Mean Boys - EP 125 - Floor Candy (feat. Dave Sirus & Damian Holmes)

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Fill out our tour sheet to get on our email list and let us know where we need to go next on tour: https://bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "US Military Operation or Monster Truck" by Micah Pratt, and a game of "Which of the Following" with golden age superheros. Listen to Dave's podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/blamestorming/id1358382923?mt=2 Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/meanboys/ Subscribe to our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Dave Sirus on Twitter: twitter.com/davesirus Follow our guest Damian Holmes on Twitter: twitter.com/damianholmess Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? The Mean Boys podcast is back in Los Angeles. Holy shit, after an insane tour. Thank you guys so much to everybody who came out. Special shout-out to Ethan in New York, who was losing his mind high. Oh, yeah, yeah. That guy was fucked up. He brought his girlfriend, who ended up having a good time. We're gonna be dropping the New York episode, Live from the Creek in the Cave. Thank you to everyone who came out from that. We, like, packed it out. It was pretty fucking awesome. And thanks to every single person who told a friend and bought a ticket

and hung out and brought us knives and cake and drugs and every other thing in the world. Yeah. We had the fucking time of our life

and we're going to be back soon. So if you guys want us to come to your city, go ahead and fill out that tour sheet. There will be a link to that in the show notes. It's also on our Twitter page.

Yeah, if you live in Denver, Salt Lake City, or Las Vegas or near those places, especially fill that sheet out. Yeah. That might be happening at the end of May. At the end of May, yeah, because the boys booked themselves a porn gig.

We'll be discussing. That was the best day of my life. Cosby got acquitted, and me and Keith locked down a nice porn gig. So we're going out to roast porn stars, bringing out Tom Goss to write. It'll be great. Yeah, more details soon. So yeah, check that out. Fill that out. If you want us to come see you, we had a fucking great time. We're going to be hitting the road

a lot more now that we know that this is a viable thing. And thanks to all the new listeners from the Real House Podcast and Race Wars. We had a great time doing those shows out in New York City. Big ups to Sherrod Small and Louis J. Gomez for having us. You guys were fucking awesome. Go check those out right now. They're on YouTube, everywhere you get your podcasts.

And drop us a quick review on iTunes. It only takes a second. It helps us out quite a bit. Quite a deal. Quite a great deal. What's the new iTunes? 400 reviews. I will get my mom on this show.

And just an update on the My Mom situation. This morning, she sent me a video tour of the trailer she just moved into in Fresno. Yeah. Was it luxurious? It looks like a fucking trailer in Fresno, Tom. Okay. This one comes to us from Big Daddy Dave Diesel. Jesus fucking shit.

Love you guys. Shout out to that guy. I've been with the show since day one. Love what you're doing and hope you keep going. Thank you for the review, buddy. Yeah, man. And we also got a new subreddit that's percolating pretty well. People are talking.

So go fuck around on that. That's cool. I like you guys meeting each other. We tease it. We might be doing a show in Salt Lake City and these two dudes were like, well, you live in Salt Lake, too. I just looked at your profile. I also like motorcycles. Want to be friends? We're the only non-Mormons here. Yeah, yeah. So go make some friends. Fuck with the new subreddit. Go on the YouTube page and watch the Tom Goss vlogs. Oh, my goodness. Got a couple more coming out. Got a couple segments from the shows coming out too. Yeah.

It's a fun time. If you ever want to see what the price check looked like or a car knock day to game. If you ever wanted to play Tom in a video game, you have your chance. I keep pushing left and he keeps jumping. What's happening? It's like Half-Life, but instead

of a crowbar, it's just cake. So check all those out. And, of course, thank you to Starburns Audio. It should be all live and ready to go now. But, yeah, we're on the Starburns Audio network. Theoretically. Theoretically. Yeah, we had to push that back a week, so we dropped it.

And everyone was like, congrats. And they're like, wait, are you guys lying? No, it's for real. So thank you guys for having us on board. Really fucking love the team over there. And I like their vision, which is like a SoundCloud rapper thing to say. But they're just like, yeah, do whatever you want. Yeah, it was the first big showbiz meeting we've had where I'm like, oh, you guys totally get it and aren't going to fuck this up.

Oh, absolutely. You guys are great. And we can't wait to make you regret this choice. Oh, for sure. And also a quick personal announcement. May 23rd, I'm going to be taping a TV set for TruTV in Chicago. What? If anybody wants to come out,

there's a link for tickets on my Twitter or just hit me up somewhere and I'll send you the right way. I have a small guest list, so if you're cool and I know you, I'll fucking holler at you, boy, and I'll get you in the green room. Everyone will be like, why did this guy bring so many Xanax dealers to the TV shoot?

As long as we're talking about personal shows, end of May, I'm coming up to NorCal. I know a bunch of you guys have been asking. I'm going to be in Santa Cruz on May 24th. Sacramento at the – what is it called? Comedy? Comedy Lanes. Yeah, the bowling alley tour. No, no, no.

That's a different one. Yeah, I'll be somewhere in Sacramento. Oh, Laughs Unlimited. Laughs Unlimited on the 24th, and then Comedylands in Blue Lake on the 26th, and then Ukiah on the 27th. I'll post all the official times and ticket links and all that stuff. Oh, and I'm coming back to Austin and Houston at the end of June,

so fucking keep your ears peeled. If you're on the email list, you'll get a blast for that and all the other shows that we're doing. So sign the fuck up, guys. And I think that's just about it. The Patreon's still rocking and rolling. Five bucks a month. Weekly bonus content.

Get a little more mean in your life. Help us keep the lights on and the food in our bellies. Ten bucks a month. You get a little treat, a little goodie, sticker, magnet, koozie, fucking... We're pretty much furnishing your house at this point. Yeah, exactly. If you've been on there long enough. So go do that.

It helps us out a lot. We really appreciate it. It's been a life-changing amount of money, which is sad because it's still relatively small. It's like a bad job. Every year, it's about the price of a really nice used Kia. We are splitting one barista's wages

three ways, and it's the most money we've ever made. Absolutely. We love you guys. This episode features Damien Holmes and Dave Cyrus, recorded out in New York City, two of our favorites. And here it is for you to enjoy. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. I could fuck a dog on Fifth Avenue and not lose listeners.

I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Dave Cyrus. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... Straight Connor. Oh, damn. That was flawless.

Damien looks like the coolest Mormon. When they send him out into the skate park, you should be like, what up fellow youths? Or swoggle him into a life of chastity I like yours better That was my high school superlative actually What's a high school superlative? It's like the year where like Most likely to be a cool Mormon Oh okay

I got most dramatic weirdly enough Did you? Despite the fact I never talked to anybody You know there's a dark horse campaign To make me class clown But everyone was like Yeah it's too creepy Well that was like a

more polite way for them to just write. Don't sell him a gun. Yeah, I got class clown in seventh grade. I also got most athletic. Wow. A lot has changed as a

guy who is now humorless and dense. Yep. Everybody's getting fat on the road. Oh, my God. I've gained like 20 pounds. I wanted to point out

Damon looks like Mitt Romney's rebellious face. I am going to put ketchup on my fries, Mom. Yeah, he's like, ooh, I tried some black tea. I'm being so naughty. This button down isn't even buttoned all the way up. It's called a jalapeno, Dad. People saw the episode description and they're like, oh, they finally got a black guy.

Then they heard Damien Holmes is this man. The world's most Caucasian human being. Oh, man. His middle name is actually Coles. A lot of people don't know. What were you going to say? I was going to say, yeah, if you look at me on Facebook, it's me and then every other black guy. Yeah.

It's just a nonstop. Just you and then all the people that you cross the street, what you see coming. I get that with gay. It's a lot of gay guys. You have one gay guy. Yeah, that's a lot of gay you have one gay guy yeah that's a lot that's one it's too much one i'm kidding okay yeah someone someone somebody said something a little racially insensitive in the car the other day and then dave cyrus i don't know dave

cyrus just silently rolls up his window he goes that's a dense city there's always someone well there were like people within five feet of us. Someone was screaming a word that I don't think he'll even scream here. No. On this show. I'm going to tell you right now, he sure won't. Oh, guys, it's good dating. But if it makes it better, he did it in a very racist accent.

A weird Asian accent. Let me explain what happened last night at the bodega. He said it with a hard L. One of the great moments of my entire life is we're out at the bodega. I'm buying a Gatorade or something. I accidentally knock over this Ukrainian man's tip bucket and all the cash spills out everywhere. And he goes, oh, no, my money. And then I go and I pick up his money and I come up to the camera.

He goes, ah. That was one of your greatest moments of your life. I was also at the room. I forgot about it and didn't know what you were talking about when I went outside. Oh, dude, it made me so happy. Oh, no, my money. And then he just proceeded to do it about 300 times on the drive back to Dave's place. Oh, yeah.

Because even though we didn't hear the man say it, that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the many, many, many impressions of it. Oh, yeah. Well, it's like, what if that guy had a pet rabbit and it ran away? Oh, no, my bunny. I'd rather put nails through my teeth. What if Easter's canceled? The same one. It is.

Fucking goons. All you had to do was any other word. No, no. It's so much funnier if we only do, oh, no, my bunny. Yeah, yeah. For every rip. Oh, man, you have to die. Oh, no, my bunnies much funnier if we only do, oh, no, my bunny. Yeah, yeah, for every rip. Oh, man, you have to die. Oh, no, my bunnies.

There you go. Yeah. Oh, these peeps aren't birds. What are they? Oh, no, my bunnies. Who is this for? Starbirds Audio Network. Yeah, our fine listeners.

There's only one animal available in hunting season. Oh, no, my body. Dude, we got some kind of chemistry going on here. Yeah, me and Tom, we're doing next level shit. You guys just don't understand. Wait, who's fucking up Albert Fudd's day? Oh, no, my body. All right, well, that's the Mean Boys podcast.

Man, there's not a lot of bunny-related media out there. Yeah. Wait, what did you eat when we all had soup at the ramen place? Oh, no, my dumplings. See, I thought you were going to go pork bunny, but you had pork buns. I forgot, yeah. I was like, I don't know. Something works too.

The world's simplest bit, and he still fucks it up. What if you drop your candy bears? Oh, no, Tom's a dummy. Oh, no, my gummies. Some sort of chemistry. Here's the good thing about this bit. It only gets funnier. It keeps getting funnier and funnier.

I'm curious. I'm sure Connor into the new Tom. Once we allow it to be any rhyming word, this will never stop. Oh, dude. Well, I mean, I've been eating like you, and I've started to become you. I realized I was just like, you just had like a 25-year case of sodium poisoning. Yeah, and I've been eating like Keith, and Keith's actually been pretty healthy besides some of the drugs. I guess you did.

Oh, yeah. My food intake has been decent. My drug intake has been bananas. Yeah, Connor moved to me. Oh, but besides some of the drugs, I guess you did. Oh, yeah. My food intake has been decent. My drug intake has been bananas. Yeah, we kind of moved to me. I moved to you. You moved to better than both of us. Yeah, I moved to just doing drugs and having sex. Two rules, you guys.

Yeah, choke up on your mic a little bit, Keith. Yeah, I smoked weed a couple times. I drank a bunch. Some Molly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you drink Molly? No, no, no. That was a separate thing.

Okay, that's what I thought. You drink and then you do Molly. Yeah, it's liquid Molly, yeah. Do you drink Molly? No, no, no. That was a separate thing. Okay, that's what I thought. You drink it, then you do Molly. Yeah, Tom, liquid Molly, you know. That popular drug. Dude, I'm smoking raspberries right now. It's very possible. I'm so happy you guys all did drugs this trip. Yeah, dude.

I've been getting into pot. Yeah, I'm not even home yet. If anybody in New York wants to give me more drugs. Yeah, I'm just picturing Tom has a jerky smoking shed, but there's just a bunch of fruit up there. And he's like, oh, yeah, this did not turn out as good. I thought this is how you made vape stuff. No, dude, it's all about pot and coffee. All right.

It's a magical combination. That way you can be quick and slow. Yeah. No, it makes you aware of how unaware you are. And it's just the perfect kind of. Well, yeah, the way Tom described like pot and coffee was like, yeah, I just felt like I was on top of my game. And I was like funny, but loose. And then we're watching him while we're doing the real ass podcast.

And he's just kind of just like staring and bobbing like a chill buoy. That was the most caffeine I've ever been. I had a monster. I had a Dunkin' Coffee and I had two cups of Death Wish. And I was just like seeing like 12th dimensional beautiful mind shit. But with like racism and bad opinions. We had to get pretty mentally ripped to go over the top of Lewis Gilman. Yeah, that is a good point.

I thought I was having these occasional just snipes, but in reality I might have just thought them loud. No, you had snipes. You just looked like such a fucking pervert. I can't look at my fucking video projection on the screen because I just look like a red buffoon. Well, no, it was more so just moments where you wiped the drool away from your face. Those were your big

sniping moments. Damien, you do drugs? Not really. I'm like, I drink every once in a while. Okay. Damien was real cool. Yeah, Damien, you tried alcohol and possibly the lamest way of all time, which is while you're watching an episode of Mad Men Alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Wait, you made yourself like

a scotch? Well, I mean, make it. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, I didn't think you brewed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Wait, you made yourself like a scotch? Well, I mean, make. You just pour. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, I didn't think you brewed it. Yeah. He became a cooper

so he could craft a barrel. Yeah, it was like post-breakup. I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? And then... Cool Madman. Yeah, but I didn't

really drink in California because... Well, no, you went to a big party school. You went to UC Santa Barbara and then you realized that you were much more into shonen anime. And you just kind of sociopathically avoided everybody for a while. Well, that's what I was doing in high school.

I was just a dork. I was like, you know what? I'm going to go to college, reinvent myself. And then I just met 80 people that were just like surfers. Yeah. Talking about like shacking racks of waves. And I was just like, wow, I can't do this. I remember when you went back to California to visit and you had a beer with me.

And I was like, Damien's a cool New York guy now. He's fucking wild. He was drinking a beer. He touched a boob. And I waited an hour to drive. That was pretty nice. I do love Fownuala and Damon because you both

are just these very tall, attractive men who are just like, we'd rather watch cartoons. I mean, it's because it's for the intellectual man. This is what

the homo novus does. The thinking man's tentacle porn. Look, the Western world just doesn't get us. Look, this side of the table,

you guys have your thing. We're going to be out doing drugs, not fucking people, being retarded. With this cool guy. Yeah, you know. Come on, Dave. Hell yeah, Dad.

Getting lost, eating carbs, bothering everybody. Damien and Conor look so much like they just left the Westboro Baptist Church. And it's pretty apparent why. Look, I don't think he hates them, but I think it's kind of a slippery slope. Dude, Tom got high, and I was trying to get him back to the place we're staying out in Brooklyn with Mr. Cyrus. The most high I've ever been while still being close to functional. Well, yeah, and it was just like an escort mission in a video game where it's just like, oh, no, he's eating out of the trash again.

I got to force feed him fucking hydrogen peroxide. So he throws up and you you got a gyro we were walking down the street i'm trying to eat this gyro and it's just white the guy put on like a half a bottle of white sauce this good the guy you could see how high i was saw you and he was like oh this is gonna be good in his defense it was amazing but even while i was high i was like yeah pour the white sauce on yeah and then like 10 seconds later i was like oh he's still putting the white sauce on like even high i was high, I was like, yeah, pour the white sauce on. And then like 10 seconds later, I was like, oh, he's still putting the white sauce on. Like even high, I was like, that's a lot of white sauce.

And then you got home, you looked like you just started an Eastern European porn. Yeah, well, I was eating it. It just kept like dumping on me as I'm eating it on the way. And Connor, I can feel Connor get irritated, but I don't give a shit. I'm enjoying this gyro. And we're walking. Tom is just walking, just like spilling everywhere, tripping, making wrong turns. Bits of chicken are flying everywhere.

Oh, yeah. And at one point, I'm just like, Tom, just stand still and eat the fucking sandwich. And as he turns to say this, right before, there was like a third of the sandwich. I'm like, I'm just going to eat all of it so that I don't have to make more of a mess. So I just shove it in my mouth so it's not all over me. And he turns around, and it's just bursting out of my face like a four-week-old zit. And it's just in chunks, just popping out of my mouth

all over the place. Yeah, like you'd been fucking ball-gagged with Arabian meat products. And then I just start laughing and start trying to not choke on this giant half a sandwich. Well, yeah, it was a good time. Potty and coffee is so good, man. Yeah, clearly. It sounds like you were at the top of your game.

Oh, man. Nothing is more fun than being around Tom when he's forgetful and also full of ideas. Because then he makes you try to remember the brilliant ideas that he had. And you're just like, I don't know. It was like an ice cream had, and you're just like, I don't know. It was like an ice cream store, but the cones were gay. I don't know. You guys got to get high and try Skittles. I know you've had Skittles.

Tom, here's the thing. You're just having this development now, so you're a 25-year-old man that's turned into a shitty 16-year-old who's like, you got to get high, all right, and then watch Boondock Saints. Before you're mine, weed makes food taste good. I know, yeah. Skittles specifically, all right, and then watch Boondock Saints. I'm going to blow your mind. Weed makes food taste good. I know, yeah. Skittles specifically, all right?

It's all about them Skittles. You will surf the rainbow, all right, my son. You will surf the rainbow. Oh, the momentum just slammed me to a halt. My son. Surf the rainbow. This car started sputtering so fast. There was Tom confidently walking out a door and then realizing it led to a cliff.

I like how my son is your save line. All right, guys, we're all fired up. What do you say we get into the Mexican joke-off? How about yeah? Ay, so topical. All right, I'll take us away this week. The infamous Walker Pizzeria that refused to serve gay people is finally closed. In light of his efforts in the case, Keith Carey has been dubbed Aaron Papajanovich.

That's the one in Indiana, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck that asshole. Yeah, good for you, dude. I'm proud of you. Yeah, man. That's a big step for me getting pepperonied. Should I go next?

Yeah, sure. All right. A sausage company made a typo and was accidentally selling free country anus beef sausage. If you are actually seeking out anal beef sausage, DM at Keith Tells Jokes on Twitter. Come on, man. All right. Well, we're two for two on this. Actor Vern Troyer has died.

His family asked for their privacy but will announce plans for a public burial now that they realize he won't flush. Oh, that's good as hell. Trying to shove him down. They tried a few times. I got cut to just a bunch of alligators with fucking Vern Troyer's face. Yeah, we were just going to put him in a Converse box

and let him float out down the gutter. I straight up ran out of time to write jokes, but Bob Keen from our Chicago episode, we were supposed to do a studio one with him. He actually wrote jokes and he wanted me to do them, so I'm going to do those. I had it pulled up and then it went away. There we go. A home buyer backed out of a $2 million deal after learning the house had been used to film a porn video. When reached for comment, realtor Dice Clay said, this broad's pussy was so loose

the whole deal fell through it. Oh! Wow. Well done, Bob. Well done, Mr. Keene. Yeah. All right. Avengers Infinity War

comes out this weekend and the internet is abuzz trying to figure out which Black Panther character is going to die first. Oh, they die in movies over there. Hey! It's an issue. Who do you guys really think is going to die, though over there. It's an issue.

Who do you guys really think is going to die, though? Cap. Infinity War? Cap. Cap is dead. Mike Lawrence midway through the movie. He's going to have a joy heart attack. He's wearing the helmet.

Is Ant-Man in this one? I love it. Yeah, you can't see him. Well, yeah, no. Mike Lawrence, I get paid $30,000 a month to write Cheeto puns, but having a Patreon is killing the art of comedy. Yeah, we saw him at the stand last night, and he's like, oh, yeah, you guys are like a homeless guy in an off-red. Just can I have a dollar? And I'm just like, Mike, nobody fucking loves you, all right?

How do you shut the fuck up? We get money to do the art we want to make. I'm sorry we didn't fucking sell out to the production company. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't get Viacom involved with my podcast, you dipshit. Mike's the only guy who, like, every time you can tell he's really happy, he also looks like he's in a lot of pain. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's like the organ that turns joy into smiles is broken.

All right, gang. Three people were killed when a van drove into a crowd in Germany. Authorities say it happened because the driver mixed up the gas and terrorism pedals. That's just a pedal that they have in the car. That's real dumb, but I like it a lot. I enjoyed that. A golfer was randomly attacked by two geese. He was heard yelling,

Oh, no, this time the birdies are hitting me. That's so funny. Son of a bitch Half court goss A couple in Rockford, Michigan Just celebrated the birth of their 14th child All boys Doctors said the odds of having 14 kids The same gender is.02%

The same odds that none of those 14 boys Will ever rape someone Yeah Here's Dave's parenting book It's called You're gonna have to make some phone calls that none of those 14 boys will ever rape someone. Yeah. Here's Dave's parenting book. It's called You're Gonna Have to Make Some Phone Calls. Everybody goofs. Jesus.

News outlets in Jefferson, Alabama reported that several trainloads of human feces have been sitting in a local train yard for months. Construction is currently underway to convert the train yard into a McDonald's that only serves the McRib. All right. Well done, Bob. A recent study out of King's College

has linked loneliness to depression. The researchers' next project will be finally linking HIV to AIDS. Ooh, very good. Well, I didn't know Colin Jost was going to say that. That's like one of my favorite jokes on the Mexican Joke Off, maybe of all time. That was snappy, my dude. Well, thank you.

Me and Dan were talking about this the other night. I really think I could live with HIV if I just drank a lot of Gatorade. I feel like that. Have you ever had a Gatorade, like when you got diarrhea? You're done. You're fine. Well, everybody with HIV is pretty uppity. They don't like basketball teams and shit. Yeah, you know, they're playing piano at the comedy store. They got jobs.

Alright. Okay. He's open about it. I don't know him that well, so maybe I shouldn't have said it. But he's a cool guy every time. No, he's very nice. I really like him. Alright, so shout out shouldn't have said it, but he's a cool guy every time. No, he's very nice. I really like him. All right. Yeah, so shout out to

Jeff Baldinger. No, I'm kidding. The other guy that doesn't have AIDS at all. Shout out to AIDS McGillicuddy over at the store. Pat Regan has AIDS? All right, guys.

A Japanese man kept his disabled son locked in a cage for 20 years. Authorities said that his treatment was inhumane and a waste of a perfectly good podcast co-host. Oh, we should get Tom a cage. Oh, yeah. After we get Alexis in Indiana a cage to fuck her husband in.

I'm not getting in a cage around you fucking animals. You almost said around youse guys. I know you did. Well, yeah, you're not getting in the cage. We're putting you in the cage. You guys can't do anything physically to me. We can if you're asleep. Yeah, I'll wake up.

Not if you're drugged? Yeah, Tom, it's tough for you to wake up. Tom, you really don't think I could trick you into getting in a cage? Absolutely not. I bet you a million dollars I could. This ends with you losing your foot, Keith. Tom, here's what I need you to understand. I'm not going to tell you when.

I'm not going to tell you how. At some point, I'm getting you into a cage. Okay. If you fuck up, I beat the shit out of you, though. Deal. Deal. Okay. I'm not going to physically force you into the cage.

I'm going to hornswoggle you into a cage. Okay. Yeah. Here's what you need for that. A couple of donut holes and a blanket. Yeah, Keith fucking farted himself awake the other night. And that shit was so good. Did I?

Yeah, yeah, you were just like, oh, man, I'm like a dog. Also, this morning, it was funny. You had three in a row where every time you inhaled, your body had reached peak bloat, and then that forced a fart out. She was like... Like one of those bathtub toys you squeeze? Exactly. A woman is suing a candy shop for

selling her seven-year-old cock candy. The shop owner was quoted saying, oh, that wasn't candy. She got raped, everybody. Bill Cosby's defense attorney, Kathleen Bliss, gave her closing arguments this week, attacking his accuser and the Me Too movement in general. While leaving court, one reporter yelled, how do you sleep at night? To which Cosby jumped in, why, you having trouble?

I've got something for that. From Weekend Update to the Mean Boys podcast. Yeah. Yeah, you're pretty overqualified, fam. Jesus Christ. A UK man has been diagnosed with a medical condition known as super gonorrhea.

This is also the name of the next Marvel movie starring Andy Dick. Yeah. That was Bob, too? Those all three of those were Bob. Bob, you're fantastic, man. Shout out. Shout out to Bob. My son.

That is why, my son. See, I'm the only person on this show that appreciates you. Now I'm just picturing when he says, like, my son. I'm picturing, like, remember in Superman when he puts the crystal in and then, like, Marlon Brando's head shows up? But it's Tom just explaining to him the human race. Hey, I don't know. You can fly. People are bad.

Birds are neutral. Have fun, kid. You know, I found Tom's next gig. Useless zombie. All right? Mecca, lecca, hi. Mecca, I lost my shoe. Who's shopping?

Mecca, lecca, hi. Mecca, help me find my keys. He was in the Pee Wee Herman playhouse show. Oh, yeah, I thought that. Yeah, no, I don't like talking chairs. Chairs should know their place. I'm going to eat my butt. All right, Dame Digital.

All right. A nickname I've given you for no reason at all. Look, I love it. All right, so research reveals that academic conferences disproportionately choose men for speaking roles. It's just not fair, says mysterious non-male voice from the audience. And not with a bang, but with a whimper. We had some bangers early. We did.

We just got banged. Actually, I have one more if you want. Oh, I love it. Yeah. You want me to do it first? All right. All right. A man who drove a van into a crowd of people in Toronto

is part of an online community of involuntary celibates who discuss their hopelessness with women in often racist and misogynistic rants. His arrest is expected to result in 10 counts of murder, 13 of attempted murder, and five less dollars a month to the Mean Boys Patreon. As soon as I heard incel, I'm like, you know where we're going. That's the kind of battery that our fans run on incel.

God, those people were dweebs. What is incel? Involuntary celibate. He literally just described it. Yeah, I didn't use the word, but yeah, they call themselves incels. Someone called me that at a roast battle. I didn't know what it was at the time. Yeah, go down that incel Reddit rabbit hole.

It is fucking hilarious. It's like the opposite of a cuck. No, they're cucks. Yeah. It's like a opposite of a cuck. No, they're cucks. Yeah. Okay. It's like a straight up cuck. Yeah, the dermo cuck. Yeah.

Yeah, Cuck Rogers. Being a cuck is voluntary. They're cuckasauruses. Yeah, cuckasauruses. You choose to be a cuck, an incel you're cursed with. Once you're a cuck, you're a cuck all the way. From your first jerk off sesh till the black guy goes away. And on that note, the Mean Boys podcast will be right back after this.

Air travel can be such a hassle. Between the long lines and the high ticket prices, it's enough to drive anybody crazy. Well, Spirit Airlines is here, and we're committed to showing you the true meaning of suffering. You thought Delta was bad because you didn't get peanuts right when you wanted? Child, you know nothing of pain. Spirit Airlines was founded with a simple mission statement, to prove that there is a fate worse than hell, and it charges extra for any bag bigger than a fanny pack. No longer will you grouse about the stress and inconvenience of air travel once you've endured our nightmarish aviation gauntlet of pain, frustration, and financial buttfuckery.

It is through pain we learn, and Spirit Airlines shall be your professor in the University of Unending Misery. Basically, we're like that cube from Hellraiser, but instead of ripping your skin off, we just make sure you're in a real shitty mood by the time you get to Minnesota. Every flight plan is specifically plotted to include a minimum of five layovers. That's right, why go straight from L.A. to Houston when you could stop in New York, Miami, Timbuktu, the Upside Down, and the house you got molested in? It still smells like it did when you were a kid, doesn't it? Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to unpack the fresh hell that sense memory opened up, because Spirit Airlines has never once made a connecting flight on time, and we don't intend to start now.

Our state-of-the-art fleet of aircraft is built from the highest quality recycled aluminum and that shitty styrofoam they pack stereos in. Do you hate the noisy engine sounds during takeoff? Well, don't worry, because on Spirit, the floor of the airplane is open, and the only way we get going is if everybody on board starts running like a car from the Flintstones. Sound like a pain in the ass? Well, then maybe you didn't want to go to Chicago that bad after all. Each plane is piloted by a real-life Nazi, and every single flight attendant on a Spirit flight

isn't not a rapist. We provide the highest quality in-flight entertainment in the form of a hollow-eyed elderly Cambodian woman who weeps silently as she tells you the story of the night the Khmer Rouge came for her family. And don't forget to grab something off the refreshment cart. We offer flint water, room-temperature Kamado, part of a sandwich the Cambodian lady couldn't finish

because her teeth are bad, packets of Brazil nuts with the original name, and a communal oxygen tank that pumps in the smell from the house where you got molested. Do you enjoy the scenic views of a window seat? Or maybe you prefer the aisles so you can get up and stretch. Well, too bad, because on Spirit Airlines, every seat is the middle seat. How is that possible? Fuck you, that's how.

All is nothing, and physics are suggestions to be ignored. The geometry of our cabin was dreamed up in an ether hallucination by a rabid madman. The blueprints were drawn in blood on the wall of a cave on that island where Napoleon died. Enjoy four whole inches of leg room. Armrests outfitted with the finest in jagged spikes. And if you've seen our bathrooms, it's like taking a dump in the mouth of something David Cronenberg dreamed up. Long live the new flesh. The perfect blend of mechanical and biological, by which we mean somebody somehow got shit on the light bulb.

Oh, and feel free to jerk off in there. The Russian pornographers who installed our smoke detectors ensured us that there are definitely no cameras in them. And if you feel like you're being watched, go faster. Spirit Airlines, because you deserve this. And the Mean Boys podcast is back to play a listener-submitted game from Mika Pratt. This is United States Military Operation

or Monster Truck. Already good work, Mika. And I do appreciate this guy because I put Mika through a round of notes because I thought it was a little too obvious at first. But yeah, he came back with a pretty tough game. Very, very excited about. So number one, Rat Killer. Is that a military operation or a monster truck?

Either way, it's against some Middle Eastern country. It's pretty racist regardless. I mean, rat killer seems like not a great boast for a monster truck because like i can kill a rat with i can kill a rat with my feet yeah right my car can kill a rat yeah exactly it doesn't seem like a monster it'd be like a yeah i don't know rhino killer whereas it sounds like what they would call every mission to remove every south american dictator yeah i think rat killer was the original name of that jake gyllenhaal movie jarhead. Well, yeah, Rat Killer

could also be like, all right, let's get rid of all the snitches and undercover people. Yeah, Rat Killer's what they called Revenge of the Sith at the box office.

The fucking Ratatouille tanks. Rat Killer sounds like a British SoundCloud rapper. It sounds like what the Russians called killing

all those British people with poison. I'm going to say Rat Killer's a military operation. All right. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. I'm going to go against the grain. I'm going to say rat killer is a military operation. All right. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too.

I'm going to go against the grain. I'm going to say monster truck. All right. Rat killer is a military operation. Hell yeah, Tom. Strong. Yeah, man. These are tough.

I mean, you think like unless they were doing this to white, even if white people, it's got to be like the Germans. There's no good situation where the government refers to any person as a rat. Yeah. Does it say what the operation was? No. No, I didn't ask. No, that's good.

I didn't ask him to cite his sources. Yeah. It's actually when they gave AIDS out. That's right. We did a show at a gay bar last night called Boxers where all the dudes were like just wearing their boxers, believe it or not. They were in briefs. Yeah, briefs.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And it was basically just like an AIDS Hooters. And there's this like old Italian guy working behind the bar who looks incredibly out of place. He looked like Super Mario. Oh, yeah. He looked like Photoshopped. Everyone else was like young, hunky dudes.

And then it was just like, hey, Vinny, how about a slice? And I was just like, I hope this dude is passionate about his pop. He's like, oh, New York poppers. It's in the water. There's so much better over there. The jungle juice. You taste the flavor of the butthole. You said the jungle juice?

Yeah, that's the kind of brain popper. Yeah, it's the one that Kyle Clark is all into. He's like, oh, yeah, Kyle, you got to get the jungle juice. Man, there's an advertisement thing for that. This is rad. Oh, that'd be so fun. Hey, I'm a buddy. Butthole Claus or whatever.

Butthole Claus. All right. Brought to you by Gold Coast. The only bar in West Hollywood where I'm the hottest one. Mr. Rectum is more than happy to do ads for that. Oh, yeah. Is Mr. Rectum here? No.

You're going to misdirect him. Tom comes up with bad things. Do a thing. Soldier fortune. Military operation or monster truck. Soldier of fortune Do a thing. Soldier fortune. Military operation or monster truck? Soldier of fortune or soldier fortune? Soldier fortune. Yeah, I was invading Iraq.

Yeah. Political. Tom, we were making the best of episode, and Tom kept playing me his non-secretaries that he would find. And my favorite one is, like, I'm telling a story. Like, yeah, I was at Whole Foods the other day. Oh, they got a lot of barrels there. It's at the top of his lungs.

My favorite was, there's usually toes at a party. Just out of context. Because I was skipping around trying to find joke-offs. Anyway, Soldier Fortune, I'm going to say, is a military operation. Because, yeah, I feel like trucks would have – Yeah, they got soldiers. They like fortunes. Yeah, I feel like a truck would have a more manly name like Fortune Killer or something.

I think it's Monster Truck because Soldier Fortune sounds like the same back tattoo a bro would get. I think a Soldier Fortune is just a styrofoam cup full of bum change from a Vietnam veteran. The tattoo is – We're not respecting our veterans. It says soldier and then the number four and then a photo of a chin. Not to be confused with a 4chan soldier. That's a guy with an anonymous mask calling women cunts for speaking. I'm going to say this one. Soldier of Fortune is a monster truck.

Yeah, I think it's a truck because it's like too close a term to an actual military term. Yeah. Okay. It makes sense. All right. That one is a monster truck. Hell yeah. All right.

Next one, Blacksmith. Oh, boy. Military operation or monster truck? Oh, this is the toughest one so far. It's either a boring name for a truck or a real problematic name for an operation because they're definitely going to Africa and they're not doing anything to help anybody. Yeah, it's not like we're giving a bunch of food. It's not Operation

Here's a Sandwich Nigeria. Yeah, we're fixing cleft pallets with guns. We're killing a black guy in a beret and we're replacing him with a meaner black guy in a beret. I can imagine some cool fucking art for the truck for blacksmith. You got the hammers.

You could be like God Puncher or whatever. I can imagine some, like, cool fucking art for the truck for blacksmith. You got the hammers. You got the hammers. But that's so boring, though. You could be, like, God Puncher or whatever. And you're just like, oh, a guy who had a job in 1600. Yeah, but you got to remember, a lot of people who like monster trucks also like Jesus. Yeah, God Puncher. Well, nothing gets the monster truck audience member more horned up than, like, a working class job that still exists. He's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, but I feel like violence

and like cultural insensitivity goes further. Give it up for your next truck, Turban Burner. I think the monster truck guys are too racist to even call themselves blacksmith. So yeah, I am saying military operation for that. Well, if you're saying violent, a blacksmith, you're making things violently.

You're violent towards objects. It's pretty much what a blacksmith is. That is pretty much what a monster truck does. Yeah, so I'm going monster truck. I'm going military operation. All right. I think it's military. Dave Cyrus?

Military. All right, that is a monster truck. Son of a fuck. Fuck you, guys. I like that you're putting me off with your finger, too, for some reason. Or your pinky. What? Yeah, you can flip off however you want.

What is this? Yeah, Tom, what are you doing? You look like you're throwing up signs for a gang that is on fire. What the fuck is that? Yeah. The mountains. It just looks like someone gave you a firework, and it's been a couple months, and it's healed. You just got sassy palsy.

I'm not a reptile. I wish you guys knew. What does that have to do with anything? You don't just grow back fingers. Oh, I know. I mean, I said that you got them blown off. Oh, you should have been clearer. Yeah, reptiles also don't grow back their fingers.

They grow back their tails. They grow back. They'll grow back limbs to some of them. Oh, really? Yeah. See, you non-animal-knowing motherfucker. Sorry, Dave. What were you going to say?

No, I just said I wish you knew who he was, but you look like Chris Crespo saying hello. Oh, yeah. I know Chris. Yeah, I know Chris. He's the roast battler with no hands. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're his little drumstick hands. When I was back in L.A., there was like a lizard, and it was like walking down the hallway, and I kind of tried to shoot outside, and it went into Ismail's room, and I was like,

eh, that feels like kind of an Ismail problem. Oh, yeah, that's right. We left a lizard in our roommate's room. Yeah, I don't know, have any idea why he's moving out. I mean, I feel like... Is that just what you call Opie? Now I'm hiding from the sun. They seek outside.

You got to be more specific, Tom. You got to make sure you're talking about lizards here. I don't want anyone to be like, oh, they're intolerant to animals on the Mean Boys podcast. They're not animals. Oh, you meant. Oh, okay. Hey, yo, could you give me a minute?

I'm sunning myself. I was just like on a big flat rock on the roof. Just like if you ain't going to change the light on my lamp, I'm going to like die in here. Yo, like I'm okay if you eat some of my flies, but like ass first. Don't use my fly tin for the flies. All right, next one. A nifty package. Is that a monster truck or a military operation?

That's my grinder bio. No, you're packaging nifty. It's just fucking a lot. Yeah. Like a nifty gifty. That's like, oh, I got an iPod Nano. But you're just like, oh, I got a whole, like, you know, Pepperidge Farm box. Just a ghetto blaster.

Oh, no, I'm sure that's... That's what you should call your dick is a ghetto blaster. I do look on the subway out here. I stand outside your window in the middle of the night and just hold it out. This is just... Well, it depends who you fuck. Nifty, you wouldn't call it a ghetto blaster. Yeah, it's true.

Nifty package is for sure a military operation. It's for sure the most terrifying, most gruesome thing that we've heard so far. We figured out how to put depleted uranium in bats. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a military operation because people in the CIA are a bunch of dorks. They would call somebody a nifty pack. You see these James Comey interviews.

He's just like, I thought it was real swell how we fucking waterboarded those towel heads. You know? Something scary about a guy who tortures arrows but won't curse. Yeah, right? You torture people, but you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Golly gee whiz, I'm taking your thumbs.

Nifty Package is why there's a religion that no longer exists. It is something fucking gruesome. I had the best roast joke for Keith I forgot to do. It was after he swore at me. He was like, you kiss your mother's dick-sicking lips with that mouth. I feel like the person who named it Nifty Package really blew their don't ask, don't tell cover. Yeah, it's definitely a military operation. All right, guys.

That is a military operation. And finally, Bushmaster. This is the workout machine that Keith's mom is a fan of, the Bushmaster. Yeah, her fucking pubes have muscles. Yeah. I thought I was picturing she's got a bunch of little biceps coming out of her face. A batch of jacked pubes.

Yeah, yeah. That's a gun, right? That's like a gun? A Bushmaster? A Bushmaster? I don't know. Maybe. It sounds like it is.

I think it's a kind of gun. Ask any one of our listeners. It could be a monster truck homage to late president George W. Bush. They're both still alive, Tom. Yeah, but they're both not. We don't know

when this is going to air. It's pretty certain. Yeah, it's true. He's in the hospital. They were lately presidents. I'm not technically wrong. You are so wrong. You've seen the picture of H.W. in the wheelchair at the funeral with all the people.

The face he's making is one of the funniest things I've ever seen because he just looks like he's going through a vortex of pain. Oh, I do like it. One of those things where it's like, I have to smile for this picture and it's doing so much more to me than you know. Yeah, it's like he forgot how to smile near a black person. Speaking of, we have two people in money spots in the death pool on this bucket. We got Dave and Connor. Yeah, yeah, we're definitely hoping. I've been looking up Big Van Vader's heart problems, seeing how he's doing.

I tried to pick up Barbara in the trade round when she was in the hospital, but she'd already been snapped up. Yeah, I got to make some trades on the first thing. But who cares? She's like 95. Oh, yeah, but if you're the only one who has her, you get a bonus in the death pool but she'd already been snapped up. Yeah, I got to make some trades on the first thing. But who cares? She's like 95. Oh, yeah. But if you're the only one who has a hazard, you get a bonus in the death pool. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Single bonus. I went for all young people. I hoped. Sorry. Thought would die. I read a bunch of blind items, and I was like, ooh, this chick, Courtney Stoddard, has a drug problem. I'm telling you, Millie Bobby Brown from Stranger Things is going down, and that's how I'm going

to beat you all. Yeah. Yeah, that'll be a lot of... I'm going to feel really bad when I get all those points. See, I took a seat. William Banks is a real dark horse, because then I'm going to feel like a giant hero if she dies. Oh, gee, well, one person that joined our death pool is just in a bunch room, and they're just like a death pool shark, you know, where they just pay the money and they go fucking, you know, because they're in the lead right now. And I'm like, oh, that's...

They only have, like, three hits. They just have good hits. They good ass hits yeah it's kind of a bummer i think well no he's a mean boys fan oh he just oh okay played before okay as long as he's like a mean boys no he's a mean boys fan because you there's no way to join you have to listen to the podcast and see it and email me yeah no he's a mean boys fan oh okay at some point a hundred bucks isn't worth spending that much time on which celebrity is about to die.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bushmaster is a truck.

All right. Yeah, I think it's a truck. Yeah. I think it's a truck, too. Yeah. You know, I'm going to say military. It could be like, we were going to invade Australia and we forgot kind of deal. You know, all those.

Operation whoopsie-Daisy. Yeah, America's always forgetting to invade people. It's like, oh, that's right, I ran! Come on! Trick question, that is both. And a military operation. That's pretty funny. This is a good-ass game. Yeah, thank you very much, Mika Pratt, for that game. And the Mean Boys Blackhands will be right back

with more bullshit after this. Daddy, can we see the flamingos? Sure, honey. Wait, wait, what's that? Come along, sweetheart. No, no, no, Daddy, what are those two owls doing to each other? Are they fighting? Well, sweetie, they're sinning.

Sinning? Yes, Sugar Pop, they're sinning. Sinning? Yes, Sugar Pop, they're sinning. You see, those lions are having sex, the physical act that makes babies. But I thought you said babies came from the stork we saw earlier. Daddy may have fudged the truth a little bit, Sweetie Pie. But wait, what's wrong with that? Don't lions need to make babies to keep their pride strong? That's a very smart observation, dear.

But the problem is, those are two boy lions, and the good Lord tells us that sexual mingling with their own gender is the highest disrespect to his will. Okay. And worse than that, do you see how one's mane is big and bushy and the other one's is smaller and has a thicker coat? Yeah. Well, that's because one's an African lion

and one is an Asian lion. So they're not just committing the crime of same-sex beast fuckery, they're participating in race mixing, which is the biggest threat to our family's future. Now, don't you want to have a safe world to grow up in, little one? Uh, I guess so.

Well then, throw your souvenir cup at those nature homos and let's go look at the flamingos. The Mean Boys Podcast is brought to you by Sudio Headphones. This is Sudio. Oh, Mr. Ear, is he here? The ear is here. Oh, good, man.

Yeah, listing for some beautiful plugs for my favorite headphones. Hey, Mr. Ear, can you tell me one thing about you, like one specific detail? I love sound, and I'm two ears melded together like a butterfly ear. Wow. I didn't know that until right now. Well, studio. Oh, it's in the can. You said it like you didn't know that until right now either.

Oh, I don't know many things except for how great the sound of studio headphones are. I don't like this professional Mr. Ear. Mr. Ear is so professional for noise and no better noise than the ones coming out of studio headphones from Sweden. Oh, boy. And you can go use a... This OP is drive-by mocking you? Throw a code mean, I believe.

No. Me, boys. Shut your fat mouth, Mr. Ear. What's the code? I don't know words. I'll take over and do the real ad here, Mr. Ear. What's the code? I don't know words. I'll take over and do the real ad here, Mr. Ear. Studio headphones are a fantastic way to listen to your favorite music, podcasts, and whatever the fuck. Go to studiosweden.com and check out their wide selection of audio products.

We're wearing the Regents right now. That's the premium on-ear model. Very comfortable. They have Bluetooth capability with hours of battery life on a single charge. You can be freewheeling and rocking and rolling around town all goddamn day. And if you're a Luddite like me and you like the cord, they've got an auxiliary cord that's noodle flat and it never fucking tangles. I've not had a single tangling issue with this once. I bought a pair of headphones because I lost my studios out in the road for a minute and

I fucking, I was untangling the entire time. I forgot what a fucking luxury it is. So go grab those up. They got Bluetooth earbuds and all that shit. And the best part of all is if you use promo code MEANBOYS, that's all one word, M-E-A-N-B-O-Y-S for most of our illiterate listeners, you'll get yourself- Oh, that's the code? Yeah.

Yeah, you got it. It's 15% off and free shipping all over the world. So invest in yourself, treat yourself to something nice you're going to use every single day, and help out the Mean Boys while you're at it at Studiosweden.com. Take us away, Mr. Ear. Oh, thank you for all those who purchased the Studioswedan. You get it. Mr. Ear is happy.

Oh, thank you for just bringing all this joy to Mr. Ear's life. I hear you. You hear us. Mr. Ear for Studios headphones. Studioswedan headphones. End of the sentence. Thank you. And the Mean Boys podcast.

It's like Tom awaited to cough until... And the Mean Boys podcast is back. If they made a haunted house in a mental institution, you would be the fog machine, just one stubby man vaping at you? You don't need fog machines now that we have vapes. That is a fog machine. No, you're like a Motley Crue concert.

Panama! It could be some other kind of very similar. Wait, hang on. We got to acknowledge that he said you're like a Motley Crue show, and then Tom sang Panama by Van Halen. Dude, all those bands sound the fucking same to me. That's fair. Yeah, all those bands sound the fucking same to me. That's fair. Yeah, they're all pretty lame ass. Yeah, they all involve wigs and fucking tights and slamming guitars.

Yeah, they're always playing the harpsichord and writing songs where they fart at the end. That fucking Wicked Theremin solo. Yeah, and then there's another dude who's locked in a birdcage. Oh, yeah, that was me. Anyway. I'm going to get Tom into a cage. I keep thinking about it, and here's the thing. I've already kind of figured out how it's going to happen.

I can't tell you now, but I'm going to tell Connor later. I don't know where you can even afford a cage. You don't know what I'm capable of. Yeah, yeah, dude, Tom, you're about to get caged. A cage that can fit me. Dude, you're going to get hit so hard if you fuck this up. I'm not even going to touch you. Yeah.

No, you're going to be so happy you can be eating whatever treats you put in the middle of the cage anyway. You're not going to care. Yeah. Well, yeah, going to be so happy. You're going to be eating whatever treats you put in the middle of the cage anyway. You're not going to care. Yeah. Well, yeah, and there will be a corner for you to soil yourself in. See, all you're doing is planning out the E.T. situation, and I don't eat floor M&Ms, so good luck. No, I feel like this is going to be like two days in. He's like, guys, I figured something out.

You don't poop in the same place you eat. Well, yeah, you said you don't eat floor M&Ms. A man who just moments ago was talking, extolling the virtues of weed and Skittles. Yeah, you eat them out of the bag. You don't eat, ooh, flora candy. You don't. Also, here's the agreement. If you do get me,

you gotta let me out pretty quickly, because I will freak out. Oh my god. Okay. But you're not going to. Yeah, he's 100% going to. I know, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get you in a cage, and then I'm going to mail you to Timbuk2, like fucking Nermal in Garfield. Here's the thing. If you fuck up, you got to post a picture of you and a black guy going, I lost.

Here's the real question, though. Does it count if Tom is able to physically destroy the cage from the inside? No, it doesn't count. If I can destroy it, Tom is going to. Because that's not a cage. I can't build a cage strong enough for retard power? Okay, so, Thomas,

if you can break it, then it's not a cage, then you don't have a brain, because you've broken that, all right? If I can break it, it's not what it is, logic applies,

then nothing means anything. No, a cage is something that holds you in it. If I can just break out of it like it's real easy, then that's not a fucking cage. That's a fair point. That's just a box.

He's just going to yell, Goss smash. Yeah, fucking Wreck-It Ralph, man. Tom really does look like Wreck-It Ralph. I know we discussed it on the show before. Dude, I love that dude. He's all sad and shit. Yeah, wrecking stuff. Yeah.

Anyway. He just wants to be nice. Which of the following? Wreck-It. Wreck-It. Which of the following? Racket, racket, racket, racket, racket, racket, Ralph Dudo. Oh, no, my mommy. Oh, no, our podcast. Sorry, Starburns, you already signed the paperwork. It's so cool you guys are Starborns now.

No, I love... You said Starborns. Yeah, I did. I love Dino Samatopoulos. I was actually excited about this. Yeah, we're very excited, and Tom definitely knows who he is. Hey, please don't tell... Yeah, I also totally know who he is.

No, because I recently watched all the old Dana Carvey episodes, and you're like, oh my god, you look exactly the fucking same 25 years ago. Yeah, he did not age. He's got weird vampire magic. Yeah. Yeah. So Dave actually made a Witch of the Falling. Yeah, it's golden age superheroes.

I know you guys have done comic books before, but I checked. There's no repeats. Okay, sweet. So this is only golden age, which is like late 30s to like 50s. Real dumb era of book reading. Yeah, old timey. This could be like comic strip, comic book, but just some comic media. Yeah. Alright, so first one, which of the following

is not a real Golden Age comic book character? Rhyming edition. Shady Lady. Minister Blizzard. Not rhyme. Close enough. Madam Smasher. Roy the Superboy.

Oh, man. That's lame as hell. Madam Smasher is Tom's Grindr profile. I guess you always smash a lot of madams on Grindr. That's just because I fought that puppet. You know, madam. What was the first one? Shady Lady.

Shady Lady's pretty funny. That's like the guy, the first dude who named his weed. He's like, I'm going to call it the Shady Lady. Take it to the moon. I think Shady Lady is the fake one. Roy the Superboy. His power is for sure like brushing his teeth and having

good manners uh i'm gonna say shady ladies he looks like damien he looks exactly like damien oh boy when roy the super boy was frozen and they thawed him out yeah this sounds like some like uh early u.s propaganda like uh like boy Scout superhero kind of thing. He always carpools and he doesn't trust Japs. Roy, the Superboy. I forgot the last one. What was it? The last one was Roy, the Superboy. The last one that didn't rhyme. Minister Blizzard. Minister Blizzard and Madam Smasher.

Yeah, those are like... They kind of rhyme. Minister Blizzard sounds like a claymation character you'd be afraid of. It rhymes from the 70s. Yeah, you know in the 70s they're real loose about rhyming. That's a common thing. You guys read poetry from that era? No.

It's all over the place. That's true. There were less rhyming ones than I thought. Oh yeah, you fuck with Langston Hughes? I got a lot of strong opinions. I'm going to go Roy the Superboy. I think Madam Smasher.

The fake one is Madam Smasher. From the Madam Smasher himself. Hey, how are you boys? Hey. All right.

Depressing edition. Oh, shit. That's all of them. Wheelchair Wally. The Weeper. His name is Pelswick. All right.

The Weeper? The Weeper. W-E-E-P-E-R. The Fighting Hobo. Okay. And Super Slave. Are these all descriptions of me on this podcast? One of these is fake. Yeah, the Grim Weeper.

Super Slave. Yeah, the Weeper is just Elmer Fudd singing Blue Oyster Cull. His powers, he learned to read. Yeah, the Grim Weeper. Super Slave. Yeah, the Weeper is just Elmer Fudd singing Blue Oyster Cull. His powers, he learned to read. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's running away. Get it.

Can we hear them again? Yeah. Wheelchair Wally, the Weeper, the Fighting Hobo, Super Slave. I'm going to go Super Slave. Super Slave's got to be real. Yeah, it came in the 70s. I'm just thinking about stuff that's not 70s. That would be Silver Age. This is Golden Age, which is like late 30s to early mid-50s, I think.

Oh. So they still... Yeah, when someone was complaining about representation in comic books, it was like, we got Super Slave. One hint about all these is that these could count as local newspaper comics. So these go in some, there's some pretty weird ones. And then these also could count for like the horror comics of the 50s. The Super Slave is definitely a pro-slavery comic.

He doesn't even have powers, he's just really good at being a slave. Man, I picked a lot of cotton today. Good for you, Super Slave. This julep is fantastic. Just eating a real julep. The Weeper. What was the first one? The first one was Wheelchair Wally.

Wheelchair Wally. I think Wheelchair Wally is the fake one. Yeah, I also think Wheelchair Wally. I'm going with The Weeper because I don't understand. All these other ones, it's like, oh, they have, oh, he has a wheelchair, but it can fly. I can't be like, oh, he cries, and then Noah had to build the ark. I don't understand. I feel like the Weeper is some sort of knockoff of the Shadow.

Oh, he could be like a Punisher thing. He's just like a sad clown and shooting mafia guys. What was C? C was the Fighting Hobo. I'm going with the Fighting Hobo. No, Hobo. Ah, shit. This is difficult. D. I'm going with the fighting hobo. No, hobo. Ah, shit. This is difficult.

D. I'm going D. All right. Super Slave. Super Slave. Okay. Connor? Super Slave.

Super Slave. The fake one is Wheelchair Wally. Wow. The Weeper is like an actual villain who just is really sad. That's literally his power is that he just cries. I gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger. I can tell you for his Olaf today. The fighting hobo is very real and is exactly what you think it is.

It's like World War II era where he fights all the people taking advantage of the other hobos. That hobo. No, but the super slave is white. What? He is a white genie. Well, you know, the Irish were slaves. We all know. He's no, he's redhead. Yeah, he looks

Irish. Is he like a slave though? He is the slave of the guy who holds the lamp. I'm assuming that guy is also white. Yes, of course. Yeah, that's how weird super slave was. Okay. That's how racist America is. Black man couldn't get a job as a cartoon slave. Yeah,

exactly. Christ. All right, next. Villains. Fat fiend. Crime man. Oh, my God. The comic is due tomorrow.

What do we got? Fuck. We already did super slave. Crime man. Crime Man. Steel Dude. Steel Loiterer. Yeah, Tom, you have a microphone, actually. The Great Loiterer.

Steel Dude. So, Fat Fiend. Crime Man. The Desegregator. That's the worst sex toy ever. Holy shit. He's the one who frees the genie. And finally, Captain Suicide. Whoa.

These rule. One of these is fake. So Tom is Captain Suicide. You're Fat Fiend. I do like to titty fuck a cankle Can I hear B and C? Okay, I'll do one more time Fat fiend, crime man

The desegregator, captain suicide I'm going the desegregator That's kind of what I'm leaning towards as well But god damn it, these are all fairy Because the dude twiddling a mustache And it's like, they'll share a school B was crime fiend? Crime man. Crime man. Crime man. I'm gonna tie

the 18th amendment to the railroad tracks. I'm going. God. And then drive a bus over it. Whatever one it is, you hit it well. I'm going crime man. Yeah. Just cause I, yeah, crime man. I commit crimes generally.

A criminal. A criminal. Yeah. As a criminal, they're like, look man, you can't just be a supervillain because you call yourself a crime guy. He's like,

fuck I can't. Stop the jaywalking. So we out our guesses? I think desegregator. Desegregator? I think that one's for sure real. We all have desegregator. What's Tom at?

The fake one is... Tom is crime. The fake one is desegregator. I figured you'd know and I just really wanted to say it. Damo is 100% on this so far. Batting a perfect game. Captain Suicide is pretty rad. I feel like that's not a good thing for this game.

Oh, yeah. Not since Keith Carey did 5 for 5 on Australian Towns. I'm 0 for 3 right now? The thing is, a lot of these characters in those days were just so on the nose. Like, they don't care. You don't say. There's a Captain Nazi. for three right now? Yeah. The thing is, a lot of these characters in those days were just so on the nose. Yeah. Like, they don't care. You don't say. There's a Captain Nazi.

Hang on. Yeah, that was one. That's not a bad guy, right? Hey, guys. Yes. He's the president, folks. Come on. You guys couldn't hear

Connor pull on his, like, collar like an old-time bottle guy. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Bill Maher, I'm available. All right, next. Sidekicks.

Which of these was not a real sidekick? Motorola. An Asian man named Chop Chop. Oh, boy. A black driver named Whitewash Jones. Oh, yay, yay, yay. A Latino boy named Sleepy Diaz. Oh, oh, oh, oh. A fat woman named Sleepy Diaz.

A fat woman named Etta Candy. I gotta go Sleepy Diaz. What does he add? What does he what? What is he adding to the crime-fighting deal? Naps. I don't know that much about these. I know. I mean, I'm just saying, like, what would his role be, you know?

Like, Sleepy Diaz. Whitewash Jones lost his job when the Desegregator was defeated. I think a couple of these I actually know. Okay. But one of them, there's an interesting backstory, too, that I'll reveal. Between two, I'm going to say Sleepy Diaz is the fake one. Yeah, I think it's Sleepy Diaz too because it was pretty...

1930s, the war against Mexico was like 100 years ago or something like that. 150 years ago. Like the Alamo? Yeah. I guess a little bit less than that. A little bit less than that. And that wasn't a lazy war. The Revolutionary War was what?

10,000, 13,000 years ago? We hadn't progressed to being racist towards Mexicans. We were still working on black people. We haven't even discovered Mexicans yet. Yeah, so I kind of feel like it's the sleepy guy. Also, there weren't many... These mostly came from New

York, the first comics. There weren't many Mexicans in New York at the time. But the ones that were were incredibly lazy. Okay. I'm going Sleepy Diaz. A very sleepy group. If you watch like old Dick Tracy from that era, they did not respect Latino people. I'm calling Luis Gomez Sleepy Diaz forever now.

Oh, yeah. It took six blunts to the face to do a 90-minute racist podcast. That was a lot of fun. That was mostly him saying the N-word and then passing me a joint. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. What do you think, Dane? I don't know because I'm trying to think of what whitewash meant back then.

And that's why I'm a little hung up. Because it might have meant like you're painting a fence. Or laundry. Yeah, or it's fake. I'll go, well, it might have meant like painting a fence or laundry. Yeah. Or or it's fake. I'll go whitewash Jones. Why not? Is everybody in? Oh, you might be fucking up your lead, bro.

No, I think so. But it might be keeping it. Did everybody guess? We have it. We all guessed. Yeah. It's Sleepy Diaz. I got one.

Yeah. I can't. The Wonder Woman, right? Etta Candy was in the Wonder Woman movie. They just removed her last name to get rid of the pun. Oh, it was like she's of the pun. Oh, yeah. It was like, she's a fat chick.

She eats candy. And actually, she's the girl from The Office in Wonder Woman. Her name's just Etta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is she? Wait, who was in...

Which Wonder Woman? In the Wonder Woman movie. I haven't seen it. She's the overweight woman who helps Wonder Woman get dressed. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to say office cast members. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Not the American office. Have you seen that deleted scene from The Office where Stanley reads hentai? Yeah. No.

Pretty great. It is real. Oh, dude. I'm going to need to see that as soon as we're done recording. I'll show it to you. It's good shit. I love The Office. All right.

Team edition. Which of these was not a real Golden Age team? Yank and Doodle. Mm-hmm. Original name of this podcast. Ham and Edgar. Same joke. The original name of this podcast. Ham and Edgar. Same joke. The Boy Buddies.

Same joke. And the Mean Boys. The Three Dimwits. I gotta go Three Dimwits just because that's too perfect. Hey, we used to have a smart guy. The Three Dimwits is like some sort of comic strip, not a superhero thing, I think. Yeah, these can be comic strips.

Exactly. What are A, B, and C? Okay, Yank and Doodle, Ham and Edgar, the Boy Buddies, the three dimwits. I think it's Ham and Edgar. Boy Buddies. Actually, I'm changing my mind to Yank and Doodle. Yank and Doodle, Boy Buddies. Actually, I'm changing my mind to Yank and Doodle. Yank and Doodle.

Boy Buddies. People loved Yanks and Doodles back then. It was like a... Yankee Doodle was very popular. That was like their adventures. I gotta go... It was patriotism. Yeah, I'm gonna...

You guys seen the Yank movie before this? I gotta go... Doodle Infinity War. What was C&D? C&D with the Boy Buddies. I gotta go... Doodle Infinity War. What was C&D? C&D with the boy buddies. I'm going with the boy buddies. And the three dimwits. I'm going with the boy buddies.

Oh, yeah. Three dimwits for me. Oh, we got everyone? Okay. The fake one is Ham and Edgar. Son of a bitch. Funny story.

The boy buddies were a superhero team including Roy the Superboy. Oh! God damn it. A lot of boys and buddies in that. I mean, they're called the boy buddies. We watched this good-ass fucking old 1920s educational,

1950s educational film. It was called Boys Beware. And it was like, the homosexual lurks at night. He stalks his victims and makes them feel cool by taking them fishing and giving them a ride home from basketball. Yeah, and then there's a weird turn in it where a 10-year-old boy gets raped

by an old gay man who looks like John Waters and then gets arrested for getting raped. And his parents have to pick him up at the police station. Like, ah, rats, I got plugged, mister. Oh, it's so good. Yeah, it rocks pretty hard. All right, all real or all fake, gay edition,

the gay desperado, the hummer, butt Riley, fake gay edition. The Gay Desperado. The Hummer. Butt Riley. That's my favorite funk band. Butts Riley. Gag Man. And Girth. One more time.

The Gay Desperado. The Hummer. Butt Riley. Gag Man. Girth. These are absolutely all real. They're all real, yeah. Sounds like a Def Jam comic.

All real, and they're all going to team up and fuck the raw hype. Make it up for Gert, ladies and gentlemen. Go on, fake. Yeah, of course they're all real. Here's the funny thing about that. Butt Riley was an actual real person that they made a comic book about. He was a criminal who was known for head-butting people. Oh.

And he would refer to himself as the hardest head in Christendom. Wow. They had that song, too, Butter O'Reilly. Wasn't that? I'm not familiar. Tom, you're fired again. Yeah. And, yeah, gag man.

I mean, they were just so bad at making villains back then. Well, I think he would probably just do it. I think he was kind of like Mysterio, where he just did, like, pranks and tricks. Like a Joker situation. I don't think he was a guy who's like, he can swallow a whole hog. He can swallow the ham and the Edgar. What's the trick to turn off your gag reflex? You do this with your thumb, right?

What? Isn't that how you turn it off? Someone told me that. What? What? Someone was trying to trick you. Well, I was in a cage at the time. I don't think that's true, but if it is, this is a game changer. I'll tell you what. What? What? Someone was trying to trick him. Well, I was in a cage at the time.

I don't think that's true, but if it is, this is a game changer. I'll tell you what. Here's one that works. If you've got a piss, scratch your left ankle, and it'll go away. Here's how I know that doesn't work. You've left so much piss in so many cars within five-minute windows. There's no way. I mean, you have to be continuously scratching it, but it does work.

I've got to look into this gag reflex thing. Well, I'm going to be telling you, next time we're on a road trip, you're scratching your ankle. Hey, next time you're on a road trip, fuck you all. I'm not giving you gigs anymore. I've gotta use my gigs? I know you have. Oh, by the way, there were too many for the category,

but there was also a head man. Ooh. They are so bad at this. Yeah, it was pretty rough. All right, well, that was quite a boner on their part. Am I right, gang? The Mean Boys is probably... We'll be more Mean Boys soon. The Mean Boys podcast is brought to you by Don Carlos Taco Shop

in La Jolla, California. Oh, I'm Mr. Taco or what the fuck ever. Don Carlos Taco Shop is the purveyor of the finest Mexican food that money can buy, ladies and gentlemen. They're located conveniently across the street from the La Jolla Comedy Store

in San Diego. Go see a show, man. Yeah, man. Go see one of the great comedy store headliners. Get yourself the fucking best burrito I've ever had in my life.

This guy has the passion for burritos that like, it's like if they, they need to make like an American Chopper reality show but with this guy like talking about how he uses the criss-cut cries.

It's magic. Like, am I saying he's a meat show, but with this guy talking about how he uses the criss-cut cries. It's magic. Am I saying he's a meat wizard? Certainly. Yes. And that's not exaggeration. He is a meat wizard. Also, I'm going to be doing stand-up this weekend. If any Mean Boys fans want to go get a burrito with me at Don Carlos, fucking hit me up on

Twitter, and I will go eat a fucking burrito with you at Don Carlos. Ooh, absolutely. We might drive them their first sale. You also just stuck a commercial into a commercial. That was really impressive. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm all about inception of ads, all right? We sold out, guys.

You don't even know. It's like a podcasting network. I'm getting a burrito there regardless. It's all plugs. So if you want to join me, fucking get one. They're fucking great. They got the crinkle cut fries in the burrito. Oh, yeah, dude.

California burritos are amazing there. It's the best California burrito I've ever had. And we've had a lot. That's all we fucking eat. We are a primarily burrito-based ecosystem. Absolutely. So head on over to eataburrito.com, pregame, decide what you're going to want because you're going to be in the store for an hour

gawking up at the chalkboard with the embarrassment of riches before you. And support Don Cullors because they're a great friend of the show. Quong! And the Mean Boys podcast is back. We're diving into the Mean Boys mailbag to read some of your questions, your comments. Sopalistic, solap questions, your comments. So ballistic, so pistic,

piss-faced God writes, with the success of this tour, will you do more tours in the future? Yes. Yes. Yeah, we literally are talking about like two days

after we land in LA, we're going to start planning the next tour. Yeah, so that tour sheet is still live. So if you want us to come to your town, let us know where you live

and the closest major city you're going to come out to and we'll work around that. That's how we booked this tour to great success. So we need to see where it's financially viable. And the more of you do it, the more likely we are to come to your city. And we've had the fucking time of our lives.

We will absolutely do more tours. Most definitely. Sleeve McDycle, all right, whose username is Magical Underscore Daddy. Magical Daddy is the real one. Yeah, he writes, did any of the Mean Boys end up throwing a tantrum and being a little bitch on tour, or were you all pretty chill the whole time? We've always all had like minor ones, but we've been pretty copacetic.

Yeah, we were all pretty chill. You got mad at me once. Yeah, I was kind of a cunt about the ice cream, but I was mostly doing a bit. Yeah, yeah. When did I get mad at you? You got mad at me about the flyer for the New York show. Oh, even then I wasn't like mad mad. It was more like I just woke up.

I'm like, oh, come on. You and me got in like kind of a kerfuffle in D.C. a little bit. More than me being in a bad mood. Yeah, which was me fucking with the photo too. Yeah. I want to say how proud I am that someone who looks like Connor and acts like Connor took eating the soup so well. Oh, thanks, man. Did you see the video?

I wasn't super well. No, I listened. Yeah, yeah. It was tough. At one point, he ran out the door while a black man chased him down with soup. It was a... Did he know he had soup?

Yes. Next question. What sort of event or deterioration of standards would it take to convince you to run for any public office no matter how big or small? I would run for public office. My dream is that we someday run Tom for like a city council seat. Tom joins the school board to reform special needs bus drivers.

I actually, I organized a student strike school board. It was mostly just fighting the system. Cost the school quite a bit of money. Very fun. Nice. What Tom is describing is, I didn't go to school. No, I got 10% less attendance.

You actually do remind me a lot of that Australian prisoner that Tom Hardy played who started those prison riots. Wait, are you talking about Bronson? Yes. You are Bronson. Oh, no.

I've never related to a film more than Bronson. That's not good. All this takes is just some handcuffs and some push-ups. Maybe Chopper. Maybe Chopper also. Oh, shit. I don't know who Chopper is.

It's a very similar guy. You printed out a bunch of handbills and you just passed them out that said no school. You stole the special needs printer, which was not guarded as well as it should have been, obviously. It was basically the vice principal always made announcements, and she always had a very specific lingo. And I was just like, oh, I can just mimic your lingo. Handed out like 5,000 sheets of school paper with it all printed out and just kind of left them around, spread the word.

And then kids showed their parents, got out of school. And what was the math on how much money? I think you get like 80 bucks a day for having a kid there. And there was about 3,000 kids at that school. I dropped the tens by about 10% of what their regular is. Yeah, so it was something like $24,000. By the way, how mad do you think that school was to find out that Tom outsmarted them?

Foiled again. We got flip-flammed by the retard printer. Jean-Claude Van Damme is just sitting there banging the table. We should have recruited him. If Connor turned out to be a serial killer, would you guys still do the podcast? I mean, we're still doing the podcast. Yeah. Yeah, 100%.

Considering what Keith has been accused of publicly and you're still doing it with him. Is Dave Cyrus aware of how professional you guys are now that you are at Starburns Audio, or are you just bringing Starburns down to your level? The second one. Yeah. Ruin the legitimacy of this network. We're in Cyrus' kitchen right now. Oh, yeah, cool.

You got Dan Harmon. Oh, this is going to sound bad because we're doing it at a dead guy's apartment. I mean, most apartments had somebody dive in at some point. Yeah. All right, guys. We're going to dip into the voicemails. This one, it sounds like it's going to be pretty good. So. All right, guys. We're going to dip into the voicemails. This one,

it sounds like it's going to be pretty good. So let's take a listen. Hey, Mean Boys. Tristan calling you again from Bafuma Goon,

Australia. It's for a fucking weekend. You guys, you just put out the best episode and it reminded me of a story that I actually am proud of, but I really shouldn't be. You played the alligator day of skit.

And I'm not going to lie. I had a lot of respect for Keith because, damn, spot on just how people that have touched alligators have talked. It's something to do with the skin, I think. It's easier. Anyway, so. There's a story of how I caught an alligator with one leg and one eye that I had to return to my neighbor because it was his pet. Okay. Hang on.

I'm going to go stop you right there. You didn't catch an alligator. You stole an alligator. That's a very important difference. Okay, yeah. Let's listen on. Alright. And that's pretty much the story. That's pretty much the story. Oh, God.

Alligator Dave is real. I ever tell you the story about when I stole my friend's pet alligator? Because that's it. Oh, there's like a minute and a half left. Oh, Jesus. That's the tricky part. It helps to have a stepdad who's not technically married to your mom yet, aside from calling law. That way he can sit on its back while you yank it out of the fucking water with a fucking shark rod.

Because that's the kind of shit we do out here. Where's he from? Keep in mind, this is the fucking pond we had to yank it out of. Not more than 150 feet from my mother's back door. I hope he means the house. Make the joke. Trust me. He called you shot.

Putting in a cooler, mind you. You know, one of those that'll hold like 36 beers. You know, just enough for a good afternoon with whatever fuckhead you're hanging out with that wait does he put the alligator in a cooler yeah

anyway long story short turns out it wasn't a gator it was his son yeah my buddy tried to get a 30 rack out of there ended up getting fucking murked

by a crocodile I gotta stop calling you guys when I'm drunk cause I sound more redneck than I really live and it's ridiculous anyway boys great job on the tour.

Keep the fucking shit rolling, man. Congratulations on the star burns. Pick up, man. That's fantastic news. You guys are going to get a blow up from here. All right? Y'all have a great day, evening, wherever the fuck it is. Or, you know, what the fuck do they do over in Echo Park?

Good. Bye. Yo, that dude was the mayor of Buffoon Lagoon. That dude ripped. Yeah, that was pretty dope. Yeah, I like that guy. I'm confused. Did he say he was from Australia

or I mishear that? He's from Florida. Oh. Yes. Oh, did he say Meth Australia? I think he did. America's Australia. That's an us reference.

I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah. I bet when that guy meets any Filipino, he goes, I know people from historic Filipino town. I bet you when that guy thought he caught an alligator, he caught a Filipino. Man, I don't put a shark rod up my mom's back door. Yeah, you can tell the eyes are closer together.

That's how you know it's a Filipino, not a crocodile. Don't you hate it when you steal an alligator and it turns out it's just a big cat? What do you think would be easier to get into a cage, an alligator or Tom? A billion percent Tom. Alligator's less dangerous to try to get into the cage. That's a very good point.

You just have to get on something high up and the alligator won't get to you. I don't trust Tom's climbing. No, Tom can climb. I saw that movie where he takes that lady up the Empire State Building. Yeah, you're really... You large ape. You're taking a risk here.

I mean, you saw what happened when I pinched my finger. Yeah. Oh, I'm not going to be physically near you with this app. Yeah, Keith will be in a helicopter miles away. You're going to have to buy drones to make this work. No, Keith's going to be on a loudspeaker like Saw. She's going to look like a fat doll of me on a bike. No, Keith's going to be on like a loudspeaker like Saw. She's going to look like a fat doll of me

on a bike. Yeah, yeah. Hello, Tom. You're not very smart. I just realized Zach Amico looks like white trash jigsaw. Fucking pig saw.

Well, I think that's the Mean Boys podcast for this week. Gentlemen, thank you for joining us. Hey, thanks for having me, man. Thank you. You can follow Damien

on Twitter, at Damien Holmes with two S's. Yeah. Dave Cyrus thank you for joining us. Hey, thanks for having me, man. Thank you. You can follow Damien on Twitter at Damien Holmes with two S's. Yeah. Dave Cyrus is just at Dave Cyrus. S-I-R-U-S. S-I-R-U-S.

You guys got anything you want to plug? You know, if you really want, you can check out this new podcast I'm doing called Blamestorming. It's on the iTunes and shit.

Nice, yeah. And the David Feldman, and I'm on the David Feldman show weekly, too. Yes. These are, this is an old thing to plug,

but if you guys are listening, you've never seen, Dave does something called Brickstone where you just go fuck with the Westboro Baptist Church.

I think anybody listening to our show is going to enjoy that if they haven't seen it. Oh, thank you. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, we'll have a link

to that in the show notes. Come see me at the Comedy Palace in San Diego on Cinco de Mayo and headlining The Madhouse in San Diego March 8th. And then June 15th

and 16th, I'll be headlining The Valve in Austin, Texas. Can't wait to go back to Austin. And in mid-May, I'll be in Chicago for something that I'm going to be announcing soon. So stay tuned for tickets for that. End of May, I'm going to be doing a run all through Northern California. So I'm going to be in San Jose, Stockton, Sacramento, Ukiah, Blue Lake, San Francisco. A couple other ones, I think I be going with. Nicole Buchanan.

Keep your eyes peeled. I'll be posting the dates and shows and all that shit very soon. May 4th and 5th, I will be at the Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego. And then May 16th, I'll be at Quezon Long Beach. I heard that's a real fun show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be fun. All right, guys.

Thanks for doing it. Fuck everything. God is dead. All right, guys. Thanks for doing it.