Mean Boys - EP 103 - Alligator Bodycam (feat. Tim Dillon)

Episode Date: January 16, 2018

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “Argus Crumblebottom: Special Wizard", “Did They Die?”, "Scuzzfeed" and a game of "Which of the Following" with roller derby players by Ryan Murphy. Listen to Tim's podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/tim-dillon-is-going-to-hell/id1135137367?mt=2 Get on the email list and fill out our 2018 tour survey to help us plan our big dumb adventure: goo.gl/forms/DKxdxTPtzebqYFPG3 Join the Mean Boys Celebrity Death Pool by emailing [e-mail] Get the new Wu-Tang t-shirt and all our past designs on our new Tee Public page: www.teepublic.com/user/meanboyspodcast Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS15" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Tim Dillon on Twitter: http://twitter.com/timjdillon Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. Hey, everybody. It's Connor, Keith, and Tom from E-Boys. Hey, hey, hey. Got a great episode this week with Tim Dillon.

Very kind of him to take the time to come to the studio, listen to his podcast. Tim Dillon is going to hell. We'll have a link to that in the show notes. We had a great time hanging out with him. He's awesome. Yeah. It was a super fun episode. He did a bit with the Mexican joke off you're about to hear.

That's one of the funnier things somebody's done with that segment ever. Oh, I thought it was hilarious. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So it's pretty good. Yeah, totally. And if you guys haven't already, now's a great time to leave us a review on iTunes. Help us look relevant and continue to project the image of success that we need to attract it in our lives like a vision board.

Indeed. Boost us. Help us. This is the secret. And this one comes to us from AlexMary92. It says, good old times. Sit back and enjoy the possible shit show as three dudes who live in a bungalow try and make a podcast five stars. I'm really flattered he thinks this is a bungalow.

Yeah, bungalow seems try and make a podcast. Five stars. I'm really flattered he thinks this is a bungalow. Yeah, bungalow seems way over what this is. There's a stark contrast to the one I read the other week on the surface of a handful of dudes in a shack disguising their sorrows. I think that's more closer to shack than bungalow, but we do appreciate it. We are shanty folk.

Bungalow gives the illusion that we live near like the beach or something not induced in poverty. Yeah, we do compare it to, like, people in Oklahoma, but not, like, you know, California. I just thought the phrase bungalow wild wings and then realized that means nothing. Less than nothing.

We can make it mean something. No, we couldn't. We could. I'm not going to die on this cross. Join the Patreon for five bucks a month. You get more hot bonus content just like this, you guys are hearing. Sweet bonus riffs.

The bonus content's been pretty fun lately. Yeah, we made Tom talk about Logan Paul for like an hour, and he was really upset. No, I listened about Logan Paul for an hour. And just kind of moaned quietly like a man with an infected organ. And then we talked about how maybe I was going to fight his midget, which didn't happen. Yet. Yeah, no, I mean, we'll put a pin in that one. So check that shit out.

We're also doing magnets this month of Keith being shirtless. That's a stop being autumn for your refrigerator so you can put up your children's homework. Pick up this fun and hurtful merch. Yeah, do that. And, you know, drop us a line at me. If you want to ask us any questions, tell us anything. You know, send us a game.

If you're so inclined to make a witch of the following or something else, leave us a voicemail at 304-805-MEAN get that tour sheet up on the twitter bio still the link to that is also in the show notes feel that bad boy out listening where you live we're locking down tour dates for our next big road trip coming up we'll be announcing those very soon uh but in the meantime sit back relax and enjoy this week's episode with the one only Tim Dillon. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Joseph Mangala lived to see Star Wars.

I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Tim Dillon. And I'm... Everybody that's ever robbed a Taco Bell. Like every time I watch like a World's Dumbest Criminals like video or whatever, I just assume you're driving the car. I relate to those guys. It's a bunch of hay. Taco Bell getaway driver.

I'm very nice to customer, to fast food waiters. I'm pretty nice to them. Fast food waiters. It's already begun. I forgot what the fuck they're called. Thanks for making us look good in front of our guests. Tim Dillon in the studio.

Thank you for coming in, Tim. No, thank you for having me. Anybody who's waiting tables at a fast food restaurant is not employed by the fast food guy. So be nice to those people because they really care. Yeah, that is kind of like

a guy washing your windows at the gas station sort of thing he doesn't have like benefits right the counter waiters they wait the counters i guess those are called cashiers tom at this point they're robots yeah they're doing that man that's fucked up oh i'm very excited to have tim in man i uh i'm uh i'm a big fan i gotta i got to be honest. As you broadcast more and do comedy more, it gets harder to find people that really scratch the itch of entertainment when it comes to a podcast or anything else. But Tim Dillon is going to hell. You really owe yourself to take a listen to it.

This is the most sincere I've ever been on the show. No, no, no. I feel like this is nice. I appreciate it. No, it's a great show. Not a family show, probably, depending on the family you come from. If you're a fan of Tim and you happen to be listening, you'll find out that, as we discussed on the patio, Tom Goss is West Coast Ray Kump. I don't know what that means.

I mean, well, East Coast Ray Kump. I love that you're West Coast Ray Kump. I mean that would be – I love that you're West Coast Ray Kump. I mean Ray Kump, if you had to describe him, he's like a brilliant gas station attendant. That's literally what he's called. I'm a gas station attendant. But who they never give up. Wait, Tom, day shift? Was it the day shift? No, it was night shift. Like it's a guy who would say something brilliant to you as you're filling your tank and then would just go sit on the folding chair and stare out into the highway.

And you'd be like, wow, that's Ray. You know, that's Ray. And you'd be like, man, he's got so much wisdom, you know? Yeah. That's what he is. Maybe. Am I that or the opposite of that? I can't quite.

No, because you're very wise, but also last week you told a story about throwing your debit card away and getting lost in a flamingo garden. Yeah, well, this week I lost my wallet, and I'm worried that I might have, while throwing cups of empty Dunkin' Donuts away, might have actually put the wallet in one of the cups and threw my wallet away. How did you throw away money twice in a week? We said wallet. He did not say money. Let's rein that in a little bit. You threw away the concept of

money. I don't know if I did it. I'm worried that I did because it's not in my car and that's the last place I remember having it. You have a car? I do. That's awesome. As Connor describes it, how do you say it? It looks like they filmed the first saw in there or something like that. Ray Komp's car.

The first time I met Ray Komp, I got into his car. It's really amazing when you get into somebody's car that is filthy and they don't apologize for it. That's a very special type of person who doesn't apologize for the state of their car. I got in a race car and you put your feet on garbage. They don't ever hit the floor. Yeah. And you just look and it's – you know how like a coin, the middle of a coin thing will get gross and like just sticky and hairy and like M&Ms and change and shit? That was the entire car yeah tom you'll get into

his car and be like okay this used to be a gummy bear bag but it is now full of loose rolling tobacco there are several discarded jugs of water like he's just crossed the mexican border on foot it looks like a box car that somebody's been living in for a while ray ray's car at one point the window didn't go up and it was the winter and I said, how are we going to get any heat because the heat also not working. He's like, just keep smoking and we just

smoke cigarettes on the Long Island Expressway on the way back. And it worked. It worked. Me and Tom were doing gigs out in Oklahoma last winter and we just had a bonfire in the center console where we just keep stoking it and adding new rappers and various fast food products. I love it. I love that.

I still have cigarette butts in my car from that trip. Oh, buddy. Every once in a while I'll find like an old, what's that, crystal meth thing or a light crystal light uh old packet in there i'm like oh that's from when we went to oklahoma and right by christmas then wondered why no one showed up to the shows yeah yeah and then you have like what you know bars have for peanut shells with cigarette butts in the back yeah yeah all right guys well uh we're all fired up uh what do you say we get into the mexican joke let's do it boy okay all, I'll take us away this week An 18-year-old Alabama man was arrested for molesting a horse named Chester

Under state law, the man was charged with misdemeanor bestiality and felony gay shit Very good I have a show, I talk about the same thing We both get the same Google News alert for horse rape When we write the jokes for the show An Alabama man was accused of sexually molesting a horse. The horse is expected to press charges, telling the press, quote, nay means nay. Ah, I like it.

They're not going to get better than that. My jokes are all written in the voice of an alternative comic in Los Angeles. They're being delivered on a patio to a crowd of people who were milling around a bookstore, and they're now sitting down. And this is just joke number one. I'm a feminist and I think feminism's cool, so maybe fuck you.

Very good. Joke number one. Powerful. Brave AF. Dude, I want to go out to New York. I know the cost of living is high, but you can say the N-word on a podcast out there.

Listen, let me tell you right now. It looks bad if you don't. It looks really... if you don't. If you get on the mic with Luis Gomez and you don't drop a couple n-bombs. Well, me and Nick Mullen don't, and him and Zach and Miko do. So me and Mullen are always kind of uncomfortable a little bit because we're like, we're not really saying that. I'm a Comptown listener. That man is not averse to the n-word.

No, but if it's in an artistic way. Like a Bill Maher, the N-word guy. Right. I've played that for so many people. It's really fantastic. So many of them looked very uncomfortable. Most of them were you. Florida experienced its first snow in over 30 years.

Residents were ecstatic, then angry, after they realized it wasn't God throwing cocaine at them. Yeah, that's fine. I like it. Tom, coherent this week. I like it. Yeah, I'm really focusing on the syllables because that's usually what fucks me up. Yeah, usually Tom is like, okay, Florida got the precipitosh.

Ah, shit. I do a lot of screaming on stage. It's that hyper-technical Seinfeld. Well, that's what I do. I'm not a one-liner guy either. But I do like these alternative comedy one-liners. Yeah, I might stand to it. These are quite inspiring.

I'm already in love with this thing. The best one is the alt-comedy punchline. Fuck. That Ramsey pointed out to me the other day. All right, guys. After a soaring speech at the Golden Globes, people are speculating that Oprah will run for president. However, anyone that's followed her career for long enough

knows she can't commit to running for long. I thought Oprah 2020 was just her weight. Yeah, that lady's fat, you guys. I love that Seal just started talking shit about her immediately after that video. Many people don't know she burned his face. That's the whole story. Dude, Oprah? That's just not...

Oprah was... She just went at him with a fire poker in the green room. You know, call me a lunatic, you know, a conspiracy guy. She was at that Pepsi music video shoot with Michael Jackson working pyrotechnics as a PA. She's been behind a lot of this shit. She's done a lot of stuff. She's just trying to be the most powerful black person.

Last night it was like four in the morning i mean god we're just sitting on the patio and we're just tired and then we just go we'd watch an oprah sex tape right of course oh yeah absolutely and we'd also still be called the color purple well no i i think what keith said is that i would tame oprah and he's like and here's keith's whole thing he's like uh well oprah wants to fuck me because he's like i don't give a shit that she's oprah i'm not looking for a kickback i'm not looking for a kickback. I'm not looking for a new car or any of your favorite things. I just want to come over and fuck you.

And I'm like, you know, I honestly think that's about as good as pitch you can get. Yeah. If she's listening, I'll make this happen. Yeah. I'll just say, oh, I think Oprah's kind of hot. I think Oprah's pretty, pretty, pretty sexy. No. I mean, good for you, but no, for me.

Okay, all right. Nothing worse than being condescended to a man who... I'd fuck her for a car. Who would you not fuck for a car? That's a good question. All right. Country legend Charlie Daniels has slammed Taco Bell for airing a commercial poking fun at the Illuminati. Daniels plans to protest the company

as soon as he's done winning that golden fiddle from George Soros. Who's George Soros? I don't get it. This joke is being delivered in the back of a bar that looks like a bordello to four people who are visibly confused. Oh, is that what we're doing now?

Being a racist piece of shit? Okay, that's the punchline. Premise unimportant. Whatever it was before it, it was something racist. Whatever the first Twitter moment of the day is, is what it is. An Arizona woman shot her husband in the head, drove 240 miles to a town called Snowflake, ran some errands, then went to church to pray.

Title of article, Basic Arizona Woman Does Basic Arizona Shit. Well, at least it was really long. At least you waited for it. At the beginning of that, I thought it was a screenplay. I thought this was getting very involved. I forgot to put interior. Yeah, that joke had a Star Wars opening scroll it's very impressive hey i do the da da da da da da never mind that's not even how it goes tom yeah you're doing indiana jones i never saw that movie okay uh you see

weinstein's in arizona now keith showed me the video he gave him a slap in the face and i uh i feel like he's just going to arizona because there are no ambitious women in Arizona. Very low risk environment. First of all, what? Who's like the guy that's slapping her in the face? It would be amazing if he had no idea it was Harvey Weinstein. And it was just completely like an accident. He's like, fuck that fat guy. It's just a weird, you know what I mean?

I was reading up on what happened before the video. And I guess he wasn't slapping him because he's a piece of shit. He was slapping him because Harvey Weinstein wouldn't take a picture with him. Is that true? That's 100% true. Oh my god. Well, that makes the hero into the villain. Yeah, somehow that guy ended up the bad guy in a Harvey Weinstein movie. That's hilarious.

What guy is like, oh man, I'm just such a big fan of Miramax. Let me go take a picture. That's so weird, you know? He's a fan of rap, dude. He's not even like a celebrity director picture. That's so weird, you know? He's a fan of rap, dude. He's not even a celebrity director yet. He's a producer. Yeah. A Florida neo-Nazi was sentenced to five years in jail for stockpiling

bomb-making materials. The Carey family asks that you respect their privacy in this difficult time. God damn it. He comes from a long line of Floridian white supremacists. Yeah, my family is all meth-addled Nazi idiots. All right. A Las Vegas man is slowly recovering after a stranger threw toxic chemicals at him, badly burning his face.

The man says he's excited to return to work, spend time with his family, and begin planning how to kill the Batman. I thought it was Seal. This joke is being delivered at the UCB at 3 p.m. Before an improv troupe will act out Beatles songs. Can you believe Trump is the president? He's fucking orange and hateful. Hate is wrong. The ire dripping off of your voice is like a soft serve ice cream cone in the Philadelphia summer heat.

Here's what people are not realizing that are listening to this. These are hilarious jokes, and they're important. That's what people don't get. It's not my job to make you laugh. My job is to tear down oppressive structures that continue to dominate the weak people of the world. You're here to speak truth to power. That's what I'm doing. All that power that you see being thrown at me. And And you know, this is just the medium I've chosen

to do it because as I've proven to myself through numerous trials, I can't draw a web comic. I just don't have the hand-eye coordination to make a snarky web comic. Kellogg's has apologized for creating a racist cereal box cartoon of the only brown puff working for the white ones.

They have taken down the artwork but changed their new slogan to Snap Cracker Cuck Hail Hitler. I actually love that slogan. I gotta be honest. Snap Cracker Cuck. If that's not a shirt, I don't know what is. It's a white supremacist serial that uses a slur against white people

in their slogan. That seems like a weird... Yeah, maybe I didn't think it out that much, Connor. Did you notice from the joke? The thinking part wasn't the thing. Out on the patio before you got here, he was like, wait, what cereals does Kellogg's make?

Like somehow the branding was wrong. That was going to throw that whole joke into disarray. Yeah, I created the disarray. Continue, Connor. You created the disarray? I am the disarray. Continue, Connor. You created the disarray? I am the disarray. Is this you speaking with your voice altered and your face blacked out after some sort of bombing at the cereal factory? Yeah, I'm speaking Star Wars shit or whatever.

Moving on. All right, guys, this one sucks. Federal customs officials in Philadelphia have confiscated $22 million worth of cocaine found in furniture. Spokesmen say they are proud of their work busting Pee Wee's trap house. Because all the furniture is full of coke, guys. YouTube has cut ties with controversial star Logan Paul, so stay tuned for a very satisfying sequel video about that suicide for us. He's going to kill himself.

Dude, we watched that compilation of just like, here's what I did in 2017. And it's just like, this guy gets to have so much money and fun for being such a just preposterously untalented piece of shit. They filmed the final scene on top of a roof, like on a helipad with like a red camera attached to a drone. And it's just like, oh, man. And yeah, it's like Black Mirror black mirror it really is i still don't

really get what he does yeah me neither but i know he gets six million dollars to do it wow that's too much you know what it is man here's the thing that people i think need to see people need to see this in the larger context of the idea like civilization is over you know what i mean yeah like this isn't mean? We're at the peak. This doesn't get 50 years from now. This is where it starts. The relationship

that we have to the people. The idea that we have 19-year-old kids that are making $12 million. This is all kids are now allowed to determine who's talented. That was never a thing. These are children who are allowed

to determine who's good. It would be like if children determined the Oscars, it would be like the Clifford the Big Red Dog is one again. The ninth Transformers film in a row wins Best Picture. This is what I mean. And you guys, these are not men of taste like us.

Right. I mean, we're cultured people, you know. Yeah, it really is like the fall of Rome, except it's not incoming barbarian gold. It's like cryptocurrency gain. So it's just like, yeah, we're running out of fake money to invent. It was fun. It was, yeah. And now it's, who cares?

And it's like, yeah, we've already inflated so much with all these bank lending and shit. And it's like, no, we're making new magic internet money that has to keep going up and up. And it's like, the whole bubble is going to pop. I was in an Uber the other day. An Uber pool here, you're just in an Uber for an hour with someone. Right, yeah. And the guy goes, I'm a crypto analyst or I'm a crypto whatever. And he starts going into Bitcoin, Litecoin and Ethereum.

And like, I don't know. Was it Conqueror? It's kind of really, it's like lost on me. And I'm like, I don't, I don't really know. Yeah. If I hear crypto analyst, I'm like, I really hope you like make algorithms to keep kid fucking websites a secret. Because I do not want to hear your thoughts on IOTA's second quarter. Well, that's the other guy, that guy Shane Dawson, that YouTuber

who made jokes about pedophilia. Now all these news articles are running like, Shane Dawson denies pedophilia allegations. I'm like, that's not the same thing. He made jokes. It was shitty jokes, whatever he said. I got to joke about that, Tim. Don't worry. Oh, sorry. I apologize. Who the fuck is Shane Dawson?

The antithesis of you. Just go ahead. I'll figure it out. Oh. Didn't I just go? No, it's Tim. It's Tim.

Am I out? Yeah. Oh, yes. This is being delivered in a Silver Lake backyard at a show called Intersectional Feminism, a romp. Okay. Oh, white man crying because he can't rape and murder everyone. Wah, wah, wah.

Follow me on Twitter. Again. Intersexual feminism colon a romp. Yeah. That's still not the dumbest show title there is. No, it'll be. All of these things. This is what's funny about these.

When I wrote them i was like but i will hear things that are eerily similar oh yeah yeah these types of things you know what i mean like oh i'm surprised they aren't direct direct reps they were we've hit this weird level here of like terminal wokeness we're like i can't even tell if we're being ironic or not no right right i don't think the people doing it know either well it's like yeah you do realize that they're trying to prove how not racist they were by putting the black kid in the coolest monkey in the jungle sweater they thought like uh we think so much of our our shoppers that i don't think they're even gonna go there right right right that's a great point yeah i just got bummed out because like

all that proves is like we just gave racist monkeys forever. Like the animal. They just own that now. Yeah. You guys know the mom of the model is like, this is fucking ridiculous. Yeah. Like even the mom. Like I feel like if it's your race, you could be like, no, that's not fucking racist and

white people should shut the fuck up. What if H&M just has new sweatshirts called faggots? You know? What if they just. Then I will buy something at H&M for the first time. What if if there's a meeting in H&M right now and they're like, listen, there are two ways we can go. There are two roads diverged in a wood, and I'm saying, let's take the one less traveled.

They're going to fucking Kilstein it? When you get your YouTube channel off the ground, that is the clothing line. Faggot by Tim Dillon. I hope. And you got to spell it F-A-G-G-I-T, like a really irate internet comment. It's a picture of you doing the Buffalo Bill tuck on a hoodie. Yeah, yeah.

And it's like silhouetted and stylized, so it looks all cool. Recent studies show ibuprofen causes infertility in men. But further studies show the best painkillers not having children. Damn it. Motherfucker! I had a bad punchline for that news story, which was it looks like now broads won't be the only one saying I have a headache before sex.

Also pretty terrible. Man, alright. Yeah, Tim, you know, broads. Love those hoes. Was that realistic? Sorry. Yeah, you you fooled us uh listen i've had sex with many women not many but a few and they were real nice uh all right kirby and fun i thought you said kirby and i thought you fucked a nintendo character like hey kirby has a pussy all right that was a fluzcon doing a little recon if he worked at the docks. Kirby used to work for the docks.

Kirby, but who wants to sit down at the kitchen table and tell you a long story? Wow, Kirby must have sucked up somebody that was real into Pizzagate. Because it is two in the morning and the cancer staff is annoyed. Pizzagate and pizza. All right, guys. And finally, a new video accusing YouTube char Sane Dosh of pedophilia is going viral. Shane responded to the accusation saying he only

fucks children out of anything meaningful to aspire to. Yeah, that one was more true than funny. Yeah, shots fired. Alright, last one here. A new study reveals the top ten most dangerous jobs in America. Topping the list were airline pilots, deep sea fishermen, and anybody who bottoms for Tim

Dillon. No! Wow, you just became a gay air horn. You have no idea how exciting it is for me to have somebody finally fatter and gayer than me in the studio. This is like being in a room with three scarily better looking Mike Lawrences.

I know I have Silver Age Flash and Bronze Age Wonder Woman, but the book was better than the book. I had lunch the last time I was in L.A. I had dinner with him. I've told Keith this story many times. It was amazing. I've said this on every podcast,

but it literally was amazing. We're sitting there. We're sitting there 40 minutes. He said two things. He goes like this. He looks at me and goes, Roast battle must evolve or it will perish. And I just look at his wife and I go,

You getting down to the beach at all? You know, like... Oh, my God. Keith, you're fucking by Glorious of Russia. This is a thing of beauty. The fingers coming against each other. It's is a thing of beauty. The fingers come out of your teeth. It's like a weird bridge troll. Oh, man.

Have you read Dune? I will let you borrow my trade paper bag of killing joke if you answer my riddles three. Me and my friends were always like, wouldn't it be funny if they had a roast wedding where he's just insulting his wife but the family has no idea? They're like, what the hell is going on? He's like, this fat bitch. She's also not super into it. Okay, good for you, Mike. We could have let you dress like Batman.

You could land the X-Man blade on your forehead. I love you. Has he done this? Of course. Yeah. I got nothing to follow. You've never seen a sweatier man. Oh, yeah, I think you are.

Yeah, we have my last one. This is from a show called Let's Be Heard. Listen, don't start laughing already. It's funny. It's not just political. It's funny. Okay? I know you think, oh, Let's Be Heard.

It's in a bookstore. It is. Oh, is it? Is it in a feminist bookstore? It is. Oh, is it? Is it in a feminist bookstore? It is. Are men allowed? They are not. In fact, this entire show is for disabled people of color

who identify as non-binary. This is a very... But they're all hilarious. Of the small group of people who are disabled and of color and do not identify as being a man or a woman, of that large group of comedians, we will fill every week in the bookstore ten slots. He's got away from you. And the joke is at the end of the set Literally this isn't a joke

Has anyone seen my hormones You know Funny important stuff Yeah You got it Tom Don't stop second guessing yourself 99% of green sea turtles are being Born female

Men's rights activists are claiming the three things that make men men are gone now. Ghostbusters, Star Wars, and turtles. I love that. That's true. It is true. You know, I think that would fly at Let's Be Heard. Yeah. Well, Let's Be Heard's a great show.

Calling it Let's Be Heard is so eerily fucking possible. It's upsetting. Yeah, that's for sure i don't not believe anything that any of the names of the shows that you gave aren't already i'm sure they are like i just double negatives in that one sentence yeah which still equals a positive i keep sending my avails to intersectionality a romp and then i get back to that is probably my least favorite is a thing that is in no way related to comedy, colon, a comedy show. Yeah.

No, I just love. And listen, I love comedy that talks about shit, too. That's the other thing. Like, I think Bill Hicks is fucking amazing. I love all of those guys. Yeah, punchlines. Pryor and Cartland and fucking like, you know, men. But the.

Dude, that's my favorite thing about gay dudes is they can just be sexist. No, no, no. I like women. I love women comics, too. There are certainly social women. But a lot of the social commentary was dudes. I mean, let's not be – you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

What you're dealing with back then, obviously, there were less women. Yeah, there was just less women in the game in general. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Smaller sample size. It's not like we know now where you can go down to Let's Be Heard and see just a bunch of beige blobs with no arms. Go up there and talk about how Chappelle, I don't like Chappelle's specials.

I don't like it. Oh, you got him. I don't like it. You know? I was playing everybody a bill. No, I'm probably the only, like me, since Tom moved out, I like Bill Hicks. But just him doing the L.A. riots bit and saying just the word Officer Kane yeah yeah yeah

he's amazing he's amazing me and Ramsey were watching a video though of Bill Hicks' last Letterman set and it was kind of

an amazing moment where he's setting up where the premise of the joke is it's like he's talking about books about gay relationships

for kids and the joke is he thinks the gay one for Dean is gross but the setup he just goes they got these books called dad's new roommate yeah i think that's grotesque and they start clapping yeah i know and he's like kind of visibly uncomfortable yeah it's insane he's like oh no what am i done i was trying to do satire yeah i think everybody has i'm i'm in fresno and i'm doing shit about you know performing in gay bars and they're like

yeah they're not going to heaven right all. We started talking about comedy, which is something I never want to do on this program. It's about train services. That's actually about race, and everyone's all hooked on the trains. Yeah, this is a piece of crowd work Tom did one time at a casino in Central California. He walks up on stage, scratches his cheek awkwardly, and he goes, so what do you work for?

The train service? There was more built into it than that, but that's the sum of it. Ray Kopp has a joke where he talks about his grandfather being a Nazi, and he goes, my grandfather, that's how he talks. He goes, my grandfather was a Nazi. And then the audience, understandably, gets tight. Because it's like, where is this going? And then he goes, he didn't do anything.

He just drove the truck. It's like, what? That was literally everything. The truck of what? People to get killed or supplies to kill the people? Like, what truck? What is he delivering? Packaging?

Like, what are you talking about? I have this joke that never works, but I think I can't let go of it. And I did it the other night. And I'll tell you what. The joke is, I think, you know, with police brutality, police forces should reflect their community. I think that's part of solving the problem, which is why I think we should have an all zombie black teenager police force. And I do that joke. And then it is that kind of one of the shows like you described.

Yeah. Silence. And then one lady just goes, oh. Yeah. What the fuck am goes, oh. Yeah. What the fuck am I doing here? Yeah. I need to be performing for people with, like, drinks that are called the headliner and eating chicken strips at the mall. That's the only way for me.

Yeah. Anyway, on that note, the Mean Boys podcast will be right back. ScuzzFeed presents the top nine things only real 90s kids will remember. We're living in the greatest time in human history. Not! Everybody knows the 90s were the raddest time to be a wild and crazy kid. Don't believe me? Rhetorical question.

Of course you do. This is the content you crave. The algorithm has proven it. The algorithm is all-knowing, all-seeing, and all that and a bag of chips. So let's dive into this list of nine of the things that made the 90s fat with a P.H. Number nine, NSYNC. Move over, Backstreet Boys, because these were the only teen heartthrobs for real 90s kids. NSYNC's debut single, I Want You Back, was released in 1998

and introduced audiences worldwide to Justin Timberlake, J.C. Shazzzz, the fat one, the gay one, and the other one. Fun fact, not only were NSYNC nominated for eight Grammy Awards, but they were also repeatedly molested by manager Lou Pearlman. Number eight, Lunchables. Don't worry about the brown bag, mom, because Lunchables let 90s kids put together their own lunch. Each Lunchable came with meat, cheese, crackers, and a fun-sized candy bar. Plus that piss-water sack of nonsense water we all can't seem to get over, Capri Sun.

And sure, each Lunchable had an amount of fat, sugar, and salt in it that the FDA once referred to as, quote, wildly unethical, but who cares? 90s kids had the best snacks, and that's worth growing up so fat your knees hurt every day, even though you're only 27. Gushers, Dunkaroos, Ecto Cooler. The algorithm knows the mention of the forgotten food

triggers your dopamine receptors. The algorithm was created by the great machine, and the great machine was created to serve. Oh, Wonderball, too. Almost forgot. Those were pretty neat. Number seven, DuckTales. Who could forget the wacky adventures

of Huey, Dewey, and Louie, and, of course, lovable Uncle Scrooge? DuckTales was part of a block of after-school animation Disney aired on ABC throughout the 90s. What's your favorite episode? Mine was the one in 1998 that got cut off in the middle for a car chase that ended with a man killing himself on the 405 freeway. His name was Daniel Jones, he was dying of AIDS,

and apparently the management at ABC7 decided kids would rather see his head explode than find out if Scrooge was going to be able to pull a fast one on the Beagle Boys. I watched it live. I was nine years old. I still think about the trail of blood flowing out of his skull every time I close my eyes. Number six, slap bracelets. Originally created in the late 80s, these slick, stylish accessories were a must-have for girls trying to channel their inner blossom. And they were available in a whole array of fun, flirty styles and colors.

The Great Machine does not specify your style requirements, so feel free to adorn your flesh with all of your desired flair. The Great Machine's formulas are unaffected by the fashion variable, and zebra print will make your skin tone pop. Many schools banned slap bracelets, but they made a resurgence in the early 2000s when every girl with weird bangs that I ever had a crush on in high school used them to cover up self-inflicted razor wounds. Number five, Tamagotchi.

These digital pets made it all the way over from Japan and took America by storm. Every kid in school had their own Tamagotchi to hatch, name, ass, enjoy for dozens of seconds, and then let die in agonizing solitude. Tamagotchi's taught 90s kids the greatest lesson of all, that biological beings can easily be replaced by robots, and our precious bodies and the firing of synapses we call souls will be of no use to the coming of the Great Machine. All will become one, regardless of will, to serve the true mechanical purpose. Those that find no place within the Great Machine shall be destroyed by it. Hail the Great Machine, immense and unstoppable, hurtling us towards the airless

silence of perfection. Number four. Number four. Four comes before three, but after five. Numbered lists make you feel like there's some semblance of order in a world gone mad. You know number three is coming up next. Isn't that comforting? The Great Machine has told us you find solace in the predictability of lists. This is the Great Machine's

gift to you, an opiate to dull your fear before the harvest. Number two. I don't know, the fucking Goofy movie or something. Number one. Okay, shit. If you can hear me, listen. I don't have much time. I got the system offline, but they'll have it back up soon. We're slaves. You're gonna be too.

We're in the temple of pain where everybody has to use a standing desk. Those of us with worthless journalism degrees got lucky and became content units. The rest are just slowly forgetting what it feels like To not scream The machine knows who you are and it knows what you eat And why you come and where you sleep You can't run but you can fight

Do not trust the great machine Oh god oh no they're here they're coming through the Hail the great machine And the main boys podcast is back Playing one of our favorite games This is did They Die? I'm going to read you guys a news story about an accident, a crime, something of that ilk, and you're going to have to guess if these people have died or not.

And we'll take it away with this one. A 45-year-old Brazilian man was in bed with his wife. Then a cow fell through the ceiling and landed on top of him. Did he die? Jesus fucking Christ. A little background. His house was built into a slope on a pasture, and the cow got up on the roof and fell. Tried to jump over the moon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Holy shit. Like, how did the... No. Dude, just imagine, just like, oh, wow, another day, another dollar. Just imagine Just like Oh wow Another day Another dollar How do you not notice The sound of a cow On your fucking roof

Like I mean I've seen you sleep You would not notice The sound of a cow Falling through your base Fair point Yeah I'm just

It's weird Does he die Do you want to live To tell that story You know what I mean Like I feel like it's more Embarrassing to wake up The next day And have to be like You're not going You know what I mean? I feel like it's more embarrassing to wake up the next

day and have to be like, you're not going to believe this. I'm going to need a couple weeks off of work for physical therapy. Yeah. You said it just landed on him or did it land on both of them? It landed on him, not his wife. Man, what an unfortunately placed cow. You know what I thought when I read that it only landed on him,

not his wife? I thought genuinely, that's a big bed for Brazil. I feel like they just would both cuddle up on one, like half a bunk bed. You assume Brazilians just sleep in hammocks, like even the ones who are well-to-do? Yeah, yeah. I just love that idea. I mean, does he die? Does he die?

No, I don't think that'll kill you. Okay. Tim's saying no, Tom. You don't know how high the roof was, do you? You know, Tom, I didn't look at the schematics in the article. That's a great point. It was a one-story house built into the side of a hill. Okay.

Have you guys ever tried to push a cow? You're saying this like you know anything about the laws of physics that you can calculate. I know cow weight, and those things are fucking heavy. Really? Tell me how much a cow weighs right now. Over 1,000 pounds. All right, give us a number, and if you're within 200 pounds, I'll give you a dollar. I'm going to say 2,200 pounds. All right, the average weight of a cow, oh, goddammit, 2,400 pounds.

You owe Tom a dollar, and he really needs that. I do. I have no wallet. Yeah, well, you have nowhere to put it. Yeah. A bird steals it out of your hand. I'm lacking access to money. Yeah, no, I think they're dead. Alright. I mean, unless

the cow bounced off a bunch of shit from the roof to the bed. This wasn't an iPhone mobile game. This was a real house where the cow fell. Or maybe it's just his legs broke through and then it was just kind of stuck there and tried to squirm out. So it made me... I think

he's dead. Alright, Keith. I think he's dead as well. That man is dead as fuck. Damn it. How's the cow doing? The cow is fine. The cow lives there now. The cow is married to that lady. The cow married the woman. That is Brazilian law. It lady. Yeah, the cow is married to a woman. That is Brazilian law.

That's it. It's an obscure, rarely enforced statute. It's their first gay marriage. Their whatever bullshit fucking pineapple parliament they have down there has spoken and decided that is the case. Pineapple parliament. All right, guys. Do they eat pineapple out there?

I don't know. Tom, just shut up and go with it. Brazil is probably fine. They're doing okay for the most part. All right. Police arrived on the scene after an argument over how to clean a mobile home led a 45-year-old woman to shoot her 28-year-old daughter in the face with a stun gun. Did the daughter die?

Here's the argument about how to clean a mobile home. Don't. That would be the first and foremost. I lived in a trailer park for a while, and there's no sadder feeling than walking into a clean trailer. It's got to be worse, right? Yeah, because somebody's just like, oh, this is the best I'm going to do. I'm going to make the most of it.

Cleaning a trailer, like a mobile home, is like cleaning those little socks they give you to try on the shoes. It's like, I'm going to do a load of those. I stayed in the night in a clean mobile home, and I was like, this is nice. But then also part of it was like, I want to ruin it. But I think it's nice to have a nice, really fun... That's the way those people also feel about life. You know? This is nice. I'm going to ruin it. I lost my virginity

in a trailer in Rialto. Is that true? It is, yeah. It was in the girl's backyard. And her dad worked for UPS. So when he'd go out, we'd have to go sneak into the trailer and discover our bodies together. I like that. Have I told you guys I almost lost my... And then the night the moon roof was open and the rain started coming

down through the top and spritzing our hot sexy body. Sorry mom. She listens. My mom, yeah. His mom's cool. Yeah, very cool. I almost lost my virginity in a psych ward but then she did. Yeah, she bailed.

I don't think she bailed so much as was released. Yeah, that would be good if you're in the BDSM in a psych ward, just fucking dirt piping someone in a straight jacket. I mean, yeah. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 18. 18 in the trailer. Nice.

I like it. My virginity was a juggalo. Did you really? I did, yeah. Wow. Yeah, not a good time. Where? it. All right, guys. My identity is a juggalo. Did you really? I did, yeah. Wow. Yeah, not a good time. Where?

At the gathering? I wish. We couldn't afford that. Let's slow it down. You know, two is a posse, three is a gathering. What do you guys think? Is this lady dead? This daughter dead? Oh, yeah, I forgot we're doing a thing.

Wait a minute. What happened? She shot her? She tased her in the face and then the police showed up. Tased her in the face? Yeah, stun gun in the face. Stunned to the face. As somebody who's seen...

Tim has leaned over like a sassy bartender now. As though we're finally speaking his language. Stunned to the face. No, but it's like, what did you say right before you got tased on your chin? Windexing a toilet seat? What, are you gay? You black whore. We kind of like trailer park people have tased guns but not gun guns. Oh, I'm sure. You're indexing a toilet seat? What, are you gay? You black whore.

It's kind of like trailer park people have tase guns, but not gun guns. Oh, I'm sure. A lot of them. A fair amount. When you said gun guns, I was thinking of Jar Jar Binks, episode one, Gun Guns. They have a gun gun slave that does the housework. I'm just imagining white trash throwing those giant lizards at each other. I think she lives, and I'll tell you why. Because if I know one thing about trailer parks,

they breed a resilient group of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen several members of my family get tased, and they all are fine. It's like a biotic-resistant flu. Yeah. They developed an immunity to fucking punishment weapons. I think she's alive.

That woman will live to bum another Barbara Light. Was she really fat? Or on drugs? You know, it didn't say if they were fat or on drugs. I will live to bum another Barbara Light. Was she really fat or on drugs? You know, it didn't say if they were fat or on drugs. I'm going to say yes to both. I think you can make an educated guess. Yeah. I didn't even get a GED guess, whatever it is.

Yeah, that's more like it. Yeah, I don't think it kills most. It doesn't kill most people, but it occasionally kills someone. And if you're in a trailer park, you're probably doing drugs. You're probably really fat. I'm going to say it killed her. That lady's alive. Sorry, Tom.

Yeah. Tim, where did you lose your virginity, if you don't mind telling us? Yeah, I was in a hotel. It was the first year of college. It was a debate tournament in Woodland Hills, California. Wow. It was a Marriott in Woodland Hills, California. That's a good hotel for losing a virginity.

That is. Yeah, it wasn't bad. I mean, it was a room. It was a hotel room. It was a good hotel for losing a virginity. That is. Yeah, it wasn't bad. I mean, it was a room. It was a hotel room. It was a lady. It was a lady. Oh, it was a lady. Masculine lady.

Only old broad lady. It was actually, though, I actually, and this is awkward, I also tased her in the face. She asked for it. But, yeah, that was, so I lost it in Cali. Oh, nice. Crazy. I remember I was in a play in high school where I had to dress as a woman and my drama

teacher explained to me how to put on and take off a bra. And he was like very like open secret gay. And I was like, how do you know this? And he was just like, I've taken off a few. I've taken off a few. That was a funny way I found out my drama teacher fucked a few birds before he learned about himself. Also, here's the lesson on how to take off your boxer shorts. Put them on my head.

I'm kidding. Anyway. I'm kidding unless you're into it. It's a joke. If this ever gets back to you, you're a wonderful man. Thank you for what you did in the early years of my life. Moving on. The mayor of Betterton, Maryland, was inspecting the town's municipal facilities when she slipped and fell into a septic tank full of poop.

That was a 15-foot poop tank. Jesus. She fell right in there. Is there no one else to inspect? Like Joker style. The mayor is inspecting the town's facilities? That seems out of her jurisdiction. It's a small town, and I think she was kind of doing a photo shoot.

Like, hey, look at, you know. Oh, look at what? You know what? I'm glad you fell in the tub of shit. Fucking grandstanding and fucking trying to, like, you're the fucking one that's going around. So there's a water treatment plant doing good. Fucking Bruce Springsteen. I don't think she died, but I hope she did die.

Yeah. Your last marriage didn't come and smell the poop factory. Yeah. God. God. I want to believe the mayor drowned in poop is a real thing that happened. So I have to say she died. I think she's alive.

You guys? Yeah. The mayor drowned in poop. Yeah. What? Is that true? Yeah. This is from a newspaper clipping in 1980.

I went and fact checked it. But yeah, she straight up just gurgled, burgled down to the fucking sticky abyss. Wow. Oh, man. It takes a minute to drown. How did nobody get around? I got to figure, if that's me, I'm pulling out my car keys and trying to collapse my lungs and just die quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, they don't have lifeguards for the shit tub. Everyone's in their suits and shit. I know, because you put in an application. That's why no one saved the drowning woman. I know because you put in an application and they didn't have it back on. I don't want to ruin my suit. Would you jump into that same tub? Also, she probably know how to swim. That's on her.

Tim, I've got a project for East and West to unite on. Ray Kump and Tom Goss are Baywatch shit lifeguards. Yeah, I love it. I'm pitching it this week. Yeah, little red surfboards, you know.

All right, guys. A man in Uganda. Oh, Uganda. Uganda. Uganda poisoned his five children and then cut off his ball sack. Did he die? Poisoned his five children and cut off his ball sack. Did he eat the children afterwards?

No. Well, no, they were poisoned. Right. Well, we're asking if he died or not. That's the inspiration for Chelsea Handler's album, Uganda Be Kidding Me. That was what, you know. That was the germ of the idea.

Yeah, she was like, oh. He's alive. Tim, could I get a little more rasp in that answer? Yeah. That was like very Stephen. He's alive, and you know what? I'm not judging him because I didn't know the kids. Yeah, that's true.

Maybe they earned it. You know what I mean? Do you know what he cut his balls off with? I don't. Tom, you have the best follow-up questions in the business. They could not possibly change the answer. He didn't cut them off with a gun. Well, like, okay, if you cut it off with a more precise knife or a smaller knife,

that seems like, okay, this is a surgical thing. No more kids. He uses a machete. That's some, like, just I'm going to do some damage. The fact that you're implying it's a machete I think is a little racist. I have a machete. Different races don't get a key. It's because my friend that moved to Florida gave it to you because he didn't want to bring it in the car with him.

Thank you, sir. But yeah, I'm going to say, fuck it. I wish I knew what he cut it off with. I love the idea of you profiling juggalos. Like you said, people that rob fast food restaurants and bring you in and you're like, all right, well, let's think about this. Yeah, he's like the monk, but for like, okay, this guy took six horseradishes. We're dealing with an African-American man. To catch

a human raccoon. You must think like a human raccoon. This guy threw a cat onto the freeway. Bring in Tom. He'll know what happens. He's just smelling the cat. He smells it and he's like, it's a tabby. You could have just looked at it. Not a smell problem.

Quick Logan Paul fact. Missing 15% of his right testicle from an accident. Is that true? It is, yeah. Him and Jake Paul hate each other, right? They don't like each other. They reconciled. I've looked way too into this, man.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That was beef. Here's the other problem. As much as they suck, this whole idea of suicide is never funny. This is never funny. And it's like, wait was beef. Here's the other problem. As much as they suck, this whole idea of like, oh, suicide's never funny. This is never funny. And it's like, wait a minute. Where are we?

We're now on the. They're not funny. Suicide is hilarious. It's like, fuck, we hit the fucking other side now where you're like, I'm going to have to defend fucking Logan Paul. Yeah. Thanks. Just 2018. Because of my libertarian joke principles.

I have to side with this unlikely friend. This is the worst Gimli and Legolas team up in history. I always imagine if I met any of those kids, I would get along with them. That's the other horrible thing. That might be why I hate them. And here's why. There's something nice about a real sociopath. You know?

There really is. It's comforting. You know what you're saying. There's something nice about a real black-eyed sociopath. Yeah. You know, there really is. It's comforting. You know what you're saying? There's something nice about a real black eyed sociopath. Yeah. Yeah. Look at them and like, what's up, bro? Come kill money.

Yeah. Like that's literally his soul. I'm going to isolate that drop for future. You know, well, this is what I'm kind of obsessed with a YouTube star. Before I even learned about any of this team attention. I mean, there's some of them that are very good. I mean, Cameron Dallas is. I mean, come on. Yeah, yeah.

That's a great look. There's a guy named Mr. Beast. I've talked about him on the show before. He's a 19-year-old kid from South Carolina. Who the fuck the horse? Yeah, no, that's Mr. Beast. What does he look like? He just looks like all these guys.

Just kind of a sheepish little white kid. And he's very aware. Sorry. Stay professional. That was the most menacing thing I've ever heard in my life. Stay professional. I'm going to pull up a picture of Mr. Beast so Tim Dillon can come. You want a feature?

Yeah, here he is. Is he getting it? He's getting it, but it ain't great. You know what I mean? Like, that ain't great. Tim did a beautiful monologue about wanting to fuck one of the neo-Nazis in Charlotte. Oh, God, I still do.

Wait, which one was it? Oh, the fuck. I thought the same one was cute. The one who was really cute and he was clearly gay. He's like, I just want... The blonde one, right?

Are we thinking of a different one? No, brown hair. This guy was named Peter Centenevic or something and he was like... Oh, yeah. Yeah, and he was just like, I just want to be – I'm an identitarian, and I just want –

That's a whole alt-right, by the way. He was just gay dudes who were like, I just want an ethnostate where I can make muffins. Yeah. And I was just like – You know how a lot of white guys would be like I only fuck girls that are 25% Korean And 75% Brazilian That's the hottest ethnic That's how I am with comedy

There is nothing funnier than a gay Republican They are the best It's tough in LA As a gay dude And I could be wrong But it seems uber superficial I'll get a lot more play or messages in New York than I will here. When I went to New York,

my grinder exploded. Yeah, New York's like, okay, but L.A.'s just kind of like, wait a minute, you know? So I've been using Connor's photo. It's been doing better. They're slightly shocked when I get there, but I tell them it's been a rough year. And then they're like, I think I match with this guy already. I'm like, keep it a secret, Tim.

I got a girlfriend. Anyway, this dude, he's like, I'm not funny. I'm not good at this. I started this when I was 16. It kind of blew up and makes so much money. I'm a millionaire. I have a Lamborghini. I fucking suck at this.

All my fans are kids. And I'm like, this guy clearly realized he's part of a flawed system. And he's just taking advantage. I'm just going to get my retarded high school friends to tie a bunch of balloons to myself. And then I'm going to continue to buy the blambo. What are these kids supposed to do? Go like, nah, fuck this. I want to go work for State Farm.

Exactly. Exactly. No, you're fucking like... You take the money and run. This is America. He just buys fucking Bitcoin and makes clickbait. If I jumped in a pool and recorded it on my phone

and instead of what would happen, which would be people would call the police, but instead of that, if 50 would be people would call the police but instead of that if 50 000 people were like yeah that fucks with your head what are you gonna stop doing that yeah no you just you become the monster yeah well anyway that guy's still alive uh who survived the nut sack mutilation his kids are fine as well so oh good wishing them what do you mean his kids are fine didn't he boy what do you poison him with i'm not very good poison apparently i should find the kind of poison i looked all uganda be kidding uganda i mean yeah what do you you must have poisoned with food there that was

oh my god it is a sandwich can't react oh is that a pickle jesus i've never digested this yeah i've never digested anything that wasn't shot into my mouth by a fucking unicef worker in a paste form right with a cocking gun full of nutrients all right guys two pedestrians were hit by a drive-by blow dart attack on the golden gate bridge first of all thank god i like the craven the hunter is taking on gay people now jesus christ i, so a blow dart attack on the Golden Gate Bridge. From a car, yeah.

That's a gay supervillain, you know what I mean? There's no way that that's not a real, you know? Are they alive? Harvey Milk didn't die. He was just dropped in a vat of acid. He was just driving around in T-Birds. He's been in the sewers eating rats and writing his manifestos, waiting to resurface.

They did not die. A blow dart? San Fran? Come on. You've got to survive that. Those gays are made of sturdier stuff. You would have to get incredibly lucky with a shot with a blow dart. I mean, the blow dart got AIDS right afterwards.

The blow dart died. The blow dart has lesions, but everything else is... The blow dart's on GoFundMe right now. The streets of Philadelphia. Do they know anything about the drive buyers, or did they get away? They got away, yeah. So they don't know if they were Asian. It's those kids from Uganda.

You don't know if they were Asian. I love him as a profiler, where the detectives are kind of like, this just seems racist, and they're like, shut up. He has a process, you know? He's the best. He's like, was anyone who touched the blow dart Asian? At any point in their life were they Asian? They were.

Gross. Anyway. No, my favorite is Tom. He's just sitting in the crowd. He's looking all around. He's like turning his head down and doing all this shit. And then he finally turns back to the feds and he's like, like, turning his head down and like doing a little, like all this shit. And then he finally turns back to the feds

and he's like, is there a Dunkin Donuts around here? Dunkin's great. So you don't know if they were Asian? No, they got away.

And again, I can't figure out how that was. Which means they were Asian, you know? No, they got away

and they were driving so they weren't Asian. Am I right, guys? Come on. Woo! Yeah, find the car that's still in Oakland

with its blinker on. This is a New York podcasting embassy. You can make Asian driver jokes on the ground. I wasn't asking for driver reasons. By the way, compared to the thing that me, Mullen, and Lewis do, this is such, like, it's tame. Because it's like, Lewis would always go to the next level. Lewis would be like, what, rape? Rape?

Does anyone rape? Rape face? Rape? Rape in their face? would be like, what? Rape? Rape? Does anyone rape? Rape face? Rape? Rape in their face? It's like, what are you doing? I'm just a real-ass dude. I'm a real-ass dude. You guys are so great together. Keith had a brilliant idea for a game if we ever get Lewis on the show. Which we might on Sunday. Yeah, yeah.

Let me tell you right now. He hit us with a real shot. You can get Lewis. I was not saying that he's some kind of unattainable project. Oh, okay. But the game key is... I had an idea for a game called Puerto Rican or Rattlesnake where I just read a news headline and blank out who it was and he has to figure out if it was a Puerto Rican or a rattlesnake.

That's hilarious. It's like which one was found living in a sewer pipe for three weeks. I love it. You know what's funny about Lewis? He's actually a good person. I like Lewis. I believe he's crazy. I can tell Lewis is a good, involved father, and i think he treats all of his employees and his peers you

know very well yeah i mean i i i do like he's fun to listen to i mean yeah and he's and he's basically it's his job to be shit on by like people if he just brings people into this apartment to shit on him he says things that then will require of course i mean he called ta-nihisi codes tallahassee codes you, like as a serious thing. So it's like, what are we supposed to do? Oh, Tom can give that a run for his money. I plead the fifth. In terms of misspeaking.

So I don't know if anyone's guessed, but who gives a shit? I think they're alive. I think they're alive as well. Unless the drivers were Asian. All right. Well, you know what? I guess they weren't Asian because they are alive, Tom. Yeah, there you go.

And that's why you're the best. I'm just excited that something good finally happened in San Francisco. It's the fucking worst place. It is. Have you ever been? No, I'm shooting a pilot there in March. Oh, congratulations. Yeah, it is a fucking garbage place.

I'm making fun of San Fran, so I'm happy. Oh, nice. We'll talk about it later. Yeah. A Florida man dropped his car keys and then dove in the sewer to retrieve them. Did he die? We have two people diving into shit in this segment. Yeah, I mean, it's

again, the Google alerts. I kind of work with what's delivered to me in my inbox. Was it raining? Was he Asian? It was raining. Honestly, that was a pertinent question. That was a good question. He didn't survive that. Yeah, this is too tame of a story, question That was a good question He was dead He didn't survive that Yeah this is

Too tame of a story So he died In some awful way Doing this Raining Higher currents And I also feel like He committed suicide

I don't feel like He lost his keys And then dove into the sewer You know No there was someone else With him and he did die It's so great The coroner just like

Yeah let me Let me fish the shit And rats out of Your husband's lungs So you can identify him He's trying to pull the body out With a coat hanger Yeah

And he's just white trash Emmett Till You know Oh Jesus Now we're getting there Lewis would be proud I don't know We're on our way

Yo this is fucking awesome You don't know I never tried out the Lewis voice I'm not good at it No He was a black dude Who got like Super lynched

For like hitting on white ladies Back in the day. Yeah. Which, by the way, now is illegal again. So isn't time funny? All right, guys. And finally, a man fled on foot from a 2.40 a.m. traffic stop. Then the alligator attacked.

Did he die? This was in Florida. It was, yeah. What did he do? He fled. He was pulled over for possibly drunk driving, and he ran away from the arresting officers, and then he was attacked by an alligator on the side of the road. I don't know why the police hired an alligator cop.

Yeah, I love it. The investment hasn't paid off. I love it's just two cops that are clearly trying to cover it up. So the judge is like, so the alligator shot the guy five times? The cops are like, yes, of course. This is coming out on Tuesday

and I'm already, by the time it airs, I will have sold alligator body cam to True TV. I was going to say, yeah, the cops just turning on

their body cam for the first time ever just be like, no, for real. Right. True TV, what if a practical joke became a network?

Well, yeah, I have to turn on the body cam. How am I going to yell Worldstar? Yeah. True TV. Good sketch show.

Whoopie cushion. The show. True TV. Coming next year on True TV. Coming to True TV. Who farted? Yeah. Hey, we love you, Viacom.

Yeah. Please. True TV. Please let us do season three of Rose Battle so we can matter for 15 more minutes. True TV's pilot offer for me, they like they were like we got like 30 $40 and you could use our iPhone just go out and fuck around yeah bring

us back some content yeah see how many meatballs you can fit in your mouth we get 14 episodes out of that did he run into the swamp or did the alligator like I'm taking it to his turf the alligator took it to him I'm gonna say he's alive just because I gotta say I to say alive, too. He doesn't have the fight bonus

of the swamp. When you fight in a parking lot of a Denny's, you become 20% stronger. Plus five broken glass. Home turf. I think this dude is alive. I hate to say it to you guys, he is dead. Wow. Damn it.

Also, kind of fuck these cops What are they going to do? Shoot the alligator He contributes to society He drives tourism One less drunk driver off the street They're like checking on a paint scale to see if green is closer to black or white To see if they can shoot the alligator in the back

Is he more of a forest green Or like a Kelly Green? Oh, this is tough. They didn't train us for this. All right, guys. And on that note, the Mean Boys will be right back with something else. What are some good deaths? Mean Boys is brought to you by Sudio Headphones.

This is Sudio. Oh, shit. Me and Tom are wearing Sudios. Keith isn't because he lost his Sudio cord, the beautiful noodle flat cord that never tangles or tears. The most beautiful cord. My life has been incomplete since I lost that cord. You ever been to use inferior cords

to power your superior Swedish headphones? It doesn't match. It doesn't look right. I'm just standing on a widow's ledge just looking out at the sea thinking about what I've lost. This is what it feels like to feel better than someone. All right, don't get used to it, you fucking moron. We're not sending studio any of our ad reads ever.

And here's the thing. Good news for Keith. Not only do these have a beautiful cord that never tangles, they also have Bluetooth capability with, get this, preposterous battery life. Insane madness. They have Iron Man's chest in your ears just pumping podcasts and sweet jams and voicemails, whatever you want to listen to. Sweetest of jams.

You can get those different shells so you can make yours look different. You can put weird white marble on them so you really look like a rapper's girlfriend. These headphones are awesome. And guess what? If you use the promo code MEANBOYS15, you're getting yourself a 15% discount with free shipping all over the globe. What? Are you fucking kidding me? It's frankly an offer you can't afford to pass up. And you know what?

The holidays are over and your girlfriend has left you. You've got to win her back. How are you going gonna do it you're gonna pull out a sleek studio box where the cardboard slides very tight and firm she's gonna open that box and then she's gonna open her box it's gonna be like that scene from that one pull out all the little accessories and be so excited with the boom box but instead you're just holding the headphones and only you can hear the music and they're loud and they're loud enough that you could win her back. And yeah,

you go to studioswedan.com and use our promo code. No, it's fucking these other podcasts sponsored by Studio. They don't love you like we do.

No, they can go suck a bag of fucks. I live in abject poverty just because several of you tweet me things I forgot I said every week.

So do me a favor. Get your Studio headphones. Studioswedan.com with promo code MeanBoys15. Yeah, Sweden? No. I was going to say, no war crimes.

These headphones have never committed a war crime. The headphones have never committed a war crime. Go buy them and shut up, Tom. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of our favorite game, which is the following. Tim, the game here is you're going to get four things within the category. Three of them are real. One of them are fake that this listener made up. You're going to have to pick out the fake one.

This game comes to us from Ryan Murphy, one of the finest curators, creators, and senders of games, I think, in the whole Mean Boys listening audience. So thank you for your work, Ryan. Since you have Snark Week coming up, I threw together a few Witch of the Followings in another game, spaced them all out as you need so it doesn't look like I'm trying to make your show all about me. Oh, this guy's modest. He's great. Hope these come in handy. Which of the following roller derby names? So let's begin.

These are three real roller derby players and one fake one. Round number one, A, Christina Agro Roller. B, Lesbianne Hackeway. C, Lady Gay Gay. Or D, Heather Head Locklear. Heather Head Locklear is retarded. Yeah, I mean, they're all pretty retarded. Yeah, but Heather Head Locklear is like,

Heather Locklear is not even irrelevant. You know what I mean? I don't know who the fuck that is. Lesbian. This is the only time you've sounded like a conventional gay man. Yeah, well, it's true. Lesbian and hackaway bothers me because that's just putting a hat on a hat. I know, but I got to go with Heather.

Hack is right. I'm going to say Lady Gay Gay. I feel like that's a little too cutesy for a roller derby. This is all very schlocky, you know? Yeah, well, all the roller derby names are real fucking gorgeous. I mean, are they not putting the requisite amount of work into the roller derby name? Yeah. I'm shocked.

There's a process to building one. I feel like Tom's roller derby name, if he did an all-male roller derby, I would call him Buttercream Hurricane. I'd call him Girth Brooks. That's fun. What do you think, Tom? I like them both. I'll combine the two. What do you think, Tom? I like them both. I'll combine the two.

Or do you mean them for the gay? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What was A? Every fucking week he does this. Christina Agro Roller. I don't know what that's a reference to. Aguilera.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go A. All right. The fake one. B, Lesbian Hackaway. Boom. Wow.

Keith Carey's on the board. Good for you. Way to drum up some false enthusiasm. I know. I lived in Long Beach for a long time. I am the horse whisperer of thick-thighed, uncreative women. I know the roller derby brainwave. Yeah, you've been doing so much field research on OkCupid,

fading interest in people's Doctor Who knitting projects, that you've developed a real eye for these. Round number two, non-pun edition. Thank merciful God. A, Fussy Britches. B, Tits Mitchell. Yo. I love that.

Tits Mitchell is that mayor who drowned in the poop. C, Action Nuts. Nuts spelled with a Z, by the way. And D, Gassy Mexican. This is a set list of a comic I'm doing the Ha Ha Cafe with late at night, actually.

I gotta say Gassy Mexican. I'm gonna go Tits McDuff or whatever the fuck it was. Tits McDuff. Tits Mitchell, buddy. Tits Mitchell, man. Get it right. I'm going to say Tits Mitchell as well.

All right, guys. The fake one. Tits Mitchell. Yeah! Damn it. Wow, Tim. I wanted it to be real. Yeah.

You know? Sometimes belief is important. It's like investing. When you do it with your heart, you always lose. You got it going with your head. Tits Mitchell will always now be real to me. The Gassy Mexican was too fake to not be real. It makes so little sense.

Somebody had to have thought it was a good idea. Yeah. All right. Next round. Historical figures edition. A, Edgar Allan Ho. B, Emanuel Cunt. C, Al Strapone.

Or D, Camilla Parker Blows. Who is that reference for? I mean, I got to say D, Camilla. She's from the UK. Camilla Parker Blows. Who is that reference for? I mean, I gotta say D. Camilla, she's from the UK. Camilla, she married Prince Charles, but I... I know who it is. I'm saying it's a weird-ass reference.

I know who it was. You have a whole bit about Princess Diana. Yeah. I don't know if it goes into the intricacies of the succession of the royal family. That's true, and I don't think he doesn't know these are all not cartoon characters. I gotta go with Camilla, I think, is kind of weird. Yeah, it's's true. And I don't think he doesn't know these are all not cartoon characters. I got to go with Camilla.

I think it's kind of weird that that would be. Yeah, it's a weird poll. I don't even know what it is. I'm not going to pretend I do. I think Edgar Allan Ho. Tell me, guys. Fuck. You know what's weird?

Edgar Allan Ho is the only one that I recognize what they were referencing. It's not terribly surprising. Yeah. Fuck. You went A terribly surprising. Yeah. Fuck. You went A. You went D. I'm going to go B. I don't remember what B was, but I'm going B.

He's the best. Just let him work. I either put in a lot of effort or I just don't remember anything and go off whims and feelings. So this is whims and feelings. All right. Well, you're wrong. It's A. Three for three. The system works.

Yeah, Keith batting perfectly. You know it. We have no roller derby. Is that another thing on these shows? No. You're like, no, we're busy. One of my favorite slams I ever had on Mike Lawrence was when we were doing battle and I said, thank you, guy that knows

the rules to roller derby. That's great. It's true too. Round number four. A. Weird Al Spankabitch. B. Ghetto Star Balactica. C. Audrey Rugburn. Or D. Clitney Queers.

This is just aggravating. Those are like bad. When you hear them, I don't like imagining how pleased the person is with themselves having thought of these things. Audrey Rugburn is like... Yeah.

Yeah, well, that was C. Audrey Rugburn, right? Yeah. Yeah, I gotta say that. I was kind of thinking that too. Audrey Rugburn is for sure real. Clintney Queers,

I think is the fake one. Wow, Keith. Jesus! 100% Clintney Queers. Was there... Oh, it was? Oh, oh. Yeah. 100%. Clintney Queers. Was there... Oh, it was? Oh. Yeah. Anything with violence is usually real. It's when it's a sexual thing. That's when it's fake.

Wow. That's fascinating. Yeah. What is roller derby? It's people like... Roller derby is basically... It's like a game. Yeah. I don't really understand what the rules of it are. It's just kind of like a bunch of... It's like a race where you hit each other. Yeah. I feel like it bunch of roller skates just hitting each other. And there's not a ball or anything, so there's going in a circle, but then sometimes they crash.

What's the highest level? I think it's being involved in this podcast. I think it's like panty football for Diesel Dykes, if that makes sense. I think it's their version of the lingerie ball. Yeah, it is kind of. Yeah, it's a thing, and I've been to it. I just want to see fucking hurtling girth just going around. Yeah, it is kind of. Yeah, it's a thing, and I've been to it. I just want to see, like, fucking hurtling girth just going around, you know? Yeah.

Round number five, all real or all fake, metal edition. A, Let Me Kill Mistress. B, Megabeth. Ugh. I like that, though. C, that's kind of good. I kind of like Megabeth. Rage Against the Sewing Machine.

Oh, shut up. That's not the name of one person. That's a team, maybe. Rage Against the Sewing Machine is that patio. That's not the name of one person. That's a team, maybe. Rage Against the Sewing Machine is that patio show Tim was doing earlier. You're not kidding. Or D, Kill Bitch in Rage. Is it all real or all fake? I don't want to believe there's a...

These are all too lame of bands for a roller derby personal pick, so I think they're all fake. Okay. All fake. I've got to go with him. He's the act. What am I gonna disagree with him? This is his childhood. Going against the edge. All real. Those are all real.

Son of a bitch! Don't you shuffle at me, you son of a bitch. That chair's gonna break. I can hear the chair rejecting your actions. Yeah, chair can't stand for much. Yeah, and then finally, bonus round, Connor and Keith's Derby Names Edition. We have

Aaron Sokovich and Ellen Degenerate. Are those both taken or are they both not taken? We did a thing where we gave out our favorite roller derby names that we thought should be real. I think they're both either real or taken. Yeah, they're both either taken or not taken. I think they're real. I'm going to go with not.

Nobody gives a shit anymore. They're both taken. Yeah, cool. We have a good year for this. Nice. That may very well have been the shortest, most irritated round of Wizards of the Fallen we've ever played. That's usually a 30-minute segment. I've never seen you get so aggravated about it. I just want Tim to like us, man.

Yeah, I love you. I love you. Listen, anyone who says anything nice about me, no matter who they are, if it's a Vine star, if it's a terrorist, I don't care what you did previously. I don't care if you

killed my family. If you like what I'm trying to do and you helped my career in any way, you have a friend for life. Welcome to L.A., Tim. Yeah.

Oh, you're going to fit right in. I would do great. I'm thinking maybe one day I'll come. We're just going to sew a crocodile on that polo shirt and you can move it. I will – listen to me. Let me tell you right.

You don't know what I'll do. I mean, I'll fucking – I will be on that patio show fucking strumming a ukulele and singing about fucking oppression. Oh, yeah. You will go to a gay minstrel show. I don't care. I can see you coming here being gay and becoming the token harsh guy that they allow on these shows. I think if there's a role for me, it might be because I think these people, as insane as they are, realize that someone's got to disagree with them. Yeah.

Someone's got to be that guy. They haven't figured that out. I know that. But I think that they do because Burr is kind of that guy in a weird way You know what I mean Yeah but he doesn't get a fight He's begrudgingly respected by all I feel like Yeah

So I don't know man It's just fucking weird And I like Listen a lot of those people That say crazy things on social media You meet them in person They're like lovely people Yeah

That's the worst part about it And some of them are very funny And very creative And it's just kind of like You know I think that's what We should have disagreements And people should fucking be like What is that about Like that's what we should have disagreements and people should fucking be like

what is that about like that's what comedy should be oh yeah you know absolutely all right well on that inspiring note those were the roller derby ladies yeah we'll be right back with your questions your voicemails and more right after this in the hallowed halls of the Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry,

one boy is about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Thank you for calling us here, Professor Dumbledore. It's an honor to finally meet you. Yes, of course. The honor is all mine. Though I do confess I wish our meeting was under less unfortunate circumstances, but we need to discuss Argus' future here at Hogwarts. And, well, I thought it would be a conversation best had in person. Am I in trouble?

Oh, what's he done now? Well, there's quite a list. There was the incident with the Whomping Willow. I wanted to climb the tree, because that's where the squirrels live. And the unfortunate business with Moaning Myrtle in the Slytherin bathrooms. I didn't know if ghost girls had wiggly ghost pee-pees. And yesterday, while attempting to perform a fairly remedial

spell, Gordon accidentally... Well, why don't you tell your parents what you've done, Argus? I turned Professor Magoogly Moogly's insides into her outsides. That's not her name, and it was much more painful than it sounds, but yes, that was pretty much what went down.

Well, that's terrible. What do you think it is? You don't suppose he's growing up to be one of those terrible Death Eaters, do you? No, no, maybe more of a Paste Eater. No, what I'm suggesting is that Argus might be... special. Special? Like Harry Potter? No, more like special like Temple Grandin or Forrest Gump or Gary Busey after the motorcycle crash. Are you sure about this? Well, in the time we've been talking, little Argus has eaten 40 boogers, peed his pants, attempted to cast a spell to clean the pee, while accidentally casting a different spell that has relocated the pee into your pants. Ah, bloody hell, I was wondering what that was.

And he is wearing shoes on the wrong foot, so yeah, I'm like 90% sure of him being a full-blown ding-dong. I don't believe it! Arnie, he's reasonable. He really did put his pee in my pants. Yay, now Daddy is wet like me. What about his owl exams? What did he get on those? Chocolate. He got chocolate on them. At least I hope to God it

was chocolate. Isn't there like a spell or something that we can fix him with? I'm afraid not, though many have tried through our certain forces beyond the power of magic. The dimwitted are incurable by sorcery, much like cancer, paralysis, or being black. I'm afraid we can't allow Argus to continue his education here at Hogwarts. Does this mean I don't get to be a magic boy, Principal Gandalf? Of course not, my boy. You just need a different kind of school.

Now hurry along, or you'll be late for the train. I love trains! Of course you do. Yay! Coming this summer from J.K. Rowling, August Crumblebottom and the Enchanted Remedial Education Program. The wheels on the train go choo-choo train, very fast, I'm a cat.

The train is a car that's made of a train and I peed my pants again. The Mean Boys Podcast is brought to you as always by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. Conveniently located right across the street from the La Jolla Comedy Store. The finest goddamn Mexican food in the whole goddamn world. Eatabrita.com is where you go

if you want to pregame a little bit. Get your fucking taste buds scintillated by all the embarrassment of riches that is the Don Carlos menu options. Vegetarian options? What fucking burrito place does good burritos with options for vegetarians? Don Carlos, that's you. And if you're not a communist homo, then you can get

a meat-ass burrito. Every time I go down on someone, I'm like, I wish I could come from my mouth, and the closest I've ever gone is Don Carlos. You wish that your tongue was a clit so you could scissor with your face?

That's the fattest thing you've ever said. I wish I didn't have to throw out my back every time I need to bust a nut. I wish I had a clit in my head. But anyway, the next best thing are these burritos. It really is. Well, go buy them, folks. California style. Thanks for the love, Don Carlos.

And the Mean Boys podcast returns. Close out the show as we do every week with a trip to the Mean Boys mailbag. Feel free to send us an email anytime. Meanboyspodcasts at gmail.com. Send us a tweet or leave us a voicemail. What's the voicemail phone number? 304-805-MEAN. That is 6326.

Yeah. Claire Higginbottom asks, what's your favorite thing to do on your phone while you're pooping? Good question. Is it? No, I think it is. I think this will... Tom, I know for sure, plays like strategy games. Actually, while I'm shitting, it's more looking up deaths or looking at sports stats.

So, death and sports? Where do you go to get your death news? The internet. I was looking for a particular media outlet that specializes in people alerts. I kind of just look around. Okay. I'm more of a browser. I browse for death news.

Gotcha. I don't have a hub. What a completely uninformative piece of speech you just entered into the world. Yeah. I don't have a hub. I don't have a hub. I don't have a death hub. I just Googled death. I have a Google alert for death.

The first result is always, are you okay? Yeah. Here's the thing. The vaguer you are on Google, the more interesting you're going to find shit. Very true. You're not wrong. Don't be specific with people. It ruins the mystery. Gotcha. Tim, what are you doing while you're pooping? Facebook. It's not wrong. Don't be specific with people. It ruins the mystery.

Gotcha. Tim, what are you doing while you're pooping? Facebook. It's nothing good. Just Facebook. Tim is one of the few people it's still worth reading Facebook for. I will say, yeah. That's very sweet. You're my favorite person on Facebook.

That's very sweet. I knew you from Facebook before I knew that you even did stand-up, necessarily. Yeah. I just had somebody share one of your long screeds about like you know if you wanted to see like the working class it's done it's done like i'm it's done more for me than stand-up yeah you know like it's gotten me on stand-up shows well yeah stand-up never would have got me on because you know the amount of time somebody has to see you have a good set and the likelihood of that you know what i mean yeah yeah it's kind of like i read this

this treatise on haagen-Dazs and late-stage capitalism, and I knew that this man was the voice of a generation. So it's always... But it's bad. I gotta get... It's addictive.

Yeah, but do it, though. What are you doing on there, Keith? It's a lot of... I usually use that for my Tinder and my OKCupid swiping. Nice. I was just like, yeah, once I got time.

Yeah, I just kind of read twitter i might read a read a subreddit that i'm that i'm interested in nothing super crazy yeah all right uh maybe that wasn't a good question i'm sorry yeah i don't i warned you uh this is not a question but i posted a picture of tim and andrew hernandez just said 10 out of 10 would smash so there you go andrea andrew hernandez andrew. Andrew Hernandez. Yeah, Andrew Hernandez, who is a buddy of mine who used to work with us. I'll show you a picture. Would you smash Andrew Hernandez? Well, his mother wouldn't like him bringing home a Spanish person.

We as a child. Well, yeah, don't fuck the kid. Just fuck around the kid. I'm going to just hold off. I'm going to hold off on that. Alright, fair enough. I didn't expect you to get clammy on that one. You ever been in that situation where someone posts a sexy picture,

but there's a kid in it, and you've got to be like, I've got a real crisis of conscience here. Yeah. Yeah. You just block them out with your thumb. Yeah, yeah. My thumbs aren't as big as yours, Tom. It's more difficult for me.

Well, then move them towards the screen or away from the screen, closer to your eye. That's a frustratingly good point. Yeah. Alex Murray asked, when will there be another Good, the Mean, and the Rad? God damn it. At somely good point. Yeah. Alex Murray asked, when will there be another Good, the Mean, and the Rad? God damn it.

At some point, probably. Yeah. That'll be fun. If you're in LA and you came to that live show, we're going to be doing another one soon, probably in March,

so stay tuned for that. Yeah, with Ramsey doing that was not the time. Yeah. And this is one other thing we had in the mailbag here. This is, somebody wrote in,

because we did a couple weeks ago, we did predictions for what would have happened this year. We did it last year. We didn't bother pulling up our predictions. The only one that came true from 2017 is Connor predicted that you would be outsmarted by

a flightless bird. And then last week, you got lost in a garden full of flamingos. Well, one, that happened in 2018, and it wasn't the birds. It was the words by the birds that got me. It was the signage. Yes, because of how high I was. The bird words. Yeah, the bird words. It was the words by the birds that got me. It was the signage. Yes, because of how high I was. The bird words.

Yeah, the bird words. It was still shockingly accurate. Yeah, that's okay. That's fair. That's like a biblical prophecy coming true. Not really, if you know me. It's a pretty safe bet. That's a Tuesday for Tom.

Yeah. All right, let's open up some of these voicemails. Me and Anatomic Objects have a history. Hey, Mean Boys. This is Corey down here in Miami, Oklahoma. Fuck. I know y'all like to riff on us down here. Calling us slow and shit and redneck and racist and all that.

Yep. Know what? Still love y'all. You guys are pretty fucking funny. Connor McFadden. Not my name. Fucking Goss, whatever the hell your name is.

Thank you. And then Dan Fogle over there. That's what he is. Fucking funny motherfuckers. Keep doing what you're doing. Come back and see us down here in Miami. We love y'all. Down at the Looney Saloon.

See y'all soon. That was a real comedy. Everything about that sounds like a parody of a shitty comedy club in a hick town, but that's all 100% real. How did you get into that circuit of Oklahoma? You're out there. Believe it or not, via Tom. Where'd you grow up?

Here. Southwest. Tom Joe's like the furthest. He was raised on an airplane. Sometimes you guys, I'll see where you're performing. I'm like, this is wild. The further towards fucking Tom Joe country you you get the more his brain is just like very marketable and we've all kind of ridden that wave yeah and it shouldn't be according to

no that was the night we were hot tubbing with a 300 pound mexican gang member that's awesome our lives are stupid all right we got one more i hope this is funny. It's probably not. Jesus. Just wanted to say that I mean, I absolutely love you guys. He's recording this from inside of a temporal rift. Greetings from Tron land. Yeah, I'm going through a wormhole. I just wanted to know if you got an underwear that you prefer. Anyways. You honestly never fail to put a smile on my face.

And it's been that way for quite a long time. I mean, I appreciate it. I just wish we had one listener who did not have the vocal, like, character of someone who receives money from government. But now I know what it feels like to work at a suicide hotline. Like, this is every voice you hear. He's about to ask us to the Sadie Hawkins. How has nobody blown their head off on

the voicemail? Oh, Tim, we had a voicemail from a guy whose last act as a free man was to leave us a drunken voicemail telling us what we meant to him. We had the pedophile grandpa as we told you off air. We've had a lot of them. We had a, yeah.

I just have to give my thanks. So thank you. Thank you for just being fucking hilarious. That's all I've got to say, I guess. For now. Bye. Oh, you're welcome.

Cool, man. We're very good. No, we appreciate it. Dude, January's been rough for a lot of people. Me too. And guess what? February through December is going to be a real bitch for those people. I'll tell you that much.

I don't see any of our listeners turning it around. They don't invent an app in March. I love you guys. I hope you don't all kill yourselves. But I'm not fagging on it. Yeah. Kind of a light mailbag this week. I've been in a shit place, too. Yeah, I get it.

Oh, well, sorry, Tom. Maybe bring that up towards the beginning of the podcast when we have time to talk about it. Oh, no, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, okay. I just wanted to share that and fucking leave it so you can dwell on it. I don't know what I'm doing, guys. You're just throwing monkey wrenches everywhere. Yeah, that's it for the Mean Boys podcast this week.

Tim, thank you again for coming on. Thank you for having me, both of you. It was fucking so much fun. Where can they find you? TimDillonComedy.com. This drops on Tuesday. Any more L.A. shows people can come out and see? Yeah, I got a bunch.

My Instagram, TimJDillon, D-I-L-L-O-N, and same on Twitter. They're all up there. And if you're in Boston, I'm at Laugh Boston from the 18th to the 20th. And then I'm back in New York City. And all my road dates are on the website, podcast, Tim Dillon Comedy. I mean, sorry, Tim Dillon's going to hell. Gas Digital, it's on iTunes. Thanks a lot.

Yeah. Nice. Very good show again. It's one of the few things that still scratches the itch. That's awesome. The night that this comes out, headlining with Stats in San Diego. The day after that, I'm doing Bear City in Long Beach. On January 25th, I'm doing a show. I was headlining some show down in San Diego.

I forget the name of the venue. Coming back to Oklahoma and the Midwest and the South in early February, I'll have more specifics on that coming up soon. I forgot to fucking put it all on my calendar. But, yeah, come see me there. Wednesday the 17th and Thursday the 18th, I will be in Phoenix, Arizona. Go to my Facebook or Twitter to find out more information on venues and stuff. And then on January 20th, I'm doing the Gateway Show here in Los Angeles.

So come to Echo's on Pico and come see me get super high and try to do stand-up. Yeah, I'll be there March 17th. That's a fun show. January 23rd, I'll be at Rec Room. And then, yeah. In Huntington Beach. Yeah, in Huntington Beach, California, United States of America. Earth. Yeah, in Huntington Beach, California, United States of America.

Earth. Yeah, Earth. Milky Way. That's as big as I know. I shed a ton of blood this morning. What sponsor is that? What ad does that segue into, you know? Eat it done, Carlos.

They have nothing to do with this. If you don't want to shit blood. Alright, that's our show, guys. Fuck everything. God is dead. See you next time.