Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - David Archuleta: Permission to Make Mistakes

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

David Archuleta (American Idol, OK, All Right Tour, author of My Little Prayer ) opens up about discovering his sexual identity and the aspects of his religion he continues to hang onto as he navigates it. David discusses how taking time to step back from his musical career to go on his mission amidst fears he was sabotaging his career and an urge to keep American Idol fans proud of him led to deep introspection and transformation. After Mayim breaks down the process of dissociation as a coping mechanism, David details what it felt like to fight his attractions, the isolation that comes with carrying a huge secret, and the process of finally confronting his feelings. He recalls the unexpected reaction his church elder had after he opened up about his sexuality, what he thinks God wants for his life, and the responses he’s received since coming out. Mayim considers the value of getting to know oneself and David reveals the song that came to him in a dream. David Archuleta Tour David Archuleta Book David Archuleta New Single BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I didn't think that I would be excommunicated. I just felt like no matter what I did, my path was going to continue in that direction. I was actually never open to myself about what I was going through with him, being attracted to men. Because it was something I was trying still to push away. So when I would try to somewhat even confront it in my mind, my brain would forget it. And I'd be like, what was I thinking about? Hi, I'm I am Biolic. And welcome to my breakdown.

this is the place where we break things down so you don't have to. It's my and be all legs break down. She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down. We've got a lot to break down today. We're going to be breaking down a little bit about being a person of faith and a little bit about being a member of the LGBTQIA plus community.

I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about our guest, David Archiletta. Now, you may know David Archeletta from American Idol, Season 7, but he has so many other things that he does, and we're going to talk about that. He also has a children's book called My Little Prayer, and we're going to talk about that. But first, I'd like to introduce you to the answer

to my little prayer, Jonathan Cohen. Hi, hi, I'm. Hi, everyone. That was a good one. You had been slacking a little bit, but... I mean, that you really came through on. Well, nothing can get me down because I'm in hair and makeup. Why are you in hair and makeup, mine? I had some work to do this morning.

That's not what I wanted to talk about. But I realized that I have not been in like full hair and makeup on an episode in a long time. And for people who are listening, you may want to hop over to YouTube because Chanel Cross does some pretty awesome shading. And I'm just looking at myself. I usually don't like to look at myself. And I sometimes wonder, like, would I just like myself better and be happier if I just did this every day? Beauty is on the inside, mine.

Beauty is on the inside. And also, we can't avoid the culture that we are raised in. We can't avoid the images we see. I feel like if no one wore makeup, I'd be fine not wearing makeup. because when I look at myself, I think like, yeah, this is the face that I was given. This is what God gave me. This is what the universe and genetics presented. But then I'm constantly looking at other people.

Most people don't not wear makeup. I never wear makeup. You know what? You think it's funny. And it's very, very, very, very different. And yes, oh, men wear makeup too. Yeah, but it's not a... It's completely different.

Like the things that she has done to this face, in my view, I feel thinner. I mean, I do. I feel like I want to sit up taller. Like, my eyes, like, ooh, look at my eyes. Like, they're always this shape, but she's an artist. She makes your eyes pop, for sure. For anyone who's not sitting in my seat, which is pretty much everyone, you can't see the massive light that's sitting in the corner of the room.

And when Mime first came into the studio while we were building it, she saw that light. And, you know, studios need lights because the cameras need a different lighting than if you're just sitting at home, et cetera, et cetera. What was your reaction when you first saw that massive light pointing at you? I was very, very mad. I was so mad. What is that?

Now I have to. I got really upset. I thought that I would have to wear more makeup because it would like, kind of like blow out my complexion. O contraire, I've decided that I don't really need to wear makeup because it makes a lot of things disappear. But what it can't do is line, you know, the liquid line. like Chanel does. But sometimes we make assumptions,

we make, come to rapid conclusions, I'm guilty of this all the time. Like this big light means X, Y, and Z. I have to do this, I have to do that, have to do the other thing. And what we realize over time

is that, you know, we're okay. You know what? That's a great segue into talking about our guest. David Archiletta became a star at just 16 years old. And in 2008,

more than 30 million television viewers fell in love with him, 44 million votes made him runner-up and fan favorite in season seven of American Idol. And then what happens when you're at that level of fame and singing is you start doing things like releasing music that like debuts at number two on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. It reached double platinum. Then he had an album go gold. I mean, these numbers, I can't even wrap my head around.

750,000 copies in the U.S. More than almost a million copies worldwide. He had a tour in December 2019 that was 85% sold out. And the first thing I thought was like, why? Not 100. Then I was like, wait, if they're telling me this, it means that that's like a really big significant deal. We've never sold out a tour. David currently gets over 7 million streams each month across all platforms.

He's very, very famous, and I'll be honest, I didn't watch American Idol. I think I didn't watch goes with almost any TV show for you. He has a new single move in. He's got this children's book based off the lyrics of his song My Little Prayer, which is actually coming out later this year. You can already pre-order it on Amazon. The reason that I'm very excited to talk to David is that he posted something very, very brave on Instagram. He decided to come out as bisexual and also identifies as as as as as as sexual at the time of his post he did. And these are terms that a lot of people don't understand. A lot of people didn't understand why he chose to do this publicly.

And I'm very eager to talk to him about that. He also is a devout Mormon, went on a mission, and just very, very interested to talk about his mental health journey as he tackled, you know, one of the largest institutions we can encounter, which is that of organized religion and in particular, a patriarchal organized religion. He also talks about the diversity of the human experience that, you know, some people will say, well, how do you know this or how can you be that? But the reality is, is that we're all extremely different on a very, large spectrum and that pigeonholing anyone to say this is normal, this isn't, is a disservice.

Yeah, I'm especially interested to talk about the first person he came out to was actually an elder in his church, and I need to hear all about that. So what a pleasure to welcome David Archeletta to Mind Beallax Breakdown. Break it down. You've had quite a life. I mean, you became very, very famous, very, very young. You're still very young. You've had quite a ride, and you're latest album is called therapy sessions. I'm wondering if you will talk a little bit about how you came up with that name and what it reflects for you. I named my last album in therapy sessions because I was literally writing. It was like I would go into writing sessions to let out whatever was coming out of me already in my actual therapy and my actual therapy sessions. And so I just called the

album that because that's where the music was coming from. When did you start in therapy? I first started going in my early 20s, but just like a couple of times, like when I was like 20, 21. But I really started going more regularly when I got back. So I took a break from music after like my whole career started. And I was a missionary for my church for two years in South America, Chile. When I got back from there is when I really started going to therapy. because I was like, I don't know, just being completely away from everything, like away from my family, away from my career and everything. It made me realize, like, wow, I need to figure myself out a little better and started going to therapy.

We have had other guests on from the Church of Latter-day Saints or LDS. And there's a very specific process by which you go on a mission. And as I understand it, that's when some of your kind of questions about your identity and in particular, I'm going to say sexual identity because I have not heard you talk necessarily about gender identity. So we'll just say sexual identity. Had you had kind of thoughts about that? I mean, obviously it exists in the world. So I'm sure you had thought about it.

But was it having that time of quiet reflection, you think, that brought it to be more prominent? Was there something special about that experience, especially as a person who's devout, that allowed you some of that introspection? Yeah. I felt a great need to go get away from my environment that I was in prior to going to my mission. And it was a very strange family dynamic I was in. My dad was very close, very hands-on with all the details in my life. And it was really good for me to go somewhere on the other side of the world so that I could be able to create a routine just without anyone else watching me.

Like, sure, missionaries, like, you're held accountable. You have to report on the work that you're doing. But I needed that time. I needed that time away from, like, does everybody like me? Am I popular enough? Am I selling enough albums? Am I making my record label and management happy? Am I making everyone who's been watching me since American Idol?

Am I leaving everyone satisfied? And my mission was an opportunity to just be like, Okay, let's take a break. I was like, am I nuts for doing this? I don't know if I should even be doing this. What am I doing? What the heck is going on? Everyone is like saying I'm ruining my career.

My parents were actually really upset that I was going. I mean, as you can imagine, my dad was very involved with my career. He wanted me to keep continuing and thriving. He did not want me to go on my mission for two years away from my career that he felt he had helped me to reach. It was strange. It made me question like, am I, should I really be doing this? Or am I just going nuts?

And I don't know. Am I really as brainwashed and crazy as everyone is saying, telling me that I am? But I needed that time. It wasn't until I was on my mission that I had a moment to breathe and say, okay, what's going on? Like how has my family dynamic been going? How have I been letting people around me take advantage of me? And okay, also like these sexual, like these physical attractions I have, let's say, sexual attractions, physical attractions.

Coming from like a church culture environment, there's a lot of people who think like, oh, well, it's, if you just don't pay attention to that and don't give in to your feelings, you'll be fine. Like, you won't feel the attractions. It wasn't like doctrine, but it was like just culturally accepted. And so I thought, well, if God doesn't want me to have feelings for guys, then if I dedicate my life to him, I probably will come out okay and, you know, he'll probably take care of those feelings that I'm not supposed to have if it's a commandment to not be gay and not be

homosexual. And when I was out there for a year and a half, and I wasn't online. There was nothing for me to look at. There was nothing provocative in front of my face. All I was doing was teaching people how to pray, singing hymns to them, teaching them about God and Jesus Christ. Super sexy. Singing your hymns. Teaching your hymns with your little angel voice. Oh my goodness. That's all I was doing. And it wasn't even trying. I didn't even want any kind of attraction for anybody to come up. And there it was, still there. Didn't even have to try. Wasn't even looking for it. Just you look at someone or you're like around someone too long and there it is. Wherever you go, there you are. I mean, that's, you know, that is a thing that people say for a reason.

My MBLX breakdown is supported by superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine. Drink more water. There's no real data. There's no game. plan. This has happened to me many, many times, especially on the perimenopause journey. That's why we're fascinated by what superpower is doing. They send a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers. That's way more than you usually get. It unlocks a true understanding of your body. Their app has detailed information on heart, liver, thyroid hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, even environmental

toxins. From disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simply optimizing your gym game, superpower is the most comprehensive and advanced system out there. I've been super tired of constantly guessing or just trying to read articles online about what to do for health. Superpower gives you an actionable health plan based on personal results. It's a real game changer. Plus they have an on-demand clinician team to answer questions. Supplement or prescription suggestions can be directly bought through superpower so you don't have to go anywhere else. They also have nutritional guidance, tips for lifestyle and behavioral adjustments. You even get your true biological age that you can track over time. Superpower used to cost $499. Right now, it's $199 for the full experience,

which is much more affordable than anything else out there. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with superpower. Superpower. Not only did Superpower reduce their price to just $199, but for a limited time, our listeners get an additional $20 off with the code break. Head to Superpower.com, use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention my ambiolics breakdown to help support the show. Is the first person that you spoke about this to? Is it true that it was an elder?

It was my mission president. Tell us about that conversation, David. It was a year and a half into my mission. And that's when I realized, oh my gosh, even when I'm trying everything I can, this is going to be here, whether I want to. to or not. And that's when I was starting to feel like devastated. And I didn't know what I was going to do. Because my idea of what was okay with feelings was just heterosexual feelings. I didn't know exactly what the church's stance was on feeling attracted to the same sex or if you're bisexual or

etc. My idea was just if homosexual acts are not okay, that must also mean feeling homosexual attractions is also wrong. What was your fear? Because, you know, especially, you know, if you come from, you know, a religious community, like some people literally have a fear that they'll be punished. I mean, I'm not putting words in your mouth, but was the fear that you might be excommunicated? Was it that God would punish you? You know, like, what was the fear? I didn't think that I would be excommunicated. I just felt like no matter what I did, my path was going to continue in that direction.

I was actually never open to myself about what I was going through with being attracted to men because it was something I was trying still to push away. And it just got to one day where I just realized my brain had learned how to push it out of my conscious. So when I would try to like somewhat even confront it in my mind, my brain would forget it. And I'd be like, what was I thinking about? And the only way that I was able to really confront this fear of mind, and the shame was I felt this like tenderness, like this irritation and my emotions, very sensitive.

And then I would just be like, I need to write down how I'm feeling. So I wrote down how I was feeling. And that's when it all spilled out, like all the shame, what was I was going through, my attractions, my fetishes, and like all kinds of anything that had to do with sexual, like, arousals or physical attractions, sexual attractions. And it all just spilt out onto this, into my notebook. The second that I wrote it down, my brain just washed it all away again. It was out of my mind again.

And I was just like, what was I just thinking about? What did I just write? It was like my brain got so good at like suppressing it. Yeah, there's a certain amount of dissociation and, you know, in some cases, depersonalization, which is a, it's a cop. I don't mean to like psychoanalyze you, but I like to. No, please. This is what I'm excited about.

No, but no, but that's what that is. And this doesn't just happen when you're dealing with sexuality. It happens when there's an amount of information that is literally too much. It can happen with memories that, you know, that you've repressed or minimized. It can happen with a lot of things. But what it is is, is it's a coping mechanism because, and you know, this is like the expression not to get religious or be religious, but I feel like now, now we outnumber the agnostics in the room. You know, they say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. And to me, what that means is exactly when memories need to come, feelings need to come. They come and you process them when you're strong enough, ready enough to handle them. So those things that you experienced are things that happened to

many of us, you know? It's extremely universal. I'm writing little notes as you're talking. You've been writing almost the whole time. Yeah, it's great. And I wrote down like, push out of the forefront of my consciousness and how many people. whether it doesn't even have to be sexual, sexuality, any sort of shame, fear that we have, so many of us are just conditioned. We just push it out, push it out, push it out. We don't even know how much energy we're consuming by pushing it out. And then the act of taking the time, space, feeling safe enough to turn towards these

things, I think is just a universal human experience that so many people are in some version of. Yeah, absolutely. So then what happened? So I felt like I just needed to process it. I needed help processing what I just finally for the first time put on paper. This was literally the first time it came out of me, even though not out of my mouth, out of my pen and paper. I set up a meeting with my mission president, President Warren, and I just said,

I need to talk to you. I just need to get something out of me. you might want to have a stiff drink before you talk to me. Oh, wait, you can't. I mean, to be honest, it seemed like he had heard it plenty of other times. I just, I don't know. In the moment, I felt like I was the only person going through it. You know, self-centered thing. I don't know if I was, but. No, just human, just human. Yeah. You just feel like, I'm the only person going through this and there's something wrong with me. I sat with him. He's like, so what do you want to talk about? And I was looking at him, I'm like, to be honest, I don't remember. remember. But I brought my notebook because I know it's written in here. So if you don't mind,

I'll read it to you. And he's like, okay. So I read it to him. And as I read it, it was like, oh, yeah. And I just felt so embarrassed, but at the same time, so relieved to finally be just saying this, that something that I just didn't understand about myself that I was carrying and just with my physical attractions to guys and other things, fetishes and whatnot, and to finally not to have to hold it in anymore. And I just kind of looked at him and I kind of, I don't know what I was expecting. I think I was expecting that I had just done something wrong and sinful by admitting this, confessing.

And I guess I was like, am I going to be like taken out of my mission? I don't know. I guess I was just being hard on myself because I'm, I was stressed out. But I was like, maybe he's going to correct me. He's going to give me some kind of counseling. But he didn't do any of that. All he said was, well, Elder Archeletta, this could probably be the most important day of your life.

And I just kind of was like, yeah, I think you're right. And he just let me know he loved me. And did he tell you God loves you? Yeah. Yeah, he did. And that was all he said. and he just was kind of like, you know, you're still, you're doing a great job and you are a great person and a great missionary and just keep doing what you're doing. And I was just kind of like,

is that it? Like, that's all you're going to tell me? I don't know. I thought I was going to be like punished for being gay or something. And or it's just something. And it wasn't, it wasn't like that. So I was like, okay. So I guess it was my own, my own, my own. perception of what I believed was what was punishing me rather than my church leaders. I don't think, I don't know if that's the same for everyone else. I think we should say it's not, meaning there's a diversity of response to homosexuality in every religious, you know, kind of faith and practice. And also, I think it's important to point out that it sounds like you had a really loving and supporting, supportive interaction, and that is so, so sacred. And also, the fear that you had is not unfounded,

meaning I think it's so significant that you realize that sometimes what we fear makes it like bigger and worse than it even might be. But there are many people, I know some in particular, who have had negative interactions with rabbis, with elders, with priests. So both of those things can happen. And that is why what you've done is so brave. and important because you've made public this notion that no matter what you get from whoever you speak to, you can be yourself. And it also doesn't mean that you can't be a person of faith. And it also doesn't mean that God doesn't love you or that you can't be literally. It's what you had an experience of is being told

it's okay to be you. And what a profound thing for you to have experienced and something that the heteronormative culture takes for granted because it's the heteronormative culture. Right?

Sorry, Jonathan. Well, I'm just like, then what happened? I'm actually wondering, does it sink in? Are you still juggling your own judgment? Do you believe him that you're doing a good job? Like, how does that all square away for you? I was relieved and it just gave me a note because I wasn't really focusing on how attracted I was to other people. It just helped me to get it off my chest so I didn't have to worry about it for the rest of my time out there.

Because really my time was to serve other people and to serve God. And it just let me finish my work. So when I got back is when I started focusing on it again. Did you come back with like a feather boa and like rainbows coming out of everywhere? I'm not like a loud kind of person in general. I'm kidding. I know. Because I have like, now that I've like come out with my post, people are like, oh, so when are you going to get you to like the dance nightclubs and getting you and drag and stuff? I'm like, I may be out like open with my sexuality, but it doesn't mean I'm a very, it doesn't mean I'm an allowed personality.

I do want to say, though, bringing that, I think a lot of conservative religious people like people who come from conservative religious backgrounds and environments, that's what they assume. being part of the LGBTQIA plus community is. Like they think it's all, everyone has strong personalities. Everyone wants to be very strong colors, strong personality, strong makeup. Everybody's in the YMCA dance at a wedding. It's like village people all the time. And so I feel like that's so important, especially like people in my community to know. And that's why things like Dan Reynolds from Imagine Dragons and his wife, Asia,

when they did this Love Loud Fest in Provo, Utah, right where Brigham Young University is, like where the highest concentration of Latter-day Saints is, it made people who didn't know how to interact with the LGBT community. It helped them be able to look at it in their own neighborhood and be like, what is this like? It's not like they even had an opinion. They just didn't know what to make of it. They didn't know what to think of it.

What's interesting is that, like, for any religious people listening who are like, I don't think that they walk among you. Queer people walk among you. You already know them. You've already interacted with them because it's a part of our world. It's a part of our community. It always historically has been. There's a very different consciousness to it now. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

But again, I think, you know, one of my favorite parts about your post was that you're asking people to simply make room for more understanding and compassion. Meaning, you don't have to like it. You don't have to go to the pride parade if you don't want to. You don't have to, it's like you don't have to put a flag up if you don't want to. But this is something that exists and we're not going to put it away anymore. And we're not going to deny it like we used to. Like this is what it is. Can you also talk about your use of LGBTQIA plus?

I'm much older than you. I remember when it was, quote, simply LGBT. Then it was LGBTQQ, which was lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning. That's what we called it in college. Do you want to talk about the IA plus? Yeah, I would like to just because I think it's, it helps people think, instead of just, I mean, it is so many letters, which can get confusing. But I think especially coming from a conservative background, people hear LGBT, and they get stuck on the T.

And because I talked about my feelings of asexuality in my post, that was the first time I even used LGBTQIA. That was literally the first time I ever use it because the A's at the very end. I don't have as high of a sex drive as other people in my family, my other. friends and even people I've dated. And I thought like, oh, maybe it's just my religion. I'm like, well, actually, everyone I've dated up to this point has similar religious views as me. So maybe it's not a religious thing. It's just what's going on with me. I didn't understand it. And so then I was like, well, I, it wasn't until I looked up what asexuality was. And I was like, oh my gosh. So that's, so some people use the A for ally, but in this case, you, the

A can be asexual. And the eye is usually intersex, correct? Intersex. There are people who are intersex who are, what is it, where they are given a gender at birth. And maybe the doctors don't even know how to reassign their... It is a small percentage, but there's ambiguous genitalia. There are XXY males. There are, anyway, females.

A lot of things. And the eye does also help encapsulate and help those people be included as well. Like there are interviews with folks who go through the intersex process, who are intersex, who the doctor and the family assign them a gender and a sex. But then their body goes through the other one, the other gender, the other sex. And then they're like, what's going on? So a lot of times when there's ambiguous janitalia, I mean, I hope that turns. That's a very clinical term. I'm not trying to put a judgment on it. But yes, sometimes doctors and parents do their best. And often it is based on a lot of, you know, ambiguous and very fluid judgments. And doctors are humans. And sometimes someone will be encouraged to develop along what they think is the best choice. But when they hit puberty, the, the, the, the,

the internal workings of the body, the genetics, the, you know, all of the proteins that get activated and all those things indicate that this person maybe was assigned the wrong gender, as it were. So I just want to, you know, wanted to clarify that. Thank you. You're so good at doing that. Like, giving all the clarifications on everything. It's just a party over here. She will clarify anything. Doesn't matter what. Let's talk a little bit about, and I'm not asking you to speak for all of asexuality.

but sex drive is one kind of component. When I was a young in, Morrissey, who was the lead singer of the Smiths and many people's favorite musician, Morrissey very famously declared that he didn't have a sexual urge until he was, I think, 28 years old. And at the time, it was like, what is he talking about? Like this is so insane. And now I've learned from my kids, like, that ACE is now a term. It is short for asexual.

It doesn't mean that you don't have attraction to other people. It means that the attraction often doesn't have a sexual component, as it were. And the fact is, it's really no one's business, like, for us to get to know or need to ask what the details are of yours or anyone else's ace identity. But also something really interesting that you chose to speak about. And I wonder, did you think about not sharing that? Was it like, should I leave this out? Well, I should clarify, I don't identify 100% asexual because there's even a spectrum in that, but I didn't want to go into that because I was like, this is already a lot because there's gray sexual,

there's demisexual. And the reason why I wanted to introduce asexuality is because I felt like it helped personalize my experience. I just figured there's, I know there are other people out there who are similar to me, who, whether they're heterosexual or gay or bisexual, they still don't. experience that sexual desire as much. And that affects their relationships. It affects what they're looking for and how they want to connect with people and bond with them. And so that's why I wanted to bring that up because, you know, I always struggled with that. I was like, I don't know why

I must not be as attracted to them. This must be something wrong. So that's why I wanted to talk about it. And it was really nice to give other people who identify with being asexual. And a lot of DM saying, oh my gosh, thank you for talking about that because we always get overlooked. And it's hard to explain that to people and explain that to people you're trying to date and stuff because they just think you're a freak in a lot of ways because they just think, well, everybody's into sex, you know, and not everyone, I mean, it's at varying degrees, you know. Some people aren't. Some people really aren't at all, and they don't need that in their life to be happy and to feel like they can be in a happy relationship. That's not entirely how I experience it. I feel like I would

enjoy it, but I need to time to feel comfortable and be like, oh, okay. And I think that's also really, you know, it's a very, it's called an old-fashioned thing, you know, when you think about being raised with that notion of like, sex is something between two married, people. people, you know, like that's a very, it is, it's an old-fashioned notion. But, you know, as I'm trying to adjust to being a modern parent, you know, and I have two boys who are 13 and almost 16, I can't tell them don't have sex until you get married. I don't know that that's a practical good conversation for me to have with them. But what I have chosen to do is to communicate to them that sex, in my opinion, is not a purely physical act. There is an emotional component to it. which means that your comfort with the sexual act is going to come along with some component of intimacy emotionally. And that means needing to feel some level of safe, some level of comfortable. And many people have a lot of sexual experiences, especially when they're young under the

influence. And to me, that's an indication that when you remove that inhibition, yes, it becomes easier to be sexual, which is. possibly an indication that maybe you don't feel safe, you know, or that there are other other things to do to create an environment of safety. So that's kind of the way I try to talk about it with, you know, my kids and when I'm asked to speak to it, it's not comfortable to think of it like that because people want to believe it's like eating. It's just a need. Well, you know, there's no act that is purely physical without the psychological. And there's no psychological

thought that exists without a physical component either. We are very, very complicated beings. And yes, we're animals, but we also have a very highly developed frontal lobe. It's there for a reason, people. I mean, the quote, time to get comfortable and feel comfortable should relate to many, many things that we do, right? We're like throwing and just throwing ourselves into situations is not necessarily going to yield the best results and is not going to yield the most ability for us to express ourselves. And this is a total wildcard question. I mean, I know my answer.

What do you think God wants for you in terms of your relationships, your sexuality? Do you know? And when you say you know the answer, you're talking, you know the answer for him or God knows for you? I know the answer for everyone. No, no, no. I'm saying, if you were to ask me, I know what I would say,

but there's not a right or wrong answer. I'm curious. Like, do you have that notion? Do you think about it a lot? Is God kind of separate from that for you? Because, you know, in my tradition, there's a lot of writing and analysis over thousands of years about sex and about our relationship where people who really like sex. You're supposed to have sex on a Friday night with your spouse. Very, very specific about sex. But do you think of what, quote, God wants for you? Does that come up for you? Yeah. It does. Just for me personally. And I think in my church, they're always very specific. about the expectations of saving to have sex until you're married as well. And I guess, I mean, I just never had a problem with that because I didn't have a high sex drive anyway. And so for me, it was like, well, it wasn't hard for me to keep to that. And to be

honest, still stick to that. You know, I'm still saving myself for when I'm with whoever I end up marrying. I don't know who that will be. And that's not to say that everyone in my religion makes the same choice, even though they still have that same standard and rule to follow by. Even if it's a rule you break, it doesn't mean that you, you know,

people of my family who didn't wait till marriage, but they still ended up getting married in the temple, which is where we have like eternal marriage. It's like a big thing. And you're following God's commandments. So you can still get married in the temple and follow God's commandments, even after you've had sex before marriage, if you try to get back on track, you know,

if you've made that mistake, say that when you were trying to. It's just for me, it's just been something just because I don't have that desire as much. It's just been easy for me. And it's still important for me because I'm like, okay, as I'm like exploring the rest of this, how can I still like hang on to like my values and my beliefs in my church? that's like at least one constant thing as I'm trying to figure out my sexuality and open up a little more to that into being bisexual or being more attracted to guys. I'm like at least I can hang on to that and keep that standard for myself just to keep me tied down to something. So I'm like, you know,

okay, I can explore a little bit more of my feelings and stuff, but I'm still just going to stay constant and that I'm going to keep save myself for marriage. So what's interesting is I thought that was still a really bad idea if I wanted to follow my church. But as I've talked to some of my church leaders, the law is a lot of chastity. And with one of my church leaders was saying, who's actually quite, he's up there in the church leadership of with Church of Jesus Christ, Latter-day Saints. He just said, well, the law of chastity is the same for a homosexual as it is for heterosexual. So he said, you know, David, it's, I could tell like, he's like, this is kind of new as well, But he's like for, he's like, he's like, I don't, I haven't, I haven't experienced those feelings

personally. So I don't know what advice to give to you. But what I can tell you is like, yeah, we believe that in our church we have a family proclamation that like declares like the standard that God has given his marriage between a man and a woman. And he's like, and then we have the law chastity. He's like, but I don't know what the fine lines and the details are when it doesn't fit that perfect picture. Putting perfect in quotes because that's, It's, you know, even that is a, that's a normative term in saying that this is what's, you know, perfect. And also, you know, I think it's important to realize that the monotheistic religions in particular have a very strong interest in preserving making babies. Because, you know, these are very, very old communities where people were constantly under attack and there was a lot of.

division in terms of which property went where and who went where. And if you had the bigger army, you often were able to garner more land. The fact that men could have more than one wife, biblically, is actually the basis for Joseph Smith in the early days, having polygamy as part of the Mormon church, which is completely separate from the Mormon church. It has been denounced by the church. But that notion is, it's thousands of years old. And it's the way a lot of communities, not just Jewish and Christian communities. A lot of communities had this kind of structure on how do we encourage people to stay with the tribe and to make soldiers. I mean, it's very, you know, to make soldiers and to make workers. So there was a tremendous emphasis. And I know this, you know, in particular

from Judaism, like, there was a lot of pomp and circumstance around that. It's very special. It's very sacred. It's very important. It's a man and a woman. You know, of course, because that's how you make babies, you know, to do all the work. I'm hearing that we don't have enough soldiers. You and I, I mean. No, we need to start building our army. There's a children's book based off of your song, My Little Prayer. Here's the premise. It says, My Little Prayer tells the story of a young boy who discovers that what God wants for him is even better than what he wanted for himself. A simple story about the power of faith, friendship, and prayer. How did this come about? I mean, obviously, you wrote the song first, I assume. Yeah, it was interesting because as a person of faith, I try to involve God

in my daily going about whatever activities I have in the day. And I try to begin my day and end my day with a prayer. But a lot of times, especially at night, I forget and I fall asleep before I manage to get around to say in a prayer. And one of those nights, this happened, and I had a dream. And in that dream, I was praying. And there are these chords playing in the dream. and I sang my prayer over those chords. And God spoke back to me just in music and melodies and just beautiful music. And without any words, but I just communed with him back and forth. And then he did speak to me and he said, get up and write this down.

This prayer I was singing and I was like, but I'm asleep. I don't think I know how to just get up from a dream. And he said, if you don't get up now, you're going to forget this in the morning. And I said, okay, I might need help then to get up. But I did. I managed to get up. And it was clear as a bell, still in my mind. I went straight to the piano and recorded the chords, wrote down everything I had said. And I didn't change anything because I felt like it was given to me.

And that was the fastest song I've ever written. So you wrote this song. Have you had other songs come to you in dreams? I've written about dreams I had, but I never had something like that. up until now. You know, I, it was just so straightforward and it was so direct. And it usually takes me a long time to write a song. So I was just like, wow, this just came very quickly.

I kept it to myself for a while. But then I was like, you know what? I think I, this was given to me to share. So then I released it during Christmas time one year and taking this song. And then to the book is when I was a missionary, one of the biggest things we did was we showed people how to pray. And people in Chile, where I was, they're mostly Catholic, and they believe in God. But so many of them, most of them had never had a conversation with God before.

They didn't know how to pray. They were afraid. They were intimidated by it. And so we would teach them how to just talk to God. And so this book, for me, was an opportunity to be like, how could it be to just show kids? that they can have a personal relationship and conversation with God. And so that was the goal. And also just to show them like,

even when you ask for things and you have a request for God, you're not always going to get what you asked for. And you're going to get disappointed. You're going to face disappointment. And you're probably going to ask, you know, why, why God? That's part of the process of gaining a relationship with him. It's not just like you just, you don't just like send a request every time to this, you know, magical being in the sky.

And, and then he like sends you down like a little package. You know, it's it's a relationship with an actual heavenly being that you can commune with and have a personable relationship with. And so that's, that was my goal is just to teach people what to kind of show kids and just anybody really how it is for me. through this children's book. I've been told that when you ask God or a higher power for something, there are two possible answers. Yes and not now. Instead of no, I like to think of that.

Okay, I have to ask, your mom was a salsa singer and dancer? Yeah. And is she Honduran? She's from Honduras. Yes. Yes. Vah Honduras. Yes. And your dad's a jazz musician?

Yeah, yes. Were they Mormon or did they become Mormon? My dad was born in it. My mom converted when she was like a teenager. Wow. And you're born in Miami. Is that correct? Yeah, he was. Yeah. So this may be a dumb question, but I'm just curious. Were you raised speaking Spanish? I was a little bit. But one time we went to vacation in Utah to visit my dad's family. And my dad's family got upset that we didn't speak English. Because in Miami, you don't need English. to get around. Oh, Utah. So my mom started just focusing on English, but she forgot to keep up the Spanish. So we basically forgot most of it. And I didn't learn Spanish again until I was in Chile as a

missionary. Right. We've got some rapid fire questions. Are you up for those? Yes. Rapid fire questions with David Archela. What was your mother right about? She was right about the power prayer. Great. What was your father right about? He was right that I really could make a living off of singing. Wow. The location that promotes the best mental health for you. Location, the mountains. Any mountains in particular or just mountains in general?

Mountains in general, but I do love the titans. Those look like breasts. Sorry, I remember kids joking about that. Junior high. I'm sorry. Do you have a mantra or if you had a mantra, what would it be? I love a scripture that says by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. Lovely. Isn't it lovely? Last one. What's been your moment of best intuition?

Moment of best intuition? These are supposed to be rapid fire? I mean rapid-ish. Oh my gosh. What's been your moment of best intuition when you like had an intuitive sense? sense about something and you were like, yes? I feel like that's never me. Wow. Yeah, dang. Okay. Probably one like, maybe that song, my little prayer. That's probably the fastest thing I've ever, I'm slow about every single decision I make from being sexually attracted to someone, to feeling comfortable in the new house I live in, to buy in a car, deciding what I'm going to order

for dinner. Everything is super slow for me. And I second guess everything. Where can we find you on online, on social media. Where would you like to direct people? You also have a tour, I believe, that you're going to be kicking off in February. Yeah. Yes, next year, 2022. It's supposed to be 2020, but, you know, we're in pandemic life. COVID happened. COVID happened. But I'm on Twitter and Instagram and TikTok, David Archie with an I-E, not a Y. And I'm on Facebook, David Archelotta.com is where the tour dates, will be if people want to see that. I do personalized messages and stuff too on there. Oh, one of those. I'd like one. I do meeting and greets because I haven't been able to do

meet and greets. So I do online meeting greets. It's actually have been really fun. That's really awesome. Yeah. And it's like so much more personal. Because I get to, instead of like 30 seconds with someone like going by and line and they're like if they're like too shy to say something and they miss their opportunity. And it's just it's fun. It's more casual. David, last question. If someone out there who's listening is feeling, as you said earlier, should I really be doing this? Am I nuts? If they're going against the grain, if they're sort of stepping out of their comfort zone, if they're questioning something that they're not sure that they can talk about, what would you tell them? I would say, like, you won't know unless you try. And what I learned from my

relationship with God, when I was like, should I really be going in and exploring my sexuality? He said, I give you permission to make mistakes. So I just want to pass that along to you. Whether you know or whether you don't know, you won't know unless you try and you are okay to make mistakes. Because that's how you learn. That's how you grow. Some of the best, some of the people will go like pay to listen to and their TED talks and stuff. It's because of the things they've overcome, not because they've made every single right choice ever in life and never messed up. It's because when they fell and fell hard, they managed to get back up. So give yourself that opportunity to rise again. And maybe you won't mess up.

and you'll end up being happy. So go for it. Thank you, David. This was really delightful, and you're incredibly courageous to talk so openly about this, and we're very, very honored that you were so open to talking about it with us.

We really do appreciate it. Well, thank you. Thanks for being so open, too, and letting me be open. I don't know that I've heard someone that religious speak that openly about not being sure if they're going to be with a man or a woman. And I think that's very, very exceptional.

It is very exceptional. Have you heard that? Never. I don't think I've ever heard someone like talk about the gospel of God and how deeply he believes that God has a, you know, a path for him. And he's on that path. And also, he does not identify a strictly heterosexual. I've never heard that. I wanted to know more about what his relationship with God is throughout his day because he says he tries to include God in all aspects of his day.

I think that's pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, I can tell you from my personal experience with Mormons. I mean, there's a real mindfulness to, I know, to meal time, you know. And like he said, there's a morning prayer and there's a night prayer. And yeah, there's a kind of a consciousness about behavior. I mean, the Mormon faith has clothing restrictions. They have dietary restrictions, which is very much like Orthodox Judaism. clothing, and the clothing restrictions are there to constantly remind you, you know, where your body

should be presented and where it should be private. And the food restrictions, you know, most notably caffeine, although it was originally hot beverages, but back then all hot beverages were caffeine. You know, that's every meal is a decision, you know, and that's that kind of consciousness that I think he carries with him. I have a lot to say in particular about, you know, Judeo-Christianity and homosexuality because I belong to a, you know, progressive branch of traditional Judaism. And so it makes me very nervous, you know, for people to, you know, potentially think that that there's only one way to be religious, you know, kind of thought he'd asked me what I think God, you know, wants for me. But I think no matter. What does God want for you by him?

I'm funny, you should ask. What I think. what I think, and this is not making any particular statement about my sexuality or anything like that, but the God that I believe in, no matter where I fall in any given day universe incarnation, is that, you know, the God of my understanding is this force in the universe that is not attached to any religious practice in particular. It's not attached even to any cultural or ethnic identity. It's the force in the universe that oversees all the things, right? And I really, forgive me, I don't care if you want that to be a personal God, a global God, whatever it is for you, great. But what I do know is that the God of my understanding wants me to know myself and to be comfortable with myself and to not feel shame or sadness about the way that I am.

and there may be challenges I have in a lot of things about me. Maybe it's my belief about women's role in my religious practice. Maybe it is about how I feel about people on the LGBTQIA plus spectrum. Maybe it's how I feel about people who eat meat or the way that they eat meat, right, in terms of laws of kashru, which is, you know, the laws of kosherness in Judaism. But what I know is that the God I believe, gives me the ability to tackle those things. I don't need to solve them, but I also don't get to discard that challenge simply because I don't have an answer. So to me, like, that's what is divine

about our human experience. We get to be challenged by things, whether they be sexuality or the way we eat or whatever it is. And we get to, to, I call it pray, but we get to focus on gathering as much strength and confidence as we can to defend our position and be open to other people's opinions. That's it. That's it for me. And it sounds like that's kind of a place where David is finding, you know, and I wish that for him. There's not like a right or wrong that I have to meet to like have God's favor. You know, the God I believe in does not, is not going to, it doesn't strike people down. It's a much more complicated interplay between us and our environment. Bono said, the God I believe in isn't short on cash.

Let's talk about knowing yourself and the process of knowing yourself because it has such large implications to mental health. One thing, and I was taking notes throughout this interview, I was jotting down, if I don't pay attention to it, then it won't be a problem. That made me so sad. That's what a lot of religions do tell you. Just stop thinking about it. Look at pictures of pretty women instead.

Take away the it and interchange it with anything that you could possibly have an intuition about. Oh, sure. Right. Oh. What aren't we open with ourselves about out of fear, out of judgment? Here, I'll give you an example. Out of reactions to others. If we don't pay attention to X, insert anything for X. Well, let me, I'm going to insert one of the, one of my favorite ones that will impact your mental health and impacts all of our mental health. sometimes our parents don't treat us well, right? But we're not allowed to think about that.

Parents, primary caregivers, people who are close to us. Right. I mean, this is a very painful example is abuse, right? And you're told like, it was fine. You're fine. It'll be fine. Ignore it. Shrug it off, right?

And this, I mean, people are told that well into adulthood. I'm going to say it, women in particular. and underserved populations, members of the LGBTQIA plus community, are often told if they're assaulted or abused or discriminated against, just let it go, right? But the fierceness with which you approach

those kinds of challenges is to me a direct measure of what your mental health status will look like. Because you can't push things away if you know them, whether it's, like you said, your sexuality, a sense of wanting a different career path and people tell you, no, you can't do that. Just push it away.

Stop thinking about it. To me, the God that I'm in connection with speaks through intuition, speaks in those moments that David talked about in dreams, speaks in those little inklings. And as you develop a relationship with something, a higher power and intuition, whatever it might be, it's about being curious. And open. And open and curious and having the ability to explore. So if you have a mentality, if I don't pay attention to X, insert anything for X, curiosity, a feeling that might not be acceptable, quote unquote, acceptable air quotes there, a desire to change your life to have a new job that might not make sense.

To leave a marriage where you're unhappy. Not that we're saying everyone should run out and break up their family because you shouldn't. But if you never even question it, if you never even say what are the options available to me, what would the thought experiment be if. If I did change my career, what would that look like? If it's so painful to even explore that, that you have to push it away, you don't get to know yourself. If you're experiencing something like depression, something like a gnawing feeling, something like I've been pushing something away, there may be something there, as Jonathan said, that is worth exploring. It comes in so many different forms that people don't understand that that's what it is. So it's not just oppression. It's general malaise. It's feeling of purposelessness. It's overwhelming boredom. It's, it can be agitation. It can be the inability to settle. It can be so many things that bug us that we, I think, a large part of them come from our inability to explore the things that are intuition, which has been shrunk down to this tiny little mousy, almost non-existent voice because we're so conditioned not to explore it.

And I think that it's also worth mentioning that there are many roads into understanding, you know, this aspect of mental health. But I think that this is sort of, you know, our wish for everyone listening is to have a deeper knowledge of yourself so that you can know what feels right, what feels not right, to be able to do something about it. It's a really, really enjoyable episode. I'm very, very glad we got to speak to David. From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time. It's my and biolix breakdown. She's going to break it down for you.

She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break down. It's a breakdown. She's going to.