Mean Boys - EP 15 - God's Chimney

Episode Date: April 16, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week's segments include "Mexican Joke Off", "Which of the Following", "Show and Tell", "Irish Names" and "Mark Malloy: Saw". Our sponsor is "Dr. Mortaro". Follow the show on Twitter @meanboyspodcast and email us at [e-mail]. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-money-store/id515449028) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello everyone, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. I'm Joe Dosh. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... Taylor Swift before puberty! Yay! Hooray! Growing hair on your pussy.

All kind of chubby, but gonna be a swan. Well, I'm gonna grow on the shitty swan from the other week. Right, guys? It's all part of the circle. We gotta make like a big wheel of insults. It's like the life cycle of me. It's the circle of Joe. Because it's usually just like some kind of creature and then a stage of

development. Yeah. You're like, adolescent, handsome goblin or whatever. And then he turns into the shitty swan and then Taylor Swift comes out. Elderly pudding khakis. Like I want to say you look like a lot of different baby animals, but all

kind of baby animals look alike. You're just the elderly Connor. You're vaguely embryonic, Connor, like Connor. Like, you're just... You're just... You're vaguely embryonic, Connor, is where I get, like, the root of most of my insults. We are... You know what? I'm completing the circle. I'm taking us back to the single-celled organism we all came from, guys.

There you go. Just a pudding bag of fucking mitochondria and a... We are primordial ooze. The missing link of the Ontario improv tonight. Oh dear. One quick thing to bring up. An episode last week,

we had audio problems. We recorded the whole thing. It was great and then it sounded like shit. So we're going to try to throw it up as a bonus episode. We're going to get some

audio people on it. We have a crack team working on it. Yeah. What do you mean? Our crack team of annoyed Ramsey. Yeah.

We're getting Ramsey a Starbucks and we're going to poke him until he does something about it. Pretty much so. We're sorry. Yeah. And it won't happen again until it happens again, inevitably. But also, fuck you. It's free.

Yeah. I'm not sorry. Every Mean Boys is a gift. Don't forget it. Eat our shit, cunt face. Hey, it's time for the Mexican Joke Off. Ay, so topical. The Mexican Joke Off. Ay, so topical. The Mexican Joke Off, which is a privilege and not a right, young man.

Damn straight. I'll start us off. A Vermont mother filed a lawsuit where she claims two men dressed in clown costumes assaulted her daughter with sex toys. This case, unfortunately, has precedent from the moment Connor McSpadden was conceived. Oh, how did he know? A U.S. citizen was killed in a huge earthquake in Ecuador. This brings the death total to 350 Ecuadorians and one human being. Wow.

Oh, what? Oh, now we have souls. I mean, not anymore. I mean, when you make me and Joe do the Yiddish collar yank, like, talking bad about the fake Mex You know you really are. Talking bad about the fake Mexicans or whatever they are. I'm just saying all the kids that smoke cigarettes and wore trench coats in high school would have loved that one. That's quite a joke about the taco schvatzes.

Welcome to taco schvatzes. Hey, man, I grew up down the street from that taco schvatz. They're good people. President Obama is facing pressure to declassify 9-11 reports pertaining to Saudi involvement. Victims of the family say the president is being blackmailed, and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi is being white-mailed. She's mannish. Cricket.

Cricket. An English hoarder was crushed to death Under a pile of his own feces The incident was relayed to the Mean Boys writing staff By the Ghost of Christmas Future This week Bernie Sanders saw Hamilton on Broadway And made an appearance at Coachella In related news Bernie announced he is actually

Two basic bitches stacked on top of each other in an old Jew costume. Work the arms, Madeline. You're fucking it up, Stacy. Well, they wear a lot of the shit that old Jews wear, like shawls and cardigans, you know. Fuck you, it's working. We're going to hang out with a bird in Portland. Yeah, go fucking eat a pecan sandy in a caucus for somebody.

Why is Bernie wearing a floppy hat this week? Killer Mike said it looked good. The governor of Michigan says he will drink filtered tap water from Flint for one month. Analysts say he's clearly gearing up to run for president of Mexico. A 93-year-old former Auschwitz guard will stand trial as an accessory to the murder of 1,000 people. In his defense, the man remarked, Think how many would have died if I weren't guarding the place? Meddling kids, etc.

The Jungle Book opened in movie theaters this weekend. Coincidentally, Donald Trump revealed that the Jungle Book is what he calls Jet Magazine. Pretty good. Rape victims in one county have been told by authorities to drive 25 miles to get a rape kit after being assaulted. In the wake of this grave injustice, Postmates has launched a Netflix and chill while we find out who fucked you against your will billboard camping. Oh, god. Oh shit. I have a rape joke as well. As do I. Well, let's knock them all out.

The prestigious Harvard Finals Club, the Porcellian, came under fire after they claimed the reason they do not allow women as members is that it would increase the chances of sexual assault. A spokesman for the group claimed, they're mad at us for raping people. They're mad at us for not raping people. An Ohio woman was arrested for live streaming the rape of her friend on Periscope.

Viewers were outraged, saying, quote, turn the camera sideways, idiot. We can't even see if she's crying. Oh, my God. This has been a subsection of the Mexican joke of rape fiesta. Please stop.

Oh no. I'm uncomfortable. That's what she said. Oh my God. Oh crap. What have we done? This is like the opening chapter of Haunted in like witty snap form. You just went back in time and gave Daniel Tosh a migraine.

Oh, my God. Good luck, fucker. Hillary Clinton referenced Beyonce on the graphics. Already fucked. Chippewa Falls police have killed a hatchet-wielding, developmentally disabled woman in a Wisconsin Walmart. A funeral service will be held for the mayor later this week. There's so many funny sounds in that joke.

Chippewa Falls hatchet-wielding. Oh, my goodness. A group of mothers started a ride-sharing company that will transport children to after-school events. They hope to compensate for the failure of their previous freelance breastfeeding app, Boober. James Cameron announced four upcoming sequels to the movie Avatar. When asked why he would waste so much time and resources on a series nobody gives a shit about, Cameron said, if it's good enough for the mean boys, it's good enough for me. Johnny Depp has issued an apology for smuggling his dog into Australia,

and he has pledged to go through proper customs procedures the next time he travels with Helena Bonham Carter. That bitch funny looking, though. Police reported finding a wandering pig with pink-painted toenails. Social justice groups claim the police were behaving transphobically to Keith Carey's life decision. I was so excited we got through a whole... I don't even have another one because you guys went another round. Oh, I'm sorry. Fucking, Joe was a bitch and Connor was gay pudding.

Like, I don't know. What do you want? What do you want from me? I'm very fat and you've all pointed it out very clearly. See, what I like about our show is it's honest and all shows fall into

a series of tropes and they pretend that they don't exist. You know, every fucking Seinfeld episode, Jerry finds a new girlfriend with something wrong about her and Kramer does something wacky.

Like, every Mean Boys episode, you call me blank, blank pudding. We say that Keith is off pudding and then Joe says AIDS. And that's what it is. You're giving away the secret blend of herbs and spices here? I'm the colonel, and you know what?

I want out. Nobody leaves. Ramsey, lock the door. And then Ramsey left. And he left. All right. Well, that's it for the Mexican Joke Off boys Um now it's some other shit Hey mean boys and girls

As some of you might know Last week I was in my homeland of Ireland And while I was there I picked up a little bit of the local vernacular And I wanted to share it with you in case you ever found yourself traveling now In Ireland they call french fries chips Chips are called crisps Cookies are biscuits And biscuits are called crisps, cookies are biscuits, and biscuits are called black people muffins. They call their penises shamrock snakes, and their

vaginas are called freckle bunkers. Livers in Ireland are known as punching bags. Elevators are upsy-downy cunts. Toilets are called vomit basins, or VBs for short. Scottish people are known as Kiltorecans. Cars are Fezziwagons. Bars are called hospitals. Red Bull is known as America Juice. Happy travels! who is Woggin' the Nog, Makeup is called Face Butter, Jizz is Ball Toffee, Gynecology is called Slagriculture, and Soccer is called Cunt Ball. Happy travels! Hello, folks. I'm Edgar Mortaro of Mortaro's Baby Coffins. For years, I've brought you the best deals

on everything you need to celebrate the worst day of your life. But in today's fast-paced world, it's easy to be forgotten. Many people are buying their infant sarcophagi at big box retailers like Tragedies R Us and Losco. And so many itsy-bitsy bodies are being committed to the earth in cheap, mass-produced plastic casings, so flimsy that the insects are practically feasting on the flesh before the mother is even done wailing towards the heavens at an uncaring god. cholera outbreak last year, which was also fantastic for business, I've recorded a new jingle for Motaro's baby coffins, lampooning the biggest modern radio hit of the day, Maestro, if you please. Did you miss me?

I'm back! If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where caskets fit? Burying your kids Different types of cause of death Infants taking their last breath With coughing fits Burying the kids Come see me Dr. Edgar Mortaro Discount prices in your time of sorrow No tomorrow Come and save a hundred bucks

On your child's grave I guess his luck was just the pits Burying your kids If their skin has all turned blue Put them in embalming goo Make up on their tiny cheeks Who'd know they died in the creek Tombstones, a perfect topper Womb bones, fixed prim and proper Make the most of your dime Your dead baby will shine All right, the Mean Boys are back. Tuberculosis, sudden stroke, or if it's SIDS, burying the kids.

Alright, the Mean Boys are back. Today we're going to do another round of a segment that we introduced in the last episode. It's called Mean Boys Show and Tell. Hey, you guys want to see something? I do want to see something. You want to see something really scary? You bet. Yay!

Yeah, so the premise is we each bring in something that uh we did when we were younger that's embarrassing now and uh again i was the only person who's bringing enough to bring something uh so this week i've got a couple things prepared but first we're going to listen to a uh a parody song a rolling stones parody uh about star wars parody about Star Wars and I did this just five years ago. Oh no. I was I believe 18, 17 or 18 when this happened. There's so little distance between like your dumb youth and

your dumb present. Like it really it bleeds like it hurts. And you didn't accomplish anything. It hurts me more than anybody. Yeah I know. And it's not like there's like well yeah and then I fucking there's nothing. Like I had already voted twice yeah between you record this I don't I don't care

about the the nude flavors of lays all right I just want to the chicken waffles flavor was the best did you have poutine how horrible does that look if poutine flavored lays yeah that's just bullshit it's not Canadian social your fucking mouth hole.

That's not even... Do your dumb song. All right. I'm upset. You struck a nerve. Here's the parody of Ruth 66 by the Rolling Stones called Kessel Run. Well, if you're in the market to buy some spice, then please take my advice.

Yeah, have your fun on the Kessel Run. Well, then watch past the Imperial Blockade. Let's do 12secs all the way Yeah, have your fun On the Kessel Run From the Naboo Queen To Tatooine Little Cloud City looks oh so pretty

You'll see all the Harlequin more Even hard Kashi, Korriban, don't forget Zayn, Gowai, Cyprix, Bespin It's hard to get more, even hard. Cash in your core. Don't forget Zagor. Soprix, Best Fit, and Camino. Yeah, have fun with it. Well, if you're in the market to buy some spice Then please take my advice Yeah, have your fun on the Kessel Run

Well, and watch past the Imperial Blockade Let's do 12, 4, 6, all the ways Yeah, have your fun On the Kessel Run From the Naboo Queen to Tatooine Little Cloud City looks oh so pretty You'll see all the Veronica more Even hot

Kashi, Korriban, don't forget Zega Why, Soprix, Bespin, and Camino You can build a market to buy some spice Oh, then please take my advice. Yeah, have your fun on the Castle Run. Yeah, have your fun on the Castle Run.

Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no. You just ruined so much for me. You ruined the Rolling Stone, the concept of music, Star Wars, the Cosmos. You're actually quite good at the music, too. You're like a superhero who just uses his powers for evil.

Yeah. Keith said, did you use a karaoke track? No, I laid down all the instruments so I could make that shitty parody. He's like one of the greatest bands of all time. It's like, what if we pulled all the soul out of it and put in a bunch of references to Naboo? Oh, God.

You have more prequel references than original trilogy references. Well, they're extended universe references, which is what I'm a fan of, really. I don't know if that's better or worse, but I do know I hate you. It's for sure better. I'm sitting over here acting like I don't know what the extended universe is.

We all know. That's okay. We've all seen the Ralph McQuarrie fan arts. Or concept arts, rather. Yeah, I actually had two more written that I was going to record. It was Sympathy for the Devil called Sympathy for the Dark Side. And it doesn't even fucking rhyme. It's like thematically consistent.

I'll give you that. In that song, he never rhymes devil with anything. You know? I don't care. Do you want to know what the other song was? I already know what it is. You've told me about it. Keith, what is it? It'd be Wild Banthas.

Which, I admit, if you're going to do this awful thing, that's the way to do it. I'm just saying, I feel like the parent who's like, I'd prefer you not drink at all, but if you're going to, you've got to do it in my home. Oh, God. Yeah, this was all for an aborted web series I was writing when I was, like, 17. So, and I, the smart thing when you make a web series, record the parody songs first. Yeah. And then write backwards to, like, scripts and shit.

How long do you think you spent on that song? Like, in terms of hours? Oh, an afternoon. It's five or six hours. You're, like, a bullshit prodigy. Oh, you really are. Like, you do bad things's five or six hours. You're like a bullshit prodigy. Oh, you really are. You do bad things very quickly and talentedly. You're like Mozart when he's getting drunk and farting on people, but then no symphonies.

He's got really good at the farting on people. Dude, Fartsart, man. I'm down. Mozart. It would have been so much better. No, Fartsart. This is El Chaco all over again, guys. Maltz fart. It would have been so much better. No, fart's all right. This is El Chaco all over again, guys.

El Chaco lives! Be my El Chaco! That's a new character. All right. He's the mascot for that cereal in a bag you get at Food for Less when your family's poor. All right, guys. We need to write this on our own time. This is our time time I guess it is

Well, there's people listening Okay, so, what song, do you want to hear Something from my acoustic Tenacious D ripoff From when I was, I think, 12? Sure Yeah, I guess Alright, so here's a song And this has my neighbor Cole on it a little bit

So This is a song called This is me with 11 or 12 but i remember a song called bigfoot ¶¶ Who's lurking in the forest late at night? It's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot Staying in out-of-focus areas where there's no light It's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot It's Bigfoot, Bigfoot, I believe in you I said I'm Mrs. That's what you are for true Bigfoot, I believe in you I said I'm Mrs. That's what you are for true now

You are for true now ¶¶ The twin rocks that passes by It's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot, it's Bigfoot Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Y-O-Y Why Bigfoot? Why Bigfoot? Why Bigfoot? Why Bigfoot? I know you're not angry, just a misunderstood Bigfoot, I know you'll be good

I know you're not angry, just a misunderstood Bigfoot, I know you'll be good now I know you'll be good now © BF-WATCH TV 2021 He's leaving for Briggs, all over North America. It's Bigfoot. It's Bigfoot. It's Bigfoot. It's Bigfoot. He's big and he's airy and he's awesome because he's Bigfoot. It's Bigfoot! It's Bigfoot! It's Bigfoot! He's big and he's airy and he's awesome because...

He's Bigfoot! He's Bigfoot! He's Bigfoot! He's Bigfoot! The scientists say you don't exist, but there is a gigantopithecus. The scientists say that you don't exist but they're gigantic yes gigantic yes oh my god. Oh yeah, it's done now. Jeez. First of all, are we sure?

Yeah, it's done. This is like the horror movie, like, get it with an axe. God almighty, I want to say it was good for an 11-year-old that just wasn't... Like, oh my, I have so many problems with what just happened. I'm sure you, like, played this at a middle school talent show and the teacher, like, coming in, like, before you're finished. Okay. That was Connor and Cole. Hey.

Yeah. There's, like. Well, Keith and Joe were screaming so hard throughout. It just goes. I know. And it's all these, like, chords that don't really go together. I know. It's, like, it's so baffling.

I love that you spent so long on, like, it's so baffling. I love that you spent so long on, like, musical breakdowns for an instrument you could clearly barely play. Well,

yeah, I knew four chords and I was like, I gotta make the most of it. It has the fucking strumming pattern of a hard arrhythmia. It's fucking awful.

Like, every time I felt like I finally locked into the groove of it, okay, like, at least it's a song, kind of,

it would just switcheroo. It's very jarring. Hey, man, just because I was doing prog rock yeah you understand my signatures oh fuck your 11 year old rush bullshit can we acknowledge that his 11 year old voice sounds like how his face looks now yeah that's the song about bigfoot it's nine minutes long's four minutes. It's nine minutes in your heart. Yeah, it's, oh, God. I did not listen to that all the way through getting ready and I was like, oh, fuck.

This is pretty gnarly. I can just imagine that song coming up from your parents' basement and them just hearing it and assessing. Hey, I have a room, alright? It's right next to my mom's sewing room, okay? Oh, God. Well, I didn't care for it. You guys are just, I legitimately put you sewing room. Okay. So I'm up. God. You guys are just I legitimately put you in a terrible mood.

And that is the piece of it genuinely has soured the evening piece of joy that I've taken from this. I feel like at least the Star Wars one was like pleasant enough to the ear. Yeah. You could just gloss over. Well, I was 12 years old, guys. Come on. You can't get defensive. You chose this. Well, yeah, I know. years old, guys. Come on. You can't get defensive. You chose this.

Well, yeah, I know. You chose this twice. Well, yeah, because I was like, this may be really uncomfortable, which means it's probably good podcasting. That's very funny. Okay. Well, here's the problem. I've got about 45 more comedy songs I'm going to be bringing in.

Here's the thing. You planned this as a segment for all of us, but this is clearly just a segment for you. I think Mean Boys was just a front all along to just get these songs out in the air. Oh, man. This is phase two of your fucking house of cards like Glenn. We have to re-record the Bigfoot song. I just got to get you in peace today. We have to do a Mean Boys re-release of that Bigfoot song.

I mean, if you guys are going to not be stubborn and learn all the words. I will absolutely. We should totally do that. That should be like our 100th episode spectacular. I can't even imagine, if you guys are going to be, you know, not be stubborn and learn all the words. I will absolutely. We should totally do that. That should be like our 100th episode spectacular. I can't even imagine how uppity you're going to be in the directing of your Bigfoot.

No, no, no. That is all wrong. You're going to come in in like riding pants. Like a fucking scarf and a turtleneck. Here's the thing. There's a re-recorded version

of Bigfoot. You did it twice. It has like sketches in between. It's weird. It has like an argument. Yeah, it's weird. So I put the original because I thought it was more It has sketches in between. It's weird. It has an argument. Yeah, it's weird. So I put the original because I thought it was more cringeworthy. Do you believe in Bigfoot as an adult?

I've given it up. I kind of do. That's not a no. Do you believe in Bigfoot? You just can't hold on to the belief anymore. Not actively. I'm like an Easter Christmas Bigfoot believer. There could be a Squatch.

What? We're not talking about the sound that it makes when you get up off of a leather couch. We're talking about the mythical... I'm trying to turn this on me, Bigfoot. It's your time to bleed. Well, you need to bring in some of your poetry and some of the fucking pictures of your little fat fucking closeted face. I can't be the only one fucking dying for people's amusement on this podcast. We'll bring shit in.

If I could somehow transmit how horrible I look in my old fucking closeted self photos online, God damn it, I would tell you. I'll bring a short film where I play a cop that runs a bunch. That's pretty fun. Okay, I have a music video which I made with a green screen that was just a green tablecloth, and it has a lot of me shirtless wearing a zebra cowboy hat and rapping. I have a music video, which I made with a green screen that was just a green tablecloth.

And it has a lot of me shirtless wearing a zebra cowboy hat and rapping. So we got that. This is not Joe Spank Bank. This is a different segment. Zebra cowboy. Oh, I forgot about Joe Spank Bank. Well, I'm just doing Rorschach from Watchmen now. I'm not in your butt.

Your butt's in here with me. We're going to make the gutters run white with cum. Someone needs to clean up this city after we're done with it. The people will look up and say, top me. And I'll say, aight. Shut up, Fozzy Mandius. All right, well, that was show and tell. I feel thoroughly violated. Thank you for sharing, Connor.

Joe, are you going to say something? Yeah, I'm very glad you were able to feel, you felt safe enough to feel vulnerable, so thank you, man. Well, the words of support could not even cross the threshold of your calloused lips. I know, I couldn't even get it out properly. He's bleeding a little bit. Pull off my fucking mask and my David Icke reptile underneath. All right, I do have a i

have a set for me when i'm like 16 i'll bring that in sometime too that's gonna be rough god yes that one's gonna be brutal i'm so excited that we discovered this is an avenue for this show i have a huge vein of shit that this might be a sub podcast yeah really all right well this has gone on way too long that was a show until We'll be right back after a word from something. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, Mark. Mark, wake the fuck up already. Oh, what the fuck, Dennis?

Jesus, shit, kid. Mark, where the fuck are we? We're in a creepy fucking basement. I have no idea how we got here. Shit, Dennis, I don't know. I just remember doing the 12 car bomb at Kalani's, and then I don't know what the fuck. Well, shit car bomb at Kalani's and then, I don't know, what the fuck? Well, shit, Mark, we got fucking contraptions wired to our fucking heads. Do we hook up

with some Fifty Shades of Grey broads or something? Yeah, why don't you tie yourself up and wait for a fireman to come in, you fucking mouth. Fuck you. Hello, Mark and Dennis. Mark, it's that creepy gay puppet from the Saw movies, dude. Yeah, tell me something I don't know, Skidmack. You've of course noticed the two bear traps wired to your heads.

If you're unable to remove them in ten minutes, I will press this button and they will tear your skulls in half. But you needn't worry, gentlemen. The key is right here in this room. I'm sure you've noticed the large pizza in the middle of the table over there. The large San Francisco-style

pizza. Oh, no! Don't get me started, you howdy doody cocksucker. I believe the dough is even gluten-free. Fuck you. Jam of a trilliquist fist right up your ass. The key to your death traps is baked somewhere inside. To free yourself, Dennis will need to eat his way through to find it. California's finest pizza, gentlemen.

Live or die, make your choice. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. Dennis, the fuck you doing, you little maxi pants? Stop eating the fucking pizza. That is not pizza, Mark. That abomination came from San Francisco. San Francisco, Mark.

What fucking, Dennis? I swore on my father's deathbed I would never eat a slice of pizza made on the West Coast. You would add. Dennis, we got bear traps wired to our fucking heads that are going to pull our skulls apart. I'll just paw through it to find the key. I don't need to fucking eat it. Dennis, it's a fucking serial killer puppet on a tricycle.

He's not going to let you off on a fucking technicality. All right. All right, I'll do it. Oh, my God, Mac. Oh, my fucking shit, Mac. Oh, fuck, Dennis, no. I'm sorry, Mac. Oh my fucking shit, Mac. Oh, fuck, Dennis, no. I'm sorry, pizza. I'm disgracing your honor to save myself.

Jesus, I can't even look at you. Fuck you, emo Pinocchio. You better not be beaten after this. I found it. I found the fucking key, Mac. Oh, well, fuck. Talk about it, Simone. Instead of unlocking the thing.

Shit. All right. All right, I got him off. Are you all right, Mac? I'm all right, Dennis. I fucking love you, Mac. I fucking love you, Dennis. You're safe.

Some people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore. And one more thing, Dennis. Happy birthday. What? I fucking got you, retard. Yeah, but the creepy serial killer puppet thing.

No, what? That's just Cousin Brad. Sup, queer? Looks like you enjoyed your California-style pizza. Am I right, douchebag? You cocksucker. Oh, I think you fucking loved it, kid. You ate the whole thing.

Hey, someone get this fruitcake and slice with some soy riso on it or some shit. You motherfuckers. I'm going to have PTSD to shit, kid. Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche. Mark, what are you boys doing down there? Oh, sorry, Aunt Mary. We're just fucking with Cousin Dennis a little bit. Language.

Sorry. Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche. Oh, you fucking queer. Gwang. All right, Mean Boys is back. And it is time to close out the show. I've half-assed a really terrific round of Which of the Following this week. Let's play Which of the Following.

Yay. This week we're doing kind of the return Of one of our old topics This is Which of the following Is not a real Lisa Ann follower She's the porn star That played Sarah Palin

Some of you guys Might know from the Eminem music video And stuff Who I actually did A show with recently Had no idea who she was Until after the fact

Did she do stand up No she judged When I did Rose Battle In New York Oh fun Yeah I was like Who's this bitch And they're like Oh it's that bitch Oh wow Well hey Fucking shout out after the fact. Did she do stand-up? No, she judged when I did Rose Battle in New York. Oh, fun. Yeah, and I was like, who's this bitch?

And they're like, oh, it's that bitch. Oh, wow. Well, hey, fucking shout-out. Yeah. She didn't vote for me, so I hope she gets AIDS.

I mean, you know, not the furthest thing to... Probably beat her to it, okay? All right, which of the following is not a real Lisa Ann Twitter follower? A, at Rude Pablo.

B, at Super Bang Bro Luigi. C, at the Purple Bishop. Or D, at God underscore Born. Was it God underscore Born? Yeah, God Born. Oh, these are all a bummer. Yeah. I was thinking of the kind of mushroom Super Bang Bro Luigi eats.

I think one of the people from the last time we did this with John and Michael's actually follows Mean Boys now. That's awesome. I think, like, it's, like, it's something. Is it? Oh, it's... I mean, if we could get either of these porn stars to follow Mean Boys, that would be fantastic.

We'll tag her. We'll see. I'm going to say... Oh, God, it's so hard. I'm going to say the Purple Bishop. Joseph? I'm going to say the purple bishop. Joseph. I'm going to say rude Pablo. The fake Twitter follower is Super Bang Bro Luigi.

That seems so real. Rude Pablo. There's someone. There's like fucking like Farty Hernandez or something. That's from the last time we did this. It's something stupid like that. I got to figure it out. Guatemala.

Guatemala and fucking Morning Zoo. Farty Hernandez. F, I'm Fadi Hernandez. Fadi Hernandez and the bean. Which of the following is the real least famous? Don't ask. Alright, Keith, I thought you'd already locked in your album title. What was it?

A. At Needle Creep. B. At Steroids Underscore China. C. At Inspector Lust. Or D. B at steroids underscore China C at inspector lust or D at prime minister 69 well all four of those make the world a darker and less joyful place when it's not this it's just like egg avatars with like a keyboard mash like pile of like characters and it's just like header photo, dick,

profile picture, same dick, zoomed in. It's just like, oh my god. It's fucking visually upsetting to look for these. Oh man, they're all over. When I think of Inspector Lust, I picture one of those guys with those black plague bird mask things with the flowers in them. They're expecting a porn star's pussy.

Oh no. He's got... You have caught the consumption. It's loaded up with flowers and dried apricots to try to keep the plague out. Keep your humors pure. Ring around her rose.

Buckets full of trojans. Asses. Asses. Asses. She will go down. All right. I'm going to go with good work. I had to finish it.

I'm going to go with needle creep. Now, that's for sure real and unpleasant. I'm going to say Prime Minister 69. The fake Twitter follower is Prime Minister 69. Yeah. Needle creep is just out there. Needle creep is out there. Needle creep is too vague,, none of the answers are good.

Yeah, Needle Creep is for sure. Like, you've shared a bus with Needle Creep before, Keith. You've been on the bus with Needle Creep. Yeah, we lived there. Needle Creep is just out there. Yeah, he was dating my mom. Yeah. This is what we call learned helplessness.

It's when you ingrain it into their victims to bully themselves. Which are the following? A, at Pussy Bone Crusher. B, at Come Aficionado. C, at Chimney Diver. Chimney Diver! You can see his stripes, but you know he's clean.

Is Dio alive? No. I mean, in spirit, clearly. He's diving in God's chimneys now. God's chimney. Well, episode has been titled. That is the name of the most expensive bong. Dude, we're going to light a fire in God's chimney.

Could God make a bong so tall he couldn't rip it? Turns out, yeah, and it's $500. And it's dope as fuck. It's got a dragon. What's the fourth one? At bag of toasty toast. This might be my favorite game to write because think of the ones I didn't include.

Pussy Bone Crusher. I'm just picturing Wesley Crusher from Star Trek. Mr. Crusher, dismantle that pussy. Can't. Mr. Crusher. I'm going to go with Pussy Bone. Make her blow. I'm going to say Come Aficionado.

The fake Twitter follower is Come Aficionado. Damn. Keith Carey on a hot streak. Or a cold streak if you consider having a soul. There's no winner or God here. Number four. A, at Booty Derrick. Derrick is all caps. Booty Derrick. B, at Booty Derek. Derek is all caps.

Booty Derek. B, at Small Indian Dick. C, at Come Underscore Dropper. Or D, at Mr. Freshly Snipes. I feel like Small Indian Dick is real. Like, they have a lot of, like, humiliation fantasies because of British occupation that's ingrained in their heads. Where's Ramsey when you need him?

I just want her to step on my face and take my spices. I want her to levy tariffs on my bottle. I want her strict tax on having fun

and feeling good. Occupy my nuts. I want to non-violently protest as she sits on my face. That's like non- That's some fucking Indian dominatrix, like, enthusiast work. They just sit there silently and get spanked.

Cool. I will not tell you I'm a dirty boy and who doesn't like it, but I will not raise my hand to do so. I want you to imprison my bald for 60 years until they reach enlightenment and lead a movement against you. Be the bitch boy you wish to see in the world. I feel foolish.

This is tremendously offensive to everyone involved. This has been one of the most horrible episodes. We've really dug deep into the pits here. California pizza. I'm going to say booty, Derek. I'm going to say cum drop.. I'm going to say Cumdrop. Oh, wait. I'm changing my answer to Freshly Snipes.

All right. The fake Twitter follower is... Damn it! Booty Derek with Derek in all caps. Right at the last second, I was like, Freshly Snipes seems like a rejected rap name from your folder back in the day. Coming up on Show and Tell. And number five, all real or all fake a at duct tape richie

b at mr cheeseville c at cory underscore two underscore squall cory to swoleole or D at BoyMom and then two underscores. The underscores always make it more upsetting to me. What is a BoyMom? You're going to have to ask this guy. That means there were at least two other BoyMoms. Boy underscore mom?

Taken. Boy mom with three M's? Taken. Is it a boy who pretends to be the mom? Is it the mom of a boy? I don't know, Keith. It's definitely someone who got pregnant too early in the Inland Empire. Oh, God. What a stutter on your little smugness there.

Oh, I know. Did you trip over your fucking underbite, you pompous douche? Go roll away. Get your boat shoes out of Chino Fruitcake. I'm going to say all real. I'm going to say all fake. They are all real. Keith came in with, you won the game.

You got three out of five. It's an honor, I guess. Hooray. You know what that means? You get a returne from Duck Tape Richie. Oh, yeah. Wax it. Well, that's the show, I guess. Hooray. You know what that means. You get a retry from Duck Tape Richie. Oh, yeah. Wax it. Well, that's the show for this week.

Let's see what we got. Me and Keith are going to be up in UC Santa Cruz on April 20th. We're going to be roasting people as part of the Burn Booth web series. Come on out and let us mock you. That is going to be a ton of fun. I'm going to be at the Comedy Club Laughs in Tucson all weekend. So come see me there. It's a great club.

We're doing a show in Santa Cruz, too. Do you know where that is? No. OK. It's on my website. Yeah. Check out his website. And then May 6th, my album Forever Nap comes out on iTunes and vinyl.

It'll be able for presale on April 22nd, this Friday. So save your money and give it to me because I am dying. And I'm also going to be at the Broke LA Festival on Saturday, April 23rd. I'm going to be in Fresno at Mother Mary's with Stephen Randolph and Feng Chao, two comedians who are really, really hilarious. I'd love if they could get involved with Mean Boys somehow.

That's going to be the 28th and the 29th of April. Jesus Christ, that's going to be a good show. I'm really excited for it. Feng Chao at fucking Mother Mary's is going to be the 28th, any 29th of April. Jesus Christ, that's going to be a good show. I'm really excited. Feng Chao and fucking Mother Mary's is going to be a ton of fun. Yeah, I'm so with you. Not to get too inside for the audience, but holy shit. Well, you know, it's been a great week to continue to be relevant with you guys. Oh, we forgot to plug the one other thing, the Mean Boys specific thing.

May 5th, we're at Sketch Melt. Yep. We're putting up some videos. Yep, at the Nerdist Theater on Sunset Boulevard.vard if you like our bullshit come check it out yeah um some yeah hey man we've already filmed them and edited them and everything yeah in no way we put this off to the last come see how much of a train wreck this becomes we may just put up a static picture of connor playing that bigfoot song yeah look i've got the pimp action crew music video in the can if we need it.

But ideally, you will see the live action debut of Carnock and then another special treat we've got cooked up. So definitely come to that. Well, thanks for listening. AIDS, AIDS, cunt, fuck, rape, mom, boy, boy, mom. You said it. AIDS, cunt, double underscore, God is dead fuck everything goodbye