Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Sofia Franklyn: Mug Shots, Mormonism & Mayhem

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

Mayim brings out the introspective and reflective side of Sofia - one of the podcast world's biggest stars as they breakdown how she became the fierce, independent, and outspoken woman she is today. This spicy episode brings out Mayim's inner millennial as she and Sofia cover anxiety, boundaries, and sexual health. Sofia, an outspoken and at times unabashed spokeswoman for female sexual empowerment, talks about getting her mug shot on a t-shirt, meeting her father for the first time at 15, and how leaving her job in investment banking propelled her to internet stardom. BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People always think she had an absentee father. That's why she has daddy issues. My dad was there the whole time and I have daddy issues. Thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to point out. I couldn't get him to leave. He was always there. But it's true.

It's like you can have a father that has been there the whole time and still have daddy issues. Hi, I'm Mayam Bialik and welcome to my breakdown. This is the place where we break the day. things down so you don't have to. Today, we're going to be breaking down for you. Today, we're going to be breaking down a millennial. We're going to be talking to Sophia with an F as she is known. That's Sophia Franklin. him. Sophia Franklin, but there's also an F in her first name. Long story. Sophia with an F. She's a very, very popular podcaster who in podcast kind of social media circles has made quite a

splash over the last several years. She's 28 and has really had mental health at the core of her existence, literally from as long as she can remember. And just a really interesting, really interesting lady, and I recently did her podcast, and she agreed to come here and talk a little bit more about mental health and her story and how she became who she is. Before we get into that, I'd like to introduce Jonathan Cohen. He's bringing sexy back. Hello, Ma'am. That was an unexpected intro. I didn't know where you were going with that today. That's it. Because Sophia's a sex positive person, and I thought, I like it. I'll bring it back. I'm a few years late because I think J-T beat me to the punch.

But um, Jonathan, is there anything people need to know? They should go to our website. Bialicbreakdown.com. B-I-A-L-I-K. Breakdown.com Where you can ask Ma'am anything.

And please subscribe to the podcast on all your podcast apps. Hit that five-star review because it helps us make more. And you can also find us on Myam's YouTube channel. Click that little bell to get notifications for new episodes.

And you can watch us as well as listen. dress like twins. Yay. Let's talk about Sophia with an F. So for people who don't know... I'm going to tell them. A lot of people don't know because maybe our audience is not filled with millennials. She's a force to be reckoned with. Her debut solo podcast,

Sophia with an F, premiered to widespread success. It was the number one trending podcast on Apple Podcasts. From the moment she dropped the first trailer to her first release, She consistently has over a million listeners per episode. That's a lot of people. Per episode. Correct.

I know. I've seen our numbers. She's also the co-creator and co-host of Call Her Daddy. That was her first show. Correct. She helped build into one of the biggest podcasts in the world before she was even 26. Call Her Daddy reached millions of listeners per episode. She had a cult following.

They were called The Daddy Gang. She co-hosted nearly 100 episodes, which is its own feat. And then she left that podcast to start her new podcast, Sophia, with an F. It was a very bold decision. I'm not going to get into the controversy, but it was a very bold decision to depart a very successful podcast and kind of go out on her own. She knew her worth. She felt that she was due more and different. She's never apologized for that, and she tops the charts.

She plays by her own rules. She's 28 years old. She's really a self-proclaimed, like, woman who talks about the things she wants to talk about, the way she wants to talk about them. But without, I find, without the kind of arrogance that I think a lot of people assume that persona comes with. She's a very interesting, down-to-earth kind of person. And I am very excited to welcome Sophia with an F. Break it down. Welcome Sophia with an F.

Hello. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me on your awesome podcast. And when I told people that I was on Sophia with an F, they were like, but Sophia starts with an S. I'm like, I know that. And so does she. It's the middle part that's the F. I wish I had come up with like a more clever name for my podcast, but like I just didn't have the fucking energy. Like, I couldn't do it. It's like, Sophia the F. Good for personal branding.

Right. I wouldn't want anyone to call you Fofia, which is what I think they think you meet. I'm like, she knows that her name starts with an S. One time I was making a therapist appointment and her assistant, I said it's Sophia than F-O-F and she wrote F-O-P-H-I-H. No, she didn't. Ask me if I showed up for that therapy appointment. I did not. I'm like, no, no, no, no. They're like, if this is how she spells her name, she really does need help. Sophia, let's pretend my mom, who's, let's say, she's not your demographic. But she's listening right now.

But she's listening right now. Who are you? In terms of like your place in our culture, tell us like if I were to say like, hey, I don't know what you do. Explain to people who may not know. What's your deal? Who are you?

And then I'll ask you more questions that lead up to them. And start with Bev Bialik. I am. Start talking to Bev because that's who's going to be. Okay. I hate that question. Who are you? What do you do? But I'm going to answer it for you, Myam. I am a podcaster. I had a very successful show and I still do, but I'm on my second podcast now. The first one was primarily based around sex. And, you know, we talk a lot about sex graphically, sometimes. I get in trouble. People say it's inappropriate. But that is kind of how I would describe, you know, what I do, who I am. And we really brought it to the mainstream and made it kind of this thing where women are now feeling a lot more comfortable to talk about sex. And, you know,

there's been other podcasts. I'm not going to say I pioneered that whole thing. But, you know, the show is extremely popular. And yeah. And now I have Sophia than F where I'm I talk about sex, mental health, and my life. Awesome. And I apologize for giving you a question right off the bat that you hate. It's so hard because the media world is so much bigger now than it ever was. And the fact that you have built a career out of what you say, how you say it, who you are, I think it's important, especially for people. You know, a lot of our listeners are not of your demographic who might be listening.

So I think it's important for them to hear. And how old are you just so people can know? 28. Yeah, you're a young woman, you're a businesswoman. And I think it is. I think it's really important for people to hear like, this is what you do and this is who you are. So I don't have, I'll be honest, I don't have like a particular like, let's do this angle with Sophia. I just, I think you're really, I think you're really fascinating. And I think that what you do and how you do it is also very interesting. And I do think it's very important. And I think it's important for all feminists. I think it's important for people who don't identify as feminists. Because

what you represent is an aspect of our culture that is real and that deserves an audience and needs an audience. And I think it's really significant. And we absolutely don't have to get into the complexity of some of your business stuff. But I think it's also important that you've been under the gun in the way a lot of men are not. And I think you've handled yourself honestly, really bravely under a lot of pressure. And also, you know, we all get to reinvent ourselves all the time. People again, when men men do it. It's not like, oh, my God, they reinvented themselves. It's just like, oh, there's a dude being successful. But when a woman does it, it's like you have to give the reasons and the thing. So anyway, I just want to, I wanted to mention that. But I am a little bit curious. Can you

tell us a little bit about, you know, where you grew up and what kind of house you grew up in? And yeah, what were you like, let's say, up until you started your podcasting life? Yeah. So I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah, which a lot of people find very fascinating. because it is predominantly LDS. My mom was raised LDS, and that's short for Latter-day Saints. Mormon, as we call it, right. Yes, my mom was raised LDS. My mom moved to the United States from Argentina when she was 15.

I was raised by a single mom. And my mom, you know, there's kind of this culture here in Utah with Mormonism that, do you watch Real Housewives of Salt Lake City? I am. I don't, but my ex-husband was raised Mormon and my in-laws are all Mormon. So, yeah, I'm deep in the Mormon. I'm deep in the Mormon. So you get it. I love big love mostly because the food was so authentic to what Mormon food looks like. But anyway, go ahead. Well, and then my grandma's Jewish, but she decided to convert. And then my mom sent me to private Catholic school my whole life. You're the best smorgasbord ever. You're the best smorgas board.

I have Gill on all sides. So that's a little bit how I was raised, single mom. She, you know, has obviously always been the breadwinner, very strong personality. I went to high school and when I graduated college with an economics degree and I forced myself to go into finance. Okay, stop. I got so many questions. Hold on. Let's just let's say. Slow it down. Slow it down. Take it back. So your mother, is she a feisty Argentinian? Like, yes. Yeah, she's a feisty Argentine. It's a thing. It's a thing. That accent is like, it's like, jizz, jiz, jiz, jiz.

I speak Spanish. It sounds Italian, right? It sounds Italian. I'm a Spanish speaker. And when I speak to Argentinians, it's like slow town. There's too many jizzes. And that's not a letter I speak in Spanish. Okay, so just to be clear, so your mom's mom was Jewish.

That's the Jewish. Yes. Okay. So technically, we count you. I'll take you. Thank you. Sophia with an F, we want her on our team. Thank you so much.

Like Drake, like Adam Duritz. I want all them. Goldie Hawn, Harrison Ford, everybody's in. You're not supposed to make lists. I'm not supposed to make lists. Jews make a lot of lists of other Jews that we want to count in. Natalie Portman, she's ours. Anyway, putting Sophia with an F right there.

Thank you so much. That's an honor. Okay, so your mom. Right next to Natalie Portman. Right next to now. Hey, I'd put this one above Natalie Portman just saying. Okay, so your mom is a feisty Argentinian, and they converted, and then she moved here. So did you know your dad? You didn't know your dad?

I, so you know what, Ma'am? You are just too good because I've never talked about this. I'm going to talk about it on your show. She's always looking for the scoop. So I met him for the first time when I was 15 years old. Wow. In high school. And this is, you know, this is part of the reason why I'm so into mental health is my mom, I think, had a lot of guilt for me not having a father. So I was in therapy from diapers.

Like I remember sitting in the therapist's office and that's always been, you know, a big part of my life. But my mom and my therapist, I remember one day when I was in high school said, you have the opportunity to meet him. Is that something you want to do? And I remember I kind of just pushed it off for a while. I didn't know. You know, that's like such a weird question. And he wasn't in my life. Do I really even care?

And then I had a moment where it was like, this might be your only chance. And I would rather just see him and get to know him one time just so I can know that I did it. Wow. So he lives in Spain. He's from Spain, Pamplona, Spain. He flew to the United States. I met him in a sushi restaurant with my mom. Wow. We met for the first time. It was like such a bizarre experience, you know, just kind of like, oh, wait, he kind of looks like me. And like they're, you know. And we met. And then I think it was a year or two later, I went to Europe. I saw him there. And yeah, that's kind of what happened. Are you an only child? I have a, oh my God, 17 or 18. My little brother, Lucas is 17 years old. Okay, different father. Mm-hmm. Got it. Okay. I will say, though, I consider Lucas's dad, my brother's dad, my dad. Got it. Because he was there since I was six years old.

Okay, got it. Okay. That's amazing. That's amazing. Where did you go to college? I had a troubled youth. I went to I went to St. Mary's College of California in Northern California. I got in a little bit of trouble. Okay. Was it good trouble or bad trouble?

Like I got like two, I think, drinking tickets. I have a mugshot on a hoodie. People know about all that stuff. I mean, I would wear that on a hoodie. I get it. Mime, I'm sending you. I'm going to send you on. Done. You have to rock it. Done. Then I get.

came back to Utah because my mom was like, I'm not putting up with this bullshit. You can come home and, you know, and I went to, you're coming home. So I went to community college and then I graduated from the University of Utah with an economics degree that I did not have fun getting. Yeah, so tell me, I mean, were you driven to economics? Were you good at that kind of thinking? Like, what was the? Not at all. Not even a little bit. I wasn't good at it. I will say I am a very strong writer. that's really was my calling. I had, you know, a professor. A professor. I'm already doing it. I had a professor in college who, you know, told me so if you need to be a writer and I kind of was following her path. And then I had this moment where I thought to myself, there's no money in writing. There's no money in English. What the fuck are you doing? Go over to like, you know, the finance side and try to do it over there. Are you channeling my father? Yeah. It sounds like you were channeling. Jonathan's father.

Oh, really? Did he say that? Jonathan's a writer, so yes. Okay, got it. So, yeah, so I force myself to do that. I'm just curious. Were you just like a normal partier? And it got out of hand?

So that is really such a good question because what the hell is a normal partier? Okay, so... You know? The only people who say that are not normal partier. That's right. I was not to be like, that's denial written all over. I guess what I'm asking is like, was there an aspect, you know, was there an aspect of that time of your life where you felt you were like wanting to escape?

Or was it just like everybody was drinking and things got out of hand? Or was it like, I like to feel like this. Let's do this a lot. You know, it's interesting because the high school that I went to and Draper, Utah, which is, you know, where I'm from, I went to, I went to a private Catholic school in the middle of this. dominantly Mormon state. And it was almost this counterculture where the kids in my school were completely out of control. Yeah. And, you know, a lot of people say that, like, yeah, kids in high school are crazy.

But this was like smoking oxycod in the bathroom. Every boyfriend I had had, like, you know, was doing some type of drug use. Right. So, you know, the culture here. And I think maybe just states like Utah in general. where there's not a lot going on. I love Utah, but there's not a lot going on. It's very common here. And do I think I was a normal partier?

Probably not. Okay. I have calmed down a lot since then. I did have to go to a lot of therapy because it was getting me in trouble. Sure. I mean, I have my mugshot on a hoodie. I think there's two things to that what you said that I wanted to pick up on. And one of those things is that like when Jonathan and I were in college, it was a very

different culture in terms of partying and even in terms of drugs. Pot was still like, oh, they smoke pot. Like, you know, it was still like, hey, can I get a, can I get a dime bag? You know, it was, there was still, like, it wasn't, it wasn't ubiquitous, you know, we weren't really, I mean, at least, I mean, I don't know, you're Canadian. I don't know what the things are there. Different world there. Different world. No, but I'm saying like, there was not Oxycontin. Like, that wasn't, that wasn't floating around. You know, heroin was starting to make an unfortunate resurgence when I was in college. And I knew people that died, you know, and OD'd. But Rave started to get really popular like X and Molly and that stuff. Right. Ecstasy, like that. But no, I think you grew up really at a

different time. And also something that people may not know. And also, I've spent a lot of time in Utah. Literally every episode I end up talking about my ex-husband. He's a very big part of my life. I'm sorry, we made babies together. You know, his family, they all, I mean, Salt Lake City is not Mormon enough for my in-laws. They live outside of, because Salt Lake City is actually the least Mormon place that you can live in Utah. Right. So your husband's from Utah? He's my ex-husband. He's my ex-husband. Yeah, my ex-husband was raised Mormon. His mother was raised in the church, went to BYU. He converted to Judaism before we got married. And then she converted to Judaism after I know. So like I have all these like Mormon in-laws. I've been to Mormon funerals. I went to the temple before they dedicated it. Like I do all sorts of. I mean, I've had like a whole Mormon life. And like the meals, the praying. I know why you. I know why you. there's no crosses outside of any LDS, you know, church or temple. But anyway, what people don't

kind of know that it's a very insular community. And it's a very, I mean, I've had really beautiful times in the Mormon, you know, communities that I've spent time in there. But for people who are not Mormon, it is a very different world to be in Utah like that. And there are Jews there. But it's true, like the Catholic, they're like the outsiders because. They are. Yeah. So anyway, I just wanted to, for people who don't know that, and yeah, Utah is, it's an unbelievably beautiful state. There's a lot of beauty. There's a lot of complexity to the Mormon church. And honestly, my mother-in-law, you know, has shared so much with me about, especially as a woman, what she needed, that she actually finds in, you know, Judaism that she didn't find in the LDS church in terms of women's

leadership and things like that. But anyway, I just wanted to kind of mention that. Okay. So you have your degree in Econ. I want to know a thing because you're very, you know, you're very confident. And also, I want to know more about therapy in particular. But were you like this? Were you very like sex positive, body positive, like outspoken? Is that who you were kind of in college? Or did that come later? I would say yes.

However, that was just, you know, I was that way with my friends. Doing a podcast that is broadcasted to over a million people is a completely different thing. You know, people say, Sophia, you're so confident. I don't feel that. I don't even know how that comes off. Like, I don't really know. But have I always talked about sex and been comfortable with that aspect of my life? Yes, absolutely.

Did that come from the way you were raised? Like, super honest, I was raised essentially by a Puritan mother. She was raised Orthodox. And, like, if we didn't talk about it, it didn't exist. Like, that was kind of. And because I was such a late bloomer, Jonathan loves one I mentioned that. Because I was such a late bloomer, there wasn't really

anything for me and my mom to talk about because I was like super studious. I was nerdy. I was funny looking. Like it wasn't an issue. It's not like, oh, what's why I'm going to do when the boys start, you know, breaking down her door. Like it wasn't a thing. And then I was on TV and like that made me even like weirder to the kids I went to school. So it was like it kind of didn't exist. And I always say to my mother, you're so lucky I didn't go trying to learn through humans. Right. Instead, I was just like, oh, I'll learn later. later. But I'm curious, was this something, because also like South American culture does tend to be a lot more open, a lot more sex-friendly, you know, nudity is not seen as like this cardinal sin, which, you know, our kind of American culture tends to make it. But because your mom also, you know, was raised Mormon, like, I don't know if there was conflict in that, because that does tend to be a very modest culture. You know, they have, there's rules about what you can wear depending on the undergarments, like, that's a true thing. So was it the way you were raised? So was it the way you were raised? Or is it just like who Sophia was?

I think it's both. I think the Spanish culture, which if you're from Argentina, it's very European. Both of those cultures a lot more open sexually. The Mormon culture in Utah, and my mom has told me this a million times, very different from the Mormon culture in Argentina. Wow. I want to believe that Mormons in Argentina are just having open sex with everyone all at once. Like it's a different kind of Mormon. I won't go that far.

But she said the culture, it's maybe a little bit more laid back in Argentina. Utah, it's a very specific thing. Correct. Very clicky, insular, how you said. A little judgmental. Yep. However, there's a lot of amazing things that come with it too. Sure.

So I have that aspect, the Spanish, you know, European thing. Also, I think being raised by a single mom, you kind of can just be more open talking about those things, right? because I don't have a father figure sitting around on the couch. The patriarchy wasn't like staring you down. Exactly. And, you know, my aunts, my mom's sisters really came in and helped raise me too. So I was raised by a lot of strong women. Got it.

I think that's part of it. And then I'm telling you this like, if you're not Mormon counterculture thing, it was almost as if like I, from a young age, I wanted to be wild and out of control. I really did. There was something in me. and I think that played into it too. So all of the above. Because I don't know, what does that look or feel like?

Meaning, did you have a feeling like, the world is, like, this is not enough for me? Or, I mean, I don't know what it would look like. Like, you're very attractive. Is it like, I'm so pretty, everyone should be as pretty as me. Take me to wear the pretty people. Like, I don't know what it feels like because I never had that. Right. I mean, I was in high school, I was not looking at myself thinking, oh, you're so pretty.

I can assure you that. but who in high school fucking is, right? Right. First of all, I was raised with, and I don't want to say who, but someone that had substance abuse issues. So I kind of grew up around that. It was not my mom. I think maybe that played into it, to be completely honest.

I think that my mom also tried to be extremely strict with me. And so I wanted to get out. and kind of like, you know, fight back type of thing. As Kelly Clarkson would say, you wanted to break away. Exactly. My NBi Alex's breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful.

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get an additional $20 off with the code break. Head to superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention My Ambiotics Breakdown to help support the show. I have a really interesting story. I think that's really, I mean, so far, I just am so fascinated. Thank you. So tell me, what do you remember of therapy? Like, was it obviously when you're little, it's play therapy. But did they make you like, did you do, you know, play therapy usually like you do games or you act things out with dolls or whatever?

But do you remember any content of that? Like, did they make you talk about your mom or your feelings or? Yeah. So I remember, I didn't even know there was a term for it, play therapy. I remember there was like a sandbox I would play with. I remember there were toys I would play with because my mom had me going to therapy because, you know, her guilt around my father. I think those were usually the questions. And it's funny because I remember my therapist always asking me about, you know, my dad or like, how does this and this feel?

And I was like, what? Like, what? Like, I don't get it. Why would I care? It's really only in the last two years that I realized that, you know, it has affected me in some way. And it really took that long for me to realize that because my mother is so strong. She did such an amazing job. He was never there. So how can you like miss something that was never there? Um, you know, but now at 20, probably 26, 27, I started to realize kind of like the things that come along with it and how like it has been affecting me. With that said, I am happy. I am great. I am, you know, amazing. But everyone has stuff from their childhood. Right. And also I think that. you know, again, I'm thinking of like conservative types who might be like, well, that's why

she talks the way she does. Or like, she's the daddy issues thing. Exactly. Like, oh, that must be it. Or like, she shouldn't talk about those things. Like, that's not appropriate to talk. It must be because. And the fact is, like, you get all different kinds of people with all different kinds of

perspectives, A, on sexuality, B, on what we talk about how, and C, on like, how women should be anyway. So there's so much judgment. And I just think it's very, you do have a very interesting story. but also I believe everybody does, you know? Yeah. And I'm so, I'm really grateful that, you know, you're sharing this stuff because I think also, and I'm just going to say it,

I think a lot of people would say, she's young, she's flashy, she's got this pot, she makes a lot of money, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And, like, who's really in there? And like, but you have a story. Like, you're a beautiful person who's had to also struggle, and you have a life. And, like, there's a whole person in there that makes who we then, you know, present to the public.

You know, I think, Maya, it's like this really interesting. thing I just want to point out surrounding the conversation about daddy issues is people always think she had an absentee father. That's why she has daddy issues. I think what

people don't realize... My dad was there the whole time and I have daddy issues. Thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to point out. I couldn't get him to leave. He was always there. It's a different type of business. But it's true. It's like you can have a father that has been there the whole time and still

have daddy issues. Totally. And I think also, like, the kind of things that happen with family dynamics is so much more complicated than just, like, who was there, when, and how. You know, like, it's like, it's about the interaction, especially if you come, you know, I mean, you, you essentially come from a different culture. You know, when you're raised by a group of women, which is not unusual in many parts of the world, like, it's actually the United States where they're like, put one man and one woman in one room and see what happens for 40 years. Like, no, but in, you know, but in, in other parts of the world, yeah, kids are raised differently and it does bring in different perspectives. And also, the notion of filling in the blanks is something that, like, in the United

States, it kind of doesn't exist. Whereas, like, you know, for your mom, she was like, oh, this is here, let's bring in other influence. Like, I need the support. Whereas here, it's like, when I have friends who are just divorced or, you know, have partners that are not present, it's like, I'm all by my side. You don't have to, like, we have to ask for help. And it takes a village. So, You know, that's actually so important that your mom was able to do that because it was probably, I mean, I would imagine it was super helpful for her as well. What's your brother like? I'm just curious. Like, do they still live in you?

I don't want to break any anonymity of his, but do they still live in Utah? Yes, they do. I think he's going to leave for college, but we're 11 years apart. Yeah, I mean, you're basically a second parent to him is, yeah, or third. So, you know, that was another huge thing. I have this very interesting relationship where I'm his sister and I'll be like, fuck off, you're annoying. And then I'm the mom where I am like, you can't say fuck off you're annoying if you're the mom.

Actually, you could use that interchangeably between the two roles. And then I have kind of the mom thing too with him. He is absolutely fabulous. Is he funny like you? He's funnier than me. Oh, that's so cool. And it pisses me off. Do you look alike?

We do. Actually, we do. I want a picture, like, that he wears the same makeup that you do just with short hair. I'm like, I want a boy, Sophia, with an F. He's like a little snowboarder, skateboarder. I mean, my stepjot's from New Zealand. So we've got, like, that island life. It's a UNICEF advertisement going on.

It really, truly is. I love this. It really is. Okay. So you get this degree, and it's clear you're not, you don't want to do that business finance crap. That's not for Sophia. No. I did it for four years. What was that like?

Very depressing. Did you wear like a business suit? Did you have to wear a blazer? Yes. You know, so I worked for this. It's like a top five finance firm. I won't say the name. Well, there's only five choices.

I've got a 20% chance of guessing. You do. That's math. Sophia knows math because she has a degree in econ. So I worked for them here in Utah and then I transferred to New York with my job. And what was it like? I was depressed every day. I hated it.

I really hated it. And going to New York must have been like, wow, here's a city. You know, because my family, no one is from the United States and I've done a lot of traveling and I've been to Argentina and Spain. I had some idea of what to expect and I had gone to New York multiple times. New York is like all those countries rolled into one. Yeah, literally. Yes, exactly. So there was a little bit of a culture shock, but not too much.

I fucking hated working in finance. I really, really did. So then what do you do? You're in New York. Yep. You're like, I should just talk about sex and start a podcast. I really wish, because I would have to be. and so badass.

I move in with a girl by complete random chance. We have really great chemistry together. We're really funny together. Are you dating her? No, I was not dating her. I could see how it just sounded that way, though. I'm like, I move in with her. You know what?

It's New York. We're all good. Chemistry. You said chemistry. I'm like, great. The story's getting great. I think we're doing Sophia's podcast now. Then what happened?

Okay, so just to clarify, no, she was not my girlfriend. It was just a friend and a roommate. Great chemistry. Great chemistry, not a sexual way. She was not having sex with her, Jonathan? So heteronormative over there. Jonathan, stop trying to push the narrative. We're going this way.

We decide that we want to start a YouTube channel. We try to launch that. Someone approaches us to do a podcast. Got it. We start a podcast. and four episodes in, a huge massive media company reaches out and says, would you like to come do the podcast here? Four episodes.

We're more than four episodes in. We haven't had anyone call us. They haven't asked us yet. That's okay. We got our own little thing going. We don't have to be her. We get to be us. So I'm just curious because I think a lot of, especially a lot of young people and old

people who don't know young people would want to know. Like, obviously, I have a YouTube channel. I've had it for years and it's a thing. What was the initial idea? Like, let's start a YouTube channel where we talk about things. Like, that was it? You know, where the idea came from is we went to a bar. We have a couple drinks.

We're at the bar. We're talking shit. We're being extremely funny. And we have, like, a group around us by the end of the night that's like, what are these girls saying? I guess, you know, honestly, I really have always spoken outrageously. It just clicked in my brain. Very explicit.

and we were just like, oh my God, we should just try something. I feel like I'm one of those, every single personnel thinks, I'm going to start a podcast. So it was maybe kind of similar to that, but we thought we were funny, insightful. And we plan to just talk about dating relationships and sex. Got it. And we did make a YouTube video or two then into the podcast. And then... What happened in those four episodes that, I mean,

that led to, oh my gosh, this is now something beyond what you pictured. Like, I mean, did that, I'm just, again, like for people who don't know, did they get a lot of, like I'm going to talk like an old person. Did a lot of people want to listen to your podcast? There was one clip that I think it didn't go viral, but it was extremely, extremely popular. And that is how someone from that media company saw it. Got it. I will say I was still working in finance.

Stop it. Did you ever like wonder, wait a second, the people that I work with who are really buttoned up are going to hear this nasty graphic side of you. What was that episode? Just tell us. What was the episode? What was the thing? The Gluck Gluck-Gluck 9,000, which is a blowjob technique. Okay.

Okay. Okay. So that, and I'm sure it was, I'm not looking it up yet. It was funny. You're both pretty. Like, it's raw. It's interesting. Like, the way.

You're teaching this technique? Wait, was it teaching? It was teaching? Talking, teaching. We're teaching the technique and explaining the technique. But not on a real penis. No, I have never, well, I've done it on a video. I would hope so.

But not on camera. Okay, got it. No, but I just like, again, for people who are like, what is happening? So it's a funny, interesting explanation of a sex act. So, sorry, it's Gluck Gluck, Gluck, 9,000? What's like at 5,000? Like you don't know what it is. I'm just, I haven't seen the clip, but I'm just like, how did you get to 9,000?

Was that a... I honestly can't even remember, but like, we do refer to a gluck, like, 3,000 sometimes. Interesting. And we're telling people to step it up a notch. Oh, it just has to be 9,000. That's also math, which Sophia knows because she has a degree in econ. I just want to see the formula that takes you from 3 to 9. I'll show you the formula later.

But, um, okay, so this clip goes, gets a lot of notice, but you're still working in finance. Tell us all the things that happened because you were still working in finance and this happened. I am walking into work every morning, sweating bullets. I am like, they know. Like someone's going to know the financial advisor I work with. Like there's no, I'm pretty sure he like follows me on Instagram. Like, you know. So there was a lot of anxiety with that.

And people did, people did find out about it. Were you asked to leave? I was not asked to leave, actually. Did they make you the CEO? They're like, this is our bitch. This is our lady. No, I, you know, I got the job offer from the other media company and I said, whoa, I get to talk about sex and talk shit for an hour a week and make more than I am here. Like, bye.

And I don't have to wear a blazer if I don't want to. Exactly. Now I know how much fucking work goes into a podcast and, you know, but. it was a no-brainer for me. I'm curious what you're kind of what your mental health, either practice or status is like, meaning do you still go to therapy? Do you not like therapy? Like, do you think therapy's great?

Or do you have other ways that you sort of maintain, you know, your mental wellness? Because you do a lot of work, and I'm sure you have, you know, your life seems really fun, like when I listen to what your life must be like. But no, but you're a businesswoman and you have a lot of responsibility and things. And it's been under a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. and a lot of scrutiny. You've been under a lot of scrutiny, a lot of pressure. A lot. Yeah. So what's your mental health kind of life been like?

Or what is it like today? Because from a very young age, I was always in therapy. I have never stopped going to therapy. That's always been extremely important to me. Therapy once a week, I will say it's very difficult to find a really good therapist. Yes. That is no easy fee. And, you know, there's a lot of people that will try out therapy and it didn't work for

them and I always just urge them or anyone listening, try a couple different people because the chances are, you know, you just need someone else. I just, I feel my best when I am exercising, which have I done that in the last six months, maybe two weeks? Eating healthy, did I make myself a baguette sandwich last night? Absolutely. That sounds healthy to me. Is that a non-healthy choice? But, you know, the amount of times my therapist and my doctor have told me, Sophia, if you, because I do suffer from, you know, minor balance of anxiety or depression. After talking to you, Miami, and when you came on my show, the OCD comment you made, how it's on a spectrum, I've just, it started to click in.

Like, I, you know, have a little bit of that as well. And the amount of times my therapist or doctor said exercise, go outside, move your body, you know, try to eat healthy. I rarely do it, but the times I do, it is a night and day difference in my life. So I try to do that and then therapy one hour every week. Good for you. Also, isn't it amazing how, I mean, this is just like the human experience. We know how much better we feel if we, and like, like,

like fill in the blank, right? We took a walk yesterday, and I was like, that was amazing. But you'd think I would say, I have to do that today. But it's like, I don't, and I'm a scientist, and I don't get it. It's like, I don't get it. It's insane. I know. It's insane.

It's like fresh air for 20 minutes, and I can't even fathom, you know, walking outside. It's like the crazy thing. I think of, I mean, I don't know if you have a medication history, but like, I at some point have tried every medication and also like every combination because like, oh, maybe she needs a cocktail. I'm like, well, not that kind of cocktail. I do need that kind of cocktail. But like all the things I've tried and all the pain that I've been in and like the panic attacks

where I thought I had to go to the hospital and like all these things. But like what it really comes down to is when I make myself a priority. When I make whatever that looks like, right? And for some people that might mean making sure that you get social time with friends. I'm an introvert. So like for me, I have to like have no one speak to me for a certain amount of time. But like if I have days and days and days and days where I'm working and I have to be around people, it's like you'd think the smart part of me would say, okay, that just happened.

Now make this happen. Have a healthy meal. Take a freaking bubble bath. You love a bubble bath since you're four years old. When's the last time? I love a bubble bath. Who doesn't love a bubble bath? Who doesn't love a bubble bath?

But it's like, why is that? It's so much labor. And then I'm like, oh, I think that's the depression, not allowing me to break through it. And that's why we started this podcast because there are celebrities who are like, I've figured it out. Here's the diet. Here's the cleanse. Put this up your tush. And like, you know, that's a colonics comment.

It was a calonics comment. No, but like, it's like that's why we started this podcast because I still am doing my best. to figure it out, you know? Right. Well, and you're a mom. So making yourself a priority, is that, like, ten times harder? Like, should I shut the fuck up? No.

No, that's the thing also is, like, you're absolutely right. Like, when I had kids, I was literally like, why did I ever complain about anything ever before in my life? Like, at least I could take a poop without someone banging on the door or without a human in my lap. Like, that's not normal. Like, when you have the flu and you have diarrhea, but you cannot put your child down because the thought of them screaming and shrieking while you're trying to have diarrhea

is more unpleasant than just having diarrhea while they say it one more time. Myam, you are like walking birth control. Like, I will never have children after hearing that. You know, I was always taking care of everybody as a kid. That's the kind of kid I was. I took care of everybody at school. Like I wanted to fix this problem. And like when these two were fighting, I would help them make nice.

Like I was the peacemaker child. I have a lot of problems for you to work on. Oh, I've tried working on them. You won't let me. That's a different problem. No, but I was always fixing things. And sure enough, I became the teenager that like everybody wanted to go to with their problems. And like, oh, my, I'm, you're such a good friend.

And like, you're such a good person to lean on. And I really, like, I took that role very seriously. But lo and behold, when I got married, I really, really did make his happiness my priority. And all the things, especially as like a Jewish woman raised in a tradition, like, and also I think this is true of other ethnic cultures, like having food on the table that makes your man happy, that was a very high priority. Making him happy, made me happy, right? But then when you have kids, it's like, oh, here's more people that I have to put first. And it was so hard for me. It was so hard. And honestly, it really wasn't in

till I got divorced, which is not why I got divorced, but till I got divorced when I had to be alone with myself, that I was like, oh my gosh, it's just me now. What do I need? And also, like, you're 28. I got married at your age and thought, like, well, there's life. Now I just live happily ever after. And I'm here to tell you, like, at 45, I still learn things about myself.

I got called out on a work call this morning. It was not pleasant, but someone served me. what it's like to be around me when I'm stern and abrasive. And I was like, I thought I would have figured that out at 28, and then everything would have been fine. But you just keep, keep growing. And I think with men, especially like in our patriarchal society,

men like get a job and they go away and we don't really think about their development much. You know, like, oh, they go to war. Oh, they have an affair because they're unhappy but then it's our fault too, you know? But for women, it's like we go through all these changes. I mean, our body can house humans. That's phenomenal, right?

But then we're left with like, oh, now she wants something for herself. Right. I do. I want to work on a puzzle and have no one talk to me. And I want to drink sake and order food that no one else will eat with me. And get your mugshot on the sweatshirt. And then I want to listen to Sophia with an F and feel like I'm hip. You know, the thing that I've noticed, A, I hate complaining when I'm talking to a mom.

Because what, like, what? I can't even fathom. be, you know, this taking care of yourself. Yes, like, do I want to work out? No, but it's also, I think, a little bit of an underlying feeling of feeling undeserving. You know, okay, self-care. I thought about this the other day, and I don't feel entitled to a bubble bath or relaxing or anything like that unless I have done something to deserve it. Totally.

I'm always doing this. It's nuts. I just realized it the other day how toxic it is the way I think about it. Did you go to the gym? No. Well, then you don't get to like take care of yourself. I do this with money too where I'm like if I have to buy, if I want to buy something, it's like well when's the last time that I earned money to justify? I do it with food. It's like a general problem. I only deserve that fun food if I had like a salad for lunch. You know, like that's, yeah. And that's the opposite of what self-care is. Totally. Self-care is, like, regardless, you know, take care of yourself. Totally. Exactly what you said that, like, you feel like you shouldn't complain, like, when you're talking to a mom.

Although that's, like, a funny, like, it is. It's, like, it's kind of funny. But it's also exactly how we devalue our own experience. Because, like, everybody's experience gets to be what it is, you know? And, like, it's kind of like when you say, like, oh, first world problems. But the fact is, like, it's where we're at. and what we're comfortable with and what we're uncomfortable with that makes us who we are, you know?

Because, like, I remember I talked to a friend. This was when I first had my, we both had our first kids. And I didn't have a nanny. I didn't have a chef. I didn't have a house cleaner. Like, I did all my stuff myself. And, like, we didn't have help. Like, it was just me and, you know, and Mike.

And I had friends who were single moms. And I was like, oh, my God, what am I complaining about? But I remember I had a friend who had a live-in housekeeper, a live-in. And she was like, it is so hard. Raising kids is so hard. And I remember thinking exactly which part of it is hard. The part where you don't cook or clean or clean up the table when everybody's done eating. Like which part is hard?

But then I realized like that's how we make the world smaller in a bad way. You know, she's allowed her experience. It's not mine. And, you know, one day you'll squeeze a watermelon out of a garden hose and you'll be like myam was right. But until then. Look at her face. Look at her.

She can't take it. Until then, Sophia with an F. I adore you. I think you are amazing. I think you're so interesting and well-spoken. You're my favorite Jewish unicorn. You're phenomenal. You are my favorite Jewish person, Mormon-ish, like all the above. You're my favorite. Thank you so much. Myam, thank you so much for having me on. You are incredible. Thank you. I got all emotional just talking to you. Thank you. Take care. You know why I'm so happy that we spoke. to her? Because we're going to start a second business with trying to prevent pregnancy. Yeah, her and...

We're going to have a... That's her in my podcast. How to prevent... She's promoting pregnancy and I'm making you scared to get pregnant. It's called Bubby and me. My abuela. I yo. The reason I wanted to talk to Sophia is I think a lot of people have a lot of judgment about women like that. And I think they have a lot of assumptions. about what they're like, what makes them tick. And honestly, I didn't know.

I thought she might come on and just be like, what's your problem? We talk about sex. Everybody does it. Blah, blah, blah. But instead, she really opened up about really interesting parts of herself and that mental health has been a constant in her life.

And that having, you know, good support in terms of mental health, that doesn't mean that you then have the life that you would have pictured. Right? Her life took a lot of interesting turns. Just a tool to help you navigate. Exactly. And whatever you navigate, it's not like, oh, here's what truly held.

Like, I think a lot of people, like, Mom, hi, my mom, might say, if you really got your mental health stuff in order, you don't talk about those things on the radio. You know, you don't do a podcast about that. Your mom's a fan of her show, right? I don't, I don't know. We don't want my mom Googling anything about Sophia. or using Google or using Google at all okay Google is what my mom says

okay Google what is gluck luck luck 9000 don't do it Bev there are a lot of people not just my mom you know I think there's a lot of people who might say like what is going on with that person and the fact is this is a person who has had a really interesting

journey and continues to also use her platform to try and promote positivity and it may not be your thing to listen to a podcast of two young women talking about sex. It's like that's okay. That's your prerogative too. But that a woman with that following, honestly,

would come on here and say therapy every week is so powerful. It's so powerful. Because I think people see me and they're like, oh, she's divorced, she's old, she looks like that. Of course she needs therapy. But young women who have successful careers also who are gorgeous and body positive and talk about sex and are really like

runchy and fun, they also need mental health support, you know? I just think it's so, and you can tell she has a vocabulary. She has an intelligent emotional vocabulary. She knows to say that made me feel anxious. I feel a little bit depressed. She knows the difference, you know? And the fact that she said that when I spoke to her about OCD

that she started thinking about it, I just think she's really interesting. And I'm very, very glad we spoke to her. And part of mental health is developing that vocabulary. Correct. It's developing the ways to have introspection. It's understanding how the lenses that we've had shape us and how they continue to shape us. Yeah.

Thinking about, as she said, we all have stuff from our childhood. You don't have to be in a horrific state to go unpack that. Everyone has to. And I also love how she spoke specifically to how, you know, people assume that she has daddy issues because she didn't have a dad there. Also, her show was called Daddy Issues. No, I understand. But I'm saying that notion of like whatever she's going through, right? But, you know, Freud was right.

Daddy issues are a thing. Oh, okay. Like, mommy issues are a thing. No matter whether that parent is present, not present, you know, present and not present because they're drinking or have their own mental health issue. Like, there's so many aspects to that. And gosh, I really, I feel like so many people I speak to, I want to speak to their parents. Like, I want to speak to her mom.

That's the spin-off show is, okay, next time. Abuelas. We bring the person on, they get half an hour to tell their story. Stop it. And then the next half an hour? He just made me pregnant with another idea. Take that, Sophia. The Patreon account is not working.

We keep getting pregnant. Jonathan, is there an ask by him anything? I was going to say before you beat me to the punch that if you have some issues that you want more insight onto... Daddy issues, mommy issues. Whatever the issues might be. Child issues. Check out Bealekbreakdown.com where you can ask Mime anything. and today's Ask Myam Anything is...

I thought we were going to spell the website. Oh, we're over that. Okay. Oh, you talk to one millennial and you're like, that's nerdy. Ask Myam Anything. Yeah. Today's Ask Myem Anything comes from James. Hi, Maim.

Hi, James. My girlfriend and I both suffer from depression and it seems to often be contagious between us. This is an interesting part. So when one person gets down, the whole house gets grumpy. is this a common effect, and do you and your team, that's me, have any suggestions to manage this? This is a very interesting question, James. First, let's start off by James. Thank you for including me in the question.

That's what we should start with. This is a very complicated question that is likely, I'm just going to say it, best addressed by a third party. This is a great opportunity. I don't know what level of commitment you're at in your relationship, but this is a perfect, perfect thing to bring to a couple's therapist because there's a very complicated interplay between couples in terms of what each person will hold for the other person. And a lot of how this plays out simply depends on each of your needs. And it's very difficult to be in a relationship where the other person is essentially triggered by your depression or where you are triggered by their depression. It's also very

difficult to be with someone who is hurting and in pain and suffering any kind. Well, and what happens in many cases, and this is completely anecdotal. This is not like I'm the doctor of neuroscience. What seems to be more typical is that when one person is depressed, the other person in a sort of like codependent storm, you know, steps in and makes it right and fills in the blanks and brings the mood up, especially if you have a family situation where one, parent is depressed. You'll often see the other parent kind of like swooping in and like, let's make everything okay, you know. And that's a way we even it out. We also see it. I remember like when my father's father died and my dad obviously was very, you know, sad, grief. You know,

my mom had to do extra work to kind of like keep the house, you know, feeling supported. The opposite is not always true. That's a gender issue. But anyway. The opposite of that, and again, this is also anecdotal, not at all scientific, is people can compete for, like, who's down. Okay, so, so, okay. So, oh, you're having problems? I'm having real problems. Okay, so that's kind of the other side of it. So I would say that what I seem to experience and see more commonly is that when one, let's say we're both here and when one person's down, the other one will try and like compensate, right? But what Jonathan's describing has more to do with the relationship dynamics than the depression per se, which is why I suggest you absolutely

get a third party, a therapist to help you through this because it can become a competition. I've also been there. I remember right when I, when my first child was born, it became a competition for who's more tired and it went downhill from there. But there absolutely is a case where two personalities will be such that they do get triggered. And as Jonathan said, that's usually other, it's usually other resentment that's leading to that kind of competition, which I'm not saying is happening, but if you are both being triggered, it probably means you need to get help together and then likely get help separately so that the other person is not the primary person that you're going to with those issues. You want to be there and be able to love and support the person in

your life who's depressed, but you have to put your oxygen mask on before you put it on for someone else. So good luck, wishing both of you well, and please do get help. We actually have a sponsor of this show that is a great place to start. All right. This was a very, very fun episode. I hope you've enjoyed it. And I guess that's it. Go to Bialicbracdown.com, BIA, L-I-K. Breakdown. And you can ask me anything. You can even ask Jonathan anything. I'm into it. He's super into it. From my breakdown to the one I hope you never have. We'll see you next time. It's my and Bialyx Breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. One, fix you. And now she's going to break you.

It's a breakdown. It's a breakdown. She's going to break it down.