Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - PART TWO: Betty Guadagno's Incredible NDE, What She Learned & How to Access Your Spiritual Awakening

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

From Drug Addiction to Divine Awakening: Betty Guadagno’s Mind-Blowing NDE & Spiritual Transformation In one of the most jaw-dropping and unforgettable interviews we’ve ever had, Betty Guadagno, a transformation coach and spiritual teacher, shares her extraordinary journey from homelessness, sex work, and heroin addiction to a profound near-death experience (NDE) that completely altered her life and awakened her soul. After a drug overdose, Betty Guadagno left her body and had a real NDE that revealed higher truths about suffering, purpose, and the afterlife. She experienced her parents’ tragic double suicide from their perspective, explored multidimensional timelines, and discovered that she had chosen this life before birth. Her experience was a VR-like simulation of the Matrix, where she witnessed past lives, soul contracts, and the interconnected nature of consciousness. Betty Guadagno’s near-death experience reveals: - Her life before the NDE: addiction, trauma, and hitting rock bottom - The root causes of heroin addiction, withdrawal, and disordered eating - How shadow work and spiritual awakening saved her life - Her out-of-body journey through time, space, and creation - The spiritual lessons from her NDE about reality and the afterlife - Her connection with her deceased father across dimensions - Why she believes humanity is undergoing a global spiritual awakening - How she helps others heal through her work as a transformation coach - The power of angels, spirit guides, and higher self communication This is more than a survival story! it’s a soul-altering journey that will challenge your beliefs about life, death, and consciousness. Buckle up for a conversation that blends NDE stories, trauma healing, and spiritual awakening like never before. Betty Guadagno's website: ⁠https://buddhabetty.com/⁠ Betty Guadagno's YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@buddhabetty⁠ Betty Guadagno's Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/buddha.betty⁠ Follow us on Substack for Exclusive Bonus Content: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BialikBreakdown.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube.com/mayimbialik⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, I'm I'm Bialek. I'm Jonathan Cohen. Welcome to Part 2, Wow, of our conversation with Betty Guadano, transformational coach who survived decades of trauma and substance abuse, prostitution, and eventually had this unbelievable near-death experience in which she experienced a spiritual transformation that took even more recovery to process. We talked in part one about the last. that she was leading when she was a child, when she was a teenager, into her 20s.

And we talk about in part one the circumstances that led to her finding herself on her bathroom floor in and out of consciousness and experiencing a realm beyond the one that we can access. We highly recommend you listen to part one. Part two talks about how her recovery continued after she came out of this near-death experience. In case you listen to Part one, and you're wondering what the heck happens after you have that kind of experience, part two is going to explain everything that happened. Does she ever find the laundry? Big question. We're also going to be able to talk to Betty in more detail about what her life is like now

in terms of how she integrates the world, how she sees herself, how she navigates with guides and angels, and what are the things she taps into and helps others tap into so that she can continue to maintain not only recovery and sobriety, but really living a life that she believes she's here to play the part of as we all are. It's so fascinating to hear more about her spiritual connection, her intuitive gifts, her mindset, the shadow work that she does in order to embrace and integrate all the parts of herself, including having character development for her spirit guides and saying that spirit guides are actually the customer service for life here on earth. and she explains how each one of us can access them so.

We cannot wait for you to hear part two of our conversation with Betty Godaño. Also, you can find her at budapetty.com and at her Instagram by the same name. And here is part two of us talking with Betty Godineau. Break it down. Right in the moment when you wake up, or I imagine sort of your awareness coming back slowly, you're probably disoriented. You're like, where am I? It takes you a minute to sort of relocate.

yourself and then that starts to be like what the like so you have some of these images in your head that you're trying to parse out definitely and you know I didn't get to bring everything back with me not everything stuck and even now certain things kind of come in and out but I definitely just thought that it was drug-induced psychosis I didn't think that it was anything else I had never heard of a spiritual awakening I had never even though I was eating tons of psychedelics I was not exposed to any part of culture around it like now I know that why lots of people eat psychedelics to induce spiritual awakenings. You had never had that experience with psychedelics?

No. What was it like when you took psychedelics? Well, I felt smarter, you know? I definitely, I could tell that I was getting a little bit smarter each time that I was taking them. And so I kind of became addicted to them because I liked the feeling of being. Did you hallucinate? I never really like, I didn't have a hallucination like that, like what I had hallucinated

in this particular experience. But, yeah, like I'd see colors or like somebody's face would melt or whatever. The walls would cry. So you wake up, ish, or you're coming back into awakening. You're processing these things. You kind of recognize that it's dark out and it was light before. You put on a bow tie on your naked body and you record yourself. You looked great, I have to say.

It's a filter. But yeah, thank you. It's a filter. I just almost died from taking all the drugs. I used a filter. I still had to, like, maintain my appearance. Yeah, you know, like I was living my life was so reckless then. So what we're talking about is that the next day I went on Instagram live and I was like,

you guys, I died. It was crazy. But at that point in time, I was soliciting myself 24 hours a day. And so I would go on to Instagram naked and I would be like, hey, do you want to come hang out? My whole Instagram was just full of guys from Tinder. And it was just like a way for me to solicit myself. But I was trying to get out these very deep thoughts.

And then as I was interacting where, you know, people inside the live. It was like they each had a piece of information for me. Like this one girl was talking about Osiris, an Egyptian mythology, is the god of the dead. And I was like, I saw him. Oh my God. I'm remembering that I saw him. And it was amazing because little pieces of the puzzle were coming together.

But again, I just thought that it was some crazy hallucination. And so I just wrote it off as, you know, an insane trip. What is the next week? Yeah, then what happens? Yeah, talk us to the next week. and then we'll sort of incrementally keep going. Okay. So my life was chaos.

It was total debauchery and hedonism and just really, really chaotic. You're just back in the disease. I was totally, yeah, back to prostituting myself, back to using drugs, back to manipulating, back to stealing, back to lying. Because you weren't feeling like this was your spiritual awakening. Not at all. And I'm this soul. You were just like, that was crazy. Yeah.

That was weird. Okay, back to business as usual. and I kept, things kept coming in my path to stop me. But again, I have no awareness of what all of this means. The tracks have been laid. Yes. Now when you're experiencing these signs in the external world,

they're interacting. Trains coming into the station. They're interacting with something very different inside of you. I had been rerouted onto a very narrow path, but I still thought that I was on this big highway. And so every time that I tried to make a step on the big highway, something would come and say, wait, and put me on to this little narrow path again. So one of the things that happened to me was that all of my drug dealers,

simultaneously on the exact same day, decided to stop selling drugs, block me and have nothing to do with me ever again. These are ten people, okay, that I would have been dealing with for ten years. All of a sudden, I'd call up one guy like, hey, man, I got to pick up, what's up? He's like, listen, I found Jesus. I want to be a good father. I'm out of the game. Don't ever call me again. Click blocked. Weird. Okay. Call the next guy on the West. I got plenty of guys to call. Same exact story. I'm like, where has Jesus been hiding all of this time? How are all of these men finding Jesus? Like, where is he? And it was insane. But again, it was, the universe was shoving me onto this very narrow path that I did not want to be on. So did you still find a way to get drugs? Of course. I'm a drug addict. Of course. I found ways. But every time that I would pick up drugs, like, you know, I live in New York City. So I'm like, go into.

the projects or go to this spot, go to that spot, go to a bar, blah, blah, blah. Every time that I would pick up, it would be bunk, it wouldn't work, it would rain, it would get wet, I would, I had a hole in my pocket, like, everything that could go wrong was going wrong, and it was impossible for me to stay on this path. This is the story of the guy who gets to heaven after dying in, you know, a horrible fire. There's a fire, and the firefighter comes, and he's like, I'm waiting for God to save me, and then he gets to heaven and God's like, I sent you a firefighter.

So this is kind of interesting because it was kind of like, whatever you believe in, there were all these possibilities to see openings that you were coming to see. Yes. So do you get high again after that, or do you start to go into withdrawal? Yeah, I started to go into withdrawal.

So you can't get high. You just cannot find drugs. I cannot. I was buying drugs and they just were not working. That is some divine intervention. I know. Really, yeah, except they didn't feel like that. It felt like a punishment. It felt like the universe really hated me. Yeah. And when people talk about this with alcohol, you know, what they say is that, you know, the thing that helped you escape from being sober, right? The problem is not the drinking. It's sobriety, right? So when they, when you hear people talk about this, what they say is that like the one crutch, when it stops working, you're just stuck with all the things that you were drinking in the first place to make go away.

except they're not going away. And that's usually like when you're on your knees, right? So what happens when you're in this place when you essentially are at a breaking point? Yeah. So I was going through withdrawal. I was on day three, which is the worst day because it's like right at this hump. And I was welcoming death. And I remember saying out loud, I can't even kill myself because I can't even get out of bed to figure out a way to do it. I can't even go grab a knife. I don't have any strength. I can't even go to the store and get like a hundred time and all because I can't move. And right then I heard this voice and it told me that I could request what I wanted fixed. And so I was in the throes of desperation. So I was like, okay, strange voice. And I was very

over intellectual about it because I had been to rehab enough times to know, I want my pain receptors and my neurotransmitters fixed. I want to no longer be physically dependent on heroin. I didn't say that I wanted to be rid of my drug addiction because I still definitely wanted to smoke. meth and eat LSD. I just didn't want to be physically tethered to this one substance. They told me to lay back. What did the voice sound like? Just like a very like stoic, manly kind of, but like comforting.

Like my voice, Betty? Not quite, not quite. It was like, you know, it was like very stoic. Was it Morgan Freeman? Oh my God, that would be so good. I don't know. I've never really thought about it. I don't know.

But it was, it was male. It was calm. Yes. And it was very steady and safe. And I laid back and I counted backwards from 10 and as I did, these two little men appeared in my mind's eye. And they were wearing these white lab coats and they had these bulbous noses and they had these two little lawnmowers that manifested in front of them. And I watched them take off in separate directions inside my mind and they started plowing out the crevices of my brain. And as they did, I felt these intense hot tingles start to take over the whole crown of my head.

And then as they finished, there was this bright white flash. And in that moment, I was instantaneously healed out of day three of heroin withdrawal. Moments before, I was sick all over myself welcoming death. And then here I was completely well and healed and fine. And I was crying out. I threw myself on the ground. I'm crying out, how could this be happening to me? I don't believe in this.

You could tell you were healed. Absolutely. It was instantaneous. I was just an agonizing pain. And then all of a sudden I was completely fine. And I threw myself on the ground and I was crying out like, I'm not worthy of this. Like you could not have picked a more unworthy person to bestow this kind of grace on. And for the contrast, I was a militant atheist, an orphan to suicide, a liar, manipulator, thief, prostitute, drug addict, terrible human being.

And I was completely covered in grace and healing. And as I was affirming, I'm not worthy of this. I'm not worthy of this. I heard them chanting, but you're worthy of all the love in the universe. That's what you're dancing. You're worthy of all the love in the universe. And after that, I just, I thought it was the second coming of Christ, obviously. You know, I was like, well, I got to go out and do good deeds and, like, lay hands on homeless drug addicts because I am the Messiah.

Hold one second. Day three. Of withdrawal. Of withdrawal. Wild miraculous recovery. Two men reorganizing your brain to cure your pain receptors. Sounds fine. You feel great. Day three, you're now like, I'm cured. I need to go save people? Or is that like, let's have a meal and a bath or a shower and then go on day four?

No, I was like ready to go out and like spread the word, even though I had no idea what the word was. Yeah. So, so, I mean, we don't know, obviously clinically what happened. But what you're describing is there's some sort of revelatory moment that I can't explain. but it seems to have sent you into some sort of mania. And it was like delusions of grandeur. Completely. So this is like we're entering a different realm of some of the mental addiction stuff, right, that's coming in. And when a mind experience is what you experience, there is no way to comprehend it. So you will make up whatever you can to give it structure.

So what made sense is like, okay, I must be having some sort of revelatory, you know, religious experience. and I've been awakened and it stimulates a whole set of chemicals that are like, you're God, right? Yeah, absolutely. So, and it's the extremes. It's the same thing with addiction, right? From self-deprecation to delusions of grandeur. There's no in between because I...

I'm the most important piece of shit you've ever met. Yes, yes, yes. So that's what temperance and balance is all about. That's what integration is all about. And you didn't have a therapist to hold your hand and be like, let's do an integration on your experience like they do with all the psychotherapy, you know, assist at psychedelics. Right. Yeah. It was very, very intense. But yeah, now I went out, I tried to go buy an RV because I thought I was supposed to travel the country and preach. On day three?

Yes. Like, right after this happened, maybe it was the next day that I went to the RV dealership. And I was like, I have a message from God. I'm supposed to preach about it. I need an RV to do it. And they were like, great. We just need a credit card and your license. And I was like, oh, I don't have those things. They were like, what? I was like, I don't have a license. God didn't tell me I needed a license. I have negative $300. in my bank account, will that do? They were like, no, that's, you got to go, bye. But I was unhinged.

You know, like, the crazy people that you see on the subway, that was me. Like, I was on the subway. How long did this last? It lasted several weeks. Whoa. Yeah. And you're lucky you didn't die in that time because you could have thought, like, I also can't, I'm going to step in front of this subway.

I don't know. I did think that I was dead. I didn't think I could step in front of a subway. I mean, but I did think that I was dead. The whole time, I still kind of do, think that I was just, dead. But I think that I don't understand what death is. And so death just actually means like, oh, I was sleeping and now I'm awake. Like now I have a new layer of awareness that I'm inside of. And so I've awoken to this new layer of the dream that I'm inside of.

My MBialx breakdown is supported by superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine. Drink more water. There's no real data. There's no game plan. This has happened to me many, many times, especially on the perimenopause journey. That's why we're fascinated by what superpower is doing. They send a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab. One simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers. That's way more than you usually get.

It unlocks a true understanding of your body. Their app has detailed information on heart, liver, thyroid hormones, metabolism, vitamin, and mineral levels, even environmental toxins. From disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simply, optimizing your gym game, superpower is the most comprehensive and advanced system out there. I've been super tired of constantly guessing or just trying to read articles online about what to do for health. Superpower gives you an actionable health plan based on personal results. It's a real game changer. Plus, they have an on-demand clinician team to answer questions. Supplement or prescription suggestions can be directly bought through superpower so you don't have to go anywhere else.

They also have nutritional guidance, tips for lifestyle and behavioral adjustments. You even get your true biological age that you can track over time. Superpower used to cost $499.99. Right now, it's $199 for the full experience, which is much more affordable than anything else out there. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with superpower. Superpower. Not only did Superpower reduce their price to just $199, but for a limited time, our listeners get an additional $20 off with the code break. Head to superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention my ambiotics breakdown to help support the show. What happened when you were walking around New York on the subway, laying hands on people? What was the reaction to that?

Did you get any positive affirmation that the things you were doing was working? Did you have powers? Did you heal people? That's so funny. No, I didn't. Maybe I could have if they believed and I believed. I mean, you know, and a lot of it, what you're talking about with the delusions of grandeur is confirmation bias too, right? So like, I'm walking around thinking that I'm God. And then I'm seeing 11-11 on a clock.

And I'm like, of course, there's the proof. It's right there. Like, I am God. Like, I'm doing this, you know. And so I was running around on the New York City subway system and I was proselytizing and I was evangelizing. But again, I don't know anything about God. I don't know. I definitely don't know anything about Jesus. So, but I think that I am. He was very popular back in the day. So I'm, you know, people are running away from me. People don't want to be near me. And then one day I was sitting on a train and I had no destination, just hoping to preach to the masses. But the whole train. car was empty, which is bizarre in New York City. There's nine million people there. And the doors open at a train stop and a man steps inside and he sits directly across from me even though the whole train car was empty. And around his neck was a big, blinged out 12-step fellowship emblem. And I heard this voice in my head and it said, that's your path. Follow him to a meeting. And so I went up to this strange man on the train and I said, hey, I could use some help. You

aren't on your way to a meeting by any chance, are you? And he said, yeah, I'm on my way. me. And that was the beginning of my recovery journey, which happened. Did you marry him? No. I've never seen him again, which is crazy because I don't think he exists. I don't. I really don't. He was just in spirit form. He was an angel. He really was. And, you know, because like New York, the 12-step fellowship that I'm in, you know, like it's a big city, but we all see each other, you know, and I've never seen him again. But so I went to this meeting and we told me that I had to keep making meetings, that that was going to be like my new drug. You know, I did drugs every day. now I got to make meetings every day.

So the next day I went to another meeting. And I didn't look the way that I look now when this process was happening. I was gray. I had these huge holes all over my face and my arms because every time that I got high, I thought that bugs lived inside me. And so I would rip myself open trying to get the bugs out of my skin. I was missing most of my teeth. These are paid for.

I mean, my eyes were dead. And everything was just so dead on me. And so I walk into this, it was a women's meeting. And I walked into this room and this woman grabbed me as soon as I walked through the door and she hugged me so tight. And she whispered in my ear and she said, you are worthy of all the love in the universe. Stop it. You are worthy of all the love in the universe. And I melted.

And I had this deep, guttural cry. This was my deepest moment of surrender. And I rested my head on her big boobies for as long as she would let me. And I just really seriously cried. Because the whole thing was, it felt like psychosis. It felt like delusions of grandeur. I kept hearing this message, I'm worthy of all the love in the universe, me? Like, I'm a POS.

Like, I'm not worthy of anything. And, but all those voices were invisible. And now I'm with an actual, tangible person that is holding me and whispering in my ear and saying the exact same words. And so even though I didn't feel worthy of all the love in the universe, I believed that maybe I was worth more than drug addiction and prostitution and poverty and dereliction and degradation. And so, yeah, that was really where my recovery journey started. So from that day, have you, this has been your path? Yeah. And that's been how many years?

A little over six years. Wow. Yeah. Coming back to the timeline again, you have this, you get to a 12-step meeting, you have that massive moment of surrender. But there's an interesting, integration still. Definitely. Talk to me about how that integration goes. Is it that you start to get more stability? You mentioned going into a long-term treatment facility. How do you start to integrate that experience on the bathroom floor?

What is the timeline of that? Yeah, so I went into this long-term facility, which was also, I was sent there through all these magical synchronicities as well. How long after going to that first meeting do you go into the treatment program? Three days. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

On the third day, I went to another meeting and there was this woman inside the meeting and she was the program director of that long-term facility. I knew her from before because she was the lady who said I couldn't draw my eyebrows on. So I was like, I have to ask her for help. I have to ask her for help. And so my internal monologue was like, you're a loser. You can ask for help. We're not built that way.

Don't you dare. We'll figure it out by ourselves. And so the whole meeting, I was just trying to get my courage up. and I was like, I got to talk to her. I know that she's going to help me. And when the meeting ended, I walked over to where she was and she was gone. She had left the meeting early. And so I felt totally defeated.

And then my internal monologue, man, you can't even do that right. Look, you want to ask for help and you can't even do it right. You're a loser. So I go onto the bus to go home. And when I stepped onto the bus, that woman was sitting right there. She was on the same bus as me. But she left the meeting early. And she wasn't at the bus stop in front of the meeting because that's where I was.

And I ran up to her totally manic and I was like, oh my God, I didn't think you're an angel, you're sent to Earth, you're here just for me. I want to talk to you in there. But of course I could talk to you in there because you're here. And this is crazy. I can't believe it. Please help me. Can you help me? I think that you're supposed to help me. And she said, yeah, we can help you. We have a bed come by tomorrow. And that was it. I went there the next day with just the clothes on my back. And, you know, in that process of integration, I didn't know what had happened to me. And I didn't have access to a cell phone or the interoperation. And I didn't have access to a cell phone or the interoper. for 18 months while I was in there. So I had to learn things out of books. It was very archaic. But once a week they would let me go to the library. They'd let all the girls go to the library. And so there was this small little section on religion and spirituality, and I would just

devour every book that I could get my hands on. And I really wanted to educate myself. It was the first time in my life that I was ever using my brain. And I really, really wanted to learn. And then one day I went into the library and there was this book and it was kind of halfway hanging off the shelf. And there was glitter around it. And all I saw on the side was the word miracles.

And I was like, ooh, I'm a miracle. I love miracles. I'll read a book about miracles. And the book was A Course in Miracles Made Easy by Alan Cohen. And I ate that book up. I really did. He did such a great job explaining the course in a really digestible way. And the clinical director at the program, when I went back, she had checked my bag.

And she saw that I had all these books in there about a course in miracles. And she said, oh, you know, I have a copy of the course. You can borrow it if you want. because I didn't have the $30 to buy it because I was homeless and living in a rehab. And so this woman let me borrow this book. And my whole time and treatment I spent reading A Course in Miracles and implementing the lessons into my life. For people who don't know what A Course in Miracles is, there's just incredible, I think I sent it to you. There was just an incredible article about kind of the history behind it and some of the controversy around A Course in Miracles.

I think it was in Harper's. Can you explain to people what this book is? Yes. A Course in Miracles is a metaphysical text. It's a channeled message from Jesus. It's channeled through the mind of a militant atheist psychotherapist from Columbia University. It was published in the 1970s. And it reads like stereo instructions.

It's super dense. You can tell that it's not from a human mind. And inside of A Course in Miracles, there's three sections. there's a text, a workbook for students, and then a manual for teachers. And the workbook has one lesson for each day of the year. There's 365 lessons. And it's a reprogramming. Some people call it the graduate work to the 12 steps because it really is about getting down to like bare bones reprogramming, letting go of old systems and uploading new ones.

And it was a woman. She was actually Jewish. Yes. It was a woman and it was her and what was his name? Helen Shookman and Bill. I don't know. Yeah, I think it was Bill. That's right. I remember it was Bill something. And they had this very interesting relationship and it was very complicated.

And she was channeling and he was writing down and it was just coming out of her. Like information that anyway. So a lot of people uses Eckhart Tolle talks about like there's very interesting conversations about it. So Course and Miracles for you was kind of this text that sort of bridged this phase of your recovery. Definitely. Yeah. And I did a Course in Miracles before I did the 12 steps. Wow. And, but it really helped me. And, you know, I was in a dynamic where I'm inside of this long-term rehab in bedside Brooklyn.

I'm with a bunch of people I'm forced to be around. I don't get to like pick my friends in this stage of my recovery. Like, I'm forced to be around people who mirror my trauma, who mirror my character defects, who show me what I could have in life if I stay on the right path because we're all at different stages in our recovery in this program. And that book helped me so much. It just helped me see the deeper meaning in everything. So did you then start integrating what happened in your NDE now that you had this new framework for it?

Like we were curious when it kind of clicked that this was not drug-induced psychosis, that something happened that has lasting meaning. Yeah. So I think the major marker of evidence for me was the spontaneous healing. I was like, oh, okay. Maybe that wasn't a hallucination. This is something real. And then it took me until I left that treatment program to find information about other people who have had similar experiences. I heard Dr. Mary Neal share about her near-death experience.

And I thought, oh, wow, that's actually what happened to me. Where can I find community around this? And I found that there was some virtual communities. And I started to build relationships with people who had had similar experiences. and it was really super transformative. And then even in the rooms of 12-step, when I first started sharing my story in 12-step fellowship, I used to share about the near-death experience

because I was just sharing my truth. I was sharing whatever, even though it's not really the space for it. But every time that I shared about it, somebody would come up to me after and be like, oh, my God, that happened to me too. I can't believe it. I've never heard anybody in a meeting talk about this. And so I found all these other people in recovery

that had had spiritual experiences like mine as well. And so I was able to form a little community. and I built my own, and I'm a part of a couple of different ones. I study the Baha'i faith, and that's, you know, very all-encompassing for me as well. But of course, in miracles, Baha'i-Faith, 12-step fellowship, these are my tools. I mean, it's amazing, and it's such a powerful, really a powerful story. Talk to us a little bit about Shadow Side and the work that you're doing now. I've heard you describe relating to the addiction that you have,

experienced. Talk to us a little bit about that. Yeah, a big part of my healing was doing shadow work, which is just basically embracing the darkness. I'm not trying to kill it. I'm not trying to murder it. I'm trying to compassionately understand it and integrate it into my being. So for the whole first part of my life, my shadow was my whole personality. And then I come into recovery and I don't know who I am. So at first, that was really daunting. And I would beat myself up every morning. Like, you don't know who you are. You're 35 years old. How could you not know who you are? And then one day the voice wasn't mean. And it said, you don't know who you are.

That's incredible. That means that you get to design her. How cool is this going to be? It's going to be so creative. You get to design the most authentic version of yourself. And so through that process, I had to begin to love that old version of me, which is still very, very challenging for me. She embarrassed me.

I feel like a lot of resentment towards that part of me. But she was just doing the only thing that she knew how to do. And that was just survive. So what I did was I started to compartmentalize all the different parts of myself. So in Western therapy, we would call it IFS, internal family systems, parts work. And then, you know, in Jungian philosophy, it's called shadow work. But it's all the same thing. So I do character development around all my parts.

So my addiction, he has his own shape and name and face. He's a man. He's a gay man. His name's Richard. He thinks he's so fun and fabulous. But he's a dick. And so I have to like keep myself. in communication with him because if I don't, then he'll just run amok and he'll be screaming

in my head all day long to drink or to use or to blow up your life. And I had to do it with all my eating disorders when I let go of drugs. A million eating disorders came to the surface that were always there, but I was too sedated to recognize that they existed. Sugar addiction, you know, like porn and masturbating, codependency, limerence. When you get obsessed with another person, that one's my favorite. Just like fake relationships. relationships inside my head with invisible people. And I used this method of, you know, developing personalities for each of them so I can continue to communicate with them. And I do the same thing for my light part of myself as well. I develop my spirit guides. I develop my angels. I develop

my ancestors. And it's just a lot of really creative character development to communicate with them. Is that the work you do when you work with other people? Yes. Do you specifically work with people who are recovering from addiction? Who do you work with? Anybody. Um, Yeah, I work with a lot of men. I'm still not exactly sure why Spirit leads me in that direction, but I really help people find courage. That's like the underlying theme from years of doing this, is that everybody's looking for courage and everybody wants to let go of shame and guilt. If I can sit here and tell you that I was a prostitute, I was a pimp, I was a drug addict, I hurt other people, and say it with no shame. You know, like, of course, I feel guilt and remorse for what I've done, but like guilt taps me on the shoulder. and says, okay, make it right. Shame doesn't have any place in my life today. So really I work with people who are looking to let go of shame and looking to cultivate courage to live their biggest, baddest, boldest lives. You used to be a sperm inside of a testicle. And now you are an actual human being, walking, thinking, living. Like, this is not an accident that we're here. We're not

supposed to be small. Society tells us to stay small to be safe. But so, yeah, I'm just always trying to empower people to be the best versions of themselves. What I like and is so powerful is that there's a raw authenticity and an embracing of all the parts because there's so much spiritual bypassing. And when you were talking about L.A., I kind of like held my tongue for a second because it's, you know, there's really amazing people who are on great paths here. And then there's also the bypassing who's like, I'm amazing. My fart smell like roses.

nothing I've ever done has ever hurt anyone, and I just only manifest love, and I'm just like the most pure being, and if someone has a problem with me, they're just projecting on me, and like, it's just nonsense. It's whack. That's, like, so ridiculous.

Yeah, I've only been an ally for a day, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't mean to it. No, I get it. I get it. I've heard the same things. I think now, though, even all of those kind of love and light spiritual people

and teachers, I think even now they're really beginning to become confronted with the fact that the shadow demands to be integrated. It absolutely does. And anybody who thinks that they don't have any flaws, they are delusional, absolutely. I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit about some of the most common narratives that people have that are torturing them. Because I heard a lot in your story, you know, the loser, you can't ask for help. You have to do this yourself. You're not deserving. What are some of the other narratives that you see that people are transforming? Yeah. I'm not worthy. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. That inner critic, it just absolutely needs to be assigned a new job. Again, like, I'm not going

to kill my inner critic. They're a part of me. They exist, right? My inner critic looks like Regina George from Mean Girls. She's like blonde and perfect and fabulous and whatever she thinks she is anyway. and she loves to come in and just tear up everything that I'm doing. And she's been a full-time employee inside of the working space of my mind my entire life. And so I had to have a conversation with her and say, hey, listen, we're pulling you off the payroll. We're making you freelance. You're only going to come in when we call you. And it's only going to be solution-based feedback that you're able to give.

You can't just come in and yell a bunch of stuff. Like you have to be able to offer solution to what it is that you think the problem is. And so that has been really super helpful, like when it comes to that. But I do think that for most people, it's their inner critic. And wounded inner children. That's a big theme as well, you know, like not knowing how to process trauma, how to let go of resentment. Do you work on a daily, hourly minute basis with your guides and angels? And do you think everyone has access to that?

Everybody has access to their guides and angels. Okay, our guides are our Earth customer service agents. You have to call them in order to get connection. If there's something wrong with my cable, I'm not just going to like stare at the TV and be like, oh, I wish that was better. I'm going to call up the cable company and say, hey, guys, I need you. And so they're just waiting for us to invite them into our reality. And again, do character development around them. I designed all my guides.

I have 12 of them, maybe still Messiah Complex a little bit. But my one guide, the first guide that I ever developed, his name is Philip, and he's my manifestation guide. He helped me manifest this experience. And he wears like a green polo and khakis, and they're pleaded. I'm like, Philip, come on, get with it. But I didn't know what his name was, but I knew that he was with me. And so I asked him to show me his name three times and to make it really plain that I couldn't,

you know, write it off as a coincidence or whatever. And then I came across a Phillips disc man. And I was like, disc man, like this is crazy. See, these are obsolete. They don't exist anymore. And then I went down, and this is when I was in rehab, and I went down to the community room and the TV was on and the captions were on. And on the screen, it said, Philip, Philip, philip, exclamation point. And I was like, okay, that's his name.

And you can just design it however you want. It's all about childlike imagination and intuition. Again, if we're looking for concrete, black and white evidence, you don't leave any room for faith or mystery. So like just be open to knowing that you are the designer of your reality, your thoughts shape your reality. It's something actually that you said at the very beginning of the interview when you were talking about yourself as a child, which was your creative imagination as a kid coming back now as a core skill in order to help you create the relationship with these extra sensory beings. Tell us how you worked with Philip to manifest this experience. Well, I'm always asking my guides for whatever experience I think would be beneficial for all of humanity and for the highest good for me and the highest good for all. So if that means that I get an opportunity to come and share my story somewhere, I'm going to take all those opportunities.

You weren't like, I want to talk to Miami-B-A-Lic. I would never have even been able. I would never be even able to conceptualize meeting you. It's so amazing. I have like all these stories that I want to tell you, but my boyfriend said I shouldn't. You can, he's wrong. You can tell him. We can tell you after. No, you can tell them now.

No, no, no. Yes, you can. This is my favorite part of the show. Okay, I'll just share this one little story. So when I was young, my mom used to make me audition for commercials and TV and stuff. And she made me audition for Star Surge. Okay. So I sang your song from Beaches as my Star Search audition. That's really funny.

But I forgot the words halfway through and I just sang one line over and over again. It was totally traumatized. That's amazing, though. That's a great story. That is a great story. I'm glad your boyfriend was wrong and then you should tell us. I have a question about some of the changes that occurred in you, besides, obviously, this, you know, spiritual awakening, you know, sometimes gradual, sometimes instantaneous. But there's other things that you kind of came back able to do that you didn't before.

Can you talk a little bit about what you can see in people now that you're. you never were aware that you could see before. Yeah, I think I'm much more intuitive when it comes to people's energy. And my gifts used to be really turned on. Like, I used to be able to see oras, and I would see spirals coming out of people's ears when they were lying, but everybody was always lying. So it was just a whole world full of spirals. And it used to be so intense. And I asked my guides to turn it down. I said, if you guys want me to be human, I got to be human. What did it look like to see oras? Just, you know, like an energy. around people. Sometimes just an intuition of what the color is. Like you wouldn't even really be

able to physically see it. You would just say like, that person feels green. I don't know what green means, but they feel green. What do I feel? I don't know. She turned it down. I feel yellow. Yeah, yeah. I did have a turned down though. Yeah. It was, and now my gifts show up in different ways. Like, I love shepherding people to communities. I love connecting people, you know, with resources that will help them. If I don't get to work with somebody directly, that's totally okay. I want to be able to make sure that people have access to what they need. So many people hear my story and they are struggling with addiction, you know? And there's so many free resources, you know, like I very rarely work with somebody who's dealing with addiction because all I'm going to

tell them to do is go to a 12-step meeting because I know that that's what works. And there's no point in spending money on a coach when really what you need is a community. You don't need a coach. Do you believe in a hell? No, I think that hell is a state of mind. So my life before was hell. And I just believe that everything is a system of thought. So if you believe in something very negative, then you will create something very negative for yourself. What do you – I wonder if you can talk a little bit about timelines because you've talked about how you've been able to tap into other timelines, for example, and communicate with your dad, I think was the example that I heard. What do you know about time and what was that experience like?

Yeah. So there's an infinite amount of timeline. happening all at the exact same moment. So when people talk about past lives, I believe that they're actually talking about simultaneous lives and everything that's just kind of happening in this infinity loop. So, you know, I communicate with my father

and he's in another timeline. He's my number one spirit guide. He's always with me. And he lives in a reality where his suicide attempt was not successful, but my mother's was. And so my sister and I founded him in time and he was able to be brought back to life.

And he had a near-death experience in that reality. And so the way that I perceived it when I had mine was he told me that he's been digging the well of living water for me in his reality ever since so that we could connect in these two timelines. How do you communicate with him? What does that like? It's just, again, childlike imagination, intuition. You like get quiet. No, I just like I could talk to him right now if I wanted to. Like it's just a regular conversation.

Everything is just right here. It's right in like the center of your mind. You don't have to be, yeah, I've never been into like that get quiet, get still. Like I'm from New York. Like we move. We're moving. But I do think that it's just a lot of imagination. And you just have to trust and have faith that your imagination is leading you in the right direction.

And so I ask for signs. So, you know, I didn't know if I was going schizophrenic or if this was really happening to me. But I knew that my, I knew I felt my dad. And I was like, dad, you have to let me know if. you're real. Like, I need a piece of evidence because I really think that I'm going crazy and I might have to check myself into a psych ward. I saw the image of a fox pop in front of my head. And I was like, okay, dad, if it's you, send me a fox. And so the next day I went to T.J. Max. I was like, you're in New York City. There are no foxes there. Right. There's no foxes

there. But I was on T.J. Max. And there was, you know, T.J. Max is like crazy. Like a bomb went off in there. Like, it's nuts. Like, there's stuff everywhere. It's so chaotic. Your eyes can't focus on any one thing. But I was waiting in line to pay for my garbage that I didn't need. And on the end cap, there were all these discarded items. And there was a book. And it was standing up and it said amazing dads. And there was a picture of a daddy fox and a baby fox. Yeah. And so that's his sign for me. And he follows me everywhere. Whenever I see a fox, it doesn't have to be an actual physical fox. It can come in all these different ways. I'll share another sign story if I can. Okay. So again, when I was coming into this awareness, I kept asking for signs because

I was like, I'm losing it. I'm losing my mind. I was reading this book, Gabrielle Bernstein's book, The Universe Has Your Back. In that book, she says you can ask the universe for a sign. If it's for your highest good, the sign will manifest within 24 hours. Just get your head blank and whatever the first sign that comes up is. So I asked this question about some guy, because I'm always wasting my spiritual questions about some guy. And I was like, it's this guy for my highest good.

I want to go out on a date with him. And the first sign that popped into my head was a squirrel. And this was Christmas time in New York. I was like, what? All the squirrels are gone. You'll never see a squirrel. I couldn't even conceptualize that I would see a squirrel anywhere else. And I was like, this assignment is stupid. I rejected. I'm not even going to worry about it. I'm just going to go out with the guy because I want to. And I was walking to this guy's house. And as I was walking there, I was watching the snow crunch beneath my feet. And then all of a sudden, a squirrel ran right across my feet and went up a tree. And it just parked there, eyes to eyes.

And I was listening to a song about soulmates and my headphones. And then all of a sudden the guy comes out of his apartment. And it's like this whole movie is playing out, like the spiritual sign, the soundtrack, this Adonis, my leading man, waiting for me. And this was such a blessed moment. And I was like, oh, my God, manifestation is real. This is crazy. I can't believe it.

And so the next day I was walking down the street. And there was a random book on a random mailbox abandoned for anybody to take. and I just had this really strong intuition. That book is there for you. Go pick it up. So I walk over to the book. I opened it up to a random page. The title of the chapter that I opened up the book to, The Squirrel.

Big, huge, bolded letters. My brain exploded. I fainted. I was like, this is crazy. How is this possible? Next day after that, walking down the street again. And on the bottom of a lamp post was this gigantic sticker of a squirrel. Okay, so in my head, I had thrown out this whole exercise because I was like, I'm never going to see a physical squirrel.

And I feel like that actual physical squirrel probably froze to death and died just for their mission. So thank you to that squirrel. And, you know, I thought that I had asked the question, is this guy from my highest good? So, like, I'm like, all these squirrels, like, we're going to get married. We're going to have squirrel babies. We're going to have a whole squirrel farm. I don't know. It's going to be amazing.

And this guy rejected me immediately. And I'm on the phone with him all frantic. And I'm like, but what about all the squirrels that go? sent us and he's like, girl, you are nuts. Like, I don't know what you're talking about. And so I realize now that, you know, it was for my highest good because it was this awesome lesson in rejection that my soul needed to have. And it's for me to let go and know that I'm guided no matter what, even if the outcome doesn't look the way that I want it to. There's a reason for everything that happens, good, bad, and indifferent. I mean, that's so hard for people to grasp, right? Like we

we think we're on this linear path. And if it's not going my way, right, that something's wrong. Yeah. That message and what I take away from this is the trust in those little instincts, the going to pick up the book, the looking for the signs, the being aware enough that, you know, don't fight the exercise, right? When you have that little sense of something might be for me to follow it up, otherwise you'll miss the interaction. Yeah. One of the things that I wonder if you can speak to and you've kind of talked about it in passing, you know, a few ways. And I understand that it's awkward to talk about. But I wonder if you can frame for us, like, ultimately, what do you believe about this existence and this incarnation?

Meaning, are we all dead? You know, is this a dream? Is it a simulation? Like, what's your framework if I had to say, like, what is this? Why? Yeah. I don't have one definitive answer. But I do think that it's a combination of.

all of those things. We're in a movie, right? We're all actors in this beautiful play of Earth. And I don't have to be a method actor. I don't have to be super attached to the role that I'm playing. I can just show up, read my lines, and move on to the next scene. But that's so challenging for so many of us to just not be attached to the emotions. I think of it like a video game. And it's kind of this goalless game that's happening here. So this is like this is a goalless simulation, just like how the game Sims is. There's no real goal in it just to experience. So you get to decide what the goal is inside the game. And it's a book. It's a choose your own adventure book. And I think all of those things have truth in them. And some days, some of those

beliefs resonate with me more than others. I used to think that we were trapped on a prison planet and that, you know, this was totally terrible for some of us and really great for some other people. and I couldn't understand why. But then I found the information around the law of attraction, and I know that our thoughts create our reality. And so I just needed to change my thoughts and my belief systems and my habits and heal the underlying wounds underneath them.

And it didn't happen in a moment. It took time. But I know that we all have access to it. I love it, and I agree. And I think we also have to remember these things to know that we are participants in the game, you know, whether it is virtual reality, whether it's a dream.

We just know that there are levers of influence and co-creation that we each have. And when we remember that, then we can be more of an active participant. What's your maintenance like for your mental wellness? Yeah. Well, I make 12-step meetings all the time. I'm of service in my 12-step fellowship. I do the Course in Miracles lessons every day. And I'm always connected in some way with service, with other spiritual people.

My partner is an atheist, which is really funny. And so he keeps me very grounded in my human experience. And then I'm floating off in outer space having all these spiritual conversations with my friends and stuff. So, you know, I have this balance in my life today. What message would you have to someone who is feeling utterly lost, disconnected, not feeling the presence of spirit or a guide, maybe struggling with addiction? What would you share with them? I would tell them that they are worthy of all the love,

the universe and to hold on because pain ends. It really does. I just had a friend who completed suicide just the other day and he had reached out to me a couple months ago and he was asking me all these spiritual questions and he was saying like, what do you think it's going to happen to me? And, you know, I was really blunt. I was like, I really think that you're going to have to come back here. You know, like we have to finish our experiences. We have to finish our lessons. We're in school. This is a school that we're in. Like, you can't just drop out of college. You have to finish your major. You have to get your degree. And, you know, I know that his pain must have been so intense that he just, he was like, I'll just start over, you know.

It's not like a get out of jail free card. You know, I'm walking proof that things can turn around. You know, I had no idea that I used to be an earth-dwelling caterpillar and now I'm a butterfly. I thought that I was supposed to be a caterpillar forever. I'm like just rolling around in the mud. I had no idea that all I had to do was turn into goo, be in a really uncomfortable cocoon, and then break my way out. It takes work. It takes discipline. It takes consistency. I didn't think that I had any of those things. But I was a really disciplined drug addict. I always made sure that I had what I needed. I just needed to turn it around in another direction, make it, you know, a positive direction.

Where can people find out more about you? Yeah. I have a website. It's budap betty.com. I'm not really a Buddha. It's just to play on words. B-U-D-D-H-A-B-E-T-Y.com. And I'm on all social media with the same handle as well. And I would love to connect with anybody. I have a little spiritual community. It's free. We meet on Tuesdays, on Zoom. And if you're looking for Tribe, come and check it out. We talk about a different topic every week. And I work with an organization called The Wheel, and we host retreats and local groups. And so yeah, I would really love to connect with anybody. And I'm so grateful for you guys making space for me. And yeah, just so glad we got to talk to you.

Oh, it was unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, thank you. with us. Yeah. I'm floored. I'm really floored. I'm going to start naming my spirit guides, which I haven't done yet. I just want to use hers. They seem to be working for her. Come on. Let's get creative. Let's build our own.

We're all unique individuals having our own unique experience here on Earth. I want to go to the spaceship. I don't think your spirit guides are a Philip. Maybe a Louise. I like to have specific hers where. Let's add an intention. This would be fun exercise. I would like three signs

to be shown a name of a spirit guide of mine for creative manifestation. Okay, so... I like manifestation in general. You want a creative manifestation guide. Everybody wants that for you. So you're looking for something that shows up like three times? Three times.

How am I going to be guided? I'm like looking at your shirt. I'm like, is that... It's Bauhaus. Bowhouse. I don't think that's the name of my spirit. If it shows up two more times it is. All right.

I'm on the hunt. I will report back. People, check out substack is because that's where I will be updating this information when I figure it out. And then we can't wait to see what you creatively manifest once you find your creative spirit guide. One of the things that I was thinking about, you know, when Betty describes her experience, it almost always says like N-D-E-like. It's like a near-death experience-like event. And I was wondering, like, what is that about? And I got the answer today in our conversation with her.

You know, I think it's pretty clear you can't die for eight hours and then come back. Meaning when we think about her experience, what we can't imagine, and she doesn't imagine, that she died on the bathroom floor was, you know, flatlined for eight hours and then came back with this information. As we know, you can get a tremendous amount of information even from being gone or dead for a couple minutes, right? as many NDE cases have shown us. What sounds likely from how she described it, which is why, again, she describes it as an NDE-like experience, is that she was having some combination of, you know,

loss of consciousness, gaining consciousness, transcendental experiences that were also some form of, you know, consciousness traveling, as well as my best guess, and I'm not, you know, an expert, my guess would be that there was a point where she flatlined or where she, if someone had found her, would have declared her dead. And then she had then that sort of near-death experience. I'm not sure I could guess which components based on, I'm sure everybody listening could as well.

We can guess which parts of that, you know, the positive parts, the loving parts, all that stuff, the download, the father. Like all that stuff sounds like more of a classic NDE, at which point she then reentered her body, obviously, and got up from the floor. It makes total sense there was a lot of complexity and factors around. I wonder if she ever found the laundry, if that laundry was just lost and gone forever, or if she revisited the laundromat the next day. I also wonder if she has a relationship with her mother from the afterlife. She didn't mention it. She didn't mention it.

She mentions her dad. I think it's a very different connection. But, yeah, I love that notion of her dad kind of being with her. You know, even though they had obviously such a complicated. relationship. I understand she doesn't speak about her sister, but of course, I cannot help but wonder what her sister's life is like. And I also really loved her description of the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt being, you know, instructive. There's a lesson to learn. There's repair to be made. And shame really not serving that kind of purpose, you know, it's that inner critic voice.

You have an acronym for shame? Should have already mastered everything. Very destructive. because it creates secrecy, it creates protection, it makes people unintegrated when she talks about integrating the multiple parts of herself and bringing those into a whole and having a relationship with them. It makes it so that none of those parts can sort of act out in rebellion and create chaos. So addressing shame and sort of owning and being in acceptance, even with the dark parts of ourselves or the parts that feel problematic or that we're not proud of is a, important part of this transformational experience. Such an incredible episode, and I don't think I've ever seen Valerie type as quickly or as ferociously, you know,

as we were kind of keeping track of all of the moments. So we really hope that you got a lot out of this episode. I'm sure there'll be a lot of conversations about her experience and I'm curious to see how everybody interprets this episode. Last idea. What did you think about guides our Earth's customer service representatives. Well, I love the way that she kind of encapsulates things and the, you know,

kind of familiarity that she brings to, you know, her story, which is in many cases very hard for so many of us to have access to. Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, I'm not really a guides and angels person. It's just that language has never resonated with me. But if I were to resonate with it, I think the way that she described it makes sense. If anyone listening wants more access to our version of the simulation. They can find more about us on Substack. We have exclusive content there in the breaker community deep diving into episodes and sharing tips and tricks and experiences. So check us out there. And we'll likely be expanding on this episode in particular. So please go check that out. And from our breakdown to the one we hope you never have, we'll see you next time.

It's my and Bealix Breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience Ph.D. or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break. down it's a breakdown she's gonna break it down