Mean Boys - EP 113 - 'Gine Eleven (feat. Ramsey Badawi)

Episode Date: February 27, 2018

We're going on tour, come see us! Most ticket links are live, if they're not, jump on our email list: http://meanboyspodcast.com Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Now Is Not The Time", “The Oscars”, "Basic Instinct" and a game of "Which of the Following" with energy drinks by @viethe. Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/meanboys/ Subscribe to our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Hey everybody, it's Keith Connor and Tom from the Mean Boys Podcast. Hey guys. What's up? Oh man, you know it's going to be a good episode because I had to go through and censor a bunch of stuff.

Get ready for some bleeps and some hopefully not too noticeable cuts but this is the return of Ramsey Bedouin And the return of Now Is Not The Time Strap the fuck in Yeah, Ramsey really cooked up something sinister For our episode this week This fun bit is slowly becoming

Just a misdemeanor factory Yeah, just a whole maze of fucking red tape But have fun Enjoy this episode Follow Ramsey Bedouin on all the social medias. You fucks. We're going on tour. Yeah, guys.

Oh, shit. Oh, Tom, tell them what cities we're hitting. Okay, we are going to Milwaukee. Yes. Chicago. Also a city. Detroit. Correct.

Cleveland. Yes. Pittsburgh. You missed one earlier. Fort Wayne. Hell yeah, dude. Philadelphia. Fuck yeah.

We already went to Pittsburgh. Yeah. DC. There it is. New York. Hey, oh, hey. Those. Fuck yeah. We already went to Pittsburgh. Yeah. DC. There it is. New York. Hey, oh, hey. Those are a lot of places. Yeah, one day we'll remember all of them.

We're going. Most of the ticket links are already live. Please pick up tickets. Some of you guys are already doing that. We're very excited to meet you guys. The ones that aren't live, get on our email list. We will let you know as soon as tickets are available. They're all up there on MeanBoysPodcast.com, so go check that out.

It'll be linked in the show notes. And leave us a review on iTunes. We're still running the 250-review Connor Will Try Soup Challenge. That may not mean anything to you if you're a new listener, but if you're an old head, boy, howdy, are you excited to watch it.

Yeah, we are going to feed this autistic, frightened man a soup he does not care about. I'm not frightened, I'm annoyed, but I will be vomiting chowder for your amusement, and I'm mortgaging my own mental health just to be entertaining to you people. Tom's like, oh yeah, you're doing that once? Yeah.

So anyway, Enrique Chavez writes, could use a bit more racist overtones. Five stars. Well, enjoy next week's episode. I didn't even think we had racist undertones, but anyway, he writes,

if a broken sewage pump of a septic tank could make a podcast, this is the podcast you would hear. Raisins are just fruit jerky. So, I appreciate that. Well done.

That's a good lightning round. And, yeah, it's been, it's been rising uncomfortably fast. For me, the soup intake-y.

So, go ahead and hop on over to iTunes. It takes a second. Fucking figure it out. Recover your login information. You're not better than anybody. These other 202 people.

We're still on Patreon, guys. Making a shocking amount of money, but it's still not enough. I live in a state of what I can only describe as turbo poverty. Five bucks a month gives you a weekly bonus content where you can just feel like you're hanging out with us boys. And we can pretend we're all friends. Yeah, ten bucks gets you that, plus a neat little piece of poverty. Five bucks a month gives you a weekly bonus content where you can just feel like you're hanging out with us boys and you can pretend we're all friends. Yeah, ten bucks gets you that plus a neat little piece of swag. We send that every month. Stickers, buttons, magnets, koozies one time.

And what's great about our merch is that it usually gets where it's supposed to go. It usually does. We've got a couple return to centers. I've got to re-mail those because the fucking post office is run by fascists who hate podcasts. Yeah, apologies. If you haven't gotten anything, please hit us up. send us an email. We'll make sure you get it. Yeah, and what the fuck else was I going to say about the goddamn

Patreon? It really does help us a lot. It does, yeah. I know we pimp it real hard, but it really is literally our, mine and Tom's only source of income. It's, yeah, I mean, and you know, it's unbelievable how many of you guys have supported it. We love kind of seeing what you guys get into and, you know, fucking around, so let's do it.

I like when Keith starts a sentence and he's just all positive. He's like, yeah, it's a great, it's a groovy thing. He goes into his grab bag of Keith words. Yeah, just a bit of gravy sauce. Party time. Rad bar. Excellent.

Because you're buddies, and we love buddies. Everybody loves a buddy. You don't love a buddy? Yeah. Anyway, that's enough of us. Enjoy this week's episode with Ramsey Badawi. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast.

Harambe is still dead. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Ramsey Bedali. And I'm... A lesbian youth soccer coach. Huzzah! Alright kids, let's go out there and give it 110%.

Like I know we've called you every variant of lesbian and transgendered so-and-so, but just with the jacket and the hoodie on, you really looked like you were teaching kids some valuable lessons. I'm really one track suit away from a Jane Lynch Halloween costume at all times. I really am right there at every point. Ramsey Bedawi back in the studio with us. What's up, mean kids?

They're younger than boys. What are they called? The meanies? Yeah, those grumpy fellas. We're called the only people that have ever made anyone pay attention to you. Whoa, that is not... That's about true, yeah. It's us and a couple other notable Arabs on the come up.

Well, thank you for having me. You like how I say other. We're more culturally Arab than we are ethnically. But I mean, we really do operate like you guys. I think that's why we get along so well. I really... I grew up and I never met an Arab in my life and then I came to LA and I only met more successful

Arabs. It's been an upsetting trip. Yeah, you moved to the bottom of the barrel. Oh man. It's an unplanned recording session and we are all destroyed tired. Yeah, it's a late night meme boys everybody. This is like we

used to do the show at one in the morning and we're like, I don't know why we just keep calling each other gay and stupid all the time. I feel like the audience might enjoy this. I woke up at fucking five in the morning to go to Burbank and be a background extra and they gave me $100 in a granola bar to pretend I was at a child's funeral. And I was like, this

was worth it. I gotta be honest, this is the most awake I've been for the podcast in months and months and months. Well, this is the most awake I've been for the podcast in months and months and months. Well, this is the time hour. That's a problem. We record at two in the afternoon. I have a question. Is a child's funeral different than an adult's

funeral? I've never been there. Coffin's smaller. Coffin is smaller. I don't know. They have cotton candy and shit. I almost said it's a buffet. And then I'm like, that seems like a playful term for the spread at a funeral. Yeah, they got a bounce house. I remember one time I watched my mom haggle down the price of a deli meat platter for a funeral she was planning. I thought you were going to say coffin.

No, no, no, no. I think we just torched that lady. I genuinely have no idea what happened. Was this the deli meat platter for the gang member that you inhaled? No. No, not that guy. Oh, okay. Different corpse.

Same bloodline. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, they all die hilarious deaths. Very nice. These all carries? No, no, no, no. The carries are proud and husky and surprisingly still alive. Yeah.

No, no. I don't think anything's going to take you down. You guys are survivors. You really are. Yeah, we're holding together. We don't think anything's going to take you down. You really are. Yeah. We're holding together. We don't look like it because we all look like fat zombies. Sure, sure.

Yeah, yeah. But there are certain people. You kind of got that. It seems like you got that Keith Richards gene, ironically, where it's just like, yeah, you just got a high metabolism. You're like an old Toyota Camry where it's just like doesn't look great, but it's got 340,000 miles on it. It's going to run forever. It's just going to run

dirty. Yeah, yeah. It still gets me to work. Yeah. Well, gang, we're as fired up as we're going to get tonight. You want to get into the Mexican joke? We didn't start the fire. Yep, thank you for stepping on the intro line, Tom. Everything's going great. I like that we had Tom do that every single time. I know, but

it's kind of like, you're here for a lot of things. That's not necessarily one of them. That's not. I'm never like, if only Tom could make the show impossible to edit. The Mexican Joke Off. Hi, so topical. There we go. There you go.

Hey, see? Clean intro. Yeah, all you had to do was ruin the perfect. I know what I'm doing. What is happening to the headphones you had to do was ruin the perfect way. All right. I know what I'm doing. What is happening to the headphones? Nothing. I'm fixing them. Yeah.

All right, cool. Man, we are falling apart. Yeah, this is a tough one. Everybody pull it together. I'll get it started this week. An armed robber accidentally shot himself while pistol whipping his victim, proving that the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a bad guy with a gun. That's a good sign.

You may proceed. Okay. Commencing. A radio host gave birth live on the radio. If you want more evidence that no one listened to the radio, download the FM is Dead podcast on iTunes. Tom, what? I like that you ud twice in a setup where every word had one syllable.

You had so little work to do. I thought it was a good joke. I just think maybe you should have said the word radio more. A radio host was on the radio. Hello, I have the brain of radio. And she had a black retarded baby named Radio. Yeah, there's not a lot of synony brain of radio. She had a black retarded baby named radio. Yeah, there's not a lot of synonyms for radio. I suppose you're right.

I already threw in FM. All right, man. I tried. I was just like, I couldn't think of any other. I'm not going to be like the talking jukebox. I love the idea that you're talking. The point of that joke was to snarkily talk about how like podcasting is killed. Radio is a medium while you're bad at it.

While you are feeling it. Not mine, but surely others. And you really do describe technology like a time traveler who's just barely getting the hang of things. I still think it's crazy we have this much technology. Yeah, man. Talk about it. Elaborate. I had to go to the mechanical horse doctor.

Yeah, I guess my transmission. I guess the go-go box is bad or something. Yeah. We're speaking to tubes, and then millions of people are going to listen to our voices. Tom of the mechanic. Well, not millions, but Tom comes out from under the car in a little rolling doll. He's like, yeah, it's your go-go box. Completely shot.

Yeah, some of the boom-boom tubes are rusted out. Yeah, don't worry. While we got you in here, we're going to rotate your go-go circles. The rubber pizzas are deflating. He's wiping off a Care Bear.

Yeah, I mean, I got to realign your tie, your sticks. We got a piece of it covered in oil but has not gotten near the car yet. Yeah, we got to put some juice back in the rolly cushions. Yeah, I don't know. I pre-lubed. My two-way mirror's cracked.

Can you fix it? Yeah, it might be completed. Connor, you're up. Yeah, I know. I was just trying to think of more car parts I could describe stupidly. Oh, geez, guys. This one is a joke that I wrote a few hours ago, and I already saw somebody did it on Instagram. So I'm just going to do it.

We acknowledge. Sometimes we get scooped. Yeah, I got scooped. And it is the world's most obvious punchline. But R. Kelly, thank you, Tom. You fucking piece of shit. Oh, we just shit on me for five minutes. I'm allowed to be a little disruptive.

Silence. R. Kelly was evicted from his $3,000 a month house in Atlanta. According to the Fulton County Court documents, this is the remix to eviction. Thank you, Tom. I'm even more embarrassed because I looked at that story for like 20 minutes and could not find the joke. I thought of it immediately. That's right. I was trying to do something with

I was trying to develop the juice to change the word so I didn't say evicted already but I was like, whatever. It's too late for synonyms. It's the first joke off of the night. I know $3,000 a month isn't a ton for LA but that's like a lot of money for

our house, cumulatively. That's about what we pay all together. I can't tell. Does he have a lot of money or not a lot of money? R. Kelly has a lot of money for our house, cumulatively. That's about what we pay altogether. I can't tell. Does he have a lot of money or not a lot of money? R. Kelly has a lot of money. Yeah, he's doing okay. He's probably doing all right, but it seems like he just didn't care and mismanaged it. He don't get to operate a weird peeing on ladies fucking trap cult like he does without

some cash. The $3,000 apartment is probably the piss apartment. Yeah. Yeah, right? It's just full of puppy pits. It's not his real house. Was there a point where he just decided to start going by R? That wasn't a conscious decision, right?

Like, just call me R. Moving forward. It's R dot. What does the R stand for? Is he Orion? No, his name is actually R dot. I'm going to look that up. Presumably Robert. I'm assuming. What R Kelly's name stands for? Is he Orion? No, his name is actually R-Dot. I'm going to look that up. Presumably Robert.

What R. Kelly's name stands for? Robert Sylvester Kelly. Sylvester. Like the cat. Very good, Tom. Wow, I'm proud of you. Like the cat. Cats pee on things, too. The way Tom said that

was as if you were reprimanding him He just looked down I'm just saying Tom is saying paperwork because of this podcast Yeah, like a prep school boy who was about to be caned for misdeeds Alright A rabbi has been arrested for trafficking and pimping out a minor Meaning reading from the Torah is now only the second worst thing he's made a teenage boy do for an envelope full of cash

Okay Reading from the Torah is now only the second worst thing he's made a teenage boy do for an envelope full of cash. Okay. You know, and that reminds me. A Texas man on death row scheduled to die this week was granted clemency by Governor Greg Abbott. Abbott stated it would be immoral to kill him since he is not full on retarded. There it is. Hey, come on, Texas. I'm coming back.

Walk it in. Walk, walk, walk. All right. Paul Manafort and Rick Gates have been indicted on 32 counts. Upon hearing the news, President Trump asked, damn, how'd they get that many vampires? Oh, my God. Wait, what? Oh, my God, Tom. Count is like a kind of, it sounds like a vampire.

You guys, I did not have a ton of time today. I still liked it. All right. And it's because he's so dumb. He's the one who thought they were vampires, not me. That was his idea. I just report the news, okay? Not my president.

That's how I end all talk. Not my president. A woman was filmed drying her soiled panties in a hand dryer On a flight to Moscow When reached for comment, Aviation Administration President Dice Clay said, more like Giant Eleven I like that way too much

Trying to keep this Dice Clay train rolling Hell yeah, man. Giant 11. That might be... That's my drag name. That might be my... Giant 11, yeah. Giant 11!

That might be my new favorite Andrew Dice Clay fucking... Giant 11. We gotta do a super cut of all the Dice Clay professions over the years. Yeah, that would be fun. Oh, man. Well done. Porn stars Mary Jane Watson and Pepper Potts made a video showing that it's easier to get an assault rifle than a lap dance in Tennessee. Tennessee Board of Education says the only way to keep these hookers out of schools is

to give each teacher their own hooker. First of all, what? Second of all, what? Thank you. Wait, we skipped over the fact that there are two Marvel character themed porn stars. Oh, yeah, I guess there are. Yeah, that is insane. Well, Tom, you also read that joke like you were delivering a third grade book report.

Two pornographic actresses named Peter Parker and The Flash said that you shouldn't be able to get a boom-boom stick unless you're trying to get a wiener slide. And one of them was way easier than the other one in Tennessee. I'm so mad you did that without saying, uh, at all. You didn't know on that one.

You got through it. Yeah, which is why I delivered it like I had full-on autism. More like Gashville, Tennessee. Oh, I had a layover. I'm cartographer Dice Clay. I'm renaming cities over here. Yeah, fly the friends with benefit skies. Oh. Hey. All right fly the friends with benefits skies.

Hey. Alright, guys. Peanuts. McDonald's is shipping out 20 million packets of Szechuan sauce to its restaurants. According to the CEO, because of the larger shipment, now everyone can get schwifty. So then no one can. It's like the villain from The Incredibles, but about that thing that they cared about.

Yeah, you just syndromed schwiftiness. Yeah, yeah. Is Szechuan like that soy Tabasco or whatever? It's pretty good. I mean, probably, yeah. I can't even get mad at you because that is spot on. That's just like what it is, yeah. Brilliant.

It's like a sweet and sour sauce, I think. Yeah, it sounds like bullshit. Wow, you're very upset. The things you take bold stances on. Anything with soy in it is fucking bullshit. Tom looks so funny because he's wearing a beanie over his headphones. Yeah. I can hear and I'm warm. Like dick mushroom shaped head.

You just look like somebody for some reason built a homeless cyborg. I'm fat Eminem now. You look like, yeah, if they were going to make a Star Trek Vorg, but they only had $14. Yeah, the replicant having a barrel fire in Blade Runner. Yeah, if they were going to make a Star Trek Vorgue, but they only had $14. Yeah, the replicant having a barrel fire in Blade Runner. Yeah, yeah. I ain't seen that movie. Don't worry about it. A former mall Santa has been discovered to be a serial killer who preyed on gay men.

Police say he found his victims on Growler, on Craigslist, on FetLife, on Grindr, on Scruff, and on Tinder, on Adult Friend Finder. Nice, man. I looked at that headline for a long time, and I got nothing. I had that one immediately. I had to Google gay apps. Yeah, because I haven't heard of FetLife. Well, FetLife I know.

It's not super gay, but it just works syllabically. It's for fetishes. FetLife is for you to have weird fetishes, yeah. Oh, okay. Like being gay. Yeah, thank you. I made a FetLife profile, but it's not really like a dating site it's like just a weird conglomeration it's like a message board kind of yeah and like you make connections there people swear by it but it just does nothing for me

and i've kind of like i said i've been sort of easing off the weird the fuck rampage yeah it's like i don't know you're not a guy you don't need anything that specifically you're he's not a guy who's like unless somebody sucks my toes i'm gonna come keith just likes to party you know he needs a warm entity with which to copulate and then all right we're making it sound a little sadder than most parties have toes some kind of good, nine hundred calories to refuel. Thomas? Oh, yes. It's me. A new vibrator was invented that orders you pizza from Domino's after you come. The catch is, if you don't come in 30 minutes or less, the Noid rapes you.

I'm not going to avoid this. Tom, congratulations, man. I can see you white-knuckling your notebook, trying not to fuck this one up because you knew you had a money one. Stay on target. Come on. Or else the Noid raped you, and you look shocked that you did it. You're like, what?

You flew away as the Death Star exploded. Look, I'm a better writer than I am reader, okay? That's what I've taken away from Mexican Joker. I mean, it's a low bar to clear. Yeah. It's reading a load.

Yeah, I was really proud of that one. Oh, man. I'm surprised they haven't tried to bring the Noid back with the 90s nostalgia fucking discipline. Yeah, it is the Noid.

Who's the Noid again? He's the guy who makes your pizza call. This is the guy who's explained to me why Alf is the best show until He's the guy who makes your pizza call. This is the guy who's explained to me why ALF is the best show. ALF is dumb. Well, do not.

That's not true. ALF is really funny. No, it's not. Oh, my God. Remember when you were like, you guys. Ramsey got Superstone. It was like, you guys, I'm going to show you why ALF is the best show. I'm going to run.

The best of ALF. I'm going to run. Watch. Watch. And it's like, you ever do that thing where you have to watch a YouTube video of somebody showing you and you realize very quickly it's bad and it's 11 minutes long? Oh, yeah. And you just keep going.

All right, wait. Here comes the funny part, though. Here it comes. It's going to get really funny in a minute. He eats cats, you guys. Wait, do I like Elf? I just showed you a bad clip. I watched you lose faith.

Fuck. You couldn't find a funny clip is the thing I wanted to be on board with you You had to go deep digging to find one funny clip From any funny show on television Wow it's a little Yeah throw a dart at a family guy clip I'll probably chuckle once

It's subtle humor We're too dumb for Alves You guys don't have any sophistication Thank you so much Yeah exactly retards love elves. That's who we've heard. I love elves. Do you think that we're talking about the Wolverine movie?

We're not talking about elf? No, we're not. We're talking about elf. Alien life form. Oh, that sounds dumb as hell. He's on the planet Melmac and he eats cats. Yeah, dude is really... Melmac? Sometimes he cats Yeah dude Melmac

Sometimes he wears Blues guy glasses And plays the piano That sounds like They make Kraft Mac and Cheese There That was an episode Where he was trying

To court the daughter He was trying To fuck the daughter That is weird That at one point Alf tried to fuck Their human daughter Tried to fuck

Their human daughter I don't know why Keith doesn't like Alf It seems like he's Basically Alf You just eat shit From the garbage can And you pretty much

Only walk around behind couches or other large objects so people can't see your lower half. And we do have to constantly snatch cats out of your mouth. Keith. Before you guys all showed up, I watched two cats fight in the street. What?

Before you guys showed up, I watched two cats fight in the street while I? Before you guys showed up, I watched two cats fight in the street while I was trying to write. Who won? One of the cats. Yeah. They were fucking noisy, man. Okay. It was terrifying. Oh, you guys were talking about eating cats.

The governor of Missouri has been indicted over a compromising picture. The photo, which could be devastating to his political career in Missouri, shows him reading a book. He's fucking a lady, though. You dumb Mississippians. He duct taped her. I got five first drafts this weekend. I'm about to play a game where I have the pieces of a joke, and I'm going to see if I can get it out correctly.

Oh, you can do it, Keith. All right, I believe in myself. A comedian is being sued by her ex-husband for saying slanderous things about him on stage. In related news, I'm being sued by a German shepherd. Oh, because of the dog fucking thing. That's correct. Hey, Rems, have you heard

the dog fucking story? No. I don't think I have. Oh, she might not have actually heard it. Okay, here's the thing. I cannot tell this story on air every episode. I will tell it during the break. I know. Oh, she might not have actually heard it. Okay, here's the thing. I cannot tell this story on air every episode. I will tell it during the break. But you open up about it during the show. I know the beats. And I think the list.

You know, we have new listeners, and we should catch them up on the show. Okay, I'll make you a deal. I will tell it this time. I'll tell it one more time, and then I'm not fucking telling it again. No deal. But you will also tell it this time as well. So commence. No, I have to have told you this.

I was dating a girl who I found out a year into living with her was into bestiality porn. You did not tell me this. Oh, yeah. I used to tell a bit about it on stage. This is wild. Yeah, and so she made me like,

fuck her while we watched a video of a dog fucking a lady, and she made me try and keep up with the dog, and I couldn't, and it was insulting to my stamina as a man and a human. Oh, wow. A man and a human, you say. Yeah, and I couldn't. And it was insulting to my stamina as a man and a human. Oh, wow. A man and a human, you say.

Yeah, and I only did it a bunch of times. Yeah, and the dogs have flexible hips, you know? Yeah, true. Also their dogs. And the dog, it was also in, like you said, a Russian sadness factory. It's in this concrete factory. You know, like, Liam Neeson did not save this girl in time. That's what happened.

Yeah, just like a warehouse full of lost souls somewhere in the eastern block. Were they all German Shepherds? I mean, it was only one dog. Oh, you mean like all the videos? This girl was also a Nazi. I've always wanted to ask, was it an air... One question at a time. Was it an Air Bud parody porn?

First of all, shut up. Second of all, nah, I don't remember all the breeds. There's one video I remember specifically. The other times I don't remember as clear. Boy. Wow. It's so funny watching Keith talk about this behind his tired, sunken eyes. Because it's just a good thing where I've had to tell this story like ten times on this podcast.

Yeah, and honestly, I think it's hilarious every time. I really do. It's just funny. Here's the thing. I walked into it. I knew it as soon as I made the conversation. It's funny. I just thought you would have made it. I really do. It's just funny. Here's the thing. I walked into it. I knew it since I made the conversation.

It's funny. I just thought you would have a man. Hey, guest, have you heard the story about Keith? It's not even guest.

It's a man who lives in our home. He hadn't heard it, which is shocking to me. That is shocking. I don't know how. All right, Tom, you're up.

Close it strong. Forget it for next time you're here. Will do. Yeah. Okay. It's my turn. Yeah.

Let's do this. Okay. Okay. No pressure, Tom. Okay. It's my turn? Yeah. Let's do this. Okay. Okay. No pressure, Tom. All right. Here you go, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.

Come on. The French ice dancing team was in serious heat when there was a top wardrobe malfunction. Not as serious heat as that dog was in. Sorry. Yeah. Wardrobe malfunction. One judge said said it was disgusting As soon as it was uncovered

Everyone in that arena could smell that titty She French I don't hate it It would have been better if you didn't chime in Oh sorry Sorry I didn't let you finish your fucking magnum opens I do like when Tom does his late night with Conan O'Brien, like a wardrobe malfunction. Yeah, it turns out.

He really milks it. He hones it up. Whereas the rest of us are just like, oh, let's get through this. The words are the words. One more here. Muslims are burning Pampers diapers because the whiskers on the cartoon cat look like the Arabic spelling of Muhammad. Upon hearing the news, Dooley from King of the Hill said,

Huh, they pooped on your God. Yeah! Oh, my God. That was great. That was great, man. Yeah, man. I loved everything about that joke. I just did a little sampling there.

It was from the Arab version, King of the Dome of the Rock. That's funny. Yeah, did a little sampling there. It was from the Arab version King of the Dome of the Rock. That's funny. Yeah, those are Muslims, man. King of the Unforgiving... Okay, I fucked it up. Whatever. They're all just leaning

against the wailing. They have a garbage bag, but it's just full of dead Palestinian children. Yep. Yep. By the way, I can't do the la-la-la noise so it sounds a lot like

my impression of like Fred Flintstone running. Oh yeah, we're having a discussion about whether or not you could do the la-la noise. I can't do it. No, I can't do it.

My mom can. You definitely can't do it. True story. I can't. My mom did it at my college graduation. I'm just walking across the stage in Fullerton. Boy, it was real.

When I do it, I just sound like an IBM phone from the 80s. I can't do it. Hello? It's a sound like a phone. All right. Well, I think that's it for the Mexican Joke Off. We will be right back with one of our absolute favorite segments right after this. Welcome back to the 90th Academy Awards on ABC.

Please welcome your next presenters, Mark Ruffalo and that chick from that one movie your girlfriend made you watch. Thank you. Art is a team effort. From the production assistants to the lighting technicians, all the way up to the biggest movie stars in the world. That's right, Mark. But while the big names might be the ones you're most familiar with, tonight we honor the background actors.

They create a rich, realistic world that enraptures and immerses an audience. And though their parts may be small, their contribution to a finished production is colossal. This year's nominees for Best Crisis Actor in a Government-Staged False Flag Operation are... David Hogg for Parkland School Shooting Survivor. Laura Phelps for Parents of Child Murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary.

Brayden Matejka for Injured Victim at Las Vegas Music Festival. Rebecca Roach for Boston Marathon Bombing Witness. And the Oscar goes to... David Hogg! This is David Hogg's first Oscar win in third so-called tragedy, posing as a victim of a violent assault orchestrated by the deep state. Wow, wow, y'all, this is so unexpected. I've been dreaming of this day since the first time I stepped foot into the MKUltra training facility. So I'd like to thank all the members of the Academy, you know, especially the Jews, for making this possible.

You know, when Mr. Obama approached me about this role, he said, I have a vision for this project, and that vision is a world where every American child is born a gay Asian Muslim. And I have to thank him for the script as well. I mean, there's so many great lines. The bullets were ricocheting off the lockers. All my friends are dead. I can't sleep because when I do, I smell gunpowder. All straight from his pen. All credit for this award really should go to him.

Oh, gosh. Okay, they're playing me off. Real quick, thanks to my agent, my manager, all the guys down at the Comet Ping Pong Pizzeria, Death to America, Benghazi made me come. All right, good night, everybody. Up next, a tribute to the fallen heroes of ISIS, a sexual assault committed upon an image of the American Christ, and Steven Spielberg presents the Oscar for Titus Child. Hey, everybody.

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I'm just so traumatized by Mr. Gear. Like you want to be able to hear music while you're eating her out? Sweden knows a lot about sound. Yeah. You're looking and quitting hearing. You know what I think? If you're 40 years old and you're pregnant play like mozart with studio headphones like on the belly and it won't come out with down syndrome that's how good the sound quality if you want to avoid a tom you need studio sweden

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And you know what that means. It's time for Now Is Not The Time with Ramsey Badawi. Thank you so much. So excited. The time is now. For the new listeners out there, Now Is Not The Time is a segment of this show, born in this show, where we highlight the best of the absolute worst social media posts made in a week. You know how you guys have retarded uncles who have bald eagles for their profile avatars?

Yes. This segment of the show is dedicated to those people. And, you know, it's not always malicious on purpose. Here's an example. Let's talk about the story that we're all thinking about right now. There was a pilot, there was a plane crash in Kearney, San Diego.

Kearney Mesa. Kearney Mesa. That's what we're thinking about. A place we know well. I know we're all thinking about it. Fire officials say a pilot appeared to have tried to deploy a parachute but was unable to fully open prior to crash. Tragic news. Immediately after this post, a young lady by the name of Surwin at Wakanda Forever tweeted,

it's the second day of work and a small plane crashes by. The pilot didn't make it, unfortunately. Well, it's only the second day. You can't expect him to land the plane. It seems like a very tasteless tweet, really. You really turned this into your second. I don't know what your second day of work has to do with this. And just with the username, it does feel like Wakanda crashed the plane.

Oh, man. Anthrax on my birthday. It seems in poor taste. I feel like the only person who should really be able to tweet this. I don't even know why I bought a new hat if we're going to do a 9-11. The only person who should really be able to tweet this is an air traffic controller. For the listeners at home, I have a graphic behind me. Yeah, this will all be up on YouTube.

This will all be up on YouTube. Yeah, absolutely. Of air traffic control guy who tweeted, second day at work and a plane crashed nearby. Shake my damn head. I totally spaced and forgot those orange sticks you often see portrayed in film. One out of two. I like that his handle is at controller. He's really having fun with it.

He's got a second tweet. What's the deal with those anyway? You're telling me this plane pilots itself across the world but needs a guy with glow sticks to land? Two out of two. By the way, have you guys ever seen a series of tweets? We know where they number them. Have you ever seen one close to worth it? I remember I saw one that looked mildly

interesting and then at the end of the tweet I just saw one of 35 and I was like, fuck you. Never seen one close. That means that this person wrote this all out and distributed it and numbered it to figure it out. I was like, fuck you. I've never seen one. Well, that means that this person wrote this all out and distributed it and numbered it to figure it out. I'm like, fuck you. Shut up. My favorite part is that on both of these,

it wasn't recent tweets, but they have zero likes. You're talking about the air traffic? Yeah. Hang on, so let me explain what's happening right now. Okay, Tom. Tom does not know that this is a bit. Tom did not realize it, Ramsey, who announced that these were fake. Despite the fact that it is referring to an event that happened yesterday, yet it's clearly dated 6th of May, 2015.

God bless you, Tom. I thought it was fake. Okay. No, you didn't, though, because you said what you said. And then I was like, well, we wouldn't be going over I thought it was fake. Okay. No, you didn't, though, because you said what you said. Well, no, I did. And then I was like, well, we wouldn't be going over this if it was fake. So we wouldn't do such a thing. We're a legitimate news.

All right. All right. How could we? We hold ourselves to higher standards than that. And this guy, an official air traffic controller, is going by the name Air Traffic Control Guy. Tom, you are also aware that I am not, in fact, Cardock the Bloodfeaster. No, but you did watch a dog fuck a lady. Point gots.

Yeah, you did do that. I thought I did it. I was like, well, okay. It's fair. I deserve to be made fun of for that one. I've got a small story that I've got to get by before we get to the main one. Gun control. Let's talk about it.

Everyone is talking about it. Everybody's talking about it. They're worried. It's the South Beach Diet. It's all the rage. They're absolutely worried about the government stepping in and taking our guns because it's a violation of the Second Amendment of the Constitution. People are talking about this, guys. There are no guns here at the Mean Boys House.

We are a sword house. We are a strictly sword and nice dagger house. We're potentially nunchucks at some point, household. We're trying to get the world back to feudalism. If someone could send me some Eric Trava control sticks, that's all I really need. Oh, and if you could put a chain in between them so they're nunchucks. Well, between at Controla, he might be able to help you. Oh, and if you could put a chain in between them so they're nunchucks. Controla, who is probably one of Travis Scott's friends.

A lot of people are talking about this, man. The Second Amendment, I looked it up on Instagram. 584,000 posts about the Second Amendment. You know, 30,000 posts about the Second Amendment spelled incorrectly. 132 posts about the Second Amendment spelled incorrectly. 132 posts about the Second Amend-men.

This is a real post. If you search in Instagram, Second A-M-M-E-N-D-M-E-N, you will find 132 posts. 132 people looked at that and were like, close enough. And of course, my personal favorite. Oh no, there's also second amendment, where they spelled it with an A. And my personal favorite, second amendment.

Second amendment. They spelled it second A-M-E-N-M-E-T. Amendment. Well, amendment is actually one of those gay apps from the Santa Claus joke earlier. And if you guys are wondering who is hashtagging second amen-net, worry no more. Here is the person who hashtagged that one. It's a meme of Betty White firing a gun, and it says,

Betty White is tired of your shit. Hey, Obama, I'll keep my mags as long as I like. And then they hashtagged Beattie White. Oh, my God. This is like the intersection of just like peak pop culture like basicness where it's just like, I get all my comedy from George Takei, and Betty White is everything.

And then that plus gun control. Dude, I cannot wait for Betty White to die. Same. I have never hated anybody more. I'm sure she's a wonderful woman. She's had a good run. I'm not wishing for somebody to be struck down in their prime. But God, I've had an ass full of everybody tell me how good she is.

She's also my death pool. So that would be good. I think she might be mine as well. But that has nothing to do with that. Yeah. It does for me. Okay. Well, regardless.

Yeah, Tom's like, yeah, i need my own 130 bucks back the fucking day in the sun needs to be done a wonderful kid by the name of cody muric on facebook posted guns don't kill people people use guns as a tool to kill it's a choice between pulling the trigger and not it's a simple choice people use guns to survive a bad time sometimes it's a pussy to use sometimes it's a pussy to use guns real people use swords yeah hell yeah my rick my rick i'm now now don't get him twisted he does go on to say i'm not with a side i'm never on a side unless my life is on the line i use a gun gun, but I most likely most like to use knives and swords. It's not I can't

shoot a gun, because I know you guys were wondering, can this pussy not shoot a gun? And Tom just said, this one is real.

This one is a real post, Dom. He went on to say, it's not I can't shoot a gun, comma, I just like slow, nice,

quiet kills. Oh, no. I believe the way of the knight and assassin. I will never kill if I have, unless I have to. That's what I believe. If you don't like it, then fuck off. Man.

I want to note that he tagged himself, Cody Myrick is feeling proud. I got it. Dude, all right, weeboo is the worst genre of human beings. It truly is. I figured I got to fucking know more about Cody Myrickrick so of course looked up his uh facebook bio uh his i'm not racist i just hate everyone and everything equally so fuck you if you think bad of me why are you guys oh knowing this is exactly related to his first post like they would surprise me if that wasn't his part.

I'm most shocked to look at that and see that he is single. Be sure to check out the Mean Boys website to see a picture because I'm about to show a picture of Cody Myrick and it does not disappoint. I promise you. Oh, hell yeah.

Do that side-by-side with the Obama portrait because he's standing in front of a bunch of leaves. It's like Stephen King wished on a Zoltar machine to be small. He looks like a young Stephen Hawking's before the disease. Oh yeah, caption reads Ayn Rand once. Oh my god, Harry Potter and the unchecked access to 4chan. He thinks he's hiding behind those bushes. It's so good.

What an asshole. Oh, it's delicious. At least his glasses are on. Is it meanboyspodcast.com? Yeah, yeah. This link is going to be everywhere. It'll be everywhere. One of my favorite things that was posted was on Instagram by somebody with the handle Wisconsin underscore

conservative underscore. It's a picture of a guy playing a trumpet and a woman covering her ears. And it says, caption underneath the guy playing the trumpet, Black men commit nearly half of all murders in the U.S. Astounding because they only make up 13% of the population. And then the chick who's covering her ears that says Black Lives Matter. This is clearly an unfair statistic. Because the thing about that stat, I looked it up, and they did not account that most of those murders were actually just Meek Mill getting dissed.

That's almost 50% of murders in the black population. Just skews the numbers. It really fucks with the numbers. What an unexpected fucking joke-ass joke that was. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can't really fucks with the numbers unexpected fucking joke ass joke that was i mean i can't really argue with the real numbers i was gonna find out this guy had like an etsy store or something like no i couldn't argue with those statistics they're pretty good um and of course guys our favorite argument guns don't kill people uh we all know where this one's going uh dems and muslims will train these weak-minded kids to commit future shootings so that the left can push their anti-NRA narrative and finally ban all legal guns. Then black liberal mafia, BLM, and Antifa could kill all law-abiding citizens with illegal guns and turn U.S. into Syria number two.

We all know that one. Yes. Of course. And that is from somebody named TrumpSignGuy. TrumpSignGuy. Eight retweets, nine likes. One of those controller. I'm so hurt.

I mean, I knew you were a little bit of a bumbling employee, but this ideology is bad. Gave me a pretty good idea for a t-shirt, maybe. I was thinking we could do guns don't kill people, people kill people. Unless they're Muslims or Democrats, then those things kill people. And then maybe on the back we throw a bomb up. Kind of the best of both worlds, both Democrat and Muslim. One of my biggest issues with the guns don't kill people,

people kill people, is I see what they're saying, but I don't fully disagree. But it sounds like their answer is, well, it's people. It sounds like they're saying, we should just get rid of all the people. That would be the natural solution.

It's like for a safe world for these guns, we've got to get rid of all these people. That's what it fucking sounds like to me. That's hilarious. You've got to pass a background check to have a kid. You can't have a kid unless you're 21. We've got to ban automatic kids, black kids. No more kid shows. You got to wait a mandatory 14 days before you come and your wife.

I don't fully disagree with what they're saying. You can't have all these kids in video games and movies. I just want to point out that the shirt you've designed, because Obama's on the back, looks like it's on backwards and is killing me. It looks like he's in Burns' crisscross. That looks good. That's a good looking shirt. Tell the listeners about your Obama shirt. It's one of the greatest possessions I've ever seen.

It's like a gas station post-election Obama shirt. Yeah, it's a shirt I got in 2009. It says in the front, it's Barack Obama, first black president, and it's all faded. And on the very back, for some reason, the printing of the shirt was weird, the front is terrible and the back perfect printing it has obama with the sleeves rolled up pointing a direction and it just says game changer it was clearly printed and sold by somebody in a parking lot somewhere oh yeah sold out of a trash bag and it's fucking beautiful it's a really good shirt i love it awesome uh of course uh we all know about the armed teachers argument. Vader67 posted, armed teachers, and there may be accidents, but it's for the greater good.

The idea of average kids slash your kids being collateral damage in school doesn't worry these folks at all. I'll never understand how you don't see what these people are all about. Very confusing tweet overall. I like how his handle or his photo is an upside-down American flag. Yeah, man, it's because we're in trouble. You don't understand, man. My problem with this argument overall, I'm okay with it if you really want to give teachers guns. The big issue I have with it is that we cut school budgets by a lot.

So I feel like if we do get weapons to our teachers, they're going to be very old. They're going to be like worthless weapons. They're going to get muskets. They're going to have to wheel in the gun on that gurney that the TV comes in on. I mean, you save money. The special ed teachers get Nerf guns. The kids are going to have to play organ trail and also use weapons that were in the organ trail it'll be nice to die of dysentery instead of being mowed down by an ar-15

yeah most teachers have to fucking most teachers have to pot pay for school supplies out of their own pocket now you're throwing a gun in the mix that's's ridiculous. They're like, kids, I didn't have enough for pencils and a Glock, so guess what we got? I saw Trump tweeted. He was just like, I'm not saying we give every teacher a gun. He really said this. He's like, just ones with military training, we just give them guns.

Yeah, just the ones with PTSD. You don't give all teachers guns, just the dudes. Let's get to the subject that everybody wants to talk about, the Twitter lockout. Are you guys familiar with this? Kind of. Didn't a bunch of people with fake bots get deleted on Twitter? So a lot of fake bots were deactivated on Twitter in the last 24 hours,

and it has caused a lot of outrage because conservative Twitter users believe that they have been unfairly targeted and they think that their accounts are being shut down and they're losing followers. A lot of outrage. And I'll be honest with you guys. I don't know why anybody would want to delete a conservative Twitter account. They're great. They're pretty – Oh, my god. I don't see anything threatening.

Todd, do you want to describe the picture you're looking at? Me? Yeah. It is some very friendly politicians helping what I'm assuming is Hillary Clinton up some stairs to a noose. I'm like, okay. Am I interpreting that correctly? Glee is coming back and it is dark or – Oh, no.

I have no idea why anybody would want to do this. So I saw this opportunity. Somebody posted on Twitter right afterwards. They wrote, Twitter, wrong. Twitter is biased and discriminating solely based on our political inclinations. We did not do anything wrong to merit being targeted. Discrimination is illegal or is it genius? Twitter is opening itself to a class action lawsuit.

And I thought about this, and I thought... That's from Red Tsunami, by the way. I thought, this is an opportunity to make a little bit of money for me. Oh, fuck. I'm going to rally together the troops, and we're going to put together a class action lawsuit against Twitter. But first, I need to find some victims. Of course, yeah.

Oh, fuck yes. How did you advertise? Oh no. Oh no. Oh jeez. Before you guys get crazy, first things first, I decided I have to find some conservative Twitter accounts to figure out what it looks

like. Yeah, know your clientele. So I found a Twitter account by the name of atdenso57. He does follow me as you can see. His name is Deplorable Texan. His name is Deplorable Texan. And I just want to describe this man to the listener.

He looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter if he was also a pilgrim for the first Thanksgiving. Yeah, that's exactly it. This guy was in the Hell's Angels of Pilgrims. This guy looks like he makes Quaker oats and meth. I took a look at this Twitter profile and I thought I could probably do something like this. So I started hunting and I found myself a nice picture, a nice fake picture, a picture of a Latino man wearing a Trump shirt. He's got a hat.

I gave him a name, Clark T. Morales. I figured next thing you got to do is probably give himself a good Twitter handle. Oh, Jesus. to give himself a good Twitter handle. Oh! My Twitter handle is at Clark KKK Morales. And I've made KKK explicitly in caps. Yeah, yeah. You can't miss it. Yeah.

I gave him a good bio. I noticed they had attention-grabbing bios, you know, so I gave him a good bio. My bio says, I'm an attorney. The T stands for truth for Americans. I only fear God, but even then, I got my MIA Desert Eagle. That's a gun.

I had to Google it. That's pretty good. Yeah. And finally, as you guys noticed with all the cover photos, you got to really have a good attention-grabbing header photo. So I found this picture picture and i edited it up oh my god that is awesome is a picture of photoshop i did photoshop this although i painted it it's not really photoshop yeah yeah there's a picture of one horse fucking another horse and next to the horse that's doing the fucking there's an arrow that says pc culture and next to the horse that's doing the fucking there's an arrow that

says pc culture and next to the horse that's getting fucked there's an arrow that says america man really makes you think good stuff man so i'm like look now i got this badass twitter uh pro or this badass twitter profile yeah i just don't think i look legitimate enough i gotta i gotta figure out a way so i can gain the trust of all the people who i'm looking to help yeah and i realized one thing conservative twitter loves one thing oh no conservative memes i fucked it up i went forward they love conservative memes so i created a conservative meme uh it's a picture of what looks like a gay boy. And it says... It looks like a brunette Connor.

What did you Google to find this picture? I just Googled meme, and it was the first thing that popped up. Oh, you just Googled, like, gay pajamas and just... I think the meme is called Pajama Boy. Yeah, I've seen this before. So it says millennial, question mark, and then underneath it in bottom text it says, more like generation, I don't know if I have an X or a Y chromosome.

Hey. As far as these memes go, not the worst. Let me tell you right now, folks. Posted it. Did pretty damn good on Twitter. Oh, shit. I got 24 retweets and 45 faves. Oh, my God.

That's doing better than my second best tweet. That's better than your own tweets. I know, man. If only I could have this much success in real life. Yeah. Ended up getting, once I started getting some people's trust, I posted the following. Please retweet. Seeking people who lost followers during the Twitter purge.

I am an attorney looking to collect stories for a class action lawsuit. Let's sue these scum for violating our first. Dude. And this has got way more traction than it has any right to. Oh, shit. 30 tweets. 20 retweets. 26 likes.

A sweet little honey by the name of slid right into the DMs. Has that stuck in CA. Stuck in CA. She hates it here. Her Twitter handle is... She struggled with writing brown. She hit me up.

She said, hi. I said, I didn't even say hi back to her. I just said a little bit about me. My name is Clark and I'm a practicing attorney. I've looked into this Twitter lockout and I think we have a civil rights infringement on our hands. I'm currently building a case and I want to gather information from the people affected. Are you okay with being on the record? I said, She said, she said, I would need a day or two to get back with you, but I will definitely do that.

I said, of course, we can work together. These two can absolutely exist separately. I have to, of course, ask, and I'm sorry to do this, I'm of Latino origin. Will this be an issue with you or your partner or yourself? Just an honest disclosing. She said, okay, let me talk to him and see what he say i don't want to mess anything up he already has in progress of course not why would this matter thanks for

disclosing but it has no heads up but it has no bearing i said uh unfortunately oh she said on the previous one she uh she said why would that matter i said unfortunately you'd be surprised i've lost many areas uh jobs in my area of law because of this. She said, that's ridiculous. You don't need to worry about that with me. Smiley face. I said, great. Race doesn't matter in conservatism, only ideas.

That's for the libs to yap about. She said, that's exactly right. Oh, man. Oh, you're making connections, dude. Dude, this is like a dumb broad. I replied to her. I said, I'm a partner at Morales, Estevan and Estrada, the most successful vape rights

law firm in SoCal. What? Wait, what? She said, okay, let me contact my friend and see what he says. Sometimes it takes a bit back to get back to me. I will let him know where you're from and the name of your firm. I said, yes, please.

She said, no problem. I replied, vape law is a division of civil rights law, so I'm well equipped to handle this. Vape law? You've created a Mexican Klan member vape lawyer, and it's working. You fucking genie. How do you do that? Yeah. This bitch is on the hook.

She said, I just have no idea what he has in the works, so I don't want to step on his toes. And I said, she said, okay, we'll mention that. I said, of course, of course. I can't believe what these clowns are doing. Reminds me of a case I'm working on. Oh, God. I said, of course, of course. I can't believe what these clowns are doing. Reminds me of a case I'm working on. Oh, God. I have a client who, believe it or not, was arrested for vaping in a library.

And I wrote, it's water vapor. But these snowflakes are so scared of life, it blows me away. She replied, LOL, that's a bit much. Poor guy. And she said, no, they don't know how to handle life. Liberalism is a mental disorder i replied they claimed the fact they claimed the fact that he was doing it in a small room with disabled children that he was quote abusing them i'm so upset by it. She replied, what?

Are you even kidding me? Wow. They are what's wrong with society. Yes. We need to turn California red. And Jerry Brown needs to be arrested. I said, I know, right? I just got done with court today. Can you believe I had to call these kids into court to prove they were not disabled?

She said, wow. I said, I measured the distance between their eyes. And most of them were definitely normal. Oh, my God. You're doing raises head geometry. As a big, big rights lawyer, this woman is still responding to you. You're on some shit on this one, dude.

You caught yourself a whale here, bro. She replied, terrible. And to even subject him to that. I said, but what are you going to do? The state is trying to turn this place to China. And I wrote, I know. They were sweet kids. And she said, yes, they are.

I said, I told them we were playing games. One of them wouldn't stop screaming. And I couldn't even understand a word he said. He just had so much phlegm in his throat. For all she knows, this kid is real. I mean, she wrote. I wrote, sorry, I'm venting about work. She said, oh, my gosh, poor kid, though.

No worries. I said, yeah, but I gave him, quote, money. At least that's what he thought. LOL. And then she replied, LOL, what was it? I said, it was a used scratcher. Improbable retarded kids with spent laundry tickets. She's still responding.

She's still fucking responding. She's so on board, dude. She replies, after I said it was a usedatchers, she says, he will treasure it. Oh, my God. Holy shit. What? Oh, my God. Oh, what a dumbass. I replied, yeah, he was weird. Oh, my God.

Continue. continue he was weird i think there's a missing slide here there was the next line was i remember specifically i told her the she said why was he weird i said he kept faking that he couldn't walk. So I tried to – part of the game that I do with these people is when I say something super ridiculous, I try to jab in a real grounded question because when you jab in the – they'll ignore the weird thing that you just said. So after I said he couldn't walk, I said, how would you say that this has affected your life? I know it's taken money out of my pocket. If I don't have a lot of followers, people think I'm less important in my area of law. Lost out on a big client today. Almost got to represent sweet and sour flower vape distribution.

But lost out to another firm. And I think it was because of my diminished Twitter following. I lost 8,000. She said, okay, sorry. I'm not going to talk about this any further. I'll let you know when I hear from my friend. I said, sure. I'll be standing by. Do you think you'll hear back tonight? Should I stay near the computer?

I said, moving quickly is the best option here. She said, no prob tomorrow. I said, okay, great. What part of California do you live in? She said, I'd rather not say anything else at this time. Fair. I wrote, oh, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, said, okay, great. What part of California do you live in? She said, I'd rather not say anything else at this time. Fair. I wrote, oh, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Did I offend you?

She said, no, not at all. I just don't want to say anything else about me or my situation until I hear back. Just being cautious. I said, oh, I was worried. Okay, great. Looking forward to hearing back. She said, just in case you asked, what's your law firm's contact number? I said, absolutely. Please call us at 714-681-2029.

Ask to speak to Clark. I'm usually outside the booth around 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. Your law office has a booth. Wait, what is that phone number? It's a Google number I have. Oh, okay. She will call me. I promise you. That's the best time to reach me and she said okay thanks and so she stopped after that speaking to me but i have an inbox loaded with messages from people who want who want me to

represent them uh including great people such as don orlando and conservative gay guy there's a lot of guys. There's Eric Traffic Control guy, the other guy. Kelsey. Kelsey seems like she's interested. Deplorable Darla seems like she's interested. Although Deplorable Darla was a little sketched out because of all the typos I sent her.

And I told her, sorry about that. I was typing on my phone. There's no power in the office right now. You just always throw these background details, which should sketch you out. Deporable Darla sounds like the name of an old gunfighter in the Wild West. I'm going to basically

keep this rolling. We'll do a part two. I need to close this up, but there's just too many people talking and I could not pass this up. Yeah, I mean, you got yourself such a well of human beings here. Yeah, there will be a sequel coming very soon. This is one of those ones that, I was telling Keith earlier,

I do these and then I have all this other idea. So the original plan for tonight was I actually jumped on Instagram using the fake handle and I was going to get a bunch of women, there's like hot chicks with guns and I got a couple of girls to agree to be in a Second Amendment calendar that I was putting together.

And I told them I was saving it or I was going to sell it and raise money to the NRA. But this thing started coming together and I just started chasing this one real hard. So my plan is to – I'm going to follow up on these. I'm going to actually post all these messages. I'm putting up a blog on nowisnotthetime.tumblr.com It'll be all there.

All on Mean Boys. You guys can see all the ridiculous interactions. And we'll come back for a part two on this one. Oh, I'm excited for part two. Oh my god, Ramsey. That was wonderful. But before we go, I do want to close it off by putting in the top, what I'm calling the part two. Oh, my God. Ramsey, this is... That was wonderful. But before we go, I do want to put in...

I do want to close it off by putting in the top, what I'm calling the nonsense sequitur. Oftentimes, whenever somebody posts a news story, somebody always replies in the most retarded way possible, like a way that doesn't even make any sense. Yeah. And I wanted to highlight the best one this week. A guy named Craig Lager posted a story about,

the tweet said, Harvey Weinstein apologized to Meryl Streep and Jennifer Lawrence for using their words in his defense. And he linked a BuzzFeed article. And then somebody replied by saying, ask Oprah about her pedo slash child sex trafficking connections. Ask her about the Gates depopulation meetings.

Ask her about the Bilderberg group. Ask her about the secret trip with the Obamas, Springsteen, and Tom Hanks. Ask her about pimping for Weinstein. Poor Springsteen getting dragged. I know, yeah. I was just trying to pretend to be working class for another 20 years.

Eight retweets, 10 likes, and my favorite part about it all is afterwards somebody replied to her by saying, oh my God, I wanted to say that so bad. Thank you.

Finally. Oh my God. And that was all the time. Thanks, guys. Holy shit, that was a fucking journey to the center of madness. The Mean Boys podcast

will be right back right after this. Hey everybody, Keith from the Mean Boys podcast reminding you that we are as always after this. Hey, everybody. Keith from the Mean Boys podcast. Remind you that we are, as always, brought to you by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. Oh, man. Going on two years of Don Carlo sponsorship. And it feels good because it's a great organization.

I say that like they help homeless kids. But it really is. They just feed us for free whenever we're on our way to San Diego. It's our longest sponsor. They've been here the longest. They make a goddamn good burrito. It's right across the street from the La Jolla Comedy Store. So go see a fantastic show with one of the great comedy store headliners and fucking fuel up beforehand.

Genuinely the best burrito I've ever had. It's so good. It really is. The Carnitas Cali Burrito at the fucking Don Carlos is unfuck with them. I remember the first time I was brought there, my friend was like, wait till you have this burrito. I'm like, dude, it's a fucking burrito. And then I ate it.

I was like, holy shit, this is a fucking great burrito. Yeah. Yeah. And they have so much more than that. All the menu options and catering information are available at eataburrito.com. Jump on over there. Pregame. Get excited.

You know? And go check them out because they're a good friend of the show. Quong. Oh, and the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of our favorite game, which of the following? Hey. Oh, and the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of our favorite game, Witch of the Following. Yay. Eric writes, hey, Mean Boys, here's my second attempt at a Witch of the Following. It's all about dumb shit energy drinks, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Wish you through. Come to Missouri again sometime. Anyway, love the show. Best $5 I spend a month. Stay mean. Eric Vieth, at V-I-E-T-H-E, on Twitter. Thank you for the game, buddy. Thanks, love the show. Best $5 I spend a month. Stay mean. Eric Vieth at V-I-E-T-H-E on Twitter. Thank you for the game, buddy. Thanks, dude.

We'll be back there, I think, soon. Yeah, although last time after we fled that crack house, which is one of the best Patreon bonus contents, recorded at 3 in the morning in a Motel 6. Yeah, it was a fucking adventure. Go check that out. I don't know. I'm a little reticent to trust the accommodations there. But let's get into it. Ramsey Bedell is something of a shitty energy drink connoisseur.

Very much so. I have a dream of starting up my own energy drink company and sending it to poor countries where the kids aren't stoked. Are you dipping into your act there? That's so funny. Did you know for less than the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can help Mutombo shred? Yeah. You can help little Farhad get

jacked. You know, these kids are shaking, but I wish it was with like, guarian fucking convulsions. Instead of the cold. Yeah. With your support, we can turn it into ethibropia yes we might have an episode title yeah there's so many yeah as long as starving children can't

sleep that's the good oh they're sleeping they're not working and you know how that turns out beatings am i right gang no ramsey will frequently come home with a palette of rock star negative ones that he got from the 99 cent store. I've gotten just straight up anti-freeze trash. Ramsey collects bad energy drinks like rich black kids collect sneakers. They're garish and ridiculous. It's not like he really needs them. It's just cool. It's like weird cryptocurrencies. It's not like he really needs them. It's just cool. It's like weird cryptocurrencies.

It's just like, yeah, I'm drinking fuel. I'm like, what the fuck is fuel? I've never heard of fuel. I got these monsters from the 99 cent store the other day where for some reason you could peel the label off of the can to reveal another kind of monster underneath it. Yeah, you show this to me. I'm like, why did you peel the label off? I just don't know. You're all jacked up on monster. Yeah, you showed this to me. And like, why did you peel the label off? I just don't know.

You're all jacked up on Monster. Your fingernails are digging into the can, just like peeling away. Like, what a treasure map. I love it, dude. I love it. Oh, my God. This takes me to Fred Durst's house. This is what an amazing gift this is. Anyway, without any further ado.

National treasure and the hot dog flavored water. Let's get into which of the following is that real energy drink. Round number one. Dumb Containers Edition. A. Bomba, a bottle shaped like a grenade. Shut up already. B. Duracell energy drink in a can that looks like a battery. C. Blitzkrieg energy in a can shaped like a bullet.

Or D. Blood potion energy in a replica IV bag. Oh, man. Shut up. I paid for novelty. Energy drinks are for, like, fucking maintaining your horrible lifestyle. It's like a credit card you use on your mental health. Clark Morales drinks Blitzkrieg down at the Vape Law Office. He for sure does, yeah.

Have you actually had Duracell? No, I think I saw it at the 9910 store. You get all your groceries, and you got some sour cream for the 99 cent store right it was called uh ultra ultra cream but didn't it say like real or unreal unreal in quotes as though the container itself was mocking you for eating 99 cent store sour cream i first i thought it was a description i got unreal. I got, hey, are you sure, man, brand milk. I don't know. I thought it was a description.

I think it's a legal disclaimer. Made from 100% alleged cows. Purported to be a foodstuff. Rumored bovines. All right. So, fuck. One more time real quick Grenade bottle

Battery bottle Bullet bottle Blood bag bottle I think bullet bottle Was fake Yeah I mean Bullet I think bullet

I think I think it's blood bag No I Positive the blood Dude I know I know the energy I'm O positive Oh jeez

Have you had this No no I just I know how the energy If it comes in a novelty Container Yeah I know how the Energy consumer consumer thinks. If it comes in a novelty container. I know how the energy drink consumer thinks. I've drank a novelty. Which is very quickly and with no critical thinking. Yeah, I've drank a novelty juice out of a blood bag before, so I'm sure the energy folk got to it.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'm going to go with that. Other options for bullet or grenade, though. There's also things that they put flashlights in, you know? Like a big battery. There was a grenade that you could fuck. I remember seeing it at the sex store.

You can keep going. I'm still sticking with blood bag. I tried to fuck with you guys. I actually think the Duracell one is not real. All right, guys. The fake one. Bullet. Keith Carey on the board.

No, you know that Duracell shit had to be real. It has to be real. It was like some promotional thing they did as a goof at like fucking CE2 or some shit. Yeah, you're right. It's like real battery acid. Round number two. Sort of a celebrity edition. Oh, no.

A. Hulk Hogan's All-American Energy. B. Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt. C. Just Chuck Norris energy drink. Or D. Mike Tyson black energy. Oh, my God. I want Mike Tyson black energy. Oh my God. I want that black African energy. You know? I want to start the day

like I'm running from a tiger. Or the police. I've watched a lot of... You'll have to learn to eat everyone's children. I've watched a lot of Tyson documentaries. I feel like I would have known. I must say.

I feel like with all the other shit they did, they wouldn't have gotten around to his obscure merchandise. Yeah. You know, Tom, this is not the best part of the story. Yeah, between the rape and the pigeons. Mike Tyson has had a storied career. Between the rape and the animated series. And the facial tattoo.

Oh, yeah, and the ear biting and the jail time. You're like, why didn't I learn about his energy? Yeah, like we just did so many insane things, none of which are his career. I'm going Tyson. Okay. All right. All right. Ram's bad.

I'm going to go Chuck Norris. Okay. I don't think he did it. He had to. Because Chuck Norris was such a cultural shit dick. He seems like he could be like a black coffee only guy. I'd put my name on those. I've seen Chuck Norris in too many shitty infomercials to think he didn't do it.

I think he has a weird code and he wouldn't sell this poison to children kind of thing. That's straight up bullshit. I think it's Seagal. I also think that I feel like a lot of people who are obsessed with energy drinks also don't like black people and I don't think that that would help it sell.

So I think just from a promotional point, I think it's Tyson. Well, you just hit something huge. I've never seen a black guy drink an energy drink. You know what? Neither have I. I think you just hit something, Tom. Tom, you might be on to something. That's pretty brilliant.

Let's find out. I've never seen a black dude crack open a monster. Well, you're wrong. Black don't crack. The answer was Hulk Hogan, but I'm still fascinated by this theory. This theory is fantastic. I've never even seen a black guy drink a Red Bull.

They just have black energy all the time. I should see the whimsy in Connor's eyes right now. I'm really, I'm racking my brain and I don't think I've ever seen it. I'm going to Google. Black energy is my favorite member of the Justice League. Static shock.

Rebranding himself. You know, Opie doesn't even drink coffee. Opie's basically some kind of weird Mormon that also fucks and calls cats slurs. I think he's just smart. Because once you start drinking, you're fucking hooked. You're fucked. It's like using chapstick. You can't fucking, you know.

You know what? I'm looking for black guys drinking energy drinks and i'm seeing a bunch of pictures of people kissing white babies so wait dude there's one people get energy from white babies i mean it's not a white guy it's this guy has wait is that what black you was about look at this guy with a weird dent in his skull and uh oh boy yeah yeah it looks photoshopped maybe oh but yeah, I'm just seeing this guy. He's got vodka. This guy has a can of Monster, but I mean... There's no proof he's drinking it.

Yeah, he's just holding it. That's a good point, Randy. He kind of looks like he's holding it, and he's going, please, white motherfucker's drinking. I've Googled black guy drinking energy drinks. I'm not seeing any convincing evidence that it's ever taken place. The closest I can think is that scene in Black Panther where they drink the superpower sauce.

Speaking of which, round number three, superpower sauce. No, sorry. You really blew my mind, Tom. I noticed things. Just for Keith edition, A, Ejaculata. Tagline, The Secret Energy.

B, Gay Fuel. Do you like Ejaculata? And getting blown in the rain. Sorry, continue. B, gay fuel. Tagline, get fired up. These are all poppers, right? Yeah.

They have black energy and gay fuel. All right, C, deep throat energy drink. Tagline, keep it up all night. Up is capitalized. I don't know why you got to keep it up to get in that throat, I guess. Yeah. I think it's a dick pun. Like, keep your dick up.

Wow, Tom, you really cracked it. You look so confused trying to help you, buddy. No, I'm saying it's talking about like a deep throat energy. Or D, Dyke Tyson's pink energy. It's what's losing your throat is what I'm saying. Or D, huge load energy tagline, a load you'll want to swallow. Oh, man. These are all bad. And they all could be real.

Can you run the titles one more time? All right. We got ejaculata, gay fuel, deep throat energy drink, or huge load energy. I'm going to go with number one. Weirdly black energy again. Yeah. Puerto Rican energy. Ejaculata sounds like it might be black energy sister.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it's like an orgasm of villain. energy again yeah Puerto Rican ejaculata sounds like it might be black energy sister yeah yeah I think it's like an orgasm of villain I think it's ejaculata also ejaculata sounds like the worst thing on the Starbucks secret

menu extra block I was about to say Jack in the Box invented something and forgot to yeah I always say every company should have like a 14 year old on

staff to just tell them when something is like very clearly gay but they're too grown up to realize it i just tweeted the same thing i have that same that same theory i've been saying that for years yeah i was driving i was at the airport and there's a airline named aerolingus oh yeah yeah their kids to be like this is not good you can't do this yeah call it fucking ireland wings or something else. I also buy almond milk that's called protein nut milk. You do, yeah. And every time you pour it,

I see you smiling. 10,000% factually accurate what they've said. It's alright. What do you think, Tom? I think it's either B or D. It's gay fuel or huge load of energy. There's no way gay fuel is not real. It's gotta be real. That's gay club stuff.

I thought gay fuel was the prayers of concerned mothers. You said A and C, right? Or you both said A? We both said A. In my home country, we make fuel out of gay people. We throw them from buildings, and then that spins a turbine, and then yada, yada, yada. Electricity. It's so complicated. It's so complicated.

It's so unnecessarily complicated. It's not like you boil them down to make oil out of them. You're just like, well, we kind of just. Here at the Guy on Gyrodynamic Power Plant. Let's say D. D. All right. The fake one.

D. Huge load energy. Tommy Goss on the board. Where is Ejaculata? I want this product. Huge load just had no ring to it. I want to look up the can of ejaculata. Mean Boys fans, send us some ejaculata.

Yeah, I will fucking drink ejaculata. We'll pour some more on Ramsey's face. Oh, yeah. It looks like it's in a weird whiskey bottle flask, and it's got sperm on it, but it's energy. Good lord. It's got energy drink stuff in it. It's cartoon sperm.

Somebody drew a bunch of friendly cum in MS Paint. Yeah, you don't anthropomorphize cum. No, I don't need to ever have a face. Round number four, keep it in your pants edition. A, beaver buzz. Tagline, damn good like D.A.M. Like a damn a beaver would make. Okay.

B, stiffies pounding energy. Tagline, nothing pounds like a stiffy. C, morning wood. Tagline, it's sofa king good. Because you fuck your couch. Yeah, I guess. D, pussy. The drink's pure.

It's your mind that's the problem. Drinking a can of pussy. Wait, that's their tagline? Yeah. The drink's pure. It's your mind that's the problem. Can, that's their tagline? Yeah. The drink's pure. It's your mind. It's the problem. Can you run it one more time?

Beaver Buzz, Stiffy's Pounding Energy, Morning Wood, or Pussy. Man, you thought Mountain Dew Edge was the problem. What is the Mountain Dew Energy drink they're trying to make happen for a while? Kickstarter. Kickstarter. Stop trying to make Kickstarter happen, all right? As two seasons. I think it's just called Kickstart.

It's not a crowdfunding platform for being awake and dumb. I do have a serious energy drink gripe. Yeah, I've never thought. So I'm Mountain Dew drinker. That guy needed to be more productive. That guy needs to be able to steal more unexposed copper wiring from construction sites. That guy needs to get up and go to really fucking disappoint his

children today. The one gripe I do have with it is I don't understand why they just don't make Coke like a Coca-Cola flavored energy drink. Why do they all have to taste like an unnatural flavor? Well, they all have to take us like a lightsaber. Yeah, because they're full of fucking acid and bulges or whatever. Well, Coke has caffeine, but I'm just saying

double the caffeine. Yeah, like a Coke is fucking made out of a grapefruit. It's fucking just as trash, you know? Yeah, that's a good point. There's got to be a way to do it. I don't know. Now I'm upset. Maybe they don't want to muddy the brand, because if you're Coke, you're just sort of like working on a word in America. Well, you could just make like a cola, like an energy cola.

Well, they did. That was a thing back in the 90s a lot. What are you talking about, like Surge? I'm talking about Surge. Surge was a Sprite. I'm going to say D. Well, Sprite is a subsidiary of Coke. Well, no, Sur That was a thing back in the 90s a lot. What are you talking about? Like Surge? I'm talking about Surge. Surge was a Sprite. I'm going to say D. Well, Sprite was a subsidiary of Coke. Well, no. Surge was a lemon-lined product. Yeah, but it also added extra caffeine.

And I'm talking about Jolt Cola specifically. Oh. Jolt was like a... That was their big thing. Yeah. Okay. They've got to bring it back. I feel like I would prefer Cola.

Dude, Jolt ripped, my dude. Dude, send us some Jolt Cola, guys. I don't even know if they make Jolt anymore. Actually, I'm changing it to Morning Wood. All right. Tom is really thinking this over. Yeah. No, this is total. Actually, I'm changing it to Morning Wood. All right, Tom is really thinking this over. Yeah, I know this is

I'm going, Tom, you gotta know when you cross your arms, you look like a homeless genie. It's pretty awesome. I'm going with Beaver Buzz. This genie, you give me wishes.

All right, what do you think, Rams? I was distracted by how Polish Tom looks. Oh, you Soviet blockhead. I forgot Poland was a country for like a couple months. So did they. Tom, you play Civilization like every day.

I haven't played this year at all. Tom, you look like you beat Serbians with a lacrosse stick. You look like the handler for that dog from the video I watched. Yeah, you have like a whole post-Stalin dead enforcer vibe right now that is very intimidating. I love it. It's just a friendly vibe I bring on stage. It's also kind of funny if you look at the mohawk. It's just like someone just put a bigger eyebrow on top of the head.

Like someone did like dragged out his eyebrow in Photoshop and repositioned it. Okay, so did everybody guess? Yeah, I said Beaverbuzz. I said Morningwood. I'm going to go with the other one that's not so fucking good. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy.

All right, the fake one. Stiffy's Pounding Energy. Whoa. Wow, everybody whiffed. And finally. I think we're all tied with one. Yeah, it's just so fucking good is so hack. I would have like, oh, for sure, that would have been real.

Yeah. Yeah, and now finally, all real or all fake. Nah, I'm good edition. A, who's your daddy? B, booty sweat. C, balls. B-A-W-L-S. Or D, pimp juice.

These are all real. I've had balls before. Yeah, I've had balls and booty sweat. These are all real. I haven't had booty sweat. Booty sweat, it's a spinoff product from the movie Tropic Thunder. Oh, okay. Balls comes in that nice glass bottle. Yeah, well, balls

was like the gamer thing. It was like they would sell it on ThinkGeek and shit, and it was like, get fucking leet or whatever. I remembered it from Tropic Thunder and I was going to say fake. I remember they had an energy drink called Mana back in the day of World of Warcraft being a whole big deal. It had a shit ton of caffeine in it. It came with a little

mana potion. You know what's a damn fine branded energy drink? If you go to Universal Studios, they sell a Duff Beer energy drink. It's real good. It's orange. It tastes like orange soda, but it keeps you awake for a while. That sounds like it would be good. Just the novelty of it. They have beer, too, but it comes in a duff can, but it's not alcohol.

Orange energy drink, yeah. Nice. Yeah. I'd experiment with that. Well, yeah, guys. Those are all real. Yeah. Wow, guys.

Three-way tie. We could use some energy drinks. Huh, gang? But instead, we have a fucking mailbag to get to. Yeah, guys. We'll be right back. Same time. Everybody. With your questions. No, Ramsey. Tom is trying to. Yeah, guys. Same time. Same time. Everybody.

With your questions. Tom is trying to coordinate a high five. One, two. Fuck you, Connor. You're not a part of this. No listener gave a fuck about that. Okay. Big Meek, back me up again.

By the way, did you see how I was writing about the pig facts? Our number one Nazi listener. I was fucking correct. You got tweeted pig facts by a neo-Nazi. A white nationalist agreed with you about herding animals is what happened. And you are proud of yourself? I am accurate. You know about pig facts.

You're Muslim. You got to know about pig facts. I think they know the least about pig facts. They think they have fucking black magic. Well, no. They respect pigs. No, no, no. Oh, no?

You're thinking about Indians and cows. Yeah, I muted Tom's mic. The Mean Boys podcast will be right back right after this. You're wrong about things. Coming to theaters this summer in a secret military compound, one woman is about to begin the adventure of a lifetime. All right, you eggheads. You better have good news for me.

I got the Department of Defense crawling on my ass, and this project is on the edge of getting shut down. We think you'll be interested in this. So as you know, we started Operation Pumpkin Spice with a simple goal. To find the world's most unremarkable woman and turn her into an undetectable covert operative. A woman entirely devoid of personality or distinguishable characteristics. I know what the project is about, Poindexter. cooperative, a woman entirely devoid of personality or distinguishable characteristics. I know what the project is about, Poindexter.

And I also know you've tried it a hundred mediocre former volleyball players in front of me, and none of them made the cut. Until now. Send her in. Oh my god, there's like no signal here. I need to see who got eliminated on Drag Race or I will like literally die. What do you think? Of her? I don't know.

She's like, whatever. Exactly. Colonel Harris standing before you is the key to this whole operation. A perfect spy, a blank vessel. The single most basic human being ever. So is there a Wi-Fi password, or I don't know, who do I talk to? How can you tell? Her name is Amy, sir.

So what? They've all been named Amy. But look at how it's spelled. Mother of God. I've never seen so many superfluous vows in my life. Is that a fucking U in there? This must be a mistake. We've double-checked the math, sir.

She is legit. Sweet Jesus. They trained her to be the perfect soldier. What kind of equipment have you worked with, Amy? AR-15? Tactical grenades? Any hand-to-hand combat experience? Yeah, I've gotten, like, really into crystals, and, like, this one is supposed to keep my energy up,

and then this one is supposed to help me find love, but if Mercury's in retrograde... Throw them in the trash where they belong and pick up a rifle. Like, oh, my God, I am so good at Tarjay practice. Target! It's pronounced Target, you know that, Amy. They pushed her to her limits. You told me you were gonna give me 500 push-ups, and I only saw 499, soldier. I literally can't even.

Look at me, goddammit! You literally can't even, bitch! She was programmed to use her skills to infiltrate the world's deadliest crime syndicate. All right, Amy, listen up. There's a laser grid with less than a millimeter between the beams, so you'll have to sneak into the control room and... No, no, no, I got it. I'm just gonna, like, go under him. It's impossible. Colonel, I've done, like, three hot yoga sessions, so I'm, like, totes flexible. All right, here I go. Watch this.

Freeze! God fucking damn it. But when she's captured, she'll have to fight her way out, alone. Your government has disavowed you. You are unarmed, alone, about to die. If I were you now is the time I would start praying to God. I'm not religious. But I am spiritual.

This summer, Bryce Dallas Howard or Jessica Chastain or... shit, I don't know, maybe that third Olsen sister. One of those broads is Amy with a U in basic instinct. Rated R for are you kidding me right now because I asked for soy and this is regular milk. You want to talk horse facts, I'm in. I love horses. I'm very allergic, though. Largest eye of any land mammal. Is it the blue whale out of volume?

Wait, is that proportionate to their body? That's proportionate to their body. I think so, yeah. Yeah. All right, you guys ready to throw it back? Giraffes also have very large eyes. I take that as a strong no. We're not talking about this anymore at all.

Have you seen a giraffe's eye? They're fucking huge. Shut the fuck up, Tom. Bigger than a horse. And the Mean Boys podcast returns after Tom just listed the size of animals' eyes. No, I was conversating with Ramsey. Like a fat, violent toddler.

Don't say you're conversating. That's not something anybody says. You folks are idiots. I was backing up on the pig facts. Ramsey goes, did you know horses have the biggest eyes out of any land mammal? And I go, what about giraffes? Giraffes got big-ass eyes. Recapping a conversation no one gave a fuck about to begin with, Tom. Me and Ramsey gave a fuck. That's half his podcast. biggest eyes out of any land mammal. And I go, what about giraffes? Giraffes got big-ass eyes.

You're recapping a conversation no one gave a fuck about to begin with, Tom. Me and Ramsey gave a fuck. That's half this podcast. You gave a fuck. Ramsey repeatedly made this stop-talking Tom handbook. Ramsey's contributing with force, man. Ramsey's high and agreeable, all right? He doesn't know what is happening. I'm not high.

I would never describe you as agreeable. All right, let's get into these on Instagram. Paige Wesley, friend of the show, asks, did Farhad ever get that kidney he wanted? Yeah, you know, Farhad, listen, we're going to be real with you guys. The mean boys know about this. Shit got really real with Farhad. Oh, yeah. Did we talk about this?

I don't think he ever revealed the actual outcome of what we did. I did not hear about this. So what happened was. So do you want to just give a very brief explanation to anybody who didn't listen to that episode? Very quickly, what happened was I had after an Iranian earthquake, I had posted, or I'd seen

an ad on the Tehran Craigslist for a kidney, and I reached out under the fake name Farhad Hirbad. It was somebody selling a kidney. Yeah, somebody was selling a kidney, and I reached out as a fake Persian scientist named Farhad Hirbad. It was somebody selling a kidney. Yeah, somebody was selling a kidney, and I reached out as a fake Persian scientist named Farhad Hirbad Arjen Jahir Shah. And that's his full name.

If you want to email him, it's that full name. The kidney was $50,000. I reached out, went back and forth with him, started negotiating, had a fun time. Check out those episodes of The Mean Boys. A bunch of different fake identities. Yeah, look for the episode entitled Thanks God for Dancing. You're going to hear this whole fucking orgy of nonsense.

But ultimately, what happened was after I got off the episode, we were messaging back and forth. And I had – I did a Google To put in his phone number Because he gave me his phone number I put it into Facebook And it turns out He is a real person Who is truly looking for his son Who was kidnapped

Oh jeez Oh I didn't know that Oh yeah No you did know that I knew vaguely But I think we thought it was bullshit Yeah we thought it was bullshit And I thought I showed it to you But but maybe I just sent it to Connor.

Okay. One of his pictures on Facebook is a picture of him and his son. And it's like, five years ago, the last time I saw JD. I will be reunited with you someday, son. Oh, jeez. It's brutal, yeah. That's it. It was pretty funny that we got him to legally convert to Islam.

Yes, we did get him to. He did sign the paper. He sent it over to our attorney. A man's soul for one of our at least popular episodes. Go check that out if you want to hear. All these are fucking beautiful. So you just stopped. And a full live episode on Patreon.

Yeah, I had to back away because I felt. Yeah, I started to feel bad. You enter a gray area. That's the thing with this. You want to keep it in a place where it's funny and we're mocking people for being dumb. I abide by the prankster's code. And this guy, yeah, that guy just sounds...

Kutcher's law tells us. You can take a man's God, but you cannot take his dignity. Punk not lest ye be punked. I just want to point out, we posted a picture of Ramsey with Meredith from The Office from an Amazon commercial. I was in an Amazon commercial, huh? I feel like I don't talk about that enough.

Yeah, you sure were. And the first comment is Tom Goss saying, oh shit, is that Hillary Clinton? Which I enjoyed. It was a fun shoot overall. Got to know Kate pretty well. Couldn't help possibly care less. I really like her, actually. Don't like all of her policies, actually. Former guest Cody Sarvis says, Don't like all of her policies, though.

Sure. Former guest Cody Sarvis says, Ramsey, I am drunk. What's your favorite hangover cure? Are you a drinker? I don't drink very much. I've seen you smoke a bit, but I've never seen you really drink.

Yeah, no, I don't know. Eat Mexican food or something? Gatorade is my go-to. Gatorade's great. Gatorade is my go-to after I cum. Yeah, same. Oh, yeah, this is Opie's thing. He has a fridge full of? Gatorade is my go-to. Gatorade's great. Gatorade is my go-to after I cum. Yeah, same. Oh yeah, this is Opie's thing. He has a fridge full of fresh Gatorade. It's a Ramsey thing that Opie took from Ramsey. Opie took that from you?

Well look, the important thing is we're taking it back for the white man. Yes, we're taking it back. Don't stop saying we. You're not the white man. Did you guys ever race? No, we're taking it. No, Opie, things changed for Opie dramatically in the last two weeks. So the race was off. Oh, yeah.

We haven't even talked about that on the air. Very disgusting. After we did some episode where we did fuck, marry, kill, Opie got so furious that he suggested that he was harder to kill than Ramsey, and Ramsey disagreed with him, that they had a shirtless screaming match. Opie literally went in the other room and changed into a more African outfit in which to scream at Ramsey. I will post some of these videos to the Twitter account. Yeah.

And he just challenged you to a race. And then this turned into a triathlon where the loser had to drink bacon grease. We are going to do it still at some point. Here's the funniest thing that happened. He was dressed in normal clothing. And then he walked. He was wearing a large shirt and like jeans and then he walked into his room and he came back out wearing like weird nylon shorts and like a medium t-shirt yeah yeah and like spun around like fucking

wonder woman and came out as usain bolt yeah i don't remember what it was exactly but that started it but i think i instigated it was It was the whole fuck, marry, kill thing. Yeah, and somebody got buttered that they thought they could get killed easier. Yeah. Speaking of that, we got fuck, marry, kill, The Hamburglar, Ronald McDonald, and Grimace.

Why are we still doing... Wait, The Hamburglar and Grimace are different people? Yeah, they're different people. I haven't watched McDonald's. I'll go with this one. Well, where does the Grimace are different people? Yeah, they're very different. I haven't watched McDonald's. I'll go with this one. Well, where does the Grimace go when it's daytime? Everything about what you just said is ridiculous. I don't watch McDonald's.

It's easy. You fuck the Hamburglar because he's a bad boy. That's exactly what I do. Okay. All right. You marry Ronald McDonald for the financial security. The financial security. Plus he's charitable.

But I like the Grimace. The Grimace has a good heart. Ah, fuck the Grimmis. Yeah, he eats hamburgers. I think Ronald McDonald's like a bad dude, though. And I feel like Ronald McDonald is cold.

This is where we differentiate. You don't want a cold husband. That's what I like about him. I think you definitely fuck the hamburger. I let him rob him my robble any day of the week. Sure, sure, sure.

I think I marry the Grimmis and I kill Ronald McDonald. Wow, I got the other way around. I like... You don't like... He's got a charity. Ronald McDonald's got a charity. Yeah, but the Grimmis... So does Donald Trump. It doesn't mean shit. Yeah, the Grimmis is a. I like, you don't like, he's got a charity. Ronald McDonald's got a charity. Yeah, but the grimace is...

So does Donald Trump. It doesn't mean shit. Yeah, the grimace is a large purple triangle covered in felt, and I enjoy that in a future husband. The grimace is a beanbag chair

that I guess I can fuck now. The grimace is shaped identically to a butt plug. Look at him again. What is... He looks like Barney the Purple Diner. It's always in a

Michael Jackson Pepsi accident. Have we ever? Sometimes if you just let your brain go. What? I don't know if this is the funniest episode. The hand just goes up and catches the ball. I don't know if this is the funniest episode we've ever done or if I'm just dying of sleep deprivation. Yeah, I think it's both.

All right. Dark homo erectus. You can't change your Twitter handles, nerds. When I learn how to pronounce them, I like to stick with it. Drake Hippocampus asks, Dick Hockahocka, if cats are N-words,

what animals would represent other slurs? We should clarify our very black friend and guest of the show, Opie, calls the stray cats in our house the N-word. No, I do it too. I feel uncomfortable going down this road. Yeah, I don't really have an answer for you there.

I don't know. Raccoons writes itself past that. I mean, Siamese cat is already kind of a slur. Palestinians are like gophers. Sounds like tunneling in sheds. Are there slurs for Palestinians? My sister Petawel I think you call them Israelis.

You just call them bad tenants. Yeah. Let's see. Andy Garcia says, is Ramsey coming to Chicago with you guys? No. No, I'm going to come to Chicago, I think. Oh, wait, are you really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He saw me. I see you guys on the show. Oh, that's right. I forgot. I was just being a dick, but that's awesome.

Ramsey's going to be in Chicago with us. Alright, we got some voicemails here. Hey, that's right. I forgot. I was just being a dick, but that's awesome. Yeah. So Rev's going to be in Chicago with us. Yeah. All right. We got some voicemails here. Oh, nice. Hey, Mean Boys. It's Chris Bo from Pittsburgh. I'm just calling to tell you guys

I've been trying to exercise lately. I weigh like about 220 and I'm trying to get down to like 180 and I'm leaving this voicemail just so maybe you guys can hear it. He sounds bright. If I don't do what I'm trying to do down to like 180. And I'm leaving this voice now just so maybe you guys can hear it. He sounds bright.

If I don't do what I'm trying to do, I'll hear this in the future when I'm listening back to old Mean Boys episodes and shit and feel bad about myself and give it another go. And maybe other people out there will hear it and be inspired. But, yeah, I guess. Who is going to be inspired by this? I'm sorry. I'm going to be inspired by this, like, low-energy man saying,

yeah, I mean, I listen to the same episodes of podcasts multiple times because I am that sad. Anyway, I'm fat, and when i revisit this i hope i'm less fat he left us a voicemail put a sticky note on the fridge bud yeah we just sent magnets for this yeah left a voicemail to create a guilt time loop yeah that's exactly what he did yeah yeah just trying to i'm like i like how little go back in time and face fuck himself with a cheesesteak to fucking end it I like how little people Think of the show

Where they're just like They'll put that on This will remind me Yeah those mean boys What's the fucking Particle here really I can't wait for next week's Voicemail where they

Remind them to take out The trash But seriously though Hey mean boys You have a dentist appointment On the 13th of December So just don't Don't let that slip

Of the show All seriousness, though, Crestbow guy, good luck, man. Yeah. Best of luck. Cut the carbs. Yeah, that's a huge thing, man. Yeah, cut the crap, too. Am I right, Kane? Come on. Love you, buddy. Just kidding. Slow and steady wins the race. You got this, buddy.

But your voicemail sucks. I'm kidding, dude. I'm kidding. Kind of. Hey, all in boys. Just wanted to shoot y'all another quick voicemail sucks i'm kidding dude i'm kidding kind of hey y'all lean boys just wanted to shoot y'all another quick voicemail and do you think uh have a lean toward the predilection that everything matters or is it that you feel that nothing at all matters and why i like that he answered like asked this big philosophical question. Like, now, guys, I'm on break at the Texaco, and I just wanted to know what is the meaning of life? He's just rushing through his folksy southernness

as just a formality. Hey, y'all, Rudy Tutu. Yeah. Oh, good shit. Me and Tom have had conversations about that like till forever in the morning. I am a firm believer that, I don't know, everything matters in a weird, small, fucking nonsense way.

Everything matters, absolutely. And in fact, life is frustrating because everything matters and it's hard to fucking deal with. Nothing matters. Once you're at the point where you deal with nothing matters you assign but once you at the point we realize nothing matters you can assign your own meetings and it's so much more free yeah i have a much happier life the irony is for hosting a podcast whose entire branding is nihilism i think i'm the actually most nihilistic person oh yeah i i split ways with you know and yeah yeah you you've worked your way up to living in our kitchen, so I get why you think this way.

I don't think it's a bad thing, though. No, I know. We don't have time to get into this full debate. I think believing that everything matters, you imprison yourself because I used to feel that way. Nihilism is prison. What are you talking about? Well, no, it depends on – most nihilists come from a place of negativity and they're two different things. Well, we're going to have this debate off air because I could talk about this for 10 hours.

Yeah. Where I'm at, I don't care. I honestly like that one the best. Hey, mean boys. It's your commercial agent, Preston Smothers. Sorry, it's taking me a while to get back. It appears that no one is interested in your project right now

but we're going to keep pressing as I like to say so let's meet up maybe grab drinks maybe some tequila and talk strategy also if you could get me the contact info for that Korean guy Robin that you just met alright

are the main boys pitching commercials what are you guys yeah that's Evan Cassidy doing his character because he was coming to hang out at a club I was doing on a weekend and he was like I feel weird being in the green room when I'm on the show he's like just tell everybody I'm your commercial agent Preston

and then he created this Twitter account Preston's Mothers where he just tweets tweets vague things about success and tequila. Yeah, yeah. And I did enjoy that Korean guy robbing you out of the show. Very funny. Oh, man. All right. Yeah, I don't know if anything matters.

Who gives a shit? That's the show, though, guys. Dude, that was... 1.35 in the morning, clocking out of the podcast factory. How do we feel? That was a rollicker, boys. It was a fun one. When we picked up Steam, we really picked it up, but it was...

I'm fucking tired. I'm glad we're done. Yeah, I'm ready to die. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. We love you. We're going on tour, bitches. You better believe it.

Wisconsin. Milwaukee, specifically. Plugs are already going great. Chicago, bitches. You better believe it. Wisconsin. Milwaukee, specifically. Plugs are already going great. Chicago, Illinois. I'm not doing the states for the rest of them. Fort Wayne, Indiana. Cleveland, Ohio. Detroit, Michigan. Washington, D.C. Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I know.

New York City. Oh, you got that last one. Yeah, four. Well done. Jerked off in a popcorn tub, you big dummy. What? I don't know. For some reason, that picture, you're going to like a gay movie theater from Taxi Driver. But also buying a large popcorn.

Does this? You got to cover your dick with some, I guess. Does this come out on Monday? Tuesday. Tuesday. Come see me at the comic strip. Thursday through Sunday. Oh, yeah.

In El Paso, Texasas if you're in the if you're in el paso yeah baby go see the uh the big ass ram dog tonight i'm at the throck morton theater in mill valley and then i'll be the setup in san francisco on thursday i'm hailing a haunted hotel on friday because sure because sure i need two hundred dollars and uh i get a free hotel room and i don't have to ghosts. Do they have to dress up to go see your show? No, because I did it with Keith and I was accosted

by a homeless guy right before I was accosted by a dude who had read poetry for several presidents that was there for some writer's retreat. Is it something where they...

There's a guy who's like, yeah, okay. And he was like, yeah, you're funny, man. You remind me of my truck. And then the next guy is just like, here's a picture of me

and Mikhail Gorbachev. Whoa. Yeah, he seemed as bummed out to be there as we did. Which was very... That's not Mikhail Gorbachev. That's just a guy with a cut on his forehead. That's just a messy soup boy. Yeah, this guy just got a salami on his face. Yeah. Anyway,

yeah, go to those shows. I guess. I got a bunch of shit coming up in LA. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, at Keith Tells Jokes, and find all the links there. Oh, follow me on Twitter, too, at Ramsbad. Or at whatever. Clark KKK Morales. Yeah, I'll follow you. Whatever.

The 8th, I'll be in North Hollywood at the Good Night. 18th, I'll be at Verdugo Bar for Friendship Buddies. 24th, I'll be at Comedy Palace in San Diego. 31st, I'll be at the Hideaway in Riverside. And April 3rd, I will be at Crisis Comedy at Holy Grounds. Please come to those shows before I leave Southern California. Never speak this way again. California love.

Fuck everything. God is dead. See you next time.