got all this gas and stuff man people wearing me out wanting gas all the time and so I tell them I was like yeah so caught game and pretty much caught me

And my dad, he was like, yeah, I figured you were up to something. So, I mean, what are you going to do? And I was like, well, I don't know. What do I do? He's like, well, I mean, you can try to get clean. You need to do something before to try to show the judge that you're trying to change and try to make a difference and that you're, you know, they feel some remorse for what you've done for charging this company, you know,

over $20,000 and 40 days. like you put it got which probably ended up having to pay at the most 50 bucks that once they called their what they called the once they called the gas company and said this is over the credit card come this is a fraudulent charge someone's been caught then they they write that off immediately and the most they can charge them under the um electronic transfer act is like 50 bucks and they don't even charge them that so they have to reimburse them within like 24 hours so you didn't really cost them anything they did have to make some phone calls I'm sure oh yeah which was agonizing I'm sure I'm sure yeah and then um so after yeah that was that was that was that so your dad was saying sorry yeah he

I mean he did he knew I was up to something and my mom is uh she she's she's very sensitive and she's she was crying and I know I know that like I broke her heart and but my dad he's uh he's not hard to read he's just a very um what's what's the word what is it Yeah, he's mellow. Very mellow. I've never seen him angry at all. But shit. I forgot where I was.

So your mom was upset and your dad was kind of like, look, you got to get clean. You got to get your shit straight, trying to show the judges you're changing. Yeah. And then, so I go through, I mean, I'm trying to stop and I'm getting sick. I don't have resource. There's no resources in Fairbanks. we have one rehab that's it like if i came to flor there's rehabs everywhere i mean yeah jesus christ uh but there's only one in fairbanks and the there was limited bed space can't get

in there for months so so like they expect you to like i have to keep up my habit for two months until i can get in there is that what you're saying like i like that's that's the that's the drug dealer man tell you so what you're saying is i have to keep my hat i think you just going for two months. Yeah, until you can. And you definitely don't want to go to prison. I mean, you don't want to get pulled into the holding cell and detox in the holding cell. But inevitably, that's what happened because I could no longer afford Oxy in Fairbanks at the time because then they were becoming so rare that they stopped making them and they transferred. They started making the OPs. And I can't, I can't smoke those. I don't like I want the instant high. I want

smoke them and so um heroin comes along way cheaper you can get it for 40 50 bucks for for a point zero point one or you can get like a half a gram for a hundred bucks and it's way stronger or I mean sometimes depending on where you got it and it was like the black tar kind and so I started to switch to that because it was cheaper and the small engine shop still kept me employed thankfully I still worked there and then um towards the the end of so I got to talk to my the public defender federal public defender and she wasn't it wasn't very nice she she just kind of laid it out on me and told me about the point system and everything and she's like they'll take your childhood you're I mean your petty theft a

DUI like I had a theft for under $4 like that's a point and then I had a criminal criminal history you're they'll keep every single little thing they'll bump up your criminal history yeah every single time you've ever been in trouble so yeah you can have been arrested once for a DUI you could have been arrested two years later for for you know shoplifting you know and then and now when you get to sentencing you're at a criminal history level of three right so it's like so you're already now you're you're already instead of having like being at like a level six you're like a level 13 and at a level eight you're going to prison right so you're already done yep you know no matter what so so and then after after meeting

i was just clarifying that so that people understand yeah yeah so even though all those charges are ridiculously stupid charges it doesn't matter every one of those is going to count for more and more months in prison speeding tickets even right yeah any kind of yeah it's ridiculous but um so she tells me about that and tells me i think i had i think it was around 16 points or something um and at the time i was on state probation so i had an s is suspended in position of sentences that was called i believe for a forgery that i did and so as long as i didn't get in trouble for two years what was the fort report um i was like for 300 or something i mean i was i was withdrawing i was i just found a check and 300

and i went to the bank that it was and they're like oh yeah hold on just a sec yeah hold on one more second and waiting for the sheriff yeah for the deputies oh wait they're here they're here that's exactly what happened they're like well one one one more minute and i'm sitting in the drive-thru and then cops come around on both sides And then, I mean, I was like that I was being an addict, you're willing to fucking do anything at any cost. Like I had no regard for anybody's feelings or I didn't, I just didn't care. Like I just. Well, and your risk versus reward is, you know, vastly skewed because you're like, you're willing to risk anything to get to stay high because you're in such pain.

Yeah. I mean, you get to the point where you're, you just don't want to be sick. That's just the worst feeling. it's funny too how all the got how like especially the opiate guys to always describe it as being just like being sick it's it's the worst you know it's it's it's like their bones ache like it's a different like compared like other people that go that I've talked to that go through withdrawals like they always describe it as being like violently like ill your whole body's aching your bones hurt yeah I was heard I've always heard that like literally your bones yeah you go you like alligator roll all night and like there was a point where I had a cell that was right across in the shower so like I'd fucking I'd be well freezing kind of hot flashes and bone turd and so I'd run into the shower and I'd sit in there for 15 seconds and then run across to my cell and so get under get under the blanket so I could just finally sleep for maybe 30 seconds because you can't sleep either um but

that's that's another the forgery so the forgery you did the forgery you're on state probation for that already and you're on federal probation and you're trying to get into a drug rehab yeah i'm yeah i'm trying to right it never happened no well you keep failing the ua's yeah and so it really very unfair to criminals yeah yeah and so i it just leads up to i think it was another six maybe not even that long four or five months later um they get up to like the the pre-trial and then the the some court dates like there's a there's a court date before your sentencing it's like the you accept your acceptance of your plea yeah you go and you say yeah I'm guilty yeah guilty plea and so I the

guilty plea is actually when they arrested me on the spot but I had a few court dates before that just like I fuck these like like an arraignment like you You went in your process. They took your finger prints. They took a picture of you. Yeah. Right? That whole thing.

So you were being arraigned. They let you out immediately on what? On a OR bond. Like you didn't put up any money, right? No. No. Yeah. I was never, I was never incarcerated until the date of my sentencing.

Yeah. And so on that, on that date I have right here, 22111 when I was, when I was sentenced. And I go in there and, um, My co-defendant, he's already been sentenced. He's never had anything on his record. So he gets probation because, I mean, obviously, through when I was talking to the investigator, he's like, I just want to know when you came into possession of this card. And I was like, whenever you see it spike, like, whenever you see it's being swiped every day, that's me.

Right. So, like, they calculated the differences and everything. And they know it's his card. Yeah. And he took a plea? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And he just got probation. Yeah. That was it. And so come to mine. I had written out like a little letter just to, you know, kind of level with him. Be like, you know, I'm not a fucking awful person. Like, I'm not evil. I'm not trying to do this to try to just, you know, fuck everybody over.

Like, I have a problem. I'm an addict. like I have issues who I'm saying this to the courtroom I'm saying this to the judge and I was just you know letting them know like I feel remorse for what I did it was it's awful it's stupid I mean I it's just a very immature way of trying to deal with my addiction and I said I mean if it wasn't for the for the case of me being addicted to drugs this this wouldn't be happening obviously And he actually kind of leveled with me and he's like, I have a daughter that's caught up in that stuff right now. And I feel for you, kid. I honestly feel like you need a rehabilitation more than you need a prison sentence. But due to the sheer amount of money that you made within the 45 days or whatever, like you had to be sent into something. Right.

What were they already recommending? What was probation recommending? 16 to 18 months. 16 to 18 months yeah oh okay geez okay for fucking 21 grand yeah it was because all my little priors my little points i don't know why i'm looking at connor he doesn't he's not going to help he doesn't understand but he looked at me like he looked at me like i don't how am i so i don't that sounds reasonable yeah um but no yeah that that's that's that's out that's ridiculous that's ridiculous yeah i know people have sold a couple hundred thousand dollars and ended up with

probation so so it was it was it's all of your It's all of your criminal history level. Yeah. Okay. That's what led up to me having to have that much. And so, and what he said is like, you know, I have to sentence you to something, obviously. So I'm going to give you three months. I was like, three months, okay.

I've never done any, any time at the time. Like, I've done three days maybe for driving without a license because at that time, driving without a license was a jailable offense. and I had a I think I had a DUI or something and never done any time before so he sentenced me

I was doing heroin up to that day I did I smoked heroin before I went and got sentenced and he told me that and then both my parents there my mom was crying and like I kind of broke down I was like all right here I go and then they handcuffed me and they put me in a little

federal holding cell kind of broke down bro I cry like a small child dude yeah yeah like you could yeah was unconsolable yeah i got considerably amount a considerable amount of more time than you but it doesn't matter if it's a month no it's devastating yeah because you're taking you i mean you're getting taken away from everything yeah yeah especially for your first time ever like you get taken away and you have to go through detox or yes i have to go withdrawals i have to go withdrawals good times yeah so then from there i they send me to FCC Fairbanks Correctional Center and question when they locked you up right there in the

courtroom and they lead you away the Marshall leads you away right they lead you down the hallway and then they put me in a little gate right and they leave me there until like until they're ready to transport all right which the federal building to FCC is three miles away but I'm in there for like four hours and just with me in my head and my thoughts and be like oh my God I I can't believe I did this. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm never going to do this again. Like this fucking I'm,

I need to change my life around. I need to do something. And finally, yeah, after three or four hours of me in there, bawling my eyes out and fucking beating myself up and saying how much I, like, slandered my last name.

I, like, hurt my parents and all this. So many, everything goes through your head. The most awful fucking things you can think of. And, uh, they come in,

come and get me and the handcuff me and go to FCC and then like by that night I'm like I'm already tossing and turn in and FCC like there's a lot of people in there that are going through the same shit there's a lot of people that are going through withdrawal so like what's that major problem in Alaska right isn't it at that time okay it was the the OxyContin epidemic was huge it was really big yeah back in 2010 2011 it was that was the main thing. There was a lot of people doing it. And so I get to FCC and I, of course, I know quite a few people in there because it's just a small town. And they're like, here, this will help take some candy and then, you know, like whatever, anything that'll help. And he's like, make sure you go take a shower, go do this. And like, everybody knows that I'm going through withdrawals. So

they're like, just leave them alone and let them sleep it off. Because There's probably in so there's a a wing B wing and C wing and a wing is the the higher higher like higher security and then B wing is like the low level and C C wing is the workers and B wing is just like it's just it's disgusting like it's like the kind where you just look down it and there's like mold and dripping water on onto like the cement and all the paints scratched off and it's just it's not very clean. Right. And so yeah, I'm kicking for seven to ten days before I start coming out of it and coming out of myself and eat and kind of socialize and talking to a few guys that I know outside of there but that they're in as well. then like I start to understand some of the because I've never done time I know that there's

certain politics certain things you should do like in jail it it's not the poll it there's no politics in FCC really right at all yeah there's too mixed up there's not enough there's not enough guys to get together to be dangerous it's it's whites and natives yeah that's it So after 20, 20, 30 days, like I'm playing spades, you know, playing spades with these guys and I'm eating, hanging out. I'm like, this isn't actually isn't too bad. I can do this. I can do this for what I'm not, I've been here for 28 days. I can do this for 70 more.

This is easy. Maybe they won't even take me to federal pen or a federal FCI. And then on day 30, they go over the intercom, La La Lawn, roll it up. And I was like, and everybody was like, oh shit, Federali, here we go. And, yeah, I knew. So I rolled it up. I mean, all I have is my blankets and my paperwork. So you throw your sheets and your blankets at the bin.

And so they walk me up to booking. So it's no longer just the correctional officers. I walk over and then there's the FBI. So they got there. I always know their FBI because they got their tan pants and they're blah, blah. um you mean the u.s marshals yes yeah the u.s marshals yeah uh and so there i think there was maybe two or three i think there's three total including me that were all federal and we were getting

transported and uh it's at that time January December February so it's about February so it's fucking cold uh at that it's Alaska yeah I'm assuming it was cold the whole time I thought it was cold. It was a warm spot. There is for about three or four months. Oh, nice. Yeah, other than that, it's cold. So, yeah, they chain gang us and put us in the van.

And then we fly up to this little private airway. And they put us in the little bush plane and just a little two propellers. And so fly us. Marshals with you the whole time? Yeah, yeah, two marshals. They were super chill. um comparatively speaking to the marshals that I encountered later um so then I fly to Anchorage and they I go to the Anchorage jail and I'm at the time I'm

like where where am I going like are they just gonna am I going to Anchorage am I gonna stay here like I they don't tell you anything I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do so and then they put me in some podunk cell they put me in a tut a little tub like because there's no bed space anymore there's two bunks and then they put you in the tub pretty much with a mat the boat they call them a boat it's an orange right is it was it gray it was gray it's like a it's like a looks like a almost like a what do you what do you it's like a shallow fucking canoe or something yeah like a like a really shitty low boat that yeah yeah like a um trying to think not a canoe like a kind of like a kayak kind of like a kayak

kind of like a kayak canoe kind of thing yeah yeah yeah and then you stick your mat in there And then I got some guy up front on the top that's fucking, of course, annoyingly snores every damn night. And then I got the guy on the bottom bunk that's going through withdrawals himself. So I'm on the floor and this guy is in full-fledged withdrawal, shitting himself and puking. And I'm just like, I, dude, I need to get the fuck out of here. Like, I'm seeing seeing that in perspective, like he was like,

got to be 50 years old and he's still going through what I just went through when I was 20 years old and kind of put it in perspective I was like dude I'm not going to be 50 years old and going through this shit anymore right no way I do not want to be that dude and uh I was in there for two two or three days and you were locked in the cell the whole time 21 hour 20 hour to lock down so we're just out for breakfast lunch dinner that's it and uh in there for for three days and then yeah they bang on bang on the door the lawn roll it up i was like thank fucking god i don't care where i go anymore i don't want to be in here and uh i try asking him i always try asking i'm like where am i going you know like we can't i can't tell you that

and um from there there was probably about 10 or 15 uh federal and uh inmates that were in anchorage and they I think on this one so they do the hip restraints to your handcuffs your hips and then your feet and then they attached you to two other people and then puts you on the bus and then from the bus then we go to the another private airport or something and put us on the plane and I'm my public defender said that with the amount of time that you have you you as far as you're going to go is Seattle, CTAC. Like, there's, there's no other reason why you'd go anywhere else because you're low, you're low level.

Like, there's, that's as far as you should go. So after I was, I'm on the plane heading to Seattle. Right. And I'm like, okay. Because there's no federal, you were told me earlier. There's no, there's no federal prison in Alaska. No, there's none. So I know that's where I'm going.

I'm like, okay, so I can kind of relax. This is my last destination. and so I get in there and walk in and it's it was a whole different kind of feeling because it's it's not a jail it's prison jail and prisons are like I didn't I didn't realize that's like yeah so I walk in and this just like a big two-tier where you say something I was going to say something this is with a plane no this is all yeah sorry um so I yeah I walk in it's a whole different feel because all the whites approached me there everybody's like hey do you need anything i like i do you need any food do you need it i mean socks do you need any shower slides

yeah yeah do you need a toothbrush like i got soups for you do you need kifi coffee exactly what do you bro i got a lock for your locker give me that back when you go to commissariat yeah yeah yeah and like this it it was so i never experienced something like that it was like i just felt like they were like hey we're here like if you need us let me know support group definitely and then but then i noticed like the other guys that he came with their their race went up to them yeah and did the same thing i was like oh that's that's kind of cool i mean and uh so i go go to my cell and i'm kind of situating myself and i'm i'm in there with uh he was just a mexican i don't know if he was north side or south side or anything but he was really super chill i think he was younger than i was

and he's we have lockers in there and he's got like cans and cans of like sprite and Pepsi and all this stuff you can have some if you want some and or I was like I don't want to accept anything from anybody that's just I've been told yeah you've been told don't accept anything yeah because then they want something they want something back from you Connor yeah that's how that works it is yeah remember that time you know yeah yeah remember that you're going to help me now uh now I need you to meet me in the shower Whoa, whoa, bro. It was the fucking seven up, man.

It was a fucking can of soda. That does not add up. That's crazy interest. I don't care. That's crazy interest. Yeah. Yeah. So I used to say the difference between being in the medium when I was in a medium at Coleman,

I was in the medium for like three years. The difference between being in the medium prison and being in the low was in the medium if some guy left a Snickers on your pillow, don't eat it. Oh, fuck, no. But if they leave it at the medium, you can eat it. Because that dude comes and you says, hey, man, you got my... Man, fuck you. Yeah.

I ate your fucking Snickers. I might be in your fucking locker later. What room are you in? Yeah. Because they're not going to do anything in the medium. They're pretty much set. They're okay. Yeah.

Yeah. But anyway, sorry, go ahead. But you don't want to take that Pepsi. No. I know. I've heard about you. Predator. Yeah.

I know what you're trying to do. Set me up, motherfucker. And then, so, first night, first night I'm at C-Tac. And just getting comfortable. I'm like, finally, I can, this is where I'm going to be laying down. I'm starting to fall asleep on my door. La LaLan, roll it up. I was like, you got to be fucking shitting me.

Like, no, no, you got the wrong person. Like, are you sure? I just got here. That's, yeah, that's what I said. I just got here. He's like, no. no, he looked at his paperwork. He said, Lalonde. I was like, yes, that's my last name.

He said, yeah, roll it up. Okay. I mean, so I don't have anything because I just got here. And so they put me, I mean, do the whole fucking wrist restraints, put it to your hips, put it around your angles, blah, blah, blah. Lead us all out to this shittiest fucking plane I've ever seen.

Like, I swear there was duct tape holding this thing together yeah yeah they're not it's it's not delta no no no it's it's it's not even like like what it's spirit it's not even spirit like and it's just a plain gray just there's nothing on it yeah and the stewardesses are fucking horrible no they've got shotgun yeah yell at you the whole time yeah yeah they're they won't let you go to the bathroom nope I don't give fucking that lights off or not you're not going you just pissed yourself yeah because you're probably sitting in a seat yeah that's been pissed in multiple times probably Yeah, yeah, it's good stuff.

They were, I mean, fairly, fairly nice. So we all get situated, get on the plane, and we're all sitting there. And then the pilot goes, oh, I think we're having a problem with one of our engines. So we're going to have to, you know, everybody's going to have to get off. We're going to have to try to do this again another time. That's what you want to hear. Yeah. Yeah, especially when you're all restraint and getting ready to fly to another state.

Could you imagine if something happened? And do you ever see that one plane? I hate to say this, but if you remember that one plane that I don't know what it was at DC, whatever, it actually like the top of the plane blew off and they lost one of the fucking, one of those stewardesses flew out. Like if you were chained together with like five other guys and one guy goes out, like you're all going out like anal beats. Like you're like, you're like, even if you're going to be like you're this. Even if you could hold on, the other guys are going to be flapping around hitting the fucking. Yeah.

The fusel lodge on the outside. Yeah. We're a pretty strong guy. You'd probably be all right. I mean, I try my best. So anyway, I'm sorry. Go ahead. So, the plane's not good. What an imagination you have.

So the captain said, listen, there's something leaking out of one of the engines. We don't feel good about this. Yeah. So anyways, so we all fucking, we're all getting off and then go head back to the, to the, to the, anal pages. I always thought of when they would chain me to the guy in front of me. I was always like, we're like a bunch and we're all in orange. Like sometimes you'd be, or you'd have like the, the. the paper dresses that they put you in and I'd be like there's like there's like 12 orange

guys in orange chain together and I would always for some reason I always thought you know anal beats I don't know I'd once seen some anal beats you know I I well I knew someone and and you know they were they were you know and they were they were orange yeah that's all I'm saying don't don't judge me I'm not okay okay got that covered um we go back in and into the pod and everybody's like oh shit everybody's back blah blah making fun of us like and uh then that night um the one of the white guys he uh approached me he's like hey we're making a spread for all the white guys like i've never had any like real food right since being in it was always just like what they gave us and so like in the in the federal institution you can you can order a lot of

shit you can order i mean pretty much anything food wise or drink wise and um he made us like nut this big plate of nachos with like sliced up sausage and put jalapinos and cheese and yeah what was it the little chubs yeah chubs and then the squeeze cheese and all squeeze cheese and all that and he just he had it for all the white guys and that night i was like man this is fucking awesome like this is pretty cool like it and uh then that night again so this is my second night bang bang on my door again the lawn roll it up four in the morning yeah i was like okay yeah well i know this time where i'm potentially going and uh we all get on there get situated there's another problem there's another problem um yeah we're all gonna have to uh on the plane

you got on the plane again mm-hmm like you'd figure that they would check the fucking plane before you get on the prisoner on there but yeah yeah it goes to show where our our government money is going um we all fucking get off the plane again and now and now the pod's like really laughing at us they're all all running and shit and making fun of us and i was like yeah we're at we're back here we go like yeah yeah can we get some more notches um then third night of course same thing repeat like i was expecting it i wasn't even trying to sleep i was sitting like this like on my on my bunk waiting for him and uh the lawn roll it up same thing we all get on the plane and and then pilot doesn't say anything so we start rolling back i'm like oh fucking here

we go finally going somewhere i'm gonna die um take off everything seems pretty kosher and and then they're uh then they give you two day old sandwiches and a little box of juice with your hip restraints and yeah they want you to eat them like this like you're you have to scoot up the chains heart just enough so you can reach down it's it's comical

if you drop something it's just gone it's comical watching like like the hardest dudes like tattoos everywhere and buff and like they're just struggling to try to eat their little sandwich it's just I saw a few guys are like fuck that I'm not even going to try

and then we land I don't know where we're where we landed until until I got off the plane because I was like, this is, I mean, I'm in Vegas. I can see the Chris Angel fucking pyramid. I can see

the strip. I was like this cool. I'm getting all my vacation spots checked off around this because later I found out that they're moving me because of limited bed space. Whatever the fuck that means. But that's why they were moving me around. And so they put you

on a bus again and we're driving through. I drive through the strip like I'm on a bus just like oh this is fucking cool looking at everything I've never been to Vegas and you still really haven't been being in the prison prison transport on the way to prison driving down the trip is not really being to Vegas yeah but I mean I was in the location of so I mean I didn't get to experience of course real Vegas and then we'd try we drive past it we started through like this desert like where there's absolutely nothing and we pull into like

it just it looked like an army base because you can't you can't see the fence like it's all the the ground is above the fence and everything so you have to go around through where the gates are until you actually can see the prison and then it's a it was a um a privately owned federal institution called it was just perump fc fcii and never never heard of the place it's so i guess it's a holding or a transport like facility i guess i have no idea why they sent me there but that's where i know who own that facility was it like cca i i have no idea i i i know a bunch of private there's bunch of private companies that like there's cca there's is it global and they were they they build private prisons and they they house a federal and state inmates yeah yeah i i just

i was obviously brand new because i mean paint was all everything was brand new and uh they they put us all in the little paw little holding cell and they're doing their little classifications and stuff and uh finally get out of my cuffs and i think i i'm wearing my so in ctac they give you brown you're wearing your brown and brown and i'm wearing my shower shoes that's all i got and uh and there it's the yellow jumpsuit so you got to go through i got a you got to change out from your from my ctac clothes you got to go through your whole inspection and do you i'm sure you know yeah yeah that's real fun yeah yeah the bend over squat and cough yeah yeah yeah looked up your sack yeah let me see what you got in there yeah yeah that's fun uh and then they they gave you your

yellow jumpsuits and then i i turned the corner and i just it was just huge like i could i couldn't see the end of it was this one big long haul and um they assigned me to a pod so and i walk in it's just it's literally it's you don't have a cell there's no cell it's just it was like probably a open bay yeah it was like probably like a 60 by 60 yeah just with lines of beds and then one big TV up here and then you have one two three four five tables so there's all your beds and all the little shitters with the um with the divider that's probably this high so you can look to the guy next to taking a shit and say hi no um or masturbating yeah that's his mastery.

Sometimes they'll bring in some, some lotion. Yeah. You know, you make sure you keep your blinders on, whatever you're doing. You don't want to look over, ever. Or sometimes maybe you do.

Maybe you say, Tom, what do you look at it at there? Come on, stop it, Cox. You know what I'm doing. What are you doing? What's all that noise? You eat macaroni? Yeah.

What's going on, bro? Worry about your damn self. And, uh... Can I read that later? Is that the one with, uh, what's your name in a? yeah gotta hit my cox so we're and i go into this one and uh i'm not approached like by the white guys this time like this is just a big fucking dorm and uh so i find out this is where i'm at and

where my bed is and i'm in fucking nevada i'm like what am i'm like thinking i'm like how much time do i have left like i bet this is i was to say half your sentence has been to transport yeah I mean, like, at this point, I was like, I think I have probably 50 days left. You should be putting me in for halfway house. No, yeah. And so I find my bunk and then eventually to like talk to. I mean, he was white because obviously he was a skinhead, had a bunch of tattoos and blah, blah, blah. And he, this place was super politic-y.

Like, he was, he let me know. This is where I learned where there's the no deignos and the serenios. He's like, okay, so you can associate with the South Siders, and you can tell that they're South Siders because they have a shaved head. The North Siders don't, but some of them do. I was like, how the hell? Is there a manual? Yeah, I was like, how do you expect me to? I was like, you know, how about I just don't associate with any of them?

Then I'll be okay. And then he's like, and there's this one guy, he's mixed. He's, he has a white mom and a black dad, so he's mixed. So he runs with us. So I just want to let you know that, like, that's, that's what we're doing around here. Because the pod, I think there's 10, 11 white dudes, the rest of them are north side or south siders or blacks. And how many people are in the unit? Total.

Probably 40 or 50, I don't want to say. if 10 of them are that's like 25% white guys yeah yeah and so what's so funny is in prison like having this conversation like you can't have this conversation in the real world because in the real world like it's funny you go to prison and it like the black guys can be right next door right next to you say listen let me tell you about the black guy don't talk to I fucking see and they're right there you're like you know you just get off the street you're like bro bro there's a black guy right there like what are you saying bro yeah and then you know and it's like such an issue in in prison and then you get out and you still have the mentality it's the exact opposite

yeah but it's you know it's and it was so funny to people out here like they're like you know you know racism and prejudice they're like this is not racism no you have no idea no idea racist events yeah but so he gives me that a little bit of the lowdown and then one one morning we get it's like waffles or pancakes and little apple slices for for breakfast and they give you like a little spoonful of peanut butter and the the white slash black guy the mixed guy that ran with us he was allergic to peanut butter so you get nut allergy or something he's like here you want mine like i like i can't have it I was like, yeah, sure, I'll take it and put it on my waffle or my pancake, ate it.

And then, like, a couple hours later, the, that white dude that first talked to me about the politics and everything in there, he goes, so I saw you took some peanut butter from what's his name earlier. You know that I should beat your ass for that. How big is this guy, by the way? Because basically, did you tell him you're like a tourist? Like, I'm, I'm on vacation. This is a couple of months for me, bro. This is in my fucking life. Yeah, he knew that I was like, this is my first time, obviously.

And it's your short time, right? Yeah. Let him know, like, I'm on in a week. I'm on my way out. I've been on my way out since I got in. And that's what he was like, that's what he said. He was like, so, but since I know you're new here and I know that you don't got much time, I'm going to let this one slide, I was like, oh, thanks, buddy.

Yeah, yeah, thanks for that. Like, I mean, he wasn't. At that time, I mean, in 2010, 2011, I mean, I was a lot smaller. I mean, he wasn't. I was going to say, you're a pretty big guy. Like, how big is this guy? Yeah. I mean, that time, he was a lot bigger than me.

Right. Yeah. Like, I think after the withdrawals and everything, I started eating, I was maybe 140, 150 pounds. Oh, shit. Yeah. And, like, I can't imagine you at a buck fucking 40. Like, yeah.

I was, I mean, I was strong out. You're probably what, it's 170 now, 180? No, I'm pushing almost 200. Oh, fuck. I think last year, I was like 190. Yeah, well, it would have been a different conversation. Yeah, at 200. Yeah, if you said that, I would have, I would have lifted him up by his neck and threw him away.

I'm much more polite to people that are 200 pounds. Yeah. No shit. And then, so, yeah, that happened. And I was like, okay, well, all right, I think, thank you. I understand, sir. and then I was there I was at Perump for maybe a week or two

and they had you could go outside whenever you wanted but it was just like a fenced in area so there was the pod and then you could just walk out to maybe a 15 by 15 obviously gated you could just go out there and chill

like there wasn't enough to play handball or anything it was just to go outside and me being from alaska like i didn't get that much sun so i'd just go i just go and sit like kind of in the corner and just sit there and so suck up the sun and all the guys like oh hey look at alaska just i'm like yeah leave me alone this i'm just fucking soaking up sun i don't have anything else to do i'm out of here like i what and then um yeah about a week later over the PA again, Lalonde, roll it up. I was like,

where the fuck else could I possibly going now? Like I'm pushing under 40 days now. Like I've been to two, well, if you count the from FCC to Anchorage, from Anchorage to C-Tac to perump, I mean, I've been to four different places already. And I roll it. up. I'm like, okay, where the fuck am I going to go now? And then I think this time, let's see, I was in Vegas.

So I, we took a bus this time. They didn't fly me. We took a bus all the way from Prump, Nevada. And then I ended up arriving to Sheridan, Oregon, FCI. And that's where I did the remainder of my time and in FCI or in the in Sheridan it was three man cells and you have to go there first you have to go into the classification pod and at that time I think I had 35 days left or something so they didn't they couldn't classify me to put me into where I was supposed to go right because most guys stay in classification in that pod for a week and and in that classification pod you're on 21 hour lockdown same thing lunch i mean breakfast lunch and dinner and uh three man cells and um first couple nights uh they they were they were pulling people out and be like okay you're

going here and then you're going here and then i'd get a cell to myself and be like oh this is nice and then until more came in and then uh so in in sheridan they give you of course when you get there i'm in another yellow jumpsuit but they also give you a a jacket with a hood because in that particular um pot or that that uh federal detention center it's it was it was just cold in there and i mean they give you jackets and because you can go outside too and it has a hood on And there was one morning, they pop the doors and it's breakfast time and I have my jacket on. Everybody's wearing their jackets and a lot of them put their hood on because that doesn't

fucking matter. But I'm sitting in line like shuffling, you know, waiting to get my breakfast and I'm shuffling and then I hear a CEO say, hey, take off your fucking hood. I was like that I know there's plenty of other people wearing their hood so I didn't pay any attention to it and kept going hey do you fucking hear me take off your goddamn hood and I kind of like look back and I look I was like I know he's not fucking talking to me that way like I yeah he is I know and he was and I was like I'm I'm not gonna I don't care I'm at the point I was like I you can't can't talk to me that way I just no matter who you are like I just that's just how I

felt. Like, I just, it just, it got got me. I was like, just, you motherfucker. And, uh, so he came up and grabbed me on the shoulder. And I said, did you hear me? He said, take off your fucking hood. And I said, I don't go to fuck who you are. You're not going to talk to me that way. Just say, hey, can you, can you take off your hood? Like, why do you give us a jacket with a hood if you don't want us to wear the fucking hood? And, uh, he, um, he said, do you know, you know who was asking you to do that to take off your hood you know who was asking you to do that that's the warden and i was like okay what does that mean he's like well you're disrespecting the warden and the warden told you to take off the hood and that's insubordination and i was like

shut the fuck like i don't care is the warden was he was like a five foot two little mexican dude and he's yelling at me to take off my hood he's like all right well take him to the hole so I get sent to the hole for wearing my hood on a jacket that they give you for no fucking reason so I get sent to the hole and I get it's it I mean the hole is that's a whole different place there's I mean there's people fucking screaming I mean it's loud it's very loud and then I learned that I mean after being in there like for the first day you only get to shower three times a week when you're in the hole and they bring it to you they bring

the shower to you while you're in the hole okay well I mean I've heard of those that's that every every institution's different yeah and it's on like wheels right like I wheel it to you yeah and you only get three showers a week I mean obviously you're in the hole you're not allowed to do anything and I went in there with some dude that I was by myself for a first couple days then they moved me again and then I get into this cell that's withdrawing from coffee withdrawing from

yeah coffee from caffeine yeah because he's I mean he said he would drink those little instant packs that you get little blue ones I think he said he was going through like three of those a day and he's just laying in bed with the migraines and shitting

himself all the time on the toilet and like it was it was horrible during that I mean but when he was sleeping like I had time to it was actually kind of peaceful in a weird way and being so secluded it's weird what your what your mind can adapt to so easily like you understand i've done your entire sentence in the shoe yeah really

i did 45 days one time i mean i know guys have done six months oh yeah you know yeah but it's but it's but it's insane that how what your mind can just it just makes it okay yeah yeah yeah Yeah. No, you can adapt to any, I mean, pretty much anything. Yeah. And it's, I felt, I felt, I felt comfort and solace and, and being alone all the time. Yeah. Like, I was like, oh, this is nice. And then I started writing. I started doing, like, just, just writing my, my life story and like what I've been through. And like, I started having, like, you know, I did, maybe I should, you know, make, um, an audio, autobiography or something. Or right. Write a memoir. A memoir. Yeah. because to me it's to me it's a big story to other people i mean it's it's it's it's small but like to me it's i went through a lot of shit and uh after i got i was on only in the hole for a week um i got back to my to the the um classification one and uh there was this this older dude that I like I talked to him here and there and like I like to listen to the radio of course and he's like I got an extra radio if you want to use it because I know you're only going to be here

for a while he's like two more weeks he's like you can keep it and I ended up having a cell to myself for the remaining three weeks I think that I had there and they started the breakfast lunch and dinner hour and then between those those three hours they would let you out for a half hour so you got i was on 20 hour lockdown instead of 21 and i was walk i i was just walking around on the tier and then i had this this uh this this i think he might have been a north side or i'm not sure but he had like a big big tattoo of like you know like the georgia bulldog or whatever it on his chest and he was animal lover yeah yeah and uh he just he loved to talk and then i mean i like to listen so you just we just walk around he'd bullshit and we talk and then blah blah blah and then the old

dude he was doing my laundry for me like he was just because he was a worker in that facility so he was allowed to be out the whole time um yeah a lot of guys will do that just to be out of the cell like Yeah, it's, it'll, it, it, it, it, it, it goes so much faster if you're working. Absolutely. And you're just laying in, and you're, yeah, yeah. And I, of course, was, I hated reading before I went in. And then I ended up reading, you know, a bunch of books while I was in there. And, and, and then I would listen to the radio.

And I had this, the, the window was probably about this big, probably about three feet tall. And I'd sit, just sit down there and listen to my music. And you can see who's coming in from, from where, where I was. you could see all the new arrivals and everything and then um towards the i think it was my second to the last day uh the the guy that i was walking around with what i would talk to all the time with the big tattoo i mean he was it was pretty pretty big um scary looking dude but he was he was funny like uh he's like hey you got a new cellie and i was like oh fuck is I was like, come on.

I almost had it. I almost had my cell to myself the rest of the time. And I walk in there and it's this this pudgy little, just white dude, never been in trouble in his life. He got caught for embezzlement because he worked at a bank. And he got like 48 months or something. The first time, never seen jail. He was petrified.

He was so fucking scared. I walked in there. He was like, hey, um, is it okay if like if I put myself here? Because it's a three man cell. there's two bunks right here and then there's a there's a single bed and of course i want the bottom bunk i was like you can you can sleep on that one i don't care you can take the top i don't give a shit and we're not a blast with that guy so i what i did no i'd have been like said they raped you yet so the dude that i that what i was walking around with he's like you want me to

fuck with him and i was like dude oh yeah okay let's see let's go ahead so he walks in there opens the door He's like, hey, man, you owe me my fucking money. You got my fucking money. I know you fucking stole my money. He's like, backing up and falling. He's like, no, I swear, I swear I didn't do it. And he's like, I'm just fucking with you, man. And I was, and then I grabbed that dude.

I was like, all right, that's enough. He's going to fucking shit himself. And I was like, so this is my, I'm getting out tomorrow. I'm going to give you all the, you know, the rules and regulations of what you should and shouldn't do. And he's like all night to like. 12, one. It's like, well, what if I, what do I do this? Or who do I talk to or where can I sit? Or like, I was like, just keep to your own, man. Like, just, you don't want to get in a car. You don't want to fucking do any of that shit. Like, you don't want, you don't want to get involved.

I can tell by the way you look and what you're doing. I don't think you're. The soft is gone. Yeah. Yeah. And. It's not hard like me, baby. See? running that fucking place right oh man so and then that morning

they're getting ready for release so they I think it was like 8 o'clock and it was like a female CEO and she was like so she's like oh Matthew you are you ready to go? I was like, yeah, fuck yeah, let's get the hell out of here. And, uh, they give

me, shh. And, uh, gee, you're damn right. I'm ready to go, boo. Say no more. Yeah. Sorry. Um, and, uh, so they give you, I didn't have any clothes. So, of course, you get your gray sweatpants white tea and your fake uh fake chucks and i think i got 120 bucks that that they gave me they gave you 120 dollars yeah motherfuckers they got a fly me back to alaska from oregon what huh that but you said they gave you money though yeah they get yeah it was their fair not farewell but it's like was anybody it's gate money I don't get any money. I didn't get any money.

I didn't get money. I got a good luck to you, bro. That sucks for you, then. My God. Was anybody putting money on your books when you were locked up? Were your parents putting money on your books? No, not so much. I mean, they did sometimes,

but they, my mom, of course, wanted to talk to me, and I couldn't because she just, she would break down every time. She's just, I just want you to do better. I hope you can make it. my dad just he's fine yeah just fucking let the kid do his time he'll get out and figure it out um and then uh so i get out i'm walking out and i can hear everybody banging on the windows

because they can see me walking out and i go to this to the van and he's wearing like prisoner uh or oranges and i was like are you you're my driver he's like yeah right because it's a camp So, like, I had just, I had no idea that they would let a prisoner drive me 30 miles away to the airport. They put Jess on a bus and let her drive her or go to the other, like they gave her a fucking voucher, her and a bunch of girls. They got to go hang out for a couple of days and showed up at the prison when they wanted to. Not really. I mean, they had a time they had to be there. But they hung out.

They went on a bus. They, where did you stop? Atlanta. Atlanta, Tennessee. We stopped in Nashville. They called a show? I'm shoken about the show, but still One of a couple of bars

Ridiculous Wow I just I didn't have any idea That they would have You fuckers had a different experience that I had There was no gate money for me Yeah Nobody gave me a bus ticket

I would love to ride the bus You got fucked Jesus And then Before I went in I was a smoker So I was like He's like do you want me to stop anywhere

I was like yes Let's go get some fucking cigarettes And I bought a pack of cigarettes, bought a lighter, took one drag, and fucking coughed my ass off. And I was like, okay, well, I'm over that. Oh, yeah, I don't fucking want to smoke cigarettes if I'm not fucked up on opiates. So that's, that's gone. And then I get to the airport and they had like a, they haven't like a Nike shop in there. And I was wearing my white tea.

And they gave me the money. And I was like, I want to get a black Nike sweatshirt. So I don't look like I just fucking got out of prison. and then I got some Burger King and then got on my flight and I got on my flight and they told me of course you need to report to your federal probation officer within 24, 48 hours or something

and I report and they as soon as I get there my federal PO that she was assigned to when she saw me because she saw my federal roll my inmate card and like I had my head shaved and she's like I was honestly I was really worried about you in there because your picture looks really bad like you look like you were having a very hard time I was like I mean and I was but I mean not really she's like so are you doing okay

I was like yeah what I would they give you for a PO my PO fucking was constantly going to throw me back in fucking prison she needed my guts they were the I mean probably the nicest POs that I've ever dealt with you could just go to Alaska you guys and then yeah I report to her and she says well of course you to get a job and you do this blah blah blah check in once a month and I did I had five years five years of federal probation did not fuck up once did did absolutely like the last year she's like our last almost two years she's like you can check in every uh every four months i think she's like you can check

in every four months and you don't even have to come in just call just call and check in because i was i was passing all my piss test i was working i was doing everything right passed all my piss tests i had to take a a year worth of of of criminal behavior modification classes with a with a psychiatrist once a week for an hour while i was every twice a month being pissed test I didn't even have a drug charge. Jeez. God, man.

I'm still off federal probation. It's been three years. I just got denied. I tried to get off early. They said, no. They're holding a grudge. It's resentment is what it is. They're still, they're irritated.

They're up six million. But it's, you know, they're holding it against me. But anyway, I could see why. You get a vastly different experience. Yeah. So. Well, okay. You got a Biotis, like giving you, like, hugs and they, you're okay?

Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. There was only two of them and they were both females. So it was like, it was, yeah. It was a long hair, blue eyes didn't. You know, that probably went a long way with them, I'm sure. Yeah, it did.

She was pretty attractive too anyway. Hope she doesn't see this. So I did that. I finished it without a hiccup. and that was five years and then I lasted about one year off being probation so at that time you lasted one year I last so what is that hold on hold on I lasted one year after being off probation without fucking up again so fucking up mean like I relapsing yep so I relapsed and uh during those five years I was working at a very, very good business.

I had a truck, a car, a place. Like, I had two vehicles up my own place, and I was doing very, very well for myself. Like, I felt like I was like, I did it. Like, I told myself when I was walking out of Sheridan, like, I'm never going to touch that shit ever again because it ruined my fucking life. Like, I have this stain on my record now. and it's going to haunt me forever. And I was like, I'm going to do everything within my power to try to turn my life around. And I did it for five years.

And I thought, like, I thought I had it licked. I thought, like, you know, I did it. Like, I came out. And that's the funny thing about addicts is, like, I mean, you, one change of thought, like, and you're done. And so at that time, like I said, I think it was like six years, I had my own place and I woke up one morning and I had my closeted mirrors and next to my bed and I like I swung my legs over and I just I just have this distinct memory of like I looked at myself and I just said, I'm not happy. like I have everything that I could possibly want materially but I don't have I feel unfulfilled there's there's a hole somewhere and I just I just said fuck it literally I said fuck it and I was like I'm on a mission to go find whatever I can find and get high because I'm not

happy I just I want to feel happy I there's something missing and that within that day course I found I found heroin and within the first week I found the needle and then I started becoming an intravenous heroin user and then within the second week I figured out I can mix meth and heroin in the same syringe and then put that in my vein holy fucking shit that was uh that's the best feeling I've ever had and uh within probably I would say a month and a half to two months of me shooting meth and heroin into every vein that I had in my body I had no money again I fucking my car went to shit my truck went to shit I came to the point where I was having to steal steal shit and then no gas card

no more gas card so I had to figure out some other way um So I would go to like empty like construction sites and steal all their tools and then pawn them off and do or trade them for for heroin or meth or whatever and I had I had there was a construction site where we took a bunch of stuff and then there was this this it was like a heater that like when I when it's under construction in Alaska they had. have these big huge heaters that you can put it under under the like under a tarp and it'll heat the entire place and uh we we didn't have a place to put it and it was me and two other people and uh we just i put it on the top of his truck with no no no straps no nothing and i just went down this we went down the street and hopefully it didn't roll off and we put all the tools and everything inside my house and uh i brought a bunch of stuff to one of my dealers i got like three grams three or four grams of heroin and a couple grams of meth for just these tools the guys

running a pawn shop pretty much yeah and then some of them i took to the pawn shop as well under my name like i i just didn't give a shit anymore like i don't like i'm going to get caught eventually so fuck it like let's just do it let's get it over with that's that was my mindset like and and uh within yeah like i said after about two months um i had three or four cops banging on my door with a warrant and they i opened it like i was still like halfway out of it i woke up on my couch like with with, I think, like, a needle still stuck in my fucking arm. And, uh, opened the door and they, like, grabbed my arm, took me out and put them in the car and started searching my house and found all the tools and all this other shit. And, um, booked me back into FCC and then they charged me with the mix for, which is like in possession of drugs, um, a burglary two and then a theft two.

um so i ended up pleading out to the the theft too and so that's going to be that would be my second felony uh i was looking at this state though this is state now yeah and um i think that she told me i was looking at three years i was like i did i made 21 000 dollars and i went to the feds and they gave me three months and i took three thousand dollars and i took three thousand worth of construction construction stuff and I'm looking at potentially three years and so what they did is they did two years one suspended and then four years probation I did so the state prison in Alaska is Goose Creek and that's state and federal prisons I mean they're vastly different yeah vastly and then so in alaska we you don't have you don't have a

bunch of mexicans or anything run around there's it's it's it's a lot of whites blacks and natives and that's it and in goose creek you're allowed to wear whatever you want as long as you have one article of yellow clothing like if you you can wear your jeans you can wear the shoes that you came with you can order your shoes off east bay or whatever you can get you can get all kinds of shit a yellow t-shirt yep or you just put on a yellow hat anything um but then

I mean if you get nice shoes you're gonna get jump for your shoes like I've seen I've seen guys getting fucking jump for their shoes all the time it's ridiculous I won't wear nice shoes no and I didn't and not for long no and so while I was in that prison so there's

if there is like one long stretch right here And then this is in the middle, that's the yard. And then right here is like A, B, C, D, E, F pods. And come like breakfast time when they announce it, you have to go from your pod across the yard at 6 o'clock in the morning at 30 below. And like you have to sprint to go to go get your breakfast. like it's it's horrible um how much time did you get though three years they did two years once you two years one suspended so and then with good time you do eight months okay I didn't

understand that yeah so I was there for for eight months and then still I mean that was that eight months isn't that's not that long you get into your routine you started going to the gym they had a track and then like you I had a little a couple friends that I hung out with I mean And it was all the time that I did, it was easy. I mean, I learned in state, like, okay, and in Goose Creek, you have a card for your door. Like, it's only your card that opens your door. So you have your own cell? Well, you have one cellie, but you, both of you only have the lock or the card that unlocks your door.

Right. Like a hotel room. Pretty much. and then you learn because you have a glass window that's probably about five by five that you can see into your cell and I learned very quickly you don't want to look into people's cells because you don't want to see shit that you don't want to see right and yeah I learned that real quick and then so I ended up getting a sally that had a TV and that he worked all the time and TV yeah he had a TV prison yes

dude i'm telling you guys need to go to alaska like i don't wow yeah he had a blue jeans tennis shoes and tvs mhm jesus okay but it's cold it's cold yeah i i'm not i don't i'm not good with the cold no no i mean either but i'm not good with the heat either bro no it's just as miserable with here no i thought i was trying to change my tire and i was like Like, I was dripping in sweat. And then Hannah, she was like, you need to stop. Like, I'll take over from here because it looks like you're about to die. Jess works outside all day.

I don't know what she's thinking. No, the first job that I took here was landscaping. Oh, that's ridiculous. And I got heat stroke twice the first week I was here. I don't like walking from the front door to my car. Dude. I mean, if you walk outside in Alaska and it's 40 below and you walk out, your face just freezes it just 40 below it just can't even imagine it takes your breath away like

and your face what 40 away what 40 below is I don't I have never experienced anything like that I don't recommend it I yeah I wouldn't do it but like it's yeah you walk out and you like your face freezes and then if you're out there for too long like your your lips will start to like it's just it's so weird because your your lips will get stuck and then it gets harder to talk and it's yeah it's not fun but then comparatively to walking out here and now like I'm instantly sweating yeah it sucks anyways stay prison stay prison your key he he worked a lot he I think he was in the kitchen so he'd go for for two hours at breakfast two hours at lunch two hours at dinner and so I'd sit there and I'd watch

ridiculousness I'd watch the reruns of ridiculousness I'd sit there watch the reruns of ridiculousness every single day and then I would go they had a gym um they didn't have any free weights so it was all cables and pull up bars and dip bars and there's no fucking nautilus equipment in federal prison there's no free weights there's nothing none of that stuff no there's no there's no there's no no like equipment no you guys because we have free weights and you were Camp. Yeah, camps. Camps because, yeah, I saw the entire like layout of the gym when I was coming into Sheridan on the bus. And I saw it. There was like free weights, a bench, everything. So unfair. You're, you're, you're burglarizing places. She's running a fucking meth ring. I filled out some paperwork. I was in there with guys. I was in there with serial killers and shit. I used to have, I used to have, I used to have, uh, I used to have a, uh, I filled out some paperwork. I, I was in there with, uh, I used to have lunch with a guy that killed like 11 people. Yeah, I mean.

But I'm sure he was a really nice guy. He was, well, yeah, it was nice to me. Yeah. He was old now. He's pretty much feeble and not able to kill me. But I'm sure there were times he wanted to kill me. I saw it in his face. Yeah, you could tell.

So, yeah. Anyway, I met a lot of really nice murderers. No, yeah. No, and they have a low recidivism rate, too. One of the lowest. Like, they almost get out, almost never do it again. Yeah. I mean, almost.

It sometimes depends on, yeah. But the, yeah, like I said, watch TV, go to the gym. I would, at the last month, I would say that I was there, I got, they pulled me over to, it's like the booking side, and they had me signed paperwork. They were going to send me to a halfway house. Anchorage and I go to the halfway house in Anchorage and I end up getting on the utility maintenance crew so the maintenance crew has the top level of the halfway house which is like the pent suite the penthouse suite because it has a big screen TV as a couch and then you have

three different rooms and you get your own room and the guy had nine guys in the house I was the only white guy with with with eight black eyes i was the only white guy in the halfway house in my room there were nine people in a room i bet that was uncomfortable it was it was it was uncomfortable i used to listen i and the cops when they would come around to count they would be like cox you okay you okay i'd be some we need some uh diversity in here you know what they had and you know there's never any diversity it's kind of dark in here yeah yeah yeah um Then, so I go to the halfway house and then I realized that they have a lot of Suboxone in there. And I'm clear.

You've got a problem. Dude, yeah, you think? And so they, then I found a guy that had meth and they have Suboxone and I have two or three weeks left at this halfway house and they call me down for UA. Those fuckers. Yeah. Why would they do that? Yeah. Don't they know?

God, I just I just, I wasn't, I just didn't, I accepted the fact that I was going to be just like this career like criminal just, oh, just a repeat offender. That's what I accepted my life as being like I'm just, you know, I have no worth anymore. I have, I have no, no desire to, I just, I feel like I fucked everything up. How old were you? During state, when in the halfway house? When I was in a halfway house, I was, so this was in 2016, 17, 18, so I was 27.

Oh, yeah, 27. It's too late to turn your life around at 7.27. You might as well just kill yourself. Yeah. What is going on? Anyway, Jesus. I mean, try starting over at 50. I spit on that thing.

Yeah, you almost got me. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I mean, it just, you give a feeling of being just so defeated. It's just, oh, my God. Okay, go ahead. Shut up. You're 27.

Yeah. He's like 27, 5 foot 10, blonde hair, blue eyes, good looking. I mean, oh my God. My life is over. Obviously, I have some confidence problems. I, I hear you. I hear you. and uh i i know you man fuck all you guys that's how i feel yeah that's how it's it's it's a it's

no it's it's yeah either actually so it's hard for people that aren't addicts to understand like there was okay there's just there's just there's one i have i have i have i have things i deal with i mean i'm not i do like it's hard to look like this it's hard like life's not easy you look like like this like you know people if people constantly women call you all the time it's you know people want to just give you money people just you know i mean it's hard to look away from mirrors i have issues yeah i have an addiction sorry god i hear you there was there was one story that uh so so not how you thought this was going to go i but i love this is funny this is fun um there there was she asked me she was like so why didn't you like when you would get your drugs

why don't you just wait till you get home she is the girlfriend then I'm telling us too yeah okay well because these guys don't know that there's a girl there's a girlfriend over here that looks like she just got off a got off a boat from Norway yeah um blonde hair blue-eyed fair skin very pretty tall whole thing she's yeah Viking yeah yeah straight Nordic yeah um so So I, she asked me that, she's like, why don't you just wait until you at home until you did your drugs? And like, to, to somebody that's not an addict, like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. But to an addict, you're like, once you get your drugs, you fucking want it now.

You're going to do, I'm going to pull over and I'm going to put it in my fucking jugular vein. Like, that's, that's how I was wired. That's how I am. No, that's how, that's how, you know, all, all of them are like that. Yeah. And it's like they're like, pick up the drugs at the, at the drug dealer's house and can't make it the, the. the four miles to get home no fuck no i'm doing it right there then yeah it's uh okay anyways that was that was that was that yeah yeah so halfway house failed the ua failed the ua and uh

i i was like so when am i going to go back she's like honestly i don't know probably another week before we can get you processed and i was like oh that's cool because by then i'll have two days left yeah so that'll be the plane flight there yeah and back yeah so they it was it was literally like six days later they're like okay yeah you need to go back since you failed your ua so i go to anchorage are you serious for two days i go to so stupid i go to anchorage jail for two days and so i thought that i was going to get like a uh i thought they were going to give me shit what's it called just like a write-up like where they could take away your good time right they could so i i i managed to they were they were going to give me

a write-up for failing the UA while I was at the U-A.