Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Inside the Real-Life Story Behind The Wolf of Wall Street | Nadine Macaluso Tells All
Episode Date: June 1, 2026Dr. Nadine Macaluso shares her personal story of being married to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort. Connect with Dr. Nadine Macaluso: IG: https://www.instagram.com/thereal...drnadine/?hl=en Buy her book: https://www.amazon.com/Run-Like-Hell-Therapists-Recognizing/dp/B0CD3CL12G/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drnaelmft Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drnaelmft Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheRealDrNadine Do you want to be a guest? Fill out the form https://forms.gle/5H7FnhvMHKtUnq7k7 Send me an email here: insidetruecrime@gmail.com Do you extra clips and behind the scenes content? Subscribe to my Patreon: https://patreon.com/InsideTrueCrime 📧Sign up to my newsletter to learn about Real Estate, Credit, and Growing a Youtube Channel: https://mattcoxcourses.com/news 🏦Raising & Building Credit Course: https://mattcoxcourses.com/credit 📸Growing a YouTube Channel Course: https://mattcoxcourses.com/yt 🏠Make money with Real Estate Course: https://mattcoxcourses.com/re Follow me on all socials! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/insidetruecrime/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@matthewcoxtruecrime Do you want a custom painting done by me? Check out my Etsy Store: https://www.etsy.com/shop/coxpopart Listen to my True Crime Podcasts anywhere: https://anchor.fm/mattcox Check out my true crime books! Shark in the Housing Pool: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0851KBYCF Bent: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BV4GC7TM It's Insanity: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08KFYXKK8 Devil Exposed: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08TH1WT5G Devil Exposed (The Abridgment): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1070682438 The Program: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0858W4G3K Bailout: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bailout-matthew-cox/1142275402 Dude, Where's My Hand-Grenade?: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BXNFHBDF/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1678623676&sr=1-1 Checkout my disturbingly twisted satiric novel! Stranger Danger: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BSWQP3WX If you would like to support me directly, I accept donations here: Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/MattCox69 Cashapp: $coxcon69 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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And I walked in and everybody seemed very strange.
Now, that should have been a red flag.
Once you can't make phone calls from your own house,
that's a sign that something's not right.
The movie, they show him getting arrested at a heliport,
but that's not what happened.
He would send his driver to my house with a Bulgari watch.
Here's $15,000 in cash.
Go have fun.
There's all these grand gestures that feel so fun.
But they do hide the red flags.
I was raised actually in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.
hence the name the Duchess of Bay Ridge.
Right.
Right, from the movie.
And so I was raised by a single mother in the 70s in Brooklyn, and it was incredible.
There was no internet.
We played on the streets from morning till night, so they rang the bell and came in.
And it was a great magical time.
But since I was raised by a single mom, I needed to make money.
So that's when I headed into New York City to become a model in the 80s.
I immediately think of it.
See, I think of these things.
I know Colby doesn't know.
But I think of, oh, gosh, what was his name?
He did those videos.
This had to be in the late 80s.
With the models behind him, you know, addicted to love.
Oh, I did that.
I was one of those girls.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yes, in the Robert Palmer.
Might as well face it.
You're addicted to love.
Are you serious?
Yep.
I did the Rock Awards with him.
And so, yep, I did that live in the Rock Awards.
behind him. That is funny. Yep.
That was fun. So, well, I mean, how hard was it to become a model? Like, that can't be easy.
It was really hard to go up against the most beautiful girls in the world. And since I'm short,
I'm 5-7 for a model, I did a lot of commercials. And so that's, I did Wrigley's Gum,
I did Mountain Dew, I did a Miller-Like commercial that was on during all the football games.
And so that was about, so I don't think I'm about 21, almost 22. And it was hard to be a model.
but I needed to make money.
Right.
And that's the way.
Nobody was supporting me.
I was on my own financially.
Do they pay models back then?
A lot of money.
Yeah.
I don't think, you know, look, it's, I feel like it's the kind of like that disparity
between being like a comedian where it's like the guys that are working a full-time day job
and they're getting paid like 50 or 100 bucks to do stand-up.
Yeah.
And then it's that to, bam, you're selling out stadiums and you're making $200,000, you know,
you're saying that each, you know, you know,
performance. Like, it's like there's no in between.
Like, there didn't seem like there's a middle class for models.
Yeah, no, you know, one commercial, you could make $50,000 a year in residuals back
then, which was a lot of money.
Nice. That's a lot of money now. Yeah, yeah. In Florida.
In Florida, right, not in New York City. Yeah, so, and so I was modeling at the time,
going to Studio 54, running around the city, listening to Madonna. I was living in Brooklyn
Heights, having the time of my life. And as the movie.
the Wolf of Wall Street to Picks.
I showed up at a party in the Hamptons
that would change my life forever.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
No.
Yeah.
So, well, how did that go?
First, I have to mention, I don't think,
I'll bet you Colby doesn't know what Studio 54 is.
Really?
The 54 studio.
Yeah, I don't know.
Is it produced movies?
That's my guess.
No.
So there were in the 80s,
there were the most amazing clubs in New York City.
And you would go and you would dance all night.
Studio 54 Xenons, The Red Parrot, all of these fantastic clubs.
I mean, like, there are movies about studio.
There's movies about it.
Every famous person in the world in the 70s and 80s went there.
Went there.
All of them.
And whenever, by the way, whenever they kind of tell their story, they always throw it in there.
Yeah.
Because it was.
Because it's iconic.
Yeah.
And it was.
Just wasted on Colby.
And I'll tell him, then he'll say, he'll say, well, yeah, I'll watch it tonight.
And he doesn't.
He's a lie.
So you went to the party in the Hamptons.
Yes.
So was it, I mean, because I watched the movie again last night.
Okay.
Was it anything like that?
It wasn't as big as the party in the movie, but it was certainly at a beautiful
house on the ocean, Dune Road in West Hampton.
And I showed up and I didn't know anybody there.
and I certainly didn't know my ex-husband at the time.
I went with my current boyfriend.
And I walked in and everybody seemed very strange.
Why?
Because I don't think they were sober.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And I didn't know that at the time.
And what?
They were all on.
On ludes.
Ludes.
Yes.
Yeah, that was a big thing in the movie.
Yeah.
I have a question.
So at this time, at this point in your life,
how familiar are you with this?
lifestyle that you're about to come into? Like if that is strange kind of coming into that party,
what's... Well, I mean, I listen, I was running around the city, so I understood about money
and big homes and that sort of stuff, but I certainly didn't grow up like that. And so the thing
that was shocking for me more about the party was the way everybody behaved. And just as the movie
depicted, somebody did expose themselves to me. And I ran out of there with my boyfriend.
I was like, we have to get the hell out of here.
These people are crazy.
So that was, and I felt embarrassed, you know, about that,
which it wasn't my shame to carry,
but they were so out of control.
I ran in and I ran out.
Now, that should have been a red flag.
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
But I was 22 and clueless.
What was it?
We've watched it,
and there was some scene in the movie
where they're smoking, you know, rock.
Yeah.
And it's funny, my wife said she is, she's like, she's like, this is a difference between poor people and rich people.
She's like, rich people when they do it, she's like, it doesn't look nearly as trashy.
She's like, you know what I'm saying?
She's like, these guys are all drug addicts, but they don't make it look as trashy because they have money.
Right.
It's much flashier.
Yeah.
Yes.
When you're driving a Lamborghini.
Right.
Or Ferrari testeros.
Right.
It's different than it's a pickup truck.
It's a little.
I mean, even though it's.
really the same, the behaviors, but it looks different, right? The image of it is different. So I went to
that party and I left immediately because I was freaked out, but I guess my ex-husband had set
his sights on me and he actually contacted somebody that I knew a mutual friend and made her $15,000
in the stock market to get me to show up at a restaurant for dinner. Oh, I didn't know
that. Oh yeah. There's a lot of little secrets. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, so you, you, you go to,
this is, so I had no idea. This was a total setup. Yeah. This is, oh, you didn't, you didn't know.
No, she just said to me, hey, do you want to go to dinner? And I said, sure, she goes, that guy,
Jordan might be coming. I said, what's he coming for? Is he married? She said, what do you care?
I said, I don't care. I just think it's weird. Right. But I was like, okay. And I showed up.
Now, was Ross Bandale? Was he there? Was Ross. Yeah. So, are you? He was. Yeah. So are.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
You remember this, bro.
I remember Ross.
Okay, I totally.
Yes, he was there.
You know, I interviewed him.
Yes, yes.
I forgot that he was there, but I just bumped into him again.
And he explained to me that he was there.
And I was like, oh, my God, you were there at a restaurant called Chabella on Madison Avenue.
Okay.
And so he gets out of his white testarosa with his cowboy boots and saunter's over to the table.
And sits down. Now I have no idea to set up. And we just start talking. And I'm from Brooklyn. He's from
Queens. We know a lot of the same people. I'm 22. He's 28. And we just got along really well.
And then he was like, can I drive you home? I was like, okay, this guy does like me. And then
he dropped me off. And he said, what's your phone number? And I said, I'm listed under Ophelia
Lopez because that was my roommate at the time.
You know, there was no cell phones or anything.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I just hopped out of the car.
And then the next day, I came home and there was 1,200 square foot of flowers outside
my door for my 800 square foot apartment.
That was, yeah, he was, he was, he was, he was all in.
He was to go bigger, go home.
Yeah.
So, so what, so you obviously see him again, right?
You guys start seeing each other?
Well, we really didn't after that because I was modeling a lot and I was traveling to Chicago
and my commercial had just come out and I was super busy. And I, you know, I really didn't
think that much about it. I mean, I thought that was crazy that he sent me, those flowers,
but he was married and I wasn't interested in that. And so I went and actually lived in
Chicago for a while. And then I came back in December and we were both working out at the
vertical club, which was the hottest spot in the city to work out. And I bumped into him there.
And he asked me out. Was that an accident? Or he really was working out there? Was it? I don't know.
It could have been fate or destiny or whatever we call that. Um, uh, so, so, so you start going out.
Yeah. So we, so we go on on on our first date and he says me, I'm separated. He has an apartment in the
city. Is any of that true?
Separated.
Yeah.
I don't know how separated he was.
But again, I'm so young.
So I don't understand all the rules of the game at this point, right?
I'm just very trusting and trusting person.
And so we go out on a date and that's it.
We fell madly in love.
There's a scene in the movie where you two are in the back of a limo and the wife shows up.
Yes.
Did that happen?
That happens.
Like that?
Just like that.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Because, you know, they always, there's always, you know, the Hollywood, they kind of, they kind of twist things or.
So what happened there?
Exactly like that.
She yanks the door open.
And, yep.
And she says, you get the, I don't want to curse out of the car and you stay the blank in the car.
And she did, yep, she had every right to be really angry, of course.
And then I went upstairs and I was freaking out because she threw my modeling portfolio down the incinerator.
And that was how I made all my money.
Right.
So, but Jordan paid somebody a hundred bucks and then they found it. They got it out.
So, I mean, did at that point, did he say, look, we're getting a divorce?
That's right. That's right. Right. And they didn't have any children and they were only married for a few years. So it was, it happened pretty easily.
Was he as wealthy at that point?
Yeah, he was wealthy then.
Because when I watched the movie, I remember thinking like she made out. Like, like, she was, that was a perfect situation for her because she's going to get a,
nice little chunk of money, she's going to leave. And then when the FBI comes in later,
she keeps all her money. Yeah, she's nowhere to be found. Right. Right. Right. I'm sure it didn't
feel like that at the time for her, but it actually worked out. Yeah, it definitely worked out. Yeah.
It's funny. I knew a guy in prison that the FBI had come in and arrested him because he was a
felon. They made him like sell all of his stock in this company. And he sold it at the like the height
of the company. And within the next few years, it dropped down to nothing. He's like, thank God. They made me do that.
So at that point, you guys, do you get married right away or do you continue to date for a while?
Yeah.
So he, you know, my ex-husband is the type of guy.
He wants what he wants when he wants it.
So we were dating and he said to me, you know, we have to, I'm not even going to date you if you're not going to marry me.
And I was like, what?
Okay.
I'm 22, 23 years old.
I do not want to get married.
You know, my parents had gotten divorced when I was six,
and so I had this number in my head that I didn't want to get married until I was 30,
and he was like, nope.
And so the goalposts were always moving,
and then it was if you don't have children with me right away,
I'm not going to marry you.
So there was always this dominating, intimidating, threatening behavior.
And I didn't realize at the time that it was manipulative.
I was just like, oh, he just loves me so much.
That's why he wants to do this.
Did you have, were there, first of all, how long did it take for him to get divorced?
Quick.
I mean, because we got met and six months later, we were engaged six months later, we were married.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, so it didn't drag out very.
No, I think he got divorced very quick.
By the time you got married, though, did you realize that he, like, there was an issue with drugs?
Or were you also, you know, involved in that?
Yeah, you know, I think like most drug addictions, they really grow over time.
So I think in the beginning, it was more casual, fun, parties with friends, right?
It wasn't, it didn't, as time went on, the drug addiction really got a lot worse.
On his best behavior, too.
Of course, in the beginning, yeah.
It's kind of like mental illness, like what's bipolar condition, like, in your
teens is more manageable.
That person by the time they're 50,
they're just a lunatic.
Right, right.
The things we don't deal with catch up with us.
Right.
Right.
So now, in the beginning,
it was just tons of fun.
And I don't think it was his drug intake that concerned me.
It was his anger, you know,
and those, like, threats.
And I had really not grown up with anybody yelling at me.
So it was kind of shocking when he would,
and when he would rage at me.
It's funny because when I've watched Jordan on videos, I'm like, he's super charming.
He's very, very, you know, just middle of the road.
He's not offensive.
He never argues.
He, you know, he's like, he just a great, you know, very charismatic.
And I'm like, yet I've met multiple people that know him personally.
Yeah.
And all of them have said absolute maniac, complete asshole, not like what you see in the movies.
And I'm thinking to myself, like, I didn't see, I'm not thinking the movie.
I'm thinking I've seen videos of him.
Right.
You know.
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Interacting with people always seems very, very cordial, very reasonable.
And they're like absolutely unreasonable.
He'll screams and hollers.
He's belligerent.
He will.
And matter of fact, I have a friend who's a producer in Los Angeles.
And he, after the Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan, he was working with Jordan, that they were trying to work on some kind of a series or something that they were trying to put together.
And he said, it took within within three to six months.
He's like, almost nobody wanted to work with him.
He's like, he probably could have got it done.
Yeah.
But he alienated and belittled and screamed it.
Everybody along the way.
And they're like, yeah, I can't deal.
Like, we haven't even got this thing off the ground yet.
And this is how he's behaving.
He'll be a monster by the end.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, so you're saying, you're not saying you didn't say all that, but you're saying the same kind of thing.
Like he yells and screams.
Yeah.
He has, when he gets into a rage, it's pretty scary.
So, that was very intimidating.
But you still married him.
Yeah.
What happened?
Well, I was in love.
And I think, again, it didn't happen as much at the beginning.
And then again, it gets progressively worse.
It escalates, right?
Drug addiction, abuse.
When you're deeper and deeper.
Yeah.
Suddenly you have a kid.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then your type depends in.
And, you know, when you, that's why I wrote my book, because when you fall in love,
and back then you have to remember, nobody was talking about narcissism, nobody was talking
about love bombing, nobody was talking about red flags.
There was no point of reference for any of this behavior, and I had never witnessed it.
So I just was like, all right, I guess, I don't know, this is what very successful people are like.
And I'm tough.
I'm from Brooklyn.
I'm not a wallflower.
So I think there was a part of me that was like, I can.
can deal with this until, of course, I couldn't.
Right.
Yeah, I was going to say, it's funny people now don't think, they think it was always like this.
My mom would tell us that she had gone, they'd taken, gone to the doctor with my father.
He was an alcoholic, and he would binge drink.
So he'd go on a two-week bender, and then he'd stopped drinking for a few months,
and then he'd start drinking again, and then it happened again and again.
And they didn't understand what was happening.
And so they went to the doctor and said, look, I don't, I have a, something's wrong.
They're trying to explain it.
Yeah.
This is in like the 70s.
Right.
And the doctor said, you're an alcoholic.
My dad almost punched him.
They got to a screaming match.
And he stormed out of there.
And he's like, you know, my mom's like, you have to understand that an alcoholic was like a homeless person.
Right.
Bums were alcoholic.
He's like, your father had a good job.
He made good money.
He had people.
Family.
Family.
People that worked.
She's like, so we didn't understand that, no, no, normal people can be.
Right.
She said it took years after to where he eventually started, he got into AA.
Eventually, you know, things happen where you're starting to realize like, oh, wow,
I have a problem.
But you're right.
In the 70s, like, you just kind of put that under the rug.
You don't talk about it, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, this was in the 90s and nobody was talking about it.
Nobody.
And I even, so right when I met my ex-husband, I put myself in therapy.
Because I was like, there's no way I can handle this lifestyle.
There's no way I can handle him.
And even my therapist wasn't.
naming it for me. Right. So it wasn't even in like the clinical acumen. And so it was, I was really
just like a babe in the woods. I had no idea what I was dealing with. And I was in love. Right.
Because that's what happens in a trauma bond is that it's not all bad. Because if it was all bad,
nobody would stay. Yeah. Right. There are those, there is that 30% time and especially that in the
beginning time where it's euphoric and somebody is generous and kind and warm and loving.
Right.
Well, I mean, narcissists have their good points, too.
You know what I'm saying?
That's the whole thing.
Like they're confident and they make you feel great and they're super charming.
They can be all of those things when things are going well.
That's right.
You know, as long as things stay going well for them.
Yeah.
Right.
I'm a great guy most of the time.
Right.
But then, you know, but then what would happen is if I would set a boundary, right, around
one of my values, which was when to get married and when to have children, that's when
the tsunami of rage would come out.
Right.
And so it was very tricky to navigate, especially as a 23-year-old girl.
Well, how quickly was it until things start going bad?
I would say in the beginning, like four months in was when those threats started to happen,
but then when it really gets bad as much later on.
Well, how much, how long?
So he, I mean, you guys buy, you know, you're living in a great house.
Yes.
Right.
Yes.
There's the yacht, right?
Yes.
I remember the yacht.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That happens when I was about maybe 27.
Okay.
So that was a few years in, yeah.
I mean, was there, so did you, did you understand, like, were there times where he was explaining to you what they're doing, you know, and how, you know, how illegal what they're doing is?
Like, did you realize, like, hey, this is absolute fraud?
Like, this is a pump and dump scheme.
No.
No.
No.
No, because, first of all, I don't, again, I'm 23 years old.
I don't understand anything about the stock market.
I mean, I certainly thought it was wild how they could make so much money.
But I really didn't understand all the intricacies of what he was doing.
I remember I was much more focused on my relationship with him.
And then he left Stratton a year after we were married.
He got fined like $100,000.
And so he left Stratton, Oakmont.
But then he was controlling it all from behind the scenes.
Oh, okay.
So that's different.
Yeah.
And then Danny was the guy who was running Stratton.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
They shift that towards he's running the whole time.
It's just the very end when Danny comes in, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
And then even if I did see something that I didn't agree with or question him about it,
Jordan Belford is not listening to me.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
No, I could see that.
Yeah.
He's not going to be like really, Nadine?
Oh, tell me what you think about that stock deal.
Yeah.
Oh, I've had that conversation when I was committing all kinds of.
fraud my ex-wife would be like, yeah, I don't know. I'd be like, what I'm doing, what I'm doing, clearly
what I'm doing is working. That's right. All right. You know, so, you know, that, that whole thing.
Yeah, there's no conversation to be at. Your opinion is, is irrelevant in the fact that we're
completely. You know, you don't complain. You should be grateful for that. Right. Yeah, you're not
complaining when you got the nice house. You're not complaining about vacations. You're not complaining about
the vehicle you're driving. The real estate. The, yeah. Right. Yeah, I know how to do it.
You've been there. Yeah. I've been there. Definitely. Not at that. Not at that.
level, but I've done the whole, at the moment somebody starts to question.
Yeah, you just deflect or shut them down, right?
Yeah, I just shut them down.
I just shut them down.
Or I guess sometimes it would be like, oh, no, no, no, it's not like that.
Yeah, it depends, depends on what manipulative tactic you wanted to pull out of your back.
Yeah, yeah.
The FBI doesn't go for any of that.
You can do that with your relatives and your family.
You know, you could do that with them, but no.
So, so, I mean, at, I mean, I'm wondering.
At what point do you realize, at some point, do you realize there are investigations coming?
I mean, you know he got fined.
Yeah.
What was?
He got a $100,000 fine and then that was it.
Nothing, right?
Yeah, that was nothing.
And compared in the grand scheme.
Yeah.
And then so he's running it with, I mean, you have to realize that's not correct.
Right.
Correct.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's like the Don and everybody comes to the house and he meets with them.
And then they all do whatever they do.
I think they had satellite offices.
you know.
All right.
Yeah, I was going to say that if, and then you've got, what is it in the movie?
DiCaprio is playing him.
He's like 6-1 or something or something.
Yeah.
And Belfort's what, like 5-5.
He's like my hype, right?
5-5, 5-6.
Like he's tiny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I couldn't.
I, you know, and it's so funny too because there are little tiny things where in,
there's something in the movie where he says, the guy says, calls him, the FBI
agent. I guess when he goes to meet him on the boat, he calls him little man. And of course,
you know, like Leonardo DiCaprio is not a little guy. But when he said little man, I thought,
ooh, oh, I would be, I'd be like, huh, huh, I could see me. Trigger that Napoleon complex.
Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you dare. I'll get out my list right now. So, but so,
so, so, I mean, when do you realize, like, do you realize, like, do you realize?
that things are going bad?
Is it just at the end, or you start seeing it going bad?
Well, I think, you know, the movie depicts it when you start seeing it going bad.
And again, in the movie, not everything is chronologically correct, right?
But when he goes to the country club, because he has to, because he, once you can't make
phone calls from your own house, you know, something's not right.
So when he has to go to the country club, you know, which is the funniest scene in the movie
when he falls down the stairs.
So that's when things really, I think, start to turn.
Right.
You know, when he, when I started to realize, okay, this guy, he can't make a phone call
from the house.
Like, this is a problem.
What does he say about that?
Nothing?
I mean, did you ask him?
He didn't really, you know, again, it was just like, I'm going to the country club.
I got to call Beau or whatever.
I'm like, okay.
Are you looking for like, I mean, you know, no offense, but, you know, if,
you should be looking for it.
To me, I'd be looking for an exit strategy at that point.
I'd be thinking I need to start putting money away.
I need to figure.
Yeah, well, I don't know you'd be looking for an exit strategy.
If somebody says to you,
the only way you're going to leave this marriage is in a body bag.
Yeah, well, to me, I'd be definitely thinking about it then.
So remember, so, but he has all the money and he has all the power.
Right.
And I totally fear him.
And I'm a young girl.
Right.
So, and so you have to remember with that power, and even if I want to leave him, I'm thinking, is he going to say I'm the drug addict?
Is he going to try to take my kids from me?
Right.
Right?
I don't really know how any of that could go down.
And I'm totally afraid of him.
He was going to say he's also got tons of guys that are coming around all the time.
Everybody's.
Oh, everybody's kissing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
They're all, yes, man.
And so what really happened for us in our relationship,
and they don't really show this in the movie,
is we didn't really fight about women ever,
but for whatever reason he wanted to write about that.
We fought about his drug addiction.
And that's really where my attention was focused,
because now you have to remember I have two babies
that I want to keep safe,
and I'm very concerned that his drug addiction is escalating.
Right.
Yeah.
And so that was where a lot of,
are issues stemmed.
Does he ever, I mean, did he ever agree to go to like a rehab or?
Well, so what happens is, and it's, again, it's a little different in the movie,
but I finally confront him because he's cooking powder in the country kitchen.
Okay.
Okay.
And I have two babies upstairs and I'm like, okay, this is nuts.
And so I confront him and I say, you know, I'm not going to sit here and watch yourself,
all these people that you make money for, they don't care about you.
I actually care.
And I'm not just going to sit here and watch you do this.
So I said, you have to go to rehab.
And we have to do an intervention.
You have to go.
And that's when he goes crazy.
Takes all my clothing and jewelry,
throws them in the fireplace,
lights them on fire,
screams, obscenities that I won't say.
And so I go into my closet,
and I leaned against the closet
and just said, God,
give me the strength to do this.
I don't know how on earth
I'm going to be able to do this.
And so I left that night and went to my mothers and gained some strength.
And I was going home the next day to deal with my babies.
My housekeepers were there, so I knew that they were safe.
I didn't leave them.
My children with him, of course.
And my mother said, you know, you need to call the police and tell them you're going
home to a domestic violence situation.
She was so smart.
Right.
And I did.
And when I walked in, he's high as a kite, you know, acting like nothing's wrong.
and he said to me, I tried a private plane,
I'm taking our daughter to Florida.
I'm like, no, you're not.
I mean, that's, I don't even screw with me with my kids.
He grabbed my daughter and tried to take her,
and that's when he got violent like they show in the movie
when he kicked me down the stairs.
But I was 31 at the time and in great shape,
and I chased him, and then you see that scene in the movie
at the end where he drives her away.
I don't know if you remember, like, into the wall almost.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And so I stopped that from happening, saved her.
And then the police came because I had called to them because I didn't even have time to really dial them.
But I dialed 911 and hung up.
And they came and took him away.
And then he went to rehab.
Okay.
Because the only way he could see us and come back to us is if he was sober.
So he did get sober.
Okay.
That's a long way of telling you he did get sober.
But it's an important pinnacle moment in our life.
No, that makes sense.
I'm wondering, why didn't you show up there?
Like, would the cops not go with you?
If you said, hey, I'm going home.
I don't know.
This could be violent.
This could be a bad situation.
Why didn't they come with you?
Or you just wanted to let them know.
I just wanted to let them know, like, be on call.
And luckily I did.
Because once, because I couldn't even say anything to them because I was chasing after
him just out 9-1-1 and hung up and ran after them.
Yeah, you got lucky.
You know what I'm saying?
I got really lucky.
I got really lucky.
So, I mean, at that point, he does, he does go, he comes back.
Yes.
He's sober for, what, a while?
Yeah.
No, he's sober for a very long time.
And then about nine or ten months later is when he gets arrested.
Okay.
Does he, the scene in the movie where you guys are loading yourselves up with cash and going to Switzerland, does that occur?
where he's, yeah, where he's sending people to Switzerland, yes, for sure. Yes, that totally. That's
Rees knows a thing or two about great combinations. Chocolate and peanut butter, obviously, but there's
more than one way to Rees's. From indulgent Reese's big cups with caramel to crunchy
Reese's pieces and Reese's miniatures, there's a delicious Reese's for every mood. It's the same
combo you love, just with more ways to enjoy it. So, whether you're snacking, sharing, or just
treating yourself. Nothing else is Reese's. That's what got him in trouble. Oh, okay.
That's that's, well, I mean, I thought the stock stock for all was. I think it was all tied together.
Right. Because when the FBI came to my house, they said, do you know your husband's getting arrested on 11 counts of money laundering?
Right. Right. So I think that's all a part of it, like sending the money over there to do some crazy trading here.
Yeah, I was going to say, I mean, I got arrested up money laundering too. But, but, but I mean, you, money laundering.
charge can be. It could mean anything. It could be like there's illegal money in the bank and I go and
ask for a 500 bucks. They go money laundering. That was illegal money that went through. So it could be
anything. But yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, you're taking cash. I don't even know how they could get
that much cash like it. But this was this was a long time ago. Yeah. You could ask for cash.
They'd give it to you. Now they want to argue with you. You say, hey, can I get $10,000?
They're like, oh, I don't know about that. Right. My money. Right. Right. So now it's very different. Yeah.
So then he got arrested.
Does the boat thing happen?
Oh, yeah.
That's very real.
That's very real, unfortunately.
So what happens with the...
We were going from Rome to Sardinia.
And the captain said it's going to be, you know, a little bumpy.
And we were like, okay, you know, we've been on boats before.
And we got caught in a squall.
And it was insanity because they could, I think they called the Coast Guard.
The Coast Guard came they couldn't save us.
And then the rules of the sea are that all the boats that are bigger than yours have to go in front of your boat to break the waves for you.
Okay.
And then they rerouted the Italian Navy.
That's a big ask.
Yeah.
We were in a lot of trouble.
And they sent them to us, they sent it intrepid to us.
And then a frogman came on the boat and he said, okay, 18, it's 5.30 a.m. You're up. All you can have is your person, nothing. And they wrapped me up and hoisted me 40 feet up into an helicopter, which, and they took us all off one by one and then went to the Intrepid.
Did the plane really blow up?
Yes. And then after that, the plane of a pigeon flew into the bench or something. I think that was on our way home. Yeah.
That's, that's, yeah, that's, it's crazy.
Well, I had a, I had a bumper sticker that said I have my angels on the run.
Right.
Well, so what happens once, once he gets arrested, he gets out on bond, right?
Yeah, well, the bail was 10 million.
Okay.
So we put up all of our homes, I drove a million dollars worth of jewelry, gave it all back.
And, yeah.
But I knew, see.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Do you realize, do you realize, like at that moment does it seem that insane that what's happening?
Oh, it seemed totally insane.
Yeah, I was afraid.
But I knew that now he had an ankle bracelet on and he had to deal with the FBI.
He's on his best behavior.
And he's not going to bug me.
Right.
And I knew I could leave.
I knew I was safe to leave because he can't hurt me.
Now it's so obvious.
He's the crazy one.
He's the criminal.
Right.
He's, what is he going to accuse me up?
We can't accuse me of anything if I want to leave now.
Because what happens, right, the power and balance shifted.
For a narcissistic person, that is not, that's bad.
That's all bad.
That's a bad feeling.
Yeah.
And then I knew I was safe and I knew that was my exit window to leave.
Do you know that when I got arrested and they threw me in jail, I swear there was, there were a few moments.
When I genuinely thought to myself that they can't do this.
Really?
What do you think you?
I genuinely.
That level of entitlement.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
And I was like.
And delusion?
Like, I basically, I need to talk to somebody.
No, it didn't take long, right?
I kind of sat down.
Then it sat in.
Yeah.
I started thinking, oh, man, you need to get a grip on yourself.
Yeah.
Like, they can do this.
They're doing it.
You're done.
It's over.
Like, but that's how mentally.
I know.
deranged.
I would keep in mind, too, when the FBI came for me.
Yeah.
I went on the run for three years.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
Oh, no, you can't arrest me.
No, I'm leaving.
Like, the, the, looking back on that moment of that, that delusion.
Yeah, that's common.
I look at it and I think, what were you thinking?
Well, you weren't based in reality.
You weren't living in reality.
Exactly.
Right. You weren't.
Right.
I always say I was driving cars.
I shouldn't have been driving.
Living in places I shouldn't have been driving.
Dating women.
I certainly shouldn't have been dating.
Right.
You know, yeah, and you become, and I was surrounded by people who idolized me.
Yeah, and who fed the delusion, right.
Because I'm making the money.
Right.
And that's why in therapy, you know, there's something called reality testing, right?
We test how people, you know, how much what they understand and believe is real.
Right.
And it's when, I think when you're in that pathological state, it's not real.
And, I mean, you lived it.
You know it.
Yeah.
He didn't do that.
He just said to me, I'll never forget it.
But first of all, I was so upset because clearly he knew this was going to go down.
And he should have said to me, hey, Nadine, this is going to happen.
Right.
When this happens, this is what you do.
So when it happened, I had no idea what to do.
And then the FBI took me in a room and questioned me for four hours by myself.
Now, granted, I did nothing, so they couldn't arrest me for shopping too much at Bergdorf-Gudman, but that was scary.
And he should have said, like, don't ever do that.
This is who you call.
Yeah, so I was left alone with them for four hours.
Yeah.
Plus, you don't, you know, I mean, I'm sure you did not have this experience, but they're not looking out for you.
Like, like, they're talking to you for four hours.
They either want you to be, they want two things.
They want you to be either a witness or a defendant.
Right.
Like what they don't want to hear is I didn't know anything.
No, that's not true.
Nobody believes that.
Yes, yes.
Right.
They're not there to be my friend.
Right.
So that was one of the things that really upset me, you know, and just not that mindset
of keeping your wife safe.
Right.
That was very upsetting.
Well, you're expendable.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes.
Everybody's expendable.
Yes.
I can tell you that for a fact.
Like I don't have anybody that wasn't expendable in my life.
Right.
Which is, let's face it, to go on the run for, let's bring.
it back to me.
But I mean, this tells you the level of delusion is that to be totally okay with leaving
everybody you know behind and going on the run, like, wow, you, you, most people can't do it.
Most people, I've seen guys go to prison and show up to go to prison for 10 years.
Like, you've got a 10-year sentence, show up here in three months.
And to me, it's always like, you showed up.
You got here this morning.
You turned yourself in.
You were free.
You turned yourself in to do 10 years.
And they're like, well, yeah.
I'm like, why wouldn't you run?
And they're like, well, I've been like, I got a kid.
I got a wife.
I got my parents.
And I'm thinking to me, those are expendable.
Like I can get new.
I can get a new wife.
I can, you know, I'm saying I can get new kids.
Because people are objects.
They're not, they don't have a heart and a soul and a mind when you're in that mentality.
I've actually said that before.
I've actually said like your opinion of me means about as much as that stick of furniture right
there. Right. That's, yeah. Well, you lose all relationality. And that's, you know, you're very self-focused, right? So people don't matter. So that was what was very upsetting to me. But I was like, okay, I'm done now. Bye-bye. See you later.
So, I mean, did you, did you ever, did you, I mean, I'm, I'm pretty sure, I mean, I'm, I'm pretty sure, I mean, you have kids together. You might have talked to him since then. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We have a relationship.
Did you ever go see him once he was incarcerated?
Because once they finally...
Definitely not.
No?
No?
No?
No?
No, because we...
No, no, no.
You didn't sneak any wine in?
No, because he didn't get sentenced for like seven years.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
That's kind of the Gordon Gecko thing.
Colby doesn't know anything about that.
Yeah, he didn't get sentenced for a long time.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I was already done.
But you were gone by then?
I was way gone.
Yeah.
Are you getting so, I mean, is he still seeing the kids?
You're still having to deal with them.
Yeah, yeah.
So we started to deal with each other.
And then I was living in Long Island and then I moved to Los Angeles.
Well, I mean, you, you were doing the modeling at this point.
Now I'm a housewife.
Yeah, I was going to say, yeah.
I hate to say this.
I was going to say you're aged out of the modeling career at that point, right?
So you go back to school?
No.
So what I did is I have.
a maternity company and I had a website, a catalog, and a store. So I was in the garment business.
What's a maternity company? Like for women that are pregnant, I made maternity clothes. Oh, okay.
Yeah. So I had that little business that I had started. And so I had that and I had my home and my kids.
And I then, about a year and a half later, I met my current husband. Oh, okay. Yeah. And he lives in California.
And so what happened was Jordan had an ankle bracelet on.
and he decided to take a helicopter to Atlantic City.
Sebastian, seems like I don't, I'm not positive about the, yeah, pretty sure.
You know, so he had to go to jail in the beginning for a little bit because of that.
And so my lawyer said, listen, she's going to give up her house.
He's in jail.
She wants to move to California.
In five seconds, the judge signed it and said, tell it to go.
And then I moved to California with my current husband,
of 25 years, John, and me and my kids, we started all fresh again. And then Jordan came out
about two years later to live near us. Oh, okay. Yeah. That was the right call, right?
Definitely.
Well, I mean, did during that time, did you, when did you start school? Because you didn't,
you weren't a therapist at that point. No, no. So that's like 33, I would say. And then I went
back to school, 38. Okay. Why? How did that come about? You know, I just realized therapy had saved my
life because I told you I put myself into therapy when I met him. Right. And I believe that if I wasn't
in therapy during that time, I would have lost my mind. Right. I would have, who knows what could
have happened to me. And so I was like, I'm just going to go back to school. There's no ageism,
right? You can do it until you can sit, you know, as long as you can sit and talk, you can do it. And I love
helping people and it helped save my life. So I went back to school. I had a friend who was like 30 and I was telling
He should go to college and he said, he goes, he's like, yeah, bro, I'd probably like
34, 35 by the time I graduate.
I was like, well, how old will you be if you don't start?
Right.
You know, and he just, he's not a bright guy, by the way.
He's kind of, what do you mean?
Like, never.
Well, the time's going to go by anyway.
Yeah.
Right.
You're going to be 35, 34 at some point.
Right.
And so I just decided to do that.
And then I was in getting my master's and you have to do, to become a licensed clinician.
You have to do 3,000 at face-to-face hours.
before you take the state tests.
So I know your face is like...
That's a lot of time.
That's a lot of time.
And so then I just continued and got my doctorate.
When Jordan comes out of prison, does that...
So one, I guess, I mean, I know the story, I guess, the story is he goes into prison
and he meets one of the guys from Cheech and Chong.
Yeah.
Does you know this?
He meets one of the guys from Cheech and Chongs and he's like, you should write a book.
Right.
So he convinces him to write a book, which he meets him.
He says he kind of started, I guess, and then he gets out and then he finishes it or rewrites it, whatever.
Yes.
Yes.
What I'm wondering is because he did not get a lot of time, you know.
22 months.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure for him it felt like an eternity.
But for me, that's like, that's not even worth unpacking.
Right.
So, you know, but I'm wondering because, listen, I was still a complete, a complete, you know, jerk off.
I mean, for, I'm still kind of a jerk off.
But this is a mild.
But it took years, a few years.
I'm wondering, did you, when he got out, did you see a change in him at all?
Oh, that's great then.
Yeah.
A good change?
I mean, like, was he humbled a little bit?
Completely.
Yes.
Yeah.
Because that's good.
Completely.
Yeah.
And then he wrote the book.
So he wrote the book.
I think the book got published maybe right as I go back to school.
Maybe before that, I forgot.
And then the movie comes out in 2013.
I get my doctorate in 2015.
So I'm going to school while the book and the movie are all being made.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And did anything, like, were there negotiations where they came to you and said, like, what about the name thing?
You mentioned the name?
Yeah.
So what happened is that, so he wrote this book and, you know, I read it.
And I was like, what the hell is this?
And he's like, no, I did it for you.
I did it for you. I'm like, no, you didn't do it for me.
I'm happily remarried.
You did it for you.
That's okay.
I don't agree with what you're doing, but it's your life, you got to do it, right?
I mean, I didn't think it was going to get made into a movie.
Yeah.
I mean, and, you know, because you have to remember, here I was, I survived this Greek traumatic tragedy.
That's behind you.
I restarted my life.
And now it's following me, right?
And so, you know, the best plans go awry, I guess.
And so then he tells me he's going to get it made into a movie.
And I'm just like, okay, the hits just keep on coming.
But it took a while for it become, it didn't, it didn't happen right away.
It was like years.
It was years.
Yeah, it took a long time for it to become a movie.
So you had to be thinking to yourself, okay, it's not going to happen.
Yeah, it's not going to happen.
But, you know, I should know that usually when he says things are going to happen, they happen.
And so then they wanted to use my name and they called me.
up Martin Scarsese's office. And they said, hi, you know, this Martin Scorsese's office. And so we
want to hear you don't want to use your name. And I said, well, it's not my narrative. I have no
creative input. I make no money. This is like a little stand that I'm making. Change my name.
Right. And I said, I'm not going to sue you. I'm not going to fight this. I realize this is much
bigger than me. I'm going to surrender into it. And do me the courtesy. Yeah. Just change my name.
Now, little did I know.
It was going to be Martin Scorsese's biggest movie.
Right.
To 500 million worldwide.
And everybody knew it was me anyway.
I was going to say, have you looked back and thought, eh, it didn't change anything.
But for me, it was important at the time.
And I don't think your character, your character didn't look bad anyway.
No, no, it didn't.
But remember, I don't know how Martin Scorsese's got, listen, think about Goodfellas.
Think about Casino, right?
Sharon Stone.
I don't know how he's going to portray me.
Right.
And, you know, and you have to remember, now I'm becoming, I have a private practice.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm a therapist.
I'm like, who the hell is going to want to come to me for therapy?
But meanwhile, the opposite happened.
Right.
Everybody wanted to come because they said, wait, you went through this and you came out like this.
I want to work with you because you walk your talk.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
But I couldn't imagine that it was going to have a good outcome.
No, no, you probably is, it was the right call.
You can't look back on it.
Yeah, it was the right call.
I'm sure for that at that moment, it was definitely a call.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because it could have gone the other way.
It could have gone the other way.
And again, and now the best part is, is that I get to exploit the most misogynistic movie to help women everywhere.
Yeah.
I said there's an upside.
I couldn't have written it better if I tried.
But even when the movie came out, I wasn't thinking I was going to use the movie at all.
Like, entertainment tonight, everybody called me and I never said a word because I had nothing to say.
And then over time, I had something to say.
Right.
How long?
So when did you decide, when did you decide to, is this, is this your first book?
That's my first book, yes.
Okay.
Why?
Why so long?
Why'd you wait so long?
Because, well, first of all, if you've written a book, you know, it's the hardest thing in the world to do.
I know writing a book, my book about me was the hardest thing.
Yeah.
you know, I don't, people don't tend to see themselves the way they act, other people see them, the way they actually are.
Correct.
And so that, it took multiple rewrites before I kind of figured out, you know, I'm kind of a scumbag.
And, you know, you have to, you have to really kind of, you know, it's like, wrestle with that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get that.
If 50 people say you're an asshole, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
So, you know, you know, you start interviewing people that knew you, look at over documents,
I'm just looking at things that people said about you.
You start thinking, wow, you know, like, I'm not really a great guy here.
Like, all these cool things I thought I did.
So that's why that took so long.
But I've written a bunch of books since them.
Yeah.
And keep in mind, almost all the books I wrote, I had a hundred.
I don't have, I'm in prison with all the time in the world.
Got it.
The books that I've written outside of prison, you're right.
It takes forever.
It takes a long time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so what happened for me was that I was, I had a private practice in Los Angeles.
and all of these bright, smart, beautiful women
were coming in in toxic abusive relationships.
And I was like, are we in the 1950s still?
Like, what's happening?
They're getting coercibly controlled.
They're getting betrayed.
They're getting financially abused, emotionally abused.
And so, because I'm a total nerd and academic,
I went back to the research,
and I did all this research about trauma bonds
and pathological people and who were in the trauma bonds.
why do people fall prey, how to escape, the symptoms you get, and how to heal.
And so I just decided to write a book.
You just started formulating an outline and started putting the other pieces.
And then I just did tons of research.
So that takes forever.
Your kids are grown by this point.
Yes.
So at least the kids are out of there.
Yes.
So that doesn't, that's a little bit of time.
So you've got a thriving practice.
This guy's got to take up some time, right?
Yes, yes.
not, I can tell he's not completely functional on his own.
That's going to take some work.
Yes.
Somebody has to manage, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
So we have to give attention to the people we love.
And you have to, you have to write.
How long did it take?
So how long did it take?
I would say about three years.
Three years.
Yeah, two to three years because first, take, well, from the time you finish,
it takes nine months to publish.
So I would say about a year and a half before that.
Yeah, writing, waking up every day at 4 a.m. before my patients. I'm a crazy person. I'm a determined
crazy person. And I really want to help people. I really want to help women because, and also you have to remember, that was when Jeffrey Epstein, right, Harvey Weinstein. We were seeing all these deeply pathological people in the zeitgeist. So that was like 2012.
So it was always just all of this information was out there.
All these, the casting couch type of things that you would think don't really go on anymore, but they do go on.
But they do.
You've got, you know, and it's the same thing.
Even with like the ditty stuff, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
These guys are surrounded by yes men and paying everybody to be yes men.
It's disgusting.
Become, you just start thinking that you're infallible and there's nothing you can't fix.
Yeah.
And it's funny because when I wrote my book, I, you know, my dad was narcissistic, obviously, the apple.
But I remember when I was a little kid, I was, I tell this story.
And, you know, he, he obviously, he had a bunch of agents that worked for state farm insurance, was a manager, made a bunch of money, right?
This is back when if you worked for an insurance company, you made money.
Okay.
You know, you weren't struggling.
Yeah.
And he was a manager and probably made $250,000 to $350,000 a year.
And this is 30, 40 something year year year.
Yes, that's a lot of money.
Yeah.
So, and everybody, you know, if he got drunk, my mother was a huge enabler.
You know, she's telling the neighbors he's sick.
She's calling in for work.
He doesn't feel good.
He's, oh, we're not sure.
I mean, just doing everything to kind of.
To keep him aflo.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And, but, you know, it always worked out.
And he was always managed to stay on top.
State Farm would come in and his boss would realize this guy's drunk, like showed up at a meeting
with a thousand people and goes up on stage drunk and gives a speech. Oh boy. They take them and they
put them in rehab. This is like, they don't really do this anymore. You're basically fired.
Yeah. Yeah. First time they put him in rehab for 30 days. Next time was 60. Then they gave him a 90-day
program. This is over the course of 10 or 15 years. Well, they really stood behind him. He made him a lot
of money, right? So he's a good manager. He's always in the top one, two percent. So I remember
being in a car one time and driving in the BMW and I'm wearing a little I-Zodd shirt. I told
this story the other day. I'm wearing the little Izodd shirt. And my dad's dressed up.
We're going to the movies because that was our father, son time. And honestly, typically, he would
drop me off with like 20 bucks and say, I'll be back. And he'd come back like six hours later
and pick me up.
So, and then, so we're in the car,
and I remember looking over at the car next to us,
and it was like an old beat-up Chevy Nova.
Brusted out.
Yeah.
Kids are in the back.
Dirty, a bunch of dirty little kids in the back,
their faces pushed up against the back window,
just horrific.
And I'm wearing a brand new BMW.
My dad's in a, you know, shirt and tie,
and I'm a little eyes on.
I'm like, whatever, nine years old or how old can,
whatever.
forget how old I was.
But I remember looking at them and feeling kind of ashamed, you know, like I was embarrassed
because they were staring and I knew they were poor.
And I remember looking at my dad and he was smoking a cigarette.
Oh, right.
In the car.
With the windows up, that kind of, you know what I'm saying?
They had the sunroof where it had a little crack in it, right?
So that's a listen.
And I remember he blew.
He used to do this all the time.
If I look at, he'd blow a smoke ring at my face.
Can you imagine now?
No.
I think that's abuse.
Yeah, it would go right around me because if you saw it, you know, to a kid that's cool.
Yes.
You know?
And I looked at him.
He blew a cigarette and he looked over there at the kids and he looked back at me and he goes, huh.
Because I wonder what the poor are doing today.
Wow.
And I went, I just remember thinking, I can't believe he just said that.
Even as a child, you knew that was a shocking thing.
But you know what I thought?
I remember too in that moment thinking to myself that no matter what you have to do in life,
it is always better to be driving the BMW than it is the NOVA.
Yeah, that was a seminal moment for you.
Yeah.
Yeah, for me, I've always just thought that like you can behave however you, if you make enough money,
you can behave however you want.
Like I remember thinking that growing up, I need to grow up, I need to make a lot of money.
Yeah.
That was a big thing.
And my friends didn't, they weren't thinking that.
The whole time I was growing up, I was thinking, I need to, no, I need to figure out how to make a lot of money.
Right.
Well, the person that I described in my book is, I call them a pathological lover.
And I have a sentence that describes them.
And you might resonate with this from your old self, your old self.
Yeah, I'm all better now.
Not your today's self.
But they will use harm, exploit, and betray anybody and anyone to get their needs met for money, power,
pleasure and status.
Seems reasonable.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's,
that's,
that's,
that's the mentality.
Yeah.
No,
I can see that.
Yeah.
And that's,
and when you're in love
with somebody like that,
it kind of sucks.
Yeah.
Do you think there is a way
for the pathological lover
to become self-aware
or fix themselves
kind of without a tragic event,
like going to prison
or getting in a crash
with your kid in the car?
Well,
Well, let's think about it.
Logically, why would they?
If you're getting all your needs met for money, power, pleasure, and status, and you're
delusional and you think you're great, right?
There's no reason to change.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, I would have never changed.
Right.
But until life brings you to your knees, then you have a choice, right?
It's the Yellow Brick Road.
You could go this way or that way.
It's my buddy Pete.
It's the Pete saying of the, he says, you know, he's like, you can't, you can't go.
to prison and continue to behave in the same manner that got you to prison and then leave prison
and not expect to come back.
Right.
It's like you, you know, you have a finite, you have an amount of time that you need to make
a fundamental change in your behavior or you might as well expect to come back here.
Right.
So don't leave and think, you know.
I don't have to change anything.
Right.
It's everybody else's fault.
It's not my fault.
It's your fault.
Okay, well, you're going back to prison.
Well, yes.
Well, no, no, no, no, that is, that is the way this.
pathological person thinks, they have a victim mindset.
Right.
Right.
So they think everything happens to them and they're blaming everybody because they can't
take accountability.
Right.
They don't have remorse.
They don't have empathy or compassion.
But it's never their fault.
Yeah.
So if it's never your fault, what do you need to change?
Right.
So, but people do change.
You can have a functional narcissist.
I just, to me, and I always say this, even to this day, I'm Colby to this day,
well, he probably has already had this conversation with his wife.
But I'm always saying, look, I feel horrible for anybody that has a personal relationship
with me because it's totally one-sided.
Even to this day, I'm sitting, you know, when I'm talking to somebody, I'm really just
waiting for an opportunity to talk about myself.
Yeah.
I could tell.
Yeah.
No, I know.
I know.
Yeah.
But you know what I'm saying?
Even though I know it.
Even though I know it.
Yeah.
Like it's a horrible situation to be in when you're, you know, I know it.
be in when you're sitting there thinking to yourself and the few people I find really find
interesting where I'll just, you ever look in the comments section and people were like,
I love Matt because he lets the guests talk.
But that's because he's talking about a bank robbery or credit card fraud or something that I find
fascinating.
Yeah.
So I say nothing.
I'm like, this is the whole time.
I'm like, oh, I don't understand.
How'd you do such and such?
Okay.
And then I just shut up.
Yeah.
But that's because I find the only people that I truly find interesting.
are criminals. That's horrible. Other than that, it's a challenge. Well, do you feel shame?
Do I do I very seldomly. Okay. Almost never. Really. Almost never. Okay. Like it's, it's the guys,
there's lots of guys in prison that are there for some kind of scam and they're all kind of con men is what
I kind of say. Yeah. Like it's like, oh, he's here for fraud. He's a, he's a con man.
You know, most of those guys in prison are, spend their time in prison, figuring out how,
One, of course, to get out.
So how am I going to get out?
And how am I going to reinvent myself so that nobody knows, I was in prison?
Like, am I going to change my name?
Can I do a website?
Can I do this?
How can I reinvent myself?
Basically, to me, that you're planning on, they're really just, just planning their next indictment.
And I was the only person that thought, you know, I'm not going to do that.
I'm going to lean into it.
I'm going to be extremely honest.
Yeah.
Because, but then again, I also wrote a book.
So I realized during the course of writing that book, like what an asshole I was.
Yeah.
And I thought, you know what you're going to do?
You're just going to be honest from the rest of your life.
And if you have to sleep in somebody's spare room and take the bus, then that's just what you're going to do.
Okay.
You know.
Yeah.
But.
But, you know.
So you might a shift in perception and you changed.
Yeah.
But that doesn't change.
That still doesn't change the I feel bad for people that have relationships with me.
It doesn't change.
It changes some of it.
Yeah.
But not enough that I.
don't consider myself still narcissistic.
Yeah.
You know, which is, which is tough, especially when you know it and you try and make those
changes and it's like you're fighting with yourself.
Yeah.
Does it make sense?
Yeah, well, you have an internal conflict of a way that you were programmed, right, probably
from when you were a young child, but then your adult self has some conscious awareness
of like, that's really not fair to the people around me.
Right.
So you're trying to fight it, but at least you're trying to fight it.
and at least you're aware enough that you know you're trying to fight it.
You know, plenty of people don't.
They're still in that victim mindset.
They're still like truly, truly pathological, where it's everybody's fault.
They blame everybody.
Everybody's exploitable and usable.
And that's why I wrote my book so I can educate people.
Because you have to remember, if you're a person like me, who does not think like that.
Right.
Right.
I trust everybody.
that doesn't mean I'm not selfish from time to time. Of course I am, but I'm altruistic. I want
what's best for people. I want to help people, right? So you and I have very different mindsets.
So then what happens is, well, maybe, you know, especially from who you used to be.
So what happens is that when I, if I would have met you when you were that guy, right, I'm going to get decimated because I'm never going to see you coming.
Yeah.
Right. And I'm never going to understand.
how you think because I don't think like that.
And I think you think like me.
Yeah.
So I'm screwed.
Yeah.
Right?
So that's why I wrote my book to say to people like me or naive and just aren't programmed to
be like that.
You need to know there are people in the world like this.
And if you're going to fall in love with them and build a family with them and a life
with them, you need to think twice.
Yeah.
So is it get out of that situation or put up walls and or.
No, hence the name.
Run like hell.
Right.
Like, let's not even give them a chance.
Right.
So that's why.
If you're in the situation, what do you do?
Well, if you're in the situation, first of all, you have to admit that you're in the situation.
You have to have radical acceptance.
I am in a trauma bond.
I am in a toxic dysfunctional relationship.
And you have to get educated about it because education is the only way to empowerment
because you can't be tricked anymore.
Right.
I write all the tricks in here.
Right.
Right.
So I have a pathological lover checklist that explains who this person is.
And then if somebody's in and they say, oh, this, this, this, they score, you know, 10 out of 20.
I'm in a trauma bond.
I need to get educated.
And then what I say to them.
So two things.
The pathological person wears a mask.
At first they're like Romeo, but then they become dirty John.
Okay.
So I say to the female, you have to have.
to wear the mask now. You have to, once you internally decide you want to leave, you have to
not say a word and plan behind the scenes. Right. Because you're going to tell somebody who wants
power and control over you that you're leaving. How happy you think they're going to be. Yeah,
yeah. They're not. So you have to have radical acceptance. You got to wear the mask and you got to
plan your escape and leave. Yeah, you can take that book with you. I'm glad my wife left.
You know, when we give it to her?
Yeah.
So that's because you can understand how women get trapped if they don't understand it.
So now my work is to educate women and empower them and help them find healthy love.
Is there one major red flag, like before, let's say you meet somebody, you're dating somebody for a few months?
Is there like, what are some of the major flag?
Okay, so some of the major flags are somebody who's very grandiose. It's like you talked about
super charming. They're just, they're just very confident, right? So the confidence, the con man
comes from the word confidence, right? So you can kind of read that con man part. Also, what will
happen is if you see substance abuse. Also, as I described earlier, if you try to say
a boundary with them and they go ballistic, you know you're in trouble. If you have, you can't have
emotional needs when you're with a narcissist. So if you express a need and they say, that doesn't
matter. Get over it. Right. You're in trouble. And then you'll see over time, the words and actions
aren't going to match. So there's, I mean, I could go on and on. There's a lot of ways to,
to define them.
And also, if your gut feels like something's not right, this person's acting really nice,
but something inside is saying, uh-oh, listen to that gut.
You don't think some of that is just being just a regular masculine guy, kind of the confidence?
Could be.
Yeah.
Yeah, it could be.
But again, you'll see a pattern of behavior.
It won't just be a one-off.
You'll see a pattern of lies.
You'll see a pattern of grandiosity.
You'll see a pattern of a lack of empathy.
You'll see a pattern of substance abuse.
I'm curious.
Sorry, it's just, I'm, go ahead.
You guys are like, wait, I can't stump her.
No, go ahead.
I have a few questions.
I guess one would be,
what are some examples from your own personal life
as far as the charming, the gifts?
What are some of the things that you experienced?
that maybe helped you overlook some of these red flags.
Yeah, I would say.
So that's what happens in the beginning of a trauma bond is the love bombing.
Have you heard that term?
I think I feel like I have heard the term.
Yeah, yeah.
So for you, it's like the tons of tons of flowers.
Right.
So what would happen with my ex-husband, he would send his driver to my house with a Bulgari watch.
Or he'd say, here's $15,000 in cash, go have fun.
Right.
I couldn't even spend it.
Yeah.
I had to buy my mother's stereo.
I was like, I don't even know what to do with this.
So, yeah, so there's all these grand gestures that originally feel so fun.
Right.
But they do hide the red flags.
They make you overlook the red flags.
Did you have any type of support system while you're going through that?
Like, did anybody else know about the severity of the abuse?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he would do it in front of people.
So people knew about it.
But again, so I had a support system because I had my mother.
I had my friends.
I had my therapist.
But again, when you're in love with somebody like this, right, people would try to talk to me.
But I'd be like, no, but I love them.
And again, all of the people we hung out with, let's say the wives worked, their husbands worked for Jordan.
Right.
So nobody's really standing up.
Yeah, nobody's saying you need to pack a back.
and start selling your jewelry.
Right.
Right.
Not the advice that I give to women today.
Yeah.
No.
Last question on this kind of subject.
Have you talked to his first wife?
Is there any?
No, I don't.
No.
I've never spoken to her.
No, she kind of disappeared.
Do you talk to Jordan now?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, we have two beautiful kids.
My daughter's a therapist.
Right.
My son's a businessman and a musician, and they're great.
They're 29 and 31.
Well, you know, some people, they go their separate ways and they don't even talk anymore.
Yeah, no, that wasn't, I'm not that type of person, you know, and he's their dad, and he's a good dad, and he loves them.
And so I think him and I, one of the really good things that we did is that we always made a decision to come together for the kids.
Right.
That doesn't mean we didn't have our arguments.
But at the end of the day, I had him over, I had him over the day the movie came out, Christmas.
You remarried?
Yes.
See, that's a problem for Belford, you know.
You got remarried.
You've been remarried for, was it 25 years?
Yeah.
25 years.
Yeah.
And I feel like, yeah, I wasn't the problem in the relationship.
But he hasn't gotten remarried.
He just did.
Oh, he did?
He just remarried about two or three years ago and really nice younger woman.
Yeah, a great girl.
That's good.
Yeah, yeah.
I know he lives in Miami.
He lives in Miami, yep.
Yeah, I actually was supposed to do, this is when he was in California.
I was, so five years ago, I was doing podcasts and I was flying to Los Angeles to do like three or four podcasts.
And his was one of them.
I'd been trading emails with what I think was probably.
his girlfriend at the time.
You know, she said to her, the assistant.
Right.
But I think I heard in something where he had said his assistant was his girlfriend or something.
Okay.
So I don't know.
But we were trading emails and it was, yes, definitely, when are you going to be here?
We had a whole thing scheduled.
And then I was like, hey, I need you to send me the address and, you know, where to go.
And then because I was going to be there like three or three.
four day done nothing and i was like hey the next i was like hey i'm i'm leaving today nothing and
then you know they're hey what's going on i'm nothing nothing so i don't know what i don't know what
happened and then i actually did some paintings listen to this yeah i did you know i've got these
paintings right so i actually did i think like four paintings kind of a um pop art style of paintings
put them in a box with a letter and sent them to his house and they said it
sign for it. Oh.
Because I wanted to have him on the program. Yeah.
Never heard from them. Really? Really? I'll point in a good word for you.
Very irritating. Very irritating.
Especially since, you know, the whole con man thing, you would think there would be some
professional courtesy. Yes. Yes, that's true.
You know, and but yeah, that's, that's, that's my only, uh, interaction.
Were you able to meet Margot Robbie and kind of train her about how to portray you?
Yes. I was able to meet Margo Robbie. Yep.
So what happened was that when they called me to ask me, you know, why they weren't going to use my name in the movie.
They said, oh, we would love for you to meet Margot Robbie because we want to get your accent.
Like, you want my Brooklyn accent.
Okay.
And so I actually flew into New York to take my daughter to school because she was going to college.
And then I met with Margot Robbie and her speech coach for a few hours.
And they taped me and they got my accent.
And then my husband and I took her to dinner.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
She was 22.
She was the age I was.
That's perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we had a great talk and she had said to me, you know, I don't want to get naked, but I'm afraid to tell Marty and Leo.
And I said that right there, your fear of speaking truth to power, that's why I felt my whole marriage.
So if you can get that feeling, you'll nail it.
Well, she did get naked.
She did get naked.
Yes.
Yes.
She did get naked.
Yeah.
And there's no, I don't think there's, from what I saw, there's no reason for her not to be naked.
Yeah.
Yes.
But she was nervous about it, right?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
In the scene of the movie where I believe the butler threw a party and some money was stolen and then someone ended up hanging off the side of the building, did that happen?
Is that how it happened in the movie?
So in real life.
Right.
So in the movie, right.
So when I walk into the apartment and, of course, that, that part is an exactly.
where I see all these people having sex.
No, that did not happen.
But I guess we did find out that my butler did have a party in the apartment.
And I don't know if somebody got hung outside, if he got hung outside the balcony.
But I know that they did go and talk to him.
But that's a very disturbing scene in the movie.
Right.
I did not like that scene.
That's sick.
Which part?
When they're beating them up.
Yeah, that's kind of gross.
I don't like that.
I felt kind of appropriate.
Yeah.
If he stole,
I forget how much money.
But I don't remember if that even is true.
I don't know if all that part is true.
Yeah,
but that's what they do.
They take a little scene and they go,
yeah,
you know,
you better if this.
Yes.
And it is better.
For the viewer.
For her walking in and this is what's happening.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
And she's traumatized.
Yes.
Yes.
The character is dramatized.
So it makes for a great scene.
It does.
You're in the movie,
had an aunt that helped,
I guess,
laundering money?
Yes.
How accurate and true was that?
That's 100% accurate.
Yes, my aunt was a British citizen, my Aunt Patricia.
She was the head master of a children's school, which is so ironic.
And, yep, Horan Jordan worked out some deal.
And yep, she helped him.
His final arrest, how was it?
Were they like storming the house or was it a big thing or was it kind of more low-key?
Well, his final arrest, in the movie, they showed me.
getting arrested at a heliport, I believe, but that's not what happened. He got arrested at our
house. So I had gone to get my son's blanket at my friend's house. And when I came back,
FBI with the jackets and the, you know, the lights, get in the house. And that's how that whole
arrest went down. Never went to the prison. You didn't want to do the whole prison thing? You didn't want to
go see him in prison? No? I had no desire to see him in prison. No. My ex-wife came every, she'll tell you,
she came every month, by the way.
That didn't happen.
She did come every other month.
Were you married to her at the time?
No.
Oh, yeah.
She just liked seeing me in prison.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I didn't, no, I didn't want to see him in prison.
My kids did visit him.
They went with my aunts and uncle, but no.
I never felt the desire to go to prison and see him.
She would say, she's like, I like you being in here.
When I want to talk to you, I can come see you.
You're always here.
I know where you are.
Yeah.
You were happy to talk to her because you were bored.
She's like, if I want to, if I want to, if I want you to call me, I send you an email.
She's like, you make a call.
She's nice.
It's nice you being in here.
Yeah.
I was like, no.
I did a good time.
It was a little sadistic on her part.
Yeah.
She's like that in or out.
Yeah.
No, that was, no, I did not visit.
No, you're good?
I mean, the only other question that I'm going to lead into is more so like, what are you,
I know you've talked about what you're doing now, but where can people find you?
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So every day I work with my patients and I love my job.
I feel really blessed to be able to do my job.
And so, and then I interact with my social media, which is the real Dr.
Ney Dean on Instagram.
And then TikTok, the Wild West of social media, Dr. Ney LMFT.
And then I have a website, Dr.nai.com, N-A-E.
Go there.
Everybody could get assessments, free resources.
and then I'm actually starting an online community for women
called the Trauma Bond Recovery Community
and you can find that on my website
or tbr.doctrnaid.com.
So I'm busy.
I'm on a mission.
Are you, we talked a little bit about YouTube.
Are you actually thinking, well, it was more your husband
when we were talking to.
Yeah.
Are you actually thinking about doing something
with your YouTube channel
or doing something with that?
Or are you basically?
I don't know. I mean.
You're at the end of your bandwidth.
Yeah, I'm pretty, I'm pretty, my bandwidth is, is pretty stretched.
But, I mean, I'm not against that, you know, we just have to, that would just be like another project to get going.
Right.
But it's, it's fun and it's exciting what I'm doing.
And the best part is, you know, the thing about life is so interesting is that if somebody would have told me, if somebody would have said to that 23-year-old girl, this is going to be your life.
Oh, yeah.
If you're going to get married to the sky, it's going to be crazy.
you're going to have a book, rent, a movie made about your life,
you're going to become a doctor,
and you're going to help women everywhere.
I would say, you've got to be kidding me.
Yeah, yeah, that's not.
But it happened.
Yeah, that's life in general.
I couldn't have told you five years ago.
This is where I would be certainly couldn't have told you 20 years ago.
Right.
I would have been in prison.
Pretty much everything in my, I couldn't have predicted any of the events that occurred.
And that's why I say to people, don't worry.
It's going to work out.
Future trip.
It's going to work out.
That's right.
It always works out in the end.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're doing the right.
Typically, I mean, what I think is, if you're doing the right thing, then God kind of lays out a plan for you.
Isn't that true?
I believe that.
It's super funny.
It's so true.
It's like you just, you know, things just seem to kind of just, it's like as I'm walking.
Yeah.
As I'm walking, this.
Yeah.
He's putting stuff out for me.
That's right.
That's right.
And that's why, you know, when the movie happens, I'm so glad I took the attitude of just surrendering
into it because now I get to exploit it and use it to help people everywhere.
Right.
Right.
And so it just all worked out.
That's good.
Yeah.
I'm sure there were many, many times when you didn't think it was going to.
Oh, yeah, more times than not.
Well, what do you think?
I feel good.
Is there anything that you would want to touch on or say that you haven't at this point?
Yeah, I think.
No, I think we took good.
I liked our little banter about, you know, when you start to get into your whole
narcissistic thing.
It's an interesting dynamic.
I think it was good.
I liked it.
That's what Colby said when you were,
he's like, I think y'all have a good,
it'd be a good, interesting.
It was a good little sparring session.
Yeah.
I think Matt is harder on himself than,
you know, he's like, I don't know,
he says, what you say, you don't feel shame.
Makes me, makes me think that people think,
oh, like, he doesn't care.
No, I didn't get that sense.
I was just curious.
But I think that what's so funny is,
is like now I'm, you know, and I think, and I could be wrong, you know, like I said, you don't
see yourself how you are, how other people see you.
But like, I think that now I'm like extremely upfront and honest with people pretty much
because I know that you know my past, right?
Right.
So I know that it's in my best interest to be overly honest with you, you know, even if it faults
me.
Yeah.
Because I don't want you to be able to come back and say, like, people think, oh, he's just a very honest person.
Trust me, there's a goal.
The goal is at no point can you come back and say, oh, you didn't say that.
Oh, no.
I said exactly that.
We're going to put out the interview.
Here's what's going to happen.
Don't say anything that you don't want out there.
Don't come back in two months and say that.
Like, you know, I'll go overboard.
And they're just like, so I laid everything out.
And that's in everything.
Even when Colby and I worked out our arrangement, like, it's not.
Like, you know, here's how, here's our arrangement and all money is going to go to you.
Mm-hmm.
And because we don't want money coming to me.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like, not that I think I would do anything with it, but I want to be in a position.
And I don't want to be in a position where you can say that I promised you something.
Yeah.
You want full transparency.
Exactly.
I think that's why.
This is our agreement.
You'll cut me a check.
Good.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like, be very honest about every single thing.
And that way it doesn't.
Because, first of all, I can't.
I can't be standing in front of a judge.
Because if I was on a jury, I wouldn't believe me.
Right.
You just read my past and I sit on the stand.
I can't even defend myself.
Even I wouldn't believe me.
If somebody read my-
Right.
So the truth is important.
It's the best bet, right?
Yeah.
Well, it always is.
And then if I'm sitting there, if I told you things that I had done in the past,
like my wife has, like, if I'm like, oh, yeah, one time I did this, and I tell her what I did.
And she's just like, like, like,
I can't believe you would do that.
Like that's, you see what I'm like, yeah, that's not you at all.
I'm like, oh, no, at the time I was absolutely manipulative.
Yeah.
I would definitely do that.
Yeah.
Why would you think that guy would do that?
Why?
Because we're paying him $10,000 a month.
And if he doesn't do it, then I'll pull that.
And he's probably living off up $150,000 a year.
And I just yanked $100 to $120,000 out of his pocket.
Of course he's going to fake the appraisal.
And she's like, you have no problem with that.
Absolutely not.
Well, I think what I like about that is that,
I think it's good to admit when you're manipulative or when you've been manipulative.
I try to keep it in my mind.
Yeah, I think it's important because also for someone like me who talks about it all day, I'm like, okay, no, I'm not crazy.
People are intentionally manipulative.
Oh, yeah.
It's so.
So I think it's really, I'm very, what's the word?
I'm just glad.
And I'm very, I respect it that you do that a lot.
Look, it's so ingrained.
in me that there are times I'll say something and then I'll stop myself and I'll think,
damn, are you saying that because it's true?
Yeah.
Are you saying that because you know when this person looks into it, they're going to see this
and they're going to come back.
Yeah.
And I'm thinking like, you know, you know what I'm saying?
You're like, yeah.
So it's like sometimes I think that people are manipulative and I think it's so ingrained
to them.
They don't even know what they're saying.
Yeah, they sometimes don't even realize what they're doing.
Right.
And it's like, so, yeah, so I've been.
I feel like I'm constantly doing stuff like that.
It's so funny, too, because we were watching that, the movie.
And my wife was getting irritated, like, because they're, you know, behaving.
Yes.
And it's not the drugs because, like, it's funny, you were talking about, like, a drug addiction.
Yeah.
Or addiction in general.
Like, that wouldn't work with me.
I've never had a drink in my life because my father was an alcoholic.
Right.
I made a choice.
That makes sense.
Because it was so traumatic as a kid watching him.
Yes.
I was like, yeah.
I'll never do that.
Yeah.
Never smoked cigarettes.
never smoked pot, never done.
So, but we were watching the movie and just the way they were talking and his pitch and the over the top.
And, you know, work, do this, do that.
And I've said things like, when people are complaining, I'm like, well, you know what it'll fix that.
What?
Start working.
Right.
And I do the whole boom.
Start working.
Work until it's done.
Like, you can fix it.
And I'll do this whole thing, that whole hype up thing.
Yeah.
And she's seen it.
So when he's doing it in the movie, she's going.
And she's looking at me and I'm like, don't, don't.
Because I can see it.
And as he's doing it, I'm thinking, oh, shoot.
She's staring at me right.
And I look at her, I go, stop, stop.
That's, I, that's not.
She's like, uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
And there's all these little times she would look at me and I'd be like trying not to laugh.
Yeah.
That's not.
I've never.
Oh, no.
Never.
I would, how can, I'm offended that you would even think that I, she is, you know.
She gave you the side eye.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, I, so it's funny because you talk about all these things in the book, but I mean, and these guys that are behaving this way.
Like sometimes it's, it's just so, I think it's so ingrained in you.
I wonder how you, just like you said, how do you, how do those guys, I know, your thing is like, I don't care about those guys.
Yeah.
I care about these women.
Yeah.
But I'm saying, but sometimes it's a woman who's narcissistic in general.
Of course.
Of course.
It's not just that.
But without a traumatic event, I don't know at what point you get the carpet yanked out from underneath you and you hit your ass hard enough that you go, hey, I have to alter my behavior.
Yeah.
Because I think most of them, it probably never happens.
For a lot of them.
Yes.
Yes.
For sure.
And do you think most are, I don't want to say, are they, you think they're aware, like, self-aware, like, okay, like I am a bit of a, you know, monster or.
or whatever, or they just think, like, this is how it is and this is, this is, I think,
I think it's a mix.
Yeah.
I was just saying, I'll bet you.
Yeah.
I'll bet you most of them don't.
I think, I think, I think, the reason why I think that they do know is because they can
turn it on and turn it off.
Oh, you mean, because sometimes they can be charismatic and charming.
Yes, yes.
And then behind the scenes.
So I think it is part of their personality, right?
But then I think, because they can turn it on and turn it off, there has to be an
awareness because I know I can act like a pathological, intimidating, dominating,
jerk to this person because I want to get something from them, so I'm going to charm them.
But I know I can act like this to my wife because she's stuck with me and I want to get out
all my aggression on her.
Yeah.
So I think there is a bit of an awareness.
Well, because I was thinking to myself, like, but I was thinking more like if things go wrong,
like do they ever realize it's their fault?
And I was thinking that's probably most of them.
No, no, no, no.
They don't.
Well, they don't take accountability.
Pathological people don't take accountability.
And that's why they don't change because I don't think there's anything to change.
Yeah, I was going to say.
Because it works for them.
I think these guys probably 95% of the guys are in prison are, you know, suffer from like antisocial disorder.
Yes, antisocial personality disorder.
Yes.
Listen, you can't like you're sitting there.
Well, sorry, I would be sitting there listening to them talk.
And it's just like, I'm sitting there thinking like, and they're, they're blaming the judge, their lawyer.
Right.
The snitch.
Yeah, they're blaming everybody.
Right.
And I'm sitting there thinking like, do you think maybe it's you having robbed 15 banks that got you?
I feel like you contributed a little.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you have to remember when you have a true personality disorder, it's egocentonic, meaning.
That's a big word.
It just means this is who I am.
ego dystonic if we feel anxious or depressed we're like oh this doesn't feel right this isn't
who I am but with a personality disorder it's egosentonic you're like this is me all right that's
definitely that's definitely that's definitely that yeah that's definitely that yeah this is what you get
this is what you get right the people that have like anxiety you know you have like people that seem
anxious and they don't feel comfortable and they're they're awkward yeah like I don't I'm always like
I'll talk to those guys and I just think to myself like what must this be like because you
clearly have anxiety and all these things that I don't have.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's complicated.
That's why it took me years to write the book.
Yes.
What do you think, I'm trying to think of how to word out.
What do you think like makes someone like that, just their upbringing?
Do you think like success, success brings it out more?
Like, or what sparks?
Yeah, I think it's like anything.
There's multiple causality to what makes a pathological person.
I think there's a biological component.
component, right?
We're born with a certain temperament, and there are certain genes, and then nature versus nurture, then the environment can turn it on.
And then also, you know, we live in a patriarchy.
So there's a hierarchy.
And so I think it's a combination of culture, your genes, your upbringing, and then poof, there's the person.
I was going to say, what's the saying?
Nature loads the gun and nurture pulls the trigger.
Oh, I've never heard that.
Yeah.
I had to look at it up the other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's a combination.
You know, that's why to study psychology takes a lot of years.
There's a science.
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