Mean Boys - EP 143 - Scientific Ass Analysis (Feat. Wendi Starling & Megan Rice)

Episode Date: July 28, 2018

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Hey everybody, it's Keith, Connor, and Tom from the Mean Boys Podcast. Check out today's episode with Wendy Starling and Megan Rice, hosts of the Jammers Podcast, which is so-called Jammers with a Z, because of course it is, on the Starburns. Yeah, Jammers, as in Kool-Aid Jammers. I gotta figure they spell that with a Z. They sure do, it's a self-help podcast. It's a Kool-Aid podcast, hosted by two of the most diabetic comedians. But yeah, check them out.

They were fucking great on the show. Listen to them awkwardly roll towards the door because the floor is built on a slant. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, follow them on Twitter. All that link will be linked up in the show notes. Also linked in the show notes, ticket links for our live shows in the Pacific Northwest. Holy goddamn shit. August 9th.

We are in Portland, Oregon doing a live Mean Boys podcast at the Big Legrowski. Growl. Growowski. Growl. Growl. Growl. I don't like anything with a fun name, all right? If you got a name with something fun, I don't trust it. Yeah, we've seen references. Connor's two favorite things in the world.

Yeah, I know. They're the only place that emailed us back, all right? It was either that or Dr. Brew. Oh, dude, I will piss in my mother's face before I do a show at a place called Dr. Brew. We're going to make that shit happen. Mark my fucking words. Connie, you get $10,000 to open for your favorite comedian at Dr. Brew. No deal.

Well, the important thing is the Big Legrowski is pretty cool despite having the worst name, and they're letting us perform there. Yeah, and all seriousness, it does look pretty nice. So come on to that. And after that, come out to Jai Tai in Seattle, Washington. We're all doing a trio stand-up show, so that'll be a lot of fun. Yeah, Jai Tai,

one of my favorite rooms to do comedy in the country. So if you're in Seattle, come to that show. It's going to fucking rule. Yeah, yeah, all right. Give us a review on iTunes. If you leave more reviews,

we get to 400. We will put my mother on this show. Yeah. We will ambush her. We will show her a microphone deep in the Fresno trailer park that she lives in. Fresno? Fresno. We will ambush her. We will show her a microphone deep in the fraze, no trailer park that she lives in. Phrase no. Phrase no.

Phrase the trailer, bro. Deep in the central valley of California. Ikea. You start talking and then realize you don't really know where you're going. We will go visit my mother. Hello. Everybody a Nazi whore. Are you still into problematic rhetoric about race mixing?

Pleased to be awkwardly mocked for being dicked several decades ago. It is so hot I am sticking to plastic couch. Wow. What a country. Shady Lady 1989 writes, NSFW five stars. Completely not safe for work, and that's exactly why I listen to it at work all the time. Absolutely the funniest podcast ever. Thanks, Shady Lady 1989.

We are a working place podcast. I do like that. It does feel like there's still some small pocket of people that are like, they're using swears. They done said but. Like, I just found out this internet thing ain't no FCC. You can say come all you damn

want. Come, come, come, come. In my house, we call those garage words, but they're everywhere words with the power of podcasting. May the taint be with everyone. Oh, guys, you got to get on the Mean Boys subreddit. All right. Until I get in trouble for this subreddit existing, it's not fulfilled its purpose.

It's our Mean Boys. Lots of people can be like, hey, what's the episode where Kyle Clark is lame? And we're like, fucking all of them? Yeah, every episode of this is red. Titillating conversation like that is at your motherfucking fingertips go sign up subscribe to our mean boys follow us on twitter and like us on facebook and follow us on instagram we're at mean boys podcast across the board because guess what we know a thing or two about cohesive branding you son of a bitch we got a

youtube channel we got you goddamn right we do all the episodes are up in the fucking youtube channel if you're if you're one of those weird Amish people that listens to podcasts on YouTube, nothing better than listening to a podcast on an app that you can't close or that you can't leave the room where your computer is. Siri, what's the least convenient way to enjoy this media? Yeah, if you want to sign up for our new wax cylinder club, yeah, we'll fax one to you. And also, you got to, oh, yeah, we're on Patreon.

Weekly bonus content. Five bucks a month, ten bucks a month. You get a little goodie in the mail. And this month, we're doing Van Damme Academy bumper stickers. I put a lot of work into making a fucking cool picture of Jean-Claude Van Damme. I will not rest until we get a cease and desist letter from Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, yeah. Or the school.

Yeah. I think the school's going to be cool with it. Yeah, I think... Oh, they're pretentious cunts. Well, I mean, yeah. Well cool with it. Yeah, I think. Oh, they're pretentious cunts. Well, I mean, yeah. Well, everybody that doesn't let you in is a pretentious cunt. Yeah, they also wrote me a letter where they called you an idiot. Yeah.

Say pretentious. Yeah, by that token, the claim jumper by the freeway is run by pretentious cunts. I've never been a claim jumper. Yeah, that's exactly. They're pretentious cunts. I can't jump. I thought it was clam jumper if if I'm being completely honest. They got this fascist pants-only policy at the clam chowder.

I thought this was clam America. Clam Erica. Yeah, clam Erica. That's like a slutty fish or something? Eating this clam Erica. Oh. Oh, okay. Well, what a great intro, guys.

Let's put this one on the fucking refrigerator. Yeah. All right. Enjoy this week's episode with Wendy Starling and Megan Rice of the Jammers Podcast. Right here on Mean Boys. K106 Mean. The Mean. The Mean.

The Mean. The Mean. The Mean. The Mean. The Mean. The Mean. Hi and welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. A kid will not save your relationship. If you don't believe me, ask your parents. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Wendy Starling.

I'm Megan Rice. And I'm the person of interest when Wendy goes missing. I'm a scary man. Yeah, yeah. Tom looks... He doesn't look like he's murdered a woman, but he's the first guy you'd be like, well, maybe him. And then, nah, he's gentle and just kind of slow.

Yeah, he doesn't look like he murdered anyone. He's just got her locked up in the basement. Yeah, yeah. He feeds her well. Look at this. My bracelets are attached to each other. I feel like Tom really missed his true calling of being, like, photographed in the background of a crime.

He can speculate that he's an FBI hit person. Because first of all, you look blurry in real life. So in a photo, I'm going to be unable to identify you. And people are like, oh, this guy, who would wear that hockey shirt in Dallas, Texas in 1963? Is Tom eating a big sloppy hot dog in the Zapruder film? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, ooh, the CIA shows records of one T. Goss making a phone call to the president hours before.

I gotta say that when I was flying back from New York, when I'm on my labor, I got a text from my roommate saying, hey, I borrowed your shirt. I didn't ask. I'm sorry. I messaged you $10. I was like, you don't have to do that.

You can just take the shirt. I get home and go, oh, how'd the audition go? It was good. You're gonna hate why I took the shirt. I had to play a homeless guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Opie pulled me out of my room, and he's like, yo, do I look homeless enough?

So, yeah, he looks super homeless. And then he gets to the audition. I get another text from him, and he's like, man, I over homeless. Because I'm supposed to just be a Bama that recycles. And he says, I'm in the room with a Bama that recycles. And he says, I'm in the room with a bunch of out-and-about-looking-ass N-words, and I'm over here looking like this, so he was just really embarrassed. What was dumb about it is the word he used was not homeless, it was impoverished.

And I was like, is he from one of those African countries where they get the losing Super Bowl jersey? Yeah, he really overdid it by being a Nigerian with a bunch of Buffalo Bills merch. Speaking of people who make homeless look good, Wendy Starling and Megan Rice. Oh, thank you. We had to find one. I love it. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me ever. I know. That's real sad, but it makes sense.

Oh, it is. Yeah, it does make sense, and it is sad. You guys host the Jammers podcast, also on the Starburns Network. Yeah. We do. Yeah, we have concurrent corporate overlords. Tell us about the show a little bit. Well, it's a selfish help podcast.

Okay. So it's bullshit. So it's bullshit. So you guys already had your branding meeting. Yeah. Selfish help podcast. Got that. And not only is that the brand for the show, we had to get tattoos of selfish helpers on

the back of our necks. Oh, did you really? Oh, man, that's such a bad idea. I have so many bad tattoos. I was like, what's one more? People have gotten tattoos of our podcast. I'm like, you fuck it. You don't know what I'm going to do.

It makes me want to do something terrible just to fuck them over. Oh, I know. Yeah. I mean, as soon as I get enough money to support, like, a coke problem and, like, a racial outburst, then I'm immediately just gonna make everybody have to regret their fucking $40 God is Dead tattoos. Fucking Kramer McSpadden.

Yeah, so, sorry, it's your podcast. It's about helping people once they've gotten out of jail. Okay. So you should listen. Right. Oh, yeah, it's like... For your future.

Oh, that reminds me when I worked at Ross we had these things called rehab vouchers where like the government would pay to get you a pair of job interview clothes if you were out of prison

and I was filling one out for a woman sometime who had like her little blazer and her blouse or whatever to go get a fucking job at a Walmart and her name was

Bernamberley no it wasn't that's never been anyone's name that's not a name and I just remember being like of course of course. Of course this is what you're here for.

Her parents decided her future the moment she was born. Ma wanted a Bernadette, and I wanted an Amberlee, and we both wanted her to die at 25, so we figured Bernadette. Yeah, we settled on a 55-year-old food stamp recipient. Yeah, yeah. She looked like she'd aged out of the Kid Rock video ho circuit and was left stealing copper wiring in Ontario. What is the difference between selfish help and self-help?

Or is it just trying to brand something that already exists? No, it's us. We're all selfish bitches. What? Entitled white women? Get right out of town. I know.

It's impossible. Well, the reason we started the podcast. You, Wendy, with an I? I know. It's Wendy Bernamberly Starling. I assume several Ys or some bullshit. There's a lot of silent Zs in the middle of my name. No, we started it as an excuse to talk to each other, just as a reason to talk to each other,

because I moved to New York and Megan's still here in L.A., and so we're like, should we do a show just where we can talk to each other and make people listen to it? We weren't going to talk to each other for nothing. What a waste. We're going to have a friendship that's not also a product. Look, as a modern entertainer, it is your duty to monetize everything that brings you joy.

You can't have a hobby unless you've got a corresponding Twitch stream or else you're just leaving money on the table. It's usually what your clients do. Hey, they're hookers. Well, we've gotten into lazy dice very early. I just want to make you guys feel like this is the Gas Digital West Embassy. Oh, I already feel that way. I can see it on your face. And it is comforting for two women to walk into a room with three men who look like escaped convicts.

And instead of curtains, we just have sheets stapled. I was going to say tapes to make a joke, but they are stapled. They're nailed. They're screws that we hammered in. I used a lightly stolen Ikea drill to put up these curtains. They're blackout and soundproof. No one can hear you scream. This used to be my bedroom and it was real weird bringing a girl back here and being

like, no, I promise I just want to fuck you and not murder you. I don't think there's ever, I've never seen like a domestic dispute call made in this neighborhood and I hear fights constantly. Remember when we walked out and those homeless guys just fought like in the street for like 20 minutes and everyone was just watching and at a certain point we were like,

shouldn't somebody have called somebody? Yeah, we were just watching the ghetto Aurora Borealis. We're like, ah, miracle of nature. Yeah, yeah. Two tweakers just knocking each other's remaining tooth out. So yeah, you're back with... How's it like being back in LA or whatever I like watching

Connors I don't know what you're supposed to say in a podcast yeah I look this is what's great about this

is we all at this point have podcasts but we all started doing open mics together so this feels like a real

fuck around show oh yeah and we all know like look we all know none of us are professionals yeah I don't know

why we were trying to act like grownups I think every time there's a girl in the studio, we feel like we have to be on our best behavior. We're barely women. I've been farting the entire time. I put on no airs. It's weird that you're the gross one

surrounded by me and Tom. Well, because I can afford to be. You guys don't have the luxury of grossness. You've earned fart leniency. If I gross it up, I'm still, like, you know, cleaning your clocks. Yeah, that's a fair point. And I did notice the very strong scent of Axe deodorant as you reached over to adjust my mic.

And so I appreciate that. Thank you. No, I don't wear Axe. It's just regular whatever the cheapest speed stick is, I think. You look like you naturally emit Axe body spray. Like you have just, like, a date rape pheromone. It comes out of you. Sir, are you guys comfortable? body spray. You have just like a date rape pheromone that comes out of you. Yeah.

Yeah. So are you guys comfortable? All right. Well, we hit a wall real quick. Stop with the Mexican joke everybody. Hi, so topical. So what's the Celsius energy drink? I heard something.

Oh, it's all fucking terrible. I feel like I am on a bunch of cocaine. I chugged one. I got up early and went to the gym and then I was like, I'm going to knock out an energy drink. Can I read the ingredients? Oh, please. Don't worry.

It has seven essential vitamins. Oh, yeah. Right here. 50 milligrams. Father's love. That's what's going on. 40% of your daily recommended allowance of just fire. Yeah.

Straight up fire. Fuck off putting riboflavin in an energy drink. Who do you think you are? What the fuck is riboflavin? I don't know. It's one of those essential vitamins. It counterbalances the Adderall that's in this. It's just a word that Dr. Frank says

in the Simpsons to sound humorous. Okay, yeah, there's a lot. There's like too much text. There's a lot of shit. There's like a whole paragraph. You have to read the ingredients so that you're like, there's words in this.

I don't know, guys. I'm just trying to riff or something. I'm in a bad mood. Me too. Well, we'll wait for Conrad. Yeah, we're all in bad moods. Oh, no, I meant trying to riff I'm just trying to riff or something. I'm in a bad mood. Me too. Well, we'll wait for Conor to... Yeah, we're all in bad moods. Oh, no, I meant trying to riff. I'm fine.

Yeah, no, I'm in a great mood. Wow. You're like, I'm not trying to riff. I'm trying to find out the exact ingredients of Celsius. Yeah. Now... What is the point of this podcast if I can't know the ingredients of energy drinks? Can you guys calm down?

I'm trying to sulk over here. This is a great ad for Celsius we're cutting. Just like, it's full of things we don't understand. We fear and respect them. I just trying to sulk over here. This is a great ad for Celsius we're cutting. It's full of things we don't understand. We fear and respect them. I just drank some. Wow, okay, let's do the podcast. Celsius, it will turn you into a louder mopey cunt. European Fahrenheit.

All right, I'll take it away for the joke off. A new study linked beef jerky consumption to those hospitalized for violent psychotic episodes. One patient's mother tearfully said he seemed normal, but then one day he just snapped into a Slim Jim. It's a thing that happens, man. Keith just tries to take all the food-related news stories. So when I turn them into fat jokes about him, I just look like an old man. Yeah, well, yeah, fuck me for trying to write a joke instead of just beating a dead horse. Speaking of that, after 20 years, Chick-fil-A

is retiring their holiday cow calendars. In a related story, Keith's mother has filed for unemployment. She spent 20 years as the best centerfold the Chick-fil-A corporation has ever seen. Wait, they're getting rid of the cow or just for the calendar? Just for the calendar, yeah.

I didn't know they had a calendar. How do you not call it a calendar? I was about to say that. Everyone got mad about that immediately. Like, why did you? No. Chick-fil-A, please hire me. I didn't almost do that joke because I'm like, well, Keith's mother is actually emaciated from years of just like, you know, drug use.

Yeah, my mom looks like a kind of hot skeleton. Who would buy a Chick-fil-A calendar? I think they're free. Okay, that makes more sense. That's actually the placemat when they serve you your food. The calendar is underneath. They make you take it. That would be weird if it was a pretty good

article because it was just a bunch of fat women in the Midwest with eight Twitter followers going like, how will I raise my children in a world without the Chick-fil-A cow calendar? How will they know it's Movember? All right, Wendy, you're up. Oh, God. I have to do a Mexican joke off?

You're supposed to write jokes. Oh, son of a bitch. I didn't read that part of it. I'm sorry. She didn't tell me anything. Ah, terrific. Okay, cool. Well, look. Okay, cool.

Well, look. Now it feels like one of those videos where I'm trying to get hard while a Russian woman yells at me. I know. My joke is... Actually, I lied.

My joke is an act out. You have to try to get hard while I describe what I think the calendar should be. I'm sweaty and unzoloft. It's not happening.

Oh, zoloft really knocks out a boner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't most things, except for, you know, boner pills? Yeah. Oh, by the way, I did overnight some Viagra for our TV thing next week. Oh, shit, yeah. That was what was in that package.

So, yeah, I got you, bro. Nice. It's very important that you don't give any context to that sentence. Well, we legally can't, but we can tease it. Jesus Christ. They're going to that sentence. Well, we legally can't, but we can tease it. Jesus Christ. They're going to have sex. All right, so that's me. All right.

A Russian spy gained... Okay, take three. A Russian spy gained jobs from people of influence through sex and relationships. Wow, sounds like a real vote digger. No. No, Tom. You're bad.

Yes, I know. I think me and Wendy still won over that one. Just by omission. Look, I don't promise funny. I promise words, all right? You guys are expecting too much from me. And sometimes we get words. Yeah, sometimes.

All right, here's an upsetting one. Soap opera actor Corey Sly was convicted of child molestation. The Young and the Restless is both his biggest credit and a pretty accurate description of his victims. upsetting one soap opera actor cory sly was convicted of child molestation the young and the restless is both his biggest credit and a pretty accurate description of his victims yeah i wonder how do they yeah let's not get into that discussion yeah i saw the wheels turn and you're like nah nah we're not famous enough for this conversation i'm trying to think like if i was a kid and i'm getting raped or whatever, am I trying to squirm away? I mean, I did start wrestling when I was five, so I probably would be like, all right, do the snake like you practice.

Or you just lean into it. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. I'm a fun kid. Just, like, slip up some Zoloft here. This hurts me. You want to have some of this Pez? Man, this is a dark reboot of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Like a mid-rape snack break. An 18-year-old Trump supporter lost his wrestling scholarship after using a homophobic slur at a protest. He said in a statement, it turns out hatred is the gayest thing of all. I did these like 30 minutes ago. That joke is real vote-digger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love you so 30 minutes ago. That joke was real vote digger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love you so much, Tom. Yeah. I am going to call this joke back. The one that didn't work. Yeah. For the next hour. Every two minutes. You guys can't give away the secret recipe.

More of a joke digger. That was the podcast. Thanks for coming. I'm here to ruin everything. Anything you want to plug? God, I'm verbally picking up his basketball and going home because he can't dunk. Hey, so what?

Solid work, champ. The only thing you can dunk is donuts, buddy. Talking about how fat you are. Man, roasted, dude. Yeah, dude. That's a food. You got me. Yeah, you would know.

The old classic McSpadden. Name a food, look at me disdainfully. Yeah, it's all you really have to do. Yeah. Speaking of food. Keith has tips. Wendy just texted Starburns, there goes the neighborhood. Fisherman off the coast of Florida saw a goliath groper eat an entire

shark. Keith Carey then appeared saying, you call that a meal? This is a meal. Then swallowed an entire Burger King. Alright, well first of all we proved that I guess just naming a food and pointing at me doesn't work. Boat digger! Boat digger! Also, Tom, it's very important to me to tell you that the fish is called a grouper

and not a groper. That's a different fish. Goliath's groper is from the last joke I did. He's big and he's got hands. Grouper, it's spelled very gropey. I don't know what you want from me. A woman bit a man's nose off and swallowed it. The victim is expected to recover

but says he most likely will not be taking Wendy Starling on a second date. Well, if he wasn't doing all that cocaine, I wouldn't have had to take his nose. It's God's share. It's a date. I offered to pay for half of the meal, okay? I'm a very cool feminist, alright? I'm a hip lady.

I haven't seen Nanette, and I will split the bill with you, alright? But if you're not going to give me your cocaine, I will eat your nose or lick your asshole wherever you're putting the drugs, okay your cocaine, I will eat your nose or lick your asshole wherever you're putting the drugs. Well, one of those sounds like way more fun

than the other one. I will either buy you a puppy or kill your dad. Who's Annette? Annette. It's the not funny comedy special that you have to say

is important to really hate gay people. Everyone's all like, it's a big to-do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a big hullabaloo at Skank Fest. Everyone's like, we this is a big to-do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a big hullabaloo. It's gang fest. Everyone's like,

we have not watched it, but we are very upset about it. That's the best kind of upset. Uninformed. I just have this mental image of two teenagers in the 50s who are also addicted to cocaine, and instead of sharing a milkshake

with two straws, it's a bag of blow. Yeah. Each one has their nostril in one. That's romantic. I chewed that for a minute, and and I came back and I'm lost. Go digger. You missed that.

I have my catchphrase. Go on. Shit, these are all so bad. North Korea is set to return the remains of 55 slain U.S. soldiers. In return, the U.S. will be giving them back their CDs and the blow dryer they left in the bathroom. It's like they broke up. Yeah, I get it. I liked it. Pretty crazy.

I enjoy these two countries. Is it not Dayton? This is my favorite version of Connor where he's not happy with the jokes. He's just trying to distance himself, ironically, from the podcast he runs. I don't run it. I was trying to give you a little credit.

I thought it would make you feel important. I just do all the work and blame you guys. He's like, welcome to the new show, The Melancholy Boy. That's not snappy. I would have better branding than that. Welcome to Fuck You, Mom and Dad with Connor McSpadden and some jerks.

Sorry I don't have a fucking tattoo on my neck. This is going to be great forever. Tom, you're up. I like your guy's chutzpah. That's how you say that word, right? Close. It's almost there. You look like it's anti-Semitic for you to say any Hebrew word.

I like the Jews. Oh, yeah. You can tell because you call them the Jews. Yeah, and now your voice went super up when you're telling somebody their hat looks good, but it doesn't. They like saying I'm anti-Semitic for comedy reasons. Who, the Jews? Well played. Well played. Vote digger.

A new study says that cleaning your house once a week does the same damage to your body smoking a pack of smokes a day. Oof, that's really bad news for all those people who smoke their cleaning supplies fuck i was up till 4 a.m i had to talk to the owner of the bar i do a show at till like two and uh yeah the guys they only get worse boat digger boat digger an important meeting she she was on coke it was a thing Okay yeah Come out to the Carmen bar Every Wednesday

Yeah Yeah She went on this whole tirade Very friendly staff She was on coke And huffing Windex Yeah This is

She's awesome Tom's like Before you start another business Maybe you should try To get this one in order Yeah I don't think Everybody's gonna buy Something called Celsius

But they will steal it from an office fridge. This joke is very stupid, but I'm not going to make excuses like these two. I will just own that I'm bad writing. Hey, I owned everything I did, and I'm proud of it. A report found that Louisiana leads the United States in violent crimes. Many blame this rise in violence to the city's annual celebration, Murdercraw. I've been trying to find an old joke that I didn't. You fuck.

It's not happening. Oh, man. Okay. Well, let's go back to the hits I wrote. I feel like you're just Googling cheeseburger news and hoping for a miracle. There's a cheeseburger news story I couldn't find a punchline for. It's that Burger King gave a terminally ill dog free cheeseburgers for the rest of its life. Oh, God. a punchline for is a Burger King gave a terminally ill dog free cheeseburgers for the rest of its life yeah I was just like they were just like there's the some fucking I don't know who like is the people that discovers these like Midwestern moms with Facebook accounts and just makes them

go viral on Uproxx so that people can be like wow it's so inspiring. This bakery gave this fucking dead kid a tub of frosting for him to play in before he shit himself to death or whatever. But yeah, so she was like, my dog's dying and he loves cheeseburgers. And Burger King was like, oh, we'll get a bunch of free PR. What's real gross is somebody at Burger King seeing a story about a dying dog and like, I smell a PR opportunity. Yeah, dude. Fucking capitalism's going great. Two children have fallen victim to the first New York shark attack

since 70 years. Authorities are warning residents to take caution or report any suspicious snapping they hear late at night. It's like West Side Story. You guys all remember West Side Story?

That one's actually real fun. Yeah, you know, it was one of the, one musical I've seen. Okay, should I do the bad one, the terrible one, or the offensive one? Oh, the offensive one. The offensive one? Okay.

The Jews? Missouri woman was arrested after letting multiple men rape her two-year-old daughter. The girl's doctor stated, now this is the worst case of terrible twos I've ever seen. Bro. You guys requested it. Well, no, you said offensive, not sexy. I do want to propose a new name for you guys' podcast, The Terrible Twos.

Fucking yikes, dude. I wasn't going to do that one. All right. I'm glad I did. I also tuned out trying to find a better joke, but I disapprove, Tom, just to be safe. You get it. There was a violent rape, and the punchline wasn't quite worth it. There's a better joke, but I disapprove, Tom, just to be safe. You get it. There was a violent rape and the punchline

wasn't quite worth it. There's a violent rape and the punchline wasn't worth it. It was a child. Put a love about Nanette. Yo! Man, I'm phoning it in and still hitting half-court shots. He doesn't even understand the level of broadcasting I operate at.

You made a free throw, chill. I'm making baskets In the other thing You are on the basketball court With a hockey stick Screaming at the hot dog guy Yeah Alright last round The podcast S-Town

Was sued for revealing Personal information Of a dead man In related news Mean Boys has received A cease and desist letter From lawyers representing A German shepherd

Yeah yeah Keith I dated a girl Who was into bestiality That's some Mean boy's lore. You guys don't know the dog story? I'm not telling the guy

the story. You brought it up, dude. No, I know. I'm just saying I'm not telling the whole... It's not that much of a story. She fucked German shepherds. What's up?

She fucked German shepherds. No, she watched other people fuck German shepherds. She wasn't gross. And Keith was the closest she could get. She didn't fuck the dog. She just fed them hamburgers.

Yeah, what kind of landlord doesn't let a dog in but allows Keith to come over? I feel like that's kind of a mixed message. You have a lot of dander. Yeah. I'm flaky and untrustworthy. Keith, you're beautiful. Thanks. Somehow that feels more like it.

Okay. Ah, shit. Oh, buddy. This is the last one? Is this the last one? This is the last one Alright A man who had sex with a horse Told authorities

That it gave consent By winking at him The horse said in a statement Hey that's not a wink It's a twitch Also I'm a guy named Keith What's the big idea here? That has a fucking reach dude

Yeah you're a horse That has a bigger stretch Than the guy who fucked the horse Yeah you're Well the horse wouldn't be stretched out I gotta figure out I assume I can't imagine anybody Fucking a horse And not getting fucked by a horse or something. That's a bigger stretch than the guy who fucked the horse. Yeah, you're a... Well, the horse wouldn't be stretched out. I gotta figure out... I assume... I can't imagine anybody

fucking a horse and not getting fucked by a horse. I mean, I feel like getting fucking a horse is a lot easier because it's got a big old horse pussy. They can kick you. All right, call your mom.

Let's settle this. But you'd have to... You'd have to get, like, a stool and shit. Like, that would... You could fuck a tiny... Like, one of those little baby horses. Like a pony?

Yeah, yeah. You could just do it... A child horse. You could do it wearing your Uncle Sam of those little baby horses. Like a pony? A child horse. You could do it wearing your Uncle Sam costume from Walgreens that you saved. I just feel like if you're into fucking horses, what you're attracted to is the big horse dick. Like that's the horse's main dick. Or a big horse ass. They got big asses.

That's a very good point, Tom. Guys, let's go fuck a horse. Who's down? Hell yeah. Got bigger asses than ponies. We get a horse costume, put me and Tom inside of it, and then we wait. Oh, yeah, yeah. Bigger ass than donkeys?

Are you just listing animals that have smaller asses than a horse? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. Tom, name seven animals with a smaller ass than a horse. Turtles. Birds. Penguins. Birds and penguins? Fucking pelicans.

Unicorns. Unicorns. He's cocksucker. Lions. A unicorn and a horse. And tigers. You're a cocksucker, dude. Yes. Fucking pelicans. Unicorns. Lions. And tigers. You're a cocksucker, dude. How are three of those birds? I like birds. I don't really feel like they have an ass.

I mean, they shit out of a place, but there's no... They have ass pussies. They're connected. No, that's a duck. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was... I think that's a leopard. No one ever says, look at the booty on that that crow Unless they're a racist pervert in Compton

People on mushrooms do that shit Yeah but that's not exactly who I'm using As my point of reference for scientific ass analysis Is anyone else doing scientific ass analysis? On birds? No See I'm the original Don't back science into this Back science into this?

You fucking moron. I'm making points here, all right? None of them good. None of them good or true or factual. All right. Well, Thomas, do... Oh, the seven birds you can say on television or whatever it is. The seven birds you can't fuck in the ass.

Oh, shit. A giant motorized shopping cart was caught driving down the streets of Wisconsin. The driver was heard saying, now this is how you shop at Costco. All right. Pelican. Seahorse. Fucking. What's the long nose one?

No, elephants have bigger asses. The long nose one, elephants have bigger asses. The long-nosed one, the juice. Whale. More? More or less? You want more? Okay, more. I don't know what I want.

People? People got smaller asses? Here's what happened. We finally trained you perfectly, because I just looked at you, and then you just started screaming the name of animals. Yeah, dude. Elephants got junk in the trunk. You're fucking zoo books for the mentally ill.

I'm everything for the mentally ill. Good point. Well, that's it for the Mexico Show, guys. Thanks. We'll be right back with some more bullshit right after this. And the Mean Boys podcast returns. Before we keep going, quick reminder, if you are in the Pacific Northwest,

we are doing a live Mean Boys at the Big Legowski, August 9th, 10 o'clock. I know. It seems like a very nice venue. It is an aggressively cringeworthy name for a place. What is a Legowski? You know the Lebowski? I do, but that's how he says it. Yeah, I know. I gotta figure they have like

growlers there, isn't that what you call a certain container for beer? God, how great would it be if it just turned out it was a bear bar? If that happened, I'd go back to like... I'd be much cooler with that than like a craft brewery where they have a big trivia night. I'm expecting handlebar mustaches. Many a handlebar mustache. Oh, suspenders out the ass.

I've never been more fucking miserable than when I hosted trivia night at a bar like a micro brewery because I was just like I hate all of you people. The fact that you are here means I want you all to die. Like you are just sad idiots. I can't imagine like a worse situation than you being forced to create gentle fun yeah for people who like enjoy their lives name that 80s lyric i'm walking on sunshine which where's that one from he just comes in drunk one day all right this week the trivia topic is birds you can

fuck in the ass go oh no i mean yeah i got fired because i told the guy to go fuck himself and they left like a yelp review and he's like why don't you have some more fun up there man and i was like i don't know dude i'm just trying to get through this and he's like you don't like your job you've got a pretty good job buddy and i And I'm like, dude, I'm just trying to get through the night, man. I'm sorry. Whatever. And he's just like, you getting paid for this? And I'm like, yeah.

And he's like, well, this is your job. You ought to be smiling. I'm like, man. And he's like, can you? And I'm just like, okay, dude. And I'm like, all right, next question. He's like, are you going to smile? I was like, are you going to go fuck yourself?

I think he was trying to fuck you. I think that's what this was. No, and he's like, he just, and he just goes goes, hey everybody, this guy just told me to go fuck myself. And then there's a big hullabaloo and then I had to be like okay, which one of these Stranger Things actors also had a small part in a Frito commercial? My favorite part of that story is that your impression of the trivia guy is like, well howdy y'all. I'm a simple country trivia enthusiast. He did like a southern accent no i totally believe it he's

just one of these dudes who's just like bro i make eighty thousand dollars a year in real estate all right i'm a i have a i have an almost paid off miata i'm fucking awesome and i was just like dude fucking come here i would fucking love to host a trivia night as long as i can make up the questions yeah i literally i texted like my trivia boss, and I was like, Hey, man, you're going to get a phone call. You're going to have to fire me. Sorry about that. I'll help you find a new guy.

And he's like, What happened? And he's like, I won't have to fire you. And then an hour later, he's like, Yeah, I'm going to have to fire you. I hosted a trivia night for a while downtown, and one time I was doing it, and it was a miserable bar. It was a bar that ended up – here's how bad this place was. They got picked up on bar rescue and then closed three weeks later. Like they were closed before the episode

aired. But I was hosting at one point and it's like everybody's drunk. There's like four tables that are having fun. The rest of them are just like, we came here to get drunk and cheat on our wives, leave us alone. And all of a sudden I just see this dude in like a top button only flannel, like a classic cholo walk in. Walk over to a table and in the middle top button only flannel, like a classic cholo walk in, walk over to a table.

And in the middle of me reading a question, just fucking cold cock this dude out and then just left without a word. And it's just this moment of like, do I keep going? A hundred percent. Are they playing? Because if not, they lose. Yeah. People would come up and be like, I feel like I should get points for this because. And then just pull up a bunch of shit.

They Google and be like, yeah, yeah, it's fine. You can get the points. And they'd be like, you didn't even read it. And I'm like, I don't fucking care. You have infinity imaginary dork points. You're playing for an Earthworm Jim poster and a fucking growler full of Corona-themed beer. Who's Earthworm Jim? Not the fucking brand of beer, the city. I'm named after fucking

local cities. I'm trying to figure out what is to Corona what Celsius is to Red Bull. They're knockoff. Festivo! Yeah, yeah. Then when I hosted the Battle of the Bandits, I was dressed as Han Solo. I had to do that for a while. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, it was called Band Wars

and they're like, we want you to host the show. I had to do that for a while. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, it was called Band Wars and they're like, we want you to host the show. I think I was getting like $75 a show for like a six week thing and they're like, it's called Band Wars so you got to dress like Han Solo and I was like, well, I need the money

and I basically had to do 15 minutes in between every band when I'd been doing comedy like two years. So there'd be like 10 bands so I just had to like riff for like three hours and it was just, it turned into a lot of trouble.

Like just asking kids in the crowd if they'd seen boobs before. Because like I had to be like clean. How old were these people? Like eight to 80. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. It was fucking worse. And then one night, everyone leaves after their friend's band goes on.

And they fill out their little slip and they go. And with fucking, this band called Ironclad goes up, and it's just like white power metal bands. I was going to say, I bet they did not like the Jews. Yeah, not a fan. And that's the night he met Tom. I got to assume it was spelled with a K. Yeah, and so I'm up in front of the curtain

while a metal band is tuning their instruments, just boom, ga-dum, dum, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, you know, like getting the sound check or whatever. And I'm just like, hey guys, Dayton's weird. You know, he's a 20-year-old or blah, blah, blah. And then they just start going, Ironclad. Ironclad. Like you bomb so hard you're about to be killed by a Viking god.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, am I getting torn apart? Am I getting drawn and quartered by lifted trucks after this for 75 bucks dressed as a Star Wars character? Jesus Christ. Well, speaking of asinine trivia, this is a game we like to play called Which of the Following? The way this works, I'm going to give you four things. Three of them are real.

One of them is fake. We always do it with a theme since you guys have a selfish help. Got to remember the branding. Oh, branding, branding, branding. Branding, branding. Always be branding. But it starts with a C so that reference works. This is a witch of the following on the dumbest fucking self-help books I could find online.

Oh, this is going to be a dream. They're all real. They're all on my shelf. So three of these are real. One of them is fake. We've got a few rounds of this. So round number one, which of the following is not a real self-help book? A, P, Standing Up, Tips for Hip Chicks.

The face cottage is fake. That's for sure real. That's got to be, yeah. B, Ready to Mingle, 50 Tips for an Active Love Life After Divorce. C, More Joy, An Advanced Guide to Solo Sex. Or D. Dog sense Nine relationship tips from your canine companion Ooh

Hip chicks I feel like it's I feel like it's the first one Okay Because I mean even with the diva cup I don't think anyone's like I don't think anyone No the diva cup is the period one

It's called a go girl right? Oh like the piece of cardboard you hold up to your pussy? Wait, what? That's a yogurt. I thought you said Go-Gurt. Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, is there a mechanism for girls to pee standing up? It's like a fucking piece of...

It looks like a little shoehorn. It's a cap. And you put it up on your pussy, and then the pee just trickles down it. We already invented the beer bong. We've made this technology work. The Scientologist I fucked had a Go-Girl in her purse. That's...

What? Yeah, I don't know why. What a confusing person. Yeah, and it was next to all the snacks. You never use this, right? And she's like, no, it's for emergencies. And I was like, okay.

What emergency where you can't squat? Yeah, that's my thing, just squat. And in a case of an emergency, like when I need to get arrested for urinating in public. Yeah. My life is so boring. I want to go to jail. Yeah, I think you get arrested twice if you're a girl and you're using science to piss in public.

Yeah. Wait a minute. You're peeing on the street and you can read? Take her to the pig house. I'm going to write you a ticket and give you a rolling pin. Then we're taking away the vote. Yeah, I'm going to say A. All right.

Leni, thoughts? What was the third one? What was C? The third one was More Joy, An Advanced Guide to Solo Sex. I'm going to guess... God damn it.

They all sound real to me. I'm going to guess C, though. It's fake. Okay. Solo sex one. Because that, yeah, that sounds too much like it's real.

And I know the fucking dog one's true. Yeah, I know that one's true. Because I'm writing one writing one about cats like imagine going on a date with them when you walk and you see that book on the coffee table and you're like oh now i hate you well no you're like they like sex this is gonna be great with the dog one oh no one several times it happened uh i'm gonna go with what they said because they seem smart about this. Awesome. That's a very good instinct. You're all wrong. The great dancer was B. Ready to mingle. 50 tips for an active sex life after divorce. Oh, man. There's no

helping those people, it sounds like. They're done. Game over, fellas. Round two. This is the men are garbage edition. These are all self-help books for dudes. A. How to get over that bitch and grow balls they can't resist. B, how to manage your dick. C, how to lick your way to love.

Or D, how to date a white woman, a practical guide for Asian men. How to manage your dick was written by Bush, right? Vote diggers. I missed D. D was how to date a white woman a practical guide for asian men i'm just gonna look up a guess of the joe rogan experience and see if i can these all have a forward by jordan peterson yeah yeah um man that first one's got to be real i got it what was the second one how to manage your dick dick. I'm going to go that one. All right. Yeah. Although, I mean, I could see them being like, no, you got to start thinking of your dick as an employee, you know?

You got to take it in for monthly evaluations. It's like the old fucking Buddhist proverb, like a mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. It's like that, but with your dick. A dick is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. Which is actually kind of true. Yeah, that makes you think,

Doug. Yeah. Yeah, we're about to manage our dicks with that weird TV Viagra. Oh, yeah, yeah,

doing a little dick management. I'm giving myself a little Christmas bonus, if you know what I mean. Oh, you got some TV Viagra? TV Viagra, yeah.

Ooh, it's the best kind. I didn't get it from TV. I got it from an ad I saw on the subway, so you know it's good. Oh, man. We're going to die.

Oh, no. I used some recently. I already ordered some. Oh, okay, cool. You know it's like bad for anxiety, right? I felt pretty relaxed. Not as bad for anxiety as the thing we're doing with it. Yeah, yeah.

This is a weird tease. Anyway, Wendy, thoughts? I'm going to go, even though it seems too obvious, I'm going to go with A. I wasn't having sex. Like, did I leave the oven on? All right, if I don't come in an even number of strokes, my family's going to get sick. Cutler, why are you washing your hands? Don't worry about it.

It's not even soap. It's lube. I'm going to go with A. Okay. Okay. I'm not going with A because I want that to be true. And self-help books

always have like shitty where they think they're really clever titles. Right. Like they think it's really cute and fun. Right. Like they would name it

something like selfish help or something that they think is really clever. It's stupid. It's really fucking stupid. Yeah. I'm going to go with B. I'm going to go with Connor and go with B. All right.

I'm going to be honest. I forgot all of them. Fuck. Let's pick a letter. No one's picked D, right? Nope. I'm going to go D. Cool.

You're all wrong again. The correct answer is C, How to Lick Your Way to Love. Son of a bitch. Now, that's a book that needs to be written. Yeah. That's a bit on it. There's a lot of books about the eat pussy dumb shit, like advice guides. And I was like, if you're reading a book on eating pussy, you should just accept you're

not going to eat pussy. I want to make just a picture of Dr. Phil that says, eat pussy dumb shit. Not available in paperback. Round number three. Oh, by the way, the best pussy eating tip is I think put a pillow under the butt so you don't hurt your neck. It gives you a little more stamina. Protect your neck.

It's from the Puntang clan. I read it in Cosmo one day when I was reading Cosmo in a waiting room as a bit. Yeah, as a bit. I was at my girlfriend at the time's work, so I was just reading Cosmo very casually while she was working as a receptionist. And then I read that pillow thing. I was like, you know, I do get a little bit cramped down there. And I tried it and I was like, oh, wow, this is pretty easy.

When you say down there, do you mean your neck? When he's down there. My head's down there. The pussy's on the bottom, Tom. Right, right. The neck is on the top. That's what got confused. No wonder you love when you're trying to fuck a horse's head. You're like, this is a weird pussy. He's like, now is a lady's pussy like a bird's pussy?

Is it the same as the asshole? Because all the ones I've seen have shit in them. Round number three, the spooky edition. A, the beginner's guide to sex in the afterlife. B,

fancy coffins to make yourself. C, become a ghost today. Or D, seduction techniques for the modern vampire. That one's for sure. Yeah, it's gotta be real. Become a ghost today. Or D, seduction techniques for the modern vampire. That one's for sure.

Yeah, that's got to be real. Become a ghost today. It's just a, but here's how you make an exit bag. Step one, die. Just a list of ways to kill yourself. Buy some balloon time helium on Amazon and get yourself a bunch of trash bags and packing tape. Next stop, peace. What was A, B, and C?

Let's read them all again, Tom Because I feel like you're going to ask it I remember D was a no-no A, The Beginner's Guide to Sex in the Afterlife B, Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself That one just says A request to be buried very shallow C, Become a Ghost Today

Or D, Seduction Techniques for the Modern Vampire I've got to figure it's become a ghost today. Okay. Yeah. That was A? That was C. Yeah. What was A?

Tom, fuck you. Fucking in the afterlife, right? Something like that, right? That's the, I'll put it in terms you can understand. Yeah, you fat goldfish. Doing,

doing butt stuff in heaven so you can understand. They didn't specify heaven, but I'm gonna. Get your back blown out under the gaze of the Lord. You don't even know my dog. It could fuck you in heaven. See, the building a box

could also be... A death box. Yeah, that could be a construction box. His ass was actually named Connor. I'm gonna go A. I think Eric Clap that could be a construction box. His ass was actually named Connor. I'm going to go A. I think Eric Clapton's kid was named Connor. Oh. Eat. Fun fact.

I love that kid's name is Connor. And this segment, when we find out that Eric Clapton's dead son's name is Connor, is brought to you by the Zoloft and his sister. He spelled Connor with one N. Oh, that's got to be a real name. I'm glad that kid's dead. What did you think was going to happen, slow hand? He jumped out the window looking for the missing N. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to go with A also. He found it in Papa John's mouth. Am I right, guys? Hey. Topical. B-A-A. Become a ghost today. They're rebooting Chelsea lately, but it's me.

You guys are all saying A? No, we got two Cs and two As. Oh. The correct answer, D, seduction techniques for the modern vampire. What the fuck? God, I'm never this good at this game. Wow. Vampires always try to be fucking.

That's crazy. Yeah. They don't need a book. Keith wants to be on LSD pitching this no-hit. No, they also love books. That's a thing. If you're a vampire, if you think about it, you don't need a book because you're living forever, so at some point you'll figure it out.

Yeah, exactly. After like the 500th year. Yeah, you're not going to be 700 years old and be like, I'm shy around girls. I just don't know what to say. Yeah. They're not real vampires. Hold on. What?

No way, Tom. Get right out of town. Come on. Round number four. A, how to write a how to write book. B, sobriety for dummies. C, just stop having problems, stupid. Or D, get into the friend zone.

I think it's sobriety for dummies. Okay. Yeah. Because I feel like they probably, even the dummies franchise might be a little wary to wander into the angry AA Amazon reviewer you know press core like what is the fun gentle humor cartoon you put in front of chapter three apologize to

everyone you hurt yeah yeah how to find your wife's phone number on the dark web so you can make amends I think I might do I might do the last

what was the last one what was D? get into the friend zone I'm gonna pick that one. What was the last one? What was D? Get into the friend zone. I'm going to pick that one. Okay. The friend zone. Tom, thoughts? Okay, I remember what D was.

I hope so because it was literally the last thing that was said. I'm absolutely not going to read them again. So you're picking one blind. I'm trying to remember. I just, I'm very little sleep. Tell me what you think they were. What do you think A was? Okay, it was something

about the friend zone. That was D. Okay. You've already failed. There was something... Fuck. Oh, we're going fast. A. A was like... Oh, shit. Do you know what fast means?

Yeah. It was something about pussy was one of them. Nope. D. Okay. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Do you know what fast means? Yeah. It was something about pussy was one of them. Nope. Me. Okay. Oh, shit. Fucking how to be happy. See.

Fucking don't hurt you. Don't hurt you. That's like one that you Google translated from a different language. Don't not hurt you. I think that one was the closest. Not one of them was even kind of correct. Borat. Do you guys remember any of them?

Is this who is America? Hold on. Are you tricking us? Sidebar. Everybody can stop tweeting me the picture of the guy drawn in poop from This is America. I know it looks like me. What? I look a lot like him. Yeah, I'll show you. It looks identical to me. It's a real fucking bummer. That's well because somebody said it to me with no context and i'm like oh neat what a fun thing and then i saw it's like he's drawn in shit i'm like ah tight

did you go yet oh uh the uh get it together stupid close enough which one was that c that was stupid was in there oh yeah just stop having problems stupid that's that sounds like a fucking book yeah What was A? How to write a how to write book. Okay, I'm going to go B. I don't remember what it was. Sobriety for dummies. Do you want to hear the most infuriating thing?

Tom is right. It was B, sobriety for dummies. Hell no. We're on the board, dude. Me and Tom tied up. Last round. These are all real or all fake. All right.

A, how to be Pope. B, how to succeed in business without a penis c how to avoid huge ships or d cooking with coolio do you want to know how how like internalized sexism has has fucked me up i was like wait so this is a book about guys who lost their dicks because i was, at no point did it occur a woman in the business world? It'll never happen. Get out of town. In A,

how do they spell Pope? They spell normal? They spell it Pope. Okay, all right. I'm going to go all real. How would that have been the issue? I have a thing. I want your theory right now.

Yeah, fucking explain yourself. I don't know. This community seems very into asterisks and emojis. It's a pope. There's a hat involved. I just feel like... Was it the word pope or was it a papal hat and prayer hand emoji? I just need to know.

What I love is that I know less about what Tom is talking about than I did before he explained it. I think they're all real. You just shoplifted knowledge out of me. Yeah, I'm going to say all real too. Cool. I'm going to guess all real. All right're all real. You just shoplifted knowledge out of me. Yeah, I'm going to say all real, too. Cool. I'm going to guess all real. All right.

All real. Great answer. Those are all real. Hey, my logic works. No, it didn't. I got it right. There was no logic. It was a 50-50 shot.

Look, just because you can't follow it doesn't mean it's not real. All right, all real or all fake. I pick seven. Well, that's it for Witch of the Following. We will be right back with the Mean Boys mailbag right after this. real. Yeah, alright. All real or all fake? I pick seven. Ah, shit. Well, that's it for Witch of the Following. We will be right back with the Mean Boys Mailbag right after this. Bag of mail. And the Mean Boys Podcast returns to take a dip

into the Mean Boys Mailbag. It's the Mean Boys Mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's the motherfucking Mean Boys. Hey, you little prick.

As always, tweet us your questions, post them on Facebook, Instagram, or leave us a voicemail. What's the voicemail number, Carl? 304-805-MEAN. Yeah, or 6326 for everybody who's too dumb to know how letters work. Angel Escalante asks, would you guys ever do Burn Booth at Comic-Con or any other convention again? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, Burn Booth sucks. And also, so does Comic-Con. Have you guys ever do Burn Booth at Comic Con or any other convention again yeah maybe yeah Burn Booth sucks

and also so does Comic Con have you guys ever been to Comic Con once yeah in Miami it's fucking terrible oh my god Miami Comic Con

seems like it might be fun well because everyone it's the same but everyone's just like salsa dancing we're doing the flamenco we have Cubans which are just like

more fun Mexicans right absolutely yes they're way more fun if we're ranking the just overall festivity of Latinos, Cubans are near the top. We're ranking Latinos now? Not in terms of the quality of women,

but in terms of just like outward fun, man. It still sounds a little weird to just be like, let's rank the Latinos. All right, we'll open it up to every race. Number one, white people. The rest. Number three, the... Oh, yeah, her here first.

Well, I mean, you said we're talking races of humans, so I don't know if they're even valid. Yeah, we have to go to some category lizard. Didn't say lizard, yeah, exactly. Somehow I'm the woke one today. You fucked up too early. Now you're like, oh, no. You gotta dig out of that baby rape joke grave

you guys asked for that baby rape joke grave we sure did we did yeah speaking of a joke digger you've been trying to come back out of that the whole show

vote digger you know the Jews are always I get worried every time you do it yeah the bad vibe podcast asked if you had to

fuck one New York comic who would it be my pick is Robert Kelly with Big Jay Oakerson as an alternate um Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Bad Vibe Podcast asks, if you had to fuck one New York comic, who would it be? My pick is Robert Kelly with Big Jay Oakerson as an alternate. I don't know. Who could do the most for my career? Yeah. I mean, here's the thing.

I know the Comptown fan base... Louie. The Comptown fan base adamantly hates us, but I'm going to be honest, Nick Mullen could get it. Hit her. Yes. Right?

He's weirdly hot in an autistic kind of way. Yes. And he's hot and he's like, he's like very, he, I heard him on Tim Dillon show and he was great on that and so serious and he's funny, but I was like, I like him. He's got a cute little mustache. Yeah. The mustache. And I could physically overpower him.

That's the thing. He pushed him to the shelf. I could fight Nick Mullen. Yeah. Like, God damn it. Yeah. He's cute. I'm sorry.

I lost the microphone in my horny frenzy. You got so excited. Yeah. Yeah. Like, God damn it. Yeah, he's cute. I'm sorry, I lost the microphone in my horny frenzy. You got so excited. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I guess Robert Kelly because he probably, he's got,

I could just pretend it's a lady's big old butt, you know. Okay, I'm gonna go Damien Holmes because we won't talk about it afterwards. It'll be a one time thing

and we'll still be friends and forget about it immediately. He's talking about fucking you missionary position but not making eye contact. No, neither of us are making eye contact. I'll just use it as like, hey, there was an attractive dude, ladies. Or maybe Jim Norton, because I could play dress up. It would be fun.

Jim Norton probably wouldn't fuck that good, but he'd probably be a fun hang afterwards. Yeah, I could say lacrosse pooping on somebody off the bucket list. Damien, text me. This is how we game Tom. Yeah, I could say lacrosse pooping on somebody off the bucket list. They may text me. This is how we game, Tom. It's weird to ask you guys. It's more fun when we're just being gay. I guess LA comic.

What's an LA comic you guys would do? Or New York. I'm LA. I feel like I'm going to answer New York because no one else did it. Wendy Starling. I would fuck Wendy Starling. I have to deal with her every day. I'm not going to say that.

That's stupid. She's working out the frustration of the podcast sometimes. Exactly. Like a classic hate fuck once a week. Yeah, exactly. I also would fuck myself. You did by agreeing to be here. Yes, thank you. Buck, do we have anything in the email?

Yeah, I'm looking, and none of it's super readable. It's all just the word Pope and emojis. The emoji Pope. Wait, someone sent us an essay. What? Wait, so okay. Like on Rome? Or maybe I...

Wait, wait, wait. Why? It's the Pope thing. you're really into the Pope thing it's a Hannibal thing it seems to be an essay written about the show or maybe I just posted the subreddit

maybe you gave me credit maybe you don't either way the people will have to know that what has happened what has happened BuzzFeed has just made an expose on the

Mean Boys podcast read it for yourself what oh is he doing a bit maybe I don't know this seems like some shit for the bonus.

Yeah, it says, if you support the Mean Boys podcast, you are ending the world and racist. A small podcast named Mean Boys has only a few hundred iTunes reviews, but it's making waves across America with their trans-American tour. There's no love for trans in this trans-American journey. They're spreading the mansplaining privileged hate. The podcast is hosted by a disgusting trio. Connor McSpadden,

Keith Curry, Tom Goss. Yeah. The theme is apparently comedy. The disgusting trio is the appetizer platter and an apple piece. The real star of the show,

however, is Connor McSpadden, who is the whitest whitest in America, even without the deplorably Irish name, which otherwise people of color, which otherwise, people of color.

Which otherizes people of color. Otherizes? I guess a word? He probably has the same birthday as him, too. Yeah, this is, yeah. He stands head and shoulders above his co-hosts, Carrie and Goss, because he is thinner than both of them. The leader of this podcast, who reads all emails and reads all quizzes, got that position because of his

thinnest privileges. Yeah, I'm getting bored. Nice try. Good attempt, fella. Good, nice try. You know who that is? That's that guy from trivia. That's the guy

that you told to go fuck off. Yeah, go fuck yourself, podcast boy. Yeah. And I hope you smile when you read this out loud. And now I'm gonna ride my tractor

on down to the pub quiz. Oh, this is true. We did do an episode called We Blame the Slaves. To be fair, it was Tom's topic and he was referring to the Jew slaves. So calm down, everybody.

We were talking about the pyramids. That might have actually been one. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. That's beautiful. At some point, we were talking about the pyramids yeah yeah that might have actually been one i'm pretty sure that's what it was yeah that's beautiful yeah at some point we should definitely read the uh fucking uh the essay that was written about my yugioh episode of this is rad about how i can no longer support a podcast that uses ableist language and discussing my favorite card game yeah connor went on a podcast about yugioh and called a bunch of people retarded and so they got the one retarded guy

got real mad at him. You said the word retarded and that's ableist language. That sounds like disableist language. Hey, whoa. I don't know if anyone's ever told you this. You're a real firecracker. A wild card starlet. Thank you.

Disabled people are offensive. I think that's it for the podcast this week, fellas. Yeah, I think so. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Disabled people are offensive. I think that's it for the podcast this week, fellas. Yeah, I think so. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you guys for having us. Where can they follow you on the social media and shit? At JammersPod. Yep, that's on Twitter and Instagram.

My Twitter's at Wendy Starling. Instagram at WendyBird82. My Instagram's at HandsomePartyButt. Shut up. Don't follow Megan on Facebook. It's my birth name. Alright, do we have anyone to plug? August 9th, Big Lou Gralski in Portland.

August 10th, Jai Tai in Seattle. We'll be doing stand-up there. Yep. Tom, you got anything? Yeah, the 5th, 6th, and 7th, I will be headlining the Chico's, so come to that if you can't come to other things. That's in Fresno, California.

Yes, in Fresno. No, it's in Clovis, California. Thank you, Keith. Clovis, California. The Chico's. One of the eight Chico's. Cool. Awesome. The worst plug since what happened to that kid in your earlier joke. That's it, everybody.

Fuck everything. God is dead. God is dead.