Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Gas Card Scammer Reveals His Secrets...

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

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I'd make $6, $700 on my lunch break in 30 minutes. I had taxis and semis that would call me four or five times a week. There's over five or 600 transactions. Every single one of those is a felony. When I've stolen a bunch of money from the bank, I'm pretty generous with their money too. Yeah. Maybe a month into it. My co-defendant told me that he's getting ready to leave the state

because he's got another job from this construction company that he's moving to like a different state or whatever. and he has a gas car that he's been using to obviously fill up the fleet for the construction company all the trucks and then and then he's like I've been using it for my personal vehicle and then he's like so I get free gas and then I've been filling up you know my brothers I've been filling up this person I'm doing this

yeah because they have a ton of vehicles that have to be tough so they're not going to notice a slight fluctuation of a few hundred here no hundred there no because they haven't an entire fleet and so he didn't ready to take off and he's like, you know, you can have this if you want. I was like, well, yeah, yeah, I'll get free gas because then I can save money for my drugs.

But he's like, you know, you could, you know, you can make money off of it. And I was like, well, what do you mean? He's like, you know, I charge people, just blah, I don't know, I'll take 20 bucks off or just like for my friends. And I was like, just that idea, just the idea that he planted. Like, I just took off with it, totally took off with it. I ended up so I would sit,

I would sit at any gas station, so in Alaska, there's Tesoro's, that's what the gas gas stations are. And I would sit there, I'd wait in my car, and I'd go up to anybody. I mean, usually it's like little old ladies or whoever, and I had like a sales pitch for this gas card. So I'd go up to him and be like, ma'am, I have a gas card from the state and I have to use a specified amount of gallons, and if I don't, they're not going to reimburse me these gallons. Just, I just totally made that up the first time that I went up to this lady and I asked. And I was like, I'll fill up your vehicle and I'll take 20 bucks off. Like, if it's $80, just give me 60 bucks cash. And she's like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, of course, because she thinks she's like helping me

out. Right. And I mean, I didn't necessarily look like I was strung out on drugs or anything. Right. And in Alaska, I mean, you, you know, and people are up, like the, it's, it's not hard to miss. right and so I kept that little sales pitch and I would go up like shit I'd go from one person like just right there and then on the other side I'd give them the sales the same sales pitch and they'd be like yeah for sure yeah whatever like however much it is like I just take 20 bucks off or I'll do this or just how much how much cash do you have right now I'll fill it up just give me all your cash and they're like oh all right yeah for sure And then I'm still working full-time, and then on my lunch breaks, I would go do this.

And so just in the span of like at a lunch break and talking to three or four people with that little sales pitch, I'd make $600 on my lunch break in 30 minutes. And then on the weekends, you know, that's pretty much where I spent most of my time. And then all, of course, all this money. And Alaska, got up to one pill was $2 to $300 for one pill. For an $80. Yes. What is that a million? I'm like, that's like $10, $15 a milligram?

Yes. Yes. So it was outrageously priced. And even me making $800 a day, I could get maybe two or three pills. Right. And my, I mean, my tolerance is already going through the roof. So that's enough to keep me well. Right.

And so I'd wake up and just, I don't have any energy. I'm sick. So I'd like, then when you're sick and withdrawing and I go up to these gas stations and like, I'm just like, I just need, you know, like, I'm fumbling over my words and shit. And still, I mean, it still worked. Yeah. Are you giving people a reason to do it? Even if they think, ah, something's up. But if, let's face it, if I get a, if I got it, if I get 15 gallons of gas, you know, they, you know, they.

fills up my tank. Like, I don't have to give them the money until after. So, yeah, sure. Let's see what happens here, bro. Right. The card works. It fills it up. Cool.

Yeah. Like, you know, if the cop showed up, I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he told me this and that. I didn't know. They're totally unsuspected. They have, they have no idea. They're not. I mean, even if they had an idea, at least you gave him an excuse. No, you don't understand.

This is what he said. Golly, G. whiz. Are you saying the card was stolen off, sir? Yeah. Yeah, at least. Yeah. Because to me, I would immediately. Well, yeah.

Of course, other people would be like, yeah, this seems pretty fishy. Yeah. But the way that I said it and then, I mean, of course, like I said, probably the way that I looked probably helped a little bit better too. Right. And so it got to the point where I would have, like I was a gas dealer pretty much. I would, I had taxis and semis. So semis.

I was thinking I would have gone straight straight to a truck stop. Because those guys are spending $1,000. Exactly. And that's what I ended up doing. And so they would, I had taxis and semis that would call me probably, you know, four or five times a week. Their semi is like $500, $600. Wow. And semis, they have to pay for their own gas.

And I was like, dude, I'll take $200 off of that, even if it's seven or eight. And he's like, no doubt. Right. There you go, man. And that went on for, so. You can be pretty generous when it's somebody else's money. I'm always when I have when I've stolen a bunch of money from the bank, I'm pretty generous with their money too. Yeah. It's easy. It makes you feel good. Yeah. It makes you feel like, you know, I'm doing the right thing. Yeah, I'm doing you. I'm doing you a great favor while committing a felony. I'm a good person. Yeah. I'm going to get you a break. $200 off. No, no, no. I'm feeling a little generous today. Right, right. With my employer's money. Sorry. So, okay. It's not even your employer. No. Okay. No.

I don't even know who this construction company is. And so then about, let's say, 40 to 45 days later of me doing this, I'm back in the shop at the small engine repair shop that I was working at. And my boss comes back and I'm like sharp on a chain. And he's like, Matt, there's a detective up front to see you. And I was like, oh. Like, and I was like, me? Yeah.

and no go back and make sure he's got the right guy yeah and that and it's so i when i walk through and i see him he's in his suit and he's like he's got his badge on his hip and everything he was very cordial and he goes hey i'm here to see you about you know he's like you know and i was like you need some gas that's what i think i'll meet you down i'll meet you at this at the circle gay since you're a cop I'll give you a 50% off the box yeah 50% and so he's like I'm sure you know and I tried to play stupid I was like no what do you mean what do you what do you hear for golly yeah and then he's like I figured you would say that and it goes like they grab his briefcase plot it's like this thick big manila folder at your work is your boss there are you in like a back room I'm in the front

counter and your boss is sitting there going well boy you look like you're in trouble I don't know But you've been up to. They were hanging out behind and I know that they were like, they, I mean, they had to know. Like, I mean. Did you ever fill their tanks up? No. As soon as he said gas, they both turn around a bolt. Yeah.

No, they didn't know. They were unsuspecting. And so like the counter the way it is, like there's the front counter and then you can go over to the side where it's like a little bit more personal. So we go over there and that's when he plops it out and opens it up and he's like, all right. So this is you, obviously, my face blown up in a picture, flips it open. He's like, here is you getting out of your car, filling up this person. Here is you getting out of your car, inserting the card filling up this person.

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transactions that you have here and every single one of those is a felony and i was like okay say first of all officer officer you've done amazing work here Yeah. You know, good job. And he does look a lot like me. Yeah. I'm going to help you find this guy. Nobody's more upset about this than me.

Yeah. I didn't eat theft. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, no shit. See, you got to be faster, bro. I know. I just took it. I was like, dude, yeah, you got me.

Like, there's no denying it. And so I was like, okay. So what is that? He's like every time he swiped, it's a felony. So what do you mean? I have 500 felonies against me right now. And he's like, well, I mean, due to the sheer amount that you made within 45 days, which ended up being $21,000, he's like, I just want to let you know that the FBI is going

to be picking this up because this is no longer a state investigation. Oh, I thought this guy was the FBI. No. He was a detective. He was just a detective. And he was letting me know, like, we got you. Back your bags. Yeah.

We're still doing like our investigation and everything. I'm not here to arrest you, but I just, I want to let you know that the FBI is going to be picking this up. And so I was like, what do you think? How much time do you think I'm looking at? I didn't, I was like, I was just pale. I was a ghost. I keep hitting this thing. God damn it.

Sorry. And like, I was just, you know, pale, sweating. And after that encounter, he's like, obviously I'm, I'm going to say, and you got to go through detox. Yeah. I've got to go to jail. I got to go through detox. I'm already shut right now. But so, well, so he said, I'm not here to arrest you.

So he's like, but obviously, you know, I'm going to need that card. Yeah. I was like, here you go. You can take that. And he's like, I'm not here to rest you. We're still doing our investigation. And so you're going to have to go check in with a pretrial federal probation officer. So I have to go to the federal building.

And so I go and meet my federal PO. And she's like, so you're on, you're on pretrial. okay well you so you so you went from i mean immediately went from the this guy just asking you questions he just told you go downtown like you didn't was there a did they give you a they gave you a public defender or anything or no he said he just said show up and sign in i think he gave me like like a 72 hours or something to train yourself in to check in to check in to check in with the with the pretrial because he said that the investigation's still going and we're not going to arrest you yet like so nice they go to Alaska like they came in they're like nice to you

like they were you got 72 hours you know I'm sorry what you're going through buddy you made some bad decision like yeah yeah I didn't have never talked to that guy you didn't never I mean looking back on it I mean it was probably yeah the easiest way to ever get in trouble yeah and so I go and see my my federal PO and then so we start pre-trial and obviously I'm still doing drugs and I'm doing at the time probably yes yes oh yeah that's not good yeah so she's she's like I'm gonna I'm gonna give you you ways and I failed the first time of course surprise surprise what what does that stand for enough and you so you fail well if you failed like did they well they don't They can't revoke your probation.

You don't have to revoke you just signed that you didn't you just, okay. Yeah. Because, you know, like if you were on probation, then you're a pretrial. If you're on pretrial, then they could lock you up for that, right? Can't they lock you up? No, they won't really lock you up anyway. You haven't been charged. You haven't been sentenced.

You haven't been sentenced to anything. I don't know. Yeah, you're okay. So. Why even give you a piss test? I don't know. They were, they were trying to clean me up before, before I, went in or something. I don't know. They were trying to give me some rehabilitation in some way.

Right. I'm going to get you healthy before they knock your head off. Exactly. No, it's nice. It's nice. It's the right thing to do. Yeah. So I fail it. And she's like, well, obviously you have opiates in your system. I'm going to, so you got to next week, I'm going to try to get you to go to like an inpatient program or do something because like if you keep doing this, we will put you in. We're going to take you in so you're no longer on pretrial while you're under investigation um can i answer a question what does your parents say like have you told you you do tell you go straight home and say dad oh yeah oh okay yeah so i told them i i laid it all out because my they knew i was up to something yeah obviously like i was up to something and they knew like i mean i'm sitting at

dinner and doing the nodding out or watching tv and so sleepy i'm working so hard yeah yeah i've been working 12-hour days. There's all this gas and stuff. Man, people wearing me out wanting gas all the time. And so I tell them, I was like, yeah, so caught game and pretty much caught me. And my dad, he was like, yeah, I figured you were up to something. So, I mean, what are you going to do? I was like, well, I don't know. What do I do? He's like, well, I mean, you can try to get clean. You need to do something before to try to show the judge that you're trying to change and try to make a difference and that you're, you know, they feel some remorse for what you've done for charging this company, you know, over $20,000 and 40 days. Like you put a- Which got, which probably ended up having to pay at the most 50 bucks that once they called their probate, once they called the, once they called the gas company and said, this is all the fraudulent charge. someone's been caught then they they write that off immediately and the most they can charge them

under the um electronic transfer act is like 50 bucks and they don't even charge them that so they have to reimburse them within like 24 hours so you didn't really cost them anything they did have to make some phone calls i'm sure oh yeah which was agonizing i'm sure yeah and then so after i yeah that was your dad so your dad was saying sorry yeah he i mean he did he knew i was up to something and my mom is She's, she's, she's, she was crying and I know, I know that, like, I broke her heart. And, but my dad, he's, he's not hard to read. He's just a very, what's the word? What is it?

Yeah, he's mellow. Very mellow. I've never seen him angry at all. But shit. I forgot where I was. So he was telling, your mom was upset and your dad was kind of like, look, you got to get clean. Yeah. I got to get your shit straight, trying to show the judges you're changing. Yeah. And then so I go through, I mean, I'm trying, I'm trying to stop and I'm getting sick.

I don't have resource. There's no resources. Right. In Fairbanks. We have one rehab. That's it. Like, if I came to Florida, there's rehabs everywhere. I mean, yeah, Jesus Christ. But there's only one in Fairbanks. And there was limited bed space. Can't get in there for months. So, so like, they expect you to, like, I have to keep up my habit for two months until I can get in there. Is that what you're saying? I like that. That's the drug dealer mentality. So what you're saying is I have to keep my habit.

I keep this going for two months. Yeah, until you can. And you definitely don't want to go to prison. I mean, you don't want to get pulled into the holding cell and detox in the holding cell. But inevitably, that's what happened. Because I could no longer afford in Fairbanks at the time because then they were becoming. so rare that they stopped making them and they transferred they started making the opes and i can't i can't smoke those right like i want the instant high i want to smoke them and so it comes along

way cheaper you can get it for 40 50 bucks for for a point zero point one or you can get like a half a gram for a hundred bucks and it's way stronger or i mean sometimes depending on where you got it and And it was like the black tar kind. And so I started to switch to that because it was cheaper. And the small engine shop still kept me employed, thankfully. Nice. I still worked there. And then towards the end of, so I got talked to my, the public defender, federal public defender,

and she wasn't very nice. She just kind of laid it out on me and told me about the point system and everything. And she's like, they'll take your childhood, you mean your petty theft, DUI. Like I had a theft for under $4. Like, that's a point. And then I had a criminal, they'll keep, they'll keep bump up your criminal history every single time you've ever been in trouble. So you can have been arrested once for a DUI, you could have been arrested. two years later for, for, you know, shoplifting, you know, and then, and now when you get to

sentencing, you're at a criminal history level of three. Right. So it's like, so you're already now, you're, you're already instead of having like being at like a level six, you're like a level 13 and at a level eight, you're going to prison. Right. So you're already done. Yep. You know, no matter what.

Uh-huh. So, and then after, after meeting her. I was just clarifying that so that people understand. Yeah. Yeah. So even though all those charges are ridiculously stupid charges. It doesn't matter. Every one of those is going to count for more and more months in prison.

Speeding tickets even. Right. Yeah. Any kind of, yeah, it's ridiculous. But so she tells me about that and tells me I think I had, I think it was around 16 points or something. And at the time, I was on state probation. So I had an SIS suspended in position of sentence that was called, I believe, for a forgery that I did. and so as long as I didn't get in trouble for two years

what was the fortry for I was like for $300 or something I mean I was I was withdrawing I was I just found a check and $300 and I went to the bank that it was and they're like oh yeah hold on just a sec yeah hold on one more second and waiting for the sheriff yeah for the deputies yeah they're here yeah that's exactly what happened they're like well one one more minute and I'm sitting in the drive-through and then cops come around on both sides and then I mean I was like that I was being an addict you're willing to do anything yeah at any cost like I had I had no regard for any anybody's feelings or I didn't I just didn't care like I just well and your your

risk versus reward is is you know vastly skewed because you're like you're willing to risk anything to get to stay high because you're in such pain yeah I mean you get to the point where you're you just don't want to be sick. That's right. It's just the worst feeling. It's funny to how all the got how like especially the opiate guys to always describe it as being just like being sick. It's the worst. You know, it's it's like their bones ache. Like it's a different like compared like other people that go that I've talked to that go through withdrawals like they always describe it as being like violently like ill your whole body's aching your bones hurt. Yeah. I was heard I've always heard that like really

your bones ache you go you like alligator roll all night and like there was a point where i had a cell that was right across in the shower so like i'd be well freezing kind of hot flashes and bones hurt and so i'd run into the shower and i'd sit in there for 15 seconds and then run across to my cell and so get under get under the blanket so i could just finally sleep for maybe 30 seconds because you can't sleep either but that's that's another the forgery so the forgery you did the forgery you're on state probation for that already mm-hmm and you're on federal probation and you're trying to get into a drug rehab yeah I'm trying to right it never happened now well you keep failing the UA's yeah and so very unfair

to criminals yeah yeah yeah and so I did it just leads up to I think it was another six maybe not even that long four or five months later they get up to like the the pretrial and then the the some court dates like there's a there's a court date before your sentencing it's like the you accept your acceptance of your plea yeah you go and you say yeah i'm guilty yeah guilty plea yeah and so i the guilty plea is actually when they arrested me on the spot but i had a few court dates before that just like i fuck these like an arraignment Like you were processed. You went in your process.

They took your finger prints. They took a picture of you. Yeah. Right? That whole thing. So you were being arraigned. They let you out immediately on what? On OR bond.

Like you didn't put up any money, right? No. No. Yeah. I was never, I was never incarcerated until the date of my sentencing. Yeah. And so on that, on that date I have right here, 22111's when I was sentenced. And I go in there and my, my, my, my, my, my,

co-defendant he's already he's already been sentenced he he's never had anything on his record so he gets probation because i mean obviously through uh when i was talking to the investigator he's like i just want to know when when you came into possession of this card and i was like whenever you see it spike like whenever you see it's being swiped every day that's that's me right so like they calculated the differences and everything and they know it's his card yeah they'd He took a plea? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And he just got probation. Yeah. That was it. And so come to mine, I had written out like a little letter just to, you know, kind of level with him. And be like, you know, I'm not an awful person. Like, I'm not evil. I'm not trying to do this to try to just, you know, everybody over.

Like, I have a problem. I'm an addict. Like, I have issues. I'm saying this to the courtroom. I'm saying this to the judge. And I was just, you know, letting them know, like, I feel remorse for what I did. It was awful. It's stupid.

I mean, it's just very immature way of trying to deal with my addiction. And I said, I mean, if it wasn't for the case of me being addicted to drugs, this wouldn't be happening, obviously. And he actually kind of leveled with me. And he's like, I have a daughter that's caught up in that stuff. right now and I feel for you kid I honestly feel like you need a real bit rehabilitation more than you need a prison sentence but due to the sheer amount of money that you made within the 45 days or whatever like you you had to be sent into something right what was what were they already

recommending what was probation recommending 16 to 18 months 16 to 18 months yeah oh okay geez okay for 21 grand yeah it was because all my little priors my little points I don't know why I'm looking at Connor. He doesn't. He's not going to help. He doesn't understand. But he looked at me like, he looked at me like, I don't, how am I?

I don't. That sounds reasonable. Yeah. But no, yeah, that's, that's outrageous. That's ridiculous. Yeah. I know people have sold a couple hundred thousand dollars and ended up with probation. Mm-hmm.

So, so it was, it was all of your, it's all of your, your criminal history level. Yeah. Okay. That's, that's what led up to me having to have that much. And so, and what he said is like, you know, I have to say. sentence you to something, obviously. So I'm going to give you three months. I was like, three months, okay? I've never done any, any time at the time. Like, I've done three days maybe for driving without a license because at that time, driving without a license was a jailable

offense. And I had a, I think I had a DUI or something. And never done any time before. So he sentenced me. I was doing up to that day. I did, I smoked before I went and got sentenced. and he told me that and then both my parents there my mom was crying and like I kind of broke down I was like all right here I go and then they handcuffed me and they put me in a little federal holding cell kind of broke down bro I cried like a small child dude yeah yeah like you could yeah was unconsolable yeah got considerably amount a considerable amount of more time than you but it doesn't matter if it's a month no it's devastating yeah because you're taking you I mean you're getting taken away from everything

Yeah, yeah. Especially for your first time ever. Like, you get taken away. And you have to go through detox? You have to go withdrawals. I have to go withdrawals. Good times. Yeah. So then from there, they send me to FCC Fairbanks Correctional Center. And question when they locked you up right there in the courtroom. They lead you away. The marshal leads you away, right? They lead you down the hallway.

And then they put me in a little gate. Right. And they leave me there until. like until they're ready to transport, which the federal building to FCC is three miles away, but I'm in there for like four hours. And just with me in my head and my thoughts and be like, oh my God, I can't believe I did this.

I'm so fucking stupid. I'm never going to do this again. Like I need to change my life around. I need to do something. And finally, yeah, after three or four hours of me in there, bawling my eyes out and fucking beating myself up and saying how much I, like, slandered my last name my like hurt my parents and all this so many everything goes

through your head the most awful things you can think of and they come and come and get me and they handcuff me and go to FCC and then like by that night I'm like I'm already tossing and turning and FCC like there's a lot of people in there that are going through the same shit there's a lot of people that are going through withdrawal so like what's that major major problem in Alaska right isn't it at that time okay it was the the epidemic was huge it was really big yeah back in 2010 2011 it was that was the main thing there was a lot of people doing it and so i get to FCC and i of course i know quite a few people in there because it's just a small town and they're they're like here this will help take some candy and then you know

like whatever, anything that'll help. And he's like, make sure you go take a shower, go do this. And like, everybody knows that I'm going through withdrawals. So they're like, just leave them alone and let them sleep it off. Because there's probably, and so there's a wing, B wing, and C wing. And A wing is the higher, higher, like, higher security. And then B wing is like the low level. and C wing as the workers.

And B wing is just like, it's just, it's disgusting. Like, it's like the kind where you just look down it and there's like mold and dripping water onto like the cement and all the paints scratched off. And it's just not very clean. Right. And so, yeah, I'm kicking for seven to ten days before I start coming out of it and coming out of myself

and eat and kind of socialize. and talking to a few guys that I know outside of there, but that they're in as well. And then, like, I start to understand some of the, because I've never done time. I know that there's certain politics, certain things you should do. Like, in jail, it's not the, there's no politics in FCC, really, at all. Yeah, there's too mixed up.

There's not enough guys to get together to be dangerous. So it's whites and natives. Yeah. That's it. So after 20, 20, 30 days, like I'm playing spades, you know, playing spades with these guys. And I'm eating, hanging out. I'm like, this isn't actually isn't too bad. I can do this.

I can do this for what I'm not, I've been here for 28 days. I can do this for 70 more. This is easy. Maybe they won't even take me to federal pen or a federal FCI. And then on day 30, I think over the, over the intercom, La La La Lawn, roll it up. I was like, and everybody was like, oh, shit, Federali, here we go. And, yeah, I knew. So I rolled it up.

I mean, all I have is my blankets and my paperwork. So you throw your sheets and your blankets at them bin. And so they walk me up to booking. So it's no longer just the correctional officers. I walk over and then there's the FBI. So they got there. I always know their FBI because they got their tan pants and they're. You mean the U.S. Marshals?

Yes. Yeah, the U.S. Yeah. And so there, I think there was maybe two or three. I think there's three total, including me, that were all federal and we were getting transported. And it's at that time, January, December, February. So it's about February. So it's cold. At that. Alaska. I'm assuming it was cold the whole time I thought it was cold. It was a warm spot. There is for about three or four months. And yeah, other than that, it's cold. So they chain gang us and put us in the van. And then we fly up to this little private airway and they put us in this little, the little bush plane and just a little two propellers. And so fly us. Marshals with you the whole time?

Yeah, yeah, two marshals. They were super chill, comparatively speaking to the marshals that I encountered later. So then I fly to Anchorage and they, I go to the Anchorage jail. And I'm, at the time, I'm like, where, where am I going? Like, are they just going to, am I going to Anchorage? Am I going to stay here? Like, they don't tell you anything. I don't know what I'm going to do.

So, and then they put me in some po-dunk cell. They put me in a tub, a little tub, like, because there's no bed space anymore. There's two bunks, and then they put you in a tub, pretty much with a mat. A boat. They call them a boat. It's an orange, right? Was it orange? It was gray.

It was gray. so it's like a it's like a looks like a almost like a what do you what it's like a shallow canoe or something yeah like a like a really shitty low boat that yeah yeah like a trying to think not a canoe like a kind of like a kayak kind of like a kayak canoe kind of thing yeah yeah yeah and then you stick your mat in there and then i got some guy up front on on the top that's of course annoyingly snores every damn night and then i got the guy on the bottom bunk that's going through withdrawals himself so I'm on the floor and this guy is in full-fledged withdrawal shitting himself and puking and I'm just like I dude I need to get the out of here like I'm seeing seeing that in

perspective like he was like got to be 50 years old and he's still going through what I just went through when I was 20 years old and then like kind of put it in perspective I was like dude I'm not going to be 50 years old and going through this shit anymore right no way I do not want to be that dude and i was in there for two two or three days and you were locked in the cell the whole time 21 hour 20 hour allowed to lock down so we're just out for breakfast lunch dinner that's it and in there for for three days and then yeah they bang on bang on the door the lawn roll it up i was like thank god i don't care where i go anymore i don't want to be in here and i try asking him i always try to ask him like where am i going

You know, like, we can't, I can't tell you that. And from there, there was probably about 10 or 15 federal inmates that were in Anchorage. And they, I think on this one, so they do the hip restraints to your handcuffs, your hips, and then your feet, and then they attached you to two other people and then puts you on the bus. and then from the bus then we go to the another private airport or something and put us on the plane and I'm

my public defender said that with the amount of time that you have as far as you're going to go is Seattle CTAC like there's no other reason why you'd go anywhere else because you're low level like there's that's as far as you should go so after I was on the plane

heading to Seattle right and I'm like okay there's no federal you were told me earlier there's no there's no federal prison in Alaska no there's none so I know that's where I'm going I'm like okay so I can kind of relax this is this my last destination and so I get in there and walk in and it's it was a whole different kind of feeling because it's it's not a jail it's prison jail and prisons are like I didn't I didn't realize that's yeah so I walk in and this this like a big two-tier where you say something i was going to say something this is with a

plane no this is all yeah i'll tell you that yeah sorry um so i yeah i walk in and it's a whole different feel because all the whites approached me there everybody's like hey do you need anything i like i do you need any food do you need it i mean socks do you need any shower slides yeah yeah do you need a toothbrush like i got some soups for you do you need kifi coffee exactly What do you, bro? I got a lock for your locker. Give me that back when you go to the commissary. Yeah.

Yeah. And like this, it was so, I've never experienced something like that. It was like, I just felt like they were like, hey, we're here. Like, if you need us, let me know. Yeah, definitely. And then, but then I noticed like the other guys that I came with, their race went up to them and did the same thing. I was like, oh, that's, that's kind of cool. I mean, and so I go to my cell and I'm kind of situating myself.

and I'm in there with, he was just Mexican. I don't know if he was north side or south side or anything, but he was really super chill. I think he was younger than I was. And he's, we have lockers in there, and he's got, like, cans and cans of, like, Sprite and Pepsi and all this stuff. You can have some if you want some. And I was like, I don't want to accept anything from anybody.

That's just sad. You've been told. You've been told don't accept anything. Yeah. Because then they want something. They want something back from you, Connor. Yeah. That's how that works.

It is. Yeah, remember that time? You know, yeah, yeah, remember that. You're going to help me out. Now, uh, now I need you to meet me in the shower. Yeah, whoa, whoa, bro. It was a seven up, man. That was a can of soda.

What you thought? That doesn't, that does not add up. That's crazy interest. I don't care. That's crazy interest. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I used to say the difference between being in the medium when I was in a medium, uh, at

Coleman, I was in the medium for like three years. difference between being in the medium prison and being in the low was in the medium if some guy left a snickers on your pillow don't eat it but if they leave it at the medium you can eat it because that dude comes and you says hey man what you got my smith you yeah I ate your stickers I might be in your locker later what what room are you in yeah because they're not going to do anything in the medium they're pretty much they're pretty much set they're okay yeah yeah but anyway sorry go ahead but you don't want to do you don't want to take that Pepsi yeah no at the I know. I've heard about you. Predator. Yeah. I know what you're trying to do. Set me up. And then, so, first night, first night I'm at C-Tac.

And just getting comfortable. I'm like, finally, I can, this is where I'm going to be laying down. I'm starting to fall asleep on my door. LaLan, roll it up. I was like, you got to be shitting me. Like, no. No, you got the wrong person. Like, are you sure?

I just got here. That's, yeah. That's what I said. I just got here. He's like, no, he's like, looked at his paperwork. He said, La La Land. I was like, yes, that's my last name. He said, yeah, roll it up.

I was like, okay. I mean, so I don't have anything because I just got here. And so they put me, I mean, do the whole wrist restraints, put it to your hips, put it around your angles, blah, blah, blah. Lead us all out to this shittiest plane I've ever seen. Like, I swear there was duct tape holding this thing together. Yeah, yeah, they're not. It's not Delta. No.

No. No, it's, it's not even like, like, what a spirit. It's not even spirit. And it's just a plain gray, just there's nothing on it. Yeah. And the stewardesses are horrible. They've got shotguns, yell at you the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah, they're not nice. They won't let you go to the bathroom. Nope. If that lights off or not, you're not going. You just piss yourself. Yeah. Because you're probably sitting in a seat. Yeah.

That's been pissed in multiple times. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. It's good stuff. They were, I mean, fairly, fairly nice. So we all get situated, you know, on the plane, and we're all sitting there. And then the pilot goes, oh, I think we're having a problem with one of our engines.

So we're going to have to, you know, everybody's going to have to get off. We're going to have to try to do this again another time. That's what you want to hear. Yeah. Yeah, especially when you're all restraint and getting ready to fly to another state. Could you imagine if something happened? Do you ever see that one plane? I hate to say this, but do you remember that one plane that I don't know what it was at D.C.

whatever. It actually like the top of the plane blew off and they lost one of the one of those stewardesses flew out. Like if you were chained together with like five other guys and one guy goes out like you're all going out like anal beats like you're like even if even more if you could hold on the other guys are going to be flapping around hitting the yeah the fusel lodge on the outside. Yeah. We're a pretty strong guy. You'd probably be all right. I'm I mean I try my best. So anyway, I'm sorry. Go ahead. So the plane's not good. What an imagination you So the captain said, listen, there's something leaking out on one of the engines. We don't feel good about this.

Yeah. So anyways, so we all, we're all getting off and then go head back to the, to the anal pedians. That's what I always thought of when they would chain me to the guy in front of me. I was always like, we're like a bunch and we're all in orange. Like sometimes you'd be, or you'd have like the paper dresses that they put you in. And I'd be like, there's like, there's like 12 orange. guys in orange chain together. And I would always, for some reason, I always thought, you know,

anal beats. I don't know. I'd once seen some anal beats, you know, I, well, I knew someone and, and, you know, they were, you know, and so I saw, you know, and they were, they were orange. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Don't, don't judge me. I'm not. I mean. Okay. Okay. Got that covered. We go back in and into the pod and everybody's like, oh shit, everybody's back, blah, blah, making fun of us. Like, and then that night, the one of the, one of the, one of the, one of the, white guys he approached me he's like hey we're making a spread for all the white guys like i've never had any like real food right since being in it was always just like what they gave us and so like in the in the federal institution you can you can order a lot of shit you

can order i mean pretty much anything food wise or drink wise and he made us like not this big plate of nachos with like sliced up sausage and put halopoe pinos and cheese and yeah what was it a little chubs yeah chubs and then a squeeze cheese and all squeeze cheese and all that and he just he had it for all the white guys and that night i was like man this is awesome like this is pretty cool like it and then that night again so this is my second night bang bang on my door again the lawn roll it up four in the morning yeah i was like okay the owl i know this time where i'm potentially going and we have all get on there get situated there's another problem there's another problem yeah we're all gonna have

to uh on the plane you got on the plane again mm-hmm like you'd figure that they would check the plane before you get on the prisoner on there but yeah yeah it goes to show where our our government money is going we all fucking get off the plane again and now and now the pod's like really laughing at us they're all hollering and shit and making fun of us and I was like yeah we're we're back here we go like yeah yeah can we get some ranches um then third night of course same thing repeat like I was expecting it I wasn't even trying to sleep I was sitting like this like on my on my bunk waiting for him and the lawn roll it up same thing we all get on the plane and and then pilot

doesn't say anything so we start rolling back and I'm like oh and here we go finally going somewhere I'm gonna die take off everything seems pretty kosher and And then they give you two-day-old sandwiches and a little box of juice with your hip restraints. Yeah, they want you to eat them like this. You have to scoot up the chain's heart just enough so you can reach down. It's comical. If you drop something, it's just gone. It's comical watching like the hardest dudes, like tattoos everywhere, buff.

And like they're just struggling to try to eat their little sandwich. It's just I saw a few guys are like that. I'm not even going to try. And then we land, I don't know where we, where we landed until until I got off the plane because I was like, this is, I mean, I'm in Vegas. I can see the Chris Angel pyramid. I can see the strip. I was like this cool. I'm getting all my vacation spots checked off around this because later I found out that they're moving me because of limited bed space, whatever that means. But that's why they were moving me around. And so they put you on a bus. again and we're driving through I drive through the strip like I'm on a bus just like oh this is cool looking at everything I've never been to Vegas and you still really haven't been being in the prison prison transport on the way to prison driving down the trip is not really being to Vegas yeah but I mean I was in the location of so I mean I didn't get to experience of course real Vegas and then we'd drive past it we started we started going

through like this desert like where there's absolutely nothing and we pull into like it just it looked like like an army base because you can't you can't see the fence like it's all the ground is above the fence and everything so you have to go around through where the gates are until you actually can see the prison and then it's a it was a a privately owned federal institution called it was just perump fc fcii and never never heard of the place it's so i guess it's a it's a holding or a transport like facility i guess i have no idea why they sent me there but that's where i know who own that facility was it like cca i i have no idea because there's a bunch of private there's bunch of private companies that like there's cca there's is it global and they were they

they build private prisons and they house federal and state inmates. Yeah, yeah, I just, I was obviously brand new because, I mean, paint was all, everything was brand new. And they put us all in the little paw, the little holding cell, and they're doing their little classifications and stuff. And finally get out of my cuffs, and I think I'm wearing my, so in CETAC, they give you brown.

you're wearing your brown and brown and i'm wearing my shower shoes that's all i got and and there it's the yellow jumpsuit so you got to go through i got a you got to change out from your from my ctac clothes you got to go through your whole inspection and do you i'm sure you know yeah yeah yeah that's real fun yeah yeah the bend over squat and cough yeah yeah yeah looked up your sack yeah let me see what you got in there yeah yeah yeah that's fun and then they they gave you your yellow jumpsuits and then i i turned the corner and i just it was just huge like i could i couldn't see the end of it was this one big long haul and they assigned me to a pod so and i walk in it's just it's literally it's you don't

have a cell there's no cell it's just it was like probably a open bay yeah it was like probably like a 60 by 60 yeah just with lines of beds and then one big TV up here and then you have one two three four five tables so there's all your beds and all the little shitters with the with the divider that's probably this high so you can look to the guy next to taking a shit and say hi yeah or masturbating yeah that's yeah sometimes they'll bring in some some lotion yeah yeah you make sure you keep your blinders on whatever you're doing you don't want to look over ever or sometimes maybe you do maybe you say you're talking Mom, what are you looking at there?

Come on, stop it, Cox. You know what I'm doing? What are you doing? What's all that noise? You eat macaroni? Yeah. What's going on, bro? Worry about your damn self.

Can I read that later? Is that the one with what's your name in it? Yeah. God of hear my cox. So I go into this one and I'm not approached like by the white guys this time. Like this is just a big dorm. And so I find out this is, where I'm at and where my bed is and I'm in Nevada. I'm like, what am I'm, like, thinking. I'm

like, how much time do I have left? Like, I've been, this is okay. Yeah. Half your sentence has been to transport. Yeah. Like, I'm at this point, I was like, I think I have probably 50 days left. You should be putting me in for halfway house. No, yeah. And so I find my bunk and then eventually to like talk to. So, I mean, he was white because obviously he was a skinhead, had a bunch of tattoos and blah blah and he this place was super politicky like he he was he let me know this is where I learned where there's there the no deños and the serenios he's like okay so you can associate with the South Siders and you can tell that they're South Siders because they have a shaved head the North Siders don't but some of them do I was like how the hell

they're manual yeah I was like how do you expect me to I was like you know I'm how about I just don't associate with any of them then I'll be okay and then he's like um and there's there's this one guy he's mixed he's he has a white mom and a black dad so he has he's mixed so he runs with us so I just want to let you know that like that's that's what we're doing around here because the pot I think there's 10 11 white dudes rest of them were north side or south siders or blacks and And how many people are in the unit? Total.

Probably 40 or 50. I want to say. 40 or 50? If 10 of them are, that's like 25% white guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so.

What's so funny is in prison, like having this conversation, like, you can't have this conversation in the real world. Because in the real world, like, it's funny. You go to prison and it, like, it, like, like, like, it, like, like, like the black guys can be right next door right next to you say listen let me tell you about the black guy don't talk to let me see and they're right there you're like you know you just get off the street you're like bro bro watch there's a black guy right there like what are you saying bro yeah and then you know and it's like such an issue in in prison and then you get out and you still have the mentality it's the exact opposite yeah but it's you know it's and it was so funny as people out here like

they're like you know you know racism and president they're like this is not racism no you have no idea what racism is yeah but so he gives me that a little bit of the lowdown and then one one morning we get it's like waffles or pancakes and little apple slices for for breakfast and they give you like a little spoonful of a peanut butter and the the white slash black guy the mix guy that that ran with us, he was allergic to peanut butter to get a nut allergy or something. He's like, here, you want mine? Like, I can't have it. I was like, yeah, sure, I'll take it and put it on my waffle or my pancake, ate it.

And then, like, a couple hours later, that white dude that first talked to me about the politics and everything in there, he goes, so I saw you took some peanut butter from, what's his name earlier? You know that I should beat your ass for that. how big is this guy by the way because basically did you tell him you're like a tourist like i'm i'm i'm on vacation this is this is a couple of months for me bro this is in my life he yeah he knew that i was like this is my first time obviously well and it's your your short time right you yeah let him know like i'm on i'm on my way out i've been on my way out since i got in

right and and that's what he was like that's what he said he was like so but since i know you're new here and i know that you don't got much time that i'm not let this whole one slide I was like oh thanks buddy yeah yeah thanks for that like I mean he wasn't at that the time I mean in 2010 2011 I mean I was a lot smaller I mean he wasn't I was gonna say you're you're a pretty big guy like I was like how big is this guy yeah I mean that that time he was a lot bigger than me right yeah like I think after after the withdrawals and everything I started eating I was maybe 140 150 pounds yeah and like I can't imagine you have at a buck 40 like yeah i was i mean i was strong out you're probably what's 170 now 180 no i'm

pushing almost 200 oh i think that was like 190 well it would have been a different conversation yeah at 200 it was at 140 yeah if you said that i would have i'm much more lifted up by his neck and threw him away i'm much more polite to people that are 200 pounds yeah no shit and then so yeah that happened and i was like okay well all right i thanks thank you i understand sir And then I was there. I was at Perump for maybe a week or two. And they had, you could go outside whenever you wanted, but it was just like a fenced-in area.

So there was the pod, and then you could just walk out to maybe a 15-by-15, obviously gated. You could just go out there and chill. There wasn't enough to play handball or anything. It was just to go outside. and me being from Alaska like I didn't get that much sun so I'd just go I just go and sit like kind in the corner and just sit there and so soak up the sun and all the guys like oh hey look at Alaska just I'm like yeah leave me alone just I'm just soaking up sun I don't have anything else to

do I'm out of here like I would and then yeah about a week later over the PA again Lalonde roll it up I was like it word the else could I possibly going now like I'm I'm pushing under 40 days now like I've been to two well if you count the from FCC to Anchorage from Anchorage to

CTAC to CTAC to perump I mean I've been to four different places already and I roll it up I'm like okay where the fuck am I going to go now and then I think this time let's see I was in

Vegas so I we took a bus this time I they didn't fly me we took a bus all the way from Prump Nevada and then I ended up arriving to Sheridan Oregon FCI and that's where I did the remainder of my time and and in FCI or in the in Sheridan it was three man cells and you have to go there first you have to go into the classification pod and at that time i think i had 35 days left or something so they didn't they couldn't classify me to put me into where i was supposed to go right because most guys stay in classification in that pod for a week and and in that classification pod you're on 21-hour lockdown same thing lunch i mean breakfast lunch and dinner

and three-man cells and first couple nights they were pulling people out and be like okay you're going here and then you're going here and then I'd get a cell to myself and be like oh this is nice and then until more came in and then so in

Sheridan they give you of course when you get there I'm in another yellow jumpsuit but they also give you a jacket with a hood because in that particular pod or that that federal detention center it's it was it was just cold in there and I mean they give you jackets and because you can go outside too and it has a hood on there and there was one morning right there they pop the doors and it's breakfast time and I have my jacket on everybody's wearing their jackets like and a lot of them put their hood on because and

that doesn't matter but I'm sitting in line like shuffling you know waiting to get my breakfast and I'm a shuffle and then I hear a CEO say hey take off your hood and I was like I know there's plenty of other people wearing their hood so I didn't pay any attention to it and kept going hey do you hear me take off your goddamn hood and I kind of like look back and I look I was like I know he's not talking to me that way like I yeah he is I know and he was and I was like I didn't I'm I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm I don't care. I'm at the point. I was like, you can't, you can't talk to me that way. I just, no matter who you are, like, I've just, that's just how I felt.

Like, I just, it just, it just, it got, got me. I was like, just, and so he came up and grabbed me on the shoulder. And I said, did you hear me? He said, take off your hood. And I said, I don't go of who you are. You're not going to talk to me that way to say, hey, can you, can you take off your hood? Like, why do you give us a jacket with a hood if you don't want us to wear the hood and he he said do you know you know who was asking you to do that to take off your hood you know who was asking you to do that that's the warden and I was like okay what does that mean he's like well you're disrespecting the warden and the warden told you to take off the hood and that's insubordination and I was like I shut the like I don't care is the warden

was he was like a five foot two little Mexican dude and he's yelling at me to take off my hood he's like all right well take them to the hole so i get sent to the hole for wearing my hood on a jacket that they give you for no reason so i get sent to the hole and i get it's it i mean the hole is that's a whole different place there's i mean there's people screaming i mean it's loud it's very loud and then i learned that i mean after being in there like for the first day you only get to shower three times a week when you're in the hole and they bring it to you they bring the shower to you while you're in the hole okay well i mean i've heard of those that's every every every institution's different yeah so it's on like wheels right like they wheel it to you

yeah and you only get three showers a week i mean obviously you're in the hole you're not allowed to do anything and i went in there with some dude that i was by myself for the first couple days then they moved me again and then i get into this cell that's withdrawing from coffee withdrawing from yeah coffee from caffeine yeah because he's I mean he he said he would drink those little instant packs that you get little blue ones I think he said he was going through like three of those a day and he's just laying in bed with the migraines and shitting himself all the time on the toilet and like it was it was horrible during that I mean but when he was sleeping like I had time to it was

actually kind of peaceful in a weird way and being so secluded it's weird what your what your mind can adapt to so easily like you understand i've done your entire sentence in the shoe yeah really i did 45 days one time i mean i know guys have done six months oh yeah you know yeah but it's but it's but it's insane that how what your mind can just it just makes it okay yeah yeah yeah Yeah. No, you can adapt to any, I mean, pretty much anything. Yeah. And it's, I felt, I felt comfort and solace and being alone all the time. Yeah. Like, I was like, oh, this is nice. And then I started writing. I started doing like, just, just writing my, my life story and like what I've been through. And like, I started having, like, you know, I did, maybe I should, you know, make an

autobiography or something or, right. Write a memoir. A memoir, yeah. Because, to me, I mean, it's to me, it's a big story. To other people, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's small. But like, to me, it's, I went through a lot of shit. And after I got, I was on only in the hole for a week, I got back to my, to the, the, um, classification one. And there was this, this older dude that I, like I talked to him,

here and there and like I like to listen to the radio of course and he's like I got a next radio if you want to use it because I know you're only going to be here for a while he's like two more weeks he's like you can keep it and I ended up having a sell to myself for the remaining three weeks I think that I had there and they started the the breakfast lunch and dinner hour and then between those those three hours they would let you out for a half hour so you got i was on 20 hour lockdown instead of 21 and i was walk i i was just walking around on the tier and then i had this this this this i think he might have been a north side or i'm not sure but he had like a big big tattoo of like you know like the georgia bulldog or whatever out on his chest and he was animal lover yeah yeah and he just

he loved to talk and then I mean I like to listen so you just we just walk around he'd bullshit and we talk and then blah blah blah and then the old dude he was doing my laundry for me like he was just because he was a worker in that facility so he was allowed to be out the whole time yeah a lot of guys will do that just to be able to be out of the cell like yeah it's it it'll it your time goes so much faster if you're working absolutely laying in and your fucking bunk the whole time yeah and i of course was i hated reading before i went in and then i ended up reading you know a bunch of books while i was in there and and then i would listen to the radio and i had this the the window was probably about this big probably about three feet tall and

i'd just sit out there and listen to my music and you can see who's coming in from for where i was you could see all the new arrivals and everything and then towards the think it was my second to the last day the guy that I was walking around with what I would talk to all the time with the big tattoo I mean he was it's pretty pretty big scary looking dude but he was he was funny like he's like hey you got a new cellie I was like oh I was like come on I almost had it almost had my cell to myself the rest of the time and I walk in there and it's this this pudgy little just white dude never been

and never been in trouble in his life. He got caught for embezzlement because he worked at a bank. And he got like 48 months or something. The first time, never seen jail. He was petrified. He was so scared. I walked in there. He was like,

is it okay if I put my stuff here? Because it's a three-man cell. There's two bunks right here. And then there's a single bed. And of course, I want the bottom bunk. I was like, you can sleep on that one. I don't care. You can take the top.

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You'll answer a few questions and get a personalized recommendation. Even better, our listeners can get 50% off site-wide for a limited time. Just visit ghostbed. slash cox and use the code cox at checkout again that's ghostbed dot com slash cox with the code cox at the checkout to save a whopping 50% off site wide and we're not a blast with that guy so i what i did no i had it been like so if they were you yet so the dude that i that what i was walking around with he's like you want me to with him and i was like dude oh yeah okay let's see let's go ahead so he walks in opens the door. He's like, hey, man, you owe me my money. You got my money. I know you've

stole my money. He's like, backing up. He's like, no, I swear, I swear I didn't do it. And he's like, I'm just with you, man. I was, and then I grabbed it, grabbed that dude. I was like, all right, that's enough. He's going to shit himself. And I was like, so this is my, I'm getting out tomorrow. I'm going to give you all the, you know, the rules and regulations of what you should, should and shouldn't do. And he's like all night until like 12, one. He's like, if I what do I do I do this or who do I talk to or where can I sit or like I was like just keep to your own man like just you know you don't want to get in a car you don't want to do any of that shit like you don't want you don't want to get involved

I can tell by the way you look and what you're doing I don't think you're this is gone yeah yeah and hard like me baby see run in that place right like you're in the last one oh man so and then that morning they're getting ready for release so they

I think it was like 8 o'clock and it was like a female CEO and she was like so she's like oh Matthew are you ready to go and I was like yeah let's get the hell out of here and they get me And, gee, you're damn right, I'm ready to go, boo.

Say no more. Sorry. And so they give you, I didn't have any clothes. So, of course, you get your gray, sweatpants, your white tea, and your fake chucks. And I think I got $120 that they gave me. they gave you $120 yeah they got a fly me back to Alaska

from Oregon what huh they said they gave you money though yeah they get yeah it was their fair

not farewell but it's like it's gate money it's gate money I didn't get any money I didn't get any gay money I got a good luck to you bro that sucks for you then me my god was anybody putting money on your books when you were locked up parents putting money on your books or no not so much I mean they did sometimes

but they they my mom of course wanted to talk to me and I couldn't because she just she would break down every time she's just I just want you to do better I hope you can make it my dad just he's fine yeah just let the kid do his time you'll get out and figure it out and then so I get out and walking out and I can hear everybody banging on the windows because they can see me walking out and I go to this to the van and he's wearing like prisoner or oranges and I was like are you you're my driver he's like yeah because it's a camp so like I just I had no idea that they would let a prisoner drive me 30 miles away to the airport they put jazz on a bus and let her

driver or go to the other like they gave her a voucher her and a bunch of The girls, they got to go hang out for a couple of days and showed up at the prison when they wanted to. Not really. I mean, they had a time they had to be there. But they hung out. They went on a bus. They, where did you stop? Atlanta?

Tennessee. We stopped in Nashville. No, they caught a show. I'm shoking about the show, but still. Went a couple bars. Ridiculous. Wow. Yeah, I just, I didn't have any idea that they would have.

You fuckers had a different experience than I had. There was no gate money for me. Yeah. Nobody gave me a bus ticket. I would love to ride the bus. You got. Jesus. And then before I went in, I was a smoker.

So I was like, he's like, do you want me to stop anywhere? I was like, yes, let's go get some cigarettes. And I bought a pack of cigarettes, bought a lighter, took one drag and coughed my ass off. And I was like, okay, well, I'm over that. Oh, yeah, I don't want to smoke cigarettes if I'm not smoked up on opiates. So that's, that's gone. And then I get to the airport and they had like, they had. having like a Nike shop in there and I was wearing my white tea and they gave me the money and

I was like I want to get a black Nike sweatshirt so I don't look like I just got out of prison and then I got some Burger King and then got on my flight yeah and I got on my flight and they told me of course you need to report to your federal probation officer within 24 48 hours or something and I report and they at the As soon as I get there, my federal P.O. that she was assigned to when she saw me, because she saw my federal, my inmate card, and, like, I had my head shaved. And she's like, I was, honestly, I was really worried about you in there because your picture looks really bad. Like, you look like you were having a very hard time.

I was like, I mean, I was, but I mean, not really. She's like, so are you doing okay? I was like, yeah. Who did they give you for a person? P.O. My P.O. was constantly going to throw me back in prison. She needed my guts. They were the, I mean, probably the nicest P.O.s that I've ever dealt with. You could just go to Alaska, you guys. Oh, my God. And then, yeah, I report to her. And she says, well, of course, you need to get a job when you do this.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Check in once a month. And I did, I had five years, five years of federal probation. did not up once did did absolutely like the last year she's like or last almost two years she's like you can check in every every four months I think she's like can check in every four months and you don't even have to come in just call just call and check in because I was I was passing all my piss test I was working I was doing everything right past all my piss test I had to take a year worth of of criminal behavior modification class with a with a psychiatrist once a week for an hour while I was every twice a month being pissed tested I didn't even have a drug charge jeez god they get man I'm still off federal probation it's been three years I just got denied I tried to get off early yeah they said no they're they're holding a grudge it's resentment is what it is they're they're still they're irritated they're up I'm six million but it's you know they're holding it against me but anyway I could see what You've got a vastly different experience.

Yeah. So. Well, okay. You got a Piotis, like giving you like hugs and they, you're okay. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. There was only two of them and they were both females.

So it was like, it was, yeah. It was long hair, blue eyes didn't, you know, that that probably went a long way with them. I'm sure. Yeah, it did. They, she was pretty attractive to you anyway. Hope she doesn't see this. Um, uh, so I did that. I finished it without a hiccup and that was five years and then I lasted about one year off being probation.

So at that time, you lasted one year? I last so what does that mean? Hold on, hold on. I lasted one year after being off probation without up again. So I mean like a relapsing. Yep. So I relapsed. And during those five years, I was working at a very, very good business.

I had a truck, a car, a place. Like, I had two vehicles up my own place. And I was doing very, very well for myself. Like, I felt like I was like, I did it. Like, I told myself when I was walking out of Sheridan, like, I'm never going to touch that shit ever again because it ruined my life. Like, I have this stain on my record now, and it's going to haunt me forever. And I was like, I'm going to do everything within my power to try to turn my life around.

And I did it for five years. And I thought, like, I thought I had it licked. I thought, like, you know, I did it. Like, I came out. And that's the funny thing about addicts is, like, I mean, you, one change of thought. like and you're done and so at that time like I said I think it was like six years I had my own place and I I woke up one morning and I had the my closet closeted mirrors and next to my bed and I like I swung my legs over and I just I just have this distinct memory of like

I looked at myself and I just said I'm not happy like I have everything that I could possibly want materially but I don't have I feel unfulfilled there's there's a hole somewhere and I just I just said it literally I said it and I was like I'm on a mission to go find whatever I can find and get high because I'm not happy I just I want to feel happy I there's something missing and that within that day of course I found I found and within the first week I found the needle and then I started becoming an intravenous user and then within the second week I figured out I can mix meth in the same syringe and then put that in my vein

holy shit that was that's the best feeling I've ever had and within probably I would say a month and a half to two months of me shooting meth and into every vein that I had in my body. I had no money again. My car went to shit, my truck went to shit. I came to the point where I was having to steal shit and then no gas card. No more gas card, so I had to figure out some other way.

So I would go to like empty like construction sites and steal all their tools and then pawn them off and do or trade them for for for math or whatever and i had i had there was a construction site where we took a bunch of stuff and then there was this this it was like a heater that like when i when it's under construction in alaska they have these big huge heaters that you can put it under under the like under a tarp and it'll heat the entire place and we didn't have a place to put it and it was me and two other people and we just I put it on the top of his truck with no no straps no nothing and I just went down this we went down the street and hopefully it didn't roll off

and we put all the tools and everything inside my house and I brought a bunch of stuff to one of my dealers I got like three grams three or four grams and a couple grams of meth for just these tools the guy's running a pawn shop

pretty much yeah and then some of them I took to the pawn shop as well under my name like I just didn't give a shit anymore like I don't like I'm going to get caught eventually so let's just do it let's get it over with that's that was my mindset like, and within, yeah, like I said, after about two months, I had three or four cops banging on my door with a warrant and they, I opened it like I was still, I was like halfway out of it.

I woke up on my couch like with, I think like a needle still stuck in my arm and opened the door and they like grabbed my arm, took me out and put them in the car and started searching my house. and found all the tools and all this other shit and um booked me back into FCC and then they charged me with the mix for which is like in possession of drugs a burglary two and then a theft two so i ended up pleading out to the the theft two and so that's going to be that would be my second felony i was looking at this state though this is a state now yeah and I think that she told me I was looking at three years I was like I did I made 21,000 dollars I went to the feds and they gave me three months and I took three thousand dollars

worth of construction uh construction stuff and I'm looking at potentially three years and so what they did is they did two years one suspended and then four years probation. I did, so the state prison in Alaska is Goose Creek. And that's state and federal prisons, I mean, they're vastly different. Yeah. Vastly. And then, so in Alaska, you don't have, you don't have a bunch of Mexicans or anything running around. There's, it's, it's a lot of whites, blacks, and natives. And that's it. And in Goose Creek, you're allowed to wear, whatever you want as long as you have one article of yellow clothing like if you you can wear your jeans you can wear the shoes that you came with you can order your shoes off east bay or whatever

you can get you can get all kinds of shit a yellow t-shirt yep or you just put on a yellow hat anything but then i mean if you get nice shoes you're going to get jump for your shoes like i've seen i've seen guys getting jumped for their shoes all the time it's ridiculous i won't wear nice shoes No, and I didn't. Well, not for long. No. And so while I was in that prison, so there's, it's like one long stretch right here. And then this is in the middle, that's the yard.

And then right here is like A, B, C, D, E, F pods. And come like breakfast time when they announce it, you have. to go from your pod across the across the yard at six six o'clock in the morning at 30 below and every like you have to sprint to go to go get your breakfast like it's it's horrible how much time did you get though three years they did two years once two years one suspended so and then with good time you do eight months okay i didn't understand that yeah so i was there for for eight months and then still I mean that was that eight months isn't that's not that long you get into your routine you started going to the gym they had a track and then like you I had a little a couple

friends that I hung out with I mean it was all the time that I did it was easy I mean I learned in state like okay and in and in Goose Creek you have a card for your door like it's only your card that opens your door so you have a year of your own cell well you have one cellie but you both of you only have the the lock or the card that unlocks your door right like hotel room pretty much and then you learn because you have a glass window that's probably about five by five that you can see into your cell and I learned very quickly you don't want to look into people's cells because you don't want to see shit that you don't want to see right and yeah I learned that real quick and then so I ended up getting a sally that I had a TV and and

that he worked all the time and tv yeah he had a tv in prison yes dude i'm telling you guys need to go to alaska i like i don't wow yeah he had a blue jeans tennis shoes and TVs mhm jesus okay but it's cold it's cold yeah i'm not i don't i'm not good with the cold no no i either but I'm not good with the heat either bro no just as miserable with here no I I was trying to change my tire and I was like I was dripping in sweat and then Hannah she was like you need to stop like I'll take over from here because it looks like you're about to die Jess works in outside all day I don't know what she's thinking no the first job that I took here was landscaping oh that's ridiculous and I got heat stroke twice the first week I was here

I don't like walking from the front door to my car dude there's I mean if you walk outside in Alaska and it's 40 below and you walk out your face just freezes it just 40 below it's it can't even imagine it takes your breath away like in your face what 40 below is I don't I have never experienced anything like that I don't recommend it

I yeah I wouldn't do it but like it's yeah you walk out and you're like your face freezes And then if you're out there for too long, like your lips will start to like, it's just, it's so weird because your lips will get stuck and then it gets harder to talk. And it's, yeah, it's not fun. But then comparatively to walking out here and now like I'm instantly sweating. Yeah. It sucks. Anyways.

State prison. State prison. Your key. He worked a lot. I think he was in the kitchen. So he'd go for for two hours at breakfast, two hours at lunch. hours at dinner. And so I'd sit there and I'd watch ridiculousness. I'd sit there and watch the reruns of ridiculousness every single day. And then I would go, they had a gym. They didn't

have any free weights. So it was all cables and pull up bars and dip bars and. There's no Nautilus equipment in federal prison. There's no free weights. There's nothing. None of that stuff. No. There's no, there's no, but I mean, in federal, there's no, like, equipment. No. You guys, because we had free weights and jeans. You were to camp. Yeah, camps. Camps because, yeah, I saw the entire, like, layout of the gym when I was coming into Sheridan on the bus, and I saw it.

There was, like, free weights, a bench, everything. So unfair. You're, you're, you're burglarizing places. She's running a meth ring. I filled out some paperwork. I was in there with guys. I was in there with serial killers and shit. I used to have, I used to have, I used to have lunch with a guy that killed like 11 people.

Yeah, I mean. But I'm sure he was a really nice guy. He was, well, yeah, I'm sure it's nice to me. Yeah. He was old now. He's pretty much feeble and not able to kill me. But I'm sure there were times he wanted to kill me. I saw it in his face.

Yeah, you get to help. So, yeah. Anyway. I met a lot of really nice murderers. No, yeah, no. And they have a low recidivism rate, too. One of the lowest, like they almost get out, almost never do it again. Yeah.

I mean, almost. Sometimes depends on, yeah. But the, yeah, like I said, watch TV, go to the gym. I would at the, at the last month, I would say that I was there, I got, they pulled me over to, it's like the booking, booking side. and there had me signed paperwork, they were going to send me to a halfway house in Anchorage. And I go to the halfway house in Anchorage, and I end up getting on the utility maintenance crew. So the maintenance crew has the top level of the halfway house, which is like the pent suite, the penthouse suite. Because it has a big screen TV, it has a couch, and then you have three different rooms and you get your own room.

And the guy... I had nine guys in the house. only white guy with with with eight black guys I was the only white guy in the halfway house in in my room there were nine people in a room I bet that was uncomfortable it was it was uncomfortable I used to listen I then the cops when they would come around to count they would be like Cox you okay okay I'd be we need some diversity in here you know know there's never any diversity it's kind of dark in here yeah yeah yeah then so I go to the halfway house and and then I realized that they have a lot of suboxone in there and I'm clear you've got a

problem dude yeah you think and my god and so they then I found a guy that had meth and they have suboxone and I have two or three weeks left at this halfway house and they call me down for you a yeah why would they do that yeah don't they know God I just I have a problem I wasn't I just I just didn't I accepted the fact that I was going to be just like this career like criminal just oh just a repeat offender that's that's what I accepted my life as being like I'm just you know I have no worth anymore I have I have no umf no no desire to I just I feel like everything up I how old were you during state well in the halfway house when I was in a halfway house I was so this was

in 2016, 17, 18 so I was 27. Oh yeah, 27. It's too late to turn your life around at 727. You might as well just kill yourself. Yeah. What is going on? Anyway,

Jesus. I mean, try starting over at 50. I spit on that thing. Yeah, you almost got me. Jesus. Yeah, that's, I mean, it just you get a feeling of being just so defeated. just oh my god okay go ahead shut up you're 27 yeah he's like 27 5 foot 10 blonde hair blue eyes good

looking I mean oh my god my is over obviously I have some confidence problems I okay I hear you I hear you and hard for people that aren't addicts to understand like there was okay there's just there's one I have I have I have things I deal with. I mean, I'm not, I do. Like, it's hard to look like this. It's hard. Like, life's not easy.

You look like this. Like, you know, people constantly, women call you all the time. It's, you know, people want to just give you money. People just, you know, I mean, it's hard to look away from mirrors. I have issues. Yeah. I have an addiction. Sorry, go ahead.

I hear you. There was one story that, so. So not how you thought this was going to. go. But I love this. This is funny. This is fun. There, there was, uh, she, she asked me. She was like, so why didn't you like, like when he would get your drugs? Why don't you just wait till you get home? She is the girlfriend. Then I'm telling us to. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, because these guys don't know that there's a girl. There's a girlfriend over here that looks like she just got off a, got off a boat from Norway. Yeah. Blonde hair, blue eyed, fair skin, very pretty tall, whole thing. She's a

Viking Viking yeah yeah straight Nordic yeah so I she asked me that she's like why don't you just wait until you at home to you did your drugs and like to to somebody that's not an addict like yeah that makes sense yeah but to an addict you like once you get your drugs you've won it now you're gonna do I'm gonna pull over and I'm gonna put it in my jugular vein like that's this is how I was wired that's how I am no that's how that's how you know all all of more like that yeah and it's like they're like you like pick up the drugs at the at the drug dealer's house and can't make it the the four miles to get home no no i'm doing it

right there then yeah it's okay anyways that that was that was that yeah yeah so halfway house failed the ua failed the ua and i was like so when am i going to go back she's like honestly i don't know probably another week before we can get you processed and i was like oh that's cool because by then i'll have two days left yeah so that'll be the plane flight there yeah and back yeah so they it was it was literally like six days later they're like okay yeah you need to go back since you failed your way so i go to anchorage are you serious for two days i go to so stupid i go to anchorage jail for two days and so i thought that i was going to get like a i thought they were going to give me shit what's it called just like a write-up like where they could take away your good

time right they could so i i managed to they were they were going to give me a write-up for for failing the UA while I was at the UA or at the halfway house. But they suspended a Senate. You said they suspended a year or something like that? It was two years. Yeah, two years, one suspended. So can't they now give you that? Or that's if you commit another crime, not a failure of a UA.

No, no. They could take away my good time, though. Okay. So which I accrued good. I had never got in trouble. So they could have been like, oh, well, I'm going to give you another seven days. but I beat the paperwork out the door, so to speak. So, like, they were getting ready to process and be like, hey, you know, you got in trouble

for getting failing your UA. And, but I beat it out the door. So I walk out of Anchorage Jail and I get a plane ticket. And then I got back to Fairbanks and no gate money. No game money this time. No, nothing. And I didn't have, I didn't have anywhere to go. I mean, at that point, I, I, I, I had.

really had no contact with with anybody mom and dad no done no they didn't they didn't trust me i mean obviously yeah yeah with all the shit so i walked to from the airport there's there's a a friend of mine luke that lived pretty close there and i mean i just walked up and he was like well you just got out of jail didn't you i was like yeah and i don't i don't have anything i don't have the clothes on my back and that's it i was like can i like can i like like try to reestablish something here. Like, can I stay with you? He's like, yeah, it shouldn't be a problem.

And still, after still going through all this shit, I still wasn't ready. I still didn't come to the realization that drugs are not my life and that I had a problem. So I'm on four years of probation now from my second felony, state probation. and now in the story or now in the story oh yeah i've been i've been off state and federal probation for a few for a few years now and i'm staying with him and i get a car from somebody and then i met somebody in jail that got out at the same time around the same time i did and i saw him and he looked like shit and obviously he was on drugs and i asked him where he can get it obviously and I just, it's totally, absolutely insane to think that, like, I can continue to do what I was doing

and make something of myself. Like, I'm just hurting myself. So, like, I called my mom, and she met me in town. It was after I got out of state. state prison. And she was crying. She's happy to see me and everything. She's like, you know, I wish I could take you home, but we just, we can't. Right. We can't right now. You need to, you just, you need to figure it out. Um, and it took after, so the way that Alaska's probation is, you get your first PTR petition to revoke probation. You get,

three days. Your second is five days. Your third is 10 days. After you get your fourth, you can get up to the rest of your time. So after my first two weeks of being out, I already had my first PTR for a failed UA. And then second one, I was like out of area or something. I wasn't where I was supposed to be. The third one, I was walking down, I think it might have been university or airport road, and it was still like probably 20, 30 below. And I had found a truck that I was, I had keys. I had a lot of keys that I acquired through.

You found a truck. I found, well, I was keeping an eye on a truck on this, in this parking lot that. that I may or may not have been able to steal. And that my idea was is that I'm going to take this and I'm going to take to my dealer and the pawn shop. Yeah. Paw in the truck. On the truck.

Yeah. And UAF, it's a university of Fairbanks police, they stop, put their light on me. And they're like, are you the lawn? And I was like, what are you infamous? No. Like, my PO, dude, she,

Bless her heart. She really wanted the... She was really trying to help me and I just didn't want the help. I didn't. I was a maniac in my own head and I didn't want anybody's help. I was committed to just getting high.

Everybody else, my life's not worth living. Like we were joking about earlier, but that's how I felt. So this is my third probation violation. So I'm about to, if I get one more, I'm going to get the rest of my... my time. I'm not trying to do another year. Like I'm like I'm done with this shit. And are you? I'm yeah. You know, it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you want to go back. Yeah. Okay. I hear you.

And so they pick me up and I'm on doing my 10 days. And then on my ninth day, I call. Are you still staying with your buddy? Yeah. Like he's still, you keep going to jail coming back, sleeping on the couch. Yeah. that I'd be like bro done you're your shit I know it's in bags

yeah he but unfortunately I mean he's been through a lot of the same shit that I was and like he he helped

but I mean also in the same sense he was also enabling me of course right and on my ninth day I had this old native dude he had

um revolver tattoos on each arm and then he had like his feather tattoos like up here and he had really long gray black hair like really like hardcore what you would if you think of a native that's what he look like super skinny and i was i was talking to him and he he said that he knew my dad and he's like your dad you know he kind of he saved my life i was like what do you mean he's like he saved my life by

by showing me that there's more to life than, you know, just drinking or drugging your life away. And he's like, what would it take? What's it going to take for you? Or what are you willing to do to get clean? And I was like, at this point, anything, anything, I will do anything. And he's like, okay, well, remember that. Remember, you're willing to do anything to get clean. And so I call, I can call my counselor to go to go upstairs.

I can use their phone because it's my ninth, ninth day I'm about to get out. And they need to know where, where, where are you staying? Yeah, where you going? Yeah, what's your address when you get out? What are you going to do? And I told her, I was like, I don't have anywhere. She's like, well, you got to have something. So I call my dad.

And I was like, dad, I, I'm at the point in my life where if I get out of here, I'm going to overdose. I'm going to die. I'm either going to die. by overdose or I'm just I'm going to do something else stupid and I'm going to end up just doing the rest of my I'm going to do more time and I'm going to continue down this path that I I feel like I'm do not want to do anymore. I want to change and I need your help and uh he goes I was kind of I was expecting that call I was expecting for you to call and I was talking to mom about it and he's like what

time what time you're getting out tomorrow was like 8 p.m. he was like all right well I'll be there I was like okay I appreciate it like thank you um so I get out and he's sitting there waiting and he's stoic that was the word that I was trying to find a long time ago very stoic and he's he's hard to read because he's he's he's very just he's mellow like it's easy to talk to but that whole ride there it was very quiet and he's like you know and it was towards like when we were getting home

he's like you know there's going to be a lot of rules and there's going to be a lot of things that you're going to have to do to show and prove us that you're willing to do anything to get and stay clean you know so

that's what I did I got plugged into a support network and people like-minded people that have the same problems but AA or I just just a 12-step kind of deal. And I got to realize and see that, like, I had an old friend from, like, high school at the time, he had, like, five years clean.

And then some other dude that I used to get high with, he had, like, three years clean. And then another old buddy of mine had seven or eight years, and I was, they're, like, on their, they have houses and they have like wives now like I feel like I'm so behind on life after doing all this shit like they're they're so far ahead of me and I'm I'm comparing what I'm doing is I'm comparing their outsides to my insides what I'm doing like I'm just seeing all this stuff that they that they have acquired and getting down on myself but I I got plugged in and I did I went to these support meetings and stuff for every single day for they recommend doing like a 90 and 90 but I think I did

probably 140 or something every single day and then I just kept going and eventually like built trust obviously back into my parents and after going to those and like really kind of digging deep into myself and realizing my up thinking and thinking that I'm so, so unique and so different than everybody else I really wasn't. And that I just, I have a problem that I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life. I just need to learn to keep it at bay. And so that was, that's over three and a half years ago now. So I've been without any substance for over three years coming up on four years on December 2nd. Yeah. You moved to Florida.

I moved to, we moved to Florida a year and a half ago. Never, never moved anywhere else. Never been anywhere else. We were both born and raised in North Pole, Fairbanks, Alaska. And at first, like we mostly her, wanted to go to Florida. And she was looking at Tallahassee. And I was like, we talked to a few people. And they're like, that's just a big college town.

You don't want to go there. And then, but we knew that. going further south that's going to be more expensive and at the time i mean we didn't have a lot of money but we just we had enough to get the out and i was like well why don't we try you know jacksonville and then we got there and realized that it's i mean not what it's all i mean it's kind of the hood it's kind of hood yeah yeah um so now we're planning our next escape yeah but it was it's I was been on probation since I was pretty much 18 years old. I wasn't allowed to leave the state.

Right. Now I'm 33 and I want to, you know, figure out like I want to, I want to travel. I want to see what there is out there. I want to experience life because I'm a little late now because I got between all my 20s and everything. And that's where we're at now. That's what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to figure out like where I fit, where I sink in. And I ended up getting my first, first year sober, it's called a forensic peer specialist.

It's helping people that are incarcerated, find other opportunities, get their insurance, like food stamps, and try to help them out because they've never done that shit before. And then I got my CDC one, chemical dependency counselor, level one. And that was my main, that's what I wanted to do when we came here. and I had like seven or eight interviews with rehabs and as soon like right after the they're like I want you we want you yes and they were like what's how's your record and I told them what's on there how long ago and they're like oh that shouldn't be an issue I mean I'm not a violent but I don't have violent crimes no that shit and yeah it's one of one of a few careers

where it's an attribute yeah like I mean they want people with lived experience yeah trust me I've lived it. Like, I know what it feels like. And then they'd be like, well, you have to be off probation for longer than this or blah, blah, blah. So, well, what are you doing now? Right now? I mean, I work at a performance shop, engine shop. I'm kind of, I mean, what my boss calls me is the conductor. I mean, I'm just the service writer, the conductor, the manager. I mean, I just, I make sure that everything on, we have a machine shop side, then we have a mechanic side. And then so we have an engine builder. And then people, that do all the machinists on the head and and then i one of the machinists actually just a few days ago he's like hey we want to show you how to build this and i was like yeah sure so we do a lot of performance stuff and and then we do the mechanic just basic your breaks your oil change whatever um but that's that this is what i'm doing now like that's that's just what's keeping me afloat

it's i mean it's it's not what my heart desires right i don't think i mean i enjoy it but it's not that's not my calling right like i i have i have a calling for something and i still have yet to figure it out that there it is yeah let's stay at home dad but you won't let me have kids with you yet so well stop taking your birth control so right now basically we're wrapping up anyway you're you're you're you're living in florida um you're you're you're you're waiting out the time for you to reapply and be i'm going to say drug treatment specialist what do you call it a chemical dependency counselor yeah this sounds better lunch lady like what is it like what they call them nutritional specialist isn't it right so that's a good one that's good what is it called

chemical dependency counselor wow that sounds important doesn't it um Just playing. Jesus. Bro, it's, it's, it's, it's difficult. It is. These chicks, you know. Yeah. They're, they're pain, really.

Yes. You know. So, yeah, yeah. So, okay, so cool. So you're, you're doing okay, right? You're doing good. Yeah. Yeah, I've been doing, doing the clean thing.

And, I mean, I don't have the, the, the want to, to dive into that, that world. anymore. It's just, I mean, I don't want to say I've grown out of it or something. It's something that you get to take day by day. I mean, I just want to be better than I was the person that I was yesterday. Like, I'm slowly, you know, slowly but surely, you know, I'm trying to get my life back on track. I'm pretty sure that I've done. I mean, I'm worlds apart from where I was. When I tell people, like the shit that I've been through that I used to shoot up methamphetamine and my jugular and all this stuff, they're like, I can never see you doing that. There's no way. Like, you didn't do it. I was like, yeah, I mean, I got

track marks approved. Well, not anymore, but I, I just, I'm, it's a, a Jekyll and Hyde kind of thing. Like, it's nobody, when I get, when I was doing on drugs and stuff, and like, I mean, it's, I was a horrible person. Horrible. And I have no, no want. to ever be that way again it's terrible really i just i gotcha i got to take a day by day and i don't want to i don't want to be like that i'm i'm trying to trying to create something with somebody that i love and she's back in jacksonville oh oh yeah i'm sorry okay go ahead yeah and that's i mean like 33 i mean you figure i feel i feel like i should be getting my shit together and and getting life started and that's you know that's kind of my goal

is I I don't want to be in Jacksonville anymore that's for sure I want to get back over to maybe like the northwest somewhere where they can have four seasons and you don't walk outside and instantly start sweating um yeah somewhere up there back to Alaska though I don't yeah I can't do that shit I lived in Tennessee for about a year and a half nice is it yeah they get snow in tennessee yeah oh yeah not well not much no you know they don't get much yeah and maybe only for a month or so month or two but yeah but it's nice yeah i had a i had a snow plowing company while i was in in alaska and i mean shit i raked in a lot of money doing that a lot like all you got to do is have a plow in a truck that's it and do commercial and

and residential driveways i think there's enough snow no no no no that's why i want to go like further, further northwest, like Montana or Utah, Colorado, Colorado is kind of expensive. But listen, there's drug addicts everywhere. Yeah, there is. That's why I got to stay away from them. Or, you're supposed to be a counselor. Yeah, that's what I say. Or help them.

Yeah. If I ever find a place that's willing to, I mean, they. I don't think that's going to be an issue. I think it's getting off probation. I've been on probation. Oh, I mean, sorry. that the length of time yeah how was it four years it's it was six or seven years yeah and i'm coming up on coming up on seven yeah so i just i just need to get plugging along and i just you know

keep the drive and everybody that i that i talked to that i did the interview with too um that's that then when they said that they wanted me they're like just don't just because you have more one more year to wait don't let that fade like you have it in you like you that you have you have the want to help people and we can see it and we want that kind of person we want the person with lived experience that's been through it because nobody wants to talk to somebody that's not an addict or hasn't had a drug problem yeah and book read and diagnose them with something or be or it's just you can't relate to somebody right that way all right I appreciate you guys watching do me a favor if you like the videos hit the like button subscribe to the

channel hit the bell so you get notified of videos just like this and leave me a comment I appreciate you guys watching and thank you very much and I will see ya