Mean Boys - EP 141 - Mr. God (Live feat. Jessica Michelle Singleton, Chris Crespo, Damian Holmes & Maddy Smith)

Episode Date: July 19, 2018

Get tickets to our live show in Portland, OR on August 9th: https://eventbrite.com/e/mean-boys-live-the-big-legrowlski-in-portland-or-10pm-tickets-47943987758 Fill out our tour sheet to get on our em...ail list and let us know where we need to go next on tour: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Listen to Jessica's Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ignorance-is-blessed/id1169111367?mt=2 Subscribe to our YouTube channel : https://youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at meanboyspodcast@gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at (304) 805-6326 We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla Follow our guest Maddy Smith on Twitter: twitter.com/somaddysmith Follow our guest Chris Crespo on Twitter: twitter.com/cresposts Follow our guest Jessica Michelle Singleton on Twitter: twitter.com/jmscomedy Follow our guest Damian Holmes on Twitter: twitter.com/damianholmess Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Mean Boys and Girls, we've got a new episode recorded live from Skankfest in New York City. Skankfest! This was a fucking party. It was so much fun. Thank you to our guests, Jessica and Michelle Singleton, Chris Crespo, Maddie Smith, and Damian Holmes. Yeah. And to everybody who came out. And everybody at Skankfest who said they love Mean Boys and that they dig what we do and they found us from Real Ass Podcast.
Starting point is 00:00:19 You guys are fucking rad. Yeah. We had the best time we've ever had. Yeah, those Legion of Skanks Extended Universe fans are good ones. Met a couple of them out in Austin. And I was like, oh, they came from Skankfest. Just bracing myself for the tirade of loud public slurs on the sidewalk.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Thanks for offsetting the rest of your fan base. Yeah, so, yeah, fucking thanks to everyone who came out. Sorry I couldn't make it. Had to do fucking roast shit back in Los Angeles and it just didn't make sense financially to get out there. But I definitely want to go next year. And we'll be back in New York City soon.
Starting point is 00:00:50 Speaking of the road, we're going to be in Portland, Oregon, on August 9th at the Big Legrowski, 10 p.m., $10 tickets. Get your tickets right the fuck now. Tom's going to be there. We're doing a live podcast. It'll be a lot of fun. And, yeah, the next night we'll be doing a trio Of stand up comedy At Jai Tai
Starting point is 00:01:06 In Seattle, Washington Also with Mr. Tom Goss Yeah Come to both Yeah come to both Follow us around With the Grateful Dead Yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:01:12 Northwest Yeah Through the PNW Get some mean in your life You sexy bitch And also Fill out our damn tour sheet Let us know where we need to go
Starting point is 00:01:19 We love going on the road Meeting you guys We gotta figure out Where we can draw Enough of a crowd To fill a 30 seatseat bar and sleep on somebody's couch and break even. So go and pop over to that Google Doc.
Starting point is 00:01:29 There'll be a link to that in the show notes. It's also on our Twitter bio and on our website. So go fucking fill that bad boy out. Let us know the closest major market you're willing to come see a show in. How many friends are you going to bring in? Whether or not we can sleep on your couch. And we'll start planning that next big tour. Leave us a comment or a review on itunes
Starting point is 00:01:45 yeah man we're a scant 79 reviews away from digging up keith's mother and skull fucking stories about his childhood out of her i can't imagine what there is left to divulge but i'm sure she's got some good ones but yeah my mom is down to come on when we get to 300 or four how many are we doing 400 400 that 400. That many. Do that one. So this guy writes, triggers are mean. Five stars. If you want to like Connor, don't start your listening adventure with episode 139.
Starting point is 00:02:14 I should say, PSA, me and Jessica are cool. I know you guys thought that was awkward. We were just fucking around. We were all fine. Yeah, we were talking to Jess about it in New York, me and Tom. We thought it was funny how concerned you guys were. Yeah. No, they're cool. But now me and Jessica hate each other. York, me and Tom. We thought it was funny how concerned you guys were. They're cool. But now me and Jessica hate each other.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Tom and Jessica aren't speaking. Also, fucking get at us on Patreon, guys. We still live in fear and poverty. Five bucks a month gives you weekly bonus content. We just recorded a hot episode full of Dennis Rodman gossip. Stories about buying a fridge. Mostly stuff about appliances and jerky. It's like the one time we had stories to tell.
Starting point is 00:02:49 I got a dust buster. Very begrudgingly tell them. But yeah, you always save the good stuff. You know, you want to burn through the mediocre shit. And then, you know, people like, the losers are out and only the champs. Yeah, come into next week's Patreon where I buy a sandwich. Yeah, $10 on the Patreon.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Get your freebies and merch every month. We just did the Calvin and Hobbes Mean Boys window decals. We got Van Damme Academy bumper stickers coming. Yeah, so get those. And I got a printer, so I'll be able to send those out a lot quicker. Neat. Yeah, so we can fucking just print it out. We'll print out straight up address.
Starting point is 00:03:21 We're going to get a full-fledged operation in this motherfucker now. And subscribe to our YouTube page. All the episodes are up there now. Fucking follow us on Twitter and Instagram. And go enjoy the new Mean Boys subreddit, one of the top rising alt-right communities on the internet. And gossip with your fellow listeners about what do you think Tom's really like or whatever the fuck you guys are discussing.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Okay, Keith is fat, but how fat? Yeah, guess Keith's weight. Mega threat. So we don't have to see ten threats about it every day. Mega threat is what my shirts have to be made out of. Yeah, you know that shit that spiders make that's the strongest fucking text? Not good enough. Yeah, I need fucking synthetics. I need chain mail with a Ramones logo on it. That shit that spiders make that's the strongest fucking text. Not good enough. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Yeah, I need fucking synthetics. I need chain mail with a Ramones logo on it. Yeah, so go dig on that. And other than that, just sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's live episode from Skankfest in New York City. Hey everybody, welcome... Oh, Jesus Christ. Welcome to Mean Boys Live from Skankfest. Fuck yeah, I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey, and this is exactly what we thought would happen.
Starting point is 00:04:41 They're like, hell yeah, fly across the country, we'll put you up when everyone is hung over in a sleep. Connor McSpadden is not here. He died of AIDS. I'm very sorry. We saw it coming. Just one quiet finally. The prophecy has been fulfilled. No, Connor was writing for the Bruce Willis roast and just didn't come.
Starting point is 00:05:00 That's straight up what happened. Man, what a fucking night. Who was here last night? Were you guys all here last night? Okay, so everyone in this room has pretty much seen my dick. My favorite was Tom judged the naked rose. And Tom didn't know he was going to be doing it
Starting point is 00:05:16 until about 45 minutes before. Because he walked into a circle of people and Kim Kong did loudly just yelling, Tom will do it. Tom will do anything. And he just goes, I'll do what? And Lewis is just like, hey, doggy, the acid hasn't kicked in. Do you want to judge this battle?
Starting point is 00:05:32 And I sort of got Tom's exact reaction. He just goes, ah, yes, question mark. And then just stumbled into a corner and looked for loose cigarettes. Yeah, oh, dude. I'm not good with my clothes on. I don't know how to just...
Starting point is 00:05:49 I've never... That was the most... That was collectively the eighth person to see my dick. That was... It was a lot. Well, when you were just like, they're all gonna laugh at my dick, and I'm just like, there's no way you have the worst dick at Skankfest. Half these dudes, I'm'm like they maybe have an
Starting point is 00:06:05 alleged dick yeah they just have a clit that hates women that's the dick quotient god I really love skank fest because it is just the Deadpool t-shirt capital of North America literally we walked up to the creek in the cave and we were like I'm not sure where it is and then we just saw a plume
Starting point is 00:06:21 of vape smoke coming up and just three men awkwardly avoiding eye contact, like a Bermuda Triangle of autism. And I was like, oh yeah, this is the place. Yeah, I love what this is. I'm upset at how much of it is just totally me. I really like, I've not met one girl
Starting point is 00:06:37 who does not have visible tattoos at this festival and I am all about it. It is, uh. Like, Tom definitely found his home here, but not in like a cool comforting way in like a Jack Torrance from The Shining. The gatekeeper. Yeah, all jokes and no play makes
Starting point is 00:06:54 Tommy a sad boy or whatever the fuck the quote is. Oh man, this is going to be fun. Who here has never listened to Mean Boys before? Because there's some people who we didn't talk to. You're like, I don't care about you. No, I appreciate that.
Starting point is 00:07:08 I clap like Gandalf. I'm here for your show. It's nice knowing that you guys listen to the show because Colin Connor, a faggot, is going to go a lot further today. Yeah, it's going to go, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:16 Yeah. So we don't have Connor, but we thought the funniest person we could possibly bring in to replace him for the first segment would be his ex-girlfriend. You heard her on one of the most recent
Starting point is 00:07:25 and most uncomfortable episodes we have ever done. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Jessica Michelle Singleton. Hi. Is there another mic? Okay, cool. Hi. Thank you. Real quick, can you read the text that you got sent from
Starting point is 00:07:42 Connor right before we started? Oh, right before we went on? Yeah. He said, remember the first rule of being Connor on Mean Boys. Call Keith Fatt. And I will. So you have been well trained. Well, you know. And we're going to start today's show as we always start with the Mexican joke off.
Starting point is 00:07:58 And this is a live show, and I don't care if it's the middle of the afternoon for four people. We still brought a goddamn domination. We sure as fuck did I deeply regret this someone catch my hat we don't have to I forgot there was a ceiling
Starting point is 00:08:18 so close to our heads you really overestimated the hand-eye coordination of a festival sponsored by the concept of weed. I really wanted them to fight over it. They just leave with my shirts? They were fighting not to be holding it. I'm taking my shirt off. Should I take my shirt off?
Starting point is 00:08:38 I can see that you've taken your shirt off. Okay, I didn't know if you could tell by the weird smell happening up here. Yeah, should I take mine off? Sure, go nuts. Facially, you look like you saw a sick puppy, Jessica. I didn't know if you could tell by the weird smell happening up here. Yeah, should I take mine off? Sure, go nuts. All right. Facially, you look like you saw a sick puppy, Jessica. I don't know. I just wanted to be known.
Starting point is 00:08:50 We told Jessica five times she didn't have to take her shirt off. Oh, I hate that there's a mirror here. This is... I'm going to get this shit beat out of me but that's not my shirt and I'm afraid it'll tear so here we go the official mascot of skank fest a woman having a terrible time
Starting point is 00:09:13 with no shirt on I'm naked and I'm upset so the way this works we read topical jokes that we all wrote last night I wrote these 30 minutes ago still drunk. Oh, Jesus Christ. If they're good, please laugh, because if you don't laugh, we get hit. Tom, you want to start it off?
Starting point is 00:09:32 You want me to start it off? I absolutely do. All right, let's see how this goes. Yeah, joke. No, I'm not going to amp you guys up. All right. A woman murdered her dad after finding his child porn collection with photos of her in it. In that moment, her mouth was left agape at how agape she was left in that photo.
Starting point is 00:09:51 I think you're saying... Okay. Look, it's not going to get much louder than that. Yeah, no, I know. All right, I realize this is Skankfest, so I'm opening and closing races. Okay. That's what we're doing. The founder of Papa John's is resigned
Starting point is 00:10:06 after being caught using the N-word on a company call. He says he plans to open a new chain of Italian restaurants, Spuca di Beppo. I wish that had gone better. Oh, no. Do it. It's not in the safe. Sorry, they didn't give us the big room.
Starting point is 00:10:29 We'll do one more room I'm so afraid Do one less What? It's fine I'm not an Instagram whore You're an in the streets whore I'm a whore live on stage We're not paying you Wait what Okay here we go
Starting point is 00:10:50 A woman who disappeared while driving down the California coastline Was found alive a week later In the wreckage of her SUV 200 feet down the side of a cliff This marks the second time I have failed at suicide But here I am at the Mean Boys podcast again So at least my career suicide seems to be panning out.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh, no. They only get worse. A man who looks like he could be your son was as supportive as your dad. No, you did good.
Starting point is 00:11:21 We're going to hang it on the refrigerator. Thank you. Oh, God. Do I have to get hit? Yeah, yeah, you do. All right. Wait, should I Instagram this? I don't see why you wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:11:31 Okay. Ow! Oh, it felt kind of good. One more time. That one just sounded like you punched her in the kidney. That's fine. I don't need it. Matt, Tom, you're up.
Starting point is 00:11:44 All right. To what time you up. Alright. We'll find out. Paul Ryan claims Woodchucks ate his car. In other news, Woodchucks is a new racial slur for Canadians. Let's upgrade. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Make me bleed. Oh, no. You're dipping in the dick. Oh, shit. Make me bleed. Oh, no. Ow. In the dick. Ouch. Oh, man. I didn't even bomb yet. Oh, best joke ever.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Best joke. Oh, best joke ever. Best joke. Oh, fuck. That really hurt. That was an upgrade. Elon Musk attempted to rescue 12 children trapped underground with a submarine, said Chief Engineer Tom Goss. Yeah, that makes sense because dirt is just dry water. Can I get a mulligan's whip and a dick tip? Okay, be gentle, please.
Starting point is 00:12:51 All right. Oh, my fat. Oh, no. What am I going to do? The worst part is I'm sweaty, so I'm just kind of wet on top of all this. Yeah, it's very slappy over the pain. You guys, my jokes are so bad. I'm sweaty, so I'm just kind of wet on top of the overcoat. Yeah, it's very slappy over the pain. You guys, my jokes are so bad.
Starting point is 00:13:10 Okay. Do you have a Woodchuck reference? That worked for me. Basically. More than 500 people have fallen ill after visiting a Tennessee zipline. For those of you who don't know, a Tennessee zipline is a glory hole where you get a blowjob from Keith while he's simultaneously butt-chugging Jack Daniels. Son of a bitch, you're safe. I did it.
Starting point is 00:13:31 And that sounds like a great time. We'll be doing that at 2 o'clock. Yeah, that's what's happening at the Irish Goodbye Beer Pong tournament. Okay. A pro soccer goalie accidentally let his dick slip out. Commentators made it clear it isn't gay until a man falls and rolls over it while clutching his knee. Okay. That's a good soccer reference.
Starting point is 00:13:52 I don't like how you're always supportive when it bobs. Like, if you like it, it's a bad thing. Alright, fucking hit me hard enough to forget about my ex. It's not going to work. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Ouch. I don't want to do this anymore. I've never been afraid doing this show until right now. It hurt like a motherfucker. Felt great. Thank you. Thank you. Shit.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Stormy Daniels was arrested for sexual misconduct. Supporters of the president's alleged mistress took to the street, protesting with chants of Ho! Justice! Side peace! Alright. You cannot hit me as hard as you just hit Tom. Safe word?
Starting point is 00:14:41 No. Ow! Don't fucking on top suck my dick dude fucking Statler and Waldorf
Starting point is 00:14:52 of a fat guy getting hit in the front row we're all Statler and Waldorf of a fat guy getting hit
Starting point is 00:14:58 oh I fuck everything okay Muslim swimmers were asked to stay out of a public pool in Delaware
Starting point is 00:15:05 in defense of the pool owners. I would suggest that absolutely everyone stay the fuck out of Delaware. I'm furious that you're doing well. Oh, thank God. I have like liquor shits coming down the pipeline. I don't know if I can take another hit. I've had diarrhea since I got into this state. My asshole feels like
Starting point is 00:15:26 it's being punished for crimes against humanity. Well rightfully so. Yeah. All right. Uh-oh. Okay. A Texas woman
Starting point is 00:15:36 tried to sell her two-year-old daughter for sex. In other news, a Texas gangsta didn't make it to the festival because they blew their budget on playthings.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Oh, shit. Texas Gangs fan didn't make it to the festival because they blew their budget on play things. Oh, shit. Somebody just goes, that was dark. Oh, you want some light bullshit, you fucking... Tom, the stripe. Oh, my God. Oh, my god. Oh my god. Hey, it's nice that all the marks from being hit almost even out
Starting point is 00:16:10 where you're missing patches of hair. We had her on our big show at the creek last month. It was like sold out and she was very gentle and kind and now when there's six people she's like, I left fucking Manhattan for this. I love it. You fucking bleed.
Starting point is 00:16:28 A new poll shows that the majority of Americans believe Barack Obama was the best president of the modern era, making this the first time it's okay to refer to Obama as one of the good ones.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Thank Christ. Oh, well, now I'm going to bomb. A woman in London called the police on what she thought was a burglar, only to discover it was a rogue squirrel. So there goes my place in London. Okay. I was a squirrel.
Starting point is 00:17:00 I was obscure. I was going to make a squatting reference. Anyway. Keep explaining. I'm about to make a squatting reference. Anyway, I'm about to make a squatting. Like nuts? Which one hurts less? The rope one.
Starting point is 00:17:12 Rope me. I'm on immunosuppressants. I won't recover if I get caught. Oh! Oh, wow. Wait, I think I needed that. You cured my arthritis. I start doing back flips. Thanks, sex lady, for fixing my haunted skeleton.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Yeah, wow. I forget that I'm in pain all the time, so this is just kind of like a thing. What if you're just nicer now? All right. A Down syndrome man is making a fortune with his sock business. When asked for a quote, he said,
Starting point is 00:17:44 no, they're mittens. Tom, I didn't know you had a side hustle. Sarah Palin was duped into an interview by Sacha Baron Cohen. In a press conference, she said, I promise to be less naive in the future. Now, if you'll excuse me, a young man from Kazakhstan has offered me an honorary induction
Starting point is 00:18:08 into the Pen15 club. Not enough of you remember junior high. I don't know what Pen15 is. Is that a train station? Keith will show you what Pen15 is. We'll get the other cheek too.
Starting point is 00:18:24 I don't know. How did you get the hole? There's so much fat protecting it. Hello, sir. Welcome to Maine, boys. It's such a big hole. A disappointed stepfather just walked into the room. You told us you were a baseball
Starting point is 00:18:40 practice. I've never seen a grown man blush before. This is fantastic. I looked at his face when he walked in and he just went, Ah, yes, faggot shit. Dad? All right, bring it on. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 00:18:59 The boys of a Thai football team who were rescued from a cave are set to be released from the hospital within a week. Still no word on the recovery time of Conor McSpadden's asshole after they removed all those Thai football boys. Oh, I like that. You didn't laugh on purpose because you like seeing me hurt.
Starting point is 00:19:17 You're getting it one more time. Okay, be nice. Don't be nice. Okay. Okay. I kind of like this and I'm really worried about it. Oh, man. We opened a dark door to yourself.
Starting point is 00:19:28 You know what I realized is I wasn't getting hit hard enough the other times. What do you mean? It's kind of like a quick massage. Tom, you look like you wore a really heavy purse. Like you just have. There isn't like a red indentation. Yeah, like you're someone's Aunt Debra who just went on vacation.
Starting point is 00:19:46 I can't see my own back. It's there? Yeah, your back is there. Okay, cool. You look like you got branded into some Mad Max snack gang. We should have done branding. No, we fucking shouldn't have.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Yeah, let's get a brand. If we knew how to do branding, there would be more than seven people in this fucking room. You guys, that's the Mexican joke. One more time for Jess and Michelle Singleton. Thank you, Michelle Singleton, everybody. Thank you very much for hitting us.
Starting point is 00:20:12 One more time for Maddie Smith, everybody. Get your mic up. Oh, there's my shirt. Yeah, Tom, somebody lost his shirt. Goodbye, drunk watermelon man. We just walked the entire room. I'm so embarrassed. I thought you were laughing. No, you were. Tom! drunk watermelon man. We just walked the entire room. I thought you were laughing.
Starting point is 00:20:28 No, you were... God fucking damn it. We have more fun stuff. Yeah, we'll let you throw shit at Tom. What's wrong with everything? They're supposed to be switched. Oh, cool. Anyway, one more time
Starting point is 00:20:39 for Maddie Smith. Maddie Smith. Maddie, first of all, was very funny. Second of all, kind of looks like the bratty kid sister on any like
Starting point is 00:20:47 Nickelodeon show from the 90s. Like you should be Raz and Clarissa while she's trying to explain shit. Or like Kimmy Gibbler or something like that.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Yeah, yeah, exactly. Pick your poison. That's the point. It's a very specific aesthetic. You got drummed out of the Burger King Kids Club. That's kind of the look here.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I'm very lonely. Yeah, it was nice. First of all, I cannot believe Female or She shemale was not already a game on this show. Oh, yeah, you should do it. Oh, absolutely. It can't be more offensive than when we did Mean Boys Fan or Sex Offender. It's a real thing we did. I'm also bisexual, and I hooked up with a transgender dude when I was in Chicago, and
Starting point is 00:21:22 he was a fat dude. Yeah. And then we were hooking up, and I realized it was weird seeing just my body, but with a transgender dude when I was in Chicago and he was like a fat dude and then we like were hooking up and I realized it was weird seeing just my body but with a vagina
Starting point is 00:21:29 I was just like what fucking black mirror episode is this because I look way better with a pussy than I do with my weird dick yeah I can see that
Starting point is 00:21:38 yeah that's that's hurtful how on board you were with that immediately I'm like no I get it yeah you'd be great as a chick it's probably terrible you'd have the tits for it I'm so hurtful how on board you were with that immediately. I'm like, no, I get it. Yeah, you'd be great as a chick. Yeah, it's probably terrible.
Starting point is 00:21:45 You'd have the tits for it. I'm straight. Are you? Yeah, we know, dude. You're wearing a camel hat. Yeah. Like, what the fuck else do you want? No, men saw you naked last night, so you're gay now.
Starting point is 00:21:55 That's the rules. Oh, yeah, that's the rules. Yeah, that's the rules of this gang fest. So we are going to play one of our favorite games for Mean Boys. This is called Price Check. Now, the way this game works is I have found the prices of two random things. We have to decide which one is more expensive. Some of them make sense why they might be together.
Starting point is 00:22:10 So let's have some fun. First one, I'll start it off easy. Which costs more? A guided tour of Auschwitz or a guided tour of Ground Zero? Okay. Wow. Whoa. And I want you to know there are a shocking amount of pricing options for Ground Zero.
Starting point is 00:22:25 There are like VIP tours. So we're talking regular tour? Yeah, we're talking like a basic guided tour. They're like, well, there's where it used to be. It's not Ground Zero Premium. Yeah, there's the new one. There's a bunch of people. Now, is Auschwitz – this is such a dumb question.
Starting point is 00:22:42 I cannot wait to see where this is going. Is Auschwitz – From the straight guy. Let's hear it. Auschwitz is that is such a dumb question. I cannot wait to see where this is going. Is Auschwitz... From the street guy. Let's hear it. Auschwitz is that restaurant where they sell chili dogs. Is Auschwitz just a concentration camp or is it like a city? I think they have a gift shop. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:53 There's a gift shop. They have wheelchair accessible bathrooms. Is it a city like the Vatican? I don't... Yeah. I wasn't sure. It was just like, all right, we put up some gates and we're like, this is the Schwitz. Or if they were like, all right, let's just turn this town into an oven. I don't, yeah, I wasn't sure if it was just like, all right, we put up some gates and we're like, this is the Schwitz. Or if they were like, all right, let's just turn this town into an oven.
Starting point is 00:23:08 I don't know. Oh, so there's an Auschwitz and there's like, hey guys, I'm a sophomore at Auschwitz high school. I'm on the soccer team. Go Auschwitz Tiger. Or is it like just a memorial? I think it's just a memorial, right? Because why would you have a town named Auschwitz?
Starting point is 00:23:24 That sounds like wrong. Yeah, you changed that. I think there's a a memorial, right? Because why would you have a town named Auschwitz? That sounds like a lot. Yeah, you change that. I think there's a bunch of people whose names were Hitler and aren't anymore. Right, right. No, it's just a camp. It's like a full camp. You can't imagine America having the town of 9-11 somewhere? I feel like that's some shit.
Starting point is 00:23:37 It probably exists by accident. You're like, oh my God, there's a Paris, New York. That's crazy. You're describing a model that Rudy Giuliani built in his backyard. Welcome to 9-11-ville where I'm the Pope. And he got a zip code for it. He ordered a new zip code
Starting point is 00:23:52 from the post office. Every building is the World Trade Center. He just doesn't get the nomination for president and just kicks it over. Yeah, every time. 9-12.
Starting point is 00:24:08 All right, so what do we think? Which one's more expensive? Sorry, go ahead. I was thinking, because office is more... Now I have to blur out the word. Where they kill the Jews. Good times, right? I'm so wet right now. Thinking about that happening,
Starting point is 00:24:27 such a memorable time. I think Auschwitz is more of a big thing, right? That's kind of what I'm leaning to, because if it's not a town, that means you've got to take a train to get there or something. You don't have to take a train to get there. You know. When you get there, there's a pizza oven.
Starting point is 00:24:43 I mean, the train is cheap, though, because you only got to pay for a one-way ticket. I don't think there's anyone accidentally. I don't think anyone's like accidentally like, ooh, Auschwitz. Like, I think you got to like make a point. It's a journey to get there. Yeah. So I feel like they're going to charge more for that reason. Right.
Starting point is 00:25:01 But you also have the New York prices, which you have to take into account. Right, right. So like, but I'm going to say Auschwitz. Yeah. All right. More for that reason. But you also have the New York prices, which you have to take into account. But I'm going to say Auschwitz. A guided tour of Ground Zero is $69, which, first of all, nice. A guided tour of Auschwitz is $13.50. What? Yo, Ground Zero is going to hold itself. That's socialist, man.
Starting point is 00:25:21 That's what socialism is. Wow. This is how the Nazis come back. They should be charging more. That's crazy. $69? I know. To see nothing.
Starting point is 00:25:33 And you know at the meeting where they priced it, somebody was like, we should just make it $70. Yeah. Why would we make it $69? And the CEO's like, I make the final decisions here. Yeah, some towers going up. Alright, next one. Which costs more? 24 hours
Starting point is 00:25:50 of government housing for an unintended immigrant child or one night at the Trump International Hotel in New York City? Okay, so this is a big one because like I said, New York prices and the price of a child. Yeah, but they're not, I mean, they're not like giving them showers and shit. Like, they're not spending...
Starting point is 00:26:12 I think they're bathing. Yeah, they're giving them showers and shit. Wasn't that a thing where like they'll have lice and are like moldy or something afterwards? No, that's just Mexicans. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, Tom, you're just racist. Yeah, they're all super spoiled. No, I thought I read an article
Starting point is 00:26:25 that was like, ah, we gotta wash these kids. They mow my lawn. You know, the usual. It's adorable that you think Tom has a lawn. Oh my God, I know.
Starting point is 00:26:35 I live in a kitchen. Trying to be nice. I mow the kitchen sometimes. It's whatever you think it is. So that's legitimate? Like they found out the cost? Yeah, they broke it down like how much per person
Starting point is 00:26:47 like per day. Okay. I, because this is like a shock thing, I'm going to go with the kid thing because that's like a thing. Oh, I think the Trump Hotel
Starting point is 00:26:55 is more expensive. Oh, I'm nervous now. Let's find out. Housing a kid in that fucking burned out Walmart, $139.40. Hotel, Trump Hotel, $617.
Starting point is 00:27:07 Oh. Pretty steep price. That one should have been $69 Alright Tom mentioned that lady Who was selling her kid for sex Like trying to sell a two year old What costs more? The price she wanted for that kid Or a used 1988 Ford Taurus
Starting point is 00:27:23 So if we're talking about the Taurus, that's a little different. Is this the car she drove the kid to meet the guy with? I didn't think that. It's just the shittiest car I could think of because it used to be a car my family had. Yeah, no, I used to have one. I have sat in the back seat of a 1988 Ford Taurus while my mom bought heroin. Wow. Yeah, I've done one of those things.
Starting point is 00:27:50 You bought heroin from my mom? Yeah. I was in a Ford Explorer, so it's different. Wait, what was the first one? This lady was trying to sell a two-year-old into sex slavery. How much did she charge for the sex? Correct. I think if you're down to selling your kid, you're not going to be great at getting the best price for it.
Starting point is 00:28:10 You're not checking the Blue Book value on Tammy. Yeah, but that means she's either too under what it should be or way too over. Right. So it could be the acceptable price. Well, I've only done it a couple times So it's sort of like, let me think back to what I did Well, it was $13 to visit Auschwitz So I gotta assume it's somewhere around the same
Starting point is 00:28:31 Right I'm gonna say I'm gonna do the twist one again I'm gonna do the kid I'm gonna say the kid Okay Yeah I think she undersold the kid
Starting point is 00:28:44 I'm going to say the kid. Okay. Yeah. I think she undersold the kid. I'm going to... Undersold makes it sound like I'm saying it should be sold. No, but they do have value. There's a market. Yeah, I mean, someone wanted to buy it. It wasn't me. Stop looking at me that way. So I'm going to say the car went for more money.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Tom, you look like somebody who'd just be like, I'll buy it, baby. Yes. Am I going to fuck it? No, but I'm who'd just be like, I'll buy a baby. Yes. Am I going to fuck it? No, but I'm going to do something with it. I might eat it. Yes. I might eat it. Shushka baby.
Starting point is 00:29:16 A used 88 tour is $6,384. A baby, $1,200. Oh, man. She underpriced that, definitely. It seems like a bad sell. I'd pay $4,000 for him. This is maybe the roughest one I've ever come up with. Which costs more, a pair of Doc Martens high-top boots or the cost of pressure washing a curb?
Starting point is 00:29:34 Oh, like the curb stomp. Yeah. Look, I also wrote for the Bruce Willis roast and I watched American History X this week. So, Edward Norton's on it. I had to remember some shit. You look really bummed out. No, I don't get it.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Am I retarded? No, so Nazis like to step on faces near pavement, and that was their way of being like, no head. And that was... I like that Tom is demonstrating with his... You don't get a face. And that was their little dance. You look like head. And that was... I like that Tom is demonstrating with his... You don't get a face. And that was their little dance. You look like Larry the Cable Guy at a hoedown. I know, dude.
Starting point is 00:30:15 You fucking... I'm jiggling like Jell-O, man. You're like, my cousin looks good today. I really do. Yeah, I just needed the hat to turn into white trash. That was it become a human jug band
Starting point is 00:30:27 just the yeah I'm gonna get more tattoos leave me alone oh yeah we need to talk about this because I don't think we've talked
Starting point is 00:30:35 about this publicly I think we have but we can bring it up again Tom got a tattoo of his own quote on his arm and then
Starting point is 00:30:40 and then what the hell is this and then I was doing I was headlining a show in Central California and I'm friends with the booker. I was like, how cool is this? And he's like, oh yeah, I have the koozie. I go, oh fuck, I forgot I put that quote on a beer koozie that is on my merch.
Starting point is 00:30:58 So people know the fucking, oh, the beer thing. I just want you to add a little line and Tom Goss and quote yourself. I'm going to get my baby photo on my neck next. So what do we think, gang? The Doc Martens or the curb washing? What costs more? We're hearing curb from the audience. Feel free to jump in and play along.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Yeah, I'm going Doc Martens. All right, we're going Doc Martens. I don't know the prices of shoes. I know. The prices of shoes are free because you find them. Yeah, I've received seven pairs of shoes in the last month and they were all given to me. Okay. So going by that
Starting point is 00:31:33 I think Doc Martens are free and I'm going to say the pressure curb. And I can see from Keith's face I'm right. You're just a goon. A pair of Doc Martens boots, $140. The cost of pressure washing a curb, $198. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:31:52 I suck at this. All right, we'll do two more quick ones. This is the Caitlyn Jenner round. Which costs more? Gender reassignment surgery or the fine for vehicular manslaughter. Man, that's the best joke of three years ago. And I'll give you a little hint. It doesn't spoil it. But one is way less than I thought it'd be and one is way more
Starting point is 00:32:28 I think the gender reassignment is pretty expensive right? I believe just based on driving in LA I don't think it costs that much to kill someone in your car especially if you weren't that drunk you know what I mean? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:32:45 It's not that big of a deal. Let me go. By the way, I gotta add a dick to my body. You know what I mean? So I can't pay for this. I'm gonna say the gender.
Starting point is 00:32:53 I agree. We're both saying... What's up? I love that we run a show where somebody just goes, manslaughter! And they're helping.
Starting point is 00:33:02 They're like, oh, thanks, dude. We'll take that down. Gender reassignment surgery, $15,000. The fine for vehicular manslaughter, $ they're helping. Oh, thanks, dude. We'll take that down. Gender reassignment surgery, $15,000. The fine for vehicular manslaughter, $10,000. Oh, wow. Isn't that the same as a DUI?
Starting point is 00:33:14 Isn't that the ads that cost $10,000 after everything for a DUI? I think any amount of money over $3.82 you assume is $10,000. That's fair. All right.
Starting point is 00:33:26 And last one. Currently in 2018, who has a higher net worth, Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein? Oh, Harvey's pretty big. And this is post-legal troubles, mind you. This is like as of yesterday. You know what was weird is last night we were skimming through the TV. They're still playing the Cosby show. He's still getting royalties out of it.
Starting point is 00:33:46 And so is Weinstein, though. They're still watching his movies. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well... Yeah, there's one network... This is post-legal shit. This is this year, their net worth. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:02 I know, this is tricky. Cosby only got one charge that went through as guilty. Yeah. There was only one that was finalized as guilty. But Weinstein had a bunch, and he's going to jail. Yeah, well, Cosby's going to jail, too. I don't know if you heard. I'm like in this fantasy world where he doesn't.
Starting point is 00:34:20 You know what I mean? He's just like such a family guy. He's come out as somehow the only Cosby truther at Skankfest. He's like the kindly tween girl. He's here. No one came to the meeting. That's so weird that more people would be like, Hi, what were they wearing?
Starting point is 00:34:35 And then he just runs away. It was normal back then to do pills and stuff. I'm going to say Cosby. Okay. I think Weinstein's worth more Well he produced all that shit Cosby was just like I'm here and things And they gave him checks I like that your impression of Bill Cosby
Starting point is 00:34:58 Is a bad Bill Cosby but a great Chef Boyardee It's a me A Bill Cosby That's a rapey meatball. Harvey Weinstein is worth $50 million. Bill Cosby is worth $400 million. What? That sucks. Hell yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:35:15 Yeah, stay it on top. Wow. That's insane. That is it for Price Check. One more time for Maddie Smith, everybody. Maddie Smith, everybody. Thank you so much. You were fucking awesome. One more time for Maddie Smith, everybody. Maddie Smith, everybody. Thank you so much. You were fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:35:27 One more time for Damien Holmes, everybody. Hey, thanks, guys. Or as I now call him, Better Connor. Did I tell you I hung out at the Creek in the Cave last time you guys were here? And I would say about ten Mean Boys fans came up to me like I was Connor. You could see like the, I just want to say you mean a lot to me. I'm like, You could see like the I just want to say you mean a lot to me. I'm like that.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Actually he's right over there. There's like tall kind of handsome. Sure. I like the impression of our fan is that they're just hunched
Starting point is 00:35:55 over. Well it was accurate. Cronenbergian new metal. They're very pleasant people if you're listening. They're not. people if you're listening. They're not, and you know that.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Everyone skips the live ones. So our next segment today is a little game we call Letters from God. And here's how this works. I go online, and I actually find these are all real. These are letters that children have written to God and mailed in various ways.
Starting point is 00:36:24 And we like to answer those as God. So we went ahead and intercepted those letters and answered them. So we've all got a couple of those ready. I'll kick this one off. So it says, Dear God, I say my prayers every night,
Starting point is 00:36:36 but not in the morning because I ain't scared during the daytime. Signed, Corey. Dear Corey, Oh, so you a bad motherfucker, huh? Here's a fun statistic. Most child abductions occur during the mid-afternoon. Sleep tight, tough guy.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Signed, the God that lets it happen. So that's the idea. Tom, you want to go next? Yeah, I'll go next. Okay. Dear God, It rained for a whole vacation, and is my father mad? He said some
Starting point is 00:37:07 things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, but I am not going to tell you who I am. Abigail! Abigail!
Starting point is 00:37:24 Go fuck yourself! Like I don't know who you are, and like I don't know what your dad said. Your whole existence was created when I forgot to wrap my dick and blew you out of my cosmic nut. Your father will lose his job and his insurance and then you will get aged with the gay
Starting point is 00:37:48 bathhouse he frequently goes to. But don't worry, while he's getting butt-fucked by Phil, it won't be raining. Yours truly, Mr. God. God. I said it before and I'll say it again.
Starting point is 00:38:07 I love that Tom's God voice sounds like the announcer from SNL Kenan Thompson you son of a bitch I also had the anonymous joke alright dear God I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday
Starting point is 00:38:23 that was cool Eugene I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool, Eugene. Oh, man. Dear Eugene, thank you for your kind words about Tuesday's sunset. The sun has set countless times, and each one is a reminder we are all closer to death. I hope you one day see the orange and purple curtain close on your worlds.
Starting point is 00:38:44 With love, God. And the orange and purple went together until I saw the commercial with Trump and the Grimace. Dear God, are you a ninja? Is that why I can't see you? Jacob. Dear Jacob, I'm not, but my son is.
Starting point is 00:39:02 People have been fighting over this forever. Like, of course he was. The Middle East is pretty much Northern Africa, so I don't know. Oh, I misread, but my son is. People have been fighting over this forever. Like, of course he was. The Middle East is pretty much Northern Africa, so I don't know. Oh, I misread that. You said ninja. Okay. Yeah, I thought it said something else. Sincerely, G-Funk. All right.
Starting point is 00:39:22 Dear God, when my mom makes leftovers, do I have to pray for the food again? Anonymous. Margaret! Stop talking about food, you fat pig! I hear all your thoughts, and nothing makes you wetter than chicken,
Starting point is 00:39:41 shrimps, and jolly ranchers! That time your dad ate food off your plate, you reacted like he had cucked your brisket. Why don't you send me one prayer about diet pills or an eating disorder? But sure, whenever you think you need to send prayers to ease over your jalapeno popper guilt, go ahead and fill up my Spanbox.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Yours truly, God. Son of a bitch. I hate that I have to follow this every time. You're gonna do great. Thanks, God. Dear God, can you send me a smartphone? I guess Santa forgot. Lillian.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Lillian, I'm Santa forgot. Lillian. Lillian, I'm Santa, bitch. Santa remembers what you did, and he hopes your phone runs on coal because he's coming for you. The real Santa. All right. Dear God, is Pastor Dan a friend of yours,
Starting point is 00:40:41 or do you just know him from business? Kenny. Dear Kenny, me and Pastor Dan a friend of yours, or do you just know him from business? Kenny. Dear Kenny, me and Pastor Dan met in Vietnam. We were stationed together in Da Nang. Pastor Dan got the order from Top Brass, wipe out a nest of Charlie in the woods. He's the one who heard the girl, and I'm the one who cut her throat. Anyway, we still get lunch a few times a year at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Starting point is 00:41:03 He's a big Bengals fan, and they have a great happy hour. Thanks for the letter, Dennis Godman. Dear God, maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother, Larry. Larry!
Starting point is 00:41:23 By the time you hear this, your brother will have already raped you. Yours truly, God. What the fuck? Also, I love... I really hope Cain and Abel stop killing each other so much. So much. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Well, we've reached peak mean boys. Just Tom doing a funny voice like, a child got raped! I thought that was so funny. I don't know. We're wrong. All right. Dear God,
Starting point is 00:42:04 please make my parents understand That if I don't eat salad, I do better at school And it's signed anonymous It was me Dear Keith You know I'll get your parents to lay off the salad If you start jerking off somewhere I can't see
Starting point is 00:42:22 Like Syria or under Tom or Keith's belly. That's it for Letters for God, everybody. One more time for Damien Holmes. Thank you so much. One more time for Chris Crespo, everybody. Fucking great work, man. So we have one more game we're going to play today.
Starting point is 00:42:51 This game is called Did They Die? And the name of the game is the rules of the game. I'm going to read you a weird-ass headline. We have to decide if the person in question is alive or dead. So we'll start right here with maybe my favorite headline I've ever read. Guys, death. Get amped for death, all right? Let's do this. Come on.
Starting point is 00:43:08 We're at Skank Fest. We got one girl in the room, and then the rest of us are sharing evidence in an evidence locker. Let's fucking get amped. You're just feeling everyone go, we get it. You're edgy. I don't know. Lewis is saying the N-word somewhere. We really got to get out of here. Number one, a blind, mentally handicapped man
Starting point is 00:43:28 dressed as a minion was brutally attacked in Florida. Is that man alive or dead? Chris Craspo, your thoughts. Well, I'm here, so... You do both look kind of mentally handicapped and very from Florida. This is what happens if you drink Florida water. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:49 But I'm also Cuban, so Florida's like my Israel. You guys all just go there and pray towards the fattest butt? Wait, you're Cuban? Yeah. That is shocking. Yeah, people have a hard time believing that that I'm a person.
Starting point is 00:44:09 They just seem like a robust people, you know what I mean? They seem very friendly enough. Yeah, I'm not like, boo, get out. We wouldn't have booked you. Yeah. Tom, your thoughts on this? Yeah, no, we would have booked you if you were Cuban.
Starting point is 00:44:26 It's my third favorite sandwich. Yeah, I think the mentally unwell man is alive, but will be dying soon. Of other stuff. Yeah, yeah. Self-inflicted. Soon, my pet, soon. Translation, Tom has to go finish the job. Thanks a lot, Tom.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Yeah, I lost my minion outfit. All right, so you're saying alive? I'm saying alive. I'm going to go alive. That man is alive. Yeah. Sidebar, there's no screen here, but I wanted to show it. Go online.
Starting point is 00:45:00 You can find the surveillance footage of this happening. It's the funniest. He's alive. Calm the fuck down. He's like fine. He was just like, they punched me while I was... He was literally wearing a full body helmet. Yeah, he wasn't...
Starting point is 00:45:14 I saw the video. He wasn't wearing like a... Well, you were there. What the fuck? You saw the video. Look, my highlight reel. He wasn't wearing a Minion shirt. He had the full like, let's go to Universal Studios outfit.
Starting point is 00:45:28 And he's just, like, bouncing around on the pavement as this dude's fucking... To be fair, this is Tom's only TV credit. Well, I literally clicked the headline. It was, like, violent crime. And by the end of the video, I'm like, give that man the $10,000. Number two, a toddler got in a fight with a pit bull. Wait, like the toddler picked a fight with a pit bull? That's correct, yes.
Starting point is 00:45:53 What? Oh. I mean, I don't know how the fuck it would be alive. I don't know. Nobody puts baby in the corner unless it's my pit bull. Yeah, like, it's got better odds if it was pit bull the person. Like, that's what pit bulls do. They eat babies.
Starting point is 00:46:12 No, they're actually very sweet. Yeah, except for the ones that eat babies. No, you're thinking of dingoes. I just like the idea that the pit bull is dead. Like, somehow this toddler just krav maga as a dog. I love how I only defend the damn dog. I don't even give a shit about the toddler. Yeah, exactly. Like somehow this toddler just Krav Maga's a dog to death. I love how I only defend the damn dog. I don't even give a shit about the toddler. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Like this baby dead. You're really betting that this baby is alive right now. No, I'm betting the baby's dead. Okay. Dead baby. Yeah. Dead baby jokes. Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:46:37 Dead baby. Let's go dead baby. Dead as fuck. That baby is alive and blind. Tell them what he's won, Keith. That baby is alive and blind. Somebody's one teeth. I don't feel good about what I've done here. Welcome to the ADA. Oh, man, do you guys just meet at the meetings now?
Starting point is 00:46:56 Yeah. I feel bad because I think I laughed harder than anyone else here when you told me he was blind. Well, it's not God yelling about child rape. I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person. I try to keep it light. We're light now. We're good. We got this. Lighten it up.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Number three. A Japanese man pranked his co-worker by shoving an air compressor up his butthole. That's very Japanese. They brought shame and dishonor to his butt. You get it. They're Asian. And the next one. Oh, is he dead?
Starting point is 00:47:31 Wait, did he push the air compressor? He did, yeah. He put the air compressor in and pushed the button. And then he fired it? Here's what I think. I think this was a game show because they'll fucking do anything. This is like their Jeopardy, you know? Dead.
Starting point is 00:47:44 The guy who did it to him is Japanese Alex Trebek. I think he's fucking dead. Welcome back to Backwards Fart Challenge. God damn it. That's like my one weakness. It's like shitty Asian impressions. A ghost poop. We have an episode title.
Starting point is 00:48:05 The great answer. that man is dead. His asshole exploded. We got one down. Like a dynamite cigar. I got one more. A meth-addicted mother breastfed her baby. Spoiler alert, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:48:22 Yeah, I was about to say, they're throwing mean boys. What are you talking about? You guys were less ride or die here. Yeah, I was about to say, they're throwing mean boys. What are you talking about? You guys were less ride or die with this segment than I am. I didn't know. I had no idea Tom breastfed. Breast, wing, thigh, whatever. No, it would be the baby. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:41 The baby, you don't give crystal meth to a baby and then surprise, he wakes up the next morning. You don't give crystal meth to a baby and then it goes to sleep. Yeah. Like in Trainspotting, they just cry
Starting point is 00:48:54 over the crib. No, what happened is the baby breastfed the meth and then fought the dog and that's why it's only blind.
Starting point is 00:49:01 That's how that... And then the winner got to fight the minion. Yeah. This is all one connected... This is the Marvel connected universe. I think it's alive.. That's how that... And then the winner got to fight the minion. This is all one connected... This is the Marvel connected universe. I think it's alive. I think the baby's alive.
Starting point is 00:49:09 I think he's just had a good trip. I sure love that you just called the baby It. If it's shorter than this, it's It. That baby is dead. That baby is dead as fuck. Yeah! There's several dead children and a beaten minion. That's it for Did They Die? One more time for Chris Craspo, everybody.
Starting point is 00:49:27 Thank you. Holy shit. Just about it for the show. Before we get out of here, we close every live show the same way. We play a little game we like to call the Tom Goss Lightning Round. And Tom has a tendency to describe things in insane ways.
Starting point is 00:49:43 We've never listened to Mean Boys before in the back. He once referred to overalls as shoulder pants. He called love horny fear. And he refers to the devil as edgy God. So with that in mind, I put together a list of words. He hasn't seen any of these. He has to come up with them on the spot. Tom, you ready?
Starting point is 00:50:00 Yeah, yeah. You guys ready? Let's do this. I know none of these. Tom Goss lightning round. Tom Goss. What guys ready? Let's do this. I know none of these, so it's going to be... Tom Goss lightning round. Tom Goss. What is Brooklyn?
Starting point is 00:50:08 Brooklyn. South Manhattan. All right. I don't know. The neighbor of the Jews. I don't... Yeah, there we go. That's the town of Auschwitz.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Yes, the small hat people. A penis. A penis. A backwards vagina. Slot machine. Slot machine. Slot machine. You lose video games. The acoustic guitar.
Starting point is 00:50:33 Oh, a fucking backwards hat, get leg key. Luis J. Gomez. Oh, the... I was going to say the say the Edward Puerto Rican. Nope, you don't get to change it. Love you, Louis. What? Rain.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Oh, uh, God piss. South Korea. Oh, um, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, liberal Korea. Curb stompings. Oh, um, uh, uh, Nazi dance. Tarot cards. Um, uh, uh, white girl magic. Big Jay Oakerson. Oh, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, fuck, um, uh, uh.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Also N-word Puerto Rico. Yeah. Uh, Minions Man. All right, Tom Goss, 30 seconds on the clock. Name seven movies with black people in them. Okay, Django, Beloved, 12 Years a Slave. 12 Years Innisfree? Fuck. Homeward Bound.
Starting point is 00:51:40 They had a... The Basketball Diaries. What? That's white people. Oh, shit. Oh, God, why is this so difficult? Oh, oh, the Can't Feel Scared one. Get out, get out.
Starting point is 00:52:05 And fucking shit. Man on fire. And the one where Denzel's like, ah, don't kill Dakota Fanning. That's man on fire. Okay. Well, man on fire twice. Tom, name seven things you can wear on your head.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Okay. Hat. Jewish head. Okay, hat. Jewish hat, spinny hat, hair, a beret, another person, paint. I'm shocked you of all people didn't say helmet. Alright, Tom, name seven things you want to do
Starting point is 00:52:45 before you die. Okay. Die. Heroin. Party. Drink again. Quit smoking. Sorry, heroin. Okay, sorry. This is funny to me. Get laid again. Lose some weight and then gain it back.
Starting point is 00:53:11 All right, last one. Tom, name seven things you'd see at Skankfest. Okay. Girls with tattoos. Guys with no hair. Comedy. Lots of shoes. People passing out.
Starting point is 00:53:26 This is going in and out. Fucking drugs. Lots of drugs. Why is everyone making faces? And one more. Fucking the N-word Puerto Rican. That's it for me, boys and everybody. Do me a favor, guys guys On the count of three
Starting point is 00:53:47 We end every show By saying Fuck everything God is dead So on the count of three Can you guys all yell it with me Fuck yeah One
Starting point is 00:53:53 Two Three Fuck everything God is dead Alright later everybody Outro Music

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.