Mean Boys - BONUS #3 - State of the Union

Episode Date: October 28, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys An announcement about the future of the show. Featuring "CNN's 3rd Party Debate" with guest voices by Hana Michels and a song by Tom Goss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And Joe's... Gone! Oh, it seems so much funnier when we did it outside. Yeah, we spent a few minutes planning that and... Yeah, this is not a regular episode. We are just kind of coming at you guys with a little bit of an announcement. Joe Dosh, who we all know and love, is going to be leaving the Mean Boys podcast. Yes, we are parting ways amicably.

There's a lot of stuff going on. We're all very busy. And yeah, we're wishing him the best as he moves forward. As it turns out, every week coming in here to scream about Nazis and demons and whatnot, we'll wear on a sensible human being. It turns out when two of the people who care about you the most find new creative ways to mock your sexual orientation.

At a certain point, you go, hey, that's enough of that. Yeah. No, but we. That's not why. No, no, no. We really do. We wish Joe all the best. And the door is always open for him to come back.

Yes. If he wants to. And that could be sooner than later. We don't know. We're going to kind of figure out what's going to happen from here. Good news. The show will be buried in a pet cemetery to return on November 22nd. Oh, yes.

We will not die. We will come back weird and uncomfortable. Oh, yeah. No, it's going to be. You guys are going to be like, it looks like how it was, but it just doesn't feel the same. Yeah. Well, we'll be bringing in some guests. We'll be trying some new stuff.

I'm just going to save everybody on Twitter a lot of time. No, Tom is not going to be the new co-host. Tom will be back as often as he always has been. We all know and love and fear Tom. And you can fucking shove your change.org petition signed by Ryan Colby 35 times up your ass. Put it in your dick hole and smoke it. Yes, I concur wholeheartedly. But yeah, we just wanted to let you guys know,

and that's why there is no regular episode this week, although you may hear some stuff we recorded at the end of this, actually. Yeah, we'll have a little... Yeah, we have a little treat for you. You know, Mom and Dad are getting divorced, but we're taking you out to ice cream at the end of this, so stick around. A spoonful of sugar to make the friendship ending go down.

We're making this sound much worse than it is. No, that's okay. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, we'll be back November 22nd with sort of Mean Boys 2.0. In the meantime, keep sending in your Witcher the followings. Keep sending in any suggestions, game ideas. Yeah, anything you want to hear, any questions, you know. Yeah, any ideas for the show.

Because honestly, we love the fans, you know. Even Joe loves the fans. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, we all do. But, like, the thing is, is, like, we, you know, we're like, should we stop doing the show, you know, since Joe wanted to stop doing it. And I just kept coming back to all the people that say they love it and they listen every week and people listen more than once. And I was just like, I can't do you guys dirty. And I love this too much.

Yeah. It's to have a group of people, however small, that appreciate this dark corner of iTunes that we have for ourselves is truthfully. And this is a rare sincerity time out for me one of the most rewarding meaningful things of my entire life so i i can't let that go absolutely not and i don't god knows what you people would do if we weren't here to corral you yeah this is we weren't here to add structure to your lives like an after-school program with fucking car yeah you're you're all one just missed episode away from just blowing up a post office guy fox mask so we love you and we love the u.s postal system and therefore the mean boys podcast will continue forward all right so we're gonna wrap

this up uh stick around though we have a special announcement from uh your favorite demonic presidential candidate in a second uh but for now we want want to send Joe out the only way we know how, with our own version of a Viking funeral. Fuck everything! Joe is dead! CNN presents Debate Night in America with your host, Anderson Cooper. Good evening, everybody. I'm senior political reporter and gay dude your mom wants to bang, Anderson Cooper. The media has been abuzz with coverage of debates between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

However, we here at CNN want to give an opportunity to the third-party candidates to make their platforms public. We've invited three of them to participate in the debate today. Please join me in welcoming the Green Party nominee, Dr. Jill Stein, the Libertarian Party nominee, Governor Gary Johnson, and Supreme Overlord of the Kandarian War Party, Carnock the Bloodfeaster. Cease your tepid applause or be impaled. We begin with Dr. Stein. Immigration has been a hot button issue this election season. If elected, would you support immigration reform? I would propose a path to citizenship As well as amnesty for immigrants currently living in the U.S. America stands for inclusion

And to reject hard-working people from our nation Would fly in the face of everything we hold dear Governor Johnson, the same question to you Thanks, Anderson If elected, I The flesh-satcheled Johnson will add nothing to the dialogue Like this so-called doctor I, too, propose a path to citizenship,

but it is a serpentine and treacherous path, lined on all sides by living trees and diamond-dicked rape wolves. What follows will be a gauntlet of savagery and torments, physical and spiritual, and only the strongest shall survive. That's right, Jose, if you desire asylum in the heaving bosom of the United States, the price will be paid in blood. I would like to remind all the candidates that interrupting is against the rules of the debate, and we would ask that you please take the time to respect the other candidates. Thank you. Now, as I was saying, I would like to... Moving on. The next question is for Karnak the Bloodfeaster.

Antonin Scalia's death opened up a key seat in the Supreme Court. What would you look for in a potential replacement justice? The Supreme Court shall be torn apart brick by brick, like the temple of Jehovah's bastard children. Your feeble old fools have spent too long vidicking in the shadows, and they shall be beheaded in the town square. The highest law of the land shall be

the will of Karnak. If I require counsel, I shall take audience with the blind prophets in the sulfur caves, and shall breathe deep of their sinister cauldron and be gifted with dark visions of a violent truth. I have been very clear on this issue. Next question. Dr. Stein, you've stressed that America's energy policies are in desperate need of reform. Can you elaborate?

Yes, yes, I can. For too long, America has relied on nuclear power. It is unsafe, unreliable, and we must move forward. Heresy! Mr. The Bloodfeaster, please wait your turn. Lowly sodomite worm! You dare challenge the authority of Karnak? I will dangle you by your intestines from the tree of carnal punishment

with the rest of the blasphemers and usurpers. You shall be flayed with the blade of Aragoth, and from your hide I will fashion a new scabbard. It will be as practical as your skin is surprisingly smooth for a man of your age. There are rules, Karnak. Now please- I care not for your feeble rules! Karnak will take your regulations and your constitution, and will use them to dab the

smegma from his thorned cock! The compost-succuous Jillenstein fears the power of the atom. This is cowardice, unbefitting of a leader. With the dark power of America's infernal sorcery, we will arm ourselves with weaponry to eviscerate the armies of our foes. All will tremble at the nuclear fist of Karnak,

from the treacherous Spider King to the dark heralds of the void to the hellscape Australia. Are you suggesting that we would take America to war with Australia? Of course not. War implies the possibility of retaliation. We will make Australia no more. The skies above the outback will be blackened by a swarm of rockets,

and like locusts under the Egyptians, they will descend. The koalas will weep, and the dingoes will have no babies on which to feed, for all will be turned to ash. So sayeth Carnock! You are unfit to be president! And you are unfit to be part of my harem with your cobweb hair and your withered sandpit of a vagina!

Yeah, if I could interject for a moment... Shut up, Gary! Nobody gives a hot fuck! Your behavior is unacceptable, your campaign has come under fire multiple times this election season. Your running mate is a juvenile delinquent with a long history of criminal offenses. Your platform seems to be based entirely on murder and mayhem. And this tape was recently released from your 2005 appearance on Entertainment Tonight. Hmm, that Kelly Clarkson a real hot piece of ass, isn't she?

Indeed. Her body pleases Karnak, and that she is fat, but not like fat, fat. Truly a sturdy utilitarian woman. I would put her to work in the field and then have her taken to my pleasure tent where I would fill her with seed until it flowed from her mouth like an unholy cherub fountain. How do you respond to this? I regret nothing. You think I fear shame? Shame is for cowards.

Carnock is pure. Carnock is strong. Karnak will grab God himself by the pussy. Minions, bring forth the bloodstorm! America, the time is nigh. Your feeble gatekeepers have kept Karnak's name from the ballot, but it is up to you to ride in and make me your one true god-king. This is madness!

Wretched hemp temptress! Taste my axe! You know, as governor of New Mexico. My dick! My dick! My dick is full of a bullet. That's funny, because now you don't have a dick.

The hell mouth is open! Step into the booth and vote for the darkness! Carnar Doss in 16! Make America bleed again! Goodbye, Joe Dosh. We're going to miss you. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch

like me which once was lost but now I'm found blind but now I see

I just crazed Now I see. It was grace that taught my heart to feel. And then Joe left. Oh, so creative. How precious was that once guy that was here. I loved him all the best. That once guy. I don't know this verse. Been set free.

My God. I don't think these are right lyrics. How are you not going, my God? This is the question I have. And like a flood is... Where are we? The fucking kitchen where we always record. Undending love.

Amazing grace. I don't like this version. Tom fought very hard for a bagpipe instrumental. I explained to him that his vocal range is the same of that as a bagpipe. Lord has good

to me. His words My hope Secures Thomas sings like a cartoon frog I can't see the lyrics As long As long As life

Endures And Joe As long as life endures. And Joe is gone, but he's not lost. He's left you, you and me. Oh, we're freestyling. But don't be sad. These weirdos will be drowned by Ryan Colby's tweets. I made my change. I've been set free.

My God. Say, this is wrong lyrics No, you're the wrong person And like a flood His mercy reigns That big-headed, lovable Dosh Aww. That was...

I kind of messed up a couple times. I didn't notice. But the main thing is that I didn't... I'm gonna... Hey, I love Jot at Death. I'm gonna miss him. Crazy shit, crazy miss him crazy shit crazy shit

crazy shit crazy shit