Matthew Cox | Inside True Crime Podcast - Mexican Vacation Gone Wrong! | Single Mom Arrested At The Border

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Mexican Vacation Gone Wrong! | Single Mom Arrested At The Border

I learned at a young age that if I say the right things and I do the right things, then I can get away with things. When I was first getting loaded, like, I would start to escort, right? Like, that was the perfect way for me to figure out how to make money. I remember looking down at the point, and I just thought, like, wow. And I got these butterflies, you know? And up to this point, I was very anti-doing anything like that. And I just remember getting these butterflies.

And I look down again and I'm like, man, I don't think that's going to be enough for tonight. My first instinct is to get loaded and then to be a mom. Like it's always been wired that way. And I was presented with an opportunity, an opportunity to go down to Mexico to make some money if I was willing to transport some drugs back. 12 o'clock at night and she gets a phone call that like her daughter's just been arrested. And she has to come get her grandkids from Mexico. Like, I'm going to go back to Mexico. Like, I'm going to cross the border.

Like, my kids are okay. I'm across the border. I'm going to find somebody who has a fucking. I'm going to kill somebody. Hey, this is Matt Cox. And I'm here with Megan Racer. And we're going to be talking about her story. So check out the interview.

And do me a favor. If you haven't subscribed, please subscribe. hit the bell so you get notified and leave me a comment and if you like the video share it so check out the interview so let's go ahead and just kind of start from you know the beginning which is like you know like where were you born brothers sisters you know parents were they in the picture that sort of thing okay yeah um i was born in phoenix arizona i've been out here i'm still in arizona my whole life um my parents were both born out here my kids were born out here so three generations worth of people living in Arizona. I have one sister who's about seven years younger

than I am. So I started my addiction journey much sooner than she did. But we're both in recovery and are sober today. But I grew up with both my parents in the household. The house was, I mean, my house was loving, you know, like I knew my parents love. me and I knew that they could provide well for me. And there just wasn't like connection. You know, there wasn't a lot of emotional connection going on in my household. And for me, it was a really challenging thing as an adult to start then forming those connections with people, especially even after having kids. You know, it was this cycle that I had to consciously break. You know, autism runs in my family and I'm like 100% sure my dad's just undiagnosed on the autism spectrum. So as much as he was

able to provide and he was a good provider, he just emotionally wasn't available, very hyper-focused on specific topics and he's very angry. So having a connection with him was like, okay, we ride dirt bikes together and, you know, we go to the lake and we do all these activities, but that was like very surface level. You know, there weren't any intimate conversations happening in my household between myself and my parents. The situation was a little different with my sister. You know, she had a good connection with my mom. I more so had a connection with my dad on the level of like we really liked extreme sports. We were both adrenaline junkies together. And so the relationship with my mom didn't start to form until I was in my 30s.

Yeah, like the, you know, the one piece in my family that, like, held us all together was my grandmother, and she was that one person that I had first initially connected with in my life. She was just a great woman, you know. She loved me for all of my imperfections and, you know, some bad behaviors that I had or whatever. She always showed me just genuine love. And, you know, I take that.

into like the relationships and into my like value system today but it was hard you know she passed away when I was about 17 um so my connection with my family like I felt like I wasn't a part of it anymore and so you know after she had passed away I was like junior in high school right and I'm still trying to like figure myself out I don't really have like strong connections or bonds with people And just, yeah, connecting in general was really challenging for me. I didn't have a lot of self-worth growing up. You know, my mom was very self-conscious and really hard on herself. So that, you know, that came across to my sister and I.

Like we were at a, we're all hanging out recently, right? We're at this pool party, like a family function. And my sister and I, you know, we're both sitting there fully clothed. Everyone else is swimming. And we're both like, no, we're not going to get in the, cool like um just still to this day it's it's kind of a challenging thing to get through and it's definitely you know learn behaviors and we've identified it and like communicated through that but um it was just really challenging so you know when i turned 18 i met a man you know that was significantly older

than i was and and i fell head over heels for this person um and you know up to that point like I had been a really good student. I graduated high school, I think of 3.7 GPA. And I went to college, went to Arizona State University for criminal justice. Because like, I really wanted to be an attorney. You know, I really, really liked arguing. I could convince people, like, one of my special talents has always been to, like, influence. I mean, I used it as manipulation when I was younger, but to influence or guide people into my belief system or ways of thinking. And so just being an attorney just sounded like the perfect path for me. Like I really got into criminal justice and I did some tours at some prisons out here in Arizona. I went to like, I saw a tent

city when Sheriff Joe was the sheriff out here at a time. And I just, I remember I went to a federal camp because we were like learning the difference between state and federal. in one of our college classes, right? And there's a medium security men's prison out here in Arizona, and there's a minimum security prison. And that's the one that we went toward. So I just remember specifically going out there and seeing like all these women who were outside the fence.

And I'm just so weird, you know, they're driving around. They have jobs outside of the prison. And that was kind of like my first introduction in a round about way into prison, you know, I really loved and advocated for reentry programs and like my heart was in the criminal justice system and I just couldn't really comprehend how different that would look for me, you know, 10 years later down the road. Yeah, so, you know, I'm going to college and I'm in this relationship with this man who's kind of introducing me to life. You know, I was very young, very naive. Again, didn't make a ton of connections. So, like,

I didn't have a lot of opportunities to make bad choices. I mean, I kind of take that back. I got my first, like, criminal justice experience was as, like, a 16-year-old girl. I was shoplifting. And I just, like, like, just got, like, a high off of it. You know, I had never gotten caught prior to that moment. And I was at, I forget, like, Macy's or something. And, you know, I'm I'm putting stuff in my bag and I'm in the dressing room, right? And they definitely caught me. They pulled me back inside, read me my rights. And I was just like, this is, this is going to suck, you know?

Like going home to my mom is going to be really interesting. And, like, she gave me that line, like, I'm not mad. I'm just super disappointed in the choices that you made, you know. Very mom. right it's such a mom thing to say and here but this is my like introduction into getting in trouble right like my mom paid for my fines you know I was working at the time it always worked a job but she paid for my fines I got diversion court because I was a juvenile so like there isn't really any record of me committing this crime I just had to do some community service and call

of the day. And so, you know, I learned at a young age that if I say the right things and I do the right things, then I can get away with things, you know, and that's kind of how I lived my life for a long time, was being able to talk my way out of something or presenting myself in a certain way or looking a certain way and things won't be so bad for me. You know, I was working a job. It's probably 16 around the same time. I was working at Walgreens. And I remember my friend. She was like, okay, so I want to go buy shoes. I was like, perfect, you know, and I asked my mom for some cash, and she gave me a couple hundred dollars. And I remember my friend's like, well, let's see if we can get some more money. You know, we can buy more shoes. I'm like, perfect.

So she was working the register that day, and I was like buying something, right? And she was just going slip me more money back for change than like i was supposed to get so then that happened we got the shoes and you know they ended up calling the cops and like i told them exactly what happened you know and i i just got fired and there wasn't any charges like nothing happened so again i'm like i'm diverting from getting in trouble for doing anything i mean it felt like I got in trouble because I got fired, but like looking back at it, you know, other people probably would have had some criminal repercussions for doing something like that. Did your, did your parents find out about that?

Yeah, they found out about that. The store ended up calling them because I was, I was still a minor. Right. So, I mean, I bullshitted. I, you know, I skirted around what really happened and I lied about it. And same situation, you know, with me shop. I always put it off on someone else like, oh, well, they told me to do it or, you know, like they, they were doing it.

So I felt like I could do it because it was okay. And like, I know, you know, I grew up in a good household where we knew right from wrong or like our basis of what right and wrong is and stealing is not okay. But it was just like, but I think I can get away with it. you know i think i can use my words in in order to to fix this situation you know i don't think i'm a good criminal by any means but i think like if i do get in trouble then that's where i shine like let me show you that i can i can make this better that's not that's not the time to shine the time before you get before before the back so i just yeah i liked the adrenaline again i was just kind of driven by adrenaline and like again riding motorcycles was just this high that

I got and like you know I can I can beat you you know we'd ride with like the adults and and that was that was really fun to me so I was always chasing some kind of high to get outside of myself and then like partying when I was young like alcohol I mean we're in Arizona we're by a lot of lakes there's a lot of house parties a lot of desert parties that go on you know and so alcohol was always prevalent in my life it was acceptable to drink as a young um or you know an older adolescent right it was okay like it was getting drunk with my parents friends and there was never like a situation where you know i was punished it was like hey how does throwing up the next day like that's your punishment you know did your parent did your parents

have uh any addiction like a alcohol problem or anything Um, not my dad. It was just prevalent. It was just around. It was, yeah, it was, so, you know, my mom isn't an alcoholic. Um, I wouldn't call her an alcoholic. I would, I would say she was more of a problem drinker. You know, she wasn't happening in her marriage.

And I knew that and at like a young age, it was like, why are you guys married? You know, it was very like, very analytical and like literal. Like, you guys don't look happy. You should probably divorce, you know? And that word was talked about, right? so I knew what it meant and I'm just like yeah that makes sense like you guys aren't happy you should probably get into more and so I think my mom used alcohol to solve a lot of her problems but I don't think she has that gene to where it I don't think she has the more gene right where you have to keep

going right and go and implode your life like she's been employed with Wells Fargo for 40 years now you know to maintain a household she's she's functional in in her drinking but it has been a problem and i don't think she could see my issue is because like drinking was really acceptable you know but like your 16-year-old daughter shouldn't be drinking so much that she's blacking out right and then you know throwing up the next day like that's not okay okay um So I did have a couple of instances, obviously, like when I was younger, that I got in trouble, but I never saw myself, like, living that way, I guess. I always saw myself as a good kid who just made some pretty stupid choices along the way,

and that, like, things would just correct themselves because, like, I'm a good student, you know, all this stuff looks really good. And, you know, when I went to college, like, I met this, I met this guy, right? And this was the first person that I felt like could see me, you know? And again, I'm like, I'm very, have low self-esteem, low self-worth. Like, I really put everything that I am into a man. And this is after losing the connection with my grandmother. And I finally felt like, oh, gosh, you know, I have a connection again.

to another person and this is this is what I've been seeking you know connection has always been the thing that I've wanted in my life and um I thought I had found it with him and he was the one that had introduced me you know to drugs like um I always drank but I didn't I was like no no I'll never ever touch that stuff you know I was very adamant that I wouldn't um but when I was 18 and you know I just I remember one night we're living together and he comes home pretty late, you know, and I didn't really know what he was doing a lot of the time, but he came on pretty late, and he lays down this spread, right? And he just has, like, this decent size, you know, mound of cocaine, and he has opiates with him. And I just remember him, I remember looking down

at the cocaine rate, and I just thought, like, wow. And I got these butterflies, you know? And up to this point, I was very anti-doing anything like that. And I just remember getting these butterflies and I looked down again and I'm like, man, I don't think that's going to be enough for tonight. Like, mind you, this is, I've never, I've never touched a substance like this before. Like, I don't even know what it's going to do to me, but like, knowing how I am and just my brain instantly, we're like, this isn't going to be enough for tonight. And then I did it. And I was like, this is definitely not going to be enough for tonight. Using forgeries and bogus identities, Matthew B. Cox, one of the most ingenious con men in history, built America's biggest banks out of millions.

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Shark in the housing pool is Cox's exhilarating first-person account of his Stranger Than Fiction Story, available now on Amazon and Audible. And like that was, you know, that was the start of the obsession. Like that's, I mean, 18 years old, that obsessive thinking kicked in immediately after I took that first line. and you know um the next drug that he had introduced was opiates and he's just like you know take a piece of this and took half of it swallowed it and it was like oh this is how people live like this is this is how i'm supposed to feel you know it was like i was home in my body um because i had always felt like a foreign entity inside of my body and like didn't really understand

understand why I was here. Couldn't really connect again. And like drugs became this perfect place for me to just be me. You know, and I talk a lot about that. Yeah. I'm sorry. What did this guy do for a living? Uh, so he was a millwright, a union millwright. Um, so when we first got together, he had started his apprenticeship with the millwright union. And so he didn't make a lot of money. He worked a lot and you know I helped support through some things but um he worked once he got into the profession and you know became a journeyman like he was working you know seven days a week 12 hours a day for months on end so drugs that was just the perfect world like most of the people that work like that are getting loaded right yeah so and I and to me like I didn't know that

previously because again he's much older than i am i didn't know that he had a drug problem before we even got to know each other um that was something that he had struggled with when he came out to a Arizona so for me this is like a how much older i think seven or eight years older than i was oh okay but like at 18 that's that's that's huge yeah yeah at 18 yes at 18 so i'm i'm 35 now right And I look back at my 18-year-old self and to think of being with somebody that much older than me, there's nothing that we have in common. You know, I was an easy target to manipulate news. And he just, he wanted to live a lifestyle where I didn't ask a lot of questions.

And I didn't, you know. But that's, that was my introduction into the, into the drug. world you know so he was he was basically my dealer at that point like i kind of depended on him to get what i needed but i didn't ask you know like i knew in my brain like how much i had obsessed over it and i was just like okay just wait until he brings it up wait till he brings it to you don't ever ask you know what i mean like it was it was these steps of um the the the yets i guess where it's like I'm not to the point where I have to ask and make something like this happen. Like I'll just let him have it happen versus like becoming, you know, later in life,

this heroin IV user who's seeking drugs every day. I just knew that I could get to that point. They didn't want to get there. Right. All right. So did you end up graduating school or? Right. Right. So I was with this person for three years. We were engaged to get married, you know, like had a really fantastic relationship with his family. He was from back east. So we'd go out there a lot and hang out. And, you know, again, there were a lot of first of this guy. So he was my first, like, abusive relationship, you know? The first time he had ever put his hands on me, we weren't doing that great. And I, again, I don't realize, like, he's got a drug problem at this point. Like,

I don't understand this world yet. Still pretty naive, but, like, we get high together sometimes, you know? And so we go to Mexico and, like, he's on steroids. He's created, like, he's making his own steroids, right? So he's a big guy pretty angry at some points. And we go to Mexico just to kind of have a vacation because he's working a lot. And, you know, he gets really, really drunk. And he's probably on other stuff.

And I just remember him getting really angry at me. And we're in our room. and he just grabs me by the throat, pushes me up against the wall. And I'm like 5'8, right? Like he's a strong guy. And I just remember I'm holding me there with his arm back and I'm just like there's nothing I can do about it. And he lets me go and I run out of the room and I go downstairs and it's like nighttime

and I'm sitting on this bench just crying hysterically and like somebody comes up to me and they're like, hey, do you need something? and for me it's like I was taught like you don't talk about shit you know you don't talk about these things and so I just I was no I'm okay and I cried a little bit more and then I went back up to the bedroom he was like laying down passed out and I just fell asleep and like it was never talked about you know like situations like that would happen and it just didn't get talked about between him and I because I don't want to bring it up I know he's not bringing it up and I'm not telling my family you know we have a relationship like

that where I feel like I can or even even knowing that's an option but um so a couple other instances happen with him I was going to say bringing it up to just spark another instant another incident another incident you know so I get not bringing it out yeah and you just you know he's a very smart man very charismatic um came off very kind and loving and behind closed doors it was just a very different situation you know and you add drugs into that and i'm sure drugs had a lot to do with his outburst and his anger and his frustration but it's not like it's not an excuse to be a shitty human you know right um so like three years into our relationship like I should have known he had been cheating and I just didn't want to see the signs.

But he was like a traveling journeyman. So he was in California a lot. And I noticed he kept going to this one particular job site a lot and that he had this like new friend who was a female. And, you know, it wasn't okay if I had men who were friends. And he was trying to create it in a way where it's like, no, no, this is just a friend. Like it's okay for me to do it, but not you at a situation. and it just it came down to like he was you know in fact cheating on me with this person that

he had met in California I found out and I had left like as soon as I found out and um you know I was just like we're done he's like we're done and we had like lived in a house together and he just he packed his stuff up that week and then moved out to California with her um so for me like I had never really experienced any kind of heartache and I had invested so much of who I am in this person when he left. It was like, well, I don't know who I am anymore. You know, like I couldn't find me for me. So I just remember, yeah.

Real quick. How did you find out that he was cheating on you? So he came back from California where I knew she was at and he kept telling me nothing's going on, nothing is going on, but they kept communicating. So I grabbed his phone and I went through everything and I saw their text messages. I saw, you know, the pictures back and forth. And so that day, like, I didn't sleep, right, the whole night because he was sleeping. And so I went through his phone.

I emailed everything to myself. I went to my mom's and I printed it. And then I came back to our house and all the stuff printed, right? like all the pictures and the messages and i like threw it on the bed and i was like do you want to tell me about this you know and and he just didn't care he's like would like it's like he knew he was caught you know there wasn't any manipulating or making excuses about it and i just had walked out that day um i spent like a thousand dollars or something in like clothes and stuff at the mall and uh yeah, I moved out. I had moved out. And there wasn't like, let's try to make this work. Let's

get back together. There are nothing like that. He was pretty solid in the choice that he had made to be with her. So that that that like damaged me. You know, I feel like that damaged me more than it really should have. Like most people are like, oh, you know, this sucks and it hurts and like I have heartbreak. but like I don't have to use drugs because somebody was cheating on me and the relationship is over like I can I can grieve properly and then move on with my life but my my choice was to start doing drugs more and so I picked up um opiates a lot more once he left um well it helps solve the pain you know it does it does it made me feel good I was like this this drug right here is the one thing I feel like I have a solid connection with, and that's not

fucking me over in my life. Like, this is perfect. And I could afford it at the time, you know, there were like oxy 30s and the 80s were around then. I'd get them from like decently, you know, I'd always had decent connections to where it wasn't like super, super expensive. So I was kind of just doing my own thing for a while. I was in college, working at restaurants and stuff.

ended up finding this one guy who was like connected with my ex like they worked in the same industry and those guys make pretty good money right and my motivation for being with a man was always like what are you going to do to provide for me or like what kind of drugs are you going to give me you know there was there was always a motivation for me behind being with somebody financial gain drugs that that was it and sex like give me those three and that's it that's all i need so with this guy you know he had apparently he was a recovering heroin addict and he ended up relapsing when we were together so it's just i have a really good picker at this time um so like i'm but the thing is like i'm in

my addiction too you know like i'm sneaking oxy's behind his back he's sneaking heroin behind my back like there's some abusive moments that happen in this relationship because I keep finding out he's using heroin. And, like, I'm at this point never had touched that stuff, right? Like, it was disgusting to me. I couldn't believe he was doing something like that. And I'm, like, studying for the LSATs. I'm in my senior year of college.

And I end up leaving him. And again, connecting another man to this one, somebody he grew up with, who is my children's father now. I see him. We all go to a wedding together, right? And I remember my children's father walking into the reception hall. And he just has this, I don't give a attitude, right? Doesn't care.

And we're sitting at the bar and he puts his foot up on the bar and he has like these white, just long socks, right, with this suit because he's one of the groomsmen. So he's supposed to be super sophisticated, looking good. And he's wearing these just long socks that. you, you know what I mean? It just doesn't go together. And I just remember thinking, God, what a rebel. Like, this man is a rebel. And, you know, I'm kind of with the other person at this point at the wedding, like I'm his date, but I'm also like eyeing my children's father. Right. And so we like connect on Facebook, right? It's like pretty big at the time. We connect. And he's like living out in the

Chandler area right around where Arizona State University kind of is, and I'm out there still going to college. And we met up one night, like went on a date. And I just remember I moved in with him immediately after that. Again, I attach, I latch on because I found out like, oh, you can get me my drugs. Like we had Coke. We had oxies. Like, you know, you get me what I need. what happened with the other guy uh i just i stopped talking to him yeah he he ended up he couldn't maintain sobriety you know he couldn't keep a needle out of his arm and i was just like i can't do this lifestyle like i have so much going on behind the scenes i'm like getting loaded you know but in my head it's like this is a legal source of drugs and i'm not addicted

but I'm obsessively thinking about it. You know, like that is number one on my mind. It's not school. It's not like anything else, but getting loaded. So, yeah, he and I stopped talking and I start, I guess, dating, hooking up, whatever you want to call it with my children's father. He's supplying my drug habit at this time. I remember I'm working at Olive Garden.

And, you know, I'm, I drive into work one day. and so like mental health right like me struggling with my mental health is a huge part of my story and I just didn't know it like I didn't understand mental health back then but I remember walking into work and just like breaking down crying and again like got my drugs with me so that's good but like I was just sitting in the back right like behind a table just bawling my eyes out and like one of our managers sees me and they're like you need to go home so I go home and like I just I never went back like my thing is ghosting you know that's been a really hard habit for me to break it's just like if i don't want to be somewhere i get uncomfortable or i don't want to change i'm gone so i never went

back to that job and that created a big problem for me because like i heavily heavily depended on their dad at that point you know and with school like i was a senior in college about to get my BA. You have one more class. You said you heavily depended on what? On their on their dad, on Sean, my children's father. Okay. Sorry. I didn't. No, you're good. Uh, so yeah, I'm in my senior year college and I have one class to graduate to get my bachelors in criminal justice. and then, you know, to go to law school. And I quit. I quit my senior year.

And my drug habit got really, really bad at that point. I think... Is there a specific reason you quit? Because it was getting in the way of my drug using. Okay. I mean, were you failing? You were failing? You just couldn't do both?

No. No. I think a lot of it is just a failure to succeed. Again, like, I don't, I don't think I'm worth much at this point, especially like failed relationship after failed relationship. And where I'm putting my worth is in relationships. So my senior year rolls around. And so I do have this bad drug habit. Right. I'm living with a man who I don't really like. And then I find out I'm pregnant. And just a combination. of everything um i i don't want to do life anymore i don't want to do this world anymore because the drugs are supposed to make me happy i'm not i'm not happy you know and so i go through our pregnancy and it's it's just tumultuous with him you know it he turned he ended up becoming a heroin addict at this time during my pregnancy and i'm i'm trying to quit using oxies while i'm pregnant and it's like I can't I can't stop um about seven months into my pregnancy like we're

no longer talking at this time I'm like back at with with my mom I end up quitting using the opiates at like seven months pregnant with my daughter and um I I have my daughter at nine months you know like with with my pregnancies right I didn't tell my mom I was pregnant she didn't like Sean She never approved of him. You know, nobody in my family liked him. Nobody's liked any of the men I've been with. But so I finally tell her around, you know, seven months pregnant that I'm like, hey, you're going to have your first grandkids, by the way.

And it shons. And, you know, she was just like, there wasn't, there was never like excitement around my pregnancies. So I guess talking about those things is really hard. it wasn't a fun time for me like being in my 20s and being pregnant you know looking back at it now I really missed out like I missed out on on the joy and in the looking forward to having a kid because I can't get my shit together my mental health sucks and like I keep wanting to get loaded and now I have a child on the way your mom didn't I thought you said like you were living

with your mom she didn't notice you were pregnant well I ended I I was about like seven months pregnant when I moved in with her. But no, you, I, you can't really tell that I'm pregnant when I'm pregnant. Wow. It takes weeks a while. Okay. Yeah. I just don't really show.

Right. And, you know, we don't have this like super tight relationship at this time. So, and I thought she would just be angry, you know? I want to, I, I, I'm people loser, you know, like, I want to, I want to avoid her having hard feelings for as long as I possibly can. and then just throw a bomb. So I end up having my daughter, it's not really working out, living at my mom, so I'm moving with my cousin, right?

And they're, you know, Sean comes back around, their dad, and he starts hanging out with me while I'm living with my cousin, and he's still using heroin, right? Like, he's still getting loaded on a daily basis. I had never tried it at this point. and I remember I would find it like in his truck or hidden somewhere and I would throw it away and he would get so angry at me and I just didn't understand like why are you getting so angry it's not that serious like I just didn't know the physical hold that heroin had on your body not just the mental spiritual emotional it's the physical hold that this drug has and I remember

my daughter was probably like two months old and I remember finding you know his drugs in his truck and I took it out and I was just like you know what I'm going to do some today and I told him that I had found it before he like was off to work or whatever right and I said you know I said I'm going to do this and he was like okay just give me half of it you do the other half give me some money and I'll pick more up tonight like okay so that I mean that started off my like two year heroin vendor with my you know small child in my life um there was just a lot of moving from different place to place i had always maintained a job you know working in like restaurants and stuff and um for some reason i was able to to maintain that

and an okay lifestyle for my daughter but you know i was just a degenerate like i was getting loaded and hoping that my daughter was okay and like a lot of his family would help out with with her and then it came to the point one day like he had ended up leaving leaving us right because I would we would live together and then we wouldn't live together and we lived together and we lived together and lived with his dad and um he ended up moving back to Missouri with his mom at this point And I think my daughter's about two and a half. And his side of the family calls CPS. So CPS gets involved.

I can't, you know, I can't test clean to save my life. Like, I was very honest with them. They're like, are you getting loaded? And I was like, yeah, absolutely. And I just kept failing the drug test. So they opened up a petition through juvenile court. And, you know, both dad and I had tested positive for heroin. were both, we both had this open petition through CPS. And I ended up signing over my rights to my

daughter to the state and to his side of the family. Because again, I'm not close with my side of the family at this time. And my daughter knows them a lot better. So I go to rehab. I do really well in rehab. And I'm like going back and forth with this case. And dad ends up coming back to Arizona from Missouri. I'm about six months sober at this time and we're both like testing at task, which was like a place you'd call, you know, you call, get the number or the color and you'd go in, right? Right. So we both got called on the same night. And, you know, I'm sober. He's kind of sober, but he's still like drinking a bunch. And we go and we like have dinner that night and then um we we end up going back to like where he's staying out with his dad and where

my daughter's at and we get pregnant with my son you need to get that no it was my son so we yeah we end up getting pregnant with my son i'm about six six months sober at this point um i let him know a month later when i found out and he was He was just like, I don't, I don't want to have another kid. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm not, I'm not getting rid of it. Like, we're, I'm pregnant. I'm having this kid. And it was around Cinco de Mayo.

So I found out I was pregnant in January around Cinco de Mayo. And we still have this case going on. Um, he's still, he's getting loaded at this point. Like, he's going out drinking and doing all that stuff. Um, he tries to kill himself. and I just I remember being pregnant and I get the phone call that like he's in the hospital he's going to the psych ward on like a 72 hour hold I find out where he is and I get on the phone with him and I'm just like hey you know like that day that I found out where he was and was able to talk

to him like I had found out we were having a son and I told him on the phone I'm like you know I need you to be around like we're having a son together and he was just like I don't don't care. Like I don't want to be his dad. Right. And that was, you know, it was heartbreaking. It was really devastating because I saw how much love he had for his daughter and it was just really challenging for me to understand like how he couldn't want to have that with his son too. And he was fighting so hard during the CPS case for his daughter, you know. So that case ends up getting closed. They award my daughter back to me and like I get custody of her. And I end up, like, having my son, Sean, you know, he gets off the 72 hour hold.

And again, he, like, just moves back to Missouri at this point because that's just kind of what he does. Like, his mom fully supports his, all of his choices he makes. So, you know, I have this, these two kids and, like, I'm sober at this point, right? Like, life is really fucking amazing. I'm a part of one of those anonymous groups, right? And I'm just, I'm happy. Like, I'm really, really genuinely happy. I'm working on myself.

I'm a single mom. I'm supporting myself and my kids. And I get a job working for Maricopa County Superior Court. And I love it. You know, it was really challenging. And I got to know all kinds of things, right? Like, it's in the realm I wanted to be in initially. Like, I'm learning about the criminal procedures and the probate, civil,

all of it. And it was right at my alley. And I did very well when I worked there. So when my son was about a year old, his dad came back to Arizona. And I let him live on my couch at this point. And that was, I mean, that was the start of, I guess what life had in store for me at that point, about to, you. two years into my sobriety, I relapsed with their dad on alcohol. And I remember he was watching the kids when I was at work one day and he came home. And he was like, hey, I've got something for you. And I went back to my bathroom. He opened up the medicine cabinet and, you know, he had the foil and everything ready. And he was like, here. And like, nothing in my body could have resisted getting loaded in that moment, you know, like something in the room's like that's heavily

coveted is your sobriety date. And they say it's not, but it is. And I had already lost my sobriety date. And it was just like, all right, you know, this is what's going to happen. And, you know, a couple weeks later, he shot me up for the first time. And that's when that's when I became like, I was a slave to the drug, you know, I was still working for the court system, getting loaded, like going on my lunch break to get to get loaded and coming back, being in the parking lot, you know, and this went on for a while, like eight months. He ended up leaving to go back to Missouri and he like does that right. Like we'll get loaded together.

He'll go to Missouri, get off of the hair, like get off of heroin. And I'm generally left with the kids and a really bad drug habit at that point. So my lease is up. Isn't it expensive? I mean, okay. So, I mean, I maintained a household. My kids had food in their bellies. They had the lights on.

Like, everything was at the base level of being maintained. And I was broke all the time. And then he leaves. And then he leaves. Yeah. So there were times, right, where when I was first getting loaded, like, I would start to escort, right? Like, that was the perfect way for me to figure out how to make money. I didn't want to make pictures and stuff on the internet, but I was okay with using men.

Because at this point, I didn't like them. I didn't value men. I had, like, a huge chip on my shoulder. So if I could just take money from you and give you. you a piece of me that I don't really care about, it's okay. And when I got sober, uh, that first time, I had like continued to escort and sobriety and that was kind of difficult for me. But like again, I'm a single mom, so I need to be able to like maintain. So that was kind of always my go to when I was getting loaded was to use my body to get what I needed. Um,

But so he leaves, my leases up, and I end up moving back into my mom's house. And, um, God, my mom. Like, she knew, she knows about my, my drug habit from previously. She doesn't realize that I'm still getting loaded or she just chooses not to see that her daughter has relapsed and is really bad. But during that time, when I had moved, I got promoted at work. I don't know how, but I got promoted at my job. And I'm like a courtroom clerk at this point.

So I'm like working, you know, hand in hand with the judge there, writing stuff for them, like doing their docket and whatnot. But this is where I just, I feel I still have a lot of guilt for what I did there. You know, like I was, I'd bring all my stuff into the courthouse, you know. Like I'd have my, my big cup full of fireball that I would just leave at my desk. So I'd go into the courtroom and I just. wouldn't care you know it's like if someone found out they found out but like it'd be at my desk and i'd have all the stuff i needed to like cook a shot do a shot in the bathroom like go in the

parking lot like my life revolved around getting loaded on my brakes going out getting loaded coming back like i don't know how i was able to maintain for as long as i did right it was yeah it was it was a very it's just a hard time to look back on in my life because i don't approve of the things i did i don't approve of being in that kind of position and you know not being 100% fully there you know because like i'm watching these juveniles get sentenced to like you know prison for the next five six years or going off to rehab or whatever like they're fighting and I'm sitting there being such a hypocrite getting loaded in front of them you know um so I end up I end up quitting that job um I had March of 2018 I quit that job like cashed my 401k out with

them so I had a little bit of money to to live on for a little bit and to get my drugs and all of that I ended up moving out of my mom's house again, right? Because like the thing is when you're an active addiction, you have to move around a lot because the people that you're around are going to start to become pretty aware of what you're doing. And when they start to come to realization, like that's when you need to go. So me being a woman in active addiction doesn't take away from the fact that like I still have to support two little kids who depend on me and love me.

you know i wish that like i don't know people look at women and it's like oh well you don't have this maternal instinct to just take care of your kids knock it loaded like what's wrong with you and it's it's like my first instinct is to get loaded and then to be a mom like it's it's always been wired that way and so i do like talking about these certain things because it's important it's important for women to understand like just because we have the ability to have children and then it generally becomes our responsibility to then stick around with them doesn't mean that we're exempt from becoming major addicts and eventually dying from this disease you know so it's important i mean it's important for me to let other women out there know

and parents in general like this will have this can happen this does happen on a daily basis i'm not special my story is not unique um i'm just willing to talk about it so quit my job right um i'm like pretty deep into just getting loaded working with pices like using i wasn't really i never really dabbled in drug dealing i mean like back in the day when i was at as u when it was like the oxy world right like sell some here there or whatever. But I was always just the user, you know, I couldn't keep enough stock to ever think about becoming a dealer in selling. So I was just connected with some people that were bringing heroin into Arizona. And I was presented with an opportunity,

an opportunity to go down to Mexico to make some money if I was willing to transport some drugs back so that already sounds bad right that all just the idea of it already is like oh this is this is a problem this could go bad and it's not like in my head I didn't see it as a problem you know I'm so far into my addiction and my kids are my kids are right there with me you know i'd always like pride to myself like oh no no my kids never saw me shoot up but like they had to live the lifestyle i was living simultaneously so like no that's not okay and i think it's important for you know people like me to look back at the choices that we made and almost like cringe and be disgusted and like it makes me super tearful you know like my kids absolutely love

me and I'm like they're their number they're my number one fan you know and they have unconditional love for me and it's so freaking amazing to see that and like them having that much love for me has has made it easy for me to find love for myself without that I don't know I don't know where it would be um but just as looking at it sober it's like wow I made I made I made horrible horrible choices of the mom you know i i chose to bring these kids into this world and i was not doing right by them but they loved the shit out of me um so i was yeah i have a question like one like i'm you're saying you were presented so this is somebody that you're dealing with uh that's supplying you is this a i mean and and how is that how do you even broach that subject they make it sound like

oh it's not a big deal they put it in the compartment that they've already paid the guard you drive right through it's no big deal we do it all the time there's no risk it's i mean um is that or is it like listen the damn good chance you're going to get caught and go to jail i mean no nothing like that there wasn't like there wasn't a ton of information communicated because a lot of it was just over the phone like i've met these people over the phone right and they were like just come down and we'll we'll talk to you about it when you get here like as minimal information as possible and you know and I was like that's perfect because I don't want to talk about this on the phone like I'd rather talk to you in person and like if something were to happen like I wouldn't

have that much you know I wouldn't have a lot of information on the phone like I went into this blind 100% and it brought my children with me okay um went to Mexico with you brought your kids with okay so you know we get down there and like I'm I'm probably meeting with just like the low man on the totem pole right they're kind of explaining to me like what they want me to do they get a vehicle for me I it's like at the Yuma border of Arizona. So they bring this like truck, right? And they want me to go cross the border to Arizona to get it registered in my name. So like someone else had it registered in their name in Arizona, right? So they gave me the registration. I cross over the border and I get it

registered in my name and then they pick up some food, whatever, and cross back over the border. I'm there for about a week and a half. It takes a while. I'm not really like under. standing whites taking this long not a ton of people know where i'm at my family definitely doesn't know where i'm at um like the people i deal with on a daily basis with like my drug transactions know where i am um and so like yeah we're i mean we're just we're in mexico like they're supplying me drugs still because like again i'm i'm a ivy heroin user like i have to have it or i'm to be sick and my kids like they're we're just we're at this hotel basically right like we're just sitting at this hotel we'll go out once in a while get food they'll bring food like we go and you know walk

around and just like explore so I'm like in my head trying to make this situation as normal as I possibly can but like me thinking about it and looking back like it's so triggering because I had just, I had put myself in such a bad situation and it would be one thing if it was just me there, you know, like it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But like, because I included my children in, in such a horrible situation, like, it's really, really challenging to talk about. I understand. Um, so.

There wasn't, like, there were, there were conversations about what they would like me to do, right? Like, my goal in going down to Mexico was just to have conversation. You know, I didn't know if I would actually be transporting at that point. I told him I wasn't ready because we did a couple runs back and forth from Mexico to Arizona, right? Just to get the vehicle crossing the border so it didn't look as suspicious when I would cross that first time, right? So I remember I had crossed like a third time and this isn't with anything. This is just me going back and forth from Mexico to America. And the third time they sent me to secondary.

You know, they weren't buying my story as to why I was in Mexico. So they go to secondary. They have me go to secondary and they check the vehicle. Like there's nothing there and they let me go. So I remember going back to them and I'm like, hey, listen, like this, this truck is going to work like let's you know let's um let's try to do a different vehicle but like this one isn't going to work they they sent me to secondary like they wanted to see if i would get popped as suspicious and i did you know and they were like okay okay like we're going to figure something out

and i remember one night i'm driving the truck and the truck's like off right like it's driving it's revving up and then going down and rubbing up and going down. And I tell them about it and they're like, okay, like, we'll, we're going to take it in and have somebody fix it. And we're going to bring it out, bring it back to you and you're going to go. Like you're, you know, we're going to have you leave. And we have a different job for you and make okay. So they bring it back.

They park it overnight and I wake up the next day. And, you know, I'm trying to like find drugs most of that day, right? And I finally get a hold of what I need. and it's later in the day and they were like okay well we need you to leave you know it's like 10 o'clock at night and I'm like okay I just I need to go do something real quick and I was like got everything packed up right and my kids there and I was going to go pick up from this one guy that I had met down in Mexico and all of a sudden they're behind me you know like they they knew where I was and it was really weird and again I'm not I'm not connecting done

dots, you know, like I'm not in a mindset to connect dots. My brain is on one thing and one thing only. And they were like, you need to go. What are you doing? Like, you need to go to America. And I'm like, okay, like, I'm just trying to get what I need. So they're like, just go park by the border. We'll get you what you need to do. And then we need you to cross back over. So what they wanted me to do or what they told me they wanted me to do was go back over to America. go buy a new phone, and they were going to text me the address I was going to go to in Arizona to transport money up to Cali. Okay, but at this point, is the drug already packed?

I mean, is a truck already packed with drugs? Unbeknownst to me, yes. Okay, right. And which they had it sitting there apparently overnight all day and the next day to the very end of the night. so like I don't I yeah nobody's going to touch that truck like they've got people watching the truck they've got you know right I mean like I've spoken with lots of people where they just you know it's very common for them to you drop the truck you drop a vehicle off somebody picks it up they bring it back three days later it's packed it'll sit there for overnight maybe two days you get in it you

drive back but they have so many people watching those vehicles and just watching like nobody's stealing from cartel members right in those areas they're so under control and everybody's on the take so yeah so you know and i mean that's that's why they knew where it was at like that's that's how they knew where i was and i just i'm just so not willing to see the signs that are in front of me well i don't think anybody would realize how connected they are and you know especially in the in the state of mind that you're in you know you're you're a drug addict you're you're only focused on you know maintaining you know keeping feed or food in your kids mouth and maintaining your habit and and honestly that's probably why they packed the truck because they didn't want

you to know because you will be less nervous you won't be as suspected going through you're not going to raise any red flags you think you think your job is in two days when you bring money here but really your job is just driving across the border and you didn't realize it so i can see from their perspective yeah like explaining the story to people you know i don't go into detail and like i'll do podcasts podcasts and things right now all sometimes depending on the person right like if i don't like the person that's interviewing me like i'm not going in depth with that because like you don't get a piece of me like that you know but when i do i explain it but it's hard doing that like on just a one on one kind of thing because it's always like these million questions where

it's like I don't I don't know I was not in the right state of mind like they used me as a pawn and it's it's embarrassing you know I made no money from this transaction right I gave I gave my I lost my kids I lost my freedom I lost everything and I didn't have a stake in it you know what i mean i didn't have any money in this like nothing was being given to me out of this whole situation and yeah i guess like embarrassing is the number one thing that pops into my mind that like is the feeling that's associated with it and then shame this something i've had to work on with involving my kids in this shit you know so well you know night i'm sorry i was just going to say it's it's sometimes the you know like it's it's

funny how those the worst thing that could possibly happen to you at the moment is very possibly the best thing that could have happened to you in your life and it just you know it takes time to figure that out it does it takes a lot of time uh yeah so they yeah i get my stuff whatever um my kids like treats and snacks right because we're probably be driving for a little bit and um i pull up right tell them my bullshit story and they're like enough go to secondary and so this is my second time going into secondary right so in my head i'm just like this is fine you know they're gonna do what they did last time no big deal and then i will be on my way um that is not what happened so they brought out the drug dog like they did the first time and the drug dog hit and I I just remember

you know they have you get out of the vehicle regardless but I do remember seeing the drug dog hit go into I go into like the little holding area right where people wait and I remember seeing just a ton of people come out to my truck and they've got this camera and I'm just like oh fuck what's what's about to happen and i have you know i've drugs on me got my rig full ready to go like i was fully ready to just transition to the next point of my life and that's not what happened buried by the u.s government and ignored by the national media this is the story they don't want you to know when frank amadeo met with president george w bush at the white house to discuss NATO operations in Afghanistan. No one knew that he'd already embezzled nearly $200 million

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he might have just pulled it off. It's insanity, the bizarre, true story of a bipolar megalomaniac's insane plan for total world domination. Available now on Amazon and Audible. It actually was the next transition of your life. It wasn't the one you were hoping for at that moment. No. No, it wasn't.

So, yeah, I just, they came in. in and they're like, ma'am, you need to come with us. You're under arrest. And I'm just like, what? What are you talking about? And they put me in this like holding cell area right. And my kids are with me and, you know, I'm like trying to hug them. And they're like, ma'am, we can either arrest you in front of them or like you'll take

them and we'll handcuff you to all that. And so I just, I've given them one last hug and they let. walked my kids out, and they patted me down, did a search on me, and they didn't find anything on me. So they put me back in the cell, right? And they shut the door. And I swear to you, I've never felt so free. You know, like, the madness and the chaos was over. Because, like, to try to maintain a lifestyle where you're a mom, you're an employee, you know, you're doing all these things on top of, like, shooting up a couple grams of heroin a day, drinking and using meth, like, it's too much. You know, it's, it was a doable thing for a little bit, but I couldn't maintain that lifestyle.

So, like, being arrested, I didn't know what was going to happen to me when that door shut, but like that was freeing it was done like that life was over with that chapter was over and so like whatever they didn't find on me like i ended up taking and like i didn't realize now because like fentanyl wasn't a thing but it was a couple of fentanyl pills a thing of heroin and like a little thing of meth and i just took it all like i didn't care you know i just i swallowed what i need to swallow snorted what i need to snort and like i ended up passing out for like an hour And then they woke up and they interrogated me. And so, you know, they woke up and they graciously, and I don't know how this happened,

but they were like, who do we need to call to get your kids? And I was just like, you're not going to call CPS and like, no, like, who do we need to call to get your kids? And so that's when they made the phone call to both my parents, you know, and looking back, like there's moments of spiritual awakening and like realizing the things that we put the loved ones our loved ones through you know and like the crimes we commit or just the just things that we do and that was one of those moments where thinking about it like my mom is laying in her bed it's 12 o'clock at night and she gets a phone call that like her daughter's just been arrested and she has to come

get her grandkids from Mexico. So it's like, I put myself in her position of how she would feel, you know? And it's, that's like those moments are what I needed, though. Like, I needed, I needed to really see the pain that I caused people. And, you know, she, she's like a wonder woman. I love her so much. She's amazing. She, no questions asked, got in her car and came and got rescued my kids and, like, provided a life for them that I wasn't able to give them.

You know, she saved my kids from me. And, you know, I got interrogated and they're not really buying my story and I'm not being honest with what's going on. But, you know, when I remember when I first went in there for the interrogation, I sat down and they're like, do you know why you're. here you know like what what did your day look like and i kind of explained my day to them right and they're like well that doesn't quite add up to what's going on like tell me what happened and i just i don't know what for me i don't understand and they told me well we found 32 kilos of meth in your truck so what you're telling us isn't aligning with what we found in your vehicle that's a lot

I just I lost it I couldn't even comprehend I couldn't comprehend what they were telling me you know I obviously have a lot of remorse and guilt over what happened and there's still like some

some things I need to work through but I didn't realize I just couldn't comprehend didn't make sense to me and so you know I went got interrogated um i ended up being able to give my kids hugs goodbye they were like very kind to my kids and they were kind to me they didn't have to be you know and um i remember the the marshal or

whoever it was that did my interrogation he um he drove me handcuffed right my first time ever being handcuffed like drove me to the detention center and like processed in that takes forever and they put me in like a medical holding cell because um they knew i was like hi and the next day like i slept all night i was just so done so tired i slept like that whole night and i woke up and at this point i'm feeling it from my heroin withdrawal you know they box and shackle you up they send me off to court and, um, you know, I, I just remember in my head thinking, like this, I think I had to see the judge twice for my initial. I, I can't remember. It's all kind of blurry, but I just, I remember before maybe my first or second, um, hearing that I had that like,

okay, cool, this judge is going to let me out, you know, they're going to see that I'm like an upstanding citizen. This is a mistake. This is a mistake. But in my head, I was like, I'm going to go back to Mexico. Like, I'm going to cross the border. Like, my kids are okay. I'm across the border. I'm going to find somebody who has a fucking gun. I'm going to kill somebody. And I'm going to get my, I'm going to get my stuff. And I'm going to cross back over to the border and handle this later. Like that, I just, it's not my way of thinking normally. You know, I'm a very rational person. And I was going into some really weird, demented dark places. And so when I went in for my hearing to figure out, like, if I could get out or whatever,

he was just like, yeah, we're transporting me up to Florence, Arizona. Like, back to, like, where I lived, right? And that I was going to stay in custody. Rightfully so. I had 89 pounds of meth in my vehicle. Like, I was delusional. delusional and when I met with the attorney for the first time right and they show you that chart the breakdown of where you're at um I thought you I was gonna say where you fell on the

sentencing guidelines yeah there was um level 36 or 38 oh man yeah so you know it was like 188 to like 235 years in prison is what I saw on paper after factoring where I landed. And again, I'm not like, I mean months. I mean, I'm sorry, not years months. Sorry, months. Right. 108 to like 235 months. Yeah. And I remember looking at it. There's only like 42 levels or something, right? Like not much past where I was at. And it just couldn't comprehend yeah i love it when they say but if you plead guilty they'll knock off if you prove guilty in a timely manner they'll knock off three levels like there's all these mitigating factors and i'm like how do i mitigate up to probation like how do i make that my

reality so that was a kick in the gut you know and then i got shipped off to to florence a Arizona at CCA over there and there's like moments and bits and pieces that I like distinctly remember I remember being box and shackled you know in Yuma and like that process of getting you know sent out takes forever and I'm like day seven or something day eight of my like detox and I'm still feeling horrible and there's like three women in this teeny tiny seat made for like one man and we're all shackled together and like I just hear all the guys in the back, right? And everyone was speaking Spanish to each other, but like, oh, what do you think is it heroin? Is it meth? Like, what do you think she's detoxing from? I'm just like, this is my

personal hell. Okay. This is what I would imagine. And I went over to CCA and like the federal government out there is contracted with treatment centers. So I did like an interview with one of the treatment centers and they accepted me into their program. You know, I'm a drug addict. So like, you know, all the girls that are like, don't, you know, don't know who to treatment. Like you want to kill your, your time. And I'm like, but I, I'm not okay.

Being here for four months or being in treatment for four months and then going to prison, like I'd rather do that. You know, I want to get something out of this experience, regardless of if I'm going to kill my number or not. So I went to treatment for four months. You know, they with like cases like this where it's like trafficking, right, I got, I got indicted for transportation and distribution. And with cases like that, they just want to keep them moving because they're, I mean, they happen so often in Arizona. We're right next to the border. And thank God it was Arizona because our guidelines out here in like all the mitigating things I had versus like

another state it was night and day difference you know my attorney looked at me at the time she's like listen if you were in you know some state like Midwest state you would have you'd be in prison for at least 10 15 years yeah I was just say if you were in Florida Georgia or something like that or South Carolina like they they you're probably going to get 15 years you're going to get the you're going to get the low end of the guidelines so it's just 180 months in your case that's it's 15 years right so I did the drug program for four months here in Arizona called crossroads you know it's it's very strict like guidelines you can't go anywhere you know so it was a lot better than being in jail I can tell you that I spent about a month there

And it was just, I don't know, there wasn't any progress happening there. So I was like, I want to go somewhere where I'm going to get better and not get worse. And then I pushed my initial sentencing off about three months so I could stay out and have some time with my kids. You know, I like made a couple of men's while I was out. It was really challenging. Like, I knew I was going to prison. Like, there's no way I wasn't going to go to prison with the amount of drugs that I had on me. You know, like, regardless of if I knew what, what was going on or not, like,

the way it looks is really bad. So, like, I'm signing a plea agreement. And I signed one in December for transport, but it was like a lower, lower level. Right. And so when they were doing, like, my pre-sentencing interview, I remember meeting with probation at the time. And, you know, I was sober for a while now. I had some really good people backing me. were in the program like i'm really getting into you know a and stuff and and i'm working at this time like somebody was willing to hire me and um so i had like a lot of letters to send to the judge and which was really good honestly but i so i met with the probation officer there that was doing my pre-sentencing report and i went over my whole history right like leading up to that point and it was like you have

i went to college i was a good student you know i worked for the criminal justice system, like I had all these positive things that were going for me, which made it a lot easier on me when it came down to, like, giving me the length of sentence. So I remember my attorney was talking about seven years, and that was before the pre-sentencing interview happened. And I was just like, there's no way. You know, I couldn't conceptualize doing seven years, you know? And in my head, I'm like, okay. and maybe three, I could maybe do three years, they're like seven. What?

And just not understanding how lucky I am to even hear like seven years is on the table, right? And then we get the PSI back and the probation department was recommending 33 months in prison. And she's like, this is really good. Like normally at the judge will, you know, they'll side with what. probation wants and like okay but still like holy sh you know I've never been in trouble in my whole life like to go to jail or to do any kind of time and yeah it was a carload full of meth they they kind of frown on that they kind of do man they kind of do it's weird it's really weird of but yeah 33 months and then so February 20th was my sentencing date so like I was you know I was

doing a lot of stuff my kids took him on a little trip prior to like going into prison um I met some guy right and I told him my whole story like I was very honest and this is kind of like I was I was getting what I needed to get in prior to going to prison right then I had this guy and he was like let's get married and this is three months in right i'm like sure you know you're a good guy like my my mom needs support you know my kids need support they don't have their dad around like okay and so going into prison knowing like i might marry somebody right and february 20th rolls around and i have my sentencing and um i mean in the back of my head i was just like maybe they'll give me probation delusional. I'm still in this mindset. Like, no, I'm a good person at heart. Like, I really

am a good person at heart. I just need some really poor choices. Good people go to jail sometimes. Yeah, I needed to. So I remember the prosecution said their piece, you know, he wasn't very happy with me. My attorney said her piece and she was actually crying. Like, the courtroom was full. It was really, it was a good moment because I knew my mom was going to be there, right? And that day wasn't about me. Like, that day was about finding people who could support my mom through watching her daughter get sentenced to prison. It stopped being about me for, like, a moment that I got arrested and it became about my family.

And so I wanted to make sure she had enough support around her because I knew she would take that the hardest. And my dad didn't end up showing up. which is okay. I understand. And my sister wasn't there who was my mom's. I had a lot of my really close friends there to help support her through that moment. And, you know, my attorney spoke and she started to cry. And then I spoke from the heart, right, and have anything scripted. And I just cried a little bit, but not really, you know. I was strong in my convictions and knowing like this is happening. And I made really messed up choices. And I'm ready for my consequence. And the judge spoke and the judge gave me 30 months. So she went lower than the recommended

time. And then, you know, of course, like my mom is like screaming in the background in the courtroom. And that's, I think, the moment that I really cried. It's just like, wow. Okay. So like the Marshall, you know, took me. He's like, I'm not going to handcuff you out here, brought me back and handcuffed me back there. And he, like he said, I need you to look at me. he's like i've never seen anybody that's been in your position get that little time he's like you need to find gratitude in like this whole situation and even the judge when she saw me that day she like after sentencing me she's like listen Megan i'm going to be following you like i'm going to watch you and see what happens and like i never let go with that like i'm so glad she said that

because I was just like, I want to prove to you that, like, I can become something. I can become something because of this really crappy situation, and I will. And, you know, I went to, I ended up going back to CCA for a little bit. And then I went to a women's camp here in Arizona. So the. Did you go to Arnaut? I did. So the camp that I went to was actually the camp that.

that I did a tour on when I was in college. Oh, wow. So that was a really interesting moment going there. But like the camp, I mean, you know, my attorney's like, Megan, you're going to prison. I'm like, okay. And she said, but you're going to go to a prison where like, you don't really need to be in prison, but like you kind of have to because you did something really messed up. And I'm like, all right.

She's like, you'll be going to a prison camp, most likely, right? Most likely in Arizona, as long as there's beds available. which there were and i got really lucky because like where i went to prison was like in my backyard almost you know where i grew up right like 20 minutes for my mom's house 20 minutes for my dad's house in my backyard yeah i'm saying it's easy for people to visit it's nice to be close yeah it's hard driving by it though you know i'll say that like definitely is triggering when I when I have to go up north and it's like oh that's where I was but uh so yeah I got to prison and then my attorney obviously recommended that I do our job the judge agreed and when

I got in it was very interesting because as soon as I landed because of my sentence it was low enough I had the lower sentence of all the women who needed to get into the program so it was two days in and I was an art app right there right immediately so I didn't make friends right away they were not happy with me you know and like I just remember getting there and my my bunky at the time Barb Smith you know she's like the 70 year old woman who's in there for Medicaid fraud you know owes like six million dollars to the federal government like she's has dementia right you know there's no way they're going to their money from this woman but i remember her as my bunkey and i'm just like this this poor woman like

she had experienced some pretty you know heinous things with other prisons prior to going to that one because she had a pretty significant sentence but i'm just like counting my blessings you know i'm talking to other women in there and i made the mistake of like explaining my story and like what i did and how much time i got and i explained it to this one woman and she's just like I had less than an ounce on me, and I got 10 years in prison. What the? And I'm like, okay, I'm not sharing my story anymore. Like, no one's going to know that I had this much and got this little amount of time. They're like, who did you snitch on? Like, how could you get such little time? And like, that's how the guidelines are set up. I don't know.

Yeah, you drove a car across the border. I know, I mean, I actually, my wife has a friend that same thing. same exact thing drove it car full it was a car full of meth drove it across the border got popped she got i don't know my wife's not here but i think she got three or four years her same thing but same thing when she first got caught it was massive but when they really look into it and they start to realize no this person was just a mule they don't know anything they don't know they're not a part of the system. They're not a part of the conspiracy as much as they're just a transport. That's like

arresting the, and especially in your case, at least in her case, she was conscious that there were drugs in the vehicle. In your case, you'd been duped. Not that you wouldn't have driven it across. Right. But you didn't. You didn't know.

Right. I guess that's where the silver lining for me is and all this stuff where I don't harbor resentments towards them because like if asked you know i probably would have regardless so what did you think of ardap ardap so i graduated ardap um it was interesting i don't know if it's the same everywhere you go but it's like you know a community-based therapy right so there's 70 women who live in the same unit as you and like you have to tell on each other yeah you know you have to if you don't

then like you get pulled up or you get sent into the doctor's office and she just holding them accountable you're just holding people accountable you're just you're just I took it twice oh never never passed it no I was good I was I'm good though at like manipulating and like Oh, it will make you, it will make you good at manipulating. If you're not, if you're not going in, you are great at it coming out. Like, I really felt like I learned a lot in that program. Not manipulating, because I was already super manipulative. Just, I think, I think it really helps you figure out how to categorize people.

You know, the problem with you and me and, And my wife and most of the people I know that went in the program, you know, it was never difficult because the bulk of the people going in that program, like I used to say, look, you know, they're just trying to get these guys to eat with silverware and say, please and thank you. So the first, so it was hard for them at the first couple phases. it was that third phase where they come for the people that are already civilized. You know, that was like that third phase is horrible. And I dropped out of the third phase both times. Oh, really? Well, because by the time I was real quick, because I don't want to make it about me,

although I almost always do. I was really only went in the program because by the time I had gotten my sentence reduced twice so by the time my second my second reduction hit I was so close to the door going to the program I didn't get the year off like I was going to get a couple months off and it was really just cutting into my halfway house so I only really went in the program to keep myself at the prison because I was just like you you were 20 minutes away I was one hour away from from where my mom lived. And I didn't want to get moved.

So I went in the program to keep myself there. And then as soon as they put like a management variable on me, I dropped out. But it took months. So it was like six months. So the second time, then they told me it was going to be on for a year. And I figured I'll be in a halfway house by then. Three months later, they took it off me. So I immediately, they were like, yeah, we're shipping you to a camp.

And I said, no, no, no, no. listen I got a problem I made a mistake dropping out I have a major problem I can't be released like this I can't stop thinking about you know drugs and crime and I got to go back to the program so I went back in and convinced them that I'd made a mistake to let me back in they let me back in nine months I was no I was in there about eight months just before like when I dropped out the second time they were like what are you doing what you know what are you doing like you're about to graduate. I was like, ah, listen. I said, it's better I drop out now. I said, we both know, and I used to keep in mind, I used to fuck with the doctor, all of them so much, because

I didn't need the year. And I remember I said, listen, we both know I'm coming back. I'm going to need that year the next time. And they go, let's be honest. Let's just be honest. So anyway, I dropped back out. And honestly, within about two months, I was in a halfway house. Okay. Like, it didn't change anything for me. But I actually liked being in the program because everybody was very nice. You know, they have to be nice.

All the inmates are on their best behavior. See, my experience was just so much different. It was with women. So, like, very different. Like, I mean, they give you the prison rules, right? Like, a handbook for prison. and then give you a handbook for ARDAF, and you literally have to abide and uphold these rules. If you watch anybody who is not doing it, then, like, you need to pull them up.

And if you don't, then you get pulled up yourself, right? It's this whole system of accountability, which I get. And it was the community model, which was okay. But my thing, and I told the doctor, I was like, listen, I get it. This is a community-based model, but you're wanting me, like, your community-based model is different inside prison. because I'm not on the outside. This is where I sleep. This is where I stay.

I'm around these women all day, every day. And I don't want to be. And I don't like most of them. And a lot of them don't like me. So like, I'm not opening up like you want me to. It just won't happen. You know, and the punishment for that obviously is, well, then you can't be in this program. So, like, I opened up to a certain point.

But, like, I never gave them what they. wanted i would not do it you know like i had not i did not have the best relationships with a lot of these women in there and i watched as like they were just conniving they were it was like high school on steroids almost right like these women had a lot of time on their hands or they had already had a lot of time on their hands and now this is like the very end and it's like who can i fuck over to take away their time off, you know? And so it was really challenging for me in that program where, like I'm, like you said, I'm a civilized human being, you know, and some of us were, some of us weren't. Like, it was just like that. So my thing was like, I don't want to become

friends with any of you. Like I want to be as far removed from where I'm at as possible. So like, I'm putting my, my headphones in and I'm walking around listening to me. music or like I'm sticking with an individual person, you know, I don't need the support from these groups to get me through. And they hated that. They fucking hated that. And they like targeted me. I was going to say, you weren't being present in the program. You were, you had entitlement issues. Oh, I did. Oh, I did. That was, oh, my, I got pulled up so much for that. in manipulation and this and this like i'm not better than you guys i just don't want to be a part of anything you have to offer and if that offends you that's a you problem well let's my wife will say

my wife will use those terms every once while she'll say she'll she'll do the whole oh you're suffering from super optimism or you're suffering from and i because she went through it too and i would just you know i'm like don't don't don't do that she's like oh you know you've got entitlement issue you know It's so funny. Oh, my God. I will say what I learned, you know, I learned how to give feedback and receive feedback. And that is like one of my superhuman powers now. And it is, you know, it's benefited my life on the outside greatly, especially for the thing, like the job that I have today.

It is greatly benefited me and just building myself worth to, you know, I could finally listen to somebody, break me down. and then tell me how I can fix it, which was really cool. But then there were moments where, like, you know, the DTSs, right? They, they, I remember Mr. Brousan, he would come in and his thing was to be like, yeah, you're just a shitty mom. You're a real bad mom, you know? And that was like, and that's it. Like, this is why you're a bad mom.

There was never any, like, let's build you up to show you why you can be a really good mom. or like what made you a good mom or what are good qualities that you have that you can take into becoming a good mom it was really about he's a shitty dts i'm not he's just oh he's awful i remember so like i couldn't talk about my crime when i was in prison because i couldn't talk about it without talking about my kids involvement and for me that was the epitome of being the worst mom in the world and i remember i would do surface level papers right and talk about them and I remember one day they were like hey you haven't done one yet you need to do this in this group of 70 women and talk about your paper like okay and it was like core beliefs right

and somehow like I had talked to a few women there about my crime and that I was really shameful that my children were involved in it and during that group one of them just like raises her hand up right and I knew what she was going to say because I had like confided in her you know I was very shameful of this this wasn't something I wanted to talk about and then you know she was like well weren't your kids with you when you you know when you got arrested and I just remember I blacked out and I started going at her not like physically but like verbally I was verbally going at her and then the you know DTS at the time was like whoa whoa calm down this and this and I just remember from that moment and on, I was just like, fuck you, fuck this program. I'm not giving you what you want. That was, that was, that set me back so much in my recovery there. And, you know, it was, it was never really addressed, but it was just weird, you know, like the DTSs, she went through my emails, right? And she, like, would be reading them as I'm doing a paper, like, talking about, like traumas and stuff and then she was like oh why don't we talk about some of the stuff you and

this man are talking about right like bringing it up in the group like they were really there was no um yeah very intrusive listen i remember there was a guy on the phone you know they're listening to your phone calls the guy who was ready to get released and had been you know um you know carrying on a relationship with a woman or two women and one of the women had sent him money and i mean a lot of money we're at two three thousand dollars so he could walk out of prison with two or three grand and they said you're manipulating both of these women you need to return the money and you tell both of them about the other woman or you could just spend another year in prison I think this guy was like

yeah he had to so he had to call them both up and explain the situation to both them they both lost it had to send the money back the whole thing I mean you know it was it was but here's the thing they

they you know the those the DTSs and the doctors like the doctor that ran the program in Coleman or her name was Dr. Smith like listen not always but almost always

like she could just cut right through see right through you I mean she for me for she could see right through me she could cut straight I mean she just

listen I don't think I ever walked into her office without coming out in tears every single time horrible horrible and manipulative like she had some she definitely had some some untitlement issues.

But yeah, it was, I really, you know, I'm glad I went to that program, you know, I like, thank God I didn't need to pass. Yeah. You know, if I needed a pass, I think I would have had a drastically different experience. I would have been, you know, because everybody else was just scared all the time. They're always scared. They're always on edge. It was just, it was agony for most people.

but luckily, I didn't need to be there. I didn't need the year. And I thought worst case scenario is I get recycled. I'm okay with that. And it was because of that cavalier attitude, I really sailed right through it. And I did virtually nothing. Like my assignments, I almost did no assignments.

You're supposed to take all these classes to teach you how to do things. I would actually took my sheet and just signed the name. over and the guy's name who's supposed to sign you in or i never signed in i would sign in maybe once and never sign in again and just acted like i went i mean i just blew and it just nothing seemed to be catching out with me would catch up with other guys oh i see that you skip uh you didn't go last week and i'm thinking i've never gone how are they getting him i've never gone my books they never checked my books even though they would check everybody else's books they would just never check mine because i think the first couple phases they felt they felt like cox's got this down he's

gonna sail through we'll get him on the third phase but i kept dropping out of the third phase because right they could never they can ever pull you in the office and give you the the verbal lashing that they love to give yeah i saw guys that were just they just tear them apart oh yeah they destroyed us in there. It wasn't about building up. It's literally just like, this is why you are a messed up individual. What are you going to do about it? And I love them for their harsh reality because it made me fire up even more of like, you treat me like I'm not even a human. I have made bad choices. But like, I'm going to show you why when I get out, I'm going to make so much more money than you do so many more things than you thought I could ever fucking do and I did that I got

out and I did that you know what I mean so I'm grateful for the motivation they gave me but also under different circumstances with the different human that could break them and really destroy them you know if they don't have the resources if they don't have just the ability to reach within and over like triumph over things like that like that could really break somebody. It's it's a good program and I'm grateful for it because it taught me about like my thinking patterns. It taught me that I am manipulative, but like I figured out like, oh, I can use this for good though. You know what I mean? Like they tell you all these like really bad things about yourself and I kept just being like, I'm never going to get rid of this. Like I'm never not going to

be manipulative ever in my life. It's not something I want to get rid of because I like that part of me. I just need to use it for good. And so I took all those things and just made it into something I can use to benefit me and to benefit other people in my life and to then teach and help others, you know? Well, I also think it's good that if you know those things about you, you can stop some, there are times when you can stop yourself and say, wow, am I being selfish right now? Like, is that a selfish thing for me to have said? Or, you know, wow, you know what, I'm going to stop here because that's super narcissistic and that's a real problem for me or I'm being overly arrogant or I'm not being kind to this person. So if you know those things about

you, I'm not saying you can fix them all the time, but you can at least address them and sometimes stop yourself and say, wow, you know what? Where I definitely was not prior to prison, that wasn't even a consideration. It wouldn't have even considered asking you. about yourself. The entire time I was talking to another person and listening to them, I was only waiting for an opportunity to talk about myself. I don't know what you just said. Like that's literally, I could talk to, I had talked, there were times on the street. I would talk to somebody for 30 minutes and walk away. And I didn't know anything about that person. I wouldn't even paying attention to what they were saying. I couldn't recall half of what they

were saying about. I was really just waiting for an opportunity and interject something about myself in that conversation, you know, which is still an issue. But at least now I know it. Or I could try and work on it. But I think, I mean, so I mean, obviously you got, you got stuff out of the program. You may not have been happy, but with being there, but you clearly did. I got some, I got some really good things on it. Huh? And you got a year off. Well, I got six months off. Oh. So I wasn't, but I wasn't there long enough, right? Like, I literally had just gotten into the program. And then I did a year of R-DAP because I still owed time. So I did a year-long program in R-Dap and then I got out with six months halfway house, which ended up turning

into seven months halfway house. Well, seven months of home confinement. Well, you got seven months and six months. I mean, you got something. That's a. Oh, yeah. No, I got, that was the whole point. Like, that was the goal, you know. That was the reason behind. why I did what I did and go into that and like it was a very beneficial thing but also it was like a selfish motive you know like if I finish this program inside and outside of prison like I can be with my family sooner you know I can be with the kids sooner I can start reaching these goals that I finally have in my life a lot sooner you know but I mean I mean it's still in prison like I made poor choices Like, I had a girlfriend the majority of the time I was locked up.

So that's, like, not RDAB appropriate. So I was able to keep that relationship on a, I was able to keep it out of the treatment programs, knowledge for quite some time. On the down low. On the down low. Which is not easy. It's not easy. The third, my third, you know, part in being in that program, that's where things were, like, really tough for me.

The first two, you know, two portions of it were pretty easy. And then the third is, like, where they're like, who's this person? Because she was in R-Dap, too. They were in R-Dap together. And we, like, right across the hallway from each other. And they had no idea until, like, all these women who really didn't like me, you know, called me out. But it was just like, you can't really do anything.

Like, you're not catching me doing anything. and me having somebody around a lot is not breaking any rules. So, like, you can't really tell me what to do. That was my thing. It was just kind of my, you know, fuck you to the system of like, yeah, I'm here, but like I'm going to do it on my own terms. I'm going to graduate and I'm going to, I'm going to do it in a way where you're going to look at me on the internet one day, right?

And be like, oh, my God. Like, I know her. I was an asshole to her, but I know her. Right. You know? but um but like i i went into prison and obviously had this relationship prior to going in right and he i went in and he had the understanding like listen i i swing both ways man and i'm going to be in here you know possibly 30 months but probably less like something's going to happen you know and he was

pretty aware of that and i got really close with this girl when i was locked up and i like connected my fiance right guy I was dating at the time I connected him with my best friend on the outs because like she I didn't want her to be lonely right like she was really messed up from me leaving we were really close and I wanted her to be able to have somebody because like she was a recovering addict as well and I didn't want her to relapse well I'm going to find out like they ended up hooking up and you know like they were using together and this whole situation was happening and it was really weird like he would bring her to come visit me and i distinctly remember one time like they came up to the prison the two of them right and she was like weird and so was he and he was like

hey i think i might just go outside to like let you two talk and i'm like what do you mean and she's like no no like why don't i leave and i'm like what's going on and uh i was like i wanted to see both of you like what are you talking about so i'm pretty sure like that was the day they were going to let me know like this is what's going on or they had a guilty conscious or something but um they were both super weird at that point and weren't really picking up my phone calls so i just i figured something was going on and i blocked both of them like i just stopped talking to them i blocked them from communicating with me over um you know email and stuff and then when i got out come to find out like they were together and they had like just

gotten married when I got out of prison. Wow. So I remember, like, I remember watching Orange's the New Black going in, you know, like trying to figure out what is the prison all about. And it's, I mean, there are some, you know, there's some truth behind it, but I didn't realize it was going to be so fucking spot on with how my life was going to be when I got out. They're just funny, the similarities between that show and, like, what went on.

like falling in love in prison you know right did not think that was going to happen and um i did i did meet some really really amazing women in there who just like just like me you know had a really bad drug problem and needed the money to get what they needed to get but also like some little fucked up too inside their head you know so there are a few women that um like two like the girl I was with in prison and then one more person that I stay connected with that are doing well in life you know like they took the things that we learn in the program and they applied it to their everyday life and they are doing well and that program does do well for people and I'm so happy that it does exist not just for the time off but like for the

really cool things that you get to learn you know so it's it's definitely beneficial but it was hard. So when I got out of prison, you know, I'm single at this time. I'm in the halfway house, and the halfway house situation was really weird because I got out right when COVID hit. Like, I remember hearing about COVID when I was locked up. And then I got out and like a few days later, they're like, we're going on lockdown. So for the last year, I'm told you go to the halfway house, you work, you only sleep at the halfway house. That's all you do there. Like you work, you sleep that's it like don't make friends with anybody you know what I mean they're like prepping us and it was just like you didn't go anywhere the first month and a half like you were stuck at the halfway house and it was

men and women and it was from like all different levels you know it wasn't like all the minimum security women are here and minimum security men are here any in all levels except sex offenders are down the road so it was it was uncomfortable you know like we're housed with men and women and I I just stayed in my room until I could work. I was like, I'm not, you know, I don't, I just, I don't understand you and I don't, I'm not where you're at, you know, and I'm not going down to a level where you're at. And like, if I don't need to be where you're at, you know. So I'm just going to stick with myself until I find people I want to be around who like

have the same drive motivation that I do that aren't looking at this situation as like, a party or I don't know like I just I looked at this as a learning opportunity and a lesson building and a character building opportunity and that was it and I was never fucking doing this again um so when I was able to work I started like working in treatment you know because I'm like a recovering addict and I always wanted to work in treatment and um an opportunity presented itself so I was on home confinement right like I'm still technically an inmate but they hired me on and it was like so thankful and blessed for that you know like I had an opportunity to work instantly and like make decent money um I started to you know do overnights

as a behavioral health tech at that particular facility and I stayed three months in the halfway house and then went to home confinement with my mom and in total I was on home confinement for seven months, which was a lot. I mean, they have a lot of rules and regulations, but it was all right. You know, it wasn't too bad. Continue to, like, work in the industry I'm in, and I just got a raise and, like, better, like promotions, right? Like, I went to a different company, got promoted, like, went somewhere else, got promoted again. It was doing admissions and case management. I ended up getting off of probation a year and a half early. Like, I did everything I was supposed to do to the T, you know, like, I'm still afraid to speed today. Like, I don't,

I don't even want to, like, jaywalk. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of instilled a fear in me of doing something wrong and being triggered that, like, I'm a shameful person kind of thing. But I started, I started working as, like, business development for a treatment center. So my job was to go around and, you know, kind of vet other programs, other treatment centers, other mental health programs, and, like, get referrals in, send referrals out, like, try to help people get into treatment. And it was beautiful. I loved it. I loved every minute of it. I loved the one-on-one hands-on with these people. Like, early on, my job was, like, direct patient care. And that was a perfect position for me because I am prime and ready. Like, I just did R-Dap. You're not getting

anything by me. You know? And I got to help a lot of people. Like, I got to help a lot of people just like me and share my experience, strength, and hope. And let them know, like, hey, I did travel that road. If you want to do something different, that's great. I have some great tools. But if not, like, you know what's out there, you know? And I was able to make, like, a name for myself in this industry, like a good name, you know. It's one where they're like, oh, make it. race. Yeah, I know her. I love her, right? Like, oh, she's really good at what she does. And it's like a male dominated industry. You know, I thrive in places where people tell me it can't do something. I'm like,

great. I'm so glad you did that because I'm going to show you why I can. And, you know, I get to make pretty decent money doing what I do. I get to travel doing what I do. I get to meet tons of people that have lots of letters behind their names and, you know, I've been to school. for years and years and years and years and I'm respected by them and this is such a different it's just such a transition from where I was almost five years ago you know I'm coming up with my five years sober and the five years to the day that I was arrested in July and it just it it kind of amazes me because I spent 14 months total locked up right and that's with like detention and prison and all that like 14 months on a 30 month sentence with then seven months home confinement and from the time

I was arrested in 2018 in July to now like I'm kind of shocked you know I'm shocked at the things I was able to make happen where people find excuses I find reasons to push harder you know and I love having motivated people around me that are just like that I love people who have stories and pasts and they have a history with being knocked down and getting back up like those are the most those are the people I want to work with that's the person I want to work side by side with you know like the owner of the company I worked for had spent a good portion of his life in prison and that was like oh my god you know and he's just a smart genuine like good-hearted good morals and value kind of person it was just like you're my new mentor you know

know like you did this really fucked up kind of crazy stuff and early on and and now you're like doing something with it they're making a difference you're helping people like you're helping moms and dads get their daughters back and their sons back and that's so important to me and I don't I wouldn't have been able to get to this point and make an impact like I do without like you said without getting arrested that day right you know if I wasn't arrested I probably wouldn't have made it. I was shooting up a couple grams of heroin a day with a bad meth habit, you know? Like if I didn't kill myself, like I probably would have put my kids in harm's way and harm

them and so, you know what I mean? Like, like, God intervened in that moment and was like, you're going to have to go through all this pain, Megan, but like the fruits of your labor are going to pay off. It's just going to take time, you know? You're just going to have to suck it up and be okay with feeling uncomfortable for a while. but no like your kids love you your mom your parents love you like i've been able to help my stepdad get sober because of like the journey i took you know like he reached out one day and was like i need help i can't do this anymore like my sister reached out to me for help i've been able

to show my family like you can rely on me you know that's right there like i never thought that was from the past that I had and the crap that I did to like have my family loved me that much to trust me like that I appreciate you you know being interviewed you know coming on the show I guess even though you're not really on the show you're sitting in your office but I I do appreciate you you know spending this time and and going through everything and going through the story if you know is there anything else you want to anything else you could think of i think that i think that's my life it's really no it's more explain it's less like bad it sounds you know but that's it's it's good yeah it's good there you know there were no car chases you know there was no shootouts there There's no, you know, not as exciting as, you know, some of the guys, but, you know, it's good. It's good.

I'm, yeah, no, it definitely is definitely a situation that you definitely got through and it was, it's definitely an inspiring story. And I'm, you know, I'm glad things worked out, and I'm sure they're going to continue to work out. Hey, I appreciate you guys watching. Do me a favor. Subscribe, hit the bell. Leave me a comment and check the description for Megan's LinkedIn. I hope you guys like the podcast and I really appreciate it. See you.