Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Andy Richter: Work for Peace

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Andy Richter (Conan, Madagascar, Three Questions with Andy Richter podcast) opens up about his childhood, mental health struggles, and his almost 30-year tenure as a late night tv sidekick. He details his experience with depression and lack of self-assuredness at an early age, and explains what lured him to performing. Andy describes the lack of agency and confusion he felt for being okay with his role as a sidekick, learning to be by himself and navigate the dating world after divorce, and what might be next for his professional career. Mayim and Andy consider the benefits of therapy and medication, the importance of mental healthcare for low income individuals, and the psychological benefits of having a dog. Mayim discusses ways to manage mental health while grieving in another installment of Ask Mayim Anything. Andy Richter's Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-three-questions-with-andy-richter/id1468533126 BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know, you look back on your life and you're like, oh, patterns, so many patterns. You know, I didn't think about, oh, classic, codependent wanted to sit next to high-strung talk show host. And it's like, here I am. It's Myambialik's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you because, you know, she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down. Hi, I'm My Ambialik, and welcome to my breakdown. this is the place where we break down the things that make us break down.

Today we're going to be breaking down, ooh, so many interesting things. A little bit on codependency, a little bit on being a sidekick, a little bit on depression. We're going to be talking to Andy Richter. You may know him for his 28-year run on Conan O'Brien. Very, very exciting. But before we get to Andy Richter, I'd like to introduce you to the eighth-grade boy in the room, Jonathan Cohen. who has decided to wear a patterned t-shirt with a dress shirt over it open, which the last time I've seen that be acceptable was in eighth grade.

Look, I got dressed very quickly. You didn't say hello. Oh, hello, everyone. Also... You got dressed quickly? I mean, I had to change. You were wearing blue. I didn't know what was happening.

Yeah, and the thing you had to change into was blue. Not a t-shirt with blue over it. Now your fans are going to get mad that I'm picking on you. People don't like to hear Mom and Dad fighting. Then they're listening to the wrong show. You could have also introduced me as everyone's favorite sidekick. No, I don't like that word. I don't like that word for Andy Richter and I don't like it for you.

I don't think you're my sidekick. What am I? You're my partner. You say co-pilot. You're my co-pilot. You used to say co-pilot. This picture, when you were innocent. to what we are embarking on.

You used to say co-pilot quite a bit. Yeah, you're my co-pilot. All right. I don't have any of the controls at my desk. Well, it's kind of like the movie airplane. I just get the dummy seat. Yeah, it's the dummy seat. I'm also regretting wearing a ponytail.

I say that every time I wear a ponytail. Didn't impact your interviewing skills at all. This one's a great one. My forehead didn't used to be that tall. Andy will make it all better. Why don't you tell us more about them? Well, Andy Richter rose to name in 1993 on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, a show that I've been on several times. I don't know if

Andy has been on every single time, like with me. Sometimes he does other things and isn't always sitting there, but maybe I just don't remember. And he reprised that role on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, which premiered in 2009. In addition to many primetime guest starring roles, he starred in the Emmy nominated series Andy Richter controls the universe for Fox and Andy Barker P.I. for NBC. He's also been in a bunch of interesting features, including Talladega Nights. Just like, I'm a big, I'm a big fan of that. Also, Elf. He is the voice of Mort in DreamWorks's Madagascar films,

as well as the Nickelodeon series, Penguins of Madagascar, and all hail king Julian, really a delightful person who I've known for a very long time, and it's really a pleasure to speak to Andy Richter. Break it down. Hello, Andy Richter. Hi. I'm, I am. How are you?

Well, you just said, you just said, I'm going to formally introduce you. And then you went, hello, Andy Richter. That was it. That was the formal introduction. Pretty formal. I just, I wanted to sound a little more peppy than I was. It worked. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for being here and for talking about this. I did your podcast. You did. Ages ago. Ages ago. I believe it was one of the first podcasts that I, ever did. Oh, really? Because I remember that I barely knew what a podcast was. And now, look at you. Look at me now. We did it on the Conan stage. Isn't that right? That's correct. They took,

and it's really extra tragic because when we downsize from an hour to a half hour, they were like obvious, but it's like, it wasn't just for fun. There were some budget cuts. And one of the things we had to lose was the band, the live band. So that the band's dressing room became our podcast studio. Poor band, you know. It was a very nice studio. It's very, it's, well, yeah, you're right, it doesn't exist anymore. I don't know if it's in there anymore because they tore down that whole set, but, but yeah, we had a, we had a very nice studio. And that was where I was on, I think it was March 13th, was the last time I was ever in there. And then I think it got demolished.

Do you always remember dates of things that happened? No, because of COVID. Because COVID, that was like, I interviewed Dion Cole in that studio in like kind of midday. And that was the day that I can't, you know, that day when you're kind of like, well, I guess I am going to have to now not go anywhere. I guess I guess that this is like serious enough that like I really do have to hunker down and stay home. And so that was, you know, that was my last big place to be out. I'm now, now, now I'm all over town. No, that's a really good kind of segue into why and how we started this podcast was we

couldn't go anywhere. Yeah. And I realized that every mental health challenge I had ever had was all of a sudden going to get really, really magnified. Yeah. Because I lost all of my distractions. I lost all my numbing. I lost all my losing myself in the aisles of stores.

I lost restaurants. I lost. I'm so busy. I just don't even have time for this. It's like all of a sudden, oh, it was just me and this impending doom, which in many cases, you know, was real, meaning the uncertainty that many of us had at the beginning of, you know, of the quarantine and COVID. You've been very open and you've talked a lot about some of your experiences.

But maybe you can give us like a little bit of a. kind of a thumbnail sketch into, you know, who little Andy was. And I'm always curious to ask people, you know, looking back, did you know, the things about you, the things that you know about you now and the challenges you have, let's say. When were they first evident? What was little Andy like? Oh, gosh, that's a really gigantic question. And I love it. I'm tying a big, a big bib around my neck and getting knife and fork out to dice it up. I think a very form. thing on me as a kid was that a lot of adults in my family sort of took me on as like friend and confidant when I was young, like in, you know, 12, 13, 14. And it's one of those things that you

look back on and think, oh, my gosh, as a parent, you think, oh, wow, that's totally inappropriate and wrong and damaging and geez i know you're you know you want to the people that you love you want to think oh they're doing the best with what they got and you know they're well-meaning and stuff but you want to believe that but there's also like the parent that you are going like oh that's a that was terrible like you should not have done that like you should not have like like hey hey young young growing mind take a look into this middle-aged abyss you know Fun, huh? Yeah, it is. It's great. Thanks. Looking forward to getting older. That kind of set ahead of life of not really being like a super people pleaser, but certainly

not having a lot of self-assuredness about what I should be doing and where I should be going. I kind of like, you know, I like kind of get into the, into other people's, what do you call that? They're, you know, when they break the wind, not break the wind. Wow. Well, no, no, but like when you're drafting, I draft in behind other people, you know, like in bicycle riding. That's what I, that's, you know, drafting. You know, I like to get in behind other people that are going somewhere. And that's like, I don't know, it's all, after all this time, I found it

kind of a bummer. So I'm trying to, I'm trying to be a little bit more self-actualized. And that's me in a nutshell. All right. Well, this has been great. Have a great say. That and during COVID, I apparently did nothing but drink gravy because I came out the other side of it. Not in the best shape. Sorry, that's funny. So, okay, so going back to young Andy, you're willing. One of four kids, correct? Yes.

And you're from the Midwest, right, Michigan? I am from Illinois. Illinois. I was born in Michigan. That's what I thought. Yeah, but mostly Illinois. Illinois. Not Chicago.

I mean, like... No. Because, like, most people think, like, I don't even know where Illinois is, but I think Chicago's there, but you're not talking about Chicago. I am not talking about Chicago. I am not talking about, like, if it was Los Angeles, I'm talking about, oh, Baker's Field. Okay. No.

It's a... It's, yeah, it's close enough that you could drive, but it's, you know, it's kind of far away. Tell us a little bit, like you kind of have an interesting parent story. What do you like to share about your parents? Oh, I, you know, I'll share. Well, I think what you're talking about is that my dad came out when I was four, and I had a seven-year-old brother. And he came out to my mom, and they split up. and that's what, you know, predicated me being a child of divorce.

And it was, it wasn't that, it's not like a big deal. It really. Well, so like, I'm not saying it should be a big deal. I mean, I mean, now it's not a big deal. Of course not. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. But back then, I mean, I don't mean to age you, but not a lot of people were talking about

coming out. I do have friends a little younger than you whose dad came out. And yeah, they've just like had a dad who's married to. a guy for a million years, you know, but back then it was still like, kind of like, what? I think I was maybe seven or eight years old. And the main thing about it, and, you know, he took me and we, we, my, my dad's from Springfield, Illinois. And that's where all his side of the family is. And that's about two and a half hours south of where we lived, which is west of Chicago. And we would, that was where, you know, we'd go down there for different holidays and

vacations in the summer and stuff or, you know, to visit relatives. He and my mom went to high school together. And so it was my mom's kind of high school hometown. And he told me and my brother, he just put us in the car one day and said we were going to the mall. Like kind of, in retrospect, performatively announced, come on, we're going to the mall so that my grandparents would hear that. And then he drove us to just like this a parking lot in the local park and then, you know, told us about, told us that he was gay. And he lumped it in with the birds and the bees story. Oh, my. Yeah.

Yeah. Which, I mean, we already, you know, understood the basics of the birds and the bees. But, you know, he also, he said things like, he said things like the penis, which is also sometimes called a dick or a cock. you know, like he was, he had to throw in some hip street lingo for us. And then he said, you know, and some people are attracted to the same sex. And that's what I am. I'm gay. And we went, oh, okay.

And I don't really feel like it threw me for a loop. I don't know whether I was younger, young enough that it just kind of like, I just didn't have enough knowledge to push back on anything. I just would be like, oh, okay. but I do remember when he got done with the talk, I said like, well, wait, aren't we going to the mall? And he was saying, no, we're not going to the mall. I just said that. Oh, I wanted to at least to be the mall at the end of this boring talk.

But I think it might have had more of an effect on my brother. He might have, you know, maybe overcompensated as just, you know, was it a super horn dog? super hetero horn dog. You don't have to use hip terms with me. You don't have to bring out the cool lingo. But it never really bothered me that much. I mean, I knew enough not to spout it.

But I mean, I told my friends when I was probably in junior high school, you know, and it wasn't a huge deal. I mean, it was probably a bigger deal that your parents were divorced at that time. Well, yeah. I mean, like I say, it's not something I would say. it's not something I would say like, hey, everybody, I have a gay dad, like in my freshman. If I had a gay dad, I would tell everyone. Sounds like a cool thing to tell people.

Yeah, but you live in the valley. That's not Illinois. That's true. Cornfields, you know. No, well, and I, my son is gay. I have a 20-year-old son that's gay. And he came out to us when he was 11 and. Did you take him to the mall?

No, no. I said, thank. Well, thanks for letting me know, you know. And then it's funny because we didn't speak about it ever since then, pretty much. Like he told us when he was 11 and then it was like, all right, normal, like normal building of your sexuality separate from mom and dad. Go over there and do that over there. Right. And he didn't, you know, he and his generation, at least the, and his peers, they just kind of, you know, they were just.

gay and then said, I'm gay and nobody pushed back. And they just, they don't, you know, my ex-wife a few years ago when they were like 17 or something. My son has a boyfriend he's been with for four years. And she said, like, are you guys going to pride? And they went, oh, is that now? And she goes, yeah. And their question was, is there like parking? Like, is there parking? And the other one was my son's boyfriend said, are there food trucks? Like, like they were like, rides. Takes all kinds. That's just, yeah, is there going to be euros, you know? Are they going to have elephant ears? That's what I ask if Miami tries to take me anywhere. Is there parking? Is there parking? Am I getting a kebab?

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Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention myambiolics breakdown to help support the show. Went to college in Illinois, right? You did not leave home, as it were. I did not. I went to University of Illinois in Champaign, Urbana, or Urbana champagne, depending on your breakfast.

I think it only matters to people from Illinois. It certainly does. And then two years to Columbia College in Chicago for film school. Got it. Were you always kind of a performer? Were you, you know, what did you find in performing? Some of us like to hide up there. Some of us loved the applause.

Like what, you know, do you know, when you think back, what was it? I distinctly remember imitating Tim Conway in when he did that like old man that shuffled and barely on Carol Burnett. Yeah. Doing that on the stairs and like doing Pratt falls down the stairs. Like getting up one step. and then falling back just to delay going to bed with my grandmother just being in absolute stitches over it. And I still remember like that moment being like, oh, wow, this is pretty fun.

I haven't really retained that like I need the roar of the crowd. And I don't think I had it even when I started to seriously pursue performing. I just realized it was something that I had a facility for and like making people laugh. And then it just ended up seeming like a fun job. It's just, I can't imagine, I can't imagine a job being more fun. Playing make believe, yeah. Yeah. And so I don't think there wasn't a lot of like me trying to hide as far as acting goes

or performing goes. And also because I ended up because I tried acting in college and I didn't, like I didn't like the training for it because I think mainly because I wanted to be a film actor and they teach you how to be a theater actor and there's just a lot of stuff bullshit yeah uh you know in acting training it's just like yeah you know Charles Groden was a terrible curmudgeon but I remember he in he wrote a few books but the first one he said that he would get booted out of acting classes because he would ask why. Yeah.

Like they'd say, do this and he'd be why. And they would never, he said, I never got a satisfying answer. And I relate to that. Like, why are we doing this right now? Like, is it just, is it just a lesson in submission? Is that it? Yes. Which sometimes I think it is.

You've talked a bit about kind of some of what depression felt like, meaning in your body and sort of what that experience was. Do you remember being depressed as a kid or a teenager? or was it when you got older? I remember as a kid missing my dad. You know, just like aching missing my dad at like four and five years old. And the song, and it's such like overkill, sappy song for what I'm about to tell you about it. But is Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel?

Works every time. I used to play that on, like, like, Like, we didn't have a needle back. Yeah, yeah. You'd have to, yeah, you'd have to move the needle back like five times and listen to that and just sit and run like a slideshirt through my mind of Bloomington, Indiana, which is the town that we had lived in and moved out of after they split up and just cry and feel sad and almost like luxuriate in it at age five, which is, you know, not optimal. as far as childhood psychological development. You shouldn't be take long, luxurating sad baths at that age. But, and then I had, and I had a, I had a tough time with depression, like, throughout my childhood.

And, you know, and when I got to be old enough and actually had health insurance that I could pay for it with, I got on medication. I've been on medication ever since. What were the tools you used kind of before you, I mean, I don't want to say tools, but coping mechanisms. You know, what was like, what helped? Like, were you an eater? Were you a, you know, a workaholic? Like, where did you put it?

Because also, we didn't really call it depression then either. Yeah. Well, I mean, one good thing my mom was very open to therapy and to talking about your feelings. So it was, you know, it had a name even when I was a kid, you know. I mean, there wasn't a lot of coping mechanisms. I think it was just gutting it out for so long. Yeah, when I was a kid, I think I just kind of would feel miserable and, you know, maybe get comfort from my mom about it.

But I can't think of anything where I had like a strategy in place. Well, some people drink. Some people do drugs, you know. Yeah. Well, when I got, I was going to say, when I got older before I could afford medication, I was self-medicating with weed. Not alcohol. Alcohol doesn't, alcohol doesn't do the trick for my depression. Well, and it's a depressant. So. Yeah, yeah. But weed, which is also a depressant, too.

Well, weed seemed to help. But it was, you know, it was a very short-lived thing. And it just became a cycle of, I feel better when I get high to. I feel shitty when I'm not high, you know. It's a very tight loop. So it does not pay off in the long run. It's a very dangerous line. Yes, yes. You started on medication when you were in college.

Just out of college. Okay. And were you also in therapy at the time? There were some gap years there because I went to the counseling center at University of Illinois when I went there. Columbia College didn't really have such. And then I cobbled it together in a couple places with sliding scale, you know, kind of places. But I really, I just, I didn't have the money, you know.

I didn't really start therapy in earnest until after I was on the Conan show and had health care. Right. You already mentioned something about, you know, maybe feeling like you don't necessarily advocate for yourself or that you haven't, you know, advocated for yourself or that you, you know, what was the drafting? No one can figure out that expression. Drafting. It's when someone else, you know, like you get behind a truck and there's less wind resistance like that. So, you know, I mean, I can't help but ask, like especially because you said that, you

had a very long running, very successful and, you know, quite hilarious time, you know, sitting next to conversations, as you said. Yes, yes. And, you know, one of my favorite Andy Richter stories is that, you know, I knew you as an actor on your own and was a, you know, a devoted follower of a play that you did, a long-running play. A play. There's air quotes around that, folks. Well, it was a play. Don't, do not, do not disparage it.

So, before I ask you this question about what it was like sitting next to conversations like that, when I was a teenager, I was on Blossom from the time I was 14 to 19, and there was a group of some of our PAs and writers assistants who were kind of the young, on our staff. And they would sometimes, like, take me out to, like, I mean, very kosher, you know, to things like plays or just like things in L.A. And I was taken to something at the Geffen, right? It was at the Geffen Playhouse, which was in Westwood. Which was then, it was the Westwood Playhouse. Correct. Correct. And it was Jill and Faith Soloway, who've gone on to do wonderful, fantastic things with their career. And what it was was,

every week was roughly a different episode of the Brady Bunch that was recreated verbatim by actors who played the entire family. And it was called The Real Live Brady Bunch. And I was this kind of teenager. I was like going to all the art house movies and I was like seeing every film that was not in English. And I was very like, I was like an L.A. kid who really wanted to be a New York kid.

So for me, this was, it was live theater. It was super fun. There were couches in place of some of the seats. and I went 29 times. There were, well, because there were different episodes. So you would see different episodes of the freaking Brady Bunch. And Andy, not for all the episodes, but Andy was in almost all the episodes that I saw. And so I knew Andy as an actor and like I had tremendous respect for like him and all these people.

Because like they were like real actors to me. I was this sitcom actor. And these people were like slogging it. out and you guys were probably kids. Like I thought you were so much older than me. You weren't like I was maybe whatever, 16, 17. You guys weren't that much older. No, no.

I would say the median age was probably 23. Right. And like in my mind, you guys were like grownups. Yeah. So when I saw that you were on the Conan over, like that you were going to be part of Conan's world, I was more excited because it was Andy Richter. So excited. And my now ex-husband was a huge fan of yours, a huge fan of Conan.

But, like, our main thing was like, look how hilarious Andy is. Like, we were super into Andy. I have to ask, like, you know, knowing all the things, you know, that I know about you and that, you know, hopefully you're willing to share. Like, in our industry, we take the jobs that are available. Like, we don't always get to do the job that we wish we could do. We sometimes take the job that's there. So can you talk a little bit, like, about kind of your experience

because you are hilarious in your own right. you're talented, you're awesome. Like, you weren't Conan, right? And so you had this kind of existence. What was it like? Was it like, oh, that was no big deal. Like, my dad's gay. I can handle anything.

You know, you look back on your life and you're like, oh, patterns. So many patterns. So many obvious, like thuddingly obvious, obvious patterns. And that, I didn't, you know, I didn't think about, oh, classic, you know, co-dependent wanted to sit next to high-strung talk show host. And it's like, here I am. And I mean, but it's kind of like it bothered me for a long time. I felt like, is there something wrong with me that I'm not fighting to be number one?

And then I thought, no, I don't, A, I don't, I've been number one. And it's, I don't get a particular charge at it. You know, like when I've been the quote unquote star, of a show. I like that people listen to me when I have ideas, but the actual sort of me being the star of the show, I could not give less of a shit about. I'd rather there be three people in front of me getting all the attention, because most of the attention is dreary, just boring. It's all like meetings and shit. So I'm, I like being, you know, just off. Just, I heard one time Steve Van Zant, you know, Springsteen's band say that he's headed a band. He said he's happy to be number two. He's like,

no problem. I'm here for all the, all the concerts. I get to have all the fun. I get to do all the travel, but I don't have all the bullshit. And I like, I mean, I should say, I sometimes feel like I don't have enough agency. Like I am like I've made myself like my main skill is like making myself available to situations that are good for me. But I can't like grab them. And I've written things. I've tried to write things and just that whole uphill battle of it, I run out of energy because by the time people are back to me with their notes about the script I've written, I don't even care about anymore. I'm like, okay, that's not going to happen. I'd fuck it, you know, bye. Just put it in the trash bin in my mind. And it's, and it also career wise, it's, I've been kind of off on an island,

you know, that's just kind of, and I didn't, and I've talked to Conan about this. I did, I wanted to be an actor. I want to be a comic actor. I did not want to, not like I ever said, but I mean, it just wasn't among my list of wants to be Andy Richter on TV. And for that to be somehow like how I made my living, I wanted to be fake guys to make my living. So this, and this happened. And when this happened, of course, I said, yes, I want to be a part of this journey. And I was part of a show that means so much to so many people, which is one of the most profoundly rewarding things about the last 30 years, career-wise. It's close to 30 years, yeah.

I can't even imagine that. 28 years since the Conan Show started. Wow. I graduated high school in 93. All right, we get it. You're young. Okay. He's younger. Okay, Andy, just between you and me, what's your advice for managing a high-strung star host? Oh, no, you didn't.

Shmime, this isn't related to you. I'm just curious. Wait, hold on, hold on. It was his words, high-strong. I wasn't mine. No, no, it needs, this needs context, because I was thinking about this the other day. When we started... Am I drafting? Is that what this is? An intervention.

When we started this podcast, when we had this idea, there was only going to be one chair. Okay? And then we start working on it. We start working on ideas and we're like, oh, maybe it be fun. Maybe he could like say something. And he's like, well, will I need a microphone? No, no.

You'll just shout it from the next room. And he's like, well, that's kind of weird. Maybe I should have a desk. Oh, now you want a desk? Here, I'm going to show you the desk I bought him. She's walking away, people. That's cute. For the audio-only audience, she's showing a miniature.

And now we have these two desks and two microphones. Tell them what happened when I wanted a second angle. Second angle. She almost fired me. We have 86. Hold your iPhone up. A second angle. 86.

What are you going to do at the second angle? Lots of dramatic turns? He's not happy with his one camera. He's like, well, you have two. I was like, well, I was... She has three. I do. Well, that one's right for him.

Anyway, so we've actually, we've had our own little experience here with kind of figuring... It's not easy, and I will say that, and it's harder for you than me, because I interrupt and I'm much louder than you. It's true. I'm polite. You're Canadian. It's a thing. But it is something very interesting that we've been figuring out.

There are certain episodes where Jonathan has a lot more to say than I do, especially things in like the tech space and the futuristic thinking. You see that hand motion, that dismissive hand motion we get? Right. The future. Who cares? How do you control the host? That's what I'm looking for.

How do you control? Well, you don't really. I mean, well, no, if you don't know how to control somebody, you can't learn it. I think you're bored knowing that. So it's like if you haven't like figured out which way to nudge to get the ship to move a particular direction, I can't. Show him your signs. Oh, I have. He has some signs that he holds on.

Oh, I have signs. Sadder and sadder and sadder. This is my real, this is my real job is to tell her she's doing okay. The reason that she kept me on set was so that I could give her those reassuring looks that she needs. What are your other signs? He doesn't get to see all. He can be very critical. That's a question I have.

Did you give feedback to Conan? Like after a show were you like, dude, that wasn't so good? Or was it not that kind of relationship? You could tell, I could tell where the lines were. And there are some things that I could say. And also, I probably gave him more notes early on. And, I mean, he acknowledged, like, I just had more stage time than he did. So there was like some stuff that just I would sort of talk him through.

And I always, he always, well, not always. I became the comedy consulari. That was like my main job was to hear, he'd hear a joke and turn to me and go, yes or no. And I'd say no. Oh. Yeah. And that was like, not for everything, but for a lot of stuff.

Yeah. And he listened to me. And if I told him, most of the time, if I said, I don't think this is going to work. He listened to me. And that's largely because I'm almost always right. That's what I say. It helps a lot when your batting average is like 900 or something. But no, and then, and I used to just kind of give him, like I say, just little notes or like say things when he'd freak out after a bad show.

And I'd say, well, too bad we don't get to come back tomorrow and do another one. How'd that go over? He would, no, he would go, oh, right. Yeah, you're right. We do. That one's done. You got to, you know, tough it out. You know, there's nothing you can, the cat's out of the bag and it's running through the streets.

There's nothing to do. And then that's, but as time went on, like, in terms of, like, performance notes, I felt too much like that was an actor giving another actor notes. And if there was something like that, like, if I felt there was something that, like, if I felt there was something that, you know, like something that was happening that I felt was harming the quality or something. It was akin to going and telling the wardrobe guy, his shirt's unbuttoned. You know, I would tell a writer or someone else that was more in a position to sort of give a note to. Well, I think one of the challenges that we've run into,

and I wonder if you could speak to this a little bit, is like, when there's other stuff going on in our lives, it's sometimes hard to like focus here. And I'm not at all comparing our cute little podcast to, you know, the mastery that you created on television for three decades. I mean, yeah, you've actually got more time to feel. Well, and that's the thing. Like, I'm just kind of thinking about, like, there are sometimes when, like, I'm not in a good mood. It's hard for me to engage, but, like, I got to be here anyway. And for me, I'm trained as an actor where you just, like, you have to suck it up and do it.

And, you know, so it's like, it's that dynamic also, though, of when you have two. two people, you know, comedy can work really well when it works well with two people, especially when it's unscripted, you know, and it can also not work well at all. Yeah. Well, do you think that doing this show has been good for your relationship or bad for your relationship? I think it's the only thing keeping us together, Andy. Wow. Tell them again what the Patreon is. People probably want to have a recurring payment for that. If we don't hit our metrics, we're done.

You were married for a very long time. Yes. And then you got divorced, which happens. And I'm sorry. But I guess I want to know, like, can you talk a little bit about what that's like to go through? I mean, you went through most of your adult life with someone. Yeah.

And then you're not with them anymore. Yeah. No, it's in many ways. I am wise and worldly. And then there's other ways that I am, I stopped. Yeah. Like, you know, like dating, like the notion of dating and the sort of ins and outs of dating as a grown up, as like a real grownup. Because, I mean, my ex-wife and I got together when I was 25, in terms of, you know, love, sexual, romantic relationship.

relationships. I was even younger than my years because I just didn't. I got all fucked up by my, the two divorces that I lived through as a kid. And so like when I started dating, everything was so deadly serious that I, you know, that like I'd, I'd go on a date with somebody and they, you know, do something that I would, that, and I mean, and I can, I'm a critic. Uh, you know, they do something that did that I didn't like. And I'd be like, oh, well, screw it. This is, this will never work. And then I got to college and I realized I needed to relax or I would never get laid. So I had to start being a little more accepting of people's foibles and not and not worrying about, you know, whose family we're going to spend Christmas at.

You know, it's, I, everything was way too important. But then I met my, my ex-wife pretty early on when I was pretty young. I wasn't and I wasn't like a big playboy kind of, you know, horn dog, as I've said before, uh, myself. And now it's like being out and dating. There's a lot of stuff that I just have never experienced in terms of like somebody that, you know, like the, the type of relationship. Like, because I'm just used to being like with someone that I'm deeply committed to, you know,

like that was like my whole life. Oh, that's a thing of the past. Yeah. You know, now it's kind of like, well, I mean, I'm committed to today and tomorrow, you know, let's hang out. But that's weird. It's weird and it's taken some getting used to and I still overthink it and over worry it. And I also just didn't know how to be my myself and I've learned how to do that. And what seems like a relatively short time too, because I moved out of the house in February of 2019.

And I, when I first, I had, I was like, I don't know how to be alone. I had no idea how this works. How do people fill their days? Well, this brings up something I'd like to also explore a little bit because my parents, for example, they met in 1961. They were teenagers and they got married three years later after literally seeing each other once a week for three years and they wrote letters in the days in between. You know, he lived in Long Island and she lived in the Bronx.

And when they got married, they were both living in their life. their parents home, as many people in those days were, and then they moved in together, and she effectively became her mother and he became her father, right? I mean, like, you know, that was, and that's what it was, and they did that for 53 years. I mean, they, you know, that was completely worked for them. So the rumor goes. But when my father passed away, you know, six years ago, it was like my mother's first time being on her own because she literally went from her parents' home to the home that she built with him. But she built that when she was 18 years old.

On a very different scale, you know, I was married for almost 10 years, and we were together five before that. And it was almost 20 years when you put it all together. And obviously, I'm not comparing that to my mother's and father's marriage because, God forbid, there will never be a love like that. No one could compare. It could never be.

But exactly what you said, I had never really felt like I had been alone. I mean, I think there's a lot of reasons that I experienced horrible depression. Don't get me wrong. But that notion of kind of isolation was very startling to me. It was agonizing at first. It was agonizing. Like just like crying more in a couple of months than I had in the previous two decades or something.

I would force myself. One thing I did at the time, because I was living, in an apartment building. And it's one of like the most healthy things I've ever done, which is I lived in this building. I was one story above the gym, a very nice gym. It was a brand new building. And when I started to really spiral, I would go and do at least 20 minutes of cardio, you know, up to 45 minutes of elliptical. And bring, you know, bring my iPad and watch like an old highway to heaven, like just like the, you know, just like the dumbest TV I could find and just exercise. And I, and it was great for me. And I, you know, now I live in a house of the dog and there's,

I have an elliptical in the garage that I bought when COVID started. But I don't, like when I'm feeling blue, I don't rush out there. I, you know, I just changed the channel on the television now. I'm not nearly as healthy as I was back then. But and when I, I was in such kind of shock that I didn't, I didn't watch TV, really. I just listened to music. I definitely, I couldn't watch the news. I couldn't care about what was going on in the world. I couldn't watch a baseball game.

I just, you know, I just listened to music. And not, you know, any particular, just, you know, just music. Yeah, everyone who's getting divorced right now is like, is this what's going to happen to me? It did get better. My sister told me she got divorced years ago. And I was talking to her about it. And she said, it's going to take a couple of years before you even really know who you are again. And I was like, what?

I don't have time. I need to get this party started. And but I, it did. It took a long time. And I got a dog. That was a huge help. I got a dog that doubled in size as a surprise. So that was like a.

Was the dog eating gravy too? No. The dog just, the dog went from 54 pounds. to 94 pounds. What kind of dog is this? She's like, I think that's a person. They told you it was a dog,

but it's really a person. No, she was 54 pounds. I said she was a year and a half old at this, at the rescue place. And I believed him because she was, she's very calm and very chill. She's a border colling mixed with,

and then I found out later, Malibar. Well, Great Pyrenees. Oh my. White ones and, and German Shepherd. Wow.

So she's and then and she was 54 pounds. Turns out she was really probably six months old because she just, she turned into a pony. She's a, that's a hefty girl. Yeah. And so, but that makes a big,

big difference. I mean, everybody loves their dogs. But like she's an exceptional dog. She's like the kind of dog that people say like, wow, your dog is so chill and great and cool and sweet and friendly. And I'm,

yeah, I got lucky, you know. What's her name? Daisy. Daisy. She's a, yeah, she's a, you know, I could be, I can be really stupid about the dog, like, just, you know, I just, you know, I spent a lot of time thinking about her and thinking about like, about, well, just because it's the whole thing of just going and picking out an animal and then bringing into your house just to have something to love. It's just, you know, when you look at it, when you look at it, when you look.

step back from it, it's like, wow, what a weird adaptive species we are. Here, go grab something from the wild and bring it in here. Feed it. There you go. You got a pal. Oh, wow. Cool. Pretty sure that's why I got brought in. Because you had a dog? No. No, she needed something to love. I needed something from the wild to come in and I fed it and it's my buddy. Now she lets me sit at the desk. Wow. Nice. You've talked a little bit about people and their quick fixes when people are like, Oh, I have depression too. And also what you and I are describing, and especially in that acute period after a loss, that's also, for those of us who are depressed, we know how to slip into that very quickly. But there also is a normal period of grief where after a divorce, and it doesn't necessarily mean you need drugs, you need this.

It means that you have some processing to do and you have some time that will, you know, make some of those things less intense. But for those of us, like I said, for me, like I'm predisposed to that. I can slip into sad and maybe they don't need me very, very quickly on any given day. Yeah. I completely relate to that. But it does the problem in those instances for me is that like I have over the years been so vigilant about like being on sadness patrol. And like I'm feeling, you know, like if I feel myself. slipping towards being sad or whatever.

I would try and do something to, you know, like think what's going on. Why am I feeling like this? What because they said that. And well, yeah, but, you know, what does that really mean? And why were they saying? Where do you learn those tools? Therapy. Yeah.

Just therapy. Just, you know, I have a good therapist that I've been going to for about 30 years now. And they teach you a way to think. Yes, not explicitly. Right, right. But, you know, I mean, but they nudge you in that way to where you start to get. Meaning they teach you how to process thinking. That's what I meant.

Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Right. Like, I'm feeling this. What does that mean? Meaning instead of I'm feeling this, I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve to be here. I go home now.

I cry. They teach you to say you're having a feeling. What happened? What does it really mean? What, like, that's the brain that you get. And with enough time. and practice, it becomes more automatic and yeah. But it is a process because I do think sometimes people think therapy that they're going to go in

and they're only going to do like 30% of the talking. But you do like 95% of the talking. Because we need to be heard. Yeah, because that's the point. You're not like my therapist isn't there to talk. He's there for me to talk. And like I say, to give me nudges in directions to say like, well, why do you think you felt like that? And then he doesn't say, here's why you felt like that.

He asked me why I think I did. And then I have to go, well, and I, believe me, and I have gotten good. Like my selfie microscope is, has very sharp focus. And I'm pretty good at, I mean, I have blind spots and I can be a dick and I can be stupid and forgetful. But, you know, I feel like I do have a pretty good grasp of why I do what I do. And why when I do something that I'm not proud over that I don't like, which usually involves like hurting someone's feelings or being inconsiderate,

how do I not do that? How do I stop myself from doing that? How do I, I'm not like a big slogan person, but I do have work for peace. And I tell my kids this, work for peace. Like whatever's coming out of your mouth right now, is it war or is it peace? And filter that. Go through that filter. Make it like an automatic sort of thing.

But I sometimes, when I'm in, when I have a real good excuse to be sad, sometimes that natural sadness that is deserved and is entirely appropriate, I have felt like I got to push this out. I got to figure this thing. I got to conquer. I got to wrestle this gator to the ground, you know. And there's times like, no, no, you don't. You just got to sit here and feel it.

I started a number of years ago, I started to just get less depressed. kind of undepressed. Like I don't really feel like I'm that depressed anymore when I get to, you know, outside of, you know, my family breaking up. But we've had some space, you know, that's behind us a little. And now I'm like at a point where I don't feel depressed. I mean, I have things that kind of worry me and I have stresses and stuff, but I don't feel depressed. That's a combination of all this work, possibly just time, possibly just like my brain matured into a way where the chemicals are balanced better. And part of it is medication.

Really good medication. Trentilix people love it. And I had to change my medication after the first Christmas out of the house. The first Christmas out of the house, first holiday season out of the house, threw me for a loop. So I did a medication change and that was a huge, huge help. When you try to not be sad, it can create an anxiety where you would just be better off

just being sad about something for a little bit. You know, just giving it, letting yourself go, you know? What do you say to people who don't believe in medication? Meaning, I'll figure it out. There's too many side effects. I don't want to do it.

Because what I like about you is that you, I mean, I like a lot of things about you, but what I love about the way you talk about it is you're very matter of fact about it. You know, I grew up with a very strong sense of like, you know, kind of like shame around it and like we don't talk about it and and it's very secret and like, oh, there's something wrong with him or her, you know, what, what do you say to people who are like, I'd rather do it on my own and that's not really you? What do you say to that? Right. I mean,

I brush my teeth too because I know it keeps away tooth decay. It's just, it's, it's the way you fix this thing. And this thing is real. I have this thing. What are the different avenues to make it better. There's this and this and this. And part of that for me is, is medication. And I don't, I don't fight with people. I never fight with people about it. I mean, when I started taking it, I had friends would be like, well, so are you going to have to be on it forever? Which I don't, that's just like some stoic, old European thing of us, like being like, what do you, what do you need help? You know, you should just go out there and cut down all that wheat on your own. Don't ask for help. You don't need a horse. They're afraid of their brains. They don't understand their brains.

So anything that's like, well, it fixes your brain chemicals. That seems terrifying to people. And that seems to be fiddling with their basic being. And it is not folks. It works because they have devoted lots and lots and lots of really smart people have worked long and hard on these medications so that they do what they're intended to do. And they make people's lives better. And they a God send and a blessing. I don't have a particular, let's say, opinion, you know. There have been times when I've been on medication. There have been times when I'm not on medication.

But I think it's really important for people to hear that. I think many people don't realize the reality that they're living in, you know? Yeah. And I'm not just saying that, like, I believe in, you know, what is it, a prozac nation, where everybody needs to be on a pill. Because it's true. We'd all be much nicer and friendlier if we were all. on a drug that enhances the amount of serotonin that you take in.

Like most people would be much better to deal with. But for many people, I mean, I was one of them. You know, when you live with a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly grind of a mood that is literally depressed, meaning at a level that is, quote, below its optimal functioning, it affects your mood, obviously, in like the, you know, most generally. general sense. It affects your sex drive. It affects hobbies. It affects who you socialize with. If you socialize at all, it affects your relationship with your family. I mean, it literally touches every part of your life. And therapy also will touch all that. Takes a longer time and should be done in

conjunction with medication. But I think it's really important for people to realize that like, you know, sure, if you fear pharmaceuticals and you fear big farm and you don't believe in medication, I probably can't convince you of anything. But the notion that an appropriate assessment of your mood and how much your life is impacted by your mood, I think is really important to be able to make that decision. If people don't want you, I'm not, I don't, I'm not proselyizing. I'm just saying this really works for me and this works for me in a way that in which, so that I believe in it profoundly. Like I have a deep belief. that this is good. And I have a deep belief that, yes, there are some problems with

different, with certainly the pharmaceutical industry and with certain drugs and, you know, and some people are unlucky and can't find anything that works. But they are like overwhelmingly for the good of humanity and are doing like wonderful things in people's lives. And I think, especially, you know, and I mean, I give to some charities that do this kind of stuff, or I have in the past, but like mental health for for poverty, for people in poverty is going to, is like an economic plan because you can't get yourself out of poverty if you are clinically depressed. If you can't get out of your apartment, if you can't leave your bed, you can't, you know, become a functioning member of society. So, you know, like if I ever make a gazillion dollars and can start something, you know, the Andy Richter, something, or other, it would be mental health care for for low income people. Well, I will join you in that. That's, I mean, that's beautiful.

I mean, it's a human right. It is absolutely a human right. Thank you so much for saying that. That's really awesome. Sure. Before we let you go, can you do a little rapid fire with us? Okay. Okay.

Ready? I'm ready. Here's rapid fire with Andy Richter. What was your mother right about? Oh, my mother was, what was she right about? She was right about insist on high quality meat. I agree. Yeah.

What was your father right about? What was my father right about? My father was right about a particular member of my family being a horse's ass. But I'm not going to say who. I hope it wasn't your mother. Location that promotes your best mental health. The beach, probably. Any beach in particular?

I mean, like, Southern California Beach, like, yeah, the beach. Although I have been, I have lately, I have real, I just was back in Illinois this last weekend. They don't have beaches there, bro. No, I know, I know. But what they do have is like relentlessly green spaces. And I miss those. living in California, it's a little too dusty. Brown, yes.

Brown, yeah. If you had a mantra, what would it be? Or is it work for peace? It would be work for peace. And the other one I like is get better. Like you don't have to get perfect. You don't have to get fixed. You just get better, you know.

You mean you're telling me I need to get better. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, specifically you. Copy that. I'm having it made into a bumper sticker and I'm going to send it right over. Best spiritual teacher. Yeah, I would say my kids. My kids in terms of like making me think about things having just sort of like larger world implications.

Because I don't have like a real deity belief. But I do think that, you know, the microcosm is the macrocosm. So it's like to get real deep. Yes. But you know. We just had this conversation last night. We did. The microcosm and the macrocosm.

I didn't know that's what we were talking about. All right. That happens often. Okay, we'll circle back. Okay, two more. You're doing great. Okay. The moment you've had your best intuition.

When I, this just comes to mind. I can't. But when I told Conan O'Brien, don't get on the back of that musk ox. No context needed. There was a musk ox that people said, And you can ride it. And I said, don't ride that muscox. And it was a catastrophe.

Who were you most competitive with? Probably myself. You and Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. I mean, because there isn't anybody really, I mean, I will occasionally, you know, have professional envy, but it's not anything real and it's not anything. And I mean, you know, everybody's career is so. unique and so different from each others that it's hard to be like you're totally you're totally wrong

i'll talk to you about that another time okay okay andy richter thank you so much for your time and your energy tell people where they can find all of your stuff my stuff well you mean give my house address my home address uh yeah it's all it's all in the house and it's spread around in different rooms um no i have a podcast called the three questions with andy rickner be that being me. I actually have an audiobook project that I'm sort of the subject of that was written by a bunch of different comedy writers called the incredibly inaccurate biography of Andy Richter. That's cool. Yeah, it was.

Why have they not interviewed me? Well, they could. They could. I've seen you in tight bell bottoms. I know a lot. No. Well, this guy, Joel Cohen, had this idea. and he wants it to make it a refillable series called a lyography,

which is like you pick a person that's the subject who has a hand in it and gets to write interstitial. That is so cool. The chapters are all divvied up among different comedy writers. And so there's like, I think there's 14 chapters. I get it. There's 14 writers. And it's all nonsense, though.

It's all. No, but that's that's really, really awesome. Yeah, it was fun. It was fun. It's really weird. I had a hard. I know. never did get through the whole thing, like, because it just is too weird to listen to. Even though

it's all BS and all nonsense, it's, it's hard to listen to something that that is that much about me. Right. Even in like, ostensibly about me. So yeah, I have, I have, but it's really funny and everybody that has heard it loves it. And then other than that, I just, I got irons in the fire. I got, you know, developing an animated show. I'm attached to a game show because I, that's one of the silly things in my life is I, a game show host. I've hosted a number of pilots. You're, you relate a little bit.

I do. And actually, we shouldn't let you go without mentioning this little tidbit from your bio, which is that. If I'm not mistaken, you hold the record for all time highest one day score. on Celebrity Jeopardy. Is that correct? I believe that's true. Yeah. You won $68,000 during a first round game. It was 2009 to 10 was the season.

Jeopardy million dollars celebrity invitational. And you donated your earnings to St. Jude. Is that right? St. Jude Children's Hospital. Are you a Jeopardy person? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I watch it fairly regularly, but not, I'm not religious the way some people are. Your brain, like, I would do horrible on Jeopardy. Your brain works this way. Yes.

Yeah, I have a, I have a lot of, I know a lot of stuff that I don't know why I know it, and it is an inch deep, you know, like I'll know. It's $68,000 deep going to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. But, you know, it's like, I know Sylvia Plath wrote the bell jar, but I don't know what the bell jar is about. Oh, it's very depressing. Don't read it. I won't, I won't.

But it's like, it's all the kind of stuff that makes you. good at crossword puzzles and stuff. And also, I think there is something about being a comedian and being able to do that show because most of the really big money winners are comedian types. Interesting. You just used to thinking on your feet, I think. Oh, I know. I hadn't thought of that. I mean, I should ask you other pointers. Well, hopefully in my future, there will be Celebrity Jeopardy that I get to host. And you know who I'd like to call on? Andy Richter. I would love to do that. That would be fun, yeah. Andy, thank you so much. We really appreciate it. It's lovely to talk to you.

It was a fun conversation. Well, thanks. Yeah, no problem. Make peace, Maim. That's not even his expression. Work for peace. But he said, is your action, is your comment making peace or war? Clearly you're in the war stance as you cross your arms.

Oh, I'm just avoiding speaking until I have something peaceful to say. There's an acronym for thinking, think, is what you're about to say, thoughtful, honest, important, necessary, and kind. thoughtful, honest, important, necessary kind. What about funny? If it's just funny, that should also happen. Sometimes you don't need to say funny things. I mean, do you know what I meant about how matter of fact he is? Yeah, it's great. I mean, he's just very like, yeah, I needed help.

I went to therapy, and I put on this medication, and it changes the chemistry in my brain, and I'm not a mess all the time, you know? I just love how matter of fact he is. I do. I still have a lot of like, I should do it on my own, or like, there's something wrong. There's really something wrong with me. And if I was just a better me, then I wouldn't need help, you know? I mean, he has an amazing quote about depression.

That was, I guess, a tweet from 2017. What are you going into his tweets? That's weird. I have been followed by an ever-present amorphous sadness for almost my entire life. It varies in strength from a casual, unresolved suspicion that I will never find the joy that others do in a sunset, to the feeling that being dead might be a respite and a kindness.

I will still reach the end of my life, having walked through most of it with an emotional limp. I do not wallow in self-pity. No one did this to me. It is just how it is. I am just unlucky. If you are unburdened by depression, real true depression, count yourself lucky. Keep your quick fixes to yourself. This is the kind of BS that kills people, learn, then speak, or just be lucky and quiet.

He sounds like he's changed a lot since that tweet, but it's such a powerful... Well, and I think, I mean, you know, without knowing the specific context, you know, I think that's also probably in response to maybe to something that happened where someone is like, just get over it or you don't need, you know, the people who best know, you know, kind of what it's like are the people who have experienced it. And we all experience it differently. But I know that for me, when I connect with someone who really, really gets it, that I don't feel shame. If people want to connect with us, they can do so on Instagram at Bialik Breakdown, B-I-A-L-K breakdown.

Yep, I just went ahead and did it. They can also ask maim anything at Bialicbreakdown.com. We'll do it one more time, B-I-A-L-K breakdown.com. There's an Ask Miam- Anything segment there or a little form you can fill out. You can also send us a video. And today's Ask MyM Anything comes from Mary O. Ask Miami Anything. Yeah.

How can we take care of mental health while grieving? It's a tough one. And it's interesting to me because in this episode, he talked about being on sadness patrol, feeling the need to monitor sadness because it can go sort of deep for him. And yet at the same time, sometimes. He said, you just need to feel your feelings and you can't just bypass it. Yeah. Well, and I think also, you know, I don't think the notion was just like, surrender to it. You know, the notion was don't numb it out. Don't push it aside. Don't shove it down and don't try and fix it.

But, you know, when you're in grief, meaning when you're grieving, which is a normal process that occurs for almost all of us in one way or another, there are still things that we can do to try and maintain mental health. Sleep is a big one, especially when grieving. You know, it's important to, quote, stay busy, but also not to drown yourself in, because that's another distraction, you know, it's another distraction. But yeah, I think sleep and diet are important if you have a mental health, you know, professional that you speak to, keep that up. And also try and do small things to remind your brain that there is joy or there is comfort, even if it's a cup of tea, even if it's a bath.

Yeah, those are kind of some of the things. and also, you know, there are many wonderful resources online. And if you don't have a therapist and you find yourself in grief, that is a really, really excellent time to pursue some outside help. Thank you, Ma'am. Everyone listening. Thank you, Mary. Can support the show.

Subscribe everywhere you get podcasts and go to Myam's YouTube channel. Click the little bell notification to get new episodes. Okay, from our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time. It's Mayam Biolix Breakdown. She's gonna break it down for you She's got a neuroscience PhD or two One fix you one thing

And now she's gonna break down It's a breakdown She's gonna break it down