Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Candace Cameron Bure: Have Grace in Everything You Do

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Candace Cameron Bure (Full House actress, producer, director, author) joins us to discuss her transition from child star to wife and mom, her 4 secrets to a happy marriage, and Bob Saget’s impact on her life and her grief journey after his passing. Mayim recounts auditioning for Candace’s role as "D.J. Tanner" on Full House . She and Candace consider how structure from child acting has impacted their adult personalities, and how that structure was both a source of comfort and cause of harm that led to disordered eating. They discuss the importance of sex physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and Mayim breaks down sex as a communication tool in relationships. Candace, Mayim, and Jonathan take part in a fun and meaningful "Gratitude Challenge"! Take Candace Cameron Bure's Gratitude Challenge yourself here!: https://candacecbure.com/gratitude/ Candace Cameron Bure's Clothing Line: https://www.qvc.com/fashion/candace-cameron-bure/_/N-lgltZ13kj9af/c.html BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes I'll step back and laugh at myself because I'm like, oh, that is such a product of me growing up as a child actor. Can you give us an example? When someone tells me what to do, I will do it like perfectly and like absolutely exactly what they asked. And then if they tell me, oh no, no, but you just have to do it a little bit more this way. It's like, no, no, no, this is how you ask me. I know what she means. That is exactly what I do. did, but if you want me to do it this way, I can.

You just need to say it. It's my ambialic's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break. Hi, I'm Mayamialik and welcome to my breakdown. This is the place where we break down things so that you don't have to. We're doing the heavy lifting here.

Today we're going to be talking to a really interesting woman who's done. many, many things, some of which you know, some of which you may not know. But first, I'd like to introduce you to the person who does many things that you know and many things you don't know Jonathan Cohen. Hello, Ma'am. Hello. You know what I wonder? What do you wonder?

I wonder when we really make a guest laugh, is it because we're just on that day? Or is it because the guest is receptive and, like, is a funny person? Like, because sometimes we really get a guest going and other times, like, we kind of a struggle. Okay, you want me to tell you something? They're all faking it. But they say such nice things sometimes. No one thinks that we're funny except us. But that's, we're waking at work for us. Reality is about our subjective experience, not about an objective experience. And as long as we're having fun, that's all that matters. Candice Cameron Burey is joining us. And I say that because her last name is fancy and that's how you say it.

Candice Cameron Burray is an entrepreneur whose brand extends from entertainment lifestyle to faith and family. You likely know her as DJ Tanner on Full House. She's also done dozens of Hallmark movies, other movies. She has a clothing company. She's a co-owner of a wine company. She has a lot of things that she does. and she's written some really interesting books, and we're going to talk to her, and I'm very excited.

Jonathan, did you have Full House in Canada? I grew up watching Full House. You did? I grew up watching Full House. I mean, we had the whole slate of all those shows. And you laughed at us because it's like, ha, ha, ha, Americans think this is funny? No, I don't know.

I was just like we were, all American TV was just what you watched. Candace is also married to a former hockey player. You know hockey because you're from Canada. I didn't know him. Make sure to tell her that first thing. No, we're very excited to talk to Candice and actually she shares some really special things about her eating disorder, grief, and Bob Sagitt. It's all in here.

Let's welcome Candice Cameron Beret to the Breakdown. Break it down. Candice Cameron Bray. Welcome to The Breakdown. We're very happy to talk to you. Thank you. I'm happy to talk to you. We've kind of revolved around each other's lives for pretty much our entire lives.

I feel like we've definitely met, I'm sure, or been at things together, but we've never gotten a chance to talk. And it's really, really fun to get to pick your brain about all the things. Jonathan knows this story because I've told it a couple times. My very first audition when I started acting was for Full House. Oh. True story. It was, I literally think it was like a pity audition that my new agent basically said to the casting person like, I have an 11 year old who's never been on an audition. Can you bring her in for something? And I remember the feedback that my agent got was that I talked way too fast. And also

Wow. Did not. I was. So did you did you audition for DJ? Yes, I did. And I, um, but yes, I, um, it's just like, it's a funny random connection, but there you have it. It totally is. It's very funny. I love that. In the parallel universe, you were blossomed. No. She was. was DJ. Yes. There's many things that I am eager to talk to you about, but would you, would you be okay if we start with a little rapid fire? Sure. Okay, great. Rapid Fire with Candice, Cameron Bray. What was your mother right about? Everything. Yes. That's the right answer. Okay. What was your father right about? Not everything. Okay. What is the location for you that promotes your best mental health or your best kind of mental health state?

Home or wherever my husband is and my children are. Got it. And do you have a mantra? Or just like something you like to say. It doesn't need to be like a Sanskrit mantra. Totally. So we do have like a family mantra. Tell us the family mantra.

It's excuses are for losers. We believe it. We believe it and we stand by it. That's intense. Just try. Just do it. Stop making excuses. Go for it.

Failure doesn't matter. But if you give an excuse, just for the sake of getting out of it, that's like a loser attitude. Okay. So also procrastinating would be for losers too. Well, then I'm a loser because I procrastinate a lot. Okay. So you procrastinate but don't make excuses. I get it.

Who's been your best spiritual teacher? Well, I mean the Bible. Right. You don't have to follow anything else up. Like, you can just say the Bible. You're in a safe place. Yeah, okay. So let's just leave it with the Bible.

But now I kind of want to play the game. What would she have said if she thought the Bible wasn't an okay answer? She'd be like, well, the Bible, but also. No, no, no, because I was just going to say other teachers or pastors or mentors that have taught the Bible and explained it to me. Copy that. Moment of best intuition. Gosh, immediately I think of being. a mom because there's so much intuition as a mother with my children, I immediately thought about

a moment in time when my son was having surgery and we just had that feeling that something wasn't right and wrong and saw some other doctors, got other opinions, which unfolded into something so much bigger. And we were, I'm very glad we followed that intuition. That's amazing. And who are you most competitive with? I don't know whether to say the world or myself. Well, I relate to both. Say the world. That's the most unique answer. We haven't gotten that yet. No one has said that there was. So wait, elaborate a little bit. Do you mean like every person is an opportunity for you to feel?

I mean, that's how I feel and also myself. I'm a really competitive person. But I like rooting other people on. but I just like, I strive. So I don't know if I am competing against others or just myself. But others inspire me to like do it harder, go harder, work harder. Right. And that's technically the end of our rapid fire. But now I have a follow-up question. So you are married to someone who was literally competitive for a living.

I mean, he like literally was a proper professional hockey player. Yes. So are you competitive also? athletically or just kind of like with everything? In general, with everything, I am to a degree athletically. I am athletic and like it, but I never played sports on a team or even anything because I was busy acting my whole life on television. But I'm also, I live with my husband, who's a, I mean, retired, but professional athlete.

My boys and my daughter are very competitive. They all grew up playing sports. So I'm actually the one in the family that ends up being least competitive in sports because they are so over the top. I'm like totally happy to bow out. I'll be competitive as something else. They can win in sports. Unless they make excuses and then they're losers. Then they're losers.

Curious about what it's like to be married to someone who was a professional athlete. Like tell us a little bit about where you were set up and like were you a hockey fan. Did you know that? I'm just very interested because you obviously had a certain, you know, I mean, you had a huge level of like success and notoriety. And he comes from a world where he has also a tremendous amount of success and notoriety, but a totally different industry and different expectations. And, you know, I'm kind of curious how you guys connected. Well, we connected because, you know, I met Val when I was 18 and he was 20 and we've been married

25 years. And I never really dated much before him, but I didn't really date in high school because the boys that I had met and talked to felt so immature and couldn't understand that I'd been working half my life. And there wasn't a maturity. So when I met Val, who was a professional athlete, we instantly connected over our work ethic as children. because he started playing hockey when he was four years old, and that was his road and that was his path. And, you know, he grew up in Russia, and it was communist at the time. So it's like, they choose for you what you're doing. And he comes from a long line of professional athletes and his family.

And so that was the instant connection. And we both had experienced that type of life and knowing what it took and to be in an adult world at a young age. So, and then obviously he was like really handsome and really cute and he was funny and like all the things in his little Russian accent like took me over the edge. So I was like very attracted to all of that. But yeah, you know, over the years we kind of had this switch in that I had been on a successful television show since I was 10. And then when we got married, I was 20 and had our daughter at 22. And that's when I took a break. I took a break from acting from 20 to 30.

And I really was a hockey wife and a stay-at-home mom. And that was not easy at the start. That took a good few years to resolve to being a stay-at-home mom and a hockey wife. What was it? I mean, because you know, you and I had a very similar kind of teen years where it was like, go, go, go. And, like, you were just, like, you know, finishing school and, like, doing all these things. And I also, like, I come from a pretty traditional homes. like I wasn't like out partying.

I mean, I think we have a lot of stuff in common. Like I didn't really date until really I left high school. You know, like I just, life was so different. But I can also imagine that not that we're used to being the center of attention, but like we're used to a world that revolves around like us and like our schedule and our needs. And like was that some of what was kind of that complicated shift to like being a wife? Yes, totally. But you know what?

It actually came more from being a mom. Which sounds horrible, but I mean, it's just, it's truthful. It was, it was the shift of, like, working really hard as a mom because as well, my husband traveled half the year, like it's, you know, 41 games on the road and 41 games at home. I went to every hockey game, but on the, on the, the days that he was on the road, you know, I'm full-time, stay-at-home mom. I didn't have nannies. I wanted to raise my children on my own.

So I loved it. And yet I felt so. I appreciated it. Like there was no director or producer telling me, that was great, Candice, well done. Good job. We're going to hit it tomorrow. I was like, oh my gosh, I just, I'm going to just change another diaper and have another thankless day.

How do you feel when you look back now, you know, at those years and at the decision that you made to kind of commit to that life? I am so happy that I did. I'm so grateful. I'm so thankful. and it really was an intentional decision. I knew I didn't want anyone else raising my kids for us. And that was important to me.

Don't think there's anything wrong with that. That just was what we wanted. But it was hard. It was really hard to have that transition from full-time working child and teen to then stay-at-home mom. But I have no regrets. I would do it all over again the same way. The only thing I wish was that I had the maturity.

to enjoy it a little bit more while they were young and in the beginning. But I had to learn through the process. That's what wine and a sippy cup is for. Amen. Sometimes it happens. My M. Bialx Breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office

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Jonathan and I, we did not parent together. We had children separately, but we also were and are. Jonathan's is 14, mine is 13, and I also have a 16. And we kind of share a very hands-on and intentional approach to parenting, which was definitely not very popular, especially when you were doing it. And I had my first at 29. so a little bit after you, but still,

it's kind of interesting what you said because it's so hard, especially in the parenting space, that when we do something that other people don't do, it's like we instantly have to say, like, but I'm not judging, and I'm not saying that's how you have to do it. And it's interesting because I was very aware that many women don't have the opportunity to be home. You know, if they are a single mom and they are going to work,

someone else's help, you know, it could be a family member or a daycare, you know, a daycare at their work, you know, whatever. So, so I was aware, you know, that there were many people who had it kind of harder than I did. And, you know, also those are choices to make. And there were many times, though, where I was like, I'm so tired and overwhelmed. And I see why people do it different. And it was so interesting when I met women, women who were intelligent, educated, good moms, you know, by all standards, but they would literally say to me, I don't want to be with that child all day. And I remember it felt to me sad because I felt that they were missing out,

you know, on all the things, meaning, yes, children are resilient and by and large, they're going to be okay. But it was just such an interesting thing because, you know, we're used to this binary thinking of like, this is what's good and that's what's bad. And especially I know you are a person of faith and often I am as well and a lot of times it's like well there's good and there's bad and there's nothing in between and like this is how we do it but that's like one of the most humbling things and I think Jonathan would agree you know as a very active and beautiful parent as he is like you have to do what you think is best and also people are going to do it totally different and that's just like we all are now living in this world together like I have to deal with your kids that you're

forcing my kid to share with my kid will share when they're ready you know like Yeah, and the other thing I was going to say is, like, people would say, like, doesn't it go by fast? And I'd be like, have you tried staying home with a four-year-old since they're born? It doesn't go by fast, like, at all. The days are long. The days are very long. But the years do go fast. The years do go fast.

That is true. That's the juxtaposition is the days are very long. If anyone hasn't, like, spent multiple days in a row with a three-year-old, just you and that three-year-old. The house is totally torn apart. And every time you turn your back, like kid would like, he used a screwdriver very early in his life. And he would like take the doors off of the kitchen. Such a weird skill that he had. No, he was like ridiculously.

And you know, you know, like you could take the screwdriver away. But he would just take other things apart. And it was just, we just kind of let him be a little engineer. But it's, you know. I love that. You know, one of my sisters, Melissa, she has five kids and she homeschools all of them. and they range from 16 to four. And she loves being a mom, loves homeschooling them,

but you can go in her house. And while she has a lovely home, she does mind all the stuff all over. Just let it go. And I'm like, I can't. I was that parent that I was like, and I hated that I was that way, but still, like I just rearranged my sparkling water bottles in my refrigerator,

right, So they're all perfectly facing forward and outward. So I was that parent that I'm like, I couldn't see a toy out of the little basket that was for the toys. So, you know, it drove me nuts. But, or yeah, to see that. But I wish I could be more like my sister. And it not bother me.

Would you say, is that like a feature of your personality in general, like everything in its place and a place for everything? thing? Is that kind of how you operate? A little bit. I don't think I'm, I'm classified as a perfectionist, but I'm, it'd probably be like my secondary wing. Well, and, and this is the thing. Like I, you know, I, I, I don't know the details, let's say, of what you were like as a child actor, but, you know, the level of like, not only like the level of success you've had, but the way that you've also, like, branched out, you're a businesswoman, like, you have all these other things you do and you have, you know, all these books that are like bestseller, like you do a lot of things. I would imagine,

and I've found this in other, other, you know, people I know who grew up as child actors, I think there is a certain amount of honing, you know, that we learn at a very young age because there really is right and wrong, you know, when you're in front of a camera and, you know, it's like money's burning on fire with every take, you know, do you wonder what kind of what your personality might have been like had you not, you know, had that structure? I totally do. I think about that all the time. And I absolutely know that my personality was developed the way it is now because of growing up in the industry. There are things that I do that sometimes I'll step back and like laugh at myself because I'm like, oh, that is such a product of me growing up as a child actor. Can you give us an

example. When someone tells me what to do, I will do it like perfectly and like absolutely exactly what they asked. And then if they tell me, oh, no, but you just have to do it a little bit more this way. It's like, no, no, no, this is how you asked me. I know what she means. That is exactly what I did. But if you want me to do it this way, I can, you just need to say it. Like, but don't try to point it back on me like I didn't do it right. Who does that sound? Who does that sound like? I'm so happy that you relate.

Totally get it. Jonathan cannot stop laughing because this is what it's like interacting with me all the time. Is that why you're laughing, J.C.? I'm laughing that you're falling off of your chair recognizing this in yourself. I mean, Mayam has talked,

myam talks about needing that like pat on the back. Good job we're moving on in real life. It's the moving on. Right. I need to know you're happy. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Dinner comes.

Everyone sits down to dinner. she's like looking around is we're right we're moving on to the eating part the setting the table is done we're moving on to eating eating eating's done okay everyone's good we're moving on to the cleaning I love it I mean also just the lack anything to do with lack of like schedule what's happening next like you know if it's not run like a film said it's very confusing well that's why I just I got to direct I got to direct for the first time last summer and I was like oh there's a place where all of my like organization, my color courting of, like everything is like, everything happens really nicely. Like I want to live in that place because that's where I was raised. I mean, like, I was raised

with like, show up on time, be on time. Be responsible. Be polite. Like say what you mean, mean what you say. Like shove down your feelings and tell it to your mom later, you know? Like all those things. Yes, yes, yes. The first time I directed also, I felt the exact same way. I was like, what have I been missing all these years because this feels so right? This is the position I've always needed to be in. It's like there's actually a job title that's not just bossy mom. Here's another thing that Jonathan and I sometimes come up against because I know when I'm supposed to be funny.

It's usually when I'm given a script and there's a joke. But sometimes when we're in like a work meeting or something, Jonathan, like, he wants to be playful. And sometimes that's fun and it's great, but I really like an agenda. But it's not scripted. It's not scripted. It's not script.

It's not in the script that we're joking when we're in a meeting where we have six things we have to deal with. But I think for me, it is. It's a very similar thing. And, you know, I think, I mean, I can't speak for you, but for me, like, I lived by a calendar from the time I was 11 years old.

Like, I lived by, this is the block of time I do school. This is the block of time where I go to a day. And then, you know, I was on a set. from 14 to 19, you know, pretty consistently. And, you know, about the year before that, too. So, you know, I also like, I, you know, my teacher, the woman who's in charge of my education,

her name's Janie Teller, and she was like this incredibly organized, amazing studio teacher who planned, you know, every minute of my life was planned, you know? And there's comfort in that. And yes, does that mean that I'm not really a spontaneous, flexible, adventurous person? Yes, that's what it means. And I actually in adulthood and in marriage, so that translated the opposite for me and for my husband as well, because same with hockey.

He had every minute of his life scheduled, even his lunches and dinners with teams and like when they have to get on the bus and their airplane and all that stuff. So which he is a very scheduled organized person to this day. So we wake up and he's like from 8 to 8.15, we're going to have breakfast. And then from 8.15 to 8.30, we're going to just relax. and then we're going to leave at 835. I mean, it's like that. Whereas I've taken the opposite. So I really love the organization and the schedule when it comes to work.

And it's so helpful and that's what I'm used to. But once I get out and away from work and I get home, I do not want to schedule. I'm like, please let me wake up when I feel like waking up. And if I want to eat lunch at one today or maybe 1130 or 3 o'clock, I want to be able to do that. Yeah, that sounds like fun, but I don't like fun. I grew up with an athlete who was an aspiring hockey player, and I've never met anyone as scheduled and regimented as him down to like the calories he's eating and every workout is scheduled.

And he was by far the most focused, dedicated and driven person. One random question that mine will probably appreciate. But how often do you reorganize your closet? I mean, reorganize or clean? What he's talking about is like from time to time, like I'll realize that like clothes get out of place or like I've let a bunch of stuff pile up on the flat. I have a very small closet also. I'm just going to say that. Yep.

Or that things need to be reorganized based on color versus fit versus how they look ascending in size from the length of the floor to the bottom. I live by the Marie Kondo philosophy. And I Marie Kondoed my life. and I've not looked back. So there's a method to how I approach a lot about my space. And it is true that I'm a person that really love, I love organization. So I love finding like the most efficient way.

You know, so like if I have like, you know, I cannot figure out how to organize my high heels because I wear them rarely, but I need to have them because I don't wear them like every day. If I do appearances, if I go to wear. But they still need a place where they're protect. because they can be delicate. And like this is, so this is one of the things.

Like they've moved around in my very small closet like four times. And so I'll take a picture and be like, look what I did tonight. And Jonathan says it looks exactly like it did the last time. But to me, it's different. I was just checking how much of that organized structure she adopted to. And maybe if it was unique to you or if it was a shared strange quality. I think it's a little shared. I like my closet organized.

I clean it, I don't know, once a month. I don't know if you're like a cup every week or a few days. I like it organized, but I travel so much that I'm like, I can't spend, you know, but probably once a month. I'm like refolding to make it neat and clean. In all seriousness, and I think this is kind of the, you know, a topic I'd like to kind of get into, you know, what Jonathan describes kind of, you know, with humor is something that gives me a lot of comfort.

And for me, I do, I get a lot of comfort from structure. I get a lot of comfort from having things in their place. And, you know, when people do ask me, like, why I'm drawn to, you know, institutionalized religion, which, like, has such a bad name, like, I like structure. I like being told, like, these are the things. And I, you know, I'm in Judaism. We have, like, a lot of ritual that's, like, very, you know, sometimes it doesn't make sense in modern times.

Like, so, but there's, I like that kind of structure. And you've talked a bit about some of the disordered eating and things in your life that have been challenges for you. And I can't help, but like from my own experience. And I do, I'm a part of Overeaters Anonymous. So I actually work a 12-step program, you know, surrounding eating stuff. But one of the things that I've learned is that, you know, we will turn wherever we can for comfort and to feel in control of things, you know. And so, you know, some people try and do it with alcohol because they feel like. like they're a more happy or pleasant or nicer person or some people will do it with food,

you know, where it's like, what can I control? And like for me, like I, you know, I like to say I was like an expert, I was an expert grazer. Like I either could eat nothing or like all day a handful, you know, in 20 minute intervals, right? Like I was really good at that because it's a form of restricting that doesn't feel out of control, right? So I'm kind of curious. Like for me, I do. I take a lot of comfort in cleaning. in organizing because it's a thing that's wrong, right?

It's dirty or it's out of place. And I get to make it right. So I'm actually curious, like, are there things, and it may not be the kind of eating stuff, but are there things that you found as an adult do give you kind of comfort for the kind of control that we often crave as humans, and especially if we grew up with a tremendous amount of positive structure,

it can be hard as adults. Yeah. Food is still something that is a comfort for me, but also a battle for me. You know, I've gotten into a healthy place for the most part, but I can't say that I, I mean, I still have, am very aware of it. And there's days where I'm like, oh, like, this is a trigger for me. And if I pick this up to eat this, like, this is not going to end well. And then have to consciously make a good choice. But in a healthy way, exercise has become a good form of comfort for me because it really helps my mental state. When I don't exercise and it's been, you know, seven to 10 days and I haven't gotten some kind of sweat in, I notice it immediately in my, in my mind, my, just my mental state. And I need that

release of those endorphins. And so that that is a tool that has helped me and become a comfort for me. So if I'm constantly like cranky or irritable or something, I'm like, I need to go exercise. Like that's it for me. And I will feel better. Well, and also I just want to kind of clarify because, of course, you know, people, you can get addicted also to exercise. Like, you can get addicted to anything. But you're not just talking about like, oh, if I don't work out, I don't like how my body looks. You're talking about. You're talking about. You're no, right, which sometimes, believe me, I figured that out. I was like, oh, if I don't work out, but I keep eating, I'm going to gain weight. And I'm not going to fit into my clothes and then I'm going to be sad because I'm going to wear sweatpants all the time. But we're not talking about that. What you're talking about is one of actually, you know, Jonathan and I talk a lot about the things that people don't tell you about mental health, you know? We don't just do like diagnoses and here are the pills you should take. Like, that's not our schick. But this is one of those things that, exercise is incredibly important, literally, for elevating mood. So that's what you're talking about.

Like, you can tell when you haven't gotten that flowing. Yeah. Yeah, obviously, the exercise has a benefit in how I feel or look in my clothes, but my motivation for exercise is not that. So it just plays such a huge, massive part in my mental health that that is what it's there for. But then, again, There are other benefits, but I'm not working out to, like, lose weight and BSI smaller. I hate to bring up things you said in People magazine. But secrets to a happy marriage, you said, I mean, I just, I love these four things. You said grace, communication, laughter, and sex. Can you just touch on those?

Because also, you know, you're one of the people in our industry who's been married since they're young, who's still married. And I'm sure we don't need to or get to see every detail. of the ups and downs of anybody's particular life. And I know that on Instagram, everybody can make it look like whatever they want. Right. But you're very honest about a lot of realities

of your life and your marriage, and I really respect that. And I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit about, because grace is, I mean, I know the term kind of religiously, but how does it relate to a marriage? I actually think that it's really the same definition as it is in a religious sense to where we define it in marriage. there needs to be a sense of grace for, I mean, literally everything that we do, because we are

two imperfect human beings with our own thoughts, our own mind, and, you know, we can perceive things differently. And without the communication to understand why, you know, then grace is very difficult to have. So with good communication is very helpful to have in the grace department, but we have to have grace for one another because when I make a choice to do something, you know, my husband may perceive it in a different way when that wasn't my intention or vice versa. And so there needs to be a grace of understanding, again, communication goes hand in hand with it, because otherwise you're going to, I mean, marriage just won't work. I mean, there are never two people that are going to think exactly alike.

And if you do one thing, they're going to see it exactly the same way that you do. And it can come down to really little simple things in life. I mean, just easy stuff. And you're like, honey, I didn't. That's not what my intention was. Like, I thought this would be fun to do. But you took it as, oh, I'm judging that you don't make good choices. You know, things like that.

So there needs to be grace. And that also comes, you know, with the grace that God gives us, that we are imperfect human beings and God gives grace to all of us and loves us and it's unconditional love. You know, human, human nature love is much more conditional, as much as we want to say we have unconditional love. It tends to be very conditional. Right. So we strive to have an unconditional love that God has, but we're still human. Right. Okay. And laughter and sex, obviously. Laster. Yeah. I mean, I don't need to know your sex schedule. But I'm, I'm I'm, I'm, we don't have a schedule for that, Lyme.

I was, that's not what I was asking. Some people do. Not that there's anything wrong with it. No, but I was going to, I was going to ask in terms of like laughter and sex, like, yeah, what are your general takes on those in terms of, you know, do those go hand in hand? Is it being, you know, kind of playful with the way that you're intimate with each? I don't mean just sexually. I just mean in terms of intimacy.

Right. Right. Laughter is, is one of my love languages. I mean, I grew up with comedians. you know, on the show, I've been around laughter my whole life. My dad's a very funny man. Like, I love it. So I need to have laughter in my life.

And that does come with a playful, a playfulness with my husband. So when he can make me laugh, like, it's the best. He grew up very different from me in a different country. So, like, he can tend to be much more reserved than I am and a little more serious about life. So when there's that playfulness, like there is nothing that makes me happier and more attracted to him than we have that laughter. And then sex obviously is important. And I hate that sex within marriage gets such a bad rap. And maybe it does happen for people within their marriage when that goes south.

But all the more reason that, you know, I believe that sex was given as a gift from God to be within the constraints of marriage, and that is to be celebrated. And a huge part of marriage, like, that is a blessing of being married and committed to someone. And so, you know, when we look at it from our culture and society today, it's always like, oh, you're married, oh, 10 years. When was the last time you had sex? That's, like, always the joke. And it can be funny, like, and I can roll with it.

But at the same time, I'm like, you know, I don't want, I'm not trying to, like, talk about. my sex life and have like TMI or like gross my kids out. But I do think it's important to share what a healthy sex life within marriage can be just in saying like that that's important. It's an important part of the relationship that we make time for one another, that we still love each other, both physically, you know, spiritually, mentally, all of the things. It all comes hand in hand. And I'm a happier person and my husband's a happier person when we've had sex. And I think a lot of people, and, you know, I'm saying this as a person who's, you know, who's divorced.

But I think that, you know, part of it is that many of us were not really educated in terms of the role of healthy sex or sex in a healthy relationship is a kind of communication. So when people point to like, he wants more sex or she wants more sex, it's very, very, very rarely, at least in my experience, and I've only, you know, been married once. It's not like I have a vast experience, but even just from getting to know other humans, it's very rarely actually about the sex, you know? People say like, foreplay is everything you do from the time sex ends one time to the time you have sex the next time. Like, especially, generally speaking, for women, yeah, there's a, there's a definite investment that we, that women and some men, you know,

need to have from a partner. And it's all of those emotional things that lead up to, you know, at least again, this is just, you know, my, what I've experienced. It's so rarely about the sex. It's about everything that happened from the last time you had sex until whenever you're trying. I do agree with you. A lot of it is that. But there are days when it is about the sex. For sure. I mean, and we've had those conversations. I mean, I don't want to, I'm not going to, I'm not to overshare because my husband will be mortified if I do. But like we have had those conversations when it's just like, you know, some days you just need the release. Right. And like it's just about this ex. We are human beings and we crave connection. And especially in a partnership,

especially when there's stress and when you're dealing with kids and jobs and things, it's a method of connection and communication that also, if it's a man and a woman who so choose, can make a baby. So it's a lot of spiritual energy. It is. It's a lot of, like, it's a lot. And I don't mean to be antiquated about it,

but you can see why, you know, for a lot of history, people were very, very specific about when and how women were available to men because it was something that can make a baby if it's a man and a woman. And anyway, you know how it works. So I do want to kind of talk a little bit about, I mean, obviously you've been in, I want to say dozens, dozens of movies.

Like, dozens, right? Is there a number? There's a number. I know, I know because it's like an even rounded number. I have done 30 movies for Hallmark Channel. Wow. But I've done many more movies over the years that just, you know, weren't for Hallmark. I do so many movies.

Like they don't take months and months at a time, right? It's a shorter schedule. No, I mean, we cranked them out and it's a 15-day shoot, so it's three weeks. Wow. Wow. Okay, so that. You also, y'all rebooted Full House, which is enormously fabulous. You were actually, literally, we worked next door to each other.

Yeah, but because of COVID, we weren't allowed to socialize or do anything. But I knew you were there. I felt your presence. There actually, there is a full house cast picture framed in our hallway at Call Me Cat. I mean, there's other shows. There's like Family Matters is right outside my dressing room. And then y'all are outside of our hair and makeup room. It's just so random.

Anyway, so I knew you were there. I felt all of your energy. But you do other things as well. you have a line of clothing, which is, I mean, I think that's just such a fascinating process of like, it's available at QVC.com. Do you, like, I know it's a dumb question, but I want to know. Do you like, you pick the things? Like, you pick the colors or like, I'm just curious, like, because you don't have to be a fashion designer, meaning it's your line. And so you work with really talented people. But like, I'm just curious, is it like, what should we do? And you're like,

bell bottoms with leopards on them. Like, how does that? Does it work? Yes. So I don't put my name on anything unless I have my hand in everything from start to finish. So like, for instance, I had a two-hour fashion meeting this morning, which we were going over sample designs because I'm a part of, we have about 30 pieces per month in each collection. So we start from mood boards to what we believe will, what our color palette will be for that month. We go, you know, to all, it's a massive process that I'm there from the start. And then what we think the pieces, if we need to design like seven tops and five pants and two skirts and three dresses, and then we're looking at all of different images, inspiration images. And then it's like,

I like this, this, this, let's do this. But maybe let's do this and this and this and this. and then we cut it down, we drop sketches, we get fabric samples, they go to design, we have the fit models, and I'm on every single meeting for every single piece. It sounds fun, and I'm just looking at, I'm looking at the QVC site, like, that goes to your, you know, to your page, as it were. Yeah. And, well, first of all, you model the stuff, you model some of the stuff, which is really cool. I'm very into the, there's like a little denim.

jumpsuit that I would really like. So we'll deal with that later. I'll have to shop. I can shop by size. Also, you have models of all sizes, shapes, and colors. And I think that's really awesome. Like, you have a really, it's a very, it's a very diverse kind of, you know, representation. Also, it's not a fancy, expensive line. It's a very, it's like it's, it's for, it's for people who want to, well, they want to look fun and feminine is what they want to do. But I, I like that as well, because I think a lot of people also like, you know, you're, you're a celebrity. And you're, you know, you have to be on the carpet and all these things. But the idea was you wanted to create something that was really kind of for, for every woman, as it were.

Right. For everyone. And that's relatable. So that's, that is why I designed it, which is a take on my personal style. I grew up, born and raised in L.A. So it's casual and classic. Like, I live in jeans in a T-shirt. Right.

But I'll put on a pretty cute top with my jeans. I just, I'm a very casual person by, by day. and but I love looking feminine and pretty and I love color so those are all reflective of the line and then the line is inclusive sizing so it's triple extra small which don't let that freak you out QVC sizing is just a little it runs larger than other traditional sizing so a triple extra small is actually a size zero and then it goes to 5x it's all inclusive sizing that was important to me because like every woman of every shape and every height, like, needs to feel beautiful and feel fun and have good fashion choices. I really like how you dress. You know, you have a beautiful figure and you're not

afraid to show it, but also you do have, um, you, you also have like a really nice kind of like modest, very like feminine and modern flair, which I do admire. I appreciate that. Anytime. Yeah, nothing's like too short or too low on the neckline. Like I'm always have a, there's a modesty to everything in the line. I appreciate that. Just for me personally. I'm not judging anyone who doesn't want to do that. You could be naked and that's feminism too. I'm just saying that I like the way she presents herself. Okay, I have a couple of funny questions and then we'll let you go. So do you have days where you don't look good? That I don't look good? Yes. Did you just call or did you just like choke over a word? I just like, I feel weird asking it, but like you just, you just, you just,

you seem very like effortlessly put together and I just wonder like you're very kind but I'm just wondering like I know people who are like even their husbands don't see them without makeup and you're not even wearing a lot of makeup but I'm just curious like there are days when like you just you don't have makeup on and you let people see you go look at my Instagram every day in my store I'm always on there with like not a stitch of anything like just woke up out of bed okay I'll have to like I got to take a deeper dive because like obviously like there's a much more polished look for you know of of course on the on the on the on the on the main page of the gram you know it's pretty polished but all on my story right i am i'm as uh kind of transparent as you get right i just what you see is what

you get and i'm very natural i i think that we should all see men and women age gracefully over the years and we should actually see what age looks like i also wanted to mention is there anything else we can mention on your behalf. I feel like there was one more thing. Gratitude. You talk a lot about gratitude. And I like to talk about gratitude, having an attitude of gratitude. I try and do a gratitude list. I try and do one every day. Even if it's just mental, I do have a group of women and we usually will share them throughout the day. What did somebody say yesterday? She said I was really having, oh no, it was today. She said I was really having a hard time being in gratitude. And I just decided fingernails and air conditioning.

And we were all like, what? She said, I was feeling so whatever it was, like, down. And she said, that's literally the best I could do, was like, some people don't have fingernails and some people don't have air conditioning. And I'm grateful for those things. And I was like, okay, whatever we're. I love that. But you have a gratitude challenge.

Like, tell us a little bit about sort of how you frame gratitude and what you're doing with it. Yeah. So I wrote, I mean, I wrote a book on kindness. So kindness has been a big part of just sharing kindness in my life and ways in which we can do that. But gratitude goes hand in hand with that. I think when we are grateful and we recognize the things that we are grateful for, no matter how small they are, it allows us and prompts us to be kinder in the world when we can recognize like, wow, I'm breathing today. I mean, sometimes that might be what you have. Like, I have breath of life today and I'm going to praise God for it. I'm going to be grateful for.

it. And so I just have wanted to encourage people to find the things they're grateful for their spouse, the flowers, the blue sky. It's warm today, whatever that is. So online, we, I have, if you go to my website, candace.com, we made little templates for gratitude, like plates that you can just throw up on your story or on your post and you can write in whatever you're grateful for. And so I'm doing that every Monday of the month. I'm just putting up what I'm grateful for. And then if you tag me, I want to repost it on my story. And I just want it to go around because the internet and social media, while it can be really wonderful at times, it can be really ugly at times and so mean and so combative. And so I'm like, so let's just spread

gratitude around and get that circulating through lots of different people's feeds. Because while we may go on to a next story or a next post that is filled with angst. Like, maybe we won't jump on it quite as much if we've just had a moment of gratitude or read about gratitude. I really like that. There's a lot of scientific research that having gratitude changes your brain and how it's firing and changes your outlook just by having that little practice. So people think it's a little thing, but it actually has a huge impact on our outlook and our moods. Okay, Jonathan, you go first. Give us two things you're grateful for. Well, as much as I've teased mine today, I am super grateful for her because she's the person who makes me

laugh the most. And I'm really exceptionally grateful to speak with you today, Candace, and share that because you have an infectious laughter. You have an infectious way you laugh, and it's really a pleasure to joke around with you and share the person who I, who makes me laugh the most. That's really nice, Jonathan. That is so kind. I love that. He's a very kind person. He's Canadian. They're very kind. I'm going to do mine.

I'm going to do mine and then we'll make Candace go last and then we'll let her go. You know what? I'm grateful for, I'm grateful to be allergy-free today. I'm a person who has a very, very overactive system in general. And since cutting out dairy many years ago, my seasonal allergies got significantly better. But there's still a period where it's like the most beautiful out and it's so gorgeous. And I feel really, really sick. I'm very grateful I get my boys back tomorrow.

I get them Friday to Monday and they're with their dad Monday to Friday like that. And I'm very grateful to be getting them back and we have a family camp weekend, which we've never done before. And I think it's going to be very, very, very cold. But there's no cell reception. So I'm really excited to have a Shabbat truly powered down and off. And then, yeah, I'm just really grateful that they still don't mind hanging out with me. and like that we can sit in a car and like drive for a couple hours and um yeah just grateful for that okay candis your turn i love that i always want the go-to to be my family just because they

honestly like hand to god is the most the thing i'm most grateful for and i mean that in terms of not only my husband and my children but my parents and my sisters and my brother like i love my family and we're all close i'm so grateful because i know not everyone has that experience in their or, you know, two parents and parents that are there for them and brothers and sisters that they get along with and are close to. So I'm so grateful for that. I just was on a text chain this morning, all morning, with my sisters and my mom and my brother. So I'm very grateful for them. And I'm also, you know, it was my dear friend, Bob Sagitts, would have been his 66th birthday. And I, I, this is like a new grief is new for me.

He is the first, and I don't mean to bring this down. I'm sorry. No, we appreciate it. He is the first person in my life that I've been super close to that I have lost. So this, this grief feels like a brand new experience. And it was like, it's his birthday. Do I still celebrate him? Do I call it out?

Do I acknowledge it? Like, I don't know. I don't know how to do this. And so I'm just, I'm grateful for my friends. I'm grateful that I knew Bob. I'm grateful for all the people that are really like my core circle group of friends who, you know, are like my rider dies that we know we have each other's backs and we're always there and we show up no matter what. And, you know, Bob was one of those people in my life.

And so I just, I'm grateful for my friends. and you know who they are. Thank you. That's really lovely. And thank you for sharing that with us. And thank you for being such a good sport with how much we harassed you. It was really,

okay, good. It was really fun to talk to you. This was one of the most fun podcast interviews I've ever done. Yay! It really was. And like different questions and all. We are very different.

We're very different. We're very, very different. But thank you so much and pleasure to talk to you. You're so welcome. I think that we should make gratitude lists with every single guest part of our just... I think so too.

But it makes them feel uncomfortable because someone's going to be like, I'm grateful for you guys, but that's not what we want. Not everyone has as much fun as she did. How about this? Maybe everybody has to say something they're grateful about us. Before we let you go.

Well, that's the trap, right? Like, I said I was grateful for her. She didn't say she was grateful for me. I mean, she has her family. I understand. Also, I mean, that's like a whole other thing. Like, what's that like? To like everyone in your family. Everyone gets along. It's amazing.

And I was like, it's one thing to put positive pictures on your Instagram. She's using her words and saying, I love these people. It's the real deal. No, I believe her. It's not that I don't believe her. I felt badly that I don't go on social media. And I was actually going to explain to her that, like, I've had to take a break because of people like her making me feel bad about myself because they look so good all that time.

You know what I would love? I would love to do like, I want to do like, I want to. to go to her house. I want her to dress me in her clothes. I want her to do my makeup like hers. And I want to put in extensions. And I want to like, I want to do a day in her world. I want you to do the sliding doors movie where you're DJ and she's blossom. She was younger than me though. That's the thing. She got cast in full house. She was 10. I was 11. And then I didn't do, I mean, I did beaches a year later. She was already on full house. Like she was, you know, ahead of me. She worked longer

What would your clothing line be like? Let's design your clothing line right now Black T-shirts Arm combat boots Yeah Vegan leather boots I don't I don't

Bomber jackets I mean with all due respect Knicks gear Knicks and warrior gear Oh I got myself a new Nick's shirt When I was in New York I don't care enough about fashion It's a problem like I like shopping

for miles. That's like my favorite thing right now. Is my older son, oh, he probably does not want me talking about this. Never mind. I like shopping for him. New show idea. You go to Candace's house and reorganize her closet the way you would organize it. She only does it. Oh my God, I never thought to reorganize it like that. She only does it once a month?

What is she thinking? She travels a lot though, so maybe if she was home more. Ridiculous. If people want to give us their best closet organizing tips, Or even want to share how organized their closets are as like a one up to my aim. If you will have the most organized closet, send us a picture on Instagram. Tag us at Bialik Breakdown. We want to see your closet or your most obsessive organizing thing that you have organized.

I also really think it's very cool what she's doing with gratitude. And I recommend people check out her website. It's really, really nice. She's spreading good love and cheer. Are you literally eating? We're literally trying to finish this podcast and you're eating. What? I'm having a little snack.

It's not impacting my work. What I was going to say, which is more in line. Finish chewing. Finish chewing, old man, Cohen. What I was going to say is maybe for the release of this episode. There's still food in the lower left of your mouth. I mean, do you think I'm not looking at your face? I can't.

We launch a gratitude experiment for the end of this episode when we launch. That's all I have to say, I'm out. From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. Now Jonathan can finish chewing his snack in peace. We'll see you next time.

It's my and biolix breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break down. It's a breakdown. She's going to break it Damn.