Mayim Bialik's Breakdown - Tig Notaro: Find Comfort in Simplicity

Episode Date: October 5, 2021

Tig Notaro (Tig Notaro: Drawn , Don't Ask Tig podcast, Tig & Cheryl: True Story podcast) drops by to discuss how her chaotic childhood and health struggles shaped her into the talented stand-up comedian she is today. She details her musical background, dropping out of school, and the confusing feelings she had about her sexuality. She opens up about the most difficult time in her life - dealing with a serious medical condition, losing her mother, and going through a breakup, all within the span of a few months. Tig reveals the things that bring her comfort in the mental health space before Mayim breaks down the neuroscience behind coping mechanisms in another installment of Ask Mayim Anything. Tig Notaro's Book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/im-just-a-person-tig-notaro?variant=32205530267682 "Don't Ask Tig" podcast: https://www.dontasktig.org/ "Tig & Cheryl: True Story" podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tig-and-cheryl-true-story/id1530100372 BialikBreakdown.com YouTube.com/mayimbialik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I had these confusing feelings for a guy. It's really not the story that people expect. People like categories. They do. They do. I would say 99% of my life, though, has been pretty gay. Hi, I'm I. I'm the Ombi, and welcome to my breakdown.

This is a place where we break things down so you don't have to. We're breaking things down a little bit differently today. It's my mom. We are an Beolic's breakdown, she's going to break it down for you. Because you know she knows a thing or two. So now she's going to break. We are on vacation, as it were, but these episodes might occur out of order. So please don't be like, oh, I'm so glad you got a vacation.

Because by the time you see this, I will not be on vacation anymore. I'd like to welcome my favorite vacation buddy, Jonathan Cohen. What? Look at that entrance, everyone. Hi, Laine. Hi. How you doing? We're sitting so close to each other.

We're sitting so close. We're here doing some episodes from vacation, and we have a very, very, very fancy person. We're going to be talking to Tignitaro. If you don't know who Tignitaro is, you ought to know who she is. She's a multi-emmy and Grammy-nominated stand-up comic. You may know her from Colbert or Jimmy Fallon or Ellen. Ellen actually produced her second HBO special, which just came out a couple months ago, which is called Tignataro Drawn.

It is the first fully animated hour of stand-up comedy ever. It is awesome. And Girlish Boy Interrupted is her first HBO special. What a lot of people know Tignitaro for is that she was diagnosed with cancer in 2012. And she addressed her diagnosis live on stage, which is a very big deal. And she ended up having a double mastectomy, chose not to have reconstructive surgery, and also chose to appear toddless, as it were, which really normalized for a lot of women in particular,

the breast cancer experience. And she's just, she's really incredible. She also happens to be vegan, which I'm very excited about. She's also participated in Better Together, a mental health storytelling summit, which is really cool. She has two podcasts. She has two podcasts, and she'll talk about those. Do you anything we want to talk about before we welcome Tig?

I don't like so. She's, you know what, we should say this. She was kicked out of three different schools. It's true. She never graduated high school, and she talks a lot about that. She's a really, really interesting person, and we're very, very thrilled to have her with us. So without further ado, take Natara.

Break it down. We're really excited to talk to you about many, many things. I first of all want to say, um, drawn is really, really phenomenal. and just as a, it's just a completely personal question. And forgive me, I'm kind of out of pop culture. I don't know if you've answered this a million times. Whose idea was this to do this this way?

I actually sold the project the day that Hollywood shut down, thinking we were just going to return back to life in a couple of weeks. But I had had different jokes and stories of mine animated over the years on TV. shows or websites, and I enjoyed that. And I had worked with the director. I didn't work with them. I had spoken to the director who ended up directing drawn, trying to get him to animate a story of mine like over a decade ago. And there was no studio or network behind me. So I would have had to shell out thousands and thousands of dollars just to like get a three-minute story. we animated. So I was just like, I don't know if I'm willing to do that. And then I went my,

we went our separate ways. And then I just thought, I have all this material that I thought I'd put into an album that wasn't like my most recent material, but it was still material I would put in and out of shows that I liked. And then I just thought, what if I just animated start to finish the special? It's pretty awesome. And I think also what's so special about, it and obviously I'm not the only person to think that it's special, but it would be so easy for so many things not to work, but it really, it is done as if it's not animated. I don't know how else to describe it. And I mean, it's every reaction, every time you need to see what's happening in the audience and want to feel like you're there, it's like there's not a missed

moment. Well, I appreciate that. I really appreciate that. You're known for many things. And, you know, one of the things that so many people talk about is how brave you've been. And I know people don't like that word. But we have a lot of brave people who come and talk to us about all sorts of aspects of their life. But, you know, the way you have chosen to talk about cancer and in particular how it impacts women and how it impacts people's perceptions of our bodies is if you did nothing else, that would be a tremendously fantastic, wonderful achievement. You've done so many other incredible things, but to be quite honest, I'm really interested in

what you were like growing up. I'm curious about anyone who grows up in the South, just because it's very, very far from anywhere that I could ever imagine my life being. Where are you from? I was raised in Los Angeles, and my parents are from the Bronx, and my grandparents are immigrants. So, you know, the South to me is like Florida was our version of the South, because that's where Jews went when they were done living in the Bronx.

But I'm especially curious about someone like you who obviously has so many different paths that you, you know, that you walk. What were you like as a kid? Like, what was Little Tig like? Little Tig was, I was very, I mean, I came from a funny family and I think that I had a real connection to an awareness of comedy. And I think that I was just, It was just my natural go-to of being funny, but I was also mischievous.

And my mother was, too. She was very much my first comedy idol. She was a prankster and mischievous and funny and all of those things. So I think I was very inspired by her. And she also, when I was growing up, really encouraged me to tell anybody that had a problem with me to go to hell. And so not that I really, my mother actually would tell people to go to hell, whereas I didn't tell people to go to hell, but I think it was just ingrained in me, like with how I carried myself was just kind of like, you can go to hell. You know, you don't like this, you don't agree with that. And so, yeah, I think I was rebellious, mischievous, funny.

I think I was all those things. How did your rebellion and mischievousness play out? A lot in, I guess, everywhere. I mean, in the classroom, I always failed. I failed three grades. I dropped out of high school. The last year that I graduated was seventh grade. And so if that gives you any insight about my school situation.

But I was in this class. that was full of kids that were, you know. Rebellious and mischievous? Yeah, at risk. I guess they'd call it like at-risk kids. And so I was in one of those classes. And I remember we were, of course, all acting up because it was a zoo in that classroom.

And I remember the teacher was so upset with us. And she said, okay, you're just going to be doing crossword puzzles. There's no talking and just do these worksheets. And I don't want to hear a peep, not a word out of any of you. And this kid next to me said, once we were doing the crossword puzzles, she said, what are we what are we supposed to do? And I said, oh, whoever finishes first is supposed to like jump up and say I'm finished. And then you get an extra whatever. points on the test this week. And so we're all doing our girls' work puzzles. And then this girl next to me jumps up and yells, I'm finished. And the teacher was like, sit down and be quiet.

And, you know, of course, the girl next to me was like, I thought that's what, but, you know, and that kind of thing. So that's mischievous, I guess, right? Yeah, I'm totally buying mischievous. You were also really, you were really into music, and a bit of that is also in drawn, but not that everyone who's into music is rebellious and mischievous. Yeah. But I am wondering if there was any sort of, you know,

kind of longing or freedom that you felt, you know, from the kind of music that you were into or the kind of social structure that kind of being part of a band or part of that kind of group provided? I tried to put bands together and it was usually just me and I'd be playing

whatever three chords I knew and then my friend, I had this friend Rita and she was a drummer and I don't even think that we were playing the same song at the same time. It's just I would go plug in my guitar into my amp.

I'd play songs and then she'd beat on her drums and like we just told everybody we were in a band. But yeah, I felt like that was the world that made sense to me. And all my guy friends were like, I always, in a cartoon version of my head, it was like the little kid versions of the Ramones, you know, just like bowl haircuts and denim jackets and nobody's faces. You can't like decipher who's who.

It's just like. But that was the world that, um, that, um, that. It made sense to me, and my wife was actually making fun of me this morning because do you live in Los Angeles? Yeah. You do now. Okay. The radio station, 95.5, K-L-O-S. Of course, K-L-L-S.

Okay. The morning show has this segment where this guy comes in and he dissects songs and he takes them apart layer by layer. and you listen to like the drums, and then he puts the layer in of the bass, and then he puts in the layer of the piano, and the guitar, and then the lead guitar, and the harmony. And this morning he was dissecting a Queensreich song.

My point is, Stephanie was sitting there like, you know, like, oh, don't change the channel. I love this show. It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom. You know what I mean? Like nothing, in her mind, she's like, what the hell are we listening to? And I'm like, I love this.

This is what I'm into. Like, I love hearing the song dissected, and I love that this guy, that that's what he's doing, is just pulling apart these songs. And I want to be friends with him. It's funny you mention that because, you know, not to sound like I'm an expert on Tignitaro,

but a lot of kind of the comedy that you do, a lot of the way that you approach kind of, at least, you know, what we get to see of your view of the world really is kind of like pulling out all those layers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, I think that totally makes sense to me that that would be something that appeals to you in terms of how to listen to a Queenswreck song. Because that is kind of the feeling, you know, that I think many people get. And I think that's, you know, there's a lot of kinds, obviously, there's a lot of styles of different stand-up comedy, but yours is very, it is, it's very analytical, you know. know, and it's something that I really enjoy.

Well, thank you. You're welcome. My M.Bialx Breakdown is supported by Superpower. We all know the feeling of leaving a doctor's office and kind of feeling like we didn't get anything out of the experience that was useful. Maybe they're like, you're fine. Drink more water. There's no real data.

There's no game plan. This has happened to me many, many times, especially on the perimenopause journey. That's why we're fascinated by what Superpower is doing. They send a licensed professional to your home. or you can visit a nearby lab, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers. That's way more than you usually get. It unlocks a true understanding of your body. Their app has detailed information on heart, liver, thyroid hormones, metabolism, vitamin, and mineral levels, even environmental toxins.

From disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simply optimizing your gym game, superpower is the most comprehensive and advanced system out there. I've been super tired of constantly guessing or just trying to read articles online about what to do for health. Superpower gives you an actionable health plan based on personal results. It's a real game changer. Plus, they have an on-demand clinician team to answer questions. Supplement or prescription suggestions can be directly bought through superpower, so you don't have to go anywhere else. They also have nutritional guidance, tips for lifestyle and behavioral adjustments. You even get your true biological age that you can track over time. Superpower used to cost $499. Right

now, it's $199 for the full experience, which is much more affordable than anything else out there. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with superpower. Superpower. Not only did superpower reduce their price to just $199, but for a limited time, our listeners get an additional $20 off with the code break. Head to superpower.com. Use the code break at checkout for $20 off your membership. And after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about them. Make sure to mention my ambiolics breakdown to help support the show. I do want to mention. So there's a, you have a thing in Dron about music where you have you do a talent show with this girl who like, she's at a keyboard, at least the way that it's

illustrated, she's a keyboard and you, you forget what to do. And you forget basically the song. And she's kind of like playing and singing. And when I was in jazz band, I was a trumpet player. I was one of the only female trumpet players in my band. And I was in orchestra, but also in jazz band, because that's what the cool nerds did, right? Sure. And I had the very classic. trumpet solo to in the mood, you know, da-da-da-da. You're like, yeah. I completely forgot it. And I was looking at the music, meaning the music's in front of me,

and I got one measure off and, you know, 12-year-old me could not catch up. And so in a full concert, in the middle of my junior high jazz band performance, I just stood there. Anyway. I was supposed to tell a story. on Conan that was a true story. And it's like having the music in front of me. So, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I didn't have to, like, I knew it. I lived it. I mean, to be fair, I had just been through, it was in 2012, I had been through all of my cancer, my mother dying, all this. And that day, when I was thinking I was coming through the end, actually, I wasn't even, I didn't even know I had cancer yet.

I had been had my intestinal disease. I had pneumonia. My mother died. And that was the day. I showed up to tape Conan and my girlfriend and I broke up right before my taping. And so I was supposed to tell this story and I forgot. And I was, the audience was laughing. And I said, oh, my gosh, you guys think I'm, I'm joking.

You think I'm doing a bit right now. And they were like, still laughing. And I was like, no, I was so. like out of my head and I finally came back and and I was retracing my steps and trying to tell the story and then afterwards in the green room when the producer came in he said hey you know just so just so you know we can re-edit that and and I said you know and I think it was because I was so in a weird space in my head and life that I was just like you know what can you not edit it and just leave it like it is. And I just kind of want people to see that. And he was like,

sure. Yeah, we could do that too. And so that's like out there. And somebody wrote something about it once and in this way of like not sure if I was kidding or if that like, so just to clarify, I was not kidding. I really. Hopefully they listen to our podcast. We're going to send us a clip to that. That's right. We're going to send us as a press release. Just kidding. So can you talk a little bit about whatever kind of level that you like to about gender, sexuality? Did you always know that you were gay? Do you have a fantastic coming out story? Did you date a gaggle of men?

Like, what's the story? Sure. I didn't know I was gay. I had what I think were, I mean, crushes on guys. I really was very close with guys. And to this day, I mean, a lot of my. closest friends are men. And I think there were some blurred lines of how I felt of like I just loved these guys so much, you know. But I wasn't really a hot item in the dating circle, but,

or dating scene or whatever it was. For sure, my female friends were the more appealing options to these, to these guys. But, and I always always. wanted a child, but I never pictured myself with any sort of partner. I just pictured myself. I just thought I'd be riding a bicycle and there'd be a kid in the front basket. I don't know. I wasn't really clued into that. And then I met a friend in Colorado and we were, we played music together. And we were very close and cracked up all the time. And I started to develop these feelings where I was like, and this is, I was like 18 or 19. I mean, I know people see me and they're like, oh, she must have just like flown out into the world knowing what's going on.

But I just didn't, you know. And, but yeah, I fell for my first girlfriend in Colorado. And then I came out to my mother soon after. I think I went through a period where I was like, oh, I don't know if I'm gay. It's just her, you know. It's not quite the story everybody assumes from me. And in fact, even as an adult, after I fell for, for a woman and came out. There was this guy that I had really heavy feelings for. And there was

like some gray area in my life there with this one guy. And I don't know. I don't know. I think it kind of goes back to how people fall for who they fall for, you know. And I think there's kind of, it's not very, popular to say that like, oh, yeah, I fell for a woman, I came out, and then I had these confusing feelings for a guy. It's really not the story that people expect. People like categories. They don't want so much great. They do. They do. I would say 99% of my life, though, has been pretty gay. And so, but, But that's my, that's, that's, that's the reality of my story. Mm-hmm.

Um, if we can just go back to school for a little bit, can you tell us a bit, um, because there are many reasons that you may not have like school. Were there learning challenges that you had that the system didn't know about? Was it more that you just didn't want to be there? Like, were there other places you'd rather be? I mean, all of that. You know, I remember in sixth grade, I got this envelope handed to me. It's funny how things have changed so much that nobody would ever hand an envelope to a kid and be like, give this to your parents.

And so it said, you know, to the parents of Tignotaro, I still have this. And they said, you know, bring that to your parents. I got on the bus and immediately opened the envelope. And I was checked off for all these learning disabilities that they wanted to test me for. And I was like, I'm not showing this to my parents because I thought that. you know, learning disabilities and to potentially be placed in special education. And I thought special education meant that I was, you know, mentally challenged, like just a completely different thing where I was like, oh my gosh, there's no way I'm bringing this home. If my parents don't

know or have not noticed this about me, I'm not like, you know what I mean? Like I was just like, there is no way. I, so I hid that letter. Nobody followed up ever again. But I never got any confirmation about what maybe my issue was. I had plenty of insanity, chaos sorts of things going on at home. And that probably was terribly distracting. We moved around a lot. And I think I just wasn't totally fitting in in a real mainstream way. it's a funny thing because being from the part of the country that I'm from, people love to blame,

oh, well, you're from Mississippi or you were going to school in Texas. And it's like, you know, honestly, the teachers I remember being really caring and engaged. and I can't blame any of the schools or teachers. And I don't believe that was the issue. And I did really struggle with understanding certain things. I mean, I never got past pre-algebra because people will say to me, you're so smart, you must have just been bored. It's like, I didn't understand. You can act like I was just so smart that I was bored.

I didn't I do not know how to do pre-algebra. I can't do it. I don't know what was going on. There was chaos. I'm sure I was bored at time. Who wasn't bored in school? You know, maybe you weren't. I don't know what I'm saying.

I mean, I just wanted someone to say like, you did a good job. It's okay. I mean, I got to the point where I said I didn't care. Maybe I did care. I must have cared at some point. But then I reached a point where I was like, I'll be smoking cigarettes. and playing my guitar, you know, when I look back, I really remember not understanding a lot of things. But I also know I'm not a stupid person.

Well, I think that's kind of what I was just going to say. Like, the notion that there are different kinds of intelligence is something that really didn't exist, you know, as part of like the standard vernacular. I mean, I went to public school my whole life. My parents were public school teachers. So there wasn't that notion. It was like, you either got it or you were stupid. it, you know, and if you, if you didn't get it, there weren't a lot of options. And, you know, a lot of it was, there wasn't a lot of funding. There wasn't a lot of resources in many schools.

So, like, it was, you know, it's kind of the perfect storm. But I think people also often don't like to hear people who are successful, like yourself, say like, no, I really just don't get it, you know? Like, it's a thing. It's true. It's like if I sat down and tried to, you know, to learn these things or I used to have moments in my life where I thought, oh, maybe I'll be one of those people that will go back to college or go back to school. I got my GED, but my cat ate my GED. And it sounds like a joke, but I have what's left in my GED framed in my office. I'm so proud of it because everyone was like, this is going to be so important in your life. You have to, if you're dropping out, you have to get your GED. And I left it on the kitchen table. My cat, Hat ate it. It, of course, ultimately ended up in a kitty litter box. And then so what's left is truly framed in my office. And nobody's asked for it. The only time it comes up is on a podcast or some sort of interview. So if you mention chaos once, I'm willing to let it go. If you mention it twice, I'm going to follow up. Do you talk about some of the chaos that you grew up with?

Yeah. I mean, I have. In fact, I have a book. If anybody's interested, it's called I'm just a person, but my parents were divorced. My mother, there was a lot of, how do you say, partying. And I didn't have, my stepfather was very structured and he traveled a lot. He was an attorney. But when he was gone, it was like he left three kids at home, me and my brother and my mother. And there wasn't, my mother would stay up till all hours with, you know, friends, neighbors. Now my mother, I don't want to sound like I'm naive, but I know for a fact my mother wasn't doing drugs, but there was this guy that she was, that my parents were friends with that would come in from England and stay with us every year. and he's actually who turned me on, me and my brother onto,

really deeply turned us on to like the Beatles and the whole British invasion of rock music. And I was walking around like five and six years old just deeply into my Beatles vinyl collection and, you know, the Rolling Stones and the Who and all of that. But this guy overdosed. He lived, but overdosed. but overdosed, my brother told me on heroin in our house when he was staying with us.

And so it just wasn't like you come home and I don't want to paint the wrong picture. It wasn't like, you know, we were fed and our house was clean and we were going, you know, what I mean? Like there was certain things that there was normal structure, but there was also just a lack of structure and a lot of like chaos. And the partying went from like drinking to a friend coming in town and overdosing on heroin in our guest room. Was your dad still in your life? Yeah. My father was very, he also passed away. He died like I think a year after my mother died.

but he was he was pretty adrift in life wasn't holding down jobs he very well like he worked as a security guard or like then he would work at a pizza restaurant or you know just kind of job to job type person and And he ended up getting sober. I think that's where he and my mother kind of connected when they were younger. He was friends with my uncle. So my mother met him through my uncle. And I think they all were kind of free-spirited party people. And then my parents popped out a couple of kids.

And I think that was kind of the end of that. They divorced when I was six months old. Oh, wow. Yeah, so my father was in and out of my life as a kid, but then not so much in my life as an adult. But then when he was dying, I went and saw him and said goodbye. And I met a brother of mine. I have other like half siblings. And there's also chaos that's come from that whole world of what my father brought, you know, or didn't bring.

but it's hard to imagine when you're going through all of these things as a kid that as terrible or wrong as these roads feel that you're on, that it's oddly the right road or can become the right road. One of the truly laugh out loud sequences that you talk about that you live for us in. drawn, involved Jenny Slate. My Jenny Slate connection is that she has taken pretty much every job that I ever auditioned for. So I thought it was so incredible that you have this hilarious Jenny Slate moment. And while I don't know the full extent and timeline of, you know, kind of a lot of the medical stuff that happened to you, I have so many similar stories of medical anomaly after anomaly. And like, you relate. I completely.

relate and what I thought of when I was watching the Jenny Slate thing unfold, which is basically like every time she's supposed to have tea with Jenny Slate, she's like, well, I have pneumonia. And Jenny's like, oh, okay, I'll call you back in a couple days. She's like, no, I'm in the hospital. And like every two days, it's something. It's insane. And I wish it was exaggerated. I wish it was exaggerated. And it was all over a four month period of time where I had pneumonia. Then I contracted this intestinal disease. It was eating my insides. Then my mother tripped and hit her head and was taken off life support. Then my girlfriend and I broke up and then I was diagnosed with invasive cancer. And that was all in four months. I also do want to talk about, you know, there's there's some

very, very kind of, you know, I think historic in the comedy and really industry world about how you you know, introduce basically the public to this concept of your experience with cancer and you also did not get reconstructive surgery and you've been, you know, very, you know, kind of vocal and in, you know, a very specific case, visually vocal about it. I actually wanted to ask you about your decision to not have chemotherapy. And I know it's obviously a very personal decision. I'm not asking you to give medical advice. There's a lot to this. And obviously, there's also specificity to everyone's diagnosis as to what kind of is within the bounds of recommendation. But I did want to ask if you'd be open to talking about that a little bit.

Yeah. I mean, like I said, this timeline was very condensed. It was a lot of stuff on my body in a very quick succession. And C-DIF, you know, I'm very, I'm famous for having. cancer, but what was truly the hardest thing was C-DIF. C-DIF is the intestinal disease that I had that wrecked my insides. And I was still going through that when I was diagnosed with cancer. And so after I had a double mastectomy, my doctor.

told me that the that she really felt like she was able to get all of the cancer out of my body. For me to have chemo, it would be just as, just as a precaution, just to be extra careful. However, I was so weak from C-DIF. I could barely, it's like in drawn, I was talking about how I could barely walk across my loft. Yeah. That was the condition I was in for a very long time between C-DIF because I couldn't keep food and nutrients in my body. And then I had this diagnosis and this massive surgery while I was struggling with C-Diff. And I can't, what I, the only way I can explain to people what C-DIF is like is if you have

food poisoning every day of your life, that kind of like shakes and sweat, like you can't keep food in your system at all. And I had that for months on end. and also diagnosed with invasive cancer, double mastectomy. So I opted out of chemo, and I've seen people on chemo, and I just cannot imagine if in the state that I was in, also layering chemo on top of that. It just didn't seem possible. I don't think, I just, it didn't seem possible.

And so I just did hormone treatment following the surgery and continued to see my oncologist every three months. And in time, because of the issues I've had with my stomach after C. diff, at my intestinal, my digestive system and my, just the different things that I've had, have come up through all of my different health issues. I decided to change my diet and have become plant-based. And that's been a huge part of my process and feeling better, I believe. Before we let you go, I want to be respectful of your time. I am curious, you do have a very rich kind of fantasy life that's part of your comedy, which I really love.

but I'm curious sort of in your in your non-comedy time in your non-stage time what are the things that kind of bring you comfort in terms of mental wellness mental health like are you a meditator are you a do you like running like I don't know what do you like what keeps you if I tried to run with this body wouldn't happen I've tried meditating but I have I have a real interest in it and I hope I will get to the point where I'm practicing that. But it's really hard in this world and with all of the distractions and a busy career and a spouse and kids and phones and internet and the news and just all of it. And I'm constantly trying to scale down and refocus. And you're catching me in a whole situation with that right now. But it kind of reminds me of when I lived in a studio apartment, my co-worker, this was like 25 years ago. We worked at a coffee shop together, and she got evicted from her apartment. And she moved in with me, and she brought this little, this rug.

and and I felt so fancy because I had a rug in my studio apartment. And when she moved out, she said, you can keep that. And I was like, gosh, thank you so much. It was, I mean, it was a rug. And then I noticed in time, I realized, before I had that rug, I used to just sweep and then mop the floor. And now with that rug, I have to sweep and mow the floor. I have to sweep and mop the floor, and now I had to clean that rug. You know?

And it's just that more and more and more and more and more and getting away from simplicity. And I know, look, I was in a studio apartment with a rug, and I felt overwhelmed. If you can imagine how I feel now when I get overwhelmed by all of the things and all of the, just stuff. And so I think where I find comfort is assessing my life and ways that I can pull back and remain as focused and present as I can be. That's the only thing I can say to that. And I find it in different ways. And as I said, I'm in a whole thing this week that I happen to be talking to you of a major refocus. We're so grateful that part of your refocus was helping us focus on you. We really, really appreciate your time. It's been a real pleasure to talk to you. It was really nice talking to you, and I believe I'm going to be talking to you again soon on my podcast. I'm getting ready. I'll wear a different shirt. It'll be like a new thing. I'll put on lipstick. It'll be a whole thing.

And if I can mention before I go, I mean, that podcast is called Don't Ask Tig that you're going to be on. And I have another podcast with actually Cheryl Hines. And we, when I say we talk about documentaries every week, it's, we barely talk about a documentary every week. It's a really ridiculous show. It's called TIG and Cheryl True Story. Well, thank you so much. Continue to take care. And again, thank you for being part of your refocusing.

We were glad to be part of it. Thanks so much. That was really awesome. I mean, I'm always curious what the comedians are like when they're not on state. Like, I'm just always curious. When they're in real life? Yeah, like, she's very different from a lot of comedians. Like, you know, when you see comedians do interviews, they're like, oh, hey, you know,

like they're always, she's very, yeah, she seems very like. Also, when she describes her childhood, I mean, she obviously describes, you know, some of the chaos. and obviously there's a lot of, you know, a lot of interesting things there, but also like kind of just sounds like she kind of bopped along in life. And then, I mean, I wanted to ask how she got into comedy and like all the things. But just really, you know, I like when someone doesn't have a story that's like, I didn't graduate from high school, but everything's amazing. And, you know what I mean?

Like, it sounds like it was hard. I was going to ask more about like how that school situation. because it marks you. You can't not mark you. And I have a lot that I say about the school system and feeling that it fails so many people, especially who, like, even if you can't understand math, that doesn't mean you should fail out of school. It means you should be refocused on areas that you do. Right. Or if you can't get math in that particular way, and if you really need it, then I think there should be a lot more options. But more of what I'm getting at is the notion that, like, when you have an institution like that, that is the right way in so many people's,

minds to achieve a life that you want. And if that doesn't work for you and it closes for you, it's so hard not to be like, it's me, not the system. Sure. And then how do you, you know, I carried a lot of that with me when things. You still do. Well, maybe. Did we think we're over there? Oh, you can say. You know, to speak to your point, I think it would be really scary, you know, to not finish school. And, you know, it sounds like she had people really encouraging her to get her GED, which, you know, I do think, you know, in some sense, like it does, it helps give you a little bit of closure, you know, from that part of your life.

But, yeah, I have a close friend who didn't graduate high school. And it was really like a chip on their shoulder, you know, really into adulthood and into success. And, you know, as an artist, you know, like, it's still, you, yeah, it's a very large societal structure for you to feel like you can't, you know, fit into. And it feels like wrong to compare it. But let's not compare. Let's look for the similarities, not the differences.

Like I really wanted to go to medical school. That was my plan. Like doctor medical school? What other kind of medical school is there? I mean, you're like a doctor. I'm a PhD, though. So you want to an MD. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I wanted to go to medical. Right. I wanted to go to medical school. I went to grad school. And, you know, there came a point. And again, it's different, but it's the same message of like, oh, the way those people's brains work, I was so sick and tired of people saying like, you have to study harder. Like, you can do it. Just like, you know, get the, get a tutor.

And like, no, it's also okay for us to say like, as people, we're different. There are certain things that like my brain's not going to do the same way. Obviously for young people, I have very strong interest, you know, before people get to college or grad school or med school to have. people feel supported and um anyway that speaking of feeling supported i got another tie in there let's do and ask my name anything okay ask my am anything yeah daniel d asks do we ever truly lose the trauma response that's left after abuse or is it just dormant oh my it's a tough one um daniel thanks for the question the simple answer is i mean and i'm literally speaking as a neuroscientist like nothing gets, I don't know this like sounds pretentious. Like nothing gets lost. I mean,

but it sounds like lost in the sense is a good thing. No, no, that, that's what I'm saying. Like the, the mark of your experience lives in your brain. It lives in your body. You could say it lives in your soul. Like, I don't want to get deep. But speaking strictly from like a neuroscience perspective, yeah, that's, that that has happened to you. What, and I think there's something in between does it get lost and does it lay dormant? And what that is is that you gain coping mechanisms and you gain skills and you gain perspective, which is kind of like this amorphous term. But what perspective really is is a set of coping mechanisms that allow you to place your trauma in its true place. You know, a lot of people who have who experienced flashbacks or who have blackouts or

things like that related to memory, you're often reminded to like, is this happening now? And it sounds like such a ridiculous thing because like you think like oh isn't it for for people who have a very strong trauma response you can feel like you are in another place that's actually the definition of flashback not that you're remembering something is that your physiological state is in a different you know time so part of that perspective is is learning to be able to to reorient and it does it takes a certain amount of skills to be able to say like oh these are the tools like oh these are trigger signs these are warnings. If I watch that movie, this is going to happen. And so like, avoiding things that you know are going to be triggering. Yeah, I also don't want people to think, like, oh, if I have trauma,

it's going to like live with me forever. I'm never going to, quote, get over it. You absolutely can thrive, you know, beyond just surviving, you can thrive if you've had trauma. But yeah, it absolutely does take learning skills that typically do come from, you know, either a professional or many resources. Yeah, I think is that That's a good answer Okay Also I think not to open up a totally other topic area Because these things are not related

universally, but like in some ways When you have a trauma response like that, time is non-linear Yeah Well people will be like, oh, it's time, it'll get better. Not necessarily. No, I've had that experience too Where I've like lost it at something That's seemingly fairly non-threatening

No. That's not where I was going. Not relationship counseling currently. But where it's something that objectively there isn't a huge risk, but I have a really strong reaction to it. And I'm like, oh, wait a second. That is something that's, all right. You're being really serious. No. No, what I'm saying is like, yes. And the fact is, no, I'm agreeing because I've witnessed this. No, I think that's an important point, though, that the notion's not, well, that happened 40 years ago. What's wrong with you? Or, oh, you're very young. That happened 35 years ago. What's wrong with you?

Or that happened 20 years ago or five years ago or... We're marked by our experiences, but it doesn't mean you still can't thrive. If you want to ask volume anything, you can do so at B-L-A breakdown.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-B-D-D-D-O-K-B-D-D-com. Or you can just date me and then you can ask me things anytime you want. She doesn't answer. She doesn't answer unless you type it into the little form. I mean, that's a treasured, that's a treasured,

What are the questions Jonathan is submitting to ask on anything that she's not answering? Given that I often scan to see which ones we have, I haven't picked myself. What does that say about me? If you haven't checked out the Instagram page. Check up the Instagram page. At the Alec Breakdown. Now are we done? I think so.

From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time. It's My Ambialics Breakdown. She's going to break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two. Fix you more than now she's gonna break down to break down she's gonna break it down she's gonna break it down