Mean Boys - EP 161 - Jimmble Kimmble

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

Get tickets for HALLOMEAN 10/28 in Los Angeles: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hallomean-tickets-50897618146 Get on our email list for tour updates: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Some tickets for the fall tour are live here: http://meanboyspodcast.com Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: https://discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast  Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Groovy late night episode with you this week. You're saying groovy now? What the fuck is going on? It got party-dicular up in here. You can either ride the boat or sink and swim. I know, I'm... My dude. Yeah, my dude. My dog. This ain't bad, Keith, I get it.

Right? It's fun. I'm praying for the positive energy. You guys both suck. It's coming back to me. Dude, just put your feet up and get swag-tacular, okay? I think I might. So Swagtacular episode with Just Us recorded late at night after work. It's 2.10 in the morning.

I'm still going to edit the show and put it out because I love you. And, you know, you guys have proved that you love us. You hear Wednesday morning. We have just hit 413 iTunes reviews. Dun, dun, dun, dun. So we will be interviewing Keith Carey's mother as soon as we're done making this TV show. Oh, shit. And that'll be a fitting end.

All right, we've made the television show for Netflix, and now we go to the desert to do a radio show for 4,500 people with a vampire. And that is what we do. I just posted on the Reddit a thread where you can ask questions for my mother. If you want us to ask questions of my mom on the fucking interview when we do it, go over to the Reddit, post your questions there. It helps us out to have people on the subreddit. We really appreciate you guys. So if you jump over there with your questions, I will ask her.

As many as we can. Start some conversations. I mean, I haven't seen you shitpost in a while. As many as aren't, like, how many butts could you fuck with your whore dick? Everyone bring up her marrying me. I mean, yeah. I'm going to bring that up. That's going to be an issue, all right? Because Tom will be marrying your mother.

But, you know, I actually have a lot of things I want to know. Here's what I hope. As a Keith Carey fan what I hope is that Tom brings this theory up and then has to fight my mom's husband in some sort of like Star Trek like Kirk vs Spock thing which is two pipe wrenches

dude double marriage we got this so that'll happen. Were you guys also... Were you guys imagining me on a unicycle too? Million percent no. I'm always imagining you on a unicycle. What kind of a ridiculous question is that?

As long as we're talking about asinine, insane goals... Week five stars, totally down to see Tom become Keith's new stepdad. That was the review I was going to share. Thank you. Tawiya? Whatever your name is, thanks. What were you going to say? Sorry. I was going to share. Oh. Thank you. Thank you. Tawiya? Whatever your name is, thanks. What were you going to say? Sorry.

I was going to say, speaking of goals that we've hit, we have officially crossed the $2,000 threshold, and barring a bunch of declines in your cards this month, Snark Week 2 is imminent. Yes. I also, I am behind on certain things with the Patreon. I am catching up. The patches are, they're in production. I've approved the proofs, and the patches from they're in production and we've i've approved

the proofs and the the patches from last month will be here just in time for next month but the turnaround on them is very high and uh i've been very busy yeah we are a little behind with everything in general we apologize for that mr gold to that plan on sending you your stickers if i forget in a week send me message. Or just don't forget because... Okay. That's always been planned out. I forgot for a long time and I'm sorry. Yeah, I know.

We'll figure this out. This is probably an off-the-air conversation. Anyway, $5 a month to get you access to an extra hour a week of bonus content with the boys. This recent one we just did involves Tom Stretcher's trip to San Diego. Pretty fucking great story and a pretty steep window into madness for Tom.

And again, life read the Kama Sutra before it fucked Tom. That's the only preview you get. Other than that, follow us on Twitter at Mean Boys Podcast. Conveniently, the same handle over on Instagram and Facebook. If you could throw us a couple clickies there, we would appreciate it. Pop only, the same handle over on Instagram and Facebook. If you could throw us a couple clickies there, we would appreciate it. Pop on over to the Discord channel, talk shit about us, say that we used to be better, call us

sellouts, etc. And then also, I guess there's a part where you can post naked pictures of yourself, which I have not had the heart to explore. Is that a thing? Yeah, it's a corner of the Discord. Oh, I want to go get that right now. Yeah, so Keith will describe it to me, and that'll be my exposure, because I don't want to see you guys do it, really.

What? Do I have to download something? On your phone, probably. But on your laptop, it should be fine. You can also subscribe to our YouTube channel. This is great, because I answer the questions about the show, because you guys just ask me, and we get all the information out organically. Yeah, that's what I was trying to do without lampshading it.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. That was very talented broadcasting there. Yeah. And I think I should shine a light on it. Subscribe to our YouTube channel. All the podcasts are on YouTube.

So if you're doing this on a proxy site in middle school. Yeah. Wow. That's almost all of them. It is. Yeah. All the episodes. So if you want to listen to us there, subscribe.

It helps us out. Fucking, I think that's about it. Yeah, man. Nothing left to do but to get right into it. Oh, and let's mention real quick again, we mentioned in the end, Halloween. Come on out. October 28th. October 28th, 9.30 p.m., Echoes on Pico in Los Angeles, California, featuring Jessa Reed,

Adam Todd Brown, Kyle Clark, Ahsan Ahmad, and the boys. Rare live Los Angeles show. $5 online. $10 at the door. It'll be fun. It's going to be great. We're going to go hang out at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles after. You know it's going to be fun. Come.

It'll be fun. Tickets are on Eventbrite. If you're in Orange County, drive up. Deal with the restrictions. You live in San Diego, drive up. You live in Fresno, drive down. You live in New York, suck my ass. Drive here.

Yeah. Start now. Walk. Enjoy the scenery. You know, really make? Suck my ass. Drive here. Yeah. Start now. Walk. Enjoy the scenery. You know, really make a trip out. I know what you're thinking. I live in New York. Can I fly?

I have money. No, fuck you. Drive. Drive someone else's car. We have steering wheels for a reason, motherfuckers. Whoever comes to the show in a stolen car gets a t-shirt. All right? I've signed that into law right now.

Wait, do we have t-shirts now or are we just going to paint it? I will probably just give him a Doom Tunes shirt. You get whatever shirt Tom is wearing. Yep, that's the deal. I'll lose a shirt. I will lose a shirt if you show up in a stolen car. And you know we're serious because Tom doesn't have shirts to spare. Yeah, but I get your car.

Win for everybody. $50 if you can jack off the Videodrome. I think that's all the important plugs out of the way. Really get on that Discord now because I think it's going to get gross. Yuck. All right. Here's the show. Love you, everybody.

Wee. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. If we call diabetes the sugars, we should call AIDS the glitters. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... Lenny, but he's... Oh shit, I forgot this. Oh yeah, I'm so dumb and Lenny.

I was going to say Tom looks like an Easter Island statue if it learned how to snowboard. Oh, that's great. Let's say that. an Easter Island statue if it learned how to snowboard. Oh, yeah, well, that's great. Let's say that. An Easter Island statue if I learned how to snowboard. Oh, yeah. Still kind of wrong. Now who's killing the mouse, dipshit?

Dude, I'm fucking exhausted. I've been writing... Yeah, it's currently 12.30 a.m. I've been pitching John Wilkes Booth puns for nine hours. Yeah, me and Connor just got off a fucking 13-hour shift at the Ha Ha Factory.

Every day we clock into the Chuckle Dungeon and they make us mock Hitler over and over and over. What I've learned is there's 40 minutes worth of interesting history that has ever happened in the world and then the rest of it is just kind of white noise

where someone raped somebody and then someone else moved their dumb castle to Macedonia or some bullshit. So, like, I don't know, man. Maybe fuck all this shit. Yeah, man. That's funny. Dude, this is why you listen to the podcast. You get all kind of insider show business.

I actually enjoy it. That was one of the two subjects I could pay attention to in school. Yeah? Yeah. That and vape repair? I often say that Tom looks like he's in the ITT tech commercial for the job you get. All I'm doing is wearing a hoodie, and you guys are like, oh, snowboard vape man. Tom, this is what we do.

We reduce each other to just simple stereotypes. Yeah. You riff upon it. Yes, fat and cunt. And then we kind of tell a story of something boring that happened. Yeah, you look like if they had a high school, like a technical college program that you go if you're going to flunk at a high school.

Like that for stealing cars. Like you look like you're getting a straight A in carjacking. Welcome to DeVry crime. DeVry. Hot wiring. Internet stuff. Kick.

Nigerian princery. Full class on kick. Hi, I'm the big-ass Ramdog, and I'm here to tell you about the exciting career you can get pretending to be a hot lady and taking advantage of bonuses. If I take assault, do those credits count towards my battery minimum? Yes. Oh, neat. But only up to assault two. Assault three through four credits count towards my battery minimum? Yes. Oh, neat. But only up to Assault 2. Assault 3 through 4 is for Assault majors looking to transfer to a two-year school.

I'm glad you guys think I'm smart enough to sign up for Kick. I have no idea. You could figure it out. It's not hard to sign up for things. Maybe I don't have the willpower. It's fine. You don't need to be on Kick. Yeah, dude.

You don't think I could be as successful? If you sign up for kick, that literally starts a big neon clock that counts down from six months to when you die. Like, something bad is going to happen to you, dude. Kick is the ring for camcorders. They're going to find some of you in a shipping container. It's just going to happen. You're going to get black dollied if you so much as click the link in their profile. Dude, I had this really funny mental idea because Tom's on Tinder.

He's like, oh, yeah, I'm getting catfish. That's a robot. And I like the idea of Tom hitting on a Russian sex robot. What was this? I can't remember if I talked to you about this or if I talked to Jordan about this. But I had this idea of you doing that the way that guy who beat Deep Blue won chess against a Russian artificial intelligence. Like you out flirt a Russian fuckbot and end up marrying it.

You override its programming. I want to see that movie. Tom fucks a robot for America. The film. Are you kidding? I'm in. It's obviously not far off from what the end result of the Omega Tom was going to be. Oh, okay. I think it's hilarious you still think about Tinder.

What's up? You haven't been to the hospital lately So you have no time to Tinder Give it a minute You'll fall off a stray log or something Yeah okay I almost won the gift card I'm picturing

Two lumberjacks Hang on it's two lumberjacks and they're running And spinning a log to prove they're the best lumberjack or whatever. They do that and then another log rolls up and it's Tom and he's just like, ah, why didn't I just catch the bus? I didn't know we could hang on each other. That was a viable commute option for you. That guy

gets a golden hat that says best lumberjack on it because he won. And then there's a silver hat and they put the bronze hat on dead Tom. The silver hat just says fine lumberjack. And the bronze hat says a lumberjack. B minus lumberjack. You know what this podcast is?

We are the Run DMC of podcasts. I'm Darryl Mack. You're Reverend Run and then Jam Master Jay is over there holding it down. I have no idea who any of these people are. We're two rappers and we talk about how great people are. Okay, we're two rappers. It's a hat. We're talking about how great you are. Yeah.

Well, you're the backbone of the whole. You're keeping the rhythm somehow. We're building a career off building you up. You're our turntables. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. And then you get murdered when you become friends with 50 Cent.

So don't hang out with 50 Cent. Then you should be fine. I actually wrote some pretty good jokes, I think, on short notice. Yeah? You know, they're a little esoteric, but I've got to write what the mood strikes me. And I'll say this. I feel very vindicated by the fact that we have now reached the level of podcasting where people are like, Mean Boys sucks now.

Oh, it's delicious. And look, if I let you down in any way, I'm sorry. But, you know, we got to evolve, folks. This is, you know, things change. And the show is still what the show is. Yeah, yeah. Here's the funny thing that you don't think about. But it expands.

It's valuable. Because I'm like you idiots. I used to listen to podcasts before I grew a life. Like, I understand that. Yikes. What do you mean? Look, man, I'm fucking surly today, okay? I just spent a lot of time

trying to figure out how to make fun. But fuck it. Might have to bleep that out. No, no, no. But no, I mean, isn't it like, I listen to a lot of I'm too lazy to do that. Well, whatever. No one cares. Nobody does. The sneak showbiz preview or whatever. Yeah. But I like listening to podcasts

and then you listen and you'll be like, oh, it feels like they're not trying or it feels like the thing's changing and then you realize when you do something like listen and you're like, oh, it feels like they're not trying or it feels like the thing's changing. And then you realize when you do something like this, you're like, oh, yeah, it's because you have a life. And sometimes you get really tired and you have to do a bunch of other shit. Yeah. And they all just spread thin. I mean, you know, and we write more for this podcast than any other podcast at this level. Yeah.

And you know what, guys? I honestly think I'm doing some of the best work of my career on this podcast. Yeah, like right now, I'm going to be honest. We've been spending a couple of hours. I feel creatively fulfilled by fighting with you guys about condiments. I'm sorry. You're not wrong. Yeah, yeah.

I agree. We should go back to the old days and get rid of me. What, we're not here? Let's go back to classic Mean Boys. I agree with the listeners. Here's classic Mean Boys. All right, I've turned off the lights in the studio. Okay.

Here's why you're a bad joke writer. Nothing's going to work out for you in life, and you're lazy. I just don't know why you're not good at everything right now. I really, you've become a weird gay father figure to me. Hello, I'm from the 30s. I don't like this at all. Hey, I'm a party-licious, groovy dude. Things have been the same. Oh, I was much less party-licious from the 30s. I don't like this at all. Hey, I'm a party-licious groovy dude. Things have been the same.

Oh, I was much less party-licious in the early days. Oh, yeah, we were all. Everything I said was just very curt and pulled back because I didn't want to get yelled at by Joe. That podcast felt like a conversation over a trash can fire being had by Swedish hobos in the snow. That's what early Mean Boys sounded like. It was fucking hilarious, though. Oh, yeah, I'm not besmirching the snow. That's what early Mean Boys sounded like. It was fucking hilarious, though. I'm not besmirching the quality. I haven't listened to it in quite

some time. It had more poisonous fangs to it in all directions. And honestly, it was like, you know what? You do two Joy Division albums and then you kind of just want to be New Order. Yeah, I think we're in our New Order phase right now. I have no idea what the fuck you guys are talking about.

Well, yeah, we might not be as, like, you know, raw and violently unpleasant, but you know what? Age of Consent's a pretty banging song. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know. You can be a cunt about it or you can enjoy Bizarre Love Triangle. You have options. I guess I'll be the new mean one.

Yeah, yeah, you're going to be the... Okay, cool, do it. You're going to be the new mean gay one. All right. Yeah. Do it. Be mean and gay right mean gay one. All right. Yeah. Do it. Be mean and gay right now. Fuck off, bitch.

Close. I don't think Joe's ever said that in his life. You settled around apathetic and black. Don't we all in a way? Heyo. What about my ex-wife?

I love the listeners of this podcast. Nothing has ever made me feel more fulfilled, vindicated, or accompanied. I feel like I have these people. We understand each other. Quick shout out to Sky Yell, who sent us a Halloween card with $20 in it. Yeah, that was sweet.

Which is adorable. We're going to have to split $20 three ways. You did that intentionally, and I respect you. That's a power move. Here's the question. Who's getting six? We're not getting change? I know that's the question. That's a power move. Here's the question. Who's getting six? We're not getting change? I know that's the question, and the answer is I'll take the six.

It's a gesture of good sportsmanship. Yeah. But I will not go to five. You got to open the envelope, so I feel like you get the dollar. Oh, the joy of, oh, you know my greatest pleasure in life, opening envelopes. I just sit around the house and just, oh, that was a good one. Right with the index finger. in life, opening envelopes. Dude, I was like... I just sit around the house and just, oh, that was a good one. This is not... Right with the index finger.

This is not even a bit, but opening mail that I know might be something, like, fun genuinely is, like, one of my greatest pleasures in life. Are you serious? I love it, dude. I want to start mailing you shit.

Well, no, you mailing me something is going to be bad. Dude, I'm going to do it. Best case scenario, it's going to be a tow of indeterminate origin. Yeah. And it's all downhill from there.

But honestly, now that I think about it, opening mail is fun. It is. I mean, not when you're opening But honestly, now that I think about it, opening mail is fun. It is. I mean, not when you're opening mail from somewhere shitty, but if you get a letter from someone, you're like, oh, it's going to be your birthday or something. And you're like, that gives me anxiety. Daddy going to get a gift card?

Yes. Keith, you fucking lovely scumbag Papa Bear wants to go to Red Lobster Alright I think Male gives me anxiety Yeah Yeah

Not as much as female seems to Oh Dom you're trans I figured it out Dun dun dun, dun. Damn, he gay. Tom identifies as a pile of laundry that swears. A pile of laundry that swears, yes. That's great.

Yeah, my mouth is the socks Fuck shit come Yeah I was gonna do a musical number But fuck it Mexican joke off time Now? Yeah that's where the jingle's gonna go Yeah there we go

I think it's hilarious Cause you guys always just get silent At the same time Well we know where to leave the space For the jingle Yeah I don't know shit Sometimes people talk over the edit points And it kinda makes it hard And it's not a big deal, but I do appreciate when we have a nice edit point.

Yeah, it's professionalism in broadcasting. Well, I like ruining things, so this is a problem for you. And you know what's unfortunate? As you're ruining things, this is a very funny half the time. The other half the time, they actually ruin the thing. I know. But the net gain is positive. All right.

A Bible museum has announced that five pages of the Dead Sea Scrolls they have in the collection are actually fake. They also announced they, quote, have a bad feeling about that bridge they just bought. I wrote these jokes for Henny Youngman. Yeah. Well, God wrote the rest of it, but these five pages. Yeah. The five pages where it says Pokemon is great. The Japanese steal the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Yeah, and render 40% of all your earnings to God's greatest saint, Gary, the guy who works at this museum. Yeah. All right, I'll do this one. 63 dead babies were found in a box at a Detroit funeral home. Reporters are calling it a terrible tragedy, but a fucking banging episode of Hoarders. Damn. Well, well done.

Golden Girls cereal is flying off the shelves. Their tagline, finally you can eat something drier than we are. That's really good. I was thinking of the humor and then I was like, no, they're pussies duh I'm gonna be honest

I feel bad for doubting you I was waiting for you to think the Golden Girls was a different thing than it is here's what's hilarious that's the worst

serial there is Golden Girls yeah my favorite Golden Girls is Sailor Jupiter are you thinking of the diagrams Tom again

this is one of the reasons I stopped genuinely trying for the joke off because every time I write an actual joke I I'm like, whoa! I'm giving you crazy! Oh, shut up. I'm giving you credit.

It was a good joke. Honestly, Tom is not wrong. And you know what? I apologize for being condescending. Oh, no. I'm just going to keep doing anti-jokes. You guys can lean on him. It makes you feel any better.

It was a B-minus joke, and I'm trying to get your ego up. You can keep doing anti-jokes, and someday you might actually be good at them. But, you know, here we go. You're doing anti-anti-jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of which, oh, Jesus. A Georgia town's mayor is rounding up sex offenders for the upcoming Halloween celebration.

In a related story, Roman Polanski has been announced missing from Arkham Asylum. Roman Polanski. been announced missing from Arkham Asylum. Roman Polanski. To a crock. The Riddler, Roman Polanski. Roman Polanski was. The Tiddler. The Suicide Squad. Riddle me this, riddle me that.

Get in the cage, I'll fucking kill your family. He was a football coach pedophile, right? Nope. That would be Jerry Sandusky. He's got a sporting car. Who is he? Roman Polanski was a director. He directed fucking Chinatown.

The football team. No. Yes. Yeah. Jerry Polanski. You're thinking of a football director? The word you're thinking of is coach, by the way. Yeah, my football director.

Okay, stop calling them scenes. They're plays. Yeah, this guy executive produced the Clippers. He was the Harvey Weinstein of the Clippers. The parents of a teenage boy are suing five girls who made false sexual assault claims against their son because, quote, they didn't like looking at him. This boy is expected to lose the case as he is, in fact, UGLY, and prosecutors say he ain't got an alibi. I thought you were going to say, and prosecutors say he is, in fact, Connor McSpadden or something.

I was trying to make it one of you guys, but I'm like, hey, you're all pretty and nice. James Woods has called for the license hunting of poachers. If there's too many of them, they eat too much and it makes the ecosystem unbalanced. I fucked that up pretty bad. Wait, did you eat a poacher? I was trying to do the, never mind. Wait, James, no, I didn't even understand. So James Woods wants them to hunt poachers?

Yes. Well, that's, man, so two things. James Woods, number one, it's very sad to see him get all red-pilled and shitty since he was kind of a dope actor. Oh, yeah. He's like a Trump guy now, right? I only know him from Family Guy. He was in Hercules. He was Hades.

He was in Videodrome. He's been in a bunch of shit. Videodrome is a scary movie. Dude, Videodrome rules. Tom, I think you would genuinely love it. You would like Videodrome? It's about a video? And I do not mean that as an endorsement of the film.

Tom would love this movie. It's one of my favorite movies. It rocks so hard. Yeah. But number two, I was just reading this article. What about Videodrome, where you rent a video from Blockbuster and your wife sucks your dick? During Videodrome, I'd rather be dead. Yeah, right?

There's no less horny movie. Here's our new thing. All right? I just figured it out. It's called the Videodrome Challenge. If you post a video of you from soft-dickiness to full ejaculation coming while watching Videodrome, I will give you $50. And I want to be clear, none of the fun parts,

none of the little snippets of porn, no basic dialogue. I want you jerking it while the new flesh happens. That's what I'm talking about. I also want to say mom, I'm sorry. Thank you for the cookies. It's great to see you at the birthday party. Cookies were phenomenal. I'm sorry that I'm your kid and this is what I do for a living. I want

money shots near the VHS insertion. That's all I'm going to say. You got to see this movie, Tom. It rules. Dude, I'm'm gonna make 50 bucks oh man you absolutely are yeah if anyone can do it it's you yeah that's pretty great thing i could use that 50 i was but i want to say before we went on the next one i was reading an article today while we were supposed to be working it was about uh male celebrities with the biggest dicks according to reports apparently james woods has a violently large penis oh wow, wow. Apparently he has like an 18-inch dick.

Well, that's what I learned about from a... Which I know is not true, but like people say he has this massive dick that it fucked him. So I think he's back in serious. I know the listeners are aware of our Huell Hauser fandom. And I can say, I don't want to give too many details, but a friend, not a good friend, but a friend of mine told me that he had a buddy that was gay that hooked up with Huell Hauser. I told you this. No, no, no.

I heard it from the... Oh, you heard it secondhand? I heard it from a guy that knew the guy that fucked Huell Hauser. Oh, okay. Yeah, at my last job. Okay. Yeah, so he's telling me this. He says two things.

He says, first off, dick like a Pringles can. And second off, the quote is, suck that fucking dick, hippie. So that's how Kielhauser fucks. If anyone wants to do anything with that, enjoy. Well, I think fucked is where I get he's super dead. Yeah. Is it my turn? Yeah, you're up, buddy.

All right, guys. Burger King has released a limited edition Halloween burger that is supposedly scientifically proven to give you nightmares. A sleep study showed that after consuming the burger, your dreams are 80% more likely to end in being murdered by a man in a king suit, which also kills you in real life. Fucking Freddy Krueger Burger King. Yeah. Freddy Krueger King.

That's such a stupid... Hey, do you want beef that'll make your brain sick? I saw that and I was like, what the fuck is the matter with America? Yeah, like there are starving children here. Yeah. And we're like, we need to make sure the food you pay too much for also hurts your soul. Yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, my goodness. Well, if you also get one... If you eat one of those while jacking off and watching Videodrome, it's $60. If you do all that, you don't get to listen to this show anymore. I don't feel comfortable knowing we share everything. If you do all that, you go back to Arkham Asylum with Roman Polanski. There's room in here for two. Yes, the scarecrow.

Yes, blah. It's me, Roman Polanski, probably. Sandbat and Roman Polanski. Teaming up at last. Our B-team winners. Throw the ball. God, I'd like to be moved to a Our B team winners. Throw the ball. God, I'd like to be moved to a new cell, please. Run the ball.

No, no, no. Look, it's not about the sex stuff. I'm just tired of hearing him pitch screenplays. No one wants a sequel to The Pianist. No screenplays. That's what I said, you fuck. Yeah, but they're screenplays. Oh, like a scary thing.

If I was referring to the YPCB bubble screen. I'm going to pose for you a very serious hypothetical question. Oh, like a scary thing. I was referring to the White receiver bubble screen. I'm going to pose for you a very serious hypothetical question. Now, imagine if you will. Hang on. Is this to me or is this to Bane? This is both of you guys. Or Bane, also. I'll get involved as well.

Oh, yes. This is Bane. Stop making fun of me. You're bad at it. Oh, yes. Please come again. If I write... It's not boo, Bane. Yeah, it's a Bane. If I write... It's a boo, man.

Yeah, it's a babe. I'm an up-and-coming screenwriter. Okay. And I've written the best horror movie script of all time. This is classic. This is the shining for a new generation. Beautiful. But on the front page, before you even see it, it says the name of the movie, and it says,

Screamplay by Connor McSpadden. Screamplay, with a little pun on the front page. Do you think the movie gets made, or do you think because I put Screamplay, they don't give it to me? Oh. I think they're more likely to read it because of the pun. No, nobody who works in any kind of serious production capacity

would open one page of that. I don't know. They would ceremonially burn it on Kid Fuck Island. As someone who's watched a movie called Ice Scream. Yeah, somewhere Jason Blum just had an aneurysm. Like, that does not fucking happen. Oh, God. I'd read it because I would assume it would be...

I would be disappointed that it was good, frankly. Okay. I would want to read the worst script ever written. Also, in my hypothetical, Keith is a horror movie executive, so he's going to have a lot of say here. Which, great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll read it.

What the fuck? That seems like the name of a magazine you would have a subscription to, Horror Movie Executive. Look, I'm busy reading scripts and fucking swimming in a pool shaped like a hockey mask or whatever a cool horror mogul does. Yeah. Yeah. Nah. I think a movie definitely does not get made. Well, if you'd like to come into my hockey mask jacuzzi.

All right. The Red Sox and the Dodgers are set to face off in this year's World Series. So look forward to at least three jokes in the coming weeks about stabbings that will for sure occur in our neighborhood. We live a mile and a half from Dodger Stadium. And the level of loud that is about to descend on this fucking neighborhood. Leo's Tacos is going to be a mess. I'm not going to wait in the line. It's going to disrupt my entire ecosystem. After Dodgers games... My ecosystem, Jerry!

The line for that place goes around the block. Around the block! No room! Go Padres or whatever they're playing. I'm just packed! Megan Markle. Is that how you say her name? Yes. Yay! Yeah!

No need for the joke. I said the name. I hit the Markle. We are the champions, my friends. Markle. We'll keep on fighting. Anyway, Miss Markle has been showing off her handmade pasta necklace on her international tour, demonstrating the heights of British cooking. Yeah, because they suck at food. Have you guys actually eaten food made by a British person?

I've eaten Irish food. It's even worse, kid. Yeah, I've been to England. They are not killing the game out there. Yeah, every single food stuff in Ireland is the same color. It's all brown. killing the game. Yeah. Every single food stuff in Ireland is the same color. You know what I'm saying? It's all brown. My friend growing up

in England had bones in it. I've never been more furious. My friend growing up was British and his mom he got over it. He converted later.

Fucking Growing up he was British now. Black as a coal mine. Made pasta put pinto beans in it and then cheddar cheese on top That's like some shit you do when you're high

It's like I have three things in my house Let's eat all of them at once You better be pretty high or pretty poor Or very British Yeah I mean You gotta be like category 5 incest level 10 British The highest level of British there is We're talking 40 teeth,

maximum flippers. Smell like pee. Made of pee. Man, the joke I keep pitching is A Night at the Opera, the most expensive album ever made. Until 2006's Pitbull in Space.

You're up, buddy. But nobody likes it. All right. Oof. The FDA has cracked down on a website selling illegal abortion pills online.

If you have an unwanted pregnancy, you can still stream Keith Carey's Forever Nap or come to the live taping of his next album recording in January at the Chatterbox

in West Covina to safely kill your baby. What? Plug for your show. I appreciate it. January 27th, Chatterbox, West Covina. I'm recording my your show. I appreciate it. January 27th, Chatterbox, West Covey and I

are recording my new album. Yet to be titled. Also, if you hold... No. That's a good name. Because everyone was waiting. What? I like that name.

I just said it. It'd be funny if I just called it yet. You should. That's some shit I would do. That's my favorite bit where I make fun of Keith for being egotistical.

Yeah. That's me, all right. No, you're not. I know. You are wearing a shirt from your podcast. But I like the pitchfork. Yeah. That's me, all right. No, you're not. I know. You are wearing a shirt from your podcast. But I like the Pitchfork. Yeah. The guy that works in the Pitchfork comedy department going, damn, I can't get the story

out yet. He hasn't decided on a title. And Keith's like, well, I got it. The people are asking. Well, as long as we're thumbing out our meta comedy jokes. Hey, I also wrote good ones, but I thought. No, I know. No, I'm about to do...

I have extra I could do that are good, but I wanted to plug you out. I appreciate that. I'm about to do an equally lazy bad one. Sarah Silverman said she once willingly watched

Louis C.K. Masturbate. She then clarified that she meant she just paid to download Horace and Pete. Ah. All right. In the business,

we call that a me-jew. Mm. I don't know. Speaking of... Skeet! Jay, can you write that down? Thanks. I guess this is a lazy round.

A terminally ill seven-year-old has been sworn in as a cop. No news yet on who will be sworn in as an honorary black kid. You know what I love? I love that you slurred that joke so hard That you just lost a lot of syllables I do that every time You did like a 20 syllable sentence

And also fucking ruled I'd like to be an honorary black kid with leukemia Yeah It's the make a wish program And the I made a worse wish program And the you're gonna die anyway category Oh fuck I'm going to die

But I was number one on reddit and i'm very cute and i inspired some people for about a week i died doing what i love going viral that's the best thing that can happen to a baby that is born today is it can get a disease and then get a lot of shares and go out before they have to actually learn how shitty the world yeah what else was gonna do be happy you get you get to be Batman, eat ice cream, and die. These are all the things I want to do. All right. Oof. WWE.

I don't know if you guys saw the news tonight. WWE champion Roman Reigns. Here's what I like about doing them late at night, because now people listening in the morning will be like, wow, it's just like I'm watching Jimmy Kimmel on my DVR. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel.

Hello, everybody. I'm Jimmy Kimmel. Welcome to a late today with Jimmy Kimble. Jimbo Kimble. Hello, everybody. I'm Jimbo Kimble. Welcome to a late today with Jimbo Kimble. Boy, the headbreeder knew today the man with the hair said to Jimbo, he got the sickness. I don't know, Jimbo Kimble. There's Jimbo Kimble in the Jimbo Kimble van. You pan over. It's just a squirrel banging its head on a fucking empty box.

Hey, you there, give him a Kimmel Squirrel? Coming up next, I'm going to talk to the man from that movie. And then today, old Chad Kroger is going to be here. Kimmel Kimmel, followed by comics on the East from Bradley Bradley.

It's Jimbo Kimball Live. With guests. When did ABC get Comics Unleashed? I didn't know about this. Welcome back to Jimbo Kimball. It's time for a green tweet. You read a green tweet and I'll tell you it's not nice for you. Read a tweet.

I say you read a tweet, Jim Kimmel. Jamie Foxx is so gay. How gay is Jim Kimmel? It said that I put slippers on with my socks on. Jim Kimmel don't think he will do that, Jim Kimmel. Jim Kimmel going gonna host the Oscar. Many of all the best Jimbo go to Kimbo. Jesus. Oh, shit.

Fuck my ass. Jimbo, Jimbo Kimbo, right? Jimbo. Jimbo, Jimbo, Jimbo. Jimbo. Jimbo, Jimbo, kid gets sick. He cuts to Guillermo and he's dead, but it's actually Guillermo beheaded. Jimbo, Jimbo, go do a man on the street bit. Jimbo, Jimbo, don't talk to a tiny Latino leprechaun. Tom, can I have some of your water?

I hurt my throat laughing at Jimbo Kimball. Sure, I want to take some from the ice jug. I hurt my throat doing Jimbo Kimball. Holy shit. That was one of my favorite tangents of all time. Oh, man. Man, I got to follow that. Is this what you didn't want?

Huh, hater, mean boyfriend? We love you guys. Yeah, you guys. More Jimbo! All Kimbo! You guys hate Jimbo Kimbo Live? What the fuck is the matter with you? You want us to light a bunch of candles and open the Necronomicon and call each other the worst things

we can think of for 45 minutes like a Black Flag song of podcasting at 2 in the morning? I read you joke. Oh yeah, so I don't know if you guys saw the morning. I read you a joke. Oh, yeah. So, I don't know if you guys saw the news. WWE champion Roman Reigns revealed last night that he has leukemia

and relinquished his Universal title live on stage. It's all part of The Undertaker's newly revealed power giving you leukemia. He now has cancer rays he shoots out of his hat. You know what? Man, let me read this next joke and then you'll understand how I'm kind of pumped out He now has cancer rays. He shoots out of his hat. Man, let me read this next joke and then you'll understand how I'm kind of pumped out at how good what you just did is. Okay. A child climbed through an x-ray machine at a TSA checkpoint. He said he was trying to be like the Hulk, but ended up more like Roman Reigns.

Oh, that sucks because your joke's better. For both of them, I don't like wrestling. But I like the jokes. Ikea furniture of comedy. All right, hang on. I want to try something. All right, so you're Roman Reigns, okay? All right.

Welcome back to the show. Today, my guest Strongman going to go to Strongman Box, throw the other Strongman. He real good, but he real sad right now. We're going to find out why. Give it up for Roman Alba. Yeah, I'm here with my new foundation. Hey!

Roman for... What's wrong with you? Roman's Warriors. What happened to your body? Well, I have... Talk about your organs. Well, leukemia is a blood disease. Yeah?

It affects all your organs. Okay, which one to vote on? Oh, jeez. I couldn't tell you. I'm going to gasp. Pick one. The heart. Wrong.

Anyway, we don't go commercial. We come back. Back or more. Carol, I love you. He's not letting me leave. I know I'm going to leave. Come on tonight. This counts as a sketch, okay? Carol, I love you. He's not letting me leave. I don't want to leave. Do Jimbo Kimball or not. This counts as a sketch, okay?

Man, I love when I have to think either our fans are losing their minds at how much they love Jimbo Kimball or this is the least popular thing we've ever done. We've either made Nice Boys 1 or Nice Boys 2. Look, I know that, you know, I got a fall in my heart. And right now my heart's with Jimbo Kimball. Jimbo. Kimball. I got another bad one.

It's Tom's turn. I got another bad one if we want it. Are you going to do it either way? Tom Deej. A college athlete became the first person with cerebral palsy to sign with Nike. Finally, a more athletic spokesperson than Colin Kaepernick. Nice.

God damn it. I was excited. It was good. It was good. I fumble words. And he fumbled football. Reading is difficult for me. Come on, Stan.

Now, tell me, on a scale of one to bad, what's your favorite letter? Don't touch me. What's your favorite letter? Who has a favorite letter? Z. Z, that's a good letter. What about three?

What do you think about purple? Yeah, reading is hard for me. Man, why are you still here, cancer faggot? I'm talking about numbers. Reading is hard for me. Man, why are you still here, cancer faggot? I'm talking about numbers. Reading is hard for me is also Tom's new pickup line. He walks up to women and he says, I'm not dyslexic, but I still can't read.

Would you like to watch me dance? All right. Amy Schumer announced her pregnancy at the bottom of a list of political endorsements. She says she won't be going red for at least nine months. Periods, folks. She's pregnant? Who's the dad? Congratulations.

That guy who fucked Amy Schumer. I assume her new husband. I believe she just got hitched. To who? Some fella. A large sandwich. Seems like a good guy. I don't really know all the details.

I'm going to make an assumption. I think he's white. Pete Davidson. The ghost of Mac. Don't move I think he's white. Pete Davidson. The ghost of Mac Miller. And a move that shocked the country, Pete Davidson. Married, fucked, and impregnated Amy Schumer over a three-day weekend. Take that, Mr. Hitler. Now the baby's going to come out with tattoos.

Gray or something. Dude, that baby will have a TV show when it's two days old. Yeah, not since Simba has a baby. We've been pouring into more of a sweet gig. That baby's going to... Here's what's actually going to happen, and I'm just predicting the future right now. Pete Davidson and Amy Schumer's baby

is going to have a reality show with DJ College Baby Assad. Oh, Jesus. It's going to be, like, the babies are the characters. Yeah. Yeah, and they give them, like, thought bubbles and make them act.

I like that. Some shorties watching shorty shit, but for real. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don like thought bubbles and make them act. I like that. Some shorties watching shorties shit, but for real. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know what that is. Don't worry about it.

Shorties. Shorties asking shorties? Yeah, you got it. Yeah, yeah, Tom. It's a movie about babies? Patrice O'Neill on shorties asking shorties. What did you add?

What did you say? Shorties watching shorties. Oh, all right. What do they do when we watch them? They watch... They react to the Shorties comically. It's Cartoon Babies watching animated stand-up bits.

It was a show that was on for a while. Okay. It was a good show. Patrice O'Neill and Nick DiPaolo were the babies. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, that's a show.

We're going to be right back. If you like the box of small dogs on the side of the freeway, then you're going to shit your pants for our newest home delivery service, the sick cat in your front yard. Hi, I'm creeping everybody out at the bus stop, and I'm the official spokesman for this exciting subscription box opportunity. Do you love cats but hate knowing for sure that they don't have some kind of AIDS? Then the sick cat in your front yard is for you. Sometime around 4 a.m., each sick cat will be lovingly whipped out of the back of a rusty

El Camino by one of our sick cat technicians. Just listen for the screaming plop and you'll know it's time. Each sick cat in your front yard provides hours of fun. Wonder if you should look for an owner. Try to figure out what's wrong with its eyes. Consider that it would be more humane to just stomp it and put it out of its misery, then see if you've got the nerve to follow through. There's no limits except your imagination and how willing you are to get your shoes all gunked up.

The sick cat in your front yard. It's like Loot Crate, except you're gonna have to watch it die. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a fan-submitted game. Our good friend Alexis at Death to the Filth, the moderator of the Discord channel, pretty much Mean Boys superfan number one with a bullet, made us a game. This is

inspired from a couple weeks ago. We tried to get Tom to explain what he thought the rubber glue saying was. Uh-huh. Yeah. Still don't remember. I remember it was very long. It's one of the most haunting pieces of fan art we've ever received. Yeah.

That one where you guys are both weird Michael Myers mongoloid men chewing on tires. We look like what I assume Jimbo Kimble looks like. If you want to draw us a Jimbo Kimble, I will pay you money. Yeah, the best fan submitted Jimbo Kimble will become some sort of merchandise. Yeah, because honestly, I need to see him in real life, and I need him to be represented out in the world. Yeah, I think he looks like somewhere between Freddy Krueger and a Downs Child. That's where I'm picturing Jimbo Kimble living.

Exactly, with a little redneck. Yeah, just like a California raise and it's a little too much guy. You know, like the ratio is off. Yeah. It's just the California fucking chimera. Yeah, exactly.

Are you about to play a video game? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm playing a flash game. Shut your fucking computer. You are being a tremendous faggot, dude. I'm paying attention. You suck. Turn off the game. Look, I'm podcasting and I'm

winning. Dude, you suck a bag of dicks. I'm so happy that was this Mation Shearer that sent this. I'm kidding. Connor's a gay lord. Alexis says, Hey guys, Alexis here.

Y'all were having so much fun trying to get Tom to guess old-fashioned sayings, I decided to make a game of it. I set it up so the question will be the hint Tom gets, and then the answer is the phrase and the meaning. Hope you enjoy it. Love, Alexis. Wait, wait, one more time? Okay, well, already having trouble.

You're not even playing a video game, Tom, and I got it. I'm going to give you the start of a phrase and a hint to where it's going, and you have to just try and figure out if you know the phrase or what it might be. Connor, you'll know some of these probably. Maybe you don't know a couple. Don't spoil it if you know. Just like the rubber and glue. Yeah.

Yeah. Some of them are shorter than that. Some of them are about the same length. Okay. So Tom will guess before me, and I'll either help giving clues or I'll make my own suppositions about the ending of the phrase. Okay. And defend a castle online.

Yeah. Well, somebody's got to do it. Number ending of the phrase. And defend a castle online. Well, somebody's got to do it. Number one. The clue. The phrase starts with the words unfit company and includes both a person and an animal. Oh, shit. What?

First of all, this isn't a good phrase because if I haven't heard it, I don't think it's good. This is not being used out there in the world. It's not popular. This is one of the more obscure ones on the list, but the other ones I do know. Unfit. Wait, how did it start? What's up? How does it start?

Okay. Unfit company makes tigers of my wife. All right. We've got Carter's guess. There's my guess. Unfit company, squirrel children. It's like if you taught a robot to make Shakespeare. It'd be like, okay.

Unfit company, squirrel children. You sound like the Muppet Babies version of A Clockwork Orange. Great answer. Fucking Fozzie DeLarge. Vinnie Well, Kermit. Oh, is this a Shakespeare thing? I don't know. Jester.

Vinnie Well, Kermit. Hit me pretty hard. Unfit company. A jester of horses. Is it something obscure like that? The phrase is unfit company for man or beast. It means someone is in a bad mood and shouldn't be talked to. Oh.

I actually have heard that. I've never heard this. You're really dumb. Yeah, you should because I've never heard that, and now I feel really dumb. Yeah, you should, because I've never heard it. Number two, the clue. The phrase starts with the words, needs must when, and references Satan. What is it? Needs must when.

Is it must? Needs must. When goats fly. Needs must, comma, when, dot, dot, dot, and it references satan in some way it's not it's not you're going when goats fly i'm not giving you any other hints needs must when fuck the devil when satan's afoot when fucking beelzebub okay um you can't even tell us whether we're warm or not?

What's up? Yeah, are we getting anywhere? Yeah, but it's no fun if I tell you that. Yeah, Connor's pretty close. Okay, when Satan dances? Oh, you said it would be fun if I got hints. The answer is needs must when the devil drives. Meaning you do what you have to in a desperate situation.

You do what you need must do when the devil is chasing behind you. Who lets the devil drive? We made Andy Dick sit in the back. This is not rocket science. I mean, I don't know who lets the devil drive. I got to assume he drives that car Rob Zombie drives in the Dragula video. I love that all of these. Is Dragula the name of the car or is Dragula the dragula video i love that all of all of these is dragula the name of

the car or is dragula the man driving the car well i'll tell you either way i don't have a halloween costume anymore i was gonna go as dracula and drag oh yeah my entire plan i love that somehow much more and less cool these have nothing like they have no relation to current like terminology like uh if the devil square dances, be the lead peg. Or just like, I have no idea what the fuck the... Okay, go ahead. If the devil square dances, one, that guy loves the square dance. Number three, clue.

He's more into triangles. This is a thing you would call a person. Okay. It starts with the old, and it refers to a weapon. Hockey game. The old hockey game. It's the old battle axe. It is the old battle axe.

Oh, shit. I forgot I wasn't supposed to guess. It's the old battle axe. Yeah, it is the old battle axe. Oh, shit. I forgot I wasn't supposed to guess. It's a drawing to refer to your wife. An old battle axe hung on the mantle is no longer useful. That was hatchet wound. No, that's pussy. That's pussy specifically. Weird that a battle axe has a hatchet wound, though, when you think about it.

Yeah, well, I've heard axe wound. Oh, that's even somehow. I don't know. I don't know what the difference is between axe wound and hatchet. They're both upsetting. I guess it depends how tall you are like I think of a lumberjack axe and hatchet. I think of a small It's like how fat of a pussy got if you got like one of these narrow compact ones that you got a hatchet if it's all blown out and fucking Willy Wonka eat then you got a

Axe wound the babies go walking Jesus guys. I don't know why more girls don't like this show. Number four. I was a little brought up axes. I don't know, man. Girls do listen to this show. We have a lot of lady listeners. And this one goes out to all of those. Jimbo Kimball gonna throw it out for the ladies.

When the moon hits your back like a pizza made of pizza. That's a Kimball, Jimbo Kimble. That's a Kimble. Jimbo Kimble actually got his start in radio. A lot of people don't know he did bits for K-Rock. That's right.

Jimbo Kimble used to be Ralph Garman. Yeah, so Kevin and Bean, back with you Monday morning, 845. Jimbo Kimble on the traffic copter. Jimbo Kimble is in the traffic copter. Thatobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble. That's a North Carolina helicopter. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. We can hear the helicopter. Can you hear it?

Yep. It's pretty loud, Jimbo. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. You don't have to make helicopter sounds with your mouth. Mind doing it. It's the helicopter. Respect the fourth ball. Jimbo Kimble.

Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. Okay. Well, we got it. Adam Carolla has to teach you wood shop after this, so we got to go. Oh, he got them big old teeth. Yeah. Okay, well, Adam Carolla has to teach you wood shop after this, so we got to go. He got big old teeth. Jimble Kimble. I wish he didn't.

Maybe he's not happy. Number four. Clue. My favorite part about Jimble Kimble is when you say, no, you sometimes say, I can tell you know what you're saying. We have no idea. And then you'll laugh at your own joke as Jimbo Campbell. We have no idea what the fuck you just said. His eyes turn a different color when he becomes Jimbo Campbell.

It's the truest. You let yourself become the nightmares you have about your father. It's the truest form of Keith I've ever seen. That's who you think I am? Jimbo Kimbo? Yes. I've never seen you happier without food. I think you have the same.

Fuck you, you fat maggot. That's so funny. The way I talk about pussy, Keith talks about Chago and also pussy. I enjoy snacks and fuck. He's like, they have fries. And get this, they do something disgusting to them. It's amazing.

It's Chinese fusion. They put cheese and sour cream and sriracha in fusion. Kimble Kimble like the Chago. Okay, what's the next one? Number four. Number four. Clue.

Starts with the words, oh, my stars, and then refers to an article of clothing. And stripes forever? Oh, my stars and stripes forever. Okay. Oh, my. You got to be honest with me. Did you know a lot of these when you were going through and reading the game? I knew three of them.

How many? Wait, wait. Description again. There's one more after this. Description again. No, this is difficult. What's the description again? Did you know a lot of these when you were going through and reading the game? I knew three of them. How many did they have left? Description again. There's one more after this. Description again. No, this is difficult. What's the description again? It starts with the words, oh, my stars, and then refers to an article of clothing.

Now, I'll just jump in on your first guess there. And stripes forever. Not one of those words is a clothing. Okay. Oh, my stars, I like shoes. Clothes have stripes. All right. Can you tell me what article of clothing it is no because

that's the rest of it well just give it to me okay stars it's oh my stars and garters oh yes that's that's that's clothing from before times that doesn't fucking count yeah garters from before long long ago before the blast isn't that that's that wedding shit you throw at people who attended right with a blast. That's that wedding shit you throw at people who've attended, right? That's that wedding shit that you throw at people that attended. That's what it is, right?

The computer has determined, the garter, is that quote wedding shit you throw at people that attended the wedding. The garter refers to garter as thigh condom. It is a human gesture of permanent horniness. You will catch and copulate. It's like extra... You will fuck in a motel by the beach because your parents are poor.

Extra fluff around the pussy. Sorry, what? Isn't that what the garter's for? So you think it goes around the pussy? Or does it stop chafing? Neither. It goes here. Around the thigh?

Yes. To keep your stockings up. Yeah, that's where people... Oh. Oh, so it's like suspenders for your legs? It's what they wear... Tom. Yes.

Let me shorten this process. It's what they wear in fancy porn. Lingerie. Naughty America type of business. You know, the garb. I don't, yeah, I don't know. Porn with a budget that does not go to paying us to write for it. Yeah.

I guess I'm going to have to watch more porn to catch up. And then they're like, yeah, Todd made a Majin Dildo suit, so we should be good to go for 430. Number five. Connor, you will definitely know this one. Tom, you should know this one. Clue. Starts with don't look A, and then refers to a beast of burden.

Ooh. Tom, what do you think? Is this the horse gift one? Yes, but I'm going to need you to actually say it correctly. Don't. Don't. Fuck.

Here's what I don't know. Where to look at the horse. Is it a gimp horse or a gift horse? A gimp horse. Wait. A gimp horse? Don't look a gimp horse in the mouth. Gimble, gimbal.

I always say don't look the gimp horse in the mouth. You look him in the eye when you take his heart. That is no way to talk about Ving Rhames. That is, you are out of line. I don't know who that is. The most famous Gimp of all time. Wait, this wasn't the Gimp. Is it Gift or Gimp Horse?

The Gimp is the man in the leather suit. Is it a crippled gifted horse or a gifted horse or a Gimp? Gimp Associate. Yeah, but the joke works. What kind of horse is it gifted horse or a gimp. Gimp associate. Yeah, but the joke works. What kind of horse is it? It's a gift horse, you sack of shit. Yeah, it's the only gift horse in the mouth. It means don't do that.

You know what it means? It's a thing. What does it mean? It means... Yeah, I don't really understand. Alexis, the meaning is going to be read to you in a moment when I unfuck this. There we go. Okay.

Meaning you can tell the age of a horse by checking its teeth. It'd be rude to turn up your nose at a free horse because it's a little old. So if somebody gives you a gift, even if it's not exactly what you wanted, you shouldn't be like, well, fuck this. If a good thing happens to you but it's not all the way good, you shouldn't be like, well, fuck it completely. What happened to the days where everyone knew you had to stare down a horse's throat to figure out whether or not it was worth

anything? This would be like if I was like, Tom, I got you a pack of American Spirits to say I'm sorry. And you're like, oh, those golds are yellows. Exactly. Oh, golds. Thanks. Yeah. That's like the... Golds are better. Alright, well, yellows then. Fuck me, dude. You can't explain anything

to you, Adam. Hey, look, don't look a gimp riff in the mouth. A gimp riff. Just because it's not the riff I want, it's the one I have. It's not the jimble you asked for, but it's the jimble you deserve. The gift of horse teeth, and you guys all reject these opportunities. You had a salt shaker full of loose horse teeth. This Christmas, give yourself the gift of a salt shaker full of loose horse teeth. This Christmas, give yourself the gift of a salt shaker

full of loose horse teeth. Give your loved ones the gift of fear. Grandma, I got you some new dentures. Available in forms such as necklace, can, and loose handful. I was imagining a whole horse jaw and then just an old woman

shoving it in her mouth. Well, that was... That was... Tom, say the darndest things, which is not what you called the game, but it's what it's called now because I won't be doing it again. That was fun. We should do that more. Must have. The Mean Boys podcast.

Some lyrics we could do. After this. Alright, guys. Let's answer some tweets from our listeners. Let's answer tweets from our fans. We'll play their

voicemails and read their tweets and the time we'll have will be grand. It's time for the mean boys. Why are you singing like Frank Cilantro? Getting the dog.

So that's our new jingle. Sorry, Andrew Hillary. I think mine's better. If someone could go ahead and compose swing music to play underneath that. It's important that we not gloss over the fact that Conor just referred to the famous crooner's name as Frank Cilantro. Yeah, Conor, you idiot. No one did that. Fuck you know, no one didn't. Fuck you, Cotter. Don't.

You dipshit. I accidentally said your name. You giant tart of. Tom's trying to make a thing out of me. You tartar salad. Wait, did I? They call me tartar salad. Did I really say Frank Cilantro?

No, he did. No, I did. I meant to say Tom. Yeah. I love Frank Cilantro. Well, he's the guest. Frank Lantro sing for the house band or Jimbo Kimbo. Fuck a dolphin while I take pills from the past. Really makes you think. And I think to myself.

Yep. This dolphin pussy's pretty good. My brain tastes like tuna. I think to myself. Poor piss. I'm fucking a dolphin on a boat. My way up next, Daniel Day-Lewis stopped by and I heard a cat. By the way, the Jimbo Kimble Show runs for 24 hours a day.

Jimbo does not sleep. It is a Twitch stream. The amount of spit that I've gotten on this microphone via Jimbo Kimble activity. He snorts breakfast cereal and meth, and it gives him all the carbohydrates and fuel he needs for the day. Jimbo Kimble has been slowly drinking the same gallon of milk for eight years. Yeah, yeah. On yogurt, now it's ice cream. Later, it's going to be poop.

You ever go to a playground and they have those weird rubber wood chips? They look like rubber. I've never seen the rubber ones, I don't think. Okay, well, that's Jimbo Campbell's breakfast. I know they're like rubber pads. It's just a bowl of rubber granola. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like hobo napalm.

And he has to eat it like a muppet. Agent hobo. If the episode wasn't called Jimbo Kimble, it would be called hobo napalm. Yeah. All right. Y'all down with some strong bad techno. I don't know what that means. Oh, my God.

Yeah. That's like an early internet thing. Strong bad? Yeah, because you did strong bad. Homestar Runner. Yeah, I did. For your dramatic monologue. I did.

I did back-to-back Homestar Runner, Strong Bad emails in my drama class. Got an A. No big deal. I'm pretty good at The Voice. I know what Alice DJ is. It used to be better when I had seen these things more recently than a decade. I've got to be honest. I don't know what it is. It's not for you.

I watched some kind of bad Flash. Strong Door! Maybe someone could track these down. I watched some kind of bad flash videos about where there's muffins and Final Fantasy characters for something. And it was one I had a couple of weeboo friends. It's imperative to me that none of you help Connor find this. I am constantly like, Connor is falling off a ledge into full-blown fucking animated weebishness. And I'm holding him by one sweat-glistened hand, and he is drifting towards the rocks of faggotry.

The other night, Connor tried to... What's the matter with my fallout collection? You're watching this video again as the equivalent of your watch slipping off in my hand. I'll be looking at it. It says, best friends forever, as I watch you plummet into the blackout. The other night, me and Connor got high, and then Connor just showed me this video of a fucking stop-motion cartoon.

I showed you the tenacious piece. Dude fucking a robot pussy from a Terminator. Dude, that rules. I thought it was funny. It was so upsetting. It was dumb, but it was funny. Halfway through, I just was like, I have to leave now.

It was a robot that wants to be their friend that he's sent from the future by Jack Black's kid. Right. Who saves the world and creates this robot to go save his dad from his early death. And then Jack Black finds out that the robot has a pussy and really wants to fuck him. But he didn't get an explanation from the hologram he played of his son. So he fucks the pussy and it makes him cum really hard. And it's very weird.

I don't like that his kid is involved. Yeah, but his kid is a grandpa in the future. Here's my biggest issue with it. Is Jack Black a robot pussy? I don't like that his kid is involved. Yeah, but his kid is a grandpa in the future. Here's my biggest issue with it is Jack Black. And I have a robot pussy. He talks like that. He's funny. Jack Black is just making too many Jack Black noises. He's like, I got to go get the gasoline.

Oh, yeah. We turn it on, and he's like, let's pull over to the station. See if we can get some gasoline. And Tom goes, oh, this is going to be a lot With the perfect comedy timing If the Mean Boys were turned into AIs And put into Master Chief's head Like Cortana from Halo

I thought this was a Master Chef thing And I thought we were robots We're robots doing Master Chef I would turn Gordon Ramsay into more of a cunt. All right, if the Meat Boys were to turn into AIs and put in a Master Chief's head

like Cortana from Halo, which would be the best job keeping him slash the universe safe? All right. Why would you think... These are the kind of tweets we start getting

when you start talking about Final Fantasy Modern Adventure. Any of this. I don't know any. Remember when we just talked about the devil and anal sex? I know Halo's... And nobody liked I don't know any of this. Remember when we just talked about the devil and anal sex? I know Halo's.

And nobody liked us. Halo is, I know, nobody likes us now. Halo is what those dead bitches got. Besides that, I have no idea what you were talking about. This is some of the most raw podcasts. Halo, John Bonnet hat. Well, look, if I'm a super soldier, realistically... Wait, you know

what he's asking you? Yeah. Yeah, he's asking you. Oh, alright. So the idea of who... I gotta break down all the fucking typographical... I'll let you guys take this. They turn you into a robot. I've never played Halo. I've only played multiplayer. I've played a bit.

Turn you into a robot. They put you into a super soldier. Robot guy. Humanoid. So just a bit. Turn you into a robot. They put you into a super soldier. Robot guy. Humanoid. So just double robot. And you have like essentially super powers. You're a super soldier. You jump and fucking

I think he's a real guy but you're a voice in his head. Yeah. You can fuck with him you know. So the idea is which of us would be the best

at that. Yeah. In terms of like a tactical soldier. Oh for me being a voice in someone's head, I'll tell you how that fight ends. He shoots himself.

That is how the fuck you... No, I feel like you'd be really good at it. You'd be like, oh, this is what it feels like to be on the other side. It's like in Terminator 2 when all of a sudden the Terminator was the good guy.

Like, now you're the voice in someone's head. What happens to me if he dies? I don't know. You tell him he's blamed for dying He's trapped in purgatory You should have jumped Why'd you duck? I know some Halo people out there are pissed off

But I don't fucking know I'm not looking it up When are you putting time in a cage? It's been months and no cage beat yet It'll happen when it happens If someone were to try to profit off of your career after you die. Well, I hope somebody does it at some point. Yeah, how about when I'm alive?

That would be cool. Yeah, I'd love to profit while I'm alive. A little bit. Yeah. Would you rather there be a hologram, animatronic robot, or impersonator of you performing your material? One of my genuine lifelong goals is I somehow want to have an animatronic version of me in some sort of theme park attraction. Like maybe I'm like, you know, I get like the Patton Oswalt and Ratatouille, like weird stunt cast. At some point there's just like a weird robot of me in Fantasyland just like, look at me to hold all these plates or whatever the fuck.

Yeah, yeah. Cartoon. Oh, I'm too much of a dog or whatever my deal is. Oh, I was a sad goat, but then I learned courage. Pixar. Well, Keith likes all these things, but then when he breaks them down to me,

he understands what they are very deeply. I feel like I could be that fucking giant robot from iRobot. I guess I would like him. I make a good Vicky. Wait, hang on. I'm not asking this to be a dick. I've never seen iRobot. I guess I would like... Vicky? I would like an impersonator. I make a good Vicky. Wait, hang on. Hang on. I'm not asking this to be a dick.

I've never seen iRobot. Is the robot's name actually Vicky, or are you confusing this with the show Small Wonder? No, her name's Vicky. Oh, okay. That's pretty funny. Okay. Yeah, I'd like an impersonator, because that means there's a guy whose job it is to go perform for my last surviving fans, who are all probably at AA meetings, you know?

Yeah. And he just goes goes up and he's just like, hey everybody, I don't fucking something about Keith's shit. Strap it, it's a strap-on story. Fucking, then she shit crumbs, you get it. Best lineup for Synchro Summons.

Hoo boy. What is that? What is that? Safe return in play with fucking cards. What is Synch What is that? Card safe return in play with fucking cards. Those are incredible. What is synchro summons? It's a phenomenon that happens when you're good at Yu-Gi-Oh. If you have Imperial Iron Wall, card safe return.

If you like Yu-Gi-Oh, you're not good at anything. So I couldn't tell you. I mean, it's had many renaissances, and I wish that was the way the metagame still was today. Logan Miller asks, why is... Jimbo Campbell takes synchro Bass with pepperoni. I don't get it. I don't know. They are not all going to be winners.

Yeah, dude, my Synchro talk really ground the podcast so hard. I'm sorry. Yeah, man, that made me dry, and I'm a dude. Well, that raises the question, whose pussy do you have? Yeah, what was wet? And is your refrigerator running? What was wet? Follow-up question.

Get off the bed. Someone give me eye drops. I don't know. We'll figure it out. Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Well, you better let him out. We're fun 40 years ago. If I was ever in the neighborhood, could I come by and hang out?

No. Who are you? Andrew Janowski. No. At True Blue Andrew. No. Oh, man. Where do you live? Janowski. No. At True Blue Andrew. No. Oh, man. Where do you live?

No. I would... I consider it, depending on my mood. I consider it at a neutral location. Do not come to our home. That I cannot stress enough, because we have new roommates, and I don't know if they're aware that they unfortunately live with podcasts. I love you all, and I love that you're enthusiastic about this. If any of you ever come

near my property, I will call a more violent police force than the normal one. Hello? White police? I'll call 9-1-2, which is when they send the guys who just shoot first and then shoot again. As long as I'm in a good mood, I'm down to hang out with anyone who's in the area. Unfortunately,

I'm not usually in a good mood, but hit me up and, I'm not usually in a good mood, but hit me up. And if I'm not suicidal that day, let's go get tacos or something. Tell you what, if you're in the LA area and you want to hang out after Halloween, I'm thinking about a Mean Boy fan trip to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles right across the street from the venue. Oh, that'd be fun. Come hang out, eat some chicken and waffles, talk about the three funny things we've ever done collectively. Yeah. The hits.

Yeah. Are hits. Yeah. Are you guys going to call that slot machine guy Tom at the train station? Oh. Do you want to give a... It's such a beautiful story. No, I don't. But, yeah, listen, be a bonus person. No, I wasn't going to say do you want to call him.

Do you want to give just a quick rundown of the... Well... Oh, it's too late to call him. Yeah, and it's a long story, too. It's a really long story. If you're not a patron already, if you jump on for $5 a month and listen to the most recent episode, you'll hear about Tom's misadventures getting abandoned in San Diego. Yeah.

Next time we do it. Making new friends after getting cucked by nothing. No, next time we record during the day, I'll call Elias. Cool. He was a 50-year-old Lebanese man who taught me a lot about food that I already knew. But great guy. Yep. I don't really know him well. Tom chalks that up as a win.

This guy just turned out to be like a white supremacist. Like, ah, this big guy had a hand. And if you measure the skulls, okay. Send him to Jimbo Kimble. Are Lebanese people white? No. Okay. You guys.

We're Lebanese. Can we have a Tom Goss web series based around the most recent Pipe Gandalf video? Bring the viewer on the road with the Mean Boys like you did on your tour this past April. Wait, you want me to do like a... You want me to be going on tour as Gandalf? A tabacky pipe cruise? I don't understand. Well, I don't even know what that is and I wanted to do that.

Tabacky pipe cruise? It's just you and Keith Ray like, hey, guys, we got the business loan, and we've decided we're starting a fucking riverboat casino. All right, so let's play some voicemails. Yeah, let's hit it. Sorry my Keith Ray bit fell flat. There you go. I did my best.

Okay, here we go. All the people who ask me why is Tom or how is Tom or where is Tom, I don't know either. Wait to talk until I have started playing the voice. Don't tell me what to do. Nope. This is your maneuver. Dude, I'm going to marry your mom, too.

I'm marrying everyone's mom on the podcast. Yeah. Keith's mom, Connor's mom. I'm not down with polymomery, dude. My mom sends you one plate of cookies, and all of a sudden you think that you can. Are there any of those cookies left over? No, I ate all eight of them in like 20 seconds. Let me tell you this.

I give the cookies to Tom. I go take a shit. I meet him on the patio, and I say, hey, you got any of those cookies left? And he says, no. I ate them all. It was my two favorite things, cookie and pumpkin. It was great. Yep.

There you go. I love pumpkin shit, dude. It's all right there for you. Pump It was great. Yep. There you go. I love pumpkin shit, dude. It's all right there for you. Pumpkin's great. I haven't eaten since those cookies. Been fasting. It's been about 30 hours. Tom, Tom.

Your health plan cannot be, well, I'll do a 24-hour fast, then eat five pounds of cookies. Oh, no. I'll pass 24 hours later. Where am I? Okay, then you've earned yourself seven pounds of cookies. Yeah, I'm at 28.39. You fucking moron. 24 hours, 39 minutes, and 42 seconds.

Man, I can't imagine why you feel terrible all the time. I feel better than I did before the fast. I'm not as worried about people trying to hunt me down, so that's good. That is good, actually. Me and Connor had a long conversation about last night. There's a feather in your cap. We did discuss that.

Once again, feel free to hit me up if you're in the area. I probably won't feel up to it, but I appreciate the invite. And if I feel good, let's party. This is a really dark window into our lives. Yeah, it's too real too very i haven't opened you guys this is mostly me all right play the fucking voicemail what uh hey mean boys first time calling in um i'm the girl that tagged connor in that tweet and then his response blew up and now i'm getting a fucking million notifications from it.

Anyway, first of all, I wanted to thank you guys for all that you do. Your show is super great, super important to me. I started listening to it right around the time that I stopped being super depressed and started trying to actually really want to get better. And it's legitimately been, like, one of the greatest coping mechanisms to, like, sit down and put the show on and listen to that instead of getting stressed and emotional. And it helps me get in touch with my rational side.

I guess I had to just fight fire with fire and throw some just horrible negativity right back at my own negativity. So that's great. Anyway, I'm, like, not caught up on your episodes yet. I started listening in June, and I think I just finished episode 117 today, if you ever take. But, you know, sorry if you already answered this, but I want to hear what was the, your worst bombing at a live show. I think that these stories are fucking hilarious.

That's it. That's the whole voicemail. I don't know. Come to Pittsburgh. I'll come see you. I'll bring my brother and my boyfriend. I told them both about the show and my parents maybe. I told them about it too.

Okay. Bye. Wow. That was lovely. That's it, too. Okay, bye. Wow. That was lovely. That's genuinely very sweet. That was great. Yeah, I wish they'd say all those haunting things before we played that. Yeah.

That was very sweet. That's the whole point. I think you make people feel less alone when they get all fucked up, too. Because they're like, oh, Tom's fucked up and he's going to be all right. Yeah. You guys could be like me. Seriously, man. I keep telling you, man. You be alright. You guys could be like me. Seriously, man. I keep telling you, man. You do genuinely

They're a folk hero. It's all three of us. I'm telling him he's Paul Bunyan for the new millennium. It sounds like we're fucking with each other. He's the one with the giant cow, right? Yes. It's an ox, but yeah. I'm not that cow specific, but I mean that was a very sweet voicemail.

You're at the very least one of the guys who helps him who skates on his flapjacks in the morning with a butter skate. Can we focus on this Pittsburgh lady? That was a very sweet message. Pittsburgh lady sounds like an insult. It does. I didn't mean it that way. It sounds like what you would call a whore in the 20s.

A real Pittsburgh lady. A real Pennsylvania hoochie cooch. Shit like this means more to me than anything in the world. Yeah, that's the fucking sweetest shit. By the way, referencing the tweet that she's talking about, if you don't know, Connor, she tagged him in a response to something like, Oh, yeah.

Asinine viral read. They got like 20,000 things. That was like, some guy, some girl just said, Connor, your card always gets declined. And I was like, please, or something. And then she was like, I feel like it's about you, Conor McSpadden. And I said, I'm glad there's other Conors out there disappointing

women. And how many faves did that get? Uh, 8,229. 267 retweets. And then underneath that, you plugged Mean Boys. How many faves did that get? I got one. One from the lady that left the voicemail. Because you know what? This was blowing up and I was thinking, you know what?

I'll do a joke and I'll say, peep my SoundCloud. This tweet's blowing up. But I'm also like, maybe they will. Yeah, no, it's a good move. And you know what? They didn't. We got a lot of downloads today, but that's probably not why. I'm trying to think percentage-wise what one out of 8,000, it's like.00 fuck. Yeah, yeah.

But thank you for that voicemail. You were very sweet. We will come back to Pittsburgh as soon as we can. The worst time I ever bombed on stage. Well, okay, so I do this show at a juke joint in Anaheim. It's booked by a guy named Big Wheezy, who I've worked with a couple times over the years. Oh, I know Big Wheezy.

Is this the one I was with you at? No, I was with my ex-girlfriend at the time, who was wearing most of a Doctor Who Halloween costume. And we're walking down. What was the rest of? She wore like the, I don't know, she wore like the blazer. She was like, I'm wearing some of the stuff from my Doctor Who Halloween costumes.

I was like, oh, okay. And anyway, it's a house party in Long Beach, and it's in like the bad part of Long Beach. I walk down a dark alley. I get to a chain-link fence where I see people standing around an honest-to-God motherfucking trash can fire. And I say, is this Big Wheezy's thing? And they say, are you sure you're in the right place? And I say, yeah, I think so.

And they say, come on in. So they open the gate and I walk in. And then I walk past a table where they're selling, like, bootleg liquor, you know, like in, like, red think so. And they say, come on in. So they open the gate and I walk in. And then I walk past a table where they're selling bootleg liquor in red Solo cups. These are all Asian people, right? It's all black folks, believe it or not. And I get into the living room where there is a full Fat Albert funk band. All right? I am the only white person in the building.

But there's a three-piece funk band. All right? And they fucking rock, person in the building. But there's a three piece funk band. All right. You know, and they fucking rock, by the way. OK. They crush it. As soon as I walk in, the funk band starts vibing. They all go in the living room. They start playing.

I'm in the house for 10 seconds. Yeah. Big Wheezy passes me in the hallway and says, oh, hey, good. You're here. What's up? Yeah. And he's like, I got to go host. So the funk band starts playing.

He goes up on stage, grabs a microphone. There's maybe like 12 old ladies lining the back wall. Not old ladies, but like late 40s-ish. Women of a certain age. Middle-aged women. And he's like, all right, the funk band's vibing. He's like, we've got a great show tonight. We're selling liquor outside.

We've got more entertainment coming later. Great comedians, blah, blah, blah. Your first comic coming to the stage. And I'm looking around, and I'm like wait am i i'm the only i didn't see another guy like where's like you know jay whatever from the flyer and uh he's like connor mcspadden and i'm like fuck and this is the time when all my material is about vampires and fucking my dick and i can't talk to girls early era connorner was very much this whimsical alt-nymph. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then he

brings me up and I just go through the entire Rolodex of everything I say on stage and it is all wrong. And I just go to this lady and I'm like, well, I guess I know that crowd work is a thing that people do. I've never tried it before, but I just go, I just do my impression

of a guy doing crowd work and I say, what's up? What do you do for a living? And I just riffed on it and I just ate shit, but it was kind of fun. And a blind guy outside told me I was a real soulful dude. Yeah. He must have been very blind. It was very cool.

He was voice blind, too. Yeah, yeah. You didn't have to tell us he was blind. Yeah. That was cool. I know. Sorry that was a long story. No, that very cool. It was voice blind, too. You didn't have to tell us he was blind. Yeah. That was cool. Sorry that was a long story. No, that's cool. I don't know that I have a great bombing story I haven't already told on this show.

My favorite one will always be the fucking time I took it. Here's the thing. She was really nice. I feel obligated to give a lengthy answer. You know what? I'll tell the story in case anybody missed it the first time around. So I got booked. I think you were on this, too, Connor.

I got booked to do a show that was advertised as Comedy and Go-Go Dancers. Oh, yeah. And it was at a place in North Hollywood and to me, Comedy and Go-Go Dancers seemed like it was going to be like this hip, fun thing.

Go-Go Dancers, I assume it's girls in white vinyl boots doing the monkey. Like, that's the energy you think is coming off. I was talking to a girl on OKCupid at the time

so I was like, oh, I'll have her come to the show. It seems like a fun, happening LA thing. You think you're going to Austin Powers' house. That's exactly what I think I'm doing. Yeah. Yeah. And so I invite her and it's like a record company. That's what it says. I'm like a fun, happy, LA thing. You think you're going to Austin Powers this time. That's exactly what I think I'm doing.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I invite her. And it's like a record company. That's what it says. I'm like, oh, that's neat. Yeah. You get there.

Oh, man. It is in the basement of this recording studio that is clearly a heroin den. Yeah. You walk in. All it is is low ceilings, dim lights, and beanbag chairs. Yeah. The first door on your right, once you exit the foyer, is a room where there is one stripper pole in the middle,

and then there's two beanbag chairs, and there's nothing else in the room. I said to myself, nothing good has ever happened in there. This building is where you end up if you're one of them girls from Taken that wasn't Liam Neeson's daughter. This is what happens when you stay Taken. It was rough.

This is Took. Yeah, you done got took. All right. There's posters on the wall, and there's always been left. They're all posters for the second Matrix movie. This is not period appropriate. This was, I think, five years ago. Yeah, this was five, six years ago.

So well a decade over when those movies came out. And they're all just the Lawrence Fishburne one. Just a lot of Morpheus. Yep. No satin heel. Trinity's nowhere to be found. Those weird albino twins. All the time.

I say your name. Motherfucker loves Lawrence Fishburne. And they have like five of these just scattered about. Yeah, it's weird. You walk in and then you walk into like the bar and the bar is like this. Oh, and I believe there's also Batman posters. There was one Batman poster.

They're from one of the bad Batman movies. Yeah, I think it was from Batman and Robin. Yeah, there you go. And then you walk into the bar proper, and there is a bar built out of plywood trash that a very... Oh, they had a shitty hotel drink bar, like a rolling bar. Yeah, this very angry man is selling overpriced booze out of it. There's like six people there. And are they guys in tracksuits that look angry?

Yeah. Yeah, we basically go to entertain the least cool... And are they guys in track suits that look angry? Yeah. Yeah. We basically want to entertain the least cool. It's speed dating for the Russian mafia. Dude, that's nail on the stage. The microphone is an old timey boxing microphone in this corner. Yeah, which is fun. Yeah. Anything but stand up fucking comedy.

Yeah. There is a stripper pole on the stage, and there's a woman on it, and these are not go-go dancers. These are Craigslist prostitutes, and I know this because I asked one of them, like, what are you doing? She goes, I'm a hooker on Craigslist. I'm like, well, that locks that in.

They are so aggressively on heroin. They're just nodding off and waking up, like, oh, do I have to do horse shit? And then they go back up. The pole on the stage is not attached to the ceiling. So when they're spinning, it is just wobbling wantonly. Yeah, it looks like a vertical game of Kerplunk about to go fucking real sideways. And we go down to Kathleen Tanaka on the scene of the hurricane.

Whoa, Jerry, I'm fucking playing on the pole here. Then the girl I invited shows up. Yep. And she comes in, and she's a sweet girl. I've talked to her since. She's real cool, real hip chick. But she walks in, looks around, sweet girl I've talked to her since She's real cool Real hip chick Yeah

But she walks in Looks around And you just see her eyes Do the Oh no Oh of course Yeah And she sits with me

And we're both just laughing At how absurd it is Because every time I try to start a conversation Something else insane happens Yeah So what do you do For a smoke machine

Oh you drove up From Long Oil And then I'm like Yeah I know this is A little weird But I think it'll be A good show Coke machine. Oh, you drove up from Long Oysters. And then I'm like, yeah, I know this is a little weird, but I think it'll be a good show. And then one of the strippers starts rapping. Yep. And raps for like six minutes. And by the way, that was in a video.

You could see that through the fish tank and through the recording studio. Yeah. And now she fucks cover. Rapped pretty good and then went back into a... That's very funny. And then went back into a K-hole where she lives now. Yeah, yeah. And then basically... What is a K-hole?

It's ketamine-induced psychosis. Gotcha. Yeah, it's basically you just stay on ketamine. Oh, shit. It's just a fun phrase. But yeah, and then basically the show was terrible because the plan was like, okay, we'll do two comics,

one stripper will do two songs. And then slowly the gaps started to grow. They're like, all right, you, fat man, do three minutes, and then fucking the gaps started to grow they're like all right you fat man do three minutes and then uh fucking dusty cheeks ronda will spiral out of control and hit rock bottom for 45 minutes yeah for a half an hour it was basically like it was you know you do your tight five and then you would watch the ass to ass scene from requiem for a dream but if nobody had any money like that yeah i mean it was like if they were doing the ass to ass thing for half a bag

of funyuns and a ride to the bus stop yeah yeah so that was that was probably my worst one i did end up fucking that girl though oh nice it's still one of my proudest moments not that night mercy no she was like i need to leave yeah yeah i don't think i have anything in tops that especially because i've already gone through a lot of my bombing stories but when i first when i was 20 i was first starting to, like, get into comedy. I remember I'd drive up from OC to LA. I remember doing flappers, waiting. They pulled me last, and I knew it was rigged.

I knew it was intentional. So, like, 2 in the afternoon, bomb my dick off in front of the host, drive back, and I just kept, like, I was still pretty emotionally unstable back, not, like, now, but I was, like, even more emotionally unstable. I was just, like unstable back, not like now, but I was like even more emotionally unstable. I was just like, my dad was worried about me doing comedy because I'd come home just like fucking emotional wreck

and it just wasn't funny and I didn't know how to be funny. He was like, maybe you should stop doing this. And I'm driving back from Flappers and I'm like, just crying because it just went so bad. And I just, I see, I look up and I just see a dude on a motorcycle get side swiped and I see the body fly into the fucking air and then hit the ground

and still feeling bad about comedy you're like well at least he doesn't have to think about how yeah but I did I did I was like holy shit. I stopped. Yeah, he's dead. Wow.

So I guess he bombed more than I did. I mean, I've told most of my funny stories. I bombed first time in the world. I bombed from my half-brother, my sister-in-law, my nieces, my uncle. That was bad, but it's not, like, funny. I mean, the other story wasn't funny. Dead guy motorcycle. I'm not saying that's funny, but it's more interesting.

Yeah. Dead guy on a motorcycle. New Tarantino film. Next question. Okay. Computer, it is me, Matt Tenzi. I needed to call to provide you with news i need to communicate that i still value our time together after we interfaced at the chat room and you accompanied me back to my

home page we then engaged in basic peer-to-peer swapping when you suffer from a persistent pop-up the size of your hard drive overclocked my processor and we both unzipped our compressed files from there i accepted your hardware into my expansion slot, but you failed to use the Trojan horse that you claimed to possess and your data flooded into my workstation. As a result, I am now going to be a mopper board and I wanted you to have the opportunity to support our developing software.

Fuck everything. God is dead. Why are people writing as weird as Ron Rodica? I don't even remember when Tom Pewter started. Neither do I. I remember it was a funny bit,. I don't even remember when Tom Pewter started. Neither do I. And who's the fucked up part? I remember it was a funny bit, but I don't remember how I did it. Yeah.

You know? It was just me as a computer trying to relate to people. Yeah. Well, this actually plays into my whole thing about you, like, tricking a fucking catfish robot into fucking. I know. You knocked off, you stupid bitch. We've synced in with the fans.

Damn. All right. Hey, Mean Boys. Ian here. What kind of fart smells worse? I'm thinking jack-off fart or shower fart. Wow. What?

Is it jack-off fart or shower fart? He did say jack-off fart or shower fart. This is the kind of shit that I love. Jack-off fart. Jack-off fart for sure. Jack-off fart. Because you're under the cover sometimes. Okay.

And that funnels your hot ass. You jack-off under the covers? Every once in a while I like to get cozy. Oh, I just need it. I need open air in case of errant fire. Oh, what do you mean errant fire? In case like, you know, you shoot your main load, but sometimes there's like that little like tendril that sneaks off to the side.

I don't want to hit my blanket. Well, you come into something. Well, yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Sometimes you get the whoopsie doozle. Oh, okay. Well, I have a little bit of a shotgun blast. I have a wide i got a dime-sized urethra

well i mean that explains why tom's jets tom's b-hole is just narrow it's like a pinprick yeah no i the jack off front is work because you also get the smell of sweat from your balls and from whatever's flapping around. And the angles that I jack off at. If you haven't showered, you're getting worked up dick stink. You know what I mean? The angles that I jack off at, it's like I'm trying to fart into my own mouth. Yeah, you get a little bit of butt whiff.

If it's at the end of the day, you're kind of sweaty one, or if you're trying to jerk it after you worked out. Yeah. Golly. You're fucking, you're toast. I mean, I don't have a fart scale, but all your guys' logic sounds good. Okay.

I'm going to go with that. Oh, shit. We got a new Bethune Lagoon. Oh, Bethune Lagoon. We also got this guy. Man, we got a lot of voicemails. We should maybe save some. We have to record tomorrow, too.

So we should maybe do. Oh, fuck. Yeah. We do. Yeah, we do. We should maybe do one. We need to talk about that, too. Yeah. We should maybe do one more and then save the rest for tomorrow.

All right. Well, we'll save Bethune Lagoon. Yeah, because that's going to be a whole thing. Yeah. So we played the next voicemail, and it was upsetting, and we had to cut it out. Hmm. Bo from Georgia, I thank you for liking the show. I hear you.

But we're going to not share that one. But also, don't be a dick, Bo. I don't think he was trying to be a dick. I don't think he was either. It's just it was awkward. Yeah. Well, glad you like the show. He didn't do anything bad.

He's not a bad guy. Yeah, he wasn't a creep or anything like that. Look, did he say racial slurs? Yes, but they were mean. We're talking loose Asians, not even like the big three. You're fine. Now I'm trying to think. Everyone's trying to think of the big three.

Japanese, Chinese, Korean. Oh, for what? The big three Asians. Oh, I thought think Of the big three Japanese, Chinese, Korean Oh for what The big three Asians Oh I thought you meant The big three slurs Oh no no I was talking like No the big three slurs

Well it comes There's really the big one And then everything else Well there's the big three Auto manufacturers And Detroit was like The thing That's the Jack White song

Big three kill my baby What does it have to do With Asians You went way more level No I was thinking I was thinking I was thinking I was thinking the N word

For sure No No see I was thinking it. I was saying I was thinking the N-word for sure. No, gook on others. No, see, I was saying in terms of Asian slurs, there's the bad ones, the really common, popular bad ones, and then there's some low-level ones. Oh, okay, yeah. So I was implying he called Filipinos flips or something, like a real excuse.

I've heard Filipinos call themselves that. It's also a slur for dolphins. I don't know if it's an N-word type thing. They didn't seem to think of it as an offensive. I think they're I think they're a little chiller about it. I think there's less negative content. Why is this what we're doing? I like that we cut a podcast question. It was a bummer.

So we could debate. Well, what slurs are really offensive versus which ones can we say all the time? I just unfortunately, I have to plead ignorance on that. But I guess I wouldn't use it to be. Well, I say we flip over to concluding the show. Oh, whoa. Whoa! Whoa! Jimbo Campbell!

Halloween this Saturday. Sunday? Sunday. I'll take the wheel on this one, Jim. Halloween this Sunday, October 28th. Echoes on Peek on 9.30 p.m. Get your tickets now online. $5.

$10 at the door. Lineup confirmed. Adam Todd Brown from Unpopular Opinion. Kyle Clark from This Is Rad Jessa Reed From The Mormon And The Meth Head And Hasan Ahmad

From his podcast You don't listen to But this one Yeah From Working at the Comedy Store And Hasan Ahmad From having a lot of Really well done artwork

For his podcast Yeah No Four of our favorite people From the show We're going to be doing A bunch of fun shit Going to Roscoe's afterwards

Come out Grab your tickets now Yeah They're available In the show notes Or on Twitter Where you can see the flyer where I turned us into pumpkins. It's pretty great. Guess which one I am. The angry one. You're the one that is Tom.

Yep. Plugs? Yeah. You got anything? Yeah. Yeah. This one's at Phantom Ales in Anaheim at 8 p.m. That'll be a fun show.

Good lineup. Come on. I might be supposed to do a comedy show at the comedy store tonight, but I don't remember what it is. So if you book me for that, message me. I'll show up. Tuesday? Yeah. It's probably Battle.

I don't think I had a spot at Battle. Yeah. I don't know. We'll vaguely go to the comedy store. Yeah. Yeah. October 24th, me and Connor will be at San Diego at Red's. October 26th and 27th, I will be at the Madhouse Comedy Club, also in San Diego.

October 28th is Halloween. And October 14th, if you're in Los Angeles, I will be at the Ham and Eggs Tavern. Or November 14th, sorry. And November 12th in L.A., I'll be at the Public House in Los Feliz. Also, if you booked me on your show and then did not give me all of the info, that is why I did not plug it on here. Please give me all the info because I fucked up so many times. We're not using the podcast as text messages.

No, I've had... Ramsey, can you move your car? I've had several... It's happened once where I gave the wrong time and then people showed up the wrong time. So if I don't give the exact information, I'm not going to say it. I don't want people to show up the wrong time. That is correct plug, Tom. Correct plug Tom is the new nickname here.

Well, I think he's just beat out Jimbo Kimble. You're right. That's the name of the episode. Yep. All right. That's the show. Thank you, everybody. Fuck everything.

Gamble and Gamble. Gamble and Gamble.