Mean Boys - BONUS #1 - Nice Boys

Episode Date: March 27, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Non Competitive Hispanic American Humor Fiesta”, “Which of the Following” and “The Glad Bag”. Follow the show on Twitter http://twitter.com/meanboyspodcast / @meanboyspodcast and email us at [e-mail]. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin (https://itunes.apple.com/us/music-video/dont-worry-be-happy/id719785241) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. Hey everybody, welcome to the Nice Boys Podcast. I'm Joe Dosh. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... The swellest guy in the world, Conor McSpadden. Oh, boy. Joe. It's good to see you guys.

How are you guys doing, you tall glasses of sunshine? I'm super. Are you guys super, too? I'm so super. I'm super Tuesday. What? That's a thing. I've heard that before.

Puns are fun. They sure are. It's such a good episode. The thing about puns is they're just easy, and they make you feel good, and everyone has a good time. Oh, my God. Guys, can you believe we've made it 45 seconds without thanking our. Everyone has a good time. Oh, my God, guys. Can you believe we've made it 45 seconds without thanking our listeners?

Thank you, guys. Oh, my God. You guys. Dude, we would be nothing. Well, you know, we have each other, and that's a whole heck of a lot in this podcast studio, but we wouldn't be a podcast without you guys. Nice boys and girls.

The fact that you guys listen to us every week makes every moment of my life like a teddy bear picnic. Thank you, guys. Nice boys and girls. The fact that you guys listen to us every week makes every moment of my life like a teddy bear picnic. Thank you, guys. Aw. Aw. Oh, geez. Well, let's quit gabbing.

Let's get into our first segment. All right, guys. I think it's time for the non-competitive Hispanic-American humor fiesta. Ay, so friendly. I'll start this off, guys, if you don't mind, though,

if you guys want to start. Oh, no, no, no. Go ahead. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. All right,, if you don't mind, though, if you guys want to start. Oh, no, no, no. Go ahead. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. All right, here we go. An Alabama assistant police chief was sentenced to 41 months in prison for selling marijuana from the evidence locker. Boy, what a real Weisenheimer.

Wow. You really got me with that twist, Joe. He's not supposed to sell it out of the evidence locker. That's not what it's for. He's a policeman. Well, that's practically undermining due process. What a goofball. All right.

A UK man trained his six dogs to ride one skateboard, so I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. It's funny because they don't ride skateboards normally. Oh, man. That is like Ziggy-worthy, Keith. That was really good. I mean, that's a high compliment. I mean, the people at home can't see this, but I'm high-fiving him.

Awesome. We missed, but it didn't matter. It doesn't matter. A Japanese restaurant has installed an outside fridge for people to put excess food in to feed the local homeless community. One transient man commented, leftovers again. Awesome. Oh, that's great. How about this, you guys? A critically endangered Visayan piglet was born at the Cornwall Zoo in the UK today. It's really cute, you guys.

Have you seen it? Can we have the piglet on as a guest? Yeah, we can. A little oinky noises. We call the piglets publicist. Oh, I'm sure he has one. All right. Sorry.

I'm just so happy, you guys. Me too. A pub opened this month that is entirely made out of chocolate. When asked if there were any secret ingredients, the bartender said, yeah, it's full of a bunch of nuts, and then playfully elbow the regulars is there really yeah he did not say he didn't really say okay no but it'd be funny joe i think you need to schedule a relapse for our first live show boy a charity for the visually impaired has organized an easter egg hunt for blind children featuring beeping eggs. Once all the circuit boards were pumped from the children's stomachs, the event was deemed

a big success. Wait, what? Sorry, I missed it. Yay! Well, hey, I got a pretty good one here, Connor. Who's the most tired guy in Long Beach? Keith Carey, because of all the charity work he's been doing. I didn't want to tell anybody.

It's really good. You should be proud, though. He's personally sucked the marinara sauce of over 500 rats. You know, you gotta get them clean. Yeah, they're good. They're good rats. They're down on their luck. They had a big marinara spill

and all the little animals got soaked. You don't remember Marinara Gate? It was all over the news. No. Oh. Well, that's what happened. Okay. Okay.

The Yankee Candle Company revealed their new scents for 2016 this week. Sadly, they didn't use my suggestion. What's fudge got to do with it? Oh, man, that would smell really good. They have a good chocolate one, though. I bet they got that candle lit in that pub, but the candle would probably melt the walls. So that'd be too chocolatey, I think. That would just be sinful.

Yeah. That'd be a real fondant, if you ask me. What? What? Bonus joke. I like you because you go there. I'm not afraid. A patron of a Michigan bar has picked up the tabs for 30 National Guardsmen.

She said she wanted their... That's okay. Try again. Thanks, guys. A patron of a Michigan bar has picked up the tabs for 30 National Guardsmen. She said she wanted to honor their meaningless symbolic gesture with one of her own. Oh, that's nice that they do that. Because they sacrifice a lot, you know.

Yeah, it's like three weeks. I got another real singer, everybody. What's even bluer in the ocean on Easter Sunday? Connor McSpadden's eyes. Oh, boy. Pastels. Sorry I was late today. I got lost in the eyes. Let me get you a rowboat.

Can't put that in ways. All right. Knock, knock. Who's there? Keith. Keith who? Keith who sure loves being on this podcast. Oh, wow. That was a great use Who's there? Keith. Keith who? Keith who sure loves being on this podcast. Oh! Wow. That was a great use of our festive celebration African American horn.

You know, not everyone does, but I really like Keith's edgier material. Yeah, I mean, I think it's good to push the boundaries. You know, like when you're hugging and you feel like you should let go, but you squeeze for an extra second. All right. I agree. Goodnewsshare.com reports that over 3.7 million meals were raised in 2015 over the festive period. Community organizers say that they can't wait for Mrs. Claus' next menstrual cycle. I don't know what those last words mean, but I'm like, did Santa's involved in that joke?

I just heard static in my brain when that was heard. Wow. Anyway, here we go. Two Vermont parents were arrested after assaulting each other after fighting over the last spot for their child at an Easter egg hunt. I didn't realize Keith Carey's mother moved to Vermont because her Easter egg hunts are a real hoot and a holler.

She loves hiding them. Yeah, she does. A little bird landed on Bernie Sanders' lectern at a rally in Oregon. Citizens say this is the most Portland thing they've seen a candidate do since Howard Dean opened that bicycle repair shop. Wow. Wow. Did he really do that? Hey, if you're from Portland, I really hope we didn't hurt your feelings.

We are just goofing around. I'm sorry. We really like you. We're not trying to be like that Portland. We do want to do a live show in Portland. Yeah. Yeah. I heard there's a really peaceful creek in the town square.

Sure is. The world's oldest living animal, a 184-year-old turtle named Jonathan, got his first bath this week. Let's hope they didn't use turtle wax. You made me too slippery. He'd slip right away. It's good that he's coming out of his shell. Oh! Wow.

Oh, man. When you end on a real killer like that, you got to just move on. Yeah, I think it's time. We should have a break for like four minutes so people can stop laughing. Yeah. Should we do a commercial? Yeah. Yeah.

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We're back with the Nice Boys podcast, everybody. Thanks, producer Ramsey, for dropping in the ads this week. Yeah, we weren't able to listen to it, but I know we have good advertisers. Here's the thing is I just trust Ramsey so implicitly. I just know it was a real great advertiser. What I really love about Ramsey is how he's always in the room. I know. Yeah, and he's so humble.

He never wants to say anything. He's just like a toolbox. He's just always there for you. He's just what you need. He is. He's so organized. I know. He's an efficient guy.

Well, I think it's time to debut a new segment for the show. This is one we prepared. It's called The glad bag yay now what we did is each of us wrote down three things that make us glad we put them in a bag and we're gonna pull them out and try to figure out who wrote it oh boy all right shall i You should start. The fifth... The first... I can read that. The first puff of whipped cream on a Frappuccino. Well, if I know my co-hosts, and I would hope I do, that sounds like a Mr. Joe Dodd.

There he is! He got me! He got me! I know, it's just great because there's a little puff on it and you take the little round lid off and sometimes it just munches the whole thing. Oh, I love it when it gets on your nose, and you just look like a little reindeer. Oh, I know, like a snowman. It was awesome.

Yeah. Oh, boy. A lot of Christmas references on this episode. Oh, that's good. I like it. I love Christmas. Me too. It's only nine more months.

Okay, next out of the glad bag, I have group sing-alongs. Wow, this could be anybody. I mean, it should be everybody. I mean, the answer is all three, right? I think there's onlyalongs. Wow. This could be anybody. I mean, it should be everybody. I mean, the answer is all three, right? I think there's only one way to answer. Oh, I know. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, Nice Boys Podcast. Happy birthday month three. Oh my god, it wasn't anybody's birthday. Sorry, I like to do that at the end. That was ridiculous. And many more. And Scooby-Doo.

We missed a lot. And Mr. Four. Oh, I never heard those add-ons before. It was fun. You could sing Happy Birthday for a good three, four hours. You sure can. There's an extended cut, like Apocalypse Now. Yeah, the dance remix. This movie's too scary for me, but I sure like the song.

All right. All right, it's my turn. Oh, boy. This one says Beanie Baby Fashion Shows. Oh, boy. This one says Beanie Baby Fashion Show. Oh, boy. I don't even have to guess. That's Joe Dodge. Yeah, you got me.

I know about your Beanie Babies. That's when you dress them all up and you have a little Beanie Baby runway and they just rock down. It's a lot of good fun. I didn't even know Beanie Babies had outfits. I do. Oh, you can make them, though, is the thing. Well, that's how I know it's been too long since our last Nice Boys sleepover. I know.

It's been forever. I know. It's been like a week and a half. I'm just pillow fighting. No, I'm just regretting I didn't write down microwave spores. Oh, man. All right. Well, I think it's Joe's turn again.

Okay. Oh, boy. This is a good one. A good cup of tea. I mean, you know what? I'm going to guess my friend Connor McSpadden because if there's anything I know about him is he likes his hibiscus. You know, it's not that I

don't, but I think that one's Keith Carey. It's me! Oh, wow! I told you that you liked tea more than Keith liked tea. Alright, well, you know what happens on the glad bag when you get one of them wrong? Nothing! Nothing! Everyone still wins.

Everyone still wins is the thing. All right, now it's time for another one. Narwhal kisses. Oh, boy. I don't even know what those are. Oh, boy. Narwhal is like the unicorn whale, right? Yeah, exactly.

That's what I call him. Well, I mean, if there's one person in this podcast that loves really obscure nautical references, it's your friend of mine, Joe Dosh. You know what they do? You know what narwhals do? They're like little whales with unicorn horns on the front, and they live in the Arctic when there's a hole in the Arctic sheet ice. They all, three of them, two narwhals will go up, and they'll touch their little horn noses together,

and it's called tusking, and I like to call it narwhal kisses. I thought it was called docking, but I think I'm thinking of something else. Oh, no, that's a whole different thing. This is tusking. I don't know, then. This is narwhal kisses. Don't search that on Yahoo. We're sponsored by Ask Jeeves.

All right. I got one. This one says, bottoming guilty. Oh, boy. I'm not sure what that refers to, though, is the thing. Don't worry about it. Okay. Keith.

Oh, yeah. I got. Okay. Mine says, Connor and Joe. Gee, I wonder who wrote this. It was me. It was me. I love you guys.

You should write your name in there, too, so we can all be together. Well, I mean, I like you guys, though. You don't like yourself? No. Well, I tell you what. Why not? I tell you what, Connor. You like yourself.

I don't like myself. I love myself. I love you guys, too. I like yourself. I don't like myself. I love myself. I love you guys, too. I like to think I like Keith enough for everybody. There's a lot of me to go around. We're not talking about your physical qualities. We're talking about your emotional qualities. I meant that, too.

All right. I think I'm going to read one. Having a fun conversation with the cashier. I love that. Who doesn't love that? Everybody in the world. Well, I can't say that I don't love it because I wrote it. Oh, boy.

I'm going to tell you what I like to do. Sometimes I'll go up to the cashier and I'll have an item, maybe a box of tea. Like I said, I like tea. And they'll scan them and they'll scan it. And sometimes the price checker, the robot, doesn't work. And what I like to do is I like to say, well, I guess it's free then. Oh!

That's hysterical. Literally every human loves it. Oh, you're racy. You're pretty racy. I mean, I'm no Jeff Dunham, but I do like to go out there. Alright, I got one more thing in the glad bag. It's called the Great British Baking Show. That was me.

I was keeping it! Wow! This is a genuine question. Has anybody ever watched the Great British Baking Show? No. It is amazing. It's a British cooking show, but it's different than American cooking shows because on the American ones...

Because the water goes down the sink the other direction? Well, first of all, they film it in the field from Teletubbies. This is not a joke. This is an actual real thing. And there's no suspense or drama. It's just a lot of, like, 50-year-old British people just doing their best with skulls. That sounds fun. Wow. Do you think we could get them

as guests? I mean, they're pretty big. They're famous. Well, I think once they hear what a big fan Keith is, I think they'll be breaking their door down to be on the Nice Boys podcast. I bet. I bet. You gotta keep dreaming.

We're gonna need a P.O. box for all these scones. You gotta keep dreaming is the thing, Keith. I love scones. Well, everybody, that was the Glad Bag. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Nice Boys, everybody. We are gonna finish the show like we always do with a round of our favorite game show, which is the

following! Hooray! One of these things is not like the others One of these things doesn't belong Can you tell which thing is not like the other by the

time I finish this song? Hooray! Today we're going to play, but I made it Witcher the following. Oh, thanks for that. I hope you guys love it. Thanks for that, big time. I appreciate it. I like to help you guys.

I like to be helpful. This week we're going to be playing, You Guys Know About Cafe Gratitude? No. Do I know about... Do I know about my favorite restaurant? I know Connor knows and he loves the Hawaiian pizza. My fave.

But for anybody who doesn't know, Cafe Gratitude is a restaurant in Los Angeles where all the food is named after positive affirmations. Oh, boy. So when you order, you say, I am loved. And then they're like, You are loved.

And then they bring you whatever love is. I think it's a good idea. Yeah. So we're going to play which of the following with menu items from Cafe Gratitude. I'm going to listen. You tell me which one I made up. I'm fibbing a little round one liberated pad Thai kelp noodles

humble Indian curry bowl harmonious hummus platter magical double cheeseburger wow boy i gee these all sound so yummy they do i i mean i don't know if they're called love but they're certainly making me feel that way you know what's in my tongue i think the harmonious one is not real because i think everyone proves everyone feels pretty harmonious all the time because we're all children of God. That's true. The real God.

Yeah. The American God. That's a pretty good theory. I think so. I got to say magical double cheeseburger because that sounds like a wee bit much cholesterol for Cafe Gratitude. So that one was a trick. The right answer is harmonious hummus butter. Oh, boy.

Joe gets this point. You'll get another one. Oh, yeah. It's okay. It's not a real cheeseburger. It's not a real cheeseburger. Everything's vegan there. It's not a real competition. It's just for fun.

It's just for fun. We should go here after this. Oh, yeah. All right. Round two. Flirtatious Fig Smoothie, Eclectic Kombucha Arnold Palmer, Opulent Digestive Elixir, or Carefree Cappuccino. Wow.

I'm going to say the opulent smoothie. That's a little too much for me, I think. What was the second one? Eclectic Kombucha Arnold Palmer. Wow. I'm going to say the first one. You were right. The first one.

Flirtatious smoothie. Oh, yeah. That's a little racy, I think. Opulent digestive elixir is real, even though it sounds like a Harry Potter spell. You can't be flirting with a diuretic. You sure can't. It's my favorite Molly Hatch song.

It's a little threatening, you know. Yeah, I mean, you know, your bedtime gets a little tense. Round three. Round three. Gentle banana bread, empathetic seaweed salad, free chia seed porridge, or open-hearted gluten-free pancakes. Oh, boy. Well, I know what I'm going and I'm ordering when I'm done with this is some open-hearted gluten-free pancakes.

Tell you that right now. I mean, unless they're fake, Joe. You know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say open-hearted gluten-free pancakes because then if it turns out they're real, I'm going to have a really nice surprise so I can set myself up to have a really great moment. Either way, he wins. Yeah. Now, I'm a little bummed.

I didn't think of that. Well, it's okay, though. It's okay. You do what he did. Yeah. I'm going to guess whatever the second one was. Empathetic seaweed salad? Yeah.

So you guessed right. Whoa. Oh, boy. You see how that went down? You're going to get the pancakes. You're going to get the pancakes. You're going to get. Whoa. Oh, boy. You see how that went down? You get a point. You get a pancake. Everyone's happy. That was the best round ever.

I bet they got some kind of great name for the syrup, too. Probably. I hope so. Round four. Like, you're super poisonberry. Now, round four is NSBET. Nice, poisonberry. Oh!

I wish we could stop recording right there. That's teamwork. That's just teamwork. Makes the dream work. I love you guys so much. I love you more. Round four is en español. Oh, boy.

I'm learning Spanish. Ay, ay, ay. Bonita breakfast taco plate, mucho Mexican bowl, yo soy feliz portobello tostada, or fiesta chickpea Quesadilla? I'm going to say the Fiesta Chickpea Quesadilla. I'm going to say that way, too, because, you know what? Because Connor and I are really good friends, and I like to think we're kind of on the same wavelength.

You guys are good at this game because it is Fiesta Chickpea Quesadilla. Oh, that's great because then we either win or lose together and that's the most important part is being together. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Last round. Are these ones all real or they're all fake? Oh boy. Okay. Alright. Confident Cauliflower Steak Resolved Vegetarian

Southern Soul Food Sampler Surrendering Gluten-Free Brownie or Holy Donuts. You know what I i think i think these are all fakes i think keith tried to pull a fast one on us i think he was in there writing her and he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna pull one over on these guys holy donuts could they have a hole yeah yeah that's so you that's so you keith these are fake guess what what What? They're real. No way. They're real. We can go get these right now. No way.

Well, what are we still doing the podcast for? Well, hey, everybody. I guess that wraps up the episode of Nice Boys. Just thanks a whole bucket of bunch for laughing and listening to us. Yeah. You guys are just super. Can't believe you listen to us every single week. Thanks so much, everybody. It will soon pass whatever it is. Don't worry.

Be happy. Be happy. Sorry, bitterness break. We had to drain the fucking cyst. This is so horrible. This is really funny. Oh, were there more? I'm sorry. Those are the ones I involved.

This feels awful. It's pretty funny. This is just utterly this is hurting my soul i hate this so much and i'm mad that it was my idea it's but i mean let's be honest it's everything we wanted it to be it really is it's fucking enraging getting through which of the following is gonna be a nightmare oh man I have a headache I have a big fat headache there's just a demon

in a fucking jail cell in my mind that's just rattling the bars going let me out and I like that we each keep having moments where we just hit the wall on it

and almost say something we can't yeah alright you know how happy I was I was able to figure out beady Baby fashion shows That was funny

God Alright So bad I hate this episode I don't even want to listen to it To edit it We should leave this in Maybe yeah It's really shitty I love it We should leave this in. Maybe, yeah.

That's really shitty. I love it.