Mean Boys - BONUS #9 - Nice Boys II

Episode Date: March 31, 2018

We're going on tour, come see us! Most ticket links are live, if they're not, jump on our email list: http://meanboyspodcast.com Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/meanboys/ Subscribe to our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Andrew Dice Clay on Twitter: twitter.com/therealdiceclay Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Holy shit, everybody. It's the Mean Boys podcast featuring Andrew Dice Clay. Holy fuck. You guys have been asking us to do this for a while because we joke around about Dice on the show. And he actually came to our stupid house. We had a couple connections to him from the comedy store that we called in some favors. And completely shooting for the moon. Did not think it was going to happen. We were like sending the email is already funny

enough. Yeah, I was just hoping to get his publicist to call me stupid or something so that we could just read that on the air. But he was in this very room. He left about six minutes ago. We still cannot believe that Andrew Dice Clay was smoking in our driveway. He burned the house to shreds.

He could never. You thought the other guest fucking made fun of our house. Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. I don't even want to fucking ruin anything for you guys. Yeah, we can't spoil too much. But thank you very, very much

to Andrew Dice Clay for coming in. And you guys can go see him at the Arcata Theater in St. Charles, Illinois. That's on April 12th, my birthday. Go celebrate my birthday with the motherfucking Dice Man. Charles, Illinois. That's on April 12th, my birthday. Go celebrate my birthday with the motherfucking Dice Man. Oh, man.

Speaking of tour dates, we're going on tour ourselves, guys. We're going all over the place. We're going to Milwaukee, Chicago, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Cleveland, maybe, Philadelphia, D.C., New York City.

And those tickets are all live right now on meboyspodcast.com. Snap them up. Get on the email list. There will be fun shit coming down the pipe on that in a little bit. Leave us an iTunes review. We are shockingly close to Soupgate. 241 as of time of recording. We are nine reviews away from feeding Connor soup. If you get us to 250 by the time we go on tour, we're going to do one of the live shows on the road yeah we absolutely are uh yeah uh this guy wrote look

the show's good or whatever i'm pretty much just leaving this review to hurt connor i gotta respect that that's our fans uh you can go support us on patreon five bucks a month gives you weekly bonus content ten dollars a month gets you a little goodie every single month that is like a little button or a fucking, we got a button pack this month. We got all three of us looking like dictators or whatever. Che Guevara shit. And by the way, some of you guys are still tweeting and emailing us that your packages got ripped open last month.

We're sorry. We don't know what happened with the post office. Yeah. We got a form on the Patreon that you can fill out. Yeah. Fill it out. Let us know what you're missing. We're going to get those sent out as soon as we can, but nobody's not getting what they

paid for. So we got your back. And we'll be doing another batch before we leave for tour so we can get all uh caught up on that shit uh please follow us on twitter insta youtube fucking uh like us on facebook go fuck with the new mean boys subreddit we're all kinds of uh you know weird unsettling discussions are percolating and you guys can all be friends with each other yeah and uh yeah i i think the podcast will have truly made it when people start doing like alt-right recruitment on the subreddit i think that's the benchmark for how you know that you're like whoa we're legit this is an operation that's our mark of success yeah yeah uh but anyway oh man without much further ado

jesus christ enjoy this week's episode with Andrew Dice Clay. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Nice Boys Podcast. When God closes a door, it's because he just got home from work and he bought you a puppy. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden. And I am... A big old barrel of sunshine that never ends. Big ol' barrel.

Alliteration's a lot of fun. It's like the same letter twice. Yeah. And it's pleasing to the ear. That's really fun. You're, like, good at poetry. Thank you, Keith. Man, it's so good to be here.

It's real late at night. It is. We're doing this at 1 in the morning. Yeah, but we... I feel so naughty. I know. You remind me of Donkey Kong, and I love Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong is great.

I could listen to you talk about Donkey Kong for 20 minutes straight. Oh, well, I could talk for 20 minutes. We were talking about Donkey Kong on the porch, and my neighbor, his little sister, wanted to play Donkey Kong on the Nintendo, but she didn't know how it worked. She was only three. She was just a little baby. Oh, a little baby with the Nintendo.

So she put a banana in the Nintendo and broke the Nintendo to try to play Donkey Kong. She's pretty smart to be able to get a banana by herself. She unwrapped it. I was very proud of her. This was years later, but retroactively I was. I'm 29 and I just figured out how to buy a banana. You know how to get bananas.

I don't know. I get nervous. There's a lot of them. You know which one is good. You know how to make me bananas is what you know how to do. You're joshing me. You're ribbing me. This is a Tony Roma's because I'm getting ribbed.

I love Tony Roma's. That's a place that has food. It is. I wish they were open at one in the morning. Oh, we should go to CityWalk and just wait for them to open. We should camp out like there's a Harry Potter movie coming out at Tony Roma's. Let's get Tony Roma's and then watch all the Harry Potter movies. Oh, my God.

We'll watch them backwards so they get young and it gets less scary. Hey, Tom. What are you doing for the next 14 hours? I'm going to Harry Potter Tony Roma's. Harry Roma's? Harry Roma's. Yeah, you are, pal.

It's like curry pizza. And I love any variation of pizza. Why is it hairy? I don't get it. Because of the pot guy. The pot guy? Who's the pot guy? You said... Oh, not like the drug guy.

Like a florist? No, Harry Potter. The florist. Somebody who puts a flower in a pot. He could do that, too. Yeah. He does magic. He could put a lot of things in a lot of different things.

If you were a boy wizard... Nothing illegal. If you were a boy wizard, what was the first spell you learned how to do, B? Oh, a family patronus. Explain what that means. I don't know. It just sounded happy. Wow, so you could make like a spell so all your friends, your pals could show.

Yeah. I would like a spell where whenever I was feeling blue, you know, just because we're nice doesn't mean we can't be a little sincere, guys. If we can get real for a minute. Whenever I'm blue, I could summon Tom Goss. What? He always puts a big old, he turns a frown upside down. That's some blue cheese right there. Oh, you're getting ribbed again.

I love blue cheese. Are we at a Chili's? Because you're getting ribbed. Oh, man. We have so many places. We should camp out there. Oh, man. What are at a Chili's? Because you're getting ribbed. Oh, man. They have ribs so many places. We should camp out there. Oh, man. What are you doing tomorrow night?

All the Lord of the Rings? After Chili's. Oh, man. Oh, I got my baby back, baby. You know what I love about Chili's is they have so many different things on the menu. They do. And they got sauces. Yeah.

You can dip in so many things. Dude, sauces? Ranch, blue cheese, honey mustard, I think aioli, barbecue sauce. Aioli. Italian dressing. What is aioli? French dressing. I don't even know.

Ketchup, catsup, mustard, mayonnaise, butter if you ask them real nice. Wow, can you combine all of those? We should make a super sauce. Super rip. Super rip. Super sauce. Oh, wow. You know what? Now, I'm going to say a rude word because I've got to describe something.

You know when you'd mix all the sodas together and they'd call it a suicide? You can't say that on iTunes. I'm sorry. You can't. I think iTunes will understand. I don't know. They're pretty Pretty

Take things down-y Yeah they are But we like them Because they help us Communicate with all of our Wonderful listeners It's like we're a team There's no iTunes and we

Yeah Or the team I'm gonna pretend We are an iTunes Yeah we should call it WeTunes Because it's really about All of us

It is Yeah And WeTunes And you the listener And WeTunes is more's really about all of us. It is. Us and you, the listener. And WeTunes is more healthy because it's got grains and stuff in it. Yeah. But anyway, we should make a sauce like that with all the different ones together. Oh, sauce aside. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's okay to say. I think so. I think that's satire. It's just a word I invented. I like that we're whispering so iTunes can't hear us. It's more of a sad. I didn't know Opie's name was iTunes. We record right by

his room. I don't want to wake him up. Aw, he's a nice guy. He'd love this. He might come out with his footie pajamas and a candle. We're going to creep into his dreams like a nice man. Wow, were you watching the scary movie again, Tom? You're not allowed to. Who's the nice man that creeps into your dreams?

Sandman? Our collective dad said you're not allowed to watch those movies. Tom, I respect... Was that a PG-13 film? I respect Bob. I heard there's a nipple in it. What? Just a single one.

From a castle? You saw it? You saw it? Did it do anything? What was it like? It didn't blink. Oh, I thought they did. Yeah, I thought it winked at you like, hey, kiddo, good job.

I know. I'm not challenging to a staring contest. The nipple from the movie Sandman, that's who. We should. Well, we should. This is getting too edgy, guys. We got to keep it nice, you guys. We have a brand to maintain.

Yeah. I mean, the thing about nice boys is sometimes we like to crack wise about each other and about what's going on today, but we like to look at the news and do some jokes about it. So I think it's time for our first segment. And it's one of my favorites. It's so hard to pick a favorite. They're all my favorites. This one's really good, though. Have you ever tried to pick a favorite?

You can't. It's like trying to pick a favorite sauce. Dude. That's why you just put on a sauce. There's teriyaki. There's soy sauce. There's chocolate sauce. We haven't even gotten into the dessert sauce.

Marshmallow-based sausage? Hot butterscotch? Did you melt a marshmallow? Hey, isn't that the funny about it? You melt it over a campfire with your best pals. Oh, duh. Preferably while somebody plays a banjo softly, but it's not required. Or loudly.

We could get a Spotify banjo. Spotify. We could see what Steve Martin's been up to and then put a marshmallow sauce on a food for me to eat. I would love to hear it. I bet it's really good. That'd be great. Hot sauce?

He's so creative. Yeah, that's a good one. Tapatio, sriracha, Tabasco, Cholula. I love all hot sauces. That's my favorite Harry Potter spell. Sriracha, Cholula. Oh, what happens then? Do you get a tummy ache

if you get it too quick? You turn into a zesty dragon or something. You guys are joshing. Is this a Famous Dave's? Because I'm ribbing you. Whoa, three-peat. Oh, look, Kobe Bryant over here. I'm getting full from all those ribs. It's Mr. Kobe Bryant

with a three-peat. I'm not supposed to watch basketball. Why? It's just, they get too aggressive. Yeah, it is a little scary. It's a lot of running. I get tired watching them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, Keith, you look great. Thanks. Anyway, it's time for our first segment, the non-competitive Hispanic-American humor fiesta. Aye, so culturally sensitive. Okay, I'll take us away this week, guys. Oh, huzzah.

I know, we just got two Zs. You don't usually see a Z in a day. A ZZ Top Dog. You're the ZZ Top Dog There's no Z's in this joke There's no Z's in iTunes Alright go ahead and tell your joke Connor We're up doing a podcast

We're so naughty Alright guys scientists have cured Alzheimer's in mice Now they can remember all those fun recipes Like in that Pixar movie Or how to make the dress Like for the Cinderella That's a good one Yeah they made really good dresses.

Keith, you should write greeting cards. I'm serious. You could do it. You think so? I'm very greedy. Hey, if you work with a T, not a D. If you work for Hallmark. I'm a little greedy when it comes to hugs from Keith.

Give me one right now. Guys, they touched each other. We actually hugged. But if you work for Hallmark, if you could send me an email at hug snuggler at this is great dot. This is smooch. I didn't know you got a dot smooch. I got the first dot smooch. Wow.

I'm an early adopter. I didn't know they went on sale yet. I got to get kiss dot smooch for my puppy page. They let me beta test the Smooch server. Wow. Yeah. How did you get that? I don't want to brag.

I don't want to sound jealous because that's a sin. Well, you know I gave them your name. And they didn't. Well, I mean, they can only do a few at a time. I mean, so I didn't make the first cut. Well, no, because here's what happens is I get it first and then then I email you, and then you're in the Smooch database. You're in the Smooch cloud. So it's just like that MTV show all over again.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, man, I'm sure like helping my buddy. You know the one that never came out? Yeah, I help him with that MTV show that didn't come out and that other MTV show that didn't come out. Oh, boy, I wish i knew more of what you were guys were saying oh it's a reference to a thing nobody but us could possibly know what we're talking about hey i should probably tell a joke yeah yeah let's do that yeah sometimes you try to like weak at the fourth wall and it goes bad uh yeah it's hardly ever wake back. It's okay. You know what has

walls? Our churches. What? People get married in those. And did you guys know this? People are using

avocados to propose to their girlfriends. They're putting the ring in the middle. No way. Yeah, and then they get joined in holy guac

of matrimony. Hallmark. You got to get on this guy You gotta snap him up Hug snuggler at this is great dot smooch What do you have on this is great dot smooch Backslash puppy emoji Puppy emoji

Emoji Emoji That's our Swedish correspondent He's not supposed to be on until next week. Okay. Oh, a moochie. We'll get you on soon. Okey dokey, I'll be going now.

I'll be back in later, Bert. I love the diversity of sounds of our mouths. I mean, what are sounds if not the sauces of the face? Well, if you ask me, sauces are the sauces of the face when I'm eating. I can't get enough of that buffalo sauce. Did we even talk about buffalo? We didn't even get into buffaloes. Oh, my God.

It's like the root beer of sauce. Elaborate. It's my favorite. There you go. Did you know buffaloes are like in shape cows? Wow, Tom, you're so smart. You should be an animalologist. Oh, I don't know if that's a thing, but I'm going to make it one.

You can invent it. You're smart enough to call them. I thought they were called zoo captains. They could be. Anything could be whatever you want it to be. You know what I want is to hear Tom's first joke. With the power of... Oh, golly gee whiz biz dang a dong a doo.

Here we go, boys. So much sauce. Wow. Your face sauce is going all over the dang place. Don't pre-laugh at this one. Too late. Oh, but you're so funny. Oh.

I have friends. Oh. I have friends. A city bench in Europe can absorb as much toxins as 275 trees. Wow. What a good sit-meritan. He really is. Oh, you know what's good about that? Okay, so I don't want to say a swear because we already talked about suicide.

But if you sat on that bench and you did a toot, nobody would know. No, you're actually helping. The bench would eat your toots. Yeah. Like a fart Pac-Man. Waka, waka, waka, waka, pfft, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka. Oh, and it tastes like cherries because that's what you ate. Wow.

Is that a dog? It tastes like cherries and that one pretzel that shows up for some reason. Also, mostly dots, though. It tastes a lot like dots. Wow. Yeah.

Those are some edgy observations. That was so funny. Thanks, man. Like a fart back, man. Yeah. Wow. What are the ghosts?

They're stinkier farts? Yeah. They're like super farts. They could be poops. Oh, poop ghost. Ghost to ghost. Poop ghost. Yep.

That's what they are, all right. Oh, you guys got some real potty mouths. Potty with a D, maybe. It's a podcast. My fecal friends. Oh, man. Is this Lucille's Famous Barbecue? Because you're ribbing us. What? How does he do that over and over again?

I didn't know there were that many places. It's so fun. How do you keep... You're never going to run out of these, are you? I mean, there's a lot of them. You're so smart. I don't... Wow, what am I, Drake? Because you're joshing me. Oh, what? What are you,

McDonald's for a limited time? Because you're McRibbing me. You put the script. You did that so fast. I know. It's almost like you're the funniest guy in the dang world. Are you guys, like, savage? Because I love fish. And I love you guys.

Oh, tartar sauce. We didn't even talk about that one. It's one of the good ones. I'm legitimately kind of hungry now. Wow. Okay. My next joke. Okay.

While you do that, I'm still listening, but I am going to look up late night ribberies. That sounds like a word they'd use in the Lewis and Clark time. You've got to pack some ribberies for Sacagawea. You know, a lot of made up words sound like they could be real, and it's funny to think where they could go. Yeah. Ribberies sounds like it's what you would call a river if you were trying to be a goof. The ribbery?

Yeah, the ribbery. Let's go to the ribbery. Ribbery, where'd the fishy wishes go? Ribbery, dibbery, dock. Keith is my best friend. Oh, is that our buddy Andrew Nice Clay? It sure is. Oh!

Jack and Jill went up a hill. And that was pretty neat. And then they learned to read. Oh! Jack and Jill went up a hill. And that was pretty neat. And then they learned to read. Oh! Well, thanks for stopping in. We got to have him and the Swedish guy. Okay, I'm going to go hang out with the Swedish guy in the parking lot.

Oh, those two. I'm meeting so many new people. I know. I don't know why we don't have the door open most of the time, but everybody's just coming in and having a great day. They just pop in and out, man. Okay. It's your turn. I don't mean to be a river and rush you, but it's your...

I lost it, but that's okay because we all support each other. There was water and salmon. We were having a great time. Salmon, rush, rushing, gushing water. Yeah. Okay, so... I'll finish your thought, Tom. Yeah, I want to hear what you have to say because you're my water. Yeah, okay, so... Now finish your thought, Tom. Yeah, I want to hear what you have to say

because you're my pal. I don't want to cut you off. Interrupting. Interrupting is the devil's horse radish, as my mom used to say. She would say it every day. Oh, that seems like a thing. Because I was a chatty Kathy.

That seems like a very necessary phrase. Yeah, I was a Gabbing Connor. Okay. I love your alliteration. Eddie Cathy. That seems like a very necessary phrase. Yeah, I was a Gavin Connor. Okay. I love your alliteration. Gavin, Gavin, okay. I was like Gavin, Gavin McInnes. I don't know who you're talking about.

Oh, he's a very naughty man. How about Mac and Chaps McSpadden? Would that mean something else? Never mind. I don't know. Mac and Chaps sounds like something you'd hear on a different podcast. Not nice boys. I thought it meant kissing for a second. Well, hang on.

Or no, not kissing. I like kissing. Or I meant talking. Me too. You don't get the dot smooch because you don't like smooching. If you did, you'd really... Are the nice boys allowed to be gay? We've never settled this.

I feel like somebody's using the pretext of the thing we're doing to try to do something that's not nice. What are you talking about? I don't know. I'm just saying. I feel like it'd be really nice if we just, you know, didn't worry about pants. That was an intense fight you guys just had. They are, right? You got to pull them up.

Yeah. And pull them down. It's like if you got to poop, it's a whole adventure. You don't wear them. Dude. And I go to Tony Roma's three times a day, so I poop a lot. That's almost true. Let's just say Pac-Man is full.

I forgot that you bought that office space inside of a Tony Romo. That was such a funny thing you did. Now you can do all your work in a Tony Romo. I'm a Tony Romo Quasimodo. No! I ring the dinner bell three times a day. Connor, you sure should tell a joke. I've been trying. I know. You've just been talking so much.

Yeah, don't mean to rush a river to you. We've only done one joke. Oh, man. There's so much show left to go. And I don't know how much higher my voice can go. A Florida woman married a hundred-year-old tree to stop the city from cutting it down.

She said the ceremony was tremendous and she's been pining for an alderman for a long time. Ah, she's sappy. I like to make a little casserole of puns. That's good. It's like a punfay. You know what? My mom always used to say puns are Jesus's sprinkles.

Oh, really? She said that? All the time. Man. You put them on anything. your mom is so smart. She's great. Yeah, I love your mom. I want to marry your mom. Then you would be my uncle.

I don't know if that's right, but that'd be great. Oh, I did the... I did... It's okay. i get confused sometimes i just want to marry your mom and be your uncle. You know? How God intended it. Oh, no. I did the family math wrong. Oh, my tummy hurts.

Are you okay, buddy? I've been crying hysterically for like five minutes now. Oh, Tom, buddy. Oh, no, I'm happy. Oh, Tom. She's happy for you, uncles. Okay.

Well, I'll go ahead and tell the joke now. That was an understandable misunderstanding. Okay. Scientists have started making recyclable paper out of horse manure. Looks like number two just became number one. Wow. That is good.

I have a similar thing. Oh, we have a non-competitive Hispanic American humor fiesta down. Off down. It's a celebration. It's extra non-competitive Hispanic American humor fiesta down? Off down? It's a celebration. It's extra non-competitive. It's like fireworks. It's like your friend setting a firework.

And the other friend's like, if we have another firework. I'm not allowed to look at fire. There's more fireworks. Oh, yeah. That's when you got grounded. Yeah. Because I tried to. I tried to.

Because you watched that Christmas movie with the, well, I don't want to say it. Tom's additional firework. Yeah, with the F word. Scientists have made paper out of manure. Paper may be made with number two, but my friend's writing is number one. Oh, it's like my joke. It's almost exactly the same. We're like the same guy.

We have similar brains. Oh, no. You guys are two peas in the same. We're like the same guys. We have similar brains. You guys are two peas in a pod. If you keep this up, I'm going to have two uncles. We're two peas and two poos in a pod. You're two poos in a poop. We're two butts in a fart. You guys are two. We're two pals in a Tony Robles.

We count a lot. Can I come? Can we make it three? Yeah. Room for one more? Oh, there's always room for the con man. Let's see what your joke is, and then we'll decide for sure. Whoa.

Do I have to audition to be the good guy? His joke's going to be good. No, so he's our buddy. Now I feel like there's a lot of pressure. Now I feel like pressure. Even if he was bad at jokes and we just pretended he was good at them, we'd still let him come get ribs.

You must be a jimpery because you're making fun. I feel a little weird about this conversation. Are you an Arby's because it seems like you have beef? Oh, no. Whoa. Tom, if you've got something to say to me, just say it because right now you're acting like a KFC.

No. Because you're a chicken. Oh, I was about to do that. I almost got it. I'm not as good as you. No, you're pretty good, though. Keith must be a tree because he's throwing shade, okay? I have nothing but love for my two bestest friends in the whole room, okay?

I love you guys. And still waiting for Connor to chime in with his joke. But regardless of words said, we will all eat steak. We just don't want to interrupt you. Oh, okay. We'll shelve that one. Yeah. It's almost like, you know, you talk about how you don't want to be interrupted.

And then you say the things you say Oh, you guys are so nice Okay, go ahead and tell your joke Are all the nice boys doing okay? Yeah Oh, we're so nice Alright, everybody Let's make like a choo-choo train and get back on track.

Apple? What a good company. Good fruit, too. That's the whole joke. Just kidding. Apple has proposed new emojis to represent people with disabilities. They're going to have to make one for me because that's so sweet I literally can't even. I'm disabled. Oh, it's so sweet.

You're candy capable now. Oh, I'm candy capable. I'm I got candy disease. I got Willy Wonka syndrome. Alright. Did you hear about the... I got f Wonka syndrome. All right. Did you hear about the... I got fudge palsy. I got...

I got strep throat, but there's a banana candy in it. Did you hear about the grandma in Iowa who domesticated a bumblebee? It's the story everyone's buzzing about. Wow. What a good one i love those words my turn a dog who was sorry oh you're welcome uh uh uh bless you oh That's what I meant the first time. Yeah. Hooray. Okay. A dog who was caught shoplifting a book about abandonment was adopted. Wow.

What a well-read rover. Whoa. That's really good. No way. He's all about reading. How do dogs read? I mean, they got to put on glasses. Imagine that, a dog with glasses.

I like this thing of the playmobil. He'd be so smart. You could put him on his butt and it would look like his face a little bit. I mean, sure. That's a thing you could do. I don't know why you wouldn't be just good with the dog in glasses. He would have two pairs of glasses and he'd have two faces like a cat dog. Oh, you know what dog read was Wishbone.

Oh, yeah. Wishbone read books. dog read was Wishbone. Oh, yeah. Wishbone read books. That was like Wishbone's whole deal. Oh, I love Wishbones. I got Thanksgiving. No, that's a bone. Oh. You silly goose.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, our roommate's home. Hello, friend. No need to explain to him the context of what we're doing here. Hey, man. Hey, Ishmael. Are you doing good?

How's it going, buddy? Would you like to say a thing? We're recording Nice Boys. Oh. Yeah, this is perfect for me. Yeah. It's coming out April 1st. I love it.

Yeah. Cool. I'm glad you support it. You say good things that make me happy. Wow. This is perfect. is perfect It's so fun I can't believe we get to see you You guys look clean and sweet Yeah, we all took a shower

Together? Don't worry about it Did you find room in the driveway to park? No, I had to find a spot on the street I could have screwed over more Well that's what you get for staying out so late. Make room for your friends. This guy's a party animal.

Damn it. I can try to readjust it later. That's okay. Okay. I'll wake up early. I got to wake up early. All right. Well, good talk, pal.

Yeah. Thanks, guys. Early bird gets the worm. Have a good one. Great. Yeah. I see it. Friendship.

That was a good talk. That's Ismael. He hasn't been on yet, but he's a nice, he's a real nice boy. He's our new roommate. He's from one of those countries where they're not allowed to have a Tony Ramos, but we still like him. Yeah. Okay, everybody. Well, you know, as much as I hate to go to break, because that means I've got to stop talking

to you guys for a millisecond, but the Nice Boys podcast will be right back after this. Suzanne, I'm home. Oh, welcome home, sweetheart. Long day at work. It's good to be back. Well, let's get you some food.

Thanks, babe. Been making it all day. Suzanne, what is this? It's meatloaf. I'm sorry. I just think there was a misunderstanding. What? Is meatloaf a steak? No, no. think there was a misunderstanding. What? Is meatloaf a steak?

No, no, it's not a steak. No, it's not a steak, and it's fucking burnt. What's wrong with you, bitch? It's not burnt. It's just tasted. Are you fucking talking back to me? No, I'm not. I promise.

I'm not, Gary. Don't fucking lie to me, whore! How many times have I told you, you fucking bitch? I don't like meatloaf. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stop. Oh, great.

Now you're bleeding all over the place. Now you gotta clean this up, and I know you're gonna do that wrong, too. I cleaned it all day. Please stop, Gary. Please stop. Hi, Mr. Clean here. We all have family run-ins due to poor communication and work ethic. Get the fuck away from me!

But now, thanks to Mr. Clean's powerful new formula, you can make sure all the blood is out of your clothes. From bloody noses to major stab wounds, Mr. Clean will make your clothes so spick and span clean, your friends and family will have no idea your husband has been hitting you for years. You don't tell me what to do!

I make all the fucking money! No! No! I said shut up. Why are you making me do this? I hit you because I love you. You must be worried about the scene happening behind me. I mean, there's blood everywhere. But no worries. We've expanded a new Mr. Clean Carpet Clean

for people who get beat and still want company over later. The Sanders will have no idea they're standing right over where I lost my back teeth. Thanks, Mr. Clean. Stop breaking the fourth wall, cunt! The belt's coming off, you ungrateful... You fucking... You shot me! Gary, no!

You'll never be good enough at cleaning to get away with it. Oh, but she will be with Mr. Clean. And we don't stop there. If you've accidentally killed your spouse in an attempt to stop him from hitting you get a bottle of body be gone if you never ate my cooking why are you so fucking fat just throw your dead body into a bathtub and add two bottles of body be gone and just watch his body be gone does the work for you wow thanks, thanks again, Mr. Clean. Now I have time to read again. Mr. Clean, if you're this obsessed with clean clothes, you

probably are hiding something. Oh my goodness, you guys, the Nice Boys podcast is back. Keith Carey's got the hic you are. Oh, what? Not because you're a little chubby, but just because. No, because I like being in the water partway, too. Yeah, you love getting muddy. It's like I'm swimming, but then I keep my eyes out so I can see what's going on up top. And hippos are so strong, and they run so fast.

Oh, you guys. You know so many facts about the wild animal kingdom. You should be a zoo captain. Ah, zoo captain. Uh-oh, guys. I think we're going to need that bench from earlier. Hey, Tom. If only we had the Pac-Man

bench. Hey, Tom, can you do me a favor? Can you, and no rush at all, can you name ten animals for me? Oh my god, that smells so bad. Zebra? Ow. Oh. We gotta...

Oh, you can't take the Lord's name in vain. Oh, I'm sorry. We got to get that bench in here. I think Connor just beat Pac-Man. Oh, boy. That hit me really hard. That's a rough one. Oh, buddy, you eat vegetables for sure.

Oh, that's the hippo of farts. Because it was fast and real strong. And kind of wet. That felt like someone punched me in the nose. My own fart. Wow. Oh, God, it's so bad. It's wafted away from me. Oh, well, I can taste it.

Oh, my God. Oh, sorry, I did it again. Oh, it's like you turned the air into cheese. You're a wizard. We should work on the nice part. Oh, yeah, that's right. We're nice boys. No, we've been nice. Yeah. Nothing funnier than a toot among fellas. Not when there's a girl Oh, yeah. That's right. We're nice boys. No, we've been nice.

Yeah. Nothing funnier than a toot among fellas. Not when there's a girl around, though. It's very rude. Girls don't like toots. Oh, then I'll be a girl. Just stop farting near me. Okay.

Oh, are you one? Are you? I forget what they're called, but I saw them in the news. You had an accent. I forget what they're called. That was so fun. Yeah, you're one of those Transylvanians. Only if that's what makes Connor stop sharting near me, then I accent for it. I forget what Derek called it. That was so fun. Yeah, you're one of those Transylvanians.

Only if that's what makes Connor stop sharting near me, then I'll do it. Yeah. Okay. Tom, for the listener, has his shirt up over his nose. I'm doing a turn a little. So if Tom's microphone sounds a little like he doesn't understand the basic tenets of how you record a podcast and why it wouldn't work through a cloth. That's why. Oh, yeah.

Cloth really stops the sound. I forgot. It's time for the glad bag. Yay. The glad bag is a segment. Explain what it is. Well, I mean, I thought of it. I want to be humble. Say, Tom, could you be a really good pal

and maybe crack a window or something? Either window. Yes. They're both fine options. Okay. I just want to get a view and maybe let the ghost out. Whoa, there's a lot of ghosts in here. Oh, it's very spooky in here. It is.

I'm almost going to throw's very spooky in here. It is. I'm almost gonna throw up at how spooky it is. It's weird, because it was, the ghost came in so long ago, and you would think the ghost would be gone now, but it's like the ghost is splattered errantly across your chair. I think it got trapped in the microphone.

Oh boy, my throat burns. But let's do some GLAAD. Yeah. So the GLAAD bag is in the microphones. Oh, that was a stinker. I don't even know how it keeps getting worse. It's almost like it's curdling the air. It's like cottage cheese for my insides.

Wow. Anyway, anytime you want to explain what the Glad Bag is, it would be pretty super. I love podcasting with you guys so much. I just wanted to go on forever. But the Glad Bag is where we each write down three things that make us glad. We rip them up in a little piece of paper. We put them in. But not aggressively.

No, we do a friendly ripping Yeah, yeah, gentle rips You know Unlike the rip you just did Which is a little more rough and tumble That was some Spartan fighting fart What are we doing to get glad back? Because there's a lot of ripping going on in this room

Oh, I see what you did So anyways We're going to take turns picking something out of there Oh, you sound like that guy from the Batman movie. Oh, no, no, no, no. What's his name? Is his name Boone?

It's Boone. Yeah, how does Boone sound? Oh, hello, Batman. We're friends. That's neat. Hey, let me crack your back. You seem a little sore from your workout.

I'm a chiropractor. Yes, I don't like crime in the least. I believe in a strong central government. Thank you, mother, for packing my inhaler. I have asthma, but I'm still like the rest of the boys. Yes. There's an emoji for me now.

Yeah, they said they have to let me play on the soccer team, even if I'm not as fast as the other children. Oh, boy, you guys are some sort of actors. Yes. Yeah. I'm so impressed. Can you do Boone? Oh, Boone, Boone, Boone, Boone, Boone, Boone.

That's a different thing, Tom. Oh, do the other Batman bad guy, Mr. Frosty. Oh, I like Icy's. Oh, yeah, you got it. Okay, let's get to the bag. Tom seems so excited to get into the glad bag. I am. It's like, where do you want to go?

To the bag. It's like you're trying to leave. To the bag. No, to the bag. Yeah, but if we do the bag, then we don't get to sit here and just enjoy the company wafting in the air. Oh, now it's farty and cold. Farty and cold. Farty and Cold.

Farty and Cold. That's a song from a Christmas guy. I love Christmas. Oh, that's my favorite. You con Cornelius. Oh, no, you con Cornelius. Oh, everybody, I'm going. You guys, we all con Cornelius, okay?

All right. All right, Tom, you're real excited about the Gladman. Why don't you pull the first one out? Yes, you pull it out. You guys, we all concord. This is a poor deal. All right. All right, Tom. You're real excited about the Gladman. Why don't you pull the first one out? Yes, you pull it out. You try to guess who wrote it. There's a little bit of a theme to mine. I won't say what it is, but you guys got to do a little Sherlocking. A little detective work. We got to figure out the theme. Let's see if you can figure it out. All right.

The first one. All right. I'm doing a drum guy. Drum roll. When people sing extra stuff at the end of the happy birthday song. Oh, I love that. It could be anybody who doesn't love that. It's the best. Sometimes it's everybody.

Happy birthday to you. We get that little wilt on the... Yeah, yeah. And many more. On channel four. And Scooby-Doo. On channel two. Shoo-bop.

Shoo-doo-doo-doo-wop. And the big fat lady. On channel 80. Oh, I haven't heard that one. And the Bane time. On channel nine. And there's Tom. And nothing rhymes with Tom.

That's okay. I'm an individual, Dave. And Tom participated in the riff. I have a mom. And Tom has got a mom on Channel Mom. And they know this guy named Ron. Channel Mom. Channel Mom.

Channel Mom. We should put the podcast on Channel Mom. My mom loves podcasts. There's another one. How does the other one go after Happy Birthday? Is there another one? I think so. I thought the song was enough.

Or are you thinking of the other birthday song? For he's a jolly good fellow. I love that one, too. For he's a jolly good fellow. For Tom's a jolly good fellow. I like his hair and his smile. Oh, those are two good things about him. You are some sort of Eminem, but friendly.

That was a... I'm Skittle. You're friendlier than an Eminem, a Skittle. Okay, so who do you think wrote that one, Tommy, guys? Oh, I gotta say it's my good friend, Connor McSpadden. Guilty. Aw, I know you love birthdays.

Yeah, they're my favorite. Every day was your birthday. Does it still smell? Everyone should get Connor a gift. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to think about your birthday, but I can't remember a world where it didn't smell like this. It's April 12th is your birthday.

It's in 12 days. Yeah, it is. All right, Carter. Your turn to pull something out of the old gland bag. It was my birthday. I'd be really old. I'd be older than Larry King. Oh, he's a real old guy. He's wise.

Yeah. Like Sarah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O. Oh, no. Oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. You're building a lot of tension. Snickerdoodles.

Who likes Snickerdoodles? Who doesn't like Snickerdoodle? Did I write this down and forget? Can I remember a world past the age of my own bodily stink? I'm going to try, but it gives me a headache. You guys, nothing sounds better than smelling a lot of fart and talking about food. Snickerdoodles are the best cookie, though.

Because you think it's just a regular sugar cookie, and then you're like, oh, he brought his pal cinnamon! That kind of makes him a liar, though. I don't like liars. Oh, it's not a liar. It says snickerdoodle right on the little tray. It's not a lie, it's a surprise. Oh, I love surprises.

But I don't like liars either. When I talk to a liar, I'm like, hey, Buster Brown, is this a Burger King? Because you're giving me a Whopper. Wow. I got to say this was Keith, because he had a lot of strong opinions about snickerdoodles. It was me.

I like all cookies, but snickerdoodles are my favorite. I think he snickered and then doodled that word down. That's pretty good. I'm going to go ahead and pull one. What if you made a sauce out of cookies? Oh, cookie sauce. Cookie dough sauce.

Oh, my God. You melt it, but you can't melt the cookie dough because if you get it warm, it just turns into cookies. So that's what cookies are, is cookie sauce. Cookies are cookie sauce.

They're hard sauce. How do they do it? Science. Witchcraft. No, that's very bad. No, like a good witch. What's her face who hangs out with Casper sometimes? Sabrina. Glenda. From Wizard of Oz.

Yes, and technically Sabrina. You guys know a lot of witches. Alright. Okay, this one says apple lot of witches. Alright. Okay. This one says Apple Strudels. Whoa. I think I know who wrote that one. I think I do too. Who do you think wrote it down?

I think you did. Yeah. Snickerdoodles and Apple Strudels. They rhyme. They sure do. I think you might have cracked the code here, friend. Oh, and the next one's gonna be Tidy Poodles. Yeah, I feel similarly about Apple Strudels that I do about snickerdoodles. Let's go over it again. If I'm being totally honest, I kind of just wrote it because I had two rhymes and then wanted one more good thing that rhymed with it.

Oh, I can't. The third one. But it is like cakes like cool older brother that went to college. Yeah, you're so good at describing things. It's a little smarter and more culture, but it still knows how to hang out with the boys Hey, if a scone was a guy, what kind of guy would it be, Keith? A scone is a guy It's like he goes to Barnes & Noble a lot

And he hangs out and reads the books But he doesn't really buy a lot of books He wears pointy hats Okay, now do coffee cake Coffee cake is like an aunt And she used to be married to What's it called when an aunt is married to somebody? A dad?

And then he died and then she like, she has cats and she seems kind of sad but she still sends you $18 for your birthday. What about a lemon bar? A lemon bar? Oh, gay. Okay. What about a muffin? Blueberry muffin. Oh, fat and gay.

Okay. What about a crazenberry muffin? A crazen a muffin? Blueberry muffin. Oh, fat and gay. Okay. What about a crazenberry muffin? A crazenberry. Dad, you're crazy. You've got to be crazing me. What about a blueberry crumble muffin? You're so good at this. Blueberry crumble muffin. Guys, I don't mean to butt in, but I feel workers stall in the bag.

Oh, no. This is the first time in Nice Boys history you've ever really been focused on propelling a segment forward. Usually you're fine to hang out and say loose words near each other. All of a sudden you're driving the ship. When did you get your podcaster license? Oh, I got my podcasting license today at the PMV. All right. We'll do the podcast.

Hang on. All right. Oh, yeah. Hang on. All right. Oh, yeah. Here's the deal. We'll do the glad bag right after we do seven more of describing people if they were paid for. Go. Okay.

Let's do a few more. Okay. Chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Just a girl who used to be on a volleyball team and now she's married and that's pretty much her whole thing. Oh, croissants. Croissants. Croissants.

Oh. Now they have dandruff. Okay. All right. Five more. Five more. A Danish. A Danish. Okay. It's like a guy who wears... He's from Denmark. He's a guy who wears a big hat and the first time you meet him you're like, why is he wearing that hat? That's a weird

hat. But then by the third time you're like, oh, I'm gonna remember him forever because he's the hat guy. Oh, what about a cheese Danish? A cheese Danish. That guy, but he also has a mustache. Three more. Okay, we're almost done. Alright, let's really slow down and appreciate how fun this is.

Okay. Okay, I'm struggling. I can't think of more pastries. Oh, we should look at the back. Tom, name a Danish. and appreciate how fun this is. Okay. I'm struggling. I can't think of more pastries. Tom, name a Danish. Name a pastry. What's a pastry? A French.

I'll keep the glad bag over here so you don't accidentally rush. A French pastry. A French pastry. Is that a croissant? That is. We already did that one. Oh, but you didn't call it French. Okay, well then let's start over.

No. All right. Coogan. What? Coogan. Oh, Coogan. Oh, that's like a friend that you used to have, and then he had to go do other stuff, and sometimes your other-

And he's not on the podcast anymore. And sometimes your other friends are like, gosh, we miss your fourth friend. And it's like, well, we got the other friend and I kind of think he's funnier, but like, you'll, like, I like Tom better than Joe. Oh, this might be the first time we got to

bleep something on Nice Boys. No. All right, Tom, go ahead and pull something out of the clamp bag. Oh, there's spittle coming out of your mouth, Keith. You're in like a rabies frame. Oh, what an eventful segment this has been. We've been doing this. I don't remember a time when we weren't doing this.

Oh, this is so nice. It's the Alpha and the Omega. Coming home and finding some pizza in the fridge I wasn't expecting. Oh, that's the best. Well, see, that's not a lie. That's just surprise pizza. Yeah, surprise pizza. If I know someone who eats pizza and nothing really else,

it's got to be our friend Connor McSpatty. Why do you love surprise pizza in painstaking detail? Because you can microwave it. Okay. And you go to bed and you get to have, like, you blot all the grease off and you just have it and you fold it and you make a little pizza taco. Oh, that's multicultural. Yeah, it's like if we could just,

if the UN, they could just take a pizza taco, I think there'd be peace in the... It's like West meets still kind of West. Yeah. Yeah, West meets Southwest. West-a-meat-a-tay-me-a. Cool. Pizza-pa-tay-me-a. Pizza- Southwest. West of Matatamia. Cool. Pizza Patamia.

Pizza Patamia. Oh, man. We might have an episode, Tyler. We're so friends. Not super sauce? We're so friends. I mean, there's a lot of good options. Good friends. We're so friends that we're going to get a pet monkey, like on the show, friends.

I want a sloth. Yeah? Cool. Okay, so. Nice. Disfigured models. Now, that doesn't rhyme with apple strudel. Nor does it seem particularly nice.

But it is nice because they get an opportunity to do something, too. Okay, can I jump in? First of all, I think you wrote this one. Okay. Because I didn't, and Connor's confused. So I'm good at, like, logic. You're like some sort of psychic. Did you mean, like, a handicapped model?

Like a special needs, like... Yeah. Okay, because disfigured models makes it sound like somebody did something bad to him with, like, a hot knife or something. Oh, I wouldn't mean that. Okay. Well, the cold knives. Or no knives. It sounds like you were accidentally a teeny bit ableist.

Oh, no, no, no. No, that's what I'm saying is give everyone a chance. Ableism is like the Nick Jr. of racism. You know, Nick Jr., our favorite. It's like CNN in our house. Yeah. I like shows that I could imagine if I had a kid, I would watch it with him. I like that show Face. I'm shows that I could imagine if I had a kid, I would watch it with him. I like that show Face.

I'm sure that was said. What's that about? Oh, it's between when they show the Blue's Clues. I don't know how old we are in this continuity, but it's between when they show Blue's Clues and David the Gnome or whatever other show. Is that David the Gnome real? That's a real show, yeah. Look it up. It's a real thing.

It was on for a long time. But the screen turns a color and there's a smiley face and he talks and he's like, hey, I'm face. Isn't that neat? And he's like, let me let you know what's on next

and that it's okay to be alone. That's so nice that a face would do that for children. Yeah, and he's only kind of scary. Okay, well, that was Tom. That was me. Sorry it was too racy, guys. No, and he's only kind of scary. Okay, well, that was Tom. That was me. Sorry it was too racy, guys. No, it's okay.

I just got confused. Yeah, no, I meant it was cool that people who've gone through... Well, what are you, the best part of a brownie? Because that was edgy. Whoa. Mmm.

Are we at McDonald's? Because I'm loving it. Well, okay. I was just trying to think outside the bun, guys, but'm loving it. Well, okay. I was just trying to think outside the bun, guys, but you're right. Wow, what are you? Were you in the military, Colonel Sanders? Because that was a finger-licking good joke. Oh, fast food's so happy.

This one says, dancing bugs. You mean jitterbugs Dancing bugs Wow It's you I mean It's you Yeah

Don't you like it when You're like Listen to Harry Belafonte And then All of a sudden You see some ants Oh I do it all the time Listen to the music Morning, noon, night Just listening to Harry Belafonte. And then all of a sudden you see some ants. Oh, I do it all the time. Listen to the music.

Morning, noon, night. Just listening to Harry Belafonte at my loft at the Tony Roma's. Looking at insects. Insects got a lot of soul. Oh, they do. It's your turn to pull one. Oh, it is. Are you sure you don't want to talk more about something?

I love insects? What? No. Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't have a thing. That's okay. That's okay, Tom. Go ahead.

Proceed. Labradoodles. The most laborious of doodles. That was me. I like them because they're two different cute dogs squished together. The most laborious of doodles. And now you guys can see my theme was oodles of oodles. That was oodles of oodles of fun, Keith.

Yeah. Wow. Well oodled. Well, there's only two left. I enjoy oodles. Oh, I didn't realize there were still so many more. Oh, yep. Okay. Oh, geez. Looks realize there were still so many more. Oh, yep. Okay.

Oh, geez. Looks like things 90s kids know. Why? Those are great. Yeah. Oh, I want to try something. Okay. Okay, Tom.

I'm going to say in 30 seconds. Hey, guys, can you close the window really quick? No. I'll tell you what This 90s kid doesn't really care for It's getting real bad We need to get it here again Oh, it's as bad as the first one Tom put on his sneaky ninja face again

Okay, Tom In 30 seconds Name 10 things from the 90s Go Okay Tamagotchis Okay, that's one In 30 seconds, name 10 things from the 90s. Go. Okay. Tamagotchis. Okay, that's one.

Okay. Nintendo 64. Two. The making of Shrek, not the actual thing. Super Smash Bros. Okay. Oh, and six more. The film Titanic.

Correct. Wow. Leonardo DiCaprio's career took off. Correct. I hate cartoons. Cartoons with skateboards? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That big hair guy cartoon with the black shirts. Johnny Barber. Yeah. Pokemon. Okay. And the birth of all three of us.

Hooray. Oh, that's not right though because I was born in 1980. Oh, get the fuck. No of us. Oh, that's not right, though, because I was born in 1980. Oh, get the fuck out. Whoa, whoa. Oh, sorry. Oh, that's, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I just heard static. Oh, gas went to my head. I'm so sorry.

All right. The last one is putting on clothes fresh out of the dryer. That's great. Hey, the Nice Boys will be right back. Hey, everybody. Nice Boys is brought to you by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. They got the best darn tacos in the whole San Diego metropolitan area. Wow, that's a really big place.

It's so big, and it's right by the La Jolla Comedy Store, so you can get some Chuckles and some Baruckles. It didn't quite rhyme. I wanted it to. Chuckles and Baruckles. Chuckles and Baruckles. That's like if we were cops and we solved food mysteries. Yeah, coming soon to TBS. Wow.

Wow. Characters. Oh, no, that's TNT, I think. Yeah. Or maybe USA. Anyway, if you go to eataburrito.com, they can tell you about all the burritos. All the different burritos they have. Yeah, and they got tacos.

Do they do catering? They do do catering. We should have an event. Yeah. Just so they could cater it. Tom, anything to add? It's a muy bien fiesta. Great. Go to eataburrito. We should have an event. Yeah. Just so they could cater it. Tom, anything to add? It's a muy bien fiesta. Great. Go to eataborito.com.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Nice Boys Podcast. Oh, boy. We're feeling good. We're feeling great. We took a sunshine break. Yeah. And I know it's one in the morning, but, you know. The moonlight washed over us. Yeah, the moon is just a cool sun. Like, he's like the sun if he was wearing sunglasses.

Oh, my goodness. The moon is the sun's cool friend. Yeah, he's back tonight. Yeah, the moon is just a cool sun. Like, he's like the sun if he was wearing sunglasses. Oh my goodness, the moon is the sun's cool friend. Yeah, he's Mac Tonight. Yeah. Wow, Mac Tonight. Yeah, he's the grimaces, buddy. See, that's a 90s thing. Oh, there you go. Oh, Colfax, we are such good podcasters, guys.

There you go. Which of the following? Yay! Alright! One of these things is not like the others. One of these things doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the other by the time I finish this song? Wow! Man! Wow.

Man. A falling of witches. Tom got real whispery. It's like the ghost took the bass out of his voice. Oh, sorry. I'll speak up, guys. Don't do that. It's 2 a.m. You know what I like about this is we've all collectively had a bunch of different weird accents through this whole show.

Everybody likes accents. Hyundai does. Oh, that's a car. Do you work at Hyundai? I know. Because you got a weird accent. Do you work at Honda? Because you're a helpful friend.

Hey, wow. What are you, the rib store? Because you're running out of me. Hey, so which of the following? No, let's keep talking about ribs. I'm Josh. Oh, we can talk about ribs. I'll talk about ribs forever.

Well, what am I, the winner of last comic standing? Short ribs. Josh and you. Hickory ribs. St. Louis style ribs. Kansas ribs. That rib that God took out of that fella and then made the snake lady. Adam and Eve.

That's what I'm thinking of. Oh, that's a good couple. We're not supposed to talk about that website. Oh. Okay, so which of the following are not animals that turned out to be friends? We're not sponsored by Adam and Eve. We're sponsored by Awe-de-bull. Oh, we got Awe-de-bull?

Awe. It's spelled with five W's. Or as many as you want. The promo code is just a picture of a cat you really like. Yeah. They should go to Dot Smooch. Oh, well, Dot Smooch is pretty exclusive right now. I know. You're going to get to Dot Smooch. Oh, well, Dot Smooch is pretty exclusive right now. I know.

You're going to get on Dot Smooch. You're on the waiting list. I think I found out about Dot Smooch. I think that turned into the fart. That was all the sadness. I farted out sad. Oh, that's a theory. Hey, you know what?

There's a new one for dogs at Dot Pooch. I love Pooch. That's like the best noise you can make in a dogs. Dot pooch. I love bowjacks. That's like the best noise you can make in a dog. They love that and don't get scared at all. Yeah, they run from far away when I do that. There's nothing better than smiling at a chimp. Oh, man, they love it. It makes them go so crazy.

Yeah, they want to give you like old knuckle bumps. Yeah. Like cool, like those guys I'm not allowed to talk to who play basketball. What? Who are those guys? Don't allowed to talk to Who play basketball What? Who are those guys? Don't worry about it Which of the following All those Kobe Bryants Yeah so

This took a strange turn Which of the following Is not It's two animals That turned out to be friends And unfortunately I've written five of these So you guys have got

A lot of guessing to do Round number one A A dog and a cat B And unfortunately, I've written five of these. So you guys have got a lot of guessing to do. Round number one. A, a dog and a cat. B. B is a fish and a monkey. C, a giraffe and an ostrich. Or D, a black lab and an elephant.

Which one of those didn't become animal pals? Okay. Dog and a cat. a fish and a monkey. Yeah. What was the third one? A giraffe and an ostrich. A giraffe and an ostrich and a Kobe Bryant Labrador and an elephant. Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to say you laughed pretty hard at fish and a monkey. Air Bud, though. Fish and a monkey seems pretty goofy, and you laughed, so I think that's the one you made up. I don't know. We'll have to wait until Tom guesses. Yeah, and also, how do you talk through the water? So I'm going to say fish and monkey. Sorry, I'm going to just jump in here real quick.

You know most animals are friends without having a conversation about it first. It's not like when a dog and a penguin become friends, the penguin doesn't just waddle up and go, so what do you do for a living? Where's your family from? You know, we like to be nice on the show, but I think when we learn, that's what people enjoy, is learning. Yeah, I didn't know if he knew, so I was just trying to be helpful. They usually communicate, though.

Just trying to be a helpful Honda guy. You are. Oh, I'm so Honda. Wow. So helpful. Are you working at Tony Roma's? You do. You have an office there.

And you're a lot like their helpful staff. We're all helpful Honda guys here. I like the staff at Tony Roma's because I'm waiting on you to tell me what the answer is. It was a fish and a monkey. Oh, wow. Good logic, Tom. Who said that? Was that Andrew Nice Clay

again? Oh, hey! Animals cross boundaries to learn about each other. It doesn't matter whose habitat it is. It just matters that they're friends. Oh! Whoa! Can I borrow your keys? Me and the Swede want to go to Crispy It doesn't matter whose habitat it is. It just matters that they're friends. Oh, whoa. Can I borrow your keys? Me and the Swede want to go to Krispy Kreme.

Wow. I love you. Sure, Andrew. Thanks. You guys want a couple of crawlers or something? I've never turned my nose up at a crawler. What about you, Tom? I don't know what that is.

It's like a big donut. Oh, I love donuts. Yeah, you do. I'll take a crawler. What about you, Tom? I don't know what that is. It's like a big donut. Oh, I love donuts. Yeah, you do. I'll take a crawler. Okay. Three crawlers coming up. Me and the Swedish guy whose name I don't totally remember.

We'll be back in a number of minutes with a bag full of crullers. Oh, thank you. Oh, I almost forgot the A's. What about a coffee? Anybody want a coffee? Ice coffee?

Hot coffee? Vanilla coffee? We're already up, so can I get one of those Girl Scout cookie coffees that Tom got? Which Girl Scout are we talking about? Samoas, Tagalongs, thin mints, regular-sized mints, because I'm not in the body shaming. Oh. I love thick mints. Yeah.

Thick with juicy mints. Oh, that's a good kind of mint. I thought up a few, but I can't say them because I'm nice. I respect women. I'll do Samoa because of diversity. Cool. I can't pick. I can't pick, so I guess my favorite is predicament.

All right. I'll get you the suicide one. Oh, all three of them mixed together? Yeah, where it's all the Girl Scout cookies. Dice, you sound so much different when you whisper. Yeah. Look, man. I'm trying to do a nice thing.

All right. Well, I think this has run its course So I'm gonna go get the crullers And the coffees I'll be right back Oh thank you nice Clay Thanks buddy Alright

Okay so round number two Richard the Faller gets Hey guys I'm back I just googled it And I realized The coffee you're talking about Is a Dunkin Donuts Oh

Dice could you make two trips? I know it's, if it's a hassle. No, it's not a hassle at all. I just wanted to let you know so you didn't accidentally go to Krispy Kreme thinking you were going to get the coffee and then be like, oh, they don't have the coffee. I bet if they had a helpful Honda guy there, I might get it. He might go pick it up for me. Cars know all about coffee.

All right. Well, I'm going to go get my accent and go do the thing. Goodbye. Wait, Swedish guy, can I ask you something? He's sleeping. Could you wake him up? It's really important. That seems rude.

We're nice. All right, I'll wake him up. Hang on a second. Hey, Swedish guy, could you wake up for a second? Here you burn. Here you burn, you burn Here you go, Bert. Oh, he seems really sleepy. No, no, no.

If you're having a wagon, fear you can throw me. Oh, okay. Don't. Swedish guy, don't you remember that Girl Scout coffee being at Krispy Kreme? Near.

Near, I remember it being at the Dunkin' Donuts because Tom brought it and Tom go to the Dunkin' Donuts a lot. Oh, are you sure? Because I feel like I'm going crazy right now. I mean, it could be possible to have it at both of the coffee shops.

That's true. I just checked Dunkin' Donuts' website. I didn't cross-reference it with the Krispy Kreme website. Well, here's what we're going to do. We'll go to the Krispy Kreme first. They got the superior crock. While we're going to do. We'll go to the Krispy Kreme first. They got the superior crock. While we're there, we'll look into the coffee situation.

Best case scenario, one-stop shop. Worst case, Dunkin' Donuts is not far away. We'll go there. And either way, everyone's getting what they want. Dice, you're so good at planning. I know! Oh! Wow.

Okay. Well, we'll see you guys in a minute. All right. Bye! Wait. Sorry. Sorry. Swedish guy, what's your Venmo?

Venmo is my father's name. Oh, oh. I'm sorry. Do you have the Venmo app? The Venmo app is my mother's name. Well, that's weird how that worked out. They're very similar. Okay, cool.

Do you PayPal? Yes. What Do you PayPal? Yes. What's your PayPal? It's Orgy Borg and this is great, that's smooch. Oh, Keith, wow. You set up an ego

for Swedish guy. I didn't know you did that. You've been awfully quiet, Keith. Oh, yeah. I'm here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I just,

I didn't want to interrupt. He was thinking about it. So I didn't get a dot smooch,. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just, I didn't want to interrupt. He was thinking about the dogs. So I didn't get a dot smooch, but Swedish guy did. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, we were both on the, they want international users. So I was like the American emissary. Okay. And he's the one for, where are you from again, Swedish guy?

Sweden. Okay. Oh, that's a good place. Yes. Well. Is that why they call you that? Yes. Oh.

I mean, most people call me by my name. What's your name? I don't totally remember. Go back and do at least the first segment. And then I'll answer any questions you might have. Okay. Alright, bye,

guys. Alright, I've been waiting in the car. Let's go. Okay, so they'll be back in a few. Yeah, so question two. Oh, I forgot we were doing a game. It's not an animal. It turned out to be friends with a different animal. I can't believe I

completely forgot. Round number two. Hey, a dog and a fox. I forgot this is all dog edition. Yeah, all dog edition. Can you tell me funny stories about dogs? Yeah, so one time I had a girlfriend. Okay.

And we dot smooched a few times. Whoa. You know, nothing bad. Can I smell your breath? Maybe later. I don't think you can smell anything right now. It probably smells a lot like what happened earlier. Because I think it just went in every opening.

Oh, well, we all loved each other? Yeah, you guys can't see the color red now because of that front. Yeah, we're butt red. I can't see any of the colors. I think the only color Tom can see is red because he got pretty upset. Oh, I forgive him. So I had a girlfriend and she

was like, okay, I like dot smooching you, but there's like a thing I want to do while we dot smooch. And I was like, oh, that's okay because I love you so we can do whatever. You're always so open to suggestions. Yeah, I'm just a good guy. So then she had like a laptop, and it had a sticker of Grover on it, because it was

a Sesame Street laptop. Oh, the Grovius. But she got it to go on the internet. And then right when she was... Well, Grover watched. Yeah, so she was like, okay, when we dot smooch, we're going to watch this video, right? And she pulls up the video, and when she pushes... Hey, I'm back.

The Krispy Kreme was closed. What? I know. So here's what I'm going to do. There's one that's open 24 hours in Monrovia. It's a little bit of a hike. I'll give you that. I don't mind going.

I will have to ask for $3.82 in gas money. Okay. Do you have a Venmo dice, Clay? I have a cash-only business. Get it to me when you can. All right. Goodbye. Sorry.

What were we talking about? I don't remember. I don't remember. What was round number two? Man, Monroe. Dice is such a nice guy. Yeah. He's a pretty good guy.

Yeah. So B. What was A? A dog and a fox Oh okay Okay cool That's super important You know Tom

You seem like you're You're like You're kind of You're acting nice But I don't feel the niceness I'm so nice Okay Love

And friendship Because you told us You were very excited To be on Nice Boys Butterfly I'm so excited Okay you're just Adding a lot of H's

I'm so excited Sounds like Sean Connery. Okay, you're just adding a lot of H's. I'm Sean Connery. You sound like Sean Connery. Oh, he's so cool. Ruff. I was trying to see Sean Connery. Turned into Bane. Excuse me.

Has anybody seen my Hyundai accent? Whoa. Mr. Sean Connery. I have a Scottish accent and a Hyundai accent. There's No relation. Well, how did you... What are you doing here? I drove here with Andrew Dice Clay. Oh.

But I was in the bathroom. And when I came back, there was simply a note drifting in the wind in the parking lot that said, go into Monrovia, smell you later. I forgot that our house has a parking lot. That's so weird. Yes, well, goodbye. Yeah, well, no. Well, Sean, did it smell worse outside the bathroom?

I'm sorry, I've already left. Oh, oh, oh. I'm a fishy man. Hey, Sean, they're going to Krispy Kreme, so. Oh, in the Monrovia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's the good Krispy Kreme. Okay, do you have his number?

Do you want him to get you anything? I'll take the bus. You're taking the bus? The bus, yes. The bus. The bus, yes. You're in a bush? Yes, I'm in a bush.

All right. So one was a dog and a fish or something? No, a dog and a fox. A dog and a different kind of dog. A dog and a fox and a fox and a dog. And the Krispy Kreme and a Marovia. I came back just to do that. I'll be gone. Thank you, Connery.

Alright. B is a dog and an owl. Okay. C C is a dog and a Spit it out, boy. It's a dog and a dinosaur.

What? And D is a dog and a duckling. Well, okay, so I know the answer, but I want to let Tom go first because I don't want to spoil it. I don't know. You might think you know, but you don't know until I tell you. I'm pretty good at science. I think you try to trick-or-roo to us. Do you freaking love it? I freaking't know. You might think you know, but you don't know until I tell you. I'm pretty good at science. I think you try to trick-a-roo-ney us. Do you freaking love it?

I freaking love science. I think this is a trick-a-roo-ney. I'm going to say the dog and the owl. Okay. See, I think it's the dog and the dinosaur because... I think it's a trick. No, here's why. So when there were dinosaurs, they had saddles so that cave people could ride on them.

Yeah, that's what we learned about with the vegetable dogs. Yeah, at the place where we kept all the secrets. But there's no saddles for dogs. We should make some. We should, but I don't think they were around at the same time. Tom, you should have dogs that you use as roller skates.

I think owls are too competitive. Yeah, you could be like, yippee-ki-yay little pupper, and then ride them. Okay. So the answer is a dog and a dinosaur. I got you. I wasn't a trap. Tom, you impossibly got one wrong.

I can't believe it. I made it so easy on purpose. I wanted everyone to win. One was a dinosaur. I thought it was a trap. How could it be a trap? How would we have any information about dinosaurs and their friends? Yeah, Jesus was still...

An idea or something. I don't know how the YouTubes work. All right. Well, round number three. Hey. We're all whispering now. We're all whispering now. Round number three.

A dog and a lion. B. A chicken and some puppies. C. C. It's okay. C. Sorry, I got something in my throat. Did you fart again?

No, no, no. No, no. Okay, so C is a cat and an alien. And D is a bear and a tiger. So which do you think is fake? I guess I'm gay now. What kind of alien is it? That's okay. I think we're allowed to do that. Connor's being I guess I'm gay now. What kind of alien is it? That's okay.

I think we're allowed to do that. Connor's being a real lemon bar. I should have had Dice get a lemon bar. Oh, someone just text him. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. One second. Hello, is this the Soap Company?

Hey, how are you, Connor? It's Andrew Nice Clay. Oh, hey, buddy. Hey, so I just wanted to keep you updated on the Krispy Kreme situation. We got a flat tire. No way. Yeah, we got a flat tire on the side of the 605 freeway. Luckily, the Swedish guy is also a mechanic.

Why would you take the 605 to get to Monrovia? Is that not the freeway that goes to Monrovia? You left like three minutes ago. That's like 30 miles away. Yeah, the Hyundai X is reliable safety performance, but also high acceleration. I actually think you could do that. I just took the 605 back from Monrovia. Yeah, see, Tom gets you. You're on speakerphone. That's why I can do that. I just took the 605 back from on rope. See, Tom gets you. You're on speakerphone.

That's why I can hear him. Yeah, of course I might. So I just wanted to let you know it might be an extra 20 minutes or something. Okay. Did you want anything else? I feel like I should have asked. I just feel like I bullied you into the cruller and I didn't ask for your

opinion. I feel like we were just talking about something that I wanted, but I don't remember what it was. You ever do that? Yeah, all the time. Oh, it was a lemon bar. You want a lemon bar? Yeah. Okay, how about you, Tom? Why am I talking like you now?

Hey, I'm infectious. Yeah, you are. Ask your doctor. I'm like Rocky. No. Hey, Tom, you want a lemon bar? Yeah, I'll take an 11 bar. I've just enjoyed the fact that Conrad has a real phone to his head right now.

Yeah, what else would he be calling me on? A placeful phone? Those don't get reception. They're pretty much a Grover-only line of communication. Anyway, I gotta go. The car's fixed. Goodbye. Bye.

Bye, Dice. So round number four. A dog and a piglet. B. B. Okay, B. And then more fake laughing. B is a snake and a dolphin. B. Okay, B. And then more fake laughing. B is a snake and a dolphin. C, a rabbit and a deer.

Or D, a chimp and a tiger. I think it's... You know what I think it is? I think it's B. What? No way. That's so real. They love each other.

Well, I know it's not A. It could go in the blowhole. And I know it's not C. And it's definitely not D. Could it be E? There's no E. It's so real. They love each other. Well, I know it's not A. It could go in the blowhole. And I know it's not C. And it's definitely not D. Could it be E? There's no E. It's B. What were we talking about before Dice Clay interrupted us?

I'm going to say B. I don't remember what we were talking about. Someone was telling a story before Dice Clay interrupted us. Oh, really? Well, who? I mean, Keith was talking about something. I think it was with his girlfriend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry. It's Dice. hello hey dice hey carter it's adrian ice clay again what do you want hey so i just wanted to let you know i really appreciate you inviting me into your home earlier like i didn't want to say i'm not on speakerphone am i no no no no okay because i wanted to let you know it means a lot to me that we're good friends and that you i you know ever since i lost my family in the fire i've been very lonely um dice i i mean i i i heard the story in the news and i read the article but yeah yeah it was a long and difficult you know healing process it was like manchester by the sea over here oh yeah so well i mean i i want you to be a part of our family.

Yeah. So, listen, I have a proposition for you. Okay. I'm thinking maybe I'll just come back every episode. All right. I'll just be the fourth nice boy. Okay. That'd be great.

Great. Okay. Well, just thinking about it. Okay. We're almost to the Krispy Kreme. I gotta go. Okay, bye. And I probably won't be able to talk

until the next segment. Okay. Okay. All right. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. What was that about?

Nothing, nothing. He's just... He thought they didn't have the lemon bar But they have the lemon bar I was worried because it's been a whole Man I really want these donuts Before I didn't really want one I was just like oh he's going to buy donuts

I don't want to be rude and not take a donut I always go nuts for donuts I forgot that before that The Swedish guy was a green beret He was a mechanic He fixed that cart quick Man we have some interesting friends. Dude, I love all of them.

I love friendship. All right. It's B. Okay. What do you think, Tom? Yeah, it's B. Everybody wins. Tom's still down one.

Hey, but there's no real winners or losers, because the real important thing is that we all participated. Yeah, I'll send you the answers. Your lead is the same as mine. With my Thought Smooch email address. Sorry. All right. Hey, man, don't get mad about Thought Smooch.

Yeah, why can't we all just be happy flowers in the pond? Yeah. Why are the flowers in the pond? They're lotuses. Yeah. Oh, cool. I've always wanted to be a lotus. Yeah. Why are the flowers in the pond? They're lotuses. Yeah. Oh, cool. I've always wanted to be a lotus. Yeah.

Oh, shit. No, actually, that's my phone. Oh, okay. Hello? Hey, Keith, how are you? It's me, Andrew Nice Clay. Yeah, I know you have caller ID. You don't have to introduce yourself.

No, I just like to keep it formal. Okay, cool. Well, what's up, man? We're finishing up Nice Boys here. We're almost to the break. Hey, I just like to keep it formal. Okay, cool. Well, what's up, man? We're finishing up. Nice boys here. We're almost to the break. Hey, I just wanted to remind you, make sure you don't tell Connor that you got me a personal invitation to the dot smooch beta test. I know you really stuck your neck out for me and that you couldn't do it for both of us, and I don't want to put you in an awkward situation.

So just if it comes up, play it cool. Yeah, I definitely will, Andrew. Okay, cool. Yeah, so three lemon bars. Okay, goodbye. What was that all about? Oh, he just wanted to make sure that we wanted lemon bars. Oh, I mean, we couldn't stop talking about him. I mean, he's such a nice guy. Oh, lemons, oh God.

Yeah. Okay, well, time for the last one. All real Or they could be all fake A I bet I know what it is Oh, you got a bad poker face A is the gorilla and a polar bear

Okay Wait a minute B, let me finish B is a squid And squid and a kitty. C. It's a seal and a deer. And D.

D is a beagle and a gopher. What? How would a beagle even fit in a gopher hole? I mean, he could make it extra big for his pal. Why would a gorilla and a polar bear be in the same place? They could probably. Either the gorilla's too cold or the polar bear's too hot. I mean.

I mean, I guess they could meet somewhere like. You freaking love science. You don't know what they're doing with polar bear jacket technology. I guess they could meet somewhere just, you somewhere just in the middle and temper it. Maybe they met in Portland. Gorillas love Bell and Sebastian. Insignment stores. Because we imagine them, that technically makes them real.

And for that reason, they're all real. They are all real. He's right. They're all real. Whoa. Because anybody can be friends. With anybody. Yeah.

Yeah. Even ISIS. What? Yeah, that's a good flower. We should be friends with them. Yeah, let's join ISIS. Yeah, and teach friends with them. Yeah, let's join ISIS. Yeah, and teach them about friendship. Wait, I have an idea.

Are you guys ready for this? So they used to be called ISIS, and then we joined. And they're called NISIS. Oh, man, I was going to say good ISIS. Oh, good ISIS sounds like you went to the doctor and they told you you have the opposite of a disease. Oh, man, I really want to know where this goes. You've got good Itis. Dude, this is giving me a hankering for some shaved Isis.

Oh, that sounds pretty good. Does anybody else have any more Isis jokes or should we go to break? Oh, what about Al Qaeda? All right, the nice boys will be right back. Hey, everybody, it's your old pal Andrew Nice Clay. I'm on my way to Monrovia to get the crullers for the boys. But I wanted to remind you to get a pair of Sudio headphones. They're the best headphones in the whole world.

They come from Sweden. So does the guy driving the car. So go to Sudiosweden.com. Use promo code MEANBOYS. They misspell nice. I don't know why it says that. And you get 15% off. Tell them Andrew Nice Clay sent you.

Oh! Good golly gosh. Welcome back to Nice Boys. Oh, golly gee whiz bang. You guys. You got day. What is that? Oh, man.

I saw Tom eating a big old brownie during the break. Yeah. Tom, wow. That was a big break. You got to save room for your crawler. Yeah. I actually kind of want a crawler now. Man, I wonder when Andrew Nice Clay is going to get...

Oh, shoot. Okay. Hello. Hello. Hey, Conor McSpadden. How are you? It's me, Andrew Nice Clay. Hey, Andrew. I'm good.

You don't have to introduce yourself. I saved your contact for friends. Like I said, I like to be formal. You don't want to make assumptions about your closeness level with a new friend. We're so close, Andrew. We're pretty close. Hey, listen. So a funny thing happened on the way to the Krispy Kreme in Monrovia.

Oh, no. Another flat tire? No, you're not going to believe this one. So check it out. Did the Swedish guy start you're not gonna believe this one so check it out the swedish guy started having flashbacks again no so check it out so the swedish guy went to the gas station to pick up gas because well while we were changing the tire i left the radio on because i get scared when it's quiet and that burned the gas the hyundai accent is a an oddly built car anyway long story short the were off. We were parked on the side of the freeway.

Yada, yada. I got hit by a truck. What? No. Yes, I'm like super dead. I thought you said that the car was fixed and you were on your way. No, no, no, I didn't. I mean, I might have, but I'm going to be honest with you.

I might have been lying a little bit. I might have served you up a Whopper like it was some kind of Burger King. Did you feel that in one? You didn't think I was incompetent. It was an easy job. Get the crullers from Monrovia. Anyway, the important thing to focus on here is I got spaghetti

sauce all over the side of the 605 freeway. I'm the deadest the person can be. No, Andrew, no. It's true. I'm speaking to you I'm the dentist the person can be. No, Andrew, no. It's true. No, Andrew. I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. No.

There's AT&T coverage. Oh, yeah, I'm on speakerphone, too, just to clear up that. Oh, my God, AT&T. How do you have reception in the afterlife but not at my house? Hey, you know what? Your house is exclusively serviced by Cricket Wireless. What? It's a tough but fair business model.

So listen, I have a plan. Okay. I heard that farts are ghosts. What? That's a thing we talked about earlier, correct? Oh, that's right. I forgot I farted out a ghost. Now, here's the thing.

If you can focus, you know in a cartoon when they're like, you got to wish upon a star. Yeah. I need you to wish upon a chocolate starfish. If you can muster up the power within your dreamer's heart to fart like you never farted before, you can bring me back from the afterlife. Okay. And I can just be the ghost of Andrew Nice Clay.

Will you have crawlers with you? I can neither confirm nor deny. Here's what I can tell you and I tell you this honestly as your friend. Okay, thank you for being straight. I'm going to do my best to bring the crawlers. That said, I did not have time to google the logistics of Donut Spectral

Anal Transport as I was busy being destroyed by a truck. I got friggin' de-analyzed Unbelievable my legs over there my kidneys over there I don't want to I don't want to distract you but I'm not super loving this heaven place It's very hot and they have pitchforks I don't want to distract you, but I'm not super loving this heaven place. It's very hot, and they have pitchforks.

Oh, my God. You went to Spicy Heaven. Yeah. That's because you're Italian. Heaven Caliente. Did you guys feel that earthquake? What? No.

Oh, my God. The earth is trembling. It's trembling. I see a portal opening. Okay, guys. How's your butthole? I've got to do this. Can we get the man some kimchi? Oh, give me the poppers. I know we're nice, but we've got to cut the shit. I see a portal opening. Okay, guys. How's your butthole? Can we get the man some kimchi?

Oh, give me the poppers. I know we're nice, but we've got to cut the shit. I made it through to the other side, and I brought the crumb. What? Yeah. It's true. Yeah, the lemon bars couldn't make it through. There's a citrus berry. That's so weird. The lemon bar wasn't't make it, though. There's a citrus berry. That's so weird.

The lemon bar wasn't specific. Oh, man. We got donuts. And I don't know. I think the Swedish guy is dead or something. Wait, what happened to the Swedish guy, Andrew? I don't know. I think we should probably wrap this up.

I'm very tired. It's been a long day. I traveled through a ghost. Should I try to fart him out, too? I got hit by a truck and I drove all the way to friggin' Monrovia. I also drove to Monrovia. Yeah, well, you're alive.

Apparently. Alright. This is where we plug our contacts. Follow me at .smosh Thank you, Andrew, for the crawler. Let me take a bite. Oh, wow, it's great.

Oh, that's good. I was worried it was going to taste like your fucking ass. Oh, that's some naughty language. Yeah, well, the show's almost over. Yeah, I don't know what happened. Yeah. Okay. On the count of three, everybody.

Love everything. God is alive. One, two, three everybody Love everything, God is alive One, two, three Love everything, God is alive Oh I'm going to be completely honest with you guys. As soon as I got here, I took an edible... Wait, wait, hang on. So, hold on.

You're getting higher and higher. So you've been high as Connor mustered gas to the house and Andrew Nice Clay went on a crawler mission? Yes.