Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Bevisode with Mayim’s Mom! Reevaluate & Make Amends

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Bev breaks down previous episodes in our sixth Bevisode installment! This week, Bev reacts to past episodes including: microaggressions and reservations about therapy with Lamorne Morris, Lindsey Stirling’s old soul and multidisciplinary skillset, and her resonation with Timer Hawkeye’s simple, yet fulfilling lifestyle. She reflects on Rainn Wilson’s centered approach to recovery, the positivity and importance of Anthony Green’s outlook, and Matthew McConaughey’s confidence, spirituality, and focus on breaking the cycle of violence. Mayim explains the effects of menstrual cycle hormones on anxiety in another installment of Ask Mayim Anything. BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What I hear is, Rain did a better job of being Jonathan than Jonathan. No, because he didn't do Jonathan. He did, I'm Rain, it's my podcast. Oh, no, she didn't. It's My and Bealek's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break.

Hi, I'm I and Bialik. Welcome to my breakdown. This is the place where we break things down so that you don't have to. you don't want to have to break down Bev. That is something you should leave to the professionals. Like me and my co-pilot, Jonathan Cohen. Turning into a professional breaker as we speak. We added flowers this morning.

I love it, my mom. Oh, Bev just introduced herself. Let's welcome to the podcast, my mom, Bev. Hi. You also have flowers behind you. I do. We have matching flowers. Why didn't my family want any fresh flowers ever?

Is this a question you're bringing up? I'm asking you a rapid fire. Why did your parents not allow flowers? Because it's a waste of money. Yeah, you couldn't. The phrase was you couldn't eat them. Theoretically, you could. So this is your father saying,

if you can't eat it, it doesn't belong in the house. You also didn't have toys. All came down to if you needed to spend. Right. you took the joy right out of that event. Well, and I think this is a really good place, honestly, to start, because I think that's really important that people realize you grew up, your parents were sweatshop workers, and then they kind of progressed.

You know, your father was a piecework, you know, a factory worker, but he did piecework. And, you know, they came to America literally with nothing. I mean, they were, forgive me, they were peasants. Like he was a capmaker in Europe. left school to be a cap maker and my grandmother, her parents sold cigarettes from a cart on the side of the road. So, um. Who made pickles? Who made pickles?

Grandpa, my father's father. We have pickle legacy? Yes. How did I never know this? It's my favorite food as a pickle. There you go. It's in your DNA. Anyway, my mom's parents, they didn't really speak English. They didn't speak English in the home. and my mom had an older sister and kind of she and my mom sort of took it upon themselves to try and do as best as they could for their younger sister, but that often involved like buying toys and books and things that my grandparents just didn't believe in buying.

It wasn't, they didn't have like that sensibility. They had a very stettel mentality. What if the flowers came for free from someone's garden? Were they acceptable? That's a good question. Okay, I'm going to give you the word nourish kite. Yeah, it's foolish in it. Like, it's an unnecessary thing.

You don't need, see, they were guilty about any pleasure or joy. So if it brought that into the house, they might have a moment of kindness and happiness, which was not really acceptable. Then you'll get punished after for being too happy. I will say that my experience with my grandparents was, I mean, my grandmother was sad and crying all the time and always cried about the Holocaust. But I enjoyed my time with my grandparents very much. In the same way that my children say, you seem like a bundle of fun. I am. But as a child, I didn't see you, like, the way you are with them is very different because it's a totally different role.

Like, my kids were asking me like, oh, did your mom? I was like, I never saw my mother play a game. Like, we played maybe part cheesy sometimes. I'm not a game person. Because you were always in the kitchen working and cleaning. Right. So, like, you were awesome and you did, like, school stuff with me, and you always did, like, awesome art projects.

But it wasn't, like, let's hang out and talk about our feelings. We didn't. You were always, like, cooking and making dinner, and then you were cleaning up, and I was doing homework, and then it was bedtime. Like, very different. Right. 100%.

The purpose of these episodes is to cover other episodes, because Bev is our copious note taker. But she's our number one fan. This little intro has made me want to ask a question before we get into our reviews, which is, Bev, if you were brought up to not have joy, how do you think that impacted the rest of your life? I went for a little too much joy, probably. I went way the other way. I overcompensated totally.

because I felt so starved for things that other people took for granted. What do you think the meaning and purpose of life is now? The purpose of life now becomes so different because it's very singular in purpose. The number one goal is to live to see tomorrow. And my second is those grandchildren have become, since the minute they were born, absolutely everything. Everything. And that's kind of the way I live on.

I hope through them. Myam got a little sad. I'm fine. A lot of the time I look at Miami, I say, why are you crying? She says, I'm not crying. I say, you look like you're crying. Let's talk about that.

That was one of those moments. I'm not crying. That's exactly what she says all the time. All right, moving on. Bev, we have a lot of episodes to catch up on. Do you have your notebook handy? Seems like you do. Let's dive in.

Lamorne Morris. I mean, I've heard you talk about, okay, you weren't the blonde. Well, you were blonde and blue-eyed, but you always said you weren't the American commercial-looking girl. And he was particularly not white, blonde, or blue-eyed. So in 1986, that was a real fault in any man. And when he said, white man energy, that really resonated with me. Because I never thought of it that way, especially in the acting world.

And when he spoke about therapy, that did it for me because he really let us in. And I don't know if he regretted it. He said, black people in his experience, friends, et cetera, do not trust therapists in general. because he's like, you're not going to tell some white dude all your secrets. It's like keep your secrets. In other words, maybe if there were a black therapist that was available, which there aren't many according to him, he'd be more comfortable. But it was such a us against them. It really hurt that a man so accomplished and so talented and so evolved still had to live in a world where if he had a deep felt,

feeling or secret or emotion, he wouldn't feel safe telling it to a white person because they could turn him in in some way. It's, I mean, it's incredibly, it's incredibly powerful. That really, I could cry thinking about it now. Because if he feels that way, imagine how the people who are homeless. And if it weren't for God, you know, all of us could be there. But the people who are homeless, who do they talk to? I mean, that's why I think it was so powerful, you know, what he spoke about, because he's saying if someone, even with the resources that I have feels this way, it's not because of, it's not a money issue.

It's a race issue. And also spoke about microaggressions, which Miles and Fred had talked the meaning of. And how hurtful that can be on a daily basis when you're in a workplace with mostly white actors. and they think they're being kind and the little jokes, but they are microaggressions that really hurt to his core. And I could see that. Bev, what did you think about Lindsay Sterling? And have you ever tried hair tying where you get hung by your ponytail?

Lindsay Sterling, the electric violin dancing Mormon. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I don't know if you remember, Maya, months and months and months ago, I thought I had discovered her. And I wrote you and I wrote. Oh, yeah. And I said, who's this young woman with the violin? And she, I just, when I saw her on your podcast, I was like, oh, my God, I cannot believe it. Because I love everything about her. She's so incredibly talented with the violin, the fiddle butt, to increase. incorporate that and put it with dance. It's too much. It's amazing. It was beyond. And when, you know, she spoke about control over your own life, which I love, she's so young,

but there's something very ancient about her. And I have to say I always, I'm going to say always, I'm very envious of people that can dance that way with their body. I know I could learn the fiddle if I wanted to, but the dancing is so freeing. And I only learned yesterday, you might know this, Mayam, when you see, you know, when I'm scrolling on my phone, they have dancers in the air with these beautiful flowing gowns and they're way off the ground. You don't see the ground. Well, the way they do it is they jump off a trampoline. Oh.

I never knew that. So I learned that yesterday. That's how they end up, you know, these dancers, modern dance, and you see them in the air, they have jumped off a trampoline. You thought they were leaping that high. I did. I did. You're an excellent dancer. Thank you.

You say that like, oh, I wish I, like, yeah, I've never seen you, like, do a ballet number, but you, you are, you're very, you have a very strong sense of music and rhythm, and you're a great dancer. But think of a Twyla Thart. Okay. So we're not Twyla Tharp. Miami-Bi-Lix breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine, drink more water.

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Make sure to mention Mayambiotic Breakdown to help support the show. Okay. This next one is of the utmost importance because it requires a major decision in Mayam's life. Oh. Should she or should she not marry Timber Hawkeye? I knew you were going to ask that. I knew you were going to ask that. Okay, there's a lot of things in his family.

And I discovered him also. That was another one. She did. She discovered Timber Hawkeye. You also want to marry Timber? No, my mother. found him for me. Did my therapist at the time recommended him and boot camp whatever.

Buddhist boot camp. And I told Mayam about it and other people, nobody responds. It's like they don't respond. Just zero replies to the text, just silence. When Mayam doesn't reply, I usually don't ask her again because she either forgot or doesn't want to answer. Or she's very, very busy. No reply is a reply.

And my texts are annoying. and long. I didn't say that. No, I'm saying it. But I like when you have entire fights with me by yourself in text. You start it. But anyway. You finish it. And it's over. Could I throw the question back at you? Because she did propose to him twice, at least. What do you think? I mean, this is a very unusual podcast we have. And there's really no, no judgment here. We like everyone to feel like they can express whatever it is they need to express. But if you express it too good, Maya might propose to you.

There you go. Do you see why I like Timber Hawkeye? A hundred percent. I adore him. Is it because he has more hair than me? I don't know. You with the RV van, the kids on weekend, it's rough. It's a rough transition.

It's a rough transition. Timber, if you're listening to this, there seems to be a line forming. Any other guests or people listening to this podcast, let us know if you also want to marry Timber. We'll do a raffle. Timber and I think the same. way. You are also a Buddhist. No, a simple, uncomplicated life. I mean, that's my goal. And I have to say, and I told you this before, the more I give away and eliminate from my life, the more I seem to fill up in other ways and feel more completed with less things. So I totally, totally understand

understood his desire to free himself of a lot of things that were causing him anxiety and stress and just fills your head with a lot of clutter. I don't like flutter. So I really resonated with him. He chose not to have certain things. He chose that. And he leads a beautiful life and gives back to society because he's obviously famous now and makes money and gives it back. So he's really, he's found himself. I think he's an amazing, especially after this year and a half, if people aren't going that way, they should think about that type of energy and that type of choice. Okay.

Moving on, let's go to everyone's favorite office. mate, Rain Wilson. Oh, this was a good one. I can't wait to hear what she says. Who came in to share our office? How did you feel about him taking over my desk? You know what? It was a little hard for me because he kind of not only took over your desk, because if,

not that you are in a leadership role in that chair, don't get me right. No, I'm very much in the background. Thank you. However, when he sat in the chair as a guest speaker, you and mine were next to each other. you both looked like, okay, we're in school and that's the teacher. Very much took on that vibe. He was in charge of the room. So what I hear...

What I hear is, Rain did a better job of being Jonathan than Jonathan. No, because he didn't do Jonathan. He did, I'm Rain. It's my podcast. Oh, no, she didn't. Okay, but... I did. Okay.

But he has a very fascinating story. He's amazing. Amazing. I mean, that story with his childhood and just all of the turmoil. And, I mean, it was, I didn't know any of those things about him. But his thing was face everything and recover. He's in the, is it the Baha? Baha'i.

The Baha'i faith, which came off to me a little bit maybe like Timbers' faith. You know, it's a very spiritualistic, non, you know, I mean, it seemed like the same kind of vibe. There's a notion of oneness. I mean, Timber, you know, has a Buddhist slant, as it were. And Buddha is part of, you know, Buddha is part of the Baha'i faith as is Jesus and Moses. And yeah. Right.

But it sounded like, I mean, he's, what did he say? He said his family was a petri dish for total dysfunction. And, wow. I mean, to me, he appeared to be. so centered and he was really focused and he was incredibly bright and he could laugh at himself and he just he was a real surprise and you know he's one of my favorite favorite actor do you watch the office i love it never knew this about you what was dad like with tv and movies oh yeah sorry you want to say more no oh oh

My father had a very, very annoyingly critical eye, and I seemed to have inherited part of it. You actually remind me of my dad, Jonathan, with this. Like, his level of standards for what film should be were very, very high, and he had a very low tolerance for, I mean, I didn't mean to inherit his taste. Like, would my father ever watch a romantic comedy? No. Like, fed. He lived in one. Oh, he lived in one.

Okay. Oh, that's sweet. No, but like my dad was, you know, he was a film buff. So he was very, very specific. And part of my dad and my pleasure was to go to movies and tear them apart. Like, rip them to shreds. Hold on one second. Uh-oh.

But, yes. Uh-oh. If you watch a movie and rip it to shreds or a TV show, aren't you talking during the movie? Oh, no, we would. No, we would leave. No, no, no, we would leave after. No, no, no, we would do a whole thing. I thought I had an inn here because mine gets very upset when I talk throughout all the TV shows. That's a different story. Jonathan is like the mystery science theater is my life with Jonathan. He thinks that the experience of watching something is. Interactive. It's an interactive experience. Otherwise, why wouldn't I just watch it by myself? That's how you're going to end up watching it. I look at it differently. I look at it like anybody's a test.

at doing an art form should be applauded and it's part of a process. And even if it's what people would judge not really up to standard, I don't believe in those standards. So I think like any film attempt is a good film. There's a lot of people who make half-ass films that have no plot that's reasonable, have big logical holes, don't direct well. I can't applaud that. Yeah, that's a lot of judgment.

I don't have that. I don't do that. You just got sold by that. I hope you don't edit that out. We won't. I want to say one thing technically, if I might, for some reason today, and it's not me and the earth breathing, your back wall is shifting a lot. It's moving.

I don't know if the camera's shifting. It's because Maim has her foot on the table and she shakes the table. Oh, she's doing the shaking leg. Okay. He bothered me about the shaking leg last night. Okay, hold on, Bev. I got to tell you this. So last night we're sitting on the couch.

Laying in bed. You might as well say it. We were not laying. Get your mind out of the gutter. All right. Last night we're on the couch. I'm doing my relaxing. I'm doing a lot of practicing lying down these days to help in my recovery.

This. And all of a sudden, I'm like, is your leg shaking? She goes, yeah. I say, well, it's not the most relaxing sensation to, that was very true. Might that be a sign of a little bit of anxiety, agitation? You know what I said? Yes.

Right. But he would also be tapping hands. My father, yeah, no, he. He was like Charlie Watts at the drums, but he wasn't. But there were no drums. It's true. He was constantly tapping. Like, you know, like on the steering, like always.

And, you know, he also had a lot of really grounded energy. Like, he didn't seem like a hyper person or a hyperactive person. But he did have, you know, certain aspects. I mean, I say this with the greatest respect for my father of blessed memory. He had a lot of aspects of ADD or ADHD and adult AD, which like no one, I don't even think. People were barely talking about it for kids, like, you know, 10, 15. years ago. But yeah, he had a lot of trouble focusing on certain things, for sure. And yeah, he did have a lot of kind of movement in his body. But what's interesting when Jonathan asked me about that

last night, I didn't even know that I was doing that. And what hurt my feelings, what hurt my feelings was that he said, that's not relaxing. And the fact is, it actually is for me. For you, it is. And what it What it is is that there's a level of physical stimulation that helps me regulate. It's something that people on the spectrum often experience. It's something that people who do have a history of PTSD often experience. So I was happy to stop because in a relationship, you sometimes have to, you know, whatever. And I wanted to like have a whole conversation with you about it and explain the regulating aspect of it, but I didn't. And it was fine. It's not like I exploded. But, you know, in cognitive behavioral therapy, that's the kind of thing where they would

kind of ask you to like try and replace that, you know, with something else. Let's go back to the movie concept, because this feels like a great time to bring up the fact I just directed a movie. And I don't know if it's going to come out, but at some point you might see it. So I just figure like I can just give a little insert here to point out that. that the movie, as we've talked about, is not a memoir. I did not write an autobiographical movie. There are aspects of my life. There are aspects of other people's lives.

Like, I've incorporated a lot of different stories and also made shit up because I'm a writer and that's what I did. So I feel like it's an important time to remind everyone that because Candice Bergen is in this movie. And I wanted to say also that in addition to directors having their own

own right to direct things. Actors also have a complete interpretation that they get to do. So I feel like this is a very safe space. I got two witnesses here to say that when this movie comes out, there may be things where you're like, is she pretending to be me? And the answer is no, she's doing her version of what was written. So this feels like a great time to just insert that. Well, I understand that.

And I also understand, even if I remember a certain incident, let's say it's an incident that came for real life. Sure. You do have incidents that are totally made up. Sure. Yeah. However, I may not have seen it that way. Of course not.

You did. Correct. So it's true to you, and I get that. Well, I mean, I think that's memory in general, you know, and I was talking about that the other day. Forget about the movie. And I think that it, sorry, I just made a perfect little ball with my silly putty. I think that's an important thing for us to think about also when we think about our relationships with our parents in general or whoever raised us that, you know, there's three sides to every story.

There's what you think happened, what the other person thinks happened, and then what happened, right? So everybody's experience is through their own perception, their own hurt. You know, sometimes Jonathan will tell me things about whatever, you know, his family stuff. And I'm like, that doesn't what. And, you know, it doesn't sound the way to me that it does to him. And I'm sure the same thing with us. And the things that bother you about your parents that other people aren't bothered by is because of the lens that you look through. And it gives me a lot of compassion. You know, like I want to have compassion for you, for the choices you made, the decisions you had to make. I don't know the half of what your life was like, you know, before I was born or even for most of my years, you know. What I heard is what I heard. And then you filter it through your own whatever and your own expectations. And that's all different. Jonathan,

do you have anything to say about that? The good news, what we learned this episode is that Bev is going to love your film no matter what because it's a good film. It's just an attempt. Just because you made it. Listen. But then how do I ever know if you think something's good?

You don't. Here's the thing. I am so proud of the accomplishment. I don't mean you just took two minutes and wrote that. No, you took a year to write a screen. emotionally, it had to have drained you. Then you had to get an agent. I mean, there were so many.

It's not just like you put it on the, you know, internet and self, you know, no, you got an agent. You went to New Jersey. You filmed for eight weeks. And as I kept saying, this looks like a big movie. You're pulling trucks with roads. She kept saying it looks like a big movie. I know.

It's like when you're pulling a car with ropes and we're sitting on a black red truck with the camera, It's a big movie. So I'm so impressed with the effort. Thank you. It might not win the Academy Award this year, but it is a first step on a journey of, you know, self-reflection and artistic viability.

Smash cut, too, her being very, very mad about the movie. I'm not mad. Let's skip that part. Bev, what's her next, what should her next movie be about? Her next movie, wow. We have to see where her life is.

goes. Because right now, she's in one spot, right? So pretty soon things are going to shift in the world. And her life and everybody else's will take a whole different turn. That'll be the next movie. Is that a veiled attempt to say that she's getting an RV and moving into simpler life? You're very concerned about timber. You should.

Wait, but are you saying that my next movie will come from something happening in the world that you think that I'm going to or in you. Or in you. You're going to be in a new state. I don't have other things already waiting. No, I think you don't know what's waiting. Today is today. Tomorrow, we don't know what could happen. She literally just got me doubting that I know what's waiting. I have things that are waiting and now I'm like, maybe I don't. My mom's just saying, but what I'm saying is, you never know what miracle is in tomorrow. Maybe it will be a rom-com. Mine doesn't like a rom-com. I don't like a rom-com. You know, what I was going to say about

dad and about anxiety in his case or ADHD, the more he had to concentrate on a task, the more stimulus he put on and surrounded himself with. So if it was, okay, I got to pay the bills. Most people, I sit down, I have a cup of coffee, I pay my bills. He would sit down, put on the stereo. That's me. Yeah, put on as many noise. And that noise made him. focus in and concentrate. Interesting. Moving on, Anthony Green, this is a powerful episode. Oh, this one.

Singer, songwriter, musician. Him I didn't know about at all. And when I looked at him, I thought, heavy metal, I don't know what this is. But then, you know, I saw other pictures and then he looked different. Wow. This is one I've been waiting for because it was on the topic of bipolar. Oh, yeah.

This was a big one. And his positivity and his take on life. And at the end, if everybody wasn't crying, I don't know. You know, the fact that he went through hell didn't really know he was bipolar, never really did anything so horrible that he got hurt, maimed, parallel, you know, none of that, had a family that he says to this day, I was privileged. They took care of me. And they didn't throw money at it to make me go away.

They threw money at it to try and help me. He knew that. It wasn't like take the money and run. And, you know, when he said if anybody out there is listening, you know, I mean, I have goosebumps now because he was so positive about life and about continuing on and about how, you know, one day at a time. and the echo of his existence. I mean, it was just so brilliant and deep and heartfelt. And he wasn't full of himself. Like he wasn't self-conscious or look at me how woke I am.

He was just so real. I just thought he was an amazing, amazing human being. And how lucky you and he were to have that conversation because I thought, Miami, you were fabulous in that conversation. And it was it was hard. He also talked a lot about, you know, the self-medicating that people do when they have mental illness and often they don't know it. And, you know, I really, I thought that was such an interesting part of his story that,

like, he presented with kind of one set of challenges that they started dealing with. But, you know, once you get to what's under, you know, then you can address that. I thought that he really spoke about that beautifully. And you know that years ago, there was no concept. The word self-medicating, when I, first heard, it's like, I didn't even know what that meant. Yeah, it's a newer term in... It's a newer term.

Yeah. And it doesn't mean to make yourself high. It means to make yourself level with everyone else, just to even out. Yeah, just definitionally, just to be clear, you know, self-medicating is the term for people that use or abuse something in an attempt to control, you know, mental health challenges or other emotions that they don't know how to deal with. Usually chemical, right? Well, yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean, one could argue that, you know, a lot of alcoholism and drug use is self-medicating, you know, meaning it's usually because there's something going on that doesn't feel comfortable or doesn't feel right or that, you know, you're not ready to deal with. You know, things like you can self-medicate for anxiety that's transient or depression or grief, you know. Anyway, so. As Matthew said, binding anxiety, wasn't it? Speaking of Matthew. Here it is. Moving on to our first Oscar winning guest.

Our first, like, proper, proper movie star. First of many, yes. What did you think? Matthew McConaughey. First of all, I want the book, Ma'am. Oh, yes, it's right here. I'll give it to you. And I thought the same with you that he had stacks of money behind him.

So here's the thing. I feel like you, Ma'am. You know, no offense, Jonathan. We love a Marine type of guy that doesn't. doesn't mean we end up with a Marine. He's not a Marine. Hold on a second. You mean like we love like an all-American.

He's a cowboy. Yeah, cowboy. He's trying to make the fire. He'll pitch the tent. He'll kill the animal. You don't have to eat it. I mean, he'll do it all. You know, then you're wearing the skin from the animal.

He's a quote in gendered terms, a man's man they used to call that. Yeah. Yeah. You think he's attractive. Oh, totally. Totally. Totally. And so did you.

He's undeniably attractive. I think every human would say that's an attractive. Scott, yeah, Scott is saying, Jonathan? I had to explain to Maim that Matthew is known for being photographed with his shirt off. I didn't know that. And, Bev, I have to ask, do you have a secret scrapbook collection of all of Matthew McConaughey's magazine photos with his shirt off? No, but Mayam should have asked him on camera, would you remove your shirt so people know who are you? No. You can't do that in this day and age.

It's true. It's harassment. That's true. Honestly, I don't care if he has a dad. I don't care what his body looks like. I'm seriously, he's got an unbelievable person. He does. He has an amazing presence. He has a great personality. Oosing confidence.

He's very charming. He was definitely in the moment and making eye contact. He wasn't absorbed with himself and his own grandeur. He was super into it. He's so spiritual in a different way than, a timber, you know. Yeah. But he's on a plane that I don't think you can fake that your whole life.

When he spoke about you have to find openings. Yeah. And give them a place to land. I think giving them a place to land, it seemed right. I mean, it just landed with me, okay? It sounded so right because if you keep running and moving, you're never going to to get anything to land. And that's, that's the thing about a moving target. Nothing can land on you. You had an interesting journey. It was not brought on by a dream. We don't need to talk about

that. But you, you have had some, you've had some interesting journeys. And in particular, you went to India. And you had, you had a real spiritual experience. He talked a lot about the things that you kind of learn, you know, when you get out of your comfort zone and out of your space. What did you learn on your journey? You know, I thought about that. I've been thinking about a lot these last few weeks because any time a Jewish holiday comes up, I can see every face of every Indian person that I interacted with, but especially we went to a lot of the Jewish synagogue that have been there since the 1600s, the 15th, and they're maintained by non-Jews and kept in pristine condition. It was so jolting for me at first to see that. But the thing that touched me,

most. I have songs from my childhood that really, when I hear them, it's very emotional because we don't sing them in those tunes today. And I'm right back in the Bronx at Bronx Jewish Center with Rabbi Kallop. Hearing those songs, I mean, everything comes back to me. They sang those songs in the tunes I knew. Wow. So, I mean, and there we are in a, some of the synagogues were tiny, like as big as this room, but they had a separate section for men and women. Even though they weren't orthodox in the way we think of it, they held certain rituals that were amazing. So I love, there I love the separation because it was so ancient. So speak more specifically to sort of like, if you had to say like the three things you learned on your journey. I learned on my journey that

Judaism and I guess other, Judaism is such a religious. Judaism is such a religious. and race culture. It was fabulous to see it running through the veins and the bodies and the souls of people so very far away, living such a different life, and we were so much the same. Okay. That's number one. Number two, the food was such an important element in India and the hospitality and the way they treated guests was the way I was.

The way I would love to imagine a home at the Jewish holidays would be very welcoming. Everybody's included. We would always gather in the courtyard. The police commissioner came and ate with us. And everybody had a story and everybody was totally dressed up. Some of them were dressed to meet the American visitors in very L.A. clothing. So they didn't wear the Indian saris, which I love. they wore black cocktail dresses to dinner and opened back sling heels because they wanted to look

American and very rich. But they're such a glamorous people and so kind, whether they're Jewish, not doing it. The Indian people are extremely kind. What's your third thing? My third thing is the impact of the wealthy, the poor, and what happens in the middle. So to your surprise, you know, the tourists said five-star hotels, and you said, oh, mom, they probably won't be. They were extremely five-star and extremely fancy. And layers and layers of glamorous, I mean, they would send roast pedals at night to your room so you could soak your feet in the tub with the water.

I mean, very upscale. then you have the very, very, very poor communities, but the people don't know it. So that was hard for me. Jonathan. How did hearing about the violence that Matthew grew up with impact you? It impacted me a lot because, you know, you start reevaluating all the mistakes I made. How many times I stood by and said, I deserved it, or she said, you know, you start reevaluating all the mistakes I made. it or she, you know, so a lot of, I wouldn't say guilt, but a lot of really hard, hard looks

at myself and maybe more understanding towards my parents and more compassion for their journey and how hard it was for them on a day-to-day basis. So, yeah, it really did impact me a lot. And I was surprised that how well he was able to speak to it and not be angry. It was pretty awesome. He does speak about it in a very reflective and also seemingly integrated way. But you're of a generation that is really bridging two very different worlds, both the world that you grew up in with your parents and your home of origin, which I think violence was just, and what we.

call violence today. Some places in the U.S. still don't consider it violence, but many, many do. And then the way that you raised your children, it was starting to change, but still had a very different, what was appropriate or not, versus today where, you know, in many places in the U.S., like even spanking is considered absolutely a no-go and the level of physicality that we are that that is deemed appropriate to have with children is so vastly different. Like, you know, how has that change sort of unfolded for you? And how has it impacted you looking back at your experiences? Well, I can't go back and change it.

I mean, I can only use what I learned from all the things I did wrong, that I feel I did wrong or misguided. I can only use it in the present and the future. So hopefully it would extend to my child mind today and to my grandchildren. It's the best I can do. You know, I grew up. My father never drank or did drugs, but there was a level of chaos and complete fear in the house I grew up in from him. He was very, he would have outbursts and just crazy, crazy, crazy stuff. And my mother would, you know, she was a total victim. And it was really, it was very rough. It was very rough. And he, it was like those commercials, you see, where things are flying and, but, but there was no reason. He wasn't a very stable person emotionally.

But damaged by, I'm willing to grant, where he came from, the Holocaust lives in your DNA, whether you lived through the Holocaust or not. The people he lost were too real. They had more space than we did, and we were the living children. With my own family, there was the same half of the time, the same kind of chaos and the same kind of everything flying everywhere, both symbolically and physically. And I was trying my best to dodge that and not be a victim, because I knew my mother was a victim. I could start, okay, but I had no awareness of why I didn't understand why this was happening.

Took me a long time to, and with Mayam's help, we realized, okay, this might not be normal behavior at all. But in two lifetimes, I had that kind of chaos. Now my life is so still, which is wonderful, because I get to reevaluate and think about how I can change that energy in myself. and in the world around me. And that's really, really important to me now as a way of making amends. Bev, that's a really profound articulation. I thank you for that. This is not a scientific thing that I'm about to say,

but we often see these patterns repeat, like chaos of our home that we grow up in, sort of replicates in the home we create, and we're, you know, it's said in therapeutic circles, like we're trying to sort of repair. repair and do better. We're also always trying to do better, but that it's not uncommon to sort of have those repeated patterns. Yeah, I mean, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I mean, I think that, you know, if you think of it also in a, you know, in a Buddhist notion of like we're stuck in a cycle of suffering and it takes a certain amount of work and shift and change to break out of that and, you know, reach this like nirvonic state, you know, that we're all.

kind of trying to go towards. So the fact is, the more tools that we have, the more resources that we have, the more that we talk about mental health as a society, the more that those things become available, the more that we destigmatize mental health in general and addiction in general, you know, then you have different tools with which to then raise your own kids, you know, for example. But, you know, just being mad at your parents doesn't, and saying, I don't want to be like them guarantees you absolutely nothing. It's the work that you do. I, I would, would argue this is where I think everyone, I think before people get married, they should be forced to go to counseling. You know, I think before people have children, you know, I mean, I had the benefit of working

with a midwife, and it is a lot like, you know, kind of therapy as you go along your process, just because the structure of health care is different in midwifery. But yeah, those are the kind of things. Like, it's not enough to say you don't want to be like your parents. And what I was going to say, you know I don't want to name her the woman rabbi who came from hospice to be with dad, who was very unusual, very alternative type of thinker. I just want to clarify. So my father was in hospice in our home. And as part of the hospice company, you get a chaplain, which in our case was a rabbi. And she was a woman who had become a rabbi late in life and was very holistically minded, very, very, um, very worldly, very spiritually based, really aligned with our family very nicely. My father was not a religious person. But as part of the hospice, for a year after your loved one dies, you get grief counseling. So my mother and I met with her separately. She and I would meet in the park. And for a year,

you process. It's part of the hospice company, which is very grateful that we had. So sorry, go ahead. Yeah. And I said to her, well, how did I end up somehow picking the same person, it seemed, at the end. But, you know, I didn't realize, you know, by then I knew it was a mental illness. But how did I pick the same person in my marriage? Why didn't I avoid that kind of person? He didn't present himself that way. You got married at 18. And I met him at 16.

Yeah. But what she said was he had a very different spin on it. She said, it's not that you're repeating the same thing and going for the same thing. She said, you get a chance to correct what you didn't do the first time. Yeah, but also you absolutely, you know, the kind of chaos that you felt in your childhood felt like artistic energy in dad. And, you know, what it eventually maybe felt like was, and it's kind of like the first thing you love about someone is the thing that ends up making you nuts, you know?

And it would present itself the way it ended up. No, he was, I mean, my, yeah, I mean, my father was extremely charming and intelligent and, yeah, he was awesome. A total Renaissance man. Yeah, yeah, but also there was. There's a lot of, you know, a lot of chaos in there. Bev, hang on for a second because we're going to do a quick ask my anything. Oh, okay. Ask my am anything. Yeah. Christine asks, do monthly hormone functions affect anxiety?

It feels like I have more anxiety at the same time every month. This increased anxiety just lasts for a day or two, then seems to return to my baseline anxiety level. What a great question. Christine, is that her name? Yep. Terrific question. You know, there's not one way that people react to the hormones of our cycles. The thing that I would be most interested in, and that's something you can review with your doctor or an OBGYN or a midwife, many midwives do see women who are not looking to get pregnant or have babies, they see them for well women care. I would want to know when exactly in your

cycle you're experiencing those couple of days. There's a really beautiful chart, which I'm happy to explain in another episode of what actually happens with the three primary hormones or the four primary hormones that are operating during your cycle. In particular, there are days specifically before you begin the bleeding part of your cycle. So before you begin day one. So that would be when I'd be curious if you're seeing this. For me, it usually presents as extreme agitation, which anxiety can extend to agitation. And I often have spurts of aggression. I will often, like, get so frustrated that I, like, throw something. And it is almost always because it's those two days before my cycle starts. I also often get migraines for those two days before my cycle starts,

all hormones. So everyone's going to react differently. If it gets to the point where you feel excessively agitated or start having psychotic symptoms. And you can look that up. There's a particular disorder for women who are premenstrual to the point that it becomes psychotic. That's absolutely something to address. It doesn't mean you have to go on heavy medication or anything like that. Anyway, there are other things that can be done. And also some naturopathic and holistic things that can also be done. So for sure, keep track of it, keep track of it precisely. There are apps that do that now. I just do it old school with, you know, a little written printout. But yes, take care of this aspect of you because it can be really informative and helpful for doctors when you're able to track.

And that's another reason I advocate women assigned females at birth, knowing their cycle intimately because if something's wrong, it can often be very, you are often the best information for your doctor. Christine, thank you for the question. If you have a question for MIM, you can submit it at Biolicbreakdown.com. That's BIA-L-K breakdown.com. There's a little form there and submit a question you can be featured on the show. Also, if you haven't checked out the new Instagram page. Do that. At Biolic Breakdown.

We want followers. There we go. Bev's on that. She comments. She's following us. And we're following her. Bev, you want to sign us off? From my breakthrough to the one I hope you always have.

See you next time. It's my Biolix Breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD. or two one fix you one and now she's gonna bring