Mean Boys - EP 131 - Dick Windmill (Live in Fort Wayne)

Episode Date: May 31, 2018

Get tickets for our Las Vegas and Denver shows: http://meanboyspodcast.com Fill out our tour sheet to get on our email list and let us know where we need to go next on tour: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Porn Comment or Yelp Review", "Letters to God", and "The Tom Goss Lightning Round". Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our [YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw) Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my goodness, it's the motherfucking Mean Boys podcast with a live episode from Fort Wayne, Indiana. Fort Wayne? Where do we begin? Fort Wayne? Yeah, that's a good summary. So here's a first thing I'll say, the most important note about this episode. If you've never listened to Mean Boys before and you just found us perusing Starburns or somebody told you it was good, do not start with this episode.

I cannot stress that enough. What you're about to hear is a live recording from the MMJ comedy festival in fort wayne indiana uh very nice guys they hooked us up we had a great time out there yeah that said this show and we talk about a little in the episode basically we recorded in broad daylight when it's essentially a tgi fridays for 12 people while a minor league baseball game was happening out a window behind us at one point we were electrocuted by a transgender woman on stage to which the crowd offers a hearty, What? Yeah. You've heard a lot of very good live episodes

in the past month or so from the tour. This is the only one that went tits up bad. This is absolutely tragic. For a long time we debated whether or not we were going to release it. The truly tragic thing is the audio on this one sounds fantastic. The recording in New York is just like, it's a fucking dictaphone under a trash can.

Yeah, you're about to hear every sweet, silky moment of this concept not selling to middle America. Yeah, I mean, you can physically hear a cowboy frowning over fried zucchini while this happens. You can hear the ghost of Mike Pence returning to his state to get blood. Yeah, so it's definitely an odd one. We do want to thank a longtime fan of the show, Death to the Filth, who showed up to be our dominatrix. Who took care of us the whole time we were here. Go check out her bonus episode.

And you can hear everything you ever wanted to know about trans on trans butt sex. If you didn't know you could milk an anus, listen to that bonus episode. And if you get on Patreon and we get to $2,000 a month, you're goddamn right we're sending him a dog cage so he can buttfuck his husband in a dog cage. Yeah, and that will be episode one of Snark Week. Yes. She, sorry. There's a lot of, they both switched and it's confusing. So I apologize.

They both identify as just question marks. Yeah, it's not. You know the little square with a question mark when your phone doesn't have that emoji? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's their identity. No, yeah. I mean, it's not confusing, but just grammatically trying to figure out who's fucking who in the dog cage on the fly can be a bit of a tongue twister. This is like Mean Boys in a nutshell, which is like trying to be respectful of the gender

pronouns of people we're talking about sodomizing in a cage. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. But while you're at it, yeah, while you're at what? What am I doing? Patreon. That's just one of my fucking, that's one of my goddamn

go-to segues. Jump on the Patreon, patreon.com slash meanboys. Get yourself some bonus content for $5 a month, a special episode every week. $10 gets you a little merch goodie. We got lots of other shit

we're offering on there too. Also, please, rate, review, subscribe, iTunes. iTunes reviews especially help us a lot. If we get 400, we are going to Fresno to a trailer park to interview my mother. God help us all. Oh, yeah, dude. You know what?

All right. Once again, we're back after the record, after something ran out of battery. What a hilarious omen for how bad this episode is that even the intro is kind of a failure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long story short, give us your money on Patreon. Yeah, and leave us an iTunes review. 400, we go to Fresno, we interview my mom. Yeah, this person writes,

best podcast I found. Honestly, one of the best comedy podcasts that I have found. Wow, what a boring... Wow, they're finding all sorts of stuff. Thanks, Serbian Robot. That sounds like a review that I bought on Fiverr. Yeah, oh boy, you're the number one pod show. Most good.

I like when you sound words. Do you want to click on... Be my friend on Kik so we can cast pods and come on Rods. I like when boy faces mean. Yeah. Yeah, I've considered buying iTunes reviews, but I never did. No, we're better than that. No, we're proud.

We've earned... We can't afford that. I reviews, but I never did. No, we're better than that. No, we're proud. We've earned it. We can't afford that. I'm so glad you never did that. We've earned every single one of our mildly respectable number of iTunes reviews. We can't afford that because we're diverting that money into going to Las Vegas and Denver because the Mean Boys are going on tour again. Yeah, a little mini tour. Fucking May 30th, the Jackpot Bar and Grill in Las Vegas, Nevada.

And June 1st, the Comedy Room Room in Denver. Siri, I understand. It doesn't matter if you understand Siri, you stupid bitch, because we're doing shows. That's happened twice. This never happened during a movie before. I don't know why. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, the government is, I think they're on to us.

Yeah, they're chasing down Ramsey for fucking annoying the Southern police. You'll find out more on next Tuesday. You'll find out more. Oh, yeah, that is next Tuesday. Yeah, yeah. We're in a whole space-time space time continuing it's one o'clock in the morning we've ruined opie's night yeah opie's girlfriend's over and we've just been like so hey what if jack sparrow like it was like jacking off you know she she left oh she did i mean tough but fair anyway the point is come to those shows uh listen to that episode uh if someone is really good at audio engineering you might be able to make make out opie coming through my mic is, come to those shows. Listen to that episode. If someone is really good at audio engineering, you might be able to make out Opie Cumming through my mic.

Yeah, come to those shows. Also, if you are in Ukiah, California, I will be at the Alley Bar and Grill on Saturday night. And I will be in Blue Lake at the E&O Lanes on Friday night, the 25th. And the night this comes out, May 24th, or May 24th, I will be at Last Unlimited in Sacramento, California. 9 o'clock. Pick up your tickets. Fucking Austin, Bentonville, Arkansas, Huntington Beach. I'm coming in June.

I've already talked about it on other shows. Tickets are on my website. Go get them. I want to see you. They're door deals. I need the money. And what else is going on? Fucking subscribe to our YouTube page. Make the number go up Legitimize us To our corporate overlords

Yeah we got vlogs Overlords That's our We have the fat cats I'm the overlord right I'm the underlord Overlord That'd be a good thing

For like people That get like bed sores From playing Overwatch Too long Yeah but we got We're putting up vlogs Videos all kinds of stuff We just dropped

Puerto Rican Rattlesnake From our New York episode With Luis J. Gomez, which is one of the more fun things. It's been that brilliant idea for fucking ever. It's one of three good ideas I've ever had in my career. Yeah, it's my friend who's Puerto Rican approved it. It is Puerto Rican approved.

And my several friends who are snakes. Yeah, Tom is a... My Cobra associate. A fucking resident Slytherin, Tom Goss. Yeah, do that. Follow us on Instagram, Twitter. Like us on Facebook. We never post on Facebook.

We've got to start doing that. Yeah, we'll start. We're going to fuck around with the Facebook presence. Yeah, we'll do something. Maybe we'll do a Facebook group. Yeah. I kind of want you to be talking about that. Speaking of groups, get on the Reddit.

Yeah, go get on the Mean Boys subreddit. Damn it, I should have brought that up. Yeah, right. That actually is very helpful to us, we found out. We like it. I like you guys to talk to each other, make a pal, you know? You share your models with

a group of like-minded fucking dweebs. Yeah, dweeb it up, guys. Yeah, man. And fucking, yeah, you know, tweet us. We'll write you back. What the fuck else, dude? Really? Honestly, I think we got everything. Yeah, we got it. Here's the deal. Yeah, we're just stalling time because we don't really want you to hear this episode.

That's exactly it. I like this episode. Exactly. Hey, Tom, have you ever heard the story? No. Here it is, Fort Wayne, Indiana. Again, if you've never heard Mean Boys before, go check out our episode with Hampton Yacht that dropped on Tuesday.

That one's damn fine. This one is also present. Go check out the Chris Estrada episode. Listen to the first episode we did where I recorded on my iPhone. Listen to This Is Rad. All of it. Check out me getting into a fight on Unpops. I think there's a grainy recording

of 9-11 footage from that day. Watch me make out with Pat Reagan on Kill Tony. Watch me on a security cam. You don't say which security cam. Simply just find one Pick one it'll pan out Anyway fuck everything here's our show from Fort Wayne Indiana Hey everybody welcome to the Bean Boys Podcast!

Yay! Man, I have never felt fatter than trying to get on this stage. They're like, no stairs, a human can handle this, and I'm like, you have not met these humans. Oh cool, we got a chair to step onto before we get up here. Like we're a horse that needs to get into a van somehow. Oh my god. Thank you guys for coming to this very odd event. Yeah, fucking thank you. Make some noise for yourselves. We really fucking appreciate it.

You know, I think this is the first time anyone has podcasted in direct view of a minor league baseball game. Not only are there sports on every television, there are literally sports behind us. Yeah. Well, they said it's quadruple A, which I think is like the battery

that goes in a watch. Like, that's how insignificant your baseball team is. Yeah. Oh, okay. You guys have a lot of civic pride about the baseball team. Just learned not to fuck with that very quick. I'm going to go play Buck Hunt for a little bit. It's my birthday, and frankly, I'm a little

over your attitudes. It is Connor's birthday. Happy birthday, Connor. Happy birthday. Thank you, everybody. No better place to celebrate than right here, dying inside for your amusement. We got to see one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life today, which is we went to a Baskin Robbins

because Connor demanded a free birthday ice cream cone, and then the lady got to tell him no. Yeah. And I thought, surely this woman will try to avoid the conflict by just giving in and providing me with a free birthday treat. And she was like, no, I'm a company bitch. You ain't getting shit, all right? You take that bullshit to Dairy Queen.

Which is also what I call Keith. Thank you very much. He's fat and also gay. Hello. Welcome to Fort Wayne. The comedy festival's happening. You've gone to the Keith is fat and gay ripcord very early in the show. Oh, and I'll be returning to it many times. I'm like MacArthur, but with calling you gay and fat. Speaking of things

that are fat and gay, Tom Goss is here. Hello, everyone. I'm really trying to get this guy with the World War II references. I'm hoping I'm going to win you over at some point. Remember when Dr. Seuss was racist? That was a fun time. Right, everybody? I think that was some of his best work.

I'm very curious. Who here has never listened to Mean Boys before? Okay, could not have been quieter. The quiet hand raised from the man who could not be bothered from the menu. He's like, there's important chicken strip information. So a lot of you guys just got a group on and weren't interested in the children's storytelling podcast. Is that correct? We tell stories.

We're children-esque. You're child-esque mentally, but other than that. Yeah, I give hugs. What do you want from me? Never to hug anybody ever again because that's how you killed all your pets. I love the dog too much, now we got a cat. Man, that's the best story about loving a dog too much that's been told on this show. Boy, that's a joke for exactly one guy, our fan who came out.

Who's also on the show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Yeah. Well, this is going very weird. What do you say we move into the first segment of the show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Yeah. Well, this is going very weird. What do you say we move into the first segment of the show? I think it sounds fun. All right.

You guys, we start the show off every week with the Mexican joke off. Hooray. There you go. A little bit of energy. Now, the way this works, we go through the news, we write monologue jokes, kind of like what you'd see on late night TV, but if they didn't, suck a bag of dicks. And when we do live shows, we like to keep ourselves honest, make sure we try and write good jokes. So what we do is we bring a dominatrix to punish us and make sure

that these jokes are up to snuff. And we brought one who is a Mean Boys super band. Give it up for Mistress Alexis, everybody. I would also like to note for the listening audience, it is currently very much light outside. We are at a family bar and grill. I think we need to wait 45 minutes

otherwise this segment is a felony. Yeah. We drove up from, I don't know, some godless town in the middle of Indiana with Alexis. And if you want to have a good time, stop at a gas station in Winchester with her and just see what happens. Just see the lady at Subway and be like, well, this is fine, but I don't know what to do.

Just checking the handbook. Yeah. How was your road trip with the Mean Boys? Any thoughts? Honestly, it was a little more terrifying than funny, I suppose. Was that because of the Confederate flags or the farts? Mostly just Tom relentlessly hitting on me because of his love of cock.

He'll do that. Yeah, we've decided this tour that Tom is incredibly gay. If you could just tweet him that every single day for the rest of his life. That would be great. Tom started vaping because he thought, how can I look stupider? I already have a camera strapped to my face

and I stammer profoundly. It's a challenge, and I rise to the occasion. Beautiful. So shall we get into the Mexican joke? Yes. Why don't you explain what you've brought for this show? So this is a violet wand. Basically, it's plugged in back here.

And if these bad boys have written terrible jokes and they bomb, they're going to get a little shock. That's right. Live electrocution at O'Reilly's. Yep. When the 75-year-old man who emigrated from Ireland to start this bar opened this place, he thought someday three gay California guys are going to get shocked for a handful of people's mild amusement.

I know. I'm about to get fucking like technologically tortured in what is basically a TGI Friday. Like somebody is ordering like southwestern jalapeno poppers as my nipples are about to be burned off. Yeah, come to Des Moines and watch us get pooped on at a fucking Chili's.

We're doing an all chain. You got to have appetizers and nipple clamps on the Mean Boys Live experience. Just an eyes wide shut experience at a Bennigan's. That's what we're going for. Are we taking our shirts off? I think we have to before it's over. Yeah, we got to take our shirts off.

That was some very reserved applause. Thank you for the applause. I like that it split this couple down the middle because you were pro and you were like, for the love of God, no. That was some very tepid applause for a pretty raucous thing to do at a bar in the middle of the day. Someone in the crowd catch my shirt. Oh, it landed in all that space where people didn't go. Well, yeah, this is like if Jim Morrison pulled his

dick out on stage and everyone just went, ah. Well, that's neat. I'm excited for the people behind us watching the baseball game to turn around. If they turn around, they're going to see so much of my ass fresh. Yeah, this is the only thing gayer than baseball. Alright, well, who wants to start?

I'll start. It's my birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. All right, let's do this thing. All right, guys. Mexico's tourism minister stated that the country shouldn't legalize marijuana. He suggested solving the country's budget crisis by instituting a new beheading tax.

All right. Don't electrocute me. Oh, jeez. We're about 25%. by instituting a new beheading tax. All right. Electrocute me. Oh, jeez. You're about 25%. All right. Oh, but... Well, that sucked. America, what a country.

Did you turn up the gayness a little bit on it? All right, we got to take it all the way to Anderson Cooper's spring break, 93. How do we decide electricity is gay? Well, I don't know. We've called everything. This is a gay heavy podcast. Gay people get hit by lightning too, man.

Not according to my Bible. I don't know if you guys are reading King James, but if you are, you're going straight to hell. And I can deliver you from it if you got a few minutes to go to the bathroom with me and get splashed with holy water, which is what I call my pee. And I was really planning on leaning more heavily into the homophobia to pander to the Fort Wayne audience. But you guys seem to be the eight progressive people that live in this godforsaken community. I thought I was just going to go up here and be like, yeah, I would have voted for Bush in 2008. I mean, come on. These pillow biters are trying to take our

country away from us, but you guys are all fucking got Bernie stickers on your Subarus. Mike Pence just airlifted all the holy ones out of here, and this is what's left. Alright, speaking of holy ones, a Louisiana woman made a bikini out of full-body

frogs. This was far more successful than her elephant hat, turtle shoes, or porcupine tampons. Well, honestly, for that room, I think you just crushed. Oh, nothing better than a golf clap for your porcupine tampon. I think Tom is safe on that one.

Okay. All right, fuck me. Here we go. A Miami Dolphins cheerleader says she was harassed by her squad mates for being a virgin. When asked why she had not yet had sex, the young lady tearfully admitted that she was U-G-L-Y and did not have an alibi. I'm getting smoked with all this fucking animal pun mean girls material on my fucking birthday. Have you tried doing a funny one?

That might help. Have you tried sucking a dick? You sure have. It's your favorite thing. All right, guys. A historian stole 300 dog tags of World War II soldiers from the National Archives. If you want 300 dog tags, Keith Carey has a great story for you. God damn it.

Hey, guys. Have you ever heard the story about Keith and the dog sex? I fucked a lady while she watched a dog fuck a you. God damn it. Hey, guys, have you ever heard the story about Keith and the dog sex? I fucked a lady while she watched a dog fuck a different lady. All right. All right. A Florida woman... Welcome to the comedy festival. A Florida woman blamed the cocaine

the cops found in her purse on the wind. Mary Poppins was seen rubbing her hands together, muttering, a spoonful of booger sugar makes me rich, motherfucker. Oh, you're going to do shit. Can we shock you and also, like, fart on you? All right. Oh, shit. The mistresses decided full power,

much like the kinkiest episode of Home Improvement. I don't think so, Tom. I don't know. You're going to manipulate me. Okay. I like the idea that it short-circuited the GoPro. I'm saying things like I can feel my body

ripple when it shocked me. I feel like if we shock Tom two more times, he's going to be able to see ghosts. Or he might turn straight. I know you guys are big fans of that procedure here. Nothing. Wow. Really?

Great. Everybody here just reads HuffPo. Awesome. Anchorage, Alaska rejected a transgender bathroom bill. In their defense, Alaska is so cold that nobody there has a dick. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right.

Put it in his belly button. Oh, yeah. Get right there. Oh, it's kind of wet, so it's going to... Ow. Ow. Why does it smell like it burned? Well, yeah, because you left a Cheerio in there, dipshit.

All right, Connor, you're up. All right, guys. Ooh, Nelly. A Louisiana teacher was fired for mocking an autistic student in an audio recording. He is currently making $1,300 a month on Patreon for his podcast. Safe. Oh, I think you said... You cheat so hard, because whenever we do

live ones, you just lean into shit from the show. Yeah, I'm pandering, okay? I like my nipples unburnt, the way straight God intended it. I love that every single gay riff has bailed, and we're still... Oh, they're gonna come around. Alright, 3,000 dead chickens I love that every single gay riff is bailed and we're still we can win a bail

oh they're gonna come around alright 3,000 dead chickens were found in an Arkansas in a trailer in Arkansas alright let me take that again 3,000 dead chickens were found in a trailer 3,000 fucking super dead chickens

what does it take for Tom to finish the joke? In a trailer in Arkansas, upon this discovery, Keith Carey commented, Oh, this is where I drop my lunch. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, that is true because Keith does eat 3,000 chickens a day. He needs 75,000 calories from poultry. Hit me, hit me, hit me. I don't know. Let's do this one. Yeah, do that one. Belly button. Tom, you just did like a football dance.

It's like all your fat moved like it was trying to leave your body. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. We got to get out of here. Scram. Your fat just went cheesing. It's the fuzz. We're getting shocked up here. You guys all seem, like, annoyed. Are we ruining your mozzarella sticks?

This sucks. No, this is great, man. This is the best meatball we've ever done. All right. Fuck it. A West Virginia woman was arrested for beheading her husband. When asked for comment, forensic investigator Dice Clay said, you're supposed to give a guy head, not take it, you goofy bitch.

Oh. Thank you, Nelson from The Simpsons, for weighing in on that joke. Ha ha. I don't know. I think he gets a little one for that. Yeah, I get a little one. Probably in the face. Ow. Fuck you.

I still don't know why they make that thing. For coming. This woman is carrying an onion fucking straw played out. And I'm just like, yeah, you guys ever, dude, the cook who's just like leaned out, he's like, I took a break and I came back and what the fuck happened?

Hello, this is what America is. Oh, racism, great. Homophobia, no love. Thanks. I figured out the Midwest real quick, dude. Alright, guys, a construction worker lost a 1.8 million dollar lawsuit against his boss who wouldn't stop farting on him. In his

closing statement, the man's attorney said, if he didn't shit, you must acquit. Alright, shock me. Oh, shit. It's the light bulb. Okay, wait. I want the audience to see. Wow! Oh, man.

That's way worse than I thought it was going to be. Man. Oh, man. That's way worse than I thought it was going to be. Oh, fuck. Is that what that rap song is about? Cool. It's called All the Way Up, you guys. All right. You know that if you listen to something other than Garth Brooks B-sides and the sound of your parents crying. Recent news

states brand new designer outfits often have fecal matter in them. For more basic bitchery that's full of shit, give another listen to Connor's last joke. Ooh, basic bitchery. I like the vaudeville leaning. Nothing more basic than a joke about an attorney shitting

his pants. You were going to push a button and the GoPro was going to spin. All right. A meth addict ate his own penis. This event is known as a Floridora Boris. Wait, what did you just hand off to him? It looks like you just gave him a Red Robin gift card. Are you giving him a gift card to a different restaurant?

Oh, no, it was a piece of gum. Are you nervous for your set at this big show? Are you afraid you're going to bomb for literally 2,000 listeners? Your career will be over. You'll never do the racist podcast circuit again. You'll get banned from Legion of Skanks and Comptown and Bill O'Reilly.

WTF? Who are those Filipinos? Here's how dumb I am. I was like, isn't Filipino with a PH? It is. Oh, okay. I'm all about spelling, man. Can the cook come back out here and settle this for us? Oh. Oh.

Alright, guys. Can the cook come back out here and settle this for us? Oh. All right, guys. A man vomited 32 bags of heroin at a Camden County jail. That's also what happens when you heat kids, Carrie's mom, in a Sonic the Hedgehog game. Well, it was really good, but I did stumble a lot, so I guess I have to get shocked. All right. Give me it in the nipple.

I can't not do it. Ah! That was the worst. Oh, fuck this. Oh, man. All right. Happy birthday to me, I guess. Yeah, all right.

Wow. That is not a good place for that to go. A Catholic school teacher was caught having sex with their students. This is actually incredibly progressive on the catholic curve finally a female got the same opportunity that a man did they're usually gay guys i thought that guy threw his hands up in celebration they made noise i don't know what that means that means you're getting zapped. All right. Yeah. Is this not amusing to you guys? Are you not entertained?

What the fuck is the matter with you? I do love the people that are just walking in. They're like, oh, geez. So how late does happy hour go

and how late does this go and can I come back? All right. An Indian man towed a car 100 feet using his penis. The meth addict from my last joke was heard asking, you gonna finish that penis?

Hey! Suck my dick! That's the Mexican joke, everybody. You son of a bitch, Carrie. We are gonna bring up your first stand-up comedian. First of all, I want another round of applause for Mistress Alexis, making her nipple-shocking debut.

Damn, we are never using one of those again. Oh, we're doing it every time. My nipple is so hard. Well, the weird one is the other one's soft though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like Frankensteined it back to life. It's like custard soft-serve kind of deal. Yeah, my nipple's going to go through

a girl in a well later. Thanks. The Mean Boys are brought to you by Studio Headphones, everybody. Studio Headphones are a wonderful product. I'm wearing my right row. I got the... Right row. Right row.

Right row. I'm going to give them a Scooby-Doo ad. That's not what that sounded like. Jinkies, these headphones are good. Oh, like Zoink Scoop, I miss Mr. Ear. Oh, why'd he die in that? What Scooby-Doo character am I doing now? I don't know.

You're doing Bad Shaggy. Oh, wow, dude. Fucking, he died, man. No, you're just doing Evan Cassidy. Oh, shit. The anchor bar is gnarly, dude. All right, let's ginger bail on this bit. Studio headphones are fucking great, man.

Yeah, man. They're Swedish, so you know they're good. And they're Swedish, so they look good. Yeah, they look slick. I've said it before and I've said it again. These look like what you wear if you wanted to listen to techno

while you fucked in the Tron universe. That's exactly what they are. Dude, bang a Tron, get it on. Get on these studio shit. Yeah, like a T-Rex or whatever. Yeah, you got options. They got Bluetooth capability if you don't want to fuck with a cord.

If you do want to fuck with a cord, you can throw that cord down. Tell them about the cord. Tell them about the cord, Connor. Oh, I will. This cord fills me with fucking vigor unlike any other purchase. Actually, I got them for free, but you guys should purchase them. Yeah.

Advertising, Keith. Until we move the product. Exactly, yeah. First you sell the cord. Then you get the women. It's probably a movie. Then you get the power. I haven't seen a lot of movies.

Scarface. Yeah. He gets coke on his head. Is that the movie? Anyway. Old coke head. Old coke head. Old Italian coke head.

That fucking film. Yeah, but it doesn't tangle. It's fucking fantastic. Unlike that conversation. It's noodle flat. And honestly, I bought a pair of headphones at Marshall's because I wanted a pair of earbuds. And I've just spent half my life fucking untangling these things. It's a nightmare.

It made me appreciate it so much more. And yeah, they got the little buds that just stick in with a little battery pack around the back. They got a bunch of different cool shit. They got little fucking marble caps you can screw on the end so you look like a rapper's girlfriend. It's a wonderful company. And here's the thing.

You use your headphones every day. You do. It's the thing you use all the time. Why not invest in the best version of it? Yeah, and it's like, treat yourself to some shit. Rather than spending $20 every three weeks for a fucking shitty pair. No, get these. You do. It's the thing you use all the time. Why not invest in the best version of it? Yeah, and it's like rather than spending $20 every three weeks for a fucking shitty pair,

nah, get these. You deserve them. Don't treat yourself to like a fucking nice meal. You're going to shit it out in six hours. If you're listening to this show, like I feel confident

you're the level of good person where you don't deserve love, but you deserve these headphones. Yeah, you deserve to hear the people that you feel like you're friends with better. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Our sound is what gives you life and instead of being a cult, buy these headphones. Yeah, you deserve to hear the people that you feel like you're friends with better. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Our sound is what gives you life. And instead of being a cult, buy these headphones. Yeah, head on over to studiosweden.com. Use promo code MEANBOYSPODCAST. I think it is now. All one word. If not, MEANBOYS15 or MEANBOYS should work. It seems like something we should check because it's mildly important.

It's not important. They just told me, like, we're trying to track when people buy it. And I was like, all right, just fucking use one of those. They don't goddamn listen to it anyway. That's a very good point. I've got no fucking email about Mr. Ear, so they've never checked it out. What could they possibly have to say about Mr. Ear? I barely have anything to say about him.

He ruins my life. Mr. Ear is straight up garbage. But Studio Sweden are the opposite of what garbage is. Yeah, they are fine stuff. Hell yeah. Check them out. Listen like a ninja, et cetera. Oh, man.

One more time, everybody. I'm going to fall and die on that chair. That is 100% happening. Are we having a good time, everybody? I feel like there's a weird energy in here. Let's see if we can bring it back. Drew, he talked about sex. I cannot fathom that he's had it, but we decided to use

him for one of our more sexual games on the Mean Boys podcast. Yeah, this is one of our more sexual games. The opening. That's very tame. Everyone's just like, what are they going to do with their stupid balls now? This game is called Everybody Fuck Keith. You guys all look under your chairs. There's a number.

And you all lose. Every number is 69. This game is called Porn Commenter Yelp Review. And the way this works, the rules are the name of the game. I'm going to read you a weird-ass comment I found somewhere on the Internet, and we have to debate whether this is from a porn video or a Yelp review of a local establishment here in Fort Wayne, Indiana. You guys have the Internet.

Can you leave Yelp reviews? Great. Yes, shut up. All right. Can you leave Yelp reviews or? Great. Yeah, shut up. All right. All right, so let's go with the first one. First one, this one. Is this a porn comment or a Yelp review?

Quote, I hate their retarded music. Ooh. This is a Yelp review of an interracial porn. Oh, wait, no, a porn comment. Yeah, sorry. It's a racist porn comment is what it is. Okay. I feel like this is like a school band Yelp review.

Like, I hate the retarded kids playing music. Oh, so it's a special needs school band? Special needs school, yeah. All of them in Indiana, right? They're just marching the wrong way just into traffic. They all have a whistle. 25 or 6 to 3 pi. Man, how are they so slow and they're playing too fast?

I'm going to say it's a Yelp review of a Dunkin' Donuts. A Dunkin' Donuts. Show your work, Tom. One, I love Dunkin' Donuts. I like spreading the word on Dunkin'. They need the fucking support. No one's heard the good word of Dunkin' Donuts. My only complaint about Dunkin' Donuts is every time

I go in there, they're blasting some Nicki Minaj bullshit, and I just want to write, and I leave, go drink my Dunkin' at Starbucks. So I think it's a Yelp review. What kind of club-ass Dunkin' Donuts are you going to where they're bumping Nicki Minaj? Like the only one in Orange County. Okay, well, that's an us problem. Yeah, can I get the espresso with Robitussin in it, please? I'm trying to get lit.

The correct answer, that is a porn comment from a video called Hot Arab Action. Yeah. I knew it. I called it. It was a racist porn comment. Connor is the racism whisperer. I don't whisper it. Number two, porn comment or Yelp review, quote,

Nothing for that. Quote, those are some challenging holes. Oh, that's the Yelp review of a mini golf course. It was like, I brought my three-year-old thinking she would have a good time, but turns out it's way too hard to fuck this guy in the ass at the mini golf course.

I don't know why I have a windmill made of big black dicks. Dude, it's not your birthday, Keith. That's what Keith wants for his birthday, because he likes Big Black Dicks. A windmill full of Big Black Dicks. What was that? Really? You too? Okay, officially everyone in the room has turned on us. You know what? I'm going to get off stage. I'm going to join you guys.

I'm with you guys. Fuck you guys. I'm going home. All right, fine. You're too afraid to jump off the stage. I'm going to say Yelp Dunkin' Donuts. They make large donut holes. They're challenging donut holes for Tom because he eats them by the fistful like a bear eating honey. No one told me they weren't Skittles, so I'm going to say donut holes. Okay, Drew, your thoughts?

I feel like it's a Yelp review of your dominatrix. Very tricky holes. Okay, Drew, your thoughts? I feel like it's a Yelp review of your dominatrix. Like, just very tricky holes. It's like, I'm trying to get in there, but I can't fucking crack the code. I couldn't find the right one. The correct answer, that is a Yelp review of the Cherry Hill Golf Course. Oh, what's up, guys? Looks like Con Man's two for two on this shit. Looks like Conner just hit puberty because we all heard that voice crack. All right, well, you can just think about how proud you are of that one in your big black dick windmill, sir.

I'm going to be busy. Where you live exclusively. Number three. Oh, damn it. Number three, porn commenter Yelp review, quote, this is a bad example of how to approach a woman in public. Oh. It's a Yelp review of Tom's haircut. That's a little intimidating. At the Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm going to say that that's a porn comment. Probably a woke person found the bang bus scene and were like, well, I've got to educate them that this is not proper bang busing protocol. This bang bus is not wheelchair accessible. It sounds like something my mom types online, so I'm going to guess porn comment for sure. Hey, do you have a wheelchair ramp in your big black dick windmill, Keith?

Well, yeah, because I'm going to need it because I'm not going to be able to walk afterwards. Oh, okay. We are giving you big black dick gold, people. Isn't that just black gold? And if you keep going, I'm going to upgrade you to Big Black Dick Platinum, which provides premium cashback rewards

on all your Big Black Dick purchases. Big Black Dick Platinum. It's everywhere. You don't want it to be. You know what? At dinner for Thanksgiving. Oh, shit. In your butt. Also at Thanksgiving. Big Black dick.

Wait, what kind of dick, Connor? Big black dick. Big black dick. I'm an artist, guys. Okay? Look, you need to understand that. Here's the deal, gang. I cannot stress to you all enough how much we already got paid.

Get on board or don't. It's happening regardless. You know what? In the spirit of changing things up, I'm not going to say Dunkin' Donuts. I'm going to say this is a Pete's Coffee. They've been very unfriendly every time I've gone there. Yelp review, Pete's Coffee. That is a very unfriendly every time I've gone there. Yelp review, Pete's Coffee. That is a Yelp review of Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis.

Oh, oh. Next one, quote, you humanoids appear to have a strong soul bond. In my people's tongue, we'd refer to you as spirit mates. Oh, this is some Avatar porn for sure. Yeah, that's a porn comment. If that's not porn... Big blue dick. Big blue dick. Big blue dick.

What color dick do you people want? Green? Is it green? Gay? That's a rainbow one. Tiny Asian dicks. Tiny... I went the opposite. Why were you traumatized by that, you size queen?

You didn't seem to like our windmill project we've been trying to secure funding for for literally decades. It's either too big or it's too small. This is some real Goldie Cox shit going on. Yeah. It's almost as if we're inside of a family bar and grill while the sun is out. I think the score is three to four out there if anybody was checking. Oh, no, it's three to three all tied up just like Keith will be afterwards when he's getting fucked with a what? Big black dick.

Thank you. And actually, that's our secret word. You pull a lever. I get slimed with a vat of big black cum. I guess it would just be white and regular sized. I thought that as a kid, that it came out according to your ethnicity. I was the only one? You're telling me none of you thought that?

Well, Tom's retarded, so his cum comes out of his butt. It's backwards. That's just called a prostate. That's not retarded. What was the review? I already read it. I forgot. We got on a dick train.

Humanoids appear to have a strong soul bond. In my people's tongue, we'd refer to you as spirit mates. Okay, yeah. I think this is a porn, and I think the porn is just a dude who doesn't get out much. I think that's... Yeah. The good answer... Oh, you have a guess.

I think it's a Yelp review of a Build-A-Bear workshop. Just for sure. 100. That is an amazing guess. It is actually a porn review of a video called Hot Shower Sex with Hilarious Bloopers. And I watched, they weren't that hilarious. Dude, here's the best part about this,

is I have to do five more sets in this building. Every night for three days, I gotta walk back in and confront my demons like, well, there's where my nipples got shocked to silence. There's where the big black windmill was supposed to go.

I matched with a girl on Tinder at the hotel before this, and she was like, can I come to your show? And I was like, oh, maybe I should invite her because I'll look really cool, and then I'll get laid. Man, I'm glad I said no. Cockblocks. You guys are about five more misjokes away from me farting into this

microphone. I've done it before. I'll do it again. Which I have to use later tonight. You did it like two days ago. Let's not do that, please. I'm a loose cannon. I'll do it again. Which I have to use later tonight. You did it like two days ago. Let's not do that, please. I'm a loose cannon, you guys. Next one. Quote, For the love of God, make the vulgarity go away. That's a review of this show right now.

That was during the Mexican joke left by our DJ here. Thank you very much, sir. Who could not look any less like you should be DJing this particular event. You look like you should be in Pitbull's Entourage, not spinning fucking gorilla songs from 2005 while three fat people try to riff their way out of a real comedic jam. Did they tell you what this was? Kinda.

Kinda is how you do it. Yeah, us too, man. I already forgot what it was. For the love of God, make the vulgarity go away. Porn or Yelp? That's a Yelp review. Okay. Yeah, well, who watches porn like, ah, too crude?

Like, I don't understand. You suck that dick, but you don't curse between the socks. Like, I don't understand. Yeah, I got to. Golly gee willikers, what a swell dick. Holy cow, look at the arm on this fella. How dare you swear near my windmills, sir. I'm going to go Yelp.

Okay, we got it. Yelp, Yelp. I think it's porn. I think it's a Mormon porn, and they didn't read the Book of Mormon. What is that, just two people hugging? Yeah, a Mormon porn. The JCPenney Summer Catalog. Wow, a knee.

I swear to God this is true. That is a Yelp review of O'Reilly's. Yay. Yay. I was right. Wow, thanks for being thoroughly un-fucking-impressed. There was a pause, and then you're like, oh, we're supposed

to be excited about that. I got two more. Quote, you must have Ebola or a brain tumor. To ride this ride? To get on the big black dick windmill? How tall do you have to be? Guys, the windmill's going to keep on turning,

so you can get off it or get on it. I don't give a fuck. Windmills keep on turning. My pee keeps on burning. Mean boys. I don't know. It's a big old black penis. This is basically what we were doing in the car up here.

Is that why the dominatrix was so freaked out? You guys were just doing this shit. Got a handjob in the windmill. The dominatrix looks embarrassed for us. Jerking for a man who was also black. But he never saw. Anytime you want to

guess and get us out of here. Porn comment. Okay. I don't remember what it was. I'm going to say Dunkin' Donuts.

Well, it's really fucked up. This is probably the funniest live show we've ever done. We're being hilarious. Yeah, this is about to become a legend to everybody else. You guys are doing great.

I don't even remember it either. So I feel like porn because that's all Keith ever watches. That's all day. No, I jerk off to Yelp reviews. I'm like, oh, look at that brunch. Keith loves when people are disappointed by the lack of vegan options. It gets him so hard. Sad hippies make me nut.

That is a porn review, and it is from a porn that has my favorite title I've ever read. It is called The Grave of Teenage Asses. I ain't saying she's a grave digger. Finish the riff. Finish the riff. But she ain't fucking anybody that's 20. Last one. You're a loser shithead.

Tune the fuck in and get with the goddamn program. Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Oh, that's got to be a review of the Mean Boys podcast on iTunes. That's Mike Pence reviewing Donald Trump's presidency for sure. Well, we got ourselves a regular Bill Maher up here, guys.

This guy takes no prisoners, alright? If you stick around, he's going to call Paul Ryan gay. Tom, thoughts? Yes. I'm going to say Yelp. I'm going to say Yelp. I don't know for what venue.

So you know what I'm going to say. Dunkin' Donuts. Starbucks. That is a Yelp review of a Dunkin' Donuts. Are you serious? No. It's a Yelp review of a Five Guys. Oh, man.

Well played, asshole. Well, that's porner Yelp, everybody. The motherfucking Mean Boys are brought to you by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. Inexplicably, as we are every week. You know when you say a sentence so many times it gets hard to say? Yeah. You know, it's a toy boat, toy boat, toy boat. Yeah, it loses meaning. Yeah, yeah.

For fucking years now, I think. I think it's probably been about two years. It's been two years. Two years of Don Carlos. Yeah. And you know what? It feels good. They're a fine company,

and the fact that they choose to sink to our level every day baffles me, but I'm grateful for their love. They're located conveniently across the street from the La Jolla Comedy Store, and I gotta figure that's where you see the finest headliners in San Diego every single weekend,

so pop on by. Not this weekend. This weekend you see the greatest headliner at the Madhouse Comedy Club. Yeah, of all the bad. That said, I will be going to Don Carlos on Friday 100% for sure with Kyle Clark. So hit me up on Twitter if you want to come hang out.

Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing about your local mom and pop podcast. We're very accessible. Yeah, we are around. I promise you, we are not too busy to get a burrito with you wherever you are. If you make it convenient for us, we will hang out with you for a while. Yeah. And what's sad is we'll be more excited to see you than you are excited to see us.

Because you're like, someone cares. Yeah, and I promise you, the charm of like, oh, it's Keith Carey will wear off in 80 seconds. Oh, yeah. And then he will just be eating a burrito with a fat guy and his other fat friend. Yeah, there'll just be two people grousing and sweating while you're just like, so, yeah, I really liked Ludaclaus. Yeah, we don't talk about Ludaclaus anymore. Yeah, so fucking eat there.

Eataburrito.com is the website for the burritos. Download a burrito today. Yeah, you fucking, would you steal a burrito? Look, man, you either live in La Jolla

or you don't. Yeah, I know. It's would you download a burrito is the meme I was parodying. I can't even be meta internet cool guy anymore. Oh, my God. Well, yeah, so go there, book a flight, take a train, and buy one meal at Don Carlos in La Jolla, the burrito shop, where you can burrito like a ninja.

Indeed. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na, mean, mean. One more time for Hunter Salmon, everybody. Who kind of looks like if me and Tom had a baby and then that baby became our dad. Ooh, yeah. The old dad baby. It's called an uncle baby.

Looper, fuck my mom situation. So we're going to get into another segment that you guys will be apathetic about. This segment is entitled Letters to God. And we read, or somebody was telling us that this is a very religious town, Fort Wayne. So what we like to do is we go through and we find these are real letters that children have written to God. And we've intercepted those along the way. And we've written our responses as God, just to take some work off his plate.

Yeah, I know. So the one thing I know about this is that this dude is going to love this segment so much. It's going to be your favorite. All right, so I'll go first. Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There's nothing good in there now. Signed, Ginny.

Dear Ginny, you're totally right. I don't care for Black History Month either. Sincerely, White God. Dear God, why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought that was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L. Dear Tom, looks like you caught me in a loophole.

Thanks for pointing this out. Here's a coupon good for one unpunished gay fantasy found within the continental U.S. Why is it supposed to be our day of rest? We didn't make shit. I know, yeah You rested Maybe if you'd gotten around to another day

You could have made everybody the same color So war would have gone away I don't know if that's a I don't think it's a good thing But I think it would have worked I can't tell if that's a progressive or regressive comment Yeah, you're all watching Connor get red-pilled by this show Yeah, maybe if you hadn't taken a day off

You could have done a miracle when we had cameras so we wouldn't be fighting over you. Sending our bullies off to die in Iraq. Okay. Bring them home. Dear God. Troops. There isn't school in heaven, is there?

Jack. Jack! Of course not! That's how we stop the school shootings up here. Mankind is so stupid. It's not the gun's fault. It's the school's fault. Yours truly, God.

I'm God, and welcome to Saturday Night Live. Featuring Jesus, Muhammad, Keaton Thompson, musical guest, a choir of angels. All their dicks are cut off. And now your host, RuPaul. RuPaul is the pope in my world. RuPaul, gay pope. All right. Dear God, please change the taste of asparagus.

It's gross. Signed, Sarah. Dear Sarah, are you fat? You sound fat. Like, this is a fat thing to ask. Wrap it in a piece of cheese or something, you fat animal. Sincerely, Sarah is fat. All right.

Dear God, I would love to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible, signed Chris. Dear Chris, why don't you just do a live podcast at O'Reilly's Bar and Grill in Fort Wayne, Indiana? It feels exactly like being alive for 900 years. Crushing. Killing. Give it up for the troops everybody Keeping us safe Yeah those brave Iraqi troops

Dear God I love you Here is some money to help people in Africa Learn about Jesus I trust you God Samuel Dear Samuel Good move If you don't give them your money They would have just taken it from you Samuel. Dear Samuel, good move.

If you don't give them your money, they would have just taken it from you. Don't act so surprised. If you listen to the show, you know I always make God a racist. Yours truly, Mr. God. Please, Mr. God was my father. Call me the G-Dog. Melissa Villasenor. Bobby Moynihan hasn't left yet for some reason.

Your house band, the Disciples, I guess. I don't know. All right, one more. I haven't read enough of the Bible. A dinosaur I thought you guys would be fooled by, but you weren't. Dear God, my turtle died. Is she up there with you? If she is, please take care of her.

She's very sleepy and she likes lettuce. Signed, Susie. It's very cute, I know. Dear Susie, don't worry. Your turtle made it to heaven safe and sound. He got a shiny new shell and he has lots of room to explore. And even a little pond for when he wants to cool down. And there's plenty of lettuce for her to eat.

We just borrowed some from that fat bitch, Sarah. She won't eat any food that doesn't start with the words Doritos Loco, so we're passing the salad on to Shell Brooks. P.S. I renamed your turtle Shell Brooks. Don't like it? Fight me, bitch. I'll give your parents cancer without even thinking about it.

Sorry for your loss. Eat some asparagus. You'll feel better. Sincerely, Sarah is still fat. That's the God from Guardians of the Galaxy 2, actually. That's a hilarious joke for not even anybody. All right, guys. I liked it. Dear God, my brother told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right.

They're just kidding, aren't they? Signed, Marsha. Dear Marsha, yes they were. You came out of your dad's butt. Ha ha, butt baby. He's loving it, just like I thought. Hell yeah. Man, you have an aggressive amount of buttons undone on that shirt, Playboy.

It's a zipper. I know. It's just like the space where chest hair should be. You're a shockingly smooth man. All right. Anyway. Okay. That was just for us.

Don't worry about it, everybody. All right. Dear God, I know you think I farted, but I didn't. Philip. Dear Philip! Don't make a mockery of me. I spend all day staring at your holes. And since you've lied to me, I'm making you shit yourself. So enjoy the field trip to the aquarium.

Oh, wait. That was Frankie that farted. My bad. Oh, shit. That was Frankie that farted. My bad. Oh, shit. That really did not work. Start strong, close to the whimper. That's the mean boy style, and that is letters to God, ladies and gentlemen. One more time for whatever the fuck just happened.

That was mean. All right. Real quick before we do the Tom Lightning round, somebody give Connor a birthday present. Who was it? Thank you very much. Hey! Thank you, Jeremy.

So I'm going to open this bad bully up. Are you GoProing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. That's another box. Happy birthday, dear douchebag.

Love you. Happy birthday to you. All right, can you sing it again? And please subscribe on iTunes. It seems like it's going to be really complicated to open. Okay, it says documents enclosed. I thought it was going to be like soup related. You're getting served with child support payments?

Yo, if they did that, I would have to respect game. Okay, so I got some pens. And this thing here... Jeremy just stole a loose box of things from Staples. What do we got in here? I got a leather journal. Aw! Thank you, Jeremy.

For me to write all my gay feelings in. I can't believe that was like a sincere gift and not just like a bag of weird dildos. I'm going to have to learn how to do witchcraft because I don't know how I'm going to write jokes about ISIS into this journal. He went to Barnes & Noble and bought you a Necronomicon. That's amazing. Actual listeners of the podcast, you would not believe how many people brought him soup since we started

our tour in Milwaukee. It's been, what, four different people? Too many, if you ask me. And I ate soup a few days ago and I almost missed the last segment because I was busy having turbo diarrhea in the bathroom. Well, now let's have some turbo diarrhea on stage. Because, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the Tom Goss lightning round.

Yay! If anybody doesn't know what this is, Tom describes things in insane ways. He once called overalls shoulder pants. He called the devil edgy God. And he referred to love as horny fear. These are just a few examples of these. So we are going to just run him through a list of basic nouns and see what he calls them. Are you ready, Tom?

Just to clarify for you who just don't know, I have no idea what I have to come up with. This is all, yeah, you get it. Cool. Fuck yeah. Let's do this. All right. You ready? Yep.

No, but I'm ready. All right. Tom. Yes. Describe a do this. Alright, you ready? No, but I'm ready. Alright. Tom. Yes. Describe a windmill. A windmill. Oh, um, a black cock house. Alright, Tom. Ireland. Ireland. Oh, um, um, uh, uh, uh, Europe, Florida.

Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, uh, uh, uh, sexy Starbucks. Tattoos. Uh, tattoos, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, chest paintings. Tattoos. Tattoos. Chest paintings. Fort Wayne, Indiana. Oh, sad? All right, children's car seats. Oh, prison sit.

All right, birthdays. Shoot out of the hole anniversary. The movie Black Panther. Black guys are cool. All right, Panthers in general. Okay, cats are cool. Gravy. Gravy.

Beef sauce. Ketchup. Gravy. Oh, beef sauce. Ketchup. Bad mustard. You got any more or you want to go to the name seven? All right, guys. Tom, name seven things you can smoke. Okay. Vape.

Cigarette. Dick. Paper. Salmon. Icy breath. paper, salmon, icy breath, and feelings. What?

How do you smoke feelings? You hurt someone. All right, Tom. 36th on the clock. Name seven smells. Smells. Oh, bad, good,

janky, rancid, grape, good, janky, rancid, grape, flowers, and dunk. All right, Tom. Name seven balls. Balls. Okay. Potato balls, biscuits, testicles, baseball, basketball, football, and hockey puck.

Name seven things that can go in your nose. Okay, crayon, finger. Different crayon. Toothbrush. Your friend's finger. Toes if you're flexible. Napkins and air. Even you didn't buy that.

You got any more? I got one more. Air's up your nose. Last one. 30 seconds on the clock. You ready? Yeah. You ready?

You ready? Name seven reasons this show didn't go that good. Okay. Okay. Okay. Me. You. You. You. that good okay okay me you you you thinking too hard thinking not too hard and oh the ball baseball that's it for the mean boys podcast everybody you guys don't know how we close out the show So I'll tell you on the count of three We all say fuck everything God is dead

So everybody with us all together now One two three Fuck everything God is dead Bye.