Mean Boys - EP 188 - Faloopadoop (feat. Ramsey Badawi)

Episode Date: March 19, 2019

Our Spring Tour dates are live now at meanboyspodcast.com Download the Himalaya app and follow Mean Boys: itunes.apple.com/us/app/himalaya-…d1275493456?mt=8 Fill out our tour sheet and get on our mailing list: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

City of Taint. City of... In the city. City of Taint. We were doing the thing. Oh, what a dumb riff you just did, Keith. Yeah, I did. Hey everybody, this is the Mean Boys Podcast.

No, no, I'm going to sing about Taint more. Alright, do it. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. For Christ's sake. Mean Boys Podcast. Back in the draft. Connor and God damn it

I do this every time I'm resetting I'm Connor And I'm Connor Yeah We're here Connor Yeah

Tom and Keith here For this episode That's who we are Yeah yeah yeah And big ass Rams dog himself Rams of the Dowie Our best buddy in the world Follow him on all the

Social media At Rams Bad Yeah Now is not the time The video of at rams bad yeah now is not the time uh the video of the most recent episode we did is coming soon you get a little sneak preview of that yeah on this is a good one super good time uh you know what else is gonna be a super good time are we going on tour you got damn right we're going oh my god that sounds like a great time yeah we're going on tour motherfucking texas missouri indiana oh. That's where I had to remember where Cincinnati was.

Yeah. Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, all those places. Yeah. Get your tickets if you haven't already. Mean Boys podcast dot com. Tickets are still very much available. Yes. Hilariously available.

Yeah. Man, the degree to which they are available in Nashville is truly worrisome. Yeah. If you live in Nashville, buy your damn ticket, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get it. You're like, we like to wait till the day to keep our options up.

We have a Southern, you know, laid-back mentality. Stop it. Stop it right now. And here's just a bit of a motivator to buy tickets for this tour. If we get to 500 iTunes reviews, what are we doing, Tom? I'm gonna get Taze on stage.

We're gonna Taze Tom live on stage in the city with the most pre-sales so far. Kansas City, looking good for you to see Tom get electric. It's between mostly Dallas and Kansas City. Dallas and Kansas City are in the lead. I have hopes for Jacksonville. Have we sold one ticket in Jacksonville? Sure. Have we sold two?

Absolutely not. But the important thing is they could come back. They could rally Jacksonville. Jacksonville. Where are you at, Jackson jacks they're like we're in orlando yeah yeah yeah no but uh yeah uh leave an itunes review if you haven't already i know it's pain in the ass to sign up and do it but it really and we're what 10 away from that something like that i don't have the numbers in front of me right now but like i think we're like yeah 475 480 we're getting there yeah we're getting close we'll definitely hit it before the end of the tour.

What else we got to put? Patreon. Patreon.com slash Mean Boys. Yep. Your guys' donations help us survive and not have to get real jobs. $5 a month gets you access to free bonus episodes. One just dropped by the time you're hearing this. That is a me and Tom solo bonus episode where I take Tom through Bible stories.

Yeah. And oh, boy. Oh, boy. Tom knows very little about the Bible. And we went on a whole journey through the fucking the weirdness of the Old Testament. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck that that book is. It's madness.

Yeah. There's what it is. Ten bucks a month gets you goodies in the mail. We just sent out. Your guys is big guy. You're Dumbledore or whatever. God, yeah, yeah. He's a lot.

Our Dumbledore. Yeah. That's a funny way to say it. Ten bucks a month gets you free goodies. We'll have something up very soon that's going to be our rewards for this month. Yep. Jump on the Mean Boys Discord, the Mean Boys Reddit. Hang out with your fellow fans. Talk about the show, I guess.

Or you can talk about fun stuff like butts and nihilism. I don't really know what people like. Butts and nihilism. Yeah, you can go do that. Butts and nihilism is the name of this podcast. We're changing it. Other than that, I think we've covered all the big stuff. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's episode of Mean Boys

with the big-ass ramdog himself, Ramsey Bedally. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Swiping left on happiness since 2015. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Ramsey Bedali. And I'm... John Lennon if he ate the guy that killed him. Yeah, you do look like him. I was wearing these terrifying John Lennon sunglasses that I've begged him not to wear.

They're great. I can only assume you got those from a military surplus store owned by a homeless man. You look like Cyclops if he took the glasses off and shot vape clouds. That's so fucking funny. The least effective X-Man. Dear God, Apocalypse's headquarters smell like raspberries. You definitely look like you're wearing glasses That are not meant to protect you from sunshine But from gamma rays

Yeah they keep your eyes from turning into the Hulk Here's what's great about these My eyes are very sensitive to light And they're just sensitive enough Where I can see good And it doesn't hurt my eyes But they're not so sensitive That I can't see because it's dark

They're like the perfect middle ground Oh my god you would be the worst optometrist ever. Well, you can see when it is light, but when it is dark, you can also see. I think your Tom is just saving money by going to some random just sketchy optometrist underneath

a bridge somewhere. Every time I went to an optometrist, they're like, no, you need to see a neurologist. I'm like, well, I don't want to do that. It's just a homeless guy with a shopping cart full of cans and he digs in and pulls out one of those eye meters I just picture no it's okay I learned how to do the laser in Vietnam goes to an optometrist for every health problem no it's a doctor for me Tom's right there in the name every single one was like you know you need to see a neurologist.

We checked your eyes. This is a brain thing. I'm like, fuck yourself. I'm not doing it. Tom walks into an optometrist. Yeah, reading is hard from far away. And also, when I close my eyes, I see the devil. Do you have a pill I can put in my eye?

We're in the back of a Walmart. I really didn't get education anywhere worth it. The far back of a Walmart, like where the trash cans are one of those tragic could you imagine being a doctor you spend fucking all this time and then you wind up in a Walmart what a horrible what a horrible fucking fate yeah that's true you were like one day I'm gonna make it here I am in a Walmart it's gonna be like the doctor equivalent of like being a magician and ending up in Reno. Absolutely.

You know what I mean? I'm sure you make enough money, but it's just like, can you make enough money to see the sights of Walmart all day? I don't know. I don't know if there's a fair wage you can be compensated. It's like there's something so sad about being the highest paid guy at the Walmart. Absolutely. That's like being the president of Haiti.

It's just like you are the lord of a fallen kingdom. I think we found our next fucking movie that the three of us are going to write about the optometrist in Walmart. You know what I mean? Like, that's a story. That's compelling. Here's what I want. Yeah.

It's relatable. Here's a genuine thing. Here's a genuine thing I love. I genuinely believe in like assisted suicide suicide as a valid medical practice. Every other doctor thing has ended up in a Walmart. Yeah. At some point, you will be able to go to Walmart Kevorkian, where if you go to high-end Kevorkian, they have pills,

and they play end-game music while you fall asleep. But Walmart Kevorkian is just a guy with a gun, and they pick the wall they care about the least. They're like, I'd stand over there. I don't know what... Count backwards until you don't hear nothing no more. I don't know what end game music is, but I'm imagining. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.

I said Enya, not end game. Oh, Enyan? Enya. She did the music in the end of the Lord of the Rings movie. She does very floaty spiritual. Yeah, like if you were going to get a. Picture somebody getting a massage somewhere. Not like a jerk off massage, but a regular massage.

The music that would be playing there is Enya. Imagine a video of Gentle Cloud. How do you spell this bitch? How do you spell this bitch? I picture the Target-assisted suicide. It's the same as the Walmart, but the guy shooting the gun is wearing a beret. That's the only difference. He's slightly nicer.

Well, they call them exit artists at Target to make you feel better. You can look at a lamp that reminds you you never went to Paris. That's my favorite thing at Target, is just there's a whole section for like, hey, white women, you love the idea of France? Buy this lamp shaped like a baguette,

you boring fucking Stacey. The one thing I've never- Oh, I fucking love this song. Oh my God. Tom just reacted to Enya like it was heya. And not only that, he Googled Enya and he seemed to have found a song he knew. I don't think anybody knows- This song's dope, man.

Oh, there you go. Okay, okay. That's the song. All right. That's high end suicide. The Walmart one they just played, Let the Bodies Hit the Floor by Drowning Pool. And by the way, it's not the- I'm trying to figure out who sings that song, and I honestly can't tell what she's saying

in the song, so I couldn't Google the lyrics. Actually, Tom, that's an incredibly fair- That's incredibly fair. What does she say in that song? Yeah. Who could say? I thought- See, I thought the chorus was holy time, it's only time.

So she really needs to know the difference. Holy time. That's Walmart open to church. Oh, yeah, she's great. Big fan. You ever hear a song, and it's a song you know, and it's a little off. And the reason why oftentimes it's off is because like they'll have companies where it's like we can't license the actual song yeah but we can license somebody

playing the song right the walmart suicide would have let the bodies at the floor but it's not by drowning pool it's by like some other adjacent pool remember when he drowned that guy wait what the lead singer of drowning pool drowned in his own vomit and that's how he died. Are you serious? Yeah, he was one of those guys who puked in his sleep. In a pool of his own vomit. In his pool of his own vomit. I remember. Man, that.

Here's the thing. That's, I guess, objectively sad because a guy died or whatever. Sure, sure, sure, sure. It kind of rocks. It does. It's metal. It's metal. How else did you want the Drowning Pool guy to die?

Yeah, absolutely. Surrounded by his loved ones in a hospice? No, this is. Yeah. He let that body hit the floor. Absolutely. He passed out drunk or was he doing drugs?

I assume, I mean, I assume it's both. I think whenever you choke in your sleep on vomit, it's both. But, you know what?

He actually just ate a Del Taco. Yeah, I was gonna say, I was at the funeral and I found it a little, you know, distasteful to ask. Was he just drunk or?

I'll wait. I'll wait until you guys are done. Did this guy party, or did you just not handle his shit? I'm imagining me at somebody's funeral who just killed himself. You're wearing this exact outfit. Absolutely. I'll have what he's having. Tom, when I die, if I, well, here's the thing.

I was going to say if I outlive you, but here's the thing. You're going to outlive me. No, no,'s the thing. You're going to outlive me. No, no, no, no. You're going to outlive all of us. There is something, I don't understand what it is, Tom, but if life hasn't killed you already, it never will. Here's why Ramsey's saying that. I'm wearing these fucking John Lennon, Keith Richards,

too many drugs, still too old glasses. Well, you're just, you're you, and you walk in this world full of things designed to remove you from the people. Absolutely. And yet still you thrive. I don't know how. I've been trying to get God to kill me for a while.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Tom, the only person who could kill you is you, and you've already failed. I've failed a bunch. You remember the old Buster Keaton gag where he'd stand where the wall was falling in the house and then the window would just go right exactly that's tom with daily life so there's no way i outlive you when i die before you you wear this to my funeral i and and and that's the only request i have okay is that all right i mean i'm gonna have to like have audio i'm gonna have to figure out how to isolate you saying that. Well, we are recording this, given that it's a podcast.

Yes. But I can't play the entire podcast for people. You make them listen to the whole riff? No, no, hang on. They do a pretty funny thing about Target and Parade. It's like, hang on. Okay, look, we're not going to skip the Himalayan, because this year was very important to Ramsey, probably.

You know what? Okay, hang on. There's a car knock. I forgot we did that. That doesn't go for a while. It's good. It's good. You guys will like it. There's a car knock. I forgot we did that. That doesn't go for a while. It's good. It's good. You guys will like it.

Randy loves car knock. I need to get these kinds of pajamas, but in pants form. You know what I mean? What? Like jeans that look like this. So Tom is wearing plaid pajama pants, and now he's saying he'd like denim. I'd like denim pajamas. I'd like to somehow look very comfortable and be remarkably uncomfortable. Are you snapping a photo of me right now?

Yeah, there we go. Denim pajamas is literally... No, no, no, no. Not for pajamas' sake, for going out's sake. I want to have... You want the opposite of jeggings is what you want. What is a jegging? The thing I love is you can...

Lindsay jeggings. She you want. What is a jegging? The thing I love is you can take... Lindsay jeggings. She does that sound weird. Yeah. No, jeggings, they're like leggings, like tights, but they look like jeans, so you're comfortable, like you're wearing yoga pants, but they look like regular pants. So you want the opposite. Yes. You want the worst version of both articles and clothing.

You want to remove any practicality from this. It's like most kids would get training wheels on a bike. You want to take the back wheel off. Don't... Good luck, Timmy. I think they have those in Scotland. Is that're Scottish people where is just like they were the They were killed, but they know that's what they used to wear Japanese person in a kimono. It's like that's not you're going out clothes

I mean plaid pants exist in America too like you can golf like they're around. Oh, baby I think I could pull off golf pants. Yeah, I think pull like like genuinely golf pants tom i genuinely believe you could pull off how bad would you be if that was the first wardrobe i actually bought was a bunch of i've said this on the show again i'll say it one more time for a year and a half not exaggerating i've been telling tom hey you can just go buy a t-shirt because he lost like so much weight and none of his shirt what's up this shirt yeah I know that was a year and a half ago when I told you to keep going at the at the last wasn't it was like a year and you bought that at a goodwill and didn't know it was a reference to a song you thought it was just a bear you liked it is a bear i like i know he's wearing a chain

at the last that was not the time i saw i tom i was like tom you look great what's going on buddy how much weight are you losing and he goes dad just finally wearing a jacket that fits and he lives he teased it i mean really this guy man you're you're i forget how happy you make me until i see you sometimes. I really do. God damn it, Tom. I love you. Yeah, I don't know why.

I mean, all I do is not do anything, really. So I don't know. I'm a much more loving guest host than Connor McSpadden. I know. It's weird having this level of positivity in the room. I joked about it on the last episode. I've been waiting for Connor to just burrow through the ceiling. You faggot!

Like a dig dog. Just shit. He's either burrowing or he's like T-1000-ing it where he's like walking through walls. He just phases through the wall and he's like,

you're gay and the things you like are bad. Disappears to go be sad. Connor does a thing where Connor can, here's the thing about Connor is he can do the meanest thing on the planet

without being mean. It's like, you'll share a genuine, like, oh, I fucking love this song or whatever, and you'll show it to him and he'll just give you

this look of disinterest that is so much more painful than calling you a faggot or just, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, it looks like you're like, why are you wasting my time?

Connor can really cut you. You walked into a bank loan office and were like, I want infinity dollars to open a bounce house gym. That's how he looks when you try to show him anything you like. I've never shown Connor anything I like and received even close to positive feedback on him. Baklava. Baklava's the greatest thing ever invented. I mean, it's objectively good.

It beats soap. It beats cars It is it is I would your other top two soap cars Baklava Planes I'll take baklava. Wait, you put planes below soap. I mean You're allowed to bring Baklava on a plane Yeah I don't think so You can't clean your hands with a plane Yeah

Yeah Sometimes talking to you is like talking to my dad My dad will sometimes like drop Like very He'll drop irrefutable things That you're like So my dad believes that he's a creationist My dad's like well well, you know.

Is that the like God who's like, all right. 6,000 years old, everything is created. Oh, he thinks it's 6,000 years? Is that an Islam thing or is that a? Well, they're all the same. A lot of Christians are on that. Yeah, it's all the same. Like Christians, if you're religious and you believe in the God of Abraham, you think the earth is 6,000 years old.

But my dad will be like, well, you know, back then, humans were like 300 feet tall. And then I'd be like, what are you talking about, dad? And then he'll go, well, if they weren't 300 feet tall, then maybe dinosaurs could kill them. And I'm like, okay, I guess, yeah, that's right. It's like the logic where like, yeah, I guess you're, yeah, a dinosaur would have to, okay, all right. right your dad's version of the past is just a man a giant man fist fighting a dinosaur like king kong versus godzilla but it's a guy in my dad's world view t-rexes are kind of like kittens like the way we look at stray cats like people would be like oh get out of here you fucking t-rex scram you

rascal oh my god well, of all of his beliefs, this has to be the least anti-Semitic, so I'm going to stick with it. That's true. Yeah, this is not him talking about throwing gay people off a roof like he did last time

he came up on this show. Anytime my dad is saying something not anti-Semitic, I just have to encourage that. Yeah, this is technically a win. Like, you know, it's a win by forfeit, but I'll take it.

Yeah, exactly. My dad, I'm really happy because my dad finally got off his son kick where for the longest time everything that happened, he just involved the son Orph it, but I'll take it. Yeah, exactly. My dad, I'm really happy because my dad finally got off his son kick. For the longest time, everything that happened, he just involved the son into it. Tom's dad is an ancient Egyptian. How many reviews do we get Tom's dad on Mean Boys? I think Tom's dad would be a fantastic guest on Mean Boys.

Tom's dad would not abide any of this. Yes. My mom was a good sport where she's just like, hey, whatever your gay dumb career is, you keep doing that. Tom's dad would make all of us get a job by the end of the episode. Maybe. Maybe. He's listened to a couple episodes. Your dad is the perfect bellowing dad face.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Even when I've seen him happy, he always looks at you and he's about to be like, God damn it, Barbara. Yeah. Me and my dad are the same way where we're happy, happy, happy, rage out of nowhere, backed like nothing happened, happy, happy. What the fuck is the oven open for?

Did you shit in my bathroom? I try to put my head in the oven, and it's just open. There's pants in there. A dad who's mad that his house is too messy to commit suicide? Yeah. a dad who's mad that his house is too messy to commit suicide i yeah i literally he would he literally would not stop talking about the sun for like eight months like i remember at one point i tell i tell my dad i'm like yeah i have been really depressed i'm in a really bad place yada yada yada and he goes well there's been a lot of solar flares and i think i think i remember

this yes where do we go from here he's like yeah, it's that's un-fucking-believable. Oh, man. Well, I think we're all fired up. Yeah, let's fucking do it. The Mexican Joker. Hell yeah. Hi, so topical. I'll take it away this week.

A couple was arrested for child abuse at an Olive Garden, explaining a restaurant's new slogan. When you're here, you're Keith Carey's family. Two paragliders collided to death. Air Marshal Dice Clay claimed, Asian gliders! Oh! Oh! Air Marshal Dice Clay!

A man faces criminal charges after a clip of him jumping onto and holding down a pelican went viral. What? When reached for a comment, the seabird said, quote, it's a living. Wait, wait, wait. A British angel having mind freaked the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, who was this man? So there's a video. I actually wrote his name down. This is actually the rodeo in the Flintstones universe. His name is Hunter Hardesty, and basically what he did was... That is absolutely the name

of a guy who jumps a pelican. When you find out there's a video of a man with, like, a pelican, you immediately go, give me a database of all the hunters. I just need all the hunters.

That's where we're gonna start. He's definitely got, like, both names start with the same letter. Yes. Yeah. So he basically lures a fish. It's so fucked up. He just like lures this fish on video or lures this pelican with a fish. And once it gets close to him, he feeds it to him and then he chokes on the pelican.

What was step two of this plan? I can't imagine. Ultimately, if it makes the Mean Boys fans feel any better, the pelican nips him in the face and bails. So he eventually gets away. I like the idea that our fan base, after all the things they put up, would be like, but what happened to that pelican? I think your fan base are not so much that they're animal fans,

but they're garbage animal fans. You know what I mean? I think the Mean Boys fans will fucking. I don't give a fuck about this tiger. Where is the rat? Yes, they'll go to bat for any animal that's living underground and fucking weird and seedy. I have a name. Yeah, exactly.

Have you guys ever seen a seagull eat a whole sandwich? Yeah, dude. Seagulls are fucking the most disgusting. It's insane. I one time left a peanut butter jelly sandwich unattended for I don't know nine seconds a seagull swoops in Opens its head like a snake. Yeah, and just eats the whole thing in one bite and you see the sandwich enlarging its neck to the point It's the size of the body and then shove it down and it just flew off

It eats like a looney tune this Yeah. This whole story I'm picturing is happening in Tom's kitchen. He just turns around and a seagull flies through a window. I don't know if I've ever told this story on the show. I might tell it on a bonus episode, but we were in Seattle, me and Connor were,

and there's a place called Ivers. It's right on the waterfront. It's like a famous fish and chips place and there's like a shitload of seagulls. It's like a tourist. You go, you eat, and the seagulls all hang out. It's kind of a thing. But you've you gotta like watch your food you can't leave

shit alone and i watch this family they sit down with like an eight-year-old kid they have like a whole family's worth of food everyone else in the family goes to like get condiments and they're like all right kid watch this food and you watch one seagull fly over it's an eight-year-old yeah then another one and then there's 50 not exaggerating 50 of them around this kid with the energy of like you went from around here yeah exactly they swarm him and the kid just goes runs up and they just murder this entire like 80 dollars worth of food in like 30 seconds and then peace out what the biggest scumbag animal really the best part is there are people just filming and they're filming from the beginning

when it is clear this child is in seagull danger. And they're just like, we ain't going to help you, dude. When I was a little kid, my... Seagull danger might be the episode title. Yeah, seagull danger, yeah. My grandpa visited with some other family, and we're like, oh, we'll go to SeaWorld. This is when we lived in San Diego.

I'm like seven. We go to SeaWorld, and the whole time my grandma's like, yeah, it's a big fish. Like, we see the orca. It's a big fish. We see the belugas. It's a smaller, big white fish. Like, he just does not give a shit. He's just the whole time, he's like, what are we going to, can we eat? What are we going to eat? I want a whale-shaped ice cream. A big fish-shaped ice cream. And we finally go to the little lunch line. It's outside.

We go over there. We wait for, like, I don't know, an hour to get food. We turn around. The second he grabs his tray, turns around, a seagull just lays the biggest shit all over his head, bounces off all over his food, and he had to go back. Dude, seagull shits are the grossest, hottest, whitest like, they're just...

It's white and green. Yeah, no, they're always weird green floating in them. I knew this kid in elementary school named Sergio who every fucking day at lunch got shit on by a seagull. That's the name of the shit guy too. It's Sergio. I knew a Sergio in middle school.

I'm like, that would be the guy. When I worked at Disneyland, I worked at this big Ferris wheel at California Adventure. It was all outside. And there was this girl we worked with who was the most annoying person to have on your shift. And we were literally, me and my friends were talking about like, oh, God, I hope somehow she has to go home early. Because we can't fucking deal with eight hours of her. And at one point, she's waiting for this. She's like looking up at the Ferris wheel,

waiting for it to come down. She opens her mouth. At the exact moment, a seagull shits into her mouth, directly down her throat. She doesn't swallow. It's just the velocity. Oh, no. And then she just goes, blah!

And she vomits into the fucking pit and then runs off. We're like, our prayers were answered. The seagull is our god now. Oh, no. I'll never not think thatagull is our god now. Oh, no. I'll never not think that's funny. That's amazing. Oh, it's beautiful. Alright, here's a real dumb joke. A company has started

selling a line of beer exclusively for dogs. They recently debuted their new mascot, Air Budweiser. Real bad. This one's worse. The wife of a high school baseball coach was electrocuted while installing a scoreboard. Shocking when baseball is exciting.

Oh, my God. Am I right? Get the fuck out of here. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Tell me I'm right, damn it. Oh, God, you deserve denim pajamas, you fucking goon.

I love them. Denim pajamas. Worst. Literally, the Mean Boys has... Tom has been at the helm of some of the worst inventions I've ever heard this has to be no I was the bad audio network has there been an idea that bad I don't want me in pajamas I want I want I want pants God did appear as pajama completely removing like the other way around. What do you call this? Styled.

Pajama-styled pants. So you want to look like shit, but not get any of the benefits of wearing pants. No, these look good. They do look good, Tom. You pull them off. They look good in this, like, right now that we're chilling. If you were in public in these, you are a problem. What if they had, like, jean.

You mean denim? Like the tone of the jean... The tone. The tone of the jean responsibility. Where like you see someone in pants and you're like, okay, he has things. What if it was that? How am I supposed to follow this? But pajama style.

Both with a joke and in general. President Donald Trump has been catching a lot of flack for signing Bibles in Alabama. Did you guys hear about this? In Trump's defense, he wasn't just writing his name in the good book. He was also signing Obama's name in a bunch of copies of the Koran. Technically, they weren't Korans. They were in Obama. They were in Alabama.

The closest thing they could find were menus from the halal guys. A little wordy. That fucking Trump signing the Bible is like, that's like that moment I'm like, comedy is dead. There's nothing I can do that's funnier. I told Paige I'm going to vote for him. I was like, I'm going to vote for him based on how hilarious that is. It's a great bit.

That's so funny. I still hate the guy. Amazing bit. I'm imagining him reading through ISIS manifestos and then just writing in sharpie, Obama was here. Parentheses, Hillary too. But it's Hillary and then the number two. Chef Boyardee is recalling millions of cans of food amid health concerns In a related story, good news, kids of divorce who are spending the weekend with dad, looks like you're going to Denny's

An Uber driver pled guilty to kidnapping No info if he physically kidnapped her or just tried to talk to her about his band Damn, that's a fucking home run joke Oh really? I thought that was Oh, thank you Let's see, actresses Felicity

Huffman and Lori Loughlin are among those accused of participating in a college admissions fraud on behalf of their children I'll take scandals Keith's mother would never be a part of for a hundred, Alex The mechanism with which you made that joke is infuriatingly

bad so fucking I was like I had four jokes written this morning and I go I need a new joke I need a new joke and then that you guys saw that shit right oh yeah no who who these ladies so there's like this big scandal that just broke this morning about like uh like people are like paying to like cheat at college yeah like so one thing they did, for example, is this chick... You remember Full House? Doctor House? Okay, how? How did you get Doctor House from Full House?

It's only a house show, I know. Okay, fair enough. But you're aware of the concept of Full House. Is that the one with Bob Saget? Yes. One of the chicks from that show... But he's not pranking people. No, he's not pranking people.

That's the one where he's not pranking people. No, he's not pranking people. That's the one where he's not pranking people. Who does Bob Saget prank people? America's Funny Somebody. Oh, he's not in those videos. I don't know. Showing the videos is a pretty funny prank. You got to do the Tom Math on some sentences like that. Yeah, I don't know why I'm invested in you getting Bob Saget's intricacies.

It's about the two roommates and one gay and one lady, right? None of it is true, but yeah. Okay, that's the show. I don't know. It's a it's about the two roommates and one gay and one's a lady, right? None of it is true, but yeah, okay. That's the show. I don't know. It's a show that was on in the night. It's a house that's full. With people. It's a completely zero of a story, but it's like she would pay like 50 grand so that her

daughter could have unlimited time taking the SAT versus like, you know, that kind of shit. I don't know if it's 50 grand. She paid, there There was money that was being spent like that, which by the way, who gives a fuck? I mean, really. Yeah, I mean, it's bullshit. That's one of the reasons

I stopped caring about school is like, all the A students just cheated. Yeah. All of them. College really favors, it's like college. No, this is high school. I was just like, oh, you have no mark of intelligence. This is bullshit. The teachers are fucking R-tards. I was just like, oh, you have no mark of intelligence. This is bullshit. The teachers are fucking R-tards.

I don't want to be a part of this. R-tards is so much more offensive than retards. Yeah, it really is. How? But you're not worth an extra vowel. It's what you call a town syndrome pirate. R-tard. Ward.

Sorry. A man in a wheelchair is encouraging disabled people to tweet nude photos using the hashtag disabled people are hot. That already made me laugh. Yeah. Abandoned alternate versions of the hashtag included hashtag cripple nipples, hashtag thick with two wheels, and hashtag handy fap. Handy fap. All right. Over a thing.

Damn, girl, do those legs go all the way Nope Do I get do fries come with that roll That was R-tard offensive It just kind of is though It's not offensive but you know That's what my dad called people who were being too long

In line and shit You fucking R-tard The hope was if there wasn't R-tard there They couldn't put the pieces together. Well, yeah, which I mean, how R-Tarded do you got to be to not get that that's you? R-Tard. Yeah, I don't know what he's saying.

R-Tard in the middle of the street. Get out of the street. There are cars there, Dylan. Playing the funniest game of Hangman ever. Which is actually what they used to do to R-Tards back in the day. There are cars there, Dylan. Playing the funniest game of Hangman ever. Which is actually what they used to do to our tarts back in the day. Go ahead, Tom. Over 3,000 pounds of cocaine was found in New York when discovered NYPD was heard screaming,

Guys, get over here! Artie Lang sneezed. I feel bad piling on Artie Lang because he's having a rough time. I genuinely like him, but I wish him the genuine best. When you look at the pictures of him, he looks like in a loony tomb when an anvil would get dropped

on Wile E. Coyote's face. I mean, it is unbelievable how fucking weird he looks. When he walks, it makes the accordion sound. Yeah, like in a cartoon he would like turn, remember in Spongebob there was always like that fish, the halibut?

Yeah. When he turned around, it was completely flat. That's what I picture. Artie, like when he turns to face you, it's just fucking It looks like he saw a crack house, but then when he walked in it was just painted on the side of a fucking wall by the roadrunner. No, I genuinely Artie, if you're listening, I'm a big fan of you.

He's not listening to me. Thank you. Someone tell Artie I'm still a fan. No one we are talking to is ever going to listen to me. You don't know that. There's a good chance somebody who listens to this is in an AA program. Yeah, his Coke dealer probably listens to this.

Also, Coke dealer of Artie, stop giving him Coke. Oh, let's see. An Ethiopian Airlines crash on Sunday killed 157 people. And more shocking news, on Monday, an Ethiopian Airlines jet

landed safely? I fucking have no jokes. We're all grasping. It's true. Ethiopia, the Malaysia of Africa I think it's a living really makes up for the rest of the

shitty jokes you had a walk off home run early and now you can just bunt the rest of the game NASA is preparing to launch the first all female spacewalk

when asked for comment mission commander Dice Clay said Christ if you thought it took broads a long time to get dressed before alright you guys ready for this they need outside diapers for space It took broads a long time to get dressed before

All right For space Alright last one right? Yeah, the Harlem Globetrotters. I might take that again The Harlem Globetrotters DJ allegedly touched an underage girl with one finger spinning her in circles really fast. God damn it. Well, she tried to give him consent, but then it was on a yo-yo string, and she pulled it back really fast. Oh, man, dude, that's so funny. The Globetrotters dunking on the Washington Miners once again.

Go into prison. I can't think of a more disturbing song to be raped. I trusted you. Scooby-Doo hung out with you guys. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. I wrote... I wrote... They're doing most of their globe trotting to Thailand,

and the laws are different there. I wrote that joke 15 minutes before he showed up. I was like, well, that's where we end it. Yeah. It's bad, dude. Not bad. I wish I would have taken your advice. All right.

The Trump administration is seeking more funding for the border wall, bringing the total amount requested up to $8.6 million. An independent Mean Boys analysis has found that $8.6 billion could actually pay for 60 Boeing 747 jets. Did you guys know that? I did not. No. Now, think about that, what you could do with those many jets.

I mean, think about the number of Mexicans we could deport with that. Didn't write a joke. I just wrote a bullet point. Yeah, I saw that. I took that to the rock. Ah, bullet point. Maybe I'll get a joke. I was amazed to hear that many airplanes come up and it did not be a 9-11 joke. I know, I know, I know. We're slipping, you guys.

Well, that's it for the Mexican Joke Off. Meanwhile, this podcast will be right back with some more bullshit right after this. Quong! And now, a guy with OCD does the hokey poke. You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out. You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out. You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out. You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out.

You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out. You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out. You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out. You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out.

Then the devil doesn't kill your family. That was A Guy With OCD Does the Hokey Poke. The Mean Boys podcast returns. Tom, at a dead silence, just asked if either I or Ramsey had any interest in the sport of curling. It's Canadian bowling. And what you do. You're going to Canada tomorrow.

Yeah, but I would think about this before that. I was trying to get the show I'm producing, the Unrepresentables, the Unrepresentables curling team. But Nat was just like, who would you play against? I don't know. Other shows. I do love Tom's idea for marketing. You know what's really getting in asses and seats to this small showcase show in Los Angeles?

Carly, LA's favorite pastime. Oh, did I not tell you about Garvey? Oh my god, Garvey. If I was like a fucking madman, like I was a high up executive, I would bring Tom in just to set the outer limits for where the ideas should be.

Alright, I need something between cone zone and curling. What do you got everybody? Garvey, we're gonna have a stuffed octopus on stage and I'm trying to convince at the end of every show I get the whole child to cry, Garvey, Garvey,

Garvey, and then I stab him with one of my swords. And for what purpose? There isn't one. It's just hard. Do you think we haven't discussed this at great length? I didn't. And here's what's great. Tom has such a fun circle logic where he knows he's beat, where he'll, like, the Tom explanation will happen.

You'll be like, well, here's X, Y, Z reason that doesn't work. And he'll pause and he'll go, no, I think it's good, though. And he'll just re-explain the idea louder. Are you telling me you would not be interested in watching the sacrificial murder of a stuffed octopus at the end of a showcase show? No, I'm not saying that. You know I'm not. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, but just because I want to see you do it doesn't mean you should do it.

I want to watch you do a lot of stuff. We're trying to get you tased. I promise you, Tom, if we take you up to Silicon Valley, dude, and we just kind of get you in there, someone's going to find and be like, this is the guy. For what? I think like $20 million and then realize they've made a terrible mistake. Just for something.

I don't know what it is, Tom. Yeah, I don't know. Uber but for just one sandwich made sense when you pitched it, and now I'm just like we just already have that. It's Uber Eats. I mean, I told you guys about the... This is a less useful version of a thing we already have. I told you guys about Store Explorer.

What's that? That's where it's an app that tells you the prices of everything and you can just compile everything you're going to get. It tells you the nearest store and what you can get for all those things the cheapest. That seems like arduous, though, right? That seems like the internet. You can just Google how much it's a thing. Well, no, it does all the math for you.

But so, like, let's say... That actually is not a terrible idea. It's not a terrible idea. I don't have terrible ideas. But let's say... I have groovy Garvey ideas. That idea is brought to you by Garvey R Us. So you're going,

all right, I'm going to get some avocados, I want to get some steak, I want to do whatever. And you're saying, all right, I'm going to get some avocados. I want to get some steak. I want to do whatever. And you're saying, I put it in here, and it tells me, if you go to this store, all of this will cost you the least. Yeah. Okay. That's actually not a bad idea.

That's not a bad idea. And it tells you, like, oh, these are all the things I need. Oh, Ralph's doesn't have one of those things, but Faloopa Dupe or whatever store it is, I don't know. Faloopa Dupe is actually. You could have exactly one store. In fairness, Fallupa dupe is the,

the Ralphs of the middle East. Fallupa dupe is actually Ramsey shot on a cover band. It's all translated to Arabic. I don't know. Some stores have their names in other languages. I don't know what they're saying. Sure. Sure.

Their own, their own name. And thus you've just compiled just random sounds together to represent. Dude, that's how language was created. If you're trying to come up with a name for like an ethnic store, Falupa Dupe is inherently the least offensive because it doesn't sound like anywhere. No, it doesn't. It's not like you're like, oh, it's like a Ching Chong Bing Bong store. Because that's like, eh, that's the way Asians sound.

They don't do that. But Falupa Dupe, who could buy it? Yeah, maybe Muppets. Maybe the Swedish chef could be offended by this. Falupa Dupe is where you go for grapeseed oil. I don't know what that is. I'm not sure what grapeseed oil is. You don't know what grapeseed oil is?

You get it from Falupa Dupe. Grapeseed oil, it's just like olive oil, but it's got more. The incredulity in your voice. How have you never heard of grapeseed oil? It's me, a man in pajamas who lives in the kitchen, demands to know. It's got more of a rancid flavor than olive oil. Me, a man who has never heard of Full House, has strong opinions on this oil. It's not rancid, but it's got more of an aftertaste.

My parents used grapeseed oil. Tom, you look like at any second you're going to talk about JFK's assassination. Yeah, man, He got shot. A lot of people don't know that. Idea one. Faloopa Doop compiler. Idea two. Bird scooters by the telecopters.

It's my favorite. I want to see a Mean Boy sketch where Tom is advertising the weekly specials at Faloopa Doop. Well, I guess I know what I'm writing after this. Dude, if I could make my own store, it would be mostly Mediterranean and Japanese food and Indian food. It really would just be me that was interested in the store. The two cultures that have never heard of each other.

I really don't think any Middle Eastern people know about Japan and vice versa. I can't imagine either side would be thrilled. Yeah, but then I got India in there. They're kind of like the... They're a part of both. They're sort of a bridge to the gap. They're the day walkers of both cultures. Interesting.

So you would set up your story, it would be like middle aisle India and then Japan and then Middle East. Well, all of those cultures enjoy rice. So rice can bring people together. Interesting. A lot of people forget how great rice is and all the different things you can do with it. Why do you guys even have a podcast?

Why don't you guys just have Tom just do this for 90 minutes? Then that's it. You remember in Minority Report how they have the pods with the guys who can read the future? Yes. Tom is like if you got one of those wet and you tried to put it in a bag of rice to dry it out, but it didn't quite work. Once again, rice backing up the solution. It's all about the rice. Like Thomas saves bones.

It feeds people. It gets hard than soft. It's the reverse boner. It's rice. It's the reverse boner. Rice as the reverse boner. I think we have another episode, Todd. Reverse rice as the reverse boner.

Man, you ready for an amazing segue? Speaking of reverse boners, a transgender fan sent in this. Our super fan of Mean Boys, Alexis Dent, sent in a game. We love Alexis. She's the best. She says, hey, boys, I've been listening to old episodes again and felt like sending another one of these in. I've been on Grindr off and on for years.

I hardly know her. Is she in an open relationship? I'm not going to discuss the nuances. It's complicated. Gotcha. Okay. I've been on Grindr off and on for years and have received some truly startling things during that time.

So without further ado, which of the following is something I have not read on Grindr? Yeah, and let's put this disclaimer out there. This is Grindr in the heart of the Midwest. Yeah. This is Grindr not near a major city. Yeah, which I've been on. Ghoulish. I could imagine. Every Grindr profile in middle America, the name

might as well be Don't Tell My Dad. It's kind of the opposite, right? Because if you go on Tinder in middle America, I don't know if they're necessarily but it's like you're sort of like Fox News anchor type chicks. It's all kind of blonde chicks who go to stagecoach kind of thing. 100%. A lot of wicker cowboy hats. It's all kind of blonde chicks who go to stagecoach kind of thing.

100%. A lot of wicker cowboy hats. It's a lot of wicker cowboy hats. It's a lot of aviator shades and they're hot with short shorts on. Somebody buying those Target Eiffel Tower lamps.

Yes, exactly. And then Grindr, I guess, is just the reverse where you're just getting the worst of the worst. Well, it's like a thing where you get like,

you know, you can't just be open with it a lot of these places. So the stuff you're getting, it's very covert ops. It's very like discretion is a must. Here's one nipple. Extrapolate from there.

And I imagine if you're the hot gay guy in fucking Kansas, you at some point realize you're the hot gay guy, and you go, all right, well, I'm going to go to Chicago. Yeah, exactly. It's like a self-selecting group of gays who stay in the Midwest. Yeah, yeah. It's like the gay version of like a working road feature. You know what I mean?

You got to put in the time. It's blue-coll's like the gay version of like a working road feature. Okay. You know what I mean? You gotta put in the time. You gotta just, it's blue collar art. They're really great, isolated, and then when you put them next to a hot guy from LA, you're like,

what the fuck? Yeah. Oh man, I'm getting buried by this fucking Filipino twink. What's happening? All right, so without further ado,

which is the following something I haven't read on Grindr. Round number one, all opening lines sent to me edition. So these are all opening messages that she's received.

A. I'd love to watch you. Fuck that tranny. B. Again, I didn't write this. B. You letter you want come licked? Question mark.

C. You have such pretty eyes. I want to see them up close in person. Or D. Rice is the reverse boner. Opposite of rice. D. I'm already wet for you.

I got to go with. I mean, look, I'm going to be, it's a C, right? There's nobody's ever been that polite on Grindr, right? Every time you get a polite Grindr message, it feels like it's not inherently bad, but it feels weird. It sounds scary. If I was on Grindr and somebody sent me a message like, hey, you seem like you're pretty funny, I'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with this person? Get away from my skin. What is, can I hear him again? Yeah, I'd love to watch you fuck that t-word. You want cum licked. You have such pretty eyes I want to see them up close in person

or I'm already wet for you. I'm gonna say I'm gonna say uh D because Alexis has good eyes. I can see that She's well dyed She's got great eyes I think the thing is I'm just going like I just can't see Somebody

But then again though I have a question I'm not sure how gays work Do your guys Like it's a new update To like IOS Do your guys' butts get wet? What gets wet?

Yeah that's what I'm saying. I don't know what would be wetted. That's some damn fine detective work, to be honest. I mean, you wet it yourself. It doesn't naturally lubricate, but there's self-products for that. Okay, okay. Yeah. That should be the next upgrade on humans is gay dudes with self-lubricating buttholes.

Yeah, nature finds a way. Yeah, it's Jurassic Park, but just for gay sex. The answer is D, that I'm already wet for you. All right, well, I'll tell you what. I'm glad someone was so goddamn polite on Grindr. Good for that person. Hell yeah, I'm a truffle pig of fuck. Truffle pig is also definitely a thing you can be gay.

Yeah, absolutely. Two, all after I've said I'm not interested edition. Okay. A, fine, I'll just go fuck your dad. B, fuck you, this app shows how close you are, BTW. I can find you. Okay. C, stupid bisexual cunt, go eat a pussy then.

I love bullying in the gay community. Yeah, I'll go eat some pussy, faggot. Or D, okay then, thanks. Have a nice night. Can't be. I mean, here's the thing. She baited me the first run around, and I'm sure that that's in response in there as well. And then she didn't bait these guys. Yeah, so now here we are.

Exactly. Boy, you know what? I answered first. You go first. Tom, you won that last round. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it? Can I just hear Airbnb again? Yeah, A, fine. I'll just go fuck your dad. Okay. B, fuck you. This app shows how close you are, BT dubs.

I can find you. C, stupid bisexual cunt, go eat a pussy then. Okay. I think, I think A is just Keith saying that jokingly to Alexis at some point. So I'm going to go A. Fair enough, fair enough. That doesn't seem like the shit I'd say. I think I'm going to go with, fuck it, I'm going gonna go with Fuck it I'm gonna go with D I'm gonna double down

Alright Great dancer D Yeah Thanks have a good night Alright Yeah The stupid bisexual cunt

Go eat a pussy That is such a confusing one It's like What are you mad at her for Yeah I'm so confused Like just cause she likes both Doesn't mean she doesn't like you

And she doesn't like you Cause you suck Like don't I love that Don't put this on the bi community The bi community man And I gotta tell you keith you guys get the brunt of it right it really stinks where it's like i think like i i've

never actually i have heard this and i'll tell you who it is off there i've heard gay rumblings of people kind of like like sort of like like i don't know if they're resentful or if they're just like fuck bisexual it's like oh no no this no. This is a real thing, right? I want names for sure. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Yeah, no, this is absolutely. I did a mic one time hosted by somebody

who will not be named and it was just like, it was these two lesbians and they're very nice gals. They're funny or whatever, but their whole opening thing was just like, bisexuals suck

and it's made up and I'm just like, what the heck? You want my team? I got the fucking straight people out here. I feel like, I'm gonna take an addendum bisexual men 100 real yo yeah who would fake this I've had that happen I've had people say I think you're just faking it I'm like to what end what what I wasn't getting punched enough I get the part where you see the chick and she's really

hot and she's mainly dates dudes but makes out with chicks every third party and you're like, shut up. I get that. Yeah. But there's no way this is made up. There's no way Keith is making this up. No, why would I? I already am gross and live here and still I'm trying to fuck. Like, I got to add that level of squeamishness?

Jesus. Round number three. All lines in someone's profile edition. A, I'm sophisticated AF but hope people can understand my inner voices. Ugh. B. Someone told me that in the psych ward. B, and I'm going to read this as it's spelled.

What can one number say want to top me? I'm all with two L's, so a tattoo artist. Okay. That's for sure. That's, so a tattoo artist. Okay. That's for sure. That adds up. Yeah, that adds up. C, want me some pouty boy mouth. Or D, I have good hygiene,

just takes five minutes to run a rag through it. It being the A's. I won last one, so I'll go first. And we're knotted up here, Tom. This is a pretty good game. Yeah. This is a, okay, I'm going to go with. This is the most Rams has ever been invested in the gay community.

It's weird to see. Yeah, and I am going to have to take a shower after this. You've come a long ways, buddy. Yeah, we got a thing of bleach outside by the washing machine that doesn't work anymore. Yeah, we'll hose you down. We'll de-louse you like you're being fucking institutionalized. By the way, I love every... So when I moved out of the Mean Boys house,

I kind of left behind a couple of things just to be like, maybe you guys could use it, maybe not. Now it's in the front yard, and it's halfway full with rainwater, all of it. It's all just like jugs and trash cans and shit. You moved out literally six months ago, and the house has already gone post-apocalyptic. I will say, here's the one advantage.

We don't have the power outages anymore. Oh, that's fun. We have them occasionally. But what are you guys going to do? Well, you know what? I'll ask you guys. It's all fair. We have a lot of secrets in this episode.

Well, it's one of those things where I'm like, I don't necessarily know if you guys want the gate information out there. Yeah, that's fair enough. We'll keep that where I'm like, I don't necessarily know if you guys want the gate information out there. Yeah, that's fair enough. We'll keep that. I'm not sure. I'm going to go with, I think the tattoo one is real because it's just like, that adds up, right? It's like, if you're a tattoo artist, there's no way you spent any time learning grammar or anything like that.

I know several tattoo artists and they all are just the worst. They're all about the art, man. They're all about- I'm with them. Who needs time for grammar? Get your point out there. If people can understand it you did great you ever see if people judge you for not speaking proper enough to them they're the asshole one of my favorite things to do is to go on to instagram and i look at tattoo artists instagrams because they're like uh they're like uh fuck this is

beautiful holy shit bro look at the fucking shading, dude. It's a lot of angry people commenting on how beautiful art is, and it's very funny. It's fucking majestic, you son of a bitch. Dude, I love it. Look how good he drew that fucking anchor, bro. I've seen fucking so many anchors, and of all the anchors, this one's the best. Here's one thing I do love about the present is like now is finally the time where like you can have like bro poets and like nerd nerd sports fans and like everything's like starting to overlap yeah it's kind of beautiful i think it's great i love that someone's like crushing a red

ball and be like i fucking love mother tattoo you know man i love what a porch or hieronymus bosch is a fucking genius Is a good like Jizz on a wall Or whatever they Bros do I love the idea of like Renaissance artists Having the same energy

Like bro look at this Fucking chapel dude Dude I fucking Raped that ceiling With art bro You ever seen Fucking God pointed At a guy you fuck

Nah dude I fucking nailed it bro Somebody invent A fucking ATV So I got something To fucking jump. Shit. I love it.

I love it. Dude, look at this tower. It's leaning. It looks like a dick, dude. We don't have monster energy, Drake. We just got something named after our favorite monster. It's called Jew. No, I think it's the beginning when cultures collide.

I think that's the beginning of killing. Well, listen, we'll have this conversation another time, but I think it's the end of healing. Well, listen, we'll have this conversation another time, but I think it's the end of society. Because now you've got nerds. Hang on. You've got nerds who are like, I think I know about everything. And now they're commenting about everything.

And it's like, there was a point in history when we were like, hey, everybody stay in your fucking corner. Nobody talk to each other. That's a different thing. I will say, the nerd balance always bothered me

because I feel like nerds function well with a boot on their neck. Yes, yes. We need to be the smart guys in the back, but we need the bruisers of just jocks and idiots running the fucking place. Absolutely. Keep society moving. It's the same thing that's ruining comedy, is that comedy is now filled with a bunch of fucking musical theater nerds who are like, well, I know a lot about comedy. I recorded with Joe Kay yesterday.

No, just funny, but you know what I'm talking about. Nerd is less of an aesthetic thing to me, and it's not about what you like. It's about the mindset. Yes. Well, actually, you know, everybody who's ever, like, posted on the profile

of, like, a prolific woman being like, well, would you mind debating me? Yes, yes. You know, this fucking Ben Shapiro, like, you are obligated to respect my fucking weasel brain. Yeah.

Joe, no, no, and I feel neat to say this because I like Joe Kay. Joe Kay is a good comic. He's funny. Oh, yeah, Joe's funny. I brain. Yeah. Joe, no, no, and I feel neat to say this because I like Joe K. Joe K is a good comic. He's funny. Oh, yeah, Joe's funny. I'm talking about all these, like, you know, all these people

who come up with fucking poems about what happened to them in their youth, and you're like, this is because you got comfortable enough to become a comedian. Yeah. Stay in your fucking corners, everybody.

Everyone stay in your fucking corners. Gays, bisexuals. Hang on a minute. Oh, sorry. Both corners are our corners. That's true. Both of you guys, gays bisexuals hang on a minute oh sorry both corners are our corners that's true both you guys gays and trans get to a corner keith you you link them i'm the ref the fucking royal rumble okay i forgot all the options it's i forgot what we were doing uh i'm sophisticated af but hope people can understand my inner voices what can i say want to top me i'm

also a tattoo artist want me some pouty boy mouth, or I have good hygiene. Just takes five minutes to rug a rag. I'll tell you what. I'm going to go with A. It just seems too insane. I don't think it's too insane. You remember when you said you heard it in a mental institution?

Yeah. Literally five minutes ago. Yeah. If I've heard it, it's not insane. I'm going to go C. Correct to go C. Correct answer is C. Damn. Tom takes the lead. Two to one. Damn.

Round number four. This is a fun one. What was C again? Want me some pouty boy mouth. Yeah, yeah. How could somebody not say that to somebody? That seems crazy to me. Yeah, it seems like the kind of boy mouth you'd want. I've heard people talk about their voices for years.

Never heard anyone describe anybody as a pouty boy mouth. You're not hanging out on Grindr. You've never hung out on Craigslist, my friend. I've never been to a gay psych ward, so I don't really know. No gay psych ward. There must have been a time in history when there was just gay psych ward. Oh, absolutely. In the 50s, you could literally be institutionalized for being gay.

Yeah, on the DSM. Let's not talk about the good times. Let's go ahead and just get moving. Thanks a lot, Reagan. Round number four, all bigotry edition. A, no faggots. B, no old dudes.

If you're over 23, you're old. Wait, no. For A, hang on. You can't just gloss over that. You can't. You're on a gay dating app,

but you don't want gay people? I don't understand it's confounding man it's the Chris Rock I know you're joking but it's absolutely kind of a lot of so there's a big thing like the gay community of like being really into like being masked like masculine so it's like you kind of shit on like Femi like twinkie dudes so I imagine that's where that idea comes from. Okay. Yeah, you can suck my dick,

but you don't gotta be a faggot about it. Yeah, you gotta suck my dick, but you gotta milk a horse afterwards. Dude, nobody is pickier and more just discriminating and shitty than like gay dudes on dating apps. Because at the end of the day, no matter how gay they are, they're still white men fundamentally.

Yes, that's, yeah, yeah, absolutely. They demand everything to be exactly how they want it. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So hey, no faggots, be no old dudes if you're over 23 year olds. See, that's, yeah, yeah, absolutely. They demand everything to be exactly how they want it. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So, hey, no faggots, be no old dudes if you're over 23-year-olds. C, I'm so fucking tired of seeing Mexicans on this app. Message me if you're white. Or D, this is a rough one, no N-words. It actually says it, but I'm not saying it.

No Asians, no wetbacks with no C, wet B-A-K, which sounds like a Star Wars alien. No fat fucks. No old gross guys. No being a bear isn't cute. You're just a fat loser. Go die. Tom, you go first. You won last round, buddy.

Imagine having the confidence to be like, I'm trying to make a love connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do I want people to know about me? Right off the gate. What was being serious? Although I do like it. I do like a man who knows what he wants, you know? He really doesn't know what he wants.

He just knows what he absolutely does not want, which is most stuff. No fucking left-handed queers either. God, have you read more than three books? Fuck you. That's my Tinder profile, but yeah, go ahead. B was no old dudes if you're over 23-year-old. And C was I'm so fucking tired of seeing Mexicans on this app. Message me if you're white.

OK, I think it's C. And here's why. D was like, I'm sick of all of the slurs. Right. C is like, I don't want Mexicans. And here's what I know about where Alexis lives. There aren't a ton of Mexicans in that area. Oh, well, logic.

So, yeah, I thank you. I say that about me all the time. Usually when you go on this like, you know, your that is why tangents, they don't totally add up, but that was actually pretty good. I'm always why. I always know what I'm saying. I am why. I am why. And that

I am. I'm going to say C. Yeah, I've ruled out A because I know that's real. D, I know is real as well because I know for a fact that Alexis is not just going to write the N word. I want to give her credit. She threw in the asterisks after. Okay, fair enough. She did that. Fair enough. Fair enough. I still don't think she would do that. I still think she saw it and I'm sure she did. I'll go with you. I would see. I'm going to go with B. Okay.

I will say just real quick fun story I was on Somewhere in middle of it I forget where I was But there was a guy on Grindr And his name was White Powerbottom But I was confused

Because I was like Is he just white And he's a powerbottom Because those are Informations you want To get across Or is he a white powerbottom Is he being cheeky

And like taking it back Or is he just a gay Nazi Yeah Because you can't not know what you're seeing. And it says white power bottom. I mean, Jesus Christ. Alright. What was the answer? The correct answer? I don't know about the white power. Oh, I didn't

message him. If I was gay, I would have fucked the shit out of that guy, dude. It's not like I can just be like, you there now! It's not a fucking pizza. I still gotta make it happen. It isn't? Jesus Christ. Yeah, hot and ready. A, no Faggots was the fake one. You guys both missed that one. Oh, I can't believe that. I would have totally expected that because I know

that that rift exists. Yeah, no, that was a good swerve. Yeah, I also I'm surprised just because I don't think there are many Mexicans out there. Yeah, I mean, apparently the amount there are, too many for this guy. Yeah. Look at it this way. There was one. The guy was like, God damn fucking taking our gay people.

They're taking our rim jobs. We got to build a dental dam. Round five. All real or all fake messages that. Build a dental dam. That's so fucking funny. Thank you. All right.

So are these all real or all fake messages Alexis has received? A, please come over and come on my feet. B, send me a pic of your balls on a table, please. C, I can deep throat a Coke can. Or D, I'll pay you $100 if you'll pretend I'm raping you. I would pay $100 to see somebody deep throat a Coke can. I would not. I think that's a pretty impressive.

That's a sight. If you put that guy up at the circus right before the guy who puts the nail in his nose, that's a good show. Honestly, if you put that guy up at most comedy shows in LA, I would be more impressed than 90%. I'd way rather watch somebody deep throw a Coke can. Fake jerk off a dildo into the fucking crowd or whatever. To be honest, dude, Coke can's not that long.

Yeah, but it's the width, dude. It's the unhinging of your jaw. I'm going through the metal. That's some Python kind of shit, dude. Yeah. That's all real. Oh, this is all real or all fake? All real or all fake.

I mean, it doesn't matter at this point, Tom. You could really win this one. You could cinch this one out here. You know what? I ain't no bitch. I'm gonna choose the... I'm gonna go all fake. They're all fake.

He wins so hard. Listen, this is the problem. Okay, gay community, here's your problem. Here's your problem, gay community. You're mad at gay people because you lost this game, dude. I love you. I get you. Okay, God straightest creature. I love you. I get you.

Okay? I am straight, but I get you. All right? The problem with gay community is the same. Is this pandering? Fucking Harvey milkshake. It's the same problem that Trump has, which is if you tell me Trump signed someone's tit, I have to Google it to fact check it because it's pretty believable. So if you guys, if I see four things check it because it's pretty believable. So,

if you guys, if I see four things and it's like, I can deep throw a thing, come on my feet, come do this. The fact that it's believable to me is a problem for you guys. Maybe we'll run a buck one. None of those are outside the realm of possibility. I'm just saying, bring it in a little. Bring it in a little. You know what I mean? That was genius

because she probably could have done four real ones that were just as insane. She crushed it. That was a legitimately good game. She crushed it. That was great. Good job, Alexis. Yeah, and $100, good deal for getting fake raped. The Mean Boys Podcast will be right back right after this.

The Mean Boys Podcast is proudly sponsored by Himalaya. Yeah, it's sponsored by Himalaya. Oh, Tom's here. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're sponsored by Himalaya. It's Tom's here. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're sponsored by Himalaya. It's a great podcasting app that sponsors a lot of great shows, and unfortunately us for some reason.

Yeah, no, it's a great podcasting app. And Himalaya's dope. Mr. Ear here, here to tell you about the wonderful world of Himalaya podcasting. Here's what happened. I knew you were fucking with me, And then you took it just long enough To where I'm like maybe Tom's just too tired Who's Tom? Mr. Ear here to tell you You know who Tom is

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It's got subscriptions. It's got subscriptions. It's an app that you can listen to podcasts to with your ears. There you go. Whether they're Mr. Ears or your own ears. I love when you forget what Mr. Ears' whole deal is. Oh, no. It's hearing.

I've had about an earful of you besmirching the good name of the ear. Anyway, go to the App Store. Grab Himalaya right now. A lot of the podcast apps, we're not going to name names, but they're a little clunky. They don't quite work out for you. Try something new. Mix it up. Be an innovator, goddammit.

The other podcast apps are irritating, but Mr. Ear. Oh, irritating with an E-A-R? Ah, that's pretty good. Did you not do that on purpose? Mr. Ear... Oh, irritating with an E-A-R? Ah, that's pretty good. Did you not do that on purpose? Mr. Ear never does anything on purpose. Mr. Ear finally made one good pun, and he made it on accident. Oh, my God. Anyway, go to the fucking app store.

Download Himalaya. Contrary to the tone of my voice, Himalaya is a great product. I can never get too much of an earful of Himalaya. We dig them a lot. Now, while you're over there Give Mean Boys a subscribe Because the ratios are a little different over there It's pretty hilarious how many very famous podcasts

Were more popular than on Himalaya Oh yeah I guess what I'm saying is Suck my dick Ben Shapiro Alright Himalaya, applicant ninja Sha-na-na-na-na-na mean, mean And the Mean Boys podcast Turns to take a look at your guys' questions

In the Mean Boys mailbag Whoa take a look at your guys' questions in the Mean Boys mailbag. Whoa, you guys have questions for us? It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's the motherfucking Mean Boys mailbag.

Wow. That was the jingle by Andrew Hillary, assuming we were able to actually put it in this time. By the way, I added to the last episode, so if you're like, why is everything razory? That's on me. What? You know what?

People will figure it out. At Lucas Mantle says, come to a show in Chicago so I can tattoo Goss Goss 6 on you. Yes. Oh, so sick, dude. We're trying to get Tom tattooed on stage. In August, I'm doing my album out there, although that would be the wrong show to do it on. Well, we may have plans for some sort of Mean Boys related activity that will be announced

at a later date in Chicago. There will be nothing funnier to me than trying to get a guest spot at the Laugh Factory. And getting a tattoo there during a five minute set. No warning, just during a get. at like the laugh factory just no warning just during a get just like all right you got five minutes that's and not explaining it just doing my act as someone tattoos me that would be pretty funny that would be fun uh eric veith uh says can ramsey mail me the copy of whatever the hell that is he's holding. Now, I tweeted the picture of Ramsey holding a copy of the Hollywood Press. Yes. Which is an erotic newspaper here in Los Angeles

where they have ads for fucking hookers and stuff. It's a pussy saver. Yeah, it's a pussy saver. Can you... That hasn't been released yet. Are you putting that episode now? We are going to put it together. We don't have to spoil it here. Yes, we are putting together right now a video from the last Now Is Not The Time.

All I have to say is it's from the last episode we did. We're kind of tweaking some of the audio issues that we have. You guys will get a video that's going to fully explain it, and you're going to love it. And I think I'm going to bring a bunch of copies. If you're a Mean Boys Patreon member, I told Connor I want to give a copy for every one of those people. So you will get a copy of it. You will get a copy of it in your monthly package. All I can say is strap in,

because now is not the time. It's my favorite thing we've ever done on this show and that you've done separately. This might be my favorite one. Yeah, we're going to do another. If you're in the L.A. area, we're going to do another one in April. We're trying to figure out the date right now,

but our goal will be to have the Mean Boys on that one again as well. So stay tuned for that. Yeah, absolutely. There's a good one. I'm curious what this is. Rob tweeted you specifically and said, where are my talkies, you liar? Oh, yeah.

So Rob is a cool dude. Rob sent me two. Two talkies? He sent me., yeah. So Rob is a cool dude. Rob sent me two. Two talkies? He sent me. Okay, Rob. Who is Rob? I was going to say tell him as if you're communicating. Who is Rob?

Rob is a Mean Boys fan. I believe he lives in Montana. Okay, oof. Yikes. And he sent me. He did me the great pleasure of sending, during the short-lived Big Ass Ram Dog show, he sent me two energy. 40 on the curb. 40 of Ass Ram Dog show. He sent me two energy drinks.

40 on the curb. 40 of what he sent me. He sent me two energy drinks from Montana that were, like, bizarre. It was, like, cowboy man's energy drink or something. And it was so good. I loved it so much. So to make up for it, I told him because he's never had Takis before, but he keeps hearing you guys talk about it, that I was going to send him Takis.

Rob, I'm going to send you Takis today. Today? I'm going to let you know, Rob, they're not very good. He's got to find out on his own. Yeah, this is how you're going to learn. This is entirely a Connor. That was his suburban spicy snack of choice. Takis is really what ruined Mexico.

Takis is really you looking in the mirror and saying, I don't deserve hot Cheetos. That's really what Takis are. Today, Rob, I'm going to tweet you a picture of me mailing you some Takis. And you'll finally fucking... By the way, saddest thing for you to ever look forward to. Yeah, tweet us when you get them and let

us know how disappointing they ultimately are. Have I had Takis? You must have. Tom, I don't know. I'm not the president of your mouth. Yeah, but you're around me a bunch. Which is also something that sounds like someone on Grindr said it. 100%. I'm the pope of mouth town. Which one are the Takis?

They're like tortilla chips. Takis are also what I call these microphones. It's funny. Tom, I think, knows what Takis are. I actually don't. It sounded like you were stalling because you were thinking of that joke. It's like a rolled up tortilla chip. It's a rolled up tortilla chip.

Wait, are they the little cones? No, you're thinking of the Bugles. No, the Bugles. Oh, those are Bugles. They're like a tube. It's like a tortilla chip rolled up and it's like, it's one of those things where you're like, you can only eat it if you're depressed. If you're like, I don't deserve flavor, I just deserve pain.

You're either depressed or you are one of the 13-year-old Latino children in this neighborhood. Yes, absolutely. Those are the only age groups allowed. And tomato, tomato. 40-year-old anime of the 13-year-old Latino children in this neighborhood. Yes, absolutely. This is the only age groups allowed. And tomato, tomato. 40-year-old anime guy, 13-year-old Latino. If you're a 13-year-old Latino living in this neighborhood, you're depressed. I promise you. Ain't no pot of gold at the end of the historic Filipino tap rainbow.

It can't be great to wake up every morning to a rooster. Dude, they've gentrified out most of the roosters. You know what's crazy? It's scary. What is the bird that gentrifies out the rooster? I don't know. The bird scooter. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. There we go. There we go. No, this neighborhood is on a fucking fast track. We're watching them build like a billion dollar fucking apartment complex across the street from our house. It's a bummer. It's like looking into Mordor.

We're so screwed. Once they get those next door neighbors to agree to it because they got And it's just like, it's like looking into Mordor. Like, we're so screwed. Yeah. Once they get those next door neighbors to agree to it because they got a huge piece of property, it's over for you guys. Real estate agents

are orcs in this metaphor. I looked up, by the way, I looked up, I don't know if I ever told you this, I looked up how much the owner of this house

purchased it for in 2008. He bought it for $83,000. Oh my God. Today, the value of this house is $710,000 or some shit like that. Are you fucking kidding me? Could you imagine an investment that fucking hard?

Oh, man. I hope he doesn't figure out the internet because he for sure does not know that. He does seem like he uses a flip phone to do his taxes. So I think we have a shot at being okay. This is a man who owns a home and has no idea who's living in it. Could you imagine owning a home and having no idea what's going on? I know he does. Every time he sees me, he's talking to me.

And then when he sees Keith show up, he gets confused for a second. Like, he doesn't know. He doesn't know there's two of us. Yeah. He was just talking to Max one time, and I was like, oh, he for sure thinks he's Connor. That's so true. Like, he does not know. He does not know.

I genuinely think he might have forgotten he owns this house. Yes. He may be. Which is what I'm hoping, because God, we'd be so screwed if we figured out how hard he could fuck us over. At Chandra Bobandra asks, we know Connor loves Yu-Gi-Oh, Tom loves weapons, and Ramsey loves vape rights. I do, yeah. But what does Keith love, besides sex and jokes? Pop punk.

Yes. Keith loves pop punk and regular punk. Keith loves the most things. Yeah, Keith is one of the guys I like, because what I love about hanging out with Keith is he's one of these people that you can really take him down any rabbit hole and Keith will find something he likes and you know a lot about it. You'll find some sort of groovy. Whether it's movies

or yeah. I know a little bit about everything. And you like it, which I love. I love talking to people who like things because this world is filled with so many people who don't like anything. So Keith is a great... Pop punk, what kind of movies do you think are your thing? Tom, you name shit too. Let's see if we can name what Keith likes.

He loves horror. Horror, I was going to say horror. What else? In fairness, Keith does regular punk too, but he has a... He likes video games. I do, yeah. I don't love video games. I said like. Fair enough. Yeah, I like all manner of punk.

You know what Keith loves? He loves going out and doing a thing with a group of people. That's 100% right. Whatever the thing is, he'll like it more. If he's seeing a horror movie, he'll like it more than a romantic comedy. But Keith is like, even if it's not his genre, he's like, oh, Tom and Ramsey are going? I'll skippity to it, you know?

I hate this impression of me where I'm like reggae Porky Pig. Skippity bippity pick it up in a groovilicious party mod. There's two kinds of people, right, I feel like in the world. It's like people who are game for something and not game. And Keith is always game. I'm trying to be more game for things. You get better at it. It's a good, I feel like in the world It's like people are game for something and not game And Keith is always game I'm trying to be more game for things

You get better at it It's a good I was not game and now I'm game It's a good attitude I'm trying to be more game And sometimes I'm just like Now I'm in a unique scenario Where sometimes I have to say no to stuff

Just because I'm too busy Yeah, yeah, yeah Which is not a bad place to be Yeah, and it'll disappear for a month and a half, and then it'll reappear. You know what I mean? It's very... It comes in giant tidal waves in comedy, where you have... You're behind on 90

things, and then you catch up on all of them. You're like, oh, I got three weeks to kill. You know what I mean? It's sprints and rests. Keith, I just realized, as you were saying that, I'm realizing Keith is like five steps below Kyle Clark. You can be two game for things. I love Kyle.

He's such a fucking great guy. Two game. Like if you talk to Kyle about something you like, Kyle knows more about it than you do. And you feel like an idiot talking to him. I guess I didn't like that. Me and Kyle go on the road together. This is like the fifth episode in a week where we've just talked about Kyle. But yeah, it's just a good thing of like, you know, I'll be like, oh, we can talk about bands and stuff.

And it slowly revealed that I don't know that much about anything. Kyle knows too much. Well, I guess we'd have the same three conversations about SST records we've been having for five years. I have the hardest opinion. I hate Little Miss Sunshine. I still hate it. And I remember one time I was talking to him. Really? Why?

I was talking to Kyle about it and by the end of the conversation, Kyle was just like, Kyle was like, I don't think I've seen that movie in like five years. But he was like remembering picture frame by frame

and like he was like telling me why I should like it and I was like at the end being like, I still don't like it but you made a compelling argument. Why do you hate it? And it's one of my favorite movies

but at the same time I also think that like you can hate things? Yeah, why do you hate it? And it's one of my favorite movies, but at the same time, I also think that, like, you can hate things that are really good, and you can like things that are really bad. I don't think it's good. I don't think, I think first of all, it's like, all of it is dumb. Like, from the get-go, fucking Steve Carell's walking around with his he doesn't want to talk about his suicide, but

his sleeves are rolled up with his bandage drifts. Oh, I thought, sorry, I was thinking of Eternal Sunshine of a Starless Morning. Eternal Sunshine, that'sage drifts. Oh, I thought. Sorry, I was thinking of Eternal Sunshine of a Star Wars movie. Eternal Sunshine, that's a fantastic movie. Oh, okay, okay. I see. Yeah, that makes more sense. I still love that movie, but go for it.

The goth kid who wants to be a jet fighter. Yeah, most goth. You know how most kids want to join the air force? Goth kids want to join the air force. Tom tried to join the air force. Not the air force. But Tom was not a goth kid. No, I was too dark for goth.

How many goth? How many fucking hot topic fucking snots do you know are like mad because they can't join the Air Force? Oh, man, I want to be part of the machine. Life's bull, kid. And I just think like Greg, I think is Greg Kinnear the dad in the movie? He was like a voice of reason throughout the entire movie. However, he was portrayed to be the shit fucking asshole dad.

He wasn't an asshole. He was right. He's still an asshole. Yeah, but like she was like eating ice cream and he was like, well, you fucking asshole dad. He wasn't an asshole. He was right. He's still an asshole. Yeah, but she was eating ice cream. And he was like, well, you're on your way to a beauty pageant. Maybe we should slow down. No, that was objectively shitty. He's like, you're going to be too fat to be pretty.

She's going to his seven-year-old daughter. It's like, you got to tell this. At some point in your life, you have to look at a seven-year-old and go, listen. No, no, no. You got to go. You got to go. You got to go. Hey, sweetheart, you can eat as much ice cream as you want.

However, if you want to be in a beauty pageant, just so you know, ice cream will make you fat. That's a fucking. I'm a Republican. Because facts don't care about your feelings. Jesus Christ. What a weird hill to die on. Tell your daughter she's fat.

Give me another Four Loko. I'm going to go paint American Gothic. You know, for the longest time, I thought I was the least qualified person to ever be a dad. But after, you know, really getting to know Connor and Ramsey, I might actually... I want to do a reality show, Connor and Ramsey, gay dads. There's no doubt Connor is 100% on my side on this one you guys have to raise children

together you also are forced to have gay sex just figuring it watching you two debate the mechanics of it and the idea the thing that's funny the thing that's really like almost sad about this particular industry is if you really got me and Connor in a room and let's say like a TV exec was like we will give you

the show and we will put it up and you will we would literally have to be like, should we just fuck each other for a TV credit? I mean, it's not. I don't enjoy it. You don't enjoy it. And we can get WGA minimum on this. We can get WGA minimum. We might be able to tour.

Ramsey did not like that movie. He did love I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, though. So that is. I love that movie. I'm kidding. And then I had one email that I wanted to look at, and then we out of here uh mike beach says hi mean boys in light of keith hi beach hi keith in light of keith and tom's weight loss challenge i wanted to ask each of you your personal aesthetic preferences would you rather have a body that's above average in every way but spectacular and none or a body

that's average except for one spectacular feature like what what what is your ideal, what your body would look like? First of all, you guys both, let me give you guys both credit where it's due. You both look great. You both look like you've lost weight. You look healthy. It's good to be fucking pushing this. So I want to give you guys credit where credit is due. They're doing it, Mean Boys fans.

They're doing it. What do you guys call it? Pig children? Is that what you guys call it? Yeah, pig children. They're doing it, pig children. My ideal body, I've always described what I want to look like when I'm done trying to lose weight. I just want to look like a sexual Wolverine.

But not like the movie Wolverine, like the comic book's Wolverine, where he's short and just kind of thick and dense and hairy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can get shit done. But instead of for murder, it's for fucking. That's really where I want to get. You would like to... Are you a bear now?

I'm definitely in bear category. You're in bear category. So you'd like to just become a more bear? More of a cub. Almost like an otter. Gotcha. Is where I'd like to get. Yeah, I don't know.

I've thought about this before. This would have been a layup for you to go, I don't know, black? I'd like to. You beat me to it. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I don't think I will like me more no matter what I look like to. You beat me to it. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I don't think I will like me more no matter what I look like. I mean, that's what I've realized is, like, I've lost a bunch of weight, and then people have been giving compliments.

And then every time people do, I go through this existential crisis. We're like, are they fucking with me? Is there a group? Are they talking to each other? Are they trying to pull one on over me? Why are they saying these nice things to me? And I'm just like, oh, yeah, this has nothing to do with why i'm miserable uh yeah it's true it's true i've thought about this question a lot because as many of the mean boys fans might know i'm constantly in a state of

dietary ketosis it's an important thing to me and you look good but also dying of fire i'd like to look like a like a soccer player that's so specific and i totally get it i'd like to be a hot soccer player. You know what I mean? You got the hair. Yeah, I do. I'd like to wear one of those things to hold my hair back. Just like a skinny guy torso and then powerful limbs. And then powerful limbs, exactly. Because that's what I realized. As I go to the gym more, I realize bulky dude's not attractive. You want a guy who looks like he's light in his feet. He kind of looks like the Venom symbiote. You know what I mean? Like sinewy a little bit. Yes, exactly. Like the Venom symbiote. Exactly.

You painted it like flesh color. I would rather be a Wolverine guy, like a Wolverine kind of cub, than be a guy who's like built. Being a dude who's built is gross looking. That's why I can't lift weights, is I get built. You look good jacked, though, I think. Well, I just did push-ups and sit-ups for three days, and everyone was holy shit you look like i was just like yeah that was just body weight you guys should see what actually lift weights it gets crazy so fast i imagine you you look like when you get like when

you start lifting weights you look like one of those fucking uh russian olympic fucking weight you know those horrified who bend bars and shit hit the Michelin man if he lived in hell. Like, it's just all ripples and violence. Genetically, like, my dad was a bodybuilder for a little bit. Yeah, Tom, the last thing we need from you is to be fucking muscly. Like, super, super buff. Like, we don't need your mind with, like, fucking, like, you know. I've already, because I already think dudes are,

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, about the problem that dudes have in general is that, you know, there's all this anti-male sentiment these days, which is total horse shit, right? Men are the best. I mean, you know, we're the New England Patriots. I don't know if we're good, but we win a lot. We win a lot, but what women don't understand, and you realize this as you go through like a self-help section. This is, just sidebar, this is a cartoon of what everyone thinks a podcast is. This is three men sitting in a basement going, here's what women don't get. Allow us to fix the gender divide. It's so funny because my comedy, it either is

a completely meaningless bunch of nonsense or I think I'm Chappelle. It's one or the other. I start pontificating. Trans people, you ain't a thing. What people don't realize about men is we're so out of touch with our feelings. Have you ever gone through a self-help section? Oh, yeah. If you look at the women's self-help section, they're so sharp and defined.

They know about – women are always like – they know exactly how they feel. I feel like with dudes, we are all fucking Lenny from Of Mice and Men and the world is a rabbit. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? We're just constantly breaking bones. Ramsey, you need to tweet that out. That's a good bit, right?

A day ago. That is... No, but it is totally true. It's true. No, we're raised to be broken. We're raised to be broken. If you go to the women's self-help, it's like they'll teach you

how to be in touch with everyone. How to channel your inner orgasm. How to do this. Every man's self-help. Depression specifically for Tuesdays. Yes, exactly. Every man's self-help book goes with three subjects. How to be an entrepreneur. How to do keto. How to keto while being an entrepreneur. That's it. Cut carbs and profit loss. That's it Cut carbs and profit loss That's it No I don't think I don't think most Most ladies would disagree with you

We are truly fucked up So I'm like yeah I mean we're you know Culturally we're not allowed To feel shit Absolutely And everyone wonders Why we're just dicks

Have you ever been In a situation And Keith It's so funny Keith has one time You and I talked about this We called it Teeth chattering horniness I'm doing that as a bit now great bit great funny I remember you said

that to me and I was like oh you nailed it that's not horniness that's almost like a just a jolt of feelings and you go I don't know what to do yeah I only know how to come yeah exactly whatever I'm feeling is the only way I know how to process it that's why I kicked that wood the other day what's up remember I was like I need to kick something yes i was like kick the wood and then i just you feel better yeah i broke it and then i was like okay i'll be up like until tomorrow yeah i think it's like this weird misplaced anger where like all the exhaust ports on the male fucking yes mechanical being are plugged up with bananas yes now we're just like at some point the steering wheel's just gonna explode and she's like fuck captain marvel it's going to be shit like that.

It's so devastating. Men ruin their lives because of this. They ruin it. And on the one hand, it's like you feel bad. And then you're like, we should not do this to ourselves. But we can't, though. I've been trying. I'm trying.

You're getting better at it. And I'm still just kicking planks and shit. I've been on the mean boys tip of, of hey feeling shit is okay for a while now I came out at age 28 I came out and was like I think it's possible that being molested fucked with me like I was like

remember guys I was like I think it's possible I'm not saying for sure I'm not saying for sure yeah but I was put the bitch force down let's sort this out maybe I just need food I could be thirsty yeah I'll check my I'm not saying for sure I'm not saying for sure Yeah But I was Put the bitch force down Yeah Let's sort this out I was Maybe I just need food Maybe I I could be thirsty

Yeah I'll check my macros But like if not It took me Like 14 years To just be like Yeah I got molested Like Like

Yeah it's fucking Yeah Yeah well yeah I remember like people Would make fun of me For my twitch for a long time I was like why do I do this Is it genetic

Then one day somebody was like No yeah you went through A bucket of trauma as a child. Yeah. The fact that all you do is twitch is great. Because especially your twitch, if I'm not mistaken, you told me one time that it comes up if you're like in an incredible stressful situation. Stressed or tired. What else would that be besides somebody, a body not knowing what to do with an emotion? Yeah.

It's just like, fuck, I don't know. I can't fight being afraid. I can't fight the concept of fear. Why do you think men, why do you think the guy who has the world's longest fingernails is a dude?

Why? Do you think it's a coincidence? He's just like, as long as I keep growing these fingernails, I never have to call my mom. Why? Why else?

Fingernails are just pain leaving the body. Yes! Holy shit. That is the Mean Boys podcast for this week. fingernails are just pain leaving the body yes holy shit that is the Mean Boys podcast for this week Ramsey dude thank you so much for coming on

thank you guys for having me always a blast love the Mean Boys RamseyBedowie.com it's got everything God bless all of you I love you guys yeah and then

all our shit's up in the intro we're going on tour if you haven't got your tickets already go get them now MeanBoysPodcast.com we're going all through the south and the Midwest. All the cities are listed out there.

Fuck everything. God is dead. Bye.