Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Meet the Influencer Who Escaped Prison and Addiction | Jessica Kent

Episode Date: January 13, 2024

Meet the Influencer Who Escaped Prison and Addiction | Jessica Kent

and you're living in a box that's a bathroom with another grown-ass man after you've lived your life, woman for me, it's a really eye-opening thing. It gives you perspective. It makes you grateful for basic shit. Like, you can't do that in prison. Yeah. I probably broke it just now, but you can't do that in prison. You can't open the fridge. You can't just turn the TV without getting on a schedule and asking and then hoping that the big asshole doesn't stand to say, no, bro, we ain't watching that. We're watching Ellen today. And you're like, you know what, I love Ellen. Thank God. I'm glad you set me straight. What do I got to do? You're six foot two.

Hey, this is Matt Cox, and we're going to be doing a podcast with Jessica Kent. Jessica's got a really kick-ass YouTube channel and TikTok and what else? Instagram. She's all on it. And so she's in town, and she's swung by, and we're going to talk about our story real quick. So that's pretty much it, right? Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. And I just have to say publicly to everyone listening that I blew you off like two years ago about my book. And I'm so sorry. I would like to publicly apologize to you. But I love you and thank you for having me on. You know, what's funny is like I watched your, when I was in the halfway house, I started watching your channel when you. Yeah. Well, you know, I was looking into true crime and yours came up. You know, the girls that do the makeup and tell a story, which those are all, you know, I'm, I was. Yeah. I was. Yeah. I was.

shocked well there's a few of them that do it really yeah she's huge um i'm gonna move it 20 yeah it's fine that's fine so um so i started but then i found your channel and your channel seemed more you know you just seemed more relatable than they did uh and so i remember i watched a bunch of the videos and then i remember i showed danny was like that's what you should do just take a camera because i mean no now it's i understand but it was the same thing we had been talking then and then i had reached out to you and i sent you the book and i said hey look if you're interested Did I be interested in writing your story? And then, you know, that whole thing happened.

So, yeah. But so you're going to tell your story. And so you, you know, let's go ahead and just get into it. And it's basically. You're going to ask me some questions along the way and we'll just, we'll kick it. But I mean, and the thing is like I've picked up on what on the videos and I've watched the different videos. But I've never watched, even though you say it in some of your videos that you apparently have told the story from beginning to end. I can't seem to find it was, I even went in the description.

And you had said you took the video down. Which one? Of like just my whole life story? Like you're basically your life, like what happened? Like you were, you know, you were raised in what Chicago? I was born. Yeah. And you were arrested when you were like what, eight or nine?

I'm like that. I actually, wow, I actually was. Yeah. So I ran away when I was like nine years old. But I think that's a good video idea that you just gave me. Just sit down and tell my entire life story from beginning to end. Throw it in the description box so no one gets confused because my life is just crazy. Right.

Right. So I was actually born and raised in upstate New York. Okay. And I live in Chicago now. That's probably why you were confused about that, which my life is insane, right? But yeah, born and raised in upstate New York, my mom was really poor. Section 8 housing is how I grew up and I was bounced all around from place to place to place. So I grew up really, really poor.

Food stamps, Section 8, that was my life. And that's important to note because I didn't want to live that life. I didn't want to be poor. And I thought that was like the worst thing that you could be was poor. that you could be, it was poor. It's not, but it's a struggle, right? So when I was about 12 years old, I was bullied severely all my life, you know, to my face, because back in the day, we didn't have social media or phones like we have now, so people were shitty to your actual face. So kids these days don't really understand what that means. There wasn't really an anti-bullying campaign

going on at the time. That was just part of life. Yeah, now they bully me on the internet, so it's glamorous experience for me but yeah I had no friends I was bullied I'd moved around and what's fucked up is like I would go to one school district for like half a year and then go back to a different school district and then go back to the first one all in the same year so I was just moving around so much because we kept getting kicked out of our places well I was 12 and I was in like this English class I want to say and these kids were making fun of me being fun of my clothes or some shit maybe my teeth I cross bite teeth so that's always been a high you know rate of bullying for me. And I was pissed. I was done. Like I was so tired of kids making fun

of me. I took a textbook and I threw it out this bitch's head. I got kicked out of class for that because you can't throw textbooks at children. And I went to detention and I met this girl there and we became friends almost immediately based on our mutual enemy. And I went to this girl's house after school, which is a big deal for me because I had no friends. I didn't like go to people's houses after school. She gave me a beer and I loved it. How old was she? we were the same age. Maybe she was a year older than me. And I was really happy drinking this beer. At the time, and I didn't know this until years later, but I had severe depression. And I was so happy drinking beer that day that, like, I didn't worry about my social anxiety. I didn't worry about anything. I was carefree. I was very outgoing, which is not me. I am such an introvert that I don't really want to hang out with people. And that kind of started my addiction. So, Slowly but surely, alcohol turned into pills. Pills turned into heroin. Heroin turned into meth. And I was a drug addict for like 10 years. So it was a really. I'm not saying, fucking leave. Yeah. I mean. Hard time. So, and this is all throughout, this is, so the progression was throughout high school mostly? Or did you, did you graduate high school? I did not graduate high school. Okay. What happened? Why? Just wondering. Yeah. So I was on some form of paper.

all my life, you know, pins, probation through the school because I was getting in fights and drinking and getting kicked out, getting brought home drunk. I was just a really messed up teenager. But when I was 18, I got kicked out of my parents' house. Like the day I turned 18, I was just really just an angry, shitty kid, right? And I was a drug addict, really troubled teen that was also a drug dealer. So I get kicked out of my parents' house. And what was the question again? The question was high school. Did you graduate high school? No, I didn't graduate high school. The reason for that is I got kicked out of my parents. I had to move in with this guy that I didn't like at all. Ended up marrying him because, you know, papers like, you can't just live with this random guy.

Turns out he was narcissistic and really emotionally abusive to me. So that was hard. But in all of that, I didn't end up graduating high school. But to be fair, even if I was living at home with my parents, I wouldn't have graduated. I just couldn't sit down and even read a test long enough. So I have ADHD, which I found out like five minutes ago. But I would read half of a test, right, and then I couldn't read the rest of it. So I was smart, and I could do college-level homework in ninth grade for money. Like, college kids were paying me to do their homework. And because I had that monetary value on it, I would do their shit and then not do my own. Because I didn't see the point.

I was selling drugs. So why get a degree? Why stay and spend all day long in high school to eventually go to college to get a job? I have a fucking job. I'm a drug dealer. Right. And that was the mentality back then. Obviously, my mentality is much different now as a 32-year-old mom of two.

I don't believe the same things. But at the time, I'm not going to fucking sit in school all day long. I'm losing money by sitting here. So in short, that's how I did not graduate high school. Right. I was just going to say, I saw something by the, we had talked about Jordan Peterson, like the psychiatrist where we was talking about how, you know, people in gangs and stuff. Like they're not, they're hoping to just get through the next day or week or month.

They're certainly not thinking long terms. That's why they're doing such insane things because they just can't imagine that they're going to be living in, they're never going to be 32 years old. Right. So you make those decisions because you're just trying to get through the day. It's fast and loose. And when you're in that life, when you're using and selling drugs, especially at such young age, you see other people dying from certain situations. Right. You never think you're going to live to C30.

So I not only thought I wasn't going to live to C-30, I completely accepted it. I was totally fine with it. And I would even like kind of meditate and envision my own death as morbid as that sounds. But when you're a drug addict, you have to be realistic, right? Instead of me at the time thinking, oh, just get sober and live a life of recovery, that wasn't even in my vocabulary. So not only was it not in my vocabulary, I didn't even have the fucking working knowledge or the tools to do that, right? So I accepted my death. I knew I was going to die young.

and I was like, let's burn this bitch down, you know? Let's just fucking do everything we can, have fun, die at 25, which sounds insane. It sounds crazy. So what are your, I mean, you said your parents, so I mean, were your parents married at the time? Or you said I had a mom. Yeah. Sorry. No, it's okay.

Before I go into my parents, addiction is not a parenting fail. And I do just want to say that. There's nothing my parents could have done to stop me from doing what I was going to do. And so that's that. But my mom is a single mom growing up, you know, Section 8 housing. When I was 13, my mom kicked me out, and I moved in with my dad and my stepmom, who are very just straight-edge, blue-collar, like Christian, very square, right? They had no idea how to handle a 13-year-old drug addict drug dealer teenager

that was getting in fights and acting insane. And my dad, I've actually interviewed him for my channel, both of them. my dad was in such denial he's like not my kid she's fine she's gonna figure it out she's smart you know she's reading sylvia plath and charlotte bronte and like she's reading all these books in the corner like she's fine she's reading hunter thompson at 13 so there's nothing wrong with her right but there was so much more wrong like yeah i can read a book but i'm a fucking drug addict so because he was in denial i just i never really got the help that i needed yeah i was just going to say that's the the catch-all is is that people think you're smart you'll

figure it out you'll get through but the truth is like the guy with the highest IQ on record works as a bouncer you know what I'm saying it's like it doesn't it doesn't correlate it's it's you have to have you know super so people say with same thing with my my family is that you know my mom and my dad like they didn't do anything wrong like they were married they they were disciplined they were good it was we were upper middle class there was money there was every all of those things were right but you know it's just the situation of you know the same situation that would have that a and other kids made the right decisions with, I made all the wrong decisions, you know.

And certainly my parents would have direct me and had tried to direct me in the right, in the right, you know, the right direction. It just didn't happen. It just wasn't, that wasn't, you know, we talked about it earlier. We talked about, you know, getting in trouble. Like, every time I got in trouble,

I should have made the, I could have made the correct call. I made the worst call every single time, you know, which is, you know, why I ended up in prison. But prison's not really a deterrent when you're living the lifestyle that you want. And our society and our school system is not built for entrepreneurship. newers and hustlers that want to go get it.

We're actually punished for being the way that we are. Hustlers and the go get it mentality. I can't sit still for eight hours in the classroom. It's not going to work. That's why the painting thing works for me. I can paint for two hours here. I can do a Zoom call. I can go grocery stopping.

I can come back. Paint for another hour. Do this. Come here, do a podcast. Do whatever. Right. So it's like, yeah, it's hard. Like I can't imagine having to go work for FedEx 60 hours a week.

It'd kill me. No. There's no way. My brain does not work. that way. And I've had regular jobs, you know, after I got out. But like, I was in physical pain because of it almost. Like, it was just too much. So for me to be able to create my own schedule and work for myself and do everything that I do, it's such a blessing. And there's no words that I could ever use to thank my audience for doing what they did for me because now I get to

work for myself. And it's just such an incredible blessing. It's funny. I mean, you know, we've been talking. We talked for like an hour before we even started this. But it's it's uh i was on somebody's podcast the other day and he at that day six months ago and he made a he made the crack where i was talking about being a middle class citizen and he said he kind of kind of laughed about it and mocked he said yeah i mean like he said i said you know well i said i said i i wish i could be that person and he go he said well i said because you know at least they're happy like they're happy

going to dinner and teaching little league and doing and going to pta meetings i said they're happy to it and he goes well they say they're happy and i went No, no, they're genuinely happy. Like, I envy, like, I'm not mocking those people. I envy those people. I would do anything to be that guy. Society is built for that guy. Absolutely.

So it is a little bit easier for that. So, like, my fiance, he works for the man, you know, corporate, corporate job, straight-edge job. I'm on the other end, and I'm an entrepreneur. He couldn't do what I do, just like I couldn't do what he does, right? Right. So we're all different. But I think those people are happy in coaching Little League and working. Yeah, I would love to do that.

Listen, I would have loved to have gotten married, run my mortgage company, raise my son, made all the right moves. Be normal. Be normal. Normal would be wonderful. It didn't happen. Yeah. So. I think for entrepreneurs, we go like all, we do all this shit, right?

Sometimes we get in a lot of fucking trouble and it's really hard on the way up, right? Like the struggle is real going up that mountain. And there's so much resistance going up that mountain that, you know, you trip and you fall down and you're sweating and you're, you know, it's really, really, really. hard. But the view from the top is incredible. So I think for people like us, like we can do a thousand different things and that's what we're happy doing, like painting and YouTube and podcast and writing. That's kind of how our mind works and we're like creative that way. Right. So I think it's a blessing for me and I like how my brain works, but these are dope. I'm obsessed. He's going to do one of me, just be on the lookout for that. Yeah. It's good.

It's good. It's fun and it's, you know, and it's funny too because this always upsets me. but like before I went to prison like I had a lot of money like I was doing really well but I was never really happy like I'm happier scraping by doing this then in that that and when people would say that

before when I had money I used to just think come on man you're just justifying being poor like that's all you're doing but the truth is you know I was happier in prison than I was before going to prison it took a couple years to really get my mind right

and then I realized it and And, you know, but I was going to say, let's get back to, so, so you're saying, so didn't graduate high school, kicked out of your parents, or your, your parents' house. And so what happened at that point? Because I mean, I know your story to a degree. I don't know. There's little things that I've always wondered about. Yeah. I've actually gone through your, your YouTube channel. And I'll find it, you'll say something. And then I watched the 20 minute video. And then I'm like, that didn't answer my question. You told me a bunch of stuff, but that's, I was curious about this. I was curious about that. I was curious about that. curious. So, but go ahead. So, yeah, I was a drug dealer. And that was my highest aspiration at the time. So in order for me to pay for my drugs, I had to sell drugs. I had to sell guns. I had to be this person. And I meditated on that. Then I treated it very seriously, like a business. It is my business. And, you know, I thought I could be a successful drug dealer. You fucking can't be a, like it's not going to happen. You also, at the same time, can't be a successful drug addict and be a successful drug dealer. So there were so many waves for me that like at one point

I had a ton of money and I was doing really, really well, a ton of money, ton of drugs, everything's going good. Bill's all paid. My addiction's fed. Then there would be moments where I have nowhere to go. I'm homeless, living in a trap house, no money at all, trying to not sell drugs and go back to that world, fighting my addiction and fighting my own shit and my own mental health, fighting with some fuck boy that I was dating for a while. Like my life was chaos. And then it would come back up. and I'd get a re-up and I'd be doing really well and you know what I'm saying so my life was like that all the way through and it was really hard and you know over time I think what you just said is important over time it didn't matter how much money I made I was so miserable I was so unhappy I hated

my lifestyle I hated where I lived I hated the people that I was around I hated feeding my addiction and my boyfriend's addiction and my friend's addiction and paying for all these people's bills and people put that on me, you know. In a sense, I liked the control and the power that came with that, and I liked that people needed me. It was a good feeling as someone that was ostracized and bullied and had no friends all their life. Now everyone's coming to me for something.

Of course. So I liked that, right? Like, let's keep it real. I had tons of friends before I got caught. Then I went to prison and it was like people aren't answering your call. How many people wrote you in prison? Very few. Oh, I mean, honestly.

Honestly, like the one only real consistent person was my mom. Me too. Me too. And I had one or two friends that showed up, but you know the friends that showed up that actually came and visited me were the friends that weren't a part of my whole circle before I went to prison. These are childhood friends that have always kind of been friends. Or the other person was my ex-wife. She came to see me every other month the whole time I was locked up. And this is a person that.

genuinely should hate me same you know basically that that was it like there were very few people but the people that I had made half a million dollars a million 700, 700, those people they're not answering the phone they don't want anything to do with me but but we were good friends we were buddy right yeah when shit's good yeah when you're making a money and that's a hard lesson right that's really hard to learn on the way up like my mom was always there for me it didn't matter what I was doing I was traveling the country with a magazine sales crew because I'm on the run from some fuck boy or drug dealer or some charges. So I would travel all across the country, right?

And my mom is there for me then. She's there for me in jail. Like she was always there. She couldn't afford much, but she could afford stamps and to put a little bit of money on the phone. She's like, Jess, you want commissary or you want money on the phone? I'm like, phone, please. I can hustle for everything that I need.

I just want to talk to you. And that was hard because I thought people would have the same integrity, loyalty, and like genuine like kindness that I had for them and I thought they'd be there for me. They fucking won't and they don't. So to expect yourself out of other people, you're going to be disappointed every time. Yeah, I've learned that my first charge, you know,

and then really my second charge when everybody I knew rolled over on me immediately, I realized right away, oh, no, no, no. There's no loyalty. Like if, and if I get in trouble, I'm cutting everybody's throat because they had already cut my, throat. So I realized right away, the only people that truly cared about me were people that shouldn't have. Like people I had never done anything to me, I'd never done anything for this person.

I've just been, you know, kind of a friend. But those people will tell you, no, you were a good friend. And I'm like, and to me, but I never made you any money. Like you never, and they're like, yeah, but you helped me move. When my car broke down, you came in and helped me with my tire. When this happened, you did this. You know, all these, I used to call you. You'd always give me good advice. Like those were the, and I'm like, see, to me, that was just, that wasn't what I had considered. That to me, it wasn't building loyalty. Making you money was building loyalty. You connected friendship to money. Absolutely. And I did the same. Completely wrong. But that's, didn't know it then. None of those fucking people called me or talked to

me. Yeah. Now they're like, oh, I watch your content. I love you. Like, okay, but where were you when I was locked up? Yeah. So yeah, I sold, I sold drugs and guns. And it was, it was a crazy time in my life but it was a hard time you know like things were never good for too long so um 2011 was probably the hardest year of my entire life and i've had some hard years um but i i owed my drug dealer at the time thousands of dollars i don't even really know the exact number i've estimated 30 it was probably a lot more than that i don't know i haven't wrote him in prison to ask him he has a life sentence but man so I owed him a lot of money my boyfriend at the time fuck boy he robbed a store because I was in debt and he thought he was going to

help me that's bringing more heat on me that's not fucking helping right so he robbed this store that I happened to work at which was funny because at the time my landlord's like Jess come on you need to just get a job work two hours a week I don't care like we know your drug dealer like try to help us out right so I got this job at the smoke shop and I'm like hey I need the bare minimum amount of hours like don't even give me anything and I was working at this smoke shop he came in all covered up put me on the ground took the money robbed me and left cops were on scene within five minutes I'm from a nothing town in upstate New York like this little EWalk village you've never heard of it

I promise and my boyfriend was also on scene within just a couple of minutes checking on me to see if I was okay um he gave me a hug and he goes it's okay it was me and I'm like hmm There's cops everywhere, and these cops know me. They've known me all my life. Like, what the fuck, right? So I went on the run because they tried to charge me. First, they tried to question me. And I'm like, I don't know.

He came in, and this is what he was wearing, and he took the money. And then I, you know, I called you guys. You see me. As soon as that door opens and closes, I get on the phone and I called 911. Right. So I'm like, holy shit, we were robbed. I had, like, no emotion in that. I wasn't, like, crying or, like, scared because my life was chaos.

Why would I be scared that someone put a gun in my face? That's not the first time this has happened, you know? So the cops asked, like, why weren't you scared? I can't tell them I sell guns. I've had guns put in my face plenty of times before. I was pistol whip six months ago. I don't give a fuck. He didn't shoot me or hit me with the gun. I'm okay. But I was also high on heroin, so I had no emotion, right? They tried to question me later about my boyfriend at the time, and I went in for questioning. I'm like, listen, I just worked at the store. I'm going to need a lawyer if we're going to move forward. You can go home. I'm going to

call you at 9 a.m. in the morning. I'm gone. I ran. Once they started to kind of connect the dots and figure out that it was him, I'm gone. So I went on the run again. This was February 2011. Now I'm on the run from charges. It was a conspiracy to commit armed robbery, grand larceny, a false written statement and false police report. And I'm also on the run from a drug dealer that I owe thousands of dollars to. And I went on magazine crew. I don't know if you ever saw American Honey. With Shaila Buff. Sounds familiar. They sell magazine subscriptions door to door. They stay in every city for two weeks at a time. Then they roll out. Perfect place for me to be. I kind of came and went several times on the magazine crew. I was a queen bitch. So I have my crew numbers tattooed on my arm.

But I was really good at it. I was good at sales, right? Imagine that. And what's funny, I thought I was a hustler because I sold drugs. Everyone wants drugs. I was a hustler because I sold magazine subscriptions. Do you want to buy a fucking magazine? No, no. But I was really good at it. So I detox in a hotel in Northville, Virginia, for the hundredth time. And, you know, I promised my boss for probably the sixth time, I'm going to be sober. I'm going to do it right. I'm going to stay on crew. Like, this is a change me.

I'm brand new. And I'm never going to go back to drugs. After two weeks or so of detoxing in a hotel, I get back to work. And I relapse within the first few days. And now I'm back on heroin again. and we were jumping from moving on the crew from Virginia to Kansas. Well, I'm thinking, I've been to Kansas before. There's no fucking heroin there.

What am I going to do? And I think my boss was kind of on to me about that. Like, yeah, there's heroin in Virginia at the time. There's no heroin in Kansas. I don't know what it's like now, but, you know, this is 10 years ago. So I'm like, I don't want to do meth in Kansas. Like, what the fuck? And I was so mad.

So we jumped there, and then eventually we find our way in Vegas. I'm getting blacked out drunk every single day because I can't find heroin. and it was really just a fucked up time in my life. And I don't know what New York is going to do. I know they're looking for me. They're, you know, they asked my mom if she knew where I was. She's right or die for real. She's never going to give me up. So I was really stressed out. Well, I got a call when I was in Vegas from a friend of mine, ex-runner of mine that used to drugs for me in Arkansas. He's like, man, come down to Arkansas. It's fire here. I got the connect. I'm making a lot of money. Then he called me the next day, and he was completely strung out

and weird and just not sounding like him. And I'm like, what is going on? Like, he must be really strung out. Now, I think I'm sober because I'm not taking heroin. I'm getting blacked out drunk every night on Jack Daniels, but I'm sober. I beat heroin. I can go down and help him for a couple of weeks, help him get off meth, which I at this point had never seen in my life. I go down to Arkansas and day one, I walk in this trailer, it's condemned. One dude's carpet surfing. Some other dude is ripping apart a computer. And my friend that's runner thinks the cops are going to come. you know and I'm like what the fuck is happening here like tweaking out the window and I just thought I would never I could never do this like these people are insane so like two weeks later I was on meth it's funny how in addiction you you think like I'm not going to be this person or I'm never going to be as bad as this person or this drug is is beneath me right we're all the same but I kind of had that prejudice with meth but before I knew it I was using meth every day and

multiple times a day. I don't know like how graphic you want me to get with that. But I was I was hooked instantly. Right. Instantly. And that was, that was kind of scary. I don't know if I want to share like the first time I did it.

Is that too graphic to share? No. I mean, it's not and it's not, you know, it's up to you. Listen, the chick that I told you I was dating,

she did five years for meth conspiracy. Conspiracy is so fucked up. Yeah. Well, and she's funny. because she would say when I asked her what you what she was in jail for she said um she's like I mean I'm I'm I'm I'm I was addicted to meth and I was like well they don't put you in jail for being addicted to meth I kind of do though yeah well I mean in the

fed so there's no charge for being a and I looked at it and she goes I was selling a man I go you're a drug dealer and she's yeah I go well just say it I mean you know like you know like you just in five years don't church it up right and she was like I was I was I was dealing meth I was like okay so but you know I mean I've heard the stories I I you know it's and it's it's it's a horrible drug like it's the addiction rate is just like through the roof like I mean it's so hard to get off of it because it's just euphoric and it blast your dopamine receptors so violently that you're like and then you chase that right well the first time that I got it I'm I was an intervenous drug user so the first time I tried meth I shot up and I didn't know how to do it

and it was like this really weird thick thing in my shirt shot when if you're listening please stop listening if this triggers you like i don't want to upset anyone that's listening um but i thought there was something wrong with it because it was really thick in the syringe and i ended up like squirting some out and putting some more water in and i shot up and i'm sitting on this toilet just to give you a picture here i'm sitting on a toilet in a condemned trailer in arkansas the door slides it doesn't even shut like it's a horribly disgusting bathroom with carpet in it the bathtub is yellow there's cigarette burns on it there's a hole in the floor of this bathroom.

What are you doing? What are you doing? Right? You know what I mean? At that moment, don't you have to be going, you know, what am I doing? I didn't give a fuck. What the fuck? You know, like this is so bad.

I didn't care. And that's what addiction does. Right. They had AC and it's fucking hot as hell in Arkansas. So the fact that there was air conditioning, I was like, this is the place to be. So I shot up and... Nobody was there to help you. Somebody just gave you math and said, here, run with it.

Nobody told, explained it to you, that they didn't... Yeah, great question. Because you can't shoot, like, you can't, like, shooting up heroin is different than shooting up, you know, you know, then doing like a free basing than doing, you know, it's all different. Like you can't mix the same amount of kit. You can't assume the same amount. It's a great question. So the dealer that was coming to serve my friend and my ex-runner at this trailer, he came to drop off some stuff.

Dude wasn't home. And I'm like, I got 50 bucks. How much can that give me? And he said, what do you mean? Like, you don't know? Like, no, I'm new. And he's like, here. And he gives me what is a teener.

That's not $50 worth. It was $150 worth. I didn't know the difference. And I'm like, okay, thanks. And he leaves. So I go on this trailer and no one's home at this time. Because I can't let them, like the guys that I was crashing with, I can't let them know that I'm going to use meth because I'm trying to get them sober.

Right. And I just gave up because I'm like, this must be a great fucking drug at first. You know, Jesus. So I thought, I'll just try it once, right? So I have to kind of hurry because I don't want anyone to get home. So I shoot up in this disgusting bathroom. I go to stand up to clean up my mess so that no one knows what I just did and I fall I can't I can't get up I can't see my vision was completely blurry and I can't hear there's a ringing in my ear it's like the wah-waws and I thought I was dying and I'm like great I'm about to have a fucking heart attack in this condemned trailer and no one's gonna know what happened to me they're gonna ditch my body somewhere and it's as fast as I realized oh I fucked up I'm like I'm gonna die my mom's not gonna know where I am like I was just panicking and I was so scared and I tried to call out for help no one was there but I was I tried to say something and I couldn't talk.

And I just thought, I'm dying in this trailer. I don't know what came over me, but I was able to calm myself down. I was like taking big, deep breaths. I'm like, just calm yourself. It's deep breaths. It's okay. You're going to be okay. Like this calmness came over me.

And I was able to kind of regulate my breathing. And slowly, my vision came back. My hearing stopped ringing. And I could stand back up and I start to clean up everything. And I thought, this is the best fucking drug I've ever had in my life. Not, you almost died, you fucking idiot. No, this is the best drug I've ever had. And I chased that feeling for almost eight months in Arkansas.

But again, now I'm on the run. I can't work a job, so I have to sell drugs. So I started selling meth, and I got involved with a lot of crazy people. Cartel has a very real presence in Fort Smith, Arkansas. If you just look up the news, people are getting shot all the time there. It's a really fucked up place to be. If you live there and you think it's great, you live in a wonderful, imaginary fairy tale land, but it's a fucked up place. So I was making enough, you know,

not a lot, but enough to feed my addiction. And I hooked up with this guy, so I was paying off his debts. He loved to gamble. So I would have to pay off his debts with selling drugs and whatever. Well, that had to come to an end at some point, right? So I got arrested at like 4.30 in the morning because I was a complete tweaker at the gas station. trying to buy snacks. So I got arrested for possession with intent, delivery of meth, and simultaneous possession of drugs and a firearm. Someone just called or? There was an investigation, an open investigation on, not me, everyone else that I had met along the way.

So they were trying to figure out where this was coming in from. And I saw it happening and I didn't leave. So people were getting picked off. Now, remember I said a few minutes ago, I was only supposed to go there for two weeks. Eight months had passed because in a blink, in the blink of an eye, eight months passes on meth. and it just happened so fast so I had calls from jail telling me, yo Jess, it's hot, you need to leave

like everyone's going to jail some of my friends were going to federal prison some of my friends and connections were being deported some of my friends were going to state and I'm like, I'll get out when I leave like I'm fine, I'm sure I'm just a small person in this world I'm not bringing in buckets of meth

from Texas like it's not me so they're not after me I really thought that I was just small potatoes in the grand scheme of thing like, yes, I'm slinging ounces every day, but I'm okay. But when they add it up and say it in front of the judge, it's, it's suddenly, it's a massive amount and they make you sound like you're just, you're the kingpin, you're bringing it, you're, you're an intricate part of the chain within the cartel.

Correct. Cartel? Correct. What are you talking about? I've never seen a cartel member. Right. That's what's hard. So I'm very fortunate that the feds didn't pick up that case because they absolutely could

have, they could have, they could have, you know, hit me with conspiracy and I wouldn't be sitting here right now. You know, I could have got 10 flat, 20, like, they could have really fucked me over. But when you got grabbed from that charge, you still had charges in New York, right? Right. Okay. So we get arrested and I'm like, I'm going anyway. I'm on the run from that. So I kind of made peace of the fact that it's happening, right? So I get arrested. They charge me with what they charge me with. Drug Task Force tries to talk to me several different times. I told them to go fuck themselves, take me to my cell. I'm not talking to you. And they're like, Jess, we've been following you around everywhere. You really like Thai food. We've sat in the fucking restaurant

with you. We've shopped with you at Walmart. And one of the head guys of the Drug Task Force looked so familiar to me and I'm like, I can't picture it. Once he started to say that in my first interview, I was like, I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked. But don't let them know that you think you're fucked. It doesn't matter. You're going. But he slid across this picture of me handing a big bag of meth into the back seat and then I got hit with delivery like the next day after my arrest, and I'm putting the pieces together, you know, and I know that I'm just, I'm going to go for a minute, right? Plus, I have the New York stuff. I'm innocent of the New York stuff, and my idea was go on the run, get a lawyer, detox in your own way, not in jail,

and then you're going to fight it. And never happened. None of that ever happened. It sounded good. It sounded like a great plan. So I'm at this county jail in Arkansas, and I find out like two weeks later that I'm pregnant. And I thought, no, the fuck I'm not. I, there's a There's no way. How do you go to prison for as long as I'm looking at? This is from the degenerate gambler. What do you mean? Yeah. You pregnant from the, okay. Yep. This is from the gambler. It's his baby.

And I was seeing him for like six months or so, but that relationship was very shallow. He knew my name. He knew I was from New York. It's also based on what? Is it basically based on drugs, right? Or is he not drugs? It's still. He uses and sells drugs, but he's bad at it. I'm selling the drugs and I'm kind of taking care of us at some point throughout, you know, our relationship here, but he doesn't know anything about me. Nothing. You know, my name's Jess. I'm from New York. I have felony warrants. Don't drive like an asshole. That's all he knew about me. Because I was very... Just a solid foundation. Solid foundation. Great start. I was very close off. You know, I wouldn't

get close to people. It was just who I was. You know, to me, and as shitty as this sounds, I'm just going to be fucking honest. He was just there. He's just disposable to me. I didn't care about this person, didn't know this person. I don't care about what your favorite color is, what your fucking zodiac sign is. I don't care. I didn't have conversations like that with this person. He was funny, made me laugh. It was decent enough, right?

So whatever. And I never thought I would have this person's baby, right? He's a complete stranger. But I found out I was pregnant. Did you interview him on your channel? No? I've interviewed my ex-boyfriend, one of them. Okay, okay.

Not baby daddy. Okay, sorry. I remember washing that one. I watched that when I was in halfway house. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Those are good ones.

Yeah. Those are good ones. Yeah, you were sitting on some bleachers or you were sitting in the park or something, right? Yep. Okay. So I've interviewed my ex. He sold drugs for me in New York. We dated for a pretty long time on and off.

It's a messed up relationship. But yeah, I'm still friends with most of my exes. And I wish them all the best in the world. I have no ill will towards anyone that I dated except Steve, fuck you. But yeah, so I'm now pregnant, right? in jail. And I had to tell this person that I'm pregnant. Like, there's a baby. And I have to process this first. Come to terms with it. I'm in complete denial because I don't know what to do. I'm coming down off of drugs. They're not giving me prenatal vitamins. The water's dirty.

I'm in a county jail with people that this man cheated on me with, people I sold drugs to and people that owed me money. Like, do you think that's a good combination or like the stress level was through the fucking roof? And everyone really knew who I was in this town. I'd been there. and I sold to everyone. I sold to, you know, 18-year-olds and their dad at the same time. Like, meth is a very different world. Something that I never experienced in New York on heroin,

you don't sell to someone, a 20-year-old and their parents at the same time. That's how meth, that's how addictive meth is. Whole families, grandma, the mom, and the kid, they're all using meth. Right. So that was wild to me. So it took a couple of months to really process

the fact that I'm going to have a baby in prison. In prison. In prison. baby was a shock in its own right because I never wanted to be a mother. I never wanted to be a mom. I didn't think I had the capability. I didn't think it was right for me to bring a kid into the world because of the lifestyle that I lived. It wasn't fair. I was a horrible human being and I knew better. And I was on birth control at this time, but I was also on meth and I wasn't taking it, right? And I would miss days and like, boom, bam, had a baby. So I go to tell this person in this

county jail that I'm pregnant and he looks at me and he says, is it mine? This is the only person I've been with for, what, six to eight months. I'm like, I fucking wish it wasn't. I'm like, no, it's mine. I got this. Don't even worry about it. I'm good. I got it. And in that moment, it hit me. You're alone. You were completely alone. You have no one. You're 1,300 miles away from any friends and family. You're doing this by yourself. So that was hard to kind of wrap my head around. At the time, when I was first arrested, the deal on the table was 20 years. And I told them, absolutely not.

In a state prison. I said, we're going to trial. They found the gun after they arrested me. So they drove my stick shift to the impound lot. And because he couldn't get it into gear, he was like jerking it all around. The gun fell out of the steering column. And I was charged with it.

But in my New York mind, I can get away with that because you're not supposed to drive my car to the impound lot. You're supposed to search it with me on scene. You could have planted that fuck you, right? So I'm thinking I can get out. out of certain things, where the placement of where the meth was in the car,

with the association of where I was in the car, I'm thinking I can get away with it. You can't, but I'm gonna fight, right? So for a couple of months, I thought 20 years is what I was looking at. And in Arkansas, nothing makes sense. So you either sort of 50% of your time or a third of your time,

my serious level was high enough, it's 50%. But people are- You're doing 10 years. People are telling me that, but there's no documentation to prove that and there's no legal material that I can read it says that either. I'm a New Yorker in an Arkansas jail being denied legal books. There's no law library. There's nothing that I can read. So I have to kind of take people's word on this, right?

So I'm like, I'm not signing a 20 year plea. If you can't tell me how many fucking years to the door that is, in New York, you know what you're going to get. Right. One into third to three, two to five, five to seven, you know what you're doing, right? So I'm like, I don't understand. So they came back a couple of months later and my lawyer said 10 and this is the best you're going to get and I said 10 years okay we're negotiating absolutely not I'm not signing that but I'm glad that we're going to negotiate now so you're saying 10 years and you do five okay yep yep allegedly but I don't know for sure because no I've never been given proof of this at this time people are telling me you find out in prison and I'm telling them that's not how it fucking works you have to know before you go I'm not going

a sign a plea and not understand it. That's 50% that's good time. Like you could lose that time if you get trouble. You can continually lose the. Okay. Yep. So it's good time. It's game time. Sorry. Technically. You might end up doing the whole 10. You could max it out and go flat. Yes. So it took me six months, a lot of tears. And just trying to talk to as many people as I can, like what was your charges? What did you get? How many times have you been here asking my friends that are serving time in the jail. A good friend of mine, Jason, Forrester, he did Fed Time and State Time.

He understands how Arkansas state law is, but he's from Chicago. One of my best friends in the world, he gave me the best advice that I could possibly have. Be patient. They're going to knock it down. They're not going to take you to trial. You've got to wear them down.

Right. And I knew that from my experience in other things, but I was scared because I don't know the law here. Finally, they came back, they said five years. And I'm telling you, bro, I never signed a piece of paper so fast in my life. How much time had you already done? I was there for six months when they gave me that.

So they're already considering the six months as a part of the five years? You have to ask for your good time in Arkansas. They don't automatically give it to you. And they don't give you day for daytime in Arkansas either. So I know. And you don't know this going in. No one tells you these things.

Your public defender's not saying anything? He doesn't give a fuck. He's helping, like he's the public defender on a couple other cases of people that I knew and he would call them thugs. Like you're taking the advice of thugs. Stop. Do you know how fast you were going?

I'm going to have to write you a ticket to my new movie, The Naked Gun. Liam Neeson. Buy your tickets now. I get a free Tilly Dog. Not included. The Naked Gun. Tickets on sale now. August 1st.

Over me? Like, these thugs give a fuck and you don't. He's pure compassion. Oh, he was wonderful. Right. Yeah. So I signed a five-year plea, but it was five years, 15 suspended, 40 years exposure. That's a really loud thing to say all of that means if I ever commit another felony, I'm so fucked.

Right. But I'm off parole and I'm serving my suspended sentence time and then I'll have my exposure time will kick in. It's not concurrent. It's consecutive. What is exposure time? It's basically the feds could pick it up at any point, right? So if I went back and I sold a bunch of stuff and sold a bunch of meth and I got conspiracy, the feds could pick that up and my points would be higher because I have this other case in selling meth.

Okay. statistically they were they were smart for that because the chance is in the likelihood of me coming out and selling meth again and then being put in the feds for a long time are pretty high yeah so um but now i have to go to prison six months pregnant i was really embarrassed and kind of at like my all-time low i had seen women come through pregnant but i never thought about what they were going through because until it happens to you you don't really like you're detached from that right so i i go to prison and uh My daughter is going into foster care and I know that and I have nine months to prepare for that and that was really mentally exhausting to the point where I wouldn't think about it most days because I didn't know how to handle it

I went to the max for classification went to a medium there were other pregnant women there I would see them go have their babies and come back to the unit and they were completely fine and I'm like oh Tammy did it I don't know anyone named Tammy I can do it so if she did it I can handle it

all of the other women I was doing time with, none of their kids were going into foster care. They all had family in Arkansas, and they would see their kids every weekend. Right. And I didn't put that together. I kind of thought maybe I would get to see her. So June 12th of 2012, I went into labor at like 4 o'clock in the morning, and you know prison beds. They hurt your back. Yeah.

So I wake up and I'm like, oh, my back hurts. That's what's happening. I'm not in labor. I'm not having a baby or anything. I walked to the chow hall and the pain is just increasing and it's really bad. I was not one to talk to the officers. So another girl had to get the officer's attention to tell them like, yo, she's in labor. So this guy, male officer, was like, you can walk to the infirmary.

And I'm like, yeah, I think so. He should have got me a wheelchair. Like, I'm an active labor and I've never had a baby before, right? But I walked to the infirmary and you know how long these hallways are. And it's controlled movement. So you have to get buzzed through all this shit. it, right? And it takes me a minute to get there. So I finally get to the infirmary and every step was just more painful than the last. And I go to open the door and I'm like, as soon as I open

this door to the infirmary, they're going to help me. I open the door and I go in and I said, I'm in labor. And this nurse says, oh, just sit down. Has your water broken? No, okay, just sit in this wheelchair. And they left me there for hours in active labor because no one wanted to take me. They wanted to wait until shift change to take me to the hospital. Now, I don't know what that means. Like, I don't know if, like, I'm in trouble. Prison staff. They're just assholes. But I don't know if there's, I'm, I don't know if I'm going to give birth in this infirmary, right? So they're like, oh, I'll, I'll take you on shift change happens. But there's a fun fact that corrections officers can't count. So they always fuck it up, right? They always

fuck up count. I'm not in the infirmary. I'm not in my dorm. So they're going to fuck up the count. And I know that they are. So I'm like, how much time do we have before I give birth by myself in this infirmary in this wheelchair by myself and I was just so scared every minute that went by I was just so stressed out and I'm in excruciating amounts of pain because I'm having a fucking baby today and people were wishing past me no one gave a single fuck and I was just really scared my worst fear during that time is that I was going to give birth alone in a dirty jail cell or a dirty you know infirmary room in a wheelchair like I was so scared finally shift change happens they take me to the hospital just in time to get an epidural. And the nurses weren't even talking to me

or like making eye contact with me. They were talking to the guards. And it was really dehumanizing and really embarrassing. And all the time I just kept thinking I wish my mom was here. I'm completely alone. I'm giving birth. I don't even know what that means. I'm like I've never had a baby before. So my daughter's born. And in order to protect myself for a minute I looked away from her. I didn't want to look at her because I thought I'm going to fall in love with her and then I'm going to be crushed because they're going to take her for me. They took my daughter and they take her over to the baby cleaning thing, you know, or whatever they do. And I look over away from her and the guard that was first with me was really kind and she saw what I was doing. She could see that I was in so much

like mental anguish with this and she said, girl, you better look at that baby. And I did and I fell in love with her. They brought her over to me and I held her for two days. shift change happens, new officers come in, and I'm left chained to a bed for two days. The doctors came in and said, she has to get up and walk around. She had a baby. The CEO says no, is a security risk? They barely wanted to unchain me to go to the bathroom. You're a 110-pound girl in a hospital with multiple guards around you.

You have security risk. I really am, though. That's how they act, you know. Guards are up here. You're subhuman. Fuck you inmate. I'm not going to undo these chains. That's how they treat you.

and I didn't want to push back and be aggressive with them like I had in the past because it's different. There's a baby. I'm holding my baby. If I get aggressive with this guard, I don't know what they're going to do. I was terrified to push back or to speak up or, you know, say I have to walk around. What are you doing? And my mind wasn't there. Like I wasn't okay to fight because I just had a baby. So I was really scared, but to leave me chain to a bed for two days, it's the most fucked up thing you could do. Now my recovery is 10 times harder. And it was just really painful. two days later when I had to go back to prison and I'm grateful for the two days I was only supposed to get one so you get two days with your baby before they before social services come in and take yeah yeah um

how's that um amazing in that I just meet it human and that's like a superpower um it was incredible she's she was so little almost seven pounds had tons of hair just beautiful and I just couldn't believe that I made a person like until you make a person you don't really understand what that is like so I just fell in love with her and like mama bear instincts kicked in and I I don't know my whole life changed I realized that day that I retired from everything because now I made a person that needs me so I retired that day like in my mind I knew I was done I'm sorry no go I was going to say were you thinking like like mentally were you thinking they're going to they're going to they're going to take her but I can get out I can get her back

like are you already planning like these are the stages that I'll go through to get my my child back or are they telling you no no we're taking her you may never see her again or so I mean what are you what are you thinking are you thinking realistically I'm thinking I'm going to get out I'm going to fight I'm going to lose but she'll know that I fought for her that's what I'm thinking because that's that's realistic I mean I mean it's it's luckily it didn't It didn't happen like that. Right. But to me, that's like realistic where you're saying, look, I have to do everything I can.

And if you prepare yourself for the worst, at least then if something good happens, then it's like, it's a blessing. Right. As opposed to being over, oh, I'm going to get her back. I'm going to get a job. I'm going to do this. It's going to be amazing. And then none of that happens and you just get crushed. I didn't believe in myself enough at that point in time, right?

But in order for me to go back to prison, I want to just say this really quickly because it adds another layer to my story. the guards told me it's time to go and I said no you know you can't tell guards no they came in my daughter was in a bassinet they came in from behind like my back is to the door they're behind me they're talking about whatever the fuck they're saying but they're like you need to come you need to go it's time to go I told them no they came in they grabbed me by my shoulders threw me into a wheelchair threw me down chain me up as fast as they could and rushed me out of that room. And I left my newborn baby alone in a bassinet and I'm being rushed into down these hallways and into a prison van. And they threw me into this prison van, close the door,

and they fly out of that hospital. The amount of trauma that was just inflicted on me and my newborn baby is too much to handle for me. And like you just took away the only thing in the world I've ever loved. You took away my baby. And I can't even speak. And we're going down this road and the officers are talking about what they're going to have for lunch and it's like a regular fucking day and they're laughing and they're like, it's just this normal thing. And I am, I don't even want to be alive in this moment, you know? So I go back through Sally Port and they do the intake process. They can't, they're trying to talk to me and I can't speak. And I don't really know why. I don't really hear what they're saying. And I can't answer their questions. And I woke up like a week or two later in

the infirmary and I didn't really understand why I was there. I felt my stomach and I realized that she was gone. I have PTSD now and I'm diagnosed, so, you know, I get that crown. But now looking back, there's a reason why I don't remember, you know, is because my, the mind is actually really amazing, right? So it tries to protect you from trauma and pain. So for the first couple of days after I get back to the prison, I didn't know what was happening. I don't remember it at all.

I don't remember anything they said. Or if I talked to a psychiatrist, I have no idea. But I woke up and I realized like, what the fuck are you doing? You can't be in the infirmary. You have to sign up for classes. You have to go get your kid back. What the fuck? Get out of this fucking room.

And I asked the nurse. I'm like, hey, can I go back to GP? And she goes, oh, well, how are you feeling? I'm like, I feel fine. I'm fine. Can I just please go back? And she goes, yeah, I'll get the papers. You can go back to GP if you feel better.

And that's it. I went back to GP. No one counseled me or talked to me or helped me at all because they don't give a shit in prison. I signed up for all these classes and I thought, I'm going to get her back. I saw a picture of my daughter two months later and I didn't meet her until she was six months old so I get out of prison finally she's a toddler

I got released to a halfway house I had nothing prison shower shoes some male sweatpants that had my number down the side and I had to get a couple of jobs and work a full DHS case which included therapy and meetings and getting an apartment which is hard as a felon in the south right people don't want to rent to you.

I had to get a car. I had to do herophagal drug testing and all this stuff, visitation. And I got custody of my daughter after a year of doing that. And I couldn't believe that I won because I am not qualified to raise a child. Like, I have no background in this. On paper, I look really, really bad. So I'm like, you're trusting me with this person. Like, I get to keep her.

And it was the most incredible, like, amazing experience, followed directly by, what the fuck am I doing? I have no idea how to do this. But Micah taught me every day, like one step at a time. And now she's nine years old and has a great personality. And we're killing it. We were blessed with a second daughter. And I've somehow managed to, you know, keep them both alive.

I can't keep plants alive. I lost a turtle one time. That thing was supposed to outlive me. But the kids are fine. No one worry. They're doing good. So, okay. So, well, when you got out of, real quick,

So you got out of the halfway house. You started working a few jobs. When did you start doing your YouTube channel? Years later. Years later. Like four, five, six? How long have you been doing it? I've only been on YouTube for like three years in so change.

So I've had a tremendous success so far. And I'm so grateful. Why did you start it? So that's a funny story, actually. Do you want the long answer or the short answer? I mean, whatever you feel comfortable with. I was working as a freight broker for a land star. It's a transportation company.

And I wanted to go to J.B. Hunt. That was like the big Cajona, and I was in Northwest Arkansas, so their corporate building is there, and it's this huge building, and I thought I want to work there. My office is janky as fuck, and I really want to go to this corporate building. I'm great at sales, and I just wanted to be there, right? Well, I go in, I interview. I was really honest with the person, and I'm like, hey, I have a felony.

They give me a job, and they give me an offer, and I take a drug test, I buy a new clothes, and I'm ready to start my job. And then someone in HR says, Jess, I apologize, but we can't hire you until you've been felony free for seven years. I just left my job. So I'm like, what the fuck? And I cried for like three days. But then I signed up to get my bachelor's degree because I thought, if you're going to tell me I can't work here because I'm a felon, I'm going to try to help felons.

Fuck you. And it was just that fuel. It was just connected. I need to be working with felons. That's really what I want to do. And I'm going to go back to school, get my bachelor's degree, and then figure out a way to get a job in a prison. So I'm like desperately trying to go back to prison, which is so strange.

No one wants to do that. I'm a complete lunatic. But I sign up to get my bachelor's degree. So I now have my bachelor's degree in correctional program support services with my undergone psychology. And along the way, I got this little gig filming little videos for a prison reentry class. And I would film these three to four minute videos.

and then the teacher would show them in class, well, he quit. And the new teacher didn't like me. She thought I was too street or I swore too much or I was just, you know, she just didn't like the message. She wanted to be more, you know, like Jesus. And I'm like, Jesus is cool, but he's not going to pay the rent. So I'm trying to teach people how to get out and like get their shit together. Right.

Like nothing against Jesus. Cool, dude. But how are you going to stay sober, dude? You know, like let's be realistic about this. So that was kind of my message behind it. And the videos were going to like a southern prison. They want to talk about God. And that's great, cool.

But that's not how I got it together. Well, the teacher didn't like me. And I stopped making the videos. And I thought, I have so much more to say. So the whole time I was filming these videos, the teacher's like, put these on social media. Please. And I'm like, no, absolutely not. There's not a chance in hell.

I'm ever going to put these on YouTube. He's like, okay, not YouTube. What about Facebook? I said, ew, no, I don't want people to see them. Because inmates are my people. I don't want other people to see them. And eventually, I decided, because I lost that little gig that didn't pay anything, just a volunteer thing, I decided, you know what?

I'll make seven videos. They're going to be called heroin, my road to recovery. I'll put them on YouTube. If people find them cool, if they don't, that's cool, too. I filmed them on my phone, sitting on the floor in my living room of a townhouse. And then I got going in seven videos. I was like, uh, your life is more confusing than seven. seven videos. So I kept filming and you know the rest. People found them and the channel has done

really, really well. Right. And you've got, so it's been three years, a little over three years or three years? Roughly three years. Something like that. Something like I said, because I've been out what, what was in the halfway house almost three years ago. So in January, so probably by January February, I started doing research and that's what I found yours. So roughly you probably just started maybe a few months or something. Yeah, that's a. Okay, so, God, I forget how many subscribers you had at the time. I wish I, I wish, like, if I had known I was going to be talking to you at some point, I would have. If I was doing live streams, I probably only had $20,000.

You weren't. It was a year later that I contacted, yeah, because I was out of the halfway house and I was living in this, in my friend Stacey's spare room, and that's when I actually reached out to you. $50,000? Probably something like that. God, yeah, I was looking up a bunch of different people, yeah, and you were one of, them. You know what's funny? I recently found a memory on Facebook. I had like 100 subscribers and I was so grateful for it. I was so cute about it. I'm like, thank you so much for 100 subscribers. I didn't think people would watch these videos. So my expectation with YouTube was

extremely low. Like low, low, low. I never thought it would be what it is. Not in a million years. You're likable. It's funny because, you know, I don't consider myself likable, but so many other people do. You get to that point, and I say this all the time. It's like, look, like, if If people, if everybody's saying you're an asshole, you know, you're probably an asshole. So at some point you get to that point where you're like, so many people are saying, it must be true. Like, and so many people are always saying, like, you know, you're, no, you're, you're extremely likable. Really?

And then they also say, you know, inspirational. I get inspirational not. Really? Never done anything inspirational in my life. And as far as being likable, I've never made an attempt unless I was trying to rob you. Unless I was trying to get you to give me a couple hundred thousand. I never even make an attempt for someone. Check my wallet before I leave here. Unless if it's a chick, you know, on a date, I'm trying a little bit. But, you know,

so yeah, but you're very likable because I remember the videos thinking, you know, I remember seeing the videos thinking, yes, you were so like, you were so just, just honest and you just talked to the camera. You weren't, you weren't bullshitting. You weren't putting on, you weren't putting on makeup while you were telling me some story about somebody else. You were talking about it was all about stuff that you had done and or you'd relate it to you somehow. So they were super cool videos. And I remember too, Danny was saying that's what you should be doing. I was like, I'm doing that.

You're doing that. I'm going to fuck you up if you don't. But you're doing, you know, you're doing eight, like this is, this is all you do now. Yeah, kind of. And you never, you never saw that coming, right? Not a chance in hell. I didn't even see YouTube as a business for a really long time. I didn't film my giving birth and prison story for four or five months into my YouTube journey.

You know, I wasn't even ready to talk about it. My friends and family hadn't. heard the story, you know. So it was something I didn't talk about. I didn't think I would be, you know, I didn't think I'd be on the internet talking about addiction and all of the horrible things that I did and all of the bad things that have happened to me. And what's funny is you said like, oh, you don't bullshit. People think I make these things up. But unless you've lived the life of a drug addict, you're going to think that it's bullshit, right? My life sounds insane. I mean, I don't, I mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't

mean this disrespectfully, but whenever people, you know, talk to me or, you know, like, why do you write this or why do you like these guys or why, because the truth is because, you know, to me, I would say, look, because losers have the best stories. Like some guy who graduated college and married his college sweetheart and has two kids and works, you know, works a corporate job. And, you know, and God bless him. He's the backbone of America. I'm not making fun of him. But, I mean, you go to dinner with him. And you're the most interesting guy there. talk the whole time and you don't get to eat your food. Right. And they're, and they're asking you questions.

You're sitting there like, bro, you work for like, you work, you work for like, you know, Ford or you're making a couple hundred thousand and they won't stop asking me questions. I'm like, I'm a scumback who went to prison and got out. Like, what are you doing? They're like, what's it like about this? Do they run this? And it's like, that is what made me be comfortable with filming videos because I would go to dinner with people that, you know, my boyfriend work with.

These are straight-edge normal people. one of them was a pastor and the interesting thing was like oh you've done this whoa it wasn't judgment people didn't hate on me when they heard my story they were like damn that's crazy and they asked me questions and they were genuinely like kind about it and encouraging and really interested and if like my neighbor's interested and like these other people i put people on the internet might want to hear it too right so yeah losers losers do have the best stories they do and you know it's so it's so funny because, like, I'll call myself a scumbag, a, you know, a loser, scumbag. And I was love, I forget who said this, that, like, if you're not losing in life,

then you're not trying hard enough. Gary V said that. Oh, did he? Oh, great. See, nice. Like, I mean, that's, those are, you know, those are, I love that. The thing about Gary Vee is I love Gary Vee because when I first listened to him, it was like, everything he was saying was things that I felt and I thought in my head, but I just never,

I never articulated. And to, so to hear him say it, and you're like, I totally feel. that way. I completely understand that. And so it's like when people, whenever I say, you know, I'm just some scumbag who got out of prison, it's great when you say that and other people come to your defense. Bro, don't say that about yourself. You're not, that's not you. You're this. You're this. It's like, like, you don't even, you know, you don't even know me, but it's, I have a raccoon tattooed on my leg. I, like, identify as a trash panda. I'm always saying like I'm trash, you know, so it's, I think that's, to me, it's like, own it. Like, there's nothing wrong with that.

You don't get to, and I see people, the other nice thing. about, to me, like, I look at the best this possible sitting here. Going to prison and starting from zero and then going out with your, with the average person and hearing their complaints, it's like, you don't really have a complaint.

Like, what you're bitching about right now isn't really a complaint. Yeah. You know, a complaint is being in a halfway house or having, starting over with nothing and nobody that will give you anything. Like, you can't even go ask for a thousand dollars, because there's nobody that will do it. Right.

So, you know, and, you know, buying a piece of junk car and being thankful every time it started like, you're like, yes, it started. Yes. You know, I mean, I got another day. I relate to that so hard. Yeah, it's great. But to me, that's great. I remember my ex-wife one time.

I had to take her somewhere. Like, I'd gone to my mom's and she was there. And I had to drop her off at like her car or something. And so she got in my car and we're driving. And she said, she goes, it was hot. It's Florida. And she goes, God, she goes, can you, she's, can you turn on the AC? She's trying to turn on the AC.

And I go, I like her, and I hit the, I hit the window. The window went down. And she goes, what are you doing? I go, that's the AC. I said, oh, you mean like from the car? I go, no, no, that's for rich people. And then she goes, oh, my God. And then I hit the brakes.

All the lights came on when I had the brakes. So the ABS didn't work. So the lights came on, the computer lights come on. They come on. And she goes, oh, my God, what's wrong? I go, no, it's just the ABS. I don't work. And she goes, do you don't have brakes?

I go, no, I have breaks. The ABS does it, so does it work? So if it rains, we're in trouble. But it's not raining, it's Florida. We're good. And she goes, oh my God. Then she says, a little bit later, can you turn on the radio? You're trying to turn on the radio.

You're asking an awful lot. I hit the dash. The radio came on because it had a short. She goes, oh my God. I remember she finally looked at me. And I said, right? I said, that's pretty fucked up. Right.

I said, but I feel like Fonzie when I hit it. I said, it's great. And she looked at me. She goes, you have fallen. so far. Because when she knew me, I'm driving a $100,000 sports car. I've got two or three million dollars in the real estate. I'll make it a ton of money. I'm flying to, I'm going on on expensive vacations coming back. I'm dating women that never should have dated me. I mean, just I'm having this amazing life. And I was divorced from her. Horrible father. You know,

horrible husband, horrible father. But she looked at me, she goes, you have fallen so far. And I remember I said, I go, I started laughing. I just found that hilarious. I go, I know, right? I said, like I said, I'm hovering right above the bottom. And I mean, and she goes, what's, what is going on with you? But I felt great. That's what's crazy. I wasn't in prison. When you lose everything and you're living in a box that's a bathroom with another grown-ass man after you've lived your life, woman for me, it's a really eye-opening thing.

It gives you perspective. It makes you grateful for basic shit. Yeah. You can't do that in prison. I probably broke it just now but you can't do that in prison you can't open the fridge you can't turn the TV without getting

on a schedule and asking and then hoping that the big asshole doesn't stand up to say no bro we ain't watching that we're watching Ellen today and you're like you know what I love Ellen thank God I'm glad you set me straight I'm gonna do you're six foot too of course we're watching Ellen

I've seen some gangsters it's like I just want to watch Ellen today like okay I like Ellen I've seen gangsters guys I've seen gangsters The guys are in prison for murder who are doing like crochet. And they're like, you're making, you're making a teddy bear, bro. And it's an amazing, by the way. It's really good. But aren't you here for murdering for people?

Yeah. And? It's like, it's bizarre. Yeah. I mean, it totally puts everything in perspective. And it's funny because I carry, like, I have granola bars in my car. And I give them the homeless people. And somebody asked me the other day, like, why do you do that?

And I go, because I'm too fine. financial bad decisions away from being that guy. And people are always like, no, that would never be you. You have no fucking idea how close I've come to be in that guy. Because once you're on that corner, even if you straightened up and you got your mind right and you weren't addicted and you weren't, you mentally, whatever your mental problems were were straightened up, the fact that you're starting from nothing and be able to make it back into mainstream society is almost impossible.

It is so hard. And the fact that people expect you, you know, to come into a job interview. dressed really nicely, right? Clean-shaven, smell good, dressed nice. How? Where'd you get those clothes? Why don't we just hire people when they're at their fucking lowest and help them up? Like, why is that so fucking hard? You know, it makes me crazy. The people are like, oh, just get a job. How the fuck? Am I supposed to do that? If you're in a halfway house and, oh, go get a job selling cars. And what? I have three pairs of sweatpants and two white t-shirts that do. They have my reg number on the side. How am I going to,

oh, you got to go buy some clothes? With what money? Right. But I would hire you. If I own a car dealership, I'd hire you in that over anyone else because you are street and you can hustle and you're going to be slinging cars like crazy. And you need it. You need it. You're hungry. You need it. And you have that in you, you know, that the hustler mentality. So hire those guys, please. Well, what are we doing? Are we wrapping this up? I don't know. You have any more questions you want to ask me? I mean, I probably have a thousand more questions. You're going to watch it back and you're going to say, fuck, I didn't ask for all these other things. It's fine. Like I said, nobody. watching um so yeah it listen what do they watch they while in your channel like they watch about 30 they watch about 35% of my longer videos now the shorter ones they watch about 50% but uh like it's funny too because like my stuff if i talk for 30 minutes they watch about 38% I have a buddy who used to do would do podcast with me uh it was a black guy con man ended up going back to jail um that's he'll get out so super funny guy everybody loved him if he did a 20 or 30 minute video they watched like 58% of his video so entertaining 58% that's insane I'm like they're watching 35 of me and

58 people love it people are people are sending a money on commissary they're sending colby money to send to him on commissary I'd send him money he's he's he's he's great guy he'll be back he'll be back if you've made it this far drop some raccoons in the comment section down below watch how many raccoons they're about to be in the comments they watch it there are people watching all the way through all right well okay so what so uh at some point here in the future i'll be going hopefully going to uh chicago and doing some videos and we're gonna try and get boziac on there and some of these other guys and i'll tell you who they are um i mean i'll show you the channels and stuff they're great guys like i got a guy won he's amazing but yeah

hopefully we're hopefully we're gonna do some more content um with with jesska and we're gonna get up there and work out a deal and hopefully I'm going to be doing a painting for you for your many paintings yeah hey if you like the video do me a favor and subscribe hit the like button hit the bell so you get notified leave a comment in the in the comment section and share the video and I appreciate it and see you