Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Anjelah Johnson-Reyes: Trauma Brought The Gift of Help

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Anjelah Johnson-Reyes (stand-up comedian, actress, author) discusses her journey from professional cheerleader to stand up comedy, the benefits of aligning with your intuition, and how she was able to work through physical and emotional trauma with her dad. She opens up about relying on God to reveal her path in life, how her family’s fear about not fitting into American culture kept her from exploring her heritage, and the mindblowing paranormal experience that put her supernatural podcast on hiatus. Mayim and Anjelah recount going on a USO tour together. They consider the difficulty of breaking family patterns, the benefits of assessing practical outcomes for anxiety-inducing situations, and why we subconsciously assign others authority roles over us. Anjelah Johnson-Reyes' book, Who Do I Think I Am?: https://www.worthypublishing.com/titles/anjelah-johnson-reyes/who-do-i-think-i-am/9781546000457/ See Anjelah Johnson-Reyes on tour: https://anjelah.com/#tour BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And I had never had a conversation with my dad about the trauma that has been caused in my life because of his actions. I'm writing out everything from never hearing. I'm proud of you. Never hearing any of those types of things. To him competing with me. To verbally abusive, physically abusive, like all the things growing up. And this is the first time you've kind of tackled this with him. Ever.

Ever. Ever. As I wrote you a letter, I'm going to read it to you. And he's like, okay. And I was like, I want you to not say anything during this letter. Just listen. Just listen. Afterwards, you can ask me questions.

We could talk about it. I don't want you to say anything. And he's like, okay. I start reading my letter. The whole time I'm reading it. What? Wow. I don't remember that.

When? My dad does not have the capacity to, understand his own trauma and the trauma he has caused. Correct. I think when I released myself of needing him to understand and own what he did to me in my life, when that was, the weight of that was gone, it was like, I can actually have a great relationship with you now. Wow. It's my and Bealics breakdown.

She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing. or two. And now she's going to break down. It's a breakdown. Hi, I'm I, I'm Biolic, and welcome to my breakdown. This is the place where we break things down. So you don't have to.

It is a special day because someone's coming to visit in person. And it's not Jonathan Cohen. He's on a screen. Let's say hello to Jonathan Cohen. It's always a special day when Jonathan Cohen is on a screen. Hi, Jonathan. Oh, I'd like to be there in the flesh, but, you know, digital version is better than no version of it.

Indeed. Hello. Jonathan, you get to meet someone who I consider a friend. We're talking to Angela Johnson Reyes, one of my personal favorites as a stand-up comic, but she also wrote a book, Who Do I Think I Am, Stories of Chola Wishes and Caviar Dreams? And, you know, Angela has many, many specials. She's also an actress, but she was a professional cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, which is just such like a fun fact about this person.

But we get to learn so many things about her in this podcast. why she became an Oakland raider, hint, God's involved, and why she stopped being an Oakland raider, hint, God's involved. We talk about God, but she's very, very delicate when she talks about faith, because it's really more just about who she is as a person really dialed into what she needs and what she wants in her life. She has a very, very interesting origin story, as we like to call them. Her specials are, that's how we do it, the homecoming show, not fancy and Mahalo and Good Night. She's also been on Curbure Enthusiasm and Superstore and Mom's Night Out, Alvin the Chipmunks, the Squeakwell. And she also competed on Fox's Dance Competition Show, The Real Dirty Dancing, which just sounds like something we all should deal with.

But she is currently on her sold out, Who Do I Think I Am, Comedy Tour, across the U.S., encompassing over 60 cities across North America. I got to see her in person in Pasooblus. She and her husband have a podcast. She has other podcasts. She's a really amazing person. And she and I were on a U.S.O. tour together where we toured many, many countries within the scope of about nine days on airplanes together, entertaining the troops. And we're just going to talk about all the things. Angela Johnson Reyes is going to walk in this door.

And the next thing that happens is the editor is going to cut it together. And she'll be sitting right here. Take it down. I'm really, really glad to have you here. And really so nice to have you here in person. We started this podcast, this gentleman and I, during COVID. Like, there was, this was kind of like our solution. Angela is not just someone who I, there's a couple people in the world that I literally

am a super fan of. And then I get to meet them. And then like everything changes because I'm collecting fierce, fierce intelligence. female comedians. And Eliza Schlesinger, I discovered after a breakup many years ago. And I was like, I need to laugh. Like, I literally need to turn off my brain and just laugh. And so I went on this journey of just learning who every stand-up comic was that I could access, you know, on the interwebs. And when I found you, it was very special. One of the things that I really love about your comedy is that it's something that I was able to and continue to share with my kids in a way that we

didn't need to like have conversations about like, here's the language this person might use. Because you are wicked funny, you're wicked smart, but you happen to use a brand of delivery that is also really, really relatable and especially for people who aren't ready for their kids to learn about all sorts of words and things when they are young. They're older now. So now we're ready for you to do like a super raunchy special. But I ended up getting tickets to a show of yours and seeing you live was, was, it's a whole other experience. I mean, as much as I loved watching your specials, seeing you live, seeing you work a crowd, um, was so special. Thank you. Really so special. And then we had this unbelievable once in a lifetime experience. We went on a USO tour together.

And it was unreal. I can't remember all the stats. We logged like 90 hours of travel in like two days or like it was something something really crazy. And what I learned from that tour was how much more of you there is that's spectacular that people don't even get to see. And for those of you who don't, describe a USO tour for people who don't know. So basically it's our entertainers, our opportunity to give back to our troops to the service people who are out there putting not only their lives on the line, but sacrificing the time with their family and their friends and their favorite restaurants and their. and their bed and their grocery store that they love to go to, like sacrificing all of that to go beyond watch for us. And so we get to travel to different bases

and different countries, different continents, and perform for our servicemen and women. And I think one thing I did not realize before I agreed to this is that we come up with the show on the plane, on the way there. We create it. And it's like, oh, wait. Is this a project? This is like a full on assignment.

Like we're on amazing race or something. Like we're like, okay, you have seven hours to come up with a variety show. And it's like, okay, what are everybody's talents? Here's a UFC fighter. What are you going to do? And also this was started by Bob Hope, I believe. And that group of entertainers like in World War II because it was like, let's entertain the troops. And like the media was finally a big enough thing that like sold.

were missing home and this was a way that like Hollywood would come to these bases. Like there's some very famous, I think Marilyn Monroe. Like there's some really famous ones. So this continues to this day. And what they do is they like put this like smorgas board of performers together. I think just our personalities and as I got to know you more like I kind of we sort of, well, I'm just a control freak. So I was super happy to just like jump in.

And you're just like, I mean, I don't want to say you're a control freak, but very organized. Oh, I jumped into that leadership role real. We found each other real quick. And I was like, this is my woman. And we literally, we flew to Germany. It was our, I believe, where we landed. And at, like, their equivalent of like Olive Garden in the local mall at the, at the Air Force base, we were like literally knocking out what we thought a show should be. Much of that conversation and the preceding many cities we went to was Angela being like, yeah, Mayam, people aren't going to think that's funny, but not saying it in a way that would hurt my feelings. It was her being like, I am much more,

this is what you really, this is what Angela could have and should have said to me. Instead, she was much more delicate. Myam, I'm much more in touch with the people. I know what people want. And you are an actress, which is very important and you're on a really popular show, but I actually interact with real humans all the time,

all over the country, all over the world. They don't want anything that feels like it's from World War II. They want super fun. And Angela was basically, I mean, she was like, she was our MC. Like she, it was an unbelievable experience. We were with the Miss America at the time. Uh-huh. Who carried her crown in a little thing.

A very secure case. Yes, we had country singers. Yes. The UFC fighter. Uh-huh. I will tell you. Tony Trucks. Yes, another actress, Tony Trux.

Okay, so when I tell people about our U.S. or tour and our show that we put together, The things that people most respond to is what you did for the show and what Tony did. Let me tell you what Miami did. We printed out a scene from Big Bang Theory and we're like, who's Big Bang fan out there? And everybody's like, yeah, like they're fans. How cool that somebody in the audience got picked to come and reenact a scene from the show. with Miami.

Like we printed out the scenes. It had a kiss in it too. Yeah, it was so cool. Like what an experience that somebody, like, here's my favorite show. I get to reenact a scene with somebody from the show, the actual show. Like, it was so special. Like, anytime I tell people that story, they're like, no way. It was really.

That is so special. That's so cool. I appreciate that. But also, this is just going to be an hour of us flattering each other. So everybody just, you know, strap on your seatbelts. No, but what? What was so thrilling for me, again, as a fan of yours, was I might cry. Aw.

I got to watch you perform in so many different situations. We performed in like a hundred twenty-eight degree weather. We, like, I got to watch you hold a crowd of soldiers, of kids, just kids who are like, I mean, it was, some of the situations we were in were emotionally. brutal. They were physically brutal. They were environmentally brutal. But what I got to watch was what it really is to be an entertainer like you are. And it means you hold that audience, you hold them up. And when they're down, you bring them up. And it was, it was electric. Like, it was electric in a way that being a sitcom actor never is because it's just different format. But it was just, it was a fascinating

experience. We, I mean, we went to countries that many people, but I don't even know where they are on a map. Like literally, we went to such special places. And you also, you were always impeccably dressed and put together. I mean, you do fantastic makeup. You do. You do great makeup. You've really great earrings all the time. And even like at four in the morning, there'd be a hoop. She'd have a hoop on. Always. It's my underwear. Exactly. It's like, that's how I get dressed. It's chonies. Brah poops. So let's though, I'd love to talk. Also, one of the experiences that I had with you was my first introduction into trying to own my identity as a woman in this business because I'm very awkward about it.

And you taught me a lot about what it's like to have an assistant, like what it's like to work with someone, what it's like to be a person of authority without being a jerk. You have a real presence about you. And I just, I learned a lot from you. And that trip, if you don't learn things from people, you are asleep. Because like we were together a lot. In our barracks. In barracks awake a lot of the time. It was like the strangest camp journey ever.

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they'll ask how you heard about them. make sure to mention My Ambiotics Breakdown to help support the show. So many things that I'd like to talk to you about. I do want to mention this book because it's important to mention this book. Who Do I Think I Am? Stories of Chola Wishes and Caviar Dreams. This is a really, really special, very delightful book with some very impressive people who gave quotes, Amy Schumer.

This book is really a journey not just into sort of understanding your comedy career, but like literally who you. you are who you think you are and what you come from. So you're from San Jose, which is very special because most people don't think about San Jose a lot, except I have family there. But people are like San Francisco. That's what happens in Northern California. But you are from the hoe, as I call it. And I had family there my whole life and my kids, grandparents are from there as well. Like that was, that's like, that's where we go. We go to the hoe. We go to San Jose. Tell us what it was like growing up where you were in San Jose.

Well, it's very diverse. Lots of different people in my neighborhood. It's Silicon Valley, technology capital of the world. And at the time, this is before social media growing up. So it was like Sun Microsystem, Cisco systems, like all of those big tech, net gear, all these companies. And they were all like down the street from my house. And so like I talk about how I had, I had a lot of that influence in my life. Like we knew about all this technology stuff, but I had no desire to be in the tech world. Like I wanted to be in a gang.

Like that was how I grew up. But yeah, my neighborhood was a pretty nice, mellow neighborhood, and I resented that. Like, I wanted to live in the hood. Like, I wanted to live, like, on the bad side of town. And, like, where there would be a drive-by at some point. There's going to be no drive-bys on my cul-de-sac. Okay.

I live on a dead-end street. growing up right next to my elementary school. So I would just walk to school every morning and I was late every morning. I live right next door. It was like my house, one more house and then my school. And every morning I was late. But I was late because the school bell rang at 915. But live with Regis and Kathy Lee Gifford started at 9 o'clock.

So I would be watching Regis and Kathy at 9 o'clock when the show started until I heard the bell ring at 915. And then I would walk out the door like backwards because I'm still watching the TV as I'm walking out the door because I had to watch Regis and Kathy Lee in the morning. And then as soon as I heard the second bell, that means you're tardy now. As soon as I heard the second bell, then I would just start running, booking it to my class. And I was late every day. What did your parents do? My mom's a hairstylist. She still is. She teaches hair at the cosmetology school. And then she does her own clients on the weekends. My dad is retired now. He drove a truck. a linen delivery service.

Wow. And he would pick up like soiled linens from restaurants or like hotels or whatever. And he had his truck, his work truck. And every now and then he'd bring the truck home. And it was like our own like play area. Like his truck smelled so bad because it's like soiled linen. So it's disgusting. It smells so bad in his truck.

But we loved it. Every time he would pull up. with the truck. We'd be like, oh, like, so cool. And then we'd, like, go explore in this disgusting bacteria-filled truck. And my dad also used to take us to the dumpster sites. And we would, like, go dump our trash. But also while we were there, you kind of got to look around and see if there's anything cool to take home.

But it has a real specific sour smell, these dumpster sites. And I can remember it vividly. But so we have a real connection with sour-smelling things. But yeah, so my dad drove a truck my whole life. And my dad was the first comedian that I ever met, not professionally, but he was just the guy who got the laugh in the room in every conversation. Anytime he would let us come with him to work at all his stops, he was the charming delivery man. He was the ladies man. All the receptionist ladies were like, oh, every time my dad would walk in and he was athletic and he would play all the sports.

like he's on a men's soccer team, he's 70, like he's still, like is very athletic. But that's, I grew up watching my dad be the charming, life of the party, funny guy, athlete guy. And you had four siblings, correct? Or you have four siblings. Yeah, there's four of us. And I have an older half-brother who I met when I was a teenager. And you have a large extended family.

Was everyone in San Jose? I'm sure people are wondering, like, when was someone from another country? Oh, yeah. So we have family all over the place, but mostly Bay Area, California, for sure. But I'm fourth generation. Wow. So my grandmother was born here. My mom was born here. My grandmother was born here. And her mother was born in I think Utah or something. My Tia Mary, she just passed away recently at 102 years old. Wow. 102. Wow. She just passed away. And she was. was born in like Delta, Utah or something. So, like, I'm fourth generation, so I don't speak Spanish. Right. I, um, we're very in touch with our- Is your family Mexican from Mexico? Yeah, yeah. So- Because there are other places that speak Spanish. I just want to be clear because

some people would be, you know, Mexico, Maitiawaka on Mexico, but like five generations back. Wow. And like if we have family there, I don't know them. Right. You know what I mean? So it's, most of my family is here. And, um, while, while that, may be true. There also is a very, very strong component to the family you grew up in, also the sense of humor you have, the sense of strength that you have. There's definitely a strong strain of the fact that you come from, some people say Latin, some people say Latinx. Sure, whatever it is. Whatever it is. What was that like? Did you grow up knowing like I'm culturally a Mexican-American or was it not? I mean, I'm second generation of.

American. So for me, like, it's very recent that, you know, we were learning English, you know, I grew up, like, so it's a very different experience. But, but also, you know, when, when we're talking about skin color and we're talking about white privilege, it's a very different conversation. So I'm curious what that was like. And San Jose is very diverse. But I'm curious if you had that notion as, as a kid. I grew up wishing I was more Mexican than I felt that I was. because I didn't speak Spanish. Like I wish I spoke Spanish. I didn't have a quinceaniera, but I was like, oh, man, I wish I had a quinceaneda.

But, like, we weren't that, like, we're in touch with our culture, but we weren't, like, that in it. Like, my mom didn't have a quinceaniera. My mom was very American. Like, she grew up. My grandma spoke Spanish, but it was, like, blend in. She didn't teach none of her kids. Oh, well, the older kids knew Spanish, but then they started learning like, oh, no, you need to blend in. Like we don't want you to get, you know, made fun of and like all these things.

My grandpa, I talked about this in my book. His cousin was put in the closet for speaking Spanish at school. And then the teacher forgot him in the closet. And he never came home from school. And his mom was like calling the school. And then the teacher remembered she left him in the closet. And they had to come back and get him. Unreal.

Yeah. Traumatic. Yeah. Awful. And like what that does. to you and your family about speaking Spanish, about your culture and embracing all of that. And then it just trickles down into what you teach your children. And so then it's like, oh, blend in. Don't speak Spanish.

Don't have an accent. Don't talk about this. Don't talk about that. You know, peanut butter and jelly. Put your burrito away. Don't even, you know what I mean? But yeah, but I grew up wishing that I was more Mexican than I felt like I was. And there's something that I grew up having to learn.

and like, no, I just am what I am. It's there. I can't be more of it. It's just, it's there. And, you know, it's up to me, like how much I want to embrace and am I going to actually learn Spanish one day? Maybe. It hasn't happened yet. No, like, I get in my moods.

I speak Spanish. Well, I, of course you do. I live in Los Angeles. Of course you do. And I studied it. But also, you're smart. And you probably learned it in three hours. No, I started taking it in junior high.

and then I made a point to use it because I was like I mean I went to public school you know in L.A. in the valley everybody spoke Spanish like yeah it was the way that you would know what the girls were saying about you before they threatened to beat you up

because it was you know it was the late 80s and early 90s it was an intense time so you did something in your life which is one of those things that I think a lot of women might you know think is not popular to wish that they had done

you're a professional cheerleader. Yeah. And I'm fascinated by it for many reasons. And, you know, one of the reasons is you break, I think, a lot of people's stereotypes of what they might think of, or at least what many of us were raised to think of cheerleaders. Like, they were so pretty and so hot, but, like, that's demeaning, you know? And when I see, like, the pictures of, like, you were, I mean, you were, like, the perfect cheerleader. Oh, thank you. Did you start cheering in like when you were younger?

Tell everybody how one goes about becoming an Oakland Raiders cheerleader. So I started cheerleading Pop Warner when I was eight years old and I was awful. I couldn't step clap. I couldn't. I had no rhythm. I could not do it. I was embarrassed. I was afraid.

I wouldn't look up like cheerleading competition. You got a smile. Right. Look at the judges. Nope. My head was down. I was looking at the floor. I would not smile.

And I was like embarrassed and just afraid. So that was how I started truly. And you probably would be like, oh, that girl, she needs to give it up. Poor thing. And then I just came out of my shell all the sudden. And now she's the star front and center. She's in the pyramid. She's doing like all the things.

Do you remember when that was or what? I mean, also the pictures of you in this book are like possibly the best part of the book. I will say, I mean, you were. My captions are my favorite. The captions are hilarious. Thank you so much. You were freaking adorable, but I'm curious. I mean, sorry, the fourth grade when you're like, yes, I have a dimple here.

That's right. And everyone's going to see it. Did you see my Jewish caption? Yes, you dabbled in Hasidic Judaism that year because you have little payous. It's fantastic. But when was it? Do you remember something specific of like, now I feel comfortable? I don't.

But I do know I started cheerleading when I was eight and that was the same year my parents were getting divorced. So I think I had a lot going on. But I think my personality naturally is like my dad is very outgoing. It's not, hey, everybody look at me, but it's when you look at me, I'm going to give you something good to look at. You know what I mean? It's one of those. And I think that's where I naturally am, but I was going through a lot at the time. So I think processing that and getting through that.

And then also, like, as they were going through the divorce, it was like when we were on my dad's weekend, he wouldn't take us to our cheerle. leading events. He wouldn't take us to our football games. Like he was like not participating. And so it was like it was hard. But then after a while also my whole family, my sister was a cheerleader. All my cousins were cheerleaders. So it was like I just came out of my shell. Right. After I went through a little bit of healing, went through some therapy at school and stuff like that. Then I started coming out my show. So let's let's cut from that to how do you get to be a cheerleader like that for the Oakland Raiders? So I started Pop Warner, then I did high school, then I did college All-Stars,

and Oakland Raiders is completely different from any of this. I was doing stunts and tumbling and competitive and, like, real athleticism. And Oakland Raiderettes is beautiful dancers that are more PR figures. Like, we do public relations. We do charity events. You're the face of the team in many ways. So it's very different. Right.

And I had a friend. This was, I'm out of high school. I'm in junior college at the time. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. And there was a little piece of me that wanted to be an actress, but I wouldn't say it out loud because I was embarrassed. Because it's like, where do you be an actress in San Jose? You don't.

Like, that's embarrassing. Don't say that out loud. And then it was also kind of like, it was so far-fetched for me to be an actress. I might as well say I want to be a princess. So that was even more embarrassing. Like, to have a dream was embarrassing. to dream beyond what you saw in your community, that's like embarrassing to say that out loud.

Because then it's like, oh, who do you think you are? Like, oh, okay, it's like that kind of thing. So I kind of tucked it away in my heart. And I was like, okay, I'll just, that's for those people. I'll just tuck it away. But I would like go to the movies and be upset that I wasn't in it. Because I was like, I could do that. I know I could do that.

Just somebody tell me how to do that. So I was at this place where I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. And I had a friend. who was like a friend of a friend at the time. We weren't in my close friends. It was like my cousin's friend. She moved to L.A. And she was in a Ross commercial.

She was in an in sync music video. These are two really good things. And I was like, you guys, I know somebody famous. This is, here we go. I remember talking to her one day. And I, like, confided in her and was like, hey, I want to do what you're doing. And she was like, well, if you ever move to L.A., I'll help you get started.

And I'll help show you the ropes. And I was like, really? Okay. But then it was still like, yeah, right. You know, I'd never lived anywhere outside of my mom's house. Right. So there was that. Then I ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen since Pop Warner cheerleading days.

And she was like, hey, I'm a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders. And I was like, no way. And she's like, yeah, you should come try out. And I was like, no way. That's not really my jam. Because I wasn't like sexy, you know, show the cleave. It'd shake your pom-poms. I was like competitive.

And tomboy. Like, that was me. And I was like, nah, it's not my jam. And then. This is where we're going to insert a picture of you in your uniform, shaking your pom-poms with your cleave looking very sexy. That's where it'll go. She embraced it.

Right. Okay. but go ahead. So at the same time, I'm, like, thinking about, like, what do I want to do with my life? And she's like, okay, well, like, trials are coming up. They're, like, in a couple weeks or whatever. And I remember taking it to God and being like, okay, God. If the entertainment industry is for me, then I'm going to use this as my sign.

I'm going to try out for the Oakland Raiderettes. And if I make the squad, I will do it for one year. and then I'm going to move to L.A. And I'm going to pursue my dreams. And my friend tells me she's going to help me. So I'm going to do it. But if I don't make the squad, I'm going to use that as my sign that this was not for me. That's a lot of pressure on God.

Yeah? Yeah, I put it all on God. I was like, this is you, God. You tell me right here, this is your chance. That seems like a God type thing to do. I mean, if you're going to take it to anyone, I would put that on God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

If you're going to take it to somebody, he seems pretty. you know, reliable. Yeah, competent. So I said, okay, I'm going to try out. And I drove to Oakland by myself and now a tomboy girl. So I had to go to Forever 21 at the time. And this is like, before Forever 21 was like worldwide. This was like the first Forever 21 is in San Jose.

Did you know that? Wow. I did not. So I went to Forever 21 in Eastridge Mall. And I remember I got like a little skirt and like a cute little top and like some heels, you know, because they also sell like shoes that are made out of like fake wood. And it's like you're, they'll, you got three walks in them before they break. And so I bought some little heels, a little skirt and a little top.

And I drove to Oakland. And there were 700 girls at this open call audition. 700 girls just walking around like. And I'm sure they're all amazing. All walks of life. Right. Just like some full on in costumes. Some were just like super hot.

some were just like, okay, good for you for being here. You believe in yourself and I'm proud of you. This is great. You know, we're all here. Everyone's welcome. And so there's like 700 girls. The first round, it's just so dumb. Like there's, I think they bring in 10 people at a time, maybe more than that.

They put us up on stage. We all have a number. And you just had to like answer a question. No. You say your name. So wait. We're not even dancing or being athletic. No. No, no, no.

First round is they just look at you. Oh. And listen to your voice and the words coming out of your pie hole. Yeah. Because I don't know if things have changed now. This is back in 2000. And no, no, no, no, no, no, no disrespect to the system or the Raiders or Oakland or the universe.

Yeah. But this is just what it was like. Yeah. And so. Much like a cattle. Literally a cattle call. Exactly. Because you're a public figure and you're going to be doing charity.

They want to hear how you talk in a microphone. They want to hear how you present yourself. And luckily for me, I saw my dad be very charming and know how to say funny things and know how to talk to people. And so I just did my thing, introduce myself. I answer whatever question. I don't remember what it was. And I'm just smiling and do my whole thing.

I'm confident. I'm just like what I got to lose, whatever it is. Then I make it to the second round. It's like, oh, cool, round two. Now you learn to dance. Now they're teaching chore. Now it's like half. There's like 300 girls left.

Wow. And we come back, I think it's like over a couple days. I don't remember. But we're in this like banquet room at a Hilton. Yeah. In Oakland. And there's like 300 girls and we're all learning this dance routine. And they have the choreographer.

She's up on a stage with her Britney Spears microphone. And she's like five, six, seven, eight do the choreography and whatever. And, you know, they have some current ratarettes up there that are like helping teach the routine. which every year Raiderettes have to re-audition. Oh gosh. And so now I grew up Pop Warner and competitive cheerleading. It's real different. Yeah.

It's like stiff arms. Correct. Like a lot of just very different. A lot of bobbing of the ponytail. Yeah. Yeah. Very different. A lot of like open mouth and yeah.

And like very different. This is like train dancing. Yeah. Pyrouettes. You know, like all these terms I've never heard of. spot when you turn and like what how do you do this all these different dance things so at this point was hip hop a thing yet in in dance i mean it is okay but it's still it was still newish very like potaboo-ray blah blah blah blah you know step ball change turn blah blah blah all the things so i'm just

like i have no idea what she's saying but she just flipped so i'm gonna flip it you know she she just spun around so almost made around um and And while we're learning this routine, I'm doing my thing. Like I said, I'm just selling it. I'm just like, I know how to be charming. I know how to be personality. Like, I'm just going to do me. And there is a moment in the, she's teaching us this.

It's still, till this day, my most favorite and powerful compliment that I've ever received in my life. It's a backhanded compliment, but it's a good one. She jumps off the stage. And she, like, is weaving her. way through the crowd. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she has a little Brady, so she's like, hold on. And she's weaving her way through the crowd. And she comes up to me and she goes, okay, clearly, you have no dance training, but you have something that cannot be taught.

Bitch, I get goosebumps when I hear. I have goosebumps, too. I know. And I was just like, thank you. Like, all I heard was the good parts. Right. Because I know I don't have dance training. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I'm just five, six, six, six. seven, aiding. I have rhythm. I can do what you're doing. Right. You're not trained that way. Exactly. Exactly. Anyway, so I end up, we all learn to dance. And then you have to perform the dance by yourself in front of my own. Oh my gosh. Oh, yeah. And then, so we do routine. And then when you find out if you, you made it or not, and there's a part we have to put on a gown. And like, I just put on my old homecoming dress. And it was just like, listen, I'm 20. So I was just in high school like two years

ago. And I remember when I made the squad. We're all sitting in this room and they just call off your number. If they call your number, you made it. And there's 50 girls who make the squad. Now there's only 30, but at the time, there's 50 girls who make the squad. And I remember the moment that they called my number. What number were you? I believe it was 189. Oh, yeah. And when they called my number, my first thought was not, I'm a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders. My first thing. thought was, I'm going to be an actress. Wow. Because that's the reason why I'm here. God promised you.

This is the only reason why I'm here is because I want to be an actress. And so I was a cheerleader for one year. Wow. I kept my word to myself. You performed in the Super Bowl. Went to the Super Bowl that year. Like of all years to pick to be a cheerleader for Oakland writers. I think God chose that.

I think God chose it. You know what I mean. And I came home from the Super Bowl the very next weekend. I packed up my room. in my little station wagon, and I drove to L.A. And my friend kept her word, and she taught me everything. She had me go sign up to be an extra at Central Casting. It was a whole thing.

And she gave me, like, all her hand-me-down clothes because I had nothing. Like, I had a pair of combers and my heels from Forever 21, which I just bought. Which had one more walk in them. Yeah, yeah, I had like two walks left. And yeah, and she really, she helped me get headshots. She helped me, like, learn a lot just about the industry and how to be on set and all the things. So that's how I started. It's funny because when you tell this story, like, I can't imagine you not being this Angela at 10, at 14.

Like, you're so quick, you're so smart, you're so funny. and it makes sense. Like it's in your genes, it's in your blood, and it was in the environment around you. And I'm sure your mom is also a very fascinating woman as well. She's a charming, lovely lady. Right, but I'm, like, it was in you, but I just find it hard to believe that, like,

you weren't just like this, but small, being like, I know how to make everybody laugh. I know how to twist a thing. I know how to tell a story, you know. But that evolution is so interesting to me. And so you started doing stand-up, which is a very specific skill, Did you have any experience with that kind of making people laugh?

No. I didn't know I was funny. I didn't know. So I knew my dad was funny and we all laugh. But I didn't know that my dad was different from people. I just thought that's normal. That's what you do. You talk to people like this and you make them laugh.

When they say this, you say this real fast. No, he's got something you can't teach. Right. And I didn't know that. Right. So when I first moved to L.A., and I was being an extra and I was going out on auditions and like trying to book things here and there. I was going to this church at the time.

And on Tuesday, they know that a lot of people at their church are the entertainment industry. So they would offer classes on Tuesday nights. So it'd be like, creative arts night. You know, here's an acting class. Here's a dance class. You know, here's a production class. You can learn how to like edit videos and whatever. And I was in the acting class.

And we would do improv games. And I was like funny in all the improv games. And then there was a woman in that class who was about to start her stand-up comedy joke writing class. And so she saw me and she was like, hey, do you want to come take my joke writing class? And I was like, oh, no, is it free? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, I guess so. I had no desire to be a stand-up comedian at all.

And I was like, sure, I guess I can do that. And I was like, oh, I do this like nail salon character that, that I bet you I can make that a joke. And she was like, oh, nail salon jokes are so hacky. has one. I would steer clear from nail salon jokes. And I was like, yeah, but I don't know if anybody does it like me. So I think I'll just give it a go. And that joke I wrote in my free joke writing class at a church. And that ended up being the joke that blew up my spot on the internet a year later on this brand new thing called YouTube and propelled me into where I am today. I'd like to hear Jonathan's kind of analysis of this because what I hear is that,

that there's something really powerful to a dream that you had. And a dream that you also kept because it didn't feel safe, right? I mean, in a lot of ways it wasn't. I don't mean it was dangerous. I just mean like it didn't feel like it had a place. And you kept kind of putting one foot in front of the other. But with your own. And also I do want to get to sort of the faith component

because I think a lot of people don't have that connection. And in your case, that was who knew the plan. Meaning that was who knew the promise, the dream, the plan, all of it. but you moved like one step at a time in such a like specific way that was also in theory very chaotic right meaning there was no training first of all I want a free joke writing class at church like that seems perfect and also you didn't listen when someone says oh that's hacky you were like had the confidence of self-knowledge to be like wait a second what I'm thinking about is different than how they're imagining it yeah and actually that I resonate with

with it most because so many times in my life I've experienced that way. That's not exactly what I mean or you don't quite see what I see and like let's further explain it or like take it to a next level. The other thing I do on this podcast a lot is refer back to previous episodes, both to pitch people to go listen to the previous episodes, but also, you know, we've done this a while and like there are some themes that continue. And one of the themes here is like the Michael Singer, the author of the untethered soul. He talks a lot about living in a way where you're taking the next action. You're saying yes to that next opportunity. And so for you to be like, I never imagined being a standup comic to where your life is now, you're like, oh, that's a pretty big like, how did you get there? And it's

like, oh, you just took that next door that opened. You were given that opportunity and there was one more thing for you to go through. And then, oh, it's that character. It's like those small yeses that lead us to a much larger endpoint. That is very interesting. And you said something. that triggered a thought for me. So like when she was like, oh, Nail-Slan jokes are so hacky, steer clear of that. It's interesting to me how a lot of times I wish I had that boldness, bravery, and audacity all the time throughout my entire career because then I'll be in a meeting or whatever. and it's like we're pitching a show.

And I'm with producers or people who have done this way longer than me. And I wish I had some of that girl that was like, when they tell me like, this idea has been done before. But that's not how it works. How many times I've heard, but that's not how it works, right? And I go, oh, okay, you've been doing it longer than me. then let's do it your way, right? How I become this person as I've gotten a little bit of success, as I've been a little more jaded or whatever in the industry.

It's interesting how I remember that girl who had nothing to lose and who was confident in what she was saying. But I'm saying this to a teacher, who's someone who's teaching a class. And like, I'm the teacher and I'm telling you, this is hacky. People have done it. And then I have the audacity to be like, yeah, but they don't do it like me.

I wish I had more of her still when I'm in these meetings. And they're like, that's not how it works at Netflix. And I'm like, well, that's how it works with me. And I think you should. Like, I wish I still had some of her. That it's not how it works is people cannot imagine things until they see them. Myam and I talked a lot about this when she was writing her script for her movie. and we wrote a pilot together.

And it was always like, they don't understand. People are so linear. And I've seen it in business and I've seen it in the entertainment industry. And I've seen it even when people are trying to like imagine something, when you try to describe it and it doesn't exist, the failure of it being this concrete example. Like when you hold up a page and it's exactly what it is, people can be like, oh, I can kind of imagine it.

But in the absence of that, people are horrifically limited. and it prevents people like you and other creatives from being able to say, wait a second, that isn't what I mean. And, oh, you've made this association. It's a nail salon. It's not that nail salon joke that you're thinking about. And it's, you know, because we try to attach the closest piece of familiar concept that we have to anything. And that ultimately prevents a lot of great things from being born. Yes, Jonathan.

And the thing that, you know, draws me to you, just as someone who watches you and, you know, again, was a fan before I got to meet you backstage at your concert. You know, there's something about you that's very unapologetic. And, you know, it feels so cliche to be like, she's an unapologetic woman. Like, I don't mean it in that, like, cliche way. What I mean is that, and this is throughout your book as well, like, this is who I am. So don't tell me what the rules are. Don't tell me you're not supposed to, you know, that if, don't tell me that if you believe in God,

you can also be sexy. Don't tell me that if you don't have sex before marriage, you don't know how to make love. You know, like, this is who you are. And it's funny because that's something, the reason that I am drawn to you as a viewer is because I don't have that. You know, I feel like I'm always kind of like falling over myself, you know, in places where I need to not be. And it's a lot of, I think, for women in our industry and for like strong women, it's like finding your voice, right? And sometimes I'll use it way too much where it doesn't belong because it's all those like hurt feelings and resentment and like, you know. But when you were talking what it reminded me of, and this might be my issue and not yours, or we may share it or whatever.

For me, I relive a lot of my childhood with every adult that I interact with as an adult. So, like, when I'm told that's not how we do it, it's my dad. Like, you know, and it's my mom who did the best that they could and they were hilarious. Like very, very funny, very smart, very quirky. But, you know, it's them kind of doing what their parents. like we're all just getting sort of what's been handed down to us. And a lot of what you were talking about, I feel also when I'm in a room with what feels like grownups.

It's usually older white men. It's usually older white men. I have no problem with older white men. But when I'm in that situation, it's very easy for me to fall into that. And it's like, I just, I mean,

I talk about this a lot. Like how much of our adult lives is really just kind of reenacting, even good childhoods, even loving homes. how much are we just sort of like replaying those tropes? And I don't know if you ever thought about it, but it's like in those meetings, that's where I go. I've never thought about it, but as you're talking,

I'm realizing I am subconsciously assigning mom, dad, all of that. Teacher at school, principal, like, I am assigning people an authority role over me, and I'm coming in, like, I'm 40 years old, but I'm coming in like, I'm this little kid, and I'm like, okay, here's my presentation, give me a good grade. Right.

And what they say goes. They're the boss. And what they say is then the authority. That's truth. I still have that. And I have, you know, I'm grateful. I have spiritual guidance. I have people that I go to who remind me just be, here it is, just because someone

says something doesn't mean it's true. Right. And like that is mind blowing to me because where I come from, especially like immigrant family, like what the grown-up says goes because it's your survival. It is. This is how we live. This is how we hide. This is how we save money.

And I joke that I was raised like, my parents were like, I'll tell you when you're hungry. I'll tell you when you're happy and I'll tell you when you're cold. Like put on this jacket, eat what's on your plate. We may not eat again for many, many out. That's how so many of us also structure it. And I think it happens in all families. Yeah, and I also, it's funny because my husband and I talk about, both of us came from very humble beginnings. And there's a lot of times, like, with our business manager, who are a financial advisor, they are very much assigned mom, dad, or.

Oh, they are my parents. Jonathan refers to mine as my parents. Can we afford this? Is it okay if we buy this? And they're like, it's your money. but we very are like, if me and my husband are talking about like a big purchase,

he's like, I don't know, let's call Roger first and ask him if it's okay. Like, what? So it's like, I think we subconsciously are assigning people, mom, dad figures over us.

Yeah. Well, and I think that that's a great place that I want to get into your marriage and what's neat about following your comedy is you see kind of your life progress.

know, over the years of being with your husband. He's a Christian rapper. He was. He was a Christian rapper. But at the time of your, of certain specials, he was a Christian rapper, which just like the material that you produced just from those two words together, like Christian and rapper was so amazing. Embarrassing.

Well, not embarrassing, though. Like just, I mean, it was fantastic. Thank you. Comedy. It was fascinating also. So you have three podcasts. And one of them is, is you and him. him. I'd also just like to point out it's called Mangula.

Adorable. Manuel and Angela. That's right. It's the cutest. Thank you so that is one of your podcasts and you have a very honest relationship at least from the information that you choose to present both in your specials and like in the book. I do want to kind of lean into the fact that you've mentioned your faith and you've mentioned you know sort of the role that you always sensed it sounds like for the most part that you know like God had and has in your life. Did you meet in a Christian way? My roommate at the time was getting married. I went to her wedding and I saw this hot guy there and I was like, oh my God, who's this guy? Like somebody introduced me to him and nobody introduced me to him. And turns out he didn't even

noticed me that day. He's an exceptionally attractive man also. I can't imagine him walking among us. Very good looking. Like at a wedding, I'd be like, what is happening? Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was very like, what is that? He did not notice me because he only like white girls at the time. So a very specific type of white girl. A white girl who listens to hip hop music.

Like one of those kind of white girls. Who knows all the lyrics to, you know, all the songs. Anyways. So he didn't even notice me. I went home that day. I cyberstocked him on the internet. I went to my friend who got married that day to her Facebook page, clicked on her new

husband's Facebook page. I went through every single one of his friends until I was feeling very Christian. Yeah, yeah. So I found that Afro that I saw at the wedding. And I was like, boom, got him. And then I, like, researched him. I found out he was Christian. He was in a band.

He was touring, like, all these things. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, dream world. Hello. I love the Lord. He loved the Lord. Like, yes. And I didn't message him or anything.

I didn't even tell my friend that I, looked him up. You kept that dream inside. I'm real good at tucking things away. I'm real good at like, ooh, I want this. But you know, I must have going to tuck away right here. And I just let it go. I didn't do Facebook poke. I didn't do nothing. I just went on with my life and was like, snooze you loose, sir. You should have met me because I'm a catch. And I moved on with my life for two years. I just went and like dated a bunch of duds for two years. And then I get a phone call out of the blue one day. It was a text message from my friend that got married. that day. I hadn't talked to her in a long time at this point. And she sent me a text. She was like,

is this still Angela's number? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, um, call me back. I want to hook you up with somebody. And I had just gotten out of a, uh, relationship with a guy who was like super Christian and would say like all the Christian words, but he was like very manipulative and real toxic. And I just gotten out of a relationship with him and I was like, who do you want to hook me up? I was like annoyed at this point. Who? What? Why? Who is it? And she was like, I don't know if he's your type, but look him up on Facebook. His name is Manuel Reyes. And as soon as she said his name, like all my research came flooding back to me.

And I was like, doodoo do do do. Be what, be, babo, beep, bo, beep. I was like, all right, I'll look him up. I'll see. I already knew. I already know exactly who he was. And I was like, all right, I'll check. And I was like, it's about time.

Two years later, finally. And so she connected us. We started chatting on Facebook because he was living in Florida at the time. He was on tour. I was on tour. So we started Skyping because this is before FaceTime was the thing. So we're Skyping each other and Facebook messages.

And that's how our relationship started. Like he was in a hotel room. I was in a hotel room. He was in a green room. I was in a green room. And we would just Skype each other. And so we met in August. We became officially boyfriend and girlfriend,

circle yes or no, in October. And then we were engaged on Christmas Eve. Wow. And then we got married in June. Wow. We hadn't even known each other for a full year. Right. And we were already married.

And this is coming from like he's a player. I have commitment issues. Like I'm just dating around. Like nobody's serious. Not bringing anybody home to my family being like, this is my boyfriend. Like none of that. Just like out here living my life. Like I'm working.

I'm chasing my dreams. Like I'm CEO of me. I'm doing me right now. And then we got married very quickly. It's like the total cliche when you know you know. And it was like, oh, yeah, this feels different. This is it. And we're going on 12 years this is coming up.

Did you feel like your God had a hand in that or even in just sort of that guidance? What does that feel like to have that kind of relationship with God? For sure. So I am an avid journaler. I have stacks and stacks of journals. And my journals are sometimes just me documenting my day. Sometimes it's my prayers. Sometimes I'm talking to God in my journey.

journals, sometimes I'm just talking to myself and documenting. I remember like falling for this guy really quickly and thinking like, oh, it's moving too fast. Like, it's not how it works. And I remember I got advice from a friend of mine. And she was like, just follow peace. If peace says slow down, it's moving too fast, then slow down. But if peace says you're fine, then stay on track where you're going. You don't need to slow down because society says it's too fast or because your past history says it's too fast. You follow peace. If peace in your soul and your spirit is you're right where you're supposed to be, keep going, then keep doing that. And so I did. And then it moved very quickly. And I feel like I definitely talked to God a lot during that time and was like,

same kind of thing. God is the entertainment industry for me. Give me a sign. God is this guy for me. and I knew when I loved him, it took me a few days to write it in my journal. It was like I knew on a Monday, but I didn't write it until probably like Thursday or Friday. Because I couldn't even bring myself to write it in my journal. And then finally I was like, I think I love this guy. Like this is, this feels different. Wow. What is this God?

What are you doing? What's happening? Yeah. If we don't, let's say we don't call that God, what is it? Meaning is it, you know, is it intuition? Is it like, what is it? Intuition. I think whether you want to call it God or not,

I think we all have a knowing in our own spirit, in our own self, when you are in alignment with truth, truth of who you are, truth of what you're capable of, truth of your value, truth of your worth, truth of who you are in the world when you are in alignment with that and we all step out of alignment daily, weekly, monthly,

whatever it is. You can be like on a roll and then all of a sudden you're doubting yourself and you're insecure one day and then you bring yourself back into alignment with truth and you're like, oh no, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Like I am enough. I'm educated enough.

Yeah, I never finished college, but I'm educated enough. I am smart enough. I'm beautiful enough. I am all the things enough, right? I am talented enough. I am gracious enough. I am kind.

I am all the thing. I am enough, right? When you bring yourself back into alignment of truth of who you are and you're operating your life out of that alignment and truth, I think there's an intuition, a confidence in that. And when you're like your life is messy and you're in a state of like insecurity or doubt or like all the things, then I think it's harder to be. in touch with that intuition and knowing in your own spirit whether you call it God or self.

That's a very, very, that's a beautiful explanation. Thank you. You know, this is just my sickness. It's not your fault. You know, where I go is, no, but like where I go is like, well, why can't I have that? Like, what was missing? You know, what, like, whatever. Like, I mean, I'm a compare and despair person.

I specialize in comparing and despairing. No, but do you know what I mean, Jonathan? I'm like, I want to be like, what if I had grown up in her house? Would if you had more siblings? You know, and I was there. Like, would I have, would that have just been in the water, you know? Would I have just seen it from, like, being with your dad and your mom? You know, we're all different.

And I have my own blessings and challenges. And, you know, but, you know, that's what I, like, I want that. And also, I have a God. I have a God of my understanding. My first sentence was, you know, the prayer that we recite when, you know, when you're a toddler. You learn to say that God is one. Like, that's it, right? So like my first sentence was God.

And I've never really not believed. Just like I've never stopped believing in gravity. I didn't have a teenage phase where I was like, gravity doesn't exist. But like people are very comfortable being like, God doesn't exist. Like, okay. Anyway. And there are paths in traditional Judaism where you use kind of specific texts for personal development that feels a lot like that. It's just never a path that I've, you know, taken.

But I really want that. Jonathan, don't I want that? You definitely want it. And you know what's funny? As you're like, what if I grew up in your household, right? What's interesting is I didn't grow up with affirmation with any of that positive reinforcement. So I'm just doomed because I didn't get it for myself. It's, I feel like trauma taught me a lot.

And me getting into therapy because of trauma, educating myself in those ways, being open to, aspects of faith. Like we didn't grow up Christian until my parents got divorced. Once they got divorced, then we started going into church and stuff like that. But I feel like, so I learned a lot, like, as a teenager going into like youth group and like learning elements of faith and how to put your faith in God and in our world, like it was Christian world, like how to, you know, we read these scriptures, we coat these scriptures and like this is what it means, how it pertains to our life and like all that kind of stuff.

So we learn how to apply these stories and these principles to our own lives. And then like we stand on these scriptures as our like foundation and stuff. And then I've evolved even from that to where I'm so grateful for my upbringing and faith. But I also see where it was limiting. Right. And where it was traumatic and where it caused damage. And I'm able to deconstruct that and be like, oh, this was a. amazing that I learned from Christianity.

Oh, this, I'm going to hold on to this. This part right here, that's real toxic. That's got to go somewhere. That was not the Lord. That was man-made religious trauma right there. So I feel like trauma was a gift to then get help for it. If I didn't experience this trauma, I wouldn't seek this type of help. and I wouldn't have learned these types of things.

You've referred to your dad as, you know, obviously a huge part of your comedy, your timing, but you do also talk about some of the challenges and you use the, you know, the word trauma to describe it. Is this something that you've worked through? Is it something you've worked through on your own? Is this something you've worked through with him? With therapy, for sure.

And one year I decided to, talk to my dad about it. I was talking to a friend of mine on her podcast, and we were talking about our own traumatic past, whatever. And then I started feeling guilty that I was sharing this with her and the world, and I had never had a conversation with my dad about the trauma that has been caused in my life because of his actions. And she was like, maybe you should talk to him one day.

And I was like, yeah, right. And she was like, no, you should like sit down and have a conversation with your dad one day. And I was like, all right, well, if it ever works out, We're in the same city because he doesn't live in Los Angeles. I was like, we're in the same city. Sure, I'll have a talk with him. Two days later, he texts me and it's like, hey, I'm driving to Phoenix. I'm going to stop in L.A.

We love to see you. And I was like, oh, shit, it's going down. This is about to happen. So then I call my cousin, who is also like my therapist. He's been sober for 30 years. He's been in therapy his whole life. He sponsors people. And he has been, he was my first therapist before I actually like paid to go see therapy.

And like he was teaching me all the things, how to like communicate my feelings, how to process my feelings, how to articulate, how to own my feelings. Like they don't make you feel this way. Like you got to own your all the things. And so I worked it out with him and with my therapist. And he's like, I think you should write your dad a letter. And, you know, put it out out there, therapy sandwich. Positive. Negative positive. All the things. And I'm writing out everything from never hearing I'm proud of you, never hearing any of those. types of things to him competing with me to verbally abusive physically abusive like all the things growing up and it was to the point where I had to call my mom and my sister and be like are these stories true or am I making this up and they're both like oh no that really happened and then they would tell me other stories that I forgot about and I was like oh wow okay yeah no this conversation definitely needs to happen and I was so nervous and I was so nervous and I remember, again, like intuition, like leaning into that and being like, okay, when do I do it?

When do I talk to my dad about this? And in my mind, I saw this visual of my dad sitting at my coffee table in the morning drinking his coffee. And I was like, okay, when I see him there, I'm going to have a talk with him. So he gets there, we're eating dinner. We watch an episode of a show that I was on. And this is how my dad gives me encouragement. I did an episode of Superstore. And we watched the episode. I show my dad. And he's like,

they didn't give you any of the funny parts. And I'm like, no, you just don't get it. Dad, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Anyways, we go to sleep next morning. I come downstairs. He's sitting at the table.

He's sitting at the coffee table. By himself, just drinking his coffee. And I was like, oh, shit. Okay, heart's beating fast. I'm like, okay, let me go get my journal. I get it. And I go sit down. I was like, dad, I wrote you a letter.

And I'm going to read it to you. And this. is the first time you've kind of tackled this with him ever ever as i wrote you a letter i'm going to read it to you and he's like okay and i was like i want you to not say anything during this letter just listen just listen afterwards you can ask me questions we could talk about it i don't want you to say anything and he's like okay i start reading my letter the whole time i'm reading it what wow i don't remember that when? Like all of these things, right? But I'm like, just keep reading. I'm not even going to comment to what he's saying. I'm just going to keep going. And I read my whole letter. You kept your eyes down.

And yeah, yeah. And I finished my letter. And he was like, well, oh, and one thing me and my therapist talked about, best, worst and medium outcome. from this. Worst outcome, he storms out of the room. I never talk to him again. Fractures our relationship forever and I never talk to my dad again. Best outcome, he's completely apologetic. I cannot believe that he hurt me so and is like, how do I make this better?

Right. Medium outcome is like... Anything in between. I'm sorry. Hey, it is what it is. Right? Great. I'll take that.

Please, just don't give me the bad one. So after he's done, he's laid. listening, he stands up and he goes, hey, give me a hug. I don't remember a lot of that, but I believe you. Wow. And I'm sorry. I just raise you the way I was raised. And then he goes on to say things that are like fully as my therapy brain. I'm like, oh, you're in denial. He's like, when my dad used to beat me, I was grateful. That's right. I was grateful because he showed he cared about me.

And I was like, really? You were grateful as you would get him beat down? No, you weren't. Like, but that's his protective. Correct. Well, that's the reality that that generation often has to construct. Sure. So it was like a whole thing, but also in that conversation, I realized and it's something,

not, I don't want to generalize that generation, but I feel like it has a lot to do with that generation. my dad does not have the capacity to understand his own trauma and the trauma he has caused. Correct. So in this moment, it was not necessarily me trying to get him to understand. It was me just letting him know. And I think when I released myself of needing him him to understand and own what, he did to me in my life when that was the weight of that was gone it was like I can actually have a great relationship with you now wow I don't need you to own anything because I know your capacity

and unfortunately you can't that's right you don't understand and that's not a judgment also and you know when my mom listens hi mom um and you know I remember even when I became vegetarian you know when I left my parents home. It was like, what? What, what we did wasn't okay? What you think you're going to do better? You know, like, meaning anything we do that breaks out of those patterns, like whatever the pattern is, right, depending on the family structure, it's always going to rub the wrong way. And then you take into account, like you said, well, what was their childhood like? What trauma did they experience? What wars did they see? Right? Like, what did they see? What battles? What wars did they see in their home and in the world, right? But it doesn't have to be...

You know, it doesn't have to be a confrontation in that, you know, just like we were saying, like, this is who, like, the way I see you saying, like, this is who I am, that's also who other people are. Yeah. So if I'm going to give myself that grace to say, like, I'm where I need to be. I get to do the work. They also have the dignity to make their own decisions about their growth. Like, that's really what a – also, it's not always like that people. I don't want people to be like, I tried the Angela thing and it blew up in my face. But it sounds like you had incredible thoughts.

thoughtful support around it. Yeah. Also, you have a relationship with writing. Yeah. With expressing your feelings. And with a concept of something bigger than yourself that you have really integrated into your path. So I'm not saying the only way you can do these kind of things is if you're a religious person. But the framework that you had was very, very time tested in terms of the structure of how you organize,

you know, confrontation and outcomes. It's really, really beautiful. Years of therapy. Yeah. Definitely helped with that. And I'll tell you one last thing of something that I learned about my relationship with my dad and him never saying like, I'm proud of you, you did a great job, anything like that. When I first started doing stand-up comedy at the church, the graduation, right, we did that.

Then there was a variety show at church. And there was dancing, acting, singing. And at the time, I lived with my friends in this apartment. And they're all like dancers, actors and stuff like that. And so I'm in the variety show and I do my stand-up. and my dad drives down with his friend, and they come to the variety show, and they come to see his perform.

And so I did my set, and then my roommate, my best friend, she was in the show, she was dancing, she's a dancer, right? And so after the show, I see my dad. And nothing, no, hey, great job. Oh, that was awesome. Nothing.

Like, even if you didn't think it was funny. Say something. It was like, like, hey, you did. did it. Proud. Nothing. It was just like, hey, how's it going? Yeah.

Oh, hi, dad. Right? And then I remember the pastor walks up. And the pastor says to my dad, he was like, hey, you must be proud. There it is. And then my dad, who's a jokester, and I get it. He was being funny guy. He goes, yeah, when she's hosting the Oscars one day, then I'll be proud.

Oh. And then my pastor goes, well, you got to start somewhere, you know. And then he's like, you know, he's cracking jokes because that's what he does. Yeah. It's protection also. It's total protection, right? So then I'm like, okay, I think my dad just doesn't know how to give compliments. I think it's just he doesn't know how to say it.

Like the words don't come out. Like he just doesn't know how to give compliments. That's fine. It's whatever. Anyways. So we get home back to my apartment. And I'm with my dad, his friend is there, whatever, we're all hanging out. And then my friend gets home who was also in the variety of show.

I know what you're going to say. She was dancing in the show. I know. That's going to happen. She walks in the door and my dad lights up. Yes. Hey. Oh, my God.

You were incredible. Wow. Like, it was beautiful. Just lavishing her. He knows how to give a compliment, friends. He knows how to give a compliment. And I was like, what the fuck? I was so mad.

And I was hurt. Oh. I go. I leave immediately and I go into the bathroom and I call my mom on the phone and I'm like crying in the bathroom. I'm a grown adult at this point. I'm like 20 something years old. I think I'm like 27 and I call my mom

and I'm in the bathroom on the phone and I'm like crying and I'm like telling her like what just happened and she goes stop expecting him to be that for you. Stop expecting the encouragement expecting the love expecting the affirmation stop needing that from him because you will never get it. And it was like so hurtful.

And I talked about it in therapy for years and years and years. And then I came to this realization that was released me from so much. I would talk to all my dad's family, his friends. Anytime I'd get on the phone with my aunt or a friend of my dad's, hey, your dad's so proud of you. He talks about you all the time. I go, really? he didn't tell me this like oh he's so proud when you did this and that and i was like really wow he didn't

tell me any of that and then i realized my dad grew up charming athletic life of the party's star of the show when my dad is telling other people about his daughter he's winning that's right. He's still winning because this is my daughter. When he's telling me, you're winning. I'm winning. And he's not ready for that. No. I also want to mention the second podcast that we can give a shout out to, nights at the round table, which is religion and spirituality. And the premise is this podcast was birthed over nights of wine, good food, and good friends. We talk about faith, love relationships, and the deconstruction of them all

sounds really, really awesome and I'm assuming that is a place. That's a safe place, you know, to explore that. Oh, yeah. But it really is the third podcast that we need to talk about. Yeah. Because you talk about ghost stories.

Let's talk about this podcast and why it's on hiatus. Tell me about it. I've always been fascinated with paranormal stuff. Since I was a kid, I love scary, spooky things. I remember being a kid going to my grandma's house in Reno, Nevada. and she this is like 80s VHS types yeah and she had all the movies like she collected all the movies and so at night we would all we would pick a movie and we'd all watch the movie together

then everybody would go to sleep but I would stay up and I would watch a scary movie it was like the blob right night of a living dead like original yeah like hardcore old school I would watch all the scary movies and then I would have to walk by myself down the dark hallway to the guest bedroom I don't like this Yeah, it was real, real scary. I like to scare myself. So I've always been fascinated with haunted houses, like not Halloween haunted house,

like actual, like something demonic happened in this house. Like I... Oh, Winchester Mystery House also is in San Jose, one of the most famous strange houses. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did a photo shoot there one day. Of course you tell you about it.

So anyways, always been fascinated with paranormal ghosty stuff, but also growing up Christian, you're taught that it's bad. Right. It's don't do it. Don't mess with that stuff. Don't open the door. And it's actually, it's Old Testament, religious Jews as well. You do not dabble in numerology or astrology or like all that stuff.

Isn't that crazy? Oh, yeah, Vodizara. So, yeah, it's actually, it's basis is Judeo Christian. That the wise man, like, followed the stars to get to Jesus. But then we stop. But don't look at the stars anymore. That's right. And also, like, the Hebrew language and Aramaic, every letter is a number.

So the whole Bible is numbers. and certain words have different number values and if you mix them together, but we don't talk about it anymore because it was, culturally, there was a lot of other groups that were using that as their primary worship and the Jews and the Christians were like,

we're different than them, I promise. Okay, but go ahead. So it was like bad stuff. I remember any time I'd be like super into like my scary movies and like I would go, I would look up where there was something haunted and I would go drive there and like try to explore. Yeah, it totally was, totally my porn. And then I would have like people from my church that would be like this is bad.

You need to like repent. You need to like give this to the Lord. Like all that kind of stuff. And so anyways, then I started like deconstructing and I was like, you know what? I'm going to do my ghost stories. And this also was birthed out of 2020 COVID. And I would go. The scariest shit.

Anyone had experienced. Yeah. I would go on Instagram live and I would sit by my fireplace in the backyard and I would go live with fans on Instagram and they would tell me their actual real ghost stories. I don't like it. No, it makes me scared. So they would tell me I would have one celebrity guest, and then I would go live with like three random fans

that I would just pick, and they would tell me their ghost stories. And the most wild story was Joe Coy's story. I have it on YouTube if you go check it out. It's not great footage quality because we're Instagram live, so it wasn't like great camera stuff. It's a wild story. It's the wildest story I've ever heard. But anyway, so that's how it started.

And then we turned it into like an actual podcast, and then I would go live with people and people are like live streaming watching and they're giving comments and stuff like that. So we did a bunch of episodes. It was super fun. People were very into it. And then I had to go on hiatus

because a creepy thing happened. What happened? So is this for real? You're just trying to scare me. No, this is for real. Like I haven't brought my podcast back because of this. Because I'm trying to figure out

how to do it and be safe. So I would record the episode wherever I was. If I was in L.A., Nashville, because I live in Nashville as well. Like wherever I was, I'm recording this episode. So there's this one night I'm doing the episode. It's like Tuesday night. And I'm realizing my husband's out of town.

It's just me. Our studio is in the back house, right? So I'm realizing it's going to be like 8 p.m. dark. And I have to walk by myself from the front house to the back house, right? Then by the time I'm done with the podcast, now it's going to be like almost 10 p.m. Right. Right. The witching hour.

Yeah. And it's just like forest all around. It's just like trees, nature. It's dark. no lights, nothing. And I'm psyching myself out. I was like, oh my God, I forgot. I'm by myself and it's going to be dark and I have to like lock up the studio by myself. Whatever. Anyways. So I go, I'm in the studio. We're recording. My producer is virtual. He's in Phoenix. I'm in Nashville. We go live. I have my my guest that I'm, I'm live with. I'm interviewing my guest.

He's telling me about his story growing up. He always had these like two spirits that would like follow him, like through his childhood now he's an adult and he always had a woman as a woman, woman's a man, he always had them, he's telling me his story. And I go, you should meet my friend. He's a psychic medium. I start talking about my friend. I go, you should meet my friend, AJ Barrera. He's a psychic medium.

As soon as I say that, I hear something in my headphone. And I kept talking for like two more words and then I was like, wait, did you just say something? Stop. And he goes, no. And I go, you swear? You didn't whisper something right now? And he's like, no. And I was like, I just heard something in my headphones.

Then all the comments on the section. No. I just heard it. I definitely heard something. Everybody starts commenting that they all heard something. And I was like, so I tell my producer, I was like, hey, make a note of this, like, time code, and go back and listen and tell me if you can hear anything. So I just finished the interview.

And I'm like kind of freaked out a little bit. I was like, I definitely heard something in my head. phone. I was like, okay, I just finished the interview. And then lock up the studio, scared, like, my eight-year-old self at my grandma's house in Reno, just like walking down the scary hallway. Now I'm like walking back into my house and I'm like by myself and it's like dark. I'm like, let me just hurry up and go to bed because once you get in the bed, put the covers on, no more monsters could get you. Is that right? Like, that's how it works. Is that how it works? That's how it works. No more monsters could get you under the covers. So I was like, let me just hurry, but it's a bit. So then I'm in

my bed, right? And my producer sends me the clip. No. And then I play it and you hear something. And I'm like, oh my God, I knew it. I knew something happened. So then I'm texting. My mom, I'm like, here's a clip. Look at it. Because she watched all my episodes. I was like, here's a clip. Tell me, what do you think is that? It's taken to my brother Kenny. Oh, my God, here's a clip. Then I call my other brother Mitchell. And I'm like in bed at this point. I was like, Mitchell, I'm going to send you this video right now. This just happened on my podcast. As I'm talking to him, my, no, my Google soundbar turns on bloop. And I was like, oh no. Oh, Mitchell, I got to go.

I got to hang up. Oh, my God. I don't know what's happening. And then I hang up and I was like, I need a hurry. And then I start rebuking everything. I'm learning. I'm taking all my Christian teachings from growing up. I'm like, I rebuke you in Jesus' name, like all the things.

And I was like, I need to go to sleep. So I text my friend, the psychic medium. And I was like, bro, something up on my podcast. Call me back. I need to tell you about it. He didn't call me back until like the next evening. So I'm sorry. You went to sleep?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. How? I don't know. I've trained myself since I was a kid on watching and experiencing scary things I'm going to sleep. I would burn the house down.

Oh no, it gets worse. It gets worse. So then my friend finally calls me back. And I was like, bro, the scary thing happened on my podcast. I heard something. He goes, okay, send me the clip. And I was like, I heard somebody said something.

And he goes, okay, was it a man or a woman? I was like, I don't know. I can't tell. And he was like, hey, what did they say? I was like, I don't know. I can't tell. And he's like, all right, send me the clip. I text him the clip.

He's now, he calls him back and he tells me this. He's with his wife and he presses play and he listens to it. His wife doesn't know anything. All she knows, somebody sent him a clip and he's watching it. She's listening and she goes, it sounds like they said, Angela. And he goes, oh, that's funny because Angela Johnson is the one who just texts me this. No. So then he calls me back and he goes, it's whispering your name.

No. And I'm like, shut your mouth. And he's like, yeah, it definitely said your name. So then he starts doing all his like, okay, is it the anniversary of a death coming up? Somebody you know. I don't like it. Just like all the different things. I don't like it.

And then we even, we slowed it down and you can hear it like slow mo. It's wild. And so I'm like, shut up. So now I'm like hella freaked out. And he's like, we, after doing some investigative, you know, questioning, he's like, I think it's your grandma. My grandma had just passed away like a month before. When I found out she passed away, I was in that studio.

I did all my journaling about her in that studio. like all the thing when I was processing her death it was all in that studio and so it was like I think it's your grandma and I was like okay so then now the third day now I'm driving I'm in Nashville it's like a hot beautiful sunny day I'm driving my car down the freeway I'm on blue I'm never going to sleep again I just want you to know that like last night was my last night of sleep I'm on Bluetooth with my mom I'm talking to my mom and telling her what happened and what the psychic guy said and I was like yeah He said it might be grandma, blah, blah, like not her mom. It's my dad's mom.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, he said, it might be my grandma, blah, blah, blah. As I'm telling her the story, all of a set of my windshield wipers just turn on by themselves. It's a sunny, beautiful day. It's not raining. It's not misty. It's not anything. Just shoo, shoo.

And I was like, oh, hell no. Oh, my God. I'm telling you. She's like, well, just start asking your grandma some questions. Maybe she's around you. So I hang up with my mom and I'm like, okay, grandma. You're driving. I'm driving down.

the highway in Nashville, Tennessee. And I'm like, okay, grandma, if this is you, and you're trying to tell me something, like, what are you trying to tell me? And I'm like looking for signs at this point. I'm looking at license plates. I'm looking at billboards. I'm like, what? Is there a message somewhere? Like, I got no messages. I didn't, I don't know what she was saying. And that was like pretty much the last creepy thing that happened in that. But ever since then, I did one more episode after that and I had a friend with me in the studio. I'm like, I'm not doing this by myself. And then ever since then, I was like, let me just take a beat real quick. gather myself and I have not been able to bring myself back to do the podcast yet.

Like I have to really figure out like I need somebody physically there with me. I can't be doing it by myself. Well, that's true. Like I need somebody. I don't know. I think it was God saying don't do this anymore. Maybe it was. Maybe all my Christian friends are right.

No, that's not what I'm saying. And I need to repent and give it to God. I don't know. But it was wild. So it's been a while since I brought. And that's the one that everybody keeps asking for. Like, hey, what are you bringing back? I'm not asking, you do you.

You just do whatever you need to do. That story reminds me of the Corey Taylor episode of a very popular podcast called Mine Balax Breakton. If people haven't heard it. They should check it out. Thank you, Jonathan, for mentioning an episode of our show where we did. We had a very, it was very creepy. Before we just like move totally on from this, like, have you made any sense?

Like, do you believe your grandmother was communicating to you? I personally believe that. There is a very thin veil between the realities that we consider reality with air quotes and non-reality in that these things merge all the time. I don't know about, you know, ghosts throwing things across rooms. That has never happened. But I do believe in the potential for other entity communication. I fully believe in it.

And I'm not fully convinced that it was my grandma, which is why I haven't brought it back. If I was convinced that it was my grandma, then it would be like peaceful. and it'd be like, oh, cool, she came to visit me. Yeah, let's do another episode. No, no. Why are we okay with people coming to visit this way? Can we talk about that? My D.A. Mary just died, and I've been asking her to come visit me, and she has not.

And I'm like, what's up, girl? It doesn't scare you? I mean, if it's like a nice, like, if it's a butterfly that lands on my nose, I'll be like, oh my God, Dia Mary. And I'll assign it, might be a Mary. You know what I mean? But I don't want my Google Chrome to go bloop, bloop, in the middle of the night. I don't want that kind of sign.

Don't visit me that way, please. I should another time bring Angela to my house. You should. Is it haunted? Well, this house has some specialness, and my lovely publicist lived here for years after I moved out. My son was born in the living room. I lived here.

And then I moved out, and I rented it. And she had a very nice time living here, and they had their first child here. And when she moved out, she was, she like kind of had a talk with me and she's like, has anyone ever said? Stop. Yeah. And she was very specific that something near the fireplace.

And, you know, nothing specific has happened there. You know, like the cat ones went up there and we had to like get her down. Sure, sure. There's been a lot of interesting things, I would say, in this house. And she's a person who's had other very, very special paranormal things. happened to her. So she's a person, I think, who's receptive to that. But yeah, there's a lot of interest to this house. It talks. Like, it's not just like, oh, old houses are creaky. Like, there's a pattern to the creaking. If Mime, for example, is an heightened emotional state, it seems

to creak more than if she's not. It creeps me out. One of your skill sets and really a skill set attached to some of the things that people most know you for involve your incredible mimicry. And your ability also, you capture, you have one of those voices, you can capture just about every inflection, every accent, like you, I mean, you can really, I don't want to say you throw your voice, because it's not like a ventriloquist kind of thing, but you have a very special control, you know, of your voice and of your vocal cords. And I don't, I don't feel the need to kind of go into tremendous detail because I don't want to make more of something. Sure, sure. But I think it's very interesting. You're a very thoughtful person. You're a very culturally sensitive person.

And I wonder if you can speak a little bit to what you see as kind of the role of comedy and what it means to you to bring people joy and to be an entertainer when sometimes in today's climate, it can feel dangerous in many ways. Totally. And however you're comfortable speaking about it, I would love to hear from you because I just, I love what you do, how you do it. And so much of comedy does not hold up. Sure. And I have found that your comedy absolutely does, despite all of the cultural ups and downs and swings left and right.

I'm kind of curious where you've landed as a comedian. One thing I want to comment on is the accent and my ear and ability to hear and say, I love to sing, right? Like I'll hear something and then I can like mimic. the sound. Like, it's not exactly. Like, I can't Mariah Carey, like, get there. You know what I mean? But I can mimic pretty well. And one thing I cannot do is harmonize because I'm listening to you. So the second I hear you hit this note, don't ask me to hit that note. Right. I'm going to do what you're doing. Because I mean, I hear and I say what I hear. Right. So that's how I'm able to like do accents. If I'm in a

conversation with somebody they have an accent, gave me two sentences and I'm already like talking like you. Sorry. As far as comedy goes, I feel my job as a comedian is to hold up a mirror to society and show you what I see, but also it's just here's a mirror. And so sometimes it looks like a stereotype. Sometimes it looks like a generalization, right? But a lot of times I'm the messenger holding up the mirror. My holding up the mirror is the words that I say on the microphone. And then sometimes people can get upset and they're like, I don't like that you just said

that. And I'm like, oh, but it's just, it's the mirror. Like, sorry, this is what I'm, I'm just holding up a mirror is what I'm doing. So I feel like the rules are definitely changing. The rules are changing. Evolving is great. We need to evolve as human species. But I think sometimes we overshoot it.

And it's like here's the line and we needed to like evolve past this line. And then people are like jumping way over there. And I'm like, oh, wait, you're too far now. Like what? Hold on. Do you even know? Are you relatable now? Are you a human?

And it's kind of like our world, humanity is very messy and colorful and intricate and beautiful. And that's what makes us so beautiful is that we're colorful, intricate and complicated. And I feel like where we're at now is we try to black and white everything. And it takes the beauty out of art, out of comedy, out of storytelling, because we have to be very black and white. to make sure that we don't offend someone, that we include everyone, that all the things, all the things, all the things, which I think are great. I don't want to offend people. I want to include people.

But at the same time, I still want to be accurate when I'm holding up this mirror. So let's not pretend that we don't see these things. So it's hard. It's a hard place to be. Unless, that's for me because there's a lot of comics out there. They're like, I don't care. I'll say whatever I want. And it's not hard for them because they just say what they want to say.

And they don't care. And that's great for them. I wish I had some more of that. in me, but I care a little too much. I don't like offending people. Like the word disappointment is like my trigger word. Like if people are like disappointed in me, I'm like, people are disappointed in me. So I think I care too much. And so I, a lot of times, I definitely play it safer these days. Thank you so much for, you know, for speaking to that. There's so many more things I would love to talk to you about. But for the time being, Jonathan and I are so grateful that you spoke to us

and also to have you here in person is really special. The book, Who Do I Think I Am, Stories of Cholo Wishes and Caviar Dreams. It's Angela with a Jay. Yeah, before we go, I need you to go to one of those pictures. You know which one I want you to go to. Yeah. Go ahead. You can set it up as I'm finding it.

So, growing up, I was a huge... Well, they can't see, but we'll insert a picture. Blossom fan. And I would wear my blossom. hat every day. And people would call me Blossom. We kind of look alike also. And so I had to put my picture in there of me with my Blossom hat.

And was it black? Yeah. Or it's just the, I didn't know if the color. Yeah, it's black with the big black. You had a red, a red flower. Sorry, the pictures just kill me. Yeah. But that was like, so she talks about, she was my fan.

I grew up like the biggest Blossom fan. like I would get made fun of because I would wear that hat all the time like people would make fun of me and I'll fight you like I don't even care And yeah just really a pleasure to watch your career and get to learn more about you and I'm just wish so many only good things for you and it's like to see To see you like put into words so much of your journey. It's incredibly incredibly it's hilarious but also really really thoughtful Thank you. Who do I think I am? Angela Johnson-Reyas. And it's Angela with a Jay. If you have not seen Angela's specials, do yourself a favor. We need to laugh. We need to laugh now more than ever. It is so, so good. It's so smart. And it's just so much fun to have you here. From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time. It's my ambiolic's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One fix you more than now she's gonna bring