Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Mexican Donkey Show Experience | Jeff Crean

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Mexican Donkey Show Experience | Jeff Crean

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She is spread eagle in the back seat. You can now taste it. This video is either going to do well or people are going to turn it off a long time ago. The ending of this story is great though, I'm telling you. There's a punchline to this whole thing. You should be ashamed of yourself if you watch this. You're still watching. And you're Catholic.

You should go to confession. All right. Thanks so much for doing this. Hey, this is Matt Cox, and I'm here with Jeff Crean, and we're, Jeff was on, told his story about, about two months ago. We kept in touch, and I thought I'd have him back because he, you know, he's got some other stuff that he, we, I think, would be funny and we talk about. And also, I started a clips channel and I started a TikTok and everything that I put on there with Jeff has actually done really well. So he's TikTok gold. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I called him up and said, hey, you got to come back on the show. And he said, absolutely. So here he is. He's going to tell us an interesting story about, you know, morality that he. Yeah, that's exactly what it's going to be about. And, yeah, doing the right thing. and just, you know, living a good, clean life. So, yeah, really?

I forgot to bring my halo and my Bible with me, you know, not that I've ever owned either or ever will. Yeah, that would be the thumbnail. Yeah, that could be the thumbnail. We can get a picture of him with a Bible. Yeah. And we'll put it, you can put a halo above over him. Blazing flames coming out of my ears or something

because I will spontaneously burst into flames. So, anyhow, thanks for having me back. Yeah. You know, you know, obviously the viewers last time, some of them really hated me which was awesome yeah awesome I love that I was very discouraged though that Moore didn't hate me so I think I have to try even harder to be more obnoxious what you know what I think I I actually talked to Bozac about this going through and getting all of the most vicious comments about like me or

oh yeah oh yeah and then do a whole channel where you just read the comments because some of them are so over the top oh god they're awesome they're comical they really are just can't stop laughing. You're like, this guy really, really put some time into this. Some of these guys wrote like paragraphs. It was like the foreword of a book that they had written. And I'm thinking, wow, how long, how much time did you spend thinking about this and then editing it as you wrote it? Because none of these people were intelligent enough to spell that well. You know, how long did you put into actually, you know, composing this whole diatribe that you just put on there to try and slam somebody and still make absolutely no sense whatsoever? It was wonderful to read that stuff. It was

It was awesome. I loved it. I loved it. That's YouTube. Yep. That is. That's the internet. So, yeah, I'm back. And, you know, obviously last time I was here, I alluded to some things in my life, but I tended to avoid those because we were trying to tell, you know, a wholesome story last time about a young man who came up from nothing and built a small empire through, you know, morally good choices and good business practices and, you know, all of that. Yeah, you're not buying this one either again.

because you were here and heard this story last time. So I figured I'd come back and I'd tell you one of these detailed stories about one of my experiences. Adventures. Adventures, experiences. So let's go back in time. We're going to go back to, I was 23 or 24. I don't remember the exact age.

God, it was so long ago. It was the late 90s. Let's just say that. It was probably 96 or 97. And for those of you who watched me before, you'll know that at that point in my life, I was just really getting into my wrestling career. Still very young in the career, but working a lot. But I was very heavily into the consulting industry working with bars, nightclubs, and restaurants.

So I was doing really well. Throughout the course of this time, I had made a lot of different friends. And I was spending a lot of time in the gym because I was young, so I was working out a lot. And I had met a group of guys that were like total juice heads. But they were good guys, and we all became really good friends. One of them, I swear to God, he had to be like the steroid king of New Jersey. Like, if you needed it, he had it. Just everything.

And, I mean, he was so juiced up that if you, like, took a pin and hit him in a bicep with it, you thought it was going to explode like a water balloon. But just such a really, really funny guy, really great guy. So we ended up all hanging out at the gym a lot together, and they started coming to my wrestling shows. And through getting to know him, his name was Tony. I'm not going to say his last name because there may be people out there still looking for him. We come to find out how smart he really was about getting and selling steroids.

You know, everybody else at that time, even like, you know, look, I'm not going to lie. I did a shitload of Coke back in the 80s and 90s, too. I think everybody did. But it was like you talk to these drug dealers or these guys where you were getting this stuff. And they were all stupid about it. Oh, I'm buying from this guy who buys from this guy who buys from this guy. So you're getting the shit forthhand. It's been stepped on a million times.

You don't even know if it's even real anymore. And Tony was just a pure steroid guy. Like, he was a juice head, muscle head guy. And all he dealt with really was steroids. Pain killers a little bit, too, because bodybuilders and athletes are, you know, are always in pain. But he was smart about it. He figured out that he could get everything he needed from Mexico.

Right. And literally at that time, you could go to a pharmacy in Mexico and just walk up and go, I want this, this. It was like going to Walmart and you just had a shopping list. give the pharmacist, if that's what you wanted to call them, American dollars, and you could bring it home. Again, the trick was getting it back in. I was going to say, how do you get it across the board?

Yeah, we'll get back to that one. Hey, I hope you're enjoying the video. If you're interested in getting a painting done by me, my contact information is in the description box. Enjoy the video. So I end up talking to Tony, and he's telling me this whole thing, well, what is he doing? Like once every two months, he takes a trip to El Paso, Texas,

which is right across, it's the sister city. of Juarez, Mexico. Literally, one's on one side of the border, the other one's on the other side of the border. The crick of the Rio Grande, because that's pretty much what it is at that point in the state. Just a crick runs between the two of them.

So he's telling us this story. I go down there once every two months, and I load up and I come back, and he's like, you guys got to come. He's like, first of all, he goes, El Paso is an awesome city. He's like, great food, great this and night. He goes, but Juarez is like,

it's like an animal down there. It's like, you wouldn't believe it. so he's trying to convince us to do this for like four or five months and finally somehow my schedule worked out where i had like a whole week or something and i was like you know what fuck it we'll go what the hell so it's me him and and three other guys so there's basically five or well there was five of us all together the one guy didn't come it's supposed to be six the one guy backed out the last minute because he was chicken shit so there's five of us all together and you know what do you do you hop a plane in philadelphia and you fly to el paso texas understanding to

that at the time we're 24 years old, we're party animals. I'm actually at that point really making some pretty good money. So we're pretty much fucked up the whole time. This is just alcohol and drugs and binging like crazy because everybody's got the week off. We get off the plane in El Paso or, you know, we have no idea what we're doing. Tony's the one who's done this like a million times.

And he hasn't really explained to us how this all works. So he's like, oh, we're going to hop in a cab and we're going to go and stay at this best Western. The best Western literally is like, right on the border you're looking at your window at mexico across the river and it's hilarious because he's like i like to stay here because late at night we're going to watch all the stupid people try to cross the border i'm like what are you talking about crossing the border like there's fences and everything he's like no no no you'll get a kick out of this so the first night we stay in

el paso and we hit a couple country western bars and you know we're the the gringoes from from like new york philadelphia so like nobody's even talking to us like it's obvious why we're there right we're not Texans. We don't live there. We're not Mexican. There's no practical reason for us to be here whatsoever, except for the fact that we're going to go and buy drugs in Mexico. And apparently it is so common there that they just, like, there were people at the bars in El Paso telling us, well, what pharmacy are you looking for? What exactly you need? We'll tell you where you need to go. Oh, yeah, well, for 50 bucks. I'll give you directions to the place. We'll write it down. And Tony's like, no, no, no, I've done this a million times. I've got, don't listen to these people.

it's okay so we're partying the first night in el paso having a good time totally fucked up out of our brains i mean i probably did enough blow that weekend to fund a small country um washing it down with whiskey just trying to keep myself going so i think it was like a friday night tony says uh we're going to go over to to Juarez okay let me digress for a second because i need to explain something about the border of all let me tell you about warres mexico warres mexico is is one of those places that you only see in movies people talk about tijuana mexico oh it's evil cartels run it it's horrible bad things happen there fuck that tiawana's for tourists waras mexico is literally the armpit of a

country every night everyone from the el paso side streams across the board and i mean i'm not kidding you there had to be 50 to 100,000 people walk just walking across this bridge you walk across the bridge into Juarez because you can party and do whatever the fuck you want in this city it is lawless it is insane and it is a huge party criminal mecca so everybody from the u.s and in the el paso area literally would just walk across this bridge there's two INS security guys whatever you want to call them standing at a gate that is wide open and going across they don't even care they're not asking you for anything they don't give a damn just go right ahead and i mean they're just i can it was like leaving a stadium after the super bowl there were just so many people streaming over this bridge and

they're all 18 19 20 years old they're our age and they're just going partying and it is insane because the whole time i'm thinking to myself man like everybody on tv you talk about how hard it is to get in and out of America and it's like these people are just freely crossing this bridge like it's nothing and you say oh wait

you're going into Mexico yeah I was going to say no no no it's the same shit coming back at the end of the night and I'll you know as far as we were concerned coming back

we had all this shit on us too right and Tony's going don't worry about it what do you mean don't worry about it they're not going to check you they're just going to go with the crowd you just go with the crowd

and it's like one out of every 100 people they'll be like where you're from Philadelphia you got your idea on you yes didn't even ask to see it okay go ahead the hilarious thing about this was as we're as we're crossing over into mexico the first night this is where tony's going no no no no you got to watch down the river the rio grand at this point is literally like it's a concrete canal it looks like the l a river right more or less and there's fences on both sides and the bridge goes over this and there's like two or three bridges in el paso and awares but

there's like a main one what was funny is as we're walking over the bridge and it's very slow going because it's all these people crossing over. You look down and what you see are illegal immigrants trying to climb over the fence and make a run across this concrete crick to the other side. And INS is just snatching them. Boom, boom, boom. They're in trucks out there.

This was amazing to me because I'm watching thousands of them streaming back across the border and nobody's being checked. Why would you risk or take the chance of trying to go over the fence? and across the creek when obviously you could just even if you got caught once and sent back over I'm pretty sure you're going to make it the next time because it was just there was no stopping anybody

it was just this free flow of people going both ways it was insane to me and I'm thinking to myself well this is where the immigration problem in this country comes from because people were just walking across the border like it was nothing most of them are fucked up because it's the end of the night when you're all coming back everybody's all fucked up so in any rate we're crossing and you know Again, you know, we're in El Paso, you know, we're all six foot or taller. So we're like the largest dudes in the line because Mexican people are like four foot, nothing and a half. And we're just watching over this crowd.

And I mean, we're sticking out like sore thumbs because obviously I dress like a gaudy asshole, as you can all tell right now. And this hasn't changed in 30 years, you know, I've got big arms. I wear these shirts. I have these hats. I have the glasses. This is how I look. This is my look.

Obviously, Matt gets a kick out of this because he's over here, snickering. And, you know, by the way, when I first came. Is that Heather so seems so well put together and sophisticated? And then there's me. Yeah. The minute I got here today, the first thing Matt does is take a photo of me. He sends it to his girlfriend.

Look what this asshole's wearing. Look at this. Then he sends it to my girlfriend. How did you let him out of the house wearing this? What was her response to you? She said it's not my turn to watch him. There you go. So at any rate, I've looked this way my whole life.

So you can't miss us. We're staying out like sore thumbs. So the first night we're there, we go into El Paso. We stopped at a couple bars, and I mean, I discovered this is where AIDS came from. These are the kind of places where, like, any new diseases in the world, this is where they came from. Every single bar that you walk into is just a slime pit of filth. You don't want to sit on the bar stools. You don't want to lean on a bar.

I didn't even venture into a bathroom because if the bar was that bad, how bad could the bathroom be? but booze and this was you know in the 90s you could get whatever Mexican beer they were selling you for like a quarter it was like 50 cents here and now you understood why everybody wanted to go party there because you could have a job pumping gas and still be able to party like a king in Suarez

because everything was just so cheap you know I think maybe the whole night we spent like 20 bucks between four of us and we were fucked up right by the time we left the bar so Tony says okay you know it's like 2 o'clock in the morning Tony goes, okay, we got to go, we got to get the stuff. We got to the first night we got, because we got to do this like three or four nights.

Yeah, because you're bringing out a little bit at a time, right? Yeah, that's what we thought too. You know, Tony apparently was very successful at selling drugs because if he had to come over every two months and get stuff and the amount of stuff that we got. Right. Is what he sells in two months? Holy shit. I was surprised this to me. I wasn't living in a mansion driving a Lamborghini.

So he says, okay, we're going to go to the first pharmacy place. So it's two o'clock in the morning. And I'm thinking, what fucking pharmacy is open at 2 in the morning? Again, being naive and having never done this before, apparently they're all open at 2 a.m. in the morning. Because they're basically drug dealers. This is when you go to buy what you're getting. So we end up walking like three or four blocks, which that's just an adventure in itself. I mean, I don't care who you are.

I don't care how big you are. I don't care how tough you think you are. They're literally dudes just standing on the corner with, you know, 57 Magnum. sticking out the belts of their pants. And they're looking at you, like, if we think you have money, we're going to kill you and take your money. All right. And they're all just scoping you out.

And I mean, this has got to be the place like, I truly believe that this is where sex trafficking originally got started. Because if you're a young woman in this town partying, you are a target to get kidnapped and taken and end up in the movie taken if your father was Liam Neeson. Other than that, you'll be some Saudi Prince's little cocktail for a while. Hey, I hope you're enjoying the video. Want to let you guys know. The ways I pay for all of this is through Patreon subscriptions.

So if you join my Patreon at the top tier, you get a different painting every single month. The contact information for Patreon is in the description box. Back to the video. So it's 2 o'clock in the morning. We get to this pharmacy. It's like here's a guy behind a counter. It's literally a real pharmacy. Like apparently people do go there to get like NyQuil or whatever too.

There's a guy behind a counter. He's got on a white coat. He looks like a pharmacist. Hello, gentlemen. How are you going to do you want? you want. Tony just slaps down this list on paper. He goes, I want all of this. This guy doesn't even think twice. He starts going into the back and just pulling stuff out. Here's a box of this, a box of this, a box. Before you know, we've got like four big boxes of stuff. And I'm looking

at Tony going, fuck are we going to get this back? We're just going to walk with it. What do you mean we're just going to walk with it? Jesus. What? Yeah. Tony, I'm going to go to jail for 10 years year you know yeah i'd be too scared he was like nah don't worry about it we're just got not well you have to remember too we're fucked up too all right we're drunk we're high it's just a kind so it's like all inhibition and all rational thought goes out of your head after like a minute or two of i'm gonna go to jail but it's gonna be fun trying it couple big boxes i mean big stuff we get all done Tony gives the guy the money Tony says I'll be back tomorrow here's what I need for tomorrow can you please have it ready for us I had no problem apparently

Tony and this guy been doing no business for years. We take these boxes. They're regular brown boxes, all the stuff's inside of them, and we're heading back to El Paso, and we're walking up the street and bullshitting with people

and the guys with guns are looking at us because they know what we've got. They're like, you know, they know we've got something. But apparently it's in their best interest to make sure that we get across the border because we're sustaining the economy of that area. People like us are fueling the economy there.

So let's make sure that the white gringoes with all the drugs get back across the border because we need them to come back we get to the border it's like 3.30 4 o'clock in the morning at this point my buzz is starting to wear off a little bit and I'm like all right this could really be a bad idea like really Tony's like oh don't worry about it we're good okay walking up here are the two agents at this gate that is literally just wide open Obviously, again, and I pointed out the fact that we look different than everybody else because we're standing out in this crowd. Here's the other issue.

Like, we are literally standing out. You can't miss us. We do not blend in with everybody else in this area. We're just, you know, we're ahead above everybody else. We look like me. We're just like, we're the guys you want to stop. Yeah. As we're getting closer, I'm just thinking, well, wonder how.

Leavenworth is nice or, you know, wherever the local prison here is, I'm sure 10 years there is going to be a lot of fun. be good, you know, life experience, whatever. We get up to the gate. First officer just looks at us. Sees the boxes, looks around, just does this real quick thing. Where are you guys from? Philadelphia.

Oh, cheese steaks. Yeah? Yeah, I've been there once. Nice place. How long are you guys here for? A couple days. Listen. Have you been to this bar?

No, not yet. You know. Okay. You should check it out while you're here. Have a nice night, guys. Walk right across. Holding the boxes. Holding the boxes.

Never asked to see our IDs. Never. Just where you're from? Philadelphia. Jeez, thanks. These are just regular cardboard boxes? Like, yeah, they're brown cart. Like, it's like an Amazon box, but it doesn't say Amazon on it.

And inside the box is all of the little vials. The little vials pills, whatever the hell he got is plethora of stuff. And it's just, the lids just folded over like you do the tripe, the fourfold lid thing. And we're just carrying it. but it's painfully obvious like everybody else is going to party we're coming back with boxes everyone else is coming back drunk and fucked up

we're coming back drunk and fucked up but with boxes the cop knew he's just like cool he's said when to do the paperwork I guess he just didn't care enough so we get across the border and we're like okay Tony go see

I told you it's nothing all right night pit we all go to sleep next day wake up Okay, we got to do this like three more times to get everything that Tony needs for two months. Every night, same thing. At this point, the two cops that are there, it's like the same. The one guy was there like all four nights.

He's like expecting us now, hey, guys, you have a good time tonight? Cool. Yeah, we're good. Thanks. All right. Hey, did you go to that bar? More boxes. Still with boxes.

More boxes every time. Even more. By the last night, the third night, literally, Tony's got like three boxes stacked on top of each other. carrying him in his arms like a forklift. He's got so many as we're walking along. I've got like one under my arm and I had a beer in his hand. And, you know, the other guys are with us. Everybody's kind of boxing with Tony's like a forklift walking with this.

Like, hey, what are you doing? Like, hey, guys, you hit that bar? Yeah, blah, just right across. So we're done. We've got everything. But Tony's like, hey, let's hang out. It's party now. You know, stress is over.

We're good. And I'm thinking the stress is over. We're in El Paso, Texas. You got to drive all the way to Philadelphia. Right. We are 1,500 miles away from home with, enough illegal drugs to get us all locked up for the next 10 years easy but tony's like it's all good don't worry about okay so we're gonna go partying so the three nights that we had

been there's this bartender who we ended up talking to was really cute sexy as fuck might have been a guy um look like a chick might have been a guy don't know never found out thank god um but behind the bar she's pretty sexy i still think she might have been a guy but when you're that fucked up it's mexico you know you know it is whatever who's is a shit. It's, yeah. So, but we're talking to her. And she had told us the, one of the guys we were with that brought up the whole thing about, is the donkey show real?

See, I always thought the donkey show was in, um, was in, uh, Tijuana. Well, that's where I had heard originally, like, you hear that story. It's Tijuana. Yeah. But again, Tijuana's for the tourists. Like I said, after being in Juarez for like a weekend, I was like, wow, Tijuana's just a joke. Like, you know why nobody ever talks about this town. Mexico doesn't even want to admit.

that this town exists. Like, they'll tell you about Tijuana. Oh, yeah, you can go to get tequila. They don't want to talk about Juarez. So somehow the conversation comes. She's like, yeah, yeah, it happens. And I'm like, bullshit. That's, it's bullshit.

There's no way. It doesn't, you know, whatever. No, no, no, it's true. So we've been talking over a couple nights. So finally, this is, you know, night number four. It's a party night. I am fucked up on a rainbow collection of pills at this point. I don't even, couldn't even tell you what I have.

I just you know whatever everybody is we're just worth I mean just gone fuck it we're gonna go find a donkey show I it's got whatever we're asking everybody how do you go see the donkey show how to go when now again to fill in the story outside of every bar club whatever you want to call them I would not call them clubs but outside every one of them there are just lines of taxis and I don't know if you've ever been the foreign countries or gotten out of an airport at Mexico or any one of the South American countries. They're always out there. Hey, where you going? What do you need? What you got to do? What you do? Even a vacation. You know, Heather and I recently went to Cancun for a week for

vacation and the hilarious part was stepping out of the airport in Cancun and just all these cabbies are you going. What do you need? What can I do for you? I'll get you there. You need this, you need this, it's the same thing. But it's all illegal. What do you need? You need this, you need that. You need drugs. You need prostitutes. You blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So we're not getting anywhere in the bars asking people. People are actually kind of blowing us off. So we go outside. And I just start talking to cabbies.

Like, listen, we want to go to the donkey show. They're trying to sell us crack out of the trunk of their cars. You know, I know hookers down the street, whatever. They're all pissing me off. No donkey show, no, whatever. Finally, this one guy comes up to me and he's like, hey, yo, are you doing, man? What's going on?

Hey, I hear you walking down the street, talking to people. I'm looking for the donkey show. He goes, no, no, no. I don't know nothing about this. donky show but listen i got a girl in the back of my car she's gonna fuck all of you it's gonna be the best you ever had i'm like wait in the back of your car hey man ran the corner you come see look man i show you she fuck all you right now right in the car okay we got to see this like how do you not want to at least see what the hell this is really about so he takes us around the corner and

here's his cab and he opens up the cab door and he's not not lying in the back of the car now i'm going to try and put this in a context for you that you can visualize you've seen star wars right yeah okay the original star wars all of those creatures that were in the bar in the beginning on tattooing yeah like the nastiest ugliest ugliest creatures you've ever seen yeah they are miss america compared to what this chick looked like this was the skankiest I mean I literally think that her pussy was falling off like I feel like she's in the back seat he opens the back door she is spread eagle in the back seat her hands are up against his seat in the back window and she's just there and here's this pussy and it was like it was almost like it reminds me of like a cartoon where like flies are flying around I I totally understand you know and I mean the visualization was so bad that you You could imagine what it must have smelled like. And when you opened up the cab door, it just wafted into you.

It was a bad situation. Okay. Well, no, I'm really trying to get you there with you. I'm there. I got it. I'm there. So right away, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. My buddies are all like, holy shit, he really doesn't.

And we're looking at her going, well, that's not a hooker. That's just a garbage bag in the back of a car. But I'm, I'm curious. I'm like, I'm curious. I didn't mean you're curious. I'm fucked up, man. I'm fucking, I'm hammered. I'm done.

But I'm curious. So I said to the guy, just out of pure curiosity, how much? You got to know, right? You got to know. You got to know. How much? The guy looks at me and he does a little Mexican thing where he pulls on his music. He goes, Lita, man, I got to tell you.

I got to charge you at least $20 because he's my sister. Oh, my God. no bullshit is that real are you serious this is what the guy said to us i've got to charge you at least twenty dollars that reminds me of the bow rat thing where he says his girl his movie is the best uh this is best in town or oh there are things that happen in movies that i truly believe are derived from real life of course yeah and this was absolutely one of those things like you've seen it in movies my sister's a hooker this is that situation in real life where somebody experienced this before and wrote it and it became part of a movie like it it's this guy

stand and i mean he was so casual about it and well you know hey look man i got to card you at least twenty dollars because he's my sister get the fuck out of here okay uh no thank you we're good we are at this point now walking away because i'm like look if you don't know where the donkey show is we don't give a fuck you know none of us are hitting that you know there's not enough penicillin in the world to cure whatever she's got and i don't think 10 body condoms would help either you would eat right through it like acid so and this is the mild part of the story um so we're walking away that's it we're done with this he's following us come on man fifteen fifteen dollars i think he got down like five dollars before we were like dude fuck off

know like seriously so we're back talking with all the cabbies and this one cabby finally comes up there's goes hey oh you guys look and go see the donkey show isn't my mexican accent really good too by the way yeah it may be offensive to mexicans but yeah i i it's it's okay so anyway okay i just i think i do a really good job with it it's a good you know i'm okay with it so anyhow he says to us hey you guys looking for the donkey show why would it be offensive i think it's pretty i it's not it's horrible but keep going and I know what you're going for, it's fine. Okay, as long as you understand, it's your show.

You finally find a cab driver that knows where the donkey show is. Well, he's telling us that he does. Oh. And we don't have a whole lot of choice but to believe him. Right. I mean, what the hell do we know about this area? So he's telling us, he's like, listen, you know, I'll take it to the donkey show. Well, how far away is it?

Not far at all. Not far. What does that mean? Not far. Don't worry. Don't worry. I take you there. All right.

So, you know, obviously there's five of us. Four of them cramming the back seat. I end up getting in the front seat with the guy. He's got your typical stereotypical Mexican cab. He's got stuff hanging in the cab, and he's got the seat covers that are a little plush. And I mean, this is definitely the 70s, 80s Mexican cab story, you know. So we're laughing about that. So just to give you a frame of reference, Juarez is literally,

Juarez in El Paso, or literally just two towns in a desert. Yeah. You know, divided by a river. It's like Vegas, man. Once you leave the city, it's desert for hundreds of miles. Well, this is the same situation. On one side is Mexican desert. On the other side is U.S. desert.

And they're just little towns. They're just towns. Once you leave these towns, it's not like they're suburbia. It's not like, you know, driving out of a major city in the U.S. and you're driving through suburban land. Yeah. No, once you leave the town, that's it's desert. Yeah.

It's just, that's all it is. So we're in this cab, and he's driving. and he finally leaves the town. I don't know if you've ever been in the desert in the middle of the night, whether it be in Vegas or any desert. It is pitch black. You see, there's no streetlights,

there's no ambient city light. It's just black. And if it is a moonless night, you can't see your hand like here in front of your face. He leaves Juarez and we're out into the, desert and all you see are the headlights of the car on what I am assuming is a road you can't even tell it's dirt you can't even really tell if you're on a road or just driving in the desert nothing out this window nothing out that window you can't see anything I'm even trying to

are there any stars out tonight is there anything that will identify us that we are still on a planet earth the four guys in the backseat are just done Tony is blitzed out of his mind he has no clue where we are what we're doing we've literally for about an hour just been carrying him around he's just gone i don't know whether he took too much of his own shit or what but he's just done i'm at this point my my drunk is worn off but i got a little bit of coke in my pocket i keep bumping it to keep going i'm still a little wired about 30 minutes goes by we're in a Mexican cab with a Mexican driver in Mexico driving in the desert, middle of the night, 30 minutes have gone by.

I'm starting to have thoughts in my head that this is it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're done. Yeah, they're going to pull off the side of the road, shoot us all in the head. There's going to be five guys waiting for us. Exactly. This is what's going like, and I'm asking, well, how much further? Not much further.

Okay. Can you at least give me an idea how much longer I have to live so I know how many times I need to say that rosary and Hail Mary to forgiveness for everything I've done something and no no no worry about it and I mean the longer this goes the more the guys in the back seat are just they're still drinking they've got bottles they're not even focused on this stuff but this is the thought that's going through my head like we're five American guys they've been watching us all week they know we've got money they know you know that's it we're done you know about 45 minutes and I'm thoroughly convinced we're dead and so your your your fight or

flight mechanism starts to go on in your head like when he stops the car what do i do at one point you're so fucked up that you honestly think i could take him i could we could we could survive this and then reality sets in we have no guns we're fucked up he's not going to do this alone it's going to be dudes with AK 47 standing there and they're going to do this slow and painfully because it's what they do in the movies when they torture you in mexico it's never just a bullet to the head it's they always want to torture you and i'm like no we're we're fucking done you know you know well, am I going to fight to the death, or am I just going to get on my knees and cry like a bitch?

I don't know. You know, like, these things are going through your head, you know? Off in the distance, now, it's been about 45 minutes. Off in the distance, there is a light. And we're driving toward it. And I am convinced that this is where we're going to die. This is, they're waiting for us here. The closer we get, the more you start to realize

that this is a house or a barn. It's some sort of a structure in a distance. Right. we pull up it is a house slash barn i don't know really know how to explain this it was not a house yet it was not a barn it was a combination of the two pull up he stops the car hey we're here what you mean we're fucking here we're here go inside talk to the lady why's the donkey show what what are you going to do i'll wait here seriously you're going to wait here yeah give you $500 if you're here when we get back.

Just be here. Because who the fuck knows where we are? Yeah. If this guy takes off. It's not like you have a cell phone. Yeah, this was at a time where I think I was actually still carrying a pager back then. Nice. That's not going to help you.

Yeah, it's not doing anything. I don't even know if I brought it with me. I think it was just there. Well, it would beep in your pocket when you were, when they bury you the shell gave. Yeah. That would be, you know, beep, beep, beep, beep. That would be the noise of still be making. So, you know, okay, just stay.

No, no, no, you go inside. Cool, you're going to enjoy it. So we open the door and we go in. And it turns out that this is a brothel. It's, again, I don't, if you've never traveled to South America and now later on in my life having wrestled. I have, but not where you were. Yeah, probably not.

I mean, I've been to Acapulco. I've been to Cancun a few times. So you've been to all the bitch places. Okay, cool. Wow. You didn't go where real men go. No, I did not. Okay.

No, I did not. So anyhow, when you go to some of these third world countries, you're going to, you've been to in South America. Is that clip? That has to be a clip. In fact, I want that one, me calling him a bitch and things like that. It'll be funny. So anyhow, how the whorehouse is working in a lot of these countries is

they're actually like bars and you go in and it's a bar and you'll sit at the bar and you have to order a certain amount of drinks and the girls are walking around. What they'll do is the madam will come up and introduce you to the group of girls and you have a drink with one or two of them and decide this is when you go off and you do your thing. Well, this is my first time ever experiencing this in a foreign country. So we're walking in, and it's a bar. In a foreign country. Okay. He caught that one. See, he's good like that. So we walk in and there's a lady at the front desk and, you know, she's like, hey, you know, go have a drink, enjoy yourselves, whatever. So we go to the bar. We're having a drink.

And a bunch of the girls start coming around. And I'm like, again, these are just, like, Like, no, it's just... It's bad. I'm not that fucked up yet. I don't think I'll ever be that fucked up. There's just, there's no way. Like, these are, like, like, old tires worn out. Like, the tread is showing.

It's just, it's, it's, oh. Some of them are old enough to be my grandmother. I mean, just, it's like, no, it's not happening. Like, no way. So I'm talking to the girl who's behind the bar, and I'm like, yeah, we're here to see the donkey show. And she's like, you don't want to see that. And I'm like, yeah, it's,

the fuck it's what we came here for i want to see the donkey show and i'm like harassing this girl and she's starting to get pissed i'll be right back and she walks away and i'm like that's it now we're just going to get the shit beat out of us by like five big bouncers that are just hanging out a couple minutes later she comes out with a lady who may very well have held the record the Guinness world record for the oldest hooker hooker of all time she comes out and apparently through conversation i figured out that she runs the place what you want Wait, what do you know, I, she didn't tell you? You want to see donkey show?

Yes, I want to see the fucking donkey show. No donkey show. What do you mean no donkey show? Donkey's tired. What do you mean the donkey's tired? We just drove 45 minutes. I thought we were going to get killed. We've got cash.

I want to see the donkey show. No donkey show. Too late. Donkey tired. Look, how much is the donkey show? $50 person. I'll give you a hundred blocks for each of us. We just want to see the donkey show.

what do you fucking mean the donkey's tired how is the donkey tired hey you fuck two girls four times a day tell me you're not tired at the end of the night oh my god in reality you really couldn't argue with that no is there donky seallis at this time is there oh i'm going to explain to you what donkey cealis is very shortly that was a very very interesting poignant question to ask i'm getting better at this you are you're anticipating and it's good so At any rate, I'm like, I don't give a fuck if the donkey's dead. We just, I mean, I would have, but, you know. They probably need more donkeys.

That's the real problem. That's what I'm thinking, too. Wouldn't you have a few of them? They'd have a bunch of them, but apparently they only have one. So the lady says, hang on. I'll be back in a minute. All right. Meanwhile, there's just these hookers drooling all over us.

And like, it's like, just go stand over there. I'm like, does anyone have an alcohol wipe, please? And, you know, just don't talk just there. Five minutes later, madam because of okay donkey show 150 dollars each fucking ladies a hell of a negotiator obviously she knows she's got us by the short and curly so fuck it cool okay one minute i come get you all right i think this was all a ploy to leave us out there as long as possible to see if we'd finally fuck one of the girls comes back out follow me okay takes us through the

establishment i don't know what else to call this place opens a door this cubicle that we are in is very close to the size of the room that we were taken into might have been a foot wider on each side maybe equal around let let let's call it somewhere between 10 by 10 and 10 by 15 little dark little hard to tell i was fucked up but this is the size takes us into this room It is, there are bleachers on the walls, three, three seat bleachers, one, two, three for sitting on each wall. In this, in this little space. I mean, you're like, you're in there. Like, there's no joke.

In the middle of the floor is a circle that is probably four feet in the middle room with a post. In the circle is dirt, sawdust, who to have, probably 100 years of feces there. I don't know what the hell it was. I want you to, before you, I want you to get the visualization about this, so you understand. Three bench bleachers. The top bench is your backs against the wall. The second bench, you're there. The first bleach, you're the first one, the first down on the floor.

Your feet are on the edge of this circle that's four feet wide. Right. So you're literally right on this thing. My brain automatically tells me, I'm going to sit as far away from this as I can. Yeah. so I'm up here on the third high bleacher my buddies one sits here what sits there Tony who is fucking gone sits in the first bleacher on the floor yeah okay I mean and he's just ah fuck oh what the fuck oh no idea I want to give you the sensation of this

I have to, it gets graphic now. As opposed to? I told you. As opposed to the. Those were the tame parts of the story. I want you to imagine a refrigerator. I want you to imagine that every kind of deli meat ever bought. Oh, I hear you.

I understand. No, your viewers need to hear this. My viewers. They need to understand. Because it's difficult. Every kind of deli meat that has ever invented is in this refrigerator. There are certain kinds of German cheeses that are in this refrigerator. The refrigerator power went off six months ago.

At some point, a yak took a shit in this refrigerator. And you opened the door of this refrigerator. And this is what it smells like in the room? Uh-huh. Okay. Very much so. Have you ever had smelling salts? Go hit you in the nose before to wake you up? Yeah. Okay.

This is the opposite of that. Okay. It's that same burning, stinging sensation, but it makes you want to vomit as opposed to makes your, well, your eyes were watering for sure. But it makes you want to vomit. Okay. You're sitting there, actually,

you're so enthralled by the smells in this room that your brain is actually trying to identify them because you need to know. because it's frightening what it could be. You would, honest to God, be very surprised how quickly you adjust to this. The fact that my friends, I didn't smoke, but two of my friends were lighting up cigarettes

trying to just, this is how they're going to breathe. They'd rather breathe. Cigarettes smoke constantly, then smell this. Lights are on, it's just like this, white room. We're there maybe two minutes. Okay. room goes pitch black i'm now feeling like i'm going to get raped by something because again locked this moment a spotlight then appears in the center of the room down into this circle

a little mexican man what was what was that coffee from columbia full whatever it was with the little mexican on the front and he had the donkey what the juan pablo coffee or juan Perez. I don't remember what the name it was, but this is the image of my head. Okay. It was a little man walking, and it was a picture of him, and he was pulling a donkey and he had coffee beans in the donkey sack. This little Mexican man, who's probably

80, 90 years old, or at least that's what he looked, comes out with a donkey on a leash. He comes up to the pose. And when I say comes out. Is it a normal size donkey? I mean, yeah, based on donkeys, sure. It was, you know.

Well, they had miniature donkeys. No, it wasn't a miniature. Definitely it was not a miniature. Um, so he comes out and he takes the leash from the donkey and he ties it to the pole and he puts a feed bag on the pole and the donkey just sticks its head in the feed bag. The donkey never took its head out of the feedback the entire show. It never stopped eating whatever was in the feedback. The little, like, donkey Viagra. Donkey Viagra. Very well could have been. That's, I never thought of that. I was just assumed it was oats and grains or something something like a salt like but when was this what year 94 95 yeah I think was right yeah I think it was I remember making jokes about it

yeah yeah those fucking guys those guys now at 50 I'm like yeah God bless modern medical science um that's what testosterone's for um so anyhow no I didn't just say that by the way yeah I did um so he talked the donkey to the post and he leaves closes the door I'm guessing it was Mexican music that started to play hard to tell wasn't really the best

speaker system this was definitely not a high quality establishment right that's part of it yeah you're right it added to the ambiance that was for sure it was a big arena like where your guys play it wouldn't and it was good speakers and it was good camera system

you would have never had this story You'd have been like, that was an amazing experience. Yeah, but I'd have made millions selling that video. Oh, gosh, so bad. So. Okay, so anyhow. Now, again. She wish you had a cell phone back then, right?

Oh, yeah, I'd have been like, oh, dude, you don't even know. I'd, shit, look at this. I don't know what streaming platform would have let me show in that, but I would have been, like, all over the place with it. So now, this donkey's tied to his post. Now, we remember that Tony is sitting in the front row. Tony is petting the donkey. He's this close to the dog. He has no idea.

He's fucked up. It's going to be okay. Hey, the donkey. Hey, the pet. And I'm like, stop touching the don't touch that. I mean, literally, he's, here, the coffee cup is the donkey. His head is here. This is how close he is that his donkey.

Because he's on his knees like this, watching this whole thing. And he's this close. And I'm thinking, nothing about this is going to end well, ever. It's just not going to happen. So this music comes on. And the door opens again. And one quarter of the room was a door. That's how we got in.

Everybody keeps getting in and out. In comes I've explained to you the girl in the cab how nasty she was I've talked about the lovely women that were in this establishment and how horrible they were these two

win the prize we have now reached a whole new level of Dante's Inferno okay if there is a bottom of the barrel these girls were three feet under that

they were probably very nice people you know I never asked I didn't really feel the need to find out their life stories it's it's probably they probably had a very hard life oh you could tell by looking at them they had a really hard life

there was no doubt about that so two women come out two two two calling them women might be might be a generosity I don't know well no they were definitely because one of them had what I thought It was a pussy.

So they come out, and they're dancing around the donkey. Whatever kind of Mexican, Latino thing they're doing. And this goes on for a minute or two. I want you to bear in mind during this whole time, Tony is still petting the donkey. This is his thing. He's petting this donkey. He's scratching the head.

And I'm still kicking him. Stop touching the donkey. These girls stripped their clothes off, which didn't help. at all, really only made things worse. We are all sitting here very quietly. It's that moment of shame. Like, you're in church and you know that the priest is going to just rain hellfire on you

for having been there. You're very calmly sitting. Tony is, I don't even want to talk about what Tony's covered in and still has no idea the madam walks into the room thanks us all then proceeds

to let us know that if any of us would like to fuck either one of the girls that'll be an additional $50 per girl I shit you not my friend who's sitting here next to me throws up everything we had just witnessed wasn't enough to make someone throw up but the idea of banging these two girls

after all of that he just starts spewing we're all sitting here very calmly we collect ourselves we leave the room the cab driver has waited for us we very calmly quietly very soberly at this point take the long drive back to Juarez get out of the cab take the walk across the bridge did you guys hit that bar yet not yet you should I think we're done go back to our hotel I spent two hours showering okay I mean there wasn't enough soap there wasn't enough anything to get this feeling off of me We all wake up the next day.

No one has spoken yet. Not a word has been said between any of us. We go to breakfast at a little place down the street, which had great Mexican breakfast, eggs and really good stuff. Weevos. We rent the car. We load up all the boxes in the car. We proceed to drive home.

It was somewhere around Tennessee where we finally decided, we were going to speak to one another. And what is the question that everybody has? Did you guys get hard to at any point during that? Oh, Jesus. Oh. Who says that? Who asked that question?

I'm not going to say it wasn't me. But, you know, we all went home and I tell you the God's honest truth for about four years. Not one of us ever told this story to anybody. We never talked about it. I didn't start telling people about this story until about maybe 10 years ago. So for me, almost 15 years had gone by before I even spoke about this story. The problem is even now, I've been sitting here laughing and joking. Every time I tell this story, the visualizations and the odors begin to permeate And I can smell it. Oh.

And I can feel it again. And it almost makes me sick to think about it. So for those of you that are wondering, yes, there really is a donkey show. Oh, God. What do you think hell's going to be like? Anything would be better than that. Anything would be better than that. I don't think I'm going to hell because I think that was my moment in purgatory.

I feel like that was my punishment. You paid for this. And you paid for this. Yeah, yeah, $150 each for five guys. Oh, God. We paid for it. In more ways than one, we paid for it. Needless to say, we made it all the way back with the drugs, though.

We were good. Silver line. Which was the point of the whole trip to begin with. Oh. Wow, that's not. I don't know. what you want me to tell you. You said, come back through my show again.

Tell one of your stories. I'm going to end it. Hey, I got a great story for next time, too. Oh, Jesus. Oddly enough, it has to do with Mexico again, too. Oh, my God. All right. I'm so sorry if you've watched this long.

Hey, listen, throughout this whole thing, I'm going to get yelled at by Heather if I don't mention, hey, listen, guys, I do own a wrestling company. Yeah. Oh, no, I am actually a professional wrestler. own a wrestling company, check us out. All of your social media platforms, UCW Verse, V-E-R-S-E, at UCW-V-V-E-R-S-E, at UCW-V-V-E-R-S-E-C-W-E-C-W-E-C-W-E-C-W-E-N-E-R-E-C-W-E-C-W-E-E-C-W-E-C-W-T-W-E, and you can come to one of our shows. We do it the third Sunday of every month, and you can get your tickets at UCW-Tickets.com.

and now I'll be able to go home tonight and have dinner without my girlfriend beating my ass for not promoting the show well it's it's verse verse like into the verse like universe UCW verse

okay like you're universe taken because it's universe it's a long fucking word though okay I'm just saying and the name of the company is universal championship wrestling that's what I'm saying

I was wondering why I just wondering it's probably taken I don't know but it was just a long word and you know people on the internet like are lazy So the shorter you can make something, the better. Yeah, yeah. That's not what she said, but, you know.

You should be ashamed of yourself if you watch this. You're still watching. And you're Catholic, you should go to confession. All right. Thanks so much for doing this. All right. I will never get the last minute call again. I so wish the other guy had come.

Okay, so I, I appreciate you watching. Please, please don't unsubscribe. Like, I can't ask you to subscribe. Feel free to trash me in the comments. I mean, I love it. And leave a comment. Please. Share the video.

Not with your priest. Yeah. And I'll see you guys around. See you. So disgusting, bro.