Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Sarah Silverman: Grow a Pair of Lips

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

Sarah Silverman (The Sarah Silverman Podcast, The Sarah Silverman Program, I Love You, America, Wreck It Ralph, Santa Inc., author of The Bedwetter) discusses the origins of her "shock value" comedy style, her reaction to being called "one of the guys" in comedy, and the importance of growing and changing with the times, especially as a comedian. She opens up about the trauma passed down within her family, the moment that led her to receive a depression diagnosis, and her experience with being overprescribed medication. Sarah shares her tools for managing panic attacks, the benefits of coupling medication with talk therapy, and the importance of laughter in staying youthful. She reveals why she doesn’t let club hecklers or internet trolls get to her, and considers the cognitive distortion of memory caused by one’s own perspective. Mayim examines the importance of truly expressing oneself within a relationship, the internal and external manifestations of anxiety, and it’s hereditary and environmental causes. Sarah Silverman's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sarah-silverman-podcast/id1533130572 BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is my thing with the neck. I mean, like, why isn't there even like a soft cartilage bone here? There's, everything is here. You watch Game of Thrones and everyone's covered head to toe and armor. Nothing here. And how do they die? Head chopped off. That's right.

Hi, I'm Mayambiolic and welcome to my breakdown. This is the place where we break things down so you don't have to. It's Myambiolic's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. And now she's going to break down. Net credit is here to say yes. Because you're more than a credit score.

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New cars, used cars, electric cars, maybe even flying cars. Okay, no flying cars, but as soon as they get invented, they'll be on Auto Trader. Just you wait. Auto Trader. You have someone really exciting joining us today. But before I tell you who it is, someone who's always exciting joining us today, Jonathan Cohen. Hello, ma'am. Hello, everyone. I am excited.

Because of our guest or just to be alive? Just in general, just to exist. You've been in a uncharacteristically good mood today. I mean, I think this is the dichotomy of my existence. Sometimes I come off like I'm not excited, but inside. I think that's because you're Canadian. I don't think it has anything to do with it. There's always just like a generic politeness.

It's a tentativeness to be scolded. We have someone coming on our podcast who has a podcast that is fantastic. And she is a presence that's really, really fantastic. And as a comedian myself or a funny person, maybe, a person who's paid to say things that some people find funny, she is someone who is very, very funny. And I respect her outspokenness. I respect her brashness. She's very, very intelligent. And she's hilarious.

We're going to have Sarah Silverman here with us. I'm very excited. I'm also extremely excited. It's an extremely interesting episode. Different, I think, than some of our others. Yeah. I'm not sure how exactly, but it feels different. She's very wise, you know.

She's really wise, and she just has really interesting. Whatever, she's just got amazing sound bites. She's terrific. Sarah Silverman actually joined Saturday Night Live as a writer in 1993. That's the year I graduated high school. She's a handful of years older than me. Her podcast is the critically acclaimed the Sarah Silverman podcast available on iTunes

and wherever podcasts are available. She takes on some really, really tremendous, awesome topics and issues. I didn't get to ask her about Jew Face. Oh, well. She previously hosted the Emmy and Writers Guild nominated Hulu series, I Love You America. She has a lot of really cool upcoming projects. There's an HBO Max animated series,

Santa Inc., an indie psychological thriller viral. She also is in the feature film, Mary Me, opposite J-Lo, and Owen Wilson. She's one of the most accomplished stand-ups of her generation. She's working on a new special, which will debut on HBO, and a musical adaptation of her 2010 memoir, The Bedwetter, Stories of Courage, Redemption, and P, which will premiere April 2022. She's in Reckett Ralph. She's a voice. She has so many things that people know her from, but she's going to talk about all the things. What does she start talking about in the interview. It's a very strange start. Testicles. That's right. Let's get right into it. Welcome, Sarah Silverman. Break it down. I think we had the same awkward doctor check our breasts

in an inappropriate. We had the same guy. I think I messaged you after it. It was in Beverly Hills. We had the same thing. He likes to talk to me about my children while aggressively touching my breasts. Or it'll be like, so you're a doctor. Like, it's not okay. We had the same guy. I've never done this in my life. I, like, did an official complaint and... I had to go back for a checkup, and I was like, I hope it's not him.

That's literally what I thought. So I'm related to a famous Israeli, a poet. I mean, he was originally from Ukraine, but he was a very famous poet. He started talking to me about my famous great uncle, like, with his hands on my breasts. I can't, I don't know how you go back. I actually, I wrote a whole essay because I thought the internet should know about my first mammogram.

It is astounding, though, what that woman has to do. My favorite part was when she told me, look away as if there was shame, right? She says, look away. That's not why you have to look away. I know, but that's what I thought. She's like, you shouldn't see what I'm about to do

to this breath. Look away. You know, your head's in the way. Exactly. There is no way this mammogram procedure would be, like, still this barbaric if it was for men. Correct. It's so awkward. I actually shot it with my phone while she was doing it, like, to send to who?

I don't know. My sister's Shane, but, like. No, if they had to do to your testicle what they do to our breast, it would be outlawed. It's insane. I actually asked, and I feel, you know, it's easy to like. go off on men in general. And I do have great compassion for the plight of men

and toxic masculinity they were raised in. But I asked a friend of mine like, what is that sensation when you're kicked in the balls? Because like that seems to be the greatest pain a man can suffer. And he really explained it to me.

He said, and what does this sound like? He goes, it's like, it's an intense dull ache like in your like whole. bowels and like and I was like oh that's that's every month right I was going to say that's mild menstrual cramps yeah it's mild menstrual cramps no it is very painful and as it the the nerves actually route all the way up to your gut because it is supposed to be the place on your body as a man evolutionarily that you protect more than any other place because it's got the goods

to make more humans that's right so here my question, why isn't their bone around it? I mean, this is my thing with the neck. I mean, like, why isn't there even like a soft cartilage bone here? There's, everything is here. Because that's evolution saying, but are you going to survive if? Right. Well, right. You watch Game of Thrones and everyone's covered head to toe and armor. Nothing here. And how do they die? Head chopped off. That's right. Maybe if that was reinforced. But balls are like the most fragile things in the world. And I guess they're between their legs to be like safe, but I don't understand.

Why isn't there? My boyfriend is always lamenting. He needs a ball couch. Like when he sits, he needs something holding them. I was thinking about this today because I was in an editing bay and I was looking at this movie that I directed. And I won't say which man, but there was a man in the scene. And it's, you'd think. there was like a hundred pound weight in between his legs the way he was sitting.

And I was like, why do men even wear, why did we even create pants with a middle seam right down the middle if there's a, if there's two tested, like, they should just wear something bagging. Skirts. Or skirts. Because like, I don't need to see your crotch, man. Yeah. Men would love skirts. There are some, every once in a while you see a crew guy with a kilt. I dig that.

You know? I dig that. I love that. Anyway, it's really a pleasure to have you here. I mean, are we ready to go off this topic? No, I mean, have we exhausted? All good things. All good things will circle back.

I just love the testicles have to be the exact rate temperature at all times. For sure. Like we use balls to be like, that guy's got, she's got balls. And so it's like, meanwhile, actual balls are like, I'm cold. I need to get close to the body. That's what I say. I have started using the expression. Like, they've got ovaries.

I say it about men or women. Ovaries are super resilient. It's catching on. It's catching on. And I explain to my children who wish that I wasn't their mom at moments like this that when someone calls someone a pussy, because that is an, I mean, that was a very common thing that boys would call each other. I said, the vagina is one of the most resilient things that exist on the planet.

That's what I say. If balls are pussies. Pussies. I mean, just try this on for size. This is what I've been saying. I like ovaries, but grow a pair of lips. Feels right to me. I think it's an easy.

And then for pussy, like, just go like, oh, I feel like a left nut not talking to him in person, but. That really captures the vulnerability, doesn't it? We'll make sweatshirts. We do need sweatshirts. Grow a pair of lips. Grow a pair of lips. It was funny because my boyfriend really, he, he, You know, he likes the big action movies and John Wick and all the stuff.

And there's this new Marvel one and it's all. And I want to be into it and watch it with them. But it's like the fight scenes are so loud and everything. And I get bored. I go and I just said like, like it's just so many dance scenes. It's boring for me. And the fact that I called the fight scene. Miami-Bialx breakdown is supported by Superpower.

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I happen to like violent movies with lots of aggressive dancing. This one, not so much. It gets boring. Okay. That's how I feel, yeah. And I want to like it. Everyone's like, John Wick is brilliant. It's so fun.

It's just going like, oh. It's like the same beat over and over again. We get it. You're beating each other up. Someone's going to win. I like a little Jackie Chan because it really is like unbelievable. I mean, it's like incredible dancing. It's the best dancing ever.

It's like watching Michael George. presents painful thoughts. I've been on hold to make a doctor's appointment for 23 minutes now. The automated voice has told me 47 times that my call is very important to them. Hmm, I'm starting to think that they don't think my call is important at all. With Amazon One Medical 24-7 virtual care, you'll get help fast without having to remain on the line to make an appointment. Amazon One Medical. Health care just got less painful.

something. Our podcast focuses on mental health, obviously, and mental wellness. We're really grateful to talk to you because you're a person who has spoken, you know, a bit about some of your journeys. And I guess we'd like to know a little bit about how you grew up, what your family was like, what your parents do? Like, did you grow up in a super dynamic, funny house? Did you grow up in a neurotic house somewhere in between? Like, what was it like in your house? Yes. Okay. You know, I grew up in New Hampshire. I don't know anyone who grows up in New Hampshire, by the way.

Because they don't leave. They usually stay, you know. And so it's like, I mean, if I see a New Hampshire license plate, I will follow that person until I can just talk to them and be like, what are you doing here? And my dad's from Boston. My mom's from Connecticut. So they're both New Englanders. It's a totally different kind of Jew, you know. It's definitely not represented in art.

But we didn't, they're both obnoxious and agnostic, which is what I went. And, you know, which is, I think, a little more a god-fearing way of saying atheists, like a just-in-case. Group in New Hampshire where we didn't know other Jews, none of us were but mitzvahed or anything. And we, Susie, who, my oldest sister, who became a rabbi ultimately, she says it best is like, we just thought being Jewish meant being Democrat because that's just how we were different in our town, you know. But there was, we were culturally Jewish.

I mean, it's pretty sad. Like I grew up with frozen Lenders bagels and still love them, you know, but I'm not a new, it was, it's also like being a kid with all these, when my friends, going over my friend's houses, their parents would always be like, are you from New York? And I'd be like, what's New York? I'm from here.

It's funny when I was 18, I moved to New York, and I was like, oh, my God, I am from New York. And then looking back as an adult, you go, oh, right, because these young parents just thought Jews are from New York, and they are. I mean, probably 90% of Jews and globally are in New York. Yeah, my parents got divorced when I was like six and a half. They stayed near close to each other, you know, nearby.

I don't know. What else? There's others. You have other siblings, correct? I have three sisters. Right. You're the baby? Mm-hmm.

Got it. And were they, were you the funny one? Is that how this works? Yeah, it was definitely the funny one. And I would, you know, I had one of those dads that taught his toddler a bunch of swears because he thought that was hilarious. And then he'd take me to the store and I'd yell them out. And I do remember that feeling.

that feeling of intense approval by adults despite themselves. And it felt like drugs. You know, like I remember it made my arms itch. And of course, that made me into like a shock value comic in a lot of ways because I, that's what I saw it out. That was the like drug, I think. And also, I think I was the funny one. Everyone in my family is funny, but I think I was the, you know, the big.

and the funny one that kind of kept everyone's spirits up a bit, you know, until I started having my own depression. Right. Well, so, yeah, so before we get to that good time, which I do plan to, your family had a loss, and we don't have to talk about it specifically, but was it that loss that led to your parents, I mean, that led to the unfolding that eventually led to divorce, or did they, I'm not sure the timing of that. It's interesting. It's a fascinating story, but it's long and everything. But yeah, yeah, my, my, my, my, They had a son that died in a terrible accident while they were in my grandparents' care. And it was one of those things.

My mom was on a game show because my dad would go to New York to do buying for the store. He had a discount women's clothing store. And so she did like a game show while they were in New York, sitting around, you know. And she like won. She was like the week-long winner and then she came back again. And it was concentration. She won. We still have furniture.

in the family from that game show, like this big green velvet couch that goes from family to family within our family, you know, and all this stuff. But they sold all the glitzy stuff, like she got a sports car and like, but they went on a cruise

and it was when Jeffrey, their son was three months old. Anyway, they call to see, you know, how they get back to the mainland and they're in New York and they call. And I got boat, when I wrote my book, book. I got both of my parents to tell me the whole story. And it was like the most consistently

same story, either of them have ever, like, told the same story of. And also they both said it was the closest they ever felt because they find out on the phone. Like my dad's like, what do you mean he's gone? You know, and his father, who was incredibly abusive to him as growing up, was sobbing. and they had to go home and take care of his parents' feelings. Right, yeah. And then they went home to their house, and it was the late 60s, I guess. And their friends thinking they were doing the right thing,

like cleaned up any sign of him. There was no sign that Jeffrey ever existed. But they both said it was the closest they ever felt to each other, because they kind of, they only, they had this experience that only each other really could, really could share. But so, and they both said it was the closest they ever were, but they, they were not, it's crazy they got married. Like, they're so different. This is before you were all born. Susie was born.

Wow. Okay. Between Susie and Laura. I see. Wow. So did that, did that hang in the air in your home? I mean, that's the kind of loss that sometimes we'll just hang there, you know. Were you aware of it?

Is this something you learned as you got older? For me, I learned it from my older sisters, like, almost like a ghost story. Right. And then that was, you know, the first time I bombed in my family was my Nana picked us up to go to Weeks diner on Sunday, which is what we did. And she goes, put on your seatbelt. And I go, yeah, we don't want to wind up like Jeffrey. And I honestly, I was five, you know, and I thought everyone was good. and just explode laughing.

And I just remember my sisters turning around and looking at me and then my grandmother just sobbing and it was like, that's a rough night on stage. Loosened my tie. I didn't know. Like up till then,

the most shocking thing I could say was always gold, you know. That comedic instinct to like push towards the worst possible thing. Yeah, I mean, when I think of Sarah Silverman as a comedian, like that's the perfect story. meaning like, yes, that's what I want a picture. Meaning, not what I, but like, that's where I feel like you were.

That like at five, you were like, this is going to be fucking amazing. And it's like not making people laugh. Yeah, my origin story makes all the sense in the world. Right. That's really, you're really on brand here. Oh, you're right. I think that just like the Holocaust or slavery is like passed down trauma. I think in a micro way, that was also passed down trauma. You know, my mom was suffered from depression,

but of course it wasn't called depression. And because you couldn't touch it or point to it, she was surrounded by people who thought she was lazy in her family. My grandmother lost a child. So it was after my mother. My mother was the second of three girls. But what my mother remembers is that my grandmother did not want to have more children. And so between my mother and her older sister,

you know, the post-Holocos spacing of like two years, you know? And then there's two years, and then there was another two years, and my aunt Linda was born. What my mother remembers, you know, was that my grandmother, who, you know, basically lived to serve my grandfather, like, tried to put her foot down and say, like, no, you know, like, this is it. And, you know, I'm not saying he forced her, but there definitely was some sort of negotiation.

and, you know, and four years later, like literally, she had two years and then, you know, grief and anyway. But yeah, it does. It really, it hangs in the family. And my family's religious also. So there's, like, a huge, like, you know, mystical thing about that. Anyway, tell us when you first, you know, like, when I look back, whatever I experienced, I just thought it was what it was like to be alive. Like, I thought that, like, stomach aches and, like, terror of, like, not wanting to fall asleep and, like, crying all the time. and like, oh, counting your breath and your steps and having a weird number that you have to touch things? What? That's not just normal?

So, you know, it wasn't until much later. I actually, you know, I was sent to a psychiatrist by my, the first OB I ever had. I was a very late bloomer, so I never had gone to a gynecologist or anything. When did you get your period? Almost 18. Me too. Wow!

That's great. That's crazy. Yeah, like, didn't your parents send you a doctor? all the time. Like, why isn't she getting her period? I thought maybe I'm a boy. Like, I just didn't know. It's like tucked in there. Do I have ovaries? These were conversations that we had to have. When I did finally go to, you know, my first OB, you know, one of the things that they like to do, and I believe she was doing the best that she, with her training, was she put me on the pill because that's what you do to teenage girls, especially if they're having mood swings

or emotions. So that ended up. sending me to a psychiatrist who her solution was Xanax and at that time you know that what are we having well I know she has a Zanix story but I'm just sharing mine and then you could share yours and then no I know I'm like this is haunting

well for people who are only listening the face facial reaction we got from Sarah there is shocked Sarah like me has very little poker face you can see all the things she's thinking and feeling it's a blessing and a curse anyway so like that was her solution. And I would tell her things that I felt merited like, well, don't you think we

should be worried? And she'd be like, no, you're fine. Just take this. Stand up straight. You'll be okay. And it kind of went on like that until I spoke to a friend of mine who was actually studying to become a therapist who ended up helping me have the courage to find a different person. So looking back, I see that there were much, much more, there were many more patterns. there were, you know, indicators. And, like, I don't fault my parents. They did the best they could. But my journey, you know, was very, very strange and rocky.

And I know that you have, I don't know when you started noticing your stuff or when someone noticed it. Can you tell us a little bit about it? I had anxiety and all this stuff, but I just thought that was life. And when I was 13, I had like a single moment that's put me into depression for the next three years. And it just happened like, you know how as fast as like you go, you're like fine one second and then you go, oh my God, I have the flu. Like that quick, it was like that.

But it didn't last to three years. Cutting to the chase at 13, I was put on Xanax and upped and upped and upped until I was taking four Xanax four times a day. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot for an adult. I can't even, this person should be in jail. You know, like, and my parents... You and I have a list of doctors we need to put in jail.

I think this is our new project. Yeah, and I didn't, I just felt nothing, you know, but I remember I kept all the empty bottles in a shoe box because I just thought, like, something happens to me. Like, I hope they find this. Like, you know, it's insane. And another doctor, a couple years later, was horrified to find out and then got me off,

like a half a pill a week, you know, I just told the story. This is also in my book that's going to be in this musical that comes out in April. But my psychiatrist I went to, I went to the first session, and he said, whenever you feel bad, just take a Xanax. I'm going to prescribe you Xanax and you just take it. And then I went to my next appointment. And I remember I was in the waiting room for so long. I read a whole people magazine.

And I remember thinking like, whoa, I couldn't believe I read a whole people magazine. And then he shared this Victorian house with another therapist, a hypnotist that I actually also went to for bedwetting. And he came downstairs with no bedside manner sobbing. And he just, and he told me, I changed the name, but he goes, Dr. Riley Young himself. Oh, my God. I was 13. And I just had to wait the rest of the hour for my mom to pick me up. And I remember it was the winter in New Hampshire. It was like pitch black at like 4 p.m. You know, and I just thought like, I didn't know what to do with it. I don't, I don't like feel scarred from it.

You know, it's just like, I just, it doesn't even feel believable. Did your siblings, did your sisters have features of anxiety? Were those all saved for you genetically? Yeah, they did. I mean, they didn't have the, we had, like, Like so many families, I think we had extremely different childhood experiences under the, oftentimes the same roof, but when my parents were divorced and my sisters moved in with my dad. But, you know, I mean, it's like I have this musical that's coming out about called the bedwet or about like the year I was 10. But like, you know, any one of my sisters could have like, you know, a whole thing about the year

they were like, you know, I mean, their childhood is, yeah, they. each individually struggled in very different ways. You know, Susie. Well, she became a rabbi. We know what she struggled with. Yeah, well, I mean, like, she was abandonment. Like, my parents had before I was around, they had, like, foster kids that my sister remembers.

And then, like, remembers them, like, leaving. Like, bye, you know, like, just, so she was very, you know, she would have, like, she would open her drawers at night because she would get in her head that, like, her clothes couldn't breathe. you know, like very like, empathy for, you know, inanimate objects, yeah. Inanimate, yeah, like, yeah, and Laura really struggled, you know, with a lot of different things. And, yeah, we all had shit, you know. I mean, I feel like we, all, any of us could paint, like, picturesque childhoods and

horrifying, like, nightmare horror movie childhoods. They're both right. The way that I sort of see it is, and I do tend to see this more. you know, just completely anecdotal in like the Jewish families I know. It's almost like the crazy gets distributed, you know? And like they don't all come out the same, the kids, you know? But each of them get like a different part, just like you get all different parts of your parents. But especially in families, I've noticed where there's a lot of neuroses and there's a lot of, you know, either trauma or like generational trauma.

It's like it gets distributed. And each one gets to say about the other one like, Well, he's so this and he does all. But then that other sibling also gets to say, well, she's got all the things. Like, you know, I'm a chronic horrible nail biter. And like, my brother's not. Why did I get that one? You know?

And for me, it is. It's an expression of anxiety. Like, that's where it goes. But it's like everybody gets something when you're growing up, you know, in a house like that. It just gets, like, distributed differently. You're one of three. So you have it three different ways.

Well, also just the placement, like being the youngest, being the oldest, being the oldest being the middle. I feel like youngest is a sweet spot. I don't know. I mean, I'm the younger of two. It didn't feel that sweet. No, but once you have like, once you're the youngest of three, well, I'm the youngest of three or four, the cr-you're like a little bit separated from the intensity of the crazy. Because the parents have like, when you have your first kid, you're like really, really on edge. And then the second one, there are, most people are a little bit more relaxed. And by the third or fourth, he's our little prince. Yeah, and also, but they're not watching you. Like the, you know, my sisters have baby books,

and I have a baby book with just one page filled out. Amazon One Medical presents painful thoughts. I've been on hold to make a doctor's appointment for 23 minutes now. The automated voice has told me 47 times that my call is very important to them. Hmm. I'm starting to think that they don't think my call is important at all. With Amazon One Medical 24-7 virtual care, you'll get help fast without having to remain on the line to make an appointment.

Amazon One Medical. Health care just got less painful. What were you like in high school? I'm curious what your kind of humor and your intelligence looked like, you know, kind of in the typical competitive world, especially of teenage girls. Like, were you already like a standout girl? I mean, you know, you're pretty, you have a nice body. It's like a thing.

Your hair is beautiful. Like, were you popular? Did boys like you? Did boys hate you? Did girls hate you, but boys liked you? I was pretty well liked. And I feel like I do this in my life now, too. I stayed peripheral.

And so I didn't want any trouble, you know? Like, popular kids liked me fine. The nerds, I was like, were my friends, you know, like theater. And I was, I did sports too. And I had my best friend, you know, a couple best friends growing up and and and but I just uh I definitely stayed peripheral I was like I said you know like you I didn't develop until I like it was way in my upper teen so like I was a comedian when I lost my virginity you know in New York so I I I had boyfriends but like I didn't like I you know we I'd

kissed you know it's funny because I wasn't like innocent like I was the one that my friends would come to to like get information about like second in the human body just because like my family was so open and nothing was taboo and I was exposed to things but like I wasn't my self-experienced in it at all. Yeah, very similar. It's kind of it makes me feel good. Yeah, I think that is a Jewish thing too. It's like people go when I was doing comedy, it's like, well, you're really you know breaking taboos or whatever, but it really was kind of innocent in that in my household there wasn't language, there was no language we couldn't use, as long as the grammar was correct, you know, for my mother. Like, diction and grammar, you know, if you say fuck, like, say it clearly, you know,

was more important. And I think that's sort of one of the things that, you know, that I find particularly captivating about you as a comedian. Female comedians are different than male comedians. They're treated differently. They're judged differently. You know, it's a very, it's often a very different style of comedy. I'm friendly with Eliza Schlesinger,

and I remember when I found her comedy, I was like, oh, it doesn't seem like she's reading. That's great. She's like talking and telling stories, and I like, so, you know. She's so prolific. She's very, very, she is very prolific. I'm such a slow honer, you know, like needle pointing and act together. And like, every time I see her, I'm like, hadn't heard that, haven't heard that.

Yeah. Wow. But one of the things that really kind of appeals to me about her comedy, about your comedy, I hope that's okay to kind of think of the two of you like that, is there's a lack of self-consciousness about being female while also getting to maintain the fact that you are a female comedian. And I wonder if that was something sort of like conscious or if it was just sort of like this is who I am and this is the act I'm going to put together or if you felt, you know, pressure around that. I mean, Eliza used to say like she wasn't, you know, she said like she wasn't the prettiest person

until she became a stand of a comedian. And then everybody was like, Oh, my God. Like, wow, she's wearing tight jeans. Like hot in Cleveland. Exactly. Yeah. You know, well, when I started, it was very male dominated. And any, even when I started becoming like of notice to, you know, whatever, like little articles or this, what I was rewarded for and praised for was she's like one of the guys. She's good because she's like guys.

And they couldn't just understand that. I'm just fun. I was funny. They had to equate it with being male, you know, or like that I play basketball or that I play poker. These are things that I just grew up doing. Like in New Hampshire, women play sports. You know, like, I remember playing softball on like the improv softball team and people would go

like, did you have brothers? And I'm like, it's softball. I played for the state of New Hampshire. It's a women's sport. Like, no, I had sisters. I mean, it's so odd that the things. Things that are associated by gender that we can't even just, our brains can't even take them in unless we put them in a category of some kind, you know. I resonate with that.

You know, I've been told my whole life I throw like a boy. And it's like, no, I just throw like myself. And yeah, my dad taught me to like suck it up, have a good arm, like, you know, shake it off. Take it like a man is what he used to say when I got injured. But, you know. Grow lips. We did. It did not. Grow a fucking pair of lips and get back.

out there. But I guess that relates to another question I had. You know, there's a specific way that you typically dress. And like, I remember when I would watch your show, it was something I really loved because there's a real, like, lack of self-consciousness about you, meaning you often would wear, like, T-shirts and jeans and sneakers and hoodies, and you just dressed like a person. I actually was curious.

Is that, is that something that you were conscious about? like this is the way I want to dress to, you know, present myself in a male-dominated arena, or was it just that, like, that's how you like to dress? I've noticed in some more recent years, you've worn some different things. It's like a little more glam sometimes when I see you. So I'm curious if there's been, you know, some sort of, I mean, I think we all have an evolution as we get past 25 and then as we get past 30 and 35. But I guess I was just curious because it's something that I've always really loved about you

that I always felt was really significant. You know, nothing, my stand-up, my dress is like there's really no not pre-conceived. Like, it's just what I, actually, when I first started doing stand-up, I had like a real look because I was just, I was 17, 18, 19, you know, and I had like the 60s, like I had that girl hair that I knew how to do. And I'd wear like, you know, I just was, I like that like 60s vibe. I had like a look, you know, and then I just grew out of it. I moved to, you know, L.A. And I just started wearing comfortable clothes all the time. And then I really, then when I started wearing like shorts with tights,

I think that that was like very influenced by like Janine Garofalo. And I just felt power. I like when my thighs are out, but like I don't like them bear, you know, like. And I just feel like they almost felt like superhero, you know, get up. And then when I would start like, promoting. promoting things and they would get a stylist for me. I hated it at first, but I go, then I embraced it like,

I remember thinking, well, that's not me. And then I go, well, like, what is me? If me is defined by the clothes I'm wearing, then I'm, there's not a me. Like, you know what I mean? And so I go, I can wear anything and still be me. But then I just got real, you know, I like to dress up, you know,

if you're going to the yommies or something schmantzy, or, but I really love dressing down. And I, the past few years, just decided to not take the stylist when I am offered, you know, whatever, and just wear clothes from my closet. And, you know, I got like a dress online. And I wore it a million times. It was just like a cotton dress and flowers on it that I got like on Amazon. And I remember like some place was like, she's worn this over and over again.

And I'm like, mm-hmm, yeah. Good, good story. But yeah, I like just dressing myself. But I don't want to be behold, listen, I'm still, you know, oh my God, I'm 50. I'm still wearing this. It's like, yeah, it's because it's comfortable. But I don't want to be beholden to some kind of look because that's me.

I think that's when, like, comedians become caricatures of themselves. Like, you know, people are expecting me to look like this or to have jokes that are like this. You know, it's just if you can't grow and change with the times, you're just like this relic from another time. And I know a lot of comedians, and I love them that stick to like what made them famous because they're afraid to change. Or, you know, you're going to lose people. You might gain people, but it's the unknown is scary.

And so they stick with the thing they do that got them famous in, you know, 1985 or whatever, like, you know, and it works because they book the road. And people go, I remember that. I like that guy, you know, that's the guy that does this and has this voice or whatever. So when you said you're 50, I don't, I hardly believe it. And I don't mean like, yeah, you do. You look amazing. You have a wit that is very spontaneous.

And so there's just something. But, I mean, do you identify as that kind of you are? You're a very, there's something very youthful about you and I don't just mean your attractive skin. I mean, I am very 50 in many ways, but I do feel youthful. Like, I just, you know, I mean, I, I don't know. I don't feel, you know, it's like when my mom, I remember my mom, who is also very like always in overalls. Like I have her overalls.

I wear them a lot. Like always in overalls and like mismatched socks and never a bra. You know, she's wore like a tank top under her shirt. And she, you know, she was like that too. And but then I remember in her like 40s, she'd look in the mirror and, you know, she'd like catch herself in the mirror and she'd go, that's not me. You know, and it was like terrifying to see, you know,

because she looked like her to me, you know, because it's gradual. But like, you know, it is funny how like sometimes I feel, I just feel beautiful and young and I don't know, I just feel good that I look at the mirror and it makes me laugh. You know, I don't do the horror movie version where I'm just like, oh yeah. But I do think like it's silly, but like smiling and laughing and stuff. is we think of as youthful.

So people go like, oh, you look good, you know, but I think I just look normal. I definitely noticed my face changing, like, in ways I didn't know. Like, it's become like, I'm not, this isn't me putting myself down. I'm just like, I was always very horse-faced. And now I feel like I've gone into more of a chip monkey kind of face. But that's what, well, like, the internet was first a thing and you could like search your name. and I remember searching my name

and then you just see the first few words and it was like number two celebrity list Sarah Silverman and I was like and I clicked on and it was a list of horse-based celebrities. That's so weird. But I beat Abraham Lincoln. Do your feelings get hurt?

Like if people say mean things about you if people are mean to you, if people, I don't know, do things that make you angry. Yeah, my feelings get hurt, but much less, I mean,

I have a lot of tricks to protect myself. I, for the most part, don't look at comments, but I will look at some comments or I'll scroll for, this sounds very elitist, that I'll scroll just like to look at

only like blue check comments. And it's not because I only want to see famous people comments, but they tend to not be the insane, misogynistic, anti-Semitic, you know. And by the way, those don't actually bother me. What really hurts is probably if there's a part of me that senses truth to it. You know what I mean? That's when I go, but I have also been changed, by comments or learned things. Sometimes they get hurt, but I, and it's not like I'm made of stone.

I just, I think I have, with each growing year, I have more and more of a perspective, you know, like when your perspective changes just a little bit and like the whole world looks different. It's, you know, I am less touched by things that I genuinely can be heartbroken for someone that I can tell art is trying to hurt my feelings. It's like being a comedian, especially before I had an audience when like the audience didn't know who is on coming on. And then I came on. I bombed all the time, you know, and had, you know, 2 a.m. spots and got heckled. And still I can get heckled.

And even if it's a positive heckle, to me, all heckles. And this is before there was the internet and trolls, but like it's so they're so the same in that to me, the subtext of, any heckle is, I exist, right? You know, so it's, there's like, not in a condescending way, but in a way that I, as a human that I can understand it, it's, I found that I feel bad or have a little more compassion instead of being stung myself, you know? What's your kind of mental health regimen or like, what is, what is it like as an adult? I mean, you, you eventually got off your Xanax. Do you go to therapy? Are you a person who believes in medication, likes to talk about it? Yes. Yes, yes, and yes. Medication is offered willy-nilly and like you could probably get your

internist to give you something even and not, you know, and never go to therapy and all that's bad. But, you know, in 94, you know, I was having a lot of, in 93, it came back again. like as the depression, and I recognized it right away, and I couldn't believe it came back. I thought it was gone forever. And, you know, it was that panic attack kind of like, I had just got hired at Saturday Night Live as a writer and all of the, you know, my biggest dream.

And I was just like, I want to, I'm going to quit and move home to New Hampshire. Like, just full on panic. Like the idea of brushing my teeth, of doing laundry, of doing anything that I'd only just have to do again, just make, like, for some reason really fed into the depression and anxiety. And I learned a lot about it. Just even the things you know, like I had terrible panic attacks. So I was getting crippling panic attacks and I got put on clonopin, which really has to be a just for the moment thing.

That's a strong, strong medication. Yeah. And to this day, I have it in my backpack all the time. And just knowing that I have it prevents panic attacks, you know, most of the time. Like what usually brings on most panic attacks after the first one is the fear of another one. Correct. And this is one of the main distinctions between anxiety attacks and panic attacks that a lot of people don't understand. And people are like, oh, I had a panic attack. And I'll ask really annoying questions. I'm that person. But yeah, that's a really, really important point. Well, panic attack has been a kind of catch-all now for people. Sure. Yes. Oh, I had a total panic attack.

Did you? But, you know, then in 94, you, well, My auntie Martha is a therapist, and she said, you know, you should see a psychiatrist. And I got put on, and I was having problems with also rage. Yep. Just not knowing what to do with rage and misplaced rage. I'm a rager. And so, but I went on Zoloft in 94, and I'm just very lucky.

it was that was the ticket for me and I'm still on it. I was I recently doubled it. I was always on 50 milligrams or whatever and now I take the whole hundred and that's after 22 years or something but and that's been good for me and it coincided with menopause and going off of birth control. So I think it it's been helpful. But yeah, I think it that stuff you've got to do. do couple it with talk therapy because what you understand intellectually really affects the chemical stuff in in many ways, not completely, but you know what I mean? Like it's it's like when you're in, you know, I remember being in total despair and the world was falling and then looking at my the calendar and realizing I was in my PMS week and then

being able to totally relax and understand it, you know, and take care of it. But yeah, I talk on my podcast all time, like people call in and I am so good at intellectualizing all this stuff. But in practice, I'm still a mess, you know, like I get anxiety and I try the things I suggest to others. And I, you know what I mean? And I just go, I'm a hypocrite because I just feel like the sky is falling, but I do know it will pass, you know. Can we do a rapid fire real quick before we let you go? Okay. Rapid Fire with Sarah Silverman.

What was your mother right about? Oh, my God. So many things. I'm going to completely ruin this rapid fire now because that's just like, that just like opened up so many things. I'm working on this musical that's coming out in April and not to, It's not promoting it, but I guess I am. Please plug.

And the woman who was playing my mother in this last workshop we just did said, you know, I looked up your mother and I found this Lifetime Achievement Award speech she gave. And I was like, that's online? And I went, oh, God, because she became a director of local theater in New Hampshire. And she was really great, you know, and all the kids called her mom. And like, even at her funeral, a guy came up at her funeral who none of us recognized, you know, knew. And he goes, I was Beth Ann's waiter at Applebee's.

And she asked me if I sang and danced. And I said, I don't know. And she said, well, come on down and audition and find out. And that year, I was curly in Oklahoma. But she saw like a star in everyone, you know. And so when this woman said, and I watched her, all of the sisters, we all flew home to surprise her to present her at the New Hampshire, like Palace Theater in Manchester, New Hampshire,

the Lifetime Achievement Award for directing theater in New Hampshire. And she went up. And so when this woman said I watched it, I remembered it. And the way I remembered it, I was like, oh, God, you know, she went up and she wasn't, you know, she was gracious for maybe a second. And then she was just saying, you know, if you're not 15 minutes early or 15, you're 15 minutes late. And when you're late for rehearsal,

you're telling your other castmates that your time is more important than them. And like she just, because she was like in the middle of a play or something and like that had just happened. And then she was, and we were just like, mom, good off, you know, say thank you. And, you know, and I just remember being horrified.

And then a few weeks later, like a couple of weeks ago, I looked it up and I watched it. My boyfriend, like, put it on the TV screen, you know, and he had never met. better. And she was amazing. She was funny and loose and quick and like did like a bit, you know, like trying to see herself on the big screen. And like she was loose and messy. And she was incredible. You know, and I just thought, what an incredible opportunity to see what really happened. But how horrifying at the cognitive distortion of my memory coming from my own

perspective and my own frustrations and dynamic with my mom, you know, and what else have I totally distorted that can't be checked, you know? But anyway, what was my mom right about? Oh, don't be late. She would always give everyone notes. There are never enough comment cards for my mother. And now I've become that. Like, I was in line at 7-11 and this like kid, you know, 20-year-old was buying like Doritos and orange soda. And I just was, I was like, I was like, really? Ammons are the same price. This is what you're going to put in your body. And I just thought, oh my God, I have become her. Because in her mind, she's like, I'm helping. And that's how I feel, too. Maybe she's holding back notes for us. She has notes for us. She'll deans. She'll

DM me later. I have no, no, that's right. What was your father right about? I'm sorry, I'm sure he's right about. Of course, he's going to watch this.

He has a Google alert on everything I do. I watched him change completely from a rage-filled time bomb to a, I'm so fucking lucky.

I got to hang out with my kids. I get to like, he's everything is, no matter what health things he's going through no matter what shit's going on, he's so grateful and thrilled about every waking moment. And it's to see that kind of change in a person, you know, is like, very inspiring.

Very similar to actually my mom, you know, once my dad, once my dad died like six years ago and she got into therapy and gratefulness, meditation and yoga and Pilates. She's spiritual and insightful. She doesn't ask me. 62 times a week when we're seeing each other. Now we just see each other on Sundays. But like the self-control that she has now, it's unbelievable. It's very remarkable. We see each other on Sundays too.

You and my mom? That's weird. Yes. Sorry. Okay. After your brunch. That's right. Location for you that promotes your best mental health.

Ooh. My bedroom? Okay. And or New York City. Empty streets, music in my ears, maybe a puff, cloudy, but not too cold, and just walking, just walking forever. Do you have a mantra? If you do, or if you don't, what would it be? You know, I think the first thing that popped up when the world shut down and it was, it felt a little horror movie-ish, was this is what is. You know, this is what is.

You know, and I definitely got in a good headspace fast. Like I was immediately so grateful for FaceTime and all the technology we have to stay connected to family. I was, you know, I wasn't near them. Who's been your best spiritual teacher? So many people. But actually this therapist that I just stopped seeing for other reasons really opened up my world the past several years. And, oh, I am so grateful to him. He gave me so many tools.

What's been your moment of best intuition? I have a pretty good gut for dangerous people. And, you know, I'm being a comic, you know, I have a, what I call a rational fear of drunk people. Because I've been grabbed and I've been, and also just the, my biggest fear is like that when you, if you, if you, look at them the wrong way. Everything they fear is projected onto your face. Like, what? What? You know, it's just, I find it terrifying.

And who are you most competitive with? I'm sure I am competitive, but I can't. Okay, that's fine. No one, I don't know. Okay. I know that sounds like a, that can't be true, but. No, most people say themselves, and I think that can't be true. Yeah, that was what I was going to say, and I go, that's a cop out of bullshit.

Everyone, everyone. We don't get any answers to that question. Sarah, we heard you have a musical coming out. Tell us about that and anything else you'd like us to give love for. My podcast, as you know, I mean, not as you know my podcast, but the Sarah's Little Room podcast is what it's called. But as you know, subscribers are, you need people to like click that button or the thumbs up or the subscribe button or whatever the fuck it is. mean something to someone that keeps it on the air.

So, yeah, I'd say check out my podcast. And if you like it, press the subscribe button. That means something. I like to say, even if you don't like it, press the subscribe button. That's helpful too. Yeah, definitely. But only review if you like it. True, exactly.

Only the five stars are helpful. Santa's Inc? Oh, Santa Inc. Santa's Inc. Santa's Inc. I think it was like a little ink while. Tell us about Santa Inc. Your book, all the things.

Just lay it all out there. Santa Inc. is an anime. It's a claymation like those old Christmas specials or those like Davian Goliath things, remember? And it's done like that. It's incredible. It's beautiful. Watching it, going to the place where they make it is,

it was incredible. But anyway, it's claymation and it's a series about the business of Christmas at the North Pole. and Santa and who becomes the successor of Santa and elves. You know, so I'm Candy Smalls. I'm like the head elf. And elves are Jews in, you know, in this story because, which makes sense and is true in many ways.

There are other, you know, they're them. They're available to work Christmas. They, you can't really have Christmas without them. So it is, there is a lot that joins. elves and Jews. Thank you, Sarah Silverman. This was awesome. So great to talk to you.

I am a fan, and I'm, you are my, you have brought me back into the Jeopardy Fold. I love you. I like Ken Jennings, too. I love you on Jeopardy. You're a revelation. Thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you.

So good to talk to you. Shabbat Shalom. You can't believe she's 50. I was shocked. I thought she was joking. She's not. I mean she looks really good No she's really cool she does she has a very different cadence than

than we do and then then we speak at She's very thoughtful she's very thoughtful she said she needle points together You know But she also seems very very present like she's watching Oh yeah she's like looking for your reaction Yeah she's very very engaged She reminds me a bit of myself she does The presence

No just like her her energy Like she's kind of like tomboy, but it's not tomboy. It's just her. And like, you know, but I... Different pace. Yes. You're a little tornado. She's like a flowing wave.

What do you want me to talk about? Moments of peace and calm. Moments of peace and calm. Miami realizes something. Okay. Here's what happened. I was doing a writing assignment that my sponsor assigned me. And I had to...

I had to write about a moment in my life that I didn't truly express who I was, and I was like, this is a dumb assignment. That's the first thing I thought, which usually means you better do this. And I won't name the person. It's not you. There's a person that I... It's always me. There's a person that I was in a relationship with, and I pushed aside like a really fundamental, huge component of myself. It was not something, you know, catastrophic, but it was definitely something that was always uncomfortable to not get to fully express, engage, participate in. And many, many people in my life, most people in my life would say, like, isn't this a thing? Don't you want to be able to express that part of yourself?

Is it too much to tell us what the thing is? Yeah. Okay. That's a secret. Yeah. And I think it's, yeah, I think it's actually besides the point because, you know, I wished, a part of me at the time wished I would have had the strength to say, this isn't a match. Whatever that part of me was in development, I didn't have. And having that realization allowed me to have compassion for myself. You know, I did the best that I could. It's an interesting part about relationships that they start off and a lot of people, I think, experience this where they're like, oh, I'll just sort of not do this thing.

It's like the death knell of a relationship. Because you want to make peace, right? No, you just want, you know, you want to be loved. You want the sex, the love, the affection, don't leave me. So it's like, if I just sort of alter myself just a little bit. And then it's like, well, if I just do it a little bit more. And then, well, actually I'm not. Or I don't need to go to the movies.

They don't like movies. But what if you love movies? So there's this. That was about us. No, I'm just. It was a pandemic. I like going to the movies. But it is an interesting.

balance and people, because it happens so slowly and it can be just these like inches that turn into much more. Inches, they add up. I've heard it described once that like those subtle little things that we do, it's like being kicked to death by a bunny rabbit. It doesn't hurt all at once, but it adds up. I thought that's a good expression. Kick to death by a bunny rabbit.

Slowly. Just slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly deteriorates you. Do we haven't asked my anything? We sure do. Ask my am anything. Yeah. Julia C. asks, do you think anxiety is hereditary, which we just talked about, or is it more often the result of trauma and prolonged adversity during one's life? Or, my favorite answer, a mixture of both.

Thank you for your question. I don't have these stats on, you know, this kind of percentage breakdown. But anxiety is absolutely genetic, meaning there's a genetic. there may not be one gene that we can say, this is the gene for anxiety, because that's not how genes work. Genes work through a complex combination of turning on and turning off of signals

and hormones and neurotransmitters and things like that. So we do know that anxiety runs in families, which could be the environment that the family is living in. However, I like to point out to people that even if you can't pinpoint depression is hereditary, Even if you can't pinpoint that, what is hereditary is that we inherit coping mechanisms. We inherit ways that we are more often than we don't, meaning so many things. Anybody who's had children can tell you they come out a certain way.

And sure, they change, they grow, but the way my kids were at two is pretty much what they are now. meaning they are more elaborate, refined, hilarious, you know, thinking versions of that. But those are the kinds of things that lead to anxiety. Now, I am an anxious person. Did I create an environment where my children were surrounded by anxiety? Absolutely. So you get this kind of combination. And also there's so many different kinds of anxiety.

There's internalizing anxiety, which is more like thoughts and rumination. And then there's externalizing anxiety, which is more like skin picking and nail bite. and things like that. So you can get it all sorts of different ways. Trauma typically, we don't necessarily think of like, oh, trauma leads to anxiety, but trauma leads to a variety of things, one of which can be anxiety. The short answer is, absolutely hold your parents responsible for a certain amount of it or your, you know, your genetic load. And then the rest of it, you know, put on your big girl panties and tackle everything else about your environment that you can to limit and mitigate your anxiety.

And if it's to the point where it's disrupting your life, your sleep, your eating patterns, your drug or alcohol use, it's time to get help. And that helps change the environment. Not only disrupting it, but if it's adding to your drug and alcohol use, because if it's disrupting it in a way that it's reducing. Oh, sorry. Sorry. That was correct.

But we know what you mean. Thank you. If you want to ask Miami, anything, you can do so by going to the website, Bialik breakdown.com. That's BIA. L-I-K. Breakdown.com. If you haven't already

checked out the Instagram at Bialick Breakdown on Insta, we have... We're building a mighty mental health army. We certainly are and we're doing a lot of giveaways.

Ooh, fun things. Extra content and behind the scenes, we are excited to share that with you. And if you haven't already subscribed, check us out on all the platforms, press subscribe

because that helps. That's very important. And check out Miami's YouTube channel. Click the little bell notification. And you can watch us do all of this.

From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have, we'll see you next time. above average would feel better. Maybe I'll read some greeting cards. Next time use Amazon Pharmacy. We deliver. And here's to being anything but average. Amazon Pharmacy. Healthcare just got less painful.