Mean Boys - EP 162 - Ice Nazis

Episode Date: October 25, 2018

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What's up guys, it's the Mean Boys Podcast, coming to you once again, 24 hours after our last late night recording session. We're under siege here, guys, but we've done it, we've put out a podcast for you, we're grateful that you're there listening to it. This week, oh boy, a lot of good stuff. We've already hit our iTunes review goal, 400 iTunes reviews. It's happening, we are already making preliminary plans about how this shit's gonna go down. How many people have asked? We're going to drive out to the desert and fucking talk to your mom. God help us all.

Fear and loathing in Fresno. I post on the subreddit asking for questions. Number one, it is far and away the most popular post I think ever on the subreddit. Number two, you guys are actually asking really fun, interesting questions that I am going to ask my mom. I'm not going to ask my mom if she's

going to fuck Tom. I'm going to let that come up organically. I'll let her bring it up. Yeah, that's going to be what's going to happen. Honestly, you look like some of my mom with Mary. Honestly, you look like the handsome version of the guys, Keith's mom. Yeah, you look like the less fat. Or fatter, but less racist.

But the point is, we're going to go do that. Thank you guys for getting us over that goal. If you want to ask my mom a question, potentially on air, go over to the subreddit, r slash meanboys. Leave that comment in that thread that I posted. We also hit our Snark Week goal. God help us all. Yeah, so we'll have to do Snark Week.

We're looking at Snark Week probably end of November, early December-ish, just because we got a lot of other shit we got to deal with on holidays and whatnot. Yeah, we got to clear snark week uh we're looking at snark we probably end the november early december ish just because we got a lot of uh other shit we got to deal with on holidays and we yeah we got to clear out that week we got to be fully available to get it all ready and all recorded all bonus and we want to do a good job because it's going to be a lot and we probably won't if we clear out our schedules yeah yeah so that'll be a lot and uh fucking yeah five bucks a month to hear the weekly bonus episode which will be daily bonus episodes during Snark Week. And ten bucks a month to get you some goodies in the mail. We're going to make some stickers this month or something. Fucking last month's patches have been ordered.

They're on the way. I got the email. I approved the proof. It's all happening, folks. And, yeah, while you're at it, follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Subscribe to that YouTube channel. Hop over to the subreddit and discuss Keith's mother, among other things. And enjoy perusing the Discord channel and beware the naked section.

Indeed, yeah. I just took my first look at the Discord channel and y'all get weird. Yeah. But you're very fun and I enjoy all of you. Yeah. So, all right, guys. With all that said, sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's episode. Oh, and sorry, Halloween.

Don't forget. Come out. Don't forget Halloween. Yeah. Don't you dare. October 28th. Echoes on Pico. 9.30 p.m.

Halloween stuff. But mean. Now enjoy the show. All right, everybody. Enjoy the show. You're humble. Now enjoy the show. Alright everybody, enjoy the the Mean Boys Podcast. You know when you shit so long the automatic light in the bathroom goes out? That's what's happened to Earth with God's love. I'm Connor McSpadden.

I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... The best looking guy at the worst possible IHOP. Hey, it was not that bad. Yeah, well you're... That's moving up in the world. I was thinking about this. I'm like, it's getting harder to burn you with my normal, like, you know, fat sewer swamp rat routine

because you really don't. You look like you've found a steady couch to crash on. You know what it is? You looked like you were, you looked like 10 years into homelessness before. Now you look like you just happened. Yeah, but you look like a good man who's down on his luck. Exactly. Yeah, Tom looks like, hey, you know

what? He stole a windshield wiper from a gas station and he's made his own sign and he's got his, and he's got a business going, and I'm going to support him. You look like you still think you're going to get your kids back. You know what's hilarious? In my head, I was like, this is the nicest you guys have ever been to me on this show. And I was like, wow. I was like, that's pretty sad. This is the nicest they've ever been to me on this show.

They knocked three years of homelessness off of my tab. Dude, yeah. You look freshly destitute. Yeah. That's the closest compliment we can give you. Fresh to destitute. Fresh to destitute. It actually is a pretty good, you know.

Yeah, that's not bad at all. Somebody put that on a shirt and make it and mail it to me so that I can give it to Alex Duong to wear. We are recording for the second night in a row at like one in the morning after 12 hours at the joke factory. Yeah, and I'm going insane. As you'll discover later when you hear my sketch about mummy medical school, you'll see that I'm out of ideas.

I have not felt this mentally thrashed since Snark Week. But at least Snark Week is like a thing we control, so it's a BDSM experiment. We're we're doing it to ourselves yeah this is outside factor this is you're spending like you know a bunch of hours getting a deep dick for money and then you got to come home and get dicked for love yeah it's you know what it's messing up my pleasure centers of business and pain i feel like i'm becoming a grown man and I'm terrified of what's happening I was talking to Ed Larson today About how watching Ed is the fucking funniest dude

About how watching you in the room was like watching you go through double puberty Like all of a sudden you have a beard now And you're like having even more grumpy hormones In you than usual Oh dude Ed does the funniest shit ever I fucking love that guy He has statue hair though He has that kind of curly hair where it looks like someone made a statue out of a guy you know yeah he just talks

like mark mulloy basically yeah yeah he's awesome yeah what's up on east coast meatball he has 40 great jokes yeah yeah and he just writes from the perspective of like the dump like chandler if he was writing yeah hey i'm some goomba who apparently has to talk to Cleopatra. Yeah, any who's. You tits, scram! Forget about your dumb snake-bitten puss. Yeah, so we're a little spent. What's been going on in Tomland?

I did a 48-hour fast, and then I've just been like... This was after the cookies. This is after you did 25 years very slow so we've done two episodes this is so we've done two episodes in a row where the and both times it's true when i see the last thing you ate was my mother's cookies no i just had some trail mix oh okay nice yeah i i was doing that i was turning into a i had a show you're undercutting the goodness of the fast. You're like, yeah, I'll fast for a day, then I'll eat nine pounds of cookies,

then I'll go back to fasting. Well, you're a hamster. You get treats. I eat the cookies, then I fast. Yeah, that's binge purge anorexia is what you're describing. No. Is I eat a bunch and then I eat nothing at all? This podcast is great because there's two separate conversations going on.

So you can just listen to me talk it's weird usually you two are tied is there a way we can mix it so you're in the right ear and we're in the left and you can just take an ear but it's like a i actually probably like a flaming lips album where you put them together it creates a symphony i actually probably could do that and i might that'd be pretty funny i might do you know what i'm trying to give the listeners more treats and be a better guy. Yeah, we're trying to show you guys. I jumped in the Discord for the first time today.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. I think it's pretty funny that there's a whole sub channel on there just devoted to fans posting naked selfies. Oh, and did Keith show me the fucking roughest one? Yes. Oh, no, I didn't. The roughest one happened while we were in the office when i was uh oh dude we also had a sexual harassment meeting today yeah which man that

was pretty fun that was yeah i guess we can talk about that kind of pushed the greatest question which was uh hey when obama got a job at netflix did he also have to go to this meeting and this is true i made jerron horton tell it because I was afraid I already said one joke and my joke in the meeting did good when she was like what's a non-sexual way you can show approval

in the office and I said finger guns and she said finger guns yeah the only time when it's like guns in the office

and they're like sure better than rape of the finger variety certainly I don't know I feel like we can get a metal detector we can't get a

rape x-ray hang on is it the show the slide show, imagine your show's headline. And our headline is, Jeff Ross rapes sandwich. Our headline is, Jeff still thing? Jeff me too'd by deli owner. Not for actions towards deli owner, but the products within. Jeff Anthony wraps full charcuterie plate.

Isn't this the end of... Cheese and all. This is the end of the room, isn't it? Small byline. No survivors. I'm glad no one listens to this podcast because I get... We've told Jeff worse things to his head. No, I didn't.

And you'll know that I say not to his face, to his head. To the lump that is his head. I do it more know that i say not to his face to his head to the lump that is his head i do it more than anybody and i can't help myself i mean i love it well the part of it is that our job is to write mean things about jeff it's you know work and play get mixed up yeah because then i come home and do it again we can do like the four really good ones we couldn't do at the office oh yeah sorry tom so uh the kind of broke the wait wait they they they had you guys do the sexual harassment seminar after well is the room about done yeah we got all our illicit fingering in before the nice lady from netflix came to tell us no oh dude i mean yeah we've had some doozies

i mean i i shouldn't have showed everybody that video that guy getting bit in the face yeah i had to explain to the office what felching was today. Oh, isn't that the straw anal thing? Yes. That's one of the seven things you know? I like the felching guy who's like, you know how people are like, you've got to use a wooden match for this pipe, you know?

This guy's like, well, you've got to use a bendy straw. One of the first pieces of porn I ever saw when I had the internet. You opened with this? No, I looked up porn, and then I was talking to some kids at school, and somebody was like, have you ever heard of felching? You know when you talk about dumb urban dictionary shit. I was like, no, what's that?

And they just Googled it, and I looked it up, and yeah, it was just like a dude bent over with a crazy straw in his butt. And this guy was drinking cum out of his butt with a crazy straw. It was so funny, because cum goes slow through a straw. It's like an in-and- out fresh milkshake. This is gross. You see it

wiggling its way through. How dare you criticize my eating habits. Look, man, you need protein quick on the go. You don't always have access to beef jerky. You always have load. That is fucking gross. Oh, it's super gross.

What's the other gross thing? Sock puppets? I remember when I first got linked. Oh, you's super gross. What's the other gross thing? Sock puppets? I remember when I first got linked. Oh, you're thinking of a pink sock. Yes. When I first got linked to porn when I was a kid, and I was playing Beyond Games, and someone sent me the search engine Booble, which was like a porn search engine. I remember Booble.

And I was like, whoa, fuck. And I closed it real quick, and I was like, what's going on over on Booble? What is Booble? It was like a porn search engine that they tried to do for a while. It like google but for boobs yeah i got a i got a boobl home uh it's a fleshlight dude one of the funniest things happened the other day our buddy rob uh texted me and he texted me this like wacky gif of do you remember tub girl yeah yeah so it's tub girl when you open it it just goes it fills up your whole screen it's just a lot of tub girl. And then the next time he texted me was after our buddy died. Oh, no.

So if you look at our text threads, the first one is a woman shitting into her own mouth. And the second one is, dude, that's so fucking sad what happened to Brad. It was like, Jesus Christ. Well, that would be, that's in a way kind of, I think he would have gotten a kick out of that. Yeah, that's the only reason I feel okay saying that, is I got to feel like he'd see this. Yeah, yeah. Rest in peace, man. Yeah.

Great dude. Rest in peace, tub girl. She's got to be dead by now. That's great, calling tub girl a dude. They need to do like I'm writing a lazy Nikki Glaser joke. He was great, you know, to do it for tub girl. Well, just like laying back and pooping in your own mouth is some dude shit you know what i mean that is like something that like the the rocket power kids would have come up with when they got older what

do you think rocket power was i don't know if you saw the same subtext i did how do you get from boogie boarding don't be a bitch squid we gave you the pills they'll make it liquidy i mean reggie starting a zine she's definitely a lesbian yeah and that's what lesbians love doing, pooping in mouths. Lesbians love the taste of poop. I'm going to put this out here right now. The staff of every zine, 50% lesbian. What's up? What is a zine?

It's like a magazine that nobody reads. So a magazine? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's like you print them out, you stable them together. What a dry, salty critique of the state of print media, Thomas. New Yorker gossip

makes a rare appearance. Thank you, cartoon bear in a business suit for that cheeky one-liner. This bear don't own a business suit. I was watching

Jonathan Rowell do a set the other day, a very funny comic in LA, gay dude, and he was talking about eating man ass. He's gay?

Specifically. People who listen don't necessarily know who he is. Oh, no. You didn't know Jonathan Rowell, the gayest man alive, was gay? You didn one of the men who fucked a man on the bed

you were sitting on was okay honestly dude well that's i got that bed from him he gave me a good deal on it when i moved out here and uh i fucked on that bed he's fucked on that bed presumably millions of other men yeah uh and i don't know i there's other people too that fucked on the bed this you want a high five for it or i mean it's just kind of a fun story i'd like to sell it to another comedian to fuck on and keep it going yeah yeah there's been a lot of a lot of loads on this bed could it's a very comfortable bed yeah tom is a big fan of my pillow top mattress yeah yeah no i think i said i am the least successful person to ever be in this bed. Have you ever fucked in my bed? No.

You ever fuck in my bed? I fuck in your bed? Well, I would hope you would have when I'm out of town, because Keith does. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Not anymore, yeah. I have walls now. Yeah, you do.

Man, I've fucked in a lot of rooms in this house. I know, man. What rooms? I think my room is the only room you have. No. No, I never fucked in the kitchen. Yeah, my room, and I was going to say probably Opie's room. I haven't fucked in Opie's room. You I never fucked in the kitchen yeah my room and I was gonna say probably Opie's room you probably fucked in the bathrooms I haven't fucked in Ramsey's room

I fucked in one of the bathrooms okay the big shower yeah I fucked in here I fucked in my room I fucked in the living room I got jerked off on the roof and I got my dick sucked in in Danny's room in Danny's room. In Danny's room. Did this happen?

His dick sucked in Danny's room. Is there fat stuff on the edge of town? The reason I brought up the ass or anything is he was talking about how you don't gay. Sizzler on the edge of town. He's like, I don't care if you like eating man ass. You got to do it if you want to be gay. And I was like, eating man ass is like eating kimchi. Like, it's bad, but it being bad is part of the thing.

I love kimchi. Like, the bad is what makes it. Exactly. You like man ass. Well, Joe Rogan doesn't eat kimchi. I'll tell you that right now. Eh. Joe Rogan secretly eats kimchi.

Well, no, he has a lot of kimchi in his pictures lately. Okay. All right, I don't know what you mean mean but i'm just imagining a dude mooning the camera behind joe rogan just like joe rogan just like elon musk retweets joe rogan was in between a bunch of asses and they were hairless asses and he just closed his eyes he'd blend in from far away it would be like et and the stuffed animals like you really looked hard, you'd figure it out pretty quick. But from a glance, you'd be like, oh, it's just a normal closet full of butts. Well, on my way.

There's a great Fantastic Four comic where fucking Johnny Storm puts the portal to the negative zone inside of Peter Parker's apartment that they share together in the closet. And he's like, Johnny, you turned the closet into the negative zone. Negative zone, Jerry. Cry up. What are you doing? It's like Seinfeld, but it's the portals in the negative zone. So now I just imagine Crager just being like, Jerry, I got the casket of ancient winners.

I got to put it somewhere. Oh, man. Beware the planet eater, Costanzas. So many planets. I'm hungry, Jerry. What am I to do? I got to eat. Oh, my God.

Didn't we watch his mother, the Beyonder, shows up? George! Hang on. Kramer has to be Galactus because he just reaches down, grabs Earth, and then his ledge is, these planets are making me thirsty. I know the Seinfeld references. What are these other things? The Fantastic Four? Yeah. Comic books.

Have you heard of the Fantastic Four? Yes. Tom, name the Fantastic Four. Okay, Stretchy Dude, Jessica Alba, The Other Rock, and The Flamer. Yeah, Tom Goss, ladies and gentlemen. Main villain of the Fantastic Four.

Oh, shit. Big Purple. Is that Galactus? Galactus is one, yeah. I was looking for Dr. Doom. Oh, yes. That's bad. Big Purple. Chiro bad. Big purple.

Yeah, chiropractor hurts you. Yeah, they're friends with Dragon Bird. All right, guys. Well, we're going to keep... This episode is going to be tight because it's late. We recorded the last one 24 hours previously. Doesn't Doom sound like the emotion of a sad planet? Doom.

It is. We're all doomed. But, like, yeah, yeah. Like, I imagine, like, it's like a sad, like a full-blown planet. Just be like. I'm sorry. You were trying to indicate some full-blown planet. Yeah, full-blown planet.

Just like, yeah, I'm doomed. Just, you know. Hmm. The Mexican Joe Cop. Ay, so topical. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Sorry, I looked at you fucking swinging in the wind there, fella.

Dude, fuck me if I know what's going on. I got five hours of sleep last night, guys. I'm trying to keep up for you. Stephen King. Every single time. Every single time. Every single time. Oh, I'm sorry. I've never been interrupted.

I have no idea what that's like. Quiet. I almost called you Conehead and then realized I don't know what that means. Well, uh... What does that mean? Tommy, you caught me being a hypocrite. You know what that means. You get to fuck me in the ass.

Sweet. Dude! Stephen King sold And another thing Furthermore Allow me to reiterate My non-point Seven more times Alright

Sky News reports That Jamal Khashoggi's body Has been found He said in a statement To the outlet They cut my arms off And they threw them over there They screwed my dental records they threw them over there. They destroyed my dental records

and threw them over there. He's the scarecrow. Oh, God damn it. That's, uh... Oh, man. That rule. That's funnier than anything I have written.

Let's look at one that Joe would write, but worse. All right, I'll go next. An imprisoned murderer received a video game console in exchange for the location of his murdered wife's remains. Or to put it

another way, he traded an Xbox for his ex in a box. I have a joke off for that. Oh, shit, dog. Oh, shit. Can I read my writing? I like the idea of him being like, yeah, I'm going to tell him where the wife is and then I get an Xbox. Doing that and then realizing he didn't have a TV.

He's like, well, I guess I could fuck it. Oh, wait. I got that game on PlayStation. Ah, shit. I'm bad at being in prison. Whose turn is it? Mine. A man led police to where he buried the wife he killed

in exchange for an Xbox. Apparently, Connor McSpadden's secret marriage has gone south. Oh, no. You noticed my new Xbox. I didn't want to let you guys use it. Here's the thing. We have now an ongoing bit. I don't know if this was on the podcast, Robert, where you have a secret podcast, secret not

podcast, secret Xbox that we don't have access to. I don't let you guys play. And I don't fully not believe that you have it somewhere. All I'm saying is I've never looked in that mini fridge. What would I play on the Xbox? I don't fully not believe that you have it somewhere. All I'm saying is I've never looked in that mini-fridge. What would I play on the Xbox? I don't know. You have an Xbox controller. I'm just saying the pieces are adding up.

Detective Sherlock Tom is on the case. Get this motherfucker. Watson agrees with me. I plugged that Xbox controller directly into the computer. It's fucking amazing. It sounds like some skeeziness. I think you skeez him for a week. Yeah. McSkeezer. Yeah. That sounds like some skeeziness. Yeah. I think you skeez him for a week. McSkeezer.

That's a good one. You got him. Yeah. That's great. I'm very smart. Yep. Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has announced that she has early signs of Alzheimer's.

Seems like Supreme Court justices can't remember anything these days. We got a great show for you tonight. Hillary Clinton is here doing a bad bit. That's a Jimbo Kimble reject right there. A Canadian rapper died filming a music video. He was a member of Toronto's legendary hip hop collective NWA. Yeah, there we go. The real story was too crazy to put a joke he fell off an airplane filming a music video i know yeah i saw it and that's a fucking that's that's a rough

way to go and all the comments from like the people involved it all just boiled down to like that yeah that'll happen like the first thing the first thing logan paul did after he got caught doing the suicide force was he uh dangled himself beneath a helicopter for a music video about numbers. Well, that made up for it. Drake? Yeah. No, Logan Paul. No, no, no. Was it a song by Drake? No.

He has the only number song I know of. That's insane. Well, Tom, there's phone number songs. There are a million numbers, like, number songs. Yeah. I'll pull it up here. I know phone number songs. Tom, name seven songs with numbers in them.

I bet you can do it. Three's Company. Sure. Zero to 100. That's an instrumental song. Oh, 50 Cent. Sure. All right. Here's Logan Paul's The Numbers song.

We're doing this. I already hate this. Hey, we could do way less of that. That would be amazing. All right, they're both dressed like 70s fucking van rapists. Yeah, Logan Paul is wearing a weird, like, I'm dying up here sweater. Man, this guy put on a stupid wig and then got a million dollars.

Is this what our podcast is now? We're just commentating on... This Geico caveman is producing his new track. Oh, that 369 song by Lil Jon. Did he just count it? Yeah, I guess we just watched that. Oh, God, I genuinely hope something. I don't want to say I hope he gets Me Too'd,

because that means he hurt a lady, but if he already... What if he gets Me Too'd by a guy and it doesn't count? Look, if anyone wants to pull a mulligan and fake one Me Too chart, throw it at Logan Paul. I'm kidding. I think there's only one man with the reputation it would take for such a scheme, and you're looking at him. Tom Goss.

Tom, say Logan Paul did stuff to your butt. Oh, everyone tries to. Do stuff to your butt? Everybody tries to touch my butt. You're making it sound like you're just walking down the street swatting away predators like a real horny game of Frogger I've had a lot of dudes touch my butt lately

is there any other kind anyway whose joke other dudes what Tom's I don't like that that made me feel weird earlier before the show Tom was holding his notebook in his hand like he was reading a play that Shakespeare wrote, and then he belched loudly. It was awesome.

I mean, you look at the paper, and it just said belch. Yeah. A South Carolina teacher was fired after kicking an 11-year-old. Upon questioning, the teacher said she was just trying to demonstrate how to make soccer more American. Hell yeah. the teacher said she was just trying to demonstrate how to make soccer more american hell yeah um all right fucking shit stephen king sold the rights to one of his stories to a group of teenage filmmakers for only one dollar and the deal the students also got a large fry and a small chocolate for a dollar menu of wendy's stephen king option rights pretty good i guess he does that a lot like he'll sell like short stories that he's never going to do anything with for like super cheap to like film

school kids i know it's really sweet it's actually tight as hell yeah it's a very nice nice thing to do here's the last nice thing the fbi released writing from sandy hook shooter adam lanza this week in related news we're off the hook for sketch ideas for a couple months yeah i saw that and i was like do i write a joke? And then I looked up pictures of him and he is fucking, oh man,

I figured out what he looked like. He's a spooky dude. He's haunting. Like even in the ever increasing subgenre of dudes who shot a lot of people.

He's one of the spookier looking. What he looks like is Mr. Burns. He shot Sandy Hook. He looks like Mr. Burns when he's glowing in Immortal. Oh shit.

In the woods. From the X-Files episode? Yeah, he looks exactly like that. Oh, I saw that movie scared me as a kid. And I wouldn't tweet that because I want people to be reminded of it. The cinematic experience of the Mr. Burns in the woods episode. Okay, that's a television show. Sure.

Yeah, you know, cinema. Yeah, it's cinema. We've been down this dusty road from nowhere. Tom's definition of cinema, very broad. Yeah. All right. Do you guys see that Twitter gif nowhere. Tom's definition of cinema, very broad. Yeah. All right. Do you guys see that Twitter gif? Whose turn is it?

It's my turn. What Twitter gif? Any of them. Cinema. Yeah, just go ahead and do it. I'll do it now. Megyn Kelly, the news anchor, publicly defended blackface on the news, saying there isn't a problem with being black as long as you're actually white.

That's a really good joke. Tweet that tomorrow. That's very funny. But what made me laugh was news anchor Megyn Kelly said on the news today. I like that you said Megyn Kelly the news anchor. Yeah, well, that's the name of the show, The News. That's where she'd say it. Yeah.

All right. Over the last... Oh, wait, no. XXXTentacion confessed to domestic abuse in a newly obtained secret recording. The recording surfaced after it was leaked to the press by his manager, Shug Nixon. Have you heard of this guy? I heard he's making a big name for himself in the record industry, but causing some controversy along the way.

You've reached the level of psychosis where you've turned into Jimmy Fallon. Here's my character I'm doing now. It's Johnny Carson. If he didn't have any good writers and he had been awake for 72 hours and he had the podcast right now. A man was stabbed to death at a 7-Eleven. The attacker was heard saying, Shank, you'll come again. Oh, man.

You could do that joke every week until the end of time. Yeah, I could. That'll have happened. That's like a first draft joke I think of every time there's a 7-Eleven murder, but I'm always like, I could do better.

Yeah. Not this week, baby. This week, I pulled do better. Yeah. Not this week, baby. This week, I pulled the ripcord. Yeah, welcome to the low-hanging fruit barrel. Hey, this is my barrel. I'm sure I'm going to say

the low-hanging fruit or the bottom of the barrel, so I just combined. That's what I call Keith's boxer shorts. The low-hanging fruit barrel. Damn, son. Yeah, it fucking rocks.

I'm good sometimes. Sorry. It's your turn for a joke. Yes, Tomington. A man groped a woman on a flight, then said the president did it. Why couldn't he? Trump is agreeing with the logic and in response is now sending them in the nuclear launch codes. Hang on.

Nuclear launch codes. Oh. I don't know if you guys have seen this. This is shocking. Have you heard about this? Yeah. I don't know if you guys are aware. I just found out today over the last six years over 1,300 cheetahs have been illegally traded online via social media networks. Man man so that's what kick is for

cheetah economics i feel really dumb i don't get it uh kick is like a sketchy it's like a scam uh social media site that like fake girl ramssey went to try and buy the ladies underwear. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, that should tell you. So, you know, that's where they trade Panthers. Okay. Panties and Panthers. Yeah, panties, panties.

Panties and Panthers. We never got the panties. Cool-ass store for cool-ass dudes. It's also... It's run by the same people that have the low-fringing hanging fruit barrel. It's next to Creighton Barrel. Man, calling your boxer shorts the low-hanging fruit barrel is just tickling me. A father was arrested for starving his infant son to death.

He pled innocence, saying that he tried, but nothing came out of his tit. The idea that a man is trained to breastfeed a baby and then it just dies. Suck harder. How are you ever going to do football? Get your milk out of your dad's tit? You can't do football if you can't get milk out of your daddy's titty. What kind of linebacker can't train his papa? Drive that ball

like you're trying to sip on your grandpa. Getting you chuckle monkeys to be a football team is harder than milking my daddy's titties back in WW2. It's harder than milking my dentist titties back in WWII. It's harder than getting a picture of me at a colored drinking fountain. I don't know.

Tom. Starbucks has opened their first store for the hearing impaired in Washington, D.C. I'm very excited to see baristas be complete cunts over what the actual sizes are called in sign language Oh, because they're going to be like, and they're like, is that a... Yeah, I couldn't think of the right way to phrase it, so I just wrote it poorly I like the idea that every name is spelled right at this Starbucks Because they say it all goofy deaf voice And then it's Jessica, you know what I mean?

Oh, okay I just, I'm imagining just... That was worth mocking the deaf. Wait, which one is Jessica? I just said any deaf person. Gotcha. I don't know. Deaf Jessica, if you're listening, good for you.

I guess he got over it. Deaf comedy Jessica? No. I feel like it's going to be difficult to get the names on the cups. That's pretty much what I was just saying. Is that what you were saying? Identical to the point I was making. Oh, because oh because yeah that's what i was thinking in my head while you were thinking it i just went ahead and played through guys i have a great idea for a sketch deaf people don't

know how to put their names on the cups it's not nearly as good as mummy medical school oh man strap in everybody all right that was a great example of me tuning out for a second, subconsciously absorbing what you were saying, not understanding what was going on, and then just regurgitating it. What were you going to say? Yeah. You just baby birded my own half-dick premise into my mouth. Yeah, that'll happen sometimes. That's pretty funny.

That's it for the Mexican Joke-Off. We're going to go suck on our dad's tits. We'll be right back after this. Get that milk, boy! Hey there. It's tits. We'll be right back after this. Get that milk, boy! Hey there. It's Tammy Cash. You might know me as the gal who got the cops called on her for sexually harassing homeless dudes. It's not my fault they shouldn't have dressed that way.

Tammy Cash. But I'm not here to talk about that. fall, they shouldn't have dressed that way. Tammy Gass. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about the most wonderful holiday, Halloween. That's right. The Mean Boys are doing a live episode at Echoes on Pico, October 28th, with some of my favorite guests. Hasan Ahmad. I fucked him so good before he met.

He was a white dude named Chandler. Tammy Ash. Adam Todd Brown. We did a bunch of what I like to call gravy stuff. Tammy Ash. Damn yeah. Kyle Clark. I rode his rat until he got sad. And Jessa Reed.

Apparently one time she drank pee. But every day you drink pee if you're... Damn yeah. I took a night off of huffing dead possums to get it wet for my sugarless daddy to be there. And you should too. Last live show I got kicked out because I was doing stuff in the bathroom. But it's okay. I also got back into the show by doing stuff in the bathroom.

But for all of you prudes, tickets are $5 pre-sale, $10 in the bathroom. But for all of you prudes, tickets are $5 pre-sale, $10 at the door. October 28th, that goes on Pico. Be there, you better be taking whiffs out of my thigh armpit. Tammy? Tammy?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Mean Boys podcast returns, and it's time for a round of one of our favorite games, which of the following? Whoa. All right, this one comes to us from Mallory Crumbless. Hey, Mean Boys. Shut up. I don't know who this weird... Mallory Crumbless, professor of

goofy pants magic. I don't know who this small business owner in the Hogwarts universe is, but she seems like a nice... Mallory Crumbless, umbrella salesman on a dirigible full of fat people. Hey, Mean Boys, wrestling moves are exclusively named by sad men who haven't eaten in a while, which leads

to them being named some dumb shit. Which of the following wrestling terms is crazy? Hang on. What makes you think they haven't eaten in a while? Yeah. I don't know. Mallory is... Well, Dolph Ziggler, when I talked to him, did tell me that if you eat a cookie before

you go on stage, it makes your veins pop out. Yeah, because of the sugar. It vasculates you. Yeah, my dad used to do... That's why I eat cookies before sex. So I have veins, the most attractive thing. Yeah, that's what women love. Well, they also deprive themselves from any carbs for months.

My dad used to be a bodybuilder. He was like, yeah, you eat a Snickers right before you go. Yeah, nothing gets a lady wet like knowing where your blood is at all times. Man, I can't believe... Like, oh, I can see it going over there. Your dad was a bodybuilder. There's so many weird fucking pockets of your life. I mean, that's my dad's life.

I only come from his seed. You want to say that? More like the character in a fantasy novel, Chip? I only come from his seed. I am born of the alabart. Yes. Anyway, round number the Alabart. Yes. Anyway, round number one. A, full Nelson.

B, half Nelson. C, three quarters Nelson. Or D, Nelson. Three fifths Nelson. Well, I got to figure I know what it is. Do you? Yeah. It could be any of these likely choices.

I'm going to go with three-fifths Nelson. Yeah. I mean, I know the first two are real. Three-quarters Nelson is pretty funny. If three-fifths Nelson

is real, that's amazing. Three-fifths Nelson is a weird episode of The Simpsons. We're all avoiding making a blackjack right now. I got cut into fractions. Yeah, three-fifths Nelson.

It's three-fifths Nelson, believe it or three-fifths, Nelson, believe it or not. You guys are both on the board tied, coming at a round one. Crumbless, I got to be honest with you. I don't know if you're going to stump us on this one. Round number two. I think she's got a few tricks up her sleeve. A. Bring it, Crumbless.

I fear not, you crumbly ways. A. Crumble. A. Crumbless. A. Suicide Cradle. A. Crumble. A. Suicide Cradle. Stop.

B. The Cleaver. C. The Guillotine. Or D. The Crucifix. Three-fifths Nelson. Okay, hang on. This one actually is.

Yeah. I did it. The first round's a joke round. Let me hear those again. We got Suicide Cradle, Cleaver, Guillotine, Crucifix. Imagine getting killed by a crucifix. Would you have to have a vampire type of gimmick? A Suicide Cradle is just a stroller at the top of a hill on a windy day.

A Suicide Cradle, that's what I call Keith's boxer shorts, ladies and gentlemen. Hey-o. You went back to the fruit well, my dude. What was A, The Crucible? What was it? No, Suicide Cradle. That was A. The Crucible was a book that you lied about reading in school.

Suicide Cradle, Guillotine, Crucifix. What was the other one? Cleaver. I'm going to say it's Suicide Cradle. I'm going to say Cleaver. Because if you think about it, Suicide Cradle, you know, Wrestler's Cradle. You know, Wrestler's Fix. But how do you cleaver in a wrestling move?

That's a karate chop. That's what it's been named. You don't do karate. You're a wrestleman. Right. Well, that's the kind of insider analysis you come to for the Mean Boys podcast. You don't do karate. You're a wrestling man.

Unfortunately, gentlemen, the answer is B, The Cleaver. Hey! Also my favorite late era Mel Gibson movie where he becomes a knife after a car accident and starts a toy company. Listen, The Cleaver's talking. Hello, I'm a big old knife and I make toys. Round number three. Which is the following is not a real wrestling term and or phrase.

All homoerotic instructions round. Hell yeah. Now, these are things that you'd tell someone who's a wrestling coach. A, stick your hand up his ass. B, tap his nuts. Okay. C, you've got great hips. D, put your fist in his mouth.

Cosmo Uncle. That's, uh, alright, ladies. A, stick your hand up his ass. B, tap his nuts. C, you've got great hips. D, put your fist in his mouth. Hey, ladies. Fifteen hot tips to beat your man at SummerSlam. I read one good tip in that magazine.

It was to put a pillow underneath the butt so you can eat the pussy easier. Yeah, well, you do that for sex, too, and you get the hips elevated. You do it for sex on occasion. Yeah, you get the angles right. Cutter just realized he could do that for sex. Oh, yes. I also know this common sexual geometry

which we all participate in as fellow fucksmen of the world, it's early on this fortnight of time. Look at my bounty of fuck pillows. Each more glazed than the last. When Keith said that, Connor looked down. I don't know why, but Connor is wearing a Rudyard Kipling-ass safari hat. On the hunt for more elevated poon.

Connor looked down like, Oh, shit oh shit why and I think of that I could see it on your face like, oh, don't. I could have played it off. Tom, that was tremendous. Here's the deal. I do think I might have done it once. Yeah. But I don't remember the specifics, so I couldn't claim to be.

Which means you have not done it. I really haven't done it. I feel like it's happened, but I don't remember it. Yeah, I'd buy that. But yeah, as soon as you said that, I was like, ah. Tom, I could see it on your face. I just found that a bad sex in front of 4,000 people. Which is so funny

because you tell that eat the pussy on the pillow thing all the time. I think it's a fun, useful fact. I do like to pass those facts along. If you have to go to the bathroom, scratch your left ankle and it clears up. Yeah, and I actually use that. It works. Yeah, it does work. For airplanes? I'm like to pass those facts along. Well, if you have to go to the bathroom, scratch your left ankle and it clears up. Yeah, and I actually use that. It works.

Yeah, it does work. For airplanes? I'm going to say fist in the mouth. It's fist in the mouth. It's fist in the mouth, guys. It's fist in the mouth. It's fist in the mouth. It's fist in the mouth in the morning.

3-0. All right, guys. Round number four. All animals round. A, the otter. B, the fist. B, the flying squirrel. C, three-fifths Nelson.

The Iranian. Three-fifths Nelson. D. Wait, I'm the least compelling freak here. Hey, dude, look at this. I can punch three dudes, one arm. Three-fifths Nelson has two arms and then just a boxing glove on his wiener. Hang on a second.

You want to see me count to 20 inside your clam? Guys, I think we missed something. I've got two hands, don't I? What? I need some clarification. Sure. This is the animal round.

Yeah. And she was Iranian? Yeah, I guess they may be doing a thing where they're, oh, I just realized

that's kind of rude. Well, they're human beings which are animals. This isn't a great look for the podcast, Harry Crumbless. Yeah. Maybe you could go back to selling Ron Weasley pranks Yeah, I didn't expect blunt force racism

Because, what is it, Margo Crumbledick or whatever? I don't know Mallory Crumbless I just assume you're some sort of steampunk buffoon With that name You have various goggles And you take a rascal to cons. That's the crumbless.

It's so weird that we just do this podcast and we just shit on these people and then they go, well, I loved it. Yeah. Look, you shit on people when they love it. Anyway, D, Koreans. Efficiency.

The poop. The mouth. The food becomes the waste, becomes the pleasure. All right, so it's. The food becomes the waste, becomes the pleasure. All right. So it's the otter, the flying squirrel, the Iranian. This is a shaky one. And then D, the bear hug.

You're sure it's a right? Maybe it was supposed to be Pomeranian and something got deleted. The I-R-A-I-N-I-A-N. That's not even how you spell Iranian. Maybe it's an animal and we're being assholes Maybe Look it up Alright we will

In the meantime the fact that it's spelled weird Makes me believe that it has to be a wrestling move The bear hug I know is It seems as if she's just misspelled Iranian Ah good trick Suck my ass Margot Crumblebisk Crumblebisk What was A and B again?

A was the We've turned this cake into a soup. I call it the crumbly bisque. Perfect for my bodybuilding event. The otter and the flying squirrel were A and B. I'm going to say otter. All right, Tom Guss. I also think it's the otter.

It's the motherfucking otter, guys. Hell yeah. Aquatic mammal. Aquatic mammal. Aquatic mammal. Perfect game so far. Yeah, I'm down one. All right, guys. Round number five.

You stupid students. All real or all fake edition. This edition, they all sound kind of gay. A at the top. Oh, wait, no. A taking top, B taking bottom, C the switch, D leg riding. Are those all real or all fake? All real. They're all real.

Oh, guess who got a perfect game? You did. The one at the game that we just did. Yeah. Well, it was also the game about the wrestling. Yeah, wrestling is the easiest game in Mean Boys history. No offense to you. You did the wrestling.

Yeah. And Keith fucked up. He's the most racist. Didn't know about Iranians. Yep. And that was my downfall. That's the thing that we just did. Now we can throw it to commercial.

All right, class. Welcome to Mummy Medical School. There are several different types of mummies. Let's start with the most common. Toilet paper mummies. They, of course. We have also the anorexic mummies, which are just bare cardboard tube men

roaming the streets, fearing moisture, yet praying for death. And finally, the big fat fucking mummy that is so fat, his outer layer is wrapped with paper towels covered in hot wing stains. Any questions before we begin? Uh, yeah. Do mummies have organs? Yes, but only one. Mummies have but one large organ, and it's the tortured ghost that haunts their wrapped up corpse. Next question.

Uh, what kind of illnesses or injuries will I be treating as a mummy physician? Well, we get a lot of vitamin D deficiency from tomb sickness. Then there's soul swapping. Wrong soul goes into the wrong body. It's a whole thing. And, of course, a mummy tennis elbow. And what's your specialty? I'm a mummy proctologist.

What drew you to mummy proctology? Well, interesting field of study. Lots of good research going on, a wide variety of different challenges to face around the daily routine. I get to wipe crumbs off of the mummy's butts. Wait, what was that last thing? Nothing. Can we wipe crumbs on the mummies? No, certainly not.

Nobody would ever eat chips during a mummy proctological exam and then wipe the chip crumblies off of the mummy's ass while he was distracted by the fingers of the flashlight. That's ridiculous. Query next question. Oh, yes. on the mummy's ass while he was distracted by the fingers of the flashlight? That's ridiculous. Query, next question. Brr! Oh, yes, hello, Ramsey the Eighth. How is your hemorrhoid treating you?

Cut the shit, Professor. I got Cheetos on my new sarcophagus. I couldn't begin to guess what you're talking about. Brr! Alright, let's pause right here and try and see what Connor was thinking about when he wrote this one. Well, I'll tell you, because I'm Connor. Connor was thinking about when he wrote this one. Well, I'll tell you because I'm Connor. I was thinking about how Keith and Tom write most of the sketches, and they're tired, so I should do one to be nice.

And I was thinking maybe, hey, something about mummies since we haven't done too much spooky stuff for the month of October, the spookiest month of the year. And I pictured a mummy costume, and I thought of how Keith's mummy costume would have to use paper towels to wrap up his mummy costume. He was too fat, and the toilet paper would tear when he started sweating immediately, as he does often. So yeah, here it is. This is the Keith is a fat mummy sketch. Oh, and the Mean Boys podcast is back one more time to read your questions, listen to your voicemails, and hear your comments. All that and more in the Mean Boys mailbag.

It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. That was a jingle. Thank you, Andrew. Hillary, quick note in case anybody skips the intro. October 28th, this Sunday, we are going to be doing a live meme, boys. Have a meme spectacular right here in Los Angeles, California. Goddamn right. We're going to be at Echo's on Pico, 9.30 p.m. Guests are all going to be people you love from the show.

Jessa Reed, Kyle Clark, Adam Todd Brown, and Asana Mod. Tickets are $5 now. If you click the link in the show notes, buy them online. If you come at the door, they're going to be $10. This is going to be a fun-ass show. If you can get out to L.A. on Sunday, worth your fucking time. We'll go to roscoe's wear your costumes i don't give a shit let's get weird yeah yeah i do love the little fart it comes right after my what never mind never mind okay so this guy named little fart sent me some of his uh music and he wanted i'm sorry what his name is

lil uh p-h-a-r-t oh fine it's with's with a P. And he messaged me on Instagram and wanted us to review some of his music on the show. He writes, I think Nut and Swipe Left are the funniest. Thanks for listening, Mean Boys. Also, question for the pod. What would y'all's rappers' names be if you had to choose and why? Also, a freestyle would be hilarious, especially from Tom. So he knows we're going to make fun of him. First of all, MC Low Hanging Fruit Barrel.

Yeah, I like it. All right, so let's listen to... I got called MC Chipmunk for a while. I was a little far... Preemptively, I appreciate you for listening to the show, just because we're about to listen to comedy hip-hop, and I can't imagine we're going to be terribly nice to you after this. Yeah.

Okay, so far, so good. This is what the inside of Tom's head sounds like. Yeah, this is kind of creepy. What didgeridoo is full of nightmares. Tom's head sounds like. Yeah, this is kind of creepy. What did you redo? It was full of nightmares. I don't love it. I don't hate it. This is like a good intro.

This is just scary ambiance. All right. Here's a verdict. It's pretty good, I guess. Why is your name Lil Fart? That is the biggest issue. Well, Big Fart was his father. I'm fucked up because of how I'm playing it. Biggie Fart?

Yeah, I don't hate that. Well, all right, I'll follow you back on SoundCloud. How do you like that? What about Two Fart Chakur? Yeah, and you better not turn out to be a Nazi again, because just keep... Big fart was a Nazi, but... Yeah, so there's a little fart for you. Old man BLT is Halloween BYOB.

That all rhymes. Oh, Halloween? Yeah. I'm going to find out. I don't think so. They do have booze there, though, and it's pretty reasonably priced. And Christian, the guy who runs Echoes is a good dude and you should support it because it's a good local business.

Yeah. They hook a lot of comics up with them. Make it easier for us to do live shows. This question hot off the presses. Two minutes ago, how much debt do each of the mean boys have? Oh Christ. I don't know. I have zero dollars actually right now. I can tell you who I'm in debt to. Citibank,

Washington Mutual from when that was a thing. The Anaheim Public Library. AT&T for the time I defaulted on payments for a landline. In the year 2009. Way past landline o'clock in America. Fuck, who else do I owe money?

Oh, the hospital that took my appendix out with no insurance. Okay, yeah. So I think money? Oh, the hospital that took my appendix out with no insurance. Okay, yeah. So I think that's about 50 grand. Yeah. I think that's all the money I owe anybody. I owe you money. Oh, yeah.

But that will be paid back in the next 24 hours. Yeah. So, yeah, actually, I'm out of debt right now. Nice. Dude, congrats. Thank you. That's actually pretty cool. Good job, dude.

I own like 10 grand to a hospital or something but i'm not gonna i'm not they're not gonna get their money well you said that like you were telling a secret to the internet also uh i'm owed three dollars and fifty cents so that that that'll you know the the uh For the shipping expense. This is business shit. Oh, okay. Yeah. But you two...

By me, technically. I thought you were going to handle that. Yeah, Tom, you can invoice yourself for the $3. I don't have the password. We should probably give you that. It's the same one. I'll tell you. Not on the app.

Okay, so our PayPal password. Yeah, yeah. Jimbo Kimble, a lot of fan love for Jimbo Kimble. I saw Jimbo Kimble. Love to watch the show. Jimbo Kimble will be back real soon. Okay, on a podcast network that rhymes with run pops, everyone shits on San Diego.

What does every alleged comedian from L.A. hate San Diego? Well, guys, because you're terrible. Not the comedians. I was just kidding. You know what it is? San Diego's all right. Here's my thing with San Diego. I love the town of San Diego itself.

Being there, super fun for me. Shows there can suck. I feel like a lot of times the audiences are almost in too good of a mood. And it's just if you give them anything but down the middle, like real soft material, anything a little dark, they get bummed out and just, like, they have too much empathy in their hearts or they're just too surfboard stoned. Yeah.

That said, I'm going to have a great opinion on San Diego when I'm there Friday and Saturday night at the Madhouse Comedy Club. Yeah. Someone writes that they overheard Jimbo Kimble playing at the gas station, like, that some guy heard it playing out of her car and, car and she said he nearly shit himself laughing, which sounds like a lie.

But if it isn't, that's nice. I buy it. Thank you. Jimbo Kimble, it's loud enough that you would notice it. Yeah, I guess I did just hear it. If I was at a gas station and I heard from inside a car, just happening, I'd be like, oh shit, somebody's strangling Don Vito from People of Pan. I'd be like, oh my god, they're listening to our podcast.

I just want to bring up another San Diego thing. Tom the Venom is out. We all know I have a lot of opinion on their mini zoos, but I also... There's too many zoos. I have a lot of friends from San Diego. The city's beautiful.

Here's my biggest problem with San Diego. It's not everybody. But I feel like at nighttime, it feels like frat party the city where it's just like everyone's hammered and fucking kind of date rapey and fucking very like. And it's just not my scene. That's like downtown San Diego. That's downtown San Diego. Which sucks. Like downtown San Diego, it blows.

Like the gas lamp Downtown Downtown everywhere is shit Yeah Like the Downtown LA Downtown LA is garbage Yeah but it's

It's a nice place to drive around It's the worst place To drive around One time we drove Through downtown LA For eight minutes And you almost Punched through your car

That happens Every time I drive anywhere. Then maybe it's not a good place to drive, Tom. I don't even remember this. What is the official mean boy stance on voting in person at a polling place versus voting by mail? I don't care, but vote somewhere. What could I begin to have an opinion on?

It sounds like some shit you'd have an opinion on. It matters negative zero to me as long as you vote. Hey, yeah. Are you going to vote, Keith? I am. Really? Yeah. Wow.

I'm registered. I've got to figure out where I go. But I, yeah. You sat out the last one. I did, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I have to vote, too. I've got to go out to Chino.

Ugh. Yeah. And vote to reelect Norma J. Torres again. Yeah, I mean, I have to Google who I'm voting for and all that fun shit. You know, I've got to look up who likes you. Yeah, I'm basically, I'm going to I'm voting for and all that fun shit. You know, I got to look up the who likes you. Yeah, I'm basically, I'm going to scroll until the first smart person posts their ballot. Have you guys been getting texts a bunch? No.

I mean, in general or about this specifically? I've been getting, like, robocalls like a motherfucker. Oh, I've been getting so many fucking votes for this. I heard you just left over a phone number list from, like, Bernie shit I signed up for when i was all excited for that and they're just like hey do you want to meet a skateboard guy that thinks that health care is too expensive and i'm like no go away yeah do you think tyranny is whack i just keep getting the hippies texting me and i'm like guys i'm just trying to die in peace um so yeah just go vote Yeah, vote I know it seems lame Someone says Wow, Keith is really slimmed down Thanks That is on a picture

Of a raccoon In the window Crumbless No, that was PaleNinja72 Oh, cool Your fucking usernames Stink, everybody Yeah, you're a fucking wretch

In defensive at GossGoss6 I'm haplevenese And I look very much Like a typical white girl Also, we don't hear From Jimbo Kimbles On a regular basis I'll never forgive you guys Did I say that? No, that was Also, we don't hear from Jimbo Kimbles on a regular basis. I'll never forgive you guys.

Did I say that? No, that was me. We've got 20 tweets about Jimbo Kimble. Yeah. First of all, that was me who asked if Lebanese people are white because I don't know what the deal is. Yeah, I just said that a Lebanese man tried to convince me that they were hot and I agreed with them.

Yeah. Him. Yeah. It? I believe you. No, no, no, no. Jimbo Kimble will return. I knew Jimbo Kimble was going to be well-received, and this will not be the last year.

This is going to be an Alligator Dave scenario again, where everybody's really excited, and then I do it again, and no one gives a shit. Definitely. It is definitely going to be just like Alligator Dave. Welcome to Fudge Lord Country, Jimbo Kimble. I am irrelevant. I am the Jimbo. All right. Voicemail the Kimball. Alright.

Voicemail time, everybody. Yeah. Hey, this is a message for Tom. I heard that last podcast, man. You say you haven't slept for like 20 plus hours. I feel your pain, brother. I know the solution. You need to eat weed gummies.

Like... Weed gummies? Enough to put you out. eat weed gummies. Weed gummies? Enough to put you out. It's like a charm. I have a recipe. I'm going to listen to this episode. If you want the recipe, I'll hit you up on Twitter, man. Not a recipe. I swear to God, dude, it works. Eight hours of sleep every night.

I keep popping these. Love you guys. God is dead. Here's how little Tom sleeps sleeps he just got a phone call from one of his dreams Tom we haven't seen you in a while I love you like Tom you're delirious from lack of sleep

you know what you should do take a bunch of drugs and do stuff with fire yeah I'm okay on sleep right now I would say that was a past I've gone a lot of times without sleep

but I do often use weed to fall asleep. And I appreciate it. I'll look up the rest. Here's the problem with this last voicemail. I can't cook. Yeah. If you make this yourself, it might be dangerous.

And I say that not to make fun of you because it would happen to anybody. Oh, no, no. My dad has made edibles. And he makes them way too strong. And it is a problem. Every homemade edible I've ever had either doesn't work or is a fucking atomic bomb oh yeah it it is it is like nine atomic bombs i should that that we should do some sort of challenge with my dad's homemade edibles oh man because it's it's it gets fucking

insane as a company picnic we all have a weed meal prepared by tom's dad i remember he had he had like a a baking mix a chocolate baking mix. Tom, you're fucking Paul Bunyan. Your dad's making all these edibles. They can peel paint off a car. A weed chocolate. My dad's a heroin baker. Like a brownie mix with weed in it.

My father, he baked the heroin. Hey, Giuseppe's a hero in the baguettes. Baguette, the classic Italian bread. France, Italy, we all have the same thing He had weed brownie mix And I was like, I took like a spoonful Like a small spoonful, he goes Oh no, and then he like

He's like, no, no, no Use your pinky, dip your pinky In, you're good I was out in an hour I do not, I was Still high the next day he yeah he's uh he i'm glad that he stopped because the other probably kept telling me he's like yeah if you fuck up making the because he made it from like scratch scratch and it was like yeah if you fuck up the house blows up i'm like you're making these wrong yeah Wait, hang on. Yeah. All right. So, all right.

What is the house blah? I don't know. My dad was talking about ice Nazis. I don't know. Oh, okay. Damn it. What did he say? Ice Nazis.

You know, the guy at the ice cream truck that won't sell to him anymore. No ice for you. I've told you guys about the ice Nazis on the show, right? Well, reiterate. I can't imagine. Here's what I love is that i'm like how would i forget that and then i'm like it seems like a thing i could feasibly forget because so much great shit comes out of you guys get why i forget everything well yeah here's what baffled me is that you everything that's happening is the most interesting thing i've ever heard in my life but you only talk about the most boring

you have an ice nazi, and you're like, yeah, so here's what water I drank today before I looked at trail mix. Yeah, I was trying to give it a fitting. Well, yeah, my dad, but it's not really an ice Nazi story, but he keeps... Oh, okay.

It's part of an ice Nazi odyssey. Tom, what do you... It's the Iliad of ice Nazis. What do you pull that glitter out of your pocket and throw it all over the studio? He keeps telling me that the Nazis escaped to Antarctica. And that they're living in Antarctica. And that's where Hitler ran off to.

He has a fucking book. He has an Ice Nazi book that he's reading. And, yeah. Okay, all right. Yeah, it's just fact. It wasn't really a story. No, it's not. Oh, no, the fact he's saying it.

I'm out here in Florida, man, and I had to watch my hometown. Let's hear it. Hey, Mean Boys, it's the buffoon from Ladoon. I love this fucking podcast. That fucking rocks. Hey, Mean Boys, it's the buffoon. We have, like, I have my own Ronnie the Lumo driver. Yeah, we have the buffoon from the Lagoon, Shortbuzz Murphy.

Yeah, our Baba Booey is a trans woman in Indiana. I think Shortbuzz Murphy is undefeated in the fantasy hockey league. Oh, good for you, Shortbuzz. His team is called the Ice Nazis. All right. I'm out here in Florida, man, and I had to watch my hometown just get washed away, man. I had to do Bob Dylan's crowd patter between songs and a benefit from 1965. Dude, it was Groovaloo, dude. I'm worried.

The buffoon from the lagoon is starting off on a somber note. I'm worried this is going to get heavy. Yeah. So, um, just to put a message out to you guys, to the, you know, the patrons, subscribers, anybody. If you've got a few extra cents,

send it over to anything that's going over to donations for helping people out over there. On Friday I get paid, so I'm going out there with a chainsaw, and I'm going to just start cutting people loose from their homes, clearing their driveways just so they can leave. And things are getting bad, man, so if anybody's in this area,

anywhere near Panama City, Florida, listening, do not give up, man, do not give up hope by any means necessary. Do not let anything happen to you. I mean, you know. Wow, man. So here's what's fucked up is I either didn't know or forgot there was a hurricane in Florida. Man, I feel bad. I've been so busy with other things. forgot there was a hurricane in Florida. Man. I feel bad.

I'm busy with other things. This is just, I got legitimately, I'm the buffoon from the Blue Lagoon. I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I got to give him some money. Yeah, man. I mean, yikes. Yeah, Connor should definitely give him some money.

That's not what I meant, you fucking cunt. I'm kidding. I'm not going to do it. No, neither am I, but I'm going to say it. No, I will do it. No, neither am I, but I'm going to say it. No, I will do it. No, we'll throw a little cash. If you guys are listening, donate to our Patreon first, but then send money over to whichever hurricane this is.

Yeah. I'm not trying to sound flippant. I just feel like there's been like nine hurricanes in a row. Also, fucking good on you for going back and helping people out That's fucking awesome This is the only time where one of our listeners can leave a voicemail that contains the phrase So I'm going down there with a chainsaw And it's a story of hope

It's a story of courage He just speaks like a fucking folk song It's amazing How old is his voicemail? It's the buffoon from Lagoon This is from October 16th. Okay, so hopefully everything's on lagoon. I mean, I realize as I said it, I'm like, I don't really think the hurricane, everything cleared up.

Yeah. If we're in everyone's trap. That fucking, that is gnarly, man. Buffoon from the lagoon, call back if you hear this and let us know yeah let us know how you're doing let us know how your rescue efforts have been cause that's fucking amazing what you yeah and if anybody

I know we have a lot of fans down south and everybody's listening and they got fucked over this we're really sorry we hope you're doing okay yeah yeah we actually

we will do something to help you guys out let's hear him sign off here get out there and help your neighbors alright we're all gonna get through this together, folks. Fuck everything.

God is dead. And he, um... Whenever he gets pissed, he throws hurricanes at you. All right. Fellas, I hope everything's going great. I'll talk to you all later. Bye. You're the most charming guy ever. God damn.

You guys not see that spider on me? If you'll excuse me, I've got to go back to being everyone's favorite side characters from a comedy movie. Man, the buffoon rules. Oh, is there a spider in here? Yeah, it was crawling across my chest. During the whole second. You guys are both standing, hiding from a spider, but also still podcasting. I was actually adjusting my nuts, mostly.

Okay, I was looking for the spider. Yeah. Okay, well, that's... Yeah, I think that's the show. Sorry, Florida. Yeah, Mr. Buffoon, you killed it, man. Good for you. Great voicemail.

No, it's awesome. I love it when people, like, they see a problem, they're like, I'm close enough to help. I'm going to go fucking help. I have a chainsaw. Yeah. Yeah, I have a large wrench. I'm going to figure out how to help people with it.

I love that shit. That's how Tom went to prison. Sure did. What do we got to plug? Halloween, October 28th. I read it earlier. Come on out. Grab your tickets now in the show notes.

Friday and Saturday that this comes out, I will be down at the Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego, California. Ramsey Bedali, freaking guest of the show, is also going to be there. So come check that out. November 14th, I will be at the Hammond Eggs Tavern in Los Angeles, California. And that's all I got

to plug for right now. Tommy Gus. My phone is charging in the other room, so follow me on social media and I post about shows. Yeah, do the same for me. But yeah, I don't know them off the top of my head.

At gosgosh6. Yeah, at gosgosh6 is my social medias. Yeah. Okay, guys, fucking fun show. Thank you for hanging in while we're hanging in. We'll see you next week. Fuck everything. God is dead.

God is dead. Outro Music