Mean Boys - EP 111 - Crusty Discharge (feat. Kerryn Feehan)

Episode Date: February 20, 2018

We're going on tour, come see us! Most ticket links are live, if they're not, jump on our email list: http://meanboyspodcast.com Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Carnok's Oscar Preview", “AC/DC”, "Price Check" and a game of "Which of the Following" with Cosmo sex tips by Mason Scheer. Listen to Kerryn's podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/shame-on/id1155584093?mt=2 Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/meanboys/ Subscribe to our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Kerryn Feehan on Twitter: twitter.com/KFreehams Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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anywhere along the go network and the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network starting at 30 for two people and up to 60 for a group of five buy your online go pass ahead of the show at gotransit.com slash tickets hey everybody wowie kazowie it's been a good couple weeks for the mean boys sure has man we uh. We took some big, fancy Hollywood meetings, all because of you guys. So we appreciate your support. And now is a good time to support. If you want to leave us a nice interview or do any of that, this would definitely be an opportune moment.

Yeah. It would really help us out. And we are still working towards Soupgate as well. Yeah, 250 reviews. And I will eat a bowl of soup live on the air uh for your listening enjoyment uh filming it we will be filming it i will almost certainly if not vomit uh be a huge bitch about it so it's gonna be damn fine radio you're gonna like it i would if i like it i would uh i would that would be the ideal outcome but there's a very strong chance that i will just be a complete

autistic fucking freak out oh yeah it's gonna be you telling you, man. No, it's going to be ugly. Yeah, so you guys, and we have some cool shit that might be coming through, and it's frankly because you guys like tweeting about the show and leaving those reviews and doing everything. Yeah, the amount you guys fuck with us

and that you goof with us on Twitter, that you listen, that you donate to the page run has helped us immensely, and we're really excited about what might be coming down the pipeline. Yeah, because we went in and we printed out some numbers, they're like wait this you guys do

all this and you have only this many listeners so thank you for making us look legit man we really fucking appreciate it uh here's a review for us uh it says eat soup like crack the sky hilarious show if you're a bad person if you aren't sure how bad of a person you are you'll know during the first segment when you're either rolling on the floor in laughter or setting your phone on fire in a futile attempt to purify it. So thank you for that. Eat soup. So go over. It's just a couple clicks. Just take a second. And again,

it's fucking, shit is weirdly popping off. So that's very nice of you guys. It's coming. Speaking of shit that's popping off, the fucking tour, dude. Oh man, the tour is popping off. Just about every single ticket link is live now on meboyspodcast.com. To those of you that have emailed about Philly and messaged us and stuff, the Philly link is coming very soon. I'm just

trying to finalize, but the venue is definitely locked. It'll be Ortliebs in Philadelphia on 419. Yeah, and we're just kind of waiting for some of these venues to post their whole shtick up on the website. So we're going to Milwaukee, Chicago, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Detroit Mission, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Washington, D.C., Philly, and New York City.

So go either grab tickets or get on the email list. And we're fucking soaked. I can't wait for it to be over already. It's going to be so fun to go out and hang out with you guys, do these live shows. Some of those are live podcasts. And, yeah, the Patreon is still rocking and rolling. We're doing another sticker pack this month. I got a pretty sick Newark County landfill sticker for you old heads.

Yeah, then we got a That is why sticker for the new kids yeah and a uh and a new one of just our new itunes logo so you can go vandalize your local gas station uh bathroom jump on patreon.com slash mean boys and get yourself signed up for that and uh five bucks a month is just uh all it takes to get yourself another half hour of mean boys every week so you can go enjoy that there's like 32 of them so far so you can go listen to a whole another day of the show if you're really bored. And yeah, we've got a great episode this week with Karen Feehan. Oh my God, we really beat the shit out of Karen. I kind of feel bad, but it was a good time.

No, she was great. I know. I offered an alliance. If you remember some of the old school Mean Boys where it was a little more savage, this feels like that sometimes. Yeah, this is like a 1 a.m. 2016 Mean Boys show. I think you'll dig it. You can check out her podcast on Gas Digital. Shame On. There'll be a link to that in the show notes.

And Karen was a lot of fun. So thank you again to her for coming on. Follow her on Twitter, all that good stuff. And I do love that the people that come on the show are like, yeah, you guys have good fans. You guys always tweet. So yeah, all that shit you guys do, you're fucking amazing. And we don't tell you enough, and we love you.

And I think that's just about it. Everybody, enjoy this week's episode. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Alimony was the original Patreon. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Tom Goss. And I... Almost done with my

massage therapy certificate. Welcome Karen Freehand to the studio. You do look like the woman from every, like, daytime, like, fake college commercial during Moripo.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what, in six months, I, too, could be a dental technician? Yeah, I could be a medical coding and billing assistant.

Hell yeah, dude. Thank you guys so much. I feel like those chicks are usually pretty young. Yeah, well, I mean, you could be one of them a while ago. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. There is the hump. You missed the gold rush, for sure.

In 2006, there was money to be made at the DeVry Institute of rubbing creepy dudes' backs, but now, I mean, it's dried up considerably. I don't know why we don't have more women on the show. It's really... I know. It's so shocking to me. I feel like we make a very welcoming environment. I haven't said anything offensive yet. Welcome to our home, you're old and poor. Karen, what did you think of the

ambiance here at the Pacquiao Palace, the Mean Boys studio? I think you guys are like living in one big peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Like a James and the giant peach type situation or just like oh keith come on what have i told you about flushing the crust that is just a pretty perpetual level of crumbs just everywhere in this house yeah she walks in the studio and i forgot that ramsey hung up some panties from a sexual conquest of the wall behind us and she's like who are those and i was like i don't know sorry no you said they were one of Keith's conquests. And I was like, oh, it's Keith swimming in pussy carry.

Everybody knows. I mean, I can neither strongly confirm nor deny these allegations. He just threw them on the floor. I don't know. I felt self-conscious about it. Yeah, hang them back up. We need art in here. She hasn't texted you back?

What's the matter? Are they bringing up some sad? No, she texted me back plenty. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, it looks like we got a little Krusty Ditch charge in there, too. What's her name? Don't worry about it,

because she listens to the show. I like a girl that leaves her musk behind. I like that, too. If Tom was like a metal slug boss, his name would be Krusty Ditch charge. Karen, you got a podcast called Shame On, right? Tell us about it a little bit. Yeah, I do.

It's with my lovely co-host, Micah Fox, and we shame a different protected group of a little bit. Yeah, I do. It's with my lovely co-host, Micah Fox. And we shame a different protected group of people every week. Oh, hell yeah. That sounds like a lot of fun. I think the Mean Boys fucking militia would really enjoy that. Yeah, I figured. That's why I have no other reason to talk to any of you.

So you just build a podcast. Specifically to get yelled at on the internet. If you want to start sassing us, we can compare iTunes reviews. Just don't think we didn't already do it. I don't think it's going to work out so good for you, to start sassing this, we can compare iTunes reviews. Don't think we didn't already do it. I don't think it's going to work out so good for you, Toots. Really? I have no idea what's on there. This is great. Another great, yeah.

I'm sure it's like, oh, the boys are so funny. It's like, I've never listened to hers, but she's an ugly baby dinosaur. I hate her. I hate her fucking old face. Hey, not once did we call you old. We just called you unemployable and stupid. Thank you. Yeah, their podcast sucks.

It would be better if they were both dudes and they were both Joe Rogan somehow. Right. Yeah, I was looking at that and I was like, I got to figure this is – Keith had a good point. He's like, I got to figure just because this is on Gas Digital and you are a woman who speaks that it's probably going to be a little – It seems like it would not go over well with their demographic. A couple of angry boner lords displeased about giving you a platform. We're just basically indentured

servants there. We were beaten into submission. Oh, yeah. Neither of us want to do this podcast. I made an X on a piece of paper with Louis J. Gomez and now I'm stuck here. Yeah, listen to the Please Help podcast. On the call my mom and tell her I'm alive but barely network. To the Ralph Sutton store.

Oh, God. All right, guys. We're all fired up. What do you say we get into the Mexican Joke Off? Ay, so topical. Let's do it.

Yeah, let's do it. Oh, and this is going to be some poetic justice for you, Karen, because all of my jokes this week are volcanic dog shit. They are truly horrible.

And I'll take us away with this one. Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte said that female rebel fighters should be shot in the vagina. Counterinsurgency leader Dice Clay added, most of those lonely broads probably already have a bullet in their vagina. Oh! Oh!

Andrew Dice Clay has had a lot of jobs on this podcast. He was a geologist last time. Heating and air conditioning specialist Dice Clay said. I lot of jobs on this podcast. Yeah, he was a geologist last time. Heating and air conditioning specialist Dice Clay. I read that story. Did you see what their Sean Spicer or whatever said afterwards? No. Because they were like, hey, did the president just say we should shoot women in the pussy?

And the guy literally just goes, that's funny. You got to laugh at that. You like for sure don't. Man, Philippines rule. Yeah, that dude is a fucking gnarly. They really have like anime laws because it's like, yeah,

you can just be so good at fighting, we'll make you a senator. Like, that's Manny Pacquiao. Where's this again? The Philippines. Oh, yeah,

yeah, they're cool. Dude, I got a barrel man from my buddy CJ in middle school from the Philippines and it's like an old joke.

There's like a guy inside a barrel, you lift up the barrel and he's got a little dick on a spring that pops out. I still got it in my house somewhere. I should bring that into the Mean Boys studio. Cool. Thank you for all your contributions thus far.

Little Dick Barrel Man. Cool, man. Little Dick Barrel Man. Also Tom Goss's name. I was about to say, the Little Dick Barrel Man has the floor. No, you got a big dick, dude. I'm aware. The movie Black Panther was released this week and is shattering records, including biggest February opening and loudest theaters. Me and Tom went and saw Black Panther. And first of all, shocking amount of police at the movie theater, which I felt bad.

It was like, nothing's going to happen. It's not going to turn into a riot. They're going to be like, we're taking this theater in the name of Wakanda. I very much enjoyed the one black guy who just kept singing, the black cop. Oh, I think I missed that. Yeah, well, here's the thing. I saw you guys look at him, but not really look at him. I was like, oh, they think he's homeless.

He was just... Was he just a singing black cop? Yeah, yeah. That was weird. Do you want to talk tell people about the text you got oh my girlfriend

it's pretty funny out of context I'll give it context later I tell her I'm going to see Black Panther and she just

sends back be safe hard to march but Jim it was hilarious because she says that forever

I'm going to get the mail and she'd say the same thing. Yeah, but out of context. Well, yeah, and you seem like somebody who needs to be reminded to be safe, or you will just walk into traffic. I once saw Straight Outta Compton opening weekend. It was right after one of those movie theater shootings,

and I've never felt racially profiled until then. Just walking in, and everyone was like, you don't need to be here. Nobody looks more like a theater shooter than you, except for maybe Tom. They're like, this guy looks disenfranchised. Let's go ahead. Name a fat mass shooter.

They're all too thin. You're a too much mass shooter. Yeah, there we go. Tom, that is a good point. Are there any fat mass shooters? It's a skinny guy problem. Not high school, anyway. Not school shooters.

They're mostly sveltes. You might get an old postal worker who's packed on a few. Yeah. And no one uses mail anymore, so I'm good. Yeah, you're fine. All right, Karen, you got a joke for us? Nope. Tight, Tom.

That was the gayest assignment ever. I was like, is he really just trying to write jokes like I'm on vacation? I mean, doesn't he know I've been stoned since I landed? Alright, let's pretend like I wrote one, though. I didn't go to Black Panther because I saw I, Tonya, so that's like my Black Panther.

Like white trash people. I like that movie, too. Oh, nice. This is going to be a great show, everybody. You got to love the snotty better than you attitude followed by zero delivery. Thank you. The best part about it is you asked us to do this. Right.

I know. I was like, I'm going to come do it. I didn't know. When I sent you that message, you were like, oh, neat. I'll totally do that. Yeah, totally. High five. Yeah, I guess I'm also just a liar.

Yeah. Well, I do think that everyone. It's hard to read, like, between the lines, cunt face. Right. That's a great assignment for, like, you know, somebody else who's, like, you know, more committed to comedy, I guess. Cool. Why do you guys have so few iTunes reviews again? I forget. Clear this up for me.

Do people in New York think we're dumb and gay? Because I get that impression that they're, like, they're just out there doing skits and little goofs and stuff. Nobody knows who we are in New York. Yeah, probably not. I don't know if you've proven otherwise. It's true. We are kind of dumb and kind of gay.

I know. This looks like one big gay fuck palace. There's a bed everywhere I look. It's a bi fuck palace. Calm down. I play both sides of the fucking coin. Here's the problem is now I've done a lot of shit talking

and then Tom is gonna go oh yeah yeah no Tom's got this I think my joke was like really good and you guys I told you it was my favorite movie

yeah you reference things I like that's usually all I listen for finish that massage therapy certificate I think I think you're

only a couple credits away telling some truth could be headlining at DeVry next week okay showdown Black Panther set multiple box office records which is shocking because most people You're only a couple credits away. She's going to be headlining at DeVry next week. Okay, showdown. Black Panther set multiple box office records, which is shocking because most people didn't think the movie would be attended until next week.

That was not bad. That needed more uhs and does. Fuck, it did. Because they get paid next week? No, because they're late. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. You get it.

Come on. You can't even hang with our West Coast mild racism. That was the most coherent joke I had, too. Oh, no. I'm sorry I'm not a mildly buff Puerto Rican yelling slurs. Would that make you feel more comfortable? We all wrote Black Panther jokes. Yeah, well, we wrote Black Panther jokes.

You took a swing at saying the words Black Panther. We all wrote jokes about the same movie. That's crazy. No, I didn't. I like you here. I want her to do this more often because it makes me look so good. People don't respect the straight man. I think what

really brings the best out of all of us is just a heavily indifferent woman. I think I've been really engaged so far. No, I know you have. You're just mildly disdainful. I don't know. I apologize.

No, I love you. You're like my mom. That's great. Does that turn you on? A little bit, yeah. Don't worry about it. We'll deal with this later. Hey, gross.

I've got to tell another joke. A New York man... I was saying there's another screw on the wall. I'm going to write one. He's spitting his mouth. Okay. A New York man has... I would hate that.

A New York man has ple hate that A New York man Has pleaded guilty To trying to join ISIS And a related story One ticket just opened up For our show At the Creek in the Cave On April 28th

Go grab those now On the website Meanboyspodcast.com Everybody I've never seen you Get so uncomfortable On this show I just take

Bicoastal shots In the caves I'm just doing We're doing a show there I want to turn this Into the Adam Carolla show Where everything is A native advertisement

For something else And it's like Yeah speaking of liberals You want to wash Your kids You know saying Dumb stuff out of their mouth With Dawn's soap

Here on the Use promo code Ace Rumors have surfaced That the 2030 Olympic Games Are going to be held In Kentucky The most popular Planned event

Is the 100 meter Fag drag Yeah that'd be fun Is that a serious Consideration That's a real thing They're talking about doing Is doing the fucking Olympics in Kentucky I thought The most popular planned event is the 100-meter fag drag. Yeah, that'd be fun. Is that a serious consideration? That's a real thing they're talking about doing is doing the fucking Olympics in Kentucky. I thought it was going to L.A. They're coming here at some point, or they're talking about it. I thought that was summer.

I mean, I don't know. I didn't look that deep into it. God, Team USA is choking in hockey right now. Are they? I think the women's are doing well, but yeah, the women's. Yeah, the womans. That was the hockey update by Tom Goss, continuing with the Mexican

joke off, and go Keith! That was negative interesting. Well, it was an inside thought, it became an outside thought. I don't know what you want from me. Alright, Karen, since you're heavily unprepared, I'm just going to feed you a headline. You'll just give us a hot take here. Great, go. Top US officials are telling the going to feed you a headline. You'll just give us a hot take here. Great. Go.

Top U.S. officials are telling the world to ignore Trump's tweets. But how are we going to get all of our beauty and fitness advice if we ignore them? Oh, yeah. That's not bad. Did you read the thing about Stormy Daniels supposedly has the dress with his cum on it saved at her

house? I would. We have a much sketchier version of that right behind you with those panties on the wall. That could be a lot of people's jizz. Let's not get carried away. She sounds like fun. Yeah, she's not not fun. She sounds like a good time girl.

Speaking of good times... That's Segway. I love him. A school shooting happened in Florida. Finally, the state of Florida did something all the other states don't consider weird. That's Segway I love him A school shooting Happened in Florida What? Finally the state of Florida Did something All the other states Don't consider weird

Hey Nicely done Tom That's actually pretty good Wow I am proud of you buddy I don't like what you guys Kind of said to me We're gonna put that joke

Up on the fridge So everyone can see it Yep And take family guy jokes From eight years ago Is that a family guy joke? I think it is yeah Son of a bitch

We've done that a lot. We've done that before, yeah. We might not be funny. Wait, the Florida thing is his thing? No, the up in the fridge thing. Because I did that to Cody on the Mac and Chaps episode. Ah, the Mac and Chaps episode. Oh, you should fucking shut up.

You shut your various holes. You keep sassing them. I gotta be like the ceiling strip and at least one of them is just broken and it's like an old refrigerator and it doesn't really

keep in the temperature anymore. Thank you. I feel very insecure right now. You do? No, they do. Oh. I don't know. Not really.

I have a cold again. We're teaming up on them. No, hang on. We're going to kill them. Nice try, asshole. No, here's what's happening right now. I love him. He's like full force of mice and men. Yeah, well, we got a barn

out back, so don't go there with him. He's like high-functioning Lenny. I love him. We have an episode title. You really ruined this alliance. Usually we all team up on Tom, so Tom is seeing an opening. I'll, oh, the pretty lady will save me. She's kind of dumb.

She's kind of dumb. I'm kind of dumb. It's a match made in dumb heaven. I'm kind of dumb, but I brought my notebook at least. She doesn't have a notebook. No, I'm happy to be your partner. You want to see my rock collection, Karen? I got one that looks like a cat.

You guys don't have a cat, do you? I'm allergic to cats. No, there's two. There's some that roam around the outside patio. Team, bestie. We got a cat. We got an African roommate that throws grapefruits at the local cats that make their way to our house and shouts the N-word at them. Shut the fuck up.

That is awesome. He was on a Universal Studios commercial. Of course he was. And will not be on another one if anybody from Universal Studios listens to this show. He sounds charismatic as fuck. Oh, man, he's mad charming. All right, guys. A woman with a rare disease awoke from a coma with a British accent.

This is the only fourth case of Madonna Syndrome ever reported. Hey, hey. That's great. Thanks for, after you called this the gayest assignment. Thanks for your sarcastic enthusiasm. I think you guys are really

excelling at it. Wait, the podcast or the gayness? I'd like to think both. You can't call us gay when Off Mike, you complained about your seasonal depression. You weak bitch. Not enough sun for me out here. Our tough talking guest who literally

can't even with the concept of winter. I'm like some kind of basic bitch plant. I need the Instagram photosynthesis to feed my shitty mouth. I almost drank chlorophyll today. I didn't know you could do that. Oh, I was hoping it was chloroform.

That would have been good. I know. Is that a real thing? Yeah, I didn't know you could do that. What is that? I thought it was like plant chemical science. It is. You're drinking plant juice.

Wow. Yeah, but I guess you can put it in a smoothie. Oh, nice. I love Los Angeles. You're drinking plant juice. Wow. Yeah. But I guess you can put it in a smoothie. Oh, nice. I love Los Angeles. You fucking faggot. Stop that plant smoothie. It's like you have the energy of a mom drinking wine out of a sunblock bottle at a soccer game.

That sounds like the best day ever. I didn't wash it out enough, and now I'm barfing. But I mean, sure was worth it to catch a buzz for this boring shit. Can I get an SPF Merlot? You ready for the stupidest joke I've ever written for this show? A nanny is facing trial for stabbing two toddlers to death. More like scary poppins, am I right? Hell yeah, dude.

I like it. This is how you write jokes on the West Coast, baby. Yeah, that was fucking great. Yeah, you make it short and bad. Yeah. Did they live, those kids? Oh, no, they got super murdered. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that was included when I said to death. Was that a while ago? Was that a while ago? Yeah, but a trial just started. Oh, cool. Yeah, I think it was in New York, actually. Yes, yes, I remember that lady.

And I looked at those kids. I was like, good, get them. Yeah, I mean, you got to figure if there was a third kid she was nannying for that kid is gonna be very well behaved yeah he's gonna shut the fuck up it's like oh shit yeah I'm doing the laundry oh man get him sorry you wanna feed her another headline or what are we doing oh yeah I forgot I forgot

I was up I was just you guys are doing half the work I was trying to figure out the right way to explain that she has the energy of every person that's ever asked you for a cigarette and then walked away immediately afterwards at a bar. What do you need them to do, Connor? What do they need to do after their moments? Do they have to stay and talk to you? No, I would never want to talk to you.

I know. So I'm doing exactly what you'd want me to do. Yeah, that's true. You're just being... This is fun. We used to argue on the show all the time, and lately it's been so positive. That's the most defensive she's gotten over all the insults. I really like all you fucking East Coast cunts.

You guys are great. I really do enjoy the energy. We're dead inside, and we come here to spark up a little bit for a couple days, and then we just go back to our miserable cuntiness. Oh, God, it's the best. I mean, this is me in a good mood. I believe you. Dear Lord.

All right, Karen, I got a headline for you. I'm so excited. I feel like I'm about to catch a softball. I'm going to have butterflies in my stomach. I did okay the first time, so this is probably going to be bad. Okay, who's Lenny now? God, you guys are going to get whatever version of Mary Retards are allowed to. Yeah, we're going to jump the broom at the psych ward.

I thought we shared a pudding cup. Blew our hands together. Tom, you got a lady in tramp a fucking pudding cup. You guys got to go fucking snack pack married. Just two people in the same straight jacket. We're so cute. These are our engagement pictures. You guys handcuffed a zoo.

Yeah, lions are the cutest retorts ever. I to a zoo. Yeah. Lions. One of the cutest retards ever. I'm excited. All right, Karen. Countries with more gender equality have fewer female STEM grads.

STEM grads? It's like science, technology, engineering, and math stuff. Like you can grow an arm on a baby? No.

All right, let's go. I just have another retard wedding thing. They can't tie the knot. They just do the Velcro. Dude, that's fucking great. Retard weddings. I'm going to go back to that reality show company and pitch them that.

What the fuck was I doing? Fucking tard weddings. There was already a reality show with a Down syndrome couple. It was really good. Oh, really? Yeah. That sounds fun. Did they try to make them very like, oh, look how sweet

they are? But they were always fighting, and I would be like, what are you guys fighting about? Don't you know you're retarded? Okay, so Karen, I'm going to feed you a stupider headline that you can understand. But it was stem cell research, right? I was just trying to clarify. No, stem is like science degrees. I didn't know what the fuck that was either.

Well, we know you didn't know, but I had a shot. I could have been a contender. Oh, I'm sorry. I knew it wasn't a baby's arm. But an arm on a head stem cell. That's how you... Wait, hang on. That's what you think stem cells are used for?

They're just growing arms on babies' heads? Yeah, so everybody can high five these little babies. When they're born, line them up like like, oh, for the good of... Sirens are putting all its resources behind building shitty sewer mutants. Somebody's got to fight these Ninja Turtles. All right, that's good enough. That counts as good. What do you got for us, Tom?

Oh, shit. Yeah, the Winter Olympics is going on. Great setup. Nice. But it is. Please stay tuned if you're interested in the thrill of the Olympics combined with all the vague Eastern European countries from the movie Taken. Yeah. Nice.

Thank you. Have you ever looked at the countries that are in the Winter Olympics? Yeah, like Gooby Gobby. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't a good joke, but it made sense. I tagged it. I think we retarded it up. You look like you're from every one of those countries.

You guys are a tag team, but like Sarah Palin's son tag? Yeah, I am from Butfuckistan. I am the secretary of large rocks. I dated an Albanian guy once. He was fucking terrifying. They go to the Winter Olympics. It makes no sense. Yeah, they shouldn't be allowed in.

They're like, yeah, I was an enforcer in the old country, but now I'm driving for Uber. He was fucking terrifying. They go to the Winter Olympics. It makes no sense. Yeah. Yeah. They shouldn't be allowed in. Yeah. I was an enforcer in the old country, but now I'm driving for Uber. I met him at a tanning salon. Of course you did. No sentence could ever be more accurate to what I think you are. Hello. What is me doing tonight, bony slut? Please don't ch enjoy Albanian eggplant.

In my country, this is money. It's like yams in Africa. In Albania, it's basically with dick-shaped vegetables. Oh, he's so scary. Gane. That was his name. It's terrifying. That's a bad assortment of vowels.

Isn't that like hummus, too? Or something like that? You're thinking of Baba Ghanoush? Maybe, yes. Okay, cool. Definitely is like mashed up chickpeas. All right, guys. Yeah.

18 people were killed in an explosion at a wedding in India. Authorities are saying that while it is a tragedy, that is the risk you take having a buffet at a wedding in India. It's a diarrhea joke, guys. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Faye. Domino's Pizza held a contest

urging fans to tattoo themselves with their logo. One winner will receive a lifetime supply of Domino's while every other contestant will receive a lifetime of having to work at Domino's. Not great. I liked it. Wait till you hear this one. We gotta go to Karen's hot takes.

Wait till you hear this one. I'll explain it to her. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just make sure I don't need a word deaf real fast. All right, guys. A church shooting in Russia left five people dead. Okay, Russia is a country. Yeah.

I didn't know they go to churches. Why are they in a hurry? Churches are those buildings you go into where you feel like you're getting a sunburn as soon as you walk in. Yeah, you touch the holy water. It's like, Russian church, five people were dead. God, I don't care.

Tight. Holy water is like Jesus getting laid, right? I was like, well, she really set us up for maybe some of the Butter X boyfriend or something. That could have been fun. She's like, I don't know, whatever. It's not that I don't care about the assignment because I was trying. I don't care about the assignment because I was trying. I don't care about those Russians.

I think if I did, I would have been able to pull something out. That's a good point. Yeah. Get murdered at a church in a better country. Yeah. Somewhere like more tropical. Yeah. It was like a Puerto Rican church shooting.

Oh, I don't give a fuck about Puerto Ricans. No, but Puerto Rico seems like a nicer place to go visit. No. I don't care. Okay. San Juan, have you been to Puerto Rico? For Christ's sake. Christ, no.

I've only been once. It's disgusting. Are you one of those New Yorkers that only thinks New York is a place and everything else is not? No, Puerto Rico... Because you have to wade through diapers to cross the street. Where are you from originally? Massachusetts. But Puerto Rico is like a flooded bathroom right now. I mean, that's what it is. Right now.

Let's be honest. When you talk, you emphasize every single syllable of every word. There's no, like, it's just all just dumb. It's every single one is that. It's always got an extra little, uh, in it. Thank you. I have a BA in acting, so that's probably what it is. Okay.

Thank you for knowing. Happy February, everyone. If old racists are so afraid of having their girls, leaving them for a black guy, next time don't put Valentine's Day in Black History Month. Oh. I thought it was funny. It was all right, yeah. Mine's pretty bad.

A New Jersey man deliberately crashed a stolen bakery truck into a Planned Parenthood, ironically taking a lot of buns out of the oven in the process. Hey. Hey. A lot of your jokes have the word ironically in them, which I'm enjoying. Do they? You're like that Alanis Morissette. Yeah, I'm pretty bad at this.

No, it's good. I'm learning a lot. Faggot little pill. February. Last one. A Russian nightclub is under fire after they gave a woman free drinks for sucking a stranger's dick live on stage. The club apologized and said they will never book Karen Feehan again.

There were nine different... I just saw somebody who sucked a dick on stage and it just turned into a beautiful mind where I'm like, how? Yes? I love that in your mind I would need a stage. Well, I was trying to make it classy. You're a performer. You're right.

You have several alleged credits. Thank you. Somebody must have watched True TV at some point. And I can't prove you weren't on it. That's true. Try. No, I was in a sketch with Roddy Rowdy Piper. Remember that?

He's dead. Oh, yeah, he's dead. He was fucking really nice to me, though, because my skirt kept going up, and he kept pulling it down. He was like, I have daughters. And then his skirt kept going up, and you had to pull his down? He was like, let me pull it back up. Yeah. All right, Karen.

What? We got one for you here. Oh, really? All right. A suspected serial street pooper was arrested after motion— Oh, I know this chick. She's my favorite. Indiana, right?

No, and actually, the article's from England, so it's another one. Wait, there's two? There's copycats. Copycats. Copycraps. I saw this American girl taking a dump. So I thought, I knew it in England. Weirdly, in England, they shit on the other side of the street.

I love it. I love it. What? Sorry. Was that the end? Yeah. They caught her. They caught her on just. Yeah. They caught her. Yeah.

Yeah. They caught her on video. Yeah. I love. They caught her brown handed. I always love how they're like looking. Oh, they love it. They love that they might get caught.

Yeah. Well, yeah. You don't do that because you don't want to get caught. What do you do in that moment when like half a shit's just hanging out of your butthole? I mean, I don't know. Just shit your pants. Do you run? I mean, you can't.

She was driving. Oh, this person was driving? I mean, you can't. She was driving. Oh, this person was driving? I read this. She was like driving. She was like far away from home. So she just went and shit in the cul-de-sac. Oh, this chick that I'm talking about would go and shit by this guy's house. Like she would walk up.

Oh, it was like a targeted act kind of thing? Yeah. Oh, see that I like. That's a fun move. Yeah. I was like, oh, what did this guy do to this chick? Sure. Nothing that bad.

I feel like if I'm doing this, I'm not leaving it fresh from the tap because you might encounter some resistance. I'll put it in a bag and drop it off. But I don't want to squeeze that because that's like,

you're adding so much time to the scene. If you're going to put it in a bag, you might as well just throw it in the bag and it's going to create more of a splatter effect on the house.

Yeah, that's what I would do. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying too, but it's like the shitting is almost like a braggadocious thing. Like I can take a shit whenever, wherever I want. Like right in your house. Yeah, it's like this is how little of a fuck I give about your're saying. I see what you're saying, too, but it's like the shitting is almost like a braggadocious thing. Like, I can take a shit whenever, wherever I want. Like, right in your house.

Yeah, it's like this is how little of a fuck I give about your front yard. Right. What's the best place you've ever taken a shit? Oh, I shit my whole car once. Oh, it was gnarly. I've done that, too, yeah. Oh, man. Like, up my back, like, old feet fall like a fountain.

It was like, kind of like wings. It's like a fucking Bellagio at your butthole. Like, Epcot Center, like, when the thing, like a fountain. I was like wings. It's like a fucking Bellagio at your butthole. I was like Epcot Center when the thing jumped. My shit just jumping over my head as I was driving. Tom looks so upset. Sounds like you're not on my team anymore. Girls don't poop.

For whatever reason, a lot of that imagery made me think of SeaWorld for some reason. The Shamu show. What's the weirdest place you've ever taken a shit? I have good control of my bowels. I don't typically... Is that on your resume?

Yeah. Sometimes Bud Light and clam chatter is no match. You're the strongest of bowels. That makes me want to puke out of my eyes. Dude, that was a great fucking sauna, bro. Jesus. All right, I want to go home, and Ike out of my eyes. Dude, that was a great fucking sauna, bro. Jesus. All right, I want to go home, and I'm already at my house. Tom, we got one more joke.

You somehow found a way to make this crack house grosser. I'm so impressed. Thank you so much. Having so much fun. 23 passengers were removed. Let's try that again. Oh, my God. Do you want a shoulder rub?

23 passengers were removed from an Australian cruise after getting into a giant brawl. Stupid Australians! Imagine how much better that would have been if you all had guns. Social commentary. I have a hard time saying two-syllable words.

Words, words, words. The original draft had firearms, and I thought, nope, I don't trust me. Guys, what a Mexican joke-off. We'll be right back with more Karen Feehan right after this. This is intermission. Wretched pig children, hear my unholy proclamation. Let my words reverberate through your bones until you feel a new and terrible emotion known as Turbo Fear.

It is I, the decimator of the righteous, the immolator of virgin flesh, the bringer of the noise and the funk and the all-consuming death, Karnak the Bloodfeaster! I am joined by my faithful servant and, shockingly, not the kid who took a gun to school this week, Tyler Dawson! Sup, cunts? Last year I brought you my assessment of the insipid human ritual you call the Academy Awards. And behold, I have returned for the 2018 Oscar Roundup! Yeah, because who doesn't want to watch a bunch of smarmy billionaires give each other statues?

The ceremony is heresy! All gold is due unto Carnock. It is the decree of the blind prophets. Yeah, Hollywood just loves sucking its own dick. Well, we'll see how easy it is when I remove their tongues and their dicks. Yeah, speaking of dicks, everybody's all butthurt this year because chicks got all fingered and shit by Harvey Weinstein, so it's going to be a bunch of people talking about how brave it is to have labia. Indeed. The women of Hollywood have banded together to declare times up. And to that I say, you dare woman-splain the notion of time to the bloodfeaster? By my hand time was created, and by my hand shall it be destroyed.

That said, I do not condone the lecherous actions of the Hebrew smegma goblin. It is not the way of the bloodfeaster to feel entitled to the holes of the trembling, merely because of my status as the one true god-king. Carnock believes in attaining consent the old-fashioned way, by defeating a woman's previous owner and claiming her as compensation for his failure as a warrior and protector. We saw all the movies that got nominated, and most of them sucked. But Get Out was sick, dude.

That guy gets stabbed with a fucking deer head. And what's-her-bitch from that HBO show Girls is in it, I think. Not the fat one, the hot one who gets her butthole licked. Yeah, but she's like a super bitch, and it's rad. Your human construct of racism confounds Karnak. Human genetics are irrelevant. All are equally doomed under the reign of Karnak. The only color I see is red.

I was thrilled to see the film you call Lady Bird, until I realized it bore no relation to the fabled Lady Bird of the Dark Forest. A common myth in my realm, the Lady Bird is a half-woman, half- falcon, created by a demented sorcerer on a drunken dare. With the soaring wings of a beast, and the

bloodshot eyes of the human she once was, she stalks the midnight skies, swooping down upon unruly children and vomiting the remains of many worms down their shrieking gullets. Yeah, that would have been gnarly. This was just about some skinny Irish bitch being mad at her mom or something.

I don't know. I got bored ten minutes in and started watching Salo on my phone. You ever see it, Carnock? Indeed, the highest grossing comedy in the history of the Kingdom of Doom. And now we come to the slobbering valentine to the glum pugman, Churchill. Darkest hour.

Oh, you weak humans. You fear a mere hour of darkness? The darkness reigns eternal in the Kingdom of Doom. The elders remember the one day the sun dared to cast its light into my dominion. I leapt screaming through the cosmos, and I fucked the sun and its molten core Until my mighty semen dimmed its fires forever Yeah, it rained cum for a while And then the trees grew babies

Oh yeah, we saw that fucking newspaper movie The Post Yeah, it's got that old lady from The Devil Went Down to Prada or whatever That shit sucked Mind your tongue, Dawson I may be the most evil creature in all of creation But even I respect the hell out of Mare of Streep. Hail Streep!

Sit beside me on a throne of polished ribcages. With my unquestionable strength and your ability to bring a wide array of characters to life effortlessly, we shall conquer hell and Hollywood. Hell's a lot like Hollywood. People are dying to get in. What are you, fucking Bruce Valanche? Also, they're both full of Jews. It's day on the Jew stuff.

The Mean Boys have sponsors now. Quick, say something about Call Me By Your Name. Call Me By Your Name. How about Call Me By Your Lame? Not your best work, Dawson. Shit, okay. More like Call Me By Your Gay. Moving on.

We have... Or like Call Me A Big Homo Bull Moving on. We have. Or like call me a big homo bullshit movie. This ends now. You've taken too many mulligans on this joke and your next attempt should be your last. They're gay in it. The movie. It's about gay guys. Speaking of gay.

What about the shape of water? I thought it'd be good because the guy who made it that one blade to a movie and it, like, my favorite Blade movie, except for the third Blade movie, because that's the one where Deadpool calls the chick a cunt. But, yeah, this shit was lame, and it felt kind of European or something. Like, you see that deaf chick's clam, which is kind of tight, admittedly, but it's all fucked up and hairy, and her cooch has, like, black guy hair,

and, like, she fucks the fish dude, but they don't even show it. That's like going to Star Wars and not seeing a Star War. There is only one shape of water that I care for, and it is the icicle blade of Blizzardonia, the dagger with which I killed the savage Yeti Queen. On to the next film! Every time

I think I have reached the zenith of the pathetic cowardice of humanity, I stumble across a new and vile low. You dare to call this Dunkirk a portrait of war? Boo-fucking-hoo! You all had a busy day at the beach. If you were to gaze

for a moment upon the fields of battle I have reigned victorious over, you would shit blood from your eyes, and your skeleton would leave your body, walk into the town square, and shoot itself in the face! Yeah, way to go, Christopher Nolan. You made war boring. Go drink tea out of your mom's butthole

you fucking goober. While we're on the subject of overrated hacks, the bard Paul Thomas Anderson returns with another film that you may ignore and then lie about seeing to impress your sniveling, besweatered wiener friends. I once defeated the seven-bellied pig demon of the gluttony caverns, and not even his

gaseous, grease-stuffed carcass was as bloated as this cinematic abortion. Is this movie the throats of my enemies? Because it could use many cuts. Huh. More like Daniel Gay-Lewis. There it is! Nailed it. And finally, we come to Three Billboards

outside Ebbing's, Missouri. Oh, dude. Three Billboards was tight as fuck. Indeed. It was terrible beyond all... Wait, what? You liked this movie? Oh, dude, Three Billboards was tight as fuck. Indeed, it was terrible beyond... Wait, what? You liked this movie? Oh, hell yeah, dude. Fucking what? Explain yourself! Dude, it was fucking rad.

When Aquaman was like, Hey, suck my dick, I'm going to Atlantis. And then he walks onto the pier, and they play that White Stripes song, from when they were good, before Jack White turned into an Amish lesbian, and he just jumps in like... Your memory is false!

Oh, right. I'm thinking about when I did school, huffed the whole thing a keyboard cleaner and watched Justice League. That was rad. Yeah, I don't know what this movie is, but if Aquaman's not in it, it can fuck right off. There you have it! Come for the celebration of the flailing retardation you dare to call art, and stay to see what social issue makes Jimmy Kimmel weep like a nun

with a ruptured hymen. Oh, I almost forgot to ask. Who do you have in your office pool? The drowned children of those who dare oppose me. See you at the movies, meat sacks! And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of one of our newer games. This game is called Price Check. So basically, he's like

looked around a bunch. Like he thought something exciting. Like he thought the fucking girls from Wheel of Fortune were going to come out and start flipping shit around. I was like trying to price everything in this room. You can buy everything in this house for $7. People will give you money to take it off their hands.

Goodwill would reject most of these items. Karen's belongings are currently on top of our Vonsopoly pieces, which we are very much banking on in terms of retirement options. So basically the way this game works is easy. I picked out two random things that might have some connection to each other. You guys have to figure out which one is more expensive. It's just that easy. So let's start off.

First one, which do we spend more on? Foreign aid to Nigeria last year, or Black Panther's projected opening weekend gross? Black Panther. Oh, man. That's got to be Black Panther. That is so funny. Yeah.

Let me call Opie really quick. No. You know what? I know Nigeria paid off their debt to the World Bank because Opie brings it up to me all the time. They just send him a bag of yams? No. They gave him a loan and then Nigeria I think is the only country to ever pay it off. So I don't think it's that much. I'm being way too...

I should just be more racist and less thoughtful. That's really what he's talking about. I'm shocked you know this much about Nigerian money lending. I listen to my roommate. He's a putter. I only know they're fucking lobbing chicks' clits off, left and right over there. But they pay back debt.

Lobbing seems like the clit is so big. I was about to say, yeah. Like it's the size of one of those arms that was welded to a baby. They just pull it out like a tongue. It's like a full weed whacker. And it's like, all right. I need one of those heated ice cream scoopers. Also very clumsy, like the opening pitch guy who's just very like,

there's no coordination. You can say clitoris here. It's a safe space. Oh, no, it's not that I can't. What do you call it? Girl dicks? Lady wangs. Yeah, the fucking madam mushroom tip.

That's the best Mario villain. Madam mushroom tip. All right. Mario takes the mushroom. He doesn't get bigger. He just gets more sensitive to everything. So Karen's going Black Panther. What do you think?

I think Black Panther. I think it's Black Panther. The correct answer, Black Panther, $210 million. Foreign aid to Nigeria, $413 million. That's too much. Let's get some of that shit back. Can we send some of the money they made on Black Panther? Wait, wait.

How much was it? One was 200. Another was 400. Is this a Nigerian voice? Yeah, this is a Nigerian retard. Oh, okay. Nice. Hell yeah.

With a bunch of clits in his mouth. Like he's playing Chubby Bunny with clits. You guys ever do that where you gotta see how many marshmallows you can get in your mouth

and say Chubby Bunny? Nigerian retard talking clits and honks for do that where you gotta see how many marshmallows you can eat in your mouth and see if it's a chubby bunny? Yeah. I'm cheering every time talking clits and honks for some reason. Honk, honk. Bop, bop, bop. Okay.

You guys are racist. You motherfuckers. Um, yes? Sorry. Yeah, round two. Oh, we already did it. At the last time, it's just like someone

released a slutty macaw into the studio and is just flapping about causing a ruckus. It's just like someone released a slutty macaw into the studio. And it's just flapping about, causing a ruckus. It's a good character. You mildly fuckable parrot. All right. Thank you. Round two.

Which of the following costs more at last sale? The house where JonBenet Ramsey was killed or the house where the Manson family murders happened? Oh, hell yeah. What was the first part of the question? Which one costs more the last time they went up for sale? And these have been adjusted to inflation. Oh. Hmm. Interesting. JonBenet Ramsey. These have been adjusted to inflation. Oh, interesting.

John Benavry. I've got to go Manson. I don't know. If I'm buying a house with ghosts, I want it to be that cute little tap-dancing blonde girl. Yeah, that's a way better ghost than just a bunch of weird, shitty L.A. people. Was the Manson house a mansion? It was just like a house.

It was in L.A. It was just a regular-ass house? What do you need so much space for? I'm just trying to think. Because property value is more in California. I'm just going to put a bunch of Legos in one room. I've got to keep my swords somewhere. I never liked Legos. I wish I did.

He was more of a mega-block guy. Because I know the Binet house was fucking huge. I love that you guys started as a team and now you've just straight up turned on Tom I think we're like I think we're coming

back around though we just had a moment of I've never moved alright you've just been circling around me not just podcast wise

just physically I'm gonna go I'm gonna go Binet alright we're going they both said Manson I said I'm gonna go Binet okay the correct answer

I went Binet you went Binet I went'm going to go Binet The correct answer I went Bidet You went Bidet? Did you aim it at your car? You fucking shit goblin So we got two Bidets and you're saying Manson The correct answer Charles Manson, $3.2 million Jon Binet, $2.5 million

I wish I knew more about that house Because Property value in California yeah well yeah a bunch of people apparently Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails bought it

what a fucking lame ass move well he lived there for a while and then they did an interview where they were like why'd you move he's like oh yeah

because the sister of the girl who got killed was like hey could you not live here because it feels fucked up he's like oh good point and stole the door on his way out

oh that's fucking awesome I'll just turn this into a coffee table. All right, round number three. Which of the following costs more, a three-course dinner for one at one of Gordon Ramsay's London restaurants, or the amount of money I received in food stamps this month? Ooh, it's got to be Gordon Ramsay. Because I know we get the same amount. And I know what my amount is.

I'm not telling Tom or Karen. Why? I have bad news. They're about to find out. I know. It's going to be in the internet. Just so I don't help them win. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Doesn't he have an advantage if he knows the number? Yeah, it's your problem for not being on food stamps, you hard-working

bitch. That'll teach you to have a mildly successful career. I know how much you guys get, and I for sure think it's Gordon Ramsay is more expensive. Okay. How do you guys, I mean, I feel like you guys have got to get a lot.

I mean, you've got to get a lot, Keith. I feel like you might be eating at least $700 worth of food stamps. Yeah, you fat asshole. Shut up, barely less fat than me. Keith gets his groceries from the restaurant wholesaler where he's just like, I just need a drum of grease. How much for your entire sheep? I would like a couch-sized loaf of bread.

I feel like you go regular grocery shopping and then just use your food stamps for snacks. That's not terribly far off. Yeah, a lot of them are 7-Eleven Red Bulls. Yeah, that is most of what my food stamp money goes to.

Stamp it up. I've got wings. I bought energy drinks at CVS with my food stamps three hours ago. I'm going to the second we're done recording this show.

All right, I'll vote Gordon Ramsay. Okay. Gordon Ramsay, $168. Amount I received in food stamps, $137. Oh, you only got a $137? It's prorated because they had problems with the paperwork and also it's a short month. Oh, man.

Okay. That's interesting. I should have remembered that. I got a tight food leash. Because I got $192, player. What? Yeah. I just picture food leash being some sort of bondage thing with licorice.

It's only $168 because a lot of those fucking... The alt-right guys that listen to this podcast are going to report me for making too much Patreon money to fucking get food stamps. I'm going to starve. Yeah, this game is going to cost us all our government aid. The good thing it was mildly amusing. A lot of those three Michelin star fucking restaurants, $250 is fucking cheap for a meal. Tom's body actually has five Michelin star fucking restaurants is like $250 is fucking cheap for a meal. Tom's body actually has five Michelin stars. I've watched

a Netflix show about this shit. Oh, really? I thought you were a real foodie. Oh, no. I thought you were a Bougie McBougie. No. I went to one fancy restaurant. Bougie McBougie. Man, Kara, you are the worst.

I know. I kind of like that I could be restaurant. Bougie McBougie. Man, Karen, you are the worst. I know. I kind of love you. I kind of like that I could be mistaken for bougie. Is it the hair? Yeah, Tom, if I just saw your head, you might be like a DJ or something. But seeing the rest of you and the shirts that you've all gotten for free over the course of this show. Yeah, I'm like, oh, my grandpa's shirt. What?

I said, oh, he can't spell DJ. Yeah. All right. What the heck said, oh, he can't spell DJ. Yeah. All right. What the heck? Which one costs more? A one-way flight from Boston to L.A. on 9-11 2017 or a family pack of tickets to the 9-11 Memorial Museum? Oh, man. Life versus admission?

Yeah, exactly. This is the closest one, I will say that. The price between the two. This is good. Keith, I feel like it hasn't come up that much on the show. Keith, your 9-11 story. Oh, yeah. I was supposed to be on the second plane that hit the World Trade Center.

Bummer. I know, right? I dodged it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I lived and then gave you a platform to be kind of okay on. That's crazy. You almost died. Yeah.

I was a freshman in college when it happened, and my mom was like, do you want to leave? Damn, Karen is old. I was like, how come nobody has jumped on that yet? You fooled me. I think I was eight. But, man, you are done. You are done, sister. There is nothing for you.

But now I was really sad. You haggard wretch. Okay, okay. I'm just trying to make you remember that far back. I know, especially because I had eight concussions post-9-11. Oh, you got a bunch of concussions. We're best friends. Tom, how many concussions have you racked up?

I don't count that much. Let's do a price check on this. It's Over 13. I know it's a lot, but still less than psych ward admissions. You know Tom's thinking the louder he gets. The volume increases. You're really, okay, one, two. He's charging up the laser of a thought.

Yeah, probably around a dozen. Yeah. Okay. But nothing too major. What did you get concussed doing, or if it's not a funny story? Don't even open your mouth. No, I would fall on my face a lot. I got eight stitches in my head.

I would just always fall when I was drunk, and I wouldn't think to use my hands to break that fall. It's because you use your mouth for everything else. Oh, God. I'm just trying to make her feel comfortable. She's from New York. This is how podcasting is out there. Oh, man. No, it's fine.

Do we have guesses on this one? I'm sorry. I forgot. 9-11. Never forget. I'm saying the family packet tickets cost more. It's a family of five? Family of three. Family of three. It was a family of five, but then...

Yeah, two of them are in Pennsylvania somewhere. I think the flight's more expensive. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to go with that, too. What? Flights. Okay. I'm going to go with this teammate's answer. The flight from Boston to L.A., $, too. What? Flights. Okay. Let's see what his teammates answer.

The flight from Boston to L.A., $117. What? The family bag of tickets, $123. What? Ooh, nice. $117. Why was it so cheap? 17 years ago.

No, no, no. This is where you were to fly on 9-11 this year. Oh, this year? I went on kayak this morning. Oh, I thought this was back when Karen was only like 35. Yeah, it was the same way she filed for social security benefits. They're good. Oh, you poor crunchy lady.

All right. All right, I got two more. This is fun. We're all artists here. I think we can appreciate the value of art. So which is worth more, the Mona Lisa or the worldwide gross of Shrek 4? Dude, this is a good one. That's tough, right? Oh, that is so good. I got to go Mona Lisa or the worldwide gross of Shrek 4? Dude, this is a good one. That's tough, right?

Oh, that is so good. I got to go Mona Lisa. Because I don't think Shrek 4 did great numbers. I didn't know there was a Shrek 4. I'm embarrassed. Wasn't it a Christmas special or something? Not as embarrassed as the makers of Shrek 4 should be. No, it was straight up Shrek.

We watched Shrek 4 in Sacramento. It was not that bad. Then we got Shrek 4 ever after. It was better than Shrek 3. I liked the first Shrek. I loved the first Shrek. Second Shrek was okay. Didn't like it. But it was alright. Third Shrek,

they lost it. They just lost touch of what made Shrek. I'm about to blow your mind. What about Star Shrek? Donkey! The Romulans are getting in the swamp or something, Donkey. Star Trek. Do they make a Star Trek? They should.

They should, yeah. Oh, take my butt to impulse power, donkey. I hate that this is happening. Man, Karen is really regretting this. Your quit just cut itself off. That's how weird that was. I'm just trying to figure out if I could take a nap. I'm going to go Mona Lisa, but yeah, there's no right answer on this one.

You know a lot about the Shrek, you know. The Shrekiverse. My dad just made, because he's an artist, and he just made an interpretation of Mona Lisa, but she has a bullet through her head and she's bleeding all over herself. It's pretty fucking awesome. Did your mom leave your dad? No. Only spiritually. Only spiritually?

What does that mean? I don't know. I was trying to make a joke and I flamed the words. That has a studio at his home at John Wayne Gacy's house. I've got two for Mona Lisa. Karen, you guess. Yeah, Mona Lisa. The Mona Lisa's were $620. Yeah, Mona Lisa. Great answer. The Mona Lisa's were $620 million.

The worldwide gross of Shrek 4, $782 million. Wow, I feel bad for underestimating Shrek. Yeah, always bad on Shrek. Fuck. World gross, though, that makes sense. Yeah. Because that seems like it would be a popular movie in China when they don't. I'm just waiting for you to say Asians love Shrek. And then you to tell some kind of lacrosse anecdote that has nothing to do with it.

All right. And the last one. I feel like it would be more popular in South America than Asia. It's not ACDC. It's fucking Shrek, you dumbass. The last one. Which of the following is – or not which of the following. Which one costs more? The average cost of an hour-long therapy session

in Miami, Florida or an all-American annual membership at the Stoneheart Gun Club in Miami, Florida? Ooh. Which one costs more?

Therapy? Therapy. Okay. I gotta go therapy. What kind of therapy are we getting? I mean, are we getting like a low-budget...

Average cost of an hour therapy session. With no insurance. Yeah. Yeah. Therapy. Okay. I don't know session. With no insurance. Yeah. Yeah. Therapy. Okay. I don't know.

Guns are fun. Guns are really cool. Especially in Florida. Yeah. A year long. I don't know. I'm going to go guns just to play the other one. Correct answer.

That one is a tie. They're both $75 exactly. Oh, nice. This debate will rage on forever. Oh, wow. That's for a whole year. I mean, that's a much better deal. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But you can just shoot guns in. Oh, wow. That's for a whole year. I mean, that's a much better deal. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. But you can just shoot guns in your backyard, though. Yeah. Yeah, the only time I ever shot a gun was in a vacant lawn in Bakersfield. Yeah. I killed me a beer bottle in Indiana. On that note, the Me Boys podcast will be right back after this. Hey, everybody.

The Me Boys podcast is brought to you by Studio Headphones. Studio Headphones. Studio Headphones. They're fucking great, man. They sound fantastic. Unbelievable audio quality. Yeah, I don't know why we keep doing this movie announcer bit in these ads. I don't know, man.

I'm just trying to come up with something to fill the time. They're good headphones is the fucking point. Oh, you know what? Mr. Ear here. Get the fuck out of. You don't need. Stop it. Stop it at once.

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Beautiful. Unbelievable. I want to fuck this sound in the mouth. That's how Mr. Ear was created. Oh my God. It's not even funny as an anti-joke anymore.

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These are a fantastic gift. You slide a pair of studio headphones into your loved one's box. Do you put them in their pussy? You fuck somebody with the headphones. I'm just so traumatized by Mr. Ear. You want to be able to hear music while you're eating her out? You're looking at Clinton hearing...

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with promo code MEANBOYS. Ear out. Hey everybody, the Mean Boys podcast is back. Tom has a quick anecdote for us apparently. Yeah, so I was in Bloomington, Indiana. I want to point out this story started with, so the second time I held a sniper rifle. Yeah, the second sniper rifle I held in Indiana. We did

a show in Bloomington. In Indiana. Like a garage or something. It was a weird show. It was fun. Karen is just editing Instagram pictures. I knew he was going to say something and I'm like, Indiana, remember that. So he knows you're listening. I don't care. You can do whatever you want. I'm not mad.

I'm playing defense all the way. The fucking shields came out. I'm not mad. I'm playing defense all the way. It's just funny how... You're fucking active listening. The fucking shields came out. The guns are out. You're like, I'm done getting called a cop. I'm just impressed that your memory is still sharp at your old age.

Yeah, thank you. Hey, there's another microwaved old lady joke for you. Another little dig. You're too old for show business. Anyway, Tom, you had a gun. Low-hanging fruit, but enough about your cans. Cha-cha, don't step on your nips. I wish

they were big enough to sag. So do we all. The guy who we're staying with... On TruTV, they're sag-eligible. Oh, sorry. Hey! We refuse to let you tell this story. Yeah, the part of me is just like,

let's just go on to the game what's the story uh and uh he goes oh when my my dad died he gave me this world war one sniper rifle you guys want to see it and he pulls it out and it's he's like it's russian you open it up he like takes it apart you can see the tally marks because they can't keep it on the outside of the gun those are all the kills he had it's was like, oh, wow, this is crazy. This is real cool. I was like, how'd your dad die?

He goes, oh, he shot himself with this gun. Whoa. I go, did you add a tally? That's awesome. That's like when we did

a show in San Diego and we spray painted a Mean Boys fan's dead dad's jacket with our logo on it. Oh, yeah, that was pretty cool. All right, guys. Well, it's time to get into a Mean Boys fan's dead dad's jacket with our logo on it. Oh, yeah, that was pretty cool. All right, guys.

Well, it's time to get into a round of our favorite game, Witch of the Following. Wee-wee-wee. This week, this game comes to us from Mason Shear, one of our favorite listeners. Took us out for barbecue when we were in Austin. He writes, hey, Mean Boys, here's a Witch of the Following featuring real sex advice tips featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine. So how this game works, Karen, is we're going to have three real things and one fake thing.

You've got to figure out what the fake thing is. Which one of these is a fake sex tip? Okay. Alright, we're going to take it away. A. Watching a woman do yoga is the hottest foreplay you could have without touching each other. Yeah, everyone wants to smell like... What is this from? Sex tips from Cosmopolitan Magazine.

Oh, that piece of shit. Okay. Spying journalism. It's real detailed sex tips from people who I don't think have ever fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. B, place one hand at the base of his shaft and twist the tip with the other like you're opening a jar.

Get off. Oh, God. Fuck you. Get off. Oh, man. Is that a big episode for genital mutilation? Let me get my little rubber square so I can grip it better. Honey, can you come in here?

I'm having a little trouble with this dick. I need my stronger roommate to open the dick. I need a big, strong man to open this dick. Use a knife. Tap it open. Run it under some hot water. After dinner with his parents, text him,

was that your hand rubbing my leg under the table or your dad's? Wait, what? What? Incest? Yeah, get him. You guys, sex is not that complicated.

You cannot make a magazine about this shit every week and not have it end up batshit retarded. All right, D, go down in him while also sucking on a lemon for maximum lip puckering.

What? Ow! Alright, so three of these are real. Why did all of this advice just hurt him? Yeah, like, put citrus in his pee hole. Get the most acidic food possible. Yeah, Cosmo is just slowly, gradually turning into, like, a field manual for the

war on men. Yeah. I had a gal offer to put a ice cube in her mouth while she blew me. And I was like, fuck you. That's actually kind of fun. Really? I've done that. We've talked about this. Yeah, it's pretty tight.

You scared it's going to shrink even more? I just don't like cold things on my wiener. Well, it's just like the mouth. It's like cold, but then it's also like warm. It's like the juxtaposition, the intense and then the... Well, I'll just fuck an old lady with icy hot. Like Bengay. We'll see what Karen's doing old lady with Icy Hot. Like Bengay. We'll see what Karen's doing after the show.

I brought my own Bengay. Connor's Bengay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the only person in this room who hasn't kissed a dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I assume. That you are.

He looked at me. For the record, guys, he looked at me. Karen just sort of taps them with her beak. Come here. So which one of these do we think is fake? We got yoga, jar dick, incest. The rub and tug, I think, sounds real aggressive. Yeah, yeah.

I think that one's not real. Well, theoretically, I could see that. I get it. But the twisty motion is real. Well, theoretically, I could see that. Like, I get it, but like... Well, yeah, the twisty motion is fine. But there was no mention of lube. But, yeah, I'm just picturing, like, an elbow getting worked into it. Like, so it's a lot of, like, torque. I feel like that...

Yeah. Yeah, and, like, the... I wish I had one of these two-hand dicks. I got a one-hand dick. I got, like, a one-hand and, like, two fingers. And it's like, who's that for? Yeah. That's okay.

You can give thumbs up. I'm just picturing a whole Little League team, like thing where they have to put their hands on a baseball bat. That is awesome. It's like, all right, who's getting molested by this priest first? Goddamn. I'm going to say the lemon one is the fake. All right. Tommy Goss.

I'm going to go... Lemon was C, right? Lemon was D. D, yeah. Lemon was D? Yeah. C was the... C was the dad one.

The incest one. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go with the dad one. All right, Karen. What? Did I not guess? Not yet, no. I think it's the jar one.

Okay. The answer, D, lemon is fake. Can't be getting citric in your dick hole. That's no good. I just got lost in, is it Tom or Todd's eyebrows? I'll be honest. It was Tom. It's Todd now.

Todd Goss. I don't know why this one's so funny. They're so beautiful. Oh, thank you. You do have good brows. I don't fuck with them. They're funny. They're so beautiful. Oh, thank you. You do have good brows. I don't fuck with them. They're just, they're naturally. No, yeah.

Everything else is. I just love it because they always look like you're pondering some deep thought. And then you're just like, what if shoes were a hat? Gooses are cool. Man, I'm starting to understand Trump voters because it's just very, you're just like so committed to being the worst. It's kind of charming. Yeah. All right.

Round number two, which is long as not's not a real Cosmopolitan magazine sex advice. A. Stand beside a soft-spraying sprinkler and bend over so the water hits your genitals. Yeah. Wait, can you go back? What is the title of this round again? It's Cosmo sex advice. Cosmo sex advice. We got some special rounds later, but yeah, that one's just like let a sprinkler shoot you in the junk.

You're going to need more water pressure than that though. Well, maybe it's like one of those ones that goes real far. Is the idea like

that you're trying to like get the sprinkler to make you cum or are you trying to like make your shit look like wet and appealing so you're just like

I think it's like your wet dick. Well, I think it might be for a chick. Yeah, I was thinking chick too. Now I'm thinking of a guy

waving his dick. Yeah, but just like a girl in clothes with like a wet crotch and be like, oh, you, yeah. I was thinking chick, too. Now I'm thinking of a guy waving his dick. Yeah, but just like a girl in clothes with a wet crotch and be like, oh, you peed. I would be like, oh, she's really ready to go.

That would hurt. I know that would be a lot of... Well, yeah. I've gotten shot... It's not like you have a lot of open sores on your dick.

I've gotten shot in the dick with a power hose before and that didn't feel great. All right, everybody, hold on to your clits. I sprayed it with Axe and that really hurt. Why did you do that?

I gotta thank you, Dad. I sprayed it with Axe and that really hurt. Why did you do that? I gotta thank you, Dad. It was during Hell Week for football and I was like, I don't have time. I gotta run. So I gave it a little spray and then started running. And then as I was running,

the pain just like... I was going down the stairs. A bunch of other dicks tackled your dick and tried to fuck you. All right, guys. B, find out what his mom's job is and dress up as a sexy version of that. Dude, we need to get the parents out of these articles. C, sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Fuck you, Ratatouille.

That's not good at all. I don't want to sneeze while I'm coming. Have you ever done that? No. Oh, it's at all. I don't want to sneeze while I'm coming. Have you ever done that? No. Oh, it's a nightmare. Oh, like put pepper in your nose? No, no, no. Just sneezed when you come.

No, I haven't. I've sneezed farted a few times hilariously. Keith, you've done that? Yeah, one time. That's some wish upon a star shit. Do you sneeze in the girl's face as you're coming? It was on the top of her head. Did you turn yourself inside

out when it happened? Yeah, I think I went to a different dimension. You're like, you're in the super splash zone. Yeah, I'm Keith Prime. There's a Keith Beta floating around somewhere in the ether. Alright, guys. Or D, after sex, grab your still moist panties from the floor and use them to tie your hair back. That's kind of hot. Yeah, I don't hate

that. That's just utilitarian. Spreading that musk around Yeah that's some Mad Max fucking Like Yeah Alright so we're So it's uh Sprinkler

Mom's job Sexy mom Pepper And panty hair tie It's gotta be pepper That's too stupid Yeah I agree I

I Genuinely think Ah fuck I wanna say sprinkler Okay But I don't want to say sprinkler. Okay. You're sprinkler than dingler. Am I right, guys?

Hey. Hey. Yeah, because that also, most sprinkler water is very dirty. And, you know, I feel like that could give you some infections down there and stuff. I'm coming from Captain Hygiene. Hey, I told you how I use my axe. Professor Pussy Doctor here. Hello.

I'm just picturing Tom's pubes look the same as his hair. It's me, the inventor of boater deodorant, and I'm here to tell you that that is unsafe. A. I agree with you. Go ahead. Go on. Yeah, A. Okay, yeah, Tom, you're a tremendous dong. It's B.

Find out what his mom's job is and dress up as a sexy version of that. I didn't say that either. It's weird that the dad one was real and that's not, because I feel like the mom one is way more. I wasn't actually asked to guess on that one. You did guess. You said the best. Oh, yeah, you said you agreed. I totally forgot.

All right. All right. Just hang out. We'll tell you what you did and didn't do. That's how my life seems to be going so far. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, what a dark.

They for sure think I did whatever drugs you used. Oops, we accidentally opened a window into Karen's soul. Let's close that and weather strip it. I'm the person who wakes up with a Facebook notification and is like, oh, no, what did I do? And I remember being at that place. Oopsie poopsie, I said the N word. Round number three. A. In the shower, get him

to shave your legs for ultimate submission. That sounds good. Like a Dommy thing? Yeah. All right. B. As you're eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, see how I'm devouring this piece of meat? That is how I'm going to devour you. Oh, no.

I'm going to shred your dick up with my teeth. I'm going to blow you sideways. I'm going to put you in a poorly cooked quesadilla, bitch. C. Surprise him by wearing a second pair of underwear in bed. What? What? These are my lucky fun ones. It's like when you put a small president inside a bunch of big boxes.

I sharted on the first pair, so they put on the other one. I got a little firewall here for you. D. Have someone hide in the closet, but don't tell your partner. Yeah. And then what? Make sure they're Asian. That's all we got. Wait, hang on.

Why Asian? Why not? I would think Jewish. What? Or D, commit a sex crime. Yeah, that's not cool. We here at the Mean Boys podcast believe there are lines, all right? Yeah, we believe.

Okay. All weird closet door cuckoldings should be discussed ahead of time. Why Asian, why not is maybe my favorite bit of banter on this podcast of all time. This is New York comedy. You just throw out a race

and then stick to it. Stick to landing, babe. You gotta stick to landing. No, ninjas are good at hiding. She's not wrong It's not racist if it's true There's a restaurant called the Ninja Restaurant In fucking New York where they pay Asians To flip around and scare you like ninjas

And then bring you some fucking sushi Here's what happened it said you went to any sushi restaurant And got frightened by a Japanese man Fair fair fair No no it's karate themed as you run off into the night. Yeah, there was PCP on that blunt, and then now you left a very troubling Yelp review. That's what went down. Also, it wasn't even a restaurant.

It was a dry clean. He was just jacked up. He was flipping ninjas. What, he gave me my shirt or my sushi? What the fuck? All right, so what do we think? I have no idea what they are. Well, yeah, bullet point them one more time.

All right, leg shaving. I like that. I'm going to eat your dick like a chicken wing. That's good. Wear a second pair of underwear or have someone hide in the closet and don't tell them. Don't hate that either. Is C just for magicians? Is it important you're wearing another pair of underwear on top of your normal underwear?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I want David Copperfield to be like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, yeah. Like a Russian S2 twat? Okay. I want David Copperfield to be like, do, do, do, do, just with the... Just pull them out of her pussy.

Wow. I mean, in ragtime music is your impression of what a magician does. Yeah, that's what they do. I'm going to say... Both are disliked.

I mean, it shouldn't be the... It should be the closet one, but I think that's real. I think it's the two pairs of underwear one is the fake one. Okay.

Yeah, I guess I'll go closet one. All right, so I'm going to guess. What was A again? A was get him to shave your legs in the shower. See, I think that sounds stupid but both of you guys are like, ooh, that sounds hot. So I fucking...

It's okay. It's pretty clear you've never had an adult relationship. Yeah. We had a listener call in last week and just his job, like people at his work, it's their job to go Take retarded people to fuck

And like supervise it or whatever And he left us a very horrifying voicemail About the whole process To the point where we were getting texts We're like hey did somebody Just commit a crime on your show We're like no it was consensual and gross Yeah yeah

So alright now that all the guesses are in The answer is C Surprise him by wearing A second pair of underwear in bed. You were right. All right, guys. Round number four, all random objects round. I also just realized Mason is a dude, which means he just went through a bunch of Cosmo

sex articles. Yeah, he did. Oh, yeah, he is. Yeah. A dude we ate barbecue with. Yeah. That explains why he was like, I'm going to devour you like I devoured this shredded pork. Yeah.

All right, round number four, all random objects, round A, taking turns spanking each other with a spatula, working your way up to a metal one. Okay, B, press a fork into different parts of his body, pecs, thighs, butt cheeks, etc. Mason got hungry. Talking about eating the booty like groceries, huh, gang? C, slip a donut around his penis and slowly eat it off. Dear Red House performer, my name is Keith, and I never thought it could happen to me. D, while you're in your underwear, have him turn on a vacuum hose on low and hold it over your clitoris.

I don't want my clit to be abducted by aliens. That's upsetting. I love how you guys are more sensitive about your clits than mine. I'm like, I don't know, let her ride. Well, I put my dick in a vacuum hose before. Yeah, because your dick looks like Rocky's face. My dick rules

and you know it. Oh, no, I was trying to say Karen's clit. I know, I was like, I feel like that was a dick at me. Oh, man. I felt it. I don't know why I got defensive. Thank you for clarifying. All I do is hype up your dick. It's true, it's very uncomfortable. I think this is Steve Hernandez's thing. He's like, if your buddy has a big dick

It's your job to tell everybody I try to be a good friend like that Anyway So a spatula spanking, a fork booty Donut dick or a vacuum clit Donut dick sounds so unfun But it also is for sure something they would do I just keep imagining Homer Simpson

Just, ooh I just have never wanted Simpson just, ooh. I just have never wanted crumbs in my pubes ever. No. What if it's like a Boston cream, too? Then that's gotten real messy. You could just fuck that. I'm starving.

I know, goddammit, this sucks. Now I'm hungry and kind of horny. As somebody who's eaten a pastry off a naked person before, I ate the donut one of the rest. Keith ate a cake off a butt, and we're like, oh my God. He was like, it was my birthday.

Hey, it was my birthday. Well, yeah. I went into the hotel room and she was all naked. She had a birthday cake up on her ass. I was like, neat.

What a fun night for me. Mike, this chick fucked a cake in front of my dad once at a show. What? She was just like sitting on this cake,

like fucking this cake. Yeah. Yeah. Well, cake farts are a thing. Yeah. Oh, she did those. They shot across the room. Did your dad have any review of this show?

Did they pass out Gallagher ponchos for everybody? Exactly, Splash Zone. My dad, he didn't find her that talented. He was like, I like the black one. She danced to a Boyz II Men song. I've seen better cake fucking. Did I guess?

I say vacuum. That sounds painful. It'll just. But did I guess? I say vacuum. All right. That sounds painful. Yeah, like it'll just come off. I'm going to go... You've got to fish around in a dust bus to find your clit? It's like animated, and then it's like the bouncing clit, and so you've got to find it. This summer from Pixar.

I'm going to screw it back on. Clits are living. I'm going to go fork. All right, guys. The fake one. A, taking turns spanking each other with a spatula, working your way up to a metal one. I mean, that is sort of, you know,

taking a lot of assumptions, thinking people have that many spatulas. I think you got one, you're good. Yeah. Yeah. How many spatulas? Work your way up. If you're going to spank me, just go metal spatula. Like, don't fucking condescend to me with a little.

The taking turns spanking, too. I'm just like, somebody's in charge of the spanking. It feels weird to be like, now it's your turn. Nah. Alright guys, number five, I'll penis round. Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other. Like you're trying to

wake up Tom. Is this on? We gotta go, the bus is here. B, move his penis up and down like an old school Atari joystick. Up, down, side to side, in a circle. No. No. Don't do that ever.

The fun part's not at the bottom. C. Make two fists around his shaft, or one and a half if you're Connor, and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can. Give his dick an Indian burn. Indian burn, yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. D. Squeeze his penis as hard as you can once every

minute until he climaxes. The Indian burn one feels like you're going to get my herpes anyway, so let's just get you. I'm just picturing having to fuck after you got an Indian burn on your dick. Got a purple dirkle.

Todd Tom's going to spray X all over it. Oh, jeez. I got it mixed up again This is That is on fire The thrill of a handjob With the excitement of a sunburn Are these all real and all fake?

No we got one more round Did a little extra curricular activity I think it's the I think it's the squeeze at every minute one Okay Cause I feel like that could work Like if you just like did like a teasing And denial thing Where it's just like I'm barely gonna touch you gross Yeah but like One a minute though I feel like that could work. Like if you just did a teasing and denial thing where it's just like

I'm barely going to touch you grossly. Yeah, but like one a minute though, I feel like you're never going to blow up. It's not like Superman's heart where it beats. I like the one where it's like a joystick and you wave it around. Karen was so polite by pretending to laugh at the Superman's heart. And I really appreciate it. I could just feel her

clam just tightening. You know, like all those I could just feel her clam just tightening. You know, like all those doors from Get Smart close around her pussy. It's gone. It's at LAX. There's barnacles on it. I mean, the good thing is she doesn't have to check a bag when she drinks. I don't get it.

I'm the bag. Oh, no. I thought you could just keep a bunch of stuff in your pussy. Like it was that magic briefcase from the new Harry Potter movie Look there's a lot of We all get the point you're kind of gross Did I guess? No

I guessed the Indian burn one Alright Tom Goss Was the fork this round or last round? You're starving he's so hungry Give me a sandwich I forgot what they were So I'm going to say Indian burn too You're starving. He's so hungry. Give me a sandwich. I forgot what they were, so I'm going to say Indian Bird, too. The fake one.

D. Squeezes penis as hard as you can once every minute until it climaxes. As hard as you can? That's crazy. I should have figured that one out. Yeah, and the eyes bulge out of the top like a squeezy toy. Round number six. All real or all fake? These are either all real ones or all fake ones, Karen.

A, tickle his feet with your nipples. That sounds kind of cool. I would be, like, into that. How would you not stop laughing? Wait, so I'm just picturing a guy has to lay down with his feet in the air. You've got to, like, bend over.

It feels like you're playing with a baby. Or you're about to do, like, the human airplane, like, any second. You're like, ah, just pick me up. Also, if you're bending back like that, you've got your knees up by your head, your asshole is just everywhere. It's ready.

Yeah, you're just fucking dropping shit. B, lie across an ottoman and tell him, Professor Wankerton, I've been bad. I need a spanking. Again, presumptuous that we're rich and have ottomans. I know, right? Professor, can you make up your own name? Is Wankerton set in stone?

Yeah, can I just bang? Can I just bend over a milk crate? Because that's the most furniture we have in this house. What were you saying, Tom? I was just laughing and agreeing with everyone else. Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't want to cut you off. See, rub lotion along your inner thighs and have him slide his penis in and out between them.

Oh. Okay. It's like the pussy's right there. What are we doing with that? That one sounds wild. I get that. That one makes sense to me, though, because I've done the fuck the butt cheeks thing, but not the whole. This is what is sexually exciting to you if your entire life is just getting Teddy Grahams for little league teams.

You're just like, I don't even know. A guide for after you escape a cult. Jeepers, I'm going to dick your legs up. Or D, very softly bite the skin of his scrotum. I mean, I'm sure... Very softly? That doesn't sound too bad.

I'm sure glad you said it. You like the gentle? Like that scrot nibbled thing? Just as long as it's not like fried chicken skin. As long as it's like you're eating a turkey leg at a county fair. I'm just picturing you spraying X in a girl's face. Too much, too much. My save word is psst.

I was also 13 when that happened. It's all good, dude. We've all done dumb stuff with our dicks Totally A bunch of people put theirs in Karen Idiot So what do we think guys All of them fool

And they didn't bring their dicks back out They're just in there now Man I feel like a real piece of shit I don't even know Karen. I thought everyone was going to have a good time. Yeah, I'm really hurt. I'm going to blog about this. Yeah, you're going to go use the Wi-Fi at the public library.

What IHOP are you going to sit at? I know, I'm picturing you trying to blog. It's just you writing on a computer on a Sharpie. Yeah, and then Instagramming it. Did I do it? Did I do a blog? Hashtag blog, it's just you writing on a computer on a Sharpie. Yeah, and then Instagramming it. Did I do it? Did I do a blog? Hashtag blogged it, bitches. All right, guys.

Are those all real or all fake? I think they're all real. I forgot all of them. You say all real or all fake? All real. Nice girl. You go what? All real.

All right, guys. Those are all real. Nice and done. Nice and sheer. Cosmo, you dumb hookers. You've got to get better at fucking. It's been like 75 years. All right, guys. Those are all real. Nice and done, Mason. Cheers. Cosmo, you dumb hookers. You've got to get better at fucking. It's been like 75 years. All right?

Seriously. Yeah, you've been fucking since Karen was operational. All right, all right. She finally tapped out. All right, gang. The Mean Boys Podcast is right back with your voicemails, your questions, all that shit right after this. Rock and rolling, big old tits, fucking fucking dynamite it's party time cops are coming after me i'm some kind of a criminal guy i love legs i love explosions i I really love ACDC. Open wide for my lightning. It's a metaphor for my dick. Your parents fucked to this song. Your parents fucked to this song. Your parents fucked to this song.

Hey, everybody. Keith from the Mean Boys Podcast to remind you that we are, as always, brought to you by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. Oh, man. Going on two years of Don Carlo sponsorship, and it feels good because it's a great organization. I say that like they help homeless kids,

but it really is. They just feed us for free whenever we're on our way to San Diego. It's our longest sponsor. They've been here the longest. They make a goddamn good burrito. It's right across the street from La Jolla Comedy Store.

So go see a fantastic show with one of the great comedy store headliners and fucking fuel up beforehand. Genuinely the best burrito I've ever had. It's so good. It really is. The Carnitas Cali burrito at the fucking Don Carlos is unfuckwithable. I remember the first time I was brought there, my friend was like, wait till you have this

burrito. I'm like, dude, it's a fucking burrito. And then I ate it. I was like, holy shit, this is a fucking great burrito. Yeah. Yeah. And they have so much more than that. All the menu options and catering information are available at eataburrito.com. Jump on over so much more than that. All the menu options and catering information are available

at eataburrito.com. Jump on over there. Pre-game. Get excited. You know? And go check them out because they're a good friend of the show. And the Mean Boys podcast is back and we're dipping into the Mean Boys mailbag. Yeah, Karen is doing something. Just lightly jiggling in an audio

format. Was that shimmying? It was shimmying, yeah. Shimmy C's, whatever. ODB is rolling over in his grave. That is not what I meant. Shimmy shimmy nah. Shimmy eh, shimmy ugh.

Get this bitch home. Just seriously, it's a problem. I thought I knew about being old and dirty, and then I saw Karen. My name's just B now. Nice, dude. All right. You know, we haven't been really mean to a guest for a long time. No, we haven't.

I was just going to ask, why are you sticking up for me, my retard co-pilot? Why didn't you just... Ah, you lost me. You might treat me like a little mouse that you would hold in your hand. Well, this is where I start squeezing. Fuck off. He's going to squeeze you once every minute until you die. Oh my God, you've lost the valuable

tarred vote. Oh man, I can get it back. You need to jiggle your keys and offer him a piece of candy. I know, I was like, I saw peanut butter. I have bad news, the retards will be back and in greater numbers. Alright, at wayward...

Tell all my friends about you. At Wayward Cross writes, if there was an action figure made of you, what special features would it have? Kung fu, grip, color changing hair, etc. Tom would have a string that you'd pull and it would just be me doing his voice with the phrase. And that is why.

What's his name? It's either Scooby or Waldorf. I forget. Yeah. I think that is why. What's his name? It's either Scooby or Waldorf. I forget. Yeah. I think that would be yours. Sure. That sounds powerful. I'll take it.

What would you have, Keith? Oh, God. What do I have? I think you'd have like a Mr. Potato Head, like butt trunk full of like sexual paraphernalia. Yeah. That's a lot of thought. Well, yeah. You just pop up in the back flat. But I'm like, oh, I have the metal spatula and the ottoman.

All the stuff from the Cosmo article. Yeah, yeah. Various loose pairs of panties that I think might belong to somebody. What about you, Karen? What would you have? Mine would be able to shoot her own face with Botox. Oh, neat. Have you Botoxed?

No, but I will. Stretch Armstrong, but just in the face? I'm very open to it, and I have been looking at Groupons. That is awesome. That is the most L.A. thing I've ever heard. I'm checking out a Groupon for Botox. I'm checking out a Groupon.

I'm not a... Welcome home, Karen. I'm not a groupon. I love L.A. I love going to Miami. I always say that's where hot chicks go to die.

I'm ready. You put you out to pasture out there. Done. It's fine. All right. Black Hercules writes, if you could be

any Disney princess, who would you be and why? Black Hercules. Pull that picture up. Like whatever princess Black Hercules wants, if you could be any Disney princess, who would you be and why? Black Hercules. Pull that picture up. Like whatever princess Black Hercules was. I don't know. What do you want? The little one with the long hair?

Rapunzel? Was that one? Yeah. We took a quiz about this. I forget which one I was. Oh, yeah. I think I was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. You know you were Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Girl, I'm a reader. I feel like I'd be. I'll fuck some animals. You know what I'm saying? I feel like I'd be like Ariel. Oh, she's a good one. Because I abandoned a reader. I feel like I'd be... I'd fuck some animals. I feel like I'd be like Ariel. Oh, she's a good one. Because I abandoned my friends. I feel like I'd be evil, like old-face Ariel.

Oh, okay. How does Eric fall for that? Because he's under a spell. Remember? She's really Ursula. It's really Ursula, but she's trying to be like... I feel like maybe Cinderella. I've been locked up enough times to justify it.

Nice. Hell yeah. Do you think Tom would be able to start his own religion? I'm going to let Karen answer this question. I mean, I pray for him every night. I think you could, man. If you had any kind of ideology or agenda, I think it would be yours for the taking. If I wasn't a complete spiritual nihilist, I feel like I could definitely do people into this.

It's more just wrangling people to do shit, right? It's just kind of like... You're just kind of manipulative. When I was a freshman in high school... You hate doing stuff. Yeah, I really do. When I was a freshman in high school, there was this little clique of girls that told me I should try this and that they'd follow me. So, I mean, I feel like that's a good indicator that I'd be good at this.

I have been thinking recently that if I didn't get into comedy, I could have maybe been a pretty good cult leader. Absolutely, dude. You're just like fucking persuasive. People tell me that all the time. Yeah, I could be on that L. Ron Hubbard shit. Oh, totally, yeah. Sexual Harassment Panda writes, chicks with guns is sexy.

I know that guy. That guy's great. His name is Mike. Okay. I don't know if you want to put it in somebody else's comments afterwards. You mean our. Yeah. Some fucking limp dicks like goon trying to get Karen's approval.

Speaking of which, on Facebook, John Ryan says, tell her I said she's hot on the podcast. So I will tell you, you are definitely hot on the radio. That's one. That's one for me. You each get to go build and design your own theme park. What is it called and what kind of rides and attractions does it have? I think that Karen's is just like Dollywood, but like 20 years after it closes.

It's just full of slutty ghosts. Hers is just any bar with a mechanical bowl that kind of works. It's like the Bunny Ranch, but like, you know, 40 senior citizens. There's like a coke blood streak down the bowl's fucking face. They call them Old Crimson. I want to make like a water park with like,

and all the water tastes like different fruit juices oh that actually sounds kind of fun you don't call it fruitopia what are you doing with your life that's why you're here i got it you got the big ideas i got the branding we're gonna be millionaires then we start the cult is this just because now you need to drink so much cranberry juice to keep your utis under control you're like i gotta literally go down a fucking water slide. She wants to remember what being wet feels like. I actually take cranberry pills. You've combined the excitement of fruit

and the adventure of medication. I need them to be potent. I now know why this idea is fucking dumb, but when I was a little, not a little kid, I was like 13, 14. When I was three weeks ago is the rest of the story.

I went to Disneyland. I was like, oh, I should create in my imaginary world. I should create this, but everything's fuck themed. And so it would be called Fuckland. Not Fuckland. Fuckland. Fuckland. Like Oakland.

Yeah. Down in Fuckland. You can just imagine everything else I was doing. No, I can't. Tell me more. What happened to Fuckland. You can just imagine everything else I was thinking. No, I can't. Tell me more. What happened in Fuckland? Stay in Fuckland. Fuckland.

The mayor of Fuckland. You're the Walt Disney of Fuckland. A guy who once told a woman to, quote, Yeah, fuck that pillow. Never forget, this all started with a gerbil. She asked me to dirty talk, and I was like, I don't know how to do this. Fuck that pillow. Fuck that pillow.

And then she laughed. Tom calls himself a pillow. All right, and finally, DatDudeLM writes, Mary, fuck, kill Keith, Connor, and Tom. Let's make this podcast uncomfortable. Oh, right. Keith's looking at me like he needs it. I don't know if that means a fuck or a Mary, though. Mary seems more like a punishment, right?

Keith needs a green card or he's going to be depoted back to... Kill me. Whatever the fattest country is. Damn, Tom, that was good shit. That was a good one. I had to, I'm sorry. Kill me. Because Tom is too retarded to do it to himself.

I thought we were going to get retarded. So many times. Just go commit a crime in Texas. They execute retards. Man, I killed the momentum on that joke. Let's know it was me. Because I wanted to get back down to my answer. You don't actually have to answer.

Connor's like really uptight all of a sudden. He's like, oh, don't it. Why? Are you scared I'm going to kill you? No, I would. Again, I would embrace death like a sweet, juicy slide at fucking Fruitopia. Fuckland. It seems like what's going to happen is they have a murder suicide pack and then we just hang out. I want to get coffee with Keith.

Will we bury these bodies. We need one really big hole and one really small ditch. All right. I think we got a voicemail, and I'm pretty sure it's from the guy who said the N-word in character last week. Oh, boy. Cool. He wants to explain himself, and I think we ought to hear him out. Sounds experimental.

Not a word, Chip. Did you say experimental? I got it. I knew what it was. I'm sorry you guys don't have any imagination when it comes to your letters, motherfuckers. All right, go back to fuckwood. All right, this is long,

so we'll skip out of it. Oh, shit. Yeah, I know know this happens every week i mean boys um i'm just calling i uh this is the weird grandpa guy calling in kind of give an update um but you guys didn't offend me or anything at all i just kind of can be like a little shy or nervous or whatever. Sometimes it takes some drinking to get up the nerve to call you.

That's a common theme. You seemed to feel like you might have hurt my feelings or whatever. This guy's feelings are definitely hurt. He's like a voicemail on a girl's answering machine. He's like, hey, I'm really sorry. I want you to call me back. I'm sorry I hit you.

No, totally not. I thought it was great. The riffing was fun. Tom, especially, and Opie, thank you very much for actually taking me semi-seriously and giving good advice. Opie wasn't on that podcast. My shit.

And Connor and Keith, thank you very much for ribbing me and giving me this. Oh, wait. This is not the first Grandpa Karen. We had a guy whose grandpa was a pedophile. Oh, this is Grampatron? Oh, no. Yeah.

This is Grampatron. Holy shit. No, Grampatron was the abortion on the carnival ride. We've got a lot of great voicemails. So, yo. We got a call from a guy who found out that his grandpa was a dentist and was also a super gnarly pedophile. And he found out his therapist kids have been going to that dentist. Pico de pedophile.

And he was just like, oh, do I tell them that that dude was a child molester and that their kids might have gotten molested? And this is like a follow-up call to this. Okay, so now we know. Now I am on the edge of my fucking seat. Sorry, dude. Shit that I was expecting. So that was great. He seems okay. I don't really have any

good or I haven't made any steps in my life, is guess what I'm saying. I didn't break up with my therapist because I don't have a car or a driver's license at the moment, and I have a sponsor, so I'm not.

Sounded weird, right? Fine. Wait, no, yeah. No, I don't hear it. Yeah, my headphones went out. My bad. Oh, man, but it was getting so funny. All right, sorry.

The steps in my life is just what I'm saying. I didn't break up with my therapist because I don't have a car or a driver's license at the moment, and I have a state-sponsored, so I'm not paying it myself, therapist come by like once a week and do yoga with me which i just like it's really hard to find one of those in wisconsin but like it's pretty cool so i don't want to break up with one of those terms uh everything else that i was worried about like i don't i don't know i was trying to drop hints with him that maybe something weird might have happened but i never uh he never really he didn't pick up on it and I just figured it's better to let those sleeping dogs lie

than to to wake them up but I had something else I was going to bring up cool man I just wanted to there was

I don't know have you guys ever done anything where like you thought you were being funny or cool but you were drunker than you should have been and it just involved exposing more of your butthole or penis than you than you thought to some people that you thought were cool hold on just a

hold on a fucking minute this is the people you thought were cool yeah i showed you my butthole i thought you were cool i thought oh my god okay karen you gotta get your answer ready i'm sliding off my chair right now i love this guy then you thought to some people that you thought were cool and then uh you know what's the best best way to maybe recover from that if you, you know, you do feel weird about it, but you're not sure how to move ahead? Yeah, I don't know. Have you guys ever had experience like that? Of course.

That's all. Thank you for continuing to produce an awesome podcast. You guys are great. You got to double down, Van Gogh. Cut your penis off, send it to him. First of all, I want to address something from the whole Child molestation thing where he's like I didn't tell him but I was like dropping hints Don't drop hints

Cause if you're just casually bringing up Molestation they're not gonna be like Oh he might know information They're gonna be like oh he's gonna molest my kids You see the gymnastics doctor that guy's crazy They're everywhere man And shockingly the butthole exposure guy I don't think is the most Tactful person For a different reason i completely agree with keith no therapist

knows what the fuck's up if you drop hints it just goes straight over their heads no one you have to repeat things so i mean this you wouldn't have to repeat with them but like most things this would probably stick the first try You have to repeat so many times before they actually get it in their head, so they're not going to pick up. What are you trying to tell your therapist that they don't listen to? Oh, I don't see a therapist anymore because they don't fucking listen. What were you trying to tell them? A lot of really unfunny shit I'm not going to get onto on the show. They just didn't listen to you?

Yeah, I'm going to save it for the moth. Oh, man. I don't know. Have you ever showed your dick to somebody who wasn't stoked on it? No, I don't think so. Yeah, I have. Your dick? No, I was dressed like

Audrey Hepburn one night for Halloween and I got hammered and I was pulling my tits out all night and I ended up falling in a pile of garbage on Park Avenue. You fell on yourself? I had like the fake cigarette holder. I had like diamonds on so fancy and I just fell backwards in a pile of garbage.

Two of my friends got pictures. Nice. You're not alone, buddy. Thanks for giving us one of our favorite moments on the show. In terms of the penis thing, well, the second penis thing, it's going to – they'll forget about it. Just be a little bit, again, chiller. Wear an extra pair of underwear like Cosmo says, just to be safe. All right, guys.

We got one more email I want to read. This one is actually very touching. Hi, Mean Boys. The first episode of Mean Boys I downloaded got me booted out of a McDonald's in Paris for abusing the free Wi-Fi. Already amazing. At the time, I had less than 20 euros to my name, had been sleeping in various parks and cemeteries on the outskirts of Paris

for over a month, and being robbed of my phone, the last item of value I owned, as well as my last hope, was a very real concern. Yet in spite of this, listening to you miserable fucks revel in the wretchedness of existence for a few hours a day made me feel a lot better about my situation i've managed to make it home to australia and while shit isn't perfect it's on the right track in light of this i wanted to say thank you enjoy my 25 bucks a month and use it to keep digging the pit into which all of

your souls are descending into as a result of listening to mean boys when you guys eventually get big enough to begin your world tour stop by australia and i'll buy you some beers and i guess the sparkling water or some other pussy shit for Tom. Fuck everything. God is dead. But he has forsaken my country. Liam. So that was a very nice one. He has forsaken my country. That's some fucking poetry. I like it.

The idea of anybody listening to this show while sleeping in a French graveyard is just awesome. This weird turning of the tables where the homeless people are giving us money shows how cool this podcast is. That shows how bad our lives are. I can hear the poverty in your room. On the table, you guys have all these Monopoly monies.

Is this how you buy food? No, it's a card. You think those are what food stamps are? Are they not? Those are not actual. There's not actually stamps anymore. But really glad that you took this sincere moment to thank our listeners for this. I just want them to know you guys really are the real deal.

You're really poor. Can you tell this hole was self-made? Oh yeah, on the table for the mic cords. Yeah, I love it. I used to listen to podcasts when my life sucked, so now my life's a little better, and people like you listen to my podcast. It's cool, and we appreciate it. I fucking love it when people tell us that we've helped them through some shit. It fucking means a lot. That's why we do this. Well, and we appreciate it. I fucking love it when people tell us that we've helped them through some shit.

It fucking means a lot. That's why we do this. Well, and your Patreon money. But most of it. Yeah, you get it. I think that's it for the video. That's the show, man. Karen, thank you for coming in.

Thank you for taking a ration of shit that was very, very undeserved. What's your podcast again? It's called Shame On. It's on Gas Digital every Wednesday. We'll have a link to that in the show notes. Karen is so done, I can tell. Anything else you want to plug? No, that's called Shame On. It's on Gas Digital every Wednesday. We'll have a link to that in the show notes. Karen is so done, I can tell. Anything else you want to plug? No, that's fine.

Yeah, Keith tells jokes on all the social media. Come on the tour. All the links are on the website now, or most of them anyway. Wisconsin's finally up. We're going to Wisconsin, Chicago, Detroit, Indiana, Fort Wayne, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, D.C., and New York City. I know we've gotten a bunch of emails about the Philly Indiana, Fort Wayne, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, D.C., and New York City. Yeah.

And by the way, I know we've gotten a bunch of emails about the Philly ticket link not being up yet. We know. We're working on it. The Philly guys are getting back to me this week. As soon as we know, we'll let you guys know. Yeah. And we want to see you guys. It'll be a lot of fun.

We'll hang out. You'll follow up with us about your pedophile grandpas. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I think that's it. Bye, Tom. Fuck everything. God is desperate.