Mean Boys - EP 164 - Phishwalla

Episode Date: November 12, 2018

Get on our email list for tour updates: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: https://discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by DAZN. For the first time ever, the 32 best soccer clubs from across the world are coming together to decide who the undisputed champions of the world are in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Haaland, Kane, and more are all taking part. And you can watch every match for free on DAZN, starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at DAZN.com.

That's D-A-Z-N.com. The GMC employee pricing event is on now. Get a big cash purchase discount of up to $12,300 on the 2025 GMC Sierra 1500 and the 2025 Sierra HD. With Sierra 1500's premium interior and advanced tech or Sierra HD's impressive power and capability, you'll have everything you need to get from work to play with confidence this season. Hurry in. Employee pricing is on for a limited time.

Visit your local GMC dealer for details. Hey, hey, hey, the Mean Boys are back in the goddamn trap, ladies and gentlemen. With some special goddamn announcements. Oh, boy. We've been on leave for the historical roast show, and that is now wrapped. We are exhausted. We're getting back into the swing of things, and we appreciate very much you bearing with us. But, oh, boy, we have a whole bevy of treats on deck for you.

Yeah, a lot of fun. Let's start with the big one. December 3rd through December 9th. God damn everything Snark Week returns. Yeah, Sn lot of fun. Let's start with the big one. December 3rd through December 9th. God damn everything Snark Week returns. Yeah, Snark Week returns. We made a lot of fun connections on our new gig. We're going to have a lot of your old favorites back. We're going to try to get a roommate reunion going.

Of course, the old classics, Kyle Clark. We're going to hit up Gareth. And it's going to be a flow. We're planning it out. It's going to go a lot smoother than the last one. It's going to be awesome. Allegedly. Yeah. If you're new to the show, just a lot smoother than the last one, and it's going to be awesome. Allegedly. If you're new to the show, just a quick reminder, Snark Week, that is seven regular episodes in seven days. We're talking sketches, games, fully written episodes, and seven bonus episodes on Patreon.

We might have to play some D&D. Yeah, shit's going to get retarded. We're going to figure out how to Skype Shortbush Murphy in. Shortbush Murphy in. Shortbush Murphy. I was out until 2 in the morning fucking circumventing a wildfire last night after I worked fucking 80 hour weeks. Yeah, if anybody's earned the right

to Sean Connery up some bullshit, it's you. That's coming because of you guys. Thank you for everyone who's been donating on Patreon. We could not do this show without you guys. You really have helped improve our lives considerably. It is very nice to know, even after we missed some shit and everything, I'm still coming out of this job knowing that my rent is paid

because you guys like to hear me talk shit about my roommates and my roommates talk shit about me. And it means the world to me. We love you so much. And quick update on the Patreon shit. We know we're a little backed up. The patches are almost here. Yeah, the patches are on their way.

Those were expensive, but they're going to be good. We're going to get them shipped out right. These stickers for the October rewards, we're designing those as we speak. A Jimbo Kimble sticker. There will be something else as well. Yeah, so I'm working on those right now. This will drop probably Monday morning or early Monday morning, and I'll have those put out simultaneously.

I've got to pull an all-nighter and figure that shit out for you because I'm way behind, and you guys deserve it. And here's the other big one. Christmas Day, what could we give to our listeners that they deserve more than anything in the world? What could you lube up your fist, go elbow deep on a stocking with, and pull out? Yeah, it would be the interview with Keith's mom.

That's coming out Christmas Day. Christ. Yep, Christmas Day, in between Snark Week and Christmas, or maybe a little after Christmas, there'll be another Best Of episode dropping. So I'm going to start compiling that. If you got any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. We'll throw up a Reddit post

and a Twitter thing asking for your suggestions. But yeah, weird. Those are really fun to make just for me and to get new people into the show. And it's fun. I always love the good Best Of episodes, so it's fun to make them and i'm and i'm gonna you know just a moment of sincerity fucking this year has been an insane year for this for me boys like yeah when you really look at pound for pound how much this has grown from us just yelling at each other in the fucking the dank loft where tom dwelled yeah to fucking you know we got to tour we got to meet

like literally hundreds Of you guys Yeah And it's It's fucking It was like So many terrible things Happened to all of us This year But I only remember

The shit you know With you guys And all the fucking Fun times we had Yeah this is you know A lot of exhausting Horrible things Have happened this year

But it has been The best year of my life Primarily because of You guys listening It's been truly insane You guys all made My motherfucking dreams Come true

And I'm working hard Not to let you down. I'm playing Hurt right now, but we're getting there, and it'll be back to fucking the well-oiled operation you're used to very, very soon. In the meantime, if you want to leave us an iTunes review for fun, we're sitting at 420 ratings. Nice.

I enjoy this podcast. You'll like this, Tom. Great podcast. Five stars from Zanny Moblin. If the Mean Boys' archives are Pink Floyd's discography, who told you that episodes are Sid Barrett's solo albums? So thanks for doing that and for helping us out there. Discord's fun.

We've been hanging out in the Discord with you guys a lot more. That link's in the show notes, as is the link to the Reddit. Please shitpost away in there. Talk about the show and whatever the fuck else you want to. Share videos and shit that you're into with your pals if you have questions for my mom there's a post

we'll pin it up that is in the reddit it's pinned in there I think yeah if you want if you want to hear if you want your question asked to my mom

that's the place to post it yeah so we'll be taking questions from there subscribe to our YouTube channel we're almost at a thousand subs so that helps out a lot just that you click

on those few buttons like you know following us on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and we try to keep in touch we'll have a lot more time to fucking talk to everybody which i'm really looking forward to now that we're free and uh yeah uh we're going to be going on tour early next year we had to reschedule that we're very sorry but we're going to be able to do a lot more cool stuff hopefully we'll be even more popular have even more

uh fun times with all you guys lots of uh diner after parties to look forward to in various tertiary markets across our great nation. Feed us all manner of regional beefs. Yeah. So we'll be going on tour. Fucking fill out that sheet. If you haven't already, let us know where you are, how many friends you got, whether or not we can crash on your couch. We'll try to put together a show in your neck of the damn woods. Anything else, boys?

I think that's it. I think we should fucking slide into this goddamn show. Yeah. Yeah. Once again, thank you for everything. Any questions or anything? Any guests you want on Snark Week? Anything you want Keith's mom to know?

Get involved. This show is your show. We love you. It's great because of you. So, yeah, fucking we're back. We're here for you. Daddy's home. We got the cigarettes from the store.

We didn't leave. And we'll get you a bike eventually. It's on layaway. Enjoy this first pancake of a show as we make our triumphant return. Yeah. All right. Love you guys. Hey, everybody.

Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. I'm really good at drawing Muhammad. I'd prove it, but I have a family. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. And I'm... Not just ass of nine, your ass of ten! God damn it.

That barely makes any sense. It's just a good phrase that we came up with in the writers. Yeah, Keith and I were taking some uh some just like uh fucking wartime shits in the uh the bathroom of the hollywood production center and i just shouted that at him like a cat skills comedian man that the shout out to hollywood production studios for having one of the best places to take a dump in los angeles i got i gotta tell you man i had a i took a lot of good dumps in that they hermetically seal over like the crack where you can awkwardly see people walking around in the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, you just got your own little office. And they pump in gentle soft rock airport music, so you're like, oh, no one can hear me shitting. We're all listening to Train. Yeah. They had that dental. I want to hear my drops of Jupiter hitting the water. They had that dental floss in there. And who at 3 p.m. is like, all right, I'm going to shit and then floss in a public bathroom?

Well, yeah, fucking television writers, baby. That's the life. and like who who at 3 p.m is like i'm a shit and then floss in a public bathroom well yeah fucking television writers baby that's what that's the life you just get yourself a lifesaver you know a shot of mouthwash and you go back in there and you call hitler gay yeah well yeah on days when we were working like 17 hour days you'd see some of the writers just like brushing their teeth like they were getting ready for you know work bed yeah no it was uh i i said it was we ended up working like trying to put a guy in the moon hours. But it was trying to make Jeff be mean to Cleopatra. It was NASA hours.

By the way, thank you to everybody, all the fans of the show who have been tweeting us very nice things about Historical Roast and who were very cool about us missing last week's episode. Yeah, man, I'm so excited to get back and do Mean Boys stuff. It was super fun working on the show. But, yeah, I appreciate how you guys have been bearing with us. And we're excited to kick Mean Boys Operations back into high gear. Yeah. We have a lot of very stupid plans for the very immediate future.

Yeah, and just with some of the people we met, I won't spoil anything. It's not all locked in, but we met some cool people during the making of the show, and Snark Week is looking like it's going to be pretty splendiferous. Yeah, we've got some pretty retarded stuff on deck. I don't even think I know about some of this. Oh, maybe I haven't caught you up on it. Yeah, we haven't talked about it. Yeah, we've all been busy.

We've got one that got teased out a little bit. We'll talk about it after. Yeah, I got an offer and a phone number that will, if it comes to fruition, blow your dicks to pieces. I'll ask you after. All right. Yeah, yeah. We'll talk about it during the break.

I think I know who it is. I miss Tom. I haven't been able to hang out with Tom in forever. I'm just like... Yeah. I feel like I've got Tom deprivation. I've got Tom poisoning. Yeah, I'm out of Tom.

I'm currently... And you'll see this when you hear my jokes later. I'm going through what I'm calling joke poisoning, where I have just been staring at, like, you know, comedy for. Yeah. Yeah. I was telling you this. It feels weird, like reacclimating to life on the outside where I woke up yesterday. I was like, all right, it's two in the afternoon now and I don't have to fix anything.

I don't have to be funny. No. I guess I'll just watch TV and jerk off again. Oh, it's nice. But, yeah, I'm excited to fucking get back in the trap with the boys. Yeah, man. There's much to discuss. I don't know how much of it we need to say.

Sam with his beard and hat kind of looks like he's on some sort of very fat espionage mission. A little bit, yeah. Like, if there was, like, a spy versus spy, but it was, like, between two BMX parts. You know that scene in The Departed where DiCaprio's walking around, he's got the jacket and the hat, he's trying to blend in. You're like that, and you're walking through a rainy street,

but then you just go into a store where they sell whole pies. And just buy too many pies at a table for one. It is funny to picture Tom going around town. Depided. Yeah, solid. No second draft needed.

Yeah, yeah. Tom just walking around town in a big trench coat looking like McGruff, but instead of cheating on his wife, he's just getting treats and drinking fast poorly. I just had this visual image of like something, like you see like what clearly looks like three kids stacked up inside of a trench coat. You're like, you're just a bunch of kids. And you open it, and it's just like a man with a horribly deformed body. Oh, God, I have ribs

where my shoulders should be. There's like an absorbed twin mouth on his ribcage. Yeah, he's got a nipple on his shoulder and shit. Yeah, great video sketch.

Yeah. There's just one eye just blinking in pain on his hip. Yeah, man, Tom just goes into a, goes to Central Park

and puts an envelope full of money in a tree stump and takes out a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. He's doing some sort of mass cocaine deal with the Keebler elves. Yeah, they've got a saran-wrapped brick of Sour Patch Kids. He cuts it open with a switchblade and tastes it and he's just like, oh, mama.

Man, I wish I was ever as excited about anything as you get when there's Sour Patch Kids. You got me into it, too. When you're high, it's the most magical thing. Well, yeah, you walked in the other day all stony baloney with just like an industrial satchel like like what you send like a troop yeah you had like you had like a third world nation worth of sour patch children it looked like one of the bags they uh they put dog food in those giant yeah yeah i i got my i got my sparkly human kibble yeah well it'd be like if we're trying to stop the house from flooding and we ran out of sandbags and we just started throwing down Sour Patch Kids. 1.9 pounds.

That'd just be two pounds at that point. They couldn't advertise to because it's 1.9. Like there's some legal thing. If you sell two pounds of Sour Patch Kids, it's technically a weapon. You shouldn't be able to do like Suzanne Somers resistance training housewife workouts with a bag of candy. You bought a kettlebell full of sugar. Yeah. For realsies.

You just got back from Fresno, Tom. How was that? By the way, we'll be going back up there soon with, I think Nicole Buchanan will be coming with us to interview Keith's mom. Oh, really? Just to have some more female energy. So it doesn't, just to dilute me a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a conversation we've got to have after this episode, but yeah, I think we're going to.

Oh, that would be great. Yeah, no, I think that would be fun. Yeah, that's coming. Snark Week's coming. Snark Week's coming. The apocalypse is nigh, everybody. Yeah, the end of the world is coming. There's a lot to look forward to, Kane.

No, Fresno is great. I don't think any Mean Boys fans came to this one. Oh, then fuck all of you. Yeah, yeah, which I know you're out there. Fucking come to our stand-up shows. Even if you don't live in Fresno, if you didn't go to Tom's show, fuck you. Yeah, maybe they're holding out for the Big Mom event. We've been off the grid a little bit, so we've got to re-engage with everyone.

But I'm excited. I really am just fucking stoked to just write some more Mean Boys stuff and work on all this for a little while. Because, boy, it was just a lot of writing jokes that you get to watch other people say. Yeah, which is cool. No, it is great. But I'm like, I want to tell the jokes sometimes. Yeah, it was some of that. I'm like, oh, man.

I would have gotten it right. There's sometimes where you're watching somebody deliver a line. I won't name a name. But there was one point where me and Connor were watching a filming. And I just turned to him and I go, that man found the only wrong way to deliver that line. Like there were 20 ways to tell the joke right and he found the only incorrect one. Yeah, you did it. You broke it.

It was almost a miracle, but like the bad version. You spilled the sippy cup. Mazel. But no, it's going to be fun, man. I got me and Connor got our copies of the Di of Anne Frank, signed by the cast of that episode. Yeah, signed by Gilbert Gottfried, my new proudest possession. Yeah, who signed it way too big over Anne Frank's name, which I love. Now it just looks like Anne Frank wrote the foreword to the diary of Gilbert Gottfried.

Yeah, the loudest. If you read that diary, just hearing his voice in your head, you'll get caught. The idea of a bunch of silent Jews hiding in an attic, and then you see Gilbert walking, and you're just, oh, no. That's funny. That's a decent rush. I went deaf reading your book. That's kind of funny.

I like that. I'll hold on to that one. Stay tuned for that one on Burn Booth in 2023. Oh, jeez. We go back to the well. Yeah, I think I saw three of the episodes, and the one with Gilbert was my favorite. for that one on burn booth in 2023 oh geez we go back to the well yeah i think i think i i saw three of the episodes and that was my the one with gilbert was my favorite he i think that's my favorite episode we did too there were other ones i went to that i absolutely love and it was

close but that one was my favorite it was it was it was men well we'll talk more about it when it comes out because we can't spoil but uh yeah it's about six months away so yeah stay tuned for that new netflix q and uh when it comes out please watch it and tell a friend because we need a job. Very much so, yeah. Tom, you liked all the jokes about drawing Muhammad in AIDS. Yeah. Yeah, every joke that kind of worked but was wildly offensive was us. Yeah, yeah.

Everything that was convolutedly coming from the right perspective, but with all of the worst possible nouns. That was our work. Everything that was technically a crime in some countries. Yeah. What we pretty much tried to do was build a beautiful memorial out of just fractured limbs and burnt skin with our words. Yeah. So any jokes like that you can ID. Go ahead and shout those out.

Oh, man. That was my favorite game watching. I was like, which one of these is Connor and Keith? And I had a pretty high batting average. Yeah, you did pretty well. Well, we'll sit down. We'll figure out all the different stories we want to tell from that because we've got a good month worth of shit to talk about there. Yeah, and I bet a lot of them I haven't heard either because you guys have been so busy.

I know. Yeah, I haven't been able to talk to anyone. It's fucking nice. You know, I feel like I'm... Yeah, it feels weird having a life again. Yeah, yeah. I hate it able to talk to anyone. It's fucking nice. You know, I feel like I'm... Yeah, it feels weird having a life again. Yeah, yeah. It's a... I hate it.

Let's go back to work. Yeah, you guys finally got to meet my mom and dad. That was awesome. Yeah, they're so nice. They're so nice. No, I love them. I love my parents. My beautiful mother and father.

And see how well behaved I was while meeting parents, Keith? You got nothing to worry about. Yeah, you didn't... Well, yeah, you're not trying to become Connor's weird, illegitimate, asexual stepdad or whatever the fuck. No, I've talked about that. And then I met her. You know, these are the luxuries when your father stays in your life, Keith.

I'm sorry. Exercise my dad privilege. Sorry. I got too many dads. You know what I mean? I got a bucket of dads. Yeah. You've got like, you have Spider-Man's rogue gallery of fathers.

The Sinister Six is my stepdad. You spent a summer with the Vulture. Oh, no, Dr. Nazi Push. You knocked over Doc Ock's gang buddy's ashes. What was the podcast? I mean, your dad were joking about starting. Venom stole your bike and sold it for meth. Dad Tarded or something like that is a...

Oh, yeah, you were going to start a podcast for autistic dads. Yeah, me and him, we were joking, we were going to start one. Like, ah, fuck. It was funny, I can't remember it, so it's a good thing I brought it up. Heck of a riff, champ. Yeah, my dad is the world's biggest Dishwalla fan. Right, you remember Dishwalla? What the fucking shit?

I don't know what that is. You said biggest, did you mean only? Is that a soap for dishes? I don't think the members of. You said biggest. Did you mean only? Is that a soap for dishes? I don't think the members of Dishwalla remember Dishwalla. I know. Yeah. Like, they all manage Wells Fargo's and shit now. Like, they just, they got out the game.

It's like a band from the 90s. Yeah, they had, well, look, here's the thing. Someone has to open for Chumbawamba. That's what Dishwalla is. Yeah. Somebody's got to be a third billing at the uh you know at the second rate fair yeah we can't all be eve six ergo dishwalla yeah yeah when when fucking uh you know oh god when sticks is a is a bridge too far there's dish yeah dishwalla is a good band that kind of got like on some weird

like santa barbara like dad rock black flag shit fucked over by their record label so they never really they i think they you can listen to their records as i did growing up and you go okay that could have been a fucking you know soft rock hit you know like they had shit they were a lot better than they got fucked over yeah you know but my dad is the uh is like hobson an acolyte yeah yeah sure yeah kind of sitting in the dust is the fucking counting crows keep moving forward like no we used to fall like we went to ridgecrest one time when I was, like, 12.

Like, they'd just go, and that's, like, in between LA and Big Bear, you know, middle of nowhere, just to go watch them fucking play. You know, we'd follow them around. That's such a weird band. We're, like, all my childhood memories are just the Dishwalla shows.

You'd see the same other eight weird Dishwalla fans, and I'd be, like, I don't like being in this group. Yeah, I don't like Dishwallowing in this pit of despair. Yeah, we saw them, like, with an orchestra and shit. Like, I've seen Dishwalla fans and I'd be like I don't like being in this group yeah I don't like Dishwalla-ing in this pit of despair yeah we saw him like with an orchestra and shit like we I've seen Dishwalla so many times and my dad yeah there's a new thing I called him on the phone the other day when I was telling him yeah I'm talking catching him up we wrapped the show telling him stories or whatever and my dad's like yeah we had a private concert kid the guy that was the singer is like lives in England now and he was like he has this thing where you pay five bucks and you can watch him

play live in a studio with other Dishwalla. There's a chat room, and you can buy fucking Shazam points, and then he'll answer your question. And I was like, Dad, you're addicted to weird 90s rock webcam models now. What a weird thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The guy from Dishwalla's like,

do I gotta jerk off now? Is that what we're doing? By the way, the highlight of their career is a top 30 hit. Here's how irrelevant of a band Dishwalla is. You know me, and you know I can always find a dumb pun to make off. I couldn't tell you one Dishwalla song. And I'm trying to find one. I have a clear shot to a Dishwalla cum joke here.

Counting Blue Cars is the big one. Oh, okay. I'm terrified after the show you guys are going to play it for me. And I'm like, oh, I love this song. 100%. That's what's going on. Oh, yeah, you guys are going to play it for me. I'm like, oh, I love this song. A hundred percent. That's what's going to happen. Oh, yeah. I mean, but the Opaline album is really great. That was thematically very well done.

I mean, some of the stuff in the self-titled, like Four Stories Town. Oh, totally. Shut up. I mean, Charlie Brown's Parents rocks pretty hard. Shut up, Connor's dad. I mean, I saw him play like a coffee shop and there was a Q&A and I asked, Charlie Brown's Parents was my favorite song and I was just and I asked him what it was about. It was about Charlie Brown's Parents?

Yeah, a little kid, and he was like, yeah, yeah. What do the lyrics mean when they say womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp? They kind of have a guitar do that sound in the beginning a little bit. That's pretty fun. They're a pretty good band. It's not my kind of thing. I'm sure I will like them if I dig in. Yeah, but he was just, it was like he got to, by the way, I was like, hey, Dad, you

want to go meet Seth Green? And he's like, nah, but then tells me, it was like he got to, by the way, I was like, hey, Dad, you want to go meet Seth Green? And he's like, nah, but then tells me a 10-minute anecdote. Hey, Dad, look at me. I'm working with famous people. I know this guy. He thinks I'm all right. You want to go say hi? I'm sure he'd get a kick out of it.

Ah, no, I got to think of things to ask J.R. Richards from Dishwalla while he's over in England about about his new fucking acoustic covers album and i'm like oh cool yeah i can't impress these people is the problem idea for idea for a tour it's dishwalla and fish and you call the tour fishwalla and then every dad in the world comes at once no that's i would like that but only if it was called something bad and you're just like why would you go fish just dish fish you know like why would they do fish wallet it's right there you idiot oh man just dish dish would be good yeah a dish with an h after the d yeah that's the thing i'm always bummed like my high school friends or my parents or my family i'm always like hey i'm really i'm kind of in show business now i get to do some i'm like i bet i could really blow their minds at sunday dinner when i tell them

this anecdote i was just like yeah yeah, yeah, that's great. So you're telling me that they gave you free parking in Hollywood? It's always, it's never the thing. They're like, as many Clif Bars as you want, Tom? Yeah, they buy you dinner. And I was like, one of my childhood heroes said I was a very good jo- And they're like, ah, that means less than nothing to us. I give a hot shit about John Stamos.

Tell me about the free water. There are 12 flavors of LaCroix on hand for you? I can only name nine fruits. You're not even good at anything. Four of them being the members of Dishwalla. Oh, yeah, we have like a signed picture of them that hangs on our home. There's so much Dishwalla memorabilia. You set an empty place at dinner for Dishwalla like it's the prophet Elijah.

Yeah, we have some of the most specifically unvaluable memorabilia in my home. Man, that rules. I couldn't begin to tell you. That rules pretty hard. Just like Star Trek Next Generation original phaser in box and signed Dishwalla picture. E. Gads. My dad also got into Star Trek. I don't get it.

They never liked the show. It's a very dad thing because it's like dorky, but it's also not too loud. That's a good point. That's genuinely what it is. It's just like, what if a stern conversation was on a spaceship? That's what Star Trek is. That's just one of the five things me and my father talk about. It's like Rush, how helicopters work, and Star Trek.

Dude, you guys suck. No, it's the best. Yeah, yeah. I'll just talk to my dad and be like, you see that new bridge they're designing? He'll be like, of course I've seen the new bridge. Carbon fiber? It's great. You're not on the Bridgewawa message board?

Yeah. Oh, man. So that was cool. We didn't grill my mom too hard about my diagnosis. It was a doggy style baby. Only that genuinely when she's too tired and forgot about it. I wish we would have given her the business one. Which I think will be the title of my first full-length comedy album.

I should have high-fived your dad for that. Should have high-fived his mom. Your hand just would have stuck to it. I mean, she's the one putting in the work. Doggy style is more the dad. I don't know. It takes balance. Or the man.

It doesn't have to be the dad. It hurts your knees. Moving on. Now, let's really dig in on this. Keith, have you heard Connor's story about the dad? Yeah, have you heard about the one about Connor and the doggy style? Here's a boring my life as compared to yours. My crazy story is one time my dad fucked cool.

Revenge is a dishwalla best served cold. Oh, wow. You really sewed it all up there. That is three things we talked about at once. Nice little bow there. That's a Star Trek reference, too. Well done sewed it all up there. That is three things we talked about at once. Nice little bow there. That's a Star Trek reference, too. Well done. Man, we're awesome.

Yeah. Can you tell we haven't done this in a while? I know. I'm a little rusty. Should we jump in? Can we say real quick who we hung out with last night? Would that be okay? I don't know if we could blow that.

The night before. Yeah, I talked about it on Instagram. Oh, okay. That's why when you were being all secrets Magoo, I'm like, I already posted. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Last night, we got drunk with bender from futurama john dimaggio which turned out to be the raddest man i've ever met in my life dimaggio rocks so hard we literally just got hammered and just fucked with each other for like four hours you guys just talked about the best place to get pants as a fat guy dude it was literally meeting the best case version of me from

the future i don't want to spoil too much of it because i think he's going to come do the show yeah he was like he gave me his phone number and he was like yeah fuck it yeah i want to do your podcast you idiot my favorite part of that i will say is we were out me and connor were out smoking a cigarette and he comes out and bums a smoke and it's like you know when you meet somebody you're a fan of it's like you want to talk you want to let them know you're a fan but you don't want to be a dork about it yeah so connor you know broke the ice like hey man i'm a big fan of your work and he was very cool he's talking about it and then he just started doing bender voice and connor's like we weren't gonna ask you to do it he's like i'm gonna do it and he just looks at me

and he goes and say we love you bender i'm like we love you bender he's like shut up baby i know yeah yeah he just did well yeah he was talking about his tesla he's like yeah i named it planet express and he's talking about how excited he was about his tesla or whatever and i was just like yeah the mom corpse really been working hard on it i'm a big fan mr dimaggio and i just did it like a joke like that and he just started just slinging fucking all the voices you'd want yeah it was awesome man we talked about how gross his pants must have smelled by the end of the shoot oh yeah well you guys literally just compared gunt densities for like 20 minutes dude he rocks yeah yeah he just had a weird fat guy knee brace oh yeah he's lumbering around he's like i might want to vape this cake yeah yeah he was

just you know bumming cigarettes and telling stories and shouting he was awesome yeah he fucking rules sounds you're gonna fall in love with this man yeah he's the fucking excited yeah we met a lot of bigfoot we met a lot of really cool people shooting this. By far the coolest dude we met. And I never drank. And I was just like, give me a whiskey. Bender knows my name. Yeah, I'm walking over with Connor. I'm like, we're getting drunk tonight.

Yeah, I'm getting drunk with Bender. Oh, man, that was a funny ass time. So that made my life, I must tell you. That was one of the highlights of the whole process. Yeah, he's a comedy guy. He's talking about all these fucking old David Tell stories and shit. It was awesome. So hopefully he's down to do it.

We'll try to go up and bring the rig up to him or something. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe we'll tease that if it doesn't happen. The people are used to us teasing things that don't happen. I genuinely think he'll do it. I think he would. Yeah, very nice. Well, all right.

Those are a couple of historical roast stories. We still got to catch up with Tom. We got other shit to talk about. But we got to keep the show chugging along. So let's get into the Mexican joke-off gang. Ay, so topical. Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.

And I'll just go ahead and point out right now a couple of my jokes a little out of date because I wrote them for the last episode and didn't want to write new ones. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I'm having the same problem. A couple of mine are newer, though. Here, I'll start it off. Okay. All right.

All right. Numbers show that 59% of white women in Texas voted for Ted Cruz. Not included in that 59%, Ted Cruz's wife. Yeah, that's right. You take that. Man, you ask me, Ted Cruz is a beta-o-dork. Whoa. Beta-o-dork. See? We're not the mean kids, pee-pee, tee-hee, caw-Dork. Whoa. Beta-O-Dork.

See? We're not the mean kids, P-P-T-He-Cock-Cock. We get cutting. Dallas-Fort Worth County Landfill. Oh, yeah. The filing cabinet where JFK's brain is. The Texas Bad Joke Depository. Oh, yeah.

You got an internship there, bub. The Assie Knoll. Anybody else got one? No. I'll get there. Three Girl Scouts were killed by a hit and run while picking up trash on the freeway. Their last words being, Red Rover, Red Rover, Red Range Rover, ran us over. I got a Mexican joke.

I'll show them that one. One of them is so flat, she's a really thin mint. Three Girl Scouts were killed in a hit and run in Wisconsin. A memorial will be held this Wednesday if anyone wants to tag along. It's a terrible tragedy. Oh, it's so sad, Moa. Yeah. The Malibu wildfire burned down Caitlyn Jenner's house

I for one would like to congratulate the house On it's brave transition to a pile of smoke Fucking goofy bitch They is burned to life Yeah Exim died in a fire Yeah Something like that Caitlyn Jenner sucks and it's a bummer

Cause you want her to be cool That'd be great if the wokeness takeover happens like the fuck people make it out to be, and we just live in the California Uber Alice, Jerry Brown, everyone must smile America. And it's like, could I have a teriyaki Slim Jim? When people are like, I want my pronoun to be XI, it's like, well, China's going to take over, and it will be. Just give it 20 years. Our pronoun will be whatever, however you say slave in Mandarin. That will be everybody's pronoun.

Your pronoun will be peasant. Very inclusive. Everyone's pronoun is dog. Yeah, our pronoun is work harder, followed by the crack of a whip. It's great. New research says that many GoFundMe for medical expenses are fake, making cancer the new Nigerian prince email. Yeah, that's the thing now. GoFundMe for medical expenses are fake. Making cancer the new Nigerian prince email.

Yeah, that's the thing now. That's the only way that you can... GoFundMe, it's like, you look at it and it's like, well, this is nice that people are getting together and doing this. And you think about it for 10 seconds, you're like, they shouldn't have to do this. This is the fucking saddest... It's like this weird Mad Max wasteland of trying to survive. Yeah, it kind of gets spun as this powerful triumph of the human spirit,

but it's really just like, oh, our God won't help us. I bet there's a job out there. I bet there's a guy who's just like, I'm really good at putting together a story and a page and a narrative that'll get you a lot of donations and shares. I bet there's a guy who's like, give me 500 bucks and I'll write you a good campaign. Yeah, I would do a good job. I know, yeah. I bet I could fucking do it.

I'd be good at it. But it's just like- If you have a sick kid and need a good spin doctor, I mean, Connor. If you want us to punch up the crowdfunding of your whatever treatment. Yeah, America's so fucked. Yeah, we're all on fire. Whose turn is it? Yours.

Mine? Okay. Democrats have retaken the House of Representatives. Political analysts say that this midterm victory will ensure that the rebels will run now, at worst, pink with the blood of the innocent. Everything is still bad, but it's a little less bad. Yeah, I mean, we're in coup territory, bro. We're so fucked.

It's just like, yeah, at what point does the scale tip and we just start throwing rocks? I don't think it will. I think so. I will just, yeah, it's just going to be. Our neighborhood is already basically the fucking first level of half-life. There's just helicopters and armed guards yeah man those ghetto birds just over the course of the trump presidency have just gotten closer and closer to our house and i don't know if there's a correlation but it feels ominous like if you wanted to turn our neighborhood into

a work camp you'd need like 45 minutes and three guys that were good with fences yeah a couple assault rivals later you were fucking trapped yeah if you bought me a pizza and gave me like a decent budget at a Home Depot, I could turn this into an internment camp in an afternoon. Yeah. It ain't rocket science. All right. The film Bohemian Rhapsody is in theaters now. The movie depicts the rise of Queen frontman Freddie Mercury before AIDS reduced him to

a little silhouetto of a man. That's one left over from the show that we just wrote. Wow, what a very creative way to get that one in there, though. A man shot up a Florida yoga studio. What a tragedy. Nothing will make you less flexible than being dead.

Wow, and now holding the record for world's longest child pose. Damn, that's one of the three times a year my mother's yoga knowledge helps me out. Okay. Dozens of mummified cats were found in a newly unearthed Egyptian tomb. The ceremonially preserved kitties were found in the buried place of Middle Kingdom pharaoh Nicole Buchanan Teedy.

Our friend's going to die alone, guys. It's funny. She's going to die with those cats that are screaming. Yeah, yeah. It'll be great. Screaming escape cats. Two girls...

This is one of the out-of-date jokes. Two girls are under fire for dressing up for Halloween as Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris. Said one fellow student, quote, Damn, girls, you look and call them fine.

Remember your Klebold? There's a World of Warcraft monster called Kobolds. And I just think student, quote, damn, girls, you look in column fine. Remember your Klebold? There's a World of Warcraft monster called Kobolds. And I just think of, like, fighting Kobolds in my tabletop Warcraft campaign when I was 13. Whenever I hear Columbine, I just start thinking about my buddy's half, like, you know, the half-torn barbarian character and his chimera-toothed warhammer. Roll for stealth as you hide under the desk in the library. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, roll a loving God check.

A teen was caught murdering and burying his mother under a fire pit after a fight over getting a D in school. The principal chimed in saying a CNA student would have gotten away with it. There's something funny about the phrase, was caught murdering. Oh, you got me Oh boy egg on my face Alright well at least you'll be spending at least 4.0 years in prison now You're like not done murdering and you realize you're getting caught And you're like shit shit shit shit shit

Come on like when you're about to finish jacking off And you're like oh maybe I can bust in Have a conversation under the covers Yeah I'm racing the clock here Was that 3 or 4? I believe that was four. I have one. Oh, yeah, but you were last this time.

I was last, so it's my turn. Yeah, last round. A 22-year-old Scottish man had his peanut butter-smeared testicles bitten off by his pet bulldog. He said to reporters, Can't pee? Can't nut? You butter believe it that's my new thing is after hanging out with a bunch of 50 year old italian comedy writers is i just want to write jokes that were cut from the jack parr tonight show i just want to write bad old jokes yeah it's the most fun kind of joke there is oh yeah it's i got a whole thing about a vampire sitcom i'm, man. I want to maybe do that as a sketch.

Yeah, maybe you'll hear that in a minute. An elementary school teacher dressed as the border wall for a class Halloween party. On the plus side, now her students have something to hide behind when those sexy Columbine girls show up. Ooh, I was weaving it together. I like doing those. Alec Baldwin allegedly punched a man over a parking spot when questioned baldwood said that's ridiculous i punched him because he was gay when we were in the writer's room when that happened like somebody was like alec baldwin punched somebody for over a parking space

and i think it was it might have been rude which is like oh i hope it's a woman make the story a hundred times better oh that would be awesome. All right, guys. A woman was going on a racist rant on board a plane shortly after landing at LAX. She blamed the outburst on the ambience she took to get through the flight. Yeah, that's a joke for Whoopi on The View. Whoopi. Do I have any other bad ones here? I think I'm all...

I got something about a shark. Oh, I had one. Let me see if I can find it. I had one about the fucking yoga shooting. Sure. I have, like, two files going here. It's going through. Good work not vamping, everybody.

Do you guys like cheese? A gunman opened fire on a yoga studio, killing two women and injuring five more. One yoga student is in intensive care where doctors fear she may never be able to even again. Hey, that was good. That's not bad yeah yeah not to get us out of this terrible segment better than mine do you just have the lyrics to bruce springs braska open i'm working on a tweet you talk about this song more than any other thing well i've got this whole thing i'm working on it's gonna be good all right well we'll be right back with more dispatchers from Nebraska right after this.

A recent report shows that more Americans are victims of a vehicle break-in than any other kind of robbery. No one wants to deal with a hair-trigger security system or, even worse, a bulky steering wheel club. There has to be a solution. Well, now there is with secure bees with the new secure bee system your car is always filled with thousands of live bees using our patented mother but spelled with no e so you know it's cool and hip technology these bees are imprinted with your scent at birth to ensure they will only turn on attackers now if somebody wants to steal your laptop they'll walk away looking like tetsuo in the last scene of Akira. But it gets better.

Control your Sakura Bee system with the easy-to-use mobile app. With our simple interface, you can become an all-powerful honeymancer, blurring the line between man and God at the touch of a button. With our app, you can unlock your car if you lose your keys, teach the bees to bring you the mail, lift up to 600 pounds with your new Bee Exoskeleton, turn the bees into another cup holder. Make them buzz like a white noise machine with three relaxing settings.

Scout the area for attackers and foes. And best of all, make the bees fly around in different configurations and do green lantern shit with clouds of sentient poison monsters. Big hammer made of bees? No problem. Baseball glove made of bees to catch somebody about to fall off a building? You got it. Make them fly around in a circle real fast to wield the power of bee tornadoes suck my dick of course you can bee zooka you bet your black ass you can make a bazooka out of bees that shoots bees turn your car into a hive of scientific gluttony hack nature and piss honey on the grave of reason and protect your car with secure beesibies. Securibies. See what all the buzz is about.

Hey, welcome back to the Mean Boys podcast. We are back with a round of a game that I half-dick came up with on the patio and never came up with a name for it. Oh, nice. So this is one of our here's a thing, pick what it is type games. One of those old chestnuts. I know. Yeah, guys, and I'm not disparaging us, but I'm sorry that this episode is not quite the. Yeah, we're going to get back on track.

This is a tremendous amount of nonsense has happened in Mean Boy Topia aside from the job. I can't even begin. This has been one of the best worst months of my life. Yeah. So, you know, everybody's, everyone's got a lot going on. Yeah, it's been a lot. So bear with us. And rest assured, we'll warm back up to a bickering, infighting, extemporaneously speculating

on the sexual characteristics of fictional things very soon. Yeah, this is the first time the three of us have, like, been in a room for more than eight minutes together. Yeah. In, like, two months. Yeah. Yeah, this is the first time the three of us have been in a room for more than eight minutes together in like two months. Yeah. Yeah. So let's pick which thing's the right thing. Yeah. So this one.

I think that's what we should call it. Yeah. Okay. So this game is called Which Thing is the Right Thing of the Things that are one of two things. That you have to pick. Which thing is the right thing of the two things, but it's one of the things, and you gotta pick the right thing, or you lose and it's fine. Anyway, are these Urban Dictionary sex acts or military operations?

Oh, there you go. That's a good one. That's a really good one. It's not a bad one. I just didn't come up with a fun name for it. First one, is this a military operation or a sex act? The Lucky Alphonse. Oh.

The Lucky Alphonse. Oh. The Lucky Alphonse. That's some sort of thing that Napoleon did where that's, you send the black soldiers out to the front and while they are dying, you get the cannons and boom. I think that's people's sound. Yeah, you nailed it. Yeah, yeah. Don't adjust that at all. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, wee, wee. Yeah. You throw a baguette at the savages. I'm really glad that we've assigned a few just groups of people that you can just mock unilaterally. If you're a white race that's not normal, like, you're open season. It releases the pressure valve of America's strife. Italian, done. British, done.

French, done. I was just hanging out with six italian guys gray area for six weeks and i'm like oh yeah dude well of course you'd say that you fucking dumb marinara monkey well yeah we have our head right at frank spastiano is a super italian man who just looks like but like he looks like uh danzig if he never became danzig yeah yeah and it won't but they had a danzig if he worked at blockbuster for too long we ordered dinner at a place and there was a burger called the Goomba. And he goes, that's racist.

And I was like, well, it was originally called the Whopper. Yeah, Frank's the best. I want to try to trick him into doing the show. Oh, we'll get him on here and just get the Frank leaving his body face. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So the Lucky Alphonse.

Any guesses? I think that's one like you're watching your enemy put down a landmine, and then they step on their own landmine. I'm going to say military operation. I'm going to say military operation because I feel like there's not the – I don't know any famous dudes named Alphonse. That's a fair point. That is a counterinsurgency effort in, I believe, Nigeria.

Hey. Oh, God. Well, the lucky Pierre is like a gay threesome. Oh, really? Yeah, no. Lucky Pierre, yeah, when one dude's fucking your butt and you're sucking another dick and you're just like, oh, good for me, I'm Pierre.

Oh, so that's why I had to leave that bar. All right, next one. The Flying Camel. Oh, shit. This is... When you put a finger in a Middle Eastern girl's butt

and she goes, whoo! That's one of... Zoinks! Is that what it is? She has a Scooby-Doo ass reaction. I don't like speculating on this, but I'm trying to win the game.

I'm between Iraq and a hard place. That's what they're going to call it. Between Iraq and a hard place. That's what they're going to call it when one of those football players gets mad at Mia Khalifa and throws her out a window. They call that the reverse 9-11.

Chuck an Arab out a window. Yeah, 69-11. Mia Khalifa is thrown out of a window in some kind of King Kong exchange with a linebacker. 69-11. Man, that is so fucking funny that she does that. Yeah, Building 7, I should sit in the corner and watch. Oh, yeah, Building 7 really is the white guy masturbating in the corner of terrorist events. You know, the planes are the black guys.

The towers is the fucking tight white pussy. And then this guy is the fucking beleaguered accountant. I guess that field in Pennsylvania is the fat girl. I don't know. I think that's the pizza guy. And the Pentagon is the boom mic that's in the shot for a second and kind of takes you out of it. That was I was watching.

I was rewatching an old porn that came out when I was a kid that I've watched many times. It's one of my favorite. It's one of those like in case of emergency break glass. I've got it. Like I get home at four in the morning. I'm like, well, I have to come so I don't go out of my mind. Let's do this efficiently because I got to be up in six hours. And I was watching it.

And it's like, you know, they're in a hotel room and it's a very intimate scene or whatever. And I realized I just didn't notice there's a dude on his cell phone sitting next to the bed, like crisscross applesauce style, just like waiting for it to be over as the camera moves in one scene. So I'm just like, oh, I didn't notice the fat guy, you know, playing Snake on his next tell. Not even part of the scene. He's just like a PA. Yeah, no, he really is. Yeah. So I guess he was just, they were like, I'm wet.

Let's get the shot right now. And he's like, ah, Kevin, just lay low. I don't know. We'll go to the lamp. Yeah. Yeah, so you're going sex move or terror or military operation? What was it called again? Flying Camel.

Flying Camel. Yeah, someone screen capped that and sent it to me. The scene is Ass Parade, perfect pitch with Olivia Lovely. I'm going to watch that the second we're done recording. It's the most bonerlicious thing that's ever happened. All right, all right. I'm going to go both. Very well, maybe both.

No, I'm going to go military operation. All right, the Flying Camel. We've bombed so many Middle Eastern people and are kind of racist in here. That is a fair point. However, the flying camel is a sex addict as defined by Urban Dictionary. As your gal is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself without using your arms on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina.

Oh, I've seen this one. That's one of those it's almost like a superman that ho situation it's one of those ones that people do just so they can get the thumbnail for the porn and i'm like that's not even fun yeah nobody would enjoy that part yeah no i want like i'm like i can't jack off to anything that's just like like i don't want to see circus tricks all right you know let's let's like try to actually perform i like circus tricks i like circus tricks too but not i don't want to watch clowns fuck well, either. Well, how flexible are those clowns?

I do. I jerked off to that a lot. Me, too. That was one of my weird early faps. There was this thick woman that had clown makeup, and I was like, I want to fuck that clown. Well, it was wonderful, because it was all just kind of like husky scene girls getting close enough to naked that I could get the job done. Oh, absolutely, yeah. Well, no, dude.

And it was always on right before I went to school in the morning, too, so I could just, like, whip one out before. I do like the flying camel, who's just this really good acrobat that, like, tours with Ray Ling, you know, but he's just always late for the show, and he just shows up just covered with lipstick on his collar, and he's like, I know I do the flying! Hey!

I snorted the blue chew in the dressing room, and I banged the camel. Mrs. Camel. I like that he's French for some reason. I snorted the blue chew in the dressing room and I banged the camel. Mrs. Camel. I like that he's French for some reason. Yeah, you know. I assume all acrobats are French.

Next one. Military operation or sex act. Power geyser. Power geyser. Oh, shit. I guess is this one they're trying to spray off all the fucking graffiti? I'm fucking tired. I know. I'm fucking tired. I know.

I'm going to say military operation. I think this is what porn calls jets. The Power Geyser? Yeah. Okay. If there was a Japanese dub of Mean Boys, Tom goes over there and they're like, Oh, Power Geyser. Power Geyser, Tom goes, number one.

I'm going to go sex. That is military operation. That was the additional security detail at George W. Bush's inauguration. Named after a final fight, a special move for some reason. Interesting. I know that Trump's Secret Service name is Mogul. I believe Melania is Muse. Mogul makes sense. Pretty whack, yeah.

That's something I do every six months is I just re-look at every Secret Service code name for fun. Wasn't Obama's like Renegade? I think so, yeah. Something like that, yeah. Which is like objectively the coolest one. Yeah, because he got upstaged by a white guy on his own song. Yeah, it might as well be like, you know,

my Secret Service code name is Fuck Your Wife. Yeah, my Secret Service code name is fuck your wife yeah my secret service uh code name is rough riders anthem my chinese observational comedy bit on the podcast yet no that was my this is my theory is that uh in china a lot of comedy is like slapstick you know if you watch like ninja war they have like oh there's famous comedian but he just wears a goofy wig and does like pratfalls and it's because china is too efficient for observational comedy you couldn't go over there like what is the deal with trains? They are always perfectly on time. Man, it's so hard to raise my exactly one son.

Have you noticed how all this well? Yeah, yeah. There's no like, you keep pressing the crosswalk button. You press it once, you got to wait. You keep pressing it, it's not going to come around faster. You can't go to China. It's just like, have you ever noticed that things are priced exactly where the market dictates? They feel like they should naturally be.

I like the idea of Chinese Seinfeld, but instead of the bass riff, it's just somebody playing that weird two-string guitar. All right. I'll do like two more. Grizzly forced entry. Military operation or sex? Fuck. That is grizzly as in the bear, not as in like a body of crime. It's just not colorful enough to be an Urban Dictionary sex act.

So I feel like that's a military operation. That's actually a really good point. This doesn't have that little twist on A grisly forced entry. I mean, that's I mean I maybe it's a 12 Year old going. That's where you stab them and you fuck Where you stab Because she's fat

If bad people have hair Fucking gross. I'm awesome I'm gonna be 12 for like it could be It could be a gay thing But all the gay things Are like one word You know And there's a I-N-G at the end

Well the gays are very efficient Yeah they're the China of Sodomy That's what I've been That's what I've been Warning you people about For years Yeah

I'm gonna go military as well That's military That's an Iraqi Counterinsurgency raid Alright Last one Cold lunch Oh that's sex

Cold lunch Oh this is gonna to be poop. Fuck. Is that? I'm trying to think. Yeah, I got to. This is making me think about cold sandwiches, which infuriate me. Either way.

I've never wanted to eat a cold. I want a hot sandwich. Yeah. I have no disrespect to the cold sandwich enjoying community, but I'm with you on this. Eating a hot sandwich feels like you're laying under a pile of laundry fresh out of the dryer yeah you know on opium getting a bloat it's the it's the great it's one of the greatest treats that you can enjoy a cold sandwich is just like it's it's clinical yeah it feels like it's not a launch it's maintenance well yeah it'd be like listening to an elevator music cover of your favorite song yeah you know it God, that's so good.

I get it, but this is not satisfying me. I need the strings and the drums, but it's like, no, it's all tinny. Yeah. You just recognize the outline of a thing you love, and it makes it even worse. It's the perfect example of a thing that just makes you want the better version more so you can enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah? Either way, it's the most upsetting thing on the list.

It's going to end up being, yeah, I'm going to go sex. Yeah, that'd be sex. That is, quote, to be deep throated so hard you vomit on your partner's penis and then keep sucking. Well, that would still be hot. Yeah. You know, with the fucking. Yeah, that's the hottest.

Well, the idea is that you're getting the lunch late. Because you had lunch. And then now the lunch is on his nuts. Yeah. You know, with the fucking... Yeah, that's the hottest lunch possible. Well, the idea is that you're getting the lunch late. Mm. Because you had lunch. And then now the lunch is on his nuts. Yeah. Yeah, not many things are hotter than warm stomach acid. No, I've had my wiener puked on. Well, it's spicy. If you've been having sex for a while and you're a little raw, it's going to sting.

It's going to be like you put aqua velva on your cock, but it's made of, like, fucking half-digested lasagna. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's going to be one of the worst feelings I thinkested lasagna. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's one of the worst feelings I think you could experience. Cold spice. Yeah, yeah. Lord forbid I went to Dave's Hot Chicken and barked on a guy's wiener, and now

he is running around like he's been hit with some sort of Wile E. Coyote device. Curse your acme-ass throat. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, that was the thing guessing. That was when we guessed the thing. That's also one of two things.

All right, guys. The show will get better soon. One of the things, but not after this. Better luck next week. Yeah. I was thinking when we got done with the show, I'm like, man, we're not going to skip a beat. We'll go right back into the show. It'll be great.

It'll be easy. And then as soon as we sat down, I'm like, I can't keep talking. Yeah, you know what? Honestly, we're having gonna skip a beat we'll go right back into the show it'll be great it'll be easy and then as soon as we sat down I'm like I can't keep talking yeah you know what honestly we're having this is a good episode okay

I mean not let me rephrase that it's not a good episode it's a fun episode yeah alright yeah I'm fun yeah

well we'll be back deal with the ghoulish silence that followed that statement gotta waft it out of here like a fart yeah crack a window.

Tom is sad. In this chaotic time of political upheaval, of greedy regimes and institutional oppression, the only hope for salvation is to fight back, to take up arms against an unjust system. That is why Doritos is proud to be a sponsor of the resistance. We've signed an exclusive deal with the DSA and George Soros to be the official chip of the impending revolution.

Proletarians of Flavortown, unite! Shake free the chains of tyranny and bathe in the cool ranch of freedom. Democracy has failed you. That's democracy, not to be confused with do-mocracy. Doritos promotion a line of Mountain Dew flavored products Democracy has failed you. That's democracy, not to be confused with do-mocracy. Doritos promotion a line of Mountain Dew flavored products that really did exist and also didn't work out. Other snack foods are merely fingers clenched around the fist of fascism. Here at Doritos, we believe there is no ethical consumption of Pringles under capitalism.

All lightly salted corn snacks are merely tools of the bugle joise. No longer can America's number one choice in flavor blasted truck stop food sit idly by while society collapses in on itself. At first they came for the socialists and we said nothing because Doritos were not socialists. Then they came for the Jews and we said nothing because Doritos are not kosher. Then they came for taco supreme flavored Doritos and there was nobody left to speak for Doritos and also that flavor was discontinued due to the lack of consumer interest. Will you allow yourself to be used as the ox and the cattle? No!

Will you bend your knee to a machine that runs on your sweat? No! Will you settle for Tostitos? Fuck no! Glory to omnomnomunism. The people in the party are one and nothing brings people to the party like a big bowl of fiery habanero Doritos. Do not be swayed by the false prophets.

Cheese the means of production. Doritos, the only chip that endorses killing a cop. Hey, everybody, the Mean Boys podcast is back. After a sad smoking break, we're back to answer your questions and listen to your voicemails in the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead.

Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's the motherfucking mean voice. Man, you're no bad. That's where our fucking, that's where our sexy ass jingle goes. Beardo Weirdo DDS asks, you guys ever take a shit for so long you piss twice? I'm doing a survey. I'm offended you thought you had to ask.

God damn it. Of course I've taken a shit so long I've pissed twice. Hell, I might have made it to three. I'm a lazy employee You know what the most frustrating one is? And I did this a lot when we were at work Is you take the shit and you piss when you take the shit And then you wipe, you flush, you stand up

And then you really get to piss again Yeah, that happens all the time I stand up, my bell shifts And the other poop I was trying to lodge out of there for ten minutes Just goes, hello That would happen when it was like we were in the middle of writing something I'm like, I gotta go back to the room I don't have time to take two dumps yeah and the damage control deal with the rest of you and by the way what comes out is a fucking jamba juice

shake of fireplace ash not not any kind of bowel movement that's solid or easily disposed of or respectable it's all it's all just like fucking milk and a dead cow yeah every every shit i've taken in the past month has looked like a brown version of the old Nickelodeon logo. Yeah, it turns out when your diet is cliff bars and pharmaceutical drugs, you know, cut with Korean fried chicken and loose candy, you don't take the healthiest dumps. Nah, it's been no structure. Just a satanic trail mix, you know,'s the assuming some sort of gaseous plasma form gaseous plasma yeah there's muhammad ali's original name i was gonna say that sounds like a boxer from the future yeah uh have you guys ever heard of untitled goose game if now you

should watch part of the trailer it's a game dedicated to being an asshole goose oh that sounds fun okay i'll check out actually that sounds pretty fun is the reason for the delay that uh at gosgosh gets six Nail Keith Jokes mom Was a medically induced coma And you're waiting for him To wake up for recording A new episode If so it was Conor

I wish you could read faster So we could understand Less words you're saying I don't even know What he's getting at here I don't know Read it slower Is the reason for the delay

That Tom fucked Keith's mom And was in a medically This guy's an idiot He never had any sense Alright read it fast again Is the reason Shut up Oh well he's talking about How he was a geek This guy's an idiot. All right. Read it fast again. Shut up. Oh, well, he's talking about how he was a geek before being a geek was cool.

So I bet he's a fucking rad guy. Well, I look forward to when your victims are uncovered. Anyway, love you, listeners. Answer. I don't know what the question was, but yes. Yeah. Ethan Lawrence wants to know. R.O.al Pally the D. Lawrence from sunny Britain. Preferred superpower, super strength,

but every time you lift something heavy, you shit yourself. Or invisibility, but it only works if you're playing a trombone. I need you to talk 30% slower because I literally can't hear the words you're saying. Super strength, but if you lift something, you poop your pants,

or you can be invisible, but you have to play a trombone. Wait, you have to play a trombone constantly? Yeah. During your state of invisibility? Mm-hmm. Well, that kind of blows. I mean, I guess people still wouldn't see. Could they play a trombone constantly? Yeah. During your state of invisibility? Mm-hmm. Well, that kind of blows. I mean, I guess people still wouldn't see.

Can they see the trombone? I'm going to say no, but I still think they hear it. That sounds like some haunting horror movie shit. Just one of those. You need good lung control for that. I'm going to go shit strength. Yeah, but I got stuff to do. Yeah, I'm going to shit strength strength. Yeah, but I got stuff to do. Yeah, I'm going to shit strength.

You could throw a car. If you can throw a car, someone will buy you new things. I think I'm going to go trombone invisibility because any invisible guy shit you're doing, presumably I'm using invisibility to steal. And any theft, no one's going to be like, wait a minute, I hear a trombone. An invisible thief must be nigh. They're going to be like, no, where's that crazy music coming from? Yeah, I would hate fucking, I guess the move would be

you get a guy to be a diversion with a speaker. If I'm being totally honest, I've always wanted to learn how to play the trombone in this scene. Why would you want to learn to play the trombone? I don't know. It was always a horror. You're already so fat.

Look, I was into Scott and that seemed like a fun horn to play. Oh, okay. So you want to be the guy in the, you know, the checkered bowler, you know, the rocking out with real big fish. Yeah, exactly. into Scott, and that seemed like a fun horn to play. Oh, okay. So you want to be the guy in the checkered bowler, you know, rocking out with real big fish in the back. Yeah, exactly. Playing three notes a song. He's just doing a lot of choreography.

Yeah, I never thought the saxophone was cool. And the trumpet just seemed lame. But the trombone, I'm like, that's a manly horn. I'd go with shit string because you know how freaked out you get when you think I might hit somebody? Yeah. No, imagine the smell of shit combined with that i would be so intimidating that sounds great providing a compelling case oh dude what

if you could smell your own fear that's what you just said uh in brisbane we call putting a finger in someone's asshole without their consent pulling a hoopote uh xxx beer milton mangoes and the brisbane river the brown snake what weird la slash OC slang do you guys use that we might find interesting or weird? Do we have any? I don't know. You should wait. In Irvine, they've got the funniest nickname for black people. Yeah, it's the brown

snake. Join or die. Now do you want this boba or not? It's hard. I mean, I know when I've gone places, I've been chast hard. Now, do you want this boba or not? It's hard. I mean, I know, like, when I've gone places, like, I've been, you know, chastised. Irvine's a weird place because it's just a Sonrio store full of, like, fucking angry Jeopardy dads. I've gone places and been, like, chastised for, like, O.C.isms.

Like, I call everything gnarly or rad. Yeah, that's very O.C. I guess people, every time I say dude in the Midwest, they're like, Oh, dog, dog, or you don't fucking... Everyone in Midwest is a fraggle? What the fuck was that? I don't know what the fuck they sound like. Dog, dog, or... Well, I don't listen to them because they have nothing of value to add to public discourse.

All right? You milk-throated buffoons. Just keep growing our food and try not to break anything, you dullards. Yeah, I don't know. I'll have to get back to you. I can't think of anything. Yeah. We have little... We have little we have little

in our friend group slangisms, you know, like every once in a while I'll call having sex pumping her dumper and people will, you know, go like, oh yeah, sorry, I hung out with Evan a lot in 2012. I say shooting ropes a lot. I feel like not everyone is familiar with that. Okay. Yeah. All right. So yeah, there you go. Pumping dumps

and shooting ropes. Any fun behind the story seeing stories from the roast yeah we'll be spreading them out over over a while yeah we told you something we'll tell you more and you will be able to watch it around the world we did get a few notes uh hendrick uh we will we will uh be able to watch around the world but we did get a few notes from uh the uh british like department of shit. I will keep this vague enough as to not get myself in trouble. There is a member of British royalty who may be appearing on one episode, like, played by someone else. Wow, that's going to end up being pretty vague. Well, I'm keeping it vague until it airs.

And I wrote a good shot. Me and Nicole wrote the version of the script that ended up going to air pretty much. And we got a note back from British Legal and this is the only script that anything like this happened on where they went, hey,

so we ran this by the UK Legal team and some of these jokes are technically trees. There's certain things you are not allowed to say. I'll talk about it more when it airs.

So we had to do some rewrites because Keith's words were deemed an affront to the crown. Yeah, I was so funny I almost got censored on a different continent. Yeah, so, oops.

That was pretty cool. That was a proud moment for everybody. Yeah. Which historical character would you like to roast the most and why? I really want to do the Kennedys if we get a season two and we get to work on it. The Kennedys would be really fun. I like the idea of doing some sort of villains of history one and having Bin Laden be the main guy. Yeah, I think those would both be fun.

Oh, that would be fun. Jesus. Jesus is what I would like to do as well. Oh, yeah, definitely. I don't understand Twitter. Was it you who had the white Jesus idea? No, what was that? Oh, somebody.

Was it you? The what? White Jesus. Be more specific? We were talking about the idea of doing an episode that was the roast of Jesus and one of the people roasting him was white Jesus. That wasn't me, but that's really funny.

Oh yeah, it's the idea that it's the white Jesus from all the paintings and then the Jesus who's being roasted is the real one who's like some shade of brown. Yeah, yeah, it's Ramsey. Yeah, I forget who told me. Whoever said that was very funny and made me laugh real hard. I don't understand. Twitter honestly made this account for the sole purpose of making vague threats to

at Mean Boys Podcast, but I'm trying to branch out. I don't understand. Twitter honestly made this account for the sole purpose of making vague threats to at Mean Boys podcast. I'm trying to branch out. Thanks. Curvy Claws is a real promotion. A plastic surgeon in my area is running for free press augmentations, and it sounds like a Mean Boys bit. It's pretty accurate. Ho, ho, hoes.

Someone sent us something really fun in the mailbag I want to play. This guy writes, hey gang, nearly a year ago during Snark Week, I left a voicemail asking how you guys keep grinding a way to be artists, and while the collective response was bleak and exhausted, it still gave me the gumption to go out and actually buy some recording software instead of moping about how my non-existent art will never come to

fruition. As such, I decided that my first foray into music would be chopping up some Mean Boys-themed nonsense and setting it to a vaguely punk rendition of I've Seen footage. For caution, it's pretty rough, the levels are everywhere, and my editing is choppy, and I'm pretty sure that I accidentally recorded my Dell software update chime in the mix. Nevertheless, I had a blast going through old episodes

and butchering them for what I've decided to call the Mean Boys medley. It's a start to what I intend to make a more polished and passionate output of music making in general. So here it is. Feel free to use it, post it, mock it, edit it, completely ignore it, or whatever. Good job to everyone with the rose for writing, and thank you to Tom for being Tom. Fuck everything, God is dead. Sincerely, Jesse W. from Minnesota.

P.S. Also enclosed are some super quick edits I messed with from last week's live episode and that one time you played Frank Cilantro. Enjoy. I'll play you the Frank Cilantro. Real quick, before we play any of this, because I'm sure we're about to laugh real hard at what this is, I do want to say, that's so fucking cool. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, knowing that anything we ever did made anyone want to make anything

is like the nicest thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh, I love that, yeah. Yeah, and legit, if you listen to this and you want to make dumb shit out of us, if it makes you make shit, cool, do it. Hey, and if you want to make shit that makes it so I have to do less work, even better. If you want to make shit that's not about us, send it to us. We'll take a look at it.

Yeah, well, yeah, I like the Mean Boys fucking show and tell corner. Yeah, Anything you make shit that's not about us, send it to us. We'll take a look at it. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I like the Mean Boys fucking show in Tell Corner. Yeah, yeah. It's actually really fun. So that's it in case this is terrible and we have to make fun of you. I just wanted to give you

a good cheer moment now. It really is awesome. I listened to them earlier. It's pretty fun. Okay. All right, guys. Let's answer some tweets from our listeners.

Twiggity tweets Let's answer tweets from our fans. Weiggity tweets. Let's answer tweets from our fans. We play the voicemails and read their tweets and time we'll have will be grand.

It's time for the Mean Boys. Why are you singing like Frank Cilantro? Even the dog. That rules. That was pretty good. Yeah, you got my shitty made-up song to sync up to something a little bit.

Yeah, and the Tom break on the end of that is so fun. Yeah. So that was fun. And then you got Tom Tom Pretty Live. This one's pretty good. That's awesome. This is Tom Tomperty Live, and here's a medley. This one's pretty fun. Oh, also, I'm kind of into this one LA podcast.

They don't say that many slurs, but they have this, like, ask a guy that they know to do too. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm a Serbian dog fight promoter. Medically, he is, in fact, a thick bit. And fuck Bulbasaur. Give her some rare candies until she's old enough.

Oh, Squirtle's got some earth to him. Suck that fucking dick, hippie. I stand by my previous thing. You ask my mom out, I'm going to fuck your dad. You've become a weird gay father figure to me. Come for the celebration of the flailing retard agent. You dare to call art. Hello, buddy, I'm Kim Kimble.

I'm more of a mouth-to-ass man. Or as I call it, eating food. Just like the mean kids fart and swear tiki hour. That's a meme. How cool is that? I legitimately kind of want to make that our new theme song. I kind of do, too. You can turn that up.

I might be down. Yeah. That was fun. i'm gonna listen to that a little more thoroughly but we'll be in touch that rocks so hard jesse wagner i love you dude that was fucking great holy shit i really appreciated that that was a lot of fun yeah that gets us out of the inevitable death grips lawsuit we're gonna be i like uh i like the weird fucking uh yeah the uh like uh you know public domain cover uh version like the weird fucking public domain cover version, like the karaoke version of I've Seen Footage You Made.

Yeah, that's fucking so cool. Yeah, that was really cool. So yeah, I'll hit you up if you want to redo it. Because I always like the podcast where it's just all the dumb quotes in the beginning. Yeah, exactly. It's like the dollar kind of thing. And yeah, I like to freshen up the show. And we got some new jingles.

And look, I don't know if it makes me dumb. I don't know if it's low art or whatever, but I love jingles. I do too, man. I fucking delight in them. No, they're super awesome. Who don't know if it's low art or whatever, but I love jingles. I do, too, man. They're fucking delightful. No, they're super awesome. Who doesn't like a good jingle? I like a jingle. I like a jangle.

Yeah. All right, we got some voicemails here. I want to make a point during Snark Week where we have jingles for every segment. Oh, okay. I think that'd be fun. I'll help work the workshop on that. Yeah, we'll figure them out. They'll be fun.

I like jingles. Yeah. Frankly, I've been a little lazy on my jingle making. Yeah. Start that again. Sorry, I couldn't hear you. The guy just said, hey, is it weird that Connor's mom is looking like Kathleen Turner? She does kind of look like her.

Who is that? I don't know. She's an actress. She's hot. Yeah, not current Kathleen Turner. I mean, like, romancing the stone Kathleen Turner. Okay. Yeah.

I don't know what that is either. This is making me not want to post pictures with my mom anymore. Oh, really? Are you having a hard time with your mom in a sexual context? Well, my mom never fucked any Nazis. You don't know that. You don't know what she did before you. That's a good point.

I'm pretty sure she did. You don't think she was getting fucked Zoggy style? I'm a doggy style baby, dude. This one says transcription not available, so that's probably good. This will either be your car is getting towed or a bunch of slurs. No, it's just quiet. The worst kind of thing. Someone butt-tiled us?

All right, well, this is a lady that was born with one leg, so this seems good. Oh, shit. Okay. Hey, boys. I had a quick question for you. So I was born with one leg. I have a prosthetic on the other leg. And I just got broke up with my ex-girlfriend.

So my question is, I'm looking to go out and kind of hook up. Hook up? You're not missing a hand, are you? Bars, clubs, have some random sex but don't know how to go about telling people about it i think they'll figure it out yeah call me crazy i think they might put it together yeah i mean yeah this guy leaning at a 70 degree angle is really nice, but there's something off I don't know. I've seen really convincing prosthetics where if you're wearing pants, you wouldn't realize

that. Yeah, I guess if you've got pants, you might be home free. I mean, I honestly think don't lead with it, but if you're hitting it off with somebody, I think just bring it up. Just be like, oh, it's kind of cool. I think some girls might... I think you take a page out of the Reno Slot Machine Players book and put some fun stickers on it. You know?

Yeah. And then you pull up the page like, hey, check this out. You like Black Sabbath? You know? Yeah. I think you just, you know, you'd be confident about it. Don't, you know, don't lead with it, but just sort of be like, yeah, this is my cool leg. And I'm still like a cool, charming, confident guy.

Yeah, yeah. You know, they're like, oh, that guy is missing a leg, but he's still got fucking swag. He's got swagger and not just because he's kind of falling over all the time. Hey, here's your late in the night flirty pickup line. I just came up with it for you. And this is going to be a banger. He's like, hey, here's a good thing about this. My foot never falls asleep.

Wink, wink. That's pretty fun and flirty, right? You know what they say, ladies? Easy access. Doesn't really make any sense, but sounds fun. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you want, you could take it off and chase me around the house with it like a bowling pin, a rolling pin. You know, have like a real honeymooners type, like no leg hopping around dispute. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you want, you can take it off and chase me around the house with it like a bowling pin, a rolling pin, you know,

like a real honeymooners type, like no leg hopping around dispute. Yeah, put it on a high shelf, you know, I'm not going to run out. Yeah, I think if you... Harvey, what do I tell you about leaving this oil and seat up? I'll take your leg. Hey, oh. Lady Giuseppe, why are you chasing me with the leg? You got me hopping mad. Hey, don't hit me with the foot. Yeah, I think

if you have a sense of humor about it, you'll win points that way because it's a bummer and when you can be light about it, they're like, oh, this guy has a sense of humor. He takes things lightly and yada, yada, yada. He takes things super lightly. He's like 40 pounds lighter than the average dude. Yeah, dude.

That's how much a leg weighs, right? 40 pounds? Yeah, your leg probably. I don't even know what a proper, how much does a leg weigh? I really couldn't tell you. I couldn't begin to guess. It could be 30 pounds. It could be 80.

Like, you know? Yeah. All right. Let's listen on. And everybody I've dated in the past has already known. And, you know, I'm chill about it. It's not a very big deal. So I was wondering if I could actually get away with just not telling people.

If I showed up, hooked up, and had one leg, would you do anything about it? Would you say, no, you have to talk about this? What would you do? Okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so yeah, I think you definitely want to let somebody know before you're going to hook up. Yeah, don't lie. Wait until you're close, you know what I mean?

Get to 70%. Wait until they'd be a dick to bail on you. Yeah, and don't say, I mean, again, I'm talking out of my ass a little here, but I wouldn't talk about it in a way of like, hey, I hope this doesn't upset you, and it's okay if it does, but I don't have a leg. Yeah, be more of the energy, much more like, fun fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually missing a leg.

And she'll be like, oh, no way. And you do a fun bit where you kick off your shoes and you throw the leg across the room. Oh, that's awesome. And you go, oh, no, you're done. And she's like, I got you. I got one leg. You make a joke like maybe I'll leave it here so I have an excuse to come back. Yeah, exactly.

That's a killer. Man, I would get so much plussier if I got one leg. You make a joke like maybe I'll leave it here so I have an excuse to come back. Yeah, exactly. That's a killer. Man, I would get so much plussy if I had one leg. Yeah. It's not a peg leg. It's a schtick leg. You know? It's going to be. Yeah, exactly.

Just do fun bits with it. Leave it to it. Yeah, man. I mean, it's obviously you're dealing with a thing. But I think less people are going to be off put by that than you think. Oh, yeah. Do you know how much? I think you're going to be all right or all left.

I don't know which one's missing. Yeah. Hey, I'm not going to joke about it. I think you're going to be all right, or all left. I don't know which one's missing. Yeah. Hey, I'm not going to joke about an intimacy leg. I would love to date a woman with one leg. I think I really would. I could help her with stuff. I could rub ointments on it, you know, and be sweet. I can adorn her stump with ointments.

What the fuck do you think is going on down there? I don't know. I'm imagining I'm some sort of Civil War nurse where I just tend to her. As a guy who's drained a lot of cysts on a lot of different women, I mean, I'm pretty... That's true. Yeah, you've dated able-bodied women with way worse physical maladies than a missing leg. Yeah, I've dated some ill creatures in my life. You've dated people with various rots.

Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it would be fun. I'd only have to rub one foot. That's a lot of time saved. There you go. There you go. There you go. You think the foot rub, that's like a once a month thing? If you got one leg every day after work, I'm going to say, pop that fucking off.

I got to see what the piggies are up to and who went to market. Yeah, you got a three-word pickup line. Hey, baby, I got wood. And then you have a wooden leg. Yeah. And then she's like, oh, what a fun time. Here's your cliff notes. All right.

Don't open with that. That's a four drinks in late in the date bringing up sex so we know what might happen. Yeah, here's your cliff notes. Don't open with that. That's a four drinks in late in the date bringing up sex so we know what might happen. Here's your cliff notes. You put stickers on the leg. You kick it off. You do the foot doesn't fall asleep joke and then bada bing bada boom. You could probably fuck someone

if the stump is small enough. Who doesn't want to be stump fucked? I mean probably a lot of people. I think we're playing advanced. That's amputee sex 201. Let's really keep it to me. We're going to disparage stump fucking, and we're going to get backlash from the ant community. Stickers are a commitment, though, because if you put stickers on, that's just on there. Or you try to peel it off.

What about a clear decal that you can just pull off? What about our Mean Boys window decal? What if you have Calvin pissing on your shin? I mean, that's pretty great. What if you get like, you know how they have those like sleeves? Calvin's still just pissing on a Ford logo. You know how they have those like sleeves for your arms with fake tattoos on them for douchebags like that? For your fake leg?

Yeah, yeah. Get like a full tribal like fucking sleeve. I gotta be honest. I'm sure there's gotta be some downside to only having one leg, but it sounds pretty sweet based on our ignorant rant. And here's the bright side, dude. You're still set up for success much more than Tom is. No, I think, yeah, you're good. Just, you know, lean into it.

Be confident. Don't lean into it. He leans into everything. Just own it. Just be like, this is who I am. I'm not apologizing for it. I'm not. It's not a gross, weird thing.

Here's your pickup line. Man, I've been out of work since they went to IHOP. There you go. There's one. Yeah, just do cat skills jokesHOB. There you go. There's one. Yeah, just do cat skills jokes about it. It's great. You got this. Yeah, you're the most interesting guy in the bar because you got one leg.

Absolutely. You got a leg up on the competition. And you know what's not stored in the leg? Personality. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's stored in the dick.

Get out there and get your fucking freaky dick wet, you circus boy. You mighty pegasus. All right. Love you, bro. I think that's it for the show this week, guys. This was a fun one. It was fun. Yeah, we're getting back into it.

There'll be a lot more stories and fun guests and shit and Snark Week all coming. We're going to lock those dates. We'll probably have plugged you in the intro when you listen to this. Yeah. And yeah, you guys got any shows coming up you want to plug? Fellas? I got stuff. I'll figure it out by the next episode.

Oh, yeah, I'll plug them next episode. I'm going to Canada at the end of the year for the Windsor Comedy Festival right after Christmas. So you can check that out. I'm headlining the Crow's Nest in Santa Cruz. If you're in Santa Cruz, November 25th, come through. Me, Tom Goss, Nicole Buchanan. Let us sleep on your couch. Tuesday, the 27th. I'm headlining the new Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego.

That'll be fun. Stolen the gas lamp. Same old Madhouse fun. Oh, wait, no. I think that's the 13th I'm doing that. So, yeah, 13th. Come to see me at the Madhouse in San Diego. And next year in January, I'm going back up to Laughs Unlimited.

That'll be a lot of fun. I fucking love Laughs Unlimited. I love Sacramento. I'll go get a sandwich with you. I got a good spot. Hit me up if you want to hang. And Keith and myself are co-headlining the Rec Room in Huntington Beach December 21st. If you want a little before Christmas time with your mean boys in Orange County, that's

the place to do it. Hell yeah. But other than that, thank you guys for listening. We're getting back into full swing. Patreon's being caught up on everything. Merch is going to get sent out. Those patches are on the way. The fucking Jimbo Cable stickers are on the way.

Jimbo Cable! Jimbo Cable! Jimbo Cable! So yeah, we'll make it all up to you. We love you. Thanks for hanging in there, guys. Fuck everything. God is dead. I'll see you next time.