Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Summer Edition - Best Of Celebs

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

Join us for another Summer Edition of Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown! This week, we're scouring the archives to bring you the best of our celebrity interviews, from Matthew McConaughey’s proverbs and Chelsea Hander's ayahuasca experience to Corey Taylor’s ghost stories and Hunter McGrady's affirmations - take a trip down memory lane with us!  BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, I'm Myambiolic and welcome to my summer breakdown. It's Mymbialic's breakdown. She's going to break it down for you because you know she knows a thing more to. So now she's going to break down. Doing things a little bit different here. We're having some fun this summer. We're traveling. Jonathan, say hello to the summer, the summer friends.

Summer fun time. We don't want to leave you hanging though without any MBB content. So what we have this summer is some episodes that aren't like our usual episodes, but they have all of the insight, the banter, the information, the big picture, and also a lot of the fun details of everything you want to know about mental health, wellness, and how not to break down. So this is our attempt at being fun and loose. These are our summer editions.

And we will see you with fresh episodes and less of a tan in the fall. Break it down Let's talk to Matthew McConaughey. What? Do you have any idea who we are? I have someone of an idea. Well, we can't believe that you're here talking to us, and I was thinking, what favor did he have to do to come speak to us?

Did they do any favors? There's something I don't know about, Jonathan? Do you know anything about that maybe I did that I don't know that I did? It was a long campaign. It was pressure from all sides to get him here. We had deep-seated spies in Texas gathering dirt. Not me. And I didn't even know what it was.

That's what I assumed. I guess I wanted to sort of start with these two wet dreams you had. Thank goodness. I wouldn't be sitting there talking to you right now if I didn't have those two wet dreams. That's true. Now, you had two dreams that sent you on two separate and very specific journeys in your life. Was it the same dream twice? That's why.

Right. It's the same dream. Exact same dream. I have this dream in 1993. Whoa, I woke up. That was a wet dream. Boy, the elements of that dream do not add up to a typical wet dream. What was that about?

Oh, okay. Okay, another thing that I related to you with because I sometimes have dreams like that, but they're not sexual. It's just like a thing and it's happening. But none of them take me the places you're doing. It's so weird. I shut up.

Your transition from high school to college was also one of tremendous challenge. And you ended up, I mean, you took on a very interesting, strict vegetarian diet because you said you craved discipline. You were depressed, my friend, and you were trying to make sense of insanity. I needed some measurement of achievement a day. And eating that head of lettuce with a half a bottle of Heinz ketchup pulled up, poured over it, gave me a sense of accomplishment. to run those six miles a day, even though I was losing all the weight, gave me a sense of accomplishment.

To say out, to be celibate, to be celibate, yet still go masturbating the bathtub every night, gave me a sense of accomplishment. I needed these sort of measuring sticks to go, I did that today. I followed through on that because the world was chaos. Right, well, that's, and we call that binding anxiety. I mean, you were finding all sorts of ways to kind of make it make sense. I don't mean to get all, you know, fancy on you, but, you know, it's like, it's like, finding anxiety.

She loves a good label. I love a good label. I do, too. Let's welcome Kelly Clarkson. Every time someone asks me anything about, you know, mental health and like the industry and, like, working in it, I literally always think of this one moment. I had in my garage at Texas, when it was in Texas, and it was at my house. And it was just, I don't know why, but it was right after I finished like the third tour for my breakaway record, which was like the biggest record for me. And I don't know why.

but I needed milk or something. It was something so weird. But I needed milk, but I just didn't want to see people, like, because I was empty. I was like, I was like, I have no fuel to, like, be, and it's not that I didn't want to be nice. It's just, I just had no fuel. And I was run down. I didn't know I could say no yet, you know, and as a girl, especially from the South where I'm from, it's like, you don't want to appear lazy or bitchy or all the things.

So I didn't really have that. knowledge in my chore yet. So I literally needed milk and I looked in my brother and I just like literally started hysterically crying because I was like, I can't take it back. And at the time, Jason was just like the whole time was like, what are you talking about? And he was trying to help me, but I was just like, I can't take it back. I can't, you can't take it back. Like, you're just famous. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, even if it doesn't work out, you're not famous anymore. Your career goes to crap or whatever. You're still famous. Like, people still know who you are, you know, a lot of places. So I don't know why, but for some reason

that one moment, I don't know, it must have been like 2005, 2006, somewhere on there. But I, I literally, I had like a, not like a breakdown, but I had like a moment in my garage where I just like cried it out for like a good solid 10 minutes in front of my brother going, I can't take it back. And I was like, I just want milk. I don't want to go get milk because I don't want somebody to talk to me. I was like, you know, there's this whole question of like, well, if I feel better when I look better by other people's standards does that count right okay so there's a way I'm supposed to look I don't feel comfortable I don't feel like myself I still feel like other people get to tell me oh you shouldn't wear that

you wear black too much or like can you lose some weight like why is your body like that you know like that's still a bit hard let me reject though because this is what happened with me is I was sitting in a room full of no offense I love first all let me say I love men I love old men, they're great, but I was sitting in a room full of men that were far older than me and telling me what I should be like, what I should say in interviews, what I should sing, and I'm like, y'all don't even listen to me. You're not even my core audience. Like, how would you know? Like what, and it was, and it really, I think because might when you start going,

I never, and I realize in that moment, I will never please anyone. You're a really great conversationalist. That's why I was so excited to do this. Like, so down to earth. And, like, really smart and witty. And it was just very, it was a nice bouquet of everything. Thank you. That's me.

I'm a nice bouquet of everything. You're a nice bouquet of all of it. You came in my show and I was like, I literally looked at your Wikipedia and I was like, Jesus, I'm a dumb ass. And I was like, man, I'm in the presence of someone. that is not only cool, beautiful, so intelligent, has been just killing it since you were how old? She also hosted Jeopardy, just FYI.

I lost at Family Feud. You're already badass. You don't have to try. You are so cool. And if people are only listening to the audio, you gotta see mine's reaction to Kelly Clarkson setting her straight. This just became like Kelly Clarkson doing therapy for me, which is literally the dream that I had four nights ago. It's a real, real honor to have you.

him here. Welcome, Knaul. When I began to struggle mentally, when I began to have those dark episodes, that was very shocking to me. How old were you? Probably my first panic anxiety was when I was 30, like 29, 30 is when I had a panic attack on the highway, didn't know what that was. I mean, ever since then, I've had to fight some kind of battle with panic or anxiety. That's actually a great way to define a panic attack, you don't know what it is. An anxiety attack, you know. Like, oh, this feels like, oh, it feels so icky. But panic attack is the like, what is happening?

I mean, I've had to pull off the road. Having a panic attack while driving is one of the most terrifying things. I mean, death feels very close. Death feels very close. Yeah, especially on the highway, you know. And I had never experienced that. So I just got off and someone was in the car with me. I said, ah, you know, there's a lot of traffic ahead because I was embarrassed, too.

Right. So I'm having this full-blown panic attack inside. Now I'm being embarrassed. So like I'm pulling off and joking and joking and inside, I don't want to what is going on. I got so bad. I couldn't even look at my car keys without feeling panic. And then I knew something was wrong.

And then I had to begin to fight my way back to look at it. Because the scary thing is we don't look at it. We don't turn within and say, what is this? I didn't even know any of that. So I started seeing a therapist. And that was very helpful. Very, very helpful. What kind of therapist can I ask?

Hypnotherapy, because at the time, I was just trying to get over my fear of driving on the highway. I didn't know that the road it was going to lead me to. I didn't realize what I was going to uncover because when I started getting better and driving back on the highway again, it began to happen in elevators. So three years after working on the highway, it started happening. And I've never liked heights or elevators. Never. But then it became like the highway again. And that's when I said something's wrong.

That was five years into therapy. And that's when I called my parents and I said, I'm sick. Like something's wrong. I'm feeling like mentally sick. They said, oh, it's okay. We see a family therapist. And I was like, what? I didn't even know.

So they sent me to this Indian therapist when I was home. And I had a really, really lovely time. I mean, this does sound stupid. But like, I could totally see you, you know, being a speaker, a religious kind of, a spiritual leader. Like, if you want to start a cult, I'll be your first member. This is not like a BS interview where, like, celebrities tell each other how amazing they are.

But I can absolutely attest to that, that whenever anybody would ask me about you or, you know, tell us about the cast members. You know, there's like an anecdote about everybody. But the thing that I always would say about you is you had a tremendous sense. of presence and optimism. And that, you know, and we went through challenges for sure. We went through challenges, you know, there's things that people don't. I always say to people, like, you don't know everything that happened in all of our lives,

you know, like a lot happened in those years. And you really, you know, you really always were, you know, kind of that cheerleader, but not in an obnoxious sense. We're very excited to welcome Rain Wilson. Listen. Yes. The thing that pisses me off is all the people claiming their nerd cred, like Charlize Theron. I love this.

I was so nerdy in high school. And no one like talked to me. And I was so nerd. It's like, can I swear on this? Yes. Fuck you. Fuck you. As someone who got the shit beat out of him and mocked and humiliated, they, when our chess team, our chess team won the state tournament.

and I was fifth board. And they created a giant banner in the high school. Congratulations, chess on winning state. And we all walked in one morning, me and my chess nerdy friends, and were like, oh, my God, that's so great. And they were waiting, and they saw us, and they started laughing at us. They made it as a joke. The Glee Club, pep club, made it as a joke.

So fuck you, Charlize Theron. And Jennifer Aniston and everyone is like, oh, we're so, give me a fucking break. You have no idea. My favorite. My favorite is when they ask people, like, were you a geek? Or like, I was a theater geek. That's totally different.

Totally different. Being a theater geek is very different. Very different. Than having your nickname be weird out. Yeah, absolutely. Very, very different. My MBialx breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office

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Not only did Superpower reduce their price to just $199, but for a limited time, our listeners get an additional $20 off with the code break. head to superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention my ambiolics breakdown to help support the show. That's a roundabout way of introducing us to our guest, Leslie Jordan. And then when I was 11, my dad's plane went down.

And he was killed on active duty. He was flying to Hattisburg, Mississippi for a summer Army reserve camp. So that sort of shattered everything, you know. then kind of the troubles began because I started acting out a little bit because, you know, it's a terrible time to lose your dad. And I couldn't deal very well with all. There was, oh, Lord, there's a lot of drug use and carrying on and, you know, incarcerations. And this and that, which I think made me who I am today, you know, to go through all of that. I try very hard. I'm home now with my mom and we're like best friends. But I put her.

through the wringer, you know, put her through the wringer. And so, but it was, you know, it all, it all, it all happened to make me who I am today. So I fell out of the womb and landed in my mother's high heels. That was just it. I landed. That's where I landed. And so you figure out, wow, it's a little easier being gay, you know, when I'm loaded. And thus began this self-medicating. When I was 42, I got sober from everything. Went to, you know, a recovery program. You know what was interesting was that my spiritual advisor said to me, I asked him when I was about three years into recovery,

would you help me? Because I saw him around and he was like this kind of super guy, Superman. And he said, no, can't work with you. It's just too much drama. You buy into all the drama. I thought, I didn't know what he was talking about. I had no idea what he's talking about.

He said, somebody else going, five years, I finally went to him and he said, call me at 10 minutes after eight tomorrow morning and tell me five fears. Yep. So what does I have to do with anything? I called him up at 10 minutes. I'm afraid of getting AIDS.

I'm afraid I'm going to, you know, this is five. He goes, okay, baby, ooh. He says, wonder you can leave the house, all those fears. He said, now call me in the morning, 10 minutes after eight, tell me five fears. Meanwhile, go to a recovery meeting and put your hands. hand out and agreed every single newcomer. I thought, we're not, we're not dealing with my problem. What are we doing here? And we got up to about 80 fears. And then all of a sudden it started

making sense because he would say, okay, real and imagined. I said, I don't know the difference. He goes, well, a real fear, a bear's chasing you through the woods. That's a real fear. The bear might eat you. But most of your fears, every one of my fears were imagined. False evidence appearing real. That's what fears. There you go. Oh, my God. No, our brain doesn't know the difference between real or imagined fear. But I think also what Leslie's kind of talking about is those are the things that stop us from being our whole self. It's fear and its resentment. I say this to Jonathan all the time.

If you had to name the two things that are going to stop you from being who God intended you to be, the universe, whatever you want to call it, it's fear and its resentment. And it will follow you everywhere. It'll follow you throughout. And being sober is not, it's not a solution. It's the first step you take towards that rigorous honesty. Without further ado, it's really an honor to welcome Nikki Glazer to Mind Bial's breakdown. The epiphany was the other day I was like, I want to, it's been a month.

And I go, I want to smoke pot. I just like said it out loud. My roommate, Andrew was like, he's my co-host on my podcast. And he goes, don't. And I go, I'm not going to. I'm just saying like, there's something right now. There's a feeling right now that. made me want to go reach for it.

What is it? And I go, I don't know what it is. And then I was like, let's just, all of a sudden I go, wait a second, feelings can be a drug that I can get excited about. There's something so boring about being sober to me or so like, you know, I was getting something from being high. Like, it wasn't an escape. It was like, I was getting high.

Like, music talented better, blah, blah, blah. I don't even know the drug of feelings. Like, what is that going to fucking be? It's almost like I get to now experiment, and I'm just microdosing with feelings because I can't go full in. I'm too scared of what will happen. But I'm just like, that's the fear. My mom was very scared of me going down to the river and, you know, dying, drowning. Something an accident happening was, you know, I got the first child like overly sensitive parent, very cautious.

But instead of like watching me, I think she just like scared me of everything so that I wouldn't do anything. So instead of like, let's go to the river and see how this could be done right, it was just like, if you go to the river, you will die. And I just remember getting that message. Then my dad would come home for work and be like, let's go down the river. Come on. Let's go kayaking. And I'd be like, like, like, ah! Like just shrieking.

And he's like, what happened at the river? So my first word, my first multisyllabic word, that wasn't like, you know, mama or dad-da was dangerous, dangerous. And I would point to things that were dangerous. So I was terrified. I was a terrified child. My mom is a very anxious person anyway and comes from long lines of anxiety. And I think that she, and she was 25, you know, you look back at your parents that had

you at such a young age and what they're like now. And I wouldn't even necessarily want them to have kids now, let alone with their 25, just not because they're not great people, but because they just, didn't, they just didn't know what was right and wrong. And I love my parents now so much. When I first got into therapy, you know, decades ago, it was blame them, angry at them, like couldn't be around them without just, you know, lashing out with resentments of why did you do this?

And now I truly, I always, I never wanted to give them the they did their best because that's always like, did you? Because there's a lot of other options that would have been better. And I just don't feel like that's, but they actually did. Now I realize that you really can't, they love me as much as they can. Chelsea Handler, welcome to my ambiolix breakup. And they warn you when you're doing ayahuasca, especially on camera. They're like, you may shit your pants and you may vomit.

And I was like, first of all, I'm not an amateur, so I'm definitely not going to shit my pants during a high and ruin that for everybody. That's not happening. My shaman, however, did shit. She shot his pants twice during. the ceremony and never got up to even go to the bathroom. So that's what I was up against. I mean, I need a moment to think about that.

Yeah, think about that, Maya. Did you see the video on Instagram, you guys, with that rattlesnake? Or I don't know what kind of snake it was. I think they're all rattlesnakes. I can't even watch videos with snakes. If there's a snake, I can't even look at it. I can't even talk about it. No, I'm like, it's really upset.

It's the only thing that I'm like terrified of. I'm like, I don't understand why those things. Oh, you're terrified of other things. We'll talk about it later. I can't. I, my reaction to seeing a video of snakes is, Like I curl up on a sofa and hold my vagina because I'm scared they're coming for it. That's what Jonathan does too.

That's the right reaction. That's the appropriate response. Let's welcome to our breakdown, Cal Penn. You know, I remember the show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Like, I auditioned for this show. I prepped for this thing. It was really only one scene. And I created a whole backstory for the character where he was like from Seattle and liked small batch

organic coffee. And I go to the audition. And they asked me to do an Indian accent. I did it ultimately. I got the part and asked my agent. I was like, do you think that you could call them and see if I could do it the way I did the first audition without an accent? She goes, you know, you know you're taking the part because it pays $700 and your rent is $5.50 that month. I'm like, correct.

Like, second of all, you know that you're taking this part because you need credits on your resume. I can't pitch you for things if your resume is barren. So why don't you go in a little early, pull the director aside and just have a conversation with him? So I'm like, oh, I didn't know that was a thing I could do. that would be great. So I go in early, I pull this director aside. I was like, hey, I was just hoping that maybe. And how old are you? Hold on.

I am, yeah, how old. I am probably, let's see, 22, 22. Yeah, a Pissure. Like a Pissure. Like a kid. Yeah. And by the way, it's like super skinny. Like for people who, if you got the audio book,

you didn't see the photo, but you can check my Twitter. It is prominently displayed on there. It's just this like very baby-faced headshot kid. I'd probably weighed like 120 pounds and the director I was like you know I'd love if I could maybe play

the part without an accent what do you think? And he goes oh no I mean that accent's really funny that's why we hired you and so I remember thinking well you know they say

that racism comes from ignorance so maybe I'll just explain to him so I said I said well you know what I appreciate this so much and the show is so funny. And by the way, like, the show was not that funny. It's about a fucking talking cat and witches, right? It's like really low-hanging fruit there. So I buttered him up and I said,

I would, I think I would just love to be able to play it without any of an accent because, you know, I never got to see characters who look like me on screen. I'm just like he must be like, I can't keep going. Who didn't have? Well, I felt like I had nothing to lose, right? So I was like, you know, I never got to see characters like this growing up on screen. And I just thought it would be really, really great if, uh, if there was a guy who just spoke like I did. And he looks at me like I have asked for the world. And he goes, uh, no, I said you're doing the accent. And that's what you're going to do.

And then I thought, okay, you know what? I'm obviously not explaining it properly. So I said, uh, I said, you know, I, my cousins, I have little cousins. This was true. I have little cousins. This is the best part of this story. Go ahead. They love Sabrina the teenage witch.

And I think it would be so cool since they've never seen anyone who looks like them on TV who wasn't a stereotype, if maybe when they watch the show, they get a different experience than the one that I had when I was growing up. And wouldn't that be amazing if, you know, in a show this funny,

if they didn't have to watch a stereotype? And he looked at me and he goes, you know, your little cousins should feel lucky that you're allowed to be on TV to begin with, and so should you. And he walks off. And I was like, ah, okay, so it's not ignorance. It is a very calculated, very purposeful thing that people do when they're talking about race and representation. And that kind of blew my mind, right, because you're just, you're trained to assume the best in people, or at least until, well, at that time, when you're 22, come on, before you're a cynic, before you realize the ways of the world.

You are engaged, correct? Yep. And you've been with your partner for over a decade. This is a long relationship. You know, was that something that you've chosen kind of to keep separate from your public identity? Was it a combination of just like, it's none of your business

or, gosh, what an interesting time to be a gay person who's alive? Like, I'm curious if it was part of your consciousness also as a kid or as a teenager. Definitely, yeah, no, and I appreciate that question. you know, I was not somebody who was struggling with their sexuality as a kid. And so like you said, I was a late bloomer. I kind of discovered my own sexuality relatively late in life. I think I mentioned that in an interview after the book came out because I was naively, I didn't think chapter 18, where I talk about how my partner Josh and I met and we met ridiculously over like our second date.

So this is when I was living in D.C. and I was supposed to, your Sundays are like the only, days that you don't really have to go into work. And so I was like, look, man, I like, I can't really hang Saturday night, but like Sunday afternoon, if you want to like come over, we can have a beer and watch TV or something. So I remember he comes over. I had SpongeBob Squarepants on my TV because I'm a romantic. Like you do. Yes, one does. And, uh, and he, he comes over with an 18 pack of Coors light and like turns my TV onto a NASCAR race, like with no sense of irony for either things. And I was like, oh, this dude's obviously leaving in 20 minutes with like 16 of those beers because this is not how I'm spending my afternoon. And so I tell, you know, I tell the story about this like essentially second date gone wrong and then how we ended up connecting off of a conversation about NASCAR and family.

And then the book comes out and I didn't, I didn't realize that there was going to be all this attention on our relationship or even my sexuality. Let's get my friend Eliza Schlesinger on. You texted me in excruciating pain. And this is not the first time I've gotten such a text from someone in my life who I love because I am the resident neuroscientist. And also the resident person whose body has broken down the way most 90-year-olds have had their body breakdown. I've had a lot of ailments. And I diagnosed, I believe, which vertebrae was. was out. I think I said C4C5 based on your

arm pain. Correct. Right. Yeah, well it was very specific. Yeah. So you have, are they ruptured? Are they herniated? They're herniated. Okay. So you have herniated discs in the C4C5 region. In the C4C, I think it's C5 C6 C6 or C4C5 C6. But it's two. Yes, there are two. Are they next to each other? Are they next to? They share a five. It's a duplex. Four and six.

It's a duplice. I share a wall. So that pain is exceptional. You experienced nerve pain. That pain will make you vomit. I don't know if you threw up from it. That pain, that really literally rocks you to your neurological core. Was there a physical incident?

That's the other thing. Everyone's like, were you in a car accident? Like you're so broken. And I'm like, no, no football. I work out. We're talking like a 20-minute Pilates map routine. That doesn't cause what this is, right. I go to see surgeons, and they're just like, yeah, now it's not a bulging disc, it's a hernated disc.

I'm like, when did it graduate? Like, is that the same? How did we not know this? Whatever. Hernated disc. So I'm like Googling what that means. It's like basically this. And you're texting your friend, Ma'am.

Yeah. texting Ma'am. You were the only one who offered real solutions. You were like, here are some names, here are some things. Because everyone else is like, I'm old too. And you're like, I'm a doctor. So basically in between you have a spinal. cord, which is bones, right? Just like all the bones in your body. But in between, there's this jelly.

It's like a little jelly disk. I picture those like, there used to be a candy. They looked like, they looked like, what's the one with, what's the one with the hole in the middle? A jelly ring. Yeah, they look like jelly rings. But anyway, fruit loops. They look like fruit loops. But they're squishy. And what happens is they can, they can herniate literally and they can start eking out. And if it, if it fully herniate, the gel starts, it's the pulpulis macosa. It starts to come out. We know what a pulpumacosa is, Miami.

But it exposes the nerve, which is running through your entire spine. That's your spinal cord. And that is designed to be the most sensitive part of your body because it connects to your brain stem, which is how you breathe. So this part of your body is designed for you to sit up and take notice. when it's hurt. And that's what's going on. And your body can reabsorb that, but surgeons will be like, I'll fix it. Dr. Sarno is the line of thinking that there are plenty of people walking around, probably with herniated emulging discs who feel zero pain, that there is a specifically a personality type was what his, he sort of revolutionized this aspect of back pain. I got that

book from Chuck Lurie because I came to work. It was actually the anniversary of me coming to work like this, I believe, six years ago. Literally, like, the number seven. I was hunched over from the waist. I could not stand up. And Chuck Lori said to me, I know what you've got. This is the book that will change your life. And you know what I did? I didn't read it. And then it happened to me again, I think a year later. And I finally read the book. And I literally Googled, I googled the therapist that I could find in Los Angeles. I googled that condition. He calls it TMS, Transient Myestatic Syndrome. and I did a year of trauma bodywork because...

Oh my God, I read a chapter half awake the other night after a hard kombucha. They said that difficult patients sometimes need to see a therapist. But most people recover, literally, most people recover simply from learning the information, not recover. Most people learn to manage their body from reading Dr. Sarno. This is a thing. I'm in love right now with everything that's happening with you and me. It said, make a list of all the stresses. in your life.

Not going to show you, but it's on the other side. What Eliza experienced in just reading one chapter was that when you learn that there's a component of you that is contributing, not causing, but contributing to that cycle of tension and pain, simply breathing into that, holding that information for most people can start to have you see some relief from that pain. It's really, really, it is fascinating, and it's one of those things that if it continues to be put into practice can absolutely revolutionize medicine. Welcome to our podcast, Howie Mandel. Whether it was, you know, phoning out of the yellow pages, a contracting, building contracting company and telling them, and giving them my name, my name's Howie Mandel.

I didn't disguise my voice or anything and saying, we're thinking of putting an addition onto the library, you know, and at three o'clock, could you come out and give me an estimation, knowing because at three o'clock, I would be sitting in math class, and I could look down on the field and kiss me alone. Like, it would be better. I don't understand the psyche that I was working on. It would be better if I said, to a friend, you know, you're not going to believe it.

I called a company when you see the guy he's going to be measuring. I didn't tell anybody. So now I'm sitting in math. There's a guy with a tape measure and a clipboard in the field. I'm just, everybody's doing math, And like an insane person, I'm just giggling. I'm looking at the window and giggling at nothing. And if the teacher asks what I'm giggling at,

is the guy's there. He's measuring. I called him. And then you see the principal walk out to the guy in the field. And I know I can only imagine what that conversation is. And then I see him, I see the guy leave. And I see the principal, like in a huff, go back into the office. And then you hear over the PA system,

Will Howard Mandel, please come to the office. and I go to the office and I'm standing there and he goes, did you call somebody to put an addition onto the library? And I say, no. He said, well, he has your name. I go, I didn't ask him to do it. I'm getting three estimates. And he did not laugh.

And I just thought it was great. I love that discomfort, you know? And he said, wait here and we'll call your parents. And they called my parents. My parents were sitting there. And he reiterated the story to my parents. And I could see my parents are like just biting their lip because they're supposed to discipline, but they can see the humor in it.

Let's welcome Jalen Rose. You know, people say to me like, oh, aren't you proud of, you know, insert athlete here for talking about mental health? And I say, absolutely, but you're up against challenges that are exceptional. The pressure is enormous. And I don't know how you just said. Like, I mean, Meta said, he's like, I didn't know what to do. So I laid down, you know?

What's your take on that? And I love Simone Bias and Naomi Osaka, and I applaud their courage because it's now being acknowledged about mental health issues and PTSD. Those just things we didn't talk about in the 80s, in the 90s. They existed. I went up for a slam dunk in high school, got kids. clothes line fell on the back of my head, went into convulsions, it got carried off in an ambulance. There has to be some lingering effects of that from the streets of Detroit, Misk. And I've seen and heard a lot of stuff for a young impressionable mind. And so sports is an escape, just like acting is an escape, but it's not, it doesn't make you exempt.

And it creates more pressure. Just imagine being Simone Bowles. In basketball, I could miss a shot. I could have a turn over. Like, she got to stick the land and get a 10. Imagine that everything you did all day had to be a 10. This kind of notion of like, well, this is what they're supposed to do.

They're supposed to play. And I don't want to hear it. I'll tell you, that's two words. in no particular order, jealousy and money. That's all it is. Like, we live in the United States of America. I can't help that you guys value sports more than you value education. You pay me millions of dollars to play basketball,

but you won't pay teachers $100,000 to educate your kids. But you pay to be entertained, right? And so what ends up happening is you get treated as property based on your salary. I remember being a college athlete and trying to figure, like, while we're not getting paid for our name, image, and likeness, well, now since it's happening 30 years later,

30 years later, I remember people that I either now work with or see them in the public eye that have either changed their stances because they were like the public. And what did the public say? Just shut up and be happy you got a scholarship. Oh, if I was you, I wouldn't be complaining.

You got somebody giving you X amount of dollars paying for your education. Like, I'm paying for my education with my talent. What are you talking about? That's how America works. And so I think there was also a jealousy factor from the public that envy the kind of money. Oh, they can pay millions of dollars just to play a sport? Like right now, look at a player like Russell Westbrook. The last couple of years, while averaging the triple double,

he still had to reinvent himself. That's a life skill that's taken from sports. That's one of the reasons why encourage young people to play sports because of the life skills, the social skill, to teach you how to deal with success, or teach you how to deal with failure, how to deal with your anxiety, how to deal with your depression.

It teaches you all of those lessons. and everybody's judging you at the same time. They're cheering every play. They're booing every play. They're writing about every play. They're posting about every play. Every clip is a highlight. Everybody trying to go viral.

So who and I? Nan, nah, na, nah. It's like, wow. Sports teaches you so much so fast. It's really a pleasure to welcome Jeanette McCurdy. For me, I know that there's a point when you're so in that you can't get out. Was that your experience? Was it something else?

I mean, I appreciate you asking because I do think. it's an important one to clarify and speak to. I, um, when I say my identity was like what my mom thought of me, that's, it was 100% that. So the idea of pulling away, getting away wasn't even, it wasn't even something that came into my mind, to be honest. It was just like I would be completely lost. I would be nothing without her. Also, I had been fed that messaging my entire life of, you know, you're completely incompetent. You're completely, you are not smart. You can't do anything without me. You need me. I'm the thing. that keeps you from just completely being derailed and a loose cannon and unable to handle

yourself. Like, I'm, you know, it was, it was all this, all that messaging for so long of my life that led me to think that I was kind of incompetent and helpless and didn't know right from wrong, didn't know good from bad, couldn't make decisions on my own without her. So that was, that was definitely what kept me from, from getting away sooner. And then I do think, so my mom had cancer for the first time when I was two. So I was always kind of aware of the fragility of her health. And I think that played a part of thinking, like, I just had this weight on me all the time. Well, she could go at any time. It was stage four metastatic breast cancer.

Somehow miraculously she recovered. But knowing that, you know, she was in doctor's offices every three months to get these checkups. And, you know, constantly, you know, she had a bone marrow transplant and constantly having these different surgeries and checkups and everything. It was just like the awareness of her death was always weighing on, on not just me, but the entire family, you know. and and then her cancer recurred when I was 18. And I actually think that would have been exactly the time that was like four year, five years into the show. That would have been exactly the time that I would have been like,

fuck you, mom. I don't want anything to do with you. I'm leaving you where I would have started really just, I think, rebelling like full, like very intensely. But because of her cancer, then I felt kind of roped back in with that guilt and that obligation and just all those overwhelming feelings that come with the imminence of death. With all due respect to your mother, you know, this is a really, I think it's important to talk about for exactly what you said, the complexity of why we stay, whether it's in a

romantic relationship, in a friendship, in our family, like, it's an incredibly complicated and elaborate system that is directly linked to our emotional capacity. to tolerate the discomfort of what happens when you try and get out. And I think, and I think, well, and I think this kind of, you know, I think that this likely will resonate with a lot of our listeners because there's a lot of kind of symptoms, you know, of this. And you'll, you'll kind of see it and it'll come out in different ways. And for people who stay, you know, I don't know what's easier or harder, you know.

In some ways it's easier to stay. and in some ways it's easier to leave. And there's not a right or wrong. It sounds like you've done a tremendous amount of work on yourself, which is extremely admirable. But what happens is when you take away the kind of primary enmeshment attachment, and you take away that the only thing that felt safe even when it was dangerous, the sense of a lack of control is really, really unbearable.

and the release of that person is, it is a hole that nothing can fill. We're just going to introduce. Let's do it. Kel Mitchell. For young people especially who grow up in situations where they see difficult things going on that they're completely powerless over in their community, in their world, that has a really large impact on the mental health, not only of individuals, but of communities.

And, you know, this is something that, you know, I think a lot of people don't remember that like, oh, Black Lives Matter also, like, had this country on its knees, like even before COVID, rightfully so. But for a lot of us, part of quarantine, part of, you know, the pandemic and the isolation was also watching an ongoing struggle that's been going on for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years, kind of playing out in front of us.

And I think that. that there's, you know, as helpless as I feel, right, that I can't be in those communities and marching. You know, the people who grow up in communities that are touched by violence, and I'm not just talking about black people. I'm talking about people who grow up in communities that are touched by violence or by drug abuse. Those have an impact. And, you know, there have been many wonderful documentaries that I force my children to watch, the 13th being one of them. but maybe you can speak a little bit about kind of what it was like for you because you mentioned things in passing that many of us could never imagine having to deal with. Like losing loved ones to this kind of violence.

Like can you talk a little bit about how you compartmentalize that as a kid or as an adult? Definitely. So in the early 90s, growing up on the south side of Chicago, we dealt with a lot where in my household, it was. love, which was beautiful, and my parents keeping us covered and praying with us. But then when we go outside that door, what was really deep was how prayer covering us and them covering us because I lost a lot of friends. You know what I mean? Two gang violence. One of my best friends was murdered, shot in the head, and I talked about that when I did dancing with the stars around that time because I felt it was so important because we were having

so much gun violence that was going around in 2019. And what touched my heart so much was that, man, I've been dealing with this since I was a tween. You know what I mean? And I've seen it. But you had kind of, you kind of gained an adult consciousness, I think, when you have to deal with adult things like that, meaning having a sense of loss like that and a sense of fracturing of your own community and your own family and your social structure, it gives you a worldliness that a lot of kids probably can't relate to. You gain an anxiety when people are, you're losing people around you. And then it's like, well, who can I trust? And then even with relationships, you pick the wrong type of people as well. Yes, you know, with it, which is very true, within that,

because you haven't found a good sense of your own self and how can I trust and letting go of a lot of things. And I dealt with a lot of that in my journey of just life. You know what I mean? I won't even say through my career, but just in just in life, you know, that's what just really happened to me where I realized that this is a, you know, spiritual warfare that's going on. You know what I mean? A lot of people have generational curses. A lot of people are dealing with a lot of generational things. And it's like, okay, you have to know how to powerfully pray that off. So, going through my life, I learned how to do that. And I've seen it happen even with myself.

And I've seen it happen with others. And now it was a situation where I would look at people. And I could tell, you know, like, just like, no, they're going through certain things. I don't think this is. God showed me that discernment. Let's welcome Cheyenne Jackson. When I took that first drink, I always describe it as my head being like sharp, jagged mountain peaks. and when I took that drink, it's like somebody poured yellow cake batter into the peaks,

and it slowly went up and it evened everything off. And I felt like, oh, there, Cheyenne is, oh, he's not the guy in the corner that can't talk to anyone. He's the guy that will talk to anybody. And he is interesting and interested. And I felt really in my own skin. The problem was, once I felt really in my skin, I wanted to keep feeling that feeling. And then I would start thinking about, when can I feel that again?

My drinking just started to get out of control. At one point, I was doing 30 Rock during the day. And then I was doing the revival of Finian's Rainbow on Broadway at night. They worked it to where I could work and then immediately run to the theater. And it was a crazy time. But I started to my dream. I would get to the bar and I wouldn't even be able to be focused with my friends and have fun with them,

I would just be thinking like, when's the next round? Yep. Are we going to get more? Are you going to finish that? I mean, I would be watching someone's drink like, oh my God, she's not even drinking it. It's sitting right there.

It's so delicious. And look, she's not even watching. Look at her. She's just like looking around the room, taking sips. Like, it became an obsession. And I had a few scary instances where I blacked out. I had a couple of overdoses. I ended up in the hospital.

I've never talked about that, but I think it's important to be honest about. I started doing GHB, which is what a lot of people do. In the gay community at my time, there was a lot of that. And yeah, on two separate occasions, I woke up in the ER and my friends just said, you just kind of fell asleep on the dance floor and you were asking about your dad and you didn't have a shirt on. And I'm like, oh, charming. So one too many instances like that.

And then I actually met Sia, the Sia, who we all know and love. I met her at, we were at a photo shoot together. And she was getting ready to go to rehab the next day. And I was really taken with her and she with me. And we definitely had a great rapport. She had seen me in Zanadu, a play I did on Broadway. We kind of kept in touch. And I watched her life explode.

in the following like six to ten months or so. And what we say in recovery is a attraction rather than promotion. And you see something in someone else that you want. And I wanted that. I wanted peace. She had a piece that she didn't have before. And I did not have peace. I was in a marriage that was not great,

not great communication and just not a great fit anymore. I got married talking about my ex-husband. It was just my life had become unmanageable. And I said to see it one day. I think I might, she's like, being an alcoholic. I'm like, yeah, she said, I was wondering when you were going to ask me about this. So she took me to my first meeting in New York on 52nd, I think. And I sat and cried through the,

I was going to say. It's just, yeah. Cried the whole meeting. She held me the whole time. And that was the beginning of it for me. I just, it landed hard for me. And I realized, oh, this is, this is where I need to be. That was eight years ago. Wow. Actually, no, eight and a half because I had one, I had one step up after my first six months of sobriety. I was shooting a movie in Europe and just lost my marbles for a night and thought, oh, I can do one more night. and then cut to that is how my road took me here.

Here's a question, and this is a, you know, a scary one, I think. I mean, it's the question. So if, whatever it is, whether it's alcohol or sex or food or work or weed or whatever it is, if that's what's like filling in those jagged edges, right? If that's the, you know, if that's the cake batter, it's not that different also from if you go on, you know, medication for suicidal depression or for anxiety and you realize oh wait there was something different in me and this makes it doable so the scary question is you know who are we if we're not like filling that filling it with cake batter right like was Cheyenne supposed to be this anxious you know person when we

find sobriety, you know, emotional sobriety or, you know, whatever kind of sobriety, what we're saying is that we are learning something else besides that cake batter that allows us to both be who we're supposed to be while also being an acceptance of all the limitations we have that made us want to use in the first place, right? Right. Let's get right into it. Welcome, Sarah Silverman. I just love the testicles have to be the exact rate temperature at all times. For sure. So they're like, we use balls to be like, that guy's got, she's got balls.

And so it's like, meanwhile, actual balls are like, I'm cold. I need to get close to the body. That's what I say. I have started using the expression, like, that's a per, they've got ovaries. I say it about men or women. Ovaries are super resilient. It's catching on. It's catching on.

And I explain to my children who wish that I wasn't their mom at moments like this, that when someone calls someone a pussy, because that isn't, I mean, that, that was a very common thing that boys would call each other. I said the vagina is one of the most resilient things that exist on the planet. That's what I say. If it balls are pussies. Pussies, I mean, just try this on for size. This is what I've been saying. I like ovaries, but grow a pair of lips. Feels right to me. I think it's an easy. And then for pussy, like just go like, oh, I feel like a left nut not talking to him in person, but... That really captures the vulnerability, doesn't it?

We'll make sweatshirts. We do need sweatshirts. Grow a pair of lips. Let's welcome Corey Taylor. They move things or they throw things to get attention. It was never malevolent. Like, it was never gnarly. It was intimidating, but it was never anything until...

we discovered this one entity. He, we called it, we called him the Shadow Man. Okay, I'm never gonna sleep again. I'm never going to. You're not gonna wanna hear this. So my son, my son Griffin, he was, God, I wanna say he was about three. It was about three at the time.

And he, he, and whenever I would come home from tour, he would beg me. He's just like, please, please, please, sleep in the room with me, sleep in the room with me. And one night, I was just like, I was like, son, I can't, you know. You're getting to be a big boy. You've got to sleep by yourself. Why do you want me to sleep in here?

And he said, because when you're in here, the shadow man doesn't keep me awake. Hold on. The shadow man doesn't what? Doesn't keep me awake. So that, I was like, oh, Christ. So I knew all this stuff that was going on in the house. there was weird things that were going on in the third floor.

There was a third floor attic that was basically another bedroom that guests would stay in for about three hours. And then they would come running out. They were like, nope, we're not, no, I'm not going to do this. Like people would have welts on their legs from being, yeah. I mean, it was gnarly. How long did you live in this haunted house? Up until I got divorced.

And then we sold it and we split it. But some of those entities attached themselves to me, not the dark one. But there were two younger entities that were that basically followed me. I think because I was a father and they were attracted to that energy that I gave up. How do you know they were younger? Describe it. Like what does that mean to you? How do you know?

I saw it. I saw them. They would run in my old house. They would run across the top floor at a split level. So you would be walking in the door and up the stairs, you would see the second floor, right? And you could see about this much of the second floor because the ceiling cut it off. And you would see their shoes run across. I don't like that.

They would stack Griffin's books in the middle of the. his bedroom. And then when you would put them away again, you would come back and they'd have stacked it again. Do you know anything else about them? No, we never tried to communicate with them, you know? I mean, to me, I didn't want to know who they were. I just wanted to be able to live with them, you know? Like, it wasn't anything where I was trying to get answers or dispel them because I didn't get gnarly vibes from them. So I wasn't worried about them. I wasn't worried about them. hurting anybody because it was all childlike stuff. Like they would, I would be making Griffin's breakfast and lunch in the morning before he,

I would take him to school. And they would take his thermos and throw it across the kitchen. And it would hit the aluminum sink and it would just, you know, I haven't had any coffee yet. So I'm just like, whoo-ha-ha-ha-ha. It would scare the Evalive anatomy. How did the shadow man keep him up? Did he ever, do you ever explain that to you?

So the shadow man would stand in the corner and he would just, he would stare. And then he would come towards you. I saw this happen. So that night, I slept in bed with him. And I woke up and he had like this night lightish thing. It wasn't a night light, but it cast enough of a glow that it kind of illuminated the room. And we're talking about a call it a six by six. It was a little room, you know.

And I woke up and I'm fully awake. This wasn't something where it was kind of in between, you know, REM state and whatever. I was awake. And I looked up and I saw him. There he was. And I closed my eyes again and I opened them again and he was still there. He came towards me. He stood there and then he vanished.

And he just evaporated. What do he look like? In that state. Yeah, in that state, is he solid? Is he translucent? Is he hologram-like? It was this weird mixture. Like it was solid, but you could almost, you could see through him on the edges.

It's really a pleasure to welcome Hunter McGrady. Affirmations were huge for me. I started them when I was 16 years old. My therapist at the time, she said, I want you to stand in front of your mirror naked. Oh my, no! Yep. She said, slick your hair back after you get out of the show. completely naked. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror. I want you to tell yourself

what you want to love about your body. It doesn't have to be what you love about it, because right now it's not a lot, what you want to love about your body. And I want you to do this every day. That changed my life. I would cry. I cried for, I cried like the first, probably 10 times. Only 10 times. I would still be crying. That cry for me would have lasted 30 years. What would you say? What would you say? I want to love my hips. What would you say? Yes. No, I would start. It's so funny. Can I just tell you when I first started this, I would say things like I want to love my hips. I want to love my arms. I want to love my legs. I want to love my bigger feet, my, my tall frame.

It really was focused on the out, like what I was looking at. And now it's like gone so deep. Now I'm like, I want to, you know, appreciate the way my kidneys. are working. Oh my goodness. Like really, it truly transformed the way that I looked at my body because I put so much on the way it looked, which was just so wrong. Jonathan, do you have anything to say? I need you to do it tonight, Jonathan. I'm just saying. Oh, my gosh. We're all doing it tonight. Everyone who's listening at home is going to do it tonight. Yeah. Do you think you could suggest your top three to five favorite affirmations, please? Yes.

Okay. Okay. So, take a deep breath. I'm ready. I always, so now my whole thing is I am enough is my first one because I also have imposter syndrome. I think that it's, I'm never. Like I'm always like, no, you're enough.

I am enough. I am worthy. I'm trying. I'm enough. I'm worthy. Okay. I feel like. we need to start with you. We need to go back, though. This is like, okay, let me tell you something.

There is a book called, I literally have it over here. It is like, it's not even a book. It's these, um, it's called Love Powered Co. It is affirmations on cards. Okay. You can flip through them every day. I'm telling you, get it, Ma'am. I will send it to you. I have no affiliation with them whatsoever. You should. I should, right? I know. I'm sad I didn't think about that. Okay, so those are cards that can give me ideas for affirmations. Yes, and you can start with things that you truly like, you know, I mean, for you, it, you know, it sounds like your body. Like, I think that's a good place to start.

It's really all of me. It's all of me. It is so helpful. Trust me. Okay. Do I pick one body part or just the whole thing? Do the whole thing. And I know you've got a scientific brain.

You probably, of all people, know how much, like when you tell your brain one thing, thing, right? You start to believe it. I've been telling it bad things for a long time. I believe it. Okay. All right. That was one of our summer editions of Myambiolix breakdown. Jonathan, these are fun. It's fun having summertime together. You know why it's so much fun? Why? Because if you have a very short attention span, you just get right in. You get a really good line and you get up. I could watch these all day long. But we don't want people to get used to this. We're going to go back to our normal, boring, long episodes, as you seem to think they are. They're so long. You have to follow them.

You have to listen. People don't just cut to the chase. I just want the sound bites. In the meantime, be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Check out our Instagram at Bialik Breakdown. Help us keep building our community there. We're doing really good. Let's have a good summer push from our summer breakdown to the one we hope you never have.

Jonathan, we'll see you next time. It's my ambialyx breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience phdh, or two. One fiction. And now she's going to break down. So break down. She's going to break it down.