Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Bevisode with Mayim’s Mom! Don’t Get Your Death on Me

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

Bev breaks down previous episodes in our seventh Bevisode installment! This week, Bev opens up about the perks of being Mayim’s mom, why she doesn’t take the praise for who Mayim is today, and her Moment of Peace and Calm. She reacts to past episodes including: processing grief with Nora McInerny, finding comfort in the unknown and giving back to the world with Howie Mandel, and the universality of mental health struggles with Julie Bowen. Bev considers Sarah Silverman’s ability to remain true to who she is, Chelsea Handler’s journey through unpacking delayed grief and experiences with EMDR, and reveals why the David Sinclair episode was problematic for her. Be sure to stick around to hear Bev show off her “podcast voice!” BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In her career and in the fact that she was a public person, you got to be pulled out of the class. What did you love? I can't even look at her. I loved. What did you love? I loved it all. I loved being the one who gave birth to her. I loved the high life. I loved martinis at lunch with the other moms and the producers. I loved watching her all day on the set. I never got bored with watching her all day. Not creepy at all. And I loved being.

being the overseer of all the people who were paid to take care of her. Hi, I'm Myambiolic and welcome to My Breakdown. This is the place where we break things down so you don't have to. It's Mymbialy's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down. Today it's time for a Bevisode.

We have a very special guest, the only person who can be a guest on The Bevisode, we're going to let her make a grand entrance. Here she is. This is your seat. You have headphones. Very fancy. You are only our second guest in the studio. How does it feel? After Rain Wilson. That's right. It's a hard act to follow, but it feels good. Do you remember the setup when Rain Wilson was in the studio? Do you remember where he was? He was in Jonathan's chair.

That's right. We've been a little bit behind. 24 episodes. Okay. So someone's keeping track. We took a Bev break. Someone is keeping track of how many episodes. Although there are some fans out there of yours who would love to hear you recount all 24. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen.

We've selected some episodes that we're going to discuss. If you're tuning into your first episode, because maybe you've just found the show, and it's been so long since we've done a Bevisode. She's holding up the number seven. It's a seventh. This is the seventh Bevisode, and in these episodes, we get Bev to, we get her hot takes. She reviews episodes and gives us her insights on them. She also gives insights on MIMS interviewing and general performance. It's a general review of whoever we had on, including my performance.

You'll be in there. It's a lot of her performance of the show. So without further ado, I think we have a lot of episodes to cover. We do. Let's get into it. And she takes copious notes. This is the important part. We tasked her at the very beginning to,

make sure she was prepared. We gave her a... She is nothing if not prepared. And she took this very seriously. All right. Jonathan, you have the list that we have given Bev of the ones to focus on for today.

Who would you like to start with Jonathan? I think in no particular order, let's start with Sarah Silverman because that's a doozy of an opener. Let's also remember, Mom, just some grand rules. Be respectful. Yes, be respectful.

Sarah Silver. Yes. So I was a little... What's the title of the episode? Let's just start with that. Grow a pair of lips. But, you know, I was a little disappointed in hers because... Paranist.

No, no, I love her. But I expected... It's almost like she doesn't have to say anything. Because she's so who she is. So it was very interesting because, you know, the way she grew up, very kind of normal, Jewish, you know, etc. And those two words are rarely used together, normal and Jewish. Yeah, but she's neither one. I mean, she's very Jewish, but she's so loud and she's so out there.

And, you know, I hate to use the term, but even she said people referred to her as one of the guys. And the thing about her, you know, I was kind of surprised because she doesn't say much. She's just who she is. She didn't really have a philosophy. She really didn't have, not negative. I mean, she just is who she is, and she's very much Sarah Silverman. You mean she's like, she always cracks jokes and she's a comedian. Yeah, but I didn't, because I didn't know if that was the real Sarah Silverman.

So with other people, I saw two sides. In other words, when they spoke, I felt like they were being genuine. And I think she was genuine, but I think she's so tuned in to being herself, Sarah Silverman. I think that's true of a lot of stand-ups. I mean, I didn't see it in some of the others. That was the thing. I didn't feel that way. And then she spoke about, which was really sad

that she had a, you know, a big loss before she was born. And I think that forms your life and forms, you know, cripples the whole family in a sense. So I think maybe she was trying to heal them with comedy, quite possibly. But not to get too personal, but your family had a loss before your younger sister was born. Never spoke of it. Right.

The fact that you're saying it now is risky. Do you remember? So my grandmother of Blessed Memory lost a child after my mother. And obviously, before my mother's younger sister, do you remember? You were probably two, right? That's kind of orthodox spacing, as we call it. You know, I really don't. Everything was kind of a blur.

I do remember my father taking me to work with him to Howard Close in Brooklyn, which was pretty amazing, but I guess there was nobody else, you know. And I remember him combing my hair there in the shop. I mean, it was a sweatshop, literally. And I don't have any idea what I did all day, but he took me with him to work. And does your older sister, does she have any memories of it? We don't talk about it. So I don't know.

Yeah. I think it might have been a boy. I think it was. I think that was what I remember. But yes, it absolutely shapes a family. And that's something I remember my grandmother, you had said kind of there was a deep grief in her. You know, that stayed with her for that child. And you feel a sense of failure, especially in that type of family and the fact that it was a boy.

Right. So it's interesting because I think it was Julie Bowden who said she was always... Julie Bowden? She was the boy in the family. And that was my position. I don't know if I ever told you that. I mean, literally, I was supposed to act like the boy in the family. What does that mean?

Do boyish things have short hair? They joked about it because I was more, I guess, to them, I was, I hate to use the word, but more of a tomboy because I wasn't religious, I wasn't quiet. So that signified boy to them. Huh. So when you talk about Sarah Silver. I think there was something about a rolling pin in my pants, I swear. No, I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding.

I just remembered it. What about Sarah Silverman? What does it mean? Because it's something we've talked about also with Eliza Schlesinger and, you know, even with Chelsea Handler. You know, being a... She was different. Yeah.

No, no. Being a female comedian is different. And often you do have that kind of like one of the guys, you know, kind of vibe. Yeah. Well, what's interesting is, you know, I feel like comedy is a neutral platform and it shouldn't have that boy, girl, gender kind of thing. But in order to be accepted, she had to act like them. But I don't feel like that should happen.

I mean, why can't women have comedy without being like men? like everything else in the world. It's sort of like one of the timeless questions of comedy. I love she liked her bedroom because that's my favorite place. She said her bedroom is her place of meditation. Oh, that's nice. And I really love that because that's where I am. So I thought we were bonding there.

Yes, you and Sarah bonding through Miami and Bialy's breakdown. Bev, what did you think about Howie? So Howie Mandel. Never too late to change. Is that what that was his? Which is my mantra. I mean, you know, I just, so the thing that surprised me about Howie Mandel, and I always knew, you know, there was always the word about he's a germapho, but that that doesn't say it. Right.

So what I didn't know that he had this lifelong resting place of misery, depression, anxiety, normal childhood, but I think he had. Normal. Normal. Well, nothing traumatic, nothing horrible, nothing terrible. And he said from the age of four, he had that feeling. of, you know, making people laugh with like the drug. The thing I guess that surprised me, the way the brain works, is he said when he thinks of like a candid camera situation, that's what fueled his comedy.

And he said when he would go on stage, his best moments were the frantic ones that weren't planned. And you would think it would be the opposite, because if somebody is so fearful and so depressed and so guarded, why would you? you want to go up there in a moment of, I'll go, okay. Like he said, his word is okay. Okay, so this is a great question. Do you have, you're really good under pressure. I am too. Not everybody is. But there's something about that energy that I totally got when he said that. I think it's more about creative energy. Like for me, the nervous energy I get before I go on a stage,

it fuels, it fuels something for me. And that is chemical, you know. So I think he said he felt more comfortable when he was awkward and out of place. That's what I didn't get. I totally get it. Then I had a question about he was very much into giving back to the world and Siddaka and doing good deeds. And, you know, I wonder how that fit in with the misery. If that was to compensate for the misery, to take away the misery, to, how does that work? Is that a parallel theme in his life? Or is one trying to fix the other? Well, I will, I will. I will. I will. propose a lyric from a Dan Burns song where he says if you give someone a penny is it just to make them happy or just to keep them at bay. Wow. I mean not to get philosophical. Why does anyone

do some? Why does anyone, you know, do nice things? I mean, I don't mean to be like, why does anyone do nice things? But I think that's interesting because sometimes if you feel you can't control your own world, it might sometimes feel safe to try and, you know, it's a lot. You know, in some ways know that you're impacting someone else's world. So you, but you use the word control because I think in therapy, what he learned was he couldn't control other people and make them live in his world.

Right. So that was the big, I mean, he only went to therapy 20 years ago. Well, that's what I was also going to say. Like, one of the things that surprised me so much was how long he was married. He had kids. No, how long he was suffering.

Well, also, she was suffering too, it sounds like. Yeah, well, yeah, but it sounds like he was really hurting. every day. So, I mean, that's what... I also had a question for you, because you were a teacher for decades. Forgive me. You were a teacher for decades, and he describes himself as a student. And I knew kids, and I'm sure you did as well, who had the behavioral issues that he described. So I don't know if I spoke about it in that episode, but, you know, there was a kid, several kids, but there was one kid in particular in junior high who would literally fall. It was those desks that they were stand alone, they had a little desk attack. Yeah. And he would literally,

repeatedly tip over because he was, you know, agitated and rocking. Oh, he didn't do it on purpose. No, no, no. It was, you know, and looking back, it's like, wow, that person was probably really suffering from a sense of... How did somebody not say he needs some... Well, you're, you were a teacher. Do you remember, you know, kind of seeing elements of ADHD that we didn't call it that then? Yeah, but we would, you know, try and take them to a counselor or try and call it. the parent. I mean, I noticed it. You know, dad noticed it. But if you notice it, it means you have to do paperwork. It means you have to go up against the parents. It means you might get pushback. So sometimes you look, I didn't, but sometimes you want to look the other way. Now, I was one of those,

I didn't have any kind of that kind of, but I wanted attention so desperately from teachers. And I remember going up and literally, I can't believe I did this, lifting the leg of the teacher's pan to see his socks. I mean, I put my hands on his pants. It's like, I can't. Why did you do that? To see his socks. But why?

I wanted to see his socks to see if they match the tie. But you now know that it was attention seeking. Of course. I haven't really lost that. I mean, in a group, I feel like when you're in a group of 30 in a class, very difficult to this day, very hard to sit. What's hard? Not being the special one.

Not being noticed. And not getting the one-on-one. What happens if you're not noticed? What are you afraid of? You're sad. Why? Well, because I want to be special. And what if you're not special?

Not good. Not good. Not good. What does that mean? It means I'm just one of the masses. So insignificant in some way? Well, I don't think insignificant. One of the masses.

The whole mass could be significant, but I'm just one of them. To me, that sounds like insignificant. No. Not noticed. Yeah, I think there's a difference. There's a difference between insignificant and not significant. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Lacking significance or a paucity of significance. So, yeah, I remember that. But how do you not notice children that are acting out like that? I mean, it's... Well, I think it's really interesting, though, because, you know, what you just described is another way of satisfying a need.

you know, and I think people find it in different ways. And I think especially with comedians and with stand-ups, you'll find that as... I mean, homeschooling would have been perfect for me. Except your parents would have been... Not with those parents. They didn't speak English. You'd be speaking Yiddish to this day. I would need other...

But I'm saying, when I look at today's education, and that would have been ideal for me. Because, you know, I could have done what I wanted to do as opposed... It's funny. As a homeschool parent, I can say that a lot of people take their kids out of school because they want their kids to be special. Or their kid is special. Or every kid is special if they have a chance to fulfill their needs.

We just skipped over the best idea that's happened in 70 plus episodes of this podcast, which is Bev as a child being parented by Maying homeschooled in that alternative universe. You are now the mom. Yeah. Which speaks a lot to many. My Ambialx breakdown is supported by superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office. and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful.

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Unique. Unique. I'm going to bite my tongue already. But hold your tongue. How does it, how did that fit into Maim's career at all? She was always special. But there's a little. And now the whole world knew it.

But there's a little bit of a glow that comes to a special mom of a special kid. Don't go. No. No. Don't go there. I happened to be one when people. In fact, I got an email yesterday and this really bothers me. Maybe because my batting average. Somebody wrote, you have raised the most amazing daughter. And I wrote, I appreciate it, but I wrote back she raised herself. Because if I take the praise, I have to take the blame. That's how I've always felt. And I don't feel like the praise is mine to accept.

I really feel like I did my best. Next time on Miami-Bialk's breakdown, how Maya raised herself? Well, what I mean is I didn't give you, you know, I can't accept the praise for raising a great actress, raising a great humanitarian. I did the best I could, but it came from you. But also, and I'll, you know, I know you started to tell Jonathan not to go there, but I think it is interesting because as the parent, you know, of someone who was, you know, in the limelight and famous, it's true. Like, you did. You got a lot of special treatment. I go, 100 to say that.

That's where I was going. Oh, yeah. But I got a lot of special treatment, but I don't feel like the praise belongs to me. I feel like the praise belongs to her. For sure. But in that special treatment. I love it. Oh, please.

You were noticed. Bring it. And you were the special one. Oh, yes. Yes. So where I was going. I let go there. There we can go.

In her career and in the fact that she was a public person, you got to not, you got to be pulled out of the class. What did you love? I can't even look at her. I love. What did you love? I loved it all. I loved being the one who gave birth to her. No.

How did you? How was I born? Natural breach. Tushy first. No drugs. Back to what you loved. I loved the high life. I loved martini's at lunch with the other moms and the producers.

I loved watching her all day on the set. I never got bored with watching her all day. Not creepy at all. And I loved being the overseer of all the people who were paid to take care of her. Because in those days, I would be at the fax machine. Fax machine. Faxing her lawyer, faxing her agent, faxing her publicist, what was actually going on on set. Because Myam likes to be a pleaser. And that's a good thing, but she was a child. And so they will take advantage of you if somebody's not looking out. And the people who are paid to watch her are always thinking of production. They don't want to lose their children. They don't want to lose their job. Yeah.

I don't got a job to lose. That's what you think. That's why we brought you here today. But I'm bum. Should we move on? Yeah, that was a good one, but yeah. She was going. Oh, I thought she was done.

First class airplane. Oh, she wasn't done. Travel all over the world. You name it. I loved it. We stayed at the plaza. Oh, yeah. The Ritz.

Yeah, there wasn't, yeah, Paris. You weren't one of the 30 kids in those situations. And you know, what? She was always the star. So what did that mean? That meant you weren't in a group, no shame, no shade, but you know, it's difficult being a child who's an extra or a stand in. And we didn't do that. You didn't do the stand in life. No. That's not for you. Hold on. But I did have trouble, you know, when I started acting because I didn't look like a lot of the kids, you know, I didn't get commercials. I looked at that as a plus.

There you go. Always an advantage. You know how I'm going to spit. It was always a plus. She was unique. Very unique. How has it impacted you in the days of COVID? You know, some of the perks have sort of fallen off a bit for you.

You know what? Every time I use my credit card. That's it. They say, she says, how do they know that you're my, I go, give them the credit card. They go, are you my Ambial's mother? I go, yes, I am. How often does that happen to you? Twice a week.

And what do you say? Of course. Do you get free things? No. But you think people maybe are nicer to you because of that? Of course. Does that bother you? Did they?

Not at all. Very interesting. What's the, but you so you get the credit card stuff, but you know, she's on a new show. She's on Calm Me Cat. I love it all. Lockdowns are happening. And so you don't get. Not a problem.

It's all good. I got a lot of family, friends. Everybody's excited about her. Here, let's just do this. What was it like when I went to college? because a lot of our specialness went away. No, but you were so, you were still very famous, even in college. You know you were.

You were still very famous. Everybody knew you would, well, here's what happened. I was gone for 12 years now. But here's the thing. When she was on the show, all the relatives would be like, oh, you're not going to college. That's right. That's terrible. As soon as she left the show, what?

You're leaving the show to go to college? So it was a lot of years, but you were doing so many wonderful things. Like giving birth of getting a PhD? That was good for getting the PhD. I threw the party, remember with the champagne. So we always had a lot of excitement. And I think I always felt you would somehow go back. Why?

You thought she was going back. You thought this PhD thing was just a sort of phase. No, no, I knew the PhD thing was something she was accomplishing and good at and brilliant. But reality, time-wise, hours, you know, acting, gives you a lot of flexibility. And it's a creative outlet. So you never saw her in academia after the PhD? I wouldn't say that.

I mean, she could, you know, but I knew she'd go back to acting. I had a feeling. You know I love teaching like you and that were teachers. Absolutely. I know you do. I know you do. Yeah. But you did that also in the homeschool setting.

Yeah. You did a lot of teaching. And I loved the classes. You did science. Yeah. It was fun. But that's the kids were little. But no one looked at your credit card and said,

No, they're not that happy. Are you the mom of that teacher? Yeah, they're not that thrilled. The teacher with the teacher, no. Do you want to grieve or do you want to live forever next? Who are we talking about? Do you want to talk about Nora or David Sinclair? You're the boss.

Let's live forever for a moment. This was a little problematic for me. Okay. David Sinclair. And for you too. Problematic for Bev. And you two. Oh, why don't we start with reviewing us?

Who's, you were very much bound in science and very practical and very much of humanitarian. Oh. Jonathan wanted those drugs. He wants to live forever. It was like Twilight Zone. You know, I went to our Twilight Zone where the couple goes for the drugs to stay young. Yes. And one of them, it works, and one of them is very, very old and is dying and the other one.

And, you know, it's like you were like, give me the diabetic drug. I'll take the horse pill. I don't, aunt pee, whatever. And she was not only. She's like, where is everyone going to live? Well, you know what? Let me tell you something. This was a little bit creepy to me.

I mean, I respect his expertise and he's a, whatever, but you're telling me you're going to eat two hours out of a day. and people are starving or I can't. I can't take that concept. You know, I can definitely see how that might have been, you know, off-putting. And I think also as people who have experience living with, you know, people with mental illness, like the notion that someone's like, I fixed it, but I eat it right. Like it.

And I don't know, I don't know if disingenuous is the right word, but I think it's hard to believe. And also, to me, it's moderately dangerous for someone to say all these people, who are having these kinds of problems, like if you just have access to all these amazing drugs, like you won't be depressed anymore. Like it's, to me, it is it. It borders on the kind of methods used, you know, to sell people the next great thing

that's going to fix their life. And then people sit in depression until they commit suicide, okay, all right. Okay, I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, which is to say that a certain number of people who are struggling with depression have dietary issues.

I just said, yeah. have other circumstances that are going on that can be adjusted, both mindset, sleep, lifestyle. And I'm not saying your depression will be cured, but as a first order step. I've said that. But it comes from the brain. Well, right. And for me, a lot of that is people who just don't want to take the time or money to actually work on their shit. Yeah.

And they want a pill. And it's like it's a different kind of pill. and it's like, oh, I won't take psychiatric medication, but I will take this, like, crazy thing that you have, like, important, pay a million dollars for because I'm going to be less to price. It's bougie. It's a little bougie.

How many people do you know who say, I'll go to a therapist when I get myself together? Oh, most people. Enough to go. You go there to get yourself together. You don't have to prepare. It's like you don't clean your house before somebody comes to clean it professionally.

You tidy it so that they can't clean it. Oh, okay. Let's move on. I feel like this mediation session is over. They don't know where to put your stuff. This mediation session is over. It's so interesting with seeing people like... I mean, I have a lot more to say about... I know that you do.

It's not about the... What we just talked about, you wrapped it up to say, oh, it's about some expensive drug, but that isn't what it's about at all. I also just was talking about the poor people. But there is science to regulating when you eat, how the cells clean, how the body cleans out dead cells, how the gut repairs by not, by going extended periods.

There's like, in it, I don't have that science at the ready to explain to people. people, but there is an enormous body of science out there in terms of when we are struggling in certain ways in the physical experience and there's an owner's manual and there's an owner's manual that begins to explain some of the cause and effect of having a mind-body connection and what I see David Sinclair doing and many other researchers going out and trying to create a clarity to this owner's manual for the body. That's very helpful. All right, let's move on. Let's talk about something lighter. How about horrible, horrible grief? You know, I still can't get over Nora. I want to be so

respectful to her because she's brilliant. The thing I had a problem with, I don't know if she's gotten it yet, what's happened to her life. I don't, and I don't mean this with any disrespect. I have the ultimate respect for her. She's moved on, moved through, gotten over, however you want to put it, in such a big way. I mean, falls in love with a man and she wasn't that young. People say, well, she was young. She wasn't that young. She wasn't 20. So she's 30, meets a man, they fall desperately in love, he gets a brain tumor, he's dying. She's getting married. She's making plans. She's, and she can say it's the Midwest, whatever. I don't know people who behave this way. Is that like a form of denial? I don't get it. And they get

married, he dies. Okay, we watch the episode. This is a good summary for people. But I have to just say it. So then she has this baby, which she said. No, she had a first child with him before he died. Right. Turkey base kind of thing.

Oh, that's what she said. Yeah. Yeah. And then, okay, then she loses a second child that she was going to have with the husband who was dying because she wanted siblings. I mean, this plan is not really good. For you? For me.

Then she meets her. I don't know how you meet another. man and you're crying over your husband and he is rubbing your back and you're marrying him. It's worked for her. What did you think about her saying that she wanted her first husband to have the experience of having a kid and that that kid was potentially helping him stay alive? Yeah. Talk about science.

But I get it. I mean, she wanted him to have something to look forward to, to possibly live with. And it was magical thinking, really. It was magical thinking. We talked about that. And God bless her. But I love her. She's so tough in so many ways.

Now, I had an experience, which could have been one of hers. It was during the pandemic. And when she spoke, I went back to this episode. During the pandemic, I'm taking a walk in the street. And I meet a woman, I know, just from a shop. She's a shopkeeper, a volunteer. And she says, how are you doing? And we're opposite sides of the street.

And I said, I'm doing great. I'm in art, whatever. And she says, oh, yeah, that's right. Your husband's dead. You're used to being alone. Oh, when you were talking about how you're dealing with COVID isolation. She's like, yeah, your husband's dead. That's right.

You're used to being alone. I'm like, so it's good he died because I got used to being. I couldn't help myself. She's like, oh, oh, well, my husband's so sick, he's almost dead. I'm like, you're not helping. You're not helping. This is a real comment. And it really reminded people.

are so insensitive and they're so uncomfortable. And they really don't care about your feelings. They don't want to catch what you have. Don't get your sick on me or sad on me. Or death on me or death on me. So to cover up her awkward, oh, my husband's almost dead. It's like, really? She wrote his obituary, which that I kind of. With him? Yeah. That's something you and Dad totally would have done. We're not even talking about it. That is totally something you and dad would have done. Well, yeah. Am I right?

You're right. Okay. Okay. I'm surprised you weren't in matching hospice outfits. Shut up. Sometimes co-dependency is cute. But let's talk about the husband. I mean, we're talking about her.

That's who I want to talk to. Let's talk about the husband. I want to talk to the new husband. I mean, I love the scene where she said, whatever your father had at the bedside, I want it. That was beautiful. She's so essential to the widow's group, to the book. I mean, I respect her tremendously.

I just don't know how she, if that's her every day, if she's processed the grief, if she's, I don't know. What is, I guess this is sort of my question. Like, there's not one way to process grief. No, no. And I think that, you know, one of the interesting things about grief is how personal we try and make it, right? Like, you know, I tell the story of the lovely. woman who was like, I know how you feel.

And I was like, no, you don't. Yeah. But isn't it personal? It is personal. And, well, I think what's interesting is, you know, you do pride yourself on kind of like, the way you do things is the way you believe they should be done. For me. Yeah, but sometimes for other people too.

So what I was thinking is that also when we encounter people who are grieving differently, it can be disconcerting. And like some people would say, as soon as you are physically able to, go ahead and date and find a new partner, have some joy. And for you, it's like that's exactly never not going to happen. And it's completely not going to happen.

At the funeral, somebody said to me, you know, you have to get on with your life. And I said to that person today, I mean, literally, that was another Nora moment. But I think that's kind of precisely what, what didn't sit well with you about Nora, right? Is that she, her grief looked very, very different than yours. I just hope one day she doesn't wake up and collapse.

Well, I think that's true for all of us. Yeah, but has she processed? You know what I mean? You just think it's a ticking time bomb that she sort of shoved in the corner. I hope not. Yeah, I hope not. That's how it looks. I could be told.

Maybe the way she processed is the book. She's done plenty. The book. I mean, yeah. Sounds like she's doing. But emotionally, I don't know. Yeah, but I think that's more because it's not how you would do it. Like, I go to sleep every night thinking, nor is okay.

Speaking of processing, more grief, Chelsea Handler had a very interesting story. Chelsea Handler. You know, she's the one that I identified the most with. Because first of all, she said, well, unpacking delayed grief. she said her household was a hot mess. And believe me, yeah, when you say hot mess, you know it was a hot mess. And so I really related to that. She changed so much recently, kind of like Howie Mandel, but in a different way because she was really known for being hard and tough and much more than Sarah Silverman, I think. And she had a very tragic story. And Jonathan, this was

one I really felt for you because your story mirrored hers in a way where she had a brother that died. Thank God you didn't have that, but you had another traumatic thing. And her brother died and, you know, that formed her whole life and crippled the whole family, really crippled the whole family. And I think it made her very, very tough. There was a shell. she didn't know she wasn't Jewish until she was nine. I mean, crazy, crazy household. But some of the things that she went through, like she said, when she got to the point where she got sick of herself,

I thought that was such a telling, because I know that moment. You suddenly say to yourself, why am I posing? Why am I pretending? Why am I holding everything up, holding other things at bay? why am I trying to control? Why am I trying to be in everybody's business? It's such a relief when you just say, I'm letting it go. I'm going to sit with myself and just be me. And that's like enough. When did that happen for you?

You know, I think it happened when I started therapy. After dad died. Yeah. It's been a process of, well, seven years. But yeah. And every day, like last night, I had the realization when you said, just ask this person if they want this. And I'm like, why didn't I think?

No, she was like trying to decide like, should I send this to this person? Should I forward this? I was like, just ask them if they want the email. And she's like, oh, it didn't occur to me to just say to them, do you want it? I thought you send it. If they don't want it, they ignore it. Then you have judgment about it. You fight about it.

It's like, yeah. But it's like the freeing feeling was because Miami said now if you feel this way or this way or this way, however they said, you know what? I don't feel any way about it, which is fabulous because they do it. They don't, it's not my business. And it's not any of my concern. And it doesn't concern me. What do you think made you the person that, that did want to kind of like be in the middle of things and, you know, take care of people's feelings? Like, what was that? Well, I think I was always putting out fires. I felt like I had to put, I felt like I, you know,

I didn't have control over a major part that I didn't know really much about. So I tried to control everything else. Are you referring to my childhood or your childhood? I'm referring to my when I was an adult and you were a child. Oh, got it. Okay, got it. Well, my childhood was the same. There you go. So I've had that thread. Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah, that's what therapy's been fabulous. Also, I love that she became very, Chelsea, that she became very spiritual. And you also have become a lot more spiritual. Yes. Yes. So I saw a lot of similarities. And, very filled with gratitude, which I am. Yeah. So she spoke about EMDR, which I've done and which I loved and didn't love. I mean, it was hard, but it was so, so, so helpful. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. I

I loved being in that state of almost hypnotic and then I would come out of it and sketch what I discovered. So, you know, yeah, she's just become another person. It hasn't affected her comedy, her career, or anything else. She seems to have found a relationship, which was there, but she wasn't recognizing. And I thought she was very real in the podcast. See, that's my point. She's very direct. But I didn't think she was hiding or she didn't have her Chelsea Handler comedian persona. She was very just talking to. one on one. And I thought you and she were a lot of like in a lot of things, in a lot of things. Yeah. So I loved her. How did you like Julie Bowen? Well, you know what? I was really excited when

I saw her name. I didn't really connect the name. I'm like, is that the one for Modern Family? I was like, oh my God, the podcast is really doing great. This is the thing about Julie Bowen. And I'm kind of ashamed. And it's really like I want to confess and say, I'm sorry. If you're not ashamed. It's not an episode of Miami Alex breakdown. That's right. Well, I, me of all people who lived with somebody with a severe mental illness, I should not be surprised when a person reveals that they have suffered their entire life with a mental illness from the minute of birth. Because here's a woman, I sound like all the people, I don't want them to say this, but I was saying it in my head. She's Oh. Successful, beautiful, has a family, has children. She probably cooks great. She has great clothes. And

her whole life, she said her whole life, she was tortured. I mean, literally tortured in her head. And if she doesn't take medication and go to constant therapy, she will follow. Constant? Consistent. Yeah. Well, consistent. Yeah. She said, well, I'm the only one who goes to God's therapy. Yeah. Okay. She was also. in a very kind of odd family. She was the boy in her family as well, which I thought was, yeah. But she made a great, and why was I surprised?

So I accused people of not understanding that you don't know what's going on in somebody's head in their life, in their body. So when you meet somebody, don't assume they're being. Well, but I, this is one of my, one of the bees in my bonnet. I have many bees in my bonnet.

This is something I talk about. What? I kind of get, I'm very, well, most people are annoyed with hearing this about me. There's something that really upsets us as a society when someone attractive, when we find out someone attractive, is suffering.

No, it wasn't the attractive part for me. Right, but there is absolutely something too. They're beautiful, they're successful. I mean, there's been many. They have the trifectar. Yeah, there's many scholarly articles written about. I think it's more money that people attributed to. Well, no, it's a very, there's a very particular,

especially with mental illness. Yeah, like what do you have to be? sad about. Right. You're rich, you're pretty, you're, yeah. Right, but there is absolutely, there is an element of kind of the patriarchy here that we really do. It's a very interesting cultural bias we have. Like, for women. For women in particular, um, because it's true in our culture, the thing that really is elevated, even when a woman is intelligent, you know, all those things. You're so hot while you're sad. Right. It's, it's very interesting. So I'm, um, and I think I mean, even even I think I may have even said that like it's she's an intimidating person she's like so

funny and she's she's gorgeous and her body you know she's awesome but she talks so openly with no shame no hiding no that and I was like why am I surprised I should know this so if I'm surprised imagine other people not getting the idea that anybody can be mentally ill it has nothing to do live with mental illness I don't even like to call it mental illness. Nor do you call it. What's wrong with the term? I just think that there's, it means that there's literally something wrong when I don't believe there is a normal state of existence.

Jonathan's making a point that mental health challenges. There is a stigma to she's mentally ill. What would we say? She's struggling. She experiences anxiety. She experiences mental health challenges is what I say. Challenges. But, you know.

Is nobody. mentally ill? You are. No, but someone recently said this. This is actually one of our questions. Why do people say that I'm suffering with whatever my diagnosis is? It seems that other people are suffering because of the way I am. And I was like, yeah, it's pretty accurate.

That's what Harry Mandel said. But there's also a level of judgment of trying to qualify this. People have experiences. Some of those experiences require intervention to live in a different way. or an adjusted way, if the thing that they're struggling with is impacting, and Mime covers this a lot, like, how long has it been happening, how intense it is? Frequency, intensity. Is it impacting your daily function of the things you want to do?

Then you should try to get help. It doesn't mean you're ill. No, but she was the one making the point. She always thought to herself, okay, this one has had, you know, maybe abuse as a child. Right. She said, I had nothing major happened to me of any traumatic. Nature. Nothing.

And her therapist said, and it took me a minute, death by a thousand paper cuts. And that just gives me chills right now, because we all are getting paper cut every day. It's true. And, you know, it's kind of like no atheist in a foxhole. But the paper cut thing is, wow. So I thought it was brilliant because she was out there. and it's good for people to see. This has been a very lovely selective hot take episode.

Do you have a moment of peace and calm to share with us? I do. So do you want me to tell you how I find it or give you an expression of this? Yeah, you've got the platform here. Okay. A moment of peace and calm. Moments of peace and calm. I am realizes something.

Sitting in my garden, looking at my flowers grow, ice coffee on the table thinking of my loved ones that's very nice so that's something that happens every day yeah why not do you do meditation in your garden yeah all right that is going to do it

should Bev do her breakdown sign off for a episode yeah let's do it from our breakdown to the one we hope you never have what's that voice hold on one second it's her therapy voice hold on hold on my MC voice I'm going to tell a quick story I was once interviewed for a show where they were going to, it was like a, I think a Canadian kind of documentary. This was many, many years ago and they were basically doing like a profile on me. Fine. And they wanted to interview my parents. And I'm like, my parents have never been interviewed. There's a reason for that. Like I know. But they really wanted it. And it seemed like a nice person. So I do my interview and we set up at my parents. They were living in Santa Monica at the time. We set up and like my mother's being my mother like doing all the things she does. And the second they yell action, she's like this. My daughter, mine.

was the perfect child. Literally a second before they yell action, she's like, Barry, if you don't do that with your pants, if you wear your pants like that, action. Hi, I'm Beverly. Like it was, so she just did that. The way that she's speaking to us now, that's also not the way she speaks,

that's her podcast voice, but this is even another level. Go ahead. Not to make you self-conscious, go ahead. From our breakdown. So the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time. We'll see you next time.

It's my, Biolix Breakdown. She's gonna break it down for you She's got a neuroscience PhD or two One fiction And now she's gonna break down