Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Inside the Mind of a Killer: What Most People Never Understand

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

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He's on his knees saying his prayers and when you do it, you grasp this concept, right, that we are all born into a collective tunnel of normality. For some reason, you realize that we're all human. We all understand in this tunnel. And then when you do something like this, you're extracted from that tunnel. And you know that there's boundaries that are never meant to be crossed between human and human. Then I was extracted. I could look into the collective tunnel.

but I can never be a part of it again. My father was really abusive. He was in church, so that religion played a huge part in our family, you know. My mother. He was religious, but he was abusive. Yeah, religious. He would, he would, he was, they were the type of dudes to go to church on Sunday, beat your ass on fucking Sunday night, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, my mother was kind of crazy too, man, because she would be the type that, you know, would get beaten up. And then when we would try to stick up for her, she would kind of come at us sideways for trying to stick up for her. It was just weird. You know what I'm saying? Do you have brothers, sisters? How many brothers? The youngest of five brothers.

The brother that was closest, the closest to me, when he was two years old, he was playing in front of a pot, boiling water. And he was out there playing with it. And I guess something happened. The handle was protruding from the kitchen. and it kind of just spilt on his head and it peeled back his skin. He ended up paralyzed. From the burns? Yeah, so the burns ended up coming to his skin.

It paralyzed them. Yeah, my whole life, I was feeding him through a tube. But he was my best friend because when there was nobody to talk to, I would talk to him, you know what I mean? Right. That was my road dog. That was my best friend. So when I was eight, he ended up passing away on me.

Is this from complications of... Complications of his situation. So when my brother passed away, we sued the hospital. He passed away in. We ended up suing him for four point something million. and my family ended up getting paid, but my father wasn't alcoholic. My father left us. He left us for two or three years, and he came back without nothing.

And so we ended up in like... It's common. You know what I'm saying? Like 90% of the lottery winners end up broke in three years, you know? It's just you... He called this, bro, because... And he's an alcoholic. That's not good.

He got in the car. wreck, crash underneath a semi, called my mother. And he had like a cane in his back. So he had like a whole kilo inside of the back. And he got stopped and he was worried about that kilo being found inside of his trunk. I would be worried about it too. That seems justified. That seems like a reasonable concern.

That was why he called us. Yeah, that was why he called us. That's the only reason he called us. And then my mom was like, well, he really must love us. You know what I'm saying? All right, mom. But yeah, man. So, yeah, we ended up going there, right?

I was 10, 11 years old. But my father was the type of guy to get drunk with us. Like, you know what I mean? Like, here, son, have a drink or two, you know. I ended up drinking a lot, man. At the age of 11, now I was already in alcoholic, you know. Are you still going to school? I mean, or just periodically?

There was, there wasn't really school, man, because I was like moving from house to house. I couldn't even read, bro. You know what I'm saying? I was moving house to house. During that time, yeah, my mother, she tried to want to live me. These were all things that I carried into my adulthood. You know what I mean?

So my mother tried to want to lie me because she was going through some things like my brother just passed away and stuff like that. And there was one moment that shaped my life completely, though, man. And this is the moment that I think I blame, not blame, but had an impact on my entire life, the trajectory of my entire life. You know what I mean? And this moment was like when my, so my father usually beat my mother. you know what I'm saying but this time was different they were in the room

he was you know beating her up usually she screams but this time I couldn't hear her scream no more like her screams sounded muffled so we walk in the room you know um actually my brothers heard it

and then they kicked down the door and when they kicked down that door um like my mother's sitting there there on the floor like my father's on top of her he's choking her with one hand um the other hand he's got his own shit on his fucking hand and he's smeared it on her face um he's naked you know what i'm saying and i remember that i was seven years old and um i'll never forget the way it felt to be paralyzed to be like to feel feel

fear encapsulate your entire being, you know, like to be paralyzed by fear. That was the day that I declared war on fear. I made it mission in my whole entire life. Like, I couldn't talk. I couldn't speak. I was shocked. Like my hands were shaking. Like, tears were coming out my eyes and shit, you know.

But that was the day, I think, where I actually had a relationship with hatred because hatred was my number one thing she was my she was almost like like a mother figure to me you know what I mean like like was anger um I think that situation played a huge role because from that point forward um I declared war on fucking fear you know what I'm saying like I made it certain that nobody would ever instill fear in my heart again you know what I mean and so whenever somebody would try to talk shit or something like that, you know, yeah, we would handle it. And I would do whatever I had to do to confront the situation, you know.

11 years old, at 12 years old, I was homeless. I was sleeping on the streets. Well, I had a home. I didn't want to be at home. Right. So I was like couch surfing and shit, you know. I ended up sleeping on the bleachers of my school. And that's where I actually met my wife.

she was she was walking the track she she came from another home she comes from a family that was a that was a family like like a real family you know what I mean I was actually sleeping on the bleachers and that's how we ended up having a conversation and stuff but she goes hey man what's going on with you like what you're doing out here you know what I mean and so I started talking to her we ended up talking but it was so strange because I'm this kid coming from shit and she's this person you know what i mean like she's got a mom dad family and shit like that those those those those those those those those were things i never had you know um how long i mean do you at some point like what are you doing for you know i mean i understand you're in survival

mode but what are you doing for money are you burglarizing houses are you pretty much okay i'm out there yeah all right i mean what's like drugs robbing still in alcohol robbing people People, purses, purses were a thing. So we would go in a, go into cars, still like speakers and, like the radios. Because back in the day, there was like flip faces, you know. So you can smash in the car, break the wires, and tear out the whole thing and get like 20 bucks. You know what I mean? 20 bucks at the swap meeting shit, you know?

So we used to do that. That pretty much continued until I was 14. At 14, I ended up still in, still in some beer. And I was still in beer. My father just beat my mother, and I was angry. And I ended up stealing some alcohol from, like, the next door neighbor's store. You probably drink the same coffee every morning. It's fine, but what if there was something better?

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Right now, trade is exclusively offering our listeners 50% off your one-month trial at drinktrade.com backslash Matthew. That's drinktrade, t-r-a-d-com backslash Matthew for 50% off your one-month trial it was it was it was it was it was like a hood store you know yeah like a bodega or just something he it had it in it was it was it was it was it was it was like a smart mart or something like that you know what i'm saying um so we walk in there it was an agent store um so we go in there i still beer come out i ran out we still the 12 pack we end up going back still another 12 pack and my father still hasn't arrived so we were actually waiting for my dad i wanted to serve him up i wanted to beat my dad's ass you know um after that the third time we kind of just walked in

there and um i take out a knife and i walk in i i pull out the knife and i walk in grab the beer i walk out and i was 14 what does the guy the guy say i mean he comes out he's he sees he sees you like this this whole time has he seen the other thefts he's seen the other thefts he tried to try to chase me he didn't call the police even if he did try to chase me i think he understood that i wasn't stopping right he did try to call call the cops um but the third time i walk in there and i'm kind of just grabbing this is stupid right because i'm sitting there i know he's going to call the call the cops right um yeah but i didn't really care you know I go in there, grab some beers, whatever it is, and then come out.

He ends up saying something like, yo, take it all, take it all. That's what I remember him saying. And taking that knife out, I had an utterfly knife. So with the butterfly knives, that switch blades that come out really quick. And yeah, that's what I had. And then I ended up getting armed robbery in the first degree. When did the cops show up? I got completely away from the whole crime.

Two months later, I'm out there stealing car stereos. And then the cops catch me. And then they hit me up and they tell me that they're going to charge me with armed robbery. Where were you on? They got a warrant for your arrest for the other thing, right? They just hadn't caught you yet. Exactly. Exactly.

So I ended up doing like two years in juvenile, J.D.H. So McLaren. Nice place. Yeah. Fucking beautiful place, man. Listen, so from my understanding, the juvenile facilities are typically harsher than, like, you know, than a lot of the prisons. Yeah.

What's so crazy, right, is that there wasn't like, like, the. politics like prison politics it was like they just wanted every kid was fucking crazy like they wanted to fight you know what i'm saying and every kid wanted to fight so it wasn't like prison where there's rules you know what i'm saying like where there's like all right bro you can't touch that guy because the homeboys got that dude yeah so you can't touch him or if if you're in the in the same gang like you can't navigate you can navigate safety exactly in prison that you can't navigate when every single kid's ready to fucking swing jdh you can't do that you know what i mean because the kids were like fucking boom boom boom boom they were scrapping you know what i'm saying they were the gladiator

school's right gladiator school i watched the kid get dropped he was he was he was this kid it was like so when they shut the dorms at night right there's one guard there has to be two guards in order to open up that cage and go in the dorm. So that was the time the kid chose to actually fight because he knew that there had to be two guards. Nobody's coming. So they would have to actually escort somebody in the dorm like to actually stop it.

This dude picks up a kid, body slams him on a fucking, on a bed. So the bed has like four points, right? it's like an old bed like those beds with little I forget it's like a little springs

springs or springs it's each bed has like four points it's like these little square pieces well this kid dropped them on top of the fucking spring fucked him up bro like that shit like went right through his back

you know what I'm saying that's the type of shit that you see see when you're in you know what i mean um yeah when i got out i was 16 years old so that's that's what i went through at 16 you you go back home are you on probation or went back home went back home uh shit they let me back home and then when i went back home i really didn't want to be at home you know what i mean at that point everything was a struggle i didn't have a job couldn't there was no school there was no reading you

You know what I mean? There wasn't shit. So I was just stuck at that point. That's when we started to sell drugs. What, I mean, how does that happen? Like, who comes to you and says, hey, this is the way to go or here's what we can do? So we started slanging, man, when we were kids, man. We started slaying.

So we ended up robbing some people. So they had some. And then we ended up robbing those people. Got some ounces and stuff like that. cell analysis like to everybody so so we started to make money from that and then we started to find a plug and then that plug that's what changed our lives is that plug so we found people coming back back from mexico is this just for green green and cane okay so we started off with green we started ended up man that one moment where we actually did that it started moving from like

ounces to like pounds and then it started moving to like hundreds of pounds we were pushing like 250 pounds a week you know what I mean and this is and you're still where you live in I'm at my mom's house at her apartment but at that point we ended up ended up finding our own apartment yeah because go to the money that we were making after the green came the cane so we started selling cane and we were pushing about like five or seven. So we started to remove those keys and we would take these duffel bags full of cash. Fucking bags that were huge, you know what I'm saying?

Just $1,000 in each slip, you know what I mean? He ended up having a lot of that stuff, but it was, he was a good guy. It's not like the guy, you know, that's, that's this mafia also dude that looks crazy or nothing like that he was just a humble guy he would come and we would give him the car keys eat some food give him the car keys and he would take the car right bring it back really quick and the car was full and then we would take those keys back and then hop in the car let's go back home and then next next next you know we open up that trunk

and that trunk is full, you know what I'm saying? He would, he would, he would never trip about like a hundred grand. He wouldn't even trip about a hundred, hundred grand, bro. He was like, oh, well, because sometimes, you know, sometimes people would,

would get popped, you know what I'm saying? 20 grand, 40K here, you know? And, um, usually give you a chance. And we would have to have to call them up. And he would be like, it is what, what it is.

I feel like he made, a lot more money from us than we ever could lose. You know what I mean? Does he give you like an opportunity to make it up or he's just, yeah, yeah, for sure. No, he gave us chances. He always, he always gave us chances.

He was like, well, look at this, this is your account. This is how much you got. Instead of cutting us off, it would always hook us up with another chance. Yeah, I,

you know what I mean? Interviewed lots of guys. I've written several stories and they're like, you know, they'll usually get a pass, especially if you can prove, somebody got busted then they're like okay it wasn't even a past though like he was like a genuine friend he would come to our house and kick it like when my mom and stuff and hang out with us you know

what I mean like he was he wasn't like this like you always hear stories like oh if you don't got this and this this is this is going to happen we're going to drop in a bat of ass it exactly exactly it wasn't like that at all you know what I'm saying he was more like we were best friends kind of thing you know what I'm saying and if something happens it happens to to the, to the, uh, to the both of us. And he would often use us as kind of like the muscle as well, because, you know, he knew who we, who we were and how we were all with, you know what I mean? Were there any like, like people getting grabbed or anything like that that, that, uh,

did you ever get robbed or? So when I grew up, bro, in the streets that I grew up in, people were getting robbed and arrested all the time. Every single day, murders. Um, I mean, man, my, best friend he was only 15 he'd I looked up to him he ended up smoking two dudes you know he smoked him point blank boom boom um but that's just where we come from like the backyard was a dungeon you know what I'm saying like this is where we come from you know what I mean what was the reason for

that um he ended up getting jumped so they're walking down the path some shit like that somebody else ends up trying to hit him up, you know, what you claim. And we didn't bang. So we weren't like gang bangers. Right. But other gangs seen us as a threat because we were a group of kids that were very violent and very fucking aggressive. So these other kids ended up hitting them up.

And then it was NKT, Nightmares Come and Shoot. That's who we were. We were the ones that tagged things up and stuff like that. A nightmare's coming true. And that was a thing like, back in the day you know uh he ended up these dudes ended up hitting him up and they beat him up and a week later he caught up well they go back and find him yeah behind a ross and just smokes them both like two brothers you know he got like 75 years jeesh um but like the robbing the chaos the

type of violence, we would do shit just to do it, bro. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so now I'm 16 years old, 17 years old, making money. I mean, I didn't want to be violent at that point. I just love making money, but also with money comes the arrogance, you know? I don't know. So we ended up getting caught for selling. So I ended up getting caught at 18 years old.

I um for drugs yeah how'd that happen drugs yeah i ended up getting caught with 20 grand 25 grand or something like that i was i was me and my brother i told my brother i didn't want to leave the fucking hotel room my brother's like come on just one one more drop one more drop take the money he wanted to go to a strip club or something so we're like all right i'll take the money right so we ended up going over there um we ended up getting stopped pulled over he ended up taking like a wrong turn or something like that and we pulled in at the dairy queen and and we seen the cost behind us you know what i'm saying uh as soon as we head out i see the cops i dodging duck grab grab my backpack and i take off i take up to a adult shot and and and flesh uh flesh the green

right like in the in the in the toilet and I stashed the cash I don't know like like the toilet like dispensers you know those like those one things that that you put on a toilet paper yeah you grab a toilet yeah right there open it exactly if there's this much toilet paper or whatever there's a pocket okay so so the pocket I stuffed it in with 20 grand right and I left it there and then I left it there and then I left And as soon as I walk out, call the cab, cops are just like, get on the floor, get on their floor. And this is just because you ran. It's not because they were just a fluke.

This is just because I ran. Yeah. This is just because I ran. And then they ended up searching that spot at the adult shop. And then they ended up catching that money. And they came out and started high fiving each other and shit, you know. And they put five out in. 5,000 in evidence.

And they said, and they said $8,000. They found me with $8,000. That's what the report say. Right. 8,000. I know for a fact, I had like 25 fucking grand there. I told him, bro, you could take the whole fucking thing, man. Just take it.

You know what I'm saying? I don't give a shit. I had like 75 grand at home. You know what I'm saying? I can tell you. Who cares about that? I mean, guys I've met in the federal system, you know, they'll kind of like convert.

money to drugs. Yeah. And so if you're caught with like half a key and they catch you with 25 grand, that half a key, the weight ends up being now it's a key and a half because they know for 25 grand, you can know a key. So they just add that extra key. And you know, which is fine. That's just the system. But what's funny is how many times I've had guys like they'll get pulled over and they search them and they have, they got 25, let's say you got 20 grand in cash. And they're like, look, if I convert this to, to weight, then you're going to get a mandatory minimum of 10.

Or I can say I only caught you with $8,000 and you'll get the five-year mandatory. And they're like, but I can't have, I can't do that and have you say you got caught with this. And guys will, turn the $8,000 in, turn the $8,000 in it. That's all I had was $8,000. Okay. That good, good. You know, because you just saved them five years for $12,000. He just saved five years.

And you're not going to keep it, man. Like, really, like you could have had that for your family. like whatever you know what I'm saying in that case let the guy feels like the cops doing him a favor exactly that's that's how I felt right because the 25 grand I'm thinking dude he fucking took I don't know how much you know what I mean but he took a good chunk and these were G stacks bro so we had like a like a pool table full of G stacks so we'd have a pool table and this is how we would we would count the money up before we took it took it to Santa Rosa right so we had stacked the whole way through

across the fucking shit the pool table so we have like a hundred grand stack it up throw it in a bag another hundred grand throw it in the bag and we had artillery like a son of a bitch man we were fucking pushing bro

you know what I'm saying I loved like like pew-pues you know I love pew peopoos I love pew peopoes that was my thing I'm TikTok, so we call them pew-puse. You know what I know.

I'm TikTok. Same thing. It's the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's horrible. It's horrible. You can never tell a full story with,

yeah, yourself. You have to self-regulate. Yeah. Self-censor yourself. Exactly, man. Like, so, so we do the TikToks. Oh, and guys, I want to say right now, I love my followers. Gen.

Generous Ratchet. Fucking Emily. Michelle Unicorn, old school, Candice Foster. I love you guys so much. You guys are awesome. What is the PDX? PDX? That's Portland, brother.

Oh, okay. Yeah, we come. That's Portland Airport. No, we didn't know that. That's Portland Airport. City of your roses. What's the, what does it say at the end of the bottom of the shirt? This says, okay.

From Hopeless to Focus. All right. So, so. So resilient minds. Yeah, resilient minds. Yeah, I thought that was the name of the channel maybe. Yeah, old school mom. Hey, I've had these followers from TikTok.

They hear my story. Bro, dez, right? Like, changed my entire life. I mean, just craziness. Like, you don't even know the amount of appreciation. I went from fucking shelter, bro, to doing this. God's been good to me, my man. I know what I'm saying.

God's been so good to me. There's no words, man. There's no words. bro like I'm fucking I'm a dude that came from the shit you know I always feel like if you just if you do the right thing then God tends to clear the path for you does that make sense it's kind of weird how it works right you start working just much easier than than probably you know you suffer more in your mind than in reality but people are afraid to to try and try and try and do the right thing but if you start doing the right thing then it just comes it starts coming easier and

easier and good things start happening what trips trips me out right is that like of course some people get cancer and die but still for the majority come on man really man damn man i'm saying most of the time it works out most of the time no so like what i trip out right is that like not only are you doing something for somebody that's messed up but like somebody that committed the crime that i committed um i have no words for that like i don't know what white people would see me worthy, would care about me because honestly, I've done some heinous shit, man.

You know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, my life is dark, bro. People like redemption. They want to think that people can change. Most people don't. But if they do change, then people feel they should be rewarded. So, you know, you got to think it's in a way. And it feels, it feels, forgiveness.

And I think supporting someone feels good if that, if you think that person is doing the right thing. I think like, you know, having come from where I come from, right, it feels like this is all new to me. But there's never a day that I don't appreciate, like, the peace I feel when I wake up. I've never had peace. I've never had life.

You know what I'm saying? I used to wake up and feel shamed, guilty. and angry, you know what I mean? I never felt like I deserved it. You know what I mean? Right. Oh, so when I was 18, that happened. I ended up going to prison, right?

How much time did you get? I got like 22 months, 20, 28, 22 months for Merrill or... Is that how much you got or how much you did? You got 22 and you... That's how much I did. I think I got 24 months with good time. Okay.

And then they let me out in like 22 or something like that. I ended up coming home And as soon as I came home, bro I was gunning. I was like, vamo no rizio. So we're fucking hitting that shit. We fucking hit it hard. Come home, man.

We go to California like the second day out. I'm coming back with my trunk fool. Like literally the second day out. We come back and, you know, we're doing this whole thing. And we just blow up even more, bro. This is where we start just blowing up. Like, we made a lot of money, you know. Every month we would come through, I don't know, like,

probably more than half a million dollars, you know. And that's when it happened, brother. That's when it happened. We had a team of people who would respond for us if, like, like we needed somebody to pay back the money. We had a group of people. We had, like, like, we didn't like to get our, our hands dirty at this point because at this point we were more like business oriented you know um

so what happened was one of my best friends he ended up staying in a this is crazy man he was staying in an apartment right next to my house right and he ended up being in the apartment right next to my house I had no idea that he was there. And I came back from something, and I seen him there, and that's how he ended up at my house. He was like, Victor, what? I was like, yeah, man, what's going on? He goes, yo, man, what's going on?

It's me, Chris. I was like, yo, what's going on, brother? He goes, hey, man, so I'm on my way to a party right now. I was like, nah, fuck that party. Just stay here. You know what I mean? Hang out with me. Shit, we'll get some ass courts.

son. He ended up staying at my house. But ain't it weird? Like, maybe seconds later, I would have never seen him. You know what I mean? But I happened to get there at that exact time, and he happened to be there at that exact time. And now he's at my house.

You know what I mean? Who would ever have thought that that would be the last night he ever existed? You know what I'm saying? I don't know It was just crazy I started off like that I showed them around my house Showed on my car

I had like TV screens in In my Cadillac You know out of the Xbox Installed like the old school Halo You know what I mean? I thought I was a bad mother right I was I was like yeah bro we got A hell

I've ever really played Yeah bro we got like the two 12s And shit right So the 12s were like bumping in the back and I was like a little kid with a mean mug and some sunglasses just you know what I mean I felt like I was the complete shit fucking Eric arrogant little bastard you know what I said and and yeah that was the day man he came over I caught him on a phone call

he was making a phone call and he was in the bathroom he asked to use my phone and he was in the bathroom this kid and he started making phone calls to somebody and I overheard him talking about like yo you guys get here have guns make sure you guys have guns these dudes are strapped up and I started hearing him talk is this just you home alone no this is me my cousin and my other cousin and so he's in the bathroom calling in to set you up yeah I had invited him over it, and I was going to give him money and shit. Like, you know, like a thousand bucks just for hookups. Like, I didn't care about a thousand.

We would drop that on strippers and whatnot, you know? He ended up calling. And then that's what happened, man. I heard him. And then when he was in the bathroom, when he came out, I ended up telling him, hey, bro, you want to holler at me real quick? He goes, yeah, what's up? I go, hey, you know, come over to my room right quick.

And then he went over to my room. And when he went over to my room, as when it all started, I can't say much about it, but I ended up, I beat him, you know what I'm saying? Right. I beat him.

But next thing you know, he's on his knees, saying his prayers. He's looking at me, asking how to pray. And then I just see the gunshot go off, right in the middle of a prayer. He asked for forgiveness and all that stuff. Next thing you know, we go to my, go to my bathtub. Like, we carried him to my bathtub.

And, yeah, we, I remember, grabbing grabbing some beers right before and me and my cousin started drinking like before we did it and we started talking to each other and my cousin was in tears

you know like oh bro we got to do what we got to do you know and we ended up like dismembering him never forget the way it felt what it was like.

I remember feeling like I had an outer body experience. It was weird. Right. It's weird, bro, because it's like you know you're doing it, but it's not you. It's like somebody else. It's like looking at you yourself from the top of a ceiling. I'll never forget the way it felt.

It felt like we're all born. Like you grasped this concert. When you do it, this concept, right, that we are all born into a collective tunnel of normality. And you realize that. For some reason, you realize that. We're all human. We all understand in this tunnel. And then when you do something like this, you're extracted from that tunnel.

And you know that there's boundaries that are never meant to be crossed between human and human. And I was extracted. and from that extraction point from that other like dimension of sorts I could look in to the collective tunnel but I can never be a part of it again and that way

like you're isolated you don't you always long to be a part of that culture again a part of that group of people but you know you're not like you'll never be You know what I mean? You're forever distracting.

You're forever extracted and you're forever condemned in that area because of who you are, what you know you are. And I think it's been one of the saddest things I've ever had to endure in life in general. You know what I mean? I mean, obviously, a different experience, but it's funny. My wife and I will be at dinner with somebody, and you hear that. them talking about they're very middle class normal people right and they're having these conversations and she and i will we're sitting the right you know and you'll glance at each other and both of us because my wife did five years for an ice conspiracy yeah she did five years for an ice conspiracy

and these people will be talking about very normal things kids soccer games um school plays and you'll glance at each other we'll glancing each other and you'll have that moment of of you feel like we don't belong here. I don't belong here. You know? Or people that know your story and you're at dinner with them and they kind of go around. They all talk, but they never get to the point where they talk to you or ask you because they know. We don't want to touch touch this.

Right. I can't say anything. I don't want, we don't want to kind of include them because we know that their story is so vastly different. it will make us feel, them feel uncomfortable. It won't make us feel uncomfortable. We kind of laugh about it. We kind of like, which I understand is different. But I kind of feel like that, like you're always, you're always on the outside.

Even when you're in the thick of it with everybody else, you know and your friends know, we don't belong in this situation. So with my wife's kids now, this is another story complete, but like I found her. she found me on a TikTok live because I blew up on TikTok right so we're doing these lives and my beautiful wife man she used to come to visit me and she used to put in so much work for me she used to go drive eight hours just to visit me get a hotel put $200 while she had a 7-11 job you know and it was the most precious thing anybody ever done for my ass because I never had nothing. Yeah, just talking about it.

It gets to be emotional, man. You know what I mean? Like, fuck. Like, nobody is ever given two shits, you know? So she would bring her kids and stuff. And now, I'm out here with her kids, with her, and I'm looking at them.

And they got this weird way this family, that dynamic where they come home and they tell each other how their day was. Right. Totally foreign to how you were raised. Right. Yeah. So I bought like two shirts the other day and they're like, okay, so we do like a show and tell like a haul or I guess they called it all.

Like we do with show and tell here, Victor. So when you come in and you buy things, like we all like to like to see it and stuff and see what you did. And I was like a haul. Like these are kids. It makes sense to me, right? Like, you know, at Christmas, you kind of go around. Like, you go around.

You go around. You open your presents. You open it. What did you get? Oh my gosh, Joe, so-and-so got me this. And, you know. Exactly. Yeah, they brag about us.

It's like, this is what we got. You know what I'm saying? But that's the problem is, is that that's a normal family. And you don't know what that is. And I'm like, huh? Why? But the kids, like, they... That's good stuff.

Yeah, man. They're so good to me. So her family, that dynamic, right? It's like, it's so strange to me. And I realize that, like, sometimes when me and her are, like, walking through Costco or something like that, I'm, like, stuck in that moment. Like, where the fuck am I at? Like, I come...

I wasn't solitary confinement with some of the bad. motherfuckers and we were stabbing each other and we were you know what I mean yeah sorry shanks shanks you know what I'm saying now you're discussing and now I'm out of him is the it should we buy the the jiffy juice because it's it's 20 cents cheaper or should we go buy the big pack exactly right and you're like then it's kind of like what the fuck am I doing I used to drop a thousand dollars a night on a stripper and now and now she looks at me and she's like right she's like she's like the most precious human being well for me right because so so she got this Matthew

she got this for me 20 years ago and she bought the prayer hands right here you see because um she knew that I was getting sentenced to a long time and she bought this for me she wasn't ever going to give it to me because at first I thought that I was getting in life without but um she gave it

to me and then she kept it this whole entire time and now she gave it to me actually in person in a in the bow and so that's why i'm wearing it right now is like 20 years later she actually gave it to me in person and it had the bow everything to it you know what i mean so i was like holy shit ain't that wild bro that you're loved beyond anything that i could have imagined you know um If there's somebody to hold on something like this for 20 fucking years, you know what I'm saying? It's wild, man. It's wild. Well, let's go back to the tub.

All right. So. Let's do it, brother. Damn, that's a start contrast, man. Sorry. Let's go, brother. Let's go. Hold on.

Let me take a drink first. All right, man. Let's go. So what do you do you? Do you, do? garbage bags and throw them in dumpsters. Hey, man, really? I'm sorry.

I just, I, all right. You know what's so funny is, um, funny is probably not with the right word, but yeah, maybe not in this instance. No. My, if, you know, if, um, if a grown man can have a best friend, my best friend would be a buddy named, uh, named Pete that I was incarcerated, right? Yes, you meet the best people there. It's funny, right?

Yeah, yeah. You know, um, and his case, there was two murders and they just, of the bodies, you know, in, in dumpsters, right? Like they put them in zip, they put them in, and the guys were killed, they put them in sleeping bags, and they, in the middle of, you know, taped them up. In the middle of night, they threw them in a dumpster. And then one was one was, um, it was actually found by like a homeless guy

who went and did the dumpster just before it got, and that was it. You know, they called the cop, hey, this is what I just found. So I'm just wondering. No, this was, uh, this was, uh, This was bags. So this is a part that I've never shared on other podcasters, stuff like that. This is something that's going to come out with the documentary. Oh, I'm doing a documentary and a book, but he was there for three days, man.

Yeah, he was there for three days. Are you guys discussing, like, what are we going to do? We got to. Aren't you concerned, though? This guy was on the phone with someone. Yes. But he was on the phone. Oh, yeah.

So that was another thing, right? I mean, somebody's looking for that. So when he was on the phone, he was talking to some people. When we were doing this, his phone's going off? No. Two dudes come to our house with masks and in Pupu's. Right.

They come to our house with Pupu's, and they're black dudes. with their masks and their and their and their and their hats to to the side there was two in the front one in the back and um they came to the house i was this close man this close to right put one through that door you know what i mean but we couldn't because he had already been been deceased at that point so and there's not enough room in the bathtub for three more sorry Thank you, Matt. I'm sorry.

I appreciate you for that one. Appreciate you, Matt. Appreciate you, Matt. They come through that door. They're done. Yeah, they're done. I mean, the type of stuff that we had. Yeah.

Yeah, they're done, bro. You know what I'm saying? These are hollows. They knocked twice and took off. And they got in like a little green Honda and just took off, you know. But I'll never forget the way I felt when I was sitting there. like locked and loaded you know what I'm saying like just waiting like come on

is it going to happen man the nerves you feel you know what I'm saying knowing that somebody's in the tub right now you know what I mean wild wild as fuck man you know I'd love to say it's the same thing in the mortgage industry

no fucking quit it it's vastly different it's vastly different situation a lot of similarities man yeah a lot of similarities You know, the way the... Sorry. Interest rates.

Interest rates. Play a big part. I had that underwriter right where I wanted. Right, right there, you know. So three days, you got to get rid of this. Yeah, we ended up calling some dudes from a biker club. Listen, I don't understand. That sounds like the same thing with my buddy Pete.

Like, they're calling people to, like a disposal. It's almost like... They had told us, Matt. They had told this. If you ever need anything? If you ever need anything, we're here. And it was such bullshit, though, because... It is, but they're full of shit, though, right?

They're like these dudes who are like, bro, all right, brother. Yeah, we got you, brother this and brother that. Fucking come time. Fucking pussy-assie out. Like, you know, they were... ended up, they were the ones, the ones that told on us. Really? Yeah, it's crazy.

See, my buddy Pete, they called, like, first they called this, these guys, and they were like, they were like, yeah, we can't have anything to do with that. And he's like, what are you talking about? Like, this is, you've told, you told us. He called like multiple people that had said the same thing. Like, you ever need anything, you ever need it? But you know what happened to, though, right? So in their defense is that my cousin went out and we promised to keep it, nobody was saying. nothing nobody would say a word and we ended up uh he ended up going to another state and telling

my aunt's and uncle was what had happened and those are the ones that ended up calling the cops on us i've i always felt like he snitched because it was it was like when you go and tell other people about something me and you did you know what i'm saying um you're pretty much toast at that like like because you're pretty much putting us out there and those were the ones who called the cops on us so it's been three days you guys are having a discussion about getting rid of this these these let's say garbage bags and then we call those guys from the biker club and they say all right brother uh what do you got and then and then we gave them some money yeah well not money but some other stuff And then they go, all right, we can meet you over here.

And then we got another buddy to bring a truck. He brought the truck in. So we used to have these duffel bags, right? So we got the hefty bags. And then we got the duffel bags. We put the hefty bags full of the... Parts. And then we put it inside of like the duffel bag

and then carried the duffel bag into the truck. and then like we ended up taking it over there and so these guys pick it up and they take it or the cops and they take it they take it and then we think that it's gone it's never going to be found again because that was the assurance we had lo and behold that wasn't it you know what I mean

so yeah that's how that went down and then when the cops started coming and asking questions I was kind of waiting. I thought that I was fucked because... So, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like, my cousin had been saying so many things. The cops, wait a minute. So how long before the cops show up and how do they show?

Months, months. Months. So you feel you're okay for months? No, I did not feel okay. Not okay. I felt like I told you, brother, like, once you step into that dimension, you're always in that dimension.

So I wasn't free from the moment that we did this. I was completely fucked. Like my mind was fucked. I was thinking like, how am I going to live the rest of my life like this? Because if this is my destiny, I'm pretty much fucked. You know what I'm saying? Like regardless, you know? Like, I ended up hearing the phone calls that were coming in talking about,

hey, your cousin's saying this, your cousin's saying that, your cousin's saying this. And my stomach just starts to boil. And I'm like, why is he telling people that? And then I called, call them. up and then he starts crying he's like you know i'm having nightmares brother i'm seeing this i'm seeing that and i'm like i mean the time for guilt is over like that yeah that shit's done bro like that's that's just between you and god honey you know what i'm saying and and the rest is between me and you you

you know what i'm saying um so the fact that he was out there because man there was times that i thought i wanted to talk too like have have somebody there to communicate the fact that We just did this. You know what I'm saying? And I couldn't. I just kept my mouth close because you have to. These are things that come with what you do. You know what I'm saying?

So when he went out there and he started saying that, I started getting calls from family out there saying, Victor, please tell me that he's lying, that you guys didn't really do this. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, no, he told us. what you guys did i go what are you talking i'll go get him he's in intoxicated right now let me just go and get him i i assure you he's uh he's not in his five cents so um i ended up when i

was on on on my way there the cops ended up busted him the cops bust him for what for because the people called the cops okay so they call him they said there was a this, this, and that. And then they had a search warrant out here in Salem Morgan for the person that was missing for four months. You know what I'm saying? Right. But you don't have a body.

But they got the missing person's case. And they got a bunch of people saying, oh, that's Victor's best friend. You know what I'm saying? Right. So how long does that, how long does you get? Like, that's not, I mean, in Florida, I don't think in Florida,

you would have to have those accusations aren't enough most likely without a body or a significant amount of evidence in fucking Salem they would toast you

in Salem they don't give a shit so here they're burning women for being witches and saying not that Salem bro not that same no in Salem so so they had these people saying who

that's Massachusetts yeah yeah that's that's not Oregon brothers. Sorry. Man, really, Matt. Listen,

I was, my, my knowledge of, of geography was taught to me in Florida. Okay? So not the greatest

school system. Of course. I know there's, I know the 13 Confederate states and there's a bunch of square states up north. Of course. That's all they were concerned when I was going to.

Don't leave here. I committed all my, crimes in those states. Guy like, why didn't she go other places? I'm like, I'm just in the south. Yeah. So it wasn't a thing. It was like, okay, he was missing for four months.

So his family started to put up flyers. I went to eat tacos one day and I was eating tacos, bro. I go to the taco stand. Motherfucker. There's fucking flyer. Right through in my face. I was like no tacos for me. On the thing?

On the taco stand. his big old face right there. Missing four months. If anybody has any questions, Christopher Lampkin case. So they grab your cousin and then you say you're on your way there and the cops pull you over

or when you get there the cops grab you? No, no, no, no. I am not caught. The cops got my cousin. And we had gotten calls that he was already caught. We had went to go to talk to my cousin. Sounds like a you problem.

We weren't going to talk to my cousin. cousin if you pick up what I'm saying like oh yeah no no that's over yeah that's over I was I was gonna go take them fishing we were going to be hanging out and then I was going to have the talk with my cousin um before I got there um the cops had picked him up mm-hmm so we didn't ever get a chance to talk to him um but he ended up going going to prison and he He has told me, oh, no, bro, don't worry. I got this. He didn't say nothing, bro.

And the thing that we were agreed on, that we had agreed on, right? That he would take the whole thing, make it, make it, you know. Because of what happened, right, how it occurred. So that didn't. I don't feel like. That's what I don't feel like. It really pissed me off. I was like, all right, cool.

So I ended up seeing him in prison. We ended up fighting. I beat the shit out of them in prison in front of all those little friends and shit. Well, so how do you end up in prison? Shit, because of the murder. Well, no, I understand. I'm saying right now we've got you sitting in a car. Your cousins get arrested.

You're at home. You're getting some phone calls. Your cousin's in jail. And you're saying, you're like, yeah, sounds like it's a his, sounds like he's got some issues going on. I'm not going to know what else. Like a his. Yeah, that sounds like a you problem.

Yeah. So the cops end up coming and getting me investigated. I don't know how they got half. My paperwork is like 1,500 pages long. It's a big old stack of paperwork. They got me. My first offer was 47 years. 37 years was the second.

Okay, well, wait a second. They grab you. They arrest you. Yeah, they arrest me. Like, they didn't arrest, did they arrest you just on your cousin's word? No, he did not say a word. My cousin did not say a word.

It was other, other, other, other, other, people that were saying that me and him did this and then they investigate they don't need much man to get you when you're arrested you're arrested they don't give a shit they're like they felt like I did something and

half the shit that they heard was was false so but that's what they're going on that's what they present to the DA that's what happens they never included the fact that he was trying to invade our home they never included that they said that we were that we were

that we did this because of we're bad people and he owed us money. That was never the fucking case and I'll continue to say that. Right. Until my last breath, you know what I mean? But yeah. So you're arrested, you're in prison,

no bond, I'm assuming. No, no bond. You're being, do you get a private attorney? Yes. So, man. Paul Ferder Okay Yeah, Paul Ferder

He was an inexpensive Attorney What's he saying? He's saying, yo, we got this We got this Don't worry Gets me a deal Okay, cool

Gets you a deal He said he said, he said, We're good So we got a deal, bro You're going to beat it He said you did not do nothing I said I did not do nothing Right

Right. And then they find my cousin's girlfriend. And she's state evidence. Right. She's state witness. And she said, I've seen Victor do this. I've seen Victor do that. Victor's a psychopath. Was she there?

She was there. Oh, that's not good. That's not good. But you know what, man? This is the first time that done. actually going to say this, right? At that moment, she almost didn't make it out of that house.

Right. She had no idea. And I saved her life. She almost didn't make it out of that house, you know? Right. I saved her life. And she ended up, well, not that I feel like God or anything. You know what I mean?

Like, I didn't have the right to put her in that situation anyways. but like her life turned out so messed up bro so bad for what we did you know what I mean but I did save her life man okay so so she was going to get you get the business right no I understand what you're saying and I stopped it right but so eventually she so she ends up going to the police or they talked to her she says yeah i was there this is what happened um this is what these guys did and that's what they had had on me right so they've got her um so they have her ready to testify and and she's explained probably that these other guys picked them up or picked she says so much matt she says so much she says everything about me she says the other guy

do they end up talking to the other guys that picked up the the bags she said more on me than anything else she hated me for some reason so well i mean and you know i can understand i was going to say i mean not for some reason you know what i mean she's doing the right thing let's face it and she was she was doing the right thing you know uh so for some reason right so please edit that shit out then all right bro so i have so basically your fear at this point is she's going to get on the stand she's going to say exactly what happened you can't go to trial i'm thinking trial like i mean i'm assuming your lawyers think in trial until she shows up.

Until she shows up. Oh, he's saying, he's not even saying trial. He said, no. They got way too much because if your cousins say what they, what your other cousin told him, you're fucked. So you got, you already have multiple people ready to get on the, bro, like a million people because my cousin went out there and started telling people that we did this.

That's hearsay. They need him. It does not matter. They need a, they've got a few people to say. It does not matter. bro like in my case um i was going to get a beautiful beautiful deal right but because of what so many people heard and then that lady that lady right there that girl she changed changed it all she was actually there she's seen me oh yeah and there's too many people that are cooperating

for you to and she seemed that i did some other stuff prior so she implemented that in that case too she's like this is a crazy son of a gun this dude should not be out here um so that's how they pop me and so i get um 47 was was was the first offer 37 was the second 27 was the last i go i'm thinking about um on unaliving myself at that point i really didn't care i'm i mean i was born in chaos i I'm done with this shit, you know. That's kind of the mentality I had. Real quick, how old were you at this time?

I was, man, I don't know, like 19, 20 years old. So you're, let's say 20. So at 20 years old, you're being offered 27, more time than you've been on this earth. Yeah, yeah, for sure. With good time, you're still looking at doing what? 20? Shit, I wasn't about to find out.

I was like, screw that. That's done. Hope is gone. on hope is something that happens to other people, not for me. You know what I mean? Someone I got there, that's what happened. And they say, all right, they go, all right, we'll go to trial. I was like, okay, if I got anything more than 20 years, I was going to call it quits.

I'm good. You know what I mean? They can find me in that cell, put me in a bag, take me out, you know? but the mom and dad came up told the DA had a conversation with the DA and actually talked to him hey we still don't have the head and legs so they found pieces they did find pieces they found pieces not the head and legs okay and and I hate to say it but it's the only thing that saved me man right because they wanted closure so the deal they came back at me and said if you tell us where the head and legs are at, we give you 180 months, plus the time served in

county jail. 180 months, that's 15 years, I was like, where do I sign this? You know what I'm saying? Like, where do I sign this? Because at that point, I'm thinking, I'm going to do life. Like, how did this even come through? Because they want closure for their boy, you know? And so when I'm in actual court, I'm sitting there.

And I'm, they want a written letter to the mom. And I'm sitting there. How do you talk? What do you say, you know what I'm saying? What do you say, like, to somebody's mother, you know what? After you did what you did, there's no, I always get this in my chat, you know. Like, have you ever talked to the mom? What would you say if, if you could?

I can't say nothing. I can't even communicate with them, nothing. But what I did, what I said was, I hope you can forgive me, not for my sake, but for your own. Because after a loss like that, I could imagine. You know what I mean? I'm the number one focus of your hatred. You know what I'm saying?

And I could completely understand that, you know? I think, I wish that they, would understand though you know what i mean like when you do something like this bro the the the like the penitentiary walls don't got shit on the walls that you incarcerate yourself in there wasn't one person that passed away there was two you know what i'm saying i was included in that um when you do something like this you really do enter another world bro you know what i'm saying And I think there's no words to express that world. That's a dark world.

You know, there ain't no love, bro. There ain't no peace, you know. So, yeah. So you, you give them this information. They recover? No, no, no, they never found it. Oh, wow. Okay.

But you still get the, do you still get the 15 years? Yeah, we took them to the park. There was a park out there. We took them to the park. And there was nothing there. I got the 15 though so I was like all right cool so you go to what the pen

I go to prison yeah I go to county I was in county for 18 months or 20 months and then I go to two rivers what is two rivers that two rivers prison and as soon as I walk in there it's fucking dark brother everybody's fighting just like a maximum security

yeah maximum security maximum security based on the crime Yeah, yeah, two rivers is maximum. So you go over there, there's walls. You don't see the outside. It's just like a little yard. You walk in. You walk around in.

How many people are in that? 100 people. A hundred people? Inside of the units. There's 100 people to every unit. Oh, how many in the whole prison? And there's 22 units. 2,200 people.

Oh, 2,200 people. Okay. 2200 people. But the units are very dark. So there's only four units that are mainline. so so so so the so the so the so the so the four units have two two for south side two for north side but the other ones are all PC so they're they're they're they're protective custodies but high high levels like protective custodies like like the p ditties of the of the of the world right

I'm saying right like this dude's got to not be here because this dude will get touched you know what I'm saying so they actually signed sign that off but where I was was the four units so where you come in there and everybody's like from a different prison in there for bad things and that was the first prison that I went to and it was crazy I was like what the fuck it was wild seeing some dude get his face sliced open like almost like like the fourth day in there um his like cheek was flapping because the knife went right through his or the the piece went right through his cheek, you know what I'm saying?

Um, and this was my introduction to the, to the prison, prison facility like this, you know. And I, I knew that I had 15 years, but at the same time, I was like, there's no way that I'm going to wait 15 years here. Fuck now. You know what I mean? So I just started fighting like almost, almost immediately. Um, I got. broken face right here.

This is a... That's a plate right here. I got my knuckled broken. See, right here. That's a plate in my hand. I got poked right here in my head. That's a bite mark from a self-fight. I became a shot caller at the age of 24

for the PISA game in prison. And it's funny, right? Because that's one game that nobody talks about. but we're the ones that call the shots in there. They're like without a doubt. We're the Bices. Yeah, the Bices ran all the...

Why doesn't nobody talk about it though, right? They don't have a really cool name. Exactly. You have to have a Latin key. You have to have a cool name. Pisces is what basically means what, like brothers or brothers? Brothers, a union. Yeah.

And we're the biggest gang in there. And let me tell you, nobody fucks with us, you know? we're the largest ones and they say that that the gains gangs can do what they can but the bices do what they want you know what I'm saying because we don't

and we're actually pretty nice people it's like we're not bullying people or extorting people like we're not doing that stuff we're like the most peaceful gang but when somebody fucks with us and then we tear that yard up, you know what I'm saying? That's exactly how it is.

I'm sure the Pisces too, when like Mexicans would come on the palm, you know, they immediately, they got soup. Go check them up. Well, they got soup. They got shoes, everything. Shower slides. Yeah, they've got a lock. They've got, like they get like a whole,

that's the whole fucking kit. Soap, all that. Hygiene, toothpaste, you know what I mean? Um, that's a starter kid. You were in prison, brother. You were in prison, man. The white guys,

they don't get shit, you get a lock. They might get shower slides. Disrespectful. Yeah. I mean, but there's also the, there's also the benefit of there's not a lot of white guys,

you know, at least in my prison. So it's like you got like 30 or 50 guys. Like, and usually these guys don't have any money. Everybody's giving up on them. So, So you have heard of the Bices.

Oh, yeah. In the medium, there was a ton of them in the medium. And the low, but in the low, there's definitely no. I hear these dudes, right, saying like, oh, yeah, brother, you know, shot caller of this gang and that gang, right? And I'm thinking, like, the bises were, like, the largest gang in fucking prison. I don't know why nobody talks about him. Well, I think because these are guys that. that are not in your case.

Well, even kind of in your case, like you said, you weren't in a gang on the outside. It was just a group of guys. And that's very much what they are. It's like, hey, we have numbers. We need to click up. We need to keep each other safe.

But you're not trying to cause any problems. Like, we're not trying to run all the drugs going in. No, we're not trying to do all that. They're like, they just want peace. Just to do time. And to be safe. But when you fuck with one. Yeah, well, that's the safety.

you get the whole burrito right that's that's the that's the safety point right like if you fuck with one guy now you have a problem like we're not bothering you like we're not doing nothing to start issues right but if there's an issue there's but if there's an issue we're going to handle it you don't I mean and like that's the number one thing that we did so so so when I was a shot caller I started to utilize that as a way to like to utilize strength and power you know what I'm saying like okay so I don't I don't care how tough these other guys are like if i have the powers behind me then pretty much we can do whatever we want you know what i mean and then um we can go to war you know what i mean and i took us to

war like twice that's where they're right that's where the face plate came from and and this is like a riots in the right at two rivers yeah but i got a lot of respect for that you know I wish that I could talk about what happened, but I can't because, you know what I mean? Yeah, because you've done enough time in prison already. Yeah, there's like, you know what I'm saying? I'm good, though. Yeah, I can't talk about it. Let's just say allegedly somebody ended up stabbing this dude in the face and he was,

or poked somebody in the face. Yeah, like a whole poker sticking out of his face. in my face broke and the situation was critical. I was in the medium security prison and a riot broke out in the pen. And like, I think it's pin one. Bro, there's no words to express the way you feel when you're in a riot.

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Fuck your khakis. Get the perfect jeans. You can hear the gunshots. You can hear what the concussion grenades. Then they locked us up. We're like, we're not. Of course, all the guards have to go to that facility. Now, it's only, it's 300, it's probably 100 feet away,

300 feet away, 100 yards away from our facility. And then, so of course, they lock us down. You hear the concussion grave. You hear the screaming. And then the helicopters come in. Like, they're landing helicopters because multiple inmates were fired on. And, you know, that's serious, obviously, because these guys don't have guns, right?

Like, this is right from the towers. This is like people. views. Yeah. And helicopters come in. They end up leaving. There was a newspaper article that I wish I could find. I actually had it at one point.

The problem is it might be out. I'm sure it's out there. Somebody could find it. When the article comes out, it talks about how there was a riot in the Coleman facility. Right? They don't mention which part. There were a riot in the Coleman facility. there were over 300 some odd people involved

because there's only like 500 guys in the pin. Right, right. And they said there, and they said helicopters come in, like, whatever. Two correctional officers were injured, six inmates. I want to say there was a death. And several inmates were life-flighted to the hospital. That's what happened. And then they talked, they said that the Coleman facility, right?

facility, not pen, but the facility holds such infamous inmates as Conrad Black, which was a guy that was locked up, and Matthew Cox. And then it says, Matthew Cox, the big shebang? Then it says. What? The serious gangster? Triple OG. Exactly. And it says, it says, Matthew Cox is a very dangerous dude.

We're unsure which area of the prison he was in. During the riot, like if you read this, you think I was in a riot. I'm in the medium in my cell going, looks bad over there. They're bringing in helicopters. Hey, look at guys. Boom. I mean, you hear boom and we're ducking. Like, oh my.

But if you have that. Oh, my Lord. If you read that article, you'd be like like, like, Matthew Cox was like, like, pew, pew and fools. Oh, you can see me in the backyard with two fucking, too big ass shay. Yeah. Like, what's up, y'all? Do you want some?

duct tape to my hands. That's fucking hilarious. I had a sally named Stu who used to tell us about how they would, he's like, we would put the duct tape on the, you know, on the shake. And then we duct tape it around our hands. He goes, because you know how it is, Cox. You know how it? Like you know what happens, Cox?

Yeah, he goes, you know, that blood slippery, you know? And I'm like, no, I don't know. Stop telling me these stories. I really don't know. They're horrible stories. Horrible. And I'm not going to tell you mine anymore. Okay.

Anyway. I hate the guys that were coming from state and tell state stories. I have to leave. So, like, these state stories are crazy, right? Because they usually put shit on them. They put shit on the knives or they'll have rust on them. Wait, wait, wait, you know why? You know why they do that?

Shit. Infect them. Because if they just stick them a little bit, they're dying within a few days. And if you catch somebody off the basketball court, he's fresh out of playing basketball and that blood is flowing. So what you got right there is a cool case. stick him really quick and he'll bleed out faster infection and then you got the rest the rest will also these are strategized ways of hurting another human being horrible horrible like what kind of

system do we got when we actually have this implemented into our system saying that i hate cox man when they're say victor do you feel you were rehabilitated I said, I go, first of all, I take offense to the term rehabilitation because to be rehabilitated assumes that you were habilitated to begin with. In my case, that's not the case. I come from chaos. I come from shit. I don't know nothing else.

Show me another way and I'll do it. I don't fucking know how. How do I make you guys understand that I do not know how? I got my driver's license first time at 37, you know. I didn't even know how to fucking drive a car, man. My PO wanted me to pay back my fines and I'm like, I can't even get a job.

I don't got a bike. What are you talking? This is my first time out here in 20 years. Did you get a driver's license? Like when you were leaving, did you get a driver's license in prison? No, fuck no. You don't know drivers.

Well, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute. In Coleman, they don't do it anymore. They had something called the flow bus. which was the Florida, Florida, Florida bus. It was a drive for the driver's license. I actually walked out of prison with a driver's license. What?

Right. The effort that you have to go to to do that. People don't realize. Like they're like, oh, you're in that, you went out of the halfway house. Oh, yeah. So they don't realize like, no, you don't understand. The agony, the effort it takes, you get to the halfway house. And they think, oh, well, you go get a job?

No, no. I have to get a driver's license. First, I have to order all my documents. Social Security. So, birth certificate. Birth certificate. Proof of residence. How do you even get that when you first come out?

Don't even know. How do you utilize a fucking phone, right? So when I came out, I was trying to find, okay, I'm going to go. I literally thought that to apply to a job meant you had to go to the spot. So I would go. I'm like, well, I'm going to go job searching guys, walking from place to place. and they're like, yeah, we don't take applications like this, or you got to email this.

I'm like, how do I use the email? I'm not, I don't even know how to use the email. I don't have an email, you know what I'm saying? So it's like the simple things that people don't really realize when you're not a part of this world. You're not a part of this world. You can be in a room full of a million people and still full alone. And I didn't call home, home, until I found my wife.

because when I met my wife and we were actually out here hanging out, I could cuddle with somebody, talk about all my bullshit and cry and hang out with your kids and just chill, that was me coming home. I didn't realize, man, Matt,

what was wrong with me until I came out. I was only able to figure out what was wrong with me when I came home because when I came home, because when I came home, I realized I got major PTSD, brother. What year was this? It was 28 months ago.

I want to say 2022. Yeah. Yeah, 2020 or 23, something like that. Did they send you to a halfway house? No, I was in a homeless shelter, bro. I went with my brother. I didn't have family, man. So everybody forgot about me.

Nobody was there for me. I came out, found my brother, and it was like, what the fuck, right? Wait, wait, what do you mean you came out? Like, what, I came out of prison. Well, no, I understand that. I'm saying like they, I'm saying they let you, they literally let you, like, walk out the gate or they did you give you a bus ticket? Like, where are you going? Like, where do they think you're going when you leave here?

They don't just don't get a fuck. They didn't give a shit. They don't give a fuck. No, no. No, halfway house? No. They didn't even talk to me. They're just, this is your date.

They get up. Roll it up. I was like, okay, cool. Do you have a, you don't have a counselor? Were you able to put in to get into a halfway house in your state? No, no. It was like, we're just coming home. Like, do you need something?

No, we can give you some toothpaste, armpit, like deodorant. Aside from that, shit, well, good luck, Vic. You know what I'm saying? And so I came home and I was thinking like, okay, I'm with my brother. but he was drinking a lot so i'm like fuck i want to stop drinking man but fuck i couldn't stop drinking one because of the trauma that i fucking went in there it was like every day that i woke up i would fucking have nightmares you know what i'm saying and then like um it was hard bro like dealing with with my crime because every time that i went out with my brothers i would see

places like my victim's house you know stuff like that and shit like that so I made it very real that I was out here do you deserve to be out here what do you do you know what I'm saying how do you proceed you know what I mean so my brother

was drinking I was sleeping on his couch and I stayed there like for a year on his couch and I was trying to make ends meet Are you working? Yeah I got I got a job at a gas station I was pumping gas Where somebody else pumped you pull up

I'm in Salem Morgan Bro we pump gas for people Really? I wish they get that here Not Yeah we we pump gas for the exact opposite reason For them it's freezing cold for us It's like I don't want to get in that heat

Yeah I don't want to get out here Exactly because I was pumping gas in the storm In fucking ice Like ice cold storm right So we were pumping gas But like Yeah What is that pay?

Is that minimum wage At 1375 and I 40 hours a week that's no it it wasn't 40 hours a week no it was like 30 it's like 30 20 because at 40 they have to pay they have to pay for health insurance no overtime because they don't want you to get that overtime yeah like nope um and you're sleeping on your brother's couch sleeping on my brother's guy got a second job no that was it i was i was trying to find jobs bro i couldn't find a fucking job so i was like wait a minute you're i don't believe that you're telling me that you're telling me that you're telling me me that people don't want to hire a guy that just got out of prison for murder?

That's ideal, right? Isn't that what every job application starts with? That's what we're looking for. What are you? What did you do? Murder? Okay. Nice meeting. Thank you so much for coming by. Thank you. You're such a nice guy. You know what's funny about that? Is that, do you know it has the lowest recidivism rate? Yeah. Murder. Of course. So you, I mean, and I don't mean because most people, most people, most people are I tell them that they're like, because they don't get out. No, no. Recidivism has to do with getting out and re-ending.

Thank you very much for that. Thank you for saying that. It is almost no recidivism, right? No recidivism. No recidivism. When you do 20 years, 25 years, yeah, some type of realization occurs where you grow up. You're older, your mind.

It changes, you know what I'm saying? Drugs and fraud. Highest recidivism rates. Drugs and fraud. Wow. You know? Because these guys are used to making that, that, you know, it's that cash, it's easy money. And that was a part that was addicting too, though.

It was like the cash and the arrogance that goes with it. You know, it's funny. My wife said, she's like, you know, it's funny. She said, what's better than the cash is the fact that now everybody respects you and you are the person everybody goes to. You're the person. He's like, you feel like a big shot. Like, now, my wife does that too, too.

You know, you're, she's like, because she was a drug dealer, right? So she's like, like, you're the person. People are calling you all the time. Can you get me this? Can you help me with this? Like, suddenly she's like, you're the big shot. I got, I got banned. I got banned from my account, right?

And my poor wife was like, Victor, you're still the big shot. You're you. Your story is your story. You can do this, right? And I'm, like, amazed. like how somebody could believe in me so much, right, because of, like, where I come from, right? Like, my wife is, like, my biggest friend, like, my biggest fan.

You know what I'm saying? I just feel so loved to bro. You know what I'm saying? Not just that, but, like, my followers, like, from TikTok, these are people that don't know me that come to my story on a live and, like, hear my story, start talking to me and are like,

Victor this and Victor that. You are so inspiring. You did this and you did that. And I'm like, I told you what I did. Yeah. You're still here believing in me. I got fans like Emily and

fucking Jen. These people come and they drop on me. Like they drop. They make big gifts. You know what I'm saying? And if it weren't for them, I wouldn't even be here. right now. So if it weren't for somebody believing in me, I don't think that I can believe in myself. You know what I mean?

It's odd. It's odd, right? Isn't it odd for people to say, like, you're inspiring and you feel like, the fuck did I do? Why am I inspiring? That's my issue right now, man. Is that how am I inspiring when every day I wake up to the furnace that was my life? You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know how that works. But people want to, they feel like, hey, if this guy can make a comeback,

or this guy can do the right thing and this guy can then to them then they feel like their problems are small in comparison to a guy that has the stigma of a murder case of a murder conviction prison got out doesn't not only do you not have a driver's license you don't have the documentation to get the drive so it's the process of i got to get my social security card i have to have that ordered in. I have to get this. And just to order it and you have to get the document or documentation to show them to get your driver's license. Like I have to come up with the documentation to document myself to get my birth certificate. Then I get that. Then I have to go get my driver's license. That is a, a month long process to get those documents to be able to drive while you have no money

while you're living in a homeless shelter. So when I was in solitary like for four, and a half years, right? In solitary. So you're in solitary. You're some time to think. We have a lot of time to think, right? There was this book that I read, Victor Franco. Victor Franco is a master, right? But there was Victor Frank. Oh, my gosh. What is it? What's the book? Man search for meaning. Oh, okay. Man search for meaning Victor Frank. He's a fucking amazing dude. I wish that I could have gotten the chance to meet this guy, right? But like the shit that he says and the other things that other people say too is like, I used to read psychology, so philosophy, an order to find meaning.

And there was this quote that was on there, right, that talking about Socrates and Plato. Socrates was this dude for the wisdom. Plato was his student. And Plato would be like, hey, fucking, where do you get this wisdom and knowledge, Socrates? he thought that you could get it from one statement Socrates, tired of hearing fucking Plato. He goes, get the fuck over here. I'll show you where I beat this, right?

He grabs him, starts to drown him. Picks him up right as he's about to give his last breath. He goes, when you look for wisdom and knowledge the way your lungs were looking for air beneath that fucking water, that's where you find wisdom and knowledge. I think my life

has been that I've been beneath water. I didn't have a choice. I had to figure out what the solution was. How do I become this? How do I change? What is it that I'm doing wrong? You know what I'm saying? It demanded of me. It didn't, you know what I mean? It was a demand. It wasn't like a choice. You know what I mean? Like when you're put in a situation where you're doing life in prison, when you come to a conclusion that the whole society has gotten together and deemed that you should be executed, you start realizing what's wrong with me, man.

Why? Yeah, there has to be something wrong for society to have decided you can't be, you can't be around us anymore. Yeah, you have to be over here. Like maybe you should be executed, you know what I mean? Like people like you shouldn't exist. Even if they put you in prison for six months, you've done something that's so, So antisocial that you can't be in society. Society has said you need to go have a little,

you need to go have a time out and rethink this. We don't want you around us. Exactly. And when people get released from prison, the truth is it's just because they serve their term of imprisonment, and most of society still doesn't want them around. They just can't lock everybody up forever. You know, so if you're smart, you go to prison,

and you kind of sit back and you think to yourself, how did I put myself here? Most people go to prison and think someone else put them there. That fool snitched on me. He did that. He did that. Get the fuck out of here. Maybe the fact that you robbed the bank.

It could have been the fact that you pew-pute somebody right there in the front lawn. You know what I'm saying? Right. You know what I mean? There's other factors for sure. Like me, bro, like I understand now fully. For the first time, though, it's weird. is I understand I was a bad dude, bro, like my mind.

Now, do I have a reason for it? Maybe, perhaps, but there's this quote that said, I've driven not to laugh at any human actions, not to weep nor to cry, but to simply understand them. When you understand me, you can understand that there were situations that weren't easy, you know what I'm saying? and that I made the best decisions given those situations.

It wasn't until I actually came out of that concept where I actually started realizing like another life exists. I have a choice. You know what I'm saying? I have a choice. This is my chance. I have a choice to show people who the fuck I am. You know what I mean?

Am I a convict, a murderer? No. I'm a loving person, caring person that wants to care for people. like genuinely love people you know what I'm saying and it's something that I was deprived of man I didn't have that you know so my victim's family actually sued me

is this right as soon as you got incarcerated or during the period of time? 2011 after I was incarcerated how long? Few years they sued maybe like seven years okay yeah what happened they ended up ended up taking the farm

that we did this in. They took the farm and I don't know what happened. So, I mean, you owned the farm? No, that was the farmers. But the farmer that snitched on me, he admitted that that was his farm. So you were included in the lawsuit? I was included in the lawsuit.

I was sued for $400,000, I think it was. And my cousin was sued for $800,000. But after 10 years, if you don't pay a dime back, they actually that's excluded. It falls off. Thank God

because I had no idea. I thought that I was going to be done like if I ever made money, which is another part, right? Like if you have money, you're pretty much screwed because of the cops and then

so if they want to take your money, you're not going to be successful, you know? Yeah, if you're owed money for, you know, if you're owed money for whatever, for a lien or something, they can, a judgment,

can continually come after everything that you have for the length of, well, typically a lot of times they'll, a lot of times still, they'll dissolve after like 10 or 20 years or something. But I think federal, it's 20 years from the time it was filed. But I don't know what it is for, I don't know what a civil, a simple civil lawsuit. I don't know if it's 10 years or if they can go back to the court. And I know they can typically go back to court and refile it. But so you're saying there's a, there was 400,000. They took the farm. I wonder if the farm covered the whole thing.

then they sued the apartment complex that it happened in okay they sued them as well um why i'm wonder how they're saying that they're liable because i wasn't on the lease somebody else was but i was paying the manager cash so that he can turn the other cheek and allow me to live there but you didn't you didn't participate in the you didn't fight the the lawsuit you got served you were like whatever i didn't care because I didn't think that I was coming home. Yeah. So I was kind of in that mode where I don't give a shit. You know what I mean?

Right. But I was like, that's a joke because I really didn't think that I was actually coming home from prison. Like I didn't think that I was going to actually make it. Yeah. I mean, I've met lots of guys like that where I met a guy one time. I've talked about this guy. This guy really,

this is the guy I met like the first day. He had horns on his head, tattooed horns. And I'm just tats all over his face. And I said, and I was like, bro, like after I talked to him for like four or five days, one day we were talking, he seemed so normal. And one day I looked at him and I went, you seem like a nice guy. And he was like, okay. And I go, what's what the fucking horns? And he goes, he started to laugh.

And he goes, well, I got 15, I think he got like 10 or 15 years in a state prison. He said there were guys being killed every week. He said two weeks. He said like, there's like, I forget how many murders in the state prison, whatever it was. He goes, and I genuinely didn't think I was coming home. So he said, you know, I had a buddy who did tattoos. He said, and one day I said, you know what would be cool? Tattoos of horns on my head is when we found a picture.

I said, yeah, like that. He goes, he tattooed them. He said, I already had some tats on my neck. And he said, the thing is, is he got to a point where after 15 years, he was being moved to the feds for like five years. He's like, now I realize he's like, I'm coming home and I'm stuck with tattoos. all the way. Hey, Matt. So I was going to get tattoos, my whole neck and my head.

I used to shave my head. Right. So my head was going to be all tatted back, right? But the day that I was going to move into the due cell to start, I got in the prison riot, and that's why these aren't aren't finished or actually finished yet. So that's a bite mark. right here from the cell fight motherfucker grab

grab my fucking grab my tattoo off and I just bro I laid his ass down and I felt so bad about it bro like I woke him up with cold water um he was unconscious

bro like he was unconscious he was like completely gone like blood all over like scattered on the wall and shit like it was it was dark man did you did you lose a chunk of skin I sure did like yeah I was going to say it looks like. Yeah, of course I did.

Look at that. I hit him so hard that it split right here in half. It was like a piggy bank in the front. And his eyes were like completely black. I used to fight a lot. So I was like practicing like MMA type of shit. You know what I'm saying? So that's that's the type of shit that I went to like for elbows and shit.

You know what I mean? and that's what it was bro like when i got into fight with somebody it wasn't like all right you're going to beat me up and then we're going to call it good i'm thinking like if you fight me you put your hands on to me i'm going to try to cut your life very short you know what i mean um that's that's that's the thing about these dudes on different podcasts that talk about like oh yeah well big dudes have it better in prison no they don't It's about who has the least to lose, you know. That's the most dangerous individual in prison.

It's not about how big you are, how much muscles you have. It's about that small guy right there that doesn't have no soul behind those eyes. I guarantee he's going to kill you, you know what I'm saying? Or he's going to unalive you. Sorry. What was the thing? The guy you got to be worried about as a quiet kid in the corner. You know what I'm saying?

Because that's a dangerous ass kid. Let me tell you. You know what I'm saying? And I know because when me, I was this dude that was really kind to people. And when it came to like somebody talking shit or something, I'm like, all right, cool. But when it gets times to actually be there, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, we're not going to have that altercation where like, okay, cool, man. You win.

I shake your hands. and we're all good, bro. You punch me in the face, and we're all good. You know what I'm saying? It's like, no, we're going to have the altercation. We're going to make it extremely bloody. And if we exist afterwards, so be it. If not, well, then so be it as well.

You know what I'm saying? And, like, that's the way it was. You know what I mean? But when you come out of here in this world, it's vastly different. Not too many people are about that, bro. you're like, what the fuck? This is a civilized society.

Thank God they're not. Yeah, thank God they're not, right? Because you're thinking like, oh, this is what human beings need. This is what humans being, human beings do. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, you don't want the world to be like that. Like, you know what I mean? People care for each other out.

People like give hand waves and, you know, like, you know, they stop for each other, opened up the door for each other like you see you homeless well I do I give them five bucks I'm like of course there's five bucks bro you know what I'm saying that's the life that I didn't have no idea

about bro you know what I'm saying God's being good man to me you know what I mean so what are you doing now full time I'm doing these lives TikTok so guys Victor Gonzalez 0511 Resilient Minds

Another shameless Another shameless plug Oh my god, Matt, really? Yeah, bro, you got to though, you know, you got to How often are you doing these? I do lives every single day It's been one of the coolest parts to actually talk to your community of people

And it's not about you like talking about prison it's more like a counseling session for me like talking about my past growing up you know you talk about to these people who are bro they believed in me since day one like I got usernames in in my head Candice Foster that Michelle Sophie

you know everything Emily like these are old old school mom these are followers that have been down for me since day one These are all women. Do you understand what my wife would do if I was like... My wife is very good at it. She's like, you know what? They support you.

You're good. I'd be terrified of my wife, bro. She would be like... If I came in and said, Emily sent me $200 or I was talking to Emily, I was talking to Emily. I was like, what? She's like, hold on.

Just let me get my sandal right off really quick. And we'll get back to it. Yeah, bro, it's crazy, right? they send you. So it's like, it's cool, man. You see, like, it validates you, bro. Because you're like, you know, like you feel like maybe I'm not such a better person. Maybe I could be a part of this community where people care for each other and you don't have to actually respond with aggressive violence.

Like, what the fuck is that? You know what I'm saying? Like, no, man, we can't, you know what I mean? Fucking trauma, man, you know? Yeah. And we were talking about, we talked about, we were talking about TikTok. Or you starting a YouTube channel. Have you started a channel?

I have. But I want to get it started. So it started right now. I really wasn't sure what I was doing yet. But I'm like barely starting it off. Victor 20 piece. Victor 20 piece. Victor 20 piece.

It's kind of a long name. You know what I'm saying? But that's what I'm saying, but I'm barely figuring these things out. Like, I don't know how to do it. Like with the TikToks, we were out here having a moment at the coast. And somebody's like, are you Victor from the live, TikTok live? I go, I'm Victor. He goes, bro, oh my gosh, that's so cool to meet you.

I was like, really, dude. It is the cool. It is the coolest thing, right? I wanted to cry, bro. I'm so appreciative. Like, really, like, you know me. Like, his wife comes on board, and she's like, bro, that's Victor, babe. The one you've been following the whole time.

I was like, oh, dude. Oh, that just melt my fucking heart, man. You know what I'm saying? That's cool for sure. Because, man, I stay humble, bro. I got these stooped glasses and all that shit to do this. But if you catch me at home, I'm pretty much not doing that. I'm kind of just with sandals hanging out at home, you know what I'm saying?

You know, having some tacos, you know, pretty much. So what do you think? So you're kind of figuring out the YouTube? Yeah, yeah, we're doing a book right now, too, a book and a documentary. The book is where I'm hoping to make some funds. I don't know. I'm still not that rich guy, but I'm hoping to have a place like this, man. This is pretty nice.

Yeah. This is pretty cool. I think it's above a homeless shelter. Yeah. Pretty cool, bro. Yeah, these mics are pretty bad. It's pretty bad. It's so funny, like we were talking about it.

Like, everything, our equipment is slowly upgraded, upgraded. Upgraded, upgraded. Yeah, when I went to Ian's podcast, I was, I literally told him that I was in a homeless shelter. I was kind of hoping he would buy it, be like, okay, maybe I could pay half his ticket? No. Son of a bitch. He never fucking paid a dime. I was like, you motherfucker.

All right. Listen, bro. We don't, I don't, that's, listen. You know how many people have been, have told me like, hey, can you this? Can you? No. No. There's a benefit to you coming here.

I bet you would feel some sort of way if I had a big platform with a million people. And then I'm like, hey, Matthew, do you think maybe you could afford. a flight? Yeah, of course, because you have a million people on your platform. You know who Michael Francis is? No. Michael Francis is a guy who's got like a million something. He's a former mobster.

He interviews people. He's in California. I flew out there and did his podcast. I paid my own ticket, paid for my own hotel, paid for my own Uber. Matt, it would have been cool because you can. but when you're in a homeless shelter. I hear you, but at that time, you know what happened?

You know when I flew out there? So when I did soft white underbelly, Mark. You were on soft white? Of course. Mark. I'm like that. Of course, Mark.

Oh, you're a triple OG, category six. All right. I went, I flew out there. Do you know where I was living when I flew out there? I was living in someone's spare room. I paid my own flight, paid for my own hotel. You should have seen. It's actually funny.

The hotel was actually in downtown L.A. It was like a refurbished hotel. It was super inexpensive. And I thought it was going to be a shithole. But it wasn't bad. Hey, Matt. You know, man, honestly, bro, coming from the shelter, I think that you earn what you put in. And I think that, you know, coming here with you was one of the highlights, man.

Super cool. Like, I'm here with you. Like with Matthew Cox. I'm sitting here with Matthew... I blew you up on my TikTok. I'm like, guys, follow Matthew Cox. We're going to Florida. We're going to be on Matthew Cox.

Everybody follow Matthew Cox. And so cool. When this comes out, we'll have to make sure and tell you so you can go on and try and push the video. I'm going to push the shit out of it. Hey, you guys, I appreciate you watching. Do me a favor. Hit the subscribe button.

Hit the bell so you get notified of videos just like this. Also, if you go into the description box, we're going to leave all of Victor's links to his TikTok. all of his social medias, you know, YouTube, everything. So you can go down there, click on it, go there, follow him, subscribe. He's going to be having content come on YouTube. He's going to be interviewing other guys that have done prison time, guys that have interesting stories, stories of redemption.

Once again, I really appreciate it. Please follow him. Thank you very much. I appreciate it so much. See you.