Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Bevisode with Mayim’s Mom! Mayim’s Mantra & The Gravity of Gratitude

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

Bev breaks down previous episodes in our fifth Bevisode installment! This week, Bev reacts to a hefty slot of episodes including: Jackson Galaxy’s guardrails and involution, reinventing yourself creatively like Melissa Bernstein, and all things aging with Dr. Small. She considers Rabbi Steve Leder’s stance on decluttering and sanctification of the mundane, Dr. Jenny Taitz’ approach to Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and empathizes with Steve Hassan. Bev responds to Kelly Clarkson and Hunter McGrady’s mantras and writes her own mantra for Mayim. She relates to Moshe Kasher’s childhood, reveals her love language like Oliver Hudson, and shares the compassion she feels for Jennette McCurdy’s experience as a child star.  BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What would our mantra be for mine? I am whole. I am enough. I am the world. Oh, my God. Let me be. Hi, I'm Miami-Bi-Alic and welcome to my breakdown. This is the place where we break things down so you don't have to.

It's Miami-Bi-Lic's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down. Break it down. You probably never thought you would have to. Breakdown, Beverly Bialich. So we're going to do it for you.

But before we start, like to welcome the man who needs no introduction, Jonathan Cohen. You've run out of... Ran out of things to say. You actually have my notebook with the list of things I say about you. I mean, I've already done the Ernie to my Burt. Let's just get it out on the table right now. When we started this podcast, I said, I bet you can't keep this up. You were adamant.

You were like, every week, I'm going to write you the best possible intro. He's the Simone de Beauvoir to my Jean-Paul Sartre. Thank you. Jonathan Cohen. I appreciate that, mine. Let's do a Bev-a-Sode. This is so exciting. Let's do a Bev-a-sode.

I've been away making a movie. And in that time, we didn't get to do Bev-a-Sodes like we had been. We have so many episodes to catch up on. We're going to start a whole other podcast of, No, I shouldn't say that because she'll like that idea. Mom, welcome back. Thank you. Good to be back.

Happy birthday. You had a birthday recently. Did. And you helped me celebrate in grand style. Thank you so much. How does it feel to be 53? Oh, I thought you were going to tell the real age. I was ready to say, shut up.

Here's what I will say about your age. If I looked as good as you look when I'm the age you are, I will wear it on a freaking T-shirt. Bev, you're one of our hardest working guests because, your job is to keep copious notes on all the episodes so that when we do these episodes, you have what to say.

I'm ready. Whether the task gets more difficult because we have so many episodes, then I'll let you know, but yeah, I'm ready. Just so people know, you watch all the episodes, right? You don't listen. I watch. Okay. She watched it, and she's like, you're on it. As soon as it drops,

you're like, bring it to me. It's on my little velvet iPad couch on my bed. Then I've got my notebook on my lap. My knees are up. I'm taking notes while I'm watching. The coffee's on the end table. It's all good. Do you wake up at 4 in the morning when the episodes drop?

I know when they drop. Okay. We're going to do a reverse order because we haven't spoken to you in so many weeks. There's no possible way for us to get all the episodes. We're going to do a rapid fire, top of mind for whatever episode we bring up. We're going to start with Jackson Galaxy. Well, I love Jackson Galaxy. I loved his concept of guardrails and the fact that when he is in a place like New York City, he's calmer than when he is in L.A.

Because he can get into that rhythm and that buzz. And that seems to suit him. He brought up the Holocaust and I am becoming plagued by the Holocaust when even a cat person makes reference to the Holocaust and OCD. and all the damage it's done to people of our faith. You're talking about when people talk about the impact, the emotional impact from people who have experienced the Holocaust, either from family members who survived the Holocaust. Yeah, so plagued by the Holocaust is not a phrase one uses often.

But I didn't expect it to come in the episode with a cat person. I love that he spoke about invixtaping. Turn into yourself. I thought he was a really interesting person. I felt like he didn't tell you everything, but I felt like he told you a lot. What did you think about the extra senses component to it? You know, I like the Eastern Medicine Energy.

That was really where he spoke about Western culture isn't tuned in to listen. Again, I was surprised he went there. I didn't expect it from him. I think he didn't expect a lot of the things that happened in that episode. I know. And he spoke about terminally unique, which of course I am. And, you know, I love that phrase. And spoke about primates interacting, which was, it was fascinating.

What did you think about the body image stuff that he spoke about? It's interesting because I see, once he said something, he made some kind of gesture like he's fat now. It made some kind of reference. He looked perfectly normal to me. So I felt like he wasn't happy with his body image on camera and he looked terrific. Well, I think that's kind of the point of what we were talking about. It's body dysmorphia and... He's not done.

Well, I think when you've lost the kind of weight that he's lost, yeah, that mentality kind of stays with you. What about Melissa Bernstein? Oh, God, did I get texts from you about Melissa Bernstein? Melissa, I almost couldn't get over. I almost couldn't get over. There's been a few episodes that my mother texts me and she's like, I don't. It is so powerful for her. And this was one of them.

I came away with the one very sad revelation that everybody, every Melissa needs a dog in their life. And that's just kind of like a metaphor. And I mean, I couldn't believe one thing that she said she had never heard the word existentialism in her life. Because she's a very bright, well-read woman. that's kind of like what we raised Mayamon. So it's like I couldn't believe that Melissa didn't know there's a whole philosophy of thought that goes with her thinking. She was not alone.

I didn't understand how in the midst of that deep, dark, black hole she was in, she met someone, got married, married the exact person that kind of, I mean, not that anybody could bring you out of the hole, but it left me so sad because I said to my, it was if I realized if I were a Melissa, I married a Melissa. We were both romanticizing life. We both had aspirations that needed a strong,

focused, straight guy like a Doug to get us through life. But we ended up with each other. And neither one of us could be the Doug to the Melissa. Did you, I wonder if you resonated at all with, you know, she kind of found, I mean, she obviously had been writing, you know, for really her whole life almost, it seems. But, you know, you're a person who really found kind of a second wind creatively after you had a career and you raised children and then you, you know, were part of a grown up life with dad and he passed away. And then after that, you really like, you went back to school and you took up painting and have really made that a huge part of your life. Did you resonate with kind of her notion of like finding a new identity and self-publishing this book? I really did, except she had that all along. You know, I kept reinventing myself. And the fear was, will I now be able to reinvent myself yet again?

And then I found a whole new path with painting and therapy and, you know, that was fabulous. But she kind of had that path all along. but she had somebody holding her up all along. It was the way I kind of... Did that make you feel envious? A little bit, a little bit. Like a little bit or more than a little bit? But she was also younger than me.

So it was a different time. It was a little bit of a different time. You know, I was a little bit, forgive me for saying it, I loved the content of her book. The outer cover does not match the beauty of what she says. Do you mean the literal cover? Yeah, as I said, when I saw it, it looked hard-edged, and she's not a hard-edged person. It's a very, very concrete-looking book.

Are we literally describing not to judge a book by the cover? Yes, but I was a little surprised. It looks like a textbook. Was there something you wanted to say about Dr. Small? No, he was just on aging. It was a little bit too much after the Melissa because she brought me to the dark place. And then he reminded me I was going to die anyway. So it was kind of like a two-funch attack.

We bring you down and then we take you down even further. How did you feel about Rabbi Steve Leder? Oh, I like the sanctification of the mundane. I thought that had a very mystical, Zen type, you know, it was very zen-like. And I also love that on the Sabbath, it's what you don't do, not what you do. Because I like the negative as opposed to saying, don't do this, don't, you know. But saying what you don't do, it just made sense what you don't do. And the uncluttering, once again, there was a Zen twist to him that I really liked.

I think the best line was, it's really hard to be depressed when you're being grateful. So true. And that was recently a question on an Ask Miami-Many thing. That's right. If you haven't heard that episode. Yeah, someone asked if it's possible to be anxious while you're being grateful. And I said, well, if you're an anxious person, it's possible to be anxious anytime you, gosh darn, please. But the gratitude absolutely can decrease that.

You know what was really very surprising to me, the Jewish laws of mourning, which I never really thought of them in that way. And I had a new respect for it that, in a sense, Judaism makes you face what you don't want to face. So in other words, where you might want to run and avoid and hide, Judaism makes you see the family for a week, you know, go to Shulphrey. I mean, you're forced to face and to do away with things that would comfort you like music or movies. So in a way, it speeds up the process, but, you know, it just forces you to face reality. I mean, I like that a lot. I had a newfound respect for that. I didn't have it when I went through it.

And then he kind of said a little bit of the opposite. He said, when a wave comes, just lie down and let it roll over you. I thought that was absolutely beautiful. And also, just for the record, you're not a huge fan of rabbis. A hundred percent because I, this kind of rabbi is unfamiliar to me. So yeah. And the more I see rabbis like this and meet rabbis like this, I have to get trust. Bev, very quick touch on Dr. Jenny Tates.

Would you or would you not ever dunk your face in ice water? Listen, I would dunk my face in ice water because I think I know the benefits. I liked her concept of the diabolical behavioral therapy, and that was the ice. Not diabolical, dialect. Oh, that's a great mistake. Dialectical, she is so correct. Could you see yourself going to a therapist like that? You like someone who speaks faster, right?

I want to be pushed. Well, that's interesting that for you being pushed, you equate with someone who sounds pushy. What do you mean? Meaning, like, there are different kinds of therapists who obviously they have different styles, but I think this is an interesting point that, like, you obviously need to be with a therapist

that suits you and that has to be a good match. And like the therapist says, tell me more about that. In terms of not judging a book by its cover, some people would say, oh, somebody like Dr. Jenny, you know, she's kind of mellow and she's got a more mellow approach. That could be how some people need to feel comfortable so that they can be pushed. I agree.

But isn't that the point that I was trying to make myself fit a certain therapist at one point? And you're the one who said to me, sometimes it just doesn't fit. You do need a style that you're comfortable with and can still do the work. Speaking of being pushed, what did you think about spotting Coulton hidden hypnosis with Steve Hassan? The thing about him, and he was maybe one of my favorite because I've always been fascinated by in religions where children may drop out of the family or go off to some. other religion where grandparents, parents actually physically kidnapped that child to take them

out of that environment. So they were doing what he, I don't know if they were correct, but his story about the moment when he knew he could snap his father's neck. Is that crazy? I mean, I have goosebumps right now. And, you know, I just don't know how they got him back. He came back pretty easily. Well, I don't think he came back easily, but yeah, he does tell the story and it kind of really sounds, I mean, it sounds harrowing, though, that experience. And also, so fascinating, I mean, he's kind of your contemporary. And when I think about, you know, the, the kind of ideals that he had and, you know, how much he was, you know, kind of, like, immersed in this, like, intellectual, like, you know, Jewish East Coast kind of vibe and how easy it was for him to be, like,

take an advantage of. Well, what fascinated me also was when he made the point that people on the spectrum, which, since everybody, are much more susceptible because they have a feeling of order. They have rules.

They know what's expected. Here's your chores. And they feel part of a group. Yeah. And they feel validated. They don't feel lost. So there's a lot of good in those groups. But when it becomes totally,

And I, you know, you know, Mayam, that I have a little problem because, you know, religions can be cultish. I mean, cultish, you're using kind of with a lowercase C, you know. I think that, yes, every, every religion has the potential to have a bureaucratic structure that requires obedience and obeisance. But also you were raised Orthodox in a style of orthodoxy that was very specific to the Stettles of Eastern Europe. So you also were raised in a very, very confined religious environment from which breaking out of it was seen like such a perversion of God and man. He made the point, and it's so interesting to think about ethical versus unethical influences. I mean, that was really profound because how does one have the right to decide

what is right. I mean, a person could be perfectly happy in that environment. It's a really, and of course, I love the reference to the politics of Trump because I've been saying Cote since day one. So that was really fascinating, but he was amazing.

And yes, he was a contemporary and has spent, I have such respect for people of knowledge like that that spend their life, doing research, getting their PhD, And you remember, Miami, that morning I had sent you a picture of Fred Astaire as a hypnotist dancing. And then this came on. It was like, oh, my God. By the way, I love the expression which I had never heard about love bombing.

That was new to me. And then I was afraid I was love bombing you every time I texted you. It was like, am I love bombing you? Bev, get your notes for two episodes that have a little bit of overlap with each other. Kelly Clarkson and Hunter McGrady. What did you think about the mantras? And should Maim do more mantras? Listen, I thought her mantras were fabulous.

Kelly Clarkson had them as well. Mayam's beauty is that she's very complex and very complicated. And Mayam's not going to function like a Kelly or a hunter. I mean, no, God bless her. She's got a brain that's different. Bev, if you and I had to design a mantra, for Maim right now. Oh my God.

Let's do a little workshopping. Okay. What would our mantra be for Maim? I am whole. I am enough. I am the world. Oh, my God.

Let me be. The only part of that mantra I like is let me be. People don't let you be. I'm going to wake up every morning and say, let me be. I am whole. I am enough.

I'm enough. I'm the world. Let me be. Let me be. I love it. Thank you. Moving on to a very interesting episode, Moisha Kasha. I wanted to know if anything that Moshe talked about regarding his father becoming Orthodox

resonated with you. Yes, 100%. And I loved him on screen. I loved hearing him talk. I thought he was really open. He was a little bit disjointed, but I can follow that. Yeah, everything about being in the house with a brother who excelled. I mean, that was his bad luck.

Nature versus nurture. The father went off the rails to where he went. I mean, it sounds like the father really went to some little, you know, type of, you know, section of the Jewish religion that was very extreme. It's so painful. He had a terribly hard, hard, hard life. You know, I don't want to compare myself.

Forget, I mean, I'm going to say it, but it's almost like when I would speak to my parents as a child, they didn't hear me. And they didn't understand me. Right. And I would ever heard. But in reality, they could hear. Right. That's a very interesting point, though, because my mother was raised by non-English-speaking immigrants

who really, you know, lived in a different. culture for all intents and purposes. My grandparents always lived among Holocaust survivors and in communities where you did not need to learn to speak English. And my mother was really, you know, raised by her older sister. And they kind of all raised each other as the only really English speakers. Obviously, that is very different than having deaf parents. But I think that's very interesting because a lot of the things that Moshe spoke about, especially he's a totally different generation than you. But in many ways, that notion of like, who understands me? Who, who speaks for me and that he and his brother were the only ones who spoke in their home.

Did remind me of you and Peschi, the two older siblings in your family, who were the only ones who spoke the language of the American culture. It hurts so much. I mean, he tried to joke through it, but he's not done with his work because when he said things like I could play the songs with the dirty words, my mother never heard it. It was so painful to hear. I mean, that's not, you're not happy about that. Well, I think it's also an interesting question because he has made a career in a life

out of revealing very deep things about his family. And in many aspects, this podcast that Jonathan and I are doing is really the only time that I've been so open about things from my childhood and my past. So it's a very vulnerable place to be in. And yes, comedy was really his way of coping. And I think for me, intellectualizing things is my way of coping. Once again, I think he's found his path. You know, I think what helped him was realizing he wasn't terminally unique,

that he couldn't be the only one in the world who felt and thought that way. Also, you have talked a lot about being pathologized. Your parents who really didn't believe in Western medicine at all sent you to a therapist when you were very young. You said you kind of have vague memories. Your sister would take you on the public bus. And Moshe also had that experience of being, and I mean, something Jonathan and I have talked about as well, the experience of, you know,

being kind of labeled by adults who claim to know what's going on with you and what's really going on with you is that you're unhappy, you don't feel understood, you don't feel heard, and everybody thinks you're crazy. The status thing is now you say, okay, we need to see the family. We need to see these parents

that sent you on the public bus with your sister, but that didn't happen back then. I mean, the only thing wrong with me was that I didn't fit into that family. That was it. That was my crime. Oliver Hudson, what do you think about love languages, Bev? And what is your love language? What a great question.

You know, I immediately knew I was all wrong with mine. And I said to you, because I was sending you a little gift every week when you were a good day. She doesn't, you know, then she says, oh, I don't like the gifts. I don't like that love language. And I'm like, oh, my God. I'm so into those. Like, all I'm doing is. Hold on.

Mom. Mom. Mom. And send me for kids. Mom. We're not in a romantic relationship. Oh, so it's okay? Hold on.

We had a whole conversation about love languages and kids and parents, which is where she's taking this. I know. But I would also say that Mime loves getting presents, but not necessarily in a romantic relationship. She talks about the care packages you sent her with such joy and enthusiasm. So you are doing things right. It's a good thing we're doing these episodes.

Otherwise, you could be getting the totally wrong message. You know what's nice about that process for me, the buying it, the seeing it, the storing it. It was very much helping me as much as giving to Maya. Everybody knows that. What's your love language? Okay, my love language is, I like affirmation. Because I never, so late in life, I value that the most. Okay, but hold on one second.

Late in life, dad, I mean, as I see it, dad was constantly writing you poems, constantly giving you gifts. Like, meaning that seemed very congruent. Like, dad was a master of words, sometimes too many words. A hundred percent. but there was always the reason for the poem or the reason for the words. Deep, deep affirmation where somebody is your person 100,000 percent and is there to be there and build you up.

That's what you want. Your love language is Doug. I have two quick things to cover before we wrap this up. The first is the lighter, a little bit easier, excerpt from a, The Jackson Galaxy episode. What Maim hears, Bev, break it down? The story of my life. Yep.

Yep. So, you know, when I learned a new term from one of you about, what did I say, Miami, the organizing principle. Organizing principles. And I said to Maya, my text that her, I was dying. I mean, I could do her. You could interview me. I could do her.

I said, Ma'am, are those you were organizing principles? In other words, anything you say to her, she's going to make fit her idea of herself. I love that so much what Maya hears. I loved it. Mom, do you know where organizing principles come from? No. All right. Last question.

I'll tell you later. Put this on our list, MBB producers and Bev. Jonathan interviews Bev and she responds with what Miami hears. Okay. I could do her. Okay. This, I saved it for the last because I think it could have some triggers in it. Uh-oh.

The Jeanette McCurdy episode was very powerful. It was speaking about someone who was young in the industry, who had a very complicated relationship. Very sad. And I'm not projecting any of that, but the similarity of having a young child in the industry and being the mother of a child in the industry. I wanted to cautiously explore the impact on that. I actually wanted to just say before my mom responds,

I didn't relate to a lot of what she said. And it really pained me that she wanted to get out and was basically begging her mother and just that like the whole, you know, the anorexia being kind of initiated by her mother and how much of that was such a heavy burden on her. That was, I did not relate to that. And it's funny because someone that knew

me when I was younger said to me like, well, you always wanted to leave the industry. And it's true, I was very grumpy. Like, I was a grumpy teenager who was stuck in a contract that I couldn't get out of and couldn't even imagine that I couldn't go to college like my friends. And I was very mopey. But there was a lot I didn't relate to. So, Mom, I'm just saying that. Yeah, I would say that I really liked her. I thought she was so genuine and I really felt for her. And I wish I could have just, like giving her a hug because she had a rough time in another way. And what I learned in that one was enmeshment, which I never knew that word. And, you know, in, in my defense, when I was on the set and I was there, you know, morning

tonight, even though we had a little principal of my school and different teachers for every subject. My only goal was because nobody was on the set, no lawyer, no agent, their only office. I was using a fax machine to send them notes if I didn't like what I saw. I was there to protect Mayam's interests. You know, I understood she was trying at a little way to work out with the show, I'm glad my mom died. Well, it's complicated. What she meant was she was almost, they had their own little cult we felt like. I mean, she and her mom, I don't know to what degree. I mean, it was so sad because the mom was really forcing her, not maybe consciously, but into looking a certain way at. And, you know, Mayam also had the advantage of never having worked, well, earlier jobs, yes, but she

always, I mean, from the time she was 14, she was a star or in a very top. And that's different. They treat you differently. They'll still toss you away when they're done with you. But I felt terrible for her. But also she's done some pretty incredible things with her life. And she directed, like, she's really, we found her very inspiring. I really respect her. I checked myself a lot during that episode because I really wanted to say,

what was my motivation? Why was I there? And I knew why I was there. And I still regret in a certain way when my mom got sick. that was the only time I left the set to visit my mother every day at the hospital. And I was always torn because I never knew what could happen.

And Myam was bright and she had bright people around her teachers, but they were always giving in to production of push paint to show. One thing to unpack, you mentioned, you learned about the word of meshment. Yes. And when you did that,

I don't know if you noticed, but Maim literally did it. a spit take. Editors, we can show that moment where T flies out of M's mouth and she's, you know, the carpet is now wet. You've never heard the word in meshment? Nope. Never did. Never did. I know I sound like her with existentialism. I never heard the word in meshment. Mine, why is that so shocking for you? I mean, because I would say every single time we've ever been to a therapist that word has come up. Well, maybe I wasn't listening. Okay. From our breakdown to the one we you never have. We'll see you next time.

It's my ambiolyx breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break down.