Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Max Greenfield: Recovery Led Me to a God of My Understanding

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Max Greenfield (New Girl, The Neighborhood, Veronica Mars, Ugly Betty) stops by for a spontaneous chat with Mayim and Jonathan! He opens up about how feeling alone led to addiction, connecting with others brought him to recovery, and how getting a rescue dog changed his life. Max and Mayim discuss their wildly popular shofar performance on The Late Late Show with James Corden and their love of basketball, and Max reveals why he thinks Mayim doesn’t like to be spontaneous. They discuss the challenges that come with progressive parenting as individuals who were raised under an authoritarian parenting style, the importance of consistency in parenting, and how Max’s spirituality provided a good parenting foundation. Mayim and Jonathan explain the importance of checking in with yourself and being accountable to yourself and others, especially in recovery. Max Greenfield's new book, This Book is Not a Present: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/691578/this-book-is-not-a-present-by-max-greenfield-illustrated-by-mike-lowery/ BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was raised here like it was New York in the 1940s. Like we sat on the stoop. We played, you know, hit the penny. We, but I was telling my kids, an activity when I was a child was just to go somewhere and sit on a bench and watch people. And they're like. And hit a penny? I don't know what the game is. You threw that one in like, oh, okay, big man with your next poster.

Hit the penny as two people stand across each other. I once saw a seven foot four guy step into a hit the penny game. game and I said he's slow. But then he started hitting the penny from the and I'll go, okay, this guy's good. Do you want to hear what hit the penny is or not? I actually don't really care. Can I ask you another question though? Do you think that you're better because I grew up without money?

Yes. But do you think that you're, that you are against? Nice things. Yes. Spontaneity because your parents seemed so spontaneous. Oh, Dr. Greenfield's here. Lay down on the couch. Thank you.

It's Miami Oleg's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down. Hi, I'm I'm Bialik. And welcome to my breakdown. This is a place where we break things down that need to be broken down. We're going to talk to someone today who's a very, very, very funny person. he's been nominated. Wow, he's nominated for a Golden Globe.

Max Greenfield, who you may know from New Girl, nominated for an Emmy Golden Globe Critics Choice Award. He was Schmidt on New Girl. Very, very, very funny. He also is, since 2018, he's Dave Johnson in the CBS comedy series, The Neighborhood, which stars Cedric the entertainer. Max has also written two children's books. The first is called I Don't Want to Read This Book,

which is a great way to get, especially young people who don't want to read books to read a book. And his new one is called This Book Is Not a Present. He's very funny, and he and I were on James Corden a minute ago. And we happened to be there right before the Jewish New Year began, the holiday of Russia Shana. And Max is Jewish. I'm Jewish. And Corden was talking to me about the New Year. and I thought, Max is sitting right here.

Why don't we all talk about it? And it became something that has been shared many, many times by a lot of people. Max and I did an impromptu shofar service, which is the ceremonial object that is blown in synagogue. And a lot of people really, really enjoyed it. He's hilarious. There's a way that Max and I, before I get to that, the person that also I speak special with Jonathan Cohen. You really snuck that one in there. Because someone mentioned to me, Jonathan, that what Max and I did, the way that we spoke,

is a very particular style of, in particular, Jewish comedy. So it's what happens when two people are talking, I mean, it's a deliberate, but it's not just over each other. It's overlapping. And it's a ping pong. And it's a back and forth. You're not doing it like Max does. What it is I literally just blinked And my left eye didn't open When I open my eyes

Sometimes Sasha leaves I lash glue on my eyes Even after we take my makeup off But I literally blinked And then I was just like Okay Anyway But like

When that happens There's a split second Where you're like my I will never open again It's just like that now For one second I was like This is it

You're like that muscle That has been working My whole life Has finally just tapped out Now I'm with that Camelian From the thing movies.

It had a certain number of openings, and it's done now. It's like, just the left one. The right's like, I got a couple more in me. Anyway, so Max Greenfield and I. So we did something, which is just because I would argue that it is an East Coast Jewett. I would maybe even say not all of North America, East Coast. It happened in the Catskills. It is.

It is a Borsch Belt style that was popular in the Yiddish theater. Do you think that is the only fake showfar blowing that's ever been on a late night show? Can we get some research on that? It might be the only show far blowing without a chauffeur on a late night show. I don't even know that any late night shows have had a showfar. I wanted to bring a shofar on Corden. But instead you brought your good attitude. Anyway, the style of speaking that we were doing, somebody mentioned it to me that it's like it is, it's an overlapping.

It's not just like, oh, they're cutting each other. off. It's like a, he talks like that, and then she does that. And that's what I was saying. Anyway, I didn't realize it because that's just like so germane to how I speak when I speak with other people. Are you trying to replace me because he has a nicer smile than I do?

It's not just his smile. His eyes too. Yeah. You know what he looks like? He looks like if Tom Cruise were from Dobbs Ferry. He reminds me of like the childhood image I had of Tom Cruise. Meaning like when I was young and like risky business came out and I was like that face, right? Like that's, I think what he stirs in people or not.

Anyway, it was a real, real, real joy to get to have this like rush a shot a moment with Max Greenfield on, on Corridon. And we talked to him backstage and I wouldn't have spoken to him if you weren't there because I'm very shy and I always think people don't want to talk to you. And you're like, let's say hi to him. And I introduced you and we were all like talking. and then he and I texted, and then we totally asked him if he would come and play. So this is our interview with Max Greenfield. And before we do that, we'll just congratulate him on making a friend. I would like to be friends with him.

And he also sounds, I don't know, he sounds like a cool dad. It sounds like he... I want to meet Joey, the dog. He talks about his dog. All right, let's just welcome him because it's super, super funny guy. Max Greenfield, welcome to the breakdown. So spontaneous. Break it down.

Go next. Go next. Jalen Brunson. Oh, okay. I mean, you had a moment there when Jeremy Lynn was on fire for about four and a half minutes. I was watching that seven foot four, the second pick, the second, what's it called, prospect? Yeah. What's his name? Victor Wenamama?

I can't even. Like, first I'm watching, and I'm like, whatever. He's kind of slow. Like, he looks like he's a little bit in slow motion. And then he, like, turns around. Clearly you're a scout. No, but then he's starting. starts like sinking threes from the outside.

And then he's got like a baseline jumper. And he's like, Patrick Ewing meets any 15 year old on a basketball court. I like that it was like the first G-League game to ever be televised. And Mayam turned in, tuned in and was like, I don't know. No, but I kept watching. And then I was like, oh, my God, that's seven foot, seven four, right? Yeah, seven. I'm like, he can really move.

And he did like a, he did like a little like a little fake. I was like, oh, he moves so slow. But it's amazing. My mom was like, I don't know. I want to see it. It was that game where he's playing the number one. What's his name? Peterson.

I don't know numbers. Anderson? Yes. He was playing the number one. Henderson? That's, they're one and two. Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to give you a quick. Okay. Victor Wenbanyama, the big tall one who moves slow, who moves slow, but shoots threes. He, that's your scouting report. He's like he's the number one guy And then he was playing against this guy, Scoot Henderson Who's number two Oh, I thought Henderson was number one

That's what I thought too. I'm switching to. I blame you. This is the best sport show ever actually. We say what we think we mean And Max explains it how it actually is. Max, first of all, welcome. This is going to be amazing.

You're going to sell your podcast to the ringer And you're going to hear Bill Simmons be like this. The reason this is amazing is because this is the result of something that I never do, which is anything spontaneous. And we were on the cordon show and Jonathan was like, he's so cool. He's so funny. Like, shouldn't we have him on? And Jonathan was like, ask him. And I was like, no, I couldn't.

He'll say no. He'll think I'm stupid. He's like every boy at Jewish camp that was like, you're not pretty enough. Anyway, I texted you. And he's going to do it. And we're talking to him. Are you not spontaneous? You don't like spur?

the moment stuff you like you're a very planned i mean as long as it's on the schedule she'll do anything that's right i'm i am not i'm not spontaneous which is why i don't really excel in the fields of say improv you know uh telling anecdotes on a show like you you got an anecdote you're ready to go except when cordon asked you what are you going to do to celebrate the project episode and you're like i don't know yeah that was a big one for me was a good That wasn't a good question for him to ask, but no, I don't excel at spontaneity. Okay. All right.

We were together just before the beginning of the Jewish New Year, which I think some people learned about for the very first time by seeing us on Gordon. Can I tell you how much my holidays in synagogue were interrupted by people telling me that they thought what you and I did, which was spontaneous, was the greatest thing to, possibly the only good thing to happen for the Jews in a minute and a half. Did you get stopped at synagogue or did you not go to synagogue and it wasn't an issue? So my dad, who I said on the show, is like, oh, this is going to be my dad's favorite thing that I've ever done in entertainment.

He, I said, you're going to like this. You want to watch it. And so he watched it. And sure enough, I was not lying. Oh. He said, oh, people are loving this. And he showed me his phone. And it was like, he had gotten 13 responses from the 13 people that he sent it to in New York.

And he goes, look at this. Look at this. And he showed me his phone. It was just like, I guess, all right. All the East Coast is going crazy. All 13 of them. The entire, they're going nuts. Did he miss all the seasons of New Girl?

Oh, he's like my wife. There's like two things that they've ever pointed to that I've ever done that are like this. Not bad. Pretty good. And that was it. The four minutes on Gordon I did on the show far, my dad was like, finally, he did something. Also, the title of this episode will be Max Greenfield. My dad is just like my wife.

my wife is I think only once ever watch something that I've been in and said that's funny and I can tell you what it was it was like a Paul Shear adult swim show where I was doing and I was trying to do a British accent but it was more austral it was like a mix between Australian and British I'm not talented and uh and we did it it was like an 11 minute adult swim show that Paul shere is the funniest person are And we watched it. I remember my wife turned her. She goes, now that's funny.

I've just been nominated for an Emmy. Also, your wife knows what she's talking about. Like, she's, like, I know, she's a professional. She's literally a professional person who tells people if they're good or not. Like, I've worked with her. She gets to tell me if I'm good or not. That's got to hurt. That's very intense.

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which is much more affordable than anything else out there. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with superpower. Superpower. Not only did superpower reduce their price to just $199, but for a limited time, our listeners get an additional $20 off with the code break. Head to Superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention my ambiolics breakdown to help support the show. I'm just curious. We did a bit of, you know, fun just like looking articles up and things. A lot of people think you're gay, but you're not, which is totally your priority to people. I'm fine. I'm fine either way. It really. But I'm curious. How did you meet your wife? I don't know what point

in your career and like, like, how is that? It was, it was a, it was a, It was a long time ago. It was in, gosh, it was nearly 20 years ago. I think it was 2003. And we were out at a bar and she was there with some friends. I was there with a friend of mine. And my friend had dated for a very short period of time, one of her friends that she was with.

And he was like, oh, there's Spara. And I was like, oh, I go, I go, her friend's pretty. And then I guess she felt the same way about me. She thought I was pretty as well. And we made eyes. And then 20 years later, we're still here. That's sweet. He's describing a meat cute from a rom-com.

I don't understand what meat-cute is. This is a thing. I don't know that expression. It was in a script. And I literally was like, what's this mean? What's that mean? What's a meat cute? You ask me like, I don't know.

Is it a noun? Like, we had a. meet cute? No, it's like a trope in rom-coms where two characters see each other from across the room. The camera slows down. The light hits them just right. Their eyes meet. They both think each other is pretty. And then they fall in love and the movie goes on. That sort of was that, that, that's honestly, that's a pretty good description. Yeah, it was nice. It was, we were obviously into each other. And then it was one of those things where it just slowly got better and better and better and sort of continues to. What I heard is you had sex and then decided to have another date and then you actually liked

each other. Got it. And then we had some babies that got married. You have two babies? We have two. They're not baby. I know. I guess. Yeah. Yeah, we have our daughter Lily who is now almost 13 and our son who is seven. It's an interesting spread. Yeah, that actually is. is a minor under three years apart. Jonathan has a swing and single. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Are you from, you're from Dobbs Ferry? Yeah, you are correct. I have family that whole region, but I specifically have family in Dobbs Ferry. Really? Yeah, no, my parents are from the South Bronx. They were born during World War II.

But then, you know, we kind of scattered, like you do. My dad moved to the island of Long in 19, you know, 57 or something. that was like the Jewish dream was to leave the tenement houses of the Bronx. Anyway, so yeah, one of my dad's cousins was in Dobbs Ferry and, you know, I have family kind of, you know, all that area. But you grew up out here, right? I grew up. My mother was nine and a half months pregnant. I think it might have been a fight that my parents had because, like, she had like the four-year-old and was very pregnant and was here and he was there.

Yeah, I was born in San Diego where my mom's parents were living. We didn't have anywhere to live. we were living in their living room, and then we moved up to L.A. and stayed with other friends. My parents were documentary filmmakers and bohemians. But yeah, I was raised here like it was New York in the 1940s. Like we sat on the stoop. We played, you know, hit the penny. I was telling my kids, an activity when I was a child was just to go somewhere and sit on a bench and watch people. And they're like, and hit a penny? I don't know what the game is. You threw that one in like, oh, with your next poster, hit the pennies, two people stand across each other.

I once saw a seven foot four guy step into a hit the penny game and I said, he's slow. Then he started hitting the penny from the, and I'll go, okay, this guy's good. Do you want to hear what hit the penny is or not? I actually don't really care. Can I ask you another question, though? Do you think that you think you're better because I grew up without money? Yes. But do you think that you're, that you are against, um,

nice things? Yes. Spontaneity because your parents seemed so spontaneous. Oh. Oh, Dr. Greenfield's here. Lay down on the couch. Thank you. Um, so what's interesting, my, my dad, uh, of blessed memory, he, um, he was very, um, he was

very artistic. he was much more kind of out there. My mom was the more grounded one of the two. She, you know, as she said, like, she would kind of like pick up the pieces of the documentary film that he was like, I can't finish, I can't be a success or a failure. So she would kind of pick up the pieces. And my mom was a list maker. My mom's a first generation American and, like, was raised basically to be someone's servant,

also known as wife in the generation that she was. So she's very, very organized, very, like we had, you know, we washed our people. pillowcases every Saturday. We washed sheets in pillowcases every other Saturday. Like, we had a day where she mended all of my dolls clothing by hand and we would wash everything and put it on the line. I grew up in the 1940s and one day you're going to wonder what hit the penny is because you'll be with your kids somewhere and all you'll have is a Spaldine ball and a penny and you'll be like, what do we do? So short answer yes. Sure answer yes. But no, but I was, I had this whole conversation with my kids because they were like, we were driving somewhere and I was telling them about this

activity that my family would do and they're like so did you eat like dinner before no we didn't have money to go have dinner that frequently they're like did you was there any activity were you going to the I said no we would pick a place to go and sit on a bed they said would you have like a an ice cream I said what are you fucking crazy no you just sit on the bench how do you know when it's over someone gets bored or my parents get into a fine do you ever was like do you ever go And I'm not into this. Oh, I'm sorry. You mean, did I ever think that voicing something that I wanted or needed would be helpful?

No. Yeah, got it. Got it. My parents also, like, they were, they were a riot. They were fun. They were like the life of the party. They were great dancers. They were, they dressed amazing.

They were a gorgeous couple. Me and my brother were like their troll children. See those attractive people doing the Lindy? My dad would be like spinning her around. And we come in like quasi-mo. Oh, no. Sorry. And then how is it for you when your kids are like, I don't want to sit on the bench? Not good because I, you know, I'm still programmed to think the way, you know, parents and

children were set up. It's been, you know, it's been a real battle, you know, and my parents gave us also a tremendous amount of love. But I really did grow up believing that, like, what I say goes and like, oh, I'm sorry, you have an opinion. So what I've had to learn with this progressive wave of parenting that we are part of and the holistic way of thinking is, I hear that you don't want to sit on this bench. I'm not able to change the plans. And your choices are you can sit here and cry or you can go over there and cry where it's less annoying.

It's, it's, it's, I find myself really, like, because there's sometimes where I'll, where I'll have that conversation where I'll be like, you know what, I understand you don't want to sit on the bench right now. And let's figure out a different option. And then there's other times where I maybe I haven't gotten some sleep. I'm tired. I've got some other stuff going on in my life. And I'm just sort of like, you know, not ready to have that conversation.

I go, you're going to sit on the fucking bench. And what I find disappointing is that it's led to inconsistent parenting. And that really is where I ultimately have found that I've dropped the ball. For so long I was doing, I felt like I was really nailing the parenting thing. And then I was like, oh, that was off. That's probably confusing to the child to see you like that. Well, you know what's confusing to the parent that they're each people with individual personalities and they become cognizant and sensitive and vulnerable as humans a lot earlier than I expected.

So I was never really like, oh, I can't wait to have babies. Like, not really a baby person. Even now, people are like, look at my baby. It looks like a little old man and it's going to cry all night and shit all over you. But my kids, like I, you know, I did. I turned my life, you know, over to them. I wasn't working at the time. I was in grad school. Like, I was the milk source, the everything source. But like around three or four, they emerged as like, oh, they have a sense of humor.

They understand. Like, they make sarcastic jokes. Like, they're funny. And then I realized, oh, you can't just like do anything you want and take pictures of them and think that that's your job. Yeah. I also think they, they one day figure out to some extent. who you are. Yes.

And that's a tough one because they've pinned me as a sucker. Is that what you, is that who they figured out? Both of them. So give us an example. How are you a sucker? Well, I just, I just, I feel like what I, what I've done as a parent, and I've come to accept this because I don't think I could have done it any other way, is they They come out and you're like, oh my God, this is the greatest thing that's ever been brought into this world.

And I just, I love them. I love them, love them, love them. I love my daughter, love my son. And then at some point, some shifts. And they're like, ugh. And go, I don't need this anymore. And I'm like, I'm cool with it. That's fine.

Do your thing. But then they know how to go back to the, but then, and I'm an idiot. Right. And every time I'm like, well, what? What do you need now? And then I'm mad, like a little bit mad because I thought we were done with this. And I thought you didn't, and then it becomes a melodrama where it's just like, you know, goes back and well, if, you know, if this is, we're going to go back to this really,

going to go back to this relationship. One, I'm somewhat excited, but also, you know, you've got to pick a lane here. I remember, but it always ends up with, fine, what do you need? How much is it? When do you need it by? I remember in, I mean, it's different for every kid and I'm always embarrassed to say, you know, like when my kids started to pull away because, you know, those friends, when you're like, yeah, my kid's kind of plume. That hasn't happened for us. Must be something you're doing. I'm like, maybe it's just, you know, and then you stay up all night thinking like, how have I traumatized this child and he doesn't want to be around me? I was once reading an article when Miles was probably 10 or 11 about the pheromones of a mother, like the unconscious smells that ladies can

produce. And I'm not talking about, I'm just talking about that especially to developing boys, like in the pre-puberty puberty, that smell becomes offensive, meaning unconsciously. and I was talking to somebody and Miles was overhearing this and I was just telling about this article from the backseat I hear yeah I think that's actually what's happening I was like

you're acknowledging that you feel disdain for me but at least you know that you're supposed to love me enough to pretend like it's pheromones that you but I remember the first time like after that when they just get like a cold or a little flu and they get all cuddly and all they want is like to like and I remember I'd be like oh you're not feeling well that's so and I'd be like we're gonna have a daytime nap like the old days and I would take pictures of them I would like rock them to sleep and then do like creepy mom thing of like look like I put them down for a nap without breastfeeding it's so great now now I'm just really into dogs instead of children yeah it's left a hold I have time now oh you know they're busy they're busy they're busy I don't want to be with me.

So now I'm just, I spend a lot of time with my dog. What kind of dog do you have? Oh, I got a great dog. His name is Joey. He's a big old, he's a big old pit bull, uh, American bully mix. Oh, what does I mean? He is a, uh, he's a, we did, we did a DNA test. Of course you did.

He was, he was, uh, he's 60% pit bull, 63% people and whatever that I can't do the math right now, but the rest of it is American bully. You know what those kind of dogs? We have to look it up. It's not a bulldog. You know those dogs that are like really muscular? It looks like they gave them a bunch of steroids. Oh, it's like a cartoon dog.

Yeah, that kind of dog, which those dogs are bred to be family dogs. They look really scary. They're the sweetest dogs on earth. They do. It looks like a cartoon dog of like the tough dog on the block. Pit bulls, here's another piece of information that I probably read wrong are were originally called the nanny dogs

because they took care of children. Sweet, sweet dogs. Any event, Joey's the greatest. You would love him. I like that his name's Joey. He's just like the dude on the block. Well, that was the name that he had when we got him. We rescued him during COVID.

You did a mitzvah in rescuing that dog. Thank you. Well, I don't know. Maybe he rescued us. Wait, you got him over COVID? That's how bad COVID was for you. You got a dog. My kid's trick.

me. And you said, okay. Of course, just like, yes. So we were locked in our house and they had been begging and begging and begging for a dog, specifically my daughter. And finally, I said, if we were ever going to do it, this is the time to do it. And so you could foster a dog. And so I called this wonderful place called Wags and Watts, which is here in L.A. It's in Culver City. And I spoke to this wonderful woman named Erica. And I said, Erica, here's the deal. I've got kids. We're going to try to do this. I'm not going to be a good dog owner.

It's questionable who the alpha in the house is, if anyone. I'm not going to train a dog. It just, it's not, that's not in my nature. It'll train me. And I just need you to guarantee me to the best of your ability that it's not going to be aggressive. towards a child because we have children coming in and out of this house. Anything else I don't care. We'll take whatever you got.

And she goes, you need Joey. And I go, okay? So she sends us this mugshot of this like, you know, rough looking dog. And I showed it to my daughter. And my daughter was like, no way. And so, you know, she wanted some like little lap dog, some cute little thing. And I was like, I don't know that that's going to happen. And so we convinced her a week later.

I was like, I think we should go meet Joey. So we went down to meet Joey and I was at my height of sort of neurotic, like neuroses. And I was like, we are not taking Joey home. I go, we are going to go meet Joey. I said, we're going to feel this out, see what it's like. And then we're going to leave. And we'll talk about it. And then we will revisit Joey just to see if it's the same dog.

that we met on the first because you don't want to take somebody home. Anyway, so I'm like screaming at them in my, in the car on the way down there. And my wife, they're all like, what is his problem? We get down there. Joey comes over to us.

We're sitting there. He's the greatest dog on earth. And within five minutes, my wife looks up at them and goes, we're going to take him home. And she looked at me and then I went, I just don't see how we can. And so Joey got in the car with us and it was the best day in my life.

Wow. Have you had a dog before? We've had it. I had a dog growing up named Mr. Bill. Mr. Bill was an asshole. No connect. No, we just didn't. We didn't connect.

We never connected. And then my parents rescued a dog later in life named Alice. and Alice was a sweetheart. But I was at an age where I was probably too much into myself to really understand how great Alice was. I was like early 20s at that point. And then Joey was the next dog that came into our life and changed, you know, just changed everything. Soffened us all up. That's very sweet.

We're warming up. We're warming up. We're on the long-term plan for trying to get a dog. Like maybe in 10 years we'll get a dog. just waiting for the cats to die you're waiting for my cats to die I didn't want to say it like that but I How many cats do you have?

I have three I had four but one died over COVID Four is the tipping point Four is the tipping point Like three is like cats Do they run outside? No we don't do outside cats Their house cats

Yeah well I had The greatest cat I've ever had Was Esau And he was a hairless wonder And he lived to 12 It's pretty good And he was very special And had no hair

But a little peach fuzz on his Poth He was ridiculous Would you like to ask Max Some of the questions That we thought would be fun to ask him We've covered some of them But Max we were prepping for this interview

And we were like What are we going to talk to Max about? And I was like This is why we shouldn't do anything spontaneous I need three months to prepare To speak to Max So we just started jotting a list Of random questions

Just things The first one is like There's no order to these either. So, like, the first one that I'm looking at is like, what annoys you most about humanity? What annoys me most about humanity? I mean, it's such a broad question. And there's the obvious stuff. You know, sometimes you'll turn on some news channels and there's some people on there and you go,

Huh. Feels like your actions are contradictory to what you're saying with your words. And that's pretty frustrating. But in general, you know, I try not to throw a lot of judgment out there into the world. That's not we were looking for. Like, I have a thing about leggings. I don't understand leggings. I don't know that it's like the thing that I find is most wrong with humanity.

But like, to me, like, I come from a time when like leggings were what you war at the gym. So it just takes getting used to for me to be out in the world in the last, say, 10 to 15 years when like everyone's just in their yoga clothes all the time. It's a lot of information. But we just thought Max might be the kind of person who's like, you know what bugs me when they run out of cocoa powder at the Starbucks. Like I don't know. Oh, for sure. I mean, look, although, you know, I'm so tired all the time. I just have stopped giving you shit. I honestly, like, I just. I'm so fucking tired

I got these two kids I'm trying to like raise That's fair And anything else in the world I'm just like oh fuck You know what it's annoying This podcast No gosh please

The Knicks can be annoying I feel like I feel like I like a white t-shirt But as soon as I get it I spill something on it I only say this because I got a really nice white t-shirt. I got a gift certificate to a place that I liked. And I said, I'm going to buy like a nice white t-shirt.

It's going to fit good. I'm going to like it. And sure enough, it did. Within a day, I spilled something on it, and then I can't get it out. And so I colored over it with markers to, like, make a design on it, to make it look cool. And I was doing this last night. And my daughter was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I don't want to talk about it.

Next question. Moving on. complaints that your wife has about you. Yeah, what's something that your wife is annoyed with you about? Now, this is a list. I'm taking notes. Oh, my God. Where do I begin?

Do you leave the cupboards open after you take something out of them? No, but she does. Yeah, she does. And oh, does it bother me. No, we went from. I'm feeling so tired. I have to raise these children. I forgot that.

You got it. Okay. So what do you do that she feels that way about? I probably closed the cupboards too often. It's like that's really, that's the... I wasn't done in there. That's what I say to people. Like in the middle of her putting the dishes away from the dishwasher, you're like closing the cupboards.

Are you neat? Very. Oh. And then I'm like, I'll get everything, I'll get everything tidy in the house. I'll be like that. Ah, foof. And she'll go, is it clean enough? Can you relax now?

Or it's more like this. Oh, are you tired now? Because nobody asked you to do all that stuff. But that's the most fun is to do things no one asks you and then make them feel bad that you did it. That's my favorite activity. What level of neat are you? Are you like a fold your socks in the drawer all lined up nice? No, it's not that bad.

It just, I need the kitchen. I can't go to sleep unless the kitchen's clean. Got it. And I have to make my bed every morning. I got to make the beds every morning. I can't leave the house unless the kitchen and the beds are made. And I can't go to sleep unless the kitchen is clean. For some people, they may not operate like that.

But for me, and it sounds like for you as well, it makes more room in my head when that clutter is not around. I think there's a whole topic here around spirituality and consciousness. Do you consider yourself as spiritual person? Jonathan just went deep right there. Yeah, big time. Do you believe in God? Like, do you have a God of your understanding? For sure.

For sure. Yeah. You have a God of your understanding. Did you have that as a child? Like, did you grow up as like, I believe in God? Or has it changed as you got older? No, I think I was really searching for it for a long time. And it wasn't until I got sober that I found that I was able to connect to something.

and then through recovery really found a god of my understanding. And I mean, it's a spiritual-based program. And so being able to connect to something and find some spirituality in your life and having it grow over time has really been probably the most meaningful part of my life. Huh. And I don't know the timeline sort of of your universe. Was that something you found before you had kids? or was this in the time that they've been alive?

It was before I had children. Thank God. Yeah, I felt like I had enough of a spiritual foundation when we had children that it allowed me to really, it gave me the perspective that I needed because I don't think had I not had that, parenting would have been a much different experience. You know, just from my interaction, like you're a very, you're a very funny person.

You like making people laugh. There's a, there's a real comfort, I think, you know, there's a real comfort for you, I think, in being a performer and in being funny, meaning it's, it comes very, very, you know, it's very effortless. And, you know, I think it's part of your charm. Like the word is Hamish. Like, there's a real Hamish equality about you. You feel like you know you.

You know, it's a friendly kind of humor that, that you have in a way about you. I'm curious, you know, before sobriety, were you funny different? Oh, great question. I wish I knew. I think, I think at times I was funny the same. And then I think there were a lot of times where I probably thought I was funny the same. and probably was not. This is something that, you know, I ask myself

when I think of kind of my own journey. And, you know, I've sat in rooms where we, you know, talk about the things we do to, you know, kind of fill, you know, that sort of God-shaped hole. What do you feel you were looking to fill? Like, can you put your finger on it? Meaning, like, the problem is never the thing.

The problem is what you feel when you turn to the thing to not feel that. So, you know, like I'm curious if there's like one thing that you put your finger on. Yeah, I mean, for sure it was a lack of connection. I thought I was alone and I thought I had to do this all by myself. And I was convinced of that. I thought anything that was affecting me in life, my feelings, they were all unique to me. And I was very specifically different.

And that really took me to a dark place because, you know, you spend enough time there. And it gets really lonely and scary. And it wasn't until I was able to ask for help and find a group and eventually a connection to something bigger than myself. Did I then feel connected to not only the group, but to the world and to the people. around me and then life got a lot easier. And when I get disconnected from that is when life gets challenging. And I've got to continue to remind myself to dial back in and connect and be a part of as opposed to living over here outside of. Very well said. Are you open to just like talking a little bit about what that practices for you to feel connected to something greater

than yourself. Is it a daily practice? Is it meditation? One of my big problems is I'm very forgetful. So, you know, I'll forget the work that I have to do to stay connected. I sometimes will forget that it is not only just a daily thing for me, but it is a sometimes a several times a day thing for me. And so, you know, I got, there's, there's work to be done. And I think part of that work is constantly checking in on myself, no, and having, you know, having been sober for a long time, it's been close to 17, 17 years, I think. I know, I know when I'm, I know when I'm off.

And I know, I know how I, I usually know how I get off or what might, you know, I, you know, pull me out of it, um, out of some sort of connection. And, uh, and luckily I also know how to get back. And it's usually as simple as just picking up the phone and having a conversation,

um, you know, not choosing not to react when I, when I probably, when I, when my, when my instinct is to, um,

engage and taking, I always say, my state of friends might I'll be like, you know, sometimes, I want to start a sentence with I think or I feel. And that's always a sign that I'm about to make a mistake. And so I'll want to run those ideas by somebody before, you know, I run them by my wife or my kids or my coworkers.

No, it's important. And what I hear when you're talking is like knowing where home bases both psychologically and emotionally. Yeah. And I think it's like a learned humility in that, whoof, I am a flawed person. I have to really check myself. And I have to stay within what I know works for me. Even though I'm convinced on some days, there's something else out there. Should we talk about comedy?

Let's talk about comedy. What are you laughing at these days? What's making you laugh? My son is really funny right now. And it's just, it's a lot of like dick and balls jokes. They love them. And I'm going to be honest, they really, they get me. They get me every time.

I think that they're not going to. And sometimes I'm like, hey, man, I really wish there was some, like a different area you could explore in terms of humor. And then as soon as I think that, he'll come back with some other like D's nuts jokes. And man, they get me every time. There's a handful of comedians too. I really like, I appreciate this sort of focus on stand-up right now. So like Nick Kroll, Malaney, Chelsea Peretti. I just watched Nick's show the other night

and I just was like, thank God. Yeah. Yeah, we just started it. It's just, very, very good stand up right now. Yeah, it's just the right amount of like really smart humor and also silly. Yeah. Max, where can we direct people for them to find things about you if you'd like them to learn more about you? Oh, God.

Well, you can just, you can Google it and get all sorts of information about me. I like to do Instagram. We know you had a TikTok viral moment. I'm on it. I'm on Instagram, for sure. My daughter is forcing me to do TikToks these days. And I've got a children's book coming out that I'm very excited about. Tell us more.

I wrote the first book, this one, I don't want to read this book, which is great. It's illustrated by Mike Lowry. It's all about not wanting to. It's for reluctant readers or kids who have, you know, It's for any type of reader, but if you have a reluctant reader or someone who's struggling with reading, it's all the reasons why you maybe don't want to read a book. And by the end of the book, you've read a book. And then we felt like there was more to say after the first one. So we did another one, which is maybe a little bit more of a fun take on it.

And it's called This Book is Not a Present. It walks you through an fun way of the experience of opening up a gift and realizing it's a book. and for a child who might be disappointed if that's what they were given. Awesome. I don't know when this is airing, but you are coming up on the 100th episode of your current show. We should give a shout out. Yeah, the neighborhood. We are rallying towards 100.

I don't know what I'll do when we celebrate 100 episodes. I mean, Jay Gordon wanted to know what you're going to do. This is, you have a lucrative career on many seasons of shows, before this, that's a really, it's a very sweet run. And Cedric the Entertainer is on the neighborhood, in case people don't know, not just you. Yeah, Cedric is the greatest. He's the lead of our show. He's, he really is like he's, he's everything you want in a number one on a show.

I remember when we were doing live audience shows before COVID, I remember getting in there. And, you know, the show at the beginning was, I mean, it was definitely. Cedric show, but it was a two-hander and the posters were he and I. I was like, okay, well, this is a real partnership. And I still think it is. But when we started the show and we were in in front of an audience, the way he would just command the audience and get them engaged in what we were doing that and doing and walking them through everything, I was like, whatever this guy wants, man, I will do. This is, I am so happily the number two. If he wants me to be number three, I'll be the number three on this thing.

I don't care. Like, this is the greatest. He really is a true leader on a set. And I'm, and also the funniest guy ever. And so it's been such a great experience working with him. And if there's any reason why we're hitting 100 episodes, it's because of him. It was very spontaneous of me to, first of all, have a texting relationship with Max at all after our James Corden, Russia, Shana party. It was-New Year, New Year, New Year, New Me.

It was very spontaneous for us to. just like make a list of questions that we'd love to hear him riff on. And I'm going to go ahead and say, I really enjoyed talking to him and he shared some really beautiful things with us. He also is mesmerizingly attractive when you're looking at him from this angle. Like when I was on the couch with him, like, yeah, he's handsome, but like looking at him this way, I was like the eyebrows and the cheek with a chin. It's like. So much smiling on that guy. He's very, very attractive eyes. I thought we could circle back in this conclusion on checking in on myself and the practice. of feeling connected.

You're starting to move away from the mic. Maybe you don't want to have that conversation? No, I'm actually creating movement, which for me is very soothing. And I was actually at the somatic person that I'm doing work with today. And she was talking about how everybody has a different sense of comfort and safety. And for some people, movement is necessary for safety. And for other people, it's not. But I think, you know, generally speaking, I think what,

what Max was talking about and I think what you and I talk about is, you know, in order to know what feels safe, you have to kind of know your needs first. And if you start doing all the things that other people tell you to do, it's actually not going to work. And I was having this conversation actually with my older son. I was explaining to him just talking about the different changes we go through as adults and that like I'm still in therapy doing work where I'm like learning new things about myself. Like things I really didn't understand like finally clicking together. I'm like, I did not know I'd have to learn. so much about myself this late in life,

I thought I would just be enjoying my life by this time instead of like, what is this? Why am I doing this? Why am I mean to this person? Why am I snapping at Jonathan? You know, and I said that to Miles, I said, you know, like it's a whole process of discovering yourself. And if someone would have tried to tell me the things that I'm doing now,

if they would have told me to do that 30 years ago, it wouldn't have worked. It didn't work. Like you have to come to know yourself in the, context that you're actually in. I wish that when you first told me that I need to, you know, stop using overhead lights past 9 p. Like, I wish I would have listened to you. But sometimes we need to hear the message different ways and be at different points in our life to finally be like, this is who I am and therefore this is how I know when I'm off kilter. Like I didn't know. My older son said to me, he's like, I didn't even realize my stomach gets upset when I'm nervous, right?

It's like, it takes living and being in different situations to be like, oh, that's not just like take a pill. That's like, whoa, something's up. And for me, it's like, it's my nail biting. It's my sleep. It's nightmares. It's, you know, it's whatever it is. Those are all indications that something's, you know, out of whack. We've all had a different acclamation to what that normal baseline is. So when we're reestablishing, hey, what does safety feel like? Right. If you've never really felt safe, then you kind of, you drop in. You're like, well, I don't know where to return to. And so what I like about this idea of home and base, even if you're someone who has never really felt that safe by starting to establish what is safety and then

deepening that to feel more and more levels of safety, you begin to know when you're off kilter because you know where to return to. What I really love that Max said, though, was he talked about home base also being accountable. And that's something that I think is not something we talk about a lot. And when the three of us, we took a quiz that talked about, you know, like personality types. And a lot of the questions were about accountability. Like, can you hold to something if you're not having to report on it?

And like, for me, like, I love a checklist. I love homework. Like, that's what cognitive behavioral therapy is interesting to me because it's like, do this, do that, the other. And when I saw this Semitic therapist woman today, we did three specific exercises and she wrote them on a piece of paper. And this is where it started to go wrong. she's like, but you can really just decide.

No, you can't. So what she was saying was like, for some people, whatever order, whatever feel. And I was like, I need us. I should do this for this many minutes. I should do it this number of times a day. But once she heard that, once I said that, she's like, got it.

I get who you are. Please do these every day before you go to bed. She's like, got it. Everybody's different. But for me, like, I need that accountability. What Max was talking about is, especially when you find sobriety or sanity, you know, of whatever variety, the purpose of things like 12-step programs, support groups,

is that you have people who get to know all about you, meaning in little bits, and for some people it takes years to reveal, you know, who they are to a group of people because many people are like, I'm not a group person. Like I was that way too. And to some extent, I still am. But to have a group of people who've heard your shit, who know what it looks like when you're faking it, like that's the home that you come back to,

right? And that's, you know, in programs where you are paired with, where you choose a sponsor or, you know, you choose someone to work with, that's who that person is the person you, you've got one person you can't bullshit, you know, because I bullshit you all the time. I do, meaning like I'll act like I'm okay when I'm not. I'll act like I don't want to hug when I do. I'll act like I don't want to be around you when what I really need is for someone to be around me, you know? And like that I, I can't always be honest, but to have a person that I know I can call, I can text and say, it's like they've given me the vocabulary to be able to say, I'm feeling shitty. I'm withholding from the person who I actually need comfort from. I want to

blow things up. And to have someone say, I know what you're like when it's like that. And here are the things I'm going to remind you to do and not do, right? Don't act. Don't. Don't act. Don't start meaningful conversations after 9 p.m. Some people say 10, I push it to 9. Don't eat over it. Don't numb out, you know? Yeah, I have a pattern that you and I have been talking about for a while, which is that everything is a catastrophe and that type of thinking spirals really quickly. It's like one thing doesn't go right and then another thing and this person isn't going to ever call back and that person isn't going to go and then I'm going to lose every dollar. I've ever had in my life and the fires are going to burn my house down and I'm going to have no place

to live. And also what I've noticed and look, everybody's different, you know, the people that you're, that you most frequently that you work with, that you interact with, you really want to disappear. You want to have no needs, you know, meaning like, meaning like, I don't need this, I don't need that. This person let me, you know, and it's like a pulling away. And then for me, that just triggers like, but come here. Like, I want to make it better, right? But to connect this back to this idea of checking in is that the other day I had a trigger. Totally. And, and, and, and, And I was able to say to you in the moment, this is what's happening. And I know right now I am not having sane thinking.

And I'm having... And I'm having... I'm not trying to fix it. A little bit of trying. And I said, like, I... It used to be that when that would happen, I would be like, this is true and that's true. And I'm taking action and I need to do this. They're angry little fingers.

I'm typing this. Got to reach out and fix the thing. And what did I say to you? As he's typing, though, when this happened, he was angrily typing. I'm like, would you like, would you like to give this? a three second pause? How about a three minute pause? No, send. It's gone. However, after the sending, but then you stopped. I stopped. And I was like, I am totally not okay right now. And what do I need to do to try and come back to a sense of normal? Sit in synagogue for four hours. No, that wasn't it. I needed to

take a walk. I needed to clear my head. I needed to be somewhat distracted. So, because I knew my mind is, if I have nothing right now, it's not numbing out, but it's like, if I allow, I. my mind to do nothing else right now and be in silence, I'm going to ruminate. There's no way that I... That is numbing out. It really is. Meaning ruminating is its own, it's its own cycle of addictive, you know, behavior also. And I had enough perspective that I'm like, I know that I can't fix this right now.

And I know that there's information that I need in order to take a next step that I don't have right now. So what do I need to do until I get that information in order to stay sane? And that was, I need to listen to a podcast. I was feeling out of control. I was feeling anger. I was feeling resentment. I was feeling injustice.

I was feeling a huge amount of sadness. It was like, and even I could feel my anger and I would be like, yes, I'm angry. And it's not only about the situation. Yeah. I can feel the sadness underneath the situation. And I said to you, I'm like, I need to go home and cry. I'm in a public space right now. And all I feel is overwhelmed.

and I had to like navigate through that. And I would say that even two years ago, even a year and a half ago, that state probably could have lasted days, even a week. It could have like... Six months ago. And it didn't disturb my sleep last night. I slept well. And today it didn't consume my whole day.

And I was able to get the information that I needed. And while I am still annoyed by the situation, it was a different level of checking in. And I do attribute that to sort of saying, wait a second, I know that I'm straying from home base because I've tried as much as I can, not perfect at it, to practice, oh, this level of obsession, anger, annoyance is not a natural state. It's not where I have to live all the time. And so when it comes up, it's easier to recognize. How do you feel? I mean, I feel really a lot more optimistic than I did even 24 hours ago. And to me, it's not about not getting thrown off our game.

It's about how quickly we're able to bounce back or to reorient ourselves. Do you feel proud of yourself? I think I have a hard time with pride in general. I feel a sense of, I feel a sense of, yeah, I don't know. It's not like, oh, you did a good job. it's like, oh, thank goodness that whatever those demons are, which sometimes emotions, especially when they come up with such intensity, can feel like, holy, how am I, you know, navigating this, they don't have to feel like they're going to overtake me.

And I think in the past, sometimes in my past, when I have a really strong emotion like that, it's like, oh, it consumes everything. You actually, you said you felt like hurting something. I have a punching bag in my garage. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like I felt when it initially happened, it would like sort of, the trigger was like seven o'clock at night. And we got back around 9.30 or so.

And like I couldn't get it out. I couldn't like shake it, move it. And I was like, yeah, I needed to kick and punch and like have a very physical expression of it. Were you able to enjoy my singing that evening? No. Would you like to listen to it again? What is the right answer? From our breakdown to the one we hope you know.

never have. We'll see you next time.