Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Gabriel Iglesias: On Stage Nothing Hurts

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias (comedian) opens up about redefining himself after his long term relationship came to an end, the therapeutic benefits he gets from sharing his struggles onstage, and the significance of his milestones in relation to his Mexican heritage. He discusses the origins of his sense of humor, being bullied as a kid, and why he chose to have a sober period. Gabriel explains how his dogs help him regulate his emotions, why he had always been reluctant to start therapy, and how therapy has taught him to be a better listener in every area of his life. He and Mayim bond over their processes for "coming down" after a performance high before geeking out over Gabriel’s incredible car collection. Mayim and Jonathan consider the importance of having positive communication tools when discussing difficult topics in any relationship.  Gabriel Iglesias' Website: https://fluffyguy.com/ BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So she walks in, she looks at me, she goes, which one is he? I'm going to be talking about. You know, the one who hit you. And I'm like, oh, and it was literally the kid sitting next to me. And so she gets in front of the bully, and she tells them, listen, if you ever put your hands on my son again, I will follow you home and kill your family. And then in the same breath, she looked at me and she said, I love you, Miko. And then I was never bullied again. And I'm not saying that that's the way to handle things now, but that, you know, that's how my mom was.

It's my ambialic's breakdown She's going to break it down for you Because you know she knows a thing or two And now she's going to Hi, I'm Miami Amiolic and welcome to my breakdown This is the place where we break things down So you don't have to We have a very, very special guest today

We're going to be speaking to One of the world's most successful And popular stand-up comedians Gabriel Iglesias Who is known as Fluffy But first, I'm I'd like to introduce you to one of the world's most successful and popular podcasters, Jonathan Cohen. I mean.

I overstated it? A little bit. That's how I see you. That's all that matters. We get to speak to someone who we both like. Oh my gosh. Who are 14-year-olds both like. It's very exciting.

It's extremely exciting. I was so excited. I almost took my hat off to be bald brothers with him. That's right. We get to see the top of his head, which is something I literally have never seen. And if you don't know who Gabriel Iglesias is, he does go by Fluffy. He owns the term Fluffy. If you Google Fluffy, you will see him.

He is one of the most watched comedians on YouTube with over one billion views. He's also made history many times as a comedian for selling out shows. You may know him. Also, he had a show called Mr. Iglesias, which is streaming three seasons. It was a Netflix comedy that he did. He has an unbelievable voice. He's been in Space Jam, a new legacy, as Speedy Gonzalez. And also, he was in Coco, which is kind of a fun fact.

He also has a film called The Fluffy Movie, and he has many, many specials that you can find a variety of places. I usually watch him on Netflix, and he has some very exciting news about his next special, which he is going to tell us about in this. episode. He has some really interesting things he's going to talk to us about in terms of mental health, in terms of being a public person, alcohol use, relationships. We actually go very deep in the relationship department. Therapy time. He kind of joked that it feels like we're in therapy. He is very, very funny. He's also very thoughtful. He shares his car collection with us. We have a fantastic time with this man. I also would like to point out, Jonathan and I are wearing new merch. We're both

wearing shirts that say normal neurotic. I'm wearing the teal and mustard color. He's wearing the the mustard and white and teal color. Check out our merch. Go to Biolic Breakdown. Follow us there. Go to our website. Biolicbraytdown.com. Yes, and get all the information

about merch and fun things there. And without further ado, it is so exciting to welcome Fluffy. Break it down. It is such an incredible honor to get to speak to you. We are so, so excited. I've never seen the top of your head. Can I also say that?

This is... You have a very cute forehead. You usually wear a hat. Thank you. You know, usually, I mean, I had a full head of hair at one point. And then, of course, you know, 40 hit. And then it just kind of started turning into a broken chia pet. So now, if I'm out in the butt, I'll put on the hat.

But for the most part, I just, you know, I buzz my head and just, you know, that's usually how it looks. Again, we're both very, very honored to speak to you. We are huge fans of your comedy, but also, the person that you are and everything that you represent. And it's just really an honor to speak to you. I was raised in Los Angeles and I know you're raised in the Bay a little bit south of me, but a lot of the culture of Southern California that you speak about, I know very well. I went to school. I went to Walter Reed and North Hollywood High. And so I grew up with the girls calling me all the names in Spanish that I didn't know and quickly learned. I grew up watching them do

their. I grew up watching the girls do their eyeliner and spray their hair real tall. And so a lot of the culture of Southern California, Chicano and Latino culture I really, I really identify with. We have a lot that we want to cover. And I hope you don't mind. We would like to kind of have you talk a little bit about what you were like growing up because you are this huge, enormous, awesome personality. And you're the youngest of six. Is that correct? Yes, I was the favorite of six. My mom, you know, she made no qualms about it. I was, I was the favorite. She, you know, she would even say it of the others. So I knew it was real. She chose the right one. Why were you the favorite? What were you like? Oh, my mom, oh, man, I'm just telling you right now. My mom was very much like, you know,

there's, there's that hashtag no filter. And my mom was that before it was a hashtag. So the things that she would say, you know, she just wouldn't, she would, I don't even think that, you know, usually you, you think about something and then you decide whether or not I should say it and what of the repercussions if you say the wrong thing, whereas my mom would just like, I don't care. And so she'd say it, you know, like she would tell me in front of them. She'd say, no, me, I made you with love. And I'm like, oh, my God, what did you make them with? A lot of salt. No, she, you know, on the last of six, I basically, there was 12 years between my sister and myself. So it was pretty much like growing up an only child. Started off in

Chula Vista, California, basically San Diego. And then little by little, my mom and I moved north until we got to Long Beach. And that's still where I live is here in the LBC. I ventured out a couple times, but I came right back. So, you know, it's my home. Even though I know there's better places out there, but this is home. And so it's where the heart's at.

Were you all from the same dad, different dads? How did it work? Oh, different dad. Well, different as, yeah. To my knowledge, it was only one other guy. Yeah, I feel like if my mom were still alive, she would have told me if there was, you know, other potential sponsors in there.

somewhere. But yeah, my dad was Mariani from, from Halisco, Mexico, and, you know, everyone else had the other dad, the guy that was, you know, the guy that, the nine to five guy that worked at Boeing. Did you grow up with your dad or you just grew up with your mom? Oh, it was just my mom. My dad was in the picture for a little bit. I still have contact with him, but, you know, how are you going to miss what you didn't really have? So, I mean, it's more so just like, hi, how are you? Being cordial, but I mean, I don't, I don't really know him. So It's, right. What sort of differentiated you from your siblings? Like, I know it's a stupid question and, you know, we do like to ask every comedian we get to speak to. Were you naturally funny? Was that you? Were you funny as a defense? Were you funny to, you know, kind of smooth over emotions in your home? Like, what was it about you that we, you know, can see that you grew into this incredible, you know, person and persona. You know, what's interesting is that I don't think I was, I was ever funny as a kid or just being at home. I was never trying to. to be silly or, you know, outrageous or over the top, if anything, I think I was a very good listener.

I was very quiet and I would always just take things in. And so when the opportunity came for me to be in front of people, man, I had a lot to say, you know, and I would just tell stories. And I guess people were interested in the way that I would share my stories and, you know, how I would animate everything. And so, you know, I didn't really know until I knew, basically. It's like, you know, I would never like come up with an act off stage or, you know, away from people. And so, you know, it was just one of those things where once I had an audience, something happened. Because like I said, for the most part, I'm really good about just sitting and listening and observing. And, you know, like, I'll be honest with you out of all my friends.

I'm probably the least funny in a group setting. I'm always just observing. And they're like, you're not going to crack any jobs? I ain't getting paid yet. I mean, obviously your specials and kind of your life has a mixture of Spanish and English. Did you grow up with English as your first language? Did your mom speak Spanish to you? Did you speak sort of a Southern California spanglish?

Like what did it sort of look like? Well, back then, when I sound like that guy, and I'm like, back and back in my day, you know, I was born in 76. I just turned 46 like two weeks ago. I grew up where my mom would speak Spanish to me, but when I went to school, it was all English. And then for some reason, my mom just stopped speaking Spanish to me altogether. And it was all English unless I messed up. And that's, I guess, kind of stereotypical where everything's good in English, but the second you hear Spanish, you better run. You know, everything was like, oh, I love you, Miko, and this and that. second, it's like, Vasar,

oh, shoot, I messed up. You know, because she could get louder and then she, the Spanish would come out and old school, Ricky Ricardo. I don't know if you remember. That's right. I am your, I'm a year older than you.

So, yes. When did you figure out that you had a knack for mimicry? Because, yes, you have an amazing voice and you do amazing voices, but as someone who, you know, I'm musically inclined and also very interested in people who mimic the way that you do, your entire persona can take on the persona that you are putting on.

And it's, it's far beyond just like, oh, he does good voices. When did you figure out you had, I mean, it's a very special talent and a very rare one. When did you figure that out? Age 10, because I would make fun of like, let's say my mom was talking to the neighbor and my mom would say, oh, something's wrong with her. And then I go, yeah, what's her problem? And then I say, and then I mimic the neighbor. And my mom would just like, oh, my God.

Like, and she would just point at me, oh, I stop it. Oh, my God, do it one more time. You know, I had done a school talent show back when I was 10 years old, too. And I was just doing characters and voices and stuff. But it's funny because I come from my family on my father's side. They're all musicians. They're all musicians. They all sing.

They, you know, they're all very much performers. My dad was actually a singing impression. Oh. So he would see, like, like other artists, but, you know, sing it just like them. Right. And so he had a really good, I know I get that from him. Yeah, that's, that's, I say I get my courage from my mom, but I get the, the talent from my dad. Were you a big kid? You, you use so many beautiful words and, you know, the word gordito is so, it's much prettier in Spanish to say gordito than the way that we talk about, you know,

people's bodies in English. When did that become sort of part of your identity? What was that like? First of all, I like the fact that you say with an accent, which is pretty good. Thank you. I'm from Los Angeles. Blue. Yeah, no, I've always been a big kid. My mom was trying to put me on diet since I was, since I was 10 for some reason. It's just, you know, I was always just a little bit thicker. And so, you know, it was just one of those things where, you know, my mom would call me Husky or thick or my gordito or my tronchito, you know, all the cute little names and stuff like that.

And I guess I just, you know, I learned to embrace it because, you know, I did struggle in school and I did have. issues where, you know, kids can be mean, but, you know, it worked out, you know, it helped me to become the person I am today. And, you know, I'm very, I'm very happy with the way I am. Yeah. And Jonathan and I were talking when we were kind of preparing for this episode. There's so many interesting levels to the way you present yourself as a comedian because, first of all, there's the funny. And second of all, you're, you're a real storyteller. You know, there's different styles of comedy. And, you know, you really, you take the audience on a journey and you're like really a master of callbacks. We've watched a lot of your specials as we hope you can tell.

But the other thing is, is that you have a way to both be vulnerable and very, very strong at the same time, especially when you do talk about your body or when you talk about diabetes. And I wonder, was that something that you sort of learned as a survival mechanism? Did you sort of naturally just feel okay with who you are? Or is it something that you kind of came to? I know in the beginning, I was just doing characters and voices and just trying to be animated and silly. And it wasn't really about me. It had nothing to do with me. It was just like, oh, hey, you know, Bugs Bunny did this or Homer Simpson did that.

It was nothing to do with me. And eventually I just started, you know, sprinkling in little bits. Like I remember I had a bit where I said, you know, ladies, you need a big guy in your life. I said, because the worst thing we'll ever do is have dinner without you. And it was such an honest statement that, you know, people were coming up to me. Oh, my God, they're like, you need to talk more about yourself. That was really funny. And then what I started doing was I started just incorporating more personal stories,

but then I would still do, you know, voices and characters. And so combining the two is, I think, what wound up working. And then making it so that people knew that I was a real person, even though I got the nickname Fluffy, which was just a, I think more so just helped me in the sense of the marketing part. because people remember that over everything. I'm like, all I have to do is worry about making Gabriel famous because Iglesias is already a famous last name.

So if I can just work on Gabriel, because there's only one other Gabe Gabriel that was a comedian that was popular, which was Gabe Kaplan. And so if I could just work on that, and people would never say, you were funny, Gabriel, they'd say, hey, you were funny, fluffy. And then, of course, just, you know,

sharing stories about growing up of my mom or more siblings or my friends. And so little by little, I started opening up about, you know, dealing with whatever it was. I got a whole routine right now where I talk about being bullied as a kid. And I think just showing that you know, you did experience the same things that other people did because they're like, how can you still be relatable after all these years? I'm like, well, because I still go through regular things. And, you know, I've done enough therapy in my life where I realize I need a place to vent where it doesn't cost me money.

So the stage always worked out because at the end of the night, people would come up and they'd say, hey, I felt what you were saying. And I've had a lot of people tell me, hey, man, you know, I kind of went through the same thing. So whether it was opening up about a relationship that didn't work out or issues with my son or, hey, you know, I got pets and, you know, I've had issues. Yeah, that's this, that's, yeah. It looks like a possum. For people who are only listening, we're getting some. For people who are only listening, you are missing out and you need to go and look at this dog. Yeah.

And, you know, I don't post pictures of them all the time. I'm a big guy with the dogs. but I feel very comfortable and I feel very much in a safe space when I'm on stage. So I feel like I can talk about anything and I'm okay with it. It's easier for me to open up on stage than it is in person. A lot of times offstage if I'm dealing with something, the people around me know that something's up, but I don't really open up about it.

And every now and then I'll catch somebody watching my set and they're like, hey, what's going on? I heard you up there. And I'm like, uh-huh. MyNBialx breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine.

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I think the fans are the ones that call me Fluffy or, you know, every now and they'll say Gabriel or depending on this other TV show, they'll say, like when I have little kids calling Mr. Glezzlesian. I'm like, whoa, it feels weird because, yeah, they're quoting the name, you know, the name from the TV show. But at the same time, that's my real last name. And it just feels weird to be called Mr. or Sir. My friends don't call me Fluffy unless they're just being silly at the show. Like, what a big fluff. Just going to be silly.

But everyone calls me Gabe or Gabriel around here. You have some really, really incredible statistics and facts about you. You were the first comedian to perform at and sell out Dodgers. stadium joining the likes of Elvis, Madonna, the Beatles, and Elton John. You have broken many, many records. You're one of the few to headline and sell out Madison Square Garden, Staples Center, Sydney Opera House. You have all of these incredible, you know, he's the only one, he's the first one. And I wonder sort of what it's like for you to sort of sit in this position as having incredible accolades and incredible acknowledgement as a comedian, but also it's very, very special

that you also represent a portion of this country and this world that a lot of people don't know enough about. Regardless, there's judgment all the way around. Good or bad. Yeah, you know, because it's like if you're born in Mexico and you come here, people look at you a certain way. But if you're born here, but your family's all from Mexico, you're still looked at, you know, there's always that like, hmm, hmm, hmm.

And like for me, you know, we mentioned the thing about speaking English versus Spanish growing up and I spoke perfectly, you know, decent English and they still put me in an ESL program because of my last name. And I'm like, you know, I had no idea that I wasn't supposed to be in there. I just knew that I was acing it. But it was one of those things where, you know, I'm killing it. Like a real American. Yeah. Yeah. But I knew for a fact that that that night that I was at Dodger Stadium, well, Dodger Stadium was the big one, but all those other shows that I did, I knew that it was, It was special. It was special, first of all, because as a comic, to be able to do those venues was huge.

But, you know, clearly because of also my background, it was an even bigger thing. Like when I perform outside of the United States, people ask me, oh, do people, do they speak Spanish? Or do they understand you? Do they get you? And I'm like, yeah. Like, they're really, how do you relate to those people? I'm like, because I tell real stories. And I just talk about, you know, yes, I have a Latino background, but it's not all like,

It's not that. It's just, you know, I'm being silly and sharing real stories. And, of course, people can relate to it, you know. The only time I'll incorporate a lot of Spanish is if I'm in a place where that's acceptable. Or if I do it, I do it just to sound funny and then I translate what I'm saying. But I always make sure that everybody gets it. But at the end of the day, when I do something like a Dodger Stadium for me, I knew that that had a lot of, it wasn't just a regular show and that people were supporting it also because of,

of, you know, because, hey, here's this, the first time a comic does this. And it happens to be the biggest show in L.A. And it was a Mexican that did it at Dodger Stadium. It's amazing. Wow, how cool is that? You know, this kid used to go to these Dodger games and now he's performing there and just the statement that it makes. It's huge.

And I knew that at the end of the night, I wasn't going to get emotional. And I did. And nobody wanted to leave the show that night, especially me. I was up on stage almost three hours and the crowd stuck around. and at the end of my set, we're just talking. I'm like, man, I can't believe we're here and this is cool. And it felt more than just the show. It felt like the celebration of like, wow, this guy did something that, you know,

had a lot of meaning behind it. It wasn't an overnight thing. It was 25 years in the making. And so I know that even though it's, I'm not making it a thing, it's still a thing that there's this person of color that has achieved, you know, these things. I was thinking about you at Dodger Stadium and people not wanting to leave. And even in your last Netflix, special. You had people who saw you and you had flown them out, people who were there right at the

beginning. Monica and Tony, yeah. That's right. They were at the Dodger Stadium as well. And when my son and I were watching that, we're like, this guy has turned comedy like into rock stardom. Like only rock stars have people sing in their lyrics from their first album and the crowd is like going along with your jokes. I don't know. It's not really a question. I was just like sort of blown away that a comedian could have that experience where there were, the crowd knew their material so well that it felt more like a rock concert than almost what we understand stand up to be. But sort of the line has been blurred now. You know, I think that once they, it's almost like a song. You know, you hear a song. And if you go to a concert, you're like, you want to hear it. You're so connected to it. I found

myself in Australia. This was years ago, the first time I got a chance to see what that was like. I thought that the audience had already seen the show and didn't want to see it again. Like, you know, with comedy, it's always different. Like, no, we've already heard that. You got, what do you got this new? And so I didn't want to do anything old, but I wasn't sure. And someone had yelled out a bit. And I'm like, ah, that one bit, I go, I don't, you guys already know that bit.

Why do it? And people started egging me on. Do it. Do it. Kind of like, and so I did. And the second I started the first line, they went crazy. crazy. And so once the joke was done, the question was, keep going. And they're like, yeah. And so I did another old one. And I'm like, why am I writing a new set? I made that part of the show where it's like,

okay, I'll do a brand new show. And then at the very end, they'll do a couple. And now I call them classics. And people, they love it. And I'm like, okay. So that's, that's part, that became part of the show. One of the things about your style and your, especially your storytelling is they are like, songs because you can tell them again and again. And, you know, the way that you tell a story, it is. There's comfort in it. There's comfort in the rhythm of it because you can, it's almost like singing along. I got kind of emotional when Jonathan was talking to you because you are incredibly approachable. You are incredibly what people would call normal. Really? Like you seem like a normal guy. You are very, and, you know, part of it is also like our culture of how we perceive

people and what they look like and how they speak, but there is something that is so familiar about the way that you speak that it gives people this sense of closeness. And like when you said, people come up to you and like, I felt that, I experienced it. But what it is, and, you know, I often cry here. So, you know, what it is, though, is that you are a constant, you're constantly holding for thousands and tens of thousands of people. And you go up on that stage and you tour and you give your life to putting out 110% of your energy, your humor, like everything. And you are a master with the crowd. I mean, you hold that crowd. But you do that. And I don't want to say it's at the expense of your own life, but you are a giver. As a performer, you are a performer. You are a performer. You are

giving people an experience. And I wonder, and I'm not like trying to be a therapist, although I like to be, what is, like, what is left over? Like, what is it like when you go home? Like, what, what is there, you know, left? Because for me, you know, I work on a state, you know what it's like to work on a TV show. And I come home and what I want is for no one to speak to me. I'd prefer for no one to be around. and I feel like I've often been rung out and there is nothing left to give. But the level that you do this at, like what is there, what is it like to sort of be you when the lights go down? And you have made everyone so happy. Well, first of all, thank you for the way you put that.

That was, that was beautiful. I appreciate the way that you, I mean, you know, no one's ever articulated it that way. That was, that was very, very nice. Thank you for that. At the end of the night, when, you know, when I'm, when I get up the stage, it's, it's very quiet. You know, I want it back in my room and the first thing I see when I get in that room is, is this little face. That's basically what I see. And I got introduced to you to the other guy right here. Yeah, coming off stage, it's just, it's, it's quiet. It's, it's my dogs. It's me.

This is Vinny. Come here, Vinny. Oh, Vinnie's a big boy compared to the other one. Oh, yeah. Sweet. Big boy. So, you know, I do decompress. I, you know, I'm in my dressing room. It's like, wow, it was a, you know, good crowd.

They were chanting or they were just loud and excited and happy. And I do just want to, you know, have a drink or just get a quick bite to eat or something because I'm trying to come down from that high of what just happened, you know. And every show is different, but every show gives me that. And so when I come home, I definitely just want to crawl into bed. I don't even turn on the TV anymore. I just crank the AC, crawl into bed. I took the dog.

I got dog beds on my bed, and I put the dogs in the dog bed. And we all agree that we're done for the night and click. Do you ever feel down after shows? Like, is there a down? There's times where I feel like I could have done more, or I feel like, you know, I had a, I feel like I had a good connection with the crowd and it was a good show, but, you know, maybe I'm still dealing with something on my own, you know, because I do try to have a personal life as well. And so sometimes I can't talk about it on stage. Sometimes it's like, I better just keep that one to myself. Well, I think also what you're getting at is like when you have an experience that is so intense and I've never had thousands and thousands of people cheering for me. But I think my me experience this on stage even when you're like in the zone of performing. And it's all, you clicking and there's so much energy and you're so focused. And then when you come out of that and you have to go back to, you know, quote unquote the real world, the real world can seem

kind of boring and slow. It can seem boring, slow and sometimes painful. Yeah. Because honestly, at the end of the day, when I'm on stage, nothing hurts. And I don't just mean that like emotionally or mentally, but like even physically, even I'm a big dude. And so, you know, I'm on my feet for two, sometimes three hours on that stage and, you know, everything's fine. I mean, I swear I could drop to the ground and do 100 pushups if I had to because I got those eyeballs on me. But the second I come off stage, everything just, oh, my body goes, all right, enough of that. Back to normal. And it's like, oh, the cape gets ripped off, you know, everyone can see who I am again.

It's like, wow. You're describing. Well, and, yeah, and what you're describing is what a lot of people experience when they're high, right? Or when they're drunk, right? you feel like this is the best of me. You're getting the best of me. And I think for us as performers, that it is a drug. I mean, it's like you get it in your veins and you can do anything.

And especially the kind of work that you do, I mean, you can hold an audience to have people waiting for what's he going to say next, right? Is it going to make us laugh? Is it going to make us cry? Like you can turn tens of thousands of people inside out, right? like one word, right? And that's a tremendous sense of power. But for me, like, I mean, I don't know. I'm not putting my syndrome on you. I have tremendous imposter syndrome. Why me? What did I do? Like, for me, it's a very, you know, my decompression is very, it can feel dark, you know. And I'll be honest, what I usually want to do, like after taping, I want to eat something really trashy. And as a person who,

I don't know if you know this. You know, I do have compulsive overeater. You know, I have compulsive overeater tendencies. And it's like there's something about when I get in that car and it's just me after a taping. Like I want, I want, I do. I want sugar. I want fat. Like I want to feel, it's like a weird reward thing that I do.

And again, everybody's got their own thing. And I also figure like, well, it's better than doing heroin or, you know, but there's something about that. that coming down that like for me like I need to consume something that feels like look it's comfortable it's good it's all those carbohydrates is so yummy you know anyway I don't know if that resonates with you it is it's oh absolutely the difference between us is that when I was doing the TV show I was killing crafty during the tipping oh I've done that too I've done that too I was there all day rehearsal we we had a good good setup well because of COVID they like

They lock everything up. And at first I was like, oh, no crafty. And then I was like, this might be the greatest thing to happen to my eating habit is that crafty is sealed up during COVID. Yeah, I got a chance to do a pilot and they sent us outside to go get craft services. And so it's like they had to go outside, wait in line, six feet apart. Know what you want when you get to the front. Look at the sign.

Just point. And then, you know, someone would put a plastic bag with the food on the counter and then you'd grab it. And they're like, not at the same time. I'm like, dude, serious? No. Like, you can't get here. You got to take it over there. I was going to say that that activates all of the things I don't like about people regulating my eating.

I don't want everybody to see what's happening. I don't want to have to decide before. I want to look at everything and have one of everything that looks good. I want to eat in my shame so no one can see me. They're taking away all my fun. Oh, yeah. And not me. I would literally pull up a chair and just chill right there.

I'll just grab one more of those. But yeah, COVID kill that. You know, I know that when I get off stage, I do, you know, I want my soda or I do want to drink. I never really got into drugs. That was never much of a thing. I mean, I felt like the stage was more than enough, but, you know, occasional drink here and there. People have seen my show. Sometimes they drink on stage.

That's always fun. I can't always do that. But every now and then I'll cut loose. You have talked a bit about, I mean, obviously you talk about drinking. There's an amazing pot story you tell also in one of your specials. So there's definitely kind of good stuff in there. And you do talk about sort of the ways that we can sometimes use, in alcohol in particular, because it's so socially acceptable.

And we can sometimes use that as like a way to come down. And it can sort of feel not in control at times. And I think, you know, for a lot of people, that's food, for a lot of people, it's alcohol, for, you know, a lot of people during COVID. It's edibles. That seems to have, like, exploded as a business. What are the other things that you sort of do in general? Like how do you regulate your emotions as a very kind of like famous public person?

You're also very recognizable both your dogs. Tell us. My dogs definitely are very, very helpful in my mental health and just me feeling comfortable. And, you know, because at the end of the day, they don't care what I did on stage. They just care that I got them now. I'm holding them. I'm feeding them. We're going for a drive, you know, walk around here.

they're the closest thing to normal I have in my life. And so, you know, the expectation isn't the same expectation everyone else has of me. So I focused a lot of attention on them for that. And they do help, you know, because they're just like, you know, hey, just pick me up. Like, I can't even go to the bathroom without this one. Like, she is when I'm sitting, there's a little TMI here, but when I'm sitting down, this is the same position. I mean, I'm just like, great. We're happy's going to be interesting.

It's also regulating because it's like you have to be. present when you have an animal resting physically on you, and it's also bringing attention back to your body, which is helping stay present. But you see how there's no effort to get off of me that she's just like, yeah, this is comfortable. This is chill. And it's very, it's peaceful. And so, yeah, I spend a lot of time with my dogs and, you know, they don't care what type of day I'm having. They just care that I'm there. And so it does kind of reset me a little bit. And it helps out a lot. And so a lot of times when they say, oh, people have animals and they call them therapy animals and stuff. I get it.

Even if they're not certified, they still do something where it helps. You know, you have pets. It's a little extra responsibility. You got to think about something other than yourself. You have therapy cats. There are many times where she FaceTimes me and there's a cat literally like laying across her face. Yeah. Well, I had, I mean, I had a hairless cat for 12 years and those cats are very much like in the position that your baby's in.

That's just kind of like where he's. lived. He was cold all the time and it was like, you know, it's like a perpetual, you know, toddler. But also I do want to ask, you were in a long-term relationship and you would talk about it on stage. I mean, that's one of the things is that people got to know things about your personal life and, you know, about your son. And it's obviously super complicated anytime you're a person who blurs the lines between public and private because so much of your comedy is real. And that's what, you know, works so well for people. You are not partnered anymore.

Is that something you crave or do you feel happy? Like, I mean, that's like a stupid and weird question, but. No, not at all. Not at all. Because, you know, anytime you're in a relationship and you're in love and you, you share moments and just, you know, you have that closeness, not just, you know, being connected to someone, but like physical hug, you know, hey, I missed you.

It's, um, you know, I was in a relationship for almost 14 years and, unfortunately because of the amount of time spent away and then, you know, when you get your priorities mixed up, because it does happen, unfortunately. And I'm, you know, I played the game of a million times on my head. Oh, whata shoulda could. You know, at the end of the day, though, I mean, I was grateful for the time that we did spend together. And the awesome part is that we're still friends. And so it's not like it's a total cutoff, but it's just the, it's, it's a redefinition. but, you know, do I crave having, you know, a partner or someone? Yeah, absolutely.

Having that closeness, it's something I do miss. But at the same time, I like the fact that I can set the room to 68 degrees and no one complains. I like the whole I can get in the car at any time I want, just roll. Right. As long as I take her, she's like, okay, we're going. But, you know, it's one of those things. I still have a great relationship with my son. He was technically my stepson, but I've said it before.

You know, he's mine. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me. He's my kid. He's mine. And so I still have that. So, you know, I'm very fortunate. Do you think it's possible also for people with your schedule? I mean, mine is not like yours. You know, touring is a whole other thing.

Do you think it's possible for there to be room, like, for partnership? I mean, obviously there are many comedians who have partnered, not partnered. You think of musicians, but you do. You have this life that is very much, like, on the road. Is there sort of any reflection you have about sort of, gosh, I have a life that in many ways doesn't feel compatible, you know, with like a standard relationship. It would definitely not be a standard relationship, but I think that both people need to be

at a certain level of maturity to understand what's going to be best, you know. I think that being honest up front, whereas I felt like I needed to be fake at times with certain things. There were things that I didn't feel comfortable with, things that I didn't want to do, but it's like, oh, all right, suck it up kind of a thing. And I think that the best time for me was when I was very honest. And I'm like, whatever happens happens, but at least I'm being honest about it. And I think moving forward that, you know, again, having a certain level of maturity

and knowing what the expectations are and, hey, can we just be honest with each other? Look, this is what I do. This is what I'm good at. It's my passion. Been doing it a long time. It's my priority right now unless things happen or things change. But you have to understand going into it. And I think as long as there's a real conversation and both people go, okay, that sounds doable.

Let's try it. Then you can at least, you know, let's see what happens. And if it doesn't work out and then it doesn't work out. But I think that it requires a really good conversation up front. And then what's to say that, you know, hey, go on a road with me, you know, let's just let's go. Okay. You're talking to me? I go with you.

What I mean? Let's roll. Have you, you mentioned therapy kind of in passing. Have you ever been in therapy? What's that like? What is that like? What are you like in therapy? I need to know.

Well, first of all, I was very much against it because towards the end of my relationship, we were kind of like talking about, hey, well, let's do couples therapy. And I was very much against it. I'm like, I don't need no one else knowing my business. I don't need to be freaking blah, blah, blah, blah. Have somebody judging me in the room and this and this and that. And so I was very anti. And I did give it a shot.

because I was trying to save it, but it was, you know, a little too late. But after everything was said and done, I started seeing a therapist on my own. And it felt good to be able to open up and not feel judged, you know, just having someone listen and have me question myself, which is something I never really did. I wasn't used to that. I wasn't used to asking myself questions. Well, like, well, okay, well, what do I think about that? You know, and I feel that it allowed me to become a better listener and a better communicative.

and, you know, figure out exactly what it is that I want and what I need and what's, what, you know, what's going to be helpful and what's going to be hurtful. And I think a lot of times we talk and we don't listen and we just kind of go, go, go, and we just wait for our turn. You know what I mean? And so learning patience, which is something that, you know, in a relationship, I think it's, you need, there needs to be a lot of patience. You need to be able to understand it.

The other person is not just like you. So they have their own way of doing things. And, you know, you got to be comfortable with that. I saw this therapist for a little over two years. Wow. And in those two years that I saw the therapist, I also never touched alcohol during that time because I felt like I needed to be grown up

and deal with my issues sober and not mask anything and not try to just, you know, it's going to hurt, but I'm going to go through this and I'm going to make the best of it. And once I stopped seeing the therapist, she called me, she's like, hey, what happened? I'm like, I'll let you know. I feel good right now. And, but I think that it helped a lot.

And I think it's helped with not just in personal, like romantic relationships, but in personal relationships with other friends and just trying to ask them and get to know them better. People that I've known for a long time, I realized, wow, I don't know you as well as I could know you because I haven't been asking the right questions or been open to a different type of conversation. I think therapy is very helpful if you see the right therapist. You know, if you're talking to someone that makes you feel like,

okay, they're challenging you, but at the same time, they're making you feel like, okay, this, this is, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. It's, this is, this is feeling different. And different is good. Different helps you grow. Different helps you, you know, get to a different, you know, but at a different place. But if you're always comfortable, then you're, you know, what are you doing? Well, also, you have to, you have to want to show up also, because a good therapist can hammer away at your issues, whatever it is, whether you want to talk about your childhood, you don't want to talk about your childhood, you want to talk about ways to communicate better. If you are not willing to like be open and vulnerable and say like, I'm not perfect, like what can be worked on, it doesn't matter how good the therapist is. So you also were ready to kind of step up.

Also, you know, eliminating alcohol, if especially you're used to it, even if it's not a, you know, capital problem, that's also huge. Because like what I've noticed, if I stopped drinking, like, I'm not fun in the evenings. I'm grumpy. You know, you talked a little bit about the relationship about needing to sort of have almost honest transparency, like a level of like, you know, I think a lot of people, we try and anticipate what will be the best thing to say to create connection or to not have a bad response. And so in order to avoid that, we need to have radical transparency, honesty, just open a. up and be like, the chips may fall against where I want them to be, but at least they'll fall in a way that is real. And then you said going into therapy, you know, you have to ask yourself, what do you want? You'd be amazed how many people don't know what they want in life.

That's right. And a lot of times people, I think, are pre-programmed based on everyone else's ideas or visions or whatever they see on TV or what they read on their phone, you know, to ask someone genuinely, like, what is it you want? What would make you happy? What is it, you know, what do you want to do with your life? Asking what you actually want and being able to push yourself to question that, to move beyond whatever the stock answer is into something that's real. And then to listen in a way that is actually listening without thinking about what we're about to say next.

Yeah, hearing the person and just taking in what they're saying, you know, take a moment to pause and process that. And then go, okay, well, this is okay, this is how I feel about. that. You know, like for me, I definitely, when you asked, I would love to have a connection with someone. I would like to not just be a physical thing. I want to be able to laugh and have fun and hang out and just be myself and not have to worry about, oh, man, am I, are they okay with me? Are they looking at me? I mean, you know, I want to just feel comfortable and relaxed and just, you know, God, I work so much. I want to be able to enjoy some of this. Who am I going to leave this money to?

I want to take some trips. I want to go out. I don't have fun. I have a couple of drinks. You know, let's play with the dogs. Let's take a drive. You know what I mean? So it's like,

if someone's up for that, cool. But they got to understand what's going on in this world and they got to be supportive of it. And again, you know, you want to make sure that you're doing whatever it is that they would like to, you know, do and hear the mountain.

But you got to know, at the end of the day, there's going to be good days, bad days, but it's how you handle those bad days. That's right. You know, I'd like to get to a point where, yeah, let's just talk smack to each other. It's just have fun. Make it funny.

If you make it funny, you can tell me anything you want. You know, just, you know, know, know, know that at the end of it, we're going to work it out. And I think that should also be a goal. Agree to work things out if there's an issue, not just stay quiet or, you know what I mean, ignore it and hope it goes away or start acting differently in spite of. Because I think that's a lot of times what happens is people don't want to deal.

They don't want to deal. They don't want to handle that situation. And they both get quiet or they get resentful or they get loud or they say something stupid or they do something stupid and that should not be the case. If both people are willing to go for it, you know, talk it out. My last point here is that we collectively as a society, most of us lack the ability or the know-how to sort of not get evil when we're trying to work things out, right? We feel an emotion and we're trying to like express it or communicate it.

It's a skill. It's a skill to be able to use humor and figure things out together and be in it together and be able to, yeah, come to, like, lay it out on the table in a way that's constructive with each other. You know, sometimes when you make a good point in a relationship, I think that the person is constantly apologizing. I mean, at a certain point, you got to just say, just stop apologizing. What are you going to do different? How are you going to action? You know, don't say I'm sorry.

How are you going to change it or do something to make this better? because I remember one time I was in a relationship where it was all about I'm sorry and I'm like I don't want to be right I want to be happy and I want to figure out what we can do but it's got to come from both people saying something real to someone actually has the benefit of potentially changing

their behavior in a good way meaning that they could have a realization that they may not have learned before I've learned so much from being called out in a good way that like had I not had that had not had someone loving and caring enough to be like, not just I'm so annoyed at you, but actually, do you know this about yourself?

That's some of the most powerful aspects of being in relationship. You and Jonathan just did couples therapy. So there you go. We're ready to go on to the next level. We graduated. Can you tell us about your mom a little bit? Because I have a feeling that she was an exceptionally special woman. And obviously, you've told a lot of stories about her.

But can you tell us a little bit about, like, who she was and sort of what made her run? Wow. Well, my mom, she was a, you know, and it's going to sound cliche, but, you know, single parent, oh, she was a strong woman. I mean, she definitely was, but she was very loving. My mom was, you know, I was very fortunate that, you know, yeah, I was the last kid and everything, but I didn't feel like there was anything ever lacking. Even though I didn't grow up with a dad, my mom made sure that I knew every day that she loved me. She would always tell me, she would love me. She'd always make sure that I had what I needed. Not what I wanted, but what I needed. And she made it clear that, you know, she's, she's there for me, but don't test her.

Don't test her. You know, she says what she says and she does what she does. And at the end of the day, it's for the greater good. And if you have something to say about it, you might be talking to a belt. I was lucky that I was a quick listener and a quick learner because I only saw that belt once in my life. So I was very lucky there. You know, my mom would have done anything to have given me an opportunity to succeed in life and she would have given her life to protect me. And, you know, so I mean, there's what else can you say about, you know, I mean, like for me, she was, she was everything. She was everything to me. And she, you know, she, uh, she didn't care that I was a comic. She just wanted to make sure that I was doing something that I wanted to do that,

that made me happy. And she goes, if you are happy, I'm happy. Are you getting paid? Yeah. Okay, well, I'm happy to that. Because, you know, she knew. She knew. that I had an opportunity to become a school teacher, and she was very disappointed that I didn't take that route because they offered me a full scholarship, and I chose to become a comic. And comedy, you know, show business doesn't hit right away sometimes. I mean, sometimes it does, but, you know, quick flash on the fan, but I struggled. I struggled. And my mom co-signed for a lot of cars, and she loaned me a lot of money that I, you know, didn't pay back until many years later. But, yeah, she, you know, she was everything. And she had her own way of

doing things. It's not, you know, I don't think, I don't think by today's standards, she should be doing good, but back in the day, like, I tell this story about how my mom confronted my bully, you know, bullying is one of those things where bullies, you know, they're not going to go away because there's no legal way of handling them. And I tell the story about how back in 1987, I was getting beat up every day. And, you know, they always tell you the same rules. Tell the teacher, tell the principal, tell your counselor, and nothing happened. I continued to get beat up. And so I went home and I told my mom and my mom was like, oh, really? Tomorrow I'm going to take you to school. And I thought I was just, you know, I had no idea. I was a kid. I thought I was just going to,

you know, not have to walk to the bus stop. So she takes me to school. And, you know, fast forward, she winds up walking into the classroom and she comes over to my desk. And, you know, remember, this is back in 87. So there was no like fences around schools. And it was no big deal for a parent to walk into the classroom to deliver lunch or money for food or a message because it was not We're smack in the head. Yeah. So she walks in it, she looks at me, she goes, which one is he? I'm going to be talking about.

You know, the one who hit you. And I'm like, oh, and it was literally the kid sitting next to me. No. And so she gets in front of the bully, and she tells them, listen, if you ever put your hands on my son again, I will follow you home and kill your family. And then in the same breath, she looked at me and she said, I love you, my God. And then I was never bullied again. And I'm not saying that that's the way to handle things now, but. But that, you know, that's how my mom was.

What did your mom do for a living? She hustled. My mom, she did whatever she needed to do. She made that clear because I asked a lot of questions. She didn't have a regular nine to five. She did work before I came along. You know, she was a seamstress. I know that she had a job.

She was, my mom used to pick tomatoes way back in the day. Like I said, she was a seamstress. And then she, you know, she hustled. She did whatever she had to do to make ends meet. my mom was always there. You know, there was never a time where I felt like I was alone. You know, I felt like she was always there. There was very few times where I felt like, oh, shoot, what am I going to do?

Because a couple times she did give me the key. Here you go, just lock the door, you know, but, you know, Lachki kid. But as far as an actual job job, I don't think I'll ever know. At the, towards the end, she was a professional bingo player. I know that much. And what about your siblings? Obviously, I'm not asking you to tell me details, but I'm curious.

Are there other artists among you? Are you the lone artist? One brother, four sisters, and actually now six sisters, because I have two sisters on my father's side. Wow. So now I went from being the youngest to now I'm the oldest of three on that side. But as far as creative, I'm the only one that decided to try show business out.

everyone is very successful in what they decided to do. But I'm the only one that went this route. On my dad's side, like I said, everybody's a singer. Right. And one more question before we talk about work stuff. Tell us about your cars. Jonathan and I are both car people of different varieties. We had a VW fastback when I was a kid in the 70s, and my parents had a bug before I was born.

I always wanted one of the hippie VW vans, but I see this gorgeous photo behind you is some of your, other babies. Tell us about sort of your love of cars and when that started and sort of what that collection is like. So I'm a big collector of Volkswagen buses. I do have a couple of bugs and I'm going to have a Carmen Gia, but the majority of the collection is Volkswagen buses. My first car was a 1968 Volkswagen transporter and it looks very different than what you see back here. These are very pretty. My first car was like nine shades of Bondo. It was jacked. And so

A few years ago, as a gift to my, my girlfriend, I bought her first car. You know, she used to have a transam. And I was talking to Jay Leno and he's got his car guys. And told him, I said, hey, man, I want to see about maybe getting my girlfriend a car because you guys help me. And they're like, well, what kind? And I told him the year and the model and they, in two days, they had the car. And I'm like, oh, wow. I said, you know, I'd like to see about maybe getting, you know, my first car.

And not literally the actual first car, but, you know, something that looked like it. And within a couple days, they had my first. Volkswagen bus and they said, if you ever want another one, let us know. And I said, well, if you come across one, you let me know. And then they kept calling me. And yeah, I just this, I grew a collection in a matter of like three years. I started, I had something where I needed space for it. So now I have probably 30 Volkswagen's and I also have muscle cars. So I just recently started bringing a, what do you have? I have two 1969 Chevels. I have a 91 Camero, a 91 5.0, just, you know, Because it was that time, you know, in Class of 94.

Totally. During that time, the cool car was the 5.0, the Maro, I Rock, and then a, the Suzuki Samurai. I don't know why. I don't want that car, but at the time, that was the cool car that I have. That's true. We had a Zuzo amigos in my family because those were also, like, so, you know. So I have cars that are really, really fast, and I have cars that are really, really slow,

but they're pretty. Do you drive them? Yes. You do. Yeah. There are some that are freeway that you can take on the freeway, and there's some that you've got strictly stay to the street because some of them are only like 25 horsepower if that. Wow.

And do you have one beloved favorite? The car that I enjoy driving the most is actually a car that's kind of like right in the middle where it's older, but it's not like a muscle car, but it's a cool car. It's a 1982 Mercedes-Benz 300 turbo diesel. Yep. It is, I call it the Rocky 4 car because it's that car that chased Rocky Babol when he's running away from the Russians. and they're like, Mr. Balboa, we are your chaperon.

And so when he starts that montage where he's running up into the mountains to train and the Mercedes is chasing him and it can't keep up, that's the car that I got. That's awesome. They say that that Mercedes, that 82 turbo diesel, they say that that is the best Mercedes ever built and that it'll last forever. Like they actually give you badges to put on your car when you reach, you know, milestones. Yeah. So like you get your first badge at 155,000 miles.

Your second badge, I think it's what, 310, 320, something like that. And then there's like half a million. And then if you get a million, they give you a badge. That's crazy. So the car will hit a million, no problem. How many miles on it now? Right now there's about 190,000 miles. Holy moly.

So I'm going to get my first badge. We have some driving to do. That's amazing. So we are very excited to announce that you have a new special. And Jonathan and I are extremely excited. and what can you tell us about it? Well, Netflix is basically airing the Dodgers Stadium concert that I did. That is going to be the next new special.

The special is called Stadium Fluffy. We're trying to come up like with a cool name for. What do we do live from Dodgers Stadium? But then I think we've got to pay the Dodgers for that. So, you know, it's me. It's in a stadium. Figure it make it easy for people to search. So Stadium Fluffy.

And it comes out October 18 on Netflix. Incredible. Because they're weird like that. It premieres at midnight. So if you want to stay up late on the 18th or the 17th to the 18th. Is there anything else we can tell people about you, where to find you, good things? So I am the easiest person to find on the internet. All you need to do is Google the word fluffy.

I am the number one, and I challenge you to search. I am the number one thing that pops up. I own the word fluffy. So I come up before quilts, comforters, cotton candy. Fabric softener, I am the number one thing in the world. And if you Google or Yahoo search, whatever you want to do, try it, just Google Fluffy. My face will pop up first and you can find all my social media right there.

Amazing. Gabriel, this is really such a pleasure, such an honor to speak to you. And we really appreciate you having a little therapy session with us and showing us your babies and letting people see, you know, and hear a different side of you. I'm going to ask you for a favor. if possible. Yes.

Could I have an autographed picture? For you? Yes, I'm a legit fan. Oh, my God. If you have a collection in here, I like to, you know, put stuff on the walls. And I'd like to put you on my wall. I would love that. Yes, I will get that over to your people.

Nice. Thank you. It's really, really wonderful. And I'll be happy to send that over. And it's really just so cool to get to speak to you. We're so honored. This was super cool. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I always like when guests are fans of yours. And you don't know that they're fans of yours? I think he was a fan of Big Bang Theory. Which you were on. Okay. I mean, that's really exciting. Also, he's a super collector, which I think is really interesting. The cars, the photos, the things.

I want that dog. You think he'll give me that dog if I ask? Okay, I think we should describe the dog for people who didn't see it. All right. Here we go. Picture a possum. Shave it. Make one eye blind, which means it looks blue. And its tongue is hanging out the side of its mouth.

Its tongue hangs out the left side. And we're not just talking to a little tongue. Like there's no teeth there. So the entire tongue muscle is dangle dangling. Like the tip of the tongue hits the dog's jaw. It's a very strange little dog. That's the kind of dog I think you could have. Oh, I want that dog so badly.

If it was a hairless dog, I'd like it even more. I mean, sometimes you just saw a little scraggle paw just sticking up. Just he should, I guess he can't perform with the dog. He could wear it in a sling though. I'm so about that. That dog could fit in his pocket. I feel like he carries a very heavy burden being that person for so many people. You know?

It's a lot. I wouldn't say more. Well, I just, I think that he has a tremendous responsibility. The kind of comedy that he does, like, it is so, you know, you're so in his, you know, you're in his brain. You're in his heart. Like, you're hearing so many personal things. And I just, it's like a different kind of energy that I feel like it's more like a rock concert.

I thought that was very interesting. And then when he mentioned that his father was a mariachi. And then, you know, that there is, there's a real song quality, you know, to his, like, people. There's a lyricism to the way he tells the story. And so that's what it seems like. It's like if ever I've gone backstage to, like, meet a band or something, yeah, I feel like after it's like this very sacred time. My favorite story is the time that I tried to meet Elvis Costello and he didn't come out of his dressing room. And I was like, that's totally fine.

Because he just, like, poured his heart out on that stage. Like, he didn't need me. I did want to mention that he was talking about honesty and we had a very interesting conversation yesterday. Remember when I was honest with you yesterday? When you told me you wished I was another person? We were having a conversation. It was a very honest conversation. It was exactly what Fluffy was telling us to do.

We were being very honest and Jonathan said, what exactly do you want from me? And I knew exactly what I wanted. And then I was like, I shouldn't say that. And then I said, you know what? I'm going to say this out loud. I would like you to be someone else. Someone, you're not. I listed all the things.

I want you to do this. I want you to do that. All the while knowing I don't get to do that. Like, that's not. And then you were like, how can you want to hang out with me and do things with me if you wish I was someone else? It's so confusing. The best part of this for me.

Let's let that sink in for a second. is watching Scott's face as you're saying this. Val, we have two people in the studio with us right now. Scott's jaw literally dropped and Valerie was holding her hand over her face so that her expression wasn't visible. Look, every now and again.

She's crying. It's so intense. But I wasn't yelling. It wasn't like, I was very honest. I was like, here it is, dude. And I said, that's good that you're expressing. That was my reaction. That was a very positive reaction.

What I was acknowledging in that moment is there are things about you that I don't like. To me, as I said it, I realized what I was saying. I was saying that my criticisms of you, my judgment of you, my not being nice to you really does fall under this giant umbrella of I'm wanting you to be someone that you're not. So I didn't mean it. I want to clarify. Let's clarify. I wasn't saying I don't like things about you or I don't like how you do things. But for sure, I am a person for whom I do have strong preferences.

And I was saying, like, I want you to be the kind of person who looks at your calendar a week in advance and decides kind of pretty much what's going to be happening how it relates to other humans. We had an amazing moment this weekend where we were hanging out with Mike. My ex-husband. And what did he say he had? He, like, talked about a concert that he had tickets for in April. And so I looked at my aim and I didn't comment about the fact that what plan he was going to see or anything like that. I was just like, oh, plans in April. That's pretty amazing, isn't it?

And I was like, that's reasonable. You find out that a band you like is coming to town. It's going to be in April. You buy tickets. And Jonathan was like, I don't know what I'm doing in five minutes. Anything could happen. And it is with total honesty that I realized that's probably how you're going to be. Unless you say to me, Ma'am, you're in charge of plans, like, here are the places I'd like to eat or when do you want to eat.

That's not going to happen. So for me, to constantly be on you or anyone about like these are the things you're doing that I don't like, yeah, you get to do that in a work situation. But on a human interpersonal level, it is not appropriate for me. to require that you be someone you're not. And it really, I mean, in any relationship, what it comes down to is how much of your own discomfort do you want to tolerate when someone else, you know, rubs you the wrong way

or does things that you don't want? When we had that conversation and you said that, I was like, great, like, that was real. And what Gabriel was... I was honest. What Gabriel was saying is the need, and he didn't use the word radical honesty or radical transparency,

but like there's a level of like just throw it all out there. What's happening right now in the... Is that where radical honesty is? I don't know that I understand that term. I mean, I could be totally botching it. Just like what if you pretend that the other person? Like, you don't care what anybody's going to think. Like, this is actually what's going on right now.

This is actually what's going on. And instead of trying to make harmony and I'm delivered in the most polished way and all that stuff, you're just going to lay it out on the table. And if things fall apart, so be it. But like if truth and it can't be. you know, I hate you. That's not necessarily, well, maybe in that moment is true. But if we don't hold that whatever I'm about to say is going to destroy everything.

And even if it does, then that's okay. Then at least we're going to just have honesty. Well, usually my fear is if I actually say what I think, people will leave. Is that a thing? Right? Like if I actually, like if I stay in need, people will be like, I can't meet that need. Sorry. Peace out.

Or it's like, cool, you've stated a need, may not be able to meet that need, and that's okay. Yeah, I don't know what that means. I don't have that's okay in my vernacular. Well, we had an intense conversation this weekend, and at the end of it, you said, you felt totally unsettled because you like, you know, if it's okay to share, you're like from. But that I said, I can't stand up anymore. I need to lay down. And then I fell asleep for a half hour and I woke up feeling much better. It's an emotional reset. But you shared very vulnerably that, you know, growing up in your house,

anytime there was intense emotion shared. Of a negative variety. Of a negative variety. It didn't get resolved in a way that I felt I could be an adult and have conversations. Well, this is why I'm, and you're laughing and, you know, you're laughing almost to cover up how painful that is. Like that's... I mean, yeah, I mean, I'm laughing because also, like, that's just the conclusion that a child makes, right?

Like, oh, when people use these words or these voices, like, nothing good happens. And I don't... Chaos will ensue. Right. And then I... But also, I was thinking, like, I was with someone for 15 years. Like, I was a married person. You know, like, I had a whole life.

And I was like, how was I talking all that time? Like, what was I even saying? Well, and this ties back to what I think Gabriel was saying is the need for people to have tools to have very difficult conversations. There's no... I mean, I read of a couple that had been together for 55 years and they never argued once

and your response to that was... They were drunk the whole time. Your response was like, because someone did whatever the other person said and didn't have any needs. With those couples who've been married since like 1913, they're like never had a fight. It's like, because she did all the chores.

He went to work. They came home, had sex when he wanted, and she suffered and they scolded love. In the modern... Sorry. In a modern relationship, it's impossible to not have difficult conversations. People, it's not about not fighting. Therapists have said this, that it's not about not fighting.

It's about what are the tools you have to fight that you don't start attacking the person's core character. Very few. I especially want to highlight how someone of Gabriel's, you know, stature as a comedian, as a person who shares so much of his life in an honest way on stage. I loved hearing that he still needed that reminder as an adult, you know, like this was a handful of years ago. You know, this was around 40, you know, if I'm doing the math right. I do. I think that is why people love him. And I would like to believe that's why people can love us, you know, just not specifically us.

You mean the podcast? No. I would like to think that that kind of honesty allows people to be closer to us, not us, the podcast, as humans. You don't just need to have a stage to have people say like, wow, you touched me. Like that is, I relate to that. Like those are just interactions that, as Gabriel said, like, you want to have those interactions with your friends, like with people that you know. And I thought that was really interesting that he said, people that he's known a long time, he started asking questions in a different way and listening differently, you know. And I really relate to that, you know, as a performer person because in so many areas of our life, we don't have.

have to do that kind of listening. And I just, he's very, very relatable in so many ways. There's someone in our life who's part of our podcast world who we use as a sounding board. And they've been giving us a little bit of advice on communication, right? For our, for our business. Like when we bump up against things like, why won't he do it my way? We call him and he helps us figure it out.

And one of the things he's been helping us with is why don't I do it your way? And what is the advantage of potentially seeing that you have your very, unique way of doing things and I have mine and those two things coexisting because both of us were trying to be like, why can't she be more like me? And you were like, why can he be more like you, me, however that works. And the biggest thing that he was teaching both of us was instead of trying to turn the other person into us, we should be more curious about the other person's strengths and abilities. And you were saying how, you know, curiosity at the The core of each of this is he keeps saying, aren't you curious about a reaction?

And it is so easy when someone has a big emotion or says something that feels inflammatory to defend. Both of us have been very guilty of being defensive, which only perpetuates the other person to have a sharper reaction or up the game a little bit. And when you insert curiosity, which is a skill, like does not necessarily come naturally. I had never even thought of it until my therapist started saying it to me a couple years ago. So someone has a big reaction or says something again that feels inflammatory. It may not actually be. It just might feel that way to the person receiving it. It's like, hmm, that's a sign.

And instead of going head to head, you're supposed to say like, wow, he's reacting in a very specific way. Maybe that you didn't even intend. Exactly. So something got triggered in that person. Let's take a step back and see where it started. about it because there's so much information in that reaction. And what we're programmed to do, I can say I have been programmed and I have had to unprogram myself or reprogram myself is to someone has a big reaction.

Well, I'm going to combat that. I'm going to tell them why they're wrong for having that reaction, which has gotten us absolutely nowhere. And instead, huh, like even sounding the sound difference in that between you're wrong and here's all the ways you're wrong versus... Well, it's really when anyone uses a you statement. You're blah, blah, blah, you're blah, blah, blah. And I've started saying,

maybe you should be curious why I'm that way. Be curious. And it goes even further than that because I can use an eye statement to be like, I feel annoyed. And you could say, there's no reason to be annoyed versus, oh, I'm really curious why you're annoyed or what's going on.

And a lot of times what I've learned, and this does tie into kind of the vulnerability that Gabriel talked about, which is also like really hard, you know, for, especially for comedians, I think, to access that way. A lot of times it's when we get hurt. It's when like a very old wound gets poked that we go into a defensive mode. And so what it's been a real gift to be able to say, something got hurt in you. Like, whose voice are you hearing when I say this? And there was something I said to you. We were kind of doing this exercise. were on a walk and I was like, and it was something that you felt I was accusing you of something.

And I really, it was like the furthest thing from my mind. And I said, who thought that about you? And the words came out of your mouth. You said everyone. And I was like, whoa, we just hit something that is much more important than the thing that I want you to do the way I want you to do it. And had you tried to convince me that what you were saying wasn't how I was interpreting it, interpreting it, we would have gotten nowhere. Correct. And instead, like, it opened something up and I you know I mean to breathe we have a fun game that we call what the other person hears but the reason that game is funny is because we are all in some version of interpreting what is coming at us and is not necessarily what the person is intended I highly recommend you read a book

called difficult conversations this is a really a really fun conversation I'm so glad also that we could speak to someone who we both so enjoy his comedy and who our kids also really enjoy, and who had so much, you know, really depth to offer us. I'm so excited to watch his special. It's waiting in my Netflix queue. I think that's it. Please follow us.

Check out the Netflix special that Gabriel LaGlaecius just put out. Follow us at Bialik Breakdown. Have some difficult conversations and let us know how they go. Anything else, Jonathan? Be curious. Be curious. From our conversation, from our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. I'll see you next time.

It's Y and Bialyx breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break down.