Mean Boys - EP 187 - Boat Daddy (feat. Joe Kaye)

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

Our Spring Tour dates are live now at meanboyspodcast.com Download the Himalaya app and follow Mean Boys: itunes.apple.com/us/app/himalaya-…d1275493456?mt=8 Fill out our tour sheet and get on our mailing list: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] Follow our guest Joe Kaye on Twitter: twitter.com/joecharleskaye Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly and i'll blora dora the explorer she has a backpack and a pet monkey jump in the line it's the mean boys podcast okay here's the intro welcome to another episode of the mean boys Podcast Just Keith and Connor Nope, wrong one Keith and Tom in the trap I just can't be in anything No, Connor's out working

So me and Tom ran this live from the basement with our good buddy Joe K Follow him on all the social media Joe Charles K And if you live in LA, go to his show at the Good Night Every Thursday night It's one of my favorite stand-up shows in LA It's a good night, man. You should go.

As our business overlord Starburns would say, it's a good show. It's a good show. Yeah, you get it. Mucho Italian. Yeah, a little bit of shit to get to before we get you into the episode. We're going on goddamn tour very, very soon.

Whoa. Yeah, we're going to Texas. We're going to Austin, Houston, Dallas slash Plano. Then we're taking a hot skip and a leap over to Kansas City. Two states. Which ones? Two states. You don't know.

Who cares? And then we're making a little swiggity swag out to St. Louis. I don't know what that means, but we're going to fucking be there. Then where are we going? Then we're going to Indianapolis. Yeah, we are. Yeah, the home of Indiana. And then we're going from there to cincinnati ohio home of the cincinnati reds and an episode of us doing stand-up that's right an episode yeah and then what we're we're

hiking over down to nashville yeah yeah whereators play. But we won't be playing the Predators. We'll be doing the Mean Boys. Mean Boys. Are we doing a podcast? For God's sake. We're doing a live podcast. Then we're also going to be doing shows in Jacksonville, Orlando, and Atlanta. Tickets are on sale now.

Mean Boys podcast. I was busy making it way too long in the blog. MeanBoysPodcast.com. Get your tickets now. The most pre-sales, if we hit 500 iTunes reviews, will be the city where we fucking electrocute Tom. So far, Dallas in the lead. Dallas in the lead. Plano in the lead. So catch up, Kansas City, you're close.

Get up on it. Actually, Kansas City, you might be beating them as of yesterday. I've got to check the numbers again. Yeah, who's in last place right now? Last place, Jacksonville. We've sold one ticket. That one's going to be a little different. That one's a house show, but we've got some men on the ground. That's going to be a little different. That one's a house show, but we got some men on the ground.

That's going to be a fun-ass show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I mean, if you don't want to see... Look, what... We've already pitched this to you. Just buy your fucking pre-sale tickets. Yeah, and leave us an iTunes review if you haven't already. I get it, it's a pain in the ass to go in there and leave a review,

but it makes us look a little bit legitimate, helps us out quite a bit, and if we get to 500, we will zap the shit out of time. And sometimes we forget, thank you to the people who already bought tickets. 100%. And thank you to the people who already left iTunes reviews. We fucking love you guys. You guys are amazing. While we're thanking people, thank you

to everybody who's donating on Patreon. Yes. That has been a tremendous help to our livelihood. Yeah, that's kept me in the kitchen. Yeah, it genuinely, you know, I mean, we fuck around a lot, but honestly, that Patreon does enable us to do the show as much as we do and to, like, do things like go on tour

and not have to go work at a fucking Target and shit like that. So that really is helpful. If you're not already on the Patreon, jump on over there. Five bucks a month gets you an hour of free bonus content every week. This week we had Isaac Hirsch and Max Beasley, the new roomies, play the dating game with Tom. Yes. We ran the Tom Goss dating simulator. And I think I won. Honestly, we got some

feedback on that. You did win. You out charmed Isaac. What a part of clear. More entertaining than Jeopardy. Love you, Isaac. But go listen to that. Ten bucks a month gets you a free more entertaining than Jeopardy love you Isaac but go listen to that

10 bucks a month gets you a free little goody in the mail free little piece of merch I believe we've already sent out the sticker packs for this month if not they'll be out

very very soon and we will be announcing basically as soon as Connor is not swamped with work what our Patreon merch for this month is going to be

yeah man what else what else jump on the the Mean Boys Discord and subreddit. Fuck around with your fellow fans. The Discord, a lot of fun. A lot of good times over there.

I need to peek back in there. I pop in every once in a while. It's fun to see. Yeah, I remember because my name was the username and I popped in and it felt like I just walked into a room where everyone was talking about me and everyone was like, well, this is weird. Everyone at the time was just like, oh, this is what a weird day.

I'll pop in a couple times a day, and I'll look at the Mean Boys specific chat log and be like, all right, they're talking about the show? Cool. What do they like? Great. And then I'll look at the naked people one because I think it's hilarious that that exists. Yes, that's why you think it's funny. No, look, I don't hate naked people.

You're all very attractive, but it's just like a funny thing. I can't believe people just keep doing this. Oh, I think it's great. Yeah, and the subreddit is also a very fun place. Go in there, throw the numbers up. Subscribe to us on YouTube. Yeah, we got adding a lot more. We just added Big Chopped.

Big Chopped. If you haven't watched it, watch it. It's great. All right. And we have we are starting earlier today. We have some we have some ideas for some fun stuff. Yeah, we do. Plus, we're going on tour.

So I got to figure the mean the mean vlog is coming back. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I got to finish editing shit. Stand up shit. You got anything you want to plug them? Yeah.

This weekend, I'm going to be in the Yukon. Yeah, you are. Yukon Comedy Festival. Yukon Comedy Festival. First time performing stand-up internationally. That's crazy, man. Yeah, yeah. The first of all three of us, I think, to do it. No, Connor was in Canada.

Okay, then I'm just the last of all three of us to do it. End of last year. He beat me by a couple months. Okay, but even then, man, you're going to Canada. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to deep Canada, too. Yeah, I'm going to the Montana of Canada, I think.

Montana. Yeah, I'm going to the Montana of Canada, I think. Montana. Yeah, Montana. This Saturday, March 16th, I'll be at the UCB Theater on Franklin doing Tournament of Nerds. That's a fun show if you've never been. March 23rd, I will be in Las Vegas with Connor. We're doing the Dirty Show at the Stratosphere, produced and hosted by Jocelyn Sharp,

who you heard on the podcast recently. And then after that, the tour. Yeah, I mean, those are the big dates. We already plugged that, the tour. Yeah. The tour happens. Those are the big dates. We already plugged that. Oh, one more thing I will plug, actually. March 19th, I'm doing the roast battle at the Comedy Store against Dan Nolan.

Here's the deal. This is a tournament-type situation, and the winner gets to go on the road and make a decent amount of money. So if you're a Mean Boys fan and you wanted to come maybe laugh really hard at my shit and help Daddy not have to get a job for a little bit, I would greatly appreciate that. Yeah, you should do that.

Also, it's just a great show. Yeah, I know. It's going to be a super fun show. You can fucking enjoy a great show and win Keith some change with the same amount. Yeah, I also will be funny. I'm not asking you to cheat. Yeah. I'm just trying to stack the deck a little bit because i'm an asshole

other than that uh nothing left to do but kick back and enjoy this week's episode with the Welcome to Bean Boys. The world's an empty refrigerator and we're trapped inside. I'm Joe Kay. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... The guy who lives on Doug Stanhope's couch. Hi, I'm Couch Stanhope. Yeah, you in the...

It's weird because every time I see you not in pajama pants, it feels unnatural. Yeah, no. I'm naturally pajama-y. Yeah, I see you put on a pair of ill-fitting jeans. I'm like, what are you going to prom? That's how I feel, man. Yes. You want me to wear a t-shirt that's unstained? What are we? What are we getting married?

You dress like a human and then you just kind of look like, what am I too big for? I'm not bad at people. When I wear clothes that fit, I'm like, am I posing? Is this what a poser feels like? No, that's what people do. They wear clothes that fit. Yeah, you know, classic people.

Classic human people. Yeah, classic humans. Joe K with us. Connor's not here. He's off doing annoying stuff. Yeah, continuing my feelings that Connor truly doesn't like me. Genuinely, it's so funny because I think that is your read on it. We just call you when Connor's not here

because you're one of the funnier people we know. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And I also know you have nothing else going on. No, nothing. I was home today. I would have been playing some Final Fantasy 9 had you not asked me to come down here.

Is that the one where you try not to die? That's pretty much every game. It's also life. Sometimes you try not to kill, or you try to kill. Final Fantasy is like, oh, we're on a roller coaster. That's Final Destination. That's a movie. I don't know.

They get video games out of movies. I got to know all of the finals now. One's on a plane. One's a movie. I don't know. They get video games out of movies. I got to know all of the finals now. One's on a plane. One's in traffic. Roller coaster. NASCAR track. And then bridge collapses. Is that one of them?

The bridge goes down? The last one. Final Final Destination? Yeah. The one that, I mean, spoiler alert for that. The one that wraps all of it around to the beginning. It was good. I think it was just Final Destination 5.

It was so good, if you haven't seen it. It's so funny that they kept making that movie. They're like, you know what? America will never be tired of watching teens die. I'll tell you right now, I know exactly why, at least in my brain and heart and feelings. It's because that fourth one sucked so bad. It was supposed to be the final destination. Yeah.

Then it was so bad, they're like, oh, fuck, we gotta fix this. But we said it was over. Prequel. Yes. Ta-da. Well, let's disguise it as a sequel. Yeah, because this old-timey horror producer,

that's what they sound like. Hey, we're gonna do this. Exactly. Everyone making the final destination movies from 1930. Yes. It'd be a swell time if some kids fell off a bridge. I mean, I've always been scared of bridges collapsing. Are you really?

That's always been one of those weird, irrational fears I've always had. I have that with tunnels. I get that with tunnels. I think it's going to fall in on me. I absolutely get that feeling with tunnels. The problem being that, as you can see, I pretty much live in the basement of this house. True. I'm recording it right now.

And every time somebody takes a small step in the kitchen, my entire ceiling creaks. Great. So every night, without exaggeration, every night before I go to sleep, I go, well, this is the night the toilet falls on me. Yeah, sometimes when I swim laps in pools, I get the irrational fear a shark is following me. Which is funny because people in the pool get the irrational fear that you are following. My boyfriend's the same way. But not the ocean. No, no, no. He's convinced

that sharks will pop up in any body of water larger than a hot tub. Like, he is absolutely convinced. Ocean, I don't care. I used to be a real good swimmer. I'd swim out to the kelp fields and just float there for a while. I was like, I have a shark. He eats me. Who gives a fuck? But then I'll swim laps in a pool and I'll be like, there's going to be a shark. I don't know why there's going to be a real good swimmer. I'd swim out to the kelp fields and just float there for a while. I was like, I have a shark. He eats me. Who gives a fuck? But then I'll swim laps in a pool.

I'll be like, there's going to be a shark. I don't know why. There's going to be a shark. It's going to be a big shark. It's going to pop out of the water filter and then just eat me. You know, the size of a grapefruit. It's going to fucking eat me. Jaws 5.

We ran out of ideas. Yeah, Jaws 5. Let's follow Tom. I mean, nothing would be more on brand for you than being eaten by a shark In a swimming pool Short of like an actual anvil Falling on your head from high up Like a looney tune I can't think of a better death

I'm trying to make the connection with like Jaws and swimming and meat But like I can't do it You get it Meat and meat you know Yeah and meat There's three meanings to the word meat. Whoa.

Wait, I only get two. What's the third one? Like a swim meet. Oh, okay. Like you're meeting, you eat meat, and you have a swim meet. That's why I was like, oh, yeah. Let me blow your mind right now. You can like meat out something.

Like that's a word as well. Fuck me. There's four meanings to the word meat. Five if you count dicks. Wait, what's four meat? Oh, well, yeah, that's true actually. Got my meat. Yeah, it feels like it's the word meat. Five if you count dicks. Wait, what's four meat? Oh, well, yeah, that's true, actually. Got my meat. Yeah, it feels like it's the meat definition.

Meat is a very universal word. Yeah, there needs to be like a meat party. I'm going to go meet my meat at the meat. A swimming contest slash barbecue slash orgy slash. It's the horny version of buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo. Triple mmm, bro. Oh, man. it's the horny version of Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo triple mmm bro oh man oh we should talk about this we went and saw Captain Marvel we did yeah and Thomas Thomas the funniest spoiler alert it's great yeah it's great it's a real

good we won't blow it for anybody's gonna see but Tom like actually I've never seen you have that much fun watching a movie. I never have fun. But I had a great time. I had one of the best times watching a movie I'd ever had. I love that. And Joe, you're probably like, you weren't that active. Because all I did was really like fist bump at one point. But I love that.

But I never do that. I typically am the guy sitting there with imagining like a long pipe in his mouth. And just like, I don't know. I'm the guy sitting there with imagining a like a long pipe in his mouth Imagining a long sub sandwich Smoking a pastrami and yes party sub is what they call Tom when he's floating around in the pool Well, yeah, I had a genuine great time. At first, I was like, oh, man. Our train stopped.

This is where the train stopped in the fucking movie. Yeah, the metro full of homeless lepers. Yeah, the part of L.A. that we live in finally got on camera, and I couldn't be more stoked about it. I take it, though, Marvel's running out of money. Like, well, we spent too much on on Thanos so film it by Tom's house Yeah, but we get out of the movie and like we're all talking about stuff We liked about it and Tom's like yeah, it was so cool that you wore a nine-inch nails shirt Yeah, like the music is really good in the action. Yeah, and I really love that t-shirt

And it's only became clear you were really just excited that a nine-inch nails t-shirt was in the movie There was a badass a hot woman in a nine-inch nails t-shirt was in the movie look there was a badass a hot woman in a nine inch nails t-shirt you thought i was gonna dislike that movie walking out of city walk you were just like you know what that movie made me want to do buy some nine inch nails t-shirts some multiple like one would not be enough to communicate the depths of your need for that shirt i wear all of them at the same time it's nine layers of nine inch nails like a trent resner gobstopper just different layers keep going down until you I wear all of them at the same time. It's nine layers of nine-inch nails. Like a Trent Reznor gobstopper.

Just keep going down until you finally get to the Gone Girl soundtrack. You know what would be a great shirt? It's the downward spiral to Tom's car. I need to get a shirt of the actress in the nine-inch nails t-shirt as a shirt. I think that would be so fucking funny. Okay, truly what I loved about her whole 90s chic outfit was that she took it off of a mannequin and

she saw on the mannequin that the flannel was tied around the waist, so she was like, oh, I'll do that too. She has no idea what earth fashion is. It serves no functional purpose. I like the patch skirt she's wearing. It's like she doesn't fucking know.

Yeah, it's like, you know what would help me with this weird, complicated mission I'm doing? A thing that'll get in the way. Right? Yeah. I didn't even think about that. There's no reason for her to wrap the flannel on her. It really blew my mind that I was just like, so she took all of it, including the wrapped flannel, because she was like, well, this is an outfit.

Like, this is a look. I can't go out with. I may have no memories, but I do have style. But I do know what a look is an outfit. Like, this is a look. I can't go out with... I may have no memories, but I do have style. But I do know what a look is, honey. And if there's... I mean, if there's not a flannel tied around your waist, are you really in the 90s? Yeah, is it really 1995?

You don't look like Joey Lawrence? Whoa. Whoa. Who's Joey Lawrence? He's on a TV show. Yes. He's been on many. What is the big one?

Was it Friends? Well, I mean, there's, like, Brotherly Love is, like, the one for our generation with all the Lawrence brothers. Yes. He's been on many. What is the big one? Was it Friends? Well, I mean, there was like Brotherly Love is like the one for our generation. I don't know. With all the Lawrence brothers. Okay. But he was like. It's weird that I know that reference. OG was Blossom.

That's what I'm thinking of. Yeah. That's the OG. Right. Blossom. I was going to say I wouldn't have thought that Tom would have ever seen Blossom. That would be weird if we found out Tom was a huge Blossom fan. Oh, my God.

That would have been crazy. Then he would have to get one of my unbiologues bucket hats on a hat. Oh, God, yeah. Hat on hat on hat. Yes. I'm going to get that tattoo on my wrist. I'm going to get that shirt. I'm going to get that shirt with her wearing the shirt.

With Brie Larson wearing a Nine Inch Nails t-shirt. And then after I have that shirt, I'm going to get a shirt of me wearing the shirt. With the shirt. I'm just going to keep getting layers and layers of Nine Inch Nails shirts. Semi-related story. One time I was at a mini golf course in Orange County

and fucking Luis Guzman showed up. Oh my God. He's like a character actor. Have you ever seen him in Waiting? Oh my God. No. Have you seen Boogie Nights? No.

You've definitely seen this guy. I've seen that shirt though. That's a great shirt. He's like a fat Mexican dude or whatever. But he was there with his family. Oh, was he Goldberg? What? Was he the Goalie?

No. Okay. No. No, he's asking if that was the guy from Mighty Ducks. No. If it was Goldberg from Mighty Ducks. No, no, no. Different guy.

Okay. Luis Guzman is an older man than that. I'm going to pull up a picture. Yeah, I know you've a different guy. Okay. Luis Guzman is an older man than that. I'm going to pull a picture up real quick. Yeah, I know you've seen this guy. Yeah. He's been in so many movies and TV shows and just blah, blah, blah. Well, regardless, while I'm pulling him up, so I'm at this golf course, and he's there with his family, but he's wearing a T-shirt. This guy, Tom.

Oh, he does Adam Sandler stuff. Yes. Yes, there you go. Okay, yeah, I didn't think about that. That's the way. But he's Puerto Rican. Yeah, you racist. Oh, whatever does Adam Sandler stuff. Yes. Yes, there you go. Okay, yeah, I didn't think about that. That's the way. But he's Puerto Rican. Yeah, you racist. Oh, whatever.

Shut up. That's, you know, some places it's a Carl's Jr., some places it's a Hardee's. Same difference. Everyone knows that he's a racist. Oh, Puerto Ricans, the Mexicans of the Northeast. They love it. I haven't been stabbed in New York yet.

All right, I'm going to go to Hardee's Island at some point. Hurricane Hardee's. That's what they call me at a buffet. Oh, God, it's a class four. He's going to the cake. I just realized I could roll up these pants. How did you just realize that? They're pants.

They're your pants. Anyway, he's wearing a T-shirt, and it is clearly like one of those ones you get at a mall kiosk where they'll just print whatever photo on a t-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just a plain rectangle, and it's just a photo of him. It's like his headshot. I love that so much. It was baffling. I'm like, why did you choose to make that?

We're going to be like, nice Luis Guzman shirt. Oh, it's Luis Guzman. He was having a bad body day. It was all that fit him. Yeah. He's never having a great body day. It was all that fit him. Yeah. He's never having a great body day. Yeah, the guy's hefty. Maybe someone gave him that shirt.

That's the one thing. But then, I'll be honest, that's a bad kid if that's what they're getting you as a gift. What makes you think it was a kid? I mean, it was with kids. If it was a fan. Okay, if that's an adult or a psychopath, a fan maybe. Okay, are you telling me that you couldn't imagine a world where I gave you a shirt with just your face on it? I would literally never wear it outside this house. But are you telling me?

I won't even wear the Mean Boys merch we have outside the house. You couldn't imagine me doing that. Oh, 100%. But that's not – a thing you would do is not a good barometer of healthy behavior. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. If anyone's ever about to make a decision and they're like, well, Tom would do it, then you shouldn't do it. Did I ever tell you about when I went to my friend's play and I brought him gifts?

No. Ominously very. So wait, your friend's play? My friend, they were doing Shakespeare. I had a couple friends that were doing Shakespeare Shakespeare the park and I bought some cookies for the my future ex-girlfriend favorite show on this yeah we were dating a Shakespeare play and then I was like because I was mainly seeking to support her and then I was like oh there's a loaf of bread so I

bought a loaf of bread a French bread and then I go like, ooh, there's a loaf of bread. So I bought a loaf of bread, a French bread, and then I go to Shakespeare in the Park. I'm like, oh, I got cookies for her. I'll give him the bread. So I give the girl the cookies. She's like, what's the bread for? I'm like, I'm going to give it to Jake. Just don't blow it. I'm going to do it very...

So I walk up to him and... By the way, the part of the story he's not telling is that Jake is actually a giant pigeon. So this is a very thoughtful joke. We're not. And, like, we're friends. Like, we were in class. We're not that close. Not close enough for you to hand someone a loaf of bread.

And so here's what's hilarious. It's like a good quality. It's like a good bread. I'm glad you weren't giving him just, like, fucking dented wheat bread. I go up to him, and I remember. Real real quick I just want to get a visual here we talking like a baguette are we talking just like a loaf of bread sourdough okay that's beautiful that's exactly what I wanted to sourdough uncut sourdough bread just a discus of him can be and I walk up to him and I was so

proud of myself for not cracking And I just like I intentionally was like You were so great And I just I wanted you And I avoided I wanted you to have this I just handed him

Like you have reverence like you're giving tribute to a king That's exactly how I did it And then he did not know what to do He just like stared at the bread and stared at me And he just goes, thanks, buddy. And I just kind of nodded and walked away.

The people who knew what I was doing were dying laughing. Apparently, he just was scratching his head looking at the bread. I said, I miss that. That really is. There's no protocol for what you – like if this were a game of like social chess, you just killed your own queen.

Yes. Like there's no – Now, see, in my head, when you were – I thought where this story was going was like that you just threw a loaf of bread like it was a bouquet of flowers at the stage. Like at a curtain call, you're just like, I don't have roses, but here. Rose, rose. And you just throw a loaf of sour bread at someone's fucking dome.

No, it was, I'm so happy with the choices I made because I tried to play it off. I tried to play it off like the most genuine moment of appreciation. Yeah. Encore. Here's the best thing you could do. Text him now that it's been several years and be like, you like that bread? And then whenever he responds, never respond back to it. I don't think he'd ever.

I don't think he'd ever. E-A-D anymore. Need anymore. Oh, fucking boo. All right, gang. We're all fired up. Let's get into the Mexican joke off. Oh, boy.

Ay, so topical. Man, I got to pull off more bread pranks. Ay, so topical. More bread pranks. Yeah. I'll take it away this week. One of the inventors of the handheld calculator

passed away this week. In honor of his work, his headstone reads simply 80085. It smells boobs. Ah. A Texas man shot a dog in the face

in front of young children. There we go. The man explained that he successfully got it to stay and he will be using a cattle prod to teach him to roll over.

Jesus Christ. It's not animal cruelty if it's listening to you. It's not abusive. It works. The Tom Goss method. Oh, boy. I promise to all the people

that have ever liked my jokes on here, I apologize because these are all very bad. Yeah. You really pulled the classic mean boys. I got to write these frantically on the subway. apologize, because these are all very bad. Yeah. You really pulled the classic Mean Boys. I really did.

I got to write these frantically on the subway. Yeah, I really did. On the bird scooter. Yeah, yeah. Fucking Joe, the first guest in Mean Boys history to whip up to the house in a lime scooter. Yeah.

It's my brand. You know I love it. I love it. Just Scooty Puff Junior-ing all over the city. I don't want to stab what I see on a bird scooter. I'm like, Joe gets all the scooters. Hey man, it's my car. I mean, it's the perfect encapsulation of you

because it's like pretty gay but also pretty cool. Oh, thank you. You're wearing a bird shirt. I am. I'm wearing my Enchanted Tiki race sweater. I love that shirt. You dressed up to ride the bird scooter, and I appreciate it.

All right. Are we ready? Let's do it. I know we're ready. R. Kelly was interviewed by Gayle King on CBS. During the interview, R. Kelly leapt from his chair with rage. Under the chair was a midget. Midget.

Midget. Man, I posted this on Facebook, but it's that picture of him just on his tiptoes pointing, and he's going, up, up, and a rape, and then flying away. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Parents are outraged after a four-year-old found a razor blade in a McDonald's Happy Meal. Authorities suspect the blade was placed there by the Hamburglar's cousin, the Hamicidal Maniac. That's bad.

I got a showdown. I think yours is better. Oh, no. A new sex tape of R. Kelly with an underage girl has emerged. Experts are calling it poorly lit, but pretty hot. Jesus Christ. Man. Hey, they're saying that.

I understand that. Here's the only way R. Kelly could get out of all this and, like, redeem himself in my eyes, is if we find out later this was all staged and it was just, like, a Joaquin Phoenix grows a beard and goes crazy thing. Like, it's like, we find out this is all trapped in the closet, volume 12. Yeah, it's the only way.

It's the only way. All right. Yeah, you're up, buddy. I don't think that's what happened. No, I don't either. Unlikely is what I'll say. Unlikely. When that came out, I think everybody was like, what?

No, you're still. No fucking way. Yeah, art has a limit, bitch. There's two things we don't stand for in America. Sexual assault and performance art. Now scram. I know it's late for an Oscars joke, but I need to...

I love that you texted me. Is this okay? Should I do that? You're gonna do one. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. The producers of Green Book dedicated their award of Best Picture to Carrie Fisher. When reached for comment,

the ghost of Carrie Fisher responded by saying, fuck that movie. I had any movie written by less black guys than have been inside me. Man, I didn't even see that that they dedicated it to her. Oh yeah, the Oscars. They were like, we want to dedicate this award to our dearly departed friend, Carrie Fisher. It's like, you didn't even thank Dr. Shirley! This movie really encapsulates everything you friend, Carrie Fisher. You didn't even thank Dr. Shirley!

This movie really encapsulates everything you think about Carrie Fisher. Safe, boring, lame. Safe, boring, vaguely racist. Which movie was it? Green Book. It's Viggo Mortensen drives a black guy around and they learn lessons. Yeah, and then he teaches a black man how to eat fried chicken. Here's what you need to know.

Wait, was that an actual scene? It's a real genuine scene. This is a movie, I swear to God, that won Best Picture and was directed by one of the guys who directed Dumb and Dumber. Yep. Wow, he's a lot. I was right to not like Hollywood. Yeah, you absolutely were.

It's a terrible movie. Everyone made fun of me for not knowing the new thing. And now the new thing is Shah Rawat in your faces, and you guys have to smell the stench. And in a year where so many movies would have been cool and interesting to win, for that one to win is such a bummer. Yeah, it was a real fucking bummer, man. Like if Black Panther would have won, that would have been the only thing that made everything feel a little better.

Or Black Panther would have been really cool. Yeah, really anything with black in it. Yeah, that would have been nice. God, after what happened to the Golden Globes, I was literally, like, I went, I was out at dinner with my girlfriend, and I just ignored her the whole time and watched the Oscars over her shoulder, and I was like, if Bohemian Rhapsody wins Best Picture right now, a week after the fucking Bryan Singer article

comes out, Hollywood will burn. That movie somehow won Best Editing. Let's, but let's not. How? I don't, it's. It's so bad. I'm so tired, Keith. I'm excited for that Elton John movie.

Yeah, that looks great. I actually rewatched the trailer and like Bohemian Rhapsody. I remember I saw the trailer like I might see that. And then people were like, the actor's really good. But the movie was. Let me tell you something. The actor, Rami Malek, was fucking fine. Listen, you could you could fucking stick some fake teeth in me, put a wig on me, make me lip sync to Queen,

and I could shit out the same fucking performance. Yeah, look. I'm fucking over it. This is not spoiling anything. James O'Donnell played Freddie Mercury on Historical Roast, which is coming out in a couple months. Honestly, as good, if not better, than Rami Malek. Oh, he's great.

I saw that performance. Yeah, he fucking, he came so much more like Freddie Mercury. At least in this Elton John movie, at least Taron Egerton is singing, and he's got a great voice. And have you seen that video of him singing, I think it was, fuck, what song was it? Tiny Dancer with Elton John.

No. Oh my God. We'll find it after this. You gotta see it. That's an off-air fucking. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It made me intensely wet. I love it.

All right, let's do this terrible joke. The Mean Boys fans who were tuning out for that previous conversation were refocused when you said that. It's so funny, we always joke about that. If you look at the Discord, most of our fans are just weird queers from the middle of America.

Love that Connor's gone and we can talk about musicals for 30 seconds without somebody making an AIDS joke. Oh, great. I'll jump on it. Let's get back to what this show is really about. A child had his hand bitten off by a dog. The boy's math teacher begrudgingly admitted it was the most compelling excuse for not bringing in the homework he'd ever heard. George Foreman's daughter was found dead. The police chief was heard saying they had no leads as he removed her body from a giant Foreman grill.

What's so funny is I sat in front of that story for literally an hour trying to figure out a George Foreman grill joke. And you took the bold tact of what if I just say George Foreman grill? No, they found her body in one. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, who could have done it? Just heat pressed. Look, it was a great joke, and I defend it. You're wrong for not laughing.

Tom, that was a great joke. I'm screaming in a basement. Yeah, you are. I mean, I'm known to scream in basements very often. But anyway, here's a bad joke. Yeah, I mean I'm I'm known to scream in basements very oh Anyway, here's a bad joke a species of dinosaur the size of a wallaby was discovered in Australia noted dinosaur enthusiast Tyrannosaurus Dundee could be found roaming the streets of Sydney screaming. That's not a galleon Osiris The real name of it. Points. Points. God damn it. Galleonosaurus.

What's funny is it doesn't tell me anything because I don't know what size a wallaby is. It's not that big. Yeah, I bet. A galleonosaurus, I don't know why. I'm imagining a giant coin because that's what a galleon, the galleons were a form of currency for pirates at one point. I thought the galleon was a boat. It's also a boat.

Okay. But with T-Rex arms and legs just walking down the street. Truly, that whole thing was just a way for me to be able to say Tyrannosaurus Dundee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get the formula here. It's find one dumb phrase you want to say and then really bend over backwards to find it. Oh, boy. I only have one more, and holy shit, was this an excuse just to say something stupid.

Hell, yes. Yeah, I know it's a boat. I think it's a coin too. It is. Like a gold galleon. Yeah. Thank you. Parents of a dead naval cadet are trying to retrieve his sperm to possibly preserve his legacy. When notified of the parents' request for their son's semen, the drill

sergeant turned to his bunkmates and said, Alright fellas, cough it up. Cough it up Trump called Ann Coulter a nut job this leaves the remaining group of women who support Trump being Sarah Huckabee Sanders Siri several stray dogs and Connor McSpadden several straight the stray dog community Is split on the Trump issue Yeah yeah yeah It's 50-50 Oh boy

Alright Alright This is my last one No pressure A doctor told a patient That they were dying via robot The patient responded by saying No no arigato

Dr. Roboto I saw that ad line But I didn't I didn't read the actual story When he said a robot And to be like You're dying Basically it was like Like an iPad on fucking wheels.

Oh, like the Edward Snowden at the fucking TED Talk. Yeah, and it was like, hey, you're dying. Also, beep boop blorp, welcome to the future, you're not going to see, fuck face. Man, that's got to take the sting off it a little bit. You're like, yeah, whatever, leukemia. There's robots now? There's robots? Yeah, what a country.

Did the robot play a soundtrack to it? Like, that's a missed opportunity. Just played some Death Cab for Cutie and let them cry. All because of Tidy Dancer. Just says you're going to die on a screen. They uploaded the wrong sound effects package. It's like, I'm sorry, I'm afraid it's terminal. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

Bam, bam, bam, bam. I believe I can fly. Sorry, we programmed the robot before the documentary came out. Wah, wah, toilet flush. Oh, me so horny. The morning shock, Dr. Robot. Yeah. It's Dr. Robot and the Fartmeister.

I'm at a 3.1 The Rock. Hey, guess what, bucko? You're gonna die. I concur. You've got a terminal lymphoma. Boop. Call it now. All right, well, that's it for the Mexican joke.

That's what we do here. Fun time. We'll be right back with more Mean Boys right after this. Welcome back to WWE's March Massacre, live from Madison Square Garden, with a sold out crowd of 20,000 super fans and millions more watching at home around the world. Tonight is an unprecedented event

in the world of entertainment sports. The crowd is electrified on the edge of their seat, waiting to see what comes next. It's Roadkill! I don't believe it. But he makes his way to the ring. Listen to that. Sitting in this room, hearing this response, you really understand how Roadkill went

from a promising newcomer to not just the king of the ring, but the people's champion. New York City, I got a question for all of you what you gonna do when roadkill runs you down well no me in the ring there's not a meaner son of a bitch on God's green earth. But tonight, I'm here to introduce you to a friend of mine. I've been working with the superstars at the Make-A-Wish program for years, and I've never met anybody with more heart than this kid right here. So rev those engines and make some damn noise for Jimmy Hooper! Good to see you, little brother.

You got anything you want to say to all these people tonight? What's up, New York? I've been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. The doctor said I've got six months tops. Sucks pretty bad. But the Make-A-Wish people put me in touch with Roadkill, and tonight he's going to make my dreams come true. Yeah!

Because tonight, right here in Madison Square Garden... Yeah! I'm gonna get murdered by Roadkill! Oh, yeah! Wait, no, what? That's right. I'm gonna fight Roadkill to the four real death. Not like a fake wrestling death until one of us is actually dead. And guess what? I don't plan to win.

Hang on, Jimmy. I think you meant to say we're going to do a tag team match with the Bruiser Brothers. Remember? Like we talked about with the doctors and my manager? I changed my mind. Roadkill, you're my hero. The only way I got through my treatments was watching clips

of you destroying every wrestler in the league. And if I have to die this young, I can't think of a better way. Shit. I, uh... I don't know about this. Roadkill, we're still live. Oh yeah, right. Uh, New York, if you're feeling morally conflicted, give me a hell yeah.

The, uh, the crowd sitting in stunned silence waiting for Roadkill to make a decision. Kid, what about your parents? They agreed. Signed off on it and everything, see? My mom's right there in the front row. The lady with the Austin 316 sign? He's been retired for like 20 years. She's trying. It's sweet. Starting news, folks.

I've just received word from the boss man himself, Vince McMahon. He says if roadkill doesn't make a decision in the next 30 seconds, he's canceling his contract. Oh, okay. Shit. I, uh... Oh, fuck. Vince McMahon, he says if Roadkill doesn't make a decision in the next 30 seconds, he's canceling his contract. Oh, okay. Shit. I, uh, fuck. Don't be a pussy, Roadkill. Fuck it. You want blood? Roadkill will give you blood. Oh, hell yeah. This is gonna be sick.

And right out the gate, Roadkill takes down Jimmy Hooper with a flying spear. Now he's tossing him against the ropes and, oh! A drop kick right to Jimmy's colostomy bag. The ring is a mess now. If you look close, you can actually see blood and poop. The rest not looking anymore. He's vomiting and weeping over the top rope. And Roadkill taking his opportunity and bringing out the steel chair. Jimmy's down, he's twitching.

It sounds like his lungs are filling with, I don't know, something bad. Roadkill to the top of the turnbuckle. It looks like he's setting up for the flying rundown. What you gonna do when Roadkill frees you from the hell of a terminal diagnosis? Good job. You got some air on that one. Wait, I changed my mind.

Oh, yeah! Role kill! Someone clean this kid out of my grill! Shit. You all heard him tell me not to do that, huh? Yup! Hello, and welcome back to the... Is that me? Is that what you were doing? No, I'm doing me. Welcome back to the Mean Boys podcast. I was just thinking about making a character choice. I chose a guest.

But you know what character is going to be on a character tour? I don't know, but the Mean Boys are going on tour. Tom. Mean Boys, shut up. The Mean Boys are going on tour. And we're going everywhere, baby. We're going to Texas, Austin, Dallas, Houston, Kansas City. Not in Texas.

It's in Kansas City. Is it in St. Louis? This is the worst you could do the job that is read a list of cities off of your phone. You said don't read. Is Kansas City in Missouri or Kansas, technically? I believe we're in Kansas City. We're going to Houston, Austin, Dallas. I already said those ones.

Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri. Indianapolis. Cincinnati, Ohio. Jacksonville. Eventually. Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, Orlando. And Atlanta.

Atlanta. So if you live in any of those places, pick up your tickets now. Meanboyspodcast.com. I know a couple of you guys tweeted at us that you couldn't get tickets for the Orlando show. We fixed the problem. They're back for sale. Also, we got a bunch of tweets about this. We should probably just address it.

People saw the Skank Fest lineup. They didn't see us on it. They weren't sure if we're coming. I have talked to Luis Gomez. We are going to be at Skank Fest. Yeah, we're bad at communication. Yeah, that is confirmed. Now, look, am I saying that Tom's going to pull a Mr. T and Rocky 3 thing

and challenge Lewis to a fight in the parking lot? Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying right now will happen. Yeah, yeah. Also, for pre-sales, remember most pre-sales sold for the live shows, for the podcast, you guys could, someone gets to tase me. Yeah.

Oh yeah, you don't know about this. So if we get to 500 iTunes reviews, we're letting Tom get tased live on stage. Yeah. So remember. Gotta contribute. Yeah. Now get on there, dude. Leave your fucking reviews because if we don't have 500, I'm not getting.

I'm going to save it for someone who deserves it. So leave those reviews. And then fucking. Tom's saving his taser virginity for marriage. Yeah. Yeah. And also remember, I was gonna. And now I'm not. And then also remember that

the highest pre-sale gets to see me get shockity shocked. So do that. While we're making Tom uncomfortable. I'm not uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable. You'll be uncomfortable when you're electrocuted. I'm comfortable as hell. Look at my legs. We've been doing a thing on the bonus

episodes. Tom is notoriously bad at dating I mean you didn't have to tell me that I love you I love you too I love you less now a very cute man but I can definitely see how people don't get this yeah that's what I'm saying I don't say you're at fault I'm saying that I could definitely see how this and all of this i could i love that scream red flags at other people joe just said my favorite thing where he goes pretty much what you said is it's not your personality it's everyone else's

personality it also is your personality but Okay, the bond is broken. You got to get to know you. I'm saying first dates are shit for everybody because you don't really get to express yourself. I'm a lot on a lot. I'm the hat on a hat

for crazy. Trying to break through the wall because you were on Tinder for a while. I don't know if you're still on it. It's still technically downloaded but I'm not fucking. Yeah.

Well yeah. Did you ever go on a date on Tinder? No. So angry. How dare you imply I used the function of the app.

Oh no. I was just on there to look at pussy. Oh yeah. Lots of pussy. I love what you think straight Tinder is. Pussy pussy pussy. Well because I know just because I know gay Tinder is It's just pussy pussy pussy

Just because I know gay Tinder is just looking at buttholes It's so funny The criminal efficiency of Grindr Fuck off I also love the guys on there Who their picture is just like a jacked torso With no shirt on They're like don't be gross

I'm like what do you think we're doing here Don't be gross But I wanna This is the gross place. Yeah. No, I don't. I don't. I don't.

I'm even harder to understand online. Yeah. Because when you can't see my face and I say things, you're like, am I messaging a drunk ghost? What is going on here? What do we say? Bah. Yeah. Everything is just like surrounded with, oh.

What I try to like- I woke up in the middle of the night. It was a dark, rainy night. And I looked at the foot of my bed and there was a ghoulish figure eating Taco Bell with his bare hands. What I try to like normal it up, I feel like I'm like one of those like Taiwanese 13-year-olds that tries to get a sign you up for like whatever dating service is in age. Like I feel like I come off like a spam bot

when I'm too polite. Well, his username on OKCupid is NigerianPrince83. Right. Yeah, because my roommate was Nigerian. Yeah, no. What do you think? I have a theory. Wait, is that for real? No, I'm just very convincing. That is a hilarious

username for a dating site. It would be great. But here's my thought. I think that online dating can work for you. I just think you've been checking the wrong place. I think mainstream online dating, not for you. But I did find a website. It's called meetaninmate.com. Oh, my God.

No, meetaninmate. Harvest. Harvest. Wrong word. They collect profiles from you know Hot singles who may or may not be incarcerated In federal prison currently So I want to take you through a few of the profiles

Keith I hate how much I love you right now This is so fucking funny I want to take you through some profiles here And I want to get your assessment Now here's the thing I know what all three of these women did I'm not going to tell you what they did Until you kind of give me a read on their whole deal

Joe is dancing So let's start here Okay. I'm not going to tell you what they did until you kind of give me a read on their whole deal. Joe is dancing. So let's start here. Joe looks like a dehydrated strawberry right now. He's laughing so hard. He's fucking. And by the way, as we're looking through this, let's not say last names because I don't want to blow up anybody's shit. Okay.

But bear in mind, they posted these. It's not like the Justice Department is just throwing them out there like they're selling wenches on Pirates of the Caribbean. These women want to meet people. So I don't know. Maybe if you live in one of these places and you want to talk to – or just a pen pal. That one's cute. Oh, yeah. Sidebar.

We're on meetaninmate.com, which is spelled with two hyphens so you know it's legitimate. And there is an ad for Ashley Madison basically implying, like, hey, if you're going to be... If you're here, you may as well also cheat. Yeah, if you're already trying to be sex pen pals with a convict, you definitely are married, and it's definitely going bad. So this is Rachel. She currently lives in a correctional facility in Topeka, Kansas. It says, hey, my name is Rachel, and I am a petite, playful, and sexy 24-year-old. Now, first instinct is looking at her. How do you feel about this gal?

Be honest. We're among friends here. She's cute. She's got a fucking, like, one of those Bob's Burgers hats. Oh, yeah. I didn't even think about that. It's like a fuzzy bear ear. Yeah.

She does kind of look in the wheel. You like a petite, angular woman. That is generally. He just dates, like, just tiny triangles who hate their dad. That's really Tom's type. And you got to figure she's got a little bit of rage in her. She's got a chin on her. So that's, you know, kind of a Tom look.

I don't know. What? I don't know what that means. But go ahead. Outside of here, I enjoy here being prison. I enjoy partying, going to rock concerts, shooting pool, going to raves, riding motorcycles, and anything outdoors or adventurous. Okay. So how do you feel about that?

I don't like going outside with people. Okay, so you're looking for maybe a deal breaker. It's not a deal breaker. Here's the thing. I mean, I'd meet this person, I guess. Well, the person thing is the biggest red flag. To the pictures? Yes.

Okay, that makes sense. Because she likes going to raves. I'm like, yep, she absolutely does. I'm not really a rave guy. But I can see you maybe having fun at a rave. You don't have to talk to people at a rave. Yeah, but you have to dance. You don't really have to.

You just kind of have to move. I would pay an exuberant amount of money to watch to people at a rave. Yeah, but you have to dance. You don't really have to. You just kind of have to move. I would pay an exuberant amount of money to watch Tom at a silent rave. Oh, shit. Isn't that just an orgy? No. So a silent rave is essentially the same thing, except all the music is in these noise-canceling headphones. So everyone's wearing noise-canceling headphones,

but if you're not, you're just watching people just But they're all listening to the same Yeah, they're all listening to the same thing. There's a DJ that's like, you know, spinning records. What the fuck is this? 83? What the fuck is happening to me? He's putting it down on wax.

Everybody's got noise cancelling headphones on so it's like quiet in the room. What is the point of this? I don't really know. To do a rave without noise complaints? I mean, I think it's a decent idea. I saw in L.A. recently there was, like, some sort of, like, outdoor. Like, they were basically doing, like, they were traveling the streets but doing one of these.

Okay. So it was just, like, 50 people with these headphones on just, like, dancing on Melrose. Yeah, see, that's too much. Well, yeah, and I saw a car drive by, and some guy just leans out and just goes, you suck! Yeah, fuck that. And then disappears into the night. I'm all for it if it's, you know, you rent a space, you know.

I think it's pretty cool, because then you can party without a noise complaint, and then also if you need to talk to somebody, you just take off the headphones. Yeah, but hey, we're just people now. Yeah, and be like, hey, do you want to go get another drink? Instead of... Yeah, because talking in a loud pub is the worst thing in the world. Yeah. Yeah.

So let's look at some more. Yeah. Let's look at some more inmates. She's cute. I'm more of a more. You might be a little bit too extroverted for me. She's looking to find a nice, mature friend she can spend time and connect with. Race White.

She was born in 1994. So she's your age. Five, four. Shorter than you. OK. I know. It's kind of a thing. Earliest released. That's so funny. They have that. race white she was born in 1994 so she's your age 5'4 shorter than you okay I know it's kind of a thing earliest release date 2021

that's so funny they have that on the maximum release date 2023 so here's the thing you have time you like to take it slow sometimes with a relationship

you got a couple years to send some letters feel it up a Unitarian which I don't totally know what that is I think that's just like the thing where it's

all the religions in like one it's kind of like the hippie Christians. Yeah. It's like Christians, but they also meditate and things like that. Like they take they take a little from every religion to like make a beautiful. OK, so, yeah, so the wishy washy hippie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some college occupation before prison. She was a cashier and a full time student activities in prison. Landscaping, horticulture, Buddhist study. Interesting. Tom, I know that's for you. I don't know what you wanted me to do with that. I mean, you're a Buddhist, man. I was raised Buddhist, yeah.

Okay. So, tight on scene. She offers you a date. Do you go for it? Yeah, I'd go on one. Yeah. One date, I don't think that would be a... She seems nice. Yeah. I don't think that would be a...

She seems nice. Yeah, I'd see what the deal is. But yeah, I don't think we'd have a huge connection, but maybe I'd be wrong. Rachel shot three people at an armed robbery. No way. Yeah. I was just about to say, like, do we know?

She was robbing, I believe, a liquor store. Okay. Shot three people. They all lived. Okay. Okay, yeah. Okay, so she didn a liquor store. Okay. Shot three people. They all lived. Okay. Okay, yeah. Okay, so she didn't murder anybody. Yeah.

Yeah. So let's go to the next one. Was this after a rave? What's up? Yes. Come on, wigs. Yeah, this girl with an incredible wig game. This is Shaquandalon.

She's got three looks. Does she have boot tattoos? She does. She has, as you can see here, stars upon thars. There's a... Stars on her... This is an African-American gal. Have you ever dated a black gal or hooked up with one?

No. Okay. No. Black girls don't like me, typically. Yeah. I've asked out a black girl before, and she was not into it. So I walked away. We're not going to say last names.

I don't even think we should do a first name, I think she would be the only one with this name. I already said it. Oh, Shaquandalon? I can't not say Shaquandalon. Shaquandalon sounds like an amusement park, only for black Shaquandalon. No, you're thinking of Chandelay. No, I'm literally thinking... Shaquandalon High School actually plays Wakanda's high school.

Shaquandalon'Alon forever In football It's the Shaquan D'Alon wigs Versus the Wakanda Vibraniums or something Yeah, vibraniums Yeah, she really does have a solid wig Between that name and these wigs She could definitely win drag race

When she gets out of jail I love her I want to be her friend Hello world This is her profile. This sensuous, sexy, and open-minded lady. They're all about being open-minded. Well, I mean, I feel like you'd have to be open-minded if you're in prison.

Yeah, that's true. You don't have a lot of hobbies. Yeah. Is looking to establish a friendship. I love to give and receive mental stimulation. So she likes to get fucked in her ear. There you go. I don't know.

That's stupid. That's too much. That's too much. I'm affectionate, honestate honest dominant and submissive oh that's fun a switch is fine there you go creative outspoken charming and easygoing i do not judge or discriminate who am i i'm shakwanda we're all equal i want companionship as much as you this is all boring stuff but i know i know a lot of you guys have preferences which i think is funny it's like not being in prison would be one of them yeah yeah right my passions are poetry music and writing i'm very optimistic about my future i want someone to look past my past and

do whatever to help me better myself as well as stand the test of time so how do we feel about so far okay well her bio seems a little needy. Okay. And she had time to edit it, so it's like she's definitely committed to all this. Yeah, yeah. I mean, but yeah. Just her release date, 2027.

Yeah, so that's her maximum release date. Oh, boy. Max release date. High school diploma. She's a cosmetologist. Give you the Mohawk back. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd give it a shot. Once again, I don't know if this would be a long-term love connection, but I'm not going to not go on a date with this woman.

Activities in prison. Author. Oh, yeah. I write things, too. I want to guess what she did. Okay. Well, first of all, Tom, interested? I'd go on a date.

I'd see, you know, she seems nice. Okay, what do we think? Does it say when she went into prison at all? It doesn't, but I looked it up and it was a couple years ago. Okay. So I'm going to say she hit somebody with her car. Okay. But they didn't die.

Interesting. She assaulted somebody with her car. Okay. What do I think she did? Okay, but they didn't die interesting. She like she assaulted somebody with her car. Okay What do I think she did? Well, she okay I mean she has a later release date than the other girl and she shot three people right? So I'm gonna guess she shot four people Only shot one guy she did however murder a guy at a vape store oh my god and i got one vape store i'm trying to smoke a flan you know what's hilarious get a bitch get a flan the vape store part of that is the deal breaker for me

i believe anyone can be rehabilitated for murder but not very bad baby why do they cut it down on the show anymore all right we got one more for you this yeah she's very cute this is Cecilia they're all different cute I will say looking at this one number one I immediately fell in love with this girl she looks like every girl I tried to date I saw her just now look at her They're all different. They're all cute. I will say, looking at this one, number one, I immediately fell in love with this girl. She looks like every girl I tried to date after I saw her on Sunshine. I fell in love with her just now. Look at her.

She's so cute. The tattoos are great. She literally has almost the same flag on her wall, the rainbow American flag that I have on mine. Yeah, she's great. If things don't work out with me and Jordan, this might be my plan B. Okay. Oh, my God. Jordan, I can feel her side. Jordan, I'm kidding. I love you. Please don't. Oh, my God. Jordan just, I could feel her side.

Jordan, I'm kidding. I love you. Please don't. You don't care. Hello. Being behind these walls has left me feeling pretty cut off from the outside world. I'm hoping to find the friendship and connection I'm unable to find in here. I enjoy reading, nature, art, music, cooking, tattoos, traveling, woodworking, gardening.

Damn, this bitch got a lot of hobbies. And getting lost in the woods. Yeah, hiding bodies. I'm going to use that is a Chekhov's gun for the crime yeah yeah shovel in the first act without burying a body by the end. He's honestly I don't do anything half-heartedly. What? She murdered somebody first degree for sure. Movies and television are my obsession. My knowledge of both is extensive with a greater

focus on comedy, horror, and independent productions. Seems like she likes some stuff you like. She cares a lot about animals. She's seeking friendship and companionship. Hang on. How do you list Better Call Saul but not Breaking Bad as your favorite shows? I bet they're not allowed to have Breaking Bad. Yeah, like no funny business.

Let's see. Seeking friendship and companionship. So her earliest release date is 2031. Her maximum release date is 2051. Holy shit. That's straight up first degree murder. Yeah, before prison, dog trainer, kennel supervisor, musician. Yeah, that's a 25 to life. That's...

So what do you think? She murdered an ex, or murdered a boyfriend, I think. I mean, that's a pretty good guess. Okay. When was she captured? That's absolutely correct, but it just sounds like it was a Planet of the Apes scenario.

Even if it was like yesterday, my assumption is about five years ago because 2031 isn't about 20 years. And I'm telling you, that's a 25 to life sentence. You're not wrong. Yeah. Okay. What else? Okay. Because a life sentence is You're not wrong. Yeah, okay. What else? Because a life sentence is technically what? Something like 70 years or 80 years?

Something like that. Yeah, but you can appeal it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to say murdered her dad. Man, Tom, you are shockingly close. She killed her mom with a car. Oh, my God. I came really close to the other.

See, I felt car. I did. I was like, one of these people had to have hit someone with a car. Like, that's fucking crazy. What was your mom wearing? At the end of the car. She was born in 89. So she hit her mom with her car when she was like 24.

Yeah. Shit. It's pretty gnarly, man. Before we wrap this segment up, look, I know you're straight. I know you insist on being straight. And you are the most heterosexual man I've ever met. But let's say... However. Let's say you decided to switch

for the other team, just for the sake of argument. I didn't go to meet an inmate for these guys, because that's... You get it. What I did instead is I went over to a different websitemate for these guys, because that's, you get it. What I did instead is I went over to a different website I found called seacaptainedate.com. Stop. Stop. This is, I shit you not, a website

devoted to helping women who want to date a sea captain. The artwork up top is a bad MS paint drawing of a ship's wheel with a heart in it. A stock photo of a woman. If you typed a woman into Google. And then a picture of what appears to be a Carnival Cruise Lines captain. And I just want to look at a couple of these profiles. This is Nice Guy 2002.

74 from Boca Raton, Florida. I am a gentle, sincere, considerate, affectionate nonsmoker who loves female companionship, mature enough that I do not need to go farther than cuddling. Actually, I have ED, but love to caress, cuddle, and kiss, and love to spoon even more without sex, depending on what your definition of sex is. Wait, what's ED?

Erectile dysfunction. No! That's his opener. Oh, my God. My dick does not work. He's what's E.D.? Erectile dysfunction. No! That's his opener. My dick does not work. He's online right now. You had to fill out a profile to get on this, and honestly, if people like this, I will go on Sea Captain Date and do something stupid.

Let's see what else we got. Oh, boy. Check out Red Beard Dude. Whoa. You guys ever see that movie Red State? Oh, my God. He looks exactly like the preacher from Red State. Yes. Here's what's weird. He's in Portland which doesn't seem like the right place to be a ship captain. I mean, it's on the coast.

Yeah, it's on the coast. I mean, it's got the Willamette River, right? Like up there. That's a pretty... Sorry, I don't mean to mansplain. No, no, you're right. Okay. I also love Red Beard Dudes. The second paragraph is, right now I feel lost outside, work on my boat.

I'm willing to accept a very subservient role within the structure of a woman. Oh, yeah. He also says, I'm looking for a woman who likes to be in charge. This guy is like a sub. For sure. Yeah. And then we got Popeye22. Love this.

Let's do it. Marina Del Rey, California. I'm a strong silent type with rugged good looks, condo, and a jacuzzi on my boat. I'd like to spend tonight with a somewhat thick, attractive lady. I love both salt and freshwater chicks. Two scoops of chum and plenty of bait. What the fuck does that even mean? I think it means fat girls.

I'm just picturing him fucking fat women throwing fish guts on them. Oh, God. What is happening? And I implore you if you're listening to this, go to seecaptainedate.com and follow along. If you're not, just imagine the guy you think these guys are, and you're 100% right. You're going to need to read the next one. Oh, I didn't even see this one. Oh, my God.

Ben Hinshaw, Jasper Beach, Maine. Let's get right to the point. I am a reformed bad boy, but I still carry myself like a bad boy. I like crazy girls. Man, we should introduce him to Cecilia. Yeah, for sure. Girls that aren't too serious about themselves. I want to be able to laugh and make you laugh.

I am only attracted to petite girls. Parentheses. Sorry. I know how to make a lady feel secure when she's with me by telling her she's too fat. Don't be shy, and I could turn out to be your guy. I'm a poet and didn't even know it. Oh, die. Smiley face.

Die screaming. This guy just kind of looks like me. Captain Real Deal. Yeah, he seems okay. Boat Lover 75. I'm just getting lost in this website now. Hope you don't mind the honesty I'm very interested in meeting a nice black woman who is fun

normal and affectionate and endowed in the behind ideally you have a trunk I can drop my anchor in winky face I can't think of a place you are less likely to find any black person than seecaptondate.com imagine being black and being

like this is the place for me. Oh my God. Every one of these people look like there is a tiki torch right outside of the crop photo. Oh my God. This is wow. I'm so happy I'm here. Yes. Oh yeah. And then this guy is 23 from Silver Lake California. His name is all hands on dick. Hey, I'm looking for a chill girl who's down to party on my dad's boat sometime. No drama, please. My dad's boat? Hey, what's up? I'm looking to become the bad guy in a Lifetime movie.

Anybody want this Natalie Wood? His nickname should be Mother I Am the Danger. Log cabin captain. Thank you, Keith. That's great. I'm looking for a woman that's attached and would like some discreet fun. He wants a woman to cheat on her husband with him. What a weirdly specific fetish.

Okay, I'm a sea captain, and you're married, and we're on that guy's dad's boat. Wow. Well, that was sea captain. Hang on. Oh, my God. Tom is just now. This is insane. There's this.

Oh, are you going to look for. I want to see what the sea captain. Oh. Man, woman, and sea captain. Those are the three genders. Wait. I want to see what woman are on here. I wanted to see what kind of little gay boys are on here searching for boat daddies.

Here, let's do this. Hang on. You're doing I am a woman boat daddies. Here, let's do this. You're doing I am a woman seeking a woman. Yeah, I wanted to see it. This is not a strong lesbian market. Let's see, I am a sea captain seeking a woman. Okay. No, that's what we just looked at. Oh, no, I wanted the other thing.

I am a woman seeking sea captains. There we go, search. Hey. Oh, no, we need to do it the other way around. No, yeah, you got to do it. Shut up. I've never done sea captain date. Oh, yeah, we got to do I'm a sea captain seeking women. All right, let's see. What kind of women? No, that, you got to do this. Shut up. I've never done sea captainedate.com. Oh, yeah, we got to do I'm a sea captain seeking women.

All right. Okay. What kind of women? No, that's why. You guys just keep doing the same thing over and over again. No, it's auto-correcting. No, it's auto-correcting. Yeah, I'm going to try one more time, but I think you have to sign up to do that.

Yeah, sea captain seeking women. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I will sign up for a profile on this thing. I'll make a burner account, and we'll dig back in. Maybe we'll catch Connor up when he gets back. I need to, I mean, I'm not only am I curious, I'm just, both genders, I'm curious who's looking for sea captains. Because I could see there being a little bit of a gay market for this.

Absolutely, 100%. Like the Florida gay market, like the Fort Lauderdale homos, the Miami gays. Yeah, it's like, okay, I want a boat, Danny. Yeah, I want a boat. The Boca Raton gay, like there's, the gays. Yeah, it's like, okay, I want a boat, Danny. Yeah, I want a boat. The Boca Raton gays. The gays all along the beaches of Florida, for sure. But a woman on this site is baffling. That, I mean, it's not that baffling.

I don't see it. I want to see a female sea captain. Again, Keith, I feel like you are discounting Florida as a state. That's a very good point. And a lot of these people are from Florida. A lot of these people, what I'm noticing is Florida, a lot of Florida and a lot of Pacific Northwest. Yeah, that's true.

And a few like Maine, I noticed. I saw a couple of profiles there from... I'm very curious of where all these people are from. Well, we're going to do more Recon and Sea Captain date, and we'll follow up on that on a future episode. That was... God bless. We try and get Tom Wade or whatever this segment was.

I'll be honest, I appreciate the effort. I don't think I found any love connections, but until next time. I gotta tell you, there are literally hundreds of these profiles. We can go through more and play this game and I am not afraid to do all the cross-referencing I have to do to find out what they did.

But that's it for this one. We'll be right back with the Mean Boys Mailbag right after this. Woo! The Mean Boys Podcast is proudly sponsored by the Himalaya. Mr. Ear here to tell you about Himalaya Podcasting app. Son of a bitch. I love sound. And here's the deal, okay? I like podcasts because I'm an ear and I listen with me. Uh-huh.

And so sometimes I'm like, ah, these other apps are so slow and unorganized. And so I took a trip to the Himalaya Mountains. And while I was going there, I was listening to the Himalaya podcasting app because I put hat on hats. And I'll tell you what, it's phenomenal. A great, what's it called? Great layout. Easy to use.

The episodes pop up fast. The word you're panicking looking for is interface, by the way. Yeah, interface. I'm part of interface. Mr. Ear here. It's a great app. It is. Great user interface.

You can make playlists of shows you like. You can track down a lot of cool shows. You can even support shows you like. They have a tip jar function. Yeah, throw a penny in an ear. And this is a legitimate-ass operation. They've been advertising on a lot of shows. You've probably heard a lot about them.

Go check it out. A lot of you guys have actually gone over and looked, and we're relatively big on Himalaya right now. Yeah. I think last I looked, we were like the 18th most popular show on Himalaya. I think that's mostly because of me because I'm constantly

listening to me. Yeah, that's what it is. It's mystery. Here's the problem is that without Connor here to do this, I have to bear the full brunt of actually wrangling

Mr. Ear. I'm just one ear. And I genuinely want to hit you. I'm one ear. I'm just a lonely ear living in South Detroit. He didn't even try.

Check out the Himalaya Podcasting app. You can get it on the App Store right now. It's free to check out. While you're over there, give the Mean Boys a little bit of some scribby. Yeah, a little bit of some scribby. Yeah, scribby with your ears. Mr. Ear told you. Never tell them what these ads are. Enjoy.

Shine. And the Mean Boys Podcast returns to take a look at your questions. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Yeah, your questions. In the bag of mail. That was our jingle by Andrew Hill. The boys, and they'll answer. Yeah, you get it.

Tweet us your questions at Mean Boys podcast. Send them to meanboyspodcast at gmail.com. Or leave us a voicemail, 304-805-MEAN. We can't do voicemails this time because Connor's not here and I don't know how the voicemail machine works. But we5-MEAN. We can't do voicemails this time because Connor's not here, and I don't know how the voicemail machine works. But we got some Twitter questions. This one's from at Nicholas Q.

Not a question, but the podcast got me laid. Wow. Yeah, I posted about the tour on Facebook a month ago to guilt people into buying tickets. Someone else listens, and now we're dating. That's insane. I feel like this is the first instance I've ever heard of a podcast creating a relationship. Yeah, it's destroying them, sir. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah, it's going to erode mine. I feel like this is the first instance I've ever heard of a podcast creating a relationship. Yeah.

For sure. Oh, yeah. This one. It's going to erode mine at some point. I'm sure. Yeah. Tom's. Congratulations.

Yeah. At Coffin Length says, when are we getting more Big Chopped or Tom's Side Podcast? Also, how. Oh, damn it. Where'd it go? Oh, no. Answer that while I find the second. Yeah.

Well, the side podcast, I'm waiting for to get the art for it so I can get it on a feed. So hopefully by the end of the month, Big Chop, we just put up. What he's saying is 2024. When Cecilia gets out of prison, that'll be okay. Big Chop, we just pull one out. Yeah, I think people want more, man. Yeah, yeah. I mean, hopefully, I'd like to do another one before we go on tour.

Okay. But it's also, I've been so stressed and busy and fucking, like, everyone in the house has been just insanely, like, we'll be running around with chickens with no heads. Yeah. Not even cut off. Just not born with one. Just bumping into shit and just, like, I don't know. I was all stressed getting ready for Canada. We're getting ready for the road.

So I want to do one every day, but it's weird when it's like, all right, I'm going to throw hamburger with a sword in my pretty much bedroom. What we're saying is mail Tom more weapons. Mail me armor. I have enough weapons. How are you going to cook with armor?

Do you have a crossbow? I don't have a crossbow. He needs a crossbow. I don't have any long-range weapons. And I think we can all agree that's for the best. Yeah. Actually, yeah. Hit me up some long-range shit.

You know what? That's not the best idea. We don't need to be watching Tom catch dinner. Harpooning possum. Barbecue. Any sort of... Or a mace. I don't haveing possum. He's like, barbecue! Any sort of, or a mace. I don't have any mace. A mace would be good.

I would love that. You could beat up a chicken fried steak with a mace. I'm picturing an opossum just getting eviscerated by a harpoon. Just like explodes. Something's too big and it just, boom. Oh, God, where'd the meat go Oh no I did it wrong It's really small chopped now

Yeah any sort of Crossbow longbow Shortbow situation would be pretty tight At Taco Joe Or nevermind that's not the one I want to read At Taco Taco Joe just got very sad Taco Joe literally commented on the picture of me

That said sled pig on my stomach and just said I want that on my wall at CJ Engin says have you ever met a celebrity or comic whose work you despise but was surprisingly cool in person yes I'm not going to say names but yes what a great answer I'm not going to give you details

I'm not trying to think of comics I'm trying to think of celebrity you know who I'll say is mine? John Mayer. Oh, for sure. And I know he's a controversial dude. Spoiling my next album, I take a pretty good shot at John Mayer. But fucking met him.

Super cool dude. Cannot abide his music in any way, but real fun hang. Yeah, I met him for like two and a half seconds. But Chris Angel was actually a very nice person. OK, that's surprising. He was just a huge. Well, he was just like it was like a meet and greet thing. Like he was just signing after I saw his show in Vegas, which was bananas.

Like get drunk, get stoned. Go see that Chris Angel show. It is unbelievable. He like saws a woman in half and like a totally like sexy slutty bikini girl like saws her in half makes her ascend like into the heavens and it's like I'd like to take a moment

to talk to you about childhood cancer. It's like what is happening? Oh my God. If you're not going to make it disappear I don't feel like you have any need to discuss it Well apparently Because his son Was diagnosed So it's like

He incorporates it Into the show It's fucking wild But anyway yeah He was like Signing shit afterwards And I just I was just like

Hey man Love the show He was like Oh thank you He was just nice He just seemed Like a nice person Can you just picture him

Drinking like some sort of Off brand Jägermeister And just fingering people Like Yeah I mean apparently He's also like Stolen tricks from magicians, so fuck that guy.

So maybe that's a bad example. Yeah. Maybe that's a bad example. That's great, yeah. As a magician, bad guy. But as a human, pretty all right, too. You always see magicians

do each other's tricks, though. Yeah, but it was something about patent laws and he ripped off of shit. You can do that. People take tricks from each other all the time, but they credit each other. Gotcha. Oh, and he had can do that. Like, people take trips from each other all the time, but, like, they credit each other and, like...

Gotcha. Oh, and you have to do... Because, like, there's, like, specific mechanisms that, like, magicians, like, literally, if you create an illusion, you get it, like, patented. So if you want to do that kind of trick, you just have to, like, pay for that mechanism. Yeah, you just have to pay for the patent

and then you could put your own twist and spin on it, but what he would do is just, like, copy things and then tweak it. So, yeah. So he's an asshole. I honestly can't think of any more than that because I I tend to if I'm not a fan I try not to approach. Yeah.

That's kind of my thing in general. Yeah. Like everybody who I've like ever had the chance of even just having like a high and like a 7-Eleven. Right. It's always been like people that I genuinely like. I'm trying to I'm trying to think of like I would just feel weird talking to famous people in general. Like even if it's somebody I like, I'm just like, I don't want to bother you.

Yeah. Mostly, I will say that anything that I guess maybe it's from living out here as long as I have. But as I feel like any of those run ins were always in like the first three years that I lived out here. And then suddenly it's like I never see anybody anymore. Oh, I have one. There we go. Jordan Sparks from American Idol. Oh. She would come to the Good Night where I host my show.

She would come there every once in a while when Dimples in Burbank closed. We got a lot of spillover from that karaoke crowd. Dimples. So we got Jordan Sparks a few times. Not a fan of her music. One of the nicest people I've ever met. That's very, very, very, very sweet. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. Orlando Bloom was cool. I forgot. I like that. Oh, that's that's nice to hear. Yeah, he was very nice. Yeah.

He shook my hand. He's very like smiley and stuff. I love him. Yeah. At Rebel Winter 101 asked if you were kidnapped and you had to call one of the other Mean Boys and tell them your location without letting the kidnapper know, how would you do it? I mean, 100 percent, Keith. I would call Keith. I think that's the move.

Yeah. Hang on. If you need someone to break you out of a kidnapping situation. But you need somebody in this case to parse out information that you can't say. Yes. So it's basically he'd be calling me and he has to let me know he's been kidnapped without letting the kidnapper know that that's what he's doing. And you don't think I'm the most paranoid person to try to figure out whether. It's not that you wouldn't assume that.

I assume you think we've been kidnapped any time you're not looking at us. I would want you to come to my rescue if I had to pick anybody. But if I had to choose somebody to get, I would choose Keith to get that information to you, and then you'd be like, great, you get your fucking swords. Then I play Drowning Pool, grab my balance. I agree with this 100%. I'm not the guy to go save him,

but I am the guy to make sure that you know where to go. And Connor would think it's a bit, so he would just hang up. Sorry, who are you wrong sorry who are you I don't know who this is oh we've met dozens of times all credits yeah also I don't pick up the phone so I agree with you call Keith yeah yeah I feel like if Keith if you saw you getting a call from me you'd be like why the fuck is Joe calling me something must be wrong yeah exactly because you've never called no I'll only text you and, you know, send those messages. Yeah, if I was in this situation,

I think the mean boy would have to... I'd call myself to fix the problem. Yeah. Good. That would get you out of the situation. I'm just checking the email real quick to see if there's anything worth hitting that we haven't already hit.

Jeez, Joe, what a big burp. It tastes like water. Coffee. Coffee and water. Coffee water. Yeah. You know, I think I do well in kind of a Rambo situation. I really could see you kind of handling that very well.

Yeah. I think if I wasn't crazy, I would have done very well in the military. Not me, right? I wouldn't do that well. I feel like I would... Like a survival situation? Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

I think you could be tough if you had to be. You know what I mean? I think you're resilient. I would like to believe that. I'd like to believe that, that when the fucking going gets tough, that it's like, oh, fuck, I gotta...

Oh, I gotta pull out these dumb primal instincts. I think the problem is you're gonna try and talk your way out of the situation because I think that's where that it's like, oh, fuck, I got to pull out these dumb primal instincts. I think the problem is you're going to try and talk your way out of the situation because I think that's where you'd be like, I can charm my way through this, and then you're going to get murdered immediately. No, I feel like the way I would try to get out of things is like, well, how fast can I run? Yeah. How long will I be able to sprint before my lungs hurt?

Jesus. Well, I thought I had an email to read, but I guess I can't find it. So I guess that's the show for this week. Oh, no. Dude, Joe, thank you so much for coming in, man. This was super fun. Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Where can they follow you online? Oh, my God. The people out there. The mean peoples. What do you call your fans? Pig children. Pig children. Oh, yes.

Oh, the lovely, beautiful Muppet Baby Pig Children can find me. Muppet Baby Pig Child is actually Joe's name. Yes. At Muppet Baby Pig children can find me. Muppet Baby Pig Child is actually Joe's name. Yes, at Muppet Baby Pig Child. On singlecaptains.net or whatever the fuck. Muppoldoserdrivers.biz Twitter and Instagram at JoeCharlesK and if you want to listen to more of my voice

I am a guest frequently on many of the unpopular opinion shows So check those out and you'll find me there And if you're in LA, please come out to the Good Night any Thursday It's a great show Thank you so much It really is one of my favorite shows in LA

Small rowdy bar show Very B-Boy's vibe It's rowdy in a good way Yeah, it's fun rowdy Everyone understands what's going on. No one's like, what comedy? It's become one of a low-key, beautiful secret of a show that I almost don't want to tell other comics about

because I don't want to blow it up too much. Yeah, no, but I mean... I mean, I do. Every time somebody comes from out of town, I tell them to ask you to do the show. Yeah, and I love it. I really, like, if you come and you're a Mean Boys fan, come tell me that you found this on mean boys

Yeah, shout out by the way somebody and I can't I can't remember the guy's name, but he came to this John Greg great you're just saying names. All right, cool, but he brought presents for Pokemon and he brought some you And if you're listening my my Gengar is hanging in the corner as we speak. I love him very much. That was so, so, so sweet. His name was actually John Gregg. I mean, those are two

of the most common names in the world. They have a pretty good shot. So yeah, that's it. The Good Night in North Hollywood every Thursday. Doors open at 7 o'clock.

Please come out and hang out with us. Yes, go to that. Buy tickets for the tour at MeanBoysPodcast.com. We'll plug all our stand-up shit in the intro. This is out tomorrow, right?

Yes. Yeah. Yukon Comedy Festival. That's right. Yes. Yeah. You can. That's right. Yeah. This weekend, Tom's going to be in fucking Canada. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought I was doing the Thursday show. I think I'm doing the Friday show. I really need to read more carefully. But regardless, come to the shows because it's going to be a fucking. I want to be sold out. Right. Yeah, I think so. I would be glass blowing.

What? What? Yeah. What did you say to me? I'm going to be glass blowing. What? What? Yeah. What did you just say to me? I'm going to be blowing glass. That's so exciting. I'm going to be making like a vase with my mouth, dude. Like in lieu of stand up?

What are you doing? No, during the day there's like activities. And yeah, I'm going to be one of them is glass blowing. Well, go see Tom on the Thursday show because by Friday he will have died and been killed. Yeah. Yeah. What? Come out and see me do 30 and then the because by Friday he will have died and been killed. Yeah. Yeah. Come out and see me do 30 and then the tour. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. All right. Thanks for coming, Jeff. I'm going to die trying to make a bong look like a hockey stick. All right. Count it through.

We'll do a fucking thing. Yeah, yeah. Let's go. Fuck everything. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. you