Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Christy Carlson Romano: Love Addiction Brought Me To My Knees

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

Christy Carlson Romano (Disney actress, activist, entrepreneur, content creator) breaks down her career pivot from Disney icon to child star advocate, the mechanisms of dissociation, and her struggles with love addiction. She details the juxtaposition between her typecasted acting roles with her actual complicated family dynamics, feeling “othered” from her siblings as she became the focal point for family, and the insecurities she carried after her Disney career. Christy explains why child actors are prone to addiction, her own sobriety journey, and the importance of supporting children’s mental health on sets. She shares her heartbreaking story of being assaulted while on her path to recovery, why she once cut her family off, and how she was conned by a “psychic”. Christy opens up about imposter syndrome when it comes to therapy, why she’s not active in it anymore, and her experience with EMDR. NOTE: This episode was recorded before the SAG-AFTRA strike. Christy Carlson Romano's Podcast, Vulnerable: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/vulnerable-with-christy-carlson-romano/id1611988143 8 Tips for Parents and Teens on Social Media Use — from the US Surgeon General: https://apnews.com/article/social-media-tips-children-surgeon-general-ad87529f4a6a762e3162f59db1f4709c BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Coming out of the industry at a young age, you end up having a very transactional outlook on interpersonal relationships. You kind of are like, what am I getting from this, or what do I have to do? How do I have to perform in order to extract what I need in this moment? And it really messes you up for a long time. You know, you also have to live in your ego actively. I actually call a narcissistic purgatory in I believe that article as well because it's like

you don't want to talk about yourself but you have to talk about yourself. You don't want to think about the past because you want to heal from the past but you have to talk about the past because that's all people talk about. And so it's like you're one foot in, one foot out or one foot grabbing you from the grave

and you're like, what can I do? I cannot win. So you feel extremely vulnerable and you feel extremely exposed and everywhere you go you feel raw and you feel like you have to be another version of yourself because that better version of yourself is going to improve the quality of your life or you know you don't have any answers essentially because you really aren't given a point of view when you're a young kid and you're And they're like, this is the character you're going to play,

kind of dissociate over time. There's a lot of my childhood that I don't even remember. When I think about how I'm getting my kids to connect the dots in interpersonal relationships from now, it's not just gentle parenting. It's me reparenting myself. They have body awareness. No means no.

And just that alone, that body awareness, keeps them in their body. If I ever know, if I ever see them get that thousand-yard stare where they're dissociating because it's like an uncomfortable moment, I'm immediately like, okay, let's try to take the time we can because this is obviously sending this kid to a point that they can't handle this. It's my and be all next breakdown. She's going to break it down for you because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down.

It's a breakdown. She's going to break it down. Hi, I'm I am Vialik. I'm Jonathan Cohen. And welcome to our breakdown. This is the place where we break things down. So you don't have to. But today is one you probably would want to break down

because I think everybody would like to hang out and talk to Christy Carlson Romano. But we're the ones who are going to do it. Now, Jonathan, you're Canadian. It's been established on the show. It's been established. You come from a very special, you know, universe of Canadian Disney people in your arena,

Alanis Morissette being the one that comes to mind. But Christy Carlson Romano was very, very special to a lot of American Disney Watchers and also people all over the world. She's an Emmy-nominated actress. She's an entrepreneur, a content creator. She's a host. She has a podcast called Vulnerable.

And she's best known for her role. in Disney's Kim Possible, even Stevens, and Cadet Kelly, she was the first person, and I have to imagine maybe the last, to star in three Disney Channel projects simultaneously. Well, now it's a competition.

I want to start in three Disney Channel shows simultaneously. Christy's going to talk about her childhood really immersed in, really a very special era, you know, of Broadway. And a lot of people, know her from that as well. Christy, like many of us, is fascinated with people being fascinated with nostalgia and the era that she was raised in, essentially, and I was as well. Very, very excited

to talk to Christy Carlson Romano. Without further ado, Christy, welcome to The Break Down. Break it down. Hi. Hi. It's very, very, very. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very. nice to have you here. I feel like we've met. Like, we've probably been at things together. I feel like that might have happened in our life. I hope so. I would have loved that. It would have been so nice to know you. Oh, I thought you were going to be like, oh my God, you don't remember we had a sleepover. Okay. No, I think we've all been really busy and part of acting at a young age kind of makes you like forget things. Like, I kind of don't remember like the first decade of my life. So that's partly Well, that sounds fascinating. Let's get into it. Let's do it. Please. And you're like, y'all are qualified.

We are. We are qualified to pick people apart. You know, we've, we've had a lot of the same guests on our podcasts. We've had, we have. Yeah, we've had some really cool kind of crossover and, you know, and I think what your podcast vulnerable, you know, is able to do is literally kind of meet people exactly where they're at. And you have people on. who want to be vulnerable. And that's really, it's really important. And I think it's such an interesting intersection of our fascination with celebrity and our current sort of fascination with mental health and mental wellness. And I think your podcast is really kind of hitting that intersection. Before we get into sort of like your childhood and all of the awesome work you did when you were a kid, can you talk a bit about why, why you wanted to start a podcast with literally the title Vulnerable? I'm sorry, first of all, I'm smiling so big right now because I feel like I manifested this,

but it took like years. I am such a fan of you and everything you've done, even from your YouTube days. I feel like you're one of us, right? Like there's a very, and John, you're amazing too. This is not to exclude you from this entirety of the importance of all of this. But Mayam has been an inspiration to me ever since I was a kid. So this is kind of very full circle. and I was an East Coast brunette girl who loved to sing

and Blossom was in my house nonstop. I can't even tell you the bucket hats that we had with sunflowers on them. Girl, like, talk about nostalgia. But obviously, what happens over time is, you know, as you're graduating through the different milestones of your career, some of the cracks in the CISO, kind of get bigger and bigger if they're not mended and glued and, you know, just fixed. So for me personally, I kind of stopped growing. And that was right around the time that I went to Barnard in originally

in 2002. It took me 12 years to finish. But I kind of left L.A. and really didn't understand, you know, Facebook just happened. And I had heard over a couple of... few years after Facebook, Twitter was a thing and certain new Disney stars that were like the next generation had really become big on Twitter, right? Ashley Tisdill was one of those people. And she started having production company and like sort of like the whole common thread of women empowering themselves and having their own production companies became a thing. So it's ironic and shut me up if I'm talking too much to unpack all this stuff to you. No, this is, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm digging it.

Cool. Okay, yeah. No, really, though, show me up. I just feel like I was typecasted as the smart, older sister type. And so much of that was a character. And I was actually the youngest in an Italian family that was a little violent and, you know, struggling middle class. And so for me, I had been casted in this very broad.

iconic role model image, which I did not know how to understand and comprehend. And also how to grow past from that for a very, very long time. So enter into many, many years later, we've got COVID. Prior to COVID, I was doing just social media stuff that would give me, like, you know, post stuff and get free baby stuff because that shit's expensive. It's expensive. And I was like, what am I going to do? How are we going to leave L.A.?

You know, everything's on fire all the time. So I just started to dip my toe in the water of like getting free products and then eventually getting paid. But social media then became my like career, like my entry, my reentry point into my career. And it was a really fascinating journey that I'd never would have thought, never would have thought this would have been my life. And so how did the podcast? come about? So after YouTube, I started doing lots of different types of YouTube. As I know from your

YouTube, how different you do, you know, authentic content that's true to your life, the cooking content. I remember I really wanted you on one of my cooking shows. And it's like I love the community of YouTube. And I think YouTube's definitely changed since the early days. The clicks are way harder to get. there's so much of a science to even just the thumbnails that you learn over time. You know, like you become a creator inherently. So as I'm, you know, looking at analytics, my husband's, my producing partner at this point, we're obviously scaling more and more ad dollars and monetizing our content and whatnot, right? So everything's starting to grow and it's in our terms and we control the narrative and the image as I'm sure, you know,

all creators kind of get that dopamine hit of independence. But essentially, I realized when I did a vulnerable, like, walk-and-talk series, I want to call it, on my YouTube, where I said crazy stuff about my life that people really just never knew. So, like, Shia and Labuff and I don't talk anymore, and he was my co-star, right? So, like, people would always ask me, do you know Shaya? Do you still talk to Shia? And I was like, I'm going to address this. that. And so I was never the type of person to open my mouth. I think maybe being from where I'm

from, it was very much like, be the good girl, do the right thing. You're the first to go to an Ivy League School. You know, you're the kid that's the golden child, essentially. So I never really thought to have an opinion about my past or to unpack that stuff. But I think 2020 gave us all, and you had mentioned mental health earlier, 2020 gave us time to pause and say, okay, like mental health is okay to talk about. So that's kind of where vulnerable had its roots from because I was sick about, I was sick of talking about my shit. And I wanted to talk to other people about their shit. And my husband was like, vulnerable, that's the essence of this show. So I really have to give him his props because he's a huge creative counterpart to

everything I do. I mean, I can't help it. You mentioned that you grew up in a home that was a little violent. It's kind of like being a little bit pregnant, you know. And obviously depends on the sensitivity of a child, you know, as I'm sure you know as a parent. You know, you don't know what template, what genetic template you're getting when you give birth to this human that has combined DNA. And I always point out that, you know, what to one child might feel like not a big deal to another child might feel like a really big deal. So, you know, not to, it's not to pass judgment or ask you to talk about things you don't want to talk about. But, you know, some of the words that, like, I used to describe my childhood are like, unpredictable, you know, chaotic, like very loving and also really confusing.

And, you know, how would you describe, besides a little violent, how would you describe, you know, kind of how you grew up? And are you like second generation? Are you third? Has everybody been in America forever. Let's see. Yes. So my dad was 100% Italian. So my grandparents immigrated from different parts of Italy. And then my mom's great, she's German from Ohio, German and Swedish. And they met at University of Cincinnati and, you know. Hence, your striking looks. That's a beautiful combination. Oh, thanks. The cheekbones. It's just like Italian, German and Northern European. all the things. You're so sweet.

Thank you. But yeah, you know, they came from a different time. You know, I'm the youngest of four. As an elder millennial, I'm literally, my husband is, you know, 40, I'm 39, and he's, I guess, technically, Gen X. So, right?

Is that like, that's what comes before millennial? Yeah, yeah. But if he married a 39-year-old, he kind of gets grouped in with the millennials. I would say, right? I was elder, but elder millennials definitely. We lost him. He's yours.

He's all yours. We don't own him. But the ref, what I will say, it is very different because he's the, he was the oldest, but his mom had him at 17 and he ended up in the Marines. And he had a very, kind of like, very hard, interesting life that I would love to chat with you about at some point. But we both came from pretty violent beginnings, you know. His biological father was extremely violent with his mom. And I just feel like my husband and I ended up, I wouldn't say trauma bonding.

I don't think that's the right thing. But I find that this is a lot of millennials, too, by the way. Like elder millennials in particular, our parents were all older and kind of had the mentality of spare the rod, spoil the child, still kind of looming in their head. The whole concept of gentle parenting was definitely like they're disrespecting you.

Gentle was, I'll warn you before I hit you. That's what's gentle about it. Go pick out the switch outside that you want me to hit you with. You know, like that was kind of some of the earlier days. And then unfortunately, I feel like as you get older as a child, and now I'm noticing this with some of the tactics that I have used in the gentle parenting approach that we're taking, not working anymore and how they're getting smarter and almost,

I don't want to say manipulative, but they're finding workarounds. And with my parents, I feel like they became a lot more manipulative. But, you know, enter into the displacement of young actors' quality of life. Or like, my mom left, you know, which is absolutely insane. I'm like, I couldn't imagine now being a parent just leaving three of your children. children behind for one child's career. It's insane.

Miami-Bi-Lx breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine, drink more water. There's no real data. There's no game plan. This has happened to me many, many times, especially on the perimenopause journey. That's why we're fascinated by what Superpower is doing. They send a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers. That's way more than you usually get.

It unlocks a true understanding of your body. Their app has detailed information on heart, liver, thyroid hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, even environmental toxins. From disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simply optimizing your gym game, superpower is the most comprehensive and advanced system out there. I've been super tired of constantly guessing or just trying to read articles online about what to do for health. Superpower gives you an actionable health plan based on. personal results. It's a real game changer. Plus, they have an on-demand clinician team to answer

questions. Supplement or prescription suggestions can be directly bought through superpower, so you don't have to go anywhere else. They also have nutritional guidance, tips for lifestyle and behavioral adjustments. You even get your true biological age that you can track over time. Superpower used to cost $499. Right now, it's $199 for the full experience, which is much more affordable than anything else out there. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with superpower. Superpower. only did Superpower reduce their price to just $199, but for a limited time, our listeners get an additional $20 off with the code break. Head to Superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention

my ambiolics breakdown to help support the show. You know, I'm a little bit older than you. I started acting when I was 11, though. So it's kind of like you had an earlier start, you know, when I was sort of still new in the industry. But, you know, I think, and this is not, not a global statement about stage moms or moms who are our managers, but there's a really specific thing that happens when a child becomes the focal point of a family, either because of auditioning or success, you know, and what it does is it gives that that parent who is, you know, ushering them and taking them places and going on auditions. It gives that parent a real identity that in many cases, I think, is very different from the identity that they may have had as simply

being the wife or whatever. And I think that there's something really interesting because when you said she left, you know, what I thought was like, oh, she couldn't take the violence. Like, I don't know, I just made something up in my head. But that's not what you're saying. What you're saying is you became the impetus for kind of this new identity. And I think that's a lot of then what happens to us because we end up being then the recipient of holding, you know, for whatever we mean for our mom, you know. Does that sound, am I getting there? Okay. You are 1,000% there. And I say these things as I'm unpacking them, you know, I was watching, you know, your guys' interview and recap of Jeanette McCurdy, who I recently did like a book review on

because, you know, she's actually very hard to get to interview. So. I was like, give the girl a break. She needs some time. And so I'm obsessed with this process. It's a lot of what I've ended up talking about more and more and more. Can you talk a little bit about sort of what, you know, what you remember that sort of made you feel like, this is something I like to do or how did that happen? Because, you know, people, people often ask me, like, what I was like as a kid. And I was, I was strange.

You know, I had a odd sense of humor. I really liked mimicking. Like I like to imitate people's voices and body language and I love dance. You know, but I wasn't exceptional. Like I wasn't an exceptional dancer. You know, what I was exceptional at was like kind of standing out and being strange and funny. But, you know, I wonder what you were like as a kid because Broadway kids, also kids who succeed in Broadway, it's a very, very resilient kind of personality, meaning even if it's hard and rejection,

all those things, you are really, you are raised. with a veneer. Like it is shellacked on you to be presentable and to be agreeable. I mean, that's how you have that kind of success. What do you remember about yourself

as a wee one? You say a wonderful thing here. And also, I think you were exceptional because that's your impact on me. Thank you. Poor John didn't realize. Okay. So I was extremely compliant.

That's something that I'm finding more and more is a common thread of high-performing children, is that, yes, they may enjoy what they're doing and they may have an aptitude at it, but that tethered to the codependency and the identification with your mother, especially for females, right?

It's like that's your very deep relationship there. Yeah, I was extremely compliant. She says a lot of things, like, over the year, she ends up repeating herself a lot. I love her to death, but she's stuck in the past. She's stuck in the past. And it's actually kind of a chronic problem that I would imagine a lot of stage parents have. But she's like none of the other kids would do, like would be able to do what you did.

And so, you know, for a long time, I was very othered to my other siblings. And, you know, you have to, you. You have to unpack that at some point, and I'm still kind of trying to unpack that. But overall, I think that I did have a joy of performing, and I always will have a joy of performing, but I do think that it can get complex, and not just while it's happening,

but the complexity of it as you every year come to understand the fruits of your labor or your, it's just, It's a very complex issue. And you had, you know, kind of all these years in, like, really, like, legit productions on Broadway. Like, you were kind of the real deal. You had all of these years, you know, before you sort of, you know, transformed into a TV presence, which, I mean, in terms of, like, if we, if we forget

who Christy was, like, the human that you were with all of your dreams and wishes and the things that, you know, if you believe in God, that God placed in your soul to, you know, have realized throughout your life. What happened was you kind of, you ended up on this track, you know, that led to more and more success, objectively speaking, meaning the dream, you know, the dream of any kid, especially if you, like, grew up in New York or you're going into the city, the dream is to like, get on Broadway. So like, okay, Christy did that.

Like, she did it really well and she did it over and over. And then the next dream is like to get to TV. Yeah, to work with Disney or Nickelodeon. When did that happen? Do you remember sort of when it became like, oh, I'm not just on Broadway. Like, I am now on television. For sure, yeah.

Basically, I was Mary Fagan in the original parade. I was the original Mary Fagan. And we were at Lincoln Center. And Live Vent went bankrupt, which was the co-producer or main producer of Parade. At the time, it was really weird because I had done theater, right? And I had done some really indie movies.

I had done a movie with Hal Hartley, who was this like edgy 90s indie, like grunge era type, like New York film guy. And then I did, like Parker Posey, right? Like that whole era. And then I did a Woody Allen movie. Everyone says, I love you. And so I was kind of this New York kid.

You know, I went to this New York school for performing arts, and I was commuting back and forth to Connecticut, where I'm originally from. And it was just, I had a system in place. But then when Live Ent gave us money because they wouldn't extend the contract and everything went belly up, we took that money and we went out to L.A. Because Abby Bluestone, who was my agent at the time, moved out to L.A. And was like, I'm not innovative. I would like you to come for pilot season.

And so while I was there, I had about 10 auditions. I think I stayed at the Oakwood, the cessful of every, like, child of trauma and first kiss and the awkward, whatever. And, yeah, I booked even Stevens from that trip. That is the show that you did with Shia LeBuff, which you mentioned him. And you proceeded to kind of become this very,

very specific, very consistent, and very reliable sort of presence. in this particular aspect of the industry. And when I look back, you know, I mean, I remember you. And when I look back, like, there was something really, you know, I hate to use this word because it was used about you, I'm sure, a lot. Wholesome. Like, there's a real, like, wholesome quality to you.

Like, you're, and especially, like, as a young person, of course, like, the first thing we do is, like, sexualize our young females. But, like, you were, like, attractive, but not uncomfortably so. But, like, everybody was curious. Like, what's she going to be like when she gets some? older, but you were very, you were very, you were very wholesome and, you know, you, you were funny and you, you know, you really were. You were able to convey what I think was really attractive, you know, for a lot of what we wanted from our young comedians. What do you sort of remember

of that time when you think about sort of, you know, your personal development, like you were approaching kind of teenhood and this transition, you know, that you know, that you know, that you then kind of had happen in front of cameras. Yeah, of course, so awkward, right? As I'm sure you can relate to. I mean, you are definitely one of my comedic inspirations subconsciously in my mind. Mary Tyler Moore was also a huge inspiration. My mom would always end up watching her after when we were on tour,

I watched a lot of Nick at night. So some of the, yeah, some of those sensibilities for me. It was like, oh, big eyes, you know, sort of flound. what you got. And I also was told a little bit that I was a little bit like a Wendy Malick. I think it was a variety that said that about my, like when they reviewed even Stevens initially. And so yeah, I mean, there was definitely a sensibility that I had that I watched. We did a couple rewatch videos, right, on YouTube. And like, actually, we have a whole podcast right now called the even more Stevens podcast. But when I went back and when I went back and

watched the first episode, I was like, my accent is so thick. I'm like a New York girl. And I never realized it that I was that, you know, I was that, that was, I was a Yankee at the start of this. And those sensibilities kind of came through, right? And so I was raw. And I think I had been told when I first got out there, especially by Abby, who was reppping me at the time, she was like, oh yeah, they like New York kids. Casting agents like New York kids because they have theater background. They hit their marks. They remember their lines. and they're like they're okay they're compliant right so um shit uh basically there was a lot of awkward firsts on even stevens um you know i had one of my first kisses um on with a camera

uh in my face and it was just extremely anxiety inducing but i had to wear my first thong because i wore a lot of tight pants and like i had to have like people tell me like like, okay, this is okay. And, you know, honestly, it wasn't the worst set to grow up in. There was definitely a lot of different personalities. Like Shaya was always chaotic. He was always a chaotic person. You both had early kisses on camera.

And as young women, like I would imagine, that's super weird. Like, it was anxiety producing as a young man trying to navigate that. And I can only imagine what that would have been like for the two of you. Yeah, I mean, I think it's funny because, you know, I hadn't really thought a lot about it. I mean, I remember at the time that there was this notion of like wondering what people thought, like if people thought I had already had experience with boys and like the truth is I hadn't. And that was really awkward. And I think it was more, but it kind of felt like a continuation of the entire facade that is being an actor is like trying to convince me.

people that you're confident about something that you may not be, whether it's a speech, you know, a word you can't pronounce, having to kiss someone. And I think also, you know, and I don't know, Christy, maybe you have an opinion about this. Like, there's also a large technical aspect to kind of everything we do. And I don't mean to sound like when people are asked about sex scenes and they're like, it's really just technical. Like, no, it's kissing another human being. I feel that way as an adult. Like what people would be like, what's it like to kiss Jim Parsons? I'm like, it's like kissing someone. I'm not dating.

Like, that's what it's like. It's weird. Yeah. But when I saw the Brook Shields, you know, documentary, I sort of started like pulling back, you know, the lens and thinking more about, gosh, when I was this, you know, young woman in a stage of life where, you know, these are all new things. And that happens, you know, in our culture. I started realizing, like, oh, there were all these people who,

also were able to observe, you know, an interaction that I was having as a human. And when I saw Brooke Shields talk about it, like, it kind of freaked me out because it was completely different. You know, I was not in that situation of being, you know, literally doing content about the sexualization of a very young child, you know, what she talks about with Pretty Baby. But just that notion of like an entire crew and all these people and like all the things like, it's just weird. And I'm not going to say that entertainment shouldn't exist where people kiss people, but I definitely think that there wasn't a notion of sensitivity about it. Christy, like, what was your experience? Absolutely not. You remember what we were talking about it? It's like such a complex issue because

it's like it travels with you like, John, like what you're saying. It's like those things are unpacked over time in ways that we are triggered by seeing someone like Brooke actually stand up for herself and how old is she, right? I mean, she's, older than us, and she's unpacking this and finding her voice through making her own narrative and her own content. And it is so rewarding that you almost don't want to listen to the haters be like, oh, they're living in the past or, oh, like, shut up about it already. Because there's a lot of value in talking about this these days. And furthermore, there is no, and there never has been an infrastructure to support children's mental health on sets. Not truly. Not truly.

I think if there was, Christy, they would take us off the set and make us go back to school to learn how to be regular human beings. The Surgeon General just went live today. That's right. I saw in the New York Times, right? That kids shouldn't, he's, what did he say, guys? Because I'm not going to quote it right. Yeah. The Surgeon General basically says, said, like, we don't need to keep waiting for longitudinal research about what excessive screen time and excessive use of social media in particular is doing to children. You don't need to wait for the data to come in. He said, like, don't listen to the first part of his statement, which was like, it's not entirely conclusive. Listen to the second part of his statement, which is that we absolutely

know that while there are positive aspects to children feeling, seen and feeling heard and identifying with other people and those are really positive things. Overwhelmingly, that's not what kids are using social media for. They're using it to numb out the same way adults do, except they're not just small adults. They are humans whose brains have not finished developing in the most important critical ways. I hope my children are not listening to this because they're going to be like, uh-oh, it's coming. I mean, you tell them this all the time at home. I know, but you know what, I'm done telling them.

Like, I'm done. But that's a different story. Mentor me, please. Teaching your ways. That sounds like there's an actual boundary coming and I really need help with that. You know what? If we want to talk about it, what the boundary is, is I have not felt confident enough in my role as a parent to say this is no longer up for discussion.

like that's really what it is because the fact is we would hope that we have a strong enough relationship with our children that we're able to reasonably speak to them and that they have an appropriate amount of both affection for us and admiration for us and respect for our role as a parent. That's the purpose of authoritative, not authoritarian parenting. But if I am not strong enough to hold to my convictions and tolerate the pushback, and replace the time that I am relieved that they are doing something so that I can do what I want to do, which in many cases is be on my phone and answer emails, until I am ready to do that, nothing is going to change.

Like, it literally is me. It's not their responsibility to wake up and become reasonable teenagers. They're teenagers. They need structure and they need that guidance. But until I can step into it, it's a moot conversation. There's one other point, which you talk about, but I think is really a huge part of this, which is the blowback or the pushback or the like, you know, when you take the drug away, the addict is very upset when you take their drug away.

They go crazy and they're so upset and then they attack and then they're like grumpy. And then you feel like the worst parent ever and they say, well, you're on your phone. I mean, literally, like, we do this dance. Or they don't know what to do with themselves, and they're like, I had this issue with my 15-year-old, like, and it was up. I tried to get him off gaming at, like, 7 o'clock. He freaking melted down.

He was like, the rest of the night, I'm just supposed to sit here. I was like, it became like a really, like, trying to prove to him that life is worth living without this technology. And their reactions are so big that how do you as a parent, you know, create a space for that? Dude, my kids love these LOL dolls, which I originally was like,

I'm never going to buy these certain kinds of dolls, but, you know, I ended up doing a sponsored thing with them. They sent me the most beautiful dolls. I was like, they're not that bad. They're really not. And then my girls liked them. And then, gosh, darn it, we're going to Target. Anytime there's a special occasion to buy one of these little balls with these little dolls

and all the shoes, you step on the shoes and you hurt yourself. I did want to interrelate. this concept of, you know, we're in this, you know, this strike right now. We have the writer strike. We have the impending SAG strike. So much of that has to do with protections for, you know, streaming. And I will say that even sponsored content is now covered under SAG's new media contract. So you can get health care. So I've actually qualified for Plan 1 health care because of my sponsored content, you know. And so that's a wonderful loophole for anyone, listening that may be able to qualify for that because I took so many bad movies like that were

trashy or you know things I had to do just to make that you know minimum requirement to get health care over the years and now again one more layer of independence from from that and just having more freedom so basically I guess what I'm trying to say is new media kids are not protected for the same reasons that kids in the industry in the traditional Hollywood sense who are going to set without mental health infrastructure are also not. So we have this sort of this very influential like pool of talent, whether it's exclusively online or new media or in Hollywood and then eventually they have new media, relationship to socials. We have this pool of young people who are sick.

And now the Surgeon General is coming out saying that, like, this is not good. And so I just think as an industry, it's now more than ever that I really do hope we can start connecting the dots. For sure. And I think this is kind of a loop back to sort of part of your journey and your story. And I think that I appreciate a lot of the attention that you've chosen to give. you know, in a very vulnerable way to the challenges

even when you, or any of us, don't look like the people that everybody talks about that are having problems, right? Meaning it's clear that there are certain child stars that people always ask us about. You and I both know more, I'm sure there's more than two people,

but there were two Disney stars who committed suicide that you knew. I have lost people. to suicide that I used to socialize with and work with and spend time with. And these were, these were kids who got lost. And they were really, really not well, not given proper attention and in many cases medical care. But what I think is really interesting about what you've chosen to do is you came out, you know, of this period of your life, relatively unscathed, meaning you had this success and you had all the complexity that many people didn't know about, right?

But you kind of, you've chosen to open up about the challenges that you had, which in some ways are kind of like, when I think of like the long COVID phrase, it's like long celebrity stuff. And I'm going to lift this quote. This is the quote. You wrote a really beautiful piece for Teen Vogue and you said, this is the quote. I struggled with all of my relationships, alcohol usage, and career path for 10 years before going back to school and re-centering myself. And I just want to, like, do a full stop there because that is a really, that's an enormous statement from someone who, as I said, came out really in many ways, like intact and what we would think of as relatively healthy. But can you talk about what it means to struggle in all of your relationships?

I know, because I know for me, and I have a feeling it's similar to you, but I want to hear what you mean by that. Oh, sure. I think that coming out of the industry at a young age, at 18, I guess is not really a young age, but graduating from it, right? You end up having a very transactional outlook on interpersonal relationships. You kind of are like, what am I getting from this? or what do I have to do?

How do I have to perform in order to extract what I need in this moment? And it really messes you up for a long time. You also have to live in your ego actively. I actually call it narcissistic purgatory in, I believe, that article as well, because it's like you don't want to talk about yourself, but you have to talk about yourself. You don't want to think about the past because you want to heal from the past, but you have to talk about the past because that's all people talk about.

And so it's like you're one foot in, one foot out, or one foot grabbing you from the grave. And you're like, what can I do? I cannot win. So you feel extremely vulnerable and you feel extremely exposed. And everywhere you go, you feel raw and you feel like you have to be another version of yourself because that better version of yourself is going to improve the quality of your life or, you know, you don't have any answers, essentially, because you really aren't given a point of view when you're a young kid and you're, and they're like, this is the character you're going to play. So you, and part of what I was reading Jeanette's book, it really, you know, I resonated with the fact that it's like you kind of dissociate over time. And, and so, yes,

You know, I think I mentioned earlier, like, there's a lot of my childhood that I don't even remember. When I think about how I'm getting my kids to connect the dots in interpersonal relationships from now, you know, from now, it's not just gentle parenting. It's me reparenting myself, too. So I want them to, you know, they have body awareness. No means no. And just that alone, that body awareness keeps them in their body. If I ever know, if I ever see them get that thousand-yard stare where they're dissociating because it's like an uncomfortable moment, I'm immediately like, okay, let's try to take the time we can

because this is obviously sending this kid to a point that they can't handle this. Beautifully said, and I love this notion of staying present. I wonder if we want to unpack a little bit about, you know, the mechanisms of disassociation because we've heard it from several of our guests who have similar childhood experience. is being on sets, being under an enormous amount of pressure, and what it connects to people who have not been on sets, the similarity there is that lots of adults and children are in these very difficult scenarios, and we learn coping mechanisms. So when you talk about how you're trying to recognize the look in your kid's eyes to see where are they emotionally, psychologically,

are they still present? Do they know how to navigate? Or does the pressure that they're under cause them to, again, disassociate? And I'm wondering if you could like describe it a little for people who may not totally understand the concept. Well, guys, this is why child actors are addicts. It's because they had the high highs and they're at a low low. And they're trying to find that feeling of joy. And, you know, I remember just going out every single night towards, the end, before I met my husband, and had to go back to school, right?

Like what you had said in the quote. It's like, I was going out every night to voyeur and hide, and I knew every, you know, promoter, every line. And I felt like a celebrity because I was next to celebrities. But I couldn't get callback for my agent and I couldn't ever book a job unless it was some shitty movie down in Louisiana. Like, it was like I was struggling so hard with feeling seen. And I would dye my hair different.

colors, you know, and I would just keep paying money to psychics. And, you know, it was just stupid shit. I would sleep with different people. It was like I was just filling the void with different things. What you're describing is I think the experience of a lot of humans, meaning for us, it's like we get to talk about it because they take pictures of us or, you know, we, we get more attention about it. Or, you know, if we wake up somewhere we shouldn't. Like, someone's going to know about it or if we, you know, if we're meeting someone, we have to wonder, gosh, if I go home with this person, are they going to literally post a picture about it? Like, are they going to talk about, you know, like, we have to think about things on a different

level, but I correct me if I'm wrong here, I don't know what it's like to not be who I am, but when I see what are kind of like what the accepted culture is, especially for women, what you're describing is sort of like, yeah, like what are the ways we try and get like that God-shaped whole filled, right? Like attention, money, fame, sex, you know, like dudes, whatever it is. Or alcohol, drugs. Like, you know, everybody just apparently takes edibles every five minutes. Like, that's just like a thing. It's like, it's all like the things that we do. So I think it's really important that we get to hear the perspective of someone who clearly has thought so much about it and has sort of been immersed in this exaggerated version of what I think

a lot of people's experiences. Oh, that's awesome. Well, hopefully vulnerable does that, and it's not just like, it's not just repetitive. I sometimes fear that. I skirt this line of, like, advocacy, which I've never been trained in,

but now I'm starting to realize that I may need to go deeper into understanding how to actually be of service. And being a host of a podcast, you know, and getting the SEO, you know, soundbites. and just to keep it going. So it's an interesting mix of how I'm handling that currently. But disassociation, I feel like is embedded in that.

And of course, okay, so I guess there's the average disassociation that people have in their 20s where they're just like filling the God-shaped hole and hopefully not getting addicted to anything, right, in the process. And so many people do and so many people, you know, know, settle for marriage and, you know, or go back and get their graduate degree or like, whatever it is that they do. But, but the, okay, so this is where the problem is, I think. I knew I was living wrong. You mentioned something earlier about being wholesome. And I did a lot of things with my body that I never would have done if I hadn't been a child actor. What did you do

with your buddy. I did a nude scene. Oh. You know, I did a nude scene. It was something that I promised myself I would never do in a really small horror movie that, you know, I just, again, that was one of those things where I was like, okay, like, I'm brokenhearted. I feel like crap.

I, you know, cut my hair super short. Did you feel good doing it? No, not really. I mean, they handled it professionally. It wasn't like the production's fault. Sure. Yeah, no, no, I just meant like interpersonally. I just felt super marked.

I feel like working with Disney, I really still believe in, I've come full circle now. Obviously, I've been sober since my first child from alcohol and everything else, but from alcohol mostly, right? And it's like, I've got so much joy in my life and so much autonomy that when I look back, on it, I just feel so

protective of my younger self and that somebody could have, the right person would have been there preventatively like in the beginning part of that so that I could have understood what my choices were. And I don't mean to be like this asshole, but I'm going to be

this asshole. No, you're fine. Like, when I go, when I have gone out to places like clubs, which I've done very rarely because it produces, I would talk about dissociation. Like, that's usually what happens. And here, I'll just go ahead and drop in, you know, dissociation just so that people have a framework for it. There's, there's two kind of categories we talk about. There's depersonalization and there's derealization.

And de-realization is a very specific kind of dissociation, which I think is less common. It's when you literally feel like you don't exist, like you're not a real, you're not really functioning in the world. There's often. often like it's kind of like foggy and it's weird. This will often happen when people are kind of experiencing flashbacks from trauma or like, you know, specifically sexual trauma will produce this like, is anything real? If you don't know what I'm talking about, that means you've never experienced it. People who know what I'm talking about have experienced it. Depersonalization is sort of what we think about when we talk about dissociation, which is sort of like you're numb, like you're

there, but you're not. There's a sense of like watching yourself. You know, like, watching a movie. Like, you can definitely feel like I'm not in my body. And then perceptual alterations is something that'll happen where, like, you're not necessarily hearing things right. You're not seeing things right. So when I've gone to clubs or honestly, this started happening the first time I was sent to teen celebrity events. When beaches came out, I wasn't yet on Blossom. Nobody really knew who I was. Like most young people also were like, they weren't watching beaches. It was like it was people who liked Bent Midler or grownups with theater kids who love met Midler, right?

Me. That was me. That's still our audience. So, you know, I would go to these teen events and it was like they would send a bunch of us celebrities. It was like me and like Corey Feldman and Corey Haim and, you know, and Will Whedon would sometimes be there and like Danica McKellar and her sister Crystal and, you know, and, you know, a bunch of other people and we would go to these things and I felt completely invisible.

And I don't think it's because I was dissociative. I think I was in many cases invisible. Like I didn't dress like you're supposed to dress. I wore like weird tie-dye shirts and like converse. Like I was a strange child. But anyway, what I remember was feeling like there, I'm going to cry now. Here it happened. Now it was like everyone's having a good time because they were.

And you know what my mom would tell me to try and make me feel better was like, they're not having. You know, like everybody's got a hard time. And even as an adult, people are like, You don't know what's suffering people were experiencing. And so when I hear you speak, what I know is I've been to clubs and I've seen whoever you are, meaning like the you that is the Christy Romano archetype, right? I've seen that girl. She's really, she's pretty, she's fun.

Everybody wants to be around her or she wants to be around cool people and they're hanging out with her. And they're like drinking. Everybody's like doing drugs that I don't want to do. I don't really like drinking. Like it's never been that successful for me. And when I, I'm in those situations, what I see is people who are actively having a good time. When I hear you speak, what I know to be true is that you lived a life that at that time felt

like the thing you're supposed to do. And of course, there's enjoyable things about it. And you get attention. And it's fun to be drunk, apparently. It's not for me, but for some people. But what I know to be true is also that this Christy was inside that girl. Like this person with the vulnerability, the pain, the shame, the fear. The fear, the thing, the violence. Like, that was all part of you, but we're taught to dress it up and just keep, like, laying layer upon layer of like, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. So I'm saying this for two reasons, because I was right. Those people who look like they're having a good time, they're having a good time. Like, I wasn't crazy to be like those people

have something that I don't. But what I think is really beautiful is like for you to be this vulnerable and for you to be able to have that perspective. And next, I want to ask you what therapy you've been in because I feel like you've done a lot of really hard work. And I'm curious where it comes from. But what you're able to now say is if my daughter were supposed to go to that club, how would I want her to behave? Right. Meaning how would I want her to feel inside so that she's making a decision that she's going to the club because she wants to? And not because it's like the thing you're supposed to have to do. And like I've interacted with and I went to college. Like I went to grad school. Like I've spent a ton of time with people who binge drank, who did a lot of drugs. Like,

it's just like that's what people think you do. And you hope you come out okay. And that's the thing. You just have to hope that your kids wait long enough before they do it so that while their brains developing, maybe they won't have happened to them what you know happens to so many people. Okay, hold on one second. Christy, let's sidebar for a minute so we can adjust Miami's worldview. They were all having a good time. All those pretty girls, they're pretty. And people like them because they're pretty.

When you were talking, what I heard you say is that you were going out and you weren't having a good time. You were kind of lost and trying to fill that God-shaped hole and you were being driven to appear to be having fun in a way that was actually compensating for feeling really bad. Okay, so this is going to blow your mind, but I actually identify with Miami. Like, I actually never felt like the,

and this is, yeah, this might blow your mind. I never identified. Do you want to know why? Because I never got a Maxim cover shoot. I never got asked to do certain spreads that some of my contemporaries who were on shows next mine were doing. Like one in particular was there was a Vanity Fair

spread that pretty much really helped. because back in the day, we didn't have social media, right? So I'm talking about like early 2000s when it was still like MySpace. You want the, you want the Vanity Fair Q&A. You want the Vanity Fair Q&A. I did. I still do. They've never done it.

Yeah. No, they should. They absolutely should. But in a different lens. It's like the reason they were doing it was really helping set up people coming from Disney and Nickelodeon to become these, like, you know, Hillary Doff and Mandy Moore

and even Raven Simone. And it was like a lot of folks that had the right teams around them. So what it represented to me was a failure for my perfection. And so I couldn't ever get to the next level, which did end up with me disrobing for that movie. And so I just felt like I felt like I couldn't win.

I feel like I ended up becoming very comparative, very whiny, very self-destructive, like all of those things. And yeah, I was a brat. I was a brat for a long time. And, you know, binge drinking when it's not just the weekend anymore. And like you don't have any thing to do, but you're in your 20s now.

And you think to yourself, oh, if I just go out with the right people, I'll meet the right people. But like, it's just all bullshit. It really is just all bullshit. When you say you relate to Maim, you relate to her experience of being at the club, her view of you as the pretty girl having a ton of fun wasn't accurate. Is that correct?

Well, it might be accurate from her to look at me to think that, but I was thinking that of someone else. This is really interesting. Because I was a theater kid. I had buck teeth. I had no boobies. There was things that I was super insecure about that I carried with me after Disney. And so in my mind, I was never going to be.

Right. And I think this is also about levels, you know. It's about like a competition of suffering. also because, you know, from my perspective, you know, there, there were, there were places that, you know, women who look like you have access that I don't, right? I just don't. Like, it's just not my thing. So it's, it really is. And I think, look, this plays out, I think it starts playing out in elementary school now. It used to play out in high school, you know, but I think it starts playing out, and I do blame social media for that. I think it starts playing out younger and younger

where you do, you get into this, like, it's an idiot. is. It's not even competition. And my whole life I've been told I'm just jealous of other women. But I think it's much more nuanced than that because you just, you hit it on the head. It's not just like jealousy of like, oh, why does she have it? It's a sense of envy of why am I not the person that I think they deserve to see me as? Yes. Yeah. Right. Like it's community too. Right. Yeah, it's community. So in speaking from being a girl mom here in Texas, I live in Austin, Texas, my one of my daughters is super into stem and the other one is super into princesses and like i am going to protect my stem daughter at all costs like and and she can still like pink or purple or whatever

you know but like i need to know that i advocated for her in this way and honored her true personality for her to be whoever she's meant to be and the other one if she wants to steal my makeup and my whatever's like go ahead we know we know how that plays out you know um So yeah, it really, it does come back to the parent. Like what you were saying about how the parent has the identity when we're talking about the other moms that I know and how some of those frictions, I was one of the people that started the mom thread

where there wasn't one really activated. And when it activated, it activated a sense of community amongst the women, the moms. But it's deteriorated into infighting, gossip and it's been really sad to see because I was always hoping, you know, I went to Barnard. It's a woman's college. It's extremely, yeah, community focused. And so for me, I've always tried to recreate that because I spent my whole life being

comparative and jealous and uncertain and angry. And so as a mom, I've just tried to be the change. But it does, it is, there's a lot of people that are conditioned to do that competitive, competitive anger or what was it, did you say? It was a competition of misery. Yeah, a competition of suffering, right. Love that. First of all, going to Barnard is, it's a very big deal, not just because it is, it's a fancy school. It's very prestigious. Actually, a really big orthodox college. We Jews love separating men and women. It's like one of our favorite things to do. They find each other. Spoiler alert, they find each other.

No, but their parties are wild. Part of the notion of separating males and feet, which does happen in religious circles and specifically in Judaism in particular, even in our prayer space, is not simply misogyny. In many cases, it is utilized as a weapon against women. But the notion that women behave differently when they are around women versus when they are around men is something that every woman is very, very aware of. And, you know, for me, like my dream, my fantasy would have been to go to school with only girls because I was terrified to raise my hand because of I'm a sensitive person. And while some girls might have been like,

oh, if I get it wrong, fuck the boys. I could not imagine, you know, what that would be like, especially in math and science. I don't know why there was just like a thing of mine. But it makes me so angry. Well, it's, but, but, you know, it, it's a, it is a thing. And also, like, there's a, there is a natural developmental, there's a natural developmental pattern for, for most boys and girls.

And of course, like, gender's fluid. It's all a spectrum. I'm totally into that. Like, apparently sex is fluid. Everything's fluid. But in terms of like the development of adolescent boys, there's a very specific thing that happens in our culture because we used to be in the wild not very long ago.

And there were very specific roles. And now they play out, you know, in places with buildings and cars and social media. But my question was besides like the education that you get at a place like, you know, Barnard and that is no small thing, you know, to go to that kind of university. I am curious where your kind of psychological insight comes from because you seem to have, you know, I really appreciate how much you admit that you are still figuring it out. You're still struggling and being, having girls, like, God bless you. Because like that's got to bring up so much stuff.

But I'm curious where your knowledge came from. Did you get into therapy? What was that like? What's your relationship like with therapy now? because most people don't know much about narcissism the way you do or like, you know, even the phrase you had of like, you know, being like pulled from the grave. Like there's a deep awareness about issues and I'm curious where that comes from. So, okay, let's see, my relationship to therapy.

I went to therapy for a while and I didn't take it seriously for years. And, you know, I think at one point somebody was like, do you want to try lomictal, low dose, but I drank alcohol. and so I couldn't do that. So I never ended up successfully trying, what is it, SSRIs? Is that it good? SSRIs is like the classic ones, like when people think of like Prozac or Zoloft, often don't work for people, you know, with different kinds of profiles.

I just want to, for people who don't know. So Limitil is actually one of these medications that was given for epilepsy and for seizures, which they realized the side effect was it had very specific mood impacts on people. who often were resistant to treatment with SSRIs. So it's one of these kind of atypical, atypical neuroleptics. And it's not usually the first thing we try when someone is reporting having stuff.

But what sent you to therapy in the first place? And I understand you didn't take it seriously, but was it like, oh my gosh, I need to go. Like, when was that? Okay, so I was 21 and I separated from my family. I did not talk to them because I was in a relationship with someone in L.A. I'd left Broadway. I did Beauty and the Beast. And when I left to go back to

LA at 21, my mom followed me. And we had a falling out. And I didn't speak to my entire family for a year. Wow. I was in a relationship. Yeah. And I was in a relationship. And that relationship was extremely codependent. And then I found my way to therapy and then a different therapist after that and a psychic as well. So I definitely had a love addiction as well over time. That really brought me to my knees several times. I found my way to Al-Anon because I had some qualifiers in my life around, you know, in my immediate family and many generations of alcoholism.

And I really enjoyed going to Al-Anon. I learned the 12-step principles over the years when I really should have been, in AA. You know, I think that 12-step programs can be predatory. Just like you were saying, certain communities can be put through predatory lenses. I think that applies with everything. And so with 12-step program, you know, you got to be weary. I mean, I was assaulted by someone who was in Al-Anon.

and I was drunk. So it was one of those things where I just can't go back to 12-step program where I'm at right now because I've... Christy, that's enormous. Can we just like take a second? That's, I mean, any assault is assault, but especially, and you know, this is not typically what happens.

But yeah, that's... Forget about the Allen on part or what program, but to be on a path to, to recovery and have that recovery hijacked, you know, by someone taking advantage of you, that's enormous. I mean, that's a huge stumbling block. Yeah. I mean, I was, again, I was, the irony of that is that I was, I should have been an AA,

but I, this predator was in Alonon and I was drunk. So I wasn't, in some ways, it was a, it was a, it was a moment of clarity for me about, about, like, that thing I was speaking about, about having. agency over your body and finding your body in certain places and spaces that aren't surrounded by advocacy and protections. So that was a little bit of a wake-up call for me, for sure. But I still was descending into alcoholism until I met my husband. And now my husband and I were together for a long time, but we still would go to bars

and have fun. And my relationship to alcohol always brought me down. I just I just think that getting pregnant really sobered me up and I also had some really great conversations with my husband when I was pregnant. We went back to therapy together and he said you have to stop drinking forever. This isn't just because you're pregnant. This is something I've observed for many years. Wow.

I'm like, yeah, I had to come to Jesus with that. I want to just go back for for a second. And, you know, what's important to point out is a lot of people, a lot of people do start in Al-Anon because they come from alcoholism where they have partners or friends or family members who are alcoholics. They often don't realize, you know, that that's not the room for them. So this is not an atypical pattern, but just for sort of for clarity's sake, what we tend to talk about is treating the most critical addiction first, meaning whatever will kill you soonest, that's the program, you know, that usually people are kind of gently directed to. And I do have, you know, I do have friends who started, let's say, in Al-Anon and then realized, whoops, wrong room, went to another room, and then eventually

came back because all those issues also need to be worked out, meaning it's not like all of your Al-Anon issues, which for me is, you know, nagging, complaining, scolding, manipulating, all of those issues still exist, even if I have a secondary addiction, which is, you know, in that case, the primary addiction. I'd like to talk about, I mean, both Jonathan and my ears perked up when you talked about not talking to your family, because that's very interesting to both of us. Oh, it was horrible. It was horrible. Right. So that sounds like it was more a feature of the relationship you were in and not that you needed time away from your family, meaning it was manufactured by the relationship.

Oh, no, it was both. Basically, my family had been, my mom had been sort of, you know, she'd been my employee for a long time. But, you know, I don't think that the money was being allocated correctly. And she knows that. She knows that. And unfortunately, I never bought a house with the money that I made. And I never was able to invest it properly and have sort of like a cushion to build off of.

And I can say that. I've forgiven her, but it's also something that's just like, it's been so long now. It's, it's, I've come full circle and now she lives here in Austin and I'm taking care of her again. So my relationship to that dynamic has become healthier and understand it much better than when I was expecting. You know, I did, I think this is an interesting system too. I got to a place with my mom where it was like this triangle where I said, mom, you could be my mom. my friend or my manager, but you have to pick two. You know what I was like? You can't be everything.

And unfortunately, she tried to be my manager and my mom, and then I hated her. So it was like there was too much that I think I just started to resent her so much. And then what happened was as this man came into my life and was like, you don't even know how much money you have in your bank account.

He came from a really wealthy, family and didn't even have a job, but at the same time was like, you know, you need to, you need to cut off your family. Got it. And so I had gone on a cruise with my family and I had paid for it with Disney, um, letting my family be on the cruise. I got very, very sick on the cruise. Uh, and because I was so sick and I kind of saw them from a distance and had him chirping in my ear, I was like looking at them having a good time on my dime and I just kind of felt like, remember I said transactional. I just, I just felt really sad. about it. So yeah, there was a whole year there where I just, yeah, it was really shitty.

Okay, so that is clarifying and you mentioned something that a lot of people don't talk about, a lot of people don't understand, and if there's anyone that can explain it, it's you. What does it mean to say you have love addiction? Well, I mean, it goes back to being addicted to people, places and things. I was addicted to other people filling that void inside of me. And physically, emotionally, luckily, it was not financially. Because I feel like there was a couple times there when I stopped making so much residual money that I flirted with the idea of starting to date men that had money.

And I saw a lot of women doing it around me in the clubs. And I was like, wow. So this is how people become escorts. because they just, yeah, they're just so far away from their purpose that even though, Miami, you think they're having that fun time, it's like ask cas, what is it, ask grass, grass or cash, no one eats for free. Have you heard that? Yes. My children think it's funny to say that. Yeah, that's it. That's what it is. If you think those people are having fun at those clubs, that's ass, cash or grass. You know, when we talk about,

you know, kind of love addiction. And I'm a person who really, really strongly identifies with sort of like being, you know, addicted to approval and validation specifically from a partner. Like it's like a thing. And, you know, I think when some people hear that, they just be like, then just stop doing that. Like, just stop dating those people. Like, just be yourself. Like, have more confidence.

And, you know, I think, and people also, you know, kind of turn their nose up when you talk about, you know, there's a whole 12-step program. It's called sex love addicts anonymous. And most people think it's just like, people. I'm gonna fuck all the time. But it's much more complicated than that. I'm sure it is. And I wonder if you can sort of talk about how you went about sort of breaking that cycle.

Because it's not easy. You'll basically find a different body, you know, but kind of with the same soul, you know, like is often what we do. We just like, we kind of like, we think we're moving up and like, oh, he's different or she's different. But it's like, it's kind of when we're the one. that has that sort of sickness, I'll turn anyone into my hostage.

Ask cash or grass. It's all you've got to give them. I did a lot of gift giving. I rented that individual who said that I can't talk to my family because of money. I rented him a Ferrari for his birthday. I did a lot of expensive gift giving and I did a lot of just really crazy.

And that's, I think, where the magical thinking comes in too. what was your motive? Like looking back, what was your motive when you were in that kind of, you know, interaction with someone? What did you want? Yeah. I just wanted, I just wanted them to love me and I just wanted them to stay. And I just wanted to fill the void that like, you know, my mom really made me feel perfect. And I just feel like I was looking for that perfection, for someone to think that I was their perfect person again. So yeah, it was, it was, and you know what?

I actually have that in my partnership and in my marriage. I've managed to carve that out because of my sobriety, because of my commitment, because of me showing up for myself. I've made peace with, I've made peace with so much. And actually, I'm not in active therapy and I'm not an active 12-step program. So I feel a little imposter syndrome when you tell me that I've done all this work. And I'm like, wow, that's great. I did try EMDR last year and I just about had a breakdown.

What happened? What was your experience? My mom did EMDR and she's talked about it on our podcast, which is awesome. But what was your experience? Were you looking at like one specific event or was it just the whole process of EMDR that was painful or hard? So we were going to start from the beginning of my relationship to, I think, some of the most traumatizing events and we were starting from the beginning.

And so, you know, we did the, like, the snap sounds and, you know, we did a blend, too, of some talk therapy. There's obviously a lot to impact. A lot of backstory with me. So not that I'm unique. I'm not trying to say I'm unique. Thinking you're unique is one of the problems.

But EMDR was wild, you know. she had told me, she goes, look, like there's all these things we need to do before we launch into practicing this. It's called preparing. Sounds like she was doing her job. She's just trying to prepare you. It took, like, sessions where she was just like, I need to get your backstory to evaluate whether you're a candidate for EMDR or not. And I need you to have coping skills. She gave me certain, like, butterfly taps.

She gave me certain things that I would be able to do to kind of de-escalate my emotions after the treatment. I am a parent of two little girls who stress me to F out like a lot of portions of the day. I also don't sleep because I wake up every three or four hours with a child who's not sleep trained. So right now it would not be in my best physical advantage, I think, to try to continue on with this. However, I want to continue to do it because it's hard

and maybe I should try to, I don't know, challenge myself. What do you think? It is okay to say, I'm not ready. for this kind of approach. And that's why there are so many different kinds of approaches to how to sort of work on ourselves. So I'm not giving you a hall pass. Like I don't know what you need. But I think it's absolutely true that what's important in psychotherapy, what's important in cognitive behavioral therapy, name a kind of therapy. I mean, this happens a lot. Jonathan is a very skilled somatic worker. He's a, you know, an energy reiki person. But there are times when Jonathan has

hovered his hands and has done a session with me. And I have to say, like, no, stop. It's wrong. And so for me, like, part of the growth, like part of my greatest growth often comes in when I say no to, you know, a practitioner or when I say no to a part of growth that I don't feel ready for. Now, are there things that I believe you deserve as a human being to support, you know, getting to sort of take apart those parts of you? A hundred percent. Like, it's a reality. show I'll pitch as soon as I get off this, you know, podcast interview with you. But I think that what that is is that's information that that's too much too soon without the right support that you need, right? So it's not enough to say everybody should do MDR. If you've had trauma, this is what you

have to do. No one knows except you. So it sounds like what was most important is you had enough growth to be like, nope, not now, right? Not now. Yes. Yes, you're right. There's power. and no, especially for somebody who hasn't been able to locate that in their body in the past. Totally. So thank you for that. Even you saying that and John, you being here for that, is very supportive. And I really appreciate that. Thank you.

I like definitely had a huge exhale. Yeah. Oh, I'm glad. Okay. We do have a strong interest in crystals. Jonathan and I have a collection of crystals. Oh, shit. We do.

We're crystal people. And I'm going to say, no, we're just, we have to ask. you. Like, there's a crystal on my desk that Danny Trejo's girlfriend told him to bring me. And I was like, yes, Danny Trejo, I will accept this crystal lovingly. And it's on my desk. But Jonathan and I have a collection of crystals. It's like one of the only things besides this podcast that we literally actively, enthusiastically do together. I think the crystals might be worth more than the house. A small, a small underestimation. But you have a very expensive. Is that what you're selling me?

Oh, yeah. They're fancy. They're very fancy. They're beautiful. Okay, hold on. Not that fancy. People are going to get the wrong idea. I think we should clarify.

Number one, we don't purport that they're magical and will cast spells to change someone's existence. So I'm setting this up a little bit for you because we got a little bit of a backstory. And number two, they're not that like you're making, you know, you made them sound. more expensive. They're not, they're not like museum grade crystals. These are, oh,

I probably overpaid for them. If you got them at, like, psychic guy or something? No, I didn't. You know what? There's nothing wrong with psychic guy. I love that place. Okay.

So, Christy, I want, I actually, I want you to tell the story about crystals with your mom first because, you know.

Oh, it is beautiful. Yeah. Like, my mom did a lot of really, you know, kind of like fun things. And there were,

there were rituals that she tried, tried to sort of introduce, you know, into my life and career because she knew it was hard. It was hard to always be taken out of school and all your friends think you're weird and why are you leaving and, like, things were weird. And I remember they promised that I could throw a little party when I got my first job after I started acting and I started acting at 11. We didn't know I'd get my first job a month later, but we did. We had like a little party at course you did. Well, but it was like it was in Pumpkinhead. It was in a horror film and whatever. But we had like a little

party at Fairfax High School, like literally just like a bunch of my friends and like my dad did like sports games and it was fun and whatever. But there's something that your mom did that was sort of like a little bit of a ritual that then ties to a crystal story you have when you're older. Okay. So I commuted from Connecticut, a little town called Milford. It's like a very like fun little, you know, it's on the sound. And it's a very Italian American middle class, middle class, whatever, mostly middle class, like, place. I love my little hometown. I wish I could go back more often. But commuting every day was a tremendous amount of work. It was an hour and a half each way. And then I would go to school. And then after school, which was on 60th and 10th, I would go to

Broadway dance center or I would have to be taken out of school to go to auditions. Like, you know, I would pound the pavement from the time I was, I mean, I started six and a half. I was on my first national tour, back-to-back tours, which displaced me from my family for years. And then came back and started really going into New York when I was like, I want to say like first or second grade. No, I'm sorry. That would make me, yeah, maybe it was like second or third grade, actually. So I've commuted a long time. across from one of the entrances of Times of, what is it, Grand Central,

there was this place called, it was called Times Square or something. It's almost like, you remember like in the movie Big where he sees like, what is his name, Voltaire or whatever? Like that's the, it was like that for me because it was on the corner and it was like shiny and it kind of even reminded me of the movie Neverending Story with the Flat Iron Building. Yeah. And it was just this beautiful little shop that had all these crystals that decorated the, the windows shops. And I would have to walk by there from whatever train stop we got out of to get into, to catch our train.

And my mom, I don't know. I want to ask her since she does live here as to why or what the first crystal was, because I'm almost too young to remember. But I have this collection of like little vanity crystals. So like those little tiny ones that are like a bear and like a piano, a piece of. of cake on a glass plate that you could fit in your hand, like little collectibles that were very precious and represented, you know, a lot of money for me to get. And so it was a reward system that my mom kind of designed for me to feel validated for all of this effort that I was making at a very young age. And, you know, it was mostly when I booked something, right? It was so I don't, I wish I would have been even better at labeling which, you know, job I got for each one of them. But I still have

them. That's the irony is that I have them and it's a bit triggering that I still have them, but I have them. So cut to that relationship I talked about. Actually, it was before that relationship. Oh, God. I was in New York City. I was doing Beauty and the Beast. There was two seconds. Wait, so how old were you at this time? I was 19. And I was, I was starting. I was starting. on Broadway, eight shows a week. I was very tired. I had, you know, open throat surgery prior to doing Bell. And so my voice was very stressed out. And I was burnt out, really burnt out. And I had a psychic approach me at the stage door because I basically signed for like everyone I possibly could, every kid outside of the stage door every night. Because you would never, you would, you, sorry,

I just want to interrupt real quick, because I feel you. You would never say, with the schedule that I have, I just had surgery, the one gift I can give myself is to be able to turn off that light in my brain and my eyes so that I can as quickly and swiftly as possible know that I've done my job, and now it's time to rest. Yeah, that wasn't an option, though, right? It was like, it was like, so this is why when I see these girls, you know, the Zendaya's and the Selena Gomez is, and I see.

even the younger ones, and I see them, you know, from afar, I'm like, I don't think I would want that kind of notoriety. And so when sometimes people throw up in your face like, oh, she's, her ship has sailed and all the like stupid, hateful, ignorant comments that people make, what they're not seeing is that I'm in control of so much of everything that they're seeing. Whereas before it was, my body was not my own, right? Like I had to do everything for some greater purpose, essentially.

It was very sacrificial in my mind. So I didn't have any answers. This lady approaches me, which they're not, John, maybe you know this, but psychics are not meant to approach you. That's usually a red flag. I mean, I don't know what the psychic protocol is, but definitely someone who is actively recruiting is suspect. And so I called her up and she goes, I have answers for you.

you know, you had a love that, that, you know, broke my heart in college the year prior. And so she just basically started doing work with me where she would do strange candles and she would have me buy things. And I would drive from my, my, it was like, not hell's kitchen, but basically drive over to Wehawken where her house was. And I had this relationship with the psychic for like months. And I started dumping more and more money into the products that she said that I needed to have and that I was damned and that there was a curse on my family and that it was it existed before me and there I had you know someone else was going to have the career that I wanted and the guy that I wanted and all this stuff and I needed eventually it culminated probably towards the end of

my tenure as bell which I didn't even think about it was like okay we got we got to we got to get as much money from this this John as possible so she needs to buy this crystal so she told me about the crystal and I had been so addicted to her, like, her sense of community that she gave me and the answers that I thought that I was getting, that, yeah, that was kind of, that was kind of where I reached a limit and I was like, sure, what do you need? She's like, I need like $20,000 or $30,000 for this one crystal. And so at that time, this was prior to me leaving my family for that year, you know about money and stuff. And I'd never made large purchases.

I was probably pretty frugal by most teen star standards. And so I had my, I had, I think I just made the extraction or something without my parents knowing. And then I think like within like 48 hours, I realized what I had done was wrong. And I had reached this strange breaking point where I called my mom and dad. And I was like, dad, I've been. I've been bamboozled or something. So I don't know.

It was like a moment of clarity for myself. And yeah. I want to highlight this not because I, first of all, I don't have judgment, you know, about this path that you went on at all. And I know a lot of people hearing this might think like, oh my God, that sounds crazy. I would never let that happen to me. But I totally get it. And I also think that, you know, again, it's not a comfortable thing for you to talk about.

But, you know, as with all other things that we've spoken about, like, I give you so much credit for, like, having enough awareness about yourself and what feels right to you to be able to say, like, this is what happened and why. Because it's not dissimilar to me from thinking of you in those clubs. When you're dying your hair and you're standing next to the person and you're, like, drinking, and you're doing the thing and you're sleeping with this person or whatever you're doing

because it's kind of like it's when we're on that spectrum of what do I need to do to feel okay to feel like I can make sense of a world that doesn't to feel like there is a path for me that just give me the answer, right?

Like it makes sense to me. That's exactly what I told her. I think that's what I said I just want answers. I, yeah, you've, you've hit it on the head. That was what I wanted. I never got them and I never got the crystal. I never got the crystal guys.

What? That's so sad. I know, that's the sad part. And my codependency is like, I'm like, find me a $30,000 crystal and send it to Christy Romano staff. Oh my God, I love that. That's really sweet of you. She's expecting it now, though.

I am half a half. I'm half expecting it. As we sort of wrap up our time with you, and this is like a really weird question that I've never asked to anyone in the whole time we've been podcasting. What do you know to be true? What do you know to be true about you,

about your path, about your existence? What do you know to be true? That there is light and that there is dark. That is what I know is to be true. And that there are light actions and there are dark actions. and the light will result in more light and the dark will result in more dark.

There's a mic drop. It's been such a question. Well, you've never asked that question. No, I didn't know. It was an answer worthy of a question I've never asked. And no one can ever answer that better than Christy did. Thank you. Yeah, I just, we really appreciate, you know,

you and you being so open and talking about all the things and really hope people will check out your podcast, vulnerable. What else should people know about you? Where would you like to direct them to learn more about the incredible stuff that you do? Podco is the podcast company that my husband and I just launched. And we just had a business insider article about our company. So we took it upon ourselves to kind of make our own content. But then we webbed out.

And so we have like Joey Lawrence, the Lawrence Brother podcast, the Brother we love. that's we produce that and we have a Wizards of Waverly pod rewatch a which we had Selena Gomez on already and we have let's see Ned's Declassified which was a really popular Nickelodeon show and vulnerable and even more Steven so we're growing as a company so I'm taking all of the knowledge of empowerment that my husband and I have sort of accrued into understanding the algorithm and marketing and and we're spreading that to people that that wouldn't otherwise do it for themselves. And I think that that's what's really great about Podco is that it's kind of that wholesomeness that you were talking about.

It's what we're finding is the connectivity of trying to produce content for other people to become empowered. That's incredible. It makes total sense. And we just, we're so appreciative. And thank you so much for coming and breaking everything down with us. Yeah. I'm on TikTok. I'm on YouTube. I'm on all the things. And yeah, come find me. Come play.

Are you under your name? Is that your handle is your name? Yeah, on TikTok, yes. And it's the Christy Carlson-Ramano on Instagram. Thank you so much. That was fantastic. I mean, I'm so grateful that she shared so openly. I want to check out her podcast, but I just want to, I want to launch a podcast with her podcast company all about her. It's a great conversation. And now we have an excuse to go to Austin, Texas. I have a new best friend. All right, from our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time.

It's My and Beallix Breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One, fiction. And now she's going to break down.