Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Influencer Escapes Prison and Addiction | Jessica Kent

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

Influencer Escapes Prison and Addiction | Jessica Kent

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August first. And you're living in a box that's a bathroom with another grown-ass man after you've lived your life. Woman for me. It's a really eye-opening thing. It gives you perspective. It makes you grateful for basic shit. Yeah. Can't do that in prison.

I probably broke it just now but you can't do that in prison you can't open the fridge you can't turn the TV without getting on a schedule and asking and then hoping that the big asshole doesn't stand by saying no bro we ain't watching that we're watching Ellen today and you're like

you know what I love Ellen thank God I'm glad you set me straight I'm gonna do you're six foot two Hey this is Matt Cox And we're gonna be doing a podcast with Jessica Kent Jessica's got a really kick-ass YouTube channel and TikTok and what else?

Instagram. Instagram. She's all on it. And so she's in town and she's swung by and we're going to talk about our story real quick. So that's pretty much it, right? Yeah. Well, thank you for having me.

And I just have to say publicly to everyone listening that I blew you off like two years ago about my book and I'm so sorry. I would like to publicly apologize to you. But I love you and thank you for having me on. You know what's funny is like I watched sure when I was in the halfway house, I started watching your channel when you, yeah, well, you know, I was looking into true crime and yours came up. You know, the, the girls that do the

makeup and tell a story, which those are all, you know, I'm, I was, yeah, I was shocked. Well, there's a few of them that do it. Really? Yeah. But she's, yeah, she's huge. I'm going to move it 20 times. Yeah, it's fine. That's fine. So, so I started, but then I found your channel and your channel seemed more, you know, you just seemed more relatable than they did. and so I remember I watched a bunch of the videos and then I remember I showed Danny and Danny was like that's what you should do just take a camera because I mean I know now it's I understand

but it was the same thing we had been talking then and then I had reached out to you and I sent you the book and I said hey look if you're interested I'd be interested in writing your story and then you know that that whole thing happened so yeah but so you're going to tell your story and so you know let's go ahead

and just get into it and it's basically you're going to ask me some questions along the way and we'll just yeah but I mean and the thing is like I've picked up on the videos, and I've watched the different videos, but I've never watched, even though you say it in some of your videos, that you apparently have told the story from beginning to end, I can't seem to find. I even went in the description. And you had said you took the video down. Which one? Of like just my whole life story? I'm like telling you're basically your life, like what happened? Like you were, you know, you were raised in what Chicago? I was born. Yeah. And you

were arrested when you were like, what, eight or nine, like that? I actually, wow, I actually was. Yeah, so I ran away when I was like nine years old. But I think that's a good video idea that you just gave me. Just sit down and tell my entire life story from beginning to end. Throw it in the description box so no one gets confused because my life is just crazy, right? Right. So I was actually born and raised in upstate New York.

Okay. And I live in Chicago now. That's probably why you were confused about that, which my life is insane, right? But yeah, born and raised in upstate New York, my mom was really poor. Section 8 housing is how I grew up and I was bounced all around from place to place to place. So I grew up really, really poor. Food stamps, Section 8, that was my life.

And that's important to note because I didn't want to live that life. I didn't want to be poor. And I thought that was like the worst thing that you could be was poor. It's not, but it's a struggle, right? So when I was about 12 years old, I was bullied severely all my life, you know, to my face

because back in the day we didn't have social media ear phones like we have now. So people were shitty to your actual face. So kids these days don't really understand what that means. There wasn't really an anti-bullying campaign going on at the time. That was just part of life. Yeah. Now they bully me on the internet. So it's a glamorous experience for me. But yeah, I had no friends. I was bullied. I'd moved around. And what's fucked up is like I would go to one school district for like half a year and then go back, go to a different school district and then go back to the first one all in the same year. So I was just moving around so much because we kept getting kicked out of our places.

well, I was 12, and I was in like this English class, I want to say, and these kids were making fun of me, making fun of my clothes or some shit, maybe my teeth. I've crossed bite teeth, so that's always been a high, you know, rate of bullying for me. And I was pissed. I was done. Like, I was so tired of kids making fun of me. I took a textbook, and I threw it out this bitch's head. I got kicked out of class for that, because you can't throw textbooks at children. And I went to detention, and I met this girl there, and we became friends. immediately based on our mutual enemy. And I went to this girl's house after school, which is a big deal for me because I had no friends. I didn't like go to people's houses

after school. She gave me a beer and I loved it. How old was she? We were the same age. Maybe she was a year older than me. And I was really happy drinking this beer at the time, and I didn't know this until years later, but I had severe depression. And I was so happy drinking beer that day that like I didn't worry about my social anxiety I didn't worry about anything I was carefree I was very outgoing which is not me I am such an introvert that I don't really want to hang out with people and that kind of started my addiction so slowly but surely alcohol turned into pills pills turned into heroin heroin turned into meth and I was a drug addict for like 10 years so it was it was a really I'm not to fucking leave yeah Yeah. I mean. Hard time. So, and this is all throughout, this is, so the progression was throughout high school mostly, or did you graduate high school?

I did not graduate high school. Okay, what happened? Why? Just wondering. Yeah. So I was on some form of paper all my life, you know, pins, probation through the school because I was getting in fights and drinking and getting kicked out, getting brought home drunk.

I was just a really messed up teenager. But when I was 18, I got kicked out of my parents out. house. Like the day I turned 18, I was just really just an angry, shitty kid, right? And I was a drug addict, really troubled teen that was also a drug dealer. So I get kicked out of my parents' house. And what was the question again? The question was high school. Did you graduate high school? No, I didn't graduate high school. And the reason for that is I got kicked out of my parents. I had to move in with this guy that I didn't like at all. Ended up marrying him because, you know, papers like, you can't just live

with this random guy. Turns out he was narcissistic and really emotionally abusive to me. So that was hard. But in all of that, I didn't end up graduating high school. But to be fair, even if I was living at home with my parents, I wouldn't have graduated. I just couldn't sit down and even read a test long enough. So I have ADHD, which I found out like five minutes ago. But I would read half of a test, right, and then I couldn't read the rest of it.

So I was smart, and I could do college-level homework in ninth grade for money. Like, college kids were paying me to do their homework. And because I had that monetary value on it, I would do their shit and then not do my own. Because I didn't see the point. I was selling drugs. So why get a degree? Why stay and spend all day long in high school to eventually go to college to get a job? I have a fucking job.

I'm a drug dealer. Right. And that was the mentality back then. Obviously, my mentality is much different now as a 32-year-old mom of two. I don't believe the same things. But at the time, I'm not going to fucking sit in school all day long. I'm losing money by sitting here. So in short, that's how.

I did not graduate high school right I was gonna say it's uh I I saw something but fight that we had talked about Jordan Peterson like the psychiatrist where we was talking about how you know people in gangs and stuff like they're not they're they're hoping to just get through the next day or week or month they're certainly not thinking long terms that's why they're doing such insane things because they just can't imagine that they're going to be living in they're never going to be 32 years old right so you you make those decisions because you're just trying to get through the day. It's fast and loose. And when you're in that life, when you're using and selling drugs, especially at such young age, you see other people dying from certain situations. You

never think you're going to live to C30. So I not only thought I wasn't going to live to see 30, I completely accepted it. I was totally fine with it. And I would even like kind of meditate and envision my own death as morbid as that sounds. But when you're a drug addict, you have to be realistic, right? Instead of me at the time thinking, oh, just get sober and live a life of recovery, that wasn't even in my vocabulary. So not only was it not in my vocabulary, I didn't even have the fucking working knowledge or the tools to do that, right?

So I accepted my death. I knew I was going to die young and I was like, let's burn this bitch down. You know, let's just fucking do everything we can, have fun, die at 25, which sounds insane. It sounds crazy. So what are your, I mean, you said your parents,

so were your parents married at the time? Or you said I had a mom. Yeah. Sorry. No, it's okay. Before I go into my parents, addiction is not a parenting fail, and I do just want to say that. There's nothing my parents could have done to stop me from doing what I was going to do. And so that's that.

But my mom is a single mom growing up, you know, Section 8 housing. When I was 13, my mom kicked me out, and I moved in with my dad and my stepmom, who are very just straight-edge, blue-collar, like Christian, very square, right? they had no idea how to handle a 13-year-old drug addict drug dealer teenager that was getting in fights and acting insane and my dad I've actually interviewed him for my channel both of them my dad was in such denial he's like not my kid she's fine she's gonna figure it out she's smart you know she's reading sylvia plath and charlotte bronte and like she's reading all these books in the corner like she's fine she's reading hunter thompson at 13 so there's nothing

wrong with her right but there was so much more wrong like yeah I can read a book but I'm a fucking drug addict. So because he was in denial, I just, I never, I never really got the help that I needed. Yeah, I was just going to say that's the, the catch all is, is that people think you're smart, you'll figure it out, you'll get through. But the truth is, like, the guy with the highest IQ on record works as a bouncer. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it doesn't, it doesn't correlate. It's, it's, it's, you have to have, you know, super, like, people say with, same thing with my, my family is that, you know, my, my mom and my dad, like, they didn't do anything wrong. Like, they were married. They, they were disciplined. They were good. They were good.

we were upper middle class there was money there was every all of those things were right but you know it's just the situation of you know the same situation that would have that a thousand other kids made the right decisions with i made all the wrong decisions you know and certainly my parents would have direct me and had tried to direct me in the right in the right you know the right direction it just didn't happen it just wasn't that wasn't you know we talked about it early we talked about you know getting getting in trouble like every time i got in trouble i should have made the i could have made the correct call. I made the worst call every single time, you know, which is, you know, why I ended up in prison. But prison is not really a deterrent when you're living the lifestyle that you want.

And our society and our school system is not built for entrepreneurs and hustlers that want to go get it. We're actually punished for being the way that we are. Hustlers and the go get it mentality. I can't sit still for eight hours in the classroom. It's not going to work. That's why the painting thing works for me. I can paint for two hours here. I can do, I can do a Zoom call. I can go grocery stopping I can come back paint for another hour do this come here do a podcast do whatever right so it's like yeah it's hard like I can't imagine having to go work for FedEx 60 hours a week it'd kill me no there's no way my my brain does not work that way and I've had regular jobs you know after I got out but like I was in physical pain because of it almost like it was just too much so for me to be

able to create my own schedule and work for myself and do everything that I do it's such a blessing. And there's no words that I could ever use to thank my audience for doing what they did for me because now I get to work for myself. And it's just such an incredible blessing. It's funny. I mean, we've been talking. We talked for like an hour before we even started this. But it's, I was on somebody's podcast the other day. And he, that day, six months ago. And he made a, he made the crack when I was talking about being a middle class citizen and he said he kind of kind of laughed about it and mocked he said yeah I mean like he said I said you know well I said I said I wish I could be that person and he go he said well I said because you know at least they're happy like they're happy going to dinner and teaching

little league and doing and going to PTA meetings I said they're happy to it and he goes well they say they're happy and I went no no they're genuinely happy like I envy like I'm not mocking those people I envy those people I would do anything to be that guy Society is built for that guy. Absolutely. So it is a little bit easier for that. So like my fiancé, he works for the man, you know, corporate, corporate job, straight-edge job. I'm on the other end and I'm an entrepreneur.

He couldn't do what I do just like I couldn't do what he does, right? Right. So we're all different. But I think those people are happy in coaching Little League and working in 1995. Listen, I would have loved to have gotten married, run my mortgage company, raise my son, made all the right moves. Be normal. be normal. Normal would be wonderful. It didn't happen. Yeah. I think for entrepreneurs, we go like all, we do all this shit, right? Sometimes we get in a lot of fucking trouble and it's really

hard on the way up, right? Like the struggle is real going up that mountain. And there's so much resistance going up that mountain that, you know, you trip and you fall down and you're sweating and you're, you know, it's really, really hard. But the view from the top is incredible. So I think for people like us, like we can do a thousand different things and that's what we're happy doing, like painting and YouTube and podcast and writing. That's kind of how our mind works and we're like creative that way. Right. So I think it's a blessing for me and I like how my brain works, but these are dope.

I'm obsessed. He's going to do one of me, just be on the lookout for that. Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's fun and it's, you know, and it's funny too because this always upsets me. But like before I went to prison, like I had a lot of money. Like I was doing really well, but I was never really happy. Like, I'm happier scraping by doing this.

Isn't that? And when people would say that before, when I had money, I used to just think, come on, man, you're just justifying being poor. Like, that's all you're doing. But the truth is, you know, I was happier in prison than I was before going to prison. It took a couple years to really get my mind right.

And then I realized it. And, you know, but I was going to say, let's get back to it. So you're saying, so didn't graduate high school, kicked out of your parents. or your parents' house. And so what happened at that point? Because I mean, I know your story to a degree. I don't know, there's little things

that I've always wondered about. And I've actually gone through your YouTube channel and I'll find it, you'll say something and then I watched the 20 minute video and then I'm like, that didn't answer my question. You told me a bunch of stuff, but that's, I was curious about this. I was curious about that. I was curious.

So, but go ahead. So, yeah, I was a drug dealer. And that was my highest aspiration at the time. So in order for me to pay for my drugs, I had to sell drugs. I had to sell guns. I had to be this person. And I meditated on that. Then I treated it very seriously, like a business.

It is my business. And, you know, I thought I could be a successful drug dealer. You fucking can't be a successful. Like, it's not going to happen. You also, at the same time, can't be a successful drug addict and be a successful drug dealer. So there were so many waves for me that, like, at one point I had a time. ton of money and I was doing really, really well, a ton of money, a ton of drugs, everything's going

good. Bills all paid, my addiction's fed. Then there would be moments where I have nowhere to go. I'm homeless, living in a trap house, no money at all, trying to not sell drugs and go back to that world, fighting my addiction and fighting my own shit and my own mental health, fighting with some fuckboy that I was dating for a while. Like my life was chaos, and then it would come back up and I'd get a re-up and I'd be doing really well. And you know what I'm saying? So my life was like that all the way through. And it was really hard. And you know, over time, I think what you just said is important. Over time, it didn't matter how much money I made.

I was so miserable. I was so unhappy. I hated my lifestyle. I hated where I lived. I hated the people that I was around. I hated feeding my addiction and my boyfriend's addiction and my friend's addiction and paying for all these people's bills. And people put that on me, you know?

In a sense, I liked the control and the power that came with that. And I liked that people needed me. It was a good feeling as someone that was ostracized and bullied and had no friends all their life. Now everyone's coming to me for something. Of course. So I liked that, right? Like, let's keep it real.

I had tons of prison before. Tons of friends before I got caught. Then I went to prison. It was like people aren't answering your call. How many people wrote you in prison? Very few. Oh, I mean, honestly, like the one only real consistent person was my mom. Me too.

Me too. And I had one or two friends that showed up. But you know the friends that showed up that actually came and visited me? were the friends that weren't a part of my whole circle before I went to prison. These are childhood friends that have always kind of been friends. Or the other person was my ex-wife. She came to see me every other month

the whole time I was locked up. And this is a person that genuinely should hate me. Basically, that was it. Like there were very few people, but the people that I had made, half a million dollars, a million, 700,000, 300, 300, those people, they're not answer the phone. They don't want anything to do with me.

But we were good friends. We were buddies. Right. Yeah. When shit's good. Yeah. When you're making a money. And that's a hard lesson, right?

That's really hard to learn on the way up. Like my mom was always there for me. It didn't matter what I was doing. I was traveling the country with a magazine sales crew because I'm on the run from some fuck boy or drug dealer or some charges. So I would travel all across the country, right? And my mom was there for me then. She's there for me in jail.

Like she was always there. She couldn't afford much. but she could afford stamps and to put a little bit of money on the phone. She's like, Jess, you want commissary or you want money on the phone? I'm like, phone, please. I can hustle for everything that I need. I just want to talk to you. And that was hard because I thought people, I thought people would have the same integrity,

loyalty, and like genuine, like, kindness that I had for them. And I thought they'd be there for me. They fucking won't. And they don't. So to expect yourself out of other people, you're going to be disappointed every time. Yeah, I learned that my first charge, you know, and then really my second charge when everybody I knew rolled over on me immediately, I realized right away, oh, no, no, there's no loyalty. Like if, and if I get in trouble, I'm cutting everybody's throat because they had already cut

my throat. So I realized right away, the only people that truly cared about me were people that that shouldn't have. Like people I had never done anything to me, I'd never done anything for this person. I've just been, you know, kind of a friend. But those people will tell you, no, you were a good friend. And I'm like, and to me, but I never made you any money. Like you never, and they're like, well, yeah, but you helped me move.

When my car broke down, you came in and helped me with my tire. When this happened, you did this. You know, all these, I used to call you, you'd always give me good advice. Like those were the, and I'm like, see, to me, that was just, that wasn't what I had considered. That, to me, it wasn't building loyalty. Making you money was building loyalty. You connected friendship to money. Absolutely.

And I did the same. It was completely wrong. But that's, yeah. Didn't know it then. None of those fucking people called me or talked to me. Yeah. Now they're like, oh, I watch your content.

I love you. Like, okay, but where were you when I was locked up? Yeah. Um, so yeah, I sold, I sold drugs and guns and it was, it was a crazy time in my life,

but it was a hard time, you know? Like, things were never good for too long. So, um, 2011 was probably the hardest year of my entire life. And I've had some hard years.

Um, but I, I owed my drug dealer at the time thousands of dollars I don't even really know the exact number I've estimated 30 it was probably a lot more than that I don't know I haven't wrote him in prison to ask him

he has a life sentence but man so I owed him a lot of money my boyfriend at the time fuck boy he robbed a store because I was in debt and he thought he was going to help me that's bringing more heat on me that's not fucking helping right so he robbed this store that I happened

to work at, which was funny because at the time my landlord's like, Jess, come on, you need to just get a job. Work two hours a week, I don't care. Like, we know you're a drug dealer, like, try to help us out, right? So I got this job at this smoke shop, and I'm like, hey, I need the bare minimum amount of hours. Like, don't even give me anything. And I was working at this smoke shop. He came in, all covered up, put me on the ground, took the money, robbed me, and left.

Cops were on scene within five minutes. I'm from a nothing town in upstate New York, like this little Ewok Village. never heard of it, I promise. And my boyfriend was also on scene within just a couple of minutes, checking on me to see if I was okay. He gave me a hug and he goes, it's okay, it was me. And I'm like, there's cops everywhere. And these cops know me. They've known me all my life. Like, what the fuck, right? So I went on the run because they tried to charge me. First, they tried to question me. And I'm like, I don't know, he came in and this is what he was wearing. And he took the money. And then I, you know, I called you guys. You see me. As soon as that door

opens and closes. I get on the phone and I called 911. So I'm like, holy shit, we were robbed. I had like no emotion in that. I wasn't like crying or like scared because my life was chaos. Why would I be scared that someone put a gun in my face? That's not the first time this has happened. You know, so the cops asked like, why weren't you scared? I can't tell them I sell guns. I've had guns put my face plenty of times before. I was pistol whip six months ago. I don't give a fuck. He didn't shoot me or hit me with the gun. I'm okay. But I was also high on heroin, so I had no emotion, right? they tried to question me later about my boyfriend at the time and I went in for questioning and I'm like listen I just worked at the store

I'm going to need a lawyer if we're going to move forward you can go home I'm going to call you at 9 a.m. in the morning I'm gone I ran once they started to kind of connect the dots and figure out that it was him I'm gone so I went on the run again this was February 2011 now I'm on the run from charges it was a conspiracy to commit armed robbery grand larceny a false written statement and false police report. And I'm also on the run from a drug dealer that I owe thousands of dollars to. And I went on magazine crew. I don't know if you ever saw American Honey. With Shaila

Buff. Sounds familiar. They sell magazine subscriptions door to door. They stay in every city for two weeks at a time. Then they roll out. Perfect place for me to be. I kind of came and went several times on the magazine crew. I was a queen bitch. So I have my crew numbers tattooed on my arm. But I was really good at it. I was good at sales. right? Imagine that. And what's funny, I thought I was a hustler because I sold drugs. Everyone wants drugs. I was a hustler because I sold magazine subscriptions. Do you want to buy a fucking magazines? No, no. But I was really good at it. So I detox in a hotel in Northville, Virginia for the hundredth time. And, you know, I promised my boss for probably the sixth time, I'm going to be

sober. I'm going to do it right. I'm going to stay on crew. Like, this is, this is a changed me. I'm brand new. And I'm never going to go back to drugs. two weeks or so of detoxing in a hotel, I get back to work, and I relapse within the first few days. And now I'm back on heroin again. And we were jumping from moving on the crew from Virginia to Kansas. Well, I'm thinking, I've been to Kansas before. There's no fucking heroin there. What am I going to do? And I think my boss was kind of on to me about that. Like, yeah, there's heroin in Virginia at the time. There's no heroin in Kansas. I don't know what it's like now, but, you know, this is 10 years ago.

Right. So I'm like, I don't want to do meth in Kansas. Like, what the fuck? And I was so mad. So we jumped there, and then eventually we find our way in Vegas. I'm getting blacked out drunk every single day because I can't find heroin. And it was really just a fucked up time in my life. And I don't know what New York is going to do.

I know they're looking for me. They're, you know, they asked my mom if she knew where I was. She's right or die for real. She's never going to give me up. So I was really stressed out. Well, I got a call when I was in Vegas from a friend of mine, ex-runner of mine that used to drugs for me in Arkansas. He's like, man, come down to Arkansas. It's fire here. I got the connect. I'm making a lot of money. Then he called me the next day, and he was completely strung

out and weird and just not sounding like himself. And I'm like, what is going on? Like, he must be really strung out. Now, I think I'm sober because I'm not taking heroin. I'm getting blacked out drunk every night on Jack Daniels, but I'm sober. I beat heroin. I can go down and help him for a couple of weeks, help him get off meth, which I at this point had never seen in my life. go down to Arkansas and it's day one I walk in this trailer it's condemned one dude's carpet surfing

some other dude is ripping apart a computer and my friend that's runner thinks the cops are going to come you know and I'm like what the fuck is happening here like tweaking out the window and I just thought I would never I could never do this like these people are insane so like two weeks later I was on

meth it's funny how in addiction you think like I'm not going to be this person or I'm never going to be as bad as this person or this drug is is beneath me right we're all the same yeah yeah but I I kind of had that prejudice with meth but before I knew it I was using meth every day multiple times day I don't know like how graphic you want me to get with that but I was I was hooked instantly right instantly and that was that was kind of scary I don't know if I want to share like the first time I did it is that too

graphic to share? No, I mean, it's not, and it's not, you know, it's up to you. Listen, the chick that I told you I was dating, she did five years for meth conspiracy. So, conspiracy is so fucked up. Yeah. Well, and she's funny because she would say, when I asked her what, what she was in jail for, she said, um, she's like, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was addicted to meth. And I was like, well, they don't put you in jail for being addicted to meth. You kind of do though. Yeah. Well, I mean, in the fed, so there's no charge for being addicted. And I looked at it and she goes, I was selling a, I go, you're a drug dealer. And she goes, yeah, I go, well, just say it.

I mean, you know, like, you just did five years. Don't church it up. Right. And she was like, she's like, I was, I was dealing meth. I was like, okay. But, you know, I mean, I've heard the stories. I, you know, it's, and it's, it's a horrible drug. Like, it's, the addiction rate is just like through the roof.

Like, I mean. It's so hard to get off of it because it's just euphoric and it blasted your dopamine interceptor so violently that you're like, and then you chase that, right? Well, the first time that I got it, I was an intervenous drug user. So the first time I tried meth, I shot up, and I didn't know how to do it, and it was like this really weird, thick thing in my shot. And if you're listening, please stop listening. If this triggers you, like, I don't want to upset anyone that's listening. But I thought there was something wrong with it because it was really thick in the syringe.

And I ended up, like, squirting some out and putting some more water in, and I shot up. And I'm sitting on this toilet, just to give you a picture here, I'm sitting on a toilet in a condemned trailer in Arkansas. The door slides. It doesn't even shut. Like, it's a horribly disgusting bathroom with carpet in it. The bathtub is yellow. There's cigarette burns on it. There's a hole in the floor of this bathroom.

What are you doing? What are you doing? Right? You know what I mean? Like, so, it was so glamorous. I mean, at that moment, don't you have to be going, you know, what am I doing? I didn't give a fuck. What the fuck?

You know, like, this is so bad. I didn't care. And that's what addiction does. Right. They had AC and it's fucking hot as hell in Arkansas. So the fact that there was air conditioning, I was like, this is the place to be. So I shot up and at the nobody was there to help you just somebody just gave you math and said here run with it nobody told explained it to you that they didn't yeah great question because you can't shoot like you can't like shooting up heroin is different than shooting up you know you know then doing like a free basing than doing you know it's all different like you can't mix the same amount of kit you can't assume the same amount it's a great question so the dealer that was coming to serve my friend and my ex runner at this trailer he came to drop off some stuff dude wasn't home and I'm like. Like, I got 50 bucks.

How much can that give me? And he said, what do you mean? Like, you don't know? Like, no, I'm new. And he's like, here. And he gives me what is a teener. That's not $50 worth. It's $150 worth.

I didn't know the difference. And I'm like, okay, thanks. And he leaves. So I go on this trailer and no one's home at this time. Because I can't let them, like the guys that I was crashing with, I can't let them know that I'm going to use meth because I'm trying to get them sober. Right. And I just gave up because I'm like, this must be a great fucking drug at first.

You know, Jesus. So I thought, I'll just try it once, right? So I have to kind of hurry because I don't want anyone to get home. So I shoot up in this disgusting bathroom. I go to stand up to clean up my mess so that no one knows what I just did. And I fall. I can't get up. I can't see.

My vision was completely blurry and I can't hear. There's a ringing in my ear. It's like the wah-waws. And I thought I was dying. And I'm like, great, I'm about to have a fucking heart attack in this condemned trailer. And no one's going to know what happened to me. They're going to ditch my body somewhere. And as fast as I realized, oh, I fucked up, I'm like, I'm going to die.

My mom's not going to know where I am. Like, I was just panicking and I was so scared. And I tried to call out for help. No one was there, but I tried to say something and I couldn't talk. And I just thought, I'm dying in this trailer. I don't know what came over me, but I was able to calm myself down. I was like taking big, deep breaths. I'm like, just calm yourself.

It's deep breaths. It's okay. You're going to be okay. Like, this calmness came over me. And I was able to kind of regulate my breathing. And slowly, my vision came back, my hearing. stopped ringing and I could stand back up and I start to clean up everything and I thought this is the best fucking drug I've ever had in my life not you almost died you fucking idiot no

this is the best drug I've ever had and I chased that feeling for almost eight months in Arkansas but again now I'm on the run I can't work a job so I have to sell drugs so I started selling meth and I got involved with a lot of crazy people cartel has a very real presence in Fort Smith, Arkansas. If you just look up the news, people are getting shot all the time there. It's a really fucked up place to be. If you live there and you think it's great, you live in a wonderful imaginary fairy tale land, but it's a fucked up place. So I was making enough, you know, not a lot, but enough to feed my addiction. And I hooked up with this guy, so I was paying off his debts. He loved to gamble. So I would have to pay off his debts with

selling drugs and whatever. Well, I, that had to come to an end at some point, right? So I got arrested at like 4.30 in the morning because I was a complete tweaker at the gas station trying to buy snacks. So I got arrested for possession with intent, delivery of meth, and simultaneous possession of drugs and a firearm. Someone just called or? There was an investigation, an open investigation on, not me, everyone else that I had met

along the way. So they were trying to figure out where this was coming in from. and I saw it happening and I didn't leave. So people were getting picked off. Now, remember I said a few minutes ago, I was only supposed to go there for two weeks. Eight months had passed because in a blink, in the blink of an eye, eight months passes on meth.

And it just happened so fast. So I had calls from jail telling me, you know, Jess, it's hot, you need to leave. Like, everyone's going to jail. Right. Some of my friends were going to federal prison. Some of my friends and connections were being deported. Some of my friends were going to state.

And I'm like, I'll get out when I leave. Like, I'm fine. I'm sure I'm just a small person. in this world, I'm not bringing in buckets of meth from Texas. Like, it's not me, so they're not after me. I really thought that I was just small potatoes in the grand scheme of thing. Like, yes, I'm slinging ounces every day, but I'm okay. But when they add it up and say it in front of the judge, it's suddenly it's a massive amount

and they make you sound like you're just, you're the kingpin, you're bringing it. You're an intricate part of the chain within the cartel. Correct. cartel? What are you talking about? I've never seen a cartel member. Right. That's what's hard. So I'm very fortunate that the feds didn't pick up that case because they absolutely could have. They could have. They could have, you know, hit me with conspiracy and I wouldn't be sitting here right now. You know, I could have got 10 flat, 20, like they could have really fucked me over. But when you got grabbed from that charge, you still had charges in New York, right?

Right. Okay. So we get arrested and I'm like, I'm going anyway. I'm on the run from that. So I kind of made peace with the fact that it's happening, right? So I get arrested. They charge me with what they charge me with. Drug Task Force tries to talk to me several different times. I told them to go fuck themselves, take me to my cell. I'm not talking to you. And they're like, Jess, we've been following you around everywhere.

You really like Thai food. You know, we've sat in the fucking restaurant with you. We've shopped with you at Walmart. And one of the head guys of the Drug Task Force looked so familiar to me. And I'm like, I can't picture it. Once he started to say that in my first interview, I was like, I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked. But don't let them know that you think you're fucked. It doesn't matter. You're going. But he slid across this picture of me handing a big bag of meth into the

back seat and then I got hit with delivery like the next day after my arrest. And I'm putting the pieces together, you know, and I know that I'm just, I'm going to go for a minute, right? Plus I have the New York stuff. I'm innocent of the New York stuff. And my idea was go on the run, get a lawyer, detox in your own way, not in jail. And then you're going to fight it. And never happened. Never happened. It sounded. It sounded. good. Yeah. It sounded like a great plan.

So I'm at this county jail in Arkansas, and I find out like two weeks later that I'm pregnant. And I thought, no, the fuck I'm not. There's no way. How do you go to prison for as long as I'm looking at pregnant? This is from the degenerate gambler. What do you mean? Yeah.

You're pregnant from the, okay. Yep. This is from the gambler. It's his baby. And I was seeing him for like six months or so, But that relationship was very shallow. He knew my name. He knew I was from New York.

He didn't... He didn't... He didn't... Based on what... Hungry now. Now. What about now? Whenever it hits you, wherever you are.

Grab an O. Henry Bar to satisfy your hunger. With its delicious combination of big, crunchy, salty peanuts covered in creamy caramel and chewy fudge with a chocolatey coating. Swing by a gas station and get an O'Henry today. Oh, hungry, oh, Henry. It's basically based on drugs, right? Or is he not drugs? He uses and sells drugs, but he's bad at it.

I'm selling the drugs and I'm kind of taking care of us at some point throughout, you know, our relationship here. But he doesn't know anything about me. Nothing. You know, my name's Jess. I'm from New York. I have felony warrants. Don't drive like an asshole. That's all he knew about me.

Because I was very... So it's a solid foundation. Solid foundation. Great start. I was very close off. I wouldn't get close to people. It was just who I was. To me, and as shitty as this sounds, I'm just going to be fucking honest, he was just there. He's just disposable to me. I didn't care about this person, didn't know this person. I don't care about what your favorite color is, what your fucking zodiac sign is. I don't care. I didn't have conversations like that with this person. He was funny, made me laugh. It was decent enough, right? So whatever. And I never

thought I would have this person's baby, right? He's a completely. stranger. But I found out I was pregnant. Did you interview him on your channel? No? I've interviewed my ex-boyfriend, one of them. Okay, okay. Not baby daddy. Sorry, I remember washing that one. I was in halfway house. Did you? Yeah. Yeah, those are good ones. Yeah. Those are good ones. Yeah, you were sitting on some bleachers or you were sitting in the park or something, right? Yep. Okay. So I've interviewed my ex. He sold drugs for me in New York. We dated for a pretty long time on and off. It's a messed up relationship. But, yeah. I'm still friends with most of my exes, and I wish them all the best in the world.

I have no ill will towards anyone that I dated except Steve, fuck you. But yeah, so I'm now pregnant, right, and in jail. And I had to tell this person that I'm pregnant. Like, there's a baby. And I have to process this first, come to terms with it. I'm in complete denial because I don't know what to do. I'm coming down off of drugs. They're not giving me prenatal vitamins.

The water's dirty. I'm in a county jail with people that this. man cheated on me with people I sold drugs to and people that owed me money like do you think that's a good combination or like the stress level was through the fucking roof right and everyone really knew who I was in this town I'd been there and I sold to everyone I sold to you know 18 year olds and their dad at the same time like meth is a very different world something that I'd never experienced in New York on heroin you don't sell to someone a 20 year old and their parents at the same time that's how that's how addictive meth is whole families grandma

the mom and the kid, they're all using meth. Right. So that was wild to me. So it took a couple of months to really process the fact that I'm going to have a baby. In prison. In prison. Baby was a shock in its own right because I never wanted to be a mother. I never wanted to be a mom.

I didn't think I had the capability. I didn't think it was right for me to bring a kid into the world because of the lifestyle that I lived. It wasn't fair. I was a horrible human being and I knew better. And I was on birth control at this time, but I was also on meth and I wasn't taking it, right? And I would miss days and like, boom, bam, had a baby. So I go to tell this person in this county jail that I'm pregnant. And he looks at me and he says, is it mine?

This is the only person I've been with for, what, six to eight months. I'm like, I fucking wish it wasn't. I'm like, no, it's mine. I got this. Don't even worry about it. I'm good. I got it. And in that moment, it hit me.

You're alone. You were completely alone. You have no one. You're 1,300 miles away from any friends and family. You're doing this by yourself. So that was hard to kind of wrap my head around. At the time, when I was first arrested, the deal on the table was 20 years. And I told them, absolutely not.

In a state prison. I said, we're going to trial. They found the gun after they arrested me. So they drove my stick shift to the impound lot. And because he couldn't get it into gear, he was like jerking it all around the gun fell out of the steering column and I was charged with it but in my New York mind I can get away with that because you're not supposed to drive my car to the impound lot you're supposed to search it with me on scene you could have planted that fuck you right

so I'm thinking I can get out of certain things where the placement of where the meth was in the car with the association of where I was in the car I'm thinking I can get away with it you can't but I'm going to fight right so for a couple of months I thought 20 years is what I was looking at And in Arkansas, nothing makes sense. So you either serve 50% of your time or a third of your time. My serious level was high enough. It's 50%. But people are...

You're doing 10 years. People are telling me that, but there's no documentation to prove that. And there's no legal material that I can read that says that either. I'm a New Yorker in an Arkansas jail being denied legal books. There's no law library. There's nothing that I can read. So I have to kind of take people's word on this, right? So I'm like, I'm not signing a 20-year plea.

If you can't tell me how many fucking years to the door? that is. In New York, you know what you're going to get. Right. One in a third to three, two to five, five to seven, you know what you're doing, right? So I'm like, I don't understand. So they came back a couple of months later and my lawyer said 10 and this is the best you're going to get. And I said, 10 years? Okay. We're negotiating? Absolutely not. I'm not signing that. But I'm glad that we're going to negotiate now. So you're saying 10 years and you do five. Okay. Yep. Yep. Allegedly. But I don't know for sure because no I've never been given proof of this at this time people are telling me you find out in prison and I'm telling them that's not how it fucking works you have to know before you go I'm not

going to sign a plea and not understand it that's 50% that's good time like you could lose that time if you get trouble you can continually lose the yes okay just so it's good time it's game time sorry technically um you might end up doing the whole 10 you could max it out and and go flat yes so it took me six months a lot of tears um and And just trying to talk to as many people as I can, like, what was your charges? What did you get? How many times have you been here asking my friends that are serving time in the jail? A good friend of mine, Jason, Forrester, he did Fed Time and State Time.

He understands how Arkansas state law is, but he's from Chicago. One of my best friends in the world. He gave me the best advice that I could possibly have. Be patient. They're going to knock it down. They're not going to take you to trial. You've got to wear them down. Right.

And I knew that from my experience in other things, but I was scared because I don't know of the law here. Finally, they came back. They said five years. And I'm telling you, bro, I never signed a piece of paper so fast in my life. How much time had you already done? I was there for six months when they gave me that. So they're already considering the six months as a part of the five years. You have to ask for your good time in Arkansas. They don't automatically give it to you. And they don't give you day for daytime in Arkansas either. So I know. And you don't know this going in. No one tells you these things. Your public defender's not saying anything. He doesn't give a fuck. he is helping like he is the he's the public defender on a couple other cases of people that I knew

and he would call them thugs like you're taking the advice of thugs over me like these thugs give a fuck and you don't um he's pure compassion oh he was wonderful right yeah so i signed a five i signed a five year plea but it was five years 15 suspended 40 years exposure that's a really loud thing to say all of that means if i ever commit another felony i'm so fucked right um but i'm off parole and I'm serving my suspended sentence time and then I'll have my exposure time will kick in. It's not concurrent. It's consecutive. What is exposure time? It's basically the feds could pick it up at any point, right? So if I went back and I sold a bunch of stuff and sold a bunch of meth and I got conspiracy, the feds could pick that up and my points would be higher because I've had this other case

in selling meth. Statistically, they were smart for that because the chances and the likelihood of me coming out and selling meth again and then being put in the feds for a long time are pretty high. Yeah. So, but now I have to go to prison six months pregnant. I was really embarrassed and kind of at like my all-time low. I had seen women come through pregnant, but I never thought about what they were going through because until it happens to you, you don't really, like you're detached from that, right? So I go to prison and my daughter's going into foster care and I know that and I have nine months to prepare for that. And that was really mentally exhausting to the point

where I wouldn't think about it most days because I didn't know how to handle it. I went to the max for classification, went to a medium, there were other pregnant women there. I would see them go have their babies and come back to the unit, and they were completely fine. And I'm like, oh, Tammy did it. I don't know anyone named Tammy.

I can do it. So if she did it, I can handle it. All of the other women I was doing time with, none of their kids were going into foster care. they all had family in Arkansas and they would see their kids every weekend and I didn't put that together I kind of thought

maybe I would get to see her so June 12th of 2012 I went into labor at like 4 o'clock in the morning and you know prison beds they hurt your back so I wake up and I'm like oh my back hurts that's what's happening I'm not in labor I'm not having a baby or anything

I walk to the chow hall and the pain is just increasing and it's really bad I was not one to talk to the officers So another girl had to get the officer's attention To tell them like, yo, she's in labor So this guy, male officer was like You can walk to the infirmary

And I'm like, yeah, I think so He should have got me a wheelchair. Like I'm an active labor And I've never had a baby before, right? But I walk to the infirmary And you know how long these hallways are And it's controlled movement So you have to get buzzed through all this shit, right?

And it takes me a minute to get there. So I finally get to the infirmary And every step was just more painful than the last and I go to open the door and I'm like as soon as I open this door to the infirmary they're going to help me I open the door and I go in and I said I'm in labor and this nurse says oh just sit down has your water broken not okay just sit in this wheelchair and they left me there for hours in active labor because no one wanted to take me they wanted to wait until shift change to take me to the hospital now I don't know what that means like I don't

know if prison staff there's just assholes but I don't know if there's I don't know if I'm and I give birth in this infirmary, right? So they're like, oh, I'll take you when shift change happens. But there's a fun fact that corrections officers can't count. So they always fuck it up, right? They always fuck up count. I'm not in the infirmary. I'm not in my dorm.

So they're going to fuck up the count. And I know that they are. So I'm like, how much time do we have before I give birth by myself in this infirmary and this wheelchair by myself? And I was just so scared. Every minute they went by, I was just so stressed out. And I'm in excruciating amounts of pain because I'm having a fucking baby today. and people were wishing past me, no one gave a single fuck,

and I was just really scared. My worst fear during that time is that I was going to give birth alone in a dirty jail cell or a dirty, you know, infirmary room in a wheelchair. Like, I was so scared. Finally, shift change happens. They take me to the hospital just in time to get an epidural,

and the nurses weren't even talking to me or making eye contact with me. They were talking with the guards. And it was really dehumanizing and really embarrassing. And all the time I just kept thinking, I wish my mom was here. I'm completely alone. I'm giving birth. I don't even know what that means.

I've never had a baby before. So my daughter's born. And in order to protect myself, for a minute I looked away from her. I didn't want to look at her because I thought I'm going to fall in love with her. And then I'm going to be crushed because they're going to take her for me. They took my daughter and they take her over to the baby cleaning thing, you know, or whatever they do. And I look over away from her, and the guard

that was first with me was really kind, and she saw what I was doing. She could see that I was in so much mental anguish with this, and she said, girl, you better look at that baby. And I did, and I fell in love with her. They brought her over to me, and I held her for two days.

Shift change happens. New officers come in, and I'm left chained to a bed for two days. The doctors came in and said she has to get up and walk around. She had a baby. The CO says no. It's a security risk. They barely wanted to unchain me to go to the bathroom. You're a 110 pound girl in a hospital with multiple guards around you. You have your security risk. I really am, though. That's how they act, you know? Guards are up here. You're

subhuman. Fuck you inmate. I'm not going to undo these chains. That's how they treat you. And I didn't want to push back and be aggressive with them like I had in the past because it's different. There's a baby. I'm holding my baby. If I get aggressive with this guard, I don't know what they're going to do. I was terrified to push back or to speak up or, you know, say, I have to walk around. What are you doing? And my mind wasn't there. Like, I wasn't okay to fight because I just had a baby. So I was really scared, but to leave me chained to a bed for two days, it's the most fucked up thing you could do. Now my recovery is 10 times harder. And it was just really painful. Two days later, when I had to go back to prison, and I'm grateful for the two days. I was only

supposed to get one. So you get two days with your baby before they, before social services come in and take. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I need to. How's that? Um, amazing in that I just meet a human and that's like a superpower. Um, it was incredible. She's, she was so little, almost seven pounds, had tons of hair, um, just beautiful. And I just couldn't believe that I made a person. Like, until you make a person, you don't really understand what that is like. So I just fell in love with her and like Mama Bear instincts kicked in. And I, I don't know, my whole life changed. I realized that day that I retired from everything because now I made a person that needs me.

So I retired that day. Like in my mind, I knew I was done. I'm sorry. No, go ahead. I was going to say, were you thinking, like mentally were you thinking they're going to, they're going to take her? But I can get out. I can get her back. Like, are you already planning?

Like, hey, these are the stages that I'll go through to get my child back? Or are they telling you, no, no, no, we're taking her. You may never see her again. So, I mean, what are you thinking? Are you thinking? Realistically, I'm thinking I'm going to get out. I'm going to fight. I'm going to lose.

But she'll know that I fought for her. That's what I'm thinking. Because I don't want to. That's realistic. I mean, it's luckily it didn't happen like that. But to me, that's like realistic where you're saying, look, I have to do everything I can. And if you prepare yourself for the worst, at least then if something good happens, then it's like it's a blessing. Right.

As opposed to being over, oh, I'm going to get her back. I'm going to get a job. I'm going to do this. It's going to be amazing. And then none of that happens and you just get crushed. I didn't believe in myself enough at that point in time, right? But in order for me to go back to prison, I want to just say this really quickly because it adds another layer to my story. The guards told me it's time to go.

And I said no. you know you can't tell guards no they came in my daughter was in a bassinet they came in from behind like my back is to the door they're behind me they're talking about whatever the fuck they're saying they're like you need to come you need to go it's time to go I told them no they came in they grabbed me by

my shoulders threw me into a wheelchair threw me down chain me up as fast as they could and rushed me out of that room and I left my newborn baby alone in a bassinet and I'm being rushed into like down these hallways and into a prison van and they threw me into this prison van close the door

and they fly out of that hospital. The amount of trauma that was just inflicted on me and my newborn baby is too much to handle for me. And, like, you just took away the only thing in the world I've ever loved. You took away my baby. And I can't even speak. And we're going down this road, and the officers are talking about what they're going to have for lunch,

and it's, like, a regular fucking day, and they're laughing. And they're, like, it's just this normal thing. And I am, I don't even want to be alive in this moment, you know, So I go back through Sally Port and they do the intake process. They can't, they're trying to talk to me and I can't speak. And I don't really know why. I don't really hear what they're saying and I can't answer their questions. And I woke up like a week or two later in the infirmary and I didn't really understand why I was there.

And I felt my stomach and I realized that she was gone. I have PTSD now and I'm diagnosed. So, you know, I get that crown. But now looking back, there's a reason why I don't remember, you know, is because my, the mind is actually really amazing. amazing, right? So it tries to protect you from trauma and pain. So for the first couple of days after I get back to the prison, I didn't know what was happening. I don't remember it at all. I don't remember anything they said. Or if I talked to a psychiatrist, I have no idea. But I woke up and I realized like, what the fuck are you doing? You can't be in the infirmary. You have to sign up

for classes. You have to go get your kid back. What the fuck? Get out of this fucking room. And I asked the nurse, I'm like, hey, can I go back to GP? And she goes, oh, well, how are you feeling? I'm like, I feel fine. I'm fine. Can I just please go back? And she goes, yeah, I'll get the papers. You can go back to GP if you feel better. And that's it.

I went back to GP. No one counseled me or talked to me or helped me at all because they don't give a shit in prison. I signed up for all these classes, and I thought, I'm going to get her back. I saw a picture of my daughter two months later, and I didn't meet her until she was six months old. So I get out of prison finally.

She's a toddler. I got released to a halfway house. I had nothing. Prison shower shoes, some male sweatpants that had my number down the side. And I had to get a couple of jobs, work a full DHS case, which included therapy and meetings and getting an apartment, which is hard as a felon in the South, right? People don't want to rent to you. I had to get a car. I had to do herophagal drug testing and all this stuff, visitation. And I got custody of my daughter after a year of doing that. And I couldn't believe that I won because I am not. qualified to raise a child. Like I have no background in this. I, on paper, I look really,

really bad. So I'm like, you're trusting me with this person. Like, I get to keep her. And it was the most incredible, like, amazing experience, followed directly by what the fuck am I doing? I have no idea how to do this. But Micah taught me every day, like one step at a time. And now she's nine years old and has a great personality. And we're killing it. We were blessed with a second daughter, and I've somehow managed to, you know, keep them both alive. I can't keep plants alive. I lost a turtle one time. That thing was supposed to outlive me, but the kids are fine. No one worry. They're doing good. So, okay, so you, well, when you got out of, real quick, so you got out of the halfway house, you worked, you started working a few jobs. When did you start

doing your YouTube channel? Years later. Years later. Like four, five, six, How long have you been doing it? I've only been on YouTube for like three years in some change. So I've had a like tremendous success so far and I'm so grateful. Why did you start it? So that's a funny story actually. I do you want the long answer or the short answer? I mean, whatever you feel comfortable with.

I was working as a freight broker for Landstar. It's a transportation company. And I wanted to go to J.B. Hunt. You know, that was like the big Cajona. was in northwest Arkansas, so their corporate building is there, and it's this huge building, and I thought I want to work there. My office is janky as fuck, and I really want to go to this corporate building. I'm great at sales, and I just wanted to be there, right? Well, I go in, I interview. I was really honest with the person, and I'm like, hey, I have a felony. They give me a

job, and they give me an offer, and I take a drug test, I buy a new clothes, and I'm ready to start my job. And then someone in HR says, Jess, I apologize, but we can't hire you until you've been felony free for seven years. I just left my job. So I'm like, what the fuck? And I cried for like three days. But then I signed up to get my bachelor's degree because I thought, if you're going to tell me I can't work here because I'm a felon, I'm going to try to help felons. Fuck you. And it was just that fuel. Like it was just connected. I need to be working with felons. That's really what I want to do. And I'm going to go back to school, get my bachelor's degree, and then figure out a way to get a job in a prison. So I'm like desperately trying to go back to prison, which is so strange. No one

wants to do that. I'm a complete lunatic. But I sign up to get my bachelor's degree. So I now have my bachelor's degree in correctional program support services with my under in psychology. And along the way, I got this little gig filming little videos for a prison reentry class. And I would film these three to four minute videos. And then the teacher would show them in class. Well, he quit. And the new teacher didn't like me. She thought I was too street or I swore too much or I was just, you know, she just didn't like the message. She wanted to be more, you know, like Jesus. And I'm like, Jesus is cool, but he's not going to pay the rent. So I'm trying to teach people how to get out and, like, get their shit together.

Right. Like, nothing against Jesus. Cool, dude. But how are you going to stay sober, dude? You know, like, let's be realistic about this. So that was kind of my message behind it. And the videos were going to like a southern prison. They want to talk about God.

And that's great, cool. But that's not how I got it together. Well, the teacher didn't like me. and I stopped making the videos. And I thought, I have so much more to say. So the whole time I was swimming these videos, the teacher's like, put these on social media, please. And I'm like, no, absolutely not.

There's not a chance in hell. I'm ever going to put these on YouTube. He's like, okay, not YouTube. What about Facebook? I said, ew, no, I don't want people to see them. Because inmates are my people. I don't want other people to see them. And eventually I decided, because I lost that little gig

that didn't pay anything, just a volunteer thing, I decided, you know what, I'll make seven videos. They're going to be called Heroin, My Road to Recovery. I'll put them on YouTube. If people find them cool, if they don't, that's cool too. I filmed them on my phone, sitting on the floor in my living room of a townhouse. And then I got going in seven videos. I was like, uh, your life is more confusing than seven videos.

Right. So I kept filming and you know the rest. People found them and the channel has done really, really well. Right. And you've got, so it's been three years, a little over three years or three years? or three years? Roughly three years? Something like that. Something like that. Because I mean, like I said, because I've been out what was in the halfway house almost three years ago. So in January, so probably by January

of February, I started doing research and that's what I found yours. So roughly, you probably had just started maybe a few months or something. Yeah, that's a, okay. So, God, I forget how many subscribers you had at the time. I wish I, I wish, like, if I had known I was going to be talking to you at some point, I would have. If I was doing live streams, I probably only had 20,000. You weren't at that. It was a year later that I contacted. Yeah, because I was out of the halfway house and I was living in this in my friend Stacey's spare room.

And that's when I actually reached out to you. 50,000? Probably something like that. God, yeah, I was looking up a bunch of different people. Yeah, and you were one of them. You know what's funny? I recently found a memory on Facebook. I had like 100 subscribers and I was so grateful for it.

I was so cute about it. I'm like, thank you so much for 100 subscribers. I didn't think people would watch these videos, you know? also my expectation with YouTube was extremely low, like low, low, low. I never thought it would be what it is, not in a million years. You're likable. It's funny because, you know, I don't consider myself likable, but so many other people do. You get to that point, and I say this all the time, it's like, look, like, if people, if everybody's saying you're an asshole, you know, you're probably an asshole.

So at some point you get to that point where you're like, so many people are saying it must be true. Like, and so many people are always saying, you know, you're, no, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, really. And then they also say, you know, inspirational. I get inspirational not in. Really. Really. Never done anything inspirational in my life. And as far as being likable, I've never made an attempt. Unless I was trying to rob you. Unless I was trying to give me a couple hundred thousand dollars. I never even make an attempt for someone. Check my wallet before I leave here. Unless it's a, if it's a chick, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm trying a little bit. But, you know, so yeah, but you. So yeah. But you. But you. But you. So yeah. But you. But you. But you. But you. But you. But you. But you. You. You. But you. You. You. So, you You're very likable because I remember the videos thinking, well, you know, I remember seeing the videos thinking, yes, you were so like, you were so just, just honest and you just talked to the camera. You weren't, you weren't bullshitting. You weren't putting on, you weren't putting on makeup while you were telling me some story about somebody else. You were talking about all, it was all about stuff that you had done and or you'd relate it to you somehow. So it was, they were, they were super cool videos. And I remember too, Danny was saying, that's what you should be doing. I was like, I'm doing that. You're doing that. I'm going to fuck you up if you don't. But you're doing, you know, you're doing eight, like this is, this is all you do now. Yeah, kind of. Did you, and you never, you never saw that coming, right? Not a chance in hell.

I didn't even see YouTube as a business for a really long time. I didn't film my giving birth in prison story for four or five months into my YouTube journey. You know, I wasn't even ready to talk about it. My friends and family hadn't heard the story, you know, so it was something I didn't talk about. I didn't think I would be, you know, I didn't think I'd be on the internet talking about. addiction and all of the horrible things that I did and all of the bad things that have happened to me. And what's funny is you said like, oh, you don't bullshit. People think I make these things up. But unless you've lived the life of a drug addict, you're going to think that it's bullshit,

right? My life sounds insane. I mean, I don't, I mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean this, you know, talk to me or, you know, like, why do you write this or why do you like these guys or why? Because the truth is because, you know, to me, I would say, look, because losers have the best story. Like some guy who graduated college and married his college sweetheart and has two kids and works, you know, works a corporate job and, you know, and God bless him. He's the backbone of America. I'm not making fun of him. But I mean, you go to dinner with him and you're the most interesting guy there and you talk the whole time and you don't get to eat your food. Right. And they're asking you questions. You're sitting there like, bro, you work for like, you work for like, you work for like, you know, Ford or you're making a couple hundred thousand. And they won't stop asking me questions. I'm like, I'm a. I'm a. scumback who went to prison and got out like what are you doing they're like that what's it like what's like this like do they write this and it's like that is what made me be comfortable with filming

videos because I would go to dinner with people that you know my boyfriend work with these are straight-edge normal people one of them was a pastor and the interesting thing was like oh you've done this whoa it wasn't judgment people didn't hate on me when they heard my story they were like damn that's crazy and they asked me questions and they were genuinely like kind about it and encouraging and really interested. And if, like, my neighbor's interested and, like, these other people, I put people on the internet

might want to hear it too, right? So, yeah, losers do have the best stories. They do. And, you know, it's so funny because, like, I'll call myself a scumbag. You know, a loser skumback. And I was love, I forget who said this, that, like, if you're not losing in life,

then you're not trying hard enough. Gary V said that. Oh, did he? Oh, great. See? Nice. Like, I mean, that's, those are, you know, those are, I love that.

The thing about, Gary Vee is I love Gary Vee because when I first listened to him, it was like everything he was saying with things that I felt and I thought in my head, but I just never, I never articulated. And to hear him say it, and you're like, I totally feel that way. I completely understand that. And so it's like when people, whenever I say, you know, I'm just some scumbag who got out of prison, it's great when you say that and other people come to your defense. Bro, don't say that about yourself. You're not, that's not you. You're this. You're this. It's like, like, you don't even, you know, you don't even know me, but it's. I have a

cocoon tattooed on my leg. I, like, identify as a trash panda. I'm always saying like I'm trash, you know, so it's, I think that's, to me, it's like own it. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. You don't get to, and I see people, the other nice thing about, to me, like, I look at the best possible sitting here, going to prison and starting from, from zero and then going out with your, with the average person and hearing their complaints, it's like, you don't really have a complaint. Like, what you're bitching about right now isn't really. a complaint. Yeah.

You know, a complaint is being in a halfway house or having, starting over with nothing and nobody that will give you anything. Like, you can't even go ask for $1,000 because there's nobody that will do it. Right. So, you know, you know, and, you know, buying a piece of junk car and being thankful every time it started like, you're like, yes, it's started. Yes.

You know, I mean, I got another day. I relate to that so hard. Yeah, it's great. But to me, that's great. I remember my ex-wife one time. I had to take her somewhere. Like I'd gone to my mom's and she was there and I had to drop her off at like her car or something.

And so she got in my car and we're driving and she said, she goes, it was hot. It's Florida. And she goes, God, she goes, can you turn on the AC? She's trying to turn on the AC and I go, I like to her and I hit the window. The window went down. And she goes, what are you doing?

I go, that's the AC. I said, oh, you mean like from the car? I go, no, no, that's for rich people. And then she goes, oh my gosh. God. And then I hit the brakes. All the lights came on when I had the brakes. So the ABS didn't work. So the lights came on. The computer lights come on. They come on. And she's oh my God, what's wrong? I go, no, it's just the ABS that I don't work. And she goes, do you don't have breaks? I go, no, I have breaks. The ABS doesn't work. So if it rains,

we're in trouble. But it's not raining. It's Florida. We're good. And she goes, oh my God. Then she says, a little bit later, can you turn on the radio? She's trying to turn on the radio. You're asking an awful lot. I hit the, I hit the dash. The radio came on. Because it had a short. She goes, oh my God. I remember she finally looked at me. And I said, right? I said, that's pretty fucked up. Right. I said, but I feel like Fonzie when I hit it. I said, it's great. And she looked at me. She goes, you have fallen so far. Because when she knew me, I'm driving a $100,000 sports car. I've got two or three million dollars in the real estate. I'll make it a ton of money. I'm flying to, I'm going on on expensive vacations coming back. I'm dating

women that never should have dated me. I mean, just, I'm having this amazing life. And I was divorced from her, horrible father, you know, horrible husband, horrible father, but she looked to me, she goes, you have fallen so far. And I remember I said, I go, I started laughing. I just found that hilarious. I go, I know, right? I said, like I said, I'm hovering right above the bottom. And I mean, and she goes, what's, what is going on with you? But I felt great. That's what's crazy. I wasn't in prison. When you lose everything and you're living in a box that's a bathroom with another grown-ass man after you've lived your life, woman for me.

It's a really eye-opening thing. It gives you perspective. It makes you grateful for basic shit. Like, you can't do that in prison. I probably broke it just now, but you can't do that in prison. You can't open the fridge. You can't turn the TV without getting on a schedule

and asking and then hoping that the big asshole doesn't stand up to say, no, bro, we ain't watching that. We're watching Ellen today. And you're like, you know what? I love Ellen. Thank God. I'm glad you set me. straight. What do I'm going to do? You're six

foot two. Of course we're watching Ellen. I've seen some gangsters. It's like, I just want to watch Ellen today. Like, okay. I like Ellen. She cool. Like, geez. I've seen gangsters. The guys are in prison for murder who are doing like crochet. And they're like, you're making

a teddy bear, bro. And it's an amazing by the way. It's really good. But aren't you here for murdering for people? Yeah. And? It's like, yeah. It's bizarre. Yeah. I mean, it totally puts everything in perspective. And it's funny because I carry, like I have granola bars in my car. And I give them the homeless people.

And somebody asked me the other day, like, why do you do that? And I go, because I'm two financial bad decisions away from being that guy. And people are always like, no, that would never be you. You have no fucking idea how close I've come to be in that guy. Because once you're on that corner, even if you straightened up and you got your mind right and you weren't addicted and you weren't, you mentally, whatever your mental problems were were straightened up, the fact that

you're starting from nothing and be able to make it back into mainstream society is almost impossible. It is so hard. And the fact that people expect you, you know, to come into a job interview, dressed really nicely, right? Clean shaven, smell good, dress nice. How? Where'd you get those clothes? Why don't we just hire people

when they're at their fucking lowest and help them up? Like, why is that so fucking hard? You know, it makes me crazy. The people are like, oh, just get a job. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? If you're in a halfway house and, oh, go get a job selling cars and what? I have three pairs of sweatpants and two white t-shirts that do. They have my reg number on the side.

How am I going to, oh, you got to go buy some clothes with what money? Right. But I would hire you. If I owned a car dealership, I'd hire you in that over anyone else because you are street and you can hustle and you're going to be slinging cars like crazy. And you need it. You need it. You need it. And you have that in you, you know, the hustler mentality.

so hire those guys please well what are we doing are we wrapping this up i don't know you have any more questions you want to ask me i mean i probably have a thousand more questions that you're going to watch it back and you're going to say fuck i didn't ask for all these other things it's fine like i said nobody's watching um so yeah listen what do they watch they well on your channel like they watch about 30 they watch about 35 percent of my longer videos now the shorter ones they watch about 50 percent but like I it's funny too because like my stuff if I talk for 30 minutes they watch about 38% I have a buddy who used to do podcast with me it was a black guy con man ended up going back to jail um that's fine um he'll get out so super funny guy everybody loved

him if he did a 20 or 30 minute video they watched like 58% of his video so entertaining 58% that's insane I'm like they're watching 35 of me and 58 people love it people people are sending money on commissary they're sending Colby money to send to him on commissary I'd send him money he's he's he's he's great guy he'll be back he'll be back if you've made it this far drop some raccoons in the comment section down below watch how many raccoons they're about to be in the comments they watch it there are people watching all the way through all right well okay so what so at some point here in the future I'll be going hopefully going to Chicago and doing some videos and we're going to try and get Boziac on there

and some of these other guys and I'll tell you who they are I mean I'll show you the channels and stuff they're great guys like I got a guy Juan he's amazing but yeah hopefully we're hopefully we're going to do some more content with with Jessica and we're going to get up there and work out a deal and hopefully I'm going to be doing a a painting for you for your many paintings yeah hey if you like the video do me a favor and subscribe hit the like button hit the bell so you get notified leave a comment in the in the comment section and share the video and i appreciate it and see you