Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - John Stamos: I Didn’t Care if I Died

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

John Stamos (actor, producer, author of If You Would Have Told Me) breaks down all things Full House, from his extremely close relationship with the late, great Bob Saget, to his struggle to come to terms with his iconic role as “Uncle Jesse.” He opens up about his very public D.U.I. incident and why he finally decided to seek help for his addictions, his issues with not feeling smart enough, his thoughts on his teen idol status, and how he moved through his resentment toward his ex-wife, Rebecca Romijn. John discusses how his parents kept him grounded and motivated, ways he has found his ego has stood in his way, beginning his therapy journey after his dad died, what he loves most about being a father, and his meditation practice. Mayim and John reflect on parenting styles and he details his musical career and performances with the Beach Boys.  John Stamos' new memoir, If You Would Have Told Me: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250890979/if-you-would-have-told-me BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My parents were probably functioning alcoholics. It's a disease and it's hereditary, I think. I feel like I had it. And so I would poke at it for years. I'm like, I'm fine. Poking, poke and poke. And then one day goes, and you're like, oh, shit, I need a drink.

So I could stop on a dime. That was my defense, really. Oh, I could stop. And I would. I'd stop. I would, you know, do whatever project, a pilot, a TV show, whatever. And then I would reward myself with,

okay, I went to do it. And it just, got harder and harder to stop and start again and mostly alcohol. Then later you use ecstasy and this kind of stuff. There was this drug called GHB, which was is lethal. And that's what that's what I had when I got DUI. I was so out of it they didn't take a mug shot. Thank God. I could have died. I could have killed people. And you know what I did? I went home and I sat in my office I drank another bottle wine. It was bottom, but I didn't get it.

The kids, especially Joey Sweeten, are getting these gigantic laughs, and I'm like getting none. You can't even hear my dialogue. People are laughing at them. And I slowly, like, if you're reading, we just suck, and you're like, I'm like sliding the table. And I ran, we were at the Century Plaza Hotel, and I never forget. And I ran out to the lobby, and I had a court.

I jammed the quarter and the thing. And I called my age, like, get me to F off this show. It's a kiddie show, you know. And I'm here to say, I was wrong about that one. What we lacked in sophistication, we had just a ton of sweetness. And the brain moved to the side and it left room to just feel something wholesome and good and like a good home cooked meal, I think.

There was just, there was no central character on that show was what I realized. The central character was love. And I think people watching, it made them, it brought out the best in Manhattan, too. We were everybody's family. We weren't the traditional, what people thought was a, the, You know, dad and mom, 2.5 kids. There were three guys living in San Francisco, but we didn't raise an eyebrow over that.

And so every year that divorce has become more prevalent in same-sex marriage and different families and different sizes and colors in shape. I think people related to it more that way, too. And if you didn't like it, we didn't make it for you. It's Miami-Bi-Ollick's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. Because, you know, she knows a thing or two.

And now she's going to break down. Hi, I'm I. I'm Biolic and welcome to my breakdown. This is a place where we break things down, so you don't have to. Flying solo today, talking to John Stamos, people. We've been trying to get him on for a long time. I'm an Uber fan. I got to meet him once when I was like 12 years old. I don't even know if he's going to remember it, but Emmy nominated actor and producer. He is a multifaceted performer, not just on television, not just full house, but also physical. film and theater. Also, he's been playing with the Beach Boys for 30 years as a drummer. What? He has written this book. It's a memoir. John Stamos, if you would have told me. And the pictures are fantastic. I'm big on pictures and books because I'm essentially a four-year-old. But two sets of unbelievable pictures with like, I mean, the celebrities he's met with Paula Abdul, with the Beach boys, like all the full house stuff with Bob Sagitt. And he's going to talk about all of it. He was very close with Bob, very close with his parents.

He talks about his first marriage, what it's like being a dad now at 60. An incredible head of hair if you're watching this podcast, like you're going to have your mind blown by what this man's hair looks like. It's unbelievable. It's a pleasure to welcome John Stamos to the Breakdown. Break it down. Thank you so much. I'm so flattered that you guys asked me to be on here because I'm not as smart as anyone

that you've ever had on you. I would beg to differ. And I will say that I discovered a side of John Stamos as a very emotionally intelligent human being in this beautiful book, your memoir, John Stamos, if you would have told me. You would have told me. Well, that coming from you, that means a lot

because you're sure, you know, I've always had an issue with, like, not feeling that I was smart enough. And maybe a relationship or two might have mentioned that at some point. And I, you know, it sticks with you, that kind of thing. and but then I ended up with a book,

I never thought I'd write a book, but I ended up with a New York Times bestselling book. So that's like, I was thinking today, that's like the scarecrow. Remember he didn't think he was smart, but then he got a diploma, you know, he did that. So I got this, this is my smart diploma as a book that I wrote.

Well, the book is really, it is well written. It's also just the stories that you tell. I had no idea, and I don't mean to steal the title of your book, if you would have told me, but if you would have told me, this could be like a great, is it true or not, most of your book. Like, you're calling me a liar.

No, I'm saying that like the people that you've gotten to work with, the experiences that you've gotten to have. Like, it's unbelievable. And getting to introduce like your family to Frank Sinatra, like, amazing things happened in your life. Well, I just didn't think, I just, it was never, I never thought I'd write a book. I didn't think anyone would be interested. I didn't think I had a story. And then, you know, they asked me a few times. I was like, no, wait.

I don't even know how to spell. I can't. That'd be terrible. And then, you know, I had a son at 55, 55 then. It's been the highlight of my life. And then our friend, you know, then Saget died. And I started, and I wrote a sort of a story in the LA Times. And I think the book, the publisher saw that.

And I said, well, you can write. I said, I don't even remember writing it. Do you see that? Did that just pop up? Yes. This is a photo. This is a photo of me. I think I must be 12 years old.

So I don't want to do the math. But I had just worked with Gary Marshall in beaches. And we were... That was before blossom, huh? And I was, my dad was with me. There was like a march on Washington. We call it homeless people. It's now the unhoused or people experiencing homelessness.

But it was a march for the homeless. and we were like hanging out, and I was a very big John Stamos fan. And so I got to meet. You would take a picture. I had some other pictures of us, too. That was the only one I could find. But yeah, that was, when was it in that 80? So it would have been 1986 or seven.

Wow. See, even back then, we were doing good things for the world. That's right. We were. I don't think it worked, but we were there. So wait, how old were you? I'm trying to do the math. I'm 47 now. Same here. So I'm 60. I just turned 60 in August. Oh my gosh. So you were like 25 though. You were like a kid. So it must have been full house,

right? It was on you, man. No, I don't know. The reason that I know that it, I don't think it was full house. It might have been just starting. Another fun fact, a place of intersection. My very first audition ever, I started acting right before, like about a year before beaches. My first audition was to play DJ on full of that. I swear. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes. Wow.

But then they were like, John Stamo is going to be the only ethnic person on this show. We can't have two of you. Yeah, no Tuesday, no more. Did we finish our other thought? Oh, that's what I think. I asked a few new Bob. You probably did, right?

Bob and I met at a Yom Kippur Break the Fast at Jeff Garland's house. Right. Because Jeff Garland would host people after services let out. And so I had a really, I had a really fun, you know, evening with him where I learned he makes a lot of naughty jokes is what I remember coming out of that with. But then I read your book and I was like, oh, he made a lot of naughty jokes with John Stamos as well. You speak so beautifully. You speak so beautifully of your friendship. and, you know, a lot of people who work on a sitcom don't stay close.

You know, my experience was like, we had five years where the thing that kept us together was no longer. And so we kind of all dispersed. But y'all stayed close. Well, Bob was the one who kept us together, really. Like, I mean, we really did love each other. I'm sure you had that on Big Bang probably, right? We were pretty close with everybody. So we wanted to be together.

And he was the glue. and now that he's gone, you know, sometimes, you know, we don't, I mean, it's, well, it's going to be two years in January. Very strange, very surreal, very sad times that, you know, losing him. But thank God we had him when we did. And I think, you know, he never left anything on the table. This is a guy who always said, I love you, I care about you, I'm proud of you. And so that's one one little lesson from him.

He was just, he was just a, it was a complicated guy. And I had problem. So the two chapters, I started off with the chapter that I got, I was horrible. I was not so over and I got in my car and I was driving to meet Bob at the Palm. And I got a DUI. I could have killed somebody. It was the worst day of my life ever, ever. And during that, so I thought that was going to be the hardest.

So my five stages of grief there were, you know, more drinking, oh, sex, all the best. And then I wrote the second chapter that I wrote, I didn't know wherever they were they were going to end up. But the second one was the day that I found out when Bob died and how I found out. And that thankfully, my five stages of brief there was family and therapy and all the good stuff, meditation and exercise. So I had to figure out from me. But the two hardest chapters turned out to be the Foul House chapters. And because what you know being on these iconic shows, it's like, well, people, first of all, it took me a long time to come to terms with that show. In fact, Jeff Franklin, the creator of Foulhouse.

was over recently he's writing a book. He said, when did you come to terms with philosophy? I said, when I wrote this book, when I actually sat down and wrote, wrote out, because you always had a career outside. You know, you were on sitcoms, but then you'd make movies, and you had a lot of other great things going on. I was just stuck in that character. I didn't, it finally took me this amount of time to figure out.

First of all, I had the critics in my ear. You know, we weren't a big bang theory. We weren't Seinfeld. We weren't these shows. And, you know, they just, got to me. And so, but what, what we lacked in sophistication, we, we had just a ton of sweetness. And the brain moved to the side and it left room to just feel something wholesome and good and like a good home cooked meal, I think. And every year that the show has been done, which had, you know,

like 30 years of it. What I loved about it was, when I realized, too, that we were everybody's family. We weren't the traditional that people thought was a, you know, dad and mom, a 2.5 kids. There were three guys living in San Francisco. We didn't raise an eyebrow over that. And so every year that divorce has become more prevalent in same-sex marriage and different families and different sizes and colors and shapes, I think people related to it more that way, too. And if you didn't like it, we didn't make it for you. So that's that. And there was just, there was no central character on that show is what I realized. The central character was love. we loved each other and we were a family.

And I think people watching, it made them, it brought out the best in them too. So maybe that's. Miami-Lx breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine, drink more water. There's no real data. There's no game plan.

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Head to superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention my ambiotic breakdown to help support the show. You know, something that I didn't really realize I didn't realize the depth of your, like, teen idol status from even before, like, people obviously went nuts for you in full house just because you are who you are no matter what you're doing. But you had, you know, this time on General Hospital when you were part of this,

like, you know, kind of earlier, like, Tiger Bee, like, where the industry really also was geared around, you know, building a fan base. And you got to experience that. So I'm curious if you can talk a bit about the transition from kind of being literally, you know, built up and living as this, like, teen idol and then joining, you know, a very, I don't want to say generic, but a very kind of mainstream American sitcom format. Yeah. Well, were you saying, like, did you think, like, the teen idol thing was more, um, was dirtier or something or like, I didn't belong on? Sparkly. It was, it was really, it was really sparkly. And so then, like, you know, and you talk about sort of like that transition to be like, you know, one of three guys with like a bunch of kids.

Like, that's a big difference between being like, I'm the hottest guy in the room to like, I'm the hottest guy in the room, but there's also all these other people. Yeah, I get it. Well, I had some time in between there of General Hospital and I worked with, that's where, you know, I did this. I loved General Hospital. It was a great, you know, launching pad. And I hate to call there like I was a learning, you know, because that's not, that sounds,

you know, sort of diminishes what it was. I just wanted to be funny. I wanted to be on sitcom. I loved Gary Marshall and I loved his happy days. Leverton and Shirley, Mark and Mindy.

That was my goal to get on a show like that. And, you know, I did, you know, luckily I did, but so I always saw on General Hospital, I remember Gloria Monti who came in and changed the face of daytime.

She was such a brilliant woman and such a powerful woman. It was great to see. That was my early, my mom was the, was the CEO of our house, she would say. That was her job, and she was proud of that. My dad never made her feel bad about it, never held money overhead.

He worked at a restaurant business that he wanted me to take over. And then watching Gloria as one of my first bosses, really, this powerful female. And she would, when she walked down in the halls, there she is. And I didn't know better. When I first met her, I said, we said, hi. And I said, well, Gloria, I got to go. I got a fitting for my leather jacket. And everybody, you're walking away from Gloria Mont.

And she said, that's the way you do it, everybody. You know, follow that kid. He's going to go far. I loved being, I loved her. And when it was time to leave, my contract was up. I was supposed to die after five episodes of that show. And my contract was up after two years. I was making like $400 an episode.

35 million people were watching. And I said, I got to go and she took me to lunch it. It was right out of, it was like a mafia scene. It was right out. It was a Dulce Villa, one of those restaurants. And we walk in. Italian music. Dean Martin,

Handigot, Dean Martin's sitting over a couple tables over. And I said, she's going to kill me. This is a hit. This is a hit job. And she said, so tell me, you want to leave the show. Why? Well, I want to be funny, Gloria. You want to be funny?

I said, yeah. She said, well, you know you'll never work in this town again. And I said, well, I think I probably will. I think I will. It's like 19, you know. And my naivete, you had your parents around probably, And you were really, how old were you when you started? I was on Blossom from 14 to 19 and beaches I was 12.

So did I answer you quotes? So what were we? So I got there. I met Gary on, so then from there I got a CBS deal that was weird. And then I was working for one of my first men bosses who threw me up against the wall because I didn't want to sing a jailhouse rock or something. This was the great John Peters hairstylist to Strison. And so I was like, wait a minute.

I mean, bring back the female boss. I mean, it was the first bully, you know, my second bully that I ever really dealt with. First one was in school. But so I got on, so I did that show. It was dreams. Andy Borowitz was the writer. It was great, it was terrible political guy. And it was about a band.

And no one, I was the only one who played any instruments. I'm like, what are we doing here? They wanted to, you know, do a record and MTV. And then I got on the show at Jack Klugman. He played my dad. It was called You Again. and he was such a brilliant man he was my first mentor and he would make me sit in the writer's room on whatever punch-up night was Wednesday or another and it would be Gary Millsh Gary Marshall Harvey

Miller Jerry Bellson these titans of comedy and they would make me sit don't say a word and I would watch them write and reconstruct a scene and find that you know and it was just such a valuable education and then I went into full house from there so I wasn't you know I did come into the reading, the first table read of Full House and all the mothers were like, oh, Blackie, I'm General House, and I thought it was my show, too. I was like, I got this.

Because the kids were, it was, it was pitched to me as a bosom buddies with, you know, man, there were some kids in the background. And I remember they were going through a lot of, like what you were, all this casting. I was putting a lot of attention to these kids that are part of the show. And, boy, was that wrong.

And I was sitting at the table read, like, you know, the big macha. You know what macha? Maka, am I saying that right? A mocker? No. Macher? Oh, Macher.

Yeah. Macher. I come in as a big macher. And I'm sitting there at the table and I think I'm going to, you know, and we start the reading and the kids, especially Jody Sweeten, are getting these gigantic laughs. And I'm like getting none. You can't even hear my dialogue. People are laughing at them.

And I slowly like, if you're read in one of those readings, we just suck and you're like, I'm like sliding the table. And I ran, we were at the Century Plaza Hotel, I never forget. And I ran out to the lobby and I had a court. I jam the quarter and the thing. And I called my. get me to F off this show as a kidding show, you know. I'm here to say I was wrong about that one.

You know, especially as your journey kind of goes on and you talk a bit about, you talk about the things we do to numb out. You talk about drugs. You talk about alcohol. You talk about sex. Like you talk about all these things we do to kind of make our ego feel better. And when I think about that, you know, I think about who the John Stamos was, you know, that was sitting in that chair.

And I wonder, did you have a sense then of like, my ego feels hurt? Or did it just feel like, I don't want to be here? No, I was hurt. My ego was hurt for sure. I thought it was going to be, you know. And, you know, it took me, it took me about the first, I did the pilot and I thought, well, this is not going to get picked up.

And the kids were screaming through all of it. And I was like, I ended up going to loop all these scenes. I'm an actor. You know, and here I am like trying to figure out, you know, every scene like, like what I learned with Jack? Like, where's the, you know, what are we doing here? Where's the structure? Why is the kid saying you got a dude?

There's no dude in the room. It's a turtle. That's it. And then sag it, you know, it was just cussing and trying to stab his penis with a fork. So we didn't, we clashed, to say at least. But I was, yeah, my ego was bruised. But then once I got into it, then I got into it.

And I noticed that those kids, Mary Kate and Ashley, they were bad something special. So I started sort of lining my character up with them, Jesse and Michelle. And that pissed Bob off too. I mean, the start of writing those two chapters, I guess, I just sort of talked about that reading. And then I talked about how Bob and I just did not get along for a long time. But it's so strange because he ended up being my all-time best friend. And that's ego, right?

The ego was there. Both of us had a large ego. And we couldn't look past it to learn from each other's, you know, good parts. I mean, he was a brilliant comic. And I wanted to be funny so bad. I love watching stand-up comics and the timing and the chemistry of it and the science of writing comedy and had these stand-ups. And he was one of the best. So it took me a while to admit that to him.

And I'm sure the other way around with me. I was at his funeral, his first wife, who had three daughters with Sherry. She came running up to me and she hugged me. She said, Bob loved you so much. He also hated you. He was so jealous. And it turns out. Not that, you know, what he didn't know, maybe later he did, but I was jealous of him.

I loved the fact that he had a family and I really wanted that. How many years did Full House go? Eight seasons. Wow. So you, when you think about the person you were when it started versus who you were when it ended, what would you say were some of the biggest changes that you can now look back on? Purity? No.

Like you'd think, I mean, I lived with my parents before for the most of. most of the time. And then once I got in there, you know, we started to get popular. And I think there was certainly a time where I was very, you know, got very egotistical, you know, I thought it was too big for whatever. And then I'd go home to visit my parents and my dad would hand me the poop scooper and say, go clean up a dog sit in the backyard and kept me grounded. But do you mean like mental, like, I mean. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just sort of like, did you get more comfortable with, you know, this aspect of, you know, being on a show. with kids, like kind of what did that feel like?

Yeah, I just eventually started, gave, gave into it. And then I realized how important it was to people, especially kids. We started, Starlight was just starting up then the Starlight Foundation and make away and all those. And I brought all these kids down on Thursdays to, and the whole sound, we were in the same stage stage. I think you were in the same stage as, as us on the Warner Brothers lot, right? Possibly.

Yeah. Yeah. I think we, I think you're the stage across from us. Yeah. Oh, it was friend. It was us, then friends. Yeah. We were all in the same.

It was all in the 20s. We were all in the same area. Yeah. And so you know the sounds like the whole stage was covered with wheelchairs and kids and braces and things. And it was a great, I really, I'm proud to say that the kids really took note of that. And Candace and Jody and Henry, now they're a great philanthropist. So, so yeah, I gave into it. And my Bob's sister got scleroderma.

I think we were in the third, fourth season. And then Dave's sister got, was, came, had a terrible cancer. And then my sister had, she had a brain tumor. And so Bob's sister gay died. And so sad that she didn't get to see, you know, his whole life he spent, you know, raising money and trying to get a cure for scler germ, which was terrible. And Bob, Dave's sister died. And my sister was misdiagnosed and she ended up having MS.

But we were still, before that, we were, you know, we were three. We weren't just three guys on a show. We were three brothers grieving their sisters. So we got closer there. I think we all just settled in. We realized that this is a once in a lifetime thing that happens. All the stars lined up. It just worked for some reason.

I didn't think it would be around. I didn't think you were talking about it now. I wanted so badly to every season I would find some dumb TV movie where I was playing a bad guy. Kidnapping kids. The first one I did, I played this terrible, Indian guy, me and Chad Lowe, we kidnapped Joanna Kearns from, you know, growing pains. It was so stupid. And I just thought, yeah, now I'm going to be a real actor. And so when I left,

though, I still, I was ready to go. I think it was time to get out. We were, obviously, you know, working at similar times in television history, but, you know, kind of, you know, a decade or so apart. but I thought that was also interesting that, you know, you really wanted to do comedy and you got to do comedy. But, you know, then there is this desire to be seen as like a real actor, a legitimate actor. And you did end up, you know, getting to not only do, you know, drama stuff, but I had no idea about your interest in musical theater.

And this was like a huge part also of your career post-fall. Like you've had a very rich career. You've done all the things. Well, yeah, but, you know, the theater, yes. And that's why I, and even just writing this book, it's just like a book of gratitude. Like when you're actually writing it down and all the beautiful things in your life, you know, it is just a studying gratitude. Every morning, you know, Jamie Lee Curtis, are you guys friends? She's the greatest.

We talk every morning, but we talk, we text and say a G for what we're grateful for, fear, what we're, you know, what our fears are that day. And then A is our attribute, you know, love or everything. And so that helped. I mean, writing it was that. But yes, I've had, I've done a lot. But you still, you know, I mean, finally, I think, first of all, I believe that some actors, and I would put you in this category, actually, but some actors come out of the gate and they're great. Decapriot, Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, Jennifer Lawrence, you, there's, there's, and then others,

no, you were, you were, I like being in that. That's a great trio to be part of us. I'm telling the truth. You were great right out of the gate. Thank you. It took me 25 years. It takes some people that long. I finally to relax and to get it.

And then just not to care so much. I'm like, I've got to prove that I'm going to have to. I'm doing words. And when Full House ended, I called Jack and Klugman. Get to the theater. I said, I've never really, I'm not really a good singer. I like auto tune on my voice if I can. So that's, you know, and it doesn't matter.

You guys say, sell the song, hold the stage. He said, you could hold the stage. You don't have the beach boy. You don't sitcoms. I said, I never really, but this, this I think, I hope, comes across to that my parents never put up any obstacles. It was like, you want to do it, do it, but work hard, be a good person, be nice, be kind, but work as hard as you can. So everything I've done, I just thought, well, I guess I can do it if I really work hard at it. So I got my agent called and said, Matthew Broderick's leaving How to Succeed in Business, and they want you to replace them for it.

I'm like, okay. You know, I study with a teacher, studied dance. I went in there and, you know, did the audition and got it. And I think for a while I was always trying to get back to that fearlessness, right? And just like, who cares? So you do that. And then, okay, I don't know. Then I had a cabaret, which was quite liberating.

And then I had a couple of bad, you know, I did nine. I replaced Antonio Banderas, which was a disaster for me because he was so good. Well, I saw it in previews, right? and we kind of knew him and we're watching. And he wasn't great. It was by the first couple weeks, he didn't get the jokes and singing. I said, they're going to ask me to do this.

I'm going to say no, because this show doesn't make sense to me. So a year later, they asked me, and I go, okay, great. You know, I'm thinking, Antonio was terrible. I'll come in it. And I'm driving down the street to rehearse, but I thought I'd go see the show one more time. The whole street is packed. You can't even get down the street.

It's packed cars. I said, what's going to the president? I said, no, the drivers. He said Antonio like it was a warm Spanish soup. Antonio. Antonio. Really? And then across the way Melanie Griffith was doing her.

So you couldn't get a tick. I mean, the whole thing was electrifying. And I go in and I hide in the back and some one of the ushers said, oh, hey, I heard you're coming into the show. I said, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I didn't want to nobody knew yet, you know. He said, oh, thank God. I mean, I like you, but you could never handle this or something like that. Great. And he was right.

I just bombed. So that was that. But the point of all of it was I finally, the last one I did was with James Earl Jones. Hands down, one of the greatest living actors. It was called Best Man. It was a Gorbidol, like Angel Lansberry. It was great people. And I just, like, I was amazed.

And I got close to James, close enough. You call me Little John. I called Big Daddy. I walked behind him going, This is CNN. You know, this is CNN. Here's the character. And so there I was on stage with him, three hours, standing ovations, everything's right.

And the last day, I was walking across the stage with them. We were done walking out. I said, Jane, Big Daddy, I have to tell you, you've given me a gift that no one has. People are going to see me so differently now. You've really given me a sense of legitimacy. And I could just never think. You said, that's okay. So, well, thank you, James.

The stage doors open, and all the people are out, something. Uncle Jesse, Uncle Jesse, say have mercy, say have mercy. And I couldn't look at him. I was like, oh, my God, what an idiot I am. How did I even think that this has changed? I wanted to run out. And just as I'm like trying to slink away, I look over it, and someone's holding a phone up to James, and they say,

James, could you say, Luke, I am your father? Can you say Luke, I'm your father? And I go, okay, that's it. Call me whatever you want, you know. And then I just started to relax a little bit of the thing. That kind of like brings us back to when we were talking a little bit about ego. Like, you know, there's like a humility that you have to have, right? When that kind of thing is like thrust in your face.

Yes. And it's okay. No, it's okay to say, you know, I failed in this. That's what the book was too. I mean, a lot of it, like they wanted me to write about my ex-wife. I was like, ah, I don't want to say it. And I was really angry at her for so long. And I just took it too far.

I just couldn't let it go. I was just, she ruined my life. And she, you know, my fairy tale ending with kids and a family, everything I ever wanted, she's taken away from me. And when I got to rehab and I was doing the steps, the fourth step is, you know, you write down your resentment. Searching in fearless moral inventory of yourself. Oh, you know that one.

It's tough. All of them are tough, but that was a really tough one. And the guy said in the sponsors, write down, you know, your resentment, like people. And I'm, she did this to me, she did that, blah, blah, blah. And I'm filling pages up. And he's like, you good? You're done? I said, no, hold on.

You know, said, okay, put the pen down. I said, he said, now on the next column, write what part you played in all that. I'm like, what? I didn't pay me. Because even if it was 1%, and I start writing, writing, I go, oh, if I'm going to do this, you know, I've come close to screwing up my life completely at this point. If I'm going to do this. And even thought, I remember thinking, like, even I spent so much money, I'm going to really do this.

I've got to be 100% honest. Anything, and this line came, anything less than the truth is paralysis. And I just started writing like, oh, I don't know, I did this. Yeah, maybe I wasn't. And it comes to that in this book for me. And it was hard. It was hard to say, I'm wrong. I'm sorry.

I forgive you. It's a lot of that. Half measures availed us nothing is the quote from the big book. Right. When you're, when you're, like, if you're going to do it, just go ahead and do it all the way. Like, what if you sort of strip away all the protection and all the, you know, it wasn't my fault. And like, oh, what's left is apparently the root of sobriety, you know, meaning emotional sobriety, like getting to live kind of clean. How did you know, did you, have you been through the program or?

Yeah, I sit in the room for people who love people who sit in the drinking program. I've sat in many 12-step rooms. I have a physical, literally a physical allergy to alcohol. It makes my palms itch. And so I gave up even trying to drink anymore. But that's when you come into money. That's right before a Big Bang Theory. Wait a minute.

My palms are itchy. No, it's different. It's different. It was different. I actually, I really appreciated how delicate you were in talking about kind of these most intimate parts of your personal life. Like, I think you did a really good job in that it's, not our business. Like, I don't believe, you know, that just because you're a public person, that

we have to know everything about you. And obviously, you were married also to a public person. So your life was very like you were in the fishbowl. But I wonder if you can speak a little bit to, there's something that you said in the book that I'm not looking for you to sort of dive into in terms of details, but I wonder if you can talk about the concept of why you wrote this. You wrote about your marriage you said she doesn't notice me slipping away and I don't notice myself adrift she's busy with her career and new friends we're trying new things and growing but not together it's easy to be busy calendared to the hill rushing around and plugged into various projects it's harder to make time for each other slow down disconnect from the chaos of the

world and make eye contact again i don't talk openly about my feelings of emasculation and she doesn't share what's in her heart. I think this is what a lot of people think they know about celebrity marriages, right? But what you describe in my experience is true of just about every couple, meaning there's the potential for this disconnect. I wonder, you know, now that you're in a different relationship, you're a dad, when you think about, you know, the challenges of being in that marriage or who you were then, what do you know about yourself, especially as a man? you know, a sensitive man. Yeah.

Well, a good example was like today. She came up and I was busy as hell and getting ready for this show. And she sat on my lap and she was getting ready to work out. And I was like, I started to say, come on, come on, get off my lap. I got to get it. And I didn't. And I just sat there and I put my head on her chest and we just hug for a long time. She loves to cuddle.

And I just thought, like, you know what? Like, what do I have to do? she'll wait for me if I'm a little late with his microphone. Like it doesn't matter. So it just, and just the little thing, she was talking about going to hot yoga and I, and I listened.

It was like, I was interested in it because, because I was. And it's the little things like that, right? That, that you can find in someone, if someone throws out a little thing at you, and you don't pay it,

and they don't, the other person doesn't pay attention to it. You know, that's, that's not a good relationship. Even friends, you know. And I think, Yeah, so it was just, it's those moments. I think micro-transactions, little moments,

that's what makes me anyway. So I'm always aware of trying to connect and be there. And, you know, as actors, we were always told, you know, be in the moment. And I was like, take this and buy a fucking moment. But I realize why is because it's really hard. It's hard to be focused, especially for me, to be focused into the person, listening, and being there. Because at the end of the day, if you're not,

not deep into these moments and really, you know, put yourself there. Then you go to bed and you're like, I skimmed through everything today, right? It didn't really have a day because I wasn't connected to anywhere. I was thinking of what's next. What's over here? What's on there? It's hard for me, you know, but I try to do it. You said, I remember what you said.

You talked about if we're going to know half measures. That was my problem for most of my life. I didn't give, I was all half measures. I would give 60% of it. And that was still better than most people, but it wasn't my all. And you get to the point too where sometimes, I don't know if you have like,

if I give it my all and I fail, then I'm a failure. So you hold back something. You go, well, it didn't well. It's because I didn't really try that hard. Does that sound right? Yeah. I mean, I don't know that I've heard it

kind of described that way, like the notion being, if you assume that you're going to mess up, better to not mess up after having given it your all because then you'll really be like, oh, I really am a failure or whatever you think. Exactly. And in your mind, you can fool yourself.

And that's why, like with this, with Caitlin, I said, I'm going to give it 100%. More so than I have in any other relationship problem. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but at least I know how to do that. And, you know, of course, it did thank God. And it wouldn't have if I didn't. And so you want to just, you know,

the reward for heart. Hard work is just more hard work or, you know, it's not like, and that was my problem, too, forever I would work, you know, pretty hard on something, 80% or get by, it would be good, a show got picked up. Then it was reward time, booze, man, have fun, and low-hanging fruit. It was always that. And why are you laughing at? No, I'm laughing.

I like the expression, low-hanging fruit. Just like the easiest things to, like, grab up. I get it. You didn't know that one? You're so smart. I mean, did they not have that on Jeopardy? I, no, I get the expression. My in-laws love you on Jeopardy or, you know, when you're on there.

Yes. And in fact, my mother-in-law was the greatest Layloni, her name was. She got, she bought your cookbook and you signed it and you took a picture with her. Oh, look at that. Look at that. I want to ask something more than once in the book. You refer to yourself as a Peter Pan. And, you know, there's also.

there's a notion to sort of the John Stamos archetype, right, of like the bad boy, right? Like, you played, you know, like the leather jacket and like the whole thing. Like, there's this persona. I'm not saying that's you, but like when people think of that, right? And so then I'm reading your book and more than, I think more than twice you mentioned the Peter Pan syndrome. And then when I hear you talk about, you know, your first marriage and just, I wonder if you could speak to, You know, a lot of women, I think, end up with men who kind of seem like they're not emotionally mature enough, but we keep trying to like make it work. And in many cases, it's like, he's a Peter Pan. Like, he's, he's dreamy or like he wants to just like smoke weed and play guitar or whatever.

And I'm not saying those are bad people. But when I hear you talk about what you're like in this marriage and at this point in your life, like, are there some dudes or women? Are there just some people who need to to be 50 before they stop needing to be children? I hope not, but for everyone else's sake, because I just thought being an adult was boring and all the fun is gone. But without it, I wouldn't have had the rewards of my child and my wife. So that was probably, and also, two things.

One, in our business, we've been pretty successful. and we don't have, I didn't have those tent poles of like, you have to save your money and you have to do accounting. You know, you have business managers and assistants and things. And so the Peter Pan thing was that I just wanted to have fun and be young and all, you know, but it stops being cute after a certain age. And you're not going to end up with, in a relationship with someone that you want to be with if you can't, you know. I think that was a problem with Rebecca. I wasn't, I was fully into the Peter Panza.

I was fully, I didn't want to grow up. It was fun, fun, fun, fun. and party and hang out and there was nothing serious. It's very hard for me to be serious, but I realize that, you know, I need to be. It's certainly, you know, to end up where I'm at with, and also in the business that people just take you, it's a whole different thing because now I could just see people respecting me.

It's like, that's weird. And, you know, but, and yeah, I think it's that. And I think that I wasn't, I just wasn't, I was that guy that you just said to my first wife. I think. I don't normally talk much, even in the interviews, but I heard something the other day that her husband said, I don't think he, I don't think they've read it or seen it because, you know, you know, you read, I, I, hopefully, you know, I feel like I took the high road there, but. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, if you want my opinion, I really think you did. And for me, the way,

the way I read your book, you have all these, you know, relationships with fascinating people, but you really do keep it about yourself in terms of here's where I was at. here's what my experience was and here's what I learned. So that's kind of what, you know, what I took from the way you described, you know, a lot of the relationships, whether they were intimate or professional. Well, I wanted to show, too, that, that I got cheated on a lot. I got dumped. I got beat, I got bullied, you know, I got punched in the eye when I was a kid that I sort of used as a propel to become famous. But, so anytime I could find a, you know, playing with the beach boys for a million people is not most relatable.

Yeah. Do you want to talk about this? Because this was another thing. Like, I felt like I knew so many things about you and, you know, have been this fan of yours for so many years. Like, this was somewhere in my brain. But the book, like, explains, like, you've had, like, a 30-year relationship with the Beach Boys. Crazy, huh? It's really crazy. Like, you're a drummer. You're a drummer. And you were in bands, like, when you were young. But you kind of, I mean, the funniest, the funniest description of like how this started was that when the Beach Boys found out about you being in the audience, I believe that they were like, are people going to, like, are girls going to go wild and scream? And if so, get him up here. And that's how you got up there.

And I loved how you talked about also having to focus, you know, all of your energy on your music while you can barely hear because of the screaming. You know, you talk about like following the elbow, you know, just like, like, Carl Wilson. Yeah, like, just to like keep the beat and the amount of focus. And like, I'm a person who loves to sing. I love to play piano. I'm petrified in front of humans having to do that. So I love the way you describe that focus. Talk a little bit about this experience of like being a musician on stage with like your idols.

Yeah, I can talk. I mean, I can talk about it, but I can't explain it. I don't know how it happened. I don't know why it's still happening to this day. I think, yeah, Mike Love saw the commercial side of me and said, get him on stage. And I played Barbaran. And it was that. It was like 60,000 people at the Padre Stadium in San Diego.

But I was just like, I got to concentrate. I got a concert. And then the next show, big show that I did with them was at the Washington Monument, where you and I met for a million people. And that was really, I had to just block everything out and listen. And I felt it was like a, I played a song and it was like three minutes. I felt like I'd been boxing, you know, just sweating. So focused and stroke.

And that's, you know, I think at the baseball stadium, they kind of saw that I, Carl Wilson was the musician. He was the band. He was sort of, like he said, he would say, watch my elbow for time. And he'd be like kind of a song. But I think they eventually liked me as a musician, and that was important.

And then I just kept hanging around more and more and more and put them on my shows. It was during the time in the 80s when they were sort of, you know, they were just kind of in the background and came on full house and stuff. I don't know. Did I answer that question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, it's really, like I said, there's like a forest gump quality to certain aspects of your life. It's like, oh, then he plays on stage with, like, what?

That's the amazing. Look at all the things you've done. When did you, you went to school, they got your degree before? Before Big Bang Theory. Right. I did Blossom for five years. And then I went to UCLA for undergrad and grad. and then I had two kids at my first son in grad school.

How old are the kids? How old are they going? They're now 15 and 18. Wow. And then I went back to Big Bang when they were little, still nursing, my younger one, yeah. I mean, he's not nursing now. He was still nursing when I joined Big Bang Theory. Everybody was in the same bed. I got it.

Did, how did you keep him alive? Because my son's five and a half and I smell, I smell fire. And I'm sure it's somewhere in the house. You've been very vocal about your parenting styles. and their parents, correct? Yeah. And the kids are turning out great, right? Actually, I will say, I don't believe that there's a formula.

You know, if there was, someone would have figured it out 50,000 years ago, and we'd all be doing it. What about the formula of love? The formula of, yes, the formula of love. No, my, I was blessed with exactly what God thought I could handle, which was two very mild-mannered humans. Like, my first was very mild-mannered. I mean, high needs, like, always needed to be carried and didn't walk until he was.

was 18 months and he was very heavy. But I thought, okay, my second one's going to be insane. But no, I got like two chubby, you know, as babies. They were just like chubby lumps who didn't want to walk. They didn't want to do anything. They just wanted to nurse and be held and clap their hands. That's me. That wasn't funny. That was a little hanging fruit that I just grabbed. No, that was low hanging fruit. No, I didn't have children who liked danger. They didn't even like to run. They didn't like their feet off the ground too much. Their dad was like this. So apparently that's like, God was like, she can't handle more than that. So I got two, two like that. And they're different. Do they live there? They're there. So you're divorced, right? I've been divorced for,

gosh, 12 years. Oh, really? 12. Yeah, something like that. Almost 12 years. And how's that? But the co-parenting was good. It's okay. I mean, it's hard. You know, and I will say, that, you know, my kids were four and seven when we got divorced. And I don't know that there's a good age to get divorced if it really is what has to happen. But, like, I don't think they've gotten over it. Every time they have to go back and forth,

it's like, oh, I got a pair of shoes. I only got one pair of shoes. I got to bring them back in five. Like, I'll buy you another. No, I don't want another every weekend. But is it the shoes or is it the splitting of the love? This is why therapy exists. Exactly.

I mean, this is what your show is about. You really get into it with other guests. with me you're doing you. We dig it. Well, both of my kids both would like to be on the podcast and are terrified to be on the podcast. Why? And no, they don't listen. Are they home right now? No, they're not. No, they're at school. We could get them. Well, no. No, fine. So we face-time them? Can we face them? No. No, they don't want that. So you did that. You had the thing. You got divorced. It was tough. I did that, got the thing. Then I went to Big Bang Theory and then I was there for nine years. Wow. And how was that the greatest? I mean, it was. I remember those lines.

That's your question. I was on, yeah, stupid, I know. I was on ER and I couldn't remember. I mean, that dialogue was very difficult. I think I saw you over, was it, during there? I feel like we've interacted in, in, you know, we don't all know each other, but we've interacted in other ways. When I think about, you know, Big Bang Theory,

like I actually was thinking about what you talked about with Full House and just the things that happen, you know, to the people playing these characters. And, you know, what I think about is like during those nine years, like, you know, I got divorced. My dad died. You know, like all sorts of things happened. Like, you know, life happens while you're in front of the camera as well. Were you close with your dad? I was very close with my dad. Yes. That was what killed me with my parents. Yeah, I was just going to ask a bit. You were very close with your parents. And, you know, I've seen my big fat Greek wedding more than

twice. And, you know, did you come from a very kind of ethnically steeped sort of Greek family? Like, were your parents' immigrants? Were your grandparents immigrants? My grandfather was. My mom was English, Irish. So my dad was Greek. And the name was Stamotopoulos and they dropped it off and it came through Ellis Island. So that, yeah. But it was there was a lot, but it was just a loving family. You know, it was just a lot of love. And same with your, you know, the Jewish, there's family and people. and eating and fun and praying. So that was part of it, and that's what I always wanted.

But wait, I wanted to, when Bob died, so my whole, I remember, someone asked me about this recently, I remember just stressing about my parents dying. Like, that's all I, over, over obsessed about it. And I was at something, I remember a bar or something in the Helen Hot was there and she said, to have been to therapy? I'm like, no. If I ever went to therapy, I would just tell them I'm obsessed with my parents dying and they would say, well, they're alive now.

so, like I knew what was going. They're alive now, so go spend time with them. And then my dad died the next day. Or you got to call him. I blame Helen. Okay. So that was the thing. And when he died, I asked, so you're right, going through life with these cast members and divorce and death.

And I asked Bob to to emcee my dad's funeral. And he got up and said, good evening. Tonight specials are cake and cock and we're out of cake. My mom had a heart attack. And maybe I became an orphan. No. It was Bob, and then it was, but it was, it was his way of dealing with death. And it kind of became, you know, he was, the term too soon was invented for Bob because he's, but that's, he had a lot of death, a lot of sadness in his life.

That's how he dealt with it. But your dad died, your mom's still around. And did she ever date again or no? No. No, she, no, where my parents come from, you just, just one and done. They met in 1961 and just that's all she wrote. That's good. There's a good example for you.

You say something about your mom that's very sweet and I think kind of funny, but I want to ask you about it. You say that you cannot help wonder, this is on page 270 for those of you who are following along. I can't help but wonder if my attachment to her, your mother, is preventing me from finding a partner who I can build a life and family with. your mom was very, she's very, um, very, um, very intense and explicit. And I mean, her notes that are throughout the book are so beautiful. She wasn't intense. Well, I meant intense in a good way. Like, this is a, this is like a really, like, if I could have written the script of what I think your mom should have written you in notes, like it would have been those things. Did that feel intimidating to you? Like, oh my gosh, like, how am I going to find someone to love me?

like my mom. Well, not now, looking back, maybe it did, but I, no, it was just, she had enough love to fuel a small country. And everybody that was around her would, would say that. I could tell who she's talked to. Like, we, she loved Vegas. And so I'd be in the casino with her and she'd love playing all right. But people would walk by, I go, oh, they must just saw my mom. They must do, because they would walk a little taller. They'd feel better about themselves. And they'd have a picture of me, probably, but that she would pass out to the pit boss system. But seriously, though she would find like whatever the best part of you is she would that was how she defined

so she was maybe her love was intense yeah and when we became sort of hopefully it was a healthy co-dependent but it was on the edge of it was when my dad died and i would and and the divorce happened around then too so she was very she needed me and i needed her and it was a comfort zone she had i would drive down to her she called our house where i grew up in orange county the castle of comfort. And it was. But it, I felt at one point, I was like, I think I'm staying in her. I think I'm, I've been in her too much. And then when she started to really get falter, and it was like, oh, I don't spend more in time. And then it was that, we knew she was going to go. So we just kind of waiting for that terrible. And then I just went, boom, downhill, fast.

Yeah. I wonder if you can talk a little bit about, like, were you a recreational drinker and drug user? And then at some point, it veered into like, oh, this is a problem? Or looking back, Did you have problems from the get, you know, they say first it's, first it's drinking, then it's, you know, drinking in problems and then it's just problems. Where did those phases shift for you? My parents were probably functioning alcoholics, but they didn't drink until they were like in their 30s. And my dad retired probably too soon.

I mean, we had restaurants, but he was just hanging around. You want to be with family. And so they would just start drinking, and they were functioning. But when it's a disease and it's hereditary, I think. I feel like I had it. And so I would poke at it. it for years. I'm like, I'm fine. I'm poking, poke and poking. And then one day it goes,

and you're like, oh, shit, I need a drink. So I could stop on a dime. That was my defense, really. Oh, I could stop. And I would. I'd stop. I would, you know, do whatever project, a pilot at the TV show, whatever. And then I would reward myself with, okay, I went to do it. And it just got harder and harder to stop and start

again. And it was just, you know, But then a lot of, some people said, oh my God, thank God you finally went to react. And others said, I didn't, really? I didn't notice it. I didn't, I was surprised. Was alcohol, was that your drug of choice? No, mostly alcohol. Then like later you use ecstasy and this kind of stuff.

And there's this drug called GHB, which is lethal. And that's what I had when I got, I was, I was so out of it. I didn't even, I was so out of it. They didn't take a mugshot. Thank God. It took me right to the hospital and I was out. And the first, I wake up and I see this bright light. And I go, I'm in heaven.

I hope it's heaven. And then I see somebody and I think of God and it was Sagat. No, it's Bob. I go, God. I checked his zipper and, you know, that was his joke. But I almost, I could have died. I could have killed people. And you know what I did?

I went home and I sat in my office and I drank another bottle of wine. And then I realized that I got texts and, well, my sister's called, finally got a hold of me when I was in Cedar at Cedars. And I was under an alias. So they couldn't find me anywhere. And finally I think it was Sagitt said, I, wait, he's under this. And so they found me and my sisters were crying. And they said, are you okay? And I was the one taking care of them all the time.

And all of a sudden, I said, is it, are you okay? And I said, yeah, yeah. I said, does any, is this out? Does anybody know? And she goes, yes, it's all over the news. I'm, God. So I came home with that. And I was like, I can't deal.

I got drunk. And then I realized, oh, shit, you brought it up. You said some big factory wedding. I had to go to Canada because I was in the second movie. I had some scenes in the second movie with Rita Wilson. And I went and I don't even remember. I don't remember being there. I was going to lick it up.

And I came home from that. and my sisters and a few other people around. So wait, I'm sorry. I'm going to stop you one second. So that incident, GHB alcohol driving, that was not bottom for John Stamos. It was bottom, but I didn't get it, I guess. And I just numbed myself for a few weeks after that.

And then when I came home, my sisters and there were some other people said, okay, it's time to go to. We found this place. And I go, okay, I'm done. I'm ready. I'm ready. I hated it. I hated the way I felt.

hated disappointing people. I hated myself. I hated looking in the mirror going, this is I'm not, this is not who my parents raised. What am I doing? Who is this idiot? I would be so embarrassed. And I had no, look, I shouldn't have, like, I had everything growing up. I had a beautiful childhood. I had no excuse to fuck it my life up. Like, people that come from, you know, terrible upbringings and, you know, abuse and whatever it may be, and they make it out and they do well and they stay great. Like I had no excuse to screw my life up like that. And I did. And it made me sick.

And, you know, I came around. But it's just these things that you go. And again, like I set out to write a hero story. I did this and I did this and I know with this book. And then I slowly will. I got to talk about this. I should talk about that. And then I was like, oh, man.

You know, there were a lot of ups and downs. And while promoting this, it seems like mostly the downs are the things that are all out there. And I'm like, God, was I that fucked this? Can I over-exaggerate this thing? And looking at the book, it's like $3.30. But it's like, no, there's a lot of other fun. Totally. Well, and I think, and I think also, you know, I think I was talking to Valerie about this,

you know, before, like, you really, you really present the evolution of a human. I mean, it really does feel like, you know, a hero's journey. And, you know, to hear you talk about therapy, like, can you talk about when did you get into therapy? What is that like? Do you know Phil Stutz? Have you heard of him? Of course I've heard of him.

So I got in after my dad died. And I remember going to someone in New York. And I just went in and I was crying like a baby. Because I didn't, but, you know, I didn't grow up with it. My household, my parents were intelligent, but we weren't, I didn't grow up in a household like yours, I think. It was more, it was, academics were not like the top. I'm not saying what yours was. It wasn't the main thing.

We never talked politics. There was, you know, my mom was Catholic, so we did that. My dad was big Orthodox, but we didn't go that way. And so it was a very, you know, it was a, and I, and I didn't work at school. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, you know, my dad, you know, really wanted me to go to college, business, and, and, and take over his hamburger joint. And, I thought, I don't know. I hate that. And I went to the, I went to sign up at the local college, the Cypress College.

And I couldn't find the sign up room. So I went home. I went to Natsbury Farm first. Then I went home. It was close from my house. And my dad said, whatever you do, you have to start next semester. I'm going to kick you out of here. And so I thought, I got to get on to you.

And that's around the time I got into our hospital. But when he died, it was, he was my, he was, you know, you look at your parents at some point, you get a holder and you go, yeah, they're just human. And I never got to that with my dad. He was always bigger than life. He was my superhero. He was my best man at my wedding, my best friend. I just loved him.

So when I lost him, it was a mess. So I went there in New York, but I didn't know how to, this was getting. I didn't know how to talk that, too. I didn't know how to talk that sobriety talk or the therapy talk. I didn't know about, you know, deep, letting stuff out and your emotions.

And we don't talk about that. My dad was like, don't talk about religion. not talking about us. And it was all very surfacy for many years. Now that he's passed away, I wrote the phone. Sorry, Dad. But so when he went, so then of my manager at the time, Alan Isman,

gave me the greatest gift to all. He said, go see this Phil Stutz guy. And Phil had this really shitty apartment in, on Texas over there in, whatever. West Side, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, this was terrible. And the walls were shitty and the carpet was, you know. and then but he and he didn't have like a separate room so you wouldn't see the other person

and you see all these gigantic celebrities coming out like what the hell you know we'd be stuck in an elevator or something is that something you know and uh I was oh Phil and one of the first things he said to me was he said if you know if you weren't so fucking stupid you'd realize how good you have it I'm like okay um and that stuck with me and it took me a long time to to to agree with that to get it he was very he was very practical he's like talking you're like just a smart old guy, you know. And I would go and I wouldn't go, I wouldn't go. And he's specialized in, you know, substantive use.

So he was great when it was time to straighten up. He just sent me this book yesterday. Lessons. He's a new book, Lessons for a little. Oh, nice. Yeah, I just love the guy. And, you know, there's some, there was just really smart. And I'm not outing anybody.

Like Brad Gray, you know, I got Sagitt to go. I said, you, we can't be friends. You're driving me crazy. You got to go to therapy. And if you don't, we can't. And then he ended up loving Phil. And, you know, she talks to Dana Walden, like very, very, not just a bunch of dumb actors like me. And he's just, he makes these, he would write these little cards, you know.

And it was sort of like, I'd probably have some somewhere, but they're a little, little index cards. What do they say? Well, they were like, here's the clown circus up here and here's family and here's where you are and here's how you need to get there. And sobriety versus this. I did a show called You, where I played this psychiatrist. And I just did Phil. I was running cards and things like the whole thing. So it's been, it's been, you know, it's been, I just, it was interesting because I just signed a book for him and I said to him.

And it was just like, without you, I wouldn't have written this book. I'd be dead probably. I didn't want to kill myself because it was too vain. I didn't want to get it. But I didn't care if I died. I remember thinking, I don't care. If I go tomorrow, who cares? I've done everything.

What a shallow view that was. How has that changed now that you're a dad? I hadn't, well, I hadn't done everything, and I still haven't done anything, but the main thing that I always wanted to be was a father. And now it's time to just be dad a lot of the times and just be, it's the little things. I'm telling you, I'm telling myself. It turns out to be the little things that really, really get me now. I called the other day I was gone, but I got Billy a Bobo. drink. He loves boba. I put it in the refrigerator and I facetimed him and I said,

I got you drink. Go look in the refrigerator. He jumped up and down screaming like I gave him a billion dollars. And I just took that in, right? I mean, this morning I got up earlier and he'd crawled in bed with us and and Caitlin texted. He said, it's cuttle o'clock. I said, oh, that's right. And I ran back down there. And I said, these are the moments. The cuddle o'clock right now is where I need to be. All of me. It needs to be right there. What are the things that you do to kind of keep your evenness or your sobriety. Are you a meditation person?

I have. You know, the Beast Boys were all heavy, especially Mike Love was heavy into transidental meditation. So I learned that. I guess you'd get trained. I should meditate a lot more because I'm a little hyper in it really, just to sit for 20 minutes and not, you know, what do you do you do? Yeah, I do. I mainly do guided meditations.

I have a really, really loud inner critic that won't shut the F up. So for me... Saying what? All sorts of things. Why aren't you more like John Stamos? That's one of the things it says. No, I'm just kidding.

The inner credit would say, it's a good thing. But what does it tell me? What's in your head? What happens? I do a lot of kind of over-analyzing of decisions. Like, you know, whether it's like, did I say the right thing? Should I not have said that? You know, I just have like a very ruminating.

kind of tape that plays. So for me, I like a guided meditation because it's something to listen to and try and follow that instead of my own thoughts. I've had some success with more of a silent meditation, but I've never done TM.

Yeah, I don't know if it. Do you then go like, like you worry about something or did I say that, whatever, and then like you finally confront the person and say, oh, I'm sorry, they go like, what? What are you talking about?

Yes. You know what I mean? Mostly I have found that people care less about what I'm thinking, saying, feeling, and existing like than I think they do. Yeah. I mean, it's there's a, it's a type of self-centeredness, honestly, to kind of keep that focus on like, did I do the right thing? You know, how do you feel about me, right? It's that sort of like. But I bet you do the right thing most of the time and what are you going to do? It's like, well, you know, if Jonathan were here, he'd probably disagree. My kids would disagree. They would? Yeah, that's their job.

What do you do wrong? Oh, my gosh. Like, I can't breathe right. Sometimes that just annoys the heck out of them. But, you know, I frequently say I'm glad I have teenagers. Otherwise, I wouldn't know how to do anything. I wouldn't know how to open the refrigerator. I wouldn't know how to close.

I wouldn't know how to drive. I wouldn't know how to get dressed. Like, everything I do is like, oh, my gosh, how could you not do that? Yeah, but someday they're going to come back and say, thank you, mother. What a beautiful childhood we had. I hope so. I've been waiting for thank you, Mommy, for the milk. all those years when I wasn't eating anything.

Did you, have you, you talked about my mom's notes? Have you, did you, have you written your kids any notes or anything? You know, I, I did when they were younger. And, you know, my parents were big on notes. My dad especially was a poet and so he would write poems and stuff. And you have them? I do. Of course I do, yeah.

But I have, I've actually, they actually started writing notes when they were quite young, which I think was because I was writing them notes. My older one would write notes about how angry he was that he had a brother. And so we've kept some of those, and those are funny too. But that's special. Again, like, I didn't want to write a book, and I kind of said, okay, and maybe I'll write about being a father. Then Bob died.

And then I remembered my mom's notes. I have a stupid question about your book. How many pages? That's not really your writing, like the handwritten part. That's my writing. Are you kidding me? Yeah, that's what I said. Every chapter?

Yeah, I wrote all this and that. And then every chapter starts with that. I wrote every chapter. I wrote it in here. I drew the hunting books. I love that. I'm very excited that that's really your writing. And then I put my mom's like here that you could see.

That's my mom's real writing. That's the real note. And this was an early one. Oh, this is beautiful. She said, I'm the only person on Earth that has shared a heartbeat with you. I'll start crying. The last note I found from her after she's, died when I was at my low you know it was right before all this past and she just hid them around

the house we just find them I said to this day I sometimes I'll dig through a box and she said um life as an occasion rise to it I have it right there don't be sad because I died be happy because I live I have a wonderful wow it beautiful it really is and you know I this book is really it's a testament to to everything your parents instilled in you it really it's a it's a beautiful book, John Stamos, if you would have told me, thank you so much for being here. We wish you only good things and only good things continuing with your child who still loves you and thinks that you're awesome. And at some point, we'll tell you you don't even know how to put your shoes on right, dad. He's starting to do that kind of stuff. But thank you for having me.

You know, we've been, like you said, we see each other here and there over the years. But I watch you and I'm really proud of the way that you conducted your life and the things you stand for seeing, you know, you get out there and you convicted and you're all. also a smart, intelligent woman that doesn't take any shit from any dumbass guy. And that's, that's really cool. If you would have told me, well, we were marching in D.C. All those years, that one day you'd have a podcast and I'd be on here. Talking about your book. Yeah, weird, huh? I hope you enjoyed that conversation I had with John Stamos. I do wish Jonathan was here because Jonathan loves when people ask about me. And I think I did a pretty good job of answering some of

John's questions. Really cool. I like to get to talk to him in depth. He's much funnier than I thought that he would be. And yeah, I just really, I enjoyed that. And from our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time. It's my and Bialyx breakdown.

She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break down. It's a breakdown.