Mean Boys - EP 10 - Slather My Folds (feat. Jamar Neighbors)

Episode Date: February 25, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s guest is Jamar Neighbors (http://www.twitter.com/jamarneighbors) Our segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “Which of the Follo...wing”, “Taft in the Bathtub” and “9/11 Hijacker Audio”. Our Sponsors are “Dan Carlin’s Pokémon Battles” and “Children’s Garden of Nihilism”. Listen to Jamar’s album at http://www.verbalviolence.tv Follow the show on Twitter @meanboyspodcast and email us at meanboyspodcast@gmail.com. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-money-store/id515449028) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. I'm Joe Dosh. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... The world's only straight bottom. Oh, in this museum of wonders, you will see. Hear ye, hear ye. The two-eyed boy.
Starting point is 00:00:29 The world's Straight Bottom. The shortest man. A half dog, half cat born with both dog parts. Now, don't you see, Connor? Bottoming's not about wanting a dick in your ass. It's about wanting a dick in your heart. That is a big dick. Joe, what are you doing with that knife?
Starting point is 00:00:48 Wait, why are the doors locked Welcome to the Organ fuckers podcast Keith is that marinara On your apron What Oh no I knew this Would happen eventually I mean yes
Starting point is 00:00:57 But also we're gonna Harvest you It's not marinara I washed my clothes In Kool-Aid powder Still better than The last half of the Saw franchise. He died the way he lived, getting secretly fucked by Joe. Wow, we really slammed the Saw franchise there, Connor.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Are there any other Bush-era franchises you'd like to take down? Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not just a fucking sponge that absorbs pitiful media. And I don't even know what I'm doing with this. I was trying to Joe on Joe, and I couldn't even know that. So I with this. I was trying to Joe on Joe and I couldn't even know that. So I take it
Starting point is 00:01:27 you did not watch the Oscars last night. You guys know I've seen five movies. Okay? That's true. Yeah. Bad comeback
Starting point is 00:01:33 from the tell it like it is kid over here. Anyway. That's the lamest cowboy. Tell it like it is kid. You know, I thought that Whoopi Goldberg
Starting point is 00:01:44 looked terrible last night. I mean, she did. Oh, you know, I thought that Whoopi Goldberg looked terrible last night. I mean, she did. Oh, my God. She really does. She looks like two diabetic men in one body. Somebody, some, like, fashion blog tweeted a picture of Whoopi Goldberg and said, We had no idea how Oprah had tattoos. Oh, it was great.
Starting point is 00:01:59 It was up for, like, maybe 45 seconds, and they all were murdered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the internet wept for eternity. A lot of social media jobs opening up listeners. If you could tell black people with and without eyebrows apart. When that happened, everyone at BuzzFeed was like, this is what we train for, everybody. Defcon whoopee. She really did look like Quincy Jones'
Starting point is 00:02:25 Predator prom night. Nonsense. Alright guys, enough of the fluffing. Let's get down to brass tacks. Time for the Mexican joke off. I think I'll start us off this week. China is constructing
Starting point is 00:02:41 the world's largest waste-to-energy plant, which is estimated to turn one-third of the city of Shenzhen's trash into usable power. City officials are excited to finally have a use for all the country's female babies. A Toronto resident is accused of flinging feces at his neighbors. His Canadian victim was said to remark, I'm sure sorry you dropped your poo on my face.
Starting point is 00:03:02 They're a polite people. Chris Christie shocked voters by endorsing donald trump in related news a trump staffer was seen at christie's new jersey home delivering a briefcase of assorted pork products this is you falling on the fat joke sword before someone can pick it up falling on the the fat joke meat shish kebab from a Brazilian. Something about the Pepperidge Farm mafia payment is amusing to me. You know,
Starting point is 00:03:29 it's got that like plastic handle and like a little cardboard suitcase and Christy opens it up and he like, he opens up a bag and all right,
Starting point is 00:03:35 yeah, that's, that's pure. Yeah. It's a big briefcase full of almond bark. The world's oldest living cat
Starting point is 00:03:42 is 26 years old today, which is 121 in cat years and 93 in Keith years. Bitch. Oh, goodness. Utah lawmakers unveiled a plan to declare pornography a health crisis. In other news, the women of the Utah Temperance League plan to throw themselves in front of men entering a Starbucks. What?
Starting point is 00:04:01 That's a good prohibition. Like, my jokes are designed to amuse like Ken Burns and no one else Joe's releasing a new comedic flip book it's going to be available in novelty parlors all over the Joe-Zoe trope
Starting point is 00:04:15 four flips for a nickel and Nickelodeons everywhere throughout Atlantic City first hundred customers get a free rhubarb pie. Ever had rhubarb? It's delicious. That's shocking to me. I know you're taking a new...
Starting point is 00:04:32 Oh, my God. There's a daguerreotype of you hanging up in the fucking novelty studio. Oh, you curly mustache of a man. All right. An attempted KKK rally in Anaheim, California was cut short by violent protests from the community. The Klan vowed to
Starting point is 00:04:47 return and were last seen trying to ethnically cleanse it's a small world. I was going to write something about that and I was like between his like Disney
Starting point is 00:04:56 knowledge and love of OC punk rock. Yeah. Keith is totally going to tackle it. Oh God. Nothing has made me happier in the past
Starting point is 00:05:02 several years than watching just a bunch of the grungy Mexican punk rock kids I used to hang out with in Orange County beat up the Klan. You know, you called Joe a curly mustache of a man just as you were starting your joke, and it took every fiber of my being not to call you a
Starting point is 00:05:16 curly fry of a man. It was worth going back for. It sure was. The Republican Party is making rumblings of not endorsing Trump should he win the nomination, citing his erratic views unfounded in reality. In related news,
Starting point is 00:05:29 the Kettle has released a statement calling the pot really more of a dark gray. I like New Yorker magazine, Connor. I was going to say, that's surprisingly sophisticated for you.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Yeah, look, I keep it on the DL, but I'm a classy motherfucker. You really are. A Philadelphia judge ruled the First Amendment does not grant the right to film the police. He also ruled the 13th Amendment does not grant the right to film Worldstar videos. Scientists are testing a virtual reality simulator to help heroin addicts learn to avoid using drugs. The game is called the World's First First Person Shooter.
Starting point is 00:06:12 A Moscow woman has been detained for carrying the severed head of a toddler. The arresting officer asked the moon where she got the silliest keychain in all of Russia. A Canadian teen has died from playing beer pong with hard liquor. Mourners reported that his soul will ride a burning ship to Brohala. What do you put on the burning ship that you push out into the ocean for a bro funeral? Well, first of all, it's made out of old Keystone light boxes. I think you put out a hat with the bill folded and everything floats in that. There's a pair of boat nuts on the back. No, they should make
Starting point is 00:06:48 the keystone lights with those flying paper fire lanterns, like a Chinese New Year's celebration. When a bro dies, this fucking girl is expected to throw herself in the pyre of natty ice boxes. Many Asians on Twitter were offended by a joke at this weekend's
Starting point is 00:07:03 Oscar ceremony making light of Chinese child labor. Outrage commenters are demanding that host Chris Rock say he's so savvy. All right. Well, you and the people at the Total Beauty Twitter account can get together for your consolation brunch. Riots broke out in Salt Lake City after a black teen armed with a broomstick was shot. His friends released a statement saying, hey, that's what you get for playing Harry Potter in these streets, man.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Ah! That's pretty good. Taco Bell has become one of the healthiest fast food chains. Scientists found this information by reading the inscription on Keith Carey's grave. It's better than Del Taco, guys. It is better than Del Taco. Del Taco sucks.
Starting point is 00:07:50 A St. Louis man dropped his seven-week-old baby down several flights of stairs. The child is recovering at a local hospital while the father has been charged with first-degree butterfingers. I think I have one more, if that's all right with you boys. Hit it. Bonus round. The world's first meatball grown in a lab. Keith just took off his headphones. Just fucking do it, Connor.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Just fucking do it. Well, it could be anything. Yeah, I don't think it can. I don't know. I don't think it could. I don't think it can. Well, Keith, you know what happens when you assume. Yeah, I'm right.
Starting point is 00:08:24 People are pigs. You make a morbidly obese asshole out of you and me. I think it can. Well, Keith, you know what happens when you assume. Yeah, I'm right. People are pigs. You make a morbidly obese asshole out of you and me. Tell your fucking joke, Connor. Just make an impact and colon out of you and me. You make an old double casketer out of you and me. All right, you know what? I won't tell that joke. No, but don't you dare not do the joke.
Starting point is 00:08:40 No, I'm going to do a different joke. I'm going to do a different joke. No, fuck no. I want to know what it is. A man has changed his legal name to Double Cheeseburger with Bacon. Keith Carey has pledged to never get drunk with a notary again. Well, fuck it, Adam. You had five jokes to slam him with.
Starting point is 00:09:00 And you got nothing. You're always making jokes about the Klan and Disney and sk got nothing. You're always making jokes about the Klan and Disney and skater things. Sorry, I'm trying to do the fucking thing. You got five jokes a week to slam your fucking teammate and you neglect it every week.
Starting point is 00:09:16 You're so boring. You got all the insights of the cover art of a modern adolescence album. Orange County, Burnout, Nothing. Well, that was Mexican joke off. Everybody. I so hurtful. I regret this decision.
Starting point is 00:09:33 Heavens. Well, all right. That was a great start to the show. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. As a parent, it can be hard to find the right way to introduce your kids to your beliefs. Christians have youth groups in Bible camp. There's baby yoga for those who subscribe to Eastern philosophies. But what about parents whose views are a little more outside the box?
Starting point is 00:09:53 That's why I wrote my new book, A Child's Garden of Nihilism. Hi, I'm children's author and noted party ruiner, Kurt McGirt. If you're like me, you read a Nietzsche quote on 4chan 10 years ago and then just stopped growing as a person. And now you want to share your deep-seated, mildly researched belief in the futility of the universe with your kids. A Child's Garden of Nihilism contains 40 stories and poems to guide your little bundle of joy toward the abyss all men must stare into. Whimsy is the enemy of all enlightenment, but that doesn't mean embracing the cruel randomness of life can't be fun. Here's a sample. Classic. Your child won't be able to get enough of these stories and will soon grow numb to the point of madness.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Here's another. Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water. The well had run dry. Sitting in the last quarter inch of black water was a rat with a bursted belly. The rodent had glutted to death on the remains of the well. Jack said not a word, laying silently and rolling slowly down the hill. And Jill came tumbling after.
Starting point is 00:11:01 God is dead, but your child's mind will be alive with the understanding of the fragile island that is his or her existence. Other stories include the little legend who could, but simply did not. Humpty Dumpty found a lumpty. Old MacDonald had a farm. There were no survivors. And
Starting point is 00:11:15 so many more. Order now and we'll include a kid-sized Fight Club shirt and a pack of Baby's First Clove cigarettes, free of charge. Call 1-800-NOTHING. Sha-na-na-na-na-na, mean! Mean! And so ends another day at the White House, eh, Willoughby? You sure said it, Andrew. It really is a testament to this grand old country of ours.
Starting point is 00:11:41 To think, my grandparents came to America without a penny to their name, and here I am, serving as an aide to President William Howard Taft. I tell you, it sure is beautiful to think that when you buckle down and work hard that you can achieve... Willoughby! Willoughby! Did you hear something, Andrew? Willoughby, get in here now! That sounds like the President's voice coming from the master bedroom. Willoughby, I'm stuck! I'm stuck in the bathtub, Willoughby! My God, the President could have fallen ill. We have to get in there at once, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Mr. President, Mr. President, are you hurt? Please tell us what's happened. Mr. President! I am stuck in the bathtub. Oh, yes. Oh, oh, mercy. I... Well, don't just stand there. Do something! Well, I'm... I'm not sure what. Perhaps you could hoist yourself out, sir.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Oh! Oh, I could hoist myself. That hadn't occurred to me. Son, I've been hoisting my girth around this great nation for 68 years. I'll not take any lessons in girth hoisting for the likes of you. Help me. Oh, I'll try, sir. One moment. One moment.
Starting point is 00:12:38 I can't seem to remove you, sir. You're in there good, sir. What should I do? Well, call the League of Nations. Oh, Andrew, call the League of Nations! Do not call the League of Nations, you fool! My God, if the press hears a whiff of this, our antitrust legislation will be for naught!
Starting point is 00:12:58 I've returned with some corn oil, Mr. President. Perhaps we could lubricate you, sir? There, is that all to do? Start slathering my folds. Oh, I'm not sure that I... Son, you serve at the behest of the President of the United States, and you will slather my girth folds. Yes, sir. You're right, sir.
Starting point is 00:13:23 No, no, no, no, no, no. Slather over the folds, not in between them. Do you want your president to chafe? No, sir. I don't want my president's flesh folds to chafe. Mr. President, are you sitting on something? There's a wheel of cheese wedged in there somewhere. You brought a wheel of cheese into the bathtub, sir.
Starting point is 00:13:41 One more word and I'll have you expatriated, you smug patty. Out of my way, out of my way, I have to see this. Who the devil is that? How did... Theodore Roosevelt! Mr. President! Ah-ha-ha! I had to see it for myself. The blubbering scourge of the Bull Moose Party stuck in the bathtub. I killed 30 Spanish and took San Juan Hill, but I've never felt more alive than I do right now. Roosevelt, you leave this White House
Starting point is 00:14:06 at once. Oh, I certainly will, President Jigglebelly. That's your name, after all. President Jigglebelly. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. Stop, stop. You stop that right now. What was that? And that would be the cheese wheel. A cheese wheel in the
Starting point is 00:14:22 bathtub. You stop this mockery at once! I'm the President of the United States! I served as the Chief Justice! Oh, yes, I remember fondly. I especially admire your ruling in the case of Sullivan versus eating an entire barrel of circus peanuts.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Mr. President, please, please don't eat that. It's dirty, Mr. President. I deserve the dirty cheese! Oh, disgusting. I'll not stand here and watch the office of the presidency sullied by a blubberpuss eating cheese soaked in dirty bathwater. Good day, everyone.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Good day, William. And that's the story of how William Howard Taft got stuck in the bathtub. Bonus fun fact. Did you know that that tub was dismantled and turned into plating for glorious Chancellor Trump's pleasure barge? All hail Trump. May he continue to make America great and incinerate the weak through his ninth term in office. From the creator of the Common Sense Podcast and Hardcore History comes a new podcast set to take the internet by storm. Famous legendary newscaster or infamous old windbag, it's Dan Carlin announces Pokemon Battles.
Starting point is 00:15:38 The show you're about to see is a battle between a Blastoise and a Raichu. It is part three of a seven-part 19-hour series. When they took to the field, Raichu was armed with quick attack like Napoleon before him. This is a Pokemon whose fighting style is characterized by swiftness and decisiveness, and though it had crushed the Austro-Hungarians a century before, in this battle it's not very effective. You see, Blastoise had morale on his side before the battle even began, because he issued a decree that said, You will not defeat me! You will tremble at the sight of impaled Jigglypuffs on my palace!
Starting point is 00:16:16 I am Blastoise, King of Kings, you spawn of an Assyrian rat! You are an electric vermin of the steppe! You feed on the refuse of the Quarismian Shaw! I shall defeat you! I shall boil your owner in his mother's feces! Now, Raichu is an electric Pokemon fighting a water Pokemon, but that has blinded him with hubris. You see, this battle is taking place on the eastern front of Europe. His owner, Ash, will march across the bones of the fallen of Stalingrad a century before, and their charred remains will line the road like asphalt. What's more, he has failed to factor in what Russian generals have known for centuries as General Winter. Raichu is used to battling in the Rhineland, where temperatures are relatively moderate. Blastoise is hardened by the Russian winter and fully prepared for Raichu's undisciplined assault. But in the end, none of this matters, because Raichu strikes Blastoise with a thunderbolt
Starting point is 00:16:59 that makes Alexander the Great look like a palsy-ridden child, and the entirety of the Spartan army look like girly men who tuck their phalluses between their legs and sit down to urinate. Blastoise faints instantly. You'd think other Pokémon would read the message loud and clear, but this is not enough. You see, Blastoise was owned by Misty. And after defeating Blastoise, Raichu did
Starting point is 00:17:20 what conquering armies have been doing for millennia, and claimed her as a spoil of war. Only after impregnating his conquered wife, Raichu carved what conquering armies have been doing for millennia, and claimed her as a spoil of war. Only after impregnating his conquered wife, Raichu carved out the baby and threw it on the floor of Misty's gym. And as an added warning, announced, I am Raichu, Thunderstone Incarnate. On September 11th, 2001, United Flight 11 was hijacked. Thirty minutes later, it collided with the World Trade Center, beginning the bloodiest day in American history. For the first time, the government has aligned the public to hear the cockpit recording from that fateful flight.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Tower, we repeat, hijackers on board. They're coming through the cockpit. On board! The door is secure. How long until we reach Manhattan? 30 minutes, brother. Good, good. A jihad. Will you please stop that? Sorry.
Starting point is 00:18:28 Sorry, I get bored on airplanes. Fill your mind with the beauty of what awaits after we have completed our mission. We will be welcomed into the kingdom of Allah as noble warriors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do that. Hey, look at all these virgins. What's cracking, ladies? Oh my gosh, Waleed, you're so big. Looks like the tower isn't the only thing that's going down today.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Be quiet. I'm trying to concentrate on flying the plane. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I'm being a problem. I'll be right back. Where are you going? I'm gonna go back there and I'm gonna grab a snack, maybe something to read, maybe a SkyMall. They got crazy shit in SkyMall. Have you seen it? They have a magic wand
Starting point is 00:19:02 that works as a remote control. It's crazy, man. You cannot leave the cockpit. We are too close to fail. Relax! I'll go out, I'll do the whole death to America thing, I'll be back in five. You sit down right now, or I will kill you myself. Like, like you have to know that's a dumb thing to say right now. Sit the fuck down, Wally!
Starting point is 00:19:18 Fine. This is your fault. We could have had time for Cinnabon, but you refused to pay for valet parking. For a Muslim, you act like a real fucking Jew sometimes. I'm not even talking to you anymore. Whatever, man. Hey, wouldn't it be funny?
Starting point is 00:19:35 Oh, my God. Shut up, shut up. Wouldn't it be funny if we just turned around and went to Disney World? We just landed in the parking lot and walked up to the ticket booth like, Two, please. That'd be hilarious. Just Muhammad and Waleed eating churros and just, you know, having a day. Allah Akbar!
Starting point is 00:19:49 What? Allah Akbar! Dang it, I missed a thing. All right, the Mean Boys are back. We have a very special round of our favorite game this week. It's time to play Witch of the Following. And the Mean Boys podcast has its very first guest. Jamar Neighbors is with us. Hey, guys.
Starting point is 00:20:13 What's going on? Hey, Jam Jam. What's going on? You're talking in a completely wrong part of the microphone. Oh. Oh. There it is. Which just really adds to the whole outsider art element of your... Jamar looks like he just saw fire for the first time.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Can I touch it? Is it food? I'm stealing this from the gods. Master can't find out about this. Why you got to take it then? Yeah. Yeah, Connor and no one else. We're going to go a lot worse places when we get the game started.
Starting point is 00:20:43 This game, I kind of explained it to you clumsily via text. Basically, it is three real things, one fake thing. You've got to tell me what the fake thing is. I've used your own tweets. I've read more of your thoughts than any person should ever do at a given stretch. I felt myself becoming more ignorant with each passing scroll. It's like the fucking Matrix when Trinity calls in and they just download a file called Ignorance and your eyes focus. I don't know Kung Fu.
Starting point is 00:21:10 The app that I was using to go to your old, old tweets, it only loads like 3,200. You have like 37,000 tweets. Really? Holy shit. These are only from like a year ago. I was kind of like, oh, I'm going to go back to like 2012. So some shit that he forgot. But you're just such a prolific fucking stereotype that there's just –
Starting point is 00:21:27 Well, you know, I just tried to do me as best as I could. All right. So let's – What app is that though? I don't even remember. I just looked up like view old tweets and clicked the first few things. What do you think is not a real Jamar tweet? A, you ever hit the blunt and then just all of a sudden understand natural selection?
Starting point is 00:21:48 B. A. My nigga, one time I fucked a girl through the booty flap on her PJs. B and 6 was tight. C. Stop acting like Kool-Aid wasn't the shit, though. Or D, ranch is the new milk, my nigga. First of all, I hate the confidence Connor has when he says my nigga. Say it with a little
Starting point is 00:22:16 waver in your voice like I do, goddammit. Explain what you've prepared. Some of your tweets use the n-word, and I'm not gonna say that. It's my place to decide if I can say it or not. I prepared a special N-word button. Okay. Niggas. Niggas.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Fuck you. Jamar, it was unbelievably hard to find audio of you saying the N-word. I had to scour the internet for 12 seconds. That is hilarious. I literally loaded the first track off your first album, and it was there 15 times, and I cut this audio from it. Connor, you read Jamar's tweets like a documentarian reading like klu klux klan decrees there's no way to read them if you're if you don't have an eight foot gap in your teeth
Starting point is 00:22:56 and you're not delightful that's where the talent passes through okay are you we should drop in a track from Jamar's album So people can hear Yeah we'll do that right here Here's the penis And the scrotum That holds the testicles Or testes inside You all know what sperm is?
Starting point is 00:23:22 Yeah It's the guy's part of the, isn't it? That's right. But how does it get out from the testicles? But how does it get out from the testicles? I want to see it direct. I want to see it direct. It gets hard. The sperm can come out in what's called an ejaculation. Ejaculation. Ejaculation. Ejaculation. Ejaculation. Ladies, you ever had a train ran on you? Hmm?
Starting point is 00:24:01 Oh, you? I ain't going to make you feel bad about it, but that's crazy. You'll never want to make nobody feel bad if they had a train running around. Just be like, oh, you living? Yeah. Damn.
Starting point is 00:24:20 I remember I ran a train on a bitch. Damn, that shit was crazy, dude. I was doing it. I was getting some... I'm going to tell you, because I don't give a fuck. I was getting some head from the front, and my nigga was smashing from the back. That's just how it go.
Starting point is 00:24:36 That's what happened. I was getting some head from the front, and he was smashing from the back. And at a point, I was like, hey, I'm about to come on your face. I said it just like that. Like, my cum voice gets really dry and intense for some reason.
Starting point is 00:24:54 I'm about to come on your face. I pull it out. Bah! I was about to shoot that shit in her face and the bitch moved her hips. Hit the homie right in the belly button. Right in the belly button. Right in the belly button. He didn't even stop fucking. He was like, nigga!
Starting point is 00:25:15 Yo! Come on, man! Get this shit out my belly button! And I was like, hell no, nigga, that's gay. He was like, it's yours. Nigga, you're going to have to take a shower. Damn. Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:25:44 We're going to be getting trains right now. I'm probably going to put in the one about you running a train because that's my favorite. Yeah. Well, now, are you asking Jamar to name his own tweets? Yeah, no. I don't think he remembers. Oh, I have my guess. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Which one do you think is fake? What was the second one again? Amen, Nick. One time I fucked a girl through the booty flap on a PJ. That's the one. Being six was tight. That's what you're going to write for Jamar when he blows up and he has a crew of white writers just as reverse.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Oh, yeah. The white wrecking crew, dude. I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, I wouldn't say booty flap. That was my thought as well.
Starting point is 00:26:26 The fake tweet is booty flap. There it is. I was trying to think of how you would describe the bum flap on PJs. Is this your conception? Like little kids in the ghetto have old-timey PJs from Looney Tunes? That seems like the essence of Jamar is little kids in the ghetto having things they shouldn't, whether it's PJs or whatever.
Starting point is 00:26:46 I like guns and shit. I've never held a gun. But when you're like a kid. Yeah, yeah. Massively different context, I'm sure. Oh, because you were like hunting and shit. I'm guessing you weren't taking a hunter safety class when you first met him.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Nah, I was thinking a peanut let me hold his gun. a gang safety class all right peanut's gonna be your instructor today all right uh absolutely question two which of the thongs is not a real jamar tweet a a do you fuck off to chicks you've already fucked jay. Do. B. Pillows, bro. That's it. C. Man, I gotta fuck soon, bruh. Da boy dick out here on desert mode, man. Or D. Y'all think gay people call diarrhea they period, though. Well, D is a Fahim joke.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Oh, really? So who plagiarized first is, I guess, the question. Yeah, I for sure heard that. Did I say pillows, bro? I don't know, man. It's a game you got to play. Yeah, I know. I wouldn't say that last one.
Starting point is 00:27:54 It's the last one. I'm too conscious that it's Fahim's shit. Oh, fuck. Well, yeah, it's the last one. I heard you say that. I think on this podcast. Maybe. It sounded like something Jamar would say.
Starting point is 00:28:04 It's not the most original thought in the world, boys. We don't need to, you know. Guys, so far Jamar is unreplicatable. It's not the Rob. We already knew that he was a special meteor from comedy heaven. We were fucking touring testing your Jamar abilities and you're failing. Yeah, really. Number three, which of the following is not a real Jamar tweet?
Starting point is 00:28:22 A, Jay going to start using Lyft so he can tip these. Oh, yeah, that's right. Jay gonna start using Lyft so he can tip these. After he fart up, they Priuses. Shaking my head. B, no, I'm not going fuck her. I'm going to just chill and smell my butt and pretend like it's her sitting on my face until I fall asleep. C, Kazam just living in that
Starting point is 00:28:46 lamp all red and free and shit. D. I got a new respect for my toilet. Just swallowed a 13 inch churn like this is what I do, bro. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got a right-controlled lamp? In a way for an old genie to die That got in there Jake gonna start using lift So he can tip these niggas After he fired it Nah I'm not gonna fuck her
Starting point is 00:29:41 I'ma just chill and smell my butt And pretend Nah, I'm not going to fuck her. I'm going to just chill and smell my butt and pretend. Is it A? Is that not my tweet? I'm going to say B. Joe? I'm going to say B as well. A is not Jamar's tweet.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Yeah. You have way more memory. Here's the thing. I feel like you have never had a thought and not tweeted it. I feel like there's nothing in your draft where you're like is that too fucked up I gotta take a picture
Starting point is 00:30:08 of someone else I forgot that we're gonna hear that in the OR later alright hey man you guys ever smell your butt and just pretend
Starting point is 00:30:19 someone's sitting there oh no just me okay number four which is the following is not a real Jamar tweet A did we ever get to the bottom of why food is so good No, just me? Okay. Number four. Which is the phone is not a real Jamar tweet. A. Did we ever get to the bottom of why food is so good, though?
Starting point is 00:30:32 B. Jay trying to take some tap dancing classes on the low. C. That jack-off session was stupid poppin'. Jay still got it. Muscle emoji. Or D. Question. Why is root beer so good?
Starting point is 00:30:50 Oh my goodness. I'm going to say the root beer one. Jamar? Nah, A is A. I would have guessed C. That sounds like Connor trying to pretend he's black. The fake tweet is B, Jay trying to take some tap time. What?
Starting point is 00:31:09 I feel like I've said that before. I mean, maybe I just – That's how good he is. I swear to God. Because I have been trying to take some tap time. No, no, no. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Oh, God. That's crazy. I was like, yeah, I'll probably tweet that. No, you just see something, and then you forget about it for eight hours, and you're like, yeah, Jay's trying to make an apple pie on the low. Jay's trying to learn how to make these cinnamon fucking nuts. Oh, man, I love this. Oh, mercy.
Starting point is 00:31:41 The last question is always all real or all fake. So these are all your tweets are all fake tweets. Number five. One time I pooted during a blowjob, my nig, but I still finished him off the winky face. B. Cats be fucking main. C. Relationships be about compromise. I just made this white bitch a salad in my Tim's. Or D. You got to fill out forms to be transgender,
Starting point is 00:32:07 or can Jay just start rocking a skirt whenever? Holy shit. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, man. Damn, I wish those were real. You just...
Starting point is 00:32:31 Oh, you think they're fake? Oh, those are all... That last one's really funny, so I don't think Connor wrote it. You gotta fill out forms to be trained. Nah, nah, those are all fake. They're all fake, guys. Oh, man. Damn, Smart. You're a lot better than this kid. And let me get that last one. Those are all fake. They're all fake, guys. Oh, man. Damn, Jamar.
Starting point is 00:32:45 You're a lot better than this. Let me get that last one. That shit is hilarious. Tweet it right now. Tweet it right now. Can I run your Twitter for a day and just not tell anybody? Actually, would you? I would, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:57 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. You can run my shit for a day. I'll get my back when this crisis is over. I'm going gonna call it Aima Nignataro yeah let's do that Jabbar alright I'm with it
Starting point is 00:33:16 alright I think that's the podcast for this week hey man thank you for being the first guest on Aima appreciate it man oh plug the album where can they find it
Starting point is 00:33:24 it's called America's... Nigga. Yeah, it's called America's Nigga KKK AS. Yeah, like Ice Cube's first album. Never mind, don't plug me. It's on Verbal Violence
Starting point is 00:33:40 slash TV. Dot TV. That's how web addresses work, Jamar. Oh, it's also on SoundCloud, too. Yeah, it's on SoundCloud. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Cool. Yeah, Keith's recording his album March 19th in Ventura. No, where are you doing that? HypnoComics in Ventura. Oh, go.
Starting point is 00:33:54 Yeah, it's going for a slot. I'm going to be in Vegas all week at Planet Hollywood at the V Theater. Do you want to come see me, Joe?
Starting point is 00:34:01 I don't have any plugs. Okay. Yeah, I think that's it. Leave us a review on SoundCloud. Listen to Jamar's album. It's really, we don't like to be nice boys on a new voice podcast. So you don't want to leave see me, Joe? I don't have any plugs. Okay. Yeah, I think that's it. Leave us a review on SoundCloud. Listen to Jamar's album. It's really good.
Starting point is 00:34:07 We don't like to be nice boys on the New Boys Podcast. So you don't leave no butt plugs? No, nothing? Huh? Hey! Straight ignorance. And here's the thing. I remember I took my butt plug when I went on the road, and I forgot I had my backpack,
Starting point is 00:34:20 so I was just carrying it around town, running my errands and shit. Well, I don't know. I don't, you know. Just in your butt? Not in my butt. I imagine you having a bowling ball case. You know? No, it's like, you know when you see a sniper in a movie?
Starting point is 00:34:36 They have their rifle in several parts. You just open up a titanium case and do a card fall. Do you screw it together? You gotta put the silencer on it and shit. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. You niggas are mean. That's the opening
Starting point is 00:34:54 of every episode. That's for sure. Oh, yeah. Jamar's going to be in the new movie Key and Peel Open My Asshole. It's called Keanu or something, right? Keanu or something. It's called Keanu or something, right?
Starting point is 00:35:06 Keanu or something. Yeah, it's called Keanu. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's the podcast. Thanks, everybody. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:12 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:13 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:14 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:14 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

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