Mean Boys - EP 151 - Richard Spencer's Gifts (feat. Ramsey Badawi & Opey)

Episode Date: September 4, 2018

Get on our email list for tour updates: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Some tickets for the fall tour are live here: http://meanboyspodcast.com Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Listen to Ramsey's podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/now-is-not-the-time-with-ramsey-badawi/id1404020831?mt=2 Enjoy our new Discord server: https://discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: http://twitter.com/ramsbad Follow our guest Opey on Twitter: http://twitter.com/swankyopey Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop now at nofrills.ca Alright everybody, this week's presentation of the Mean Boys podcast is brought to you by Fuck Louis J. Gomez. You better fight, Tom. We're calling you out. We'll talk about it in great detail for the rest of this episode. This episode really

needed more calling him out. That's what it lacked. It didn't have enough of it already. Yeah, so we're just calling out Lucia Gomez, our buddy that we love and respect, for a fight. You know, it's for a good cause. Exposure. So go join that campaign and enjoy this week's episode because we got Ramsey and Opie sitting in this motherfucker. Two big gets.

I don't know how we tracked them down, but we got them to come to my bedroom, talk some shit. We had a great fucking time. And we're going back on the road everybody we're going out on tour and uh if you guys haven't already now is a great time to sign up for our email list you just put in the closest major city you're willing to come and see a show how many friends you got whether or not we can crash on your couch uh 11-1 houston 11-2 austin 11-3 Dallas, 11-4 Kansas City, 11-9 Nashville, 11-10 Atlanta, 11-11 Orlando. And we're going to be adding a couple more dates to that too. Adding a couple more dates. We're still locking all of them in. Some of those

tickets will be on sale. They'll be posted on meboyspodcast.com. Go snap them up. Let's try to sell these motherfuckers out. We're doing little venues. Let's have a fun little punk rock evening together. We'll hang out after. We'll go get pizza or something and it'll be a party. Keith has returned from turning on the... Fixing the electricity.

Fixing the electricity because the power went out during the recording. Electrician Keith. Yep, Keith. What up, fam? Keith the Voltorb himself. The roundest, most electrocuted force in all of entertainment. The zappiest, balliest of all the Pokemon. Yeah, I had to do it like three fucking times. Yeah, man.

This house is gonna catch on fire. I don't do it like three fucking times. Yeah, man. This house is going to catch on fire. I don't think it's going to burn. It's fucking like concrete. We're surrounded by lots of flames. There's a lot of brush. Yeah. I'm like the back hallway. I'm like if a firefighter saw that.

Our house has brush. Yeah. I like the idea that the house won't burn, but it's just surrounded in a dome of flame. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway. Yeah. That's all the tour shit.

And fucking leave us a review on iTunes. We are within, yeah, that's all the tour shit. And if I can leave some review on iTunes, we are within striking distance of our Keith's mom interview goal. We're only 53 iTunes away. You guys have been

leaving them. Just keep it up. This guy writes, Bofa D. Nuss writes, can't wait to waste my life catching up. Just found you guys this weekend

from Roast Battle. Insta fan, you guys are hilarious and I know comedy. I've seen Joe Rogan live. I don't know if that's facetious or not. I enjoy it either way.

Thanks for the review, buddy. And if you want to get us to 400, we'll go track down Keith's mom and I'll put on some sunscreen and, you know, fucking holy water and I'll talk to her about all the things that have been in her son. Christ.

What a fun, exciting time that'll be. Jump on the Patreon if you guys want a little more meat in your life every single week for only five bucks. And for ten bucks if you guys want a little more meat in your life every single week for only $5. And for $10, you get yourself a little goody in the mail. I'm getting ready to go make all of our horny summer condoms and ship those bad boys out. So, yeah, get in on that. Help us out.

No one's getting rich over here. We're just trying to keep the motherfucking lights on. And while you're at it, just throw us a quick sub on YouTube. Those numbers have been going up really quickly lately. That's really cool to see, and fucking follow us on Instagram and Twitter for all your Mean Boys needs. We post other fun shit.

We don't just post the shows when people make stuff. There's some good dialogue on there. Yeah, yeah. Start a war with a better podcast. Yeah, no. Well, not better, but more successful. We're like graffitiing Bibles and stuff. It's a good time.

Which I love. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's great. You can hang on our Discord server, moderated by listener Alexis Filth. That will be a link in the show notes. And go pop over to the Mean Boys subreddit and get to know your fellow Mean Boys heads and discuss which Pokemon has the biggest dick, things like this.

Post videos of a fat guy and a skinny guy doing things and say it's me and Keith. That's some more good content. Love it. Never not funny. Every once in a while, my buddy Ryan pops in for a quick meme, you know? So that's a good time.

And other than that, I think all you guys got to do is just fucking sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's episode with the big-ass Ram Dog and the Oapst to 3D himself. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. You're not allowed to be proud of where you're from unless it survived a mass shooting.

I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm going to beat the shit out of Louis J. Gomez. God damn right. We're jumping right into it. We're calling you out, PR chicken. Everyone within the sound of my voice, tweet Louis J. Gomez, the coward, a Puerto Rican flag and a chicken emoji every day in response to everything he posts. Truly the only frightened Puerto Rican I've ever met.

Yeah. You know, you think of him as a big swaggering, like Klingons more or less. Yeah. But this particular gentleman seems to be a little bit afraid to fight one of the fatter men I've ever known in my life. Yeah. Easily the second fattest man on this podcast. And mildly retarded. Shaking in his boots to fight the deranged, overweight hero of the West Coast podcasting scene.

And I, for one, find it a little bit ironic. I will not stand for it. And look, I think we need to offer up a little bit of context. Go grab a microphone. You're getting in here. Yeah. While Ramsey'say's doing that i'm gonna offer a little context for anybody listening who doesn't know what we're talking about uh lewis j gomez host the legion of skanks podcast they had us on skank fest we've been on real ass podcast let me lewis j gomez ruins the legion of skanks podcast that's true he's you may know him as not big j or the quiet guy he's the

third one yeah yeah yeah he doesn't know about politics and he's not the funny one. He hangs out and waits for an opportunity to say the N-word. And that's great. We love Lewis. We think he's great. Last month,

a couple weeks. Keith doesn't speak unilaterally for the Mean Boys podcast. I find him contemptible. I like that you're fine calling him a PR and throwing a lot of shade at the Puerto Rican community.

Anyway. That's his label. Look, we can't backpedal while we're being cool Don King guys. Oh, yeah. We can fucking roll forward with this. I forgot this is our role as- Only in Trump's America.

He'll fight promoters. Yeah, this is the great part about this fight call out is at no point have I allowed Tom to speak. That's fine. No, no. I'm watching. I'm watching you guys unravel. We're going to get to you.

So, Luis Gomez hosts Legion of Skanks. A couple weeks ago, he did a much anticipated mma fight with ryan o'neill and uh to say he beat the shit out of this man is an understatement this man was unprepared to do anything but strip mall nine-year-old karate uh he couldn't have kicked through a board much less a thick latino calf uh and louis beat the shit out of him and has very loudly been hemming and hawing about how new y is better than L.A. because he beat a Jew up. Yeah, because he beat up a balding man that did karate in the 90s. Yeah, he worked the world's weakest stepdad.

Yeah. Oh, man, dude, I almost choked Steve Ranazzisi's friends. That's truly an inspiration. He beat the shit out of a man who looked like an extra in King of the Hill. Like the most. Yeah, it looks like the guy in every episode of King of the Hill who hangs just like, oh. The guy we call asinine at some point before the credits roll. Yeah.

So that happened. And then Lou was very arrogantly, after posting a video of himself air raping the concept of Los Angeles, then tweeted simply, who's next? And that's where Tom comes in. Tom stepped in. Tom has had some fight training. Yeah, I have. What I liked about Tom's response was how earnest it was.

Yeah, it was a beautiful, earnest response. Tom is not the evil, self-promotional opportunist. Tom is the working man's hero. No, that's you two. Tom is going to be Rocky for the factory workers of America. Yeah. You want to talk about the forgotten men and women of this country? The Trumps?

That's who the Buck and Mean Boys podcast reaches, okay? He's the transgender families in Indiana working graveyard shift and doing drag shows on the weekend. This is who we serve, and this is your champion, Tom Goss. Yeah, you're going to be a folk hero for people who make their living scamming a disability check. If you're going to get black lung from something, you're definitely going to be rooting for Mr. Goss. I mean, this fight makes all the sense in the world.

It's a retard and a Puerto Rican, God's most violent creature. I'd say we put him in a cage. We settle him once and for all. We should probably let Tom speak on this because we've done a lot of... Oh, no, no, no. I'm enjoying watching you guys go... Tom keeps his head down. He does the work, you know?

Yeah, no, no. I mean, I'm not... He's like, I know you're probably looking for someone more famous. Which is true. And if you get someone more famous... That's kind of a subtle diss in itself, you know, on Lewis's intention.

I didn't mean it as a subtle diss. It didn't mean it, but it is. It's true. And that's what makes it such a perfectly subtle diss. And you say, but I'll give you a fucking fight, dude. We all know Lewis would like a more famous fight, but I gotta figure Ari Shaffir's coattails are full by now. So what we're saying is fight Tom.

Tom is easily as relevant as Danish's second-in-command. Oh, Jesus Christ. As a sub Danish radio personality we're really we're really starting here's what's hilarious this is hit him up for podcast

here's what's hilarious is I was like alright alright we're gonna call that we're gonna see what he says but what I don't buy it I was like you know what I don't want to do is I don't want to make fun of Ryan O'Deal because I think do is I don't want to make fun of Ryan O'Deal, because I think it takes... Well, I didn't want to make fun of Ryan O'Deal either, and then I watched him hit an anemic flamingo.

Anyone who jumps in the ring's got fucking balls. You don't know what's going on. I respect when someone's just brave enough to get up there and try something. It took balls to get in the ring, and now they're in Kim Congdon's purse, and you can go win them back. It took a lot of balls to get your ass kicked by a fat 40-year-old single father that learned MMA from some vaguely relevant MMA guy who didn't do a good job. It took a lot of balls to know that you were going to be in a fight for nine months and not do one sit-up throughout that entire fucking process.

Jesus Christ, dude. Man, yeah, it took a lot of balls to not wear a shirt like Lewis did. That was a brave move. It took a lot of balls to fucking acquire the perfect farmer's tan to have on fucking him. He was just a sneech bodied middle manager

flailing and kicking like a schoolyard fucking kid. Okay, well, I'm not gonna make fun of him. I did love Lewis's shirt because he was just dressed like a fat kid trying boogie boarding for the first time. That's so funny. Exactly. He's like, I've got my sports guy rash guard on

and I'm ready to fight. Oh, yeah. Well, dude, I don't want to get a rash. Tom looks so uncomfortable. Yeah, Lewis looked like every fucking eighth grader who wanted to try to sneak a shirt into the swimming pool in eighth grade. Do you remember that shit?

Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I forgot I was wearing it. Is this thing on? Yeah, and here's what I'm going to say about this. I understand that we're a little less famous than the Skanks guys. We're the underdogs here. I get that.

But I think you can hear from Tom. We have a hardcore fan base. We do, and Tom is a very respectful guy. You can hear he's trying to be diplomatic about this. Yeah, Tom. And you're going to get everything you want because Tom takes this very seriously. Tom fights very well. I would take it 100%.

I take it seriously or more seriously than Lewis would. He's already planning a training regimen. He really wants to have a good fight, and he wants to handle it like a true professional. Me and Connor, on the other hand, want to be tremendous cocksuckers about it. And really, this combines everything Lewis likes, which is mild respect for the art form of MMA, but also self-promotion and calling each other gay across the broadband. Oh, yeah, just grandstanding and, like, a bi-coastal feud. And I'm like, you know what?

Everyone in rap is fighting right now, and it's a lot of fun. And I'm being honest. I love it. We're funnier than anybody desperate enough to fight you, Lewis. We will make it entertaining. That's the honest to God truth. It's going to be a better fight, all right? It's going to to God truth. It's going to be a better fight. All right? It's going to be funnier.

It's going to have a great narrative. We got the bi-coastal thing. You know? We got the fucking we're the underdogs. You guys can have fun, you know, just fucking storming

our subreddit with Nazi memes. Exactly. And you know, Lewis, you've already called Tom gay so you have a year and a half to come up with any other joke.

It'll be great. You also have a Puerto Rican and a mentally ill come up with any other joke. It'll be great. You also have a Puerto Rican and a mentally ill person, so it's like a good diversity thing. I've only had diversity. You get me on a show. On this show, baby. So that is our impassioned pitch

to Legion of Skanks, to Luis J. Gomez. Fight Tom Goss. I need every day, every single person listening to this show, tweet at Luis J. Gomez. Tell him to fight Tom. Use the hashtag Gossoss. I need every day, every single person listening to this show, tweet at Louis J. Gomez. Tell him to fight Tom. Use the hashtag Goss Gomez. I do want to point something out. Hashtag Goss Gomez.

To the fans that already liked it and tweeted at it and all that, I fucking love you guys. You guys are amazing. Yeah, if we would have gotten three likes on that, we wouldn't have done this. Oh, yeah. Tom does have an important note to add. Yeah, I do have an important thing to say. It was pretty funny. Day one, you guys were focused.

And then day two, the ADD kind of kicked in. You guys started tweeting at Rogan and other podcasts I don't know about. People that had nothing to do with it. I do love that someone tagged Obama. That was pretty fucking funny. But let's not tag people who have nothing to do with this, who are in the comedy world, because I don't want Joe Rogan's first impression of me to be that, oh, is he the one that people keep tagging me to fight that New Yorker?

I love that you think Joe Rogan is reading that deep in his mentions. Yes, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, just let's keep it hilariously professional. Joe Rogan is busy choking a deer to death. What I want to do is I want you guys to find the least healthy pictures of Tom and tweet them at Lewis and say, Lewis, you're afraid

to fight this man? Anything for pretty much three months ago. Tom Overway dressed as a cowboy smoking a cigarette. You really, you don't think you can hang? You don't think you can hang with a guy wearing skull makeup with KFC crumbs on his fucking Batman shirt standing outside a fresno motel i yeah i have a lot of pictures of me from that

way i don't have a lot of pictures of me from uh from this way well because yeah you've only been uh you've only been husky now for probably like three months i'd say you know yeah maybe less than that but yeah yeah it's uh yeah so look we're taking this thing seriously it'll be a lot of fun nothing but love and respect to the the of Skanks guys and all of them. What you guys do is fun. We're just trying to have some fun here. And you guys are all weak and stupid, and we'll crush you underneath our powerful boots. And I do want to take this opportunity to thank Tom's official sponsor, Smoked Honey Ham.

Not even a brand, just the concept of ham. Yeah, yeah. Well, I got the ham lobby in early, you know, to make sure. The ham lobby is what I call Tom's mouth. It's a waiting room for ham. I don't even eat ham.

I know, you're vegetarian. I'm a vegetarian. How does that matter? Man, shut up, Dan. Are you on ham? If Tom gets his ass beat by a gay, retarded vegetarian, if you beat up Louis J. Goode, he has to end all of his podcast. Absolutely.

I mean, there's nothing. You get to marry Kim. You own Gus Digital. He loses everything. His baby James, all of a sudden, he's just like Thanos. I don't feel so good. Scary dad. Let's not take it there.

No, I wouldn't. Yeah. He's a good good. Scary dad. Let's not take it there. No, I wouldn't. Yeah. He's a good kid. Jesus Christ. We really are West Coast fags. Every time we even try to play this game, we're like, no, but everyone's got feelings. I know. Yeah.

Yeah. What? What? Nuance on my podcast? No, thanks. Yeah. Well, that. We're going to have a bear that sings N-word songs and do that every week for a month.

What a great bit that'll be. Not like us, artists and innovators with sketches that it says, what if blank was gay and what if blank was black? Yeah, yeah. Well, guys, we got to welcome our guests, fucking Owen Benjamin and some lady that did three porn scenes that's going to get drunk and start a fight and leave. Wow, this will be an insightful hour of broadcasting. We turn first to Palestine. Dave Smith's going to say

a bunch of smart-sounding stuff that doesn't add up. Lewis is going to throw in the N-word, and then Big J will make a couple of pussy jokes, and then it's right into audience questions, and that's the show.

As Big J consults his how-long-do-I-have-to-keep-doing-this watch, he keeps sticking down on it. jay just looks at his countdown till his netflix special special drops and like okay just six more months of this shit and then i can go be a real comedian stop fraternizing with these i just had the sad realization that if the mean boys universe like takes on the legion of skanks universe I have to fight Dave Smith. That's a sad, I'm your guys' Dave Smith. You absolutely are, Dave Smith.

That's absolutely heartbreaking to me. You are Dave Smith because I don't totally know who you are. I've done several events with you, and by all intents and purposes, I should like you, but I don't really know that you exist. Do you know how hard it is to find fingerless gloves in a child's medium for teeth? I've been looking, scouring the internet, and they said homeless people aren't seven years old.

I can't find this product. I'm flattered that we're pretending I'm not the Amico of the organization. Oh, yeah. What would that make me? I don't know. Dan Soder? Shannon? Yeah, you're somehow still Connor.

Man, yeah. I guess I would be. You're that guy who tried to boycott the creek and the cave That's who you are That was one of the funniest things Shut up nerd Hey motherfucker it's Louis J. Come on

Regardless of whether or not this happens And I don't know if it will but it should You and Zach should have that Jerk off race Me and Amigo agreed we will have should have that jerk off race oh yeah me me and amigo agreed we will have a competitive public jerk off race that's an undercard for the fight that's exactly what my father thinks you gays are doing i can't figure out how you really win that because to win that like if you come fast what are you really proving that you're bad at stamina like that was a that

was a porn a very short-lived porn series back in the 2000s porn boom where it was called Blowjob Races. Oh, my friend. I looked these up recently. I know. Blowjob Races. Chug that dong, dude. Dude. No, no.

They'd just be like, how fast do you think you can make him cum? And she'd be like, five minutes. And the guy would be like, well, I had like a silicone sleeve put in there to make it bigger. And I barely feel anything anymore after use of cocaine use so i'm probably gonna have to jack off after 12 minutes of unpleasant oral pleasure you know yeah yeah that was good but there was also the one where the dudes it'd be like it'd be like two chicks and like 24 dudes right and be like 12 12 and each chick would race to make each dude come and like it was like like the railroads meeting in the middle of America guys are dynamiting their assholes and dying it's how I prep for

my holy shit some good East Coast podcast Asians they're dead Oh fucking pizza we built the fucking infrastructure of this country on the blood and backs of the disenfranchised, and then we gave them a couple holidays and called it square. That's a lot of words. Oh. Should we do the rest of the show? No, I got something to say about Eisenhower.

We celebrate the interstate freeways, but he did it as a gimme to the auto factory. Here's a new deal. Cram it up your ass. Oh. I know that's a different guy. Here's a square deal. It's a fucking square deal, though. It hurts.

Hand over, working man. Truman's coming to town. It's time for the Mexican joke-off. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ay, so topical. It's time for the Mexican joke Oh Oh Joke off hasn't even started yet No

I thought we were gonna Like suddenly bring up some call out Like towards the end or the middle or something Connor's like no we're doing this Fucking immediately I think we made the right call Yeah yeah yeah Like now it used to be The Mexican joke off and all that was the meat of the show.

Now it's like, eh, it's just some shit we'll get to eventually. No, it's the thing I work really hard on. I totally love it. I'm doing a lot of work I'm trying to quietly do behind the scenes. No, bro, it's all about the other. This is just killer, you know? Anyway, speaking of which, a truck full of Axe body spray exploded in Texas. The event is being called 9-11 for gas digital subscribers.

I have a Mexican joke I'll show down. A tanker truck full of Axe body spray exploded in Texas, releasing a cloud of very literal toxic masculinity. Well, here's the deal. 9-11 wasn't actually there in 9-11. They thought that was metal. But all that Axe just going to waste. Just a single tear rolled down Dave Smith's cheek like an Indian. They're like, well, I never went to that building, and women probably worked in it, so I'm glad it's gone.

Yeah, I mean, you've got to figure there are some broads. I mean, they need someone to type. Come on, guys. A Netherlands man was hospitalized after shoving 15 hard-boiled eggs up his rectum, making him the first ever man to be able to twerk out an Easter egg hunt. You know the little bunny where you press the thing and he hops and he poops out a jelly bean? That would be great to just do that with a guy in hard-boiled eggs. I've actually never seen that.

Well, you had a bad childhood because of Buddhism and poverty, probably. I'm quietly laughing so hard right now at the idea of Axe.com being a black person's Ask.com. Ex-Jeeves? Wow. Quietly laughing so hard right now at the idea of Axe.com being a black person's Ask.com. X Jeeves? Wow. You just wrote the greatest closer of 2010. I know, man. That is the oldest joke.

It really is cracking me up. Sometimes you hear a good hack joke and you're like, you know what? Oh, I love it more than anybody. I'm not bringing this on stage. It still cracks me up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you go to the comedy union on Pico and you wait 20 minutes, someone will do that joke. The X-Dot Axe Jeeps is good, though. I've never had an Axe Jeeps.

Oh, yeah, no, the one I heard, or I forget who did it, was like, yeah, Ask Body Spray is what we call it, you know? Oh, that's funny. It's funny, yeah. It's a good time. It's a good time. All right, guys. Three Pennsylvania men have been charged with over 1,400 counts of bestiality. Animal rights activists are calling it the first great victory of the Moo Too movement.

It's like Me Too, but with cows, guys. Cows, yeah. Oh, like the sound they make. Yeah. When you rape them. You have the cows, that is. You have eight more tits to touch on a cow. Man.

Come on. Well, imagine titty fucking a cow. Oh, dude. Luxurious. Oh, tell me about it a cow. Oh, dude. Luxurious. Oh, tell me about it. No. But the titties don't... No, there's just one giant boob and then eight nipples.

They don't have eight nipples and one cat. Yeah, you're right. It's really weird. So it'd be harder to... You could just kind of fuck the middle of it. Well, you'd fold it in half. You'd put your dick in a beanbag. You'd fold it in half like you're fucking a crepe made of cow.

How would you stand in this situation? Oh, a beef crepe. Yeah. Like, those udders don't hit the floor. Like, they're up there. You'd have to, like... You'd need a winch situation for sure to, like, lift it. No, I'd get a stool, and I'd lay on top of the stool, and then I'd do it while the cow

was on top of me. Humanely. You're making the cow go cowgirl? Yeah. Well, that's why it's called that. Yeah. Because of our great founding fathers and what they did to pass the time during the wars.

Yeah, they got one. A lesbian couple was publicly flogged in the streets of Malaysia. Onlookers described the scene as horrifying, nauseating, and kind of hot. They're just spanking lesbians. I guess that is what they're doing. Yeah. Man. Police seized 147 pounds of cocaine stashed in pineapples.

Last time a fruit was filled with this much good time, Keith met a Filipino on Grindr. Okay, all right. Wait, hang on. A fruit filled with good time? Yeah, cocaine's a good time. I thought we were doing something about SpongeBob building a go-kart. That's where I was going to go with that.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah, yeah. Maybe do another round and we'll come back to you. You want me to just try to think of a different joke for that setup? Just do a different punchline for that setup for the rest of your jokes. Okay. You don't actually have to. I disagree.

I think that should happen. All right. A Philadelphia company is planning a $120 million refinery to convert leftover food into fuel for the buses of the city. The 10,000 plus homeless people in Philadelphia said, oh, cool, we're going to use it to feed the buses. Nice. I do love America so much. It rules pretty hard. They're like, look at all this bread. This is

disgusting. We could probably make biodiesel out of it. As a child just turns into a skeleton. And then the homeless people will have to ask for money to ride on the buses that is running off of the food they could have eaten. It's a perfect system. People with capitalism.

I don't know. Well, maybe the homeless people were doing keto. Why do you think they don't want that? They're going hardcore paleo. Yeah, yeah. Heroin has few carbs. Yeah, I'm a freegan, which means I eat wet cardboard. Hackers changing of which.

Keith, you have a joke. Hackers changed the name of New Yorkork city on google maps to jewtropolis the same group also targeted san francisco renaming it transgender sylvania spooky scary i identify as a bat now i've been spending this whole time just believing. I do like that just weeks ago we had a man move to tears by our inclusiveness. Now you're just, well, what if that's kind of like the one place? I still like them. I'm still pro them. I don't think they shouldn't be.

No, you don't. You're not an ally. Yeah, you're right. I hate trans people. That's my whole deal. Yeah, you hate having their hot, salty loads. God, I hate. Fill your neck. That's why I fuck so many of them is because I'm like, oh're right. I hate trans people. That's my whole deal. Yeah, you hate having their hot, salty loads. God, I hate. Fill your neck.

That's why I fuck so many of them is because I'm like, oh, gross. I got to make sure I don't like any of them. Well, fucking them is the worst thing you could do to them personally. That's still legal. I mean, they seem pretty thrilled about it. Yeah, I mean, that is, you know, it's like that's a punishment in itself. Oh, my God. I had to fuck Keith.

This is a hate crime. Outlawed by the fucking Geneva Convention. He uses sex as a weapon like when the Charlie's Angels. John McCain died. In a pineapple full of cocaine. Jeez, thanks Obama. Nice, dude. I was so excited for that.

I was so unnecessarily excited. What a banger, Tom. I could not agree about how unnecessary it was for you to be excited for that. I was so unnecessarily excited. What a banger, Tom. I could not agree about how unnecessary it was for you to be excited about that. Oh, I know. I know. He could barely get the words out of his mouth. Yeah. I mean, I at least appreciate that it was only like five words long.

So it wasn't good, but at least it was fast. All right, guys. Louis C.K. did stand-up for the first time since admitting to sexual assault. The club owner told press, look, if we don't let him do stand-up, he's just going to keep making short films. We got a triage here. So funny. Welcome back, Louis. Thanks for coming.

No, no, no, no. No. Shut up, auxiliary member of the podcast. You're about to get demoted to Opie. We're going to cut your cord, man. Sorry, sorry. No, Louis, stay away. Bad, bad, Louis. Bad. podcast you're about to get demoted to opiate we're gonna cut your sword sorry sorry no louis stay away bad bad louis bad uh a california senator has agreed to stop giving his staff noogies

in a statement he said i apologize for my immature behavior and will now return to just full throttle sexual harassment i heard that and you know they were like oh it's like a don't touch me sexual thing but it's like you know the guy who's giving noogies is probably not the rape guy. Yeah, I agree. I think he just wants to be a fun dad. I feel like the guy who doesn't give you a noogie is going to Matt Lauer your ass. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I welcome a noogie from anyone. I would freak out if someone just gave me a noogie. Yeah, but if anybody – You're also you. Yeah, that's true. You're like a deer made of knives. If anybody startles you slightly, you're – No!

I don't necessarily agree with noogies in the workplace, but I do think that if you're no being in the workplace You're not also doing other things Salad vending machines are gaining popularity in Chicago not as popular as the tossed salad vending machines, which are popular in West Hollywood. Oh, my God. Tom, fucking shut up. What the fuck? My favorite genre of joke is Tom tries to sell out. Do a relatable joke.

He's like, here's Tom's impression of Jimmy Fallon. Whoa. Hey, fucking two kinds of salads in one place is gay. Oh, hello. This is how you know Tom will be a good fighter. He's been punched too many times to effectively be a hack. Yeah, yeah. All right, guys.

A new report that says there are more cigarette butts than any other type of garbage in the ocean. When asked about the pollution, Flanders Rue Dice Clay remarks. I was Flander Dice? Flanderoo? What? Anyway, the fish dice clay. Flounder Dice Clay. Flounderoo.

Yeah, well, leather jackets or something. I don't know. I didn't really finish it. I did. It just was bad. You just said flounder like nine times. You gave up. I wrote it and I was like, I'll just figure out what the fish is called later.

Didn't do that. That had the emotional arc of someone realizing they're not going to come while having sex. Just like, okay. It had the emotional arc of my adult life where I've had an orgasm from actual intercourse maybe 11 times. I was so excited. I thought we were going to see a Flanders Andrew Dice. Hey, fuck, diddly-uck this bitch.

Why don't you cram diddly-doodly it up your giggly gash? My favorite character is I'm left-handed over here. I smack bitches southpaw. Hickory diddly dickory diggily Little Miss Miggly Muffet sat on a toughily duffet

She thanked God for the toughets I'm very religious A man of the cloth The leather jacket cloth Oh man, imagine Pope Dice Clay just wearing a full leather pope outfit A man of the cloth. The leather jacket cloth. Oh, man. Imagine Pope Dice Clay just wearing a full leather Pope outfit, like hat and everything. Just looking like a fucking BDSM.

Like the final boss of the sex dungeon. Oh, dude. I love that shit. Dude, Andrew Dice Clay's Instagram is awesome because he just posts himself like working out and stuff. He's like curling like 30 pound dumbbells and all that shit. And still looks terrible. It's awesome. And his arms just look like they're made of spaghetti. It's fucking great.

It's me, the world's most jacked ghoul. Respect to the God. Yeah, dude. Residents of a Georgia town are debating the appropriateness of drag queen story hour at a children's library. Library. Library. Books read include Oh, the Places You'll Tuck,

Horton Queer's A Who, and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Work Bitch. I saw a children's drag show on the schedule for a bar. We performed that in Portland. What? Children's drag show? Or I said youth drag show.

It said youth. If it's teenagers, I'm okay with it. I think it would be funny if it was like six-year-olds that are like lip-syncing to Katie Perry. I'm anti-children being sexualized in any way for public entertainment. Yeah. Well, that's where we differ, my friend. That's how we prepare them for the workplace of the future, all right? How are they going to have enough ChatterBait tokens to have homes of their own if they

don't start learning how to shake that shit? Not everybody gets to grow up and work at Noogie Corp. Some of us get to work our way up the old-fashioned way. Yeah, fucking monosexy school. That barely worked. Yeah, I tried a lot of different stuff

and that was the best I had. Tom, I don't want to build it up too much. Make this joke the joke that convinces Lewis Gomez to fight you. Oh, fuck you. This is the one.

You got one shot. Yeah. These weeks. A hornet's nest the size of a person was found in a man's car. Experts are saying it's still not as dangerous as driving with Connor McSpadden. You should have not done that joke. I had it. It sucked.

Why would you? Tom Spaghetti. Tom Spaghetti. Tom Spaghetti. Oh, man. I'm a very safe driver. You are the worst fucking driver in the world man I'm a very safe driver You are the worst Fucking driver in the world

I'm really good at driving You drive with your knee And your dick In a Gatorade bottle No I've done that before Yeah I've done that before I do know

I've driven with you Have you ever died No but I've been In a car accident with you Have you Yeah the blue one What happened Here's how bad of a driver

You can't remember Your multiple car accidents. I think we got in a car accident. No, we never did. The Honda Fit? I got into a car accident with Eli Nicholas when those guys hit me going into the parking structure. Cambodian boom. I thought we hit someone. I thought we got hit in the Fit once.

No, we didn't. Maybe I got in a different... Oh, you know, I'm mixing up two different things. Yeah, you are. The fact that you can't remember what car crash I'm talking about. Well, yeah. But it didn't exist. You're on my side. I'm defending your bad joke.

I am, but I want to flaw your logic. Yeah, dude. And you missed me calling Eli Nicholas Cambodian Boomhouse. Hey, and you know what? The money I got for totaling that car from the insurance provided some very valuable seed money for this operation, so you're welcome. Yeah, fair enough. And on that note, oh, and when we come back, I'll reveal the results of my autism test. And the Meatbox Podcast will be right back right after this.

Hi, I'm Jack. Other burger places serve the same old stuff, but I'm the only one with the bowls to try something different. Try our new teriyaki chicken bowls. I love the taste of your bowls, Jack. You got some nice bowls there yourself. So come on, America. Eat my bowls. Jack, the lawyers aren't happy.

What? I just want people to taste my bowls. See, that right there. You can't say that. Taste my bowls? No. What about swallow my bowls? Absolutely not.

Suck my hot salty bowls? No way. Drape my bowls over your chin like my bowls absolutely not suck my hot salty bowls no way drape my bowls over your chin like a good little cum slut negatory shove a sounding rod up my dick hole while you speed bag my bowl sack out of the question what about my billboard it just says my bowls did benghazi get it it's funny look as your lawyer juggle my bowls christ killer the ad stays i'm i'm not even jew. All right, everybody. The whole damn Pacquiao Palace is in my bedroom right now. What's up? Opie and Ramsey joining us to help call out the East Coast podcasting scene.

Yeah, you think Tom could take... Because we watched the Lewis Gomez fight together, Opie. Yeah. And you know that Tom, when he's on a mission, is a true fucking just laser beam of discipline. This is true. I still don't think Tom can win. Here's why. What?

Scandalous. Whoa. Drama. I love it. I'm glad. All right, Opie, leave. All right, what do we got? Here's the only reason why I believe Lewis has a size advantage.

Because he'll sneak a knife into the ring. Is he Puerto Rican? Yeah. The Puerto Rican rattlesnake? Yeah. He was called the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. He knows nothing. Lewis, your reputation precedes you.

Most Puerto Ricans are called the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. In Puerto Rico, they just call him the rattlesnake. You say rattlesnake in Puerto Rico, huh? Like Muhammad over there. Muhammad Ali. That's the name of the governor, too. Governor Rattlesnake. Governor Rattlesnake.

Governor Rattlesnake has outraged over the AIDS. He's got a lot of size on you, and he's got reach. And I feel like if he trains and just uses the reach, he can just beat you. So when I train that whole time, you don't think I fought people who had reach advantage on me every single day? But he's also got size advantage over you, too. Well, Tom, no one doesn't have reach advantage over him because his arms are two feet long. If I fought Tom, I know I would lose because if he got past the reach, he would just grab me and it would be over. But Lewis is bigger.

To quote a great man, Chris Estrada, Tom Goss has hairy knuckle strength. Which is a very nice way of saying what he really wanted to say. I disagree with this. I love you, Tom. We are ruling out as a person who's never called a fight before.

We're ruling out the Tom juggernaut strength. I think if Tom gets to the guy who bought a fanny pack on the internet four days ago. If Tom gets to the inside, he will punch through Lewis. I'm 100% with Keith on this one. I don't think Lewis is big. Tom's big, too. Tom's a tank.

They're the same size, and Lewis is taller. Yeah, Tom is dense. I've sparred with people taller than me. With longer reach than Lewis, Lewis is way... Lewis is a bigger Tom. I'm putting this... No, no, I'm putting this... No, Tom...

Every day when I sparred. Tom is... He's got dense strength. So is Lewis. Lewis is dense. Lewis is strong, too. I'm not saying... He's strong, but Tom...

I mean, he's just a fucking bowling ball made of bad memories. Okay? Do you understand? Yeah. Tom has... Lewis is in the ethereal, dude. Listen, you don't realize this. He has the heart of a champion. If Lewis loses, the Latin Kings will kill his family.

That's more. He has way more in his thing. Now, Lewis disavowed them with hate speech to the bear and all these other fucking things. Lewis has no allies. He has no allies. Outside of the factory workers that we have not introduced to a better podcast, Lewis has no friends in this world.

Frankly, I'm bummed that hate speech of the bear is not a name we can just give Tom. I want to call Tom the fucking Buddhist mongoose. I guess O'Neal claimed mongoose shortly before he got pistol whipped to death. So I think we're going to go with calling him Gay Ass Tom. The boxing guy. Oh, come hungry gods. Well, Lewis took it there. So Tom, you're going to get

beat up by a gay West Coast vegan. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, dude, you're coming out in a straight jacket. We're wheeling you on. No, he's coming out in a gay jacket. It's a gay straight jacket. You know when we finish. The straps are rainbow. Harry Knuckle

Houdini. A gay straight jacket is what fucking Mike Pence puts on every morning. I do like Knuckles as a name. He's got the Hannibal Lecter mask, but instead of bars, it's just a big hole. The fucking spider gag. Hell yeah. Well, guys, I took an autism test.

I've been discussing doing this for a long time. I took a 50-question autism test from Psychology Today. It seemed to be pretty reputable. I answered very honestly, true to myself, you can get out of 50. Over 25 is considered autistic. Okay. Now, what do you guys think I got? Let's just price it write this a little bit.

I know the answer, but I guess 36. I guess that Connor got 41.222122212221. I'm going to say, I think it's lower than this. I think it's 27. I think he's right on the line. I think it's 24. I think it would just be hilarious if you were just barely not autistic. Now, do they do, is this work kind of

like a BuzzFeed where, like, it'll give you your score and who you are? I'm also Elsa. Yeah, I'm Elsa. They give you what level I am? Yeah, yeah. Tell us what your favorite pizza topping is, and we'll tell you where on the DSM-4 you are. I'm not quite Christian, but I'm at the report

of the week guy. Right where I'm at. They're like, you scored 23. Other 23s include Jordan Peterson. Everyone who blogged about why The Last Jedi was bad. Oh, that would be fun to see. I'll tweet the link out so our listeners can play along at home and tweet us their scores. But I got a 23 out of 50. Son of a bitch.

On the autism test. I was the closest. So I'm limboing under the fucking line, guys. I'm limboing under the icon. I knew that was going to be the case. You're the Michael Jordan of autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I love about this is it just scientifically means you have no excuse and

you're just kind of an asshole. Because I used to give you a little bit of grace with people because they kind of genuinely were like, yeah, you know, between you and me, Connor might be a little on the spectrum. And I'm like, oh, no, you're just a fucking con. He's on the cusp. Yeah, thanks for being my point man on that. Hey, my friend is a little bit. You know how much easier it was than having to apologize for you all the time?

Well, you know what? That's the price you pay when you want to become. You're right. I see him out of line for thinking you're autistic when you refuse to look at anyone who just pays in circles around the building. Well, I was thinking about trains. So what do you want me to do? Hearing that you're a 23, my immediate response is I want to call my attorney, Ray, and see

if we can get you on disability. Ooh, yeah. Ramsey has both a sketchy Russian doctor and a sketchy lawyer in his life now. Dr. Newsvich and Ray. Ray won't tell me his last name. He's my attorney. Hey, let's keep it friendly. Well, it's called attorney-client privilege.

There's no client-attorney privilege. I'm convinced your nameless attorney, Ray, is just a cartoon rat smoking a cigar. It's a cutout of Saul Goodman. A guy communicates with you like the old guy in Nutsbury Farm. It may possibly be the talking cab from Roger Rabbit wearing a suit. I'm not ruling that out. Ramsey just got high and played L.A. Noire and thinks he has an attorney.

You specifically tell me that I can only call him between 12 and 2 because that's when he's, quote, near the pay phone. Tom, do you want to jump in with this thing? Yeah, all right. So we have a new game. And this was set up because of two things. One, the fighting spirit, which has been the spirit of this episode. Yeah. Yeah, all right, so we have a new game, and this was set up because of two things. One, the fighting spirit, which has been the spirit of this episode.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then two, Alexis... Oh, Tom's going to give the best victory speech. Yeah, this one is dedicated to my team. All those guys are great.

Fuck you, Tabasco, and in summation, I don't trust the government. Viva la punch. This goes out to the John VanClan damn school. John VanClan? That's where Louis trained when he was growing up. Oh, John VanClan. Alexis. Blood and soil sport.

He's doing burning crossfit. Alexis drags for you. Crab mega. Send us a question involving a battle royale in terms of all of our fans. So with that kind of question. Taekwon, go back to Africa. Sorry. Sorry.

I don't. I have. Yeah. Jiu-jitsu's will not replace us. go back to Africa. Sorry. I had it. I had it. Jiu-Jitsu's will not replace us. Kung F-U immigrants. You got any? No, no, no, no. So I've designed a fight bracket,

and you guys have to decide who wins, and we're going to move down the bracket, and you guys can debate with yourselves, whatever. This is what every woman thinks we're doing right now. Yeah, absolutely. We really have like... We're just in a room together like, all right, who would win? It's like episode 150 with Jeff last week was like the end of an era of Mean Boys being a cool, interesting thing.

And now this is episode 151 where we're finally just MMA shitpicks. I've always said it's the levels of comedy. It goes underground success, MMA. Yeah. And then you rape them. No, no. It goes MMA. Then you get into cars.

Oh, God. And then after cars, we don't have to talk about it, but I think we know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So you guys ready for the first match? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Ray Charles with the handgun, six bullets. Versus George Zimmerman in handcuffs. Final destination, no items. I love how grounded you started off. Ray Charles with a what? He has a handgun with six bullets in it. Okay. And George Zimmerman has handcuffs.

It's the safety on, because that'll throw a real monkey right there. Yeah, absolutely. My question is, how close is he to his piano? That's where he gets his power. Yeah, that's where he gets his power. Like the green lanterns ring. I like the idea of him just like with the gun just, George, George. Well, he's singing so that the sound waves bounce off George Desmond.

Kill that Jew. This is taking place in a- He's singing so that the sound waves can bounce off George Desmond. He that Jew. This is taking place in a... He's singing so that the sound waves can bounce off George. He's a bat. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. It's you, Bat Charles. Everybody knows.

It's taking place in a crowded arena. You shot a kid, Jack. He was growing. You missed and that was dead. I have two critical questions. Yes. One, does Ray Charles wear his sunglasses during the fight? Because that could really throw someone off if his sunglasses are off.

That'd be gross. I would never want to fight a blind guy. That's a fair point. George. George. Does he have the predator dreads? Because that's also a disadvantage. That's Stevie Wonder you're thinking of.

Yeah, you are thinking of Stevie Wonder. Damn, Ramsey. Oh, bro. Ramsey, I'm sorry. On behalf of the black community, you're canceled. Well, this is news to me. They're separate people. I'm sorry. On behalf of the black community, you're canceled. This is news to me. They're separate people.

You're not canceled, but you're definitely on mid-season hiatus. Ray Charles is also dead. You know, the superstitious guy. Do you think they buried him with his glasses? Quick question. I hope so. John Legend. Neither of them, correct? Now I'm embarrassed.

All right. I'm going to say, I'm gonna say I think Ray gets him because I think he takes a shot to the face and then just plants that gun when he feels flush he fires it. Nah, see I think Zimmerman, he's just in handcuffs I think it's easy to get around a blind man and you just corrode him.

If you corrode him he's gonna shoot you in the head. What's up? He's gonna shoot you in the head. I don't know man. You can bob and weave. How old is Ray Charles in this situation? What if he shoots him through his chest He's gonna shoot you in the head. I think... I don't know, man. You can bob and weave. He's only got six bullets. How old is Ray Charles in this situation? He is... That's a good question. What if he shoots him through his chest

like when fucking Goku fights Raditz? Or like in fucking The Fourth Die Hard. Unless I say otherwise, all these matches are... We took them today. Yeah. Oh, today? Ray Charles is dead, dipshit.

Oh, well, then not today. I say otherwise now. Well, then it's Stevie Wonder now. Well, I got Ray Charles for two reasons. He's black. Well, three reasons. Well, three kinds of reasons. Well, the black thing feeds into my second reason.

The first thing is I think Ray Charles, if we take him back to when he was at his physical peak, right? In the 50s where there was so much racism going on, and Ray Charles was standing up for racism. Or against racism. On behalf of racism. He was standing up against racism. Ray Charles is colorblind. And so I go,

that will fuel him to the win. And also, never doubt a blind nigga. Have you seen Book of Eli? My grandpa. Book of Eli. I haven't. Taught me like, yo, if you're blind and black, you are the ultimate predator to white people.

My grandpa specifically did teach me to never doubt a blind nigga. Hey, no. We're going to tell you right now, no. No. We call that one Puerto Rican. You know what we do if it has to end with an A and has to start with sand? Come on. Look at my hair.

I can say it. You can't. Yeah, because you look Jewish. He built the pyramid. My vote is Zimmerman. We got a Ray. We got one Ray. We got one Zimmerman.

Yeah, Connor. I'm going Ray. Ray? Yeah. I think I'm going to go with Zimmerman on this one purely because I support his concept. Tom, I need you to, you're the tiebreaker here. I'm the tiebreaker? Yeah.

We're tied up. We need you to stand your ground and pick a winner. Oh, jeez. I like how Tom hasn't even contemplated. Well, now you guys got to watch me process. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Tom, you've been thinking about this all day. Yeah, no, I know.

I was relying on you guys to disagree with each other or agree with each other or not. I don't know. I'd probably go, fuck. You know what Ray Charles would do? He would shoot out all the lights and he'd be like, Welcome to my world. Yo. That would be awesome. And then he would just dive.

I'm switching my vote to Ray Charles. Go, Ray Charles. Gospel solo. Echo locates the light. Fucking daredevils those shoots. Yes. And then fights him in the dark. Yes.

All right. Ray Charles is winning that fight. I only need one bullet to kill you. All right. Second fight. All right. Ray Charles is winning that fight. I only need one bullet to kill you. All right, second fight. All right, Helen Keller, mildly adult. Is everyone blind somewhere in this? No. No.

No. Just making sure. Mildly adult. He starts crossing out things. I like how that's... You could... We have so many words for that. Adolescent.

Teenager. She has a lightsaber. All right. Versus Brock Lesnar on acid. Brock Lesnar on acid. She has a lightsaber. Versus Brock Lesnar on acid. Brock Lesnar on acid. Helen Keller, by the way, overrated. I actually really disagree. How the fuck would Brock Lesnar get anywhere near her?

She has a lightsaber. You're the one who thought of the fight. She's going to grab the wrong legs and he stomps her head. Tom, this is a woman who cannot speak, hear, or see. She can hold a lightsaber. But imagine trying to communicate the concept of a lightsaber to this fucking mook. She might just kill herself.

How do you draw a lightsaber into the hand? Yeah, she doesn't understand that it will just burn through her flesh. Also, Brock Lesnar is a monster. I have a hypothetical matchup to pitch for the next one. I got one. Have we decided? Brock Lesnar's got this one? Yeah, Brock Lesnar's two. He has a bracket.

Now you got opinions. Brock Lesnar is definitively voting. He's definitive. Alright, alright. Then Martin Luther King with a can of iced tea. What the fuck are you talking about? With a can of iced tea?

Let me move on. Let me move on. Let me move on. Brock Lesnar might be a wash. Okay, all right, next one. Bill Cosby, but he took a roofie 17 minutes ago. He took one himself. He took one himself against Angelina Jolie after one hit of meth.

Angelina Jolie. Yeah, meth makes you stronger. Yeah, meth makes you stronger. Yeah, meth makes you stronger. Oh, and Bill Cosby has brass knuckles. Sorry, I just didn't know that. Really? He's old. No, he's on the worst drug.

I think that if you just put Angelina Jolie and Bill Cosby... Wait a minute. If you just put those two together with no handicap, Angelina Jolie still beats the shit out of Bill Cosby. You think so? He might charm the fuck out of her. She weighs, like, 70 pounds. Yeah, but she also might charm the fuck out of her. She weighs like 70 pounds. Yeah, but she also has martial arts training and is not 80 years old.

Yeah, and she's got to discipline immigrant kids. So she's probably got spry. Bill Cosby might remind her of one of her children. She may not go so hard on him. You know what I mean? The only question is, is she anywhere near a microwave? No. Okay, then she'll be focused.

Why? Because I feel like if she's high on meth, she'll go, I can sell this and get more No. Okay, then she'll be focused. What? Because I feel like if she's high on meth, she'll be like, I can sell this and get more meth. No, no, no. If she's high on meth, she's going to be like, how does the microwave work? And take apart every part of it and be like, I can turn this into a TV. Oh, yeah. Speaking of which, I took a few Ritalin and I did figure out how to take a microwave apart. Hey, stop it.

I know. You're really triggering, Keith, with your tinkering. Yeah, it's genuinely upsetting. I love that You're really triggering, Keith, with your tinkering. It's genuinely upsetting. I love that Will Smith ad-lib. Fun bit. It truly makes me happy. I hate that. Somebody just cleaned that room.

All right. Miami. Woo. The champ is here. I got to get you in the weeds. This is the weird when we have the intervention. Ha ha. Man, we had so much fucking fun watching Will Smith videos.

Just live Will Smith. There's one where he comes out. He's being carried on a throne like Xerxes. The champ is here. They're playing the champ is here beat. The champ is here. And it's so fucking hard. Everyone's going ape shit.

And he's like, Philly, this is my motherfucking city. You come to Philly, you talk to me. You talk to the king. You guys ready to rip this shit? Everyone's like, yeah. He's like, getting jiggy with it. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. He's got backup dancers and shit.

Could you imagine how ridiculous it would be if you actually, when you came to Philly, had to talk to a Philistines? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's waiting. He's waiting. He's waiting at the turnpike. Absurd. What is that, three axle?

That's going to be seven. All right. Who's next? Next one, Freddie Mercury in his AIDS days. He's pretty weak, but he has a cattle prod versus Mike Pence overdosing on poppers. Oh. You can't overdose on poppers, can you? Yes, you can.

I looked it up. If you guys want to know. Freddie Mercury, a month before he passed, he's got a cattle prod. Mike Pence's butthole is all loose. I got to figure it has one green tea a year on his cheat day and gets all pepped up. I'm going to go Mike Pence. You're going Mike Pence? He hates gay people.

But he's on poppers, though. But he's on poppers, so his butthole's all loose. He gets pretty gay on your poppers. Also, we're not having, are they going to fuck each other? Yeah, you get, like, sleepy and, like, lightheaded. Yeah, you get lightheaded, you get headaches, you get low blood pressure. Mike Pence is full of poppers soaked up to his face. pressure. Mike Pence is like free licks on a gay nigga? I'm doing this shit.

I'm a killer. First of all, I think it's exactly that, except Mike Pence is saying the R. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a... Tootsie pop, it still works. Shit. You know what, though? I think weak Freddie Mercury He was still younger than Mike Pence

He was still in better shape Mike Pence is the And he has a cattle prod He's ripped He's got a cattle prod He's got a cattle prod for distance Yeah cattle prods hurt Freddie Mercury might use

A cattle prod on himself What is it What is overdosing on poppers What is it affecting your brain It's affecting Is it your brain or your heart Both Spider-Man's ultimate foe, J. Electro.

Hang on. I actually think I figured this thing out. I figured this thing out. All right. So you got the cattle prod. He's already OD'ing on poppers. OD'ing on poppers fucks with your heart. You add the cattle prod to that on top of an already malfunctioning heart.

Boom. You give Michael Benz a heart attack. It's not even a brute force death. I hate to disagree with Obi, but I got to say it's Freddie Mercury. Yeah, I'm going Freddie Mercury. But here's the thing, though. I think poppers might make you resist but I got to say it's Freddie Mercury. Yeah, I'm going Freddie Mercury. Yeah, I think also, but here's the thing though, I think poppers might make you resist

pain. You also forget that Mike Pesci. I've tried some stuff. I've hooked up with this chick one time who was doing poppers. What, Ramsey?

No way. I know, right? Was this on Field? She was like able to sexually do things after the poppers that she wasn't able to do before Well yeah that's what they're there for

It's like the Popeye spinach Of getting fucked in the ass Yeah so you're fueling up You guys are forgetting You guys are forgetting One major point Freddie Mercury's on the side of God He's on the side of God?

Yeah God hates Mike Pence Yeah But also I mean Let's be honest I feel like there's a God doesn't hate gay people. No.

No. Which God are you talking about? The right God. Okay. You're the Mormon God. Am I right? Listen, I don't think God hates gay people.

So I think God's going to be like, yo, this dude is literally so homophobic he has to take it out. I only, I refuse to believe in God that doesn't hate gay people. And I'm going to Freddie Mercury. Okay.

All right. Freddie Mercury has it. You want to throw your opinion out there? It's Mike Pence, I think. I think Mike Pence is it. Freddie Mercury wins, but go for it. I think it's Mike Pence, and here's why. I think he's fueled in the same way that Ray Charles is to defend.

You know, Ray Charles was fueled to defend racism. I think it's very important for Mike Pence to defeat a gay man with AIDS. I don't think he takes it out. You don't think Freddie Mercury would come in with some shit too? I think Mike Pence

is going to win the same way you're going to win against Luis J. Gomez. I think there's just going to be some interchanneling in him and he's going to fucking...

I genuinely think Mike Pence is a little afraid to touch Freddie Mercury because he thinks he'll get AIDS that way. Oh yeah, that's a good point too. That's a really good point.

Freddie Mercury's like, I hope you get my AIDS. He's wrapping a napkin around his fist before he punches him. I think if Freddie Mercury dies, he's going to make sure that he gets his blood in Mike Pence's mouth. Yeah. Either way, Freddie Mercury wins.

I'm going to eliminate Brock Lesnar. So Freddie Mercury is now in the finals. On the other side, Ray Charles, same situation. Okay. Angelina Jolie, same situation. What's her deal again? She's on meth. She's on meth.

Ray Charles has got six. Not a lot of meth. He's got six bullets. He's got six bullets. One hit of meth is plenty Ray Charles has got Not a lot of meth He's got six bullets He's got six bullets One hit of meth Is plenty of meth It's a lot of meth I mean for your first time

Well she can't even Stand up Here's the problem I think you're understanding How good of a drug To be on for this meth is Like You gave her

The super soldier serum For clawing A blind man to death You're right But there's a reason I did that And you're hearing me out Because you guys have brought this up. She is, like, dying.

She is anorexic. She's barely, like, fucking she's blowing away. Yeah, but so is every tweaker. Right. She doesn't have tits? I gotta change my answer. Look, man, I have gotten enough meth to know. You think meth can beat a bullet?

You think meth can beat a bullet? Well, you know, Amazon's using meth to cut off their left hip so they can shoot the arrow. I think I told you that. No, no, I read that from Why the Last Man. Oh, no, really? That's one of my favorite fun facts.

Yeah. This blind guy's not gonna hit anybody. This blind guy's not gonna hit anybody. That's the problem. He can hear, though. He can hear. Angelina Jolie's gonna be crawling on the ceiling

like a spider. You guys also forget that Ray Charles is definitely holding the gun sideways. But to be here, though. He's a fucking musician. Angelina Jolie's going to be crawling on the ceiling like a spider. You guys also forget that Ray Charles is definitely holding the gun sideways. But to be clear, he doesn't know he is. He's holding it sideways, but with the palm out. Yeah. Shout out to Opie. Opie Amiolabaju for that joke. You said that?

That was Opie. Opie's voice. Not mine. Black Opie. Opie. I'm going to gopie. Opie. I'm gonna go Angelina Jolie. I'm gonna have to go Angelina Jolie on this as well. I am gonna have to go with her too. And you guys remember when I said the N-word earlier?

That was Opie who also said it. Yeah. Alright, Angelina, that makes her the finals. I think you guys are underestimating how fucking unhealthy she is. You really want us to murder her and I think she's gonna... Well, no, you just haven't brought up that factor at all. Tom, you don't know shit about meth people. My mom

weighed 90 pounds and was on meth and also beat the shit out of me. Like, it's absolutely true. That's fair. Tom, you are literally so upset about how the people who you thought would win are losing. You're like Hitler at the games. Andrew, you're Jesse Owens.

Like, how is she beating our superior race? What would he say about that, Ramsey? It's me, the H-dog. I'm on the same amount of meth that Hitler was, but I don't eat as much cake. So the final is now Freddie Mercury versus Angelina Jolie, right? Freddie Mercury with eight. I'm going Freddie Mercury.

Cattle prod. Cattle prod can keep them in reach. I'm going to go Angelina Jolie. Here's what I think. I think I see. Because Angelina Jolie already beats up her African kids that have eights. Opie, Emmy, all about you. I love having a black guy on this show.

This is awesome He's saying what we're all thinking So she's definitely She's gonna be high on meth She's gonna be going so hard Reminder, Angelina Jolie wore a vial Of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck Without meth

So imagine her on meth The insanity there She's like, I got a whole thing made out of Brad Pitt's baby teeth. My thing is this, though. I think I've seen enough episodes of Cops where a tweaker does get shut down by a taser to know that a cattle prod is an effective weapon.

Yeah, you're right. Electricity is one of the few forces in nature that will stop a meth fiend. So I think I am begrudgingly going to have to go with Freddie Mercury here. Okay. I'm with Angelina Jolie. I got Freddie.

I do give respect to this argument. Because he has God on his side. Angelina, where you at? I said I'm going to go Angelina. It's tied. Tom, who wins? Someone convinced somebody. What's up?

You're going Angelina? I'm going Angelina. I think the electricity. He can hit her once with that cataprod. She's not going to feel it. She is going a cattle prod. She's not going to feel it. She is going to feel it. She's not going to feel it. They're strong.

If Laura Croft dies, they're not going to feel it. I don't think they're going to feel it. She don't have Laura Croft dies anymore. She's already having sex with a cattle prod. She's that crazy. Absolutely. She's already fucking hurt her. I think we've got to remember, too, Freddie Mercury is tall as shit.

Yeah. Freddie Mercury can whip your ass. Freddie Mercury is like a man-ass man. He is. He has AIDS right now. Yeah, but AIDS doesn't stop you that much. I've seen patients with AIDS. If he's in the bed

with AIDS dying. Is he being wheeled in on a deathbed or is he still relatively walking around getting shit done? He can walk around. He's weak. Okay, then Angelina Jolie. Yeah, Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie.

She could probably stick it out. Yeah, if the AIDS is really that much of a factor. And I'm also turning because I want Tom to be upset. Yeah, so Angelina Jolie. I'm not upset. This was a lot. I had fun. Cool, Angelina Jolie is the greatest fighter.

Angelina Jolie. Bonus round. Me versus a mountain lion. No, no, no. I have a hypothetical. We don't have the time. Opie versus Ramsey is the bonus round. I have a hypothetical. Based purely on the numbers,

who would win in a fight? All the black fans of Slipknot or all the black fans of the show Sons of Anarchy? I got to say Sons of Anarchy. You think they're... I don't know. I think there are more black fans of Sons of Anarchy than black fans of Slipknot. I don't know why, but I just want this to be Herman Cain fighting Ben Carson.

It's the only two. Here's why I think Slipknot has more black fans than Sons of Anarchy. There's a turntable in Slipknot. So I think that just naturally attracts more African-American listeners. I'm just saying. Yeah, no, I think you're right. That's pretty funny. I'm going Slipknot, yeah. I'm going to send a hand. I don't know, man. I've never heard a Slipknot song.

You've never heard a Slipknot song? Oh, you'd hate it. I will show you the world. Puking, thrashing, not very good. Sorry, I've never been into a Spencer's in gifts. I feel like that's where the people... I only shop at Richard Spencer's

gifts. What do you have in a confederate flag and a big rubber bus? I literally have a fantasy someday of starting... I have a cake mold of Obama so I can eat his head. A web series? Can I get a No Blackslate poster? I literally have a fantasy of starting I have a cake mold of Obama so I can eat his head a web series can I get a no black slate poster

I literally have a fantasy of starting a web series where all I do is invite black guests and I show them like incubus white people shit with Ramsey Bedawi

Ramsey just invented Buzzfeed four years ago black guys hear Slipknot for the first time almost yeah

alright well that was Battle Royale, guys. If you disagree with the winner, go ahead and tweet at us. I think we've got to wrap up so we can get to our closing segment. We will be right back. Bang! Well, thank you all for attending this month's meeting of the Henderson County Parent Teacher Association.

The first item on the agenda for this evening's meeting is approval on the new lunch menu for the students. The floor is now open to any parents or teachers with comments or concerns. Yes, you, sir, in the back. Yeah, I have some issues with the proposed menu. I think pizza is an unhealthy thing to be feeding our children. And as for the salads, if you take a look at the ingredients, you'll see they've actually been packed with tons of sugars and preservatives.

Valid points. Valid points, certainly. However, budget cuts mean that we do have to make some health concessions for the time being that's i get that i i do actually think i might have a solution though all right and uh and what would that be uh we should feed the kids a steaming hot mouthful of my thick veiny bowls god damn it not again that's right kids get on your tiny knees and worship my pendulous bowl this is the third time this month this guy's gotten in here don't blame me i'm just eager to tell you how you and your children and your children's children should gargle my pulsing stinky balls. You didn't even say bowls that time. You just said balls.

Intentionally. I also fuck kids. Unrelated to my bowls. You gotta go. Suck my dick, Christ killer. Alright, we're back, baby. With the Mean Boys Mailbag. Here it is.

The jingle. It's the Mean Boys Mailbag. Here it is. The jingle. It's the Mean Boys Mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's the motherfucking Mean Boys Mailbag. That was the jingle.

The jingle. Wow. What a time. Yeah, guys, if you want to write to us, please us a message at meboyspodcast.gmail.com Or check our Twitter for the post And tweet us something there And we got a lot of good shit this week Would you rather have a handjob from Jessica Alba

With Ron Perlman's head and voice Or Ron Perlman with Jessica Alba's head and voice Who has that? I roll 20s Ron Perlman is Hellboy. He was on Sons of Anarchy. Oh, yeah. I know Ron Perlman.

He also was like. Wait. He looks not good. Yeah, let's sing Hellboy. Let's pull up a picture of Ron Perlman. He looks brutal. Yeah. Okay.

I'll take the voice one. You know. Wait. Oh, holy shit. Oh, my God. What the fuck? Oh, him. Yo, this guy is awesome.

She's going to have his head and his voice. Hi, it's me, Guy Fieri, if I took the Bane serum. The one guy who makes fucking Nick Nolte look good. Look at the jaw on this motherfucker. Holy shit. Wait, we're getting a handjob from him? Yeah. But, like, with Jessica Alba's body.

I guess, yeah. Wait, yeah, run this by me again, because it's very important. Would you rather have a handjob from Jessica Alba with Ron. I guess, yeah. Wait, yeah, run this by me again because it's very important. Would you rather have a handjob from Jessica Alba with Ron Perlman's head and voice or from Ron Perlman with Jessica Alba's head and voice? Okay, you'll get a photo of Jessica Alba's body up now. It's real good. God, I don't love either version of this. And here's the thing.

I'm going to go with Jessica Alba. I would obviously vote Jessica Alba. And in the right context, I would probably fuck Ron Perlman. But that mismatch. I'm going to go with the voice. I'm going to close my eyes and call it a day. So you know what? Jessica Alba is not really my type. Yeah, same.

What? She's fine. But like less so than Ron Perlman? Ron Perlman, you get a funny story out of it. Yeah, that's a good point. Did I ever tell you guys by the time I got jerked off by a homunculus? You know, it's pretty funny. You pull up a chair.

I'm not a homunculus, but as a bionculus. Same thing. The time I got jerked off by Gary Busey with HGH in his blood. Yeah, I'm going with Alba Body, his head. Yeah, I close out with Keith.

Do you get a bag or something? You could probably bring a bag. I'll bring a bag. Nah, no bag. I'm calling it a day. All right, what else do we got? No bag, I'm going to close. Do you get a bag or something? You could probably bring a bag. I'll bring a bag. No eyes. I'm calling it a day. All right, what else do we got? No bag. I'm going to close my eyes.

I'm going to respect you. All right, guys. Let's see. Caleb Olsen writes, what's your go-to driving music? Ooh. Ooh. I don't drive. You know what I've been listening to a lot in the car?

Archie Bell and the Drells' Tighten Up is a fun little tune to jam out to. Sorry, go ahead. I've been listening to, right now, a lot of Kid Cudi. I love Kid Cudi. What? Opie, you?

No way. Yeah. Kid Cudi right now is doing it for me. Yeah, that makes sense. What stuff you listen to? Man on the Moon. Okay, yeah, yeah.

It's the first album. It's his best album. The classic. Man on the Moon 2, as well, is pretty good. Yeah. This right here though. Oh, tighten up.

I love this song. Oh yeah, it's fun. It's groovy. Yeah, this music now we do the fucking dance now. All right, let's keep this mailbag rolling.

This is a song you would hear on the last episode of an Entourage season. Fuck, shit. That's so good, Opie. I love that Keith is trying to impress us

by pretending he brushes his teeth. That's more of just a comment. All right, that's it for the tweets. Who said that? Oh, the picture of me brushing my teeth.

Suck my fat dick, you fucking gay lord. Yeah, I know that I said you think that's healthy. Dave Cyrus brushes his teeth. Yeah, Dave? Oh, the picture of me brushing my teeth. Suck my fat dick, you fucking gay lord. Yeah, I know that I said you think that's helpful. Dave Cyrus brushes his teeth. Yeah. Dave Cyrus asks, what historical era would Tom have the best life in? Ooh. Oh, shit. Oh, this one is definitely

going to be... I would watch a whole hour special of you just like surveying the different you know, like... Yeah. Well, I don't like the gruel, but the pyramids are fun to build. It's like Quantum Leap, but you just keep showing up and it's like, I found a way to murder five people. I think you work in a future,

like a Mad Max future. That's my time period. You'd put me in the future. I mean, I can't think of any time you would have been burned as a witch or thrown off that broken baby mountain in 300 in most other eras. I like to think of Tom as a bartender in the Wild West. You I like to think of Tom as a bartender in like a fucking

like the Wild West. Yeah, you know I can see Tom as like a like a late 1800s like Irish boxer. Yeah, that works. Just one of these

like oh Mickey fuck face you know and took 20,000 blows to the face for a pint of whiskey. I think it's the surf that gets the Magna Carta. I think he's the guy

who's like yeah why are we doing this? I don't get it. Tom would do well He has Bill Burr's voice in this time as well. Yeah, fucking hear ye, hear ye. I'm going to nail these proclamations on the door of the king. Go fuck

yourself. Tom would do well in any era where it was acceptable for a white person to be poor or uneducated. Basically, any historical era... Wait, I have a theory. Any historical era, the better Tom is doing, the worse hope he is doing. You're not both thriving in the better Tom is doing, the worse hope he is doing. 100%.

You're not both thriving in the same places. Even in the future. I would put Tom in the 1960s where this is the greatest athlete. Before they would let black people play any sport. Or Tom would be the MVP of the NFL because he had 100 rushing yards in a set. Tom's the guy who got benched for Jackie Robinson.

Yeah, yeah. The world's greatest basketball player, a fat 5'6 guy with bad hand-eye coordination. He's like, whoa, but you know what? He almost went in.

To his credit, you know, it's a fundamentals game and he's also bad at those. I'm taller than 5'6. What a weird... Think Think Santiago, Casey Clark, says, What popular filmmaker would you like to see a porno made by?

Oh, Quentin Tarantino, Come Shot First. How did we get here? I don't know anything about movies. Give me Scorsese, dog. Yeah, I like the Scorsese. I want to watch Stanley Kubrick. I get a bitch fucked in a. Yeah, I like the Scorsese. I mean Skeet. I want to watch Stanley Kubrick. I get a bitch fucked in a hallway, you know?

Literal hood fellas. Yeah. I think I'd like to see a porn directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. Oh, you know what? That would be dope. Like some unlikely reprisals. You know, we're seeing like, whoa, this is crazy. Throb, snatch, Goldthwait. That's me.

I would go Darren Aronofsky because I think he'd... I saw that porn. It's the ass-to-ass scene in Requiem for a Dream. Oh, yeah. I told the story about jerking off to that, right? No. I don't think so. Okay, well, I got to tell it.

What? Hang on. I'm sick, motherfucker. So, Requiem for a Dream is a movie about heroin. Wait, let me put Tighten Up back on. No. You're going to need the Tighten Up for this. Well, ironically enough, some people get loosened up in this story.

So, there's a montage at the end where like they're cutting between a guy with heroin cutting his arm off a lady who's strung out

on dope a lady who's on dope like basically going ass to ass in front of with a giant dildo with another girl in front of a group

of people and then an old woman being electro shocked and they're cutting between these now I watched this was Fat Mike's birthday

I watched the whole movie I didn't really like the movie but i was like horny and i was a kid and i was like all right i don't have access to porn i'm gonna jerk off to this ass to ass part but the problem is i couldn't play at full speed because you only got like 30 seconds of it at a time and then they cut away to the lady getting electrocuted so what i did was i backed it up on my dvd player and i set it to play at like 1 24th speed. Then I'm like, all right, I have to come before it cuts. So I'm racing the clock. I'm fucking stroking my thumb kid meter. And this is also not even sexy in context.

It is a lady financially being raped. Don't worry, kid. None of us were like, well, this was probably sexy in context. I know. But right when I get to, I'm going to come. I come, and the second the come starts moving up the tube, it cuts to this brutal close-up of the old lady. And I just go, ah!

And I come over my TV. Hit the wall behind it. And it just, ah! Moment. Jets. Can I attack something? Yes. So I was recently watching some porn, and it was some amateur shit. I like how Opie said it. Yeah, So I was recently watching some porn and it was like some amateur shit.

I like how Opie said it. Yeah, so I was recently watching some porn the other day. Opie, I heard you were recently watching some porn. Welcome back to

Jets. What's going on, man? Hey, Opie, I heard you like Jets. Comics unzipped with Apple Pirate Allen. Can I get the mic

stand real quick? Tom, that might be the funniest thing you've ever seen. So, yeah, I was watching this amateur porn, and these two people, they were having sex. And then I saw at the corner, you could see like a German flag. And I'm like, all right, that's kind of, that's pretty weird. And then at a certain point, the camera falls. And then you see the camera falls, and you just see this huge, huge Nazi flag. Oh, jeez.

And they keep fucking. Whoa. They just keep fucking. Oh, yeah. They didn't just find out it was there. It's like, oh, shit. These people are Nazis. Did you finish?

No. I did not see that coming. I mean, they're the Nazis. You know what I mean? All right. Time for the final solution. Square! Oh, my God. It was so troubling.

And, like, I looked through the comments. Troubling! I looked through the comments. Only two people were like, yo, was that a Nazi? How many comments were there? There were 34. Everyone was like, oh, that was so hot. I saw it.

I saw it. Oh, man. We should post this video on twitter i was watching i was watching some bbw porn the other day and there's this chick named maserati monica black guy and she says uh i want you to put some n-word babies in me oh boy because she he tells her to say the n-word and and you can see she's kind of like, she's like, yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good. And she goes, I want you to put some N-word babies in. I like babies, plural. And then I went down to the commons,

and there's just one dude who's like, did this bitch just say the N-word? Everybody else was just like, man, that's a good fucking good song. One more from Instagram, and then we'll move on. Is it Face Cum Bunny? Oh. God damn it.

No, it's Faye Cum Bunny. Faye Cum Bunny says, my question is, do you guys ever get weird groupies after your shows? Like, do people just come up after one of the shows and just offer up a nice BJ? And not really. We really get offered pizza we don't want, but by... Not in so many words, but i do get people like i've ever had a weird one i've had i've had like nice polite ones like yeah i've had ones that worked out what i've been getting a lot lately is like uh instagram dms in my other folder like

hey i saw you tonight what are you doing right now you know yeah i get but the biggest one for me is after uh both times i've done roast battle uh after it comes out i will get just dozens of messages from like weird creeps in the midwest we're just like i jerked off to you you want to is after both times I've done Rose Battle, after it comes out, I will get just dozens of messages from weird creeps in the Midwest who are just like, I jerked off to you. You want to see the video? And one time I went,

yes, of course. And the guy sent me a video of him jerking off to me, which was nice. But a lot of it is weird, sad, closeted dads who are just like, fly to Indiana and let me fuck you poorly. You guys all saw the email that I got, right?

That's so funny. Oh, OP. What's the email you got? Oh, dude, if you guys have it, this is a real treat for you. All right, so subject line, business opportunity. Hello, Connor. After watching your nude roast, I was wondering if you would be willing to sell me any nude footage or pictures from that event.

Or would you be willing to send me nude pics and videos? I would be willing to pay a good amount of money for this content and would only use it for my personal collection. Thanks. And if that person is listening, KeithCarrieComedy at gmail.com. I have photos. I would be willing to pay a good amount of money for this content and would only use it for my personal collection. Thanks. And if that person is listening, KeithCarrieComedy at gmail.com. I have photos. Yeah. Oh, dude, I would sell pictures of myself.

This is how I know I'm doing well in life is I didn't even consider it. I have photos of Connor. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I can't give my shit away. Yeah, I don't think I would do that. That's not how I would fit. Yeah, that's kind of weird to me. As far as groupies for me,

I have had a bunch of people come up to me and kind of offer. There's that one lady who asked you to put the babies in her. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was cool. But besides, I usually say no, though. I don't follow up on it. You don't know me.

I'll chase that down 100% of the time I went up to the show At the Huntington Beach Comedy Club And then afterwards Fucked a mortician In my car I remember that

That's pretty funny Do you remember that I remember you telling me Yeah Keith be careful Your cord there The chick She said like

She had like no She was just like Stone cold silent Did you and Bomber We had to have sex in a Mad Men style where I just pulled my zipper down and she just hiked her skirt up. It was real gross.

Oh, man. That's nice. You know, it was fun. It was a good time. It sounds like fun gross and not sad gross. Hey, Keith, you know me. I live for fun gross. You guys, we're all troubled,

but we get through life together. We're doing it. I feel like I get a lot of Connor and Keith asking, why'd you fuck that girl? I mean, what made you think she wanted to do that? She was holding a Wile E. Coyote-esque sign that said, fuck me, Tom. She looked through it to ask if

she knew anywhere to get a good rhubarb pie this time of night. She had a Papa John's pizza this way arrow that she was pointing at her pussy, and she'd scratched out pizza and wrote Tom's dick. Yeah, well, she was clamoring for your dick with her mouth and you were like, get out of the way, there's a hockey game

on. Let's check out these voicemails, gang. Yeah. Hey, mean boys, it's Connor from Idaho. I know, Udaho, Nidaho, Idaho. Shut up. I was just wondering, Connor seems like he's getting more and more like Joe Dosh. Are you guys ever going to have Joe Dosh on the podcast as a guest?

Who are you guys? Then let's never send him. So maybe you should. It might be fun. No, I'm just going to continue to absorb his essence. I don't see how Connoror's turning to Joe Dodge. I think they're just, yeah, I don't really know what they mean there. Well, I have been.

You seem unhappy. I have been moisturized. I am very unhappy and I am very well moisturized. Yeah. No, Joe is, the door is always open to Joe to come back. Yeah, I love Joe, man. Yeah, he's the funniest guy ever. Yeah, me and Matt are going to go play a game at his house on Wednesday.

He has this great joke about Pepe Le Plu that I fucking love. Le Plu? Pepe Le Plu. Yeah, he's the funniest guy ever. Yeah, me and Matt are going to go play a catan at his house on Wednesday. He has this great joke about Pepe Le Plu that I fucking love. Le Plu? Pepe Le Plu. Oh, he did an amazing joke about eating Beyonce last night. Oh, I got to see that.

Joe is so fucking funny, man. He's one of the best stand-ups. He's fucking awesome. It's pretty great to watch him just hate fuck this crowd with great jokes and Eagle Rock because they're a bunch of soft hipsters.

Did it not go well forsters. It was amazing. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Dude, one time there was this heckler and I couldn't deal with this guy. I just didn't have it in me.

Joe went up and like ripped him apart. The dude left. Joe ripped him apart so much that he left. One time Joe just says to this old guy in the front row,

you look like you fucked your wife to Civil War documents. So good. He's the best. He fucking rocks. Hey, mean boys. I'm at work, bitch.

I'm at work. I was just listening to last week's podcast, Anal Skateboarding. And I'm sorry, but you guys are way off base dissing on Tom Goss' joke about the racing straight coffin. I totally got where he was going with that because I live in NASCAR country, and everybody knows NASCAR is sponsorship. So Duraflame, being a company that sells burning logs, sponsoring cremation, totally funny. So, Tom, put that one in the win category, and you other two faggots can just shut the hell up about it.

Counter-argument. Shut the fuck up, hillbilly. Hey, I'll tell you what. NASCAR is about sponsorship. You know a joke is funny when somebody has to call in. That's a great Jamar. I think this was on his album. He was like, Jamar walks on stage,

the NAACP Can suck my dick Neo-Nazis Can suck my dick Rosa Parks Can suck my dick Mark Zuckerberg Can suck my dick

I ain't got nothing Against him I just like it In my dick I appreciate it man Thank you I don't remember the joke I gotta be honest. The people who do...

Hey, you guys are pretty great. I like your podcast. My friend's... My friend's... Roommate's... Best friend killed herself. And I'm just wondering if you boys could give her I don't know, whatever you want to do

roast her be nice to her whatever, she's cleaned up all the rum I spilled anyways, whatever I like your podcast y'all have a good night clearly

the tone shift in the middle of that you want me to roast this dead friend of a friend that I know nothing about? Yeah, I mean, here's what I'll say. I'm assuming the woman you shouted at at the beginning of this like a bad dog is the friend in question. My advice to you is stop hanging out with this man. Remove yourself from this situation. Yeah, to the listener in the other room, if you hear him blasting this podcast while he's playing Dota,

then just hear this advice. Find a new roommate. Why did she kill herself? He didn't tell us? No. Probably because she was hanging out with him. Probably, man.

Gotta get out of the lease somehow. Yeah, I don't know. Before I make past judgment on this, I need to know why she killed herself. Maybe she killed herself for an honorable reason. Rest in peace. An honorable reason. What was she, a samurai that disgraced her family?

No, she was probably some sad girl. Maybe she was a pedophile. I don't fucking know. Jesus. Well, rest in peace. Yeah, I'm... No, genuinely, if your friend killed herself... Sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry. That sucks. Maybe you should have showed her the podcast. I mean, we got a pretty good track record. I'm just saying, maybe Mark Malloy's ninth appearance would have been what turned it all around for her. Yeah. All right, so let's keep on chugging here. Hey, Mean Boys.

It's Vince from Texas. Love the show. I've been listening to you guys for a year. I think you're hilarious. Thanks for doing what you guys do. In any case, just listen to your... My favorite is when people talk to us like we're firefighters.

Thank you for what you do. This guy is the most Texas-sounding Texas motherfucker. I love it. I'm the fam, correct? Is it a prerequisite to be a Mean Boys fan that you have to have a goofy accent? Yeah, well, it's either that or it's like, hey, Mean Boys, I don't want to wake up my parents by leaving this voicemail. I just wanted to know which one of the Autobots would be the gayest. Voicemail about the lady on Match.com who matched with her cousin's widower.

And the whole conversation about dating widows, widowers came up. So I had recently dated a girl, met her on Tinder, um, girl, she was a woman, she was 35, but you know,

we hit it off. Great conversation. Had a lot of fun with her. Found, you know, she said she was a widow in her profile. I didn't realize when we started dating that she hadn't been a widow for that long. It was about a month when we first started dating.

And it was fucking rough. And so from doing research on this topic, usually the idea is that you wait about a year. Sometimes it takes a little longer. And I know that that like everybody every relationship different everybody deals with grief differently you know um i'm a fairly rattled army vet too so what i'm getting at is would you all times either and but the whole thing ended up not working out so you gotta play it by ear and you gotta you gotta you know fucking deal with the situation you're presented with in any case i'm not gonna run on uh do the show guys if you make it down

to dallas texas love to see you all right take it easy guys bye here's what i love about the show is it's evolved to like well yeah man i got i got crippling night terrors from what i did to those children in iraq and uh i met a lady who had a dead husband and i was i don't know when i should fuck her i guess you got to figure out that on your own anyway come, come to Dallas. I'd like to buy one of your Boner Buddy stickers or whatever. I could tell that guy was an Iraq war vet because he occupied my ears two years longer

than I thought he would have. Good luck, man. Don't date her. Yeah, good luck with the search for love. I'm sorry you're dealing with all that shit. Yeah, man. Good luck. Well, go to Six Flags in're dealing with all that shit. Yeah, man. Good luck. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, man. Well, go to Six Flags in Arlington.

Cheer yourself up. Yeah. It's the Astro World, baby. Yeah. No, it's outside of Houston. That's in Houston. Or you can go to the library that Jack was shot at.

Oh, yeah. Or the bookstore or whatever. I thought you were supposed to say library. Like those where you're The LBJ library is in Austin. No, no, no.

But is it that the Dallas Oh, the book Oh we're fucking going We're having a meet up there Oh god Have you ever been there No I haven't been

It's fun We're going to Dallas We're doing a Mean Boys photo show On the grassy knoll I've been to Dallas like four times I go there every time It's fun Nice

It's also fun to fuck with those people Who are like out there handing out like Oh absolutely They're the best Yeah Dallas will be there November Something I feel like we only get one. If we have a different president, you only get one of each.

We only had one cool president, and we only had one black president. And then we're like, all right, back to status quo. You get one. It's going to be one lady, maybe a Mexican guy, and then it's going to be white guys for the rest of time. Is the one black president Obama the cool one Trump? Who's the cool president? JFK, I would say, was the cool one. He's been in a porn.

Let's do one more voicemail and then wrap this bitch up. You should have received something in the mail about your car's extended warranty. Since we have not gotten a response, we are giving you a final courtesy call before we close out your file. Why are we still listening? I don't know.

That was a good one, gang. Anything to plug? I got a couple shows. The first thing to plug is I Love You America is coming back this Thursday on Hulu. If you have Hulu, please, please watch it. I wrote it on the show. I really, really,

really want people to watch it so we can keep making more of them. I Love You America with Sarah Silverman. Hulu. Thursday. Please watch. Fucking definitely watch that shit. Send out a tweet.

You know, nice. Yeah, let them know. Yeah, let them know if you like it, you know. Let me see. I have a show at the Blind Donkey in Pasadena, Monday, the 10th of September, 2018. So come to that if you want. The Blind Donkey. All right.

Ramsey. The big-ass Ramdog show. Opie and Ramthony happening once a week. Now, hold on. Here's my plug. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter, at RamsBad. Go to my website, ramsbydowie.com, for dates. Stay subscribed to the Now Is Not The Time feed, where you're going to get a mishmash of podcasts every week.

Yeah. I love all 19 of your podcasts, Ray. Me and Ramsey got something cooking. We're just cycling podcasts until we find something that works. This week, you're going to get the Opie and Ramfity show. And it was – Keith was on it. It was so much fun. It was fun.

It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. So stay subscribed to that feed. You're going to be getting a bunch of podcasts until we figure out something we love. We have the best debates in this house. Yes. I always learn a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. So stay subscribed to that feed. You're going to be getting a bunch of podcasts. We have the best debates in this house. Yes. I always learn a lot. And that's it. Love you guys.

September 9th, I'll be at the La Jolla Comedy Store doing a roast battle. Rare Roadshow rematching Jay Light, former guest. September 11th, I'll be judging the roast battle at the Comedy Store here in Hollywood. Make a wish. It's our favorite holiday. Strap in, everybody. You know what happens next week. September 22nd, I will

be in El Cajon at something that I haven't plugged yet. And then October 5th and 6th, Miami, Oklahoma with Tom Goss. October 12th and 13th, Glass in Tucson. And then the Mean Boys tour coming up in the first two weeks of November. Show dates will be live soon. Yeah, well, check the website.

We'll have a, as they go, there's a few tickets already available, so we'll start posting those. I'll do that right now. Let me know if I should buy a track suit to wear to the Comedy Central or Emmy party. I've been thinking about buying a track suit. Oh, you're going to that too? To wear specifically, you know, for the events. Just a big, bad, dumb track suit.

I got a Hulu one too. Yeah, so fucking hit me up if I should. Plus one me, bro. I don't know if I can. If I can, I'll plus one you You have to wear a dress though I'll wear a dress This weekend

The 7th and 8th Laughs in Tucson Love that club Come say hi if you're in the area We'll hang out afterwards Get some burritos 9-11 baby After the Ran as Easy episode drops

La Stats in San Diego Oops I'm sorry I forgot I'm not supposed to Burp in the microphone It'll be a great show If you want to see me down in San Diego. The 26th, I'm at the Ontario Improv doing a long set. That'll be fun if you want to come see me there.

And the 30th, if you're in the greater San Gabriel Valley, come see me headline one of the best shows in the country, The Chatterbox in West Covina. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have my phone on me, but I know September 10th, I'm in Tulare. I'm headlining a show out there.

September 19th, I'm featuring a show in Dana Point, the Stillwater. September 25th and 26th, that's Friday and Saturday, right? Probably. Sure, yeah. That Friday and Saturday, near 25 and 26, I'm at the Madhouse. The Wednesday before, I'm featuring at the Madhouse. And then in October, me and Keith are. And also just check my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, all of that.

Gosh, gosh, six. Because I for sure said at least one of those wrong. And I'll have the details. And you're going to be checking Twitter every day when you tweet Louis Gomez, Puerto Rican flag, and a chicken emoji. Most important thing ever. Real quick, also, I want to plug one more thing. If you could download the El Pollo Loco app and use my invite code, RamseyBad3955. Oh, do that.

We'll both get a free meal. If anyone wants to drive for Postmates in Los Angeles and you use my code, once you do 50 deliveries, I get some money that I will not split with you. All right. That was the show, everyone. Thank you, guys. I love having you on. The listeners love having you on it was a great time fuck everything

Lewis is a bitch